1
00:00:00,047 --> 00:00:01,931
<i>Previously</i>
<i>on</i> The Big Bang Theory...

2
00:00:02,029 --> 00:00:05,030
My brother-- he's got
a big crush on Bernadette.

3
00:00:06,470 --> 00:00:09,504
You're moving
back to India?

4
00:00:15,761 --> 00:00:17,095
What's going on?

5
00:00:18,548 --> 00:00:21,433
It's-It's not
what it looks like.

6
00:00:24,554 --> 00:00:27,072
What does it look like?

7
00:00:29,075 --> 00:00:32,777
It's not what it looks like.

8
00:00:33,629 --> 00:00:37,616
It's not what it looks like.

9
00:00:37,618 --> 00:00:39,284
What are you grinding about?

10
00:00:39,286 --> 00:00:42,504
Penny's brain teaser
this morning.

11
00:00:42,506 --> 00:00:44,122
She and Koothrappali

12
00:00:44,124 --> 00:00:46,341
emerge from your bedroom.

13
00:00:46,343 --> 00:00:49,878
She is disheveled, and Raj
is dressed only in a sheet.

14
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:55,100
The sole clue:
"It's not what it looks like."

15
00:00:55,102 --> 00:00:57,802
Just let it go, Sheldon.

16
00:00:57,804 --> 00:01:01,606
If I could, I would,
but I can't, so I shan't.

17
00:01:01,608 --> 00:01:03,808
Now, knowing Penny,

18
00:01:03,810 --> 00:01:06,978
the obvious answer is,
they engaged in coitus.

19
00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:08,530
But...

20
00:01:08,532 --> 00:01:10,265
since that's
what it looked like,

21
00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:13,518
we can rule that out.

22
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:14,619
Let's put on

23
00:01:14,621 --> 00:01:17,622
our thinking cap, shall we?

24
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:25,046
Raj is from India,
a tropical country.

25
00:01:25,048 --> 00:01:26,748
Third World hygiene.

26
00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:30,118
Parasitic infections are common,
such as pinworms.

27
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,720
Mm-hmm.
The procedure

28
00:01:31,722 --> 00:01:33,471
for diagnosing pinworms
is to wait

29
00:01:33,473 --> 00:01:35,340
until the subject is asleep,

30
00:01:35,342 --> 00:01:37,943
and the worms crawl out
of the rectum for air.

31
00:01:43,966 --> 00:01:46,268
Yes, just like that.

32
00:01:47,453 --> 00:01:49,237
Penny could have been

33
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:51,740
inspecting Raj's anal region
for parasites.

34
00:01:51,742 --> 00:01:53,275
Oh, boy.

35
00:01:53,277 --> 00:01:55,327
That's a true blue friend.

36
00:01:55,329 --> 00:01:59,331
They slept together, Sherlock.

37
00:01:59,333 --> 00:02:01,366
No, you weren't listening.

38
00:02:01,368 --> 00:02:04,786
She said
it's <i>not</i> what it looks like.

39
00:02:04,788 --> 00:02:07,205
She lied.

40
00:02:10,076 --> 00:02:12,294
Oh.

41
00:02:13,462 --> 00:02:16,848
Don't I look silly
sitting here wearing this?

42
00:02:18,267 --> 00:02:21,886
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

43
00:02:21,888 --> 00:02:25,223
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

44
00:02:25,225 --> 00:02:26,925
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

45
00:02:26,927 --> 00:02:29,361
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

46
00:02:29,363 --> 00:02:32,063
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ <i>We built the pyramids</i> ♪

47
00:02:32,065 --> 00:02:34,716
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

48
00:02:34,718 --> 00:02:36,651
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

49
00:02:36,653 --> 00:02:38,620
♪ <i>Bang!</i> ♪

50
00:02:38,645 --> 00:02:42,145
The Big Bang Theory 5x01
The Skank Reflex Analysis
Original Air Date on September 22, 2011

51
00:02:42,170 --> 00:02:45,670
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

52
00:02:51,999 --> 00:02:52,999
Hey.

53
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:53,833
Hey.

54
00:02:53,835 --> 00:02:55,835
Hey.

55
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,769
Hey.

56
00:03:06,414 --> 00:03:08,365
Leonard, is it awkward for you

57
00:03:08,367 --> 00:03:11,201
knowing that one of your dear
friends had sexual intercourse

58
00:03:11,203 --> 00:03:13,069
with a woman you used to love

59
00:03:13,071 --> 00:03:15,705
in the very place
you lay your head?

60
00:03:17,792 --> 00:03:19,893
No, I'm fine with it.

61
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,045
That sounds like sarcasm,

62
00:03:22,047 --> 00:03:24,080
but I'm going to disregard it,

63
00:03:24,082 --> 00:03:26,800
because I have an agenda--
paintball.

64
00:03:26,802 --> 00:03:28,251
Specifically,
the interdepartmental

65
00:03:28,253 --> 00:03:29,686
tournament this weekend.

66
00:03:29,688 --> 00:03:32,755
In order to function better
as a fighting unit,

67
00:03:32,757 --> 00:03:35,591
I thought we should establish
a chain of command.

68
00:03:35,593 --> 00:03:37,060
Now, it goes
without saying

69
00:03:37,062 --> 00:03:39,012
that I would outrank
the three of you,

70
00:03:39,014 --> 00:03:41,982
but the question remains,
by how much?

71
00:03:41,984 --> 00:03:43,233
Now,

72
00:03:43,235 --> 00:03:45,869
I don't see me
as some four-star general,

73
00:03:45,871 --> 00:03:47,787
back at HQ riding a desk

74
00:03:47,789 --> 00:03:49,906
and playing golf
with the Secretary of Defense.

75
00:03:49,908 --> 00:03:51,958
But I also can't be
Sergeant Cooper,

76
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:53,376
because that might lead you

77
00:03:53,378 --> 00:03:55,745
to think of me
as just a regular Joe.

78
00:03:55,747 --> 00:03:58,281
This might take some thought.
As you were.

79
00:03:58,283 --> 00:04:00,050
What the hell is wrong with you?

80
00:04:00,052 --> 00:04:01,718
Yeah, how could
you do that?

81
00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,254
- What is it to you?
- I got his back.

82
00:04:04,256 --> 00:04:06,122
Yeah, right. You're just jealous
because it turns out

83
00:04:06,124 --> 00:04:07,623
I'm Penny's
number two choice after Leonard.

84
00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:11,478
Hey, if I wasn't engaged
to Bernadette,

85
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:13,096
that totally could have been me.

86
00:04:14,015 --> 00:04:16,099
Please. Sheldon would have been
before you,

87
00:04:16,101 --> 00:04:19,152
and he might not even
have genitals!

88
00:04:19,154 --> 00:04:20,520
Why do you care so much?

89
00:04:20,522 --> 00:04:21,805
You're dating my sister,

90
00:04:21,807 --> 00:04:23,573
and Penny and I are in love.

91
00:04:23,575 --> 00:04:24,908
What?!

92
00:04:24,910 --> 00:04:28,161
Gentlemen,
if I may interject,

93
00:04:28,163 --> 00:04:30,480
I've decided my rank
will be captain.

94
00:04:30,482 --> 00:04:33,333
If it's good enough for
Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo,

95
00:04:33,335 --> 00:04:35,502
it's good enough for me.

96
00:04:35,504 --> 00:04:37,737
You're not in love with Penny.

97
00:04:37,739 --> 00:04:39,122
Yes, I am.

98
00:04:39,124 --> 00:04:43,043
The god Kamadeva has shot us
with his flowery arrows of love.

99
00:04:43,045 --> 00:04:44,177
Who?

100
00:04:44,179 --> 00:04:45,562
He's the Hindu version of Cupid,

101
00:04:45,564 --> 00:04:49,015
but way better,
because he rides a giant parrot.

102
00:04:49,017 --> 00:04:53,103
Raj, come on. You fall in love
with any girl who smiles at you.

103
00:04:53,105 --> 00:04:56,356
A month ago, you were writing
poems about his fiancée.

104
00:04:57,341 --> 00:04:59,442
I'm sorry. What?!

105
00:04:59,444 --> 00:05:02,479
Rubbish. He's talking rubbish.

106
00:05:02,481 --> 00:05:05,681
"Oh, Bernadette,
please play my clarinet."

107
00:05:07,017 --> 00:05:10,370
That could have been
about anyone.

108
00:05:11,288 --> 00:05:12,688
Besides, you have nothing
to worry about,

109
00:05:12,690 --> 00:05:16,526
because now I'm the dusky half
of Koothrapenny.

110
00:05:17,328 --> 00:05:19,629
For the record,
I do have genitals.

111
00:05:20,864 --> 00:05:23,783
They're functional
and aesthetically pleasing.

112
00:05:34,762 --> 00:05:37,046
Well.

113
00:05:39,267 --> 00:05:41,634
Oh. Coming.

114
00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:43,136
Yup, that's good.

115
00:05:43,138 --> 00:05:45,488
Wine glasses
<i>should</i> have handles.

116
00:05:47,241 --> 00:05:50,276
Keeping accurate track
of your alcohol intake.

117
00:05:50,278 --> 00:05:52,529
Smart idea considering
how trampy you get

118
00:05:52,531 --> 00:05:54,230
when you've had a few.

119
00:05:54,232 --> 00:05:56,015
You heard what I did?

120
00:05:56,017 --> 00:05:57,751
Well, I heard <i>who</i> you did.

121
00:05:59,004 --> 00:06:01,704
Oh, my God,

122
00:06:01,706 --> 00:06:03,406
I screwed up everything.

123
00:06:03,408 --> 00:06:05,008
I hurt Leonard.

124
00:06:05,010 --> 00:06:06,209
I hurt Raj.

125
00:06:06,211 --> 00:06:08,011
I mean, what is wrong with me?

126
00:06:08,013 --> 00:06:10,079
I feel like
two totally different people--

127
00:06:10,081 --> 00:06:13,299
Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Whore.

128
00:06:13,301 --> 00:06:15,635
Don't be so hard on yourself.

129
00:06:15,637 --> 00:06:18,471
Do you know the story
of Catherine the Great?

130
00:06:18,473 --> 00:06:19,439
No.

131
00:06:19,441 --> 00:06:20,756
She ruled Russia

132
00:06:20,758 --> 00:06:22,442
in the late 1700s,
and one night,

133
00:06:22,444 --> 00:06:24,260
when she was feeling
particularly randy,

134
00:06:24,262 --> 00:06:26,112
she used an intricate
system of pulleys

135
00:06:26,114 --> 00:06:29,082
to have intimate
relations with a horse.

136
00:06:29,084 --> 00:06:31,651
I'm... I'm sorry.

137
00:06:31,653 --> 00:06:33,369
What does this have
to do with me?

138
00:06:33,371 --> 00:06:36,406
She engaged in
interspecies hanky-panky,

139
00:06:36,408 --> 00:06:38,958
and people still
call her "Great."

140
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,443
I'm sure your
reputation can survive

141
00:06:40,445 --> 00:06:42,962
you shagging a
little Indian boy.

142
00:06:52,173 --> 00:06:54,090
You jerk face!

143
00:06:55,426 --> 00:06:56,576
What did you tell Howard?!

144
00:06:56,578 --> 00:06:58,845
Did you say there was something
going on between us?

145
00:06:58,847 --> 00:07:00,046
Because he thinks there is!

146
00:07:00,048 --> 00:07:02,515
He's completely freaking out!

147
00:07:02,517 --> 00:07:05,268
Please, come in.

148
00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:07,637
- What the hell is wrong with you?!
- Well...

149
00:07:07,639 --> 00:07:10,740
You were always so nice to me,
I thought maybe you liked me.

150
00:07:10,742 --> 00:07:14,511
I'm nice to everyone!

151
00:07:14,513 --> 00:07:16,412
I'm sorry.

152
00:07:16,414 --> 00:07:18,364
Damn right, you're sorry!

153
00:07:18,366 --> 00:07:21,951
And you tell Howard there's
never been anything between us!

154
00:07:21,953 --> 00:07:24,921
- I will. Hey, Bernadette?
- What?!

155
00:07:24,923 --> 00:07:27,006
Do you think
I have a shot with Penny?

156
00:07:27,008 --> 00:07:29,158
Of course you do.
You're a cutie pie!

157
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,161
Any girl would be lucky
to have you!

158
00:07:35,332 --> 00:07:37,500
You know, I've
done this before.

159
00:07:37,502 --> 00:07:39,018
In kindergarten,

160
00:07:39,020 --> 00:07:40,970
I was supposed to marry
Jason Sorensen at recess,

161
00:07:40,972 --> 00:07:42,772
but by the time
my class got out there,

162
00:07:42,774 --> 00:07:45,058
he was already engaged
to Chelsea Himmelfarb.

163
00:07:46,193 --> 00:07:47,343
So what did I do?

164
00:07:47,345 --> 00:07:48,978
Hung upside down
from the monkey bars,

165
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:52,448
let all the boys see
my underpants.

166
00:07:52,450 --> 00:07:53,733
You can't blame yourself.

167
00:07:53,735 --> 00:07:56,352
When your prefrontal cortex
fails to make you happy,

168
00:07:56,354 --> 00:07:59,021
promiscuity rewards you with
the needed flood of dopamine.

169
00:07:59,023 --> 00:08:03,526
We neurobiologists refer
to this as the "skank reflex."

170
00:08:03,528 --> 00:08:04,961
You know what?

171
00:08:04,963 --> 00:08:06,546
Let's get out of here.

172
00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:07,830
Where are we going?

173
00:08:07,832 --> 00:08:09,699
Somewhere where no
one's seen me naked.

174
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:11,551
We may have to
drive awhile.

175
00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:22,679
Subtlety isn't
her strong suit, is it?

176
00:08:22,681 --> 00:08:25,014
Can I stay at your
place for a few nights?

177
00:08:25,016 --> 00:08:26,149
Really?

178
00:08:26,151 --> 00:08:29,338
A best friend sleepover? Yay.

179
00:08:30,572 --> 00:08:32,739
Yeah, sure. Yay!

180
00:08:32,741 --> 00:08:34,607
We'll make popcorn,
stay up all night

181
00:08:34,609 --> 00:08:37,577
and I'll teach you
my secret language, Op.

182
00:08:37,579 --> 00:08:39,662
- Sounds great.
- Nope.

183
00:08:39,664 --> 00:08:42,665
Sounds "Gop Rop E A Top."

184
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:45,535
- Yeah, I'm gonna go pack a bag.
- No, you're not.

185
00:08:45,537 --> 00:08:50,173
You're gonna
"Pop A Cop Kop A Bop A Gop."

186
00:08:55,763 --> 00:08:58,214
Do we really have
to wear this camouflage crap

187
00:08:58,216 --> 00:09:00,266
to play paintball?

188
00:09:00,268 --> 00:09:01,551
Who said that?

189
00:09:01,553 --> 00:09:03,770
Leonard, I can
hear your voice,

190
00:09:03,772 --> 00:09:05,722
but I can't see you.

191
00:09:05,724 --> 00:09:09,275
I'm not in the mood, Sheldon.

192
00:09:09,277 --> 00:09:11,144
Oh, there you are!

193
00:09:11,146 --> 00:09:13,095
Leonard,

194
00:09:13,097 --> 00:09:16,449
I know you're upset
about recent events, and

195
00:09:16,451 --> 00:09:17,951
I have someone
here to help.

196
00:09:17,953 --> 00:09:19,619
I don't want
to talk to Amy.

197
00:09:19,621 --> 00:09:22,605
No, it's not Amy.

198
00:09:22,607 --> 00:09:24,574
Hello, dear.

199
00:09:24,576 --> 00:09:26,576
You called my mother?

200
00:09:26,578 --> 00:09:27,794
Oh, Leonard,

201
00:09:27,796 --> 00:09:30,747
is it really necessary
to caption the obvious?

202
00:09:30,749 --> 00:09:34,067
He's been like that
since he was a toddler.

203
00:09:34,069 --> 00:09:36,052
"Look, Mommy-- a butterfly."

204
00:09:36,054 --> 00:09:38,438
Maddening.

205
00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:41,557
What's going on?
What do you want?

206
00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:42,842
Sheldon informed me

207
00:09:42,844 --> 00:09:45,061
that you're experiencing
an emotional upheaval,

208
00:09:45,063 --> 00:09:46,496
and I'm here to help.

209
00:09:46,498 --> 00:09:48,998
That's so nice.

210
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,451
And we're back to the obvious.

211
00:09:52,653 --> 00:09:54,187
Now, what's up?

212
00:09:54,189 --> 00:09:57,690
Well, uh... okay.

213
00:09:57,692 --> 00:09:59,742
Um...

214
00:09:59,744 --> 00:10:01,995
I don't want to get
back together with Penny.

215
00:10:01,997 --> 00:10:05,281
We tried it, it was crazy,
it didn't work,

216
00:10:05,283 --> 00:10:06,783
but I can't deal with the fact

217
00:10:06,785 --> 00:10:08,868
that she slept
with my friend Raj.

218
00:10:08,870 --> 00:10:11,153
And then I find out
that Raj's sister Priya,

219
00:10:11,155 --> 00:10:13,623
who I've been going out with
for eight months,

220
00:10:13,625 --> 00:10:15,091
is moving back to India.

221
00:10:15,093 --> 00:10:18,494
So I'm just completely confused
and alone.

222
00:10:18,496 --> 00:10:20,013
I understand.

223
00:10:20,015 --> 00:10:21,664
Got any advice?

224
00:10:21,666 --> 00:10:23,850
Yes. Buck up.

225
00:10:25,269 --> 00:10:26,969
Excuse me.

226
00:10:26,971 --> 00:10:28,554
You're a world-renowned expert

227
00:10:28,556 --> 00:10:30,306
in parenting
and child development,

228
00:10:30,308 --> 00:10:32,341
and all you've got is "Buck up"?

229
00:10:32,343 --> 00:10:34,143
Sorry.

230
00:10:34,145 --> 00:10:35,862
Buck up, sissy pants.

231
00:10:37,531 --> 00:10:39,315
Thanks, Mother.
I feel much better.

232
00:10:39,317 --> 00:10:41,284
If you need any more help
from me,

233
00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:43,703
my books are available
on Amazon.

234
00:10:43,705 --> 00:10:45,905
Logging off.

235
00:10:50,648 --> 00:10:55,301
...ninety-nine,
one hundred.

236
00:10:55,302 --> 00:10:59,521
It's like a waterfall
of liquid gold.

237
00:10:59,523 --> 00:11:00,956
My turn.

238
00:11:05,862 --> 00:11:08,180
You know,
I don't even know what the point

239
00:11:08,182 --> 00:11:09,615
of me staying in L.A. is.

240
00:11:09,617 --> 00:11:12,368
I haven't gotten a single acting
job since I moved out here.

241
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:14,319
The closest I came
was last month,

242
00:11:14,321 --> 00:11:16,855
I got a callback
for a hemorrhoid commercial.

243
00:11:16,857 --> 00:11:21,110
Oh, I could so see you being
the face of hemorrhoids.

244
00:11:21,112 --> 00:11:23,829
I know, right?

245
00:11:24,865 --> 00:11:27,032
Maybe I should just
move back to Nebraska.

246
00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:29,134
No, I can't let
you do that.

247
00:11:29,136 --> 00:11:30,202
Why not?

248
00:11:31,205 --> 00:11:32,654
For the first
time ever,

249
00:11:32,656 --> 00:11:34,089
I have a thriving
social life.

250
00:11:34,091 --> 00:11:35,057
And no pressure,

251
00:11:35,059 --> 00:11:38,310
but it kind of
lives and dies with you.

252
00:11:40,213 --> 00:11:41,213
Hi, Amy.

253
00:11:41,215 --> 00:11:42,431
Can I talk to Penny?

254
00:11:42,433 --> 00:11:44,850
A guest in my trundle bed
and a boy at my door?

255
00:11:44,852 --> 00:11:49,354
I wish I could tell 13-year-old
me "it does get better."

256
00:11:49,356 --> 00:11:51,273
How did you know I was here?

257
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,558
It's all over her
Facebook page.

258
00:11:57,396 --> 00:11:58,947
I'll take your stuff
to the bedroom

259
00:11:58,949 --> 00:12:00,582
and clear out a drawer.
Thanks.

260
00:12:00,584 --> 00:12:03,502
No problem. Try and keep it
in your pants, okay?

261
00:12:06,589 --> 00:12:08,406
So, hi.

262
00:12:08,408 --> 00:12:09,508
What's up?

263
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:11,593
I was wondering if
you're free Friday.

264
00:12:11,595 --> 00:12:13,679
They're having a Totally
'80s Night at the Greek.

265
00:12:13,681 --> 00:12:15,514
Hall and Oates,
Katrina and the Waves

266
00:12:15,516 --> 00:12:17,683
and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo.

267
00:12:17,685 --> 00:12:19,551
Oh.

268
00:12:19,553 --> 00:12:21,603
Gee, that's really sweet,
but the thing is...

269
00:12:21,605 --> 00:12:23,589
Aw, there's a thing.

270
00:12:23,591 --> 00:12:25,724
Look, honey, I was really drunk

271
00:12:25,726 --> 00:12:27,443
and made a huge mistake
last night.

272
00:12:27,445 --> 00:12:29,111
We should've never
slept together.

273
00:12:29,113 --> 00:12:30,896
It's what ruins friendships.

274
00:12:30,898 --> 00:12:33,148
You can't ruin a friendship
with sex.

275
00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:37,169
That's like trying to ruin ice
cream with chocolate sprinkles.

276
00:12:38,705 --> 00:12:39,705
Come here.

277
00:12:39,707 --> 00:12:42,040
Just listen to me.

278
00:12:42,042 --> 00:12:44,660
I want to go back
to the way we were before.

279
00:12:44,662 --> 00:12:46,328
You know, friends.

280
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,464
No sprinkles.

281
00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:53,035
Oh.

282
00:12:53,037 --> 00:12:54,136
All right.

283
00:12:54,138 --> 00:12:56,505
Thank you.

284
00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,592
Well, uh...

285
00:13:00,594 --> 00:13:05,481
as your friend, you might
like to know that, um...

286
00:13:09,235 --> 00:13:14,189
we didn't have sex in
the conventional sense.

287
00:13:17,627 --> 00:13:19,661
Oh, God.

288
00:13:19,663 --> 00:13:23,081
Did you pull some weird
Indian crap on me?

289
00:13:23,083 --> 00:13:25,584
No, no.

290
00:13:27,153 --> 00:13:29,821
After we got undressed
and jumped in bed,

291
00:13:29,823 --> 00:13:32,374
you-you asked if
I had protection.

292
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:33,759
Oh, you did, didn't you?

293
00:13:33,761 --> 00:13:35,677
Of course. I'm
always packing.

294
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:37,713
Anyway,

295
00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:40,665
um, I had trouble
putting it on

296
00:13:40,667 --> 00:13:43,936
and you tried
to help and...

297
00:13:47,390 --> 00:13:49,791
that was all
she wrote.

298
00:13:54,664 --> 00:13:56,481
So, we didn't actually...

299
00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:57,482
I did.

300
00:13:57,484 --> 00:13:59,501
It was beautiful.

301
00:14:03,522 --> 00:14:04,740
Oh!

302
00:14:04,742 --> 00:14:06,191
Penny, please,
please promise me

303
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,659
you won't tell
anybody about this.

304
00:14:07,661 --> 00:14:09,194
Of course I won't.
No, I won't.

305
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,163
Oh, good.

306
00:14:11,165 --> 00:14:12,931
Um, can I tell
people that our love

307
00:14:12,933 --> 00:14:14,216
burned too bright
and too quickly?

308
00:14:14,218 --> 00:14:17,035
Kind of a "Candle
in the Wind" deal?

309
00:14:17,037 --> 00:14:18,086
Sure.

310
00:14:18,088 --> 00:14:19,805
Cool. Can I say
it fell apart

311
00:14:19,807 --> 00:14:21,873
because you were all, "I
want to have your babies""

312
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:25,027
and I was like, "I'm too rock
and roll to be tied down"?

313
00:14:26,546 --> 00:14:27,596
No.

314
00:14:27,598 --> 00:14:31,567
Can I say I ruined
you for white men?

315
00:14:33,403 --> 00:14:36,188
Also no.

316
00:14:36,190 --> 00:14:37,406
Okay, just the
candle thing.

317
00:14:37,408 --> 00:14:39,557
Yeah.

318
00:14:39,559 --> 00:14:41,276
Cool.

319
00:14:41,278 --> 00:14:43,412
All right... friend.

320
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:44,613
Hmm.

321
00:14:44,615 --> 00:14:46,898
I'll see you around.

322
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:47,783
Okay.

323
00:14:50,236 --> 00:14:51,720
Raj, wait.

324
00:14:55,741 --> 00:14:58,877
Thank you for being my friend.

325
00:14:58,879 --> 00:15:00,745
Penny?

326
00:15:00,747 --> 00:15:01,930
Mm-hmm?

327
00:15:01,932 --> 00:15:03,382
It's getting
beautiful again.

328
00:15:07,086 --> 00:15:09,554
All right, this is
a Google Earth view

329
00:15:09,556 --> 00:15:11,440
of the field
of battle.

330
00:15:11,442 --> 00:15:12,691
I don't see anything.

331
00:15:12,693 --> 00:15:14,810
Give it a
second to load.

332
00:15:14,812 --> 00:15:16,594
Whenever you're
ready, ATandT!

333
00:15:16,596 --> 00:15:19,448
Okay, here we go.

334
00:15:19,450 --> 00:15:22,034
This is us here.
To the south is Professor Loomis

335
00:15:22,036 --> 00:15:23,402
and the Geology Department.

336
00:15:23,404 --> 00:15:26,238
According to their Twitter feed,
they're out of sunblock,

337
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,659
which means they'll have to hug
the tree line or risk melanoma.

338
00:15:31,377 --> 00:15:32,628
That's our edge.

339
00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:35,280
All we have to do is move
quickly over this ridge,

340
00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,665
the rock-worshipping
pasty-faced bastards

341
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:37,949
won't know what hit them!

342
00:15:37,951 --> 00:15:40,135
All right, let's move out.

343
00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:43,055
Hang on, Sheldon.

344
00:15:43,057 --> 00:15:46,925
How could you not tell me your
sister was moving back to India?

345
00:15:46,927 --> 00:15:49,344
Maybe he was too busy
writing clumsy penis metaphors

346
00:15:49,346 --> 00:15:51,346
about my fiancée.

347
00:15:51,348 --> 00:15:52,481
Screw you.

348
00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:55,617
That was a beautifully written
penis metaphor.

349
00:15:58,655 --> 00:16:01,523
You know what, guys, I'm not
in the mood for paintball.

350
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:03,325
What do you say
we just bag it?

351
00:16:03,327 --> 00:16:05,077
- Fine with me.
- Sure, whatever.

352
00:16:05,079 --> 00:16:06,478
You can't quit.

353
00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,230
That's a court-
martial offense.

354
00:16:08,232 --> 00:16:10,699
That's punishable by...

355
00:16:10,701 --> 00:16:12,617
You can't quit.

356
00:16:12,619 --> 00:16:16,338
Sorry, Sheldon, it's just not
a good time for playing games.

357
00:16:16,340 --> 00:16:18,656
This is a game to you?

358
00:16:18,658 --> 00:16:21,927
Uh, was the Battle of Antietam
a game?

359
00:16:21,929 --> 00:16:25,047
Huh? Was the sack
of Rome a game?

360
00:16:25,049 --> 00:16:28,666
Yes, no and no.

361
00:16:28,668 --> 00:16:29,968
Wait.

362
00:16:31,054 --> 00:16:34,773
I just want you all to know
that I forgive you.

363
00:16:34,775 --> 00:16:37,392
This mutiny
isn't your fault,

364
00:16:37,394 --> 00:16:39,344
it's mine.

365
00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:41,530
I haven't earned these bars.

366
00:16:48,354 --> 00:16:49,905
Although what I lack
in leadership,

367
00:16:49,907 --> 00:16:53,325
apparently I more than
make up for in sewing.

368
00:16:53,327 --> 00:16:55,360
Let it go, Sheldon.

369
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:57,713
I'll get you a Jamba Juice
on the way home.

370
00:16:57,715 --> 00:16:58,714
No.

371
00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:02,050
Jamba Juice is for heroes.

372
00:17:04,087 --> 00:17:06,371
And that's what
we're going to be.

373
00:17:08,091 --> 00:17:09,424
What are you doing?

374
00:17:09,426 --> 00:17:14,712
Following in the footsteps
of Kirk, Crunch and Kangaroo.

375
00:17:27,243 --> 00:17:31,279
Geology isn't a real science!

376
00:17:47,913 --> 00:17:51,383
Damn those sons
of bitches!

377
00:17:51,385 --> 00:17:52,934
Let's get 'em!

378
00:17:52,936 --> 00:17:54,752
Eat paint!

379
00:17:59,925 --> 00:18:01,943
If there's ever
a Church of Sheldon,

380
00:18:01,945 --> 00:18:04,596
this will be when it started.

381
00:18:05,566 --> 00:18:08,250
Ow!

382
00:18:09,368 --> 00:18:11,102
I'd like to
propose a toast

383
00:18:11,104 --> 00:18:14,706
to the man whose noble
sacrifice inspired our victory,

384
00:18:14,708 --> 00:18:16,458
Captain Sheldon Cooper.

385
00:18:16,460 --> 00:18:17,993
Hear, hear.
Hear, hear.

386
00:18:17,995 --> 00:18:20,829
Excuse me.
It's <i>Major</i> Sheldon Cooper.

387
00:18:21,497 --> 00:18:22,947
With my last breath,

388
00:18:22,949 --> 00:18:26,251
I awarded myself
a battlefield promotion.

389
00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:28,386
It's kind of a big deal.

390
00:18:30,174 --> 00:18:33,141
Hi. You guys have a minute?

391
00:18:34,727 --> 00:18:36,961
Uh, yeah, sure.

392
00:18:36,963 --> 00:18:38,597
Okay.

393
00:18:38,599 --> 00:18:40,232
Um...

394
00:18:40,234 --> 00:18:42,734
Well, I already talked to Raj,
but I wanted to apologize

395
00:18:42,736 --> 00:18:44,019
to the rest of you for,

396
00:18:44,021 --> 00:18:46,905
you know, everything.

397
00:18:46,907 --> 00:18:48,573
Please, Penny, let me.

398
00:18:48,575 --> 00:18:53,361
We've decided to let our crazy,
wonderful night together

399
00:18:53,363 --> 00:18:56,081
be just one of those
memories you have

400
00:18:56,083 --> 00:18:58,200
and can call to mind
when you're feeling blue

401
00:18:58,202 --> 00:19:00,302
or you're in the shower.

402
00:19:02,154 --> 00:19:04,339
Hey, what you doing,
Quick Draw?

403
00:19:10,179 --> 00:19:11,713
Sorry. Go on.

404
00:19:13,350 --> 00:19:16,134
Anyways, I wanted you guys all
to know that I've been taking

405
00:19:16,136 --> 00:19:19,104
a really hard look at things
and come to the conclusion

406
00:19:19,106 --> 00:19:21,022
I have to stop kidding myself.

407
00:19:21,024 --> 00:19:23,108
I suck at acting.

408
00:19:23,110 --> 00:19:25,777
It's time for me
to move back to Nebraska.

409
00:19:25,779 --> 00:19:27,679
You're leaving?

410
00:19:27,681 --> 00:19:28,980
Yeah.

411
00:19:28,982 --> 00:19:30,949
What are you
going to do in Nebraska?

412
00:19:30,951 --> 00:19:33,818
I don't know,
maybe teach acting.

413
00:19:34,872 --> 00:19:36,788
Oh, sorry. Hold on.

414
00:19:36,790 --> 00:19:38,240
Hello?

415
00:19:38,242 --> 00:19:41,025
Penny, listen, I hope you're not
doing this 'cause of you and me,

416
00:19:41,027 --> 00:19:43,361
because I have a girlfriend,
and you're a single woman...

417
00:19:43,363 --> 00:19:44,529
Shh! It's my agent,
it's my agent.

418
00:19:44,531 --> 00:19:45,830
You're kidding.

419
00:19:45,832 --> 00:19:46,798
Oh, my gosh.

420
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,633
I can't believe it!
Really?!

421
00:19:48,635 --> 00:19:49,701
Oh, I'm so excited!

422
00:19:49,703 --> 00:19:50,669
Thank you!

423
00:19:50,671 --> 00:19:51,887
Thank you so much.

424
00:19:51,889 --> 00:19:53,171
Okay, bye.

425
00:19:53,173 --> 00:19:54,673
I got the hemorrhoid commercial!

426
00:19:54,675 --> 00:19:55,857
I start Monday!

427
00:19:57,894 --> 00:19:59,594
What about Nebraska?

428
00:19:59,596 --> 00:20:00,595
Oh, hell with Nebraska.

429
00:20:00,597 --> 00:20:02,731
I'm gonna be a star!

430
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,234
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

431
00:20:10,908 --> 00:20:13,358
Have you ever thought
of teaching physics?

432
00:20:23,751 --> 00:20:25,535
Ready to ride?

433
00:20:25,536 --> 00:20:27,286
I don't think
so, Mom.

434
00:20:27,288 --> 00:20:29,004
Not today.

435
00:20:29,006 --> 00:20:30,256
Oh, sweetie.

436
00:20:30,258 --> 00:20:32,591
Hemorrhoids acting up again?

437
00:20:32,593 --> 00:20:34,743
You don't know the half of it.

438
00:20:34,745 --> 00:20:36,912
Oh, yes, I do.

439
00:20:36,914 --> 00:20:39,381
Try a dab of this.

440
00:20:40,917 --> 00:20:44,803
"Rose-scented
Preparation-H for women?"

441
00:20:44,805 --> 00:20:49,074
Now, the "H" is for "her."

442
00:20:52,863 --> 00:20:54,580
I'm proud of you.

443
00:20:54,582 --> 00:20:55,514
Shh!

444
00:20:55,516 --> 00:20:56,682
Here comes
my joke.

445
00:20:56,684 --> 00:20:58,651
How you doing?

446
00:20:58,653 --> 00:21:02,271
Sittin' pretty.

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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