1
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:15,614
Ted:
So, kids, would you like
to hear the story
2
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,949
Of the time I went deaf?
3
00:00:16,951 --> 00:00:17,983
Why does he even ask?
4
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:19,885
I know, he's just going
to tell us anyway.
5
00:00:19,887 --> 00:00:21,453
I sure am.
6
00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:24,623
Robin strolled into the bar
and said...
7
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,125
Say you're my bitch.
8
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,326
I'm your bitch.
9
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:32,664
Because tonight I'm getting us
all into okay.
10
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,466
"Okay," awesome!
11
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:36,802
What's going on?
Did I just have a stroke?
12
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,670
Okay is the name of a club.
13
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:41,473
Incredibly exclusive.
This friend of mine
14
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:42,708
Once waited outside
for two hours,
15
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:43,876
Couldn't get in.
16
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:45,477
A friend of yours named you?
17
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,714
No, a friend of mine
named shut up.
18
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:50,916
Yeah, well, the owner goes
to my gym.
19
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:54,219
It turns out that he is a fan of
my reporting for metro news one.
20
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,888
So now I'm on the list
for tonight.
21
00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,523
Nice going, scherbatsky.
22
00:00:57,525 --> 00:01:00,492
You're becoming a long
and difficult-to-spell
household name.
23
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,561
He's even getting me
into the v.I.P. Room.
24
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,663
Yeah, he just wants to show you
his own v.I.P.,
25
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:05,998
If you know what I mean.
26
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,068
All right, what does v.I.P.
Stand for
27
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:10,235
In your little universe?
28
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:14,073
Well, I know that "p" is penis.
29
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,075
Great, so you guys are in.
30
00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:17,276
Should I invite marshal
and lily?
31
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:20,512
Why was this funny?
I'll explain.
32
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:23,949
You see, lily was
a kindergarten teacher,
33
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:25,884
And so one fateful nap time...
34
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,187
Austin and I spent
Saturday night
35
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,089
At the most charming little
bed and breakfast.
36
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:31,924
It was so nice.
37
00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,525
What did you do this weekend?
38
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:37,696
Go, come on, chug, chug, chug!
39
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,598
Ten seconds!
40
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,066
Suck it, losers!
41
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,068
( Belches )
42
00:01:43,070 --> 00:01:46,872
You know, quiet time
with the fiancé.
43
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:48,907
Lily:
I don't know,
44
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,609
I just felt embarrassed.
45
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,778
Claire is my age and
she and her husband
46
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,980
Do all this classy
grownup stuff.
47
00:01:54,982 --> 00:01:58,217
Maybe we should start doing
some grownup stuff.
48
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,919
That's some pretty grownup stuff
we did this morning.
49
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,188
Yeah, but it wasn't classy.
50
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:06,625
Maybe we should have
a wine-tasting party.
51
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,727
I like wine.
52
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:09,995
I like tasting.
53
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,263
You know I can party.
54
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:12,831
Let's do it.
Let's rock it.
55
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,166
Maturity style.
56
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,336
And ever since then
she's been signing him up
57
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,437
For book clubs,
cooking classes...
58
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:20,105
All the things you do
when you know
59
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:22,407
Where your next thousand lays
are coming from.
60
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,910
So, no, lily and marshall
will not be joining us.
61
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:25,978
Got it.
62
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:27,980
Anyway, ted, part two
of my story:
63
00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,414
My friend kelly's
going to be there.
64
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:32,084
Kelly, who supposedly
I'm going to love.
65
00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:33,585
Oh, you are going to love kelly.
66
00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,821
She's fun, she's smart,
she lives in the moment...
67
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:36,823
Translation: She's ugly,
68
00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,758
She's ugly, she ugs in the ugly.
69
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,593
Oh, and she's totally hot.
70
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:44,663
Okay, I guess I could take her
off your hands for an evening.
71
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,265
So do you have any other
72
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:47,533
Hot, single friends?
73
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:47,933
No.
74
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,334
Kelly...
75
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,836
( voice trails off)
76
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,872
Oh, no, ted, your blazer!
77
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,375
Somebody spilled gorgeous
all over it.
78
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:57,476
Love it.
79
00:02:57,478 --> 00:02:58,844
Thank you.
80
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,947
And his hair was perfect.
81
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:03,849
We're wearing the same shirt.
82
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:07,219
Oh, wait, no, that's just my
shirt reflected in yours.
83
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:10,689
One of the 24 similarities
between girls and fish
84
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,691
Is that they're both attracted
to shiny objects.
85
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,960
You really never read
my blog, do you?
86
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:17,529
All right, tin man,
let's hit it.
87
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:19,965
All right, well, have fun at
your little disco, guys.
88
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,967
What the hell happened
to these two?
89
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,535
Marshall and I are
just growing up.
90
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:24,970
Yeah, it's going
to be sweet, too.
91
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,739
Like tonight, we're tasting
all these different wines,
92
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,075
Pairing them up with these
cool gourmet cheeses.
93
00:03:30,077 --> 00:03:32,311
Wow, who knew being in
94
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:34,413
A committed heterosexual
relationship
95
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:36,848
Could make a guy so gay?
96
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,050
Ted:
All right, cool kids
97
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:40,219
Are leaving now.
98
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:43,222
Grandma, grandpa, don't wait up.
99
00:03:50,363 --> 00:03:52,264
( Techno-pop playing )
100
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,566
My, oh, my.
101
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:58,003
There are some
ferocious-looking
cutlets here tonight.
102
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,105
All right, hookup strategy.
103
00:04:00,107 --> 00:04:02,374
Colon, find a cutlet,
104
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:03,575
Lock her in early,
105
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:06,378
Grind with her all
night till she's mine.
106
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,580
Do these strategies
ever work for you?
107
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:12,784
The question is:
Do these strategies
ever not work for me?
108
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,621
Either way, the answer is
about half the time.
109
00:04:17,857 --> 00:04:19,491
My bitches!
110
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,026
Check this out.
111
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,762
Um, they're with me.
112
00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:28,433
Um, we're her bitches, too.
113
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,270
We'll wait here.
114
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,039
And with today's
interest rate climate,
115
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,540
You've got to go for
116
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,875
The 30-year fixed mortgage.
Oh, totally.
117
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:37,976
Yeah.
118
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,312
So, marshall, what about you?
119
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,713
You guys thinking house, baby?
120
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:46,551
No, I think we're going to wait
on the baby thing.
121
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,253
I mean, I love babies.
122
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:49,788
Babies rule.
123
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,056
Pudgy arms and stuff...
124
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,759
But, uh, they make you old.
125
00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:54,761
Kind of like this anchor
126
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:57,829
Weighing you down to one spot...
Forever.
127
00:04:57,831 --> 00:05:00,098
I'm three months pregnant.
128
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,735
Not awkward, guys.
129
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,538
Not awkward unless
we let it be awkward.
130
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:13,845
This place seems great.
131
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:14,946
Is kelly here?
132
00:05:14,948 --> 00:05:17,516
Uh, let's go find her.
I'll introduce you guys.
133
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:18,817
Then I should probably
134
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,253
Duck into the v.I.P. Room.
135
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:23,422
It's so stupid and arbitrary,
isn't it?
136
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,624
Who gets to be a v.I.P.
And who doesn't?
137
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:28,593
It's not that arbitrary.
138
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:32,831
Whoa, this place is loud.
139
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,766
You think?
140
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,369
( Techno-pop playing loudly )
141
00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:23,715
Think it was kind of weird
142
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,584
That ted didn't invite me
out with him?
143
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:28,220
Why? You'd rather be
out at some dance club,
144
00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:29,354
All noisy and sweaty,
with the...
145
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,990
( imitating drum machine )
146
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,593
Is that what you want?
147
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:35,994
( Imitating drum machine )
148
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,095
Is this what you want?
149
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:40,065
"30-year fixed mortgage...
150
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,833
I'm three months pregnant."
151
00:06:46,939 --> 00:06:48,407
That was awkward.
152
00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:54,246
Let's start drinking!
153
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,714
Not so fast.
154
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,582
In order for the tannins
to mellow,
155
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,985
We should let it breathe
for about 30 minutes.
156
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,655
Freaking tannins.
157
00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,926
( Techno-pop playing )
158
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:37,556
Do you know what they're
doing in there right now?
159
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:39,724
They're watching claire's
ultrasound video.
160
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,160
And I swear to god,
even the baby looks bored.
161
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,996
Come on, it's not that bad.
162
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,998
We're really starting
to click with these guys.
163
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,068
Claire and austin just invited
us to their fondue fest
164
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,470
Next Saturday night.
165
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:54,639
Are you honestly trying
to get me excited about fondue?
166
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:58,043
It's dipping stuff in hot
cheese. What's not to love?
167
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:01,980
Okay, that does sound good.
168
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:05,784
But it's dipping stuff in hot
cheese with boring people.
169
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:08,653
Marshall, it's time
for us to grow up.
170
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:12,691
Marshall knew she was right.
171
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:15,093
He had to stop
acting like a kid.
172
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,963
But not tonight.
173
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,765
Now, our apartment was
on the third floor,
174
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:23,668
So I'm not sure if this part
is actually true,
175
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,904
But uncle marshall
swears it happened.
176
00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:32,043
Taxi!
177
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:38,750
( Techno-pop playing )
178
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,156
The new album is great.
179
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,558
It's all smooth and polished,
180
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,993
Not dark and heavy
like the early stuff.
181
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,996
Oh, yeah, nora jones just gets
better and better.
182
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:28,166
Please, tell me we can drink
the wine now.
183
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:29,501
Five more minutes.
184
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,536
We don't want to rush
those tannins.
185
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:34,839
Freaking tannins.
186
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,810
( Techno-pop playing )
187
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:03,802
( music stops)
I'm wetting my pants!
188
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:06,204
( Music resumes )
189
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,376
I think that's when I realized,
clubs weren't awesome.
190
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,411
Clubs weren't even okay.
191
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:15,614
Clubs sucked.
192
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:18,717
I had to get out of there.
193
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,785
Hey, robin.
194
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,887
Why aren't you inside?
I'm calling the owner.
195
00:10:22,889 --> 00:10:24,589
There's a guy in there
who won't let me in
196
00:10:24,591 --> 00:10:26,257
To the stupid v.I.P. Room.
197
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:30,228
Oh, I had this move,
so I came here to bust it.
198
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,863
Can you get me in?
199
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:36,901
Great. Voice mail.
200
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:38,503
Thanks, I'll see you!
Bye!
201
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:40,639
Oh, come on, he just got here.
202
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:42,574
He's probably famous.
203
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:45,243
Oh, yeah. Isn't there
a third affleck brother?
204
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:47,445
Keith affleck or brian
affleck or something?
205
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:51,650
Holy crap, we just
saw brian affleck.
206
00:10:52,618 --> 00:10:54,452
It's not like I care so much
207
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,920
About getting into
the v.I.P. Room,
208
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:58,123
I have been in tons
of v.I.P. Rooms.
209
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,258
I'm not exactly a v.I.P.
Room virgin.
210
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,761
But seriously, call me back.
211
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,531
Oh, um, I was just
in there, robin scherbatsky.
212
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:08,600
I'm on the list.
213
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:10,101
Name's already crossed off.
214
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,336
Sorry.
215
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,638
But I'm robin scherbatsky.
216
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,774
I'm a reporter for channel one.
217
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,542
There's a channel one?
218
00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,010
Back of the line.
219
00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,381
Should have snuck in
with brian affleck.
220
00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:57,916
Aah! Coat wench,
221
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,051
Do not uncheck
that man's jacket!
222
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:02,921
Sorry, just being dramatic.
You're not a coat wench.
223
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,823
No, no, no, coat wench,
I like it.
224
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,491
I should get a sign made up.
225
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,159
What are you doing here?
226
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,327
Lily let you go?
227
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,663
Lily? Who cares, right?
228
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:13,331
You are so dead.
Oh, I am so dead.
229
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,432
Wow, I'm going home.
230
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,834
No, uh-uh.
I put my ass
231
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,702
And probably other parts
of my body on the line
232
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:19,704
To come down here
and party with my bro.
233
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:21,272
Now, damn it,
we're going to party.
234
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,607
All right, one beer.
235
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,842
Yes!
236
00:12:23,844 --> 00:12:26,911
Finally, I don't have to wait
a half an hour for a drink.
237
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:36,020
Oh, man, I can't believe
I forgot to tell you this.
238
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,858
Earlier that day,
marshall went to the dentist
239
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,693
And got a temporary crown
put in.
240
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:43,828
Okay, so anyway...
241
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:05,383
Marshall, are you okay?
242
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:32,043
Again, I wasn't there, so I'm
a little foggy on the details.
243
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:36,848
Taxi!
244
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:44,088
Hey.
Hey.
245
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:46,791
Marshall just ditched
out on our own party.
246
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:47,759
Can you get me in there?
247
00:13:47,761 --> 00:13:49,093
I kind of need to kill him.
248
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,262
Actually, I can't
even get myself in.
249
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,431
I was such a dork.
250
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:54,866
I get recognized one time,
251
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:57,602
And I start thinking
I'm julia roberts.
252
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:58,970
I'm no v.I.P.
253
00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:01,272
I'm not even an I.P.
254
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:05,677
I'm just a lowly little pea,
sitting out here in the gutter.
255
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:06,978
You know something?
256
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:11,115
I'd take a pea in the gutter
over julia roberts any day.
257
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,784
Hmm...
258
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:16,888
( giggling )
259
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,963
( dance music playing)
260
00:14:26,832 --> 00:14:28,466
I broke my tooth!
261
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,501
( In time with music):
Do you have...
262
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:34,372
( in time with music ):
Maybe there's...
263
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,907
A machine in...
264
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,877
The restroom.
265
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:45,149
Ted:
Now to this day,
266
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:47,185
I don't know what
happened in there,
267
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:50,555
But when marshall came out
a few minutes later...
268
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:02,500
Rough night?
269
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:03,835
Yeah.
270
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:06,771
These clubs are supposed
to be fun, right?
271
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,673
Why do I hate them so much?
272
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:09,707
Because all of the stuff
273
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:12,877
You're supposed to like
usually sucks.
274
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,847
Like these clubs... Or cruises.
275
00:15:15,849 --> 00:15:18,516
Or new year's eve.
276
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,885
Or the super bowl.
277
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,754
Or parades.
278
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:23,855
The rockettes.
279
00:15:23,857 --> 00:15:25,523
Or parades.
280
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:26,958
You said that already.
281
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,893
I really hate parades.
282
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,128
( Iaughing):
Okay.
283
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:33,698
He just left in the middle
of our own party!
284
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,966
You don't do that.
285
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,869
Unless, of course, you're
chasing after somebody
286
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:38,937
Who's already done it,
287
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,639
And then... Then
I think it's okay.
288
00:15:41,641 --> 00:15:45,310
Well, I hate to take his side,
but come on, a wine tasting?
289
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,979
What's the big plan for next
Saturday, scrabble night?
290
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:51,115
Don't check your e-mail.
291
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,551
Why are you becoming
this person?
292
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,153
I heard that in college
293
00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:56,955
You flashed a campus
tour group on a dare.
294
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:57,989
Once on a dare.
295
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:01,059
The other times
were just for fun.
296
00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:04,395
I'm not in college anymore.
297
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:07,231
I'd love to go back
and be that person again,
298
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:09,000
But you can't move backwards.
299
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:10,468
You can only go forword.
300
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,903
Um, false.
301
00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:13,838
You can go wherever you want.
302
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,307
I guess the question is,
where do you want to go?
303
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,577
I want to go into this club
and find my fiancé.
304
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,346
Well, that you can't do.
305
00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:24,515
Want to bet?
306
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:26,150
Follow my lead.
307
00:16:27,853 --> 00:16:29,253
Hey, big guy.
308
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,925
I said follow my lead.
309
00:16:33,927 --> 00:16:35,593
Please, please.
Follow her lead.
310
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:36,794
Come on.
Do it, please.
311
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,863
Follow her, please.
Yes, please.
312
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:40,331
( Gasping)
313
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:49,107
Those were the four greatest
and only breasts I've ever seen.
314
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,013
Yeah, see, if everyone
keeps telling you
315
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,949
Something is supposed to be fun,
it's usually not.
316
00:16:57,951 --> 00:16:58,951
Right!
Right.
317
00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,051
So, by that logic,
318
00:17:00,053 --> 00:17:03,087
If you and I were to say,
go out on a date...
319
00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:05,990
Well, then we
couldn't go anywhere
320
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:07,458
That's supposed to be fun.
321
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,193
Right. The dmv it is.
322
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,895
Then we'll get
our teeth cleaned.
323
00:17:10,897 --> 00:17:12,230
Sounds awful. It's a date.
324
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:13,031
Okay!
325
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,967
But there's still
one big question
326
00:17:15,969 --> 00:17:17,635
That needs to be answered.
327
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:19,971
How many of these coats
do you think
328
00:17:19,973 --> 00:17:21,205
I can put on all at once?
329
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:23,307
( Iaughing)
330
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:25,977
( upbeat music blasting )
331
00:17:25,979 --> 00:17:29,113
( no audio)
332
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:10,588
Okay, for the wedge...
333
00:18:12,791 --> 00:18:15,159
( music pulsating )
334
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,476
Ted:
Barney?
335
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:32,944
Ted.
336
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,946
Get your coat.
We're leaving.
337
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,048
What... What happened
to that, um...
338
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:38,382
Cutlet you were grinding with?
339
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:39,951
That was my cousin leslie.
340
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,953
What?!
341
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:43,221
No, no, no.
342
00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:45,223
We're not laughing
about this, ted.
343
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,058
This is not gonna
be some funny story
344
00:18:47,060 --> 00:18:48,626
That we'll be telling
in a couple months.
345
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,562
It's not gonna be like,
"hey, ha, remember that time
346
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:53,731
When you were
grinding with..." no.
347
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,399
And you know why?
348
00:18:55,401 --> 00:18:59,403
Because... italics...
this night did not happen.
349
00:18:59,405 --> 00:19:02,273
You promise me you
will never, ever, ever
350
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,908
Tell another living soul
351
00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:05,409
What transpired here tonight.
352
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:06,411
You promise.
353
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,345
All right.
354
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:08,146
Promise.
355
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:08,846
All right, I promise.
356
00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:09,814
Get marshall and go, okay?
357
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:10,848
All right.
358
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,651
Hey, thanks for saving my night.
359
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:14,418
I'll talk to you soon?
360
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:15,319
Yeah.
361
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,155
Um, hey, tip her, barney.
362
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:20,458
And even if I did,
on principle, tip
jars have become so...
363
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,927
Funny story: Barney was grinding
with this girl all night...
364
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,328
Fine!
365
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,833
That's a handy new trick.
366
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:33,337
( Loud disco music playing )
367
00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:44,148
Ted:
So, marshall and lily
rediscovered their youth.
368
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,717
It was nice.
369
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:50,321
And then it got... Icky.
370
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:54,125
♪ It isn't so hard to see
371
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:55,693
♪ we're in heav...
372
00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:03,201
( shouting ):
I'm really glad you
guys came out tonight.
373
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:07,205
( Shouting ):
You know, dude,
can I just say something?
374
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:11,175
It kind of hurt that you guys
didn't invite me out.
375
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:15,146
I mean, I know things have
changed since I got engaged,
376
00:20:15,148 --> 00:20:17,315
But it would have
been nice to be asked!
377
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:19,917
I'm sorry! I just assumed...
378
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,820
They played some
good songs tonight!
379
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,355
I mean, lately...
380
00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:27,158
I know, I know. It just
seems like suddenly
381
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,160
We're living
in two different worlds.
382
00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:31,996
Maybe you've got more
in common with barney.
383
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:32,998
What?
384
00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:34,432
Are you crazy?
385
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:37,368
You think I like
going to those clubs?
386
00:20:37,370 --> 00:20:41,072
I'd so much rather go to your
fruity little wine tasting.
387
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,573
Oh, my god, I'm gonna barf.
388
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,842
Where's my purse?
Where's my purse?
389
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,577
I'm okay.
390
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:50,414
The problem is, you can't
do any of that couple stuff
391
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,416
Unless you have someone
to do it with,
392
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,518
And the only way I'm gonna
find that someone
393
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,455
Is by going out and doing stupid
single stuff with barney.
394
00:20:57,457 --> 00:20:58,589
What?
395
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,227
But, man, when I find her,
396
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:06,197
We're gonna have
some bad-ass wine tastings.
397
00:21:06,199 --> 00:21:08,499
It's a plan.
398
00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:12,036
Hey, maybe it'll be
that cute coat check girl.
399
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:13,137
Yeah!
400
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:14,972
Maybe it will be.
401
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:16,941
It wasn't.
402
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:22,046
You know, ted, I don't say this
nearly enough, but I really...
403
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:24,248
That place has great salads!
404
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:32,250
( Techno music fades in )