1
00:00:01,888 --> 00:00:02,938
Here's to love!

2
00:00:02,938 --> 00:00:05,168
Congratulations, you assholes!

3
00:00:05,168 --> 00:00:06,968
Did you always want to join
the priesthood?

4
00:00:06,968 --> 00:00:08,248
Oh, fuck no.

5
00:00:08,248 --> 00:00:09,608
Are you a real priest?

6
00:00:09,608 --> 00:00:10,938
Yeah.

7
00:00:10,938 --> 00:00:13,738
So, do your family get together much
or...

8
00:00:13,738 --> 00:00:15,378
Well, fuck you then.

9
00:00:15,378 --> 00:00:18,218
And do you want to know what gift
I'm giving your Father? Oh, God.

10
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:21,138
It's a portrait. Oh, God. Of you
girls. Oh, God.

11
00:00:21,138 --> 00:00:22,738
You pissed off or you doing a poo?

12
00:00:22,738 --> 00:00:24,968
Get your hands off my miscarriage!

13
00:00:24,968 --> 00:00:26,838
What's happened?
Nothing's happened.

14
00:00:26,838 --> 00:00:29,518
Just had a little... What? What,
darling? Miscarriage.

15
00:00:29,518 --> 00:00:31,448
Hospital now. But what about the
bill? Sit down.

16
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,118
I'll cover her. I'll cover you.

17
00:00:33,118 --> 00:00:34,838
If you ever need someone.
I'll be there.

18
00:00:34,838 --> 00:00:37,398
If it didn't want to be in there,
It didn't want to be in there.

19
00:00:37,398 --> 00:00:38,968
Something wasn't right.

20
00:00:38,968 --> 00:00:40,038
HE CRI ES OUT

21
00:00:40,038 --> 00:00:41,478
What the fuck!?

22
00:00:41,478 --> 00:00:44,068
INDISTINCT SHOUTS

23
00:00:44,068 --> 00:00:48,598
The priest is quite hot.
So hot.

24
00:00:48,598 --> 00:00:50,958
Peace be with you.
Yeah, you too, thank you.

25
00:00:50,958 --> 00:00:53,598
Peace be with you.
And also with you.

26
00:00:53,598 --> 00:00:55,598
Peace be with you.
And also with you.

27
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:56,659
Peace be with you.

28
00:00:56,659 --> 00:00:57,738
Peace be with you.

29
00:00:57,738 --> 00:00:59,679
Peace be with you.
And also with you.

30
00:00:59,679 --> 00:01:01,559
Peace be with you.
And also with you.

31
00:01:01,559 --> 00:01:04,059
Let us pray.

32
00:01:09,679 --> 00:01:15,318
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,

33
00:01:15,318 --> 00:01:20,968
thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on Earth as it is in heaven.

34
00:01:20,968 --> 00:01:25,789
Give us this day our daily bread
and forgive us our trespasses,

35
00:01:25,789 --> 00:01:29,738
as we forgive those who
trespass against us

36
00:01:29,738 --> 00:01:33,458
and lead us not into temptation,

37
00:01:33,458 --> 00:01:37,583
but deliver us from evil.

38
00:01:38,018 --> 00:01:39,643
Amen.

39
00:01:41,178 --> 00:01:46,553


40
00:01:47,528 --> 00:01:49,038
Please be seated.

41
00:01:49,038 --> 00:01:52,288
And also with you.

42
00:01:58,038 --> 00:02:03,288
Erm... Sorry, er,
yes, today's...

43
00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:07,028
Erm... Today's notices.

44
00:02:07,028 --> 00:02:13,598
There's a raffle at tomorrow's
fete to raise funds for the, er...

45
00:02:13,598 --> 00:02:16,828
Sorry... The diocesan
pilgrimage to Lourdes.

46
00:02:16,828 --> 00:02:20,188
Er, congratulations to
St Ethelred's Football Club.

47
00:02:20,188 --> 00:02:21,688
Woo!

48
00:02:21,748 --> 00:02:23,108
Three one victory.

49
00:02:23,108 --> 00:02:25,468
Er, next Friday is a first Friday
and I'm going to be

50
00:02:25,468 --> 00:02:29,679
making my usual sick calls to the
housebound with the Eucharist

51
00:02:29,679 --> 00:02:33,598
and, finally, on Thursday I'm going
to begin Holy Communion

52
00:02:33,598 --> 00:02:36,429
preparation classes and there are
more details of that

53
00:02:36,429 --> 00:02:39,708
in the parish newsletter,
along with my latest review.

54
00:02:39,708 --> 00:02:41,348
FAINT LAUGHTER

55
00:02:41,348 --> 00:02:42,628
That's all, folks.

56
00:02:42,628 --> 00:02:45,748
Er, please stand for God's
blessing.

57
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:48,468
Thanks so much. Thank you, Father.
All the best. See you next week.

58
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:49,679
All the best.

59
00:02:49,679 --> 00:02:51,679
Really good one, Father.
Nice to see you, Gina.

60
00:02:51,679 --> 00:02:53,498
Loved the story about your eye.

61
00:02:53,498 --> 00:02:56,598
HE CHUCKLES
Off you go. Give my regards to those
budgies.

62
00:02:56,598 --> 00:02:58,708
SHE CHUCKLES

63
00:02:58,708 --> 00:03:00,828
Hello. Hi.

64
00:03:00,828 --> 00:03:03,398
This is lovely. Oh, thank you. Thank
you.

65
00:03:03,398 --> 00:03:04,958
I thought you'd be in prison by now.

66
00:03:04,958 --> 00:03:08,268
Ah, well, I keep trying,
but they just won't have me.

67
00:03:08,268 --> 00:03:10,238
I'm sorry about your eye.
Oh, that's OK.

68
00:03:10,238 --> 00:03:11,679
Gives me some edge.

69
00:03:11,679 --> 00:03:13,598
I've told them some heroic bullshit.

70
00:03:13,598 --> 00:03:14,758
Erm... Bless you, Sandy.

71
00:03:14,758 --> 00:03:16,628
Thank you, Father.
Bless you.

72
00:03:16,628 --> 00:03:18,549
Thank you, Father. Thank you. Bye.

73
00:03:18,549 --> 00:03:20,238
Bye now. Have a nice day.
God bless you.

74
00:03:20,238 --> 00:03:23,398
Bye. See you next week.
Bless you.

75
00:03:23,398 --> 00:03:25,598
I just wanted to pay you back for
dinner... Oh, no!

76
00:03:25,598 --> 00:03:27,268
Because I... Thank you, honestly.

77
00:03:27,268 --> 00:03:30,038
It'll have to be in instalments... I
don't want it. I don't want it.

78
00:03:30,038 --> 00:03:32,238
I've got no pockets. Please...
Honestly, thank you.

79
00:03:32,238 --> 00:03:33,758
Nah—ah!

80
00:03:33,758 --> 00:03:36,549
I'm going to knife the candles,
Father. They're a bit clogged up.

81
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:37,868
OK, Pam. Yeah.

82
00:03:37,868 --> 00:03:40,429
Well, the hair dryer's in the,
in the wonky drawer...

83
00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,238
Under the wonky drawer. Yes, I know.

84
00:03:42,238 --> 00:03:43,679
Hello, love. Hi.

85
00:03:43,679 --> 00:03:46,398
Oh, is that for the collection? How
sweet. So kind.

86
00:03:46,398 --> 00:03:48,648
Thank you.

87
00:03:48,988 --> 00:03:51,363
That's Pam.

88
00:03:53,838 --> 00:03:56,838
Do you like tea?

89
00:04:04,758 --> 00:04:06,508
Jesus.

90
00:04:13,318 --> 00:04:15,693
Tea! Great.

91
00:04:17,148 --> 00:04:19,508
I don't want boast, but I make
a cracking...

92
00:04:19,508 --> 00:04:21,348
Oh! Bastard! Sorry. Oh!

93
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:25,478
Bastard! Erm... Let me just get
this.

94
00:04:25,478 --> 00:04:27,708
Oh, dear.
Oh, is that holy?

95
00:04:27,708 --> 00:04:30,598
A bit less than it was before.

96
00:04:30,598 --> 00:04:34,098
Shit. Er.. Oh, well.

97
00:04:34,478 --> 00:04:40,068
He'll understand.
He's an understanding sort.

98
00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:42,398
There you go.

99
00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:43,958
Sorry about all the tat.

100
00:04:43,958 --> 00:04:46,708
It's for a fundraiser garden
party thing tomorrow.

101
00:04:46,708 --> 00:04:48,638
So much stuff, absolutely no staff.

102
00:04:48,638 --> 00:04:51,318
You can volunteer if you want.
Oh...

103
00:04:51,318 --> 00:04:53,398
I'm only joking. Oh.

104
00:04:53,398 --> 00:04:56,068
You've probably got a life.

105
00:04:56,068 --> 00:04:57,429
What's the time? Erm...

106
00:04:57,429 --> 00:05:00,278
Do you want a proper drink?
I've got cans of GandT.

107
00:05:00,278 --> 00:05:01,918
From MandS.

108
00:05:01,918 --> 00:05:03,788
Well, it's... I will if you will.

109
00:05:03,788 --> 00:05:05,163
OK.

110
00:05:05,708 --> 00:05:07,083
OK.

111
00:05:15,588 --> 00:05:17,463
Thanks.

112
00:05:22,508 --> 00:05:25,228
So, you're a cool priest, are you? A
cool priest? Yeah.

113
00:05:25,228 --> 00:05:27,788
No. I'm a big reader with no
friends. Are you a cool person?

114
00:05:27,788 --> 00:05:29,948
I'm a pretty normal person.
A normal person?

115
00:05:29,948 --> 00:05:32,318
Yeah, a normal person.
What makes you a normal person?

116
00:05:32,318 --> 00:05:37,193
Well, I don't believe in God...

117
00:05:38,228 --> 00:05:42,728
I love it when He does that.

118
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:51,278
So, you were in my prayers last
night. Likewise.

119
00:05:51,278 --> 00:05:53,689
I'm sorry for your loss.

120
00:05:53,689 --> 00:05:55,314
What?

121
00:05:55,358 --> 00:05:57,608
Your baby.

122
00:05:58,078 --> 00:06:01,278
Oh! Yeah, thank you.

123
00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:05,153
Thank you. Yes, I er...

124
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,559
Thank you.

125
00:06:06,559 --> 00:06:08,328
Is the father all right?

126
00:06:08,328 --> 00:06:12,578
Well, he doesn't really...

127
00:06:12,758 --> 00:06:14,758
..exist.

128
00:06:15,638 --> 00:06:18,263
I understand.

129
00:06:18,918 --> 00:06:26,918
The funeral liturgy says that life
is changed, not ended.

130
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,712
I've always loved that,
if that's of any help.

131
00:06:30,712 --> 00:06:33,352
Oh, well, thank you very much,
but I really am an atheist.

132
00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:35,792
Yeah, I gathered
that by the smelling of the Bible.

133
00:06:35,792 --> 00:06:38,292
THEY CHUCKLE

134
00:06:38,992 --> 00:06:40,512
New sermon?

135
00:06:40,512 --> 00:06:43,222
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's... I write, er...

136
00:06:43,222 --> 00:06:45,683
..restaurant reviews
for the parish magazine

137
00:06:45,683 --> 00:06:47,792
and I was just finishing
up the last one.

138
00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:49,992
I actually just came up with
a really good title.

139
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,222
Ah, what is it?

140
00:06:51,222 --> 00:06:53,433
No. What? No, it's not cool.

141
00:06:53,433 --> 00:06:54,872
Well, neither are we, so...

142
00:06:54,872 --> 00:07:00,912
"I'd spend 40 days and 40
nights in that dessert."

143
00:07:00,912 --> 00:07:05,162
Oh, God, I fancy a priest.

144
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:42,417
There you go.

145
00:07:46,122 --> 00:07:47,622
Hey.

146
00:07:47,712 --> 00:07:49,592
Are you having an event?

147
00:07:49,592 --> 00:07:50,952
No.

148
00:07:50,952 --> 00:07:52,612
Why are there so many people here?

149
00:07:52,612 --> 00:07:54,822
Well, it's just successful, I guess.

150
00:07:54,822 --> 00:07:57,202
Why is everyone talking
to each other?

151
00:07:57,202 --> 00:07:58,563
Oh, it's Chatty Wednesday.

152
00:07:58,563 --> 00:07:59,632
If you buy something,

153
00:07:59,632 --> 00:08:02,232
you have to have a chat with someone
you don't know. What?

154
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,122
Loneliness pays.

155
00:08:04,122 --> 00:08:05,672
Listen, can we...

156
00:08:05,672 --> 00:08:07,297
Sure.

157
00:08:11,152 --> 00:08:13,433
I know you and I haven't...
Have you had a check—up?

158
00:08:13,433 --> 00:08:15,922
Yes, it's fine. It's really not
a big deal.

159
00:08:15,922 --> 00:08:18,922
It happens all the time... Hello!
No. Where you from?

160
00:08:18,922 --> 00:08:22,032
I'm not... This isn't...
I'm not part of this.

161
00:08:22,032 --> 00:08:24,282
I shouldn't have to... I don't want
to tell you that.

162
00:08:24,282 --> 00:08:27,032
No. Sorry. No.

163
00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:29,072
Tooting.

164
00:08:29,232 --> 00:08:30,792
She hasn't bought anything yet, Joe.

165
00:08:30,792 --> 00:08:34,667
Oh, shit. I'm so sorry.

166
00:08:35,202 --> 00:08:36,563
Does Martin know?

167
00:08:36,563 --> 00:08:38,792
You're not supposed to tell anyone
for the first 12...

168
00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:41,122
Well, you can tell the father.
I just haven't told him.

169
00:08:41,122 --> 00:08:43,462
OK, but what does he know? I don't
want to talk about it, OK?

170
00:08:43,462 --> 00:08:45,672
And I never want anyone to know
about it. You have it.

171
00:08:45,672 --> 00:08:48,622
You're better at dealing with
awful things. I don't want it.

172
00:08:48,622 --> 00:08:52,262
Well, you took it, now everyone
thinks you have it, so you have it.

173
00:08:52,262 --> 00:08:54,762
CLAIRE SIGHS

174
00:08:58,392 --> 00:09:00,002
What?

175
00:09:00,002 --> 00:09:01,752
They're some pretty funky trainers.

176
00:09:01,752 --> 00:09:03,372
I said I'm fine.

177
00:09:03,372 --> 00:09:05,282
I just really, really don't want
anyone to make

178
00:09:05,282 --> 00:09:06,512
a big deal out of this, OK?

179
00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:07,722
Brutal.

180
00:09:07,722 --> 00:09:09,082
Just brutal.

181
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:10,752
You must feel rotten.

182
00:09:10,752 --> 00:09:12,362
Do you feel rotten?

183
00:09:12,362 --> 00:09:14,362
I'd rather not talk about it if
that's OK.

184
00:09:14,362 --> 00:09:16,512
Of course, darling.
Come on up.

185
00:09:16,512 --> 00:09:18,392
Claire get the door, for God's sake.

186
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,082
Did you know who the father was?

187
00:09:20,082 --> 00:09:22,563
Erm, I'd rather not talk about it if
that's OK.

188
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:25,062
No, of course, darling.

189
00:09:25,062 --> 00:09:27,212
I've got a set up I'm very
excited about.

190
00:09:27,212 --> 00:09:28,922
It's going to be very striking.
CooL

191
00:09:28,922 --> 00:09:31,282
So, Claire, if you just sit here.

192
00:09:31,282 --> 00:09:32,672
That's lovely

193
00:09:32,672 --> 00:09:35,082
And, darling, just beside her
like that.

194
00:09:35,082 --> 00:09:36,563
Lovely.

195
00:09:36,563 --> 00:09:38,752
Actually, if you could
just...

196
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,472
That's it, that's it.

197
00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:42,847
Just a bit.

198
00:09:43,313 --> 00:09:45,062
Bit more.

199
00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:46,452
There, perfect.

200
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:49,202
Gorgeous, yes.

201
00:09:51,162 --> 00:09:52,952
Sorry, no, if you could just...

202
00:09:52,952 --> 00:09:55,982
That's it. thank you, darling.

203
00:09:55,982 --> 00:09:57,012
So, erm...

204
00:09:57,012 --> 00:09:58,293
She can't not talk about it.

205
00:09:58,293 --> 00:10:00,342
You know, I have six friends... A
lie.

206
00:10:00,342 --> 00:10:02,732
..who've had miscarriages.

207
00:10:02,732 --> 00:10:06,032
Five of them never managed to
produce a child afterwards,

208
00:10:06,032 --> 00:10:09,142
but the sixth one did
and rather regretted it,

209
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,232
so I think you've probably done
the right thing.

210
00:10:11,232 --> 00:10:13,482
Thank you.

211
00:10:14,362 --> 00:10:15,902
Did you never want them?

212
00:10:15,902 --> 00:10:18,642
Oh, I'm still thinking about it.

213
00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:20,572
Is Dad here? I texted him, but...

214
00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:22,342
Oh, I saw that.
Oh, so he is here?

215
00:10:22,342 --> 00:10:26,702
Sorry, no, I've got his phone today.

216
00:10:26,702 --> 00:10:28,372
I love that colour.

217
00:10:28,372 --> 00:10:29,423
Which one?

218
00:10:29,423 --> 00:10:30,543
That one.

219
00:10:30,543 --> 00:10:32,563
Oh, that's three colours.

220
00:10:32,563 --> 00:10:34,812
Right. I'm getting rid of it.

221
00:10:34,812 --> 00:10:36,732
But it was quite an adventure
painting.

222
00:10:36,732 --> 00:10:38,702
I had an orgasm as I finished it.

223
00:10:38,702 --> 00:10:41,182
Well, let's hope we all get as much
pleasure out of this one.

224
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,452
PHONE BUZZES
No, no... Could you?

225
00:10:43,452 --> 00:10:45,543
Erm, I have a pretty full
afternoon, so...

226
00:10:45,543 --> 00:10:47,782
Oh, have you got to go back to
Finland again?

227
00:10:47,782 --> 00:10:50,222
No, Finland are coming here.
Oh. Well, that's easier for you.

228
00:10:50,222 --> 00:10:51,423
Mmm.

229
00:10:51,423 --> 00:10:54,672
Are you still OK to pick up
the invitations? Oh, yes, of course.

230
00:10:54,672 --> 00:10:57,752
And did you find that ribbon thing
for the flowers? Yes. Great.

231
00:10:57,752 --> 00:11:00,282
And is Martin's nose on the mend?
Yes.

232
00:11:00,282 --> 00:11:02,362
And how's the bassoon
solo coming on?

233
00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,622
PHONE VIBRATES
Oh, yes, he's practising.

234
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,142
Oh, God, and now I just have to...

235
00:11:06,142 --> 00:11:08,092
What? Sorry, Claire, can you look
up, please?

236
00:11:08,092 --> 00:11:09,173
Thank you.

237
00:11:09,173 --> 00:11:10,902
Organise canapes for an awards
ceremony.

238
00:11:10,902 --> 00:11:12,732
Oh, gosh, you must be exhausted.

239
00:11:12,732 --> 00:11:14,722
Does the little cafe do canapes?

240
00:11:14,722 --> 00:11:16,722
It totally could, yeah.

241
00:11:16,722 --> 00:11:19,193
Well, there you are.
That's one off the list.

242
00:11:19,193 --> 00:11:20,943
Great.

243
00:11:23,372 --> 00:11:27,392
Gosh, haven't you got a lovely,
thick neck?

244
00:11:27,392 --> 00:11:29,162
PHONE VIBRATES

245
00:11:29,162 --> 00:11:30,602
That was fun. Thank you.

246
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,832
I really can help with
the canapes if it's...

247
00:11:32,832 --> 00:11:34,932
I'm going to say this quickly. OK.
OK?

248
00:11:34,932 --> 00:11:37,272
Martin wants to press
charges against you for assault.

249
00:11:37,272 --> 00:11:39,782
I've tried to talk him down, but to
be fair, you did hit him

250
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:40,812
fucking hard. What?!

251
00:11:40,812 --> 00:11:43,522
I will provide you with exceptional
legal advice as long as

252
00:11:43,522 --> 00:11:46,443
you don't tell anyone I'm providing
you with exceptional legal advice.

253
00:11:46,443 --> 00:11:47,652
What?! This is happening.

254
00:11:47,652 --> 00:11:50,502
I am mortified,
but it is happening, OK?

255
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,303
I will hire this lawyer to
scare him off

256
00:11:52,303 --> 00:11:55,092
and I will hire you to do
the canapes.

257
00:11:55,092 --> 00:11:56,632
Who's the lawyer?
Oh, he's a friend.

258
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,502
He mainly defends rapists.

259
00:11:58,502 --> 00:11:59,812
He has a high success rate then.

260
00:11:59,812 --> 00:12:02,452
Undefeated. Come on.

261
00:12:02,452 --> 00:12:04,582
I've filled him in with the basics.

262
00:12:04,582 --> 00:12:06,062
That your husband's an animal?

263
00:12:06,062 --> 00:12:09,742
Be serious. Just do whatever he says
and don't flirt with him.

264
00:12:09,742 --> 00:12:12,812
I'm not going to f...

265
00:12:12,812 --> 00:12:14,992
Fucking hell, OK.

266
00:12:14,992 --> 00:12:16,742
Claire! David, thank you so much...

267
00:12:16,742 --> 00:12:18,303
Oh! Wow. Sorry.

268
00:12:18,303 --> 00:12:19,812
I can take you to court for that.

269
00:12:19,812 --> 00:12:21,022
THEY CHUCKLE

270
00:12:21,022 --> 00:12:23,942
This the little trouble maker, then?
Hi. Hi.

271
00:12:23,942 --> 00:12:27,732
Now, listen, I just want to be
clear that whatever happens,

272
00:12:27,732 --> 00:12:31,162
I don't sleep with people
I work with, OK?

273
00:12:31,162 --> 00:12:33,287
HE LAUGHS

274
00:12:33,782 --> 00:12:35,942
I'm joking.

275
00:12:35,942 --> 00:12:37,522
Slip on in, ladies.

276
00:12:37,522 --> 00:12:40,822
Well, if you spit guilty, you'll
have to swallow a short jail term,

277
00:12:40,822 --> 00:12:43,022
or community service if you're
lucky. Or?

278
00:12:43,022 --> 00:12:44,742
You definitely started it?
Yes.

279
00:12:44,742 --> 00:12:48,742
Any witnesses? About 30.

280
00:12:48,742 --> 00:12:50,712
The most important thing, honey,

281
00:12:50,712 --> 00:12:53,042
is that you do not, under any
circumstances, apologise.

282
00:12:53,042 --> 00:12:55,323
I can do that... No, that's not what
we discussed.

283
00:12:55,323 --> 00:12:57,912
That can be
taken as an admission of guilt.

284
00:12:57,912 --> 00:12:59,882
I assume you know the victim
personally?

285
00:12:59,882 --> 00:13:02,842
Yes... No, and let's not call
him the victim yet, shall we?

286
00:13:02,842 --> 00:13:04,162
Well, that's what he is.

287
00:13:04,162 --> 00:13:05,962
Yes. Right.

288
00:13:05,962 --> 00:13:07,402
They've definitely fucked.

289
00:13:07,402 --> 00:13:09,102
We just want a letter to
scare him off

290
00:13:09,102 --> 00:13:10,792
if he ends up seeking proper action.

291
00:13:10,792 --> 00:13:13,252
Really doesn't make sense, Claire.
Actually maybe not.

292
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:14,662
I think it makes perfect sense.

293
00:13:14,662 --> 00:13:16,862
I just want to be ahead of the game.
God, I can't tell.

294
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:19,102
That's a habit of yours, I've heard.
Oh, I've got it.

295
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,433
Is it? They haven't...

296
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,662
You're going to have to tell me who
said that. Never.

297
00:13:22,662 --> 00:13:25,152
..but they're going to. David.
Oh, God, I've got to get out.

298
00:13:25,152 --> 00:13:26,712
Claire. Excuse me.

299
00:13:26,712 --> 00:13:27,942
Where you off to, little lady?

300
00:13:27,942 --> 00:13:33,317
I'm just going to let this... Yeah.

301
00:13:47,582 --> 00:13:48,962
You all right?

302
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,902
Yeah. Just thought I'd leave you to
it.

303
00:13:51,902 --> 00:13:53,742
Sorry. What?

304
00:13:53,742 --> 00:13:56,222
He says he'll only talk you through
potential proceedings

305
00:13:56,222 --> 00:13:58,942
if you go for a drink with him.
What? I know. Outrageous.

306
00:13:58,942 --> 00:14:00,902
Stop smiling.
I thought he was after you?

307
00:14:00,902 --> 00:14:03,602
So did I, but my hair isn't great at
the moment.

308
00:14:03,602 --> 00:14:05,433
Either way, it's very inappropriate.

309
00:14:05,433 --> 00:14:07,152
Don't sleep with him. I won't.
Don't.

310
00:14:07,152 --> 00:14:09,072
I won't. I don't do that anymore.

311
00:14:09,072 --> 00:14:11,512
What? Why? Are you ill?

312
00:14:11,512 --> 00:14:12,982
No. Then what?

313
00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:15,303
Well, I just...

314
00:14:15,303 --> 00:14:17,022
Oh, my God. Have you met someone?

315
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:19,462
Well, not really.

316
00:14:19,462 --> 00:14:21,022
Back with Harry? No, it's
actually...

317
00:14:21,022 --> 00:14:22,982
Someone new? Well... Is he single?

318
00:14:22,982 --> 00:14:24,982
Sort of.

319
00:14:26,152 --> 00:14:27,712
Take this.

320
00:14:27,712 --> 00:14:29,982
I'll try talk Martin down,
but call him if you need him.

321
00:14:29,982 --> 00:14:31,952
He's a very good lawyer.

322
00:14:31,952 --> 00:14:34,152
Surprisingly...

323
00:14:34,152 --> 00:14:36,433
..tender underneath it all.

324
00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:37,982
Knew it.

325
00:14:37,982 --> 00:14:42,313
What you did in the restaurant was
unforgiveable. I know.

326
00:14:42,313 --> 00:14:44,563
Thank you.

327
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:47,462
OK, well...

328
00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,872
Listen, I actually just wanted to
give you this.

329
00:14:49,872 --> 00:14:52,512
It's just one session, but you've
been through a lot, so I just...

330
00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:55,532
Oh, my God, I said I'm fine.

331
00:14:55,532 --> 00:14:58,657
I'm weirdly fine.

332
00:14:59,282 --> 00:15:03,532
I'd rather have the money.

333
00:15:17,512 --> 00:15:19,822
Excuse me, I've got dry forearms.

334
00:15:19,822 --> 00:15:21,447
Sure.

335
00:15:23,433 --> 00:15:25,232
So, why have you come to the
session?

336
00:15:25,232 --> 00:15:28,102
Oh, it was a birthday
present from my father.

337
00:15:28,102 --> 00:15:29,752
Is that a joke?

338
00:15:29,752 --> 00:15:31,127
No.

339
00:15:32,872 --> 00:15:34,792
It would be good not to make
jokes in here.

340
00:15:34,792 --> 00:15:39,872
Just in case anything gets
lost in humorous translation.

341
00:15:39,872 --> 00:15:43,433
Oh, I don't know if I can do that.

342
00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:44,792
Is that a joke?

343
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:46,167
No.

344
00:15:47,232 --> 00:15:51,872
Oh, just try not to, or make
it very obvious.

345
00:15:51,872 --> 00:15:53,232
Sure.

346
00:15:53,232 --> 00:15:56,512
So, why do you think your father
suggested you come for counselling?

347
00:15:56,512 --> 00:15:58,952
I think because my mother died
and he can't talk about it

348
00:15:58,952 --> 00:16:01,433
and my sister and I didn't speak for
a year because she thinks

349
00:16:01,433 --> 00:16:03,952
I tried to sleep with her husband
and because I spent most

350
00:16:03,952 --> 00:16:06,392
of my adult life using sex to
deflect from the screaming void

351
00:16:06,392 --> 00:16:08,512
inside my empty heart.
I'm good at this.

352
00:16:08,512 --> 00:16:11,112
Although I don't really
do that any more.

353
00:16:11,112 --> 00:16:14,792
You close with your family?

354
00:16:14,792 --> 00:16:16,512
We get on with it.

355
00:16:16,512 --> 00:16:18,892
Do you talk? God no!

356
00:16:18,892 --> 00:16:20,832
Any friends?

357
00:16:20,832 --> 00:16:24,207
Sorry? Any friends?

358
00:16:25,063 --> 00:16:26,512
Erm...

359
00:16:26,512 --> 00:16:28,592
No, I don't really have time for...

360
00:16:28,592 --> 00:16:31,193
Well, I have a guinea pig,
but she blows hot and cold.

361
00:16:31,193 --> 00:16:33,568
Not a joke.

362
00:16:34,232 --> 00:16:36,232
Tell me about the sex.

363
00:16:36,232 --> 00:16:38,482
SHE LAUGHS

364
00:16:38,702 --> 00:16:40,232
All of it?

365
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:42,002
You said you don't do that now.

366
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:45,902
Oh, no, I just play tennis now.

367
00:16:45,902 --> 00:16:48,392
Tough crowd.

368
00:16:48,392 --> 00:16:49,782
Sorry.

369
00:16:49,782 --> 00:16:51,782
Ijust...

370
00:16:51,832 --> 00:16:54,672
Sex didn't bring anything...

371
00:16:54,672 --> 00:16:58,232
good, so I'm trying not to...

372
00:16:58,232 --> 00:16:59,672
But I've...

373
00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:02,032
And what have you found
in your abstinence?

374
00:17:02,032 --> 00:17:07,063
Well, I'm very horny and
your little scarf isn't helping.

375
00:17:07,063 --> 00:17:09,342
So, the impulse is still there?

376
00:17:09,342 --> 00:17:10,967
Oh...

377
00:17:11,472 --> 00:17:14,752
Yeah, the impulse is...

378
00:17:14,752 --> 00:17:17,632
The impulse is very
much still there.

379
00:17:17,632 --> 00:17:19,832
It's just never the right person.

380
00:17:19,832 --> 00:17:21,207
Mm.

381
00:17:21,313 --> 00:17:24,112
So there is a particular person
you're not having sex with?

382
00:17:24,112 --> 00:17:25,487
No!

383
00:17:25,702 --> 00:17:28,592
Well, look, nothing's happened.
I just...

384
00:17:28,592 --> 00:17:30,392
He's not available.

385
00:17:30,392 --> 00:17:32,632
In a relationship? Yes, a bad one.

386
00:17:32,632 --> 00:17:34,342
Oh, really? How so?

387
00:17:34,342 --> 00:17:36,342
It's a sort of relationship
where one partner

388
00:17:36,342 --> 00:17:38,752
tells the other how to dress.
Are you in love with him?

389
00:17:38,752 --> 00:17:40,602
LAUGHS: N0!

390
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:42,882
Why do you find that funny?

391
00:17:42,882 --> 00:17:44,602
Well, I...

392
00:17:44,602 --> 00:17:46,522
I dunno, Ijust...

393
00:17:46,522 --> 00:17:48,752
I don't... No!

394
00:17:48,752 --> 00:17:51,752
Just not a romantic? No.

395
00:17:51,752 --> 00:17:53,352
Just...

396
00:17:53,352 --> 00:17:59,063
a girl with no friends
and an empty heart?

397
00:17:59,063 --> 00:18:03,063
By your own description.

398
00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:07,782
I have friends.

399
00:18:07,782 --> 00:18:11,672
Oh, so you do have someone
to talk to.

400
00:18:11,672 --> 00:18:13,297
Yeah.

401
00:18:14,912 --> 00:18:16,392
Do you see them a lot?

402
00:18:16,392 --> 00:18:18,502
Oh, they're...they're always there.

403
00:18:18,502 --> 00:18:20,472
They're...

404
00:18:20,472 --> 00:18:22,782
They're always there.

405
00:18:22,782 --> 00:18:25,632
Why do you find that funny?
Listen, I don't need to be analysed.

406
00:18:25,632 --> 00:18:29,073
I have a nice life. I just wanted to
exchange the voucher for the money.

407
00:18:29,073 --> 00:18:30,962
It's a bit late for that now.

408
00:18:30,962 --> 00:18:35,352
I've only been here five minutes.

409
00:18:35,352 --> 00:18:38,477
I want the money.

410
00:18:39,502 --> 00:18:41,682
I want to fuck a priest.

411
00:18:41,682 --> 00:18:43,392
Catholic? Yes!

412
00:18:43,392 --> 00:18:45,112
A good one? Yes!

413
00:18:45,112 --> 00:18:49,432
Looks good in the, erm...
Mmm, yes. I understand.

414
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,323
Do you really want
to fuck the priest,

415
00:18:51,323 --> 00:18:53,552
or do you want to fuck God?

416
00:18:53,552 --> 00:18:56,402
Can you fuck God? Oh, yes.

417
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:59,502
Look just please tell me
how to not fuck a priest,

418
00:18:59,502 --> 00:19:01,272
before I get arrested.

419
00:19:01,272 --> 00:19:04,242
Well, I don't think fucking a priest
will make you feel as powerful

420
00:19:04,242 --> 00:19:06,632
as you think it will. Can you just
tell me what to do?

421
00:19:06,632 --> 00:19:08,757
You know.

422
00:19:09,242 --> 00:19:12,152
You already know what you're
going to do. Everybody does.

423
00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,472
What?!

424
00:19:13,472 --> 00:19:16,682
You've already decided
what you're going to do.

425
00:19:16,682 --> 00:19:20,582
So what's the point in you?

426
00:19:20,582 --> 00:19:23,712
You know what you're going to do.

427
00:19:23,712 --> 00:19:25,352
No, I don't. Yes, you do.

428
00:19:25,352 --> 00:19:26,582
I don't! You do!

429
00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,482
I don't! You do! I don't...

430
00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:31,323
Good luck! Thank you.

431
00:19:31,323 --> 00:19:33,323
Shut up.

432
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,962
Hi, can I have two
raffle tickets, please?

433
00:19:35,962 --> 00:19:38,272
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, hi!

434
00:19:38,272 --> 00:19:39,912
Hi! You're...

435
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,912
Yeah! ..with child. Yes. Cool!

436
00:19:41,912 --> 00:19:44,323
You, you got a fringe! Yeah!
Yeah. Oh, cool.

437
00:19:44,323 --> 00:19:47,552
Aw, you always wanted a baby!
You always wanted a fringe.

438
00:19:47,552 --> 00:19:49,402
She is amazing.

439
00:19:49,402 --> 00:19:51,962
I mean, it's been tough,
but amazing. Oh, yeah?

440
00:19:51,962 --> 00:19:54,122
Yeah, I mean, the birth
really took its toll.

441
00:19:54,122 --> 00:19:56,912
Oh, really? Was it a tricky one?
I can't really remember it now.

442
00:19:56,912 --> 00:19:59,482
But the whole thing has
just really changed me.

443
00:19:59,482 --> 00:20:01,352
I just don't feel...

444
00:20:01,352 --> 00:20:05,712
You know, my emotions are up and
down. My body just feels different.

445
00:20:05,712 --> 00:20:08,592
I mean, Elaine is being amazing,
so supportive...

446
00:20:08,592 --> 00:20:11,272
It sounds like you have got
post—natal depression. I do, yeah,

447
00:20:11,272 --> 00:20:14,402
but we're working through it.

448
00:20:14,402 --> 00:20:15,962
Sure. Just to let you know,

449
00:20:15,962 --> 00:20:17,953
the band is going to start
in a couple of minutes.

450
00:20:17,953 --> 00:20:19,632
Hey, Father. This is Suzie!

451
00:20:19,632 --> 00:20:21,953
Aw, I don't know how
to talk to babies, sorry.

452
00:20:21,953 --> 00:20:23,592
Do you guys know each other?

453
00:20:23,592 --> 00:20:25,512
Er, yeah. We sort of used to...

454
00:20:25,512 --> 00:20:27,352
I used to be her girlfriend.

455
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:29,477
Oh, cool.

456
00:20:30,042 --> 00:20:31,872
Good for you!

457
00:20:31,872 --> 00:20:33,842
I'm going to go
and show her the coconuts.

458
00:20:33,842 --> 00:20:36,352
She's really good at counting. OK!

459
00:20:36,352 --> 00:20:38,282
Excuse me, everyone!

460
00:20:38,282 --> 00:20:42,073
The Youthy Band is about to
play the ode to something!

461
00:20:42,073 --> 00:20:43,712
You having fun? Yes, yeah.

462
00:20:43,712 --> 00:20:44,992
Selling well? Yes, I think so.

463
00:20:44,992 --> 00:20:46,642
Good. Oh, puzzle.
I love a puzzle!

464
00:20:46,642 --> 00:20:49,152
Father, the Youthy Band are about...
Yes, I heard you, Pam.

465
00:20:49,152 --> 00:20:52,992
Thank you, thank you so much.
Thank you.

466
00:20:52,992 --> 00:20:54,992
Ah, there's the main event. Yeah!

467
00:20:54,992 --> 00:20:57,482
Very talented. She, erm, she...

468
00:20:57,482 --> 00:20:59,042
Don't say it.

469
00:20:59,042 --> 00:21:00,512
She, she, actually...

470
00:21:00,512 --> 00:21:01,762
Just don't say it.

471
00:21:01,762 --> 00:21:03,842
She actually orgasmed
when she finished it.

472
00:21:03,842 --> 00:21:05,042
I just said it.

473
00:21:05,042 --> 00:21:07,917
Apparently. Ah!

474
00:21:09,122 --> 00:21:13,762
Well, whatever gets you there!

475
00:21:13,762 --> 00:21:17,122
Father! Father, we have
a cupcake situation over here!

476
00:21:17,122 --> 00:21:18,872
OK, Pam! I will be there to cupcake.

477
00:21:18,872 --> 00:21:20,362
THEY LAUGH

478
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:25,112
Thank you so much for helping.

479
00:21:27,722 --> 00:21:29,972
Arm touch.

480
00:21:32,122 --> 00:21:35,622
HE PLAYS OUT OF TIME

481
00:21:35,953 --> 00:21:39,642
At least my son is in the
Youthy Band, what's your excuse?

482
00:21:39,642 --> 00:21:41,267
Urgh!

483
00:21:41,592 --> 00:21:43,762
I'm helping the priest.

484
00:21:43,762 --> 00:21:46,792
Wow, you do love a challenge,
don't you?

485
00:21:46,792 --> 00:21:48,592
Hey, I just want to say something...

486
00:21:48,592 --> 00:21:50,722
It's from River Island.
I got it last week.

487
00:21:50,722 --> 00:21:55,042
No. I want to say that I'm sorry
for saying what I said.

488
00:21:55,042 --> 00:21:57,442
I'm sorry for what you went through.

489
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:00,672
I'm sorry. I know what you're doing.
I'm not going to say it.

490
00:22:00,672 --> 00:22:02,203
I'm just saying sorry.

491
00:22:02,203 --> 00:22:03,482
I'm not going to say it.

492
00:22:03,482 --> 00:22:05,203
I'm sorry.

493
00:22:05,203 --> 00:22:06,953
Mm—mm.

494
00:22:09,232 --> 00:22:10,607
OK.

495
00:22:11,232 --> 00:22:12,762
And thank you.

496
00:22:12,762 --> 00:22:14,762
She and I have never been better.
Oh!

497
00:22:14,762 --> 00:22:16,802
You had a big part in that.

498
00:22:16,802 --> 00:22:18,842
I'm happy for you.

499
00:22:18,842 --> 00:22:21,802
I'm happy you've found a way
to deflect from your pitiful,

500
00:22:21,802 --> 00:22:24,672
self—sabotaging, ego—driven,
masturbatory...

501
00:22:24,672 --> 00:22:27,162
I cannot believe how well
this is coming out.

502
00:22:27,162 --> 00:22:29,312
..pawing, insidious, insidious,

503
00:22:29,312 --> 00:22:31,032
overwhelming mediocrity,

504
00:22:31,032 --> 00:22:37,772
only to finally figure out that
at your very core, you are a weaky.

505
00:22:37,772 --> 00:22:38,922
Damn!

506
00:22:38,922 --> 00:22:40,032
A "weaky"?

507
00:22:40,032 --> 00:22:41,282
Damn! Damn!

508
00:22:41,282 --> 00:22:44,157
Wow. A "weaky"?

509
00:22:49,232 --> 00:22:52,392
In that case, I just
wanted you to know

510
00:22:52,392 --> 00:22:55,922
that I'm impressed with
how you just keep bouncing back.

511
00:22:55,922 --> 00:22:57,842
I really am.

512
00:22:57,842 --> 00:23:00,967
You're a strongy.

513
00:23:01,882 --> 00:23:03,312
That was awesome, man.

514
00:23:03,312 --> 00:23:05,242
Creepy Jake, mainly
says things like...

515
00:23:05,242 --> 00:23:06,642
Where's Claire? ..and...

516
00:23:06,642 --> 00:23:07,722
Where's Claire?

517
00:23:07,722 --> 00:23:09,282
She couldn't make it, man.

518
00:23:09,282 --> 00:23:12,162
Lucky for us, your aunt
is an avid church goer.

519
00:23:12,162 --> 00:23:13,722
Hi. Thanks for watching.

520
00:23:13,722 --> 00:23:16,203
Oh, you were excellent.

521
00:23:16,203 --> 00:23:17,852
Oh! Ooh.

522
00:23:17,852 --> 00:23:19,392
Careful there, buddy.

523
00:23:19,392 --> 00:23:21,672
You could go down for that
sort of behaviour these days.

524
00:23:21,672 --> 00:23:24,162
It was just a hug.
"Oh, it was just a hug!"

525
00:23:24,162 --> 00:23:26,083
You got to do better
than that these days, boy.

526
00:23:26,083 --> 00:23:30,722
Specially round this firecracker.
But I didn't do... Come on.

527
00:23:30,722 --> 00:23:32,752
I don't want to be an asshole.

528
00:23:32,752 --> 00:23:34,672
I just want her to be happy.

529
00:23:34,672 --> 00:23:38,392
And she has been really happy...

530
00:23:38,392 --> 00:23:41,083
..until she saw you.

531
00:23:41,083 --> 00:23:42,922
Just saying.

532
00:23:42,922 --> 00:23:44,422
Wow.

533
00:23:49,492 --> 00:23:51,617
SHE SIGHS

534
00:23:52,782 --> 00:23:55,422
CHORAL SINGING

535
00:23:55,422 --> 00:23:56,982
Psst.
CHORAL SINGING STOPS

536
00:23:56,982 --> 00:23:58,732
Hi, Jake. Ooh.

537
00:23:58,732 --> 00:24:02,112
Tell her to leave him.

538
00:24:02,112 --> 00:24:03,737
What?

539
00:24:03,782 --> 00:24:07,532
Tell her to leave him.

540
00:24:16,702 --> 00:24:21,953
He's going to kill someone one day.

541
00:24:21,953 --> 00:24:24,482
Hey! Yes, Father!

542
00:24:24,482 --> 00:24:27,282
Yes, Father? I can't believe
I'm saying this, but...

543
00:24:27,282 --> 00:24:28,642
Oh, God.

544
00:24:28,642 --> 00:24:31,392
Can I get that coconut back?
They're actually on hire.

545
00:24:31,392 --> 00:24:33,712
I'm not sure if a lot of them
are even real, actually,

546
00:24:33,712 --> 00:24:36,922
which is morally a bit dubious,
but we've got to make money somehow.

547
00:24:36,922 --> 00:24:38,102
Thank you.

548
00:24:38,102 --> 00:24:39,592
Knuckle brush.

549
00:24:39,592 --> 00:24:42,432
Er, also, I hope you don't mind,
but, erm...

550
00:24:42,432 --> 00:24:45,432
I've marked a few pages in here
that I thought might be...

551
00:24:45,432 --> 00:24:46,642
Ooh, eh.
THEY LAUGH

552
00:24:46,642 --> 00:24:50,432
No, no, no, no. I'm not trying to...

553
00:24:50,432 --> 00:24:52,032
They're just words.

554
00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:56,002
OK, it's just I,
I think I know what happens.

555
00:24:56,002 --> 00:24:58,002
Classic.

556
00:24:58,823 --> 00:25:02,448
Come on, have a read.

557
00:25:02,823 --> 00:25:04,592
I'd like to know what do you think.

558
00:25:04,592 --> 00:25:06,312
And if you ever want to, er,

559
00:25:06,312 --> 00:25:08,823
talk about stuff, I'm here.

560
00:25:08,823 --> 00:25:11,792
With a GandT, of course.

561
00:25:11,792 --> 00:25:15,282
You can come whenever you want.

562
00:25:15,282 --> 00:25:17,182
I'd like you to come,

563
00:25:17,182 --> 00:25:19,682
if it helps.

564
00:25:24,642 --> 00:25:25,642
A CAPELLA CHORAL SINGING