1 00:00:00,965 --> 00:00:03,583 Okay, squad, the funeral's at 3:00, 2 00:00:03,584 --> 00:00:05,752 followed by a reception at Shaw's Bar. 3 00:00:05,753 --> 00:00:07,919 I want you all on your best behavior. 4 00:00:07,955 --> 00:00:09,155 Yeah, and all eyes are gonna be on us 5 00:00:09,156 --> 00:00:10,922 because Frick and Frack here killed Captain Dozerman. 6 00:00:10,958 --> 00:00:12,992 Hey, we accidentally startled a man 7 00:00:12,993 --> 00:00:14,761 with a genetic heart condition. 8 00:00:14,762 --> 00:00:16,842 If you really think about it, his parents killed him. 9 00:00:16,864 --> 00:00:18,031 All right, whatever. 10 00:00:18,032 --> 00:00:19,532 Look, there's a horse race going off in Dubai. 11 00:00:19,533 --> 00:00:21,067 I got serious money on it. 12 00:00:21,068 --> 00:00:22,735 Dismissed. 13 00:00:22,736 --> 00:00:25,771 Oh, yeah, we should all check out that race. 14 00:00:25,806 --> 00:00:27,140 God. 15 00:00:27,141 --> 00:00:29,242 He is the worst captain we've ever had. 16 00:00:29,243 --> 00:00:31,244 He drew boobies on my bulletproof vest. 17 00:00:31,245 --> 00:00:33,813 He stared at me for 90 seconds while he ate an entire peach. 18 00:00:33,814 --> 00:00:34,881 He heard that I speak Spanish, 19 00:00:34,882 --> 00:00:36,582 and he made me fire his housekeeper. 20 00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:37,583 She was Polish. 21 00:00:37,584 --> 00:00:38,751 At least he doesn't practice 22 00:00:38,752 --> 00:00:39,752 his crane kicks with you. 23 00:00:42,489 --> 00:00:43,723 [both grunt] 24 00:00:43,724 --> 00:00:45,091 I said not to move! 25 00:00:45,092 --> 00:00:46,092 I didn't move. 26 00:00:46,093 --> 00:00:47,093 Listen, guys. 27 00:00:47,094 --> 00:00:48,294 Jake and I were talking last night. 28 00:00:48,295 --> 00:00:49,796 Pillow talk alert! Set the scene. 29 00:00:49,797 --> 00:00:51,397 - Spooning or face-to-face? - Charles. 30 00:00:51,398 --> 00:00:52,632 [whispering] Spooning. 31 00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:54,267 Anyway, we came up with a plan. 32 00:00:54,268 --> 00:00:57,303 Jake is going to befriend the Vulture 33 00:00:57,304 --> 00:00:58,738 so he lays off of us. 34 00:00:58,739 --> 00:00:59,739 It's true. 35 00:00:59,740 --> 00:01:00,807 I'm gonna bro down with him. 36 00:01:00,808 --> 00:01:01,974 If everything goes according to plan, 37 00:01:01,975 --> 00:01:03,142 we should be beer pong doubles partners 38 00:01:03,143 --> 00:01:04,444 by the end of the week. 39 00:01:04,445 --> 00:01:06,779 Now somebody get me a puka shell necklace. 40 00:01:06,780 --> 00:01:08,680 I'm going full douche. 41 00:01:08,715 --> 00:01:12,394 Sync and corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 42 00:01:12,395 --> 00:01:19,724 ♪ ♪ 43 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:27,074 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? Find out @ saveanilluminati.com 44 00:01:29,636 --> 00:01:32,238 Okay. 45 00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:33,840 Hey, 'sup, bro? 46 00:01:33,841 --> 00:01:35,241 'Sup, Jake? 47 00:01:35,242 --> 00:01:36,342 Got a little update for you 48 00:01:36,343 --> 00:01:38,277 on that Deberg assault case. 49 00:01:38,278 --> 00:01:41,747 Turns out the victim's wife was super hot. 50 00:01:41,748 --> 00:01:43,749 Yeah, I read the file. She's a mom. 51 00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:44,884 Not interested. 52 00:01:44,885 --> 00:01:46,552 True that. 53 00:01:46,553 --> 00:01:49,355 So listen, I've been thinking. 54 00:01:49,356 --> 00:01:51,390 We got off on the wrong foot here. 55 00:01:51,391 --> 00:01:53,359 And I believe it's 'cause we're just 56 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,660 too damn similar. 57 00:01:54,661 --> 00:01:55,927 - You do? - Absolutely. 58 00:01:55,963 --> 00:01:57,697 We both love premium tequila... 59 00:01:57,698 --> 00:01:58,698 Yeah. 60 00:01:58,699 --> 00:02:00,199 - Robin Thicke. - Oh, yeah. 61 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,901 - Gots to have my puks. - Gots to. 62 00:02:01,902 --> 00:02:04,303 And of course, most importantly: Nip slips. 63 00:02:04,304 --> 00:02:06,139 [chuckles] Let me ask you a question, Jake. 64 00:02:06,140 --> 00:02:07,940 You also like Okinawan martial arts? 65 00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:10,242 Because you left this in my back. 66 00:02:10,277 --> 00:02:11,277 Hmm? 67 00:02:11,278 --> 00:02:12,545 What I'm saying, Einstein, 68 00:02:12,546 --> 00:02:14,446 is that you stabbed me in my back. 69 00:02:14,481 --> 00:02:15,781 How so? 70 00:02:15,782 --> 00:02:17,016 We came up with a plan. 71 00:02:17,017 --> 00:02:18,384 Jake is going to befriend the Vulture 72 00:02:18,385 --> 00:02:19,752 so he lays off of us. 73 00:02:19,753 --> 00:02:21,845 Busted. I knew that you were faking it. 74 00:02:21,855 --> 00:02:23,622 I'll bet you don't even like nip slips! 75 00:02:23,657 --> 00:02:25,224 So, what, you bugged the briefing room? 76 00:02:25,225 --> 00:02:27,093 No, Scully butt-dialed me yesterday 77 00:02:27,094 --> 00:02:28,361 and he still hasn't hung up. 78 00:02:28,362 --> 00:02:30,062 Once again, Scully's butt is the downfall 79 00:02:30,063 --> 00:02:31,096 of this precinct. 80 00:02:31,131 --> 00:02:32,832 Look, Jake, I know that you and Santiago 81 00:02:32,833 --> 00:02:34,033 are trying to take me down. 82 00:02:34,034 --> 00:02:36,502 You guys go home. You lay in bed together. 83 00:02:36,503 --> 00:02:37,770 You plot against me. 84 00:02:37,771 --> 00:02:39,338 Well, no longer. 85 00:02:39,339 --> 00:02:41,606 I want you to dump Santiago, and that's an order. 86 00:02:41,642 --> 00:02:43,109 What? You can't do that. 87 00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:44,744 It's completely against the rules. 88 00:02:44,745 --> 00:02:46,212 Okay, Sonia Sotomayor. 89 00:02:46,213 --> 00:02:47,680 I would never break the rules. 90 00:02:47,681 --> 00:02:49,615 But what I could do, for totally 91 00:02:49,616 --> 00:02:52,385 "unrelated reasons," is have you busted 92 00:02:52,386 --> 00:02:53,952 back down to a beat cop. 93 00:02:53,987 --> 00:02:56,255 No, don't do that, all right? 94 00:02:56,256 --> 00:02:57,723 I can learn to love nip slips. 95 00:02:57,724 --> 00:02:59,491 No, you either love them, or you don't. 96 00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:00,593 It's too late. 97 00:03:00,594 --> 00:03:02,028 You dump Santiago, or you kiss 98 00:03:02,029 --> 00:03:03,328 that detective badge good-bye. 99 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:07,199 Beat it. 100 00:03:08,202 --> 00:03:09,769 First time back in the Nine-Nine. 101 00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:10,769 Mm. 102 00:03:10,804 --> 00:03:12,138 I really miss these people, 103 00:03:12,139 --> 00:03:15,341 the whole crew... Jake, Terry, bleh. 104 00:03:15,342 --> 00:03:17,243 I forget all the other names. 105 00:03:17,244 --> 00:03:19,930 Just remember, we're here as PR representatives. 106 00:03:19,931 --> 00:03:21,013 I don't wanna be. 107 00:03:21,014 --> 00:03:22,114 Too bad. 108 00:03:22,115 --> 00:03:23,416 We're like rock stars to these people. 109 00:03:23,417 --> 00:03:24,750 They're gonna go nuts, just like... 110 00:03:24,751 --> 00:03:27,119 [hushed yelling] 111 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,421 I would hate it if these doors opened 112 00:03:28,422 --> 00:03:30,488 and everyone stopped working to applaud us. 113 00:03:34,928 --> 00:03:37,195 Hmm, nothing. 114 00:03:37,231 --> 00:03:39,932 You must be loving this. 115 00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:41,467 Yes. 116 00:03:41,468 --> 00:03:42,468 What? 117 00:03:42,469 --> 00:03:43,703 He's ordering us to break up? 118 00:03:43,704 --> 00:03:44,870 Look, we can deal with this. 119 00:03:44,871 --> 00:03:45,972 We just need a new plan. 120 00:03:45,973 --> 00:03:46,973 I got it. 121 00:03:46,974 --> 00:03:48,140 We lie, tell him we broke up, 122 00:03:48,141 --> 00:03:49,408 and then date in secret. 123 00:03:49,409 --> 00:03:52,311 Great! And you'd be okay lying to your captain? 124 00:03:52,312 --> 00:03:53,846 - Okay, new plan. - Uh-huh. 125 00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:55,513 [gasps] Captain Holt is here today. 126 00:03:55,549 --> 00:03:56,649 Yes, genius! 127 00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:57,917 He loves us, 128 00:03:57,918 --> 00:03:59,318 and he's got tons of sway in the department. 129 00:03:59,319 --> 00:04:00,553 He'll tell the Vulture to back down. 130 00:04:00,554 --> 00:04:01,787 Yeah, he'll be all... 131 00:04:01,788 --> 00:04:03,923 [with deep voice] "Vulture, I must insist 132 00:04:03,924 --> 00:04:05,992 that you desist." 133 00:04:05,993 --> 00:04:07,560 I really think this is gonna work. 134 00:04:07,561 --> 00:04:09,362 Also, if you ever want to bust out 135 00:04:09,363 --> 00:04:10,997 that Holt impression at home, 136 00:04:10,998 --> 00:04:12,431 I'd be okay with that. 137 00:04:12,432 --> 00:04:14,233 Oh, okay. 138 00:04:14,234 --> 00:04:15,935 Duly noted, super disturbing, 139 00:04:15,936 --> 00:04:17,402 but I'm definitely gonna do it. 140 00:04:18,805 --> 00:04:20,106 Hey, G-spot! 141 00:04:20,107 --> 00:04:23,074 Rosa, Charles, oh, I missed you guys so much. 142 00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:24,844 Really, 'cause when you left, you made a pretty big deal 143 00:04:24,845 --> 00:04:26,145 of deleting us from your phone. 144 00:04:26,146 --> 00:04:28,346 Girl, that was just the showman in me. 145 00:04:28,382 --> 00:04:29,815 PR is so boring. 146 00:04:29,816 --> 00:04:32,183 I need some Nine-Nine drama, stat. 147 00:04:32,219 --> 00:04:33,386 I don't think we're that dramatic. 148 00:04:33,387 --> 00:04:34,754 I've been gone one week. 149 00:04:34,755 --> 00:04:36,856 Jake and Amy are dating, and they've killed a person. 150 00:04:36,857 --> 00:04:38,323 Come on, Charles. 151 00:04:38,358 --> 00:04:40,592 You got to have something weird and tragic going on. 152 00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:41,794 Nope. 153 00:04:41,795 --> 00:04:43,029 Not unless you call hooking up with a girl 154 00:04:43,030 --> 00:04:44,096 at a funeral "weird and tragic." 155 00:04:44,097 --> 00:04:45,530 Home run! 156 00:04:45,565 --> 00:04:46,766 Her name is Lieutenant Singh. 157 00:04:46,767 --> 00:04:48,034 She's super hot. 158 00:04:48,035 --> 00:04:50,136 We were seated next to each other two funerals ago. 159 00:04:50,137 --> 00:04:53,038 And there was hard eye contact all through "Danny Boy." 160 00:04:53,073 --> 00:04:55,474 Last funeral, we made out in the parking lot. 161 00:04:55,475 --> 00:04:56,842 This time... 162 00:04:56,843 --> 00:04:58,744 [with British accent] Something naughty this way comes. 163 00:04:58,745 --> 00:05:00,913 Ugh. What do you even know about this person? 164 00:05:00,914 --> 00:05:02,415 Oh, we don't know anything about each other. 165 00:05:02,416 --> 00:05:03,916 She says she likes that about us. 166 00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:06,652 It's just pure animal attraction. 167 00:05:06,653 --> 00:05:08,721 This is creepy and unlike you. 168 00:05:08,722 --> 00:05:09,889 You even know her first name? 169 00:05:09,890 --> 00:05:12,224 Oh, um, do animals in the wild 170 00:05:12,225 --> 00:05:13,793 know each other's names? 171 00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:15,995 Look, all I know is, Charles Boyle 172 00:05:15,996 --> 00:05:17,129 is going to that funeral, 173 00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:18,497 and he's going to put the "bone" 174 00:05:18,498 --> 00:05:19,798 back in boneyard. 175 00:05:22,135 --> 00:05:23,969 Hmm, strange to be on this side of the desk. 176 00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,004 Why? 177 00:05:25,005 --> 00:05:26,604 Oh, right, you used to work here. 178 00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:28,440 You know I made a lot of improvements since you left? 179 00:05:28,475 --> 00:05:30,443 I got a fridge for my protein shakes. 180 00:05:30,444 --> 00:05:31,844 I got a kettlebell station. 181 00:05:31,845 --> 00:05:34,246 I got a wolf that I killed in Utah. 182 00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:35,414 I'm fairly certain that's a dog. 183 00:05:35,415 --> 00:05:36,681 Yeah, it was dark. 184 00:05:36,717 --> 00:05:37,950 Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need you 185 00:05:37,951 --> 00:05:39,352 to sign these... 186 00:05:39,353 --> 00:05:41,887 Captain Holt, I didn't realize you were here. 187 00:05:41,888 --> 00:05:42,988 Sergeant Jeffords, hello. 188 00:05:42,989 --> 00:05:44,290 Welcome back. 189 00:05:44,291 --> 00:05:45,591 Hey, you know, I'm gonna stop you right there. 190 00:05:45,592 --> 00:05:47,727 Hugs are a form of inappropriate workplace touching. 191 00:05:47,728 --> 00:05:49,395 Trust me, I'm very familiar 192 00:05:49,396 --> 00:05:51,163 with the sexual harassment guidelines. 193 00:05:51,164 --> 00:05:53,431 That'll be all. 194 00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:55,500 Well, I won't take up too much of your time. 195 00:05:55,535 --> 00:05:57,536 Because the Nine-Nine was Captain Dozerman's 196 00:05:57,537 --> 00:05:59,038 last precinct, you will be seated 197 00:05:59,039 --> 00:06:00,373 at the front of the funeral. 198 00:06:00,374 --> 00:06:02,141 I wanted to alert you that there'll be press, 199 00:06:02,142 --> 00:06:03,142 cameras... 200 00:06:03,143 --> 00:06:04,276 Whoa, whoa, whoa, cameras? 201 00:06:04,277 --> 00:06:05,610 Crap, nobody said anything about cameras. 202 00:06:05,645 --> 00:06:07,112 I got to rock the bells. 203 00:06:09,116 --> 00:06:10,383 There we go. 204 00:06:10,384 --> 00:06:11,950 Oh, I noticed in the bullpen that you had changed 205 00:06:11,985 --> 00:06:13,219 the case numbering system. 206 00:06:13,220 --> 00:06:14,552 I found, when I was commanding officer, that... 207 00:06:14,588 --> 00:06:16,222 I'm gonna stop you right there. 208 00:06:16,223 --> 00:06:17,823 You're not commanding officer anymore. 209 00:06:17,824 --> 00:06:19,058 I was making a suggestion. 210 00:06:19,059 --> 00:06:20,593 Yeah, look, you did a lot of good for this place 211 00:06:20,594 --> 00:06:22,194 while you were here, which is great for me, 212 00:06:22,195 --> 00:06:23,529 because I get to take credit for it. 213 00:06:23,530 --> 00:06:25,030 But you're not a real cop anymore. 214 00:06:25,031 --> 00:06:26,232 You're a desk jockey. 215 00:06:26,233 --> 00:06:27,799 This is my precinct now. 216 00:06:27,834 --> 00:06:31,737 And the sooner that you accept that, the better. 217 00:06:31,738 --> 00:06:35,474 Yes, well, I know my way out. 218 00:06:35,475 --> 00:06:36,909 'Cause you used to work here. 219 00:06:36,910 --> 00:06:38,844 I keep forgetting. 220 00:06:38,845 --> 00:06:40,011 Everybody does. 221 00:06:41,848 --> 00:06:45,618 Well, well, if it isn't Captain Raymond Jacob Holt. 222 00:06:45,619 --> 00:06:47,319 It's great to see you back at the Nine-Nine, sir. 223 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,521 Yes. 224 00:06:48,522 --> 00:06:50,356 There it is, that classic Jake Holt banter, 225 00:06:50,357 --> 00:06:51,690 zingers just flying around. 226 00:06:51,691 --> 00:06:52,691 It's like you never left. 227 00:06:52,692 --> 00:06:54,893 No, I most definitely left. 228 00:06:54,928 --> 00:06:56,262 Okay. 229 00:06:56,263 --> 00:06:58,564 Well, I know how much you love hot goss, 230 00:06:58,565 --> 00:07:00,466 so you probably heard Amy and I have been dating. 231 00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:02,034 And we would love your approval. 232 00:07:02,035 --> 00:07:03,135 No. 233 00:07:03,136 --> 00:07:04,170 But that's not what this is about. 234 00:07:04,171 --> 00:07:05,237 It sure is not. 235 00:07:05,238 --> 00:07:06,772 Sir, the Vulture is out of control. 236 00:07:06,773 --> 00:07:08,107 All right, he told me if I don't dump Amy, 237 00:07:08,108 --> 00:07:09,175 he's gonna demote me. 238 00:07:09,176 --> 00:07:10,309 You got to help us. 239 00:07:10,310 --> 00:07:11,410 Let me stop you right there, Peralta. 240 00:07:11,411 --> 00:07:12,445 I'm not the Chief of Detectives. 241 00:07:12,446 --> 00:07:13,846 I'm not the Vulture's boss. 242 00:07:13,847 --> 00:07:15,747 I'm just some guy in PR. 243 00:07:15,782 --> 00:07:17,616 - But we thought... - I can't save your ass. 244 00:07:17,617 --> 00:07:18,851 I don't work here anymore. 245 00:07:18,852 --> 00:07:21,287 And the sooner you accept that, 246 00:07:21,288 --> 00:07:22,554 the better. 247 00:07:25,659 --> 00:07:28,194 Well, looks like somebody's got a bad case 248 00:07:28,195 --> 00:07:29,828 of the funeral crankies. 249 00:07:32,037 --> 00:07:33,036 Okay, guys, 250 00:07:33,038 --> 00:07:35,138 I know Captain Dozerman was a nightmare 251 00:07:35,174 --> 00:07:36,741 and that none of us liked him. 252 00:07:36,742 --> 00:07:39,243 But I'm gonna need all of you to pretend like you're sad. 253 00:07:39,278 --> 00:07:41,144 Everyone make a sad face. 254 00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:43,080 Scully, you are nailing it! 255 00:07:43,115 --> 00:07:45,149 My wife just texted. She's leaving me. 256 00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:46,417 Good, use it. 257 00:07:46,418 --> 00:07:47,718 Now, anyone seen Captain Holt? 258 00:07:47,753 --> 00:07:49,420 He seemed a little down when he came in. 259 00:07:49,421 --> 00:07:50,855 Yeah, he let me choose the music 260 00:07:50,856 --> 00:07:52,757 on the way over here, which leads me to believe 261 00:07:52,758 --> 00:07:53,991 he's given up on life. 262 00:07:54,026 --> 00:07:55,226 I got to go find him. 263 00:07:55,227 --> 00:07:58,096 Now, be respectful and grieve your asses off. 264 00:07:58,097 --> 00:07:59,764 I don't know why this is happening. 265 00:07:59,765 --> 00:08:00,798 Scully, I love it! 266 00:08:00,799 --> 00:08:02,032 Everyone follow his lead. 267 00:08:04,637 --> 00:08:06,304 So what are we gonna do about the Vulture? 268 00:08:06,305 --> 00:08:08,239 I've got a new plan. Pretend like we're talking. 269 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:09,440 - We are talking. - Exactly. 270 00:08:09,441 --> 00:08:10,441 It's working already. 271 00:08:10,442 --> 00:08:11,576 Now I'm going to coolly 272 00:08:11,577 --> 00:08:13,177 run my hands through my hair. 273 00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:14,479 Look where my elbow's pointing. 274 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:15,746 [gasps] It's Davis Garmin, 275 00:08:15,781 --> 00:08:17,081 Chief of Detectives. 276 00:08:17,082 --> 00:08:18,448 Holt said he could overrule the Vulture. 277 00:08:18,484 --> 00:08:19,717 Exactly. 278 00:08:19,718 --> 00:08:21,478 The only question now is, will he believe us? 279 00:08:21,487 --> 00:08:23,254 Yes, 'cause we're gonna take a page 280 00:08:23,255 --> 00:08:24,521 from the Vulture's book. 281 00:08:24,556 --> 00:08:26,157 - "The Big Book of Small Butts"? - What? 282 00:08:26,158 --> 00:08:27,525 It's the only thing I've ever seen him read. 283 00:08:27,526 --> 00:08:29,560 No, we're gonna secretly record the Vulture 284 00:08:29,561 --> 00:08:30,962 telling you to dump me. 285 00:08:30,963 --> 00:08:32,463 Then we'll play it for Chief Garmin. 286 00:08:32,464 --> 00:08:33,464 Then... 287 00:08:33,465 --> 00:08:34,465 We're gonna totally 288 00:08:34,466 --> 00:08:36,199 have sex on top of each other. 289 00:08:36,235 --> 00:08:37,601 You get to keep your job. 290 00:08:37,636 --> 00:08:38,802 Yes, that. 291 00:08:41,273 --> 00:08:43,474 Ooh, Charles, your jump-off is here. 292 00:08:43,475 --> 00:08:44,608 Hello, Detective. 293 00:08:44,643 --> 00:08:45,909 Hello, Lieutenant. 294 00:08:45,945 --> 00:08:47,577 Real tragic about the captain. 295 00:08:47,613 --> 00:08:49,279 Yes, real tragic. 296 00:08:49,315 --> 00:08:50,881 I like the way your butt looks today. 297 00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:52,449 I've been doing lunges in the shower. 298 00:08:52,484 --> 00:08:54,152 Well, this got upsetting real quick. 299 00:08:54,153 --> 00:08:56,920 I want to live in this moment forever. 300 00:08:56,956 --> 00:08:58,956 I got us a motel room across the street. 301 00:08:58,991 --> 00:09:02,093 Meet me there in 15 minutes. 302 00:09:02,094 --> 00:09:03,695 I'll meet you, all right. 303 00:09:03,696 --> 00:09:05,529 M-E-A-T. 304 00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:10,568 Still think it's creepy? 305 00:09:10,569 --> 00:09:11,936 Yes. 306 00:09:11,937 --> 00:09:13,871 Charles, it is not like you to have sex 307 00:09:13,872 --> 00:09:15,173 with a total stranger. 308 00:09:15,174 --> 00:09:16,874 Really, tell that to me in an hour 309 00:09:16,875 --> 00:09:19,843 when we've had sex 23 times. 310 00:09:22,715 --> 00:09:24,248 There you are. 311 00:09:24,249 --> 00:09:25,249 You okay, sir? 312 00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:26,718 No. 313 00:09:26,719 --> 00:09:28,786 Until this morning, some small part of me 314 00:09:28,787 --> 00:09:31,289 still believed I would be captain of the Nine-Nine again. 315 00:09:31,290 --> 00:09:32,957 What a fool I was. 316 00:09:32,958 --> 00:09:34,358 I should never have returned. 317 00:09:34,393 --> 00:09:36,260 It's like visiting your childhood home 318 00:09:36,261 --> 00:09:39,796 and seeing it's been replaced by a denim pants store. 319 00:09:42,935 --> 00:09:45,535 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 320 00:09:45,571 --> 00:09:47,605 Slow down, sir. 321 00:09:47,606 --> 00:09:49,840 You didn't even stop and sniff the bouquet. 322 00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:51,508 You always sniff the bouquet. 323 00:09:51,543 --> 00:09:52,677 Maybe the old Holt did. 324 00:09:52,678 --> 00:09:54,278 But the new Holt chugs Beaujolais 325 00:09:54,279 --> 00:09:57,548 from a Burgundy glass without a care. 326 00:09:57,549 --> 00:09:59,717 Oh, it's a Sauternes glass. 327 00:09:59,718 --> 00:10:03,487 Look, the alcohol has rendered me a simpleton. 328 00:10:03,522 --> 00:10:05,556 Maybe you should just call it a day. 329 00:10:05,557 --> 00:10:06,991 I can't. 330 00:10:06,992 --> 00:10:09,727 I've been asked to deliver a toast here after the funeral, 331 00:10:09,728 --> 00:10:12,797 a message of hope. 332 00:10:12,798 --> 00:10:14,398 This is what I have so far. 333 00:10:19,405 --> 00:10:22,039 "Pain..." 334 00:10:24,343 --> 00:10:26,044 That's it. 335 00:10:26,045 --> 00:10:27,445 One tweak... 336 00:10:27,446 --> 00:10:29,714 maybe you should lose the word "pain" 337 00:10:29,715 --> 00:10:31,582 and then get in a cab and go home. 338 00:10:31,583 --> 00:10:33,217 Maybe I will. 339 00:10:33,218 --> 00:10:37,021 But first, you're gonna have one drink with me, Sergeant. 340 00:10:37,022 --> 00:10:38,356 For old times' sake? 341 00:10:38,357 --> 00:10:40,258 - One drink, and then we go. - One drink. 342 00:10:40,259 --> 00:10:45,662 ♪ Sisters are doin' it for themselves ♪ 343 00:10:45,697 --> 00:10:48,766 My tolerance has really changed since I had kids! 344 00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,967 ♪ ♪ 345 00:10:57,443 --> 00:10:59,310 Hey, Captain. 346 00:10:59,311 --> 00:11:01,112 I was looking for you inside. 347 00:11:01,113 --> 00:11:03,281 One thing I won't do is fart in church. 348 00:11:03,282 --> 00:11:04,949 This is God's house. 349 00:11:04,950 --> 00:11:06,784 Oh. 350 00:11:06,785 --> 00:11:08,386 Respectful. 351 00:11:08,387 --> 00:11:09,987 So listen, remember when you said to me 352 00:11:09,988 --> 00:11:12,290 that I have to dump Santiago 353 00:11:12,291 --> 00:11:14,558 or else you're gonna bust me down to beat cop? 354 00:11:14,593 --> 00:11:16,994 What I remember, Jake, is you pretending to be my bro 355 00:11:16,995 --> 00:11:19,030 and me being like, "I'm onto you, dillweed. 356 00:11:19,031 --> 00:11:22,466 [bagpipes blaring] 357 00:11:22,501 --> 00:11:25,603 Oh, uh, sorry, could you say that one more time? 358 00:11:25,604 --> 00:11:27,137 I couldn't hear you over the bagpipes. 359 00:11:27,172 --> 00:11:29,773 [bagpipes blaring] 360 00:11:29,808 --> 00:11:30,842 Ugh, one second. 361 00:11:30,843 --> 00:11:32,276 Excuse me, could you stop playing that? 362 00:11:32,277 --> 00:11:33,643 Just trying to have a conversation. 363 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:35,445 I'm warming up, man. Sorry. 364 00:11:35,481 --> 00:11:36,646 Yeah, I know. We just need two minutes. 365 00:11:36,682 --> 00:11:38,015 No can do. 366 00:11:38,016 --> 00:11:39,817 The funeral's about to start. 367 00:11:39,818 --> 00:11:41,418 Everyone wants to hear me honk, so... 368 00:11:41,453 --> 00:11:42,854 Do you really need to warm up, though? 369 00:11:42,855 --> 00:11:44,821 I mean, you're just gonna make a terrible wall of sound. 370 00:11:44,857 --> 00:11:46,823 First of all, that's offensive to me as half Scottish. 371 00:11:46,859 --> 00:11:50,728 Second of all, you think you could do better? 372 00:11:50,729 --> 00:11:51,996 Blow my bag. 373 00:11:51,997 --> 00:11:53,631 Look, we just need a couple of minutes to chat. 374 00:11:53,632 --> 00:11:54,932 That's it. 375 00:11:54,933 --> 00:11:56,400 I'm not gonna stop playing until you blow it. 376 00:11:56,401 --> 00:11:57,435 All right, just give it to me. 377 00:11:57,436 --> 00:11:59,103 All right? 378 00:11:59,104 --> 00:12:00,770 Prepare to hear me play the bagpipes perfectly. 379 00:12:00,806 --> 00:12:02,305 Okay. 380 00:12:02,341 --> 00:12:04,509 [bagpipes wailing] 381 00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:05,510 Oh, my God. 382 00:12:05,511 --> 00:12:06,777 Point proven. 383 00:12:06,778 --> 00:12:08,012 Yeah, I think I've heard just about enough 384 00:12:08,013 --> 00:12:09,013 of this catfight. 385 00:12:09,014 --> 00:12:10,014 I'm out. 386 00:12:10,015 --> 00:12:12,517 Wait, Captain! Sir! 387 00:12:12,518 --> 00:12:16,119 Your boyfriend... sorry, your ex-boyfriend is pathetic. 388 00:12:16,155 --> 00:12:19,023 You should be glad that I ordered him to dump you. 389 00:12:19,024 --> 00:12:20,991 Swish, Kobe. 390 00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:25,530 Got it. 391 00:12:25,531 --> 00:12:28,232 Yes! You're amazing! 392 00:12:28,233 --> 00:12:33,070 [bagpipes wailing] 393 00:12:33,071 --> 00:12:34,371 That was "We Are the Champions." 394 00:12:36,694 --> 00:12:38,195 Ugh, it's impossible to find Garmin 395 00:12:38,196 --> 00:12:40,330 with everybody mourning all over the place. 396 00:12:40,331 --> 00:12:42,566 It's like they have no respect for our sneaky plans. 397 00:12:42,567 --> 00:12:43,767 I know. 398 00:12:43,768 --> 00:12:45,468 Oh, look, there he is. 399 00:12:45,469 --> 00:12:46,570 Oh, great. 400 00:12:46,571 --> 00:12:47,771 Hi there. 401 00:12:47,772 --> 00:12:49,239 Sorry, this area is reserved 402 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,974 for close personal friends of the deceased. 403 00:12:50,975 --> 00:12:52,509 Ah, well, that is us. 404 00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,311 Dozerman and I were pretty much besties. 405 00:12:54,312 --> 00:12:55,946 Went on an annual fishing trip together. 406 00:12:55,947 --> 00:12:57,814 Cayuga Lake, caught a lot of Coho salmon. 407 00:12:57,815 --> 00:13:00,483 We are both so bummed that he's dead. 408 00:13:00,484 --> 00:13:01,985 Super bummed. 409 00:13:01,986 --> 00:13:04,187 Oh, right on. Come in. 410 00:13:04,188 --> 00:13:05,221 Thanks. 411 00:13:05,256 --> 00:13:07,157 Blessings to you. 412 00:13:07,158 --> 00:13:08,258 - Blessings? - I don't know. 413 00:13:08,259 --> 00:13:09,626 It's my first time in a church. 414 00:13:09,627 --> 00:13:10,660 All right, how did you do that? 415 00:13:10,661 --> 00:13:12,094 Simple detective work. 416 00:13:12,129 --> 00:13:13,897 There was a floral arrangement up front with a picture 417 00:13:13,898 --> 00:13:16,099 of Dozerman and 30 of his friends holding a big fish. 418 00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:18,133 Cayuga Lake, I pulled straight from the guest book. 419 00:13:18,169 --> 00:13:19,468 And Coho salmon? 420 00:13:19,503 --> 00:13:20,637 Well, that's just something I know about 421 00:13:20,638 --> 00:13:21,805 from being a man of the world. 422 00:13:21,806 --> 00:13:23,773 Our special today is Coho salmon on a... 423 00:13:23,774 --> 00:13:24,774 Sounds disgusting. 424 00:13:24,775 --> 00:13:26,384 Do you have chicken fingers? 425 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:27,777 - Impressed? - Mm-hmm. 426 00:13:27,778 --> 00:13:29,412 And horrified by your eating habits. 427 00:13:29,413 --> 00:13:30,513 Well, if I'm so unhealthy, 428 00:13:30,514 --> 00:13:32,816 how come I never go to the bathroom? 429 00:13:32,817 --> 00:13:36,119 - Okay, let's get to Garmin. - Yeah. 430 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,288 Hi, I'm Margaret Dozerman. 431 00:13:38,289 --> 00:13:39,856 How did you know my husband? 432 00:13:39,857 --> 00:13:42,692 Oh, Mrs. Dozerman, your husband was a great man. 433 00:13:42,693 --> 00:13:44,628 Some of my fondest memories of him 434 00:13:44,629 --> 00:13:45,996 were on our fishing trips. 435 00:13:45,997 --> 00:13:47,097 You went on those trips? 436 00:13:47,098 --> 00:13:48,098 I did, indeed. 437 00:13:48,099 --> 00:13:50,634 They called me "the Coho King." 438 00:13:50,635 --> 00:13:52,769 Pretty much single-handedly organized those things myself. 439 00:13:52,770 --> 00:13:56,406 So you were the one who brought all the prostitutes? 440 00:13:56,407 --> 00:13:59,309 Uh... 441 00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:01,278 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Can we slow down? 442 00:14:01,279 --> 00:14:02,879 Why? Are you not into this? 443 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,147 No, no, no. 444 00:14:04,148 --> 00:14:06,349 My friends are just in my head. 445 00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:07,617 They think it's weird 446 00:14:07,618 --> 00:14:09,486 that we don't know anything about each other. 447 00:14:09,487 --> 00:14:11,054 I think it's hot. 448 00:14:11,055 --> 00:14:13,323 Totally, I'm glad we're not interested in each other 449 00:14:13,324 --> 00:14:16,026 as human beings. 450 00:14:16,027 --> 00:14:19,429 Oh, how about if you tell me things about yourself 451 00:14:19,430 --> 00:14:21,865 and then I tell you how little I care about them? 452 00:14:21,866 --> 00:14:23,800 Okay. 453 00:14:23,801 --> 00:14:25,035 Okay, here goes. 454 00:14:25,036 --> 00:14:26,607 I'm an only child. 455 00:14:26,608 --> 00:14:28,542 - Not interested. - I was born in Delaware. 456 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:29,609 Who even asked you? 457 00:14:29,645 --> 00:14:31,111 I like this. 458 00:14:31,146 --> 00:14:33,013 I don't care what you like. 459 00:14:35,450 --> 00:14:37,817 But maybe you could tell me one more thing. 460 00:14:37,853 --> 00:14:39,654 She's a vegan! 461 00:14:39,655 --> 00:14:41,221 What is going on? 462 00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,057 You're right. I couldn't help myself. 463 00:14:43,058 --> 00:14:44,225 I wanted to know about her. 464 00:14:44,226 --> 00:14:45,826 And I got what I deserved... 465 00:14:45,827 --> 00:14:49,263 a vegan, a gluten-free vegan! 466 00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:51,399 Charles, you need to calm down. 467 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,034 No. You called it, Rosa. 468 00:14:53,035 --> 00:14:54,869 So go ahead. Laugh at me! 469 00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:55,903 Laugh! 470 00:14:55,904 --> 00:14:56,970 Laugh it up! 471 00:14:57,005 --> 00:14:58,905 Can I wait till after the funeral? 472 00:14:58,941 --> 00:15:01,975 Shh! 473 00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:03,009 Of course you can. 474 00:15:04,746 --> 00:15:06,846 Sir, my life stinks. 475 00:15:06,882 --> 00:15:08,783 Sharon's on bed rest. 476 00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:12,118 My favorite mango yogurt got discontinued. 477 00:15:12,154 --> 00:15:14,989 And my kids think their preschool teacher's 478 00:15:14,990 --> 00:15:17,024 a stupidface. 479 00:15:17,025 --> 00:15:20,928 Everyone I work with is a stupidface. 480 00:15:20,929 --> 00:15:22,529 Especially Bryce. 481 00:15:22,564 --> 00:15:23,898 - Sir? - Hmm? 482 00:15:23,899 --> 00:15:24,899 - Sir? - Hmm? 483 00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:26,032 - Sir? - Hmm? 484 00:15:26,068 --> 00:15:27,902 Can I be honest? 485 00:15:27,903 --> 00:15:29,737 Precinct's not the same without you. 486 00:15:29,738 --> 00:15:31,772 The Vulture's the worst. 487 00:15:31,773 --> 00:15:33,440 My mango yogurt... 488 00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:34,708 Yes, you already mentioned the yogurt. 489 00:15:34,743 --> 00:15:36,277 'Cause it's important! 490 00:15:36,278 --> 00:15:39,646 When I saw you in the office this morning, 491 00:15:39,681 --> 00:15:41,982 I wanted to give you the biggest hug. 492 00:15:42,017 --> 00:15:43,751 But the Vulture told you not to, 493 00:15:43,752 --> 00:15:44,852 and you had to listen. 494 00:15:44,853 --> 00:15:46,286 He's your captain now, Terry. 495 00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:49,357 I hate going to work and you're not there. 496 00:15:49,358 --> 00:15:51,725 Everything is garbage. 497 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,129 Hmm. "Everything is garbage." 498 00:15:55,130 --> 00:15:57,798 I should put that in my message of hope. 499 00:15:57,799 --> 00:15:59,899 That's a really good idea! 500 00:15:59,935 --> 00:16:02,737 It took my husband and me years of counseling 501 00:16:02,738 --> 00:16:04,704 to get over those little backwood orgies of yours. 502 00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:06,906 He had sex with five prostitutes in one weekend. 503 00:16:06,942 --> 00:16:08,476 - Ugh! - That's bananas! 504 00:16:08,477 --> 00:16:09,610 I had no idea. 505 00:16:09,611 --> 00:16:10,778 I was probably too busy praying. 506 00:16:10,779 --> 00:16:12,279 You said you planned the trips. 507 00:16:12,314 --> 00:16:15,349 - Yeah, I did say that. - Called yourself the Coho King. 508 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,484 All right, look. 509 00:16:16,485 --> 00:16:18,151 I'm not the Coho King. 510 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:19,253 My name is Jake. 511 00:16:19,254 --> 00:16:20,688 And your husband was only my captain 512 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:21,689 for, like, a day. 513 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:22,790 Wait a second. 514 00:16:22,791 --> 00:16:25,625 Are you the Jake that killed him? 515 00:16:26,795 --> 00:16:28,663 No, I'm prostitute Jake. 516 00:16:28,664 --> 00:16:29,829 I love prostitutes. 517 00:16:29,865 --> 00:16:30,865 You need to go. 518 00:16:30,866 --> 00:16:31,999 You should leave right now. 519 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,067 You need to leave right now. 520 00:16:33,068 --> 00:16:34,502 It's okay, Margaret. Come on. 521 00:16:34,503 --> 00:16:36,537 Oh, Chief Garmin, wait, I just... 522 00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,772 need to play you one quick recording of my boss. 523 00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:41,942 You recorded me? 524 00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:43,244 That's not cool, Jake. 525 00:16:43,245 --> 00:16:45,179 Well, we were just taking a page out of your book. 526 00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:46,614 Yeah? What are you gonna do next, huh? 527 00:16:46,615 --> 00:16:48,281 Are you gonna start wearing leather bracelets, hmm? 528 00:16:48,317 --> 00:16:49,916 Good luck pulling off that chunky-B 529 00:16:49,951 --> 00:16:51,686 with those skinny little girl wrists of yours. 530 00:16:51,687 --> 00:16:52,687 Congratulations. 531 00:16:52,688 --> 00:16:54,388 You're no longer a detective. 532 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,190 You're a beat cop again. 533 00:16:56,191 --> 00:16:58,626 I just crushed your dreams. 534 00:16:58,627 --> 00:16:59,626 [clicks tongue] 535 00:17:02,798 --> 00:17:04,865 Okay, I know things seem really bad right now, 536 00:17:04,866 --> 00:17:06,399 but we just need a minute to think. 537 00:17:06,435 --> 00:17:09,269 [bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace"] 538 00:17:09,304 --> 00:17:10,303 Come on, man! 539 00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:16,301 Okay, so the Vulture has your phone. 540 00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:17,902 But new plan... 541 00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,271 Jake, we've had lots of plans, 542 00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:20,505 and none of them have worked. 543 00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:22,007 Yeah, but this is a good one. 544 00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,042 The new plan is: No plan. 545 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,277 We wing it! 546 00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,344 Probably won't work, but I said it 547 00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,445 with a lot of confidence. 548 00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:28,747 Jake, you got demoted. 549 00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:30,448 We said this relationship wasn't gonna get 550 00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,250 in the way of our careers, and it has. 551 00:17:32,251 --> 00:17:34,052 So what? We'll figure it out. 552 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:35,554 I'll make my way back to detective. 553 00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,189 Or maybe you won't. 554 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,257 I'm not gonna let you throw away your dream job. 555 00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:40,792 Amy, this is good. 556 00:17:40,793 --> 00:17:42,994 This is a six-day relationship. 557 00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:45,096 We don't know what it is. 558 00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:46,998 And now for a message of hope. 559 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,034 Ah, a message of hope, right on time. 560 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,969 Everything is garbage. 561 00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,003 Oh, no. 562 00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,438 You find something you care about, 563 00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,040 and it's taken from you... 564 00:17:55,041 --> 00:17:56,507 your colleague, 565 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:59,144 your dream job, 566 00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:00,145 your mango yogurt. 567 00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:01,213 Whoo! 568 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:06,038 Never love anything. 569 00:18:08,426 --> 00:18:10,127 That's the lesson. 570 00:18:10,128 --> 00:18:11,462 To Captain Dozerman. 571 00:18:11,463 --> 00:18:12,896 All: Captain Dozerman. 572 00:18:12,897 --> 00:18:14,164 Thank you, sir. 573 00:18:14,165 --> 00:18:16,233 I'll take it from here. Very poetic. 574 00:18:16,234 --> 00:18:19,303 If I might offer a counter-toast of sorts. 575 00:18:19,304 --> 00:18:21,372 Captain Dozerman and I, 576 00:18:21,373 --> 00:18:23,507 we weren't together for very long. 577 00:18:23,508 --> 00:18:25,109 In fact, as coworkers, 578 00:18:25,110 --> 00:18:28,312 our relationship was only six days. 579 00:18:28,313 --> 00:18:29,747 But that's not nothing. 580 00:18:29,748 --> 00:18:31,181 It was long enough for me to know 581 00:18:31,182 --> 00:18:32,750 that we had something special. 582 00:18:32,751 --> 00:18:34,952 And sure, there may be obstacles. 583 00:18:34,953 --> 00:18:38,355 Him having passed away, for example. 584 00:18:38,356 --> 00:18:40,291 But I'm not giving up on us. 585 00:18:40,292 --> 00:18:42,359 And I don't care if I get demoted. 586 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:47,164 I just care about being with you... 587 00:18:47,165 --> 00:18:50,067 Captain Dozerman, 588 00:18:50,068 --> 00:18:51,769 an adult man 589 00:18:51,770 --> 00:18:53,337 who has passed into the nether world. 590 00:18:53,338 --> 00:18:55,072 Move over, Peralta! 591 00:18:55,073 --> 00:18:56,807 Move over! 592 00:18:56,808 --> 00:18:57,841 Okay. 593 00:18:57,842 --> 00:19:00,944 And if I may do a third toast. 594 00:19:00,945 --> 00:19:04,848 It'll be focused primarily on the mango yogurt. 595 00:19:04,849 --> 00:19:06,150 [all groan] 596 00:19:06,151 --> 00:19:07,384 Don't boo me! 597 00:19:07,385 --> 00:19:09,585 I lost something important too, shoot. 598 00:19:12,624 --> 00:19:14,892 Thought I might find you here. 599 00:19:14,893 --> 00:19:17,261 So not a big fan of my speech, huh? 600 00:19:17,262 --> 00:19:19,196 No, I loved it. 601 00:19:19,197 --> 00:19:21,598 I mean, I wish it hadn't been at a wake. 602 00:19:21,599 --> 00:19:22,900 And I wish you hadn't kept referring to me 603 00:19:22,901 --> 00:19:23,949 as your dead boss. 604 00:19:23,968 --> 00:19:25,602 Yeah, it pretty much sucked butt 605 00:19:25,603 --> 00:19:27,771 but still was somehow the best of the three toasts. 606 00:19:27,772 --> 00:19:28,772 Hmm. 607 00:19:28,773 --> 00:19:30,074 Look, I don't want to break up. 608 00:19:30,075 --> 00:19:31,542 But I don't want to get demoted either. 609 00:19:31,543 --> 00:19:33,476 I just don't know what to do. 610 00:19:33,511 --> 00:19:34,812 I'm all out of plans. 611 00:19:34,813 --> 00:19:36,680 I have one. 612 00:19:36,681 --> 00:19:38,615 Holt saves your ass. 613 00:19:38,616 --> 00:19:39,650 Captain. 614 00:19:39,651 --> 00:19:41,018 I was moved by your speech, Peralta. 615 00:19:41,019 --> 00:19:42,519 Thank you, sir. That's very nice of you to say. 616 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,388 - The syntax was problematic. - Less nice. 617 00:19:44,389 --> 00:19:46,056 And your vocabulary is a true indictment 618 00:19:46,057 --> 00:19:47,224 of the public school system. 619 00:19:47,225 --> 00:19:48,559 Seems like you're just slamming me now. 620 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,561 But the fact that you're not willing to give up 621 00:19:50,562 --> 00:19:52,863 in the face of adversity is inspiring. 622 00:19:52,864 --> 00:19:54,631 I love the Nine-Nine, 623 00:19:54,632 --> 00:19:56,333 and I'm not gonna turn my back on the squad. 624 00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:58,035 So I fixed your problem with the Vulture. 625 00:19:58,036 --> 00:20:00,504 - Really? - I may just be a guy in PR. 626 00:20:00,505 --> 00:20:03,307 But what does the Vulture love more than anything? 627 00:20:03,308 --> 00:20:04,341 Garbage Pail Kids? 628 00:20:04,342 --> 00:20:06,377 No. Publicity. 629 00:20:06,378 --> 00:20:07,544 Captain Pembroke, how would you like 630 00:20:07,545 --> 00:20:09,313 your face on the NYPD website? 631 00:20:09,314 --> 00:20:10,681 Really? 632 00:20:10,682 --> 00:20:12,383 Yes! Yes! 633 00:20:12,384 --> 00:20:13,751 In exchange for media attention, 634 00:20:13,752 --> 00:20:14,985 the Vulture will not bust you down 635 00:20:14,986 --> 00:20:16,687 or stand in the way of you two dating. 636 00:20:16,688 --> 00:20:18,422 Sir, I don't know how to thank you. 637 00:20:18,423 --> 00:20:20,891 Anything for the Nine-Nine. 638 00:20:20,892 --> 00:20:22,626 Thank you, sir. 639 00:20:22,627 --> 00:20:24,828 He totally approves of us. 640 00:20:24,829 --> 00:20:27,297 Whatcha doing there, Boyle? 641 00:20:27,298 --> 00:20:29,566 Trying to get drunk enough to have sexual intercourse 642 00:20:29,567 --> 00:20:30,968 with a vegan. 643 00:20:30,969 --> 00:20:32,302 Why can't I just think with my junk 644 00:20:32,303 --> 00:20:33,370 like a modern man? 645 00:20:33,371 --> 00:20:34,371 Why do you want to do that? 646 00:20:34,372 --> 00:20:35,406 [sighs] 647 00:20:35,407 --> 00:20:37,374 I got divorced, and I was crushed. 648 00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:39,610 My fiancée left. I cried for weeks. 649 00:20:39,611 --> 00:20:41,044 My only relationship that wasn't 650 00:20:41,045 --> 00:20:42,613 totally devastating when it ended 651 00:20:42,614 --> 00:20:44,581 was my casual sex carnival with Gina. 652 00:20:44,582 --> 00:20:45,642 Yeah, okay, 653 00:20:45,643 --> 00:20:47,017 But with of those relationships 654 00:20:47,018 --> 00:20:49,086 made you happiest before it ended? 655 00:20:49,087 --> 00:20:50,052 [sighs] 656 00:20:50,053 --> 00:20:51,604 My marriage. Vivian. 657 00:20:51,605 --> 00:20:53,857 Yeah, because you connect with them emotionally, 658 00:20:53,858 --> 00:20:55,626 something we did not do 659 00:20:55,627 --> 00:20:57,461 because I'm a higher level of being, 660 00:20:57,462 --> 00:20:59,096 like Her from the movie "Her." 661 00:20:59,097 --> 00:21:01,598 Dude, you can't go through life trying not to get hurt. 662 00:21:01,599 --> 00:21:03,000 You should try to be happy. 663 00:21:03,001 --> 00:21:04,968 So you think I should look for someone 664 00:21:04,969 --> 00:21:06,603 I can have emotional intercourse with. 665 00:21:06,604 --> 00:21:08,605 I wish you hadn't said it like that, but yeah. 666 00:21:08,606 --> 00:21:10,307 And I should start right here at this funeral. 667 00:21:10,308 --> 00:21:11,308 I'd probably wait. 668 00:21:11,309 --> 00:21:12,843 Nope, no time to lose. 669 00:21:12,844 --> 00:21:14,111 Put on your sunglasses. 670 00:21:14,112 --> 00:21:15,579 I need to see if there's anything in my teeth. 671 00:21:15,580 --> 00:21:16,913 Ugh. 672 00:21:19,284 --> 00:21:21,785 Oh, yeah. 673 00:21:21,786 --> 00:21:24,687 Charles Boyle is ready for love. 674 00:21:26,491 --> 00:21:28,558 Well, never wearing these again. 675 00:21:29,109 --> 00:21:33,129 Sync and corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 675 00:21:34,305 --> 00:22:34,802 Who are the real-world Illuminati ? 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