1 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,777 Let me help you with that. 2 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,612 Whew. Thanks. 3 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:16,548 No problem. Moving in? 4 00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:19,118 That's right, yeah- just got here from Iowa. 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,786 I'm Jennifer, this is Jason. 6 00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,088 Chris. Nice to meet you. 7 00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,324 (stage whisper) Chris! Chris! 8 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:32,898 Don't talk to them! They're evil! Eeeevillll! 9 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,500 Have you met Dan? 10 00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:38,303 Not officially, no. Hi, there! 11 00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:40,372 I'm Well, good luck living next to Dan. 12 00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:44,043 And... I really mean that. 13 00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:50,382 What do you think you were doing? 14 00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:54,319 I think I was meeting your neighbors, who seem very nice. 15 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,488 You are so stupid. 16 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,556 (huffy) You know I really enjoy 17 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:58,791 these little talks of ours, Dan. 18 00:00:58,793 --> 00:01:00,392 Can't you see they're up to something? 19 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,127 Up to something... B-Because... 20 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:05,831 They're always smiling. 21 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,332 And, they insist on saying "Hello" 22 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,034 every single time I see them! 23 00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:11,437 Well, I hope you've notified the police. 24 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:12,871 (angry and flustered) I'll notify them that- 25 00:01:12,873 --> 00:01:17,543 -missing persons -when your body- -turns up in- 26 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,111 -Uh-Um 27 00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,613 Let's go. The movie starts soon. 28 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:25,751 Okay, the coast is clear. Now here's how we roll: 29 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,754 Head down, eyes front. Make a beeline for the car. 30 00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,789 Go! Go! Go! 31 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:34,359 Ahh! Dan, right? You play basketball? 32 00:01:34,361 --> 00:01:35,627 I was thinking about 33 00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:36,894 Basketball is for communists. 34 00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:38,897 Uh...tennis then? 35 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,733 We baked this pie for you. It's banana cream. 36 00:01:41,735 --> 00:01:46,071 You know, Jennifer also makes the world's best meat pie, 37 00:01:46,073 --> 00:01:46,939 if you're interested. 38 00:01:46,941 --> 00:01:50,142 It helps that Jason's a butcher. 39 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:54,446 Dan! 40 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,215 What? It slipped. 41 00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,517 Besides, I can't eat dairy. 42 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,152 Oh. Ok. 43 00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:03,589 Well..I guess we'll see you soon..neighbor. 44 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:07,326 My car! Look at what they did! 45 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,961 Dan, you were the one who 46 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:14,333 NEIGHBORS!!! 47 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,503 (sound of doorbell) (narrator) Hey there Dan! 48 00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,315 I hate coffee. 49 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,651 Why are we staking out your building instead of going to 50 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,387 the movie I already bought tickets for? 51 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,923 To find out what my neighbors are up to! 52 00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,591 Couldn't we keep just as good an eye on them from 53 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,726 your apartment? 54 00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,395 There he is! Get down! 55 00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,770 Come on! 56 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:54,106 Now I've got them! 57 00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:58,944 Eughh! Gross! There's nothing here but garbage. 58 00:02:58,946 --> 00:02:59,845 Shocking. 59 00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,080 Hey, a porkchop! 60 00:03:02,082 --> 00:03:03,982 Just walk me in. 61 00:03:03,983 --> 00:03:05,883 I need backup until I figure out what they're up to. 62 00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:06,685 Hey, there! 63 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,887 Ha-HA! 64 00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,622 Weren't expecting me to bring my dimwitted 65 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:14,459 bodyguard, were you? Chris! Attack! 66 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:16,228 Dan, we made you another pie. 67 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:20,265 This one without dairy products of any kind. 68 00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:22,201 Whoa, there, careful! You almost lost your 69 00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:23,936 grip on that one, too. 70 00:03:23,938 --> 00:03:25,337 Better let me carry that. 71 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,973 We'd love to have you for dinner some time, Dan. 72 00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:29,608 And youíre invited too, Chris. 73 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,410 What a nice offer! 74 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:34,146 Dan, do you have something to say? 75 00:03:34,148 --> 00:03:35,247 Ow! 76 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:38,483 You talk to me like a child, I kick a you. 77 00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:39,985 Hrmph. 78 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:44,289 That's as close as you're going to get to a "Thank you." 79 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,463 What are you doing? Don't eat that! 80 00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:56,235 It's probably poisoned! 81 00:03:56,237 --> 00:04:00,706 And where did you get a fork? 82 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:04,009 So you're going to risk death for baked goods? 83 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:06,411 I'm weighing the odds that you're right about the poison 84 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,280 against how much I like pie. 85 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:10,349 Pie wins. 86 00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,726 I don't get it. You're not dead. 87 00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,394 Do you at least feel faint? 88 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:26,131 No, but I feel full of cherry wonderfulness. 89 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:30,102 If theyíre not trying to poison me, then what's their angle? 90 00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:32,604 I'm going to go home. Maybe I'll take a long walk tonight, 91 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:36,074 burn off some of these calories. 92 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:38,844 (gasps) That's it! 93 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,612 We'd love to have you for dinner... we'd love to... 94 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:43,448 ...makes a great meat pie... makes a great meat pie... 95 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,617 ...married to a butcher... married to a butcher... 96 00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:56,395 Those fiends! Those diabolical fiends! 97 00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:59,865 Nice try, Mr. and Mrs. Demon Barbers of Fleet Street, 98 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,601 but I'm on to your sick little game now. 99 00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:03,969 Don't you see, Chris? 100 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,972 They're fattening me up to eat me! 101 00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,941 How did you get there, from-you know what? 102 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,877 Never mind. I'm going home. 103 00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:15,981 What? You can't leave me! Not with cannibals next door! 104 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,115 Let go! 105 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,050 Never! 106 00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:19,618 Aargh! 107 00:05:22,890 --> 00:05:23,955 So how was the movie? 108 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,158 We never went. Dan has new neighbors. 109 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,492 Oh? What are they like? 110 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:28,694 Really nice. 111 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,363 Dan thinks theyíre cannibals who want to eat him. 112 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:34,366 Who'd want to eat Dan? He's all gristle. 113 00:05:34,368 --> 00:05:36,501 (phone rings) Hello? 114 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:40,772 Do you think I should try to eat them before they eat me? 115 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:45,944 Uh, no Dan, I don't. Leave those nice people alone. 116 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:48,947 Nice? You don't know anything about them! 117 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:51,149 That's a good point, actually. You know maybe Elise and I 118 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,918 should go over there tomorrow. 119 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,887 Hey, can Mr. Mumbles and I move in to your place until they get 120 00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:58,590 arrested for crimes against humanity? 121 00:05:58,592 --> 00:05:59,891 I don't think so. 122 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,627 Pfft. You will look back on this conversation when I 123 00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:06,598 go missing and feel awful. "I'm so stupid!" 124 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,534 you'll say, "If only I had listened to Dan! 125 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:15,307 How could I possibly be this stu--" Hello? 126 00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:16,575 He'll come around. 127 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:21,113 (jennifer o.s.) Just a minute! 128 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:31,356 Mmmpphh! 129 00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:34,126 Oh! Uh, hi... My name is Elise. 130 00:06:34,128 --> 00:06:35,961 You met my husband Chris yesterday? 131 00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,029 I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. 132 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:40,215 Here. 133 00:06:40,216 --> 00:06:42,400 This is so nice! Please come in. 134 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,072 What is your problem?! 135 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,607 I needed to talk to you. 136 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,976 There are better ways to go about it then throwing a bag 137 00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,377 over my head! 138 00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:55,347 Hindsight is 20/20, Chris. 139 00:06:55,349 --> 00:06:58,917 At least I got a candy bar out of it. 140 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:03,355 This is just a block of wood with a candy wrapper on it. 141 00:07:03,357 --> 00:07:06,024 Serves you right for consorting with cannibals. 142 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,626 Look, I need your help. 143 00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,361 Well, tough. 144 00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,199 What do you want me to do? 145 00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,334 We need to spy on them. 146 00:07:16,336 --> 00:07:18,703 Gather intelligence, as they say. 147 00:07:18,705 --> 00:07:20,939 You know, I could have gathered a lot more intelligence had I 148 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,908 actually gone into their apartment. 149 00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:26,111 Stop living in the hypothetical! This is the now. 150 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,780 Help me spy on my people-eating neighbors. 151 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:30,515 Give me the candy bar. 152 00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:33,885 I'll give it to you on the roof. 153 00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,454 The roof? 154 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,391 Looking good. 155 00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:40,759 I don't know about this... 156 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:44,029 You do nothing but complain, you know that? 157 00:07:44,031 --> 00:07:45,781 Here. 158 00:07:45,782 --> 00:07:47,532 I'll lower you just far enough so you can peek in the window, 159 00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,202 and then you take pictures of their place. 160 00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:52,254 Uh... What if they see me? 161 00:07:52,255 --> 00:07:54,305 Elise is in there -she's bound to recognize me. 162 00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:56,708 Why do you think they invented ski masks? 163 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,243 (huffy) For skiing. 164 00:07:58,245 --> 00:08:00,679 You are such a child. 165 00:08:00,681 --> 00:08:03,081 Can I have that candy bar now? 166 00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,918 Oh, it's another block of wood! 167 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,487 Don't you have any real candy? 168 00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,155 No! 169 00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:15,527 Okay, now I'm going to lower you down slowly... 170 00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,462 Remember... 171 00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:18,830 Uh-oh. 172 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,165 (chris o.s.) What's happening? 173 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:23,101 Uh, nothing! Everything's fine! 174 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,903 Have you known Dan very long? 175 00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,605 Too long. 176 00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:32,878 Aaahhhh! 177 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,713 Prowler! 178 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,214 You call the police! I'm getting my gun and 179 00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,148 goin out there . 180 00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:40,352 Uh-oh. 181 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,419 (chris o.s.) Uh, Dan? 182 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:42,687 Sorry buddy! 183 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,122 Aaaahhhh! 184 00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:48,960 Oh... I'm hurt. 185 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,669 I hope you're not expecting sympathy. 186 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,504 It was Dan's fault! 187 00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,506 He pushed me off the roof! 188 00:09:01,508 --> 00:09:05,110 Oh? And did he wrestle you up to the roof in the first place? 189 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,546 No, I walked up there. But he 190 00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,781 And how did the climbing harness get on you? 191 00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:13,451 Did he do that? Or did it magically appear on your body? 192 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:16,388 Okay, I'll admit it: It's my own fault. 193 00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:19,624 Thank you. What's step two? 194 00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:20,992 (chris sullen) Not letting Dan talk me 195 00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,595 into doing stupid things. 196 00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:25,630 My knee really hurts. 197 00:09:25,632 --> 00:09:27,766 Pain is how we learn. 198 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,415 Hey there, Dan. 199 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:46,151 You leave me alone. I spent all day rolling around 200 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:48,753 in noxious chemicals, so I'd taste terrible. 201 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,957 Uh... okay. I came over here because 202 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:54,726 my wife saw a prowler outside the window today. 203 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,829 So? What makes you think I had anything to do with that? 204 00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:01,466 You can't come over here and accuse me, I have lawyers! 205 00:10:01,468 --> 00:10:03,301 I was actually just letting you know that we're having 206 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,437 security bars installed on our windows. 207 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,205 Noted. Goodbye. 208 00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:09,507 They're running a 2-for-1 special at the security store, 209 00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:14,312 so weíll be having them installed on your windows, too. 210 00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,549 (jason o.s.) No thanks necessary! 211 00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:19,217 (dan whisper, to Mr. Mumbles) They want to trap me here, 212 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,087 so I can't escape when they come for me! 213 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,356 I've got to get them out of here! 214 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:28,693 Dan! We know you're in there! 215 00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:30,428 (dan o.s.) Go away! I'm busy! 216 00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,231 Open this door or I'm opening it! 217 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:36,801 (dan o.s.) Ha! I'd like to see you try! 218 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:54,319 You are not to put Chris in dangerous situations anymore, 219 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,887 do you hear me? 220 00:10:55,889 --> 00:10:59,424 Me? He practically begged me to lower him off the roof! 221 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,092 I did not. 222 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,762 Be that as it may, Chris is your friend, 223 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:06,498 and-what are you doing, by the way? 224 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:09,601 I'm making a tunnel into my neighbors apartment. 225 00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:11,236 Why? 226 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,672 Don't you understand anything? 227 00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:16,941 I've been collecting cockroaches all day. 228 00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:22,080 Okay, still not getting the bigger picture here. 229 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,682 He's going to release the cockroaches into 230 00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:24,716 Jenniferís apartment. 231 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:25,784 Ah. 232 00:11:25,786 --> 00:11:27,919 Which I can't let you do, Dan. 233 00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,387 They're really nice people. 234 00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:33,458 You are so naive. Wake up and smell the meat pies! 235 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,193 What cockroaches were those again? 236 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:39,831 The ones in the box over th- 237 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:43,601 Oh. Oh, well. I needed to go bigger anyway. 238 00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:46,905 I was thinking "Medieval siege weaponry." 239 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:50,175 Dan, you will not do anything to them, you get me? 240 00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:52,544 Chris and I are going over there for lunch on Tuesday and I do 241 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:55,714 NOT want to discover cockroaches in my food. 242 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:59,651 Turncoats and traitors, all around me! Get out! 243 00:11:59,653 --> 00:12:03,555 You, too! Just hobble away on your crutches of betrayal! 244 00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:14,299 Thought you could trap me in my own apartment? Nice try. 245 00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:15,867 (Mr. Mumbles yowls) 246 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:19,704 I know, Mr. Mumbles. But we'll be fine. 247 00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:25,844 Now come on, it's time for bed. 248 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:28,546 Awww, don't be like that. 249 00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:31,850 It's only for a couple of days. It'll be fun! 250 00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:33,384 (Mr. Mumbles yowls) 251 00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:35,019 Goodnight. 252 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,568 Okay, here's what I need. 253 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,971 Dan? Where have you been? I came round your 254 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,906 apartment yesterday, and you weren't there. 255 00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,842 Oh, that. I'm not going to be trapped in my apartment 256 00:12:57,844 --> 00:13:01,412 like some animal, just waiting for them to come and get me. 257 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:03,615 I'm living on the rooftop across the street. 258 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:05,150 Perfectly logical. 259 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,986 Drop the attitude, jerkface! 260 00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:12,323 And bring me the following: a bag of logs, some gasoline, 261 00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:15,660 a box of matches, a dozen or so ostrich feathers- 262 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,496 What? Where would I even get ostrich feathers? 263 00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:21,599 Why do I have to think of everything for you? 264 00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:25,570 They don't have to be ostrich! Flamingo will be fine... 265 00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:31,442 What took you so long!? 266 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,645 It takes a while to climb the stairs when you're 267 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:35,013 on crutches, Dan. 268 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:37,382 Whine, whine, whine. Gimme my stuff. 269 00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,618 Dan, wait! That's not your stuff. Those are my groceries! 270 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:43,922 Why would you carry your groceries up to the roof? 271 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,024 I wasn't going to leave them in a hot car. 272 00:13:46,026 --> 00:13:48,259 Some of those things are perishable. 273 00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,161 And others are ice cream. 274 00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,397 Where are the logs? Where's the gasoline? 275 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:56,334 I didn't bring them. What is that thing anyway? 276 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,969 It's a ballista! 277 00:13:57,971 --> 00:14:01,506 I'm going to launch flaming logs into my neighbors apartment. 278 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:02,841 THAT'LL give 'em the message. 279 00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,577 I'm sure the police will get a message, too. 280 00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:07,879 What did you need the ostrich feathers for? 281 00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,915 Flight stabilizers on the logs, of course! 282 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,951 Man, you're an idiot. 283 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,153 Now I'm glad I didn't get them. 284 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:18,056 Well, something in here might do... 285 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,658 Hey! Stop it! Those are for eating! 286 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:26,397 Ah-ha! Honey! 287 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:33,738 No! 288 00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:37,342 That was mine! Do you know how expensive honey is? 289 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:38,209 (to himself) Should have accounted 290 00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,577 for the lighter missile. 291 00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,913 Oh, well... What else do we have here? 292 00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:42,881 Peanut butter? 293 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,515 Dan, no! 294 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:45,950 Let go! 295 00:14:45,952 --> 00:14:47,185 It's the only way! 296 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,822 I'm not going to let you waste all of my groceries 297 00:14:50,824 --> 00:14:53,291 with your stupid giant crossbow. 298 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:57,428 Get out of the way, Chris. This is life or death for me! 299 00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,830 You think I won't shoot you?! 300 00:14:58,832 --> 00:15:03,067 I'm not moving! Give me back my peanut butter! 301 00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,702 You're making me do this! 302 00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:15,380 All right, you win. 303 00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:19,150 I knew you wouldn't shoot me! 304 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:23,421 Whuf-aaAAAHHHH! 305 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,489 Chris! 306 00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,194 Bad kitty! Mr. 307 00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:31,930 (mr. mumbles MEOWS) 308 00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:34,499 N'gaw... 309 00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:34,966 (chris o.s.) Ouch. 310 00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:47,946 151...152...153... Hello? 311 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:53,318 Uh, hi Elise, it's Dan...Listen, um, well, first things first. 312 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:54,018 How are you? 313 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:55,687 What do you want, Dan? 314 00:15:55,689 --> 00:15:58,890 I have some good news and some bad news... 315 00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,076 What happened? 316 00:16:01,077 --> 00:16:03,261 Okay, the important thing to remember is that everyone 317 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,930 is okay. Well, not Chris... 318 00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:17,709 Hey, you. Dan said you sounded mad on the phone, so 319 00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:18,977 Where is he?! 320 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,244 He didn't want to be here when you arrived, 321 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:22,814 so he left you a note while I was sleeping. 322 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,283 I can't reach it. 323 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:28,252 You must be in so much pain. 324 00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:31,489 Yeah, I've learned a lot this week. 325 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:35,693 "Elise: While I find you lacking in warmth, kindness and, 326 00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:42,367 on some level, basic humanity, I have always... refracted you? 327 00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,502 I think that's "respected." 328 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:48,773 "RESPECTED you, and hope now to appeal to your better nature, 329 00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:52,977 should such a thing exist within whatever scaly, chitinous 330 00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,545 valve passes for your heart." 331 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:58,282 Boy, Dan really knows how to wow a girl, doesn't he? 332 00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:00,134 (back to letter) "While Chris is 333 00:17:00,135 --> 00:17:01,985 obviously responsible for his own present condition, 334 00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:05,523 I do accept some modicum of responsibility, and I promise, 335 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:09,494 once my... Nefarious? 336 00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,162 Could be "narwhal." 337 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,931 (dan o.s. frustrated) It's NEIGHBORS, you morons! 338 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:15,433 Dan. 339 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:18,236 Uh-oh. Hey! Let go! That's MY foot! 340 00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:20,505 You'd better say your prayers, Dan. 341 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,974 It really was an accident, Elise. 342 00:17:22,976 --> 00:17:25,276 I stepped in front of his catapult. 343 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:30,648 Ballista. And in my defense, I did bring Chris immediately 344 00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,084 to the hospital instead of launching more stuff at 345 00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,887 my neighbors. Or launching Chris at them. 346 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,555 Which would have been awesome. 347 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:39,073 Dan! 348 00:17:39,074 --> 00:17:40,590 That would have been kind of awesome, actually. 349 00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:41,859 Chris! 350 00:17:41,861 --> 00:17:45,396 Now if you'll excuse me, I have a siege to continue. 351 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,398 This ends now. 352 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,035 Jennifer? Hi, it's Elise. 353 00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:54,038 Listen, can we bring Dan to lunch today? 354 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,207 Great, see you soon! 355 00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:58,009 Now you have the chance to meet your neighbors, 356 00:17:58,011 --> 00:17:59,877 and see that they are not cannibals. 357 00:17:59,879 --> 00:18:03,581 Or I have a chance to prove to you that they are. 358 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:10,688 One, two, three! 359 00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:11,989 I caní' do this. 360 00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,791 He's too heavy! 361 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:17,462 Ughhh...Come on, Dan! We're almost to the top! 362 00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:20,198 Can somebody scratch my nose? 363 00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:26,471 Dan, nice to finally have you in our home. 364 00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:30,274 I know what you're up to. 365 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:33,010 Chris! What happened? 366 00:18:33,012 --> 00:18:35,580 Peanut butter, medieval siege weapon, falling. 367 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,215 You know... 368 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,586 Thank you, Jennifer. 369 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:50,394 Lactose-free chocolate croissants? 370 00:18:50,396 --> 00:18:52,530 Is that even possible? 371 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:55,299 I bet they taste like cardboard. 372 00:18:55,301 --> 00:19:03,641 Ooh. They're... amazing. 373 00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,976 All right, what's your secret? 374 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,677 First, you take some pastry flour 375 00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:08,746 No, I mean YOUR secret? 376 00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:11,749 You're too nice. You eat people, right? 377 00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:12,416 What? 378 00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,952 Uh... gross. 379 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:19,390 Then what is it? Serial killers? Fugitives? Guidance Councilors? 380 00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:20,992 What's your angle? 381 00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:23,361 We don't have an angle. We're just nice people. 382 00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,964 Well, for the most part. I do have some anger issues, but 383 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:28,833 I've been working on them in therapy. 384 00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,434 Really? 385 00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:34,639 Sometimes I get so mad I just start yelling things at the sky. 386 00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,841 And don't forget your anger journal. 387 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,476 Anger journal? 388 00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,245 (jason sheepish) It's just something silly I do. 389 00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:43,381 When someone or something makes me really mad, 390 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:46,717 I write it down on a list. Here, I'll show you. 391 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,688 This could be a page from my list... 392 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:55,126 You know Jason, I think we'll get along after all. 393 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,201 You know....You guys know something? 394 00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:05,636 When you first moved in, I thought we weren't 395 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:06,904 going to get along. 396 00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,739 We had our doubts, too. 397 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,608 I'll say! 398 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:15,213 I even tried to drive you out of the building. 399 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,047 How's that? 400 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,515 Oh, different ways. 401 00:20:17,517 --> 00:20:20,585 First I was going to infest your home with cockroaches... 402 00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,753 Wh-Why would you do that? 403 00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,355 That's disgusting. 404 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:26,624 (dan chuckles) Oh that's nothing. 405 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:29,427 Then I was going to shoot flaming logs into your 406 00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,729 apartment from across the street. 407 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,698 That could have seriously injured us. 408 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:38,736 Yeah, it's good we can all laugh about it now. 409 00:20:46,179 --> 00:20:48,246 AHHHHHH! Get them off me! 410 00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:49,080 They're in my shirt! 411 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:52,383 Dan! Are these yours? 412 00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:54,018 Yup. These are mine. 413 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,920 You incredible jerk! 414 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,955 Hey! This was an accident! 415 00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:59,824 Look, if you're going to fly off the handle 416 00:20:59,826 --> 00:21:01,359 every time something like this happens, 417 00:21:01,361 --> 00:21:03,761 I'm not sure we'll make good neighbors. 418 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:06,163 I can't believe we ever let you into our home! 419 00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:08,466 You are the worst neighbor we have ever had! 420 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:11,168 Come on, don't be like that! 421 00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:14,071 I was just starting to like you guys. 422 00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,579 I'm really going to miss them. 423 00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:25,249 I don't think they'll miss you. 424 00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:27,585 Maybe your next neighbor will be even nicer. 425 00:21:27,587 --> 00:21:31,222 You never kn-