1 00:03:22,605 --> 00:03:23,980 Goddard's just arrived, Spud. 2 00:03:24,106 --> 00:03:26,098 What's the ruddy idea? 3 00:03:28,484 --> 00:03:30,809 It's total war, isn't it? What do you want? 4 00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:34,276 - Message from HQ. Where's the CO? - In the barn. Follow me. 5 00:03:45,913 --> 00:03:47,703 Message from headquarters, sir. 6 00:03:47,831 --> 00:03:49,823 - Sergeant Hawkins? - Sir. 7 00:03:52,209 --> 00:03:54,200 - Read it. - Sir. 8 00:03:56,086 --> 00:03:58,078 It's in code, sir. Message begins: 9 00:03:58,213 --> 00:04:00,963 "Exercise invasion of the London area by Regular Army. 10 00:04:01,090 --> 00:04:03,082 Home Guard defending. 11 00:04:03,216 --> 00:04:05,338 War starts at midnight." 12 00:04:05,468 --> 00:04:06,926 Message ends. 13 00:04:07,052 --> 00:04:10,467 The CO's put in pencil here, sir, "Make it like the real thing." 14 00:04:10,596 --> 00:04:12,054 Oh, he has, has he? 15 00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:14,386 Section commanders. 16 00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:16,507 (Whistles) 17 00:04:20,936 --> 00:04:24,850 Message from HQ. War starts at midnight. You have your orders. Tell the men. 18 00:04:24,981 --> 00:04:28,479 - Tell them to make it like the real thing. - What do you mean by the real thing? 19 00:04:28,608 --> 00:04:31,277 Divide our losses by 10 and multiply the enemy's by 20. 20 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,352 - Yes, sir. - That's all for now. 21 00:04:33,487 --> 00:04:36,155 - Anything for me, sir? - No, no, nothing else. 22 00:04:39,324 --> 00:04:41,031 War starts at midnight. We know... 23 00:04:41,159 --> 00:04:42,072 - They know... - We attack... 24 00:04:42,243 --> 00:04:43,191 They counterattack. 25 00:04:43,327 --> 00:04:45,532 Like the real thing, my Aunt Fanny! 26 00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,820 Like the real thing... 27 00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,493 Like the real thing! 28 00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:53,450 Sergeant Hawkins, section commanders! 29 00:04:55,001 --> 00:04:56,792 So, war starts at midnight, does it? 30 00:04:56,919 --> 00:04:58,247 - Sir. - We attack at six. 31 00:04:58,379 --> 00:05:01,711 Take the Tommy guns and three trucks. Section leaders with Tommy guns. 32 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,831 Arm the men with bombs, rifles, bayonets. 33 00:05:03,966 --> 00:05:04,914 - Tommy. - Sir. 34 00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:07,374 From your section - Rice, Unsworth, the two Owens, 35 00:05:07,510 --> 00:05:09,466 - Nobby, Toots and Cochran. - Not Cochran. 36 00:05:09,636 --> 00:05:11,924 Stuffy, who are the biggest toughs in your lot? 37 00:05:12,055 --> 00:05:15,173 - Bill Wall, Wimpey, Popeye. - Right. Yours, Robin? 38 00:05:15,307 --> 00:05:18,141 - Frank, Skeets, Duggie Stuart, sir. - Taffy, Geordie, sir. 39 00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:19,844 Busty, Simms and Pat Sullivan, sir. 40 00:05:19,977 --> 00:05:22,099 Dai Evans - we must have him, look you. 41 00:05:22,228 --> 00:05:23,177 All right, get going. 42 00:05:23,312 --> 00:05:24,308 Excuse me, sir? 43 00:05:24,438 --> 00:05:26,893 Did you say that we attack before war is declared? 44 00:05:27,023 --> 00:05:29,264 Yes, like Pearl Harbor. Now, get going. 45 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,724 By the way, there's just one stop - at The Bull. 46 00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:33,852 I've got a date there with Mata Hari. 47 00:05:33,986 --> 00:05:36,062 - Careless talk? - Yeah. Now, scram. 48 00:05:53,966 --> 00:05:55,958 Five minutes easy, Sergeant. 49 00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:04,172 Five minutes easy, Stuffy. 50 00:06:11,562 --> 00:06:13,554 I wonder what's keeping Spud. 51 00:06:13,688 --> 00:06:15,680 Come on. 52 00:06:22,736 --> 00:06:25,107 - Afternoon, Sergeant Hawkins. - Afternoon, miss. 53 00:06:29,157 --> 00:06:31,315 - Hey! - Back on the trucks. 54 00:06:38,747 --> 00:06:40,739 Spud? 55 00:06:42,791 --> 00:06:44,783 There's Spud. 56 00:06:46,335 --> 00:06:48,327 Spud? 57 00:06:48,462 --> 00:06:52,209 - What's the matter? What's the matter? - Sir, what happened? 58 00:06:52,339 --> 00:06:53,667 - Spud! - She got me. 59 00:06:53,799 --> 00:06:56,004 - Who? - Mata Hari! Come on, quick... 60 00:06:58,719 --> 00:07:01,256 - Any luck? - Not a hope. She's halfway to London by now. 61 00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:04,921 She's gone to warn the wizard. Come on, get my tin hat. Come on! 62 00:07:13,687 --> 00:07:15,146 The barricade's open, sir. 63 00:07:15,272 --> 00:07:16,647 God damn it! 64 00:07:16,773 --> 00:07:19,689 You know, you ought to have one of these field dressings on that. 65 00:07:19,816 --> 00:07:23,813 Save it for her. She'll need it somewhere else when I catch up with her. 66 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,817 See that barricade, my boys? 67 00:07:30,949 --> 00:07:33,320 At midnight on the dot, it's got to be closed, 68 00:07:33,492 --> 00:07:35,864 and, of course, the enemy can't get through before, 69 00:07:35,994 --> 00:07:37,986 because why? 70 00:07:38,121 --> 00:07:42,117 - Because... ALL: War starts at midnight! 71 00:07:45,125 --> 00:07:47,912 - What's the objective, sir? - Royal Bathers' Club. 72 00:07:48,044 --> 00:07:49,242 What about Mata Hari? 73 00:07:49,378 --> 00:07:52,663 We'll beat her to it. I know a couple of short cuts after Marble Arch. 74 00:07:57,759 --> 00:07:59,632 There she is! 75 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,215 Get the other trucks to close up. 76 00:08:02,345 --> 00:08:03,804 See if you can pass her. 77 00:08:04,889 --> 00:08:06,881 Blast that taxi! 78 00:08:08,558 --> 00:08:10,218 Steady. 79 00:08:10,351 --> 00:08:12,307 Keep right on his tail. 80 00:08:13,436 --> 00:08:15,227 Keep straight on. 81 00:08:15,354 --> 00:08:17,560 Second left. We've got her! 82 00:08:32,032 --> 00:08:34,523 Come on, Section. Number two? Number three? 83 00:08:34,659 --> 00:08:37,410 - You have your orders. Sergeant Hawkins. - Sir. 84 00:08:37,536 --> 00:08:38,911 Yes, I... 85 00:08:40,705 --> 00:08:43,112 - Is General Wynne-Candy here? - He left an hour ago 86 00:08:43,248 --> 00:08:46,663 with Brigadier General Caldicott and Air Vice Marshal Lloyd-Hughes. 87 00:08:46,792 --> 00:08:49,792 - Did he say where he was going? - What is your business with him? 88 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,164 I have an urgent message. 89 00:08:51,295 --> 00:08:53,334 If you give me the message, I'll see he gets it. 90 00:08:53,464 --> 00:08:55,870 Damn it all, man! Are you in the Home Guard? 91 00:08:56,007 --> 00:08:57,916 Why, sir? 92 00:08:58,050 --> 00:09:00,042 The password is Veuve Clicquot 1911. 93 00:09:01,928 --> 00:09:04,465 The General and his staff are in the Turkish baths, sir. 94 00:09:05,805 --> 00:09:08,296 Sergeant Hawkins? You're in charge. Stay with him. 95 00:09:08,432 --> 00:09:10,424 And you're a prisoner of war. 96 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,594 - It doesn't start till midnight. - That's what you think. 97 00:09:13,727 --> 00:09:16,811 - That girl under the desk, she's a prisoner too. - Sir. 98 00:09:17,980 --> 00:09:21,514 All right, boys, this is it. Brute force and ruddy ignorance! 99 00:09:21,650 --> 00:09:23,642 Come on. After him! Double up. 100 00:09:26,528 --> 00:09:27,476 (Telephone buzzes) 101 00:09:27,612 --> 00:09:29,319 You're a prisoner. 102 00:09:29,488 --> 00:09:31,813 Guard this man. And answer that damn telephone! 103 00:09:31,948 --> 00:09:35,612 Yes? Yes, miss? Warn General Wynne-Candy? Can't do that, miss. 104 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,779 Sorry, miss. The General's a prisoner, and so are you. 105 00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:43,154 Oh! The war's over. 106 00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:48,746 (Confused shouting) 107 00:09:56,215 --> 00:09:58,207 Quiet! 108 00:09:59,342 --> 00:10:01,630 MAN: Are you the ringleader of this outrage? 109 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,794 Quiet, please! 110 00:10:03,928 --> 00:10:07,343 This is an Army exercise. You're all prisoners. Now, stay where you are. 111 00:10:07,472 --> 00:10:09,963 - Come here. Where's General Wynne-Candy? - Who, sir? 112 00:10:10,099 --> 00:10:11,676 - You heard. - In the steam room. 113 00:10:11,809 --> 00:10:13,801 Come on, then, show me the way. Go on. 114 00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:24,892 This is it. 115 00:10:28,987 --> 00:10:30,979 Sir? 116 00:10:33,157 --> 00:10:34,864 Sir? 117 00:10:34,991 --> 00:10:35,940 Go away. 118 00:10:37,826 --> 00:10:39,818 General Wynne-Candy? 119 00:10:39,953 --> 00:10:41,945 Eh? 120 00:10:42,079 --> 00:10:43,952 What? Who is it? 121 00:10:44,081 --> 00:10:46,997 Lieutenant Wilson, 2nd Battalion, the Loamshires, sir. 122 00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,535 What do you want? 123 00:10:48,667 --> 00:10:51,453 Well, sir... I'm afraid, sir, we've... 124 00:10:51,586 --> 00:10:55,001 Well, say it, man, say it. I've no time to waste. 125 00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:57,336 Oh, yes, you have, sir. 126 00:10:57,465 --> 00:10:59,753 I beg your pardon, sir? 127 00:10:59,883 --> 00:11:02,005 You've got all night, sir. 128 00:11:02,135 --> 00:11:03,545 Attendant! 129 00:11:03,677 --> 00:11:05,255 I'm afraid he can't come. 130 00:11:08,389 --> 00:11:09,338 Why? 131 00:11:09,473 --> 00:11:13,256 - He's a prisoner, sir. - What's going on here? 132 00:11:13,392 --> 00:11:14,388 Invasion, sir. 133 00:11:15,894 --> 00:11:18,265 But, you damned young idiot, 134 00:11:18,396 --> 00:11:20,601 war starts at midnight. 135 00:11:20,731 --> 00:11:24,312 - Haven't you been told? - Oh, yes, sir. That's why we're here. 136 00:11:24,442 --> 00:11:27,975 But may I ask on what authority? 137 00:11:28,111 --> 00:11:30,186 On the authority of these guns and these men. 138 00:11:30,321 --> 00:11:33,570 Authority?! Authority?! 139 00:11:33,698 --> 00:11:36,568 How dare you, sir! How dare you! 140 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:40,483 Get out of here, sir, you and your gang of awful militia gangsters. 141 00:11:40,619 --> 00:11:42,196 Get out! 142 00:11:42,329 --> 00:11:44,700 - Popeye. Guard this man. Stuffy? - Sir? 143 00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:48,494 Go to the cubicles. Find the General's. You'll find a pigskin case there. 144 00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:50,202 Yes, sir. 145 00:11:51,335 --> 00:11:54,370 But you can't do that! Look, the code is in that case. 146 00:11:54,504 --> 00:11:56,412 The whole exercise'll be a farce 147 00:11:56,547 --> 00:12:00,045 - if you have that code. - Oh, no, sir. This is going to be the real thing. 148 00:12:00,174 --> 00:12:03,127 But war starts at midnight! 149 00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:05,252 Oh, yes, you say war starts at midnight. 150 00:12:05,386 --> 00:12:07,295 How do you know the enemy says so too? 151 00:12:07,429 --> 00:12:11,046 But, my dear fellow, that was agreed, wasn't it? 152 00:12:11,182 --> 00:12:13,174 Agreed, my foot! 153 00:12:13,308 --> 00:12:16,225 How many agreements have been kept by the enemy since war began? 154 00:12:16,352 --> 00:12:19,387 We agree to keep to the rules, and they go on kicking us in the pants. 155 00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:21,726 When I joined the Army, the only agreement I made 156 00:12:21,856 --> 00:12:25,105 was to defend my country, not only by the National Sporting Club rules, 157 00:12:25,233 --> 00:12:26,976 but by every means that have existed 158 00:12:27,109 --> 00:12:29,434 - since Cain slugged Abel. WYNNE-CANDY: Stop it. 159 00:12:29,569 --> 00:12:32,937 They're counting on us to keep to the rules. They openly boast about it! 160 00:12:33,072 --> 00:12:34,103 Stop it! 161 00:12:35,282 --> 00:12:37,273 Lieutenant... 162 00:12:38,409 --> 00:12:40,697 ... Watson, or whatever your name is, 163 00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:45,286 you are not in Hyde Park, with an audience of loafers. 164 00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:48,413 I am Major General Wynne-Candy. 165 00:12:48,582 --> 00:12:51,452 These other gentlemen have all seen service. 166 00:12:51,584 --> 00:12:54,039 Distinguished service with the British Army. 167 00:12:54,169 --> 00:12:57,502 When Napoleon said that an army marches on its stomach... 168 00:12:57,630 --> 00:12:59,207 I'd better stop, sir. 169 00:13:02,133 --> 00:13:05,418 You're an extremely impudent young officer, 170 00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:09,216 but let me tell you that in 40 years' time 171 00:13:09,346 --> 00:13:11,338 you will be an old gentleman too. 172 00:13:11,473 --> 00:13:15,137 If your belly keeps pace with your head, you'll have a bigger one than any of us. 173 00:13:15,267 --> 00:13:17,259 Maybe I shall in 40 years, 174 00:13:17,394 --> 00:13:21,260 but I doubt it, and I doubt if I'll have time to grow a moustache like yours, sir. 175 00:13:21,396 --> 00:13:26,353 But in 1983, at least I shall be able to say that 40 years ago I was a fellow of enterprise. 176 00:13:28,735 --> 00:13:31,403 I'll punch your head for that, young fellow! 177 00:13:31,486 --> 00:13:34,403 You young puppy! Put 'em up. Take that. 178 00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:36,522 I'll teach you! 179 00:13:38,825 --> 00:13:41,694 Think you can say what you like to an old 'un, do you? 180 00:13:41,827 --> 00:13:43,866 Do you know how many wars I've been in? 181 00:13:43,995 --> 00:13:47,778 I was fighting for my country when your father was still in bumfreezers! 182 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,159 Puppy! 183 00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:51,282 Gangster! 184 00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:53,959 You laugh at my big belly, 185 00:13:54,085 --> 00:13:55,627 but you don't know how I got it. 186 00:13:55,753 --> 00:13:58,788 You laugh at my moustache, but you don't know why I grew it. 187 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:02,005 How do you know what sort of a fellow I was when I was as young as you 188 00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,124 40 years ago? 189 00:14:08,637 --> 00:14:12,336 DISTORTED VOICE: 40 years ago. 190 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:18,183 40 years ago... 191 00:14:40,383 --> 00:14:44,427 - Everything you want, Mr Candy, sir? - Yes, thanks, Peters. 192 00:14:44,553 --> 00:14:46,545 193 00:14:46,679 --> 00:14:48,470 194 00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:50,056 195 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:53,051 MAN: 196 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,176 197 00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:58,808 198 00:14:58,979 --> 00:14:59,928 199 00:15:00,063 --> 00:15:02,055 BOTH: 200 00:15:02,190 --> 00:15:03,352 Quiet! 201 00:15:03,482 --> 00:15:06,482 Quiet! People are trying to sleep. 202 00:15:06,610 --> 00:15:08,400 - Suggie! - Hoppy, my old horse! 203 00:15:08,528 --> 00:15:11,196 - Since when are you in London? - Yesterday. Sick leave. 204 00:15:11,321 --> 00:15:13,693 I say, I've been searching for you all over the city. 205 00:15:13,823 --> 00:15:16,657 - Yes? - I'm terribly sorry to hear about your leg. 206 00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,326 Jumping Jehoshaphat! It is there! 207 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:22,487 - What did you think I was standing on? - I thought you had a wooden leg. 208 00:15:22,620 --> 00:15:25,870 - Why should I have a wooden leg? - They told me they cut off your left leg. 209 00:15:25,998 --> 00:15:28,488 Can't have, old boy. I'd have known about it. 210 00:15:31,168 --> 00:15:32,117 Quiet! 211 00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,547 (Horses outside) 212 00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:46,252 - Call a cab, porter. - Yes, sir. 213 00:15:46,387 --> 00:15:47,549 Boy. 214 00:15:47,679 --> 00:15:50,348 - A hansom. Growlers barred. - He knows, sir. 215 00:15:50,473 --> 00:15:54,339 I could have done with a nap myself. I'm going to the theatre tonight. 216 00:15:54,476 --> 00:15:56,966 - Can't you sleep there? - Invited. Two ladies. 217 00:15:57,102 --> 00:15:59,427 - Can I come? CANDY: One is the mother. 218 00:15:59,562 --> 00:16:01,554 Your cab, sir. 219 00:16:06,359 --> 00:16:08,849 Ah. The opera singers, eh? 220 00:16:08,985 --> 00:16:12,982 Hm. No wonder civilians are grumbling about the Army. 221 00:16:13,113 --> 00:16:15,782 Ought to be ashamed of yourselves, 222 00:16:15,865 --> 00:16:20,988 yelling and screaming like some damned... damned foreigner. 223 00:16:21,119 --> 00:16:23,324 It's a nice state of things. 224 00:16:23,454 --> 00:16:27,118 Officers and men losing their lives in South Africa, 225 00:16:27,248 --> 00:16:31,493 while young officers are roaring about public places like drunkards. 226 00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:34,952 Perhaps you are drunk, hm? 227 00:16:39,715 --> 00:16:42,122 - What's this? - The VC, sir. 228 00:16:42,258 --> 00:16:45,294 - Where did you get it? - South Africa. Jordaan Siding. 229 00:16:45,427 --> 00:16:47,834 You're Candy. "Sugar" Candy! 230 00:16:47,970 --> 00:16:49,215 Yes, sir. 231 00:16:50,430 --> 00:16:52,422 Good show, Candy. 232 00:16:52,557 --> 00:16:54,513 - Thank you, sir. - Hopwell, sir. 233 00:16:54,683 --> 00:16:58,549 - Hopwell? Son of Barney Hopwell of the 66th? - Yes, sir. 234 00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:00,678 - You're very musical. - No, sir. 235 00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:04,015 - And so are you. - You mean, Mignon, sir? "I Am Titania"? 236 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:05,725 - You're what? - Titania. 237 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,391 We were shut up with her for seven months near Jordaan Siding. 238 00:17:09,527 --> 00:17:11,732 - I beg your pardon? - It's an aria, sir. 239 00:17:11,862 --> 00:17:16,652 Mignon. We had a phonograph and broke every record but that one. We know it by heart. 240 00:17:22,661 --> 00:17:26,360 Well, are you boys going to Piccadilly? That's where I'm going. 241 00:17:26,497 --> 00:17:28,489 (Old soldier coughs) 242 00:17:29,707 --> 00:17:33,157 - Can I give you a lift? - No, thank you, sir. We've got a cab. 243 00:17:33,293 --> 00:17:35,499 - St James's Palace. - Right, sir. 244 00:17:36,712 --> 00:17:40,080 I hope you two boys enjoy your leave. You've earned it. 245 00:17:40,214 --> 00:17:42,171 Thank you, sir. Mind the door, sir. 246 00:17:42,341 --> 00:17:43,799 Boy! 247 00:17:45,551 --> 00:17:47,958 - Another hansom. - The old horse thief. 248 00:17:52,264 --> 00:17:54,256 (Horn) 249 00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:01,010 - Have you ever ridden in one? - Rather. All the way to Epsom. 250 00:18:01,145 --> 00:18:03,552 - Lovely lines, hasn't she? - Topping. 251 00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:07,187 - A hot potato, sir? - No, no. We've just come over for a warm. 252 00:18:07,358 --> 00:18:11,437 The same beastly drizzle. The same fog and soot. Good old London. 253 00:18:11,569 --> 00:18:15,435 Now, listen, Suggie. You remember that interview you gave The Times? 254 00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:17,979 - You don't mean to say you read it? - Me? No. 255 00:18:18,115 --> 00:18:21,032 But I have a niece who has a governess who has a sister. 256 00:18:21,159 --> 00:18:23,993 - Pretty? - Never laid eyes on her, but she read it. 257 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:27,653 - Who? - My niece's governess's sister. In Berlin. 258 00:18:27,788 --> 00:18:33,955 She wrote to her sister over here who gave the letter to my niece to give to me to give to you. 259 00:18:34,084 --> 00:18:36,076 Who do I give it to? 260 00:18:36,211 --> 00:18:38,535 Nobody. It's for you, and there it is. 261 00:18:38,671 --> 00:18:40,876 - Why? - Well, read it, you big ape. 262 00:18:41,006 --> 00:18:43,211 You'll find out. It's interesting. 263 00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:12,230 OFFICER: Sit down. 264 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,685 - Thank you, sir. - Fire away. 265 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,812 Well, sir, I have a friend... 266 00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,982 Good. Not everyone can say that. Continue. 267 00:19:20,116 --> 00:19:22,191 This friend of mine, sir, has a niece. 268 00:19:22,326 --> 00:19:25,160 Cut it short. You say here something about a letter. 269 00:19:25,286 --> 00:19:27,278 One: Who wrote it? Two: What's in it? 270 00:19:27,412 --> 00:19:31,575 Three: What's the War Office got to do with it? Four: I'll tell you. Five: Out. 271 00:19:31,707 --> 00:19:33,082 One? 272 00:19:33,208 --> 00:19:37,287 A girl wrote it from Berlin, sir. Edith Hunter. She's a governess there. 273 00:19:37,419 --> 00:19:39,744 Rather an uncomfortable billet just now. 274 00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:42,251 That's just it. They hate us in Germany. 275 00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:44,918 They're spreading propaganda all over Europe 276 00:19:45,049 --> 00:19:48,168 that we're killing women and children in South Africa, 277 00:19:48,302 --> 00:19:51,716 starving them in camps, shooting mothers, burning babies. 278 00:19:51,846 --> 00:19:54,300 You wouldn't believe what they've invented. 279 00:19:54,431 --> 00:19:57,881 Conan Doyle thinks something ought to be done about it, too. 280 00:19:58,017 --> 00:20:01,847 About what? And what's all this about a letter? And who's Conan Doyle? 281 00:20:02,019 --> 00:20:05,683 The author chap. Writes the Sherlock Holmes stories in The Strand. 282 00:20:05,814 --> 00:20:09,146 - This Doyle writes the Sherlock Holmes stories? - Yes, sir. 283 00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:13,567 CANDY: Conan Doyle. BETTERIDGE: Never heard of him, but I've read 284 00:20:13,694 --> 00:20:16,480 every Holmes story since they started in July '91. 285 00:20:16,613 --> 00:20:20,360 - Reading The Hound Of The Baskervilles? - That last instalment. 286 00:20:20,490 --> 00:20:22,778 A bit of a facer for poor old Watson, sir. 287 00:20:22,909 --> 00:20:25,363 "Lovely evening, my dear Watson. 288 00:20:25,494 --> 00:20:29,324 I really think you'll be more comfortable outside than in." 289 00:20:29,455 --> 00:20:33,533 Sarcastic devil, that fellow Holmes. I once had a CO just like him. 290 00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:36,500 He must be a rather good fellow as authors go. 291 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:41,963 He is collecting material about our campaign in South Africa to counter German propaganda. 292 00:20:42,088 --> 00:20:45,622 The Times printed an interview with me about seven weeks ago. 293 00:20:45,757 --> 00:20:48,295 Bad. A good rule to keep out of the newspapers. 294 00:20:48,426 --> 00:20:50,299 Still, The Times is a bit different. 295 00:20:50,427 --> 00:20:52,135 Yes, I suppose so. 296 00:20:52,262 --> 00:20:55,677 In this interview, I mentioned a place called Jordaan Siding. 297 00:20:55,806 --> 00:20:57,597 I was there for seven months. 298 00:20:57,724 --> 00:21:03,061 This girl writes that the worst stories of all are being put about by a fellow called Kaunitz, 299 00:21:03,186 --> 00:21:05,178 who says he saw with his own eyes 300 00:21:05,312 --> 00:21:10,732 British soldiers kill 250 women and children at Jordaan Siding in order to save feeding them. 301 00:21:10,858 --> 00:21:15,767 - Do you know this fellow... Kaunitz? - Of course, sir. He's the most awful little rat. 302 00:21:15,903 --> 00:21:17,729 He was spying for us and the Boers. 303 00:21:17,863 --> 00:21:20,613 He made South Africa too hot for himself and skipped. 304 00:21:20,740 --> 00:21:24,818 - Both sides would have shot him, if they could. - What do you want me to do? 305 00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:29,576 My leave isn't up for four weeks. Why shouldn't l go to Berlin and confront this rat? 306 00:21:29,704 --> 00:21:31,162 My dear boy. 307 00:21:34,624 --> 00:21:38,703 First of all, it's not done. This isn't Army business, it's Embassy. 308 00:21:38,835 --> 00:21:41,123 Leave politics to the politicians. 309 00:21:41,254 --> 00:21:45,036 You wouldn't like a diplomat to come charging into the front line. 310 00:21:45,173 --> 00:21:48,173 - It might do him a lot of good, sir. - Juvenile nonsense. 311 00:21:48,342 --> 00:21:49,919 Sorry, sir. 312 00:21:50,051 --> 00:21:53,917 You were sent home in order to recuperate. Your country needs you. 313 00:21:54,054 --> 00:21:56,046 - Do you play golf? - Yes, sir. 314 00:21:56,180 --> 00:21:58,256 - What's your form? - About ten, sir. 315 00:21:58,390 --> 00:22:00,596 - Care for a game? - Sorry, sir. 316 00:22:00,725 --> 00:22:03,394 I'm invited by Lady Gilpin to Leicestershire. 317 00:22:03,519 --> 00:22:06,684 BETTERIDGE: Enjoy yourself. - (Telephone rings) 318 00:22:06,813 --> 00:22:09,101 Ml. Major Plumley. 319 00:22:09,231 --> 00:22:11,602 - This author chap... - Author chap, sir? 320 00:22:11,733 --> 00:22:14,223 Fellow that wrote Hound Of The Baskervilles. 321 00:22:14,359 --> 00:22:16,316 - Conan Doyle? - Yes. 322 00:22:16,486 --> 00:22:18,478 You didn't happen to ask him 323 00:22:18,612 --> 00:22:21,980 - what happens in the next instalment? - Just a moment. 324 00:22:22,115 --> 00:22:24,107 Yes, sir. There's another murder. 325 00:22:24,241 --> 00:22:26,910 - Not the baronet? - No, sir. The baronet's safe. 326 00:22:27,035 --> 00:22:29,027 Good. Good. I'm glad. 327 00:22:30,162 --> 00:22:32,486 - Warm for January. - Damn cold, I call it. 328 00:22:34,957 --> 00:22:39,119 Take my tip, my boy. You've got a damn good VC, now keep quiet for a bit, hm? 329 00:22:40,336 --> 00:22:42,327 (Hopwell whistles "I Am Titania") 330 00:22:45,547 --> 00:22:47,539 Well, what did he say? 331 00:22:53,469 --> 00:22:55,876 Do you still want to go to the theatre tonight? 332 00:22:56,013 --> 00:22:59,048 - You told me when I asked you... - Never mind what I said. 333 00:22:59,182 --> 00:23:01,850 Her Majesty's Theatre. The Last Of The Dandies. 334 00:23:01,975 --> 00:23:04,263 Introduce yourself to Lady Gilpin and Sybil. 335 00:23:04,435 --> 00:23:07,601 Say I've gone on some secret mission. Make me mysterious. 336 00:23:07,729 --> 00:23:09,555 Girl's pretty. Mother's a gorgon. 337 00:23:09,689 --> 00:23:12,605 - Are you going on a secret mission? - Yes, to Berlin. 338 00:23:12,733 --> 00:23:14,689 - He send you? - It's a secret from him, too. 339 00:23:21,697 --> 00:23:24,366 - Morning. You send those flowers? - Yes, sir. 340 00:23:24,449 --> 00:23:26,441 Oh, there's a postcard for you, sir. 341 00:23:26,575 --> 00:23:29,066 It's from Mr Candy. So, the old boy got there. 342 00:23:29,202 --> 00:23:31,527 - How is Mr Candy, sir? - Read it yourself. 343 00:23:53,844 --> 00:23:56,215 Das ist die Dame im kleinen Salon. 344 00:24:01,516 --> 00:24:03,307 Mr Candy? 345 00:24:03,434 --> 00:24:05,225 - Miss Hunter? - Yes. 346 00:24:05,352 --> 00:24:10,143 Thank you for your telegram. It was a great surprise. I had no idea you were in Berlin. 347 00:24:10,272 --> 00:24:13,023 Nor had I until now. I only arrived yesterday. 348 00:24:13,149 --> 00:24:17,228 Can you possibly mean that you've come here solely on account of my letter? 349 00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:19,317 - Well, naturally. - Oh. 350 00:24:19,486 --> 00:24:22,190 - You don't mind, do you? - No, no, of course not. 351 00:24:23,823 --> 00:24:26,111 Well... shall we sit down? 352 00:24:32,454 --> 00:24:36,284 - Did you have a good journey? - Excellent. I'm sorry to bring you out. 353 00:24:36,456 --> 00:24:39,492 - I was about to call on you. - I've changed my address. 354 00:24:39,625 --> 00:24:42,578 My position became intolerable. I've had to leave. 355 00:24:42,711 --> 00:24:45,379 English people are not very popular in Berlin. 356 00:24:45,462 --> 00:24:49,329 You've lost your job because you're English? Can you get another job? 357 00:24:49,465 --> 00:24:51,457 Perhaps in a few months' time. Not now. 358 00:24:51,592 --> 00:24:53,833 - What will you do now? - Go back. 359 00:24:53,968 --> 00:24:56,256 - To England? - Yes, I'm afraid so. 360 00:24:56,387 --> 00:24:59,173 Cheer up. England isn't as bad as all that, you know. 361 00:24:59,305 --> 00:25:02,341 That is what we both want to prove, isn't it, Mr Candy? 362 00:25:02,474 --> 00:25:04,632 Yes, Miss Hunter. 363 00:25:04,767 --> 00:25:06,973 How shall we begin? 364 00:25:07,102 --> 00:25:11,099 - Do you know what Kaunitz looks like? - No, I've never seen him. 365 00:25:11,230 --> 00:25:16,187 I know a cafe where he holds his Stammtisch - a table regularly reserved for him... 366 00:25:16,317 --> 00:25:20,313 - Do you know any of his friends, Miss Hunter? - Yes, one. A student. 367 00:25:20,445 --> 00:25:23,943 The brother of my... ex-employer. He is a Burschenschafter. 368 00:25:24,072 --> 00:25:26,029 You know what Burschenshafts are? 369 00:25:26,199 --> 00:25:30,491 - No, Miss Hunter. - Groups of students with political principles. 370 00:25:30,660 --> 00:25:33,328 They assert them by drinking beer and fighting duels. 371 00:25:33,412 --> 00:25:36,328 - Duelling is very popular here, I believe. - Oh, yes. 372 00:25:36,456 --> 00:25:39,705 It's a proud father that has a scarred son, and vice versa. 373 00:25:39,833 --> 00:25:42,157 German girls find scars very attractive. 374 00:25:42,293 --> 00:25:47,286 A book was recently published on the German colonies, in which it was specifically stated 375 00:25:47,421 --> 00:25:50,208 that one advantage of possessing duelling scars 376 00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:54,289 was that native Africans look with more respect upon white men who bear them. 377 00:25:54,426 --> 00:25:57,130 I feel like Stanley and Livingstone! 378 00:25:57,261 --> 00:25:59,586 - Surely not both, Mr Candy? - No. 379 00:25:59,721 --> 00:26:03,303 - Miss Livingstone and the missionary. - Livingstone was the missionary. 380 00:26:03,432 --> 00:26:05,424 Oh, yes, of course. So he was. 381 00:26:05,559 --> 00:26:09,057 Well, about this cafe, can you take me there this evening? 382 00:26:09,228 --> 00:26:11,220 - Do you wish me to accompany you? - Yes. 383 00:26:11,354 --> 00:26:13,679 - Very well. - It's awfully nice of you. 384 00:26:13,814 --> 00:26:16,850 I should obviously be absolutely lost without you. 385 00:26:16,983 --> 00:26:20,019 Then, Mr Candy, you are Livingstone, I presume? 386 00:26:23,779 --> 00:26:25,736 387 00:27:06,684 --> 00:27:08,059 (Music ends) 388 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,312 Mr Candy? 389 00:27:28,532 --> 00:27:30,524 (Chatter and laughter) 390 00:27:41,999 --> 00:27:46,375 93? Oh, it's a song all the rage just now. “The mill went round and round”. 391 00:27:46,503 --> 00:27:49,337 "The Mill Went Round And Round", Mr Candy. 392 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,831 393 00:27:58,135 --> 00:28:01,883 Miss Hunter, I'm afraid I've met you here under false pretences. 394 00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:03,804 Indeed? Why? 395 00:28:03,931 --> 00:28:06,006 There are political complications. 396 00:28:06,141 --> 00:28:11,015 The Prince of Wales is coming to Berlin. He's invited to the Kaiser's birthday party. 397 00:28:11,186 --> 00:28:15,396 - A goodwill visit and all that sort of thing. - I know. It was in the papers. 398 00:28:17,023 --> 00:28:21,731 You see, Miss Hunter, I know a chap at our Embassy here. We were at school together. 399 00:28:21,860 --> 00:28:25,310 His name's Fitzroy. Only, we used to call him "Baby-Face". 400 00:28:25,446 --> 00:28:29,442 But how are the Prince of Wales and your friend "Baby-Face" connected? 401 00:28:31,283 --> 00:28:33,275 Well, you see... 402 00:28:34,702 --> 00:28:37,406 ... he nearly had a fit when he knew why I'd come. 403 00:28:37,537 --> 00:28:39,529 Baby-Face, I mean. 404 00:28:39,664 --> 00:28:43,495 He lugged me in to see the Second Secretary and he nearly had a fit too. 405 00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:45,617 The possible scandal, you know. 406 00:28:45,751 --> 00:28:47,743 Are you coming to a point, Mr Candy? 407 00:28:49,379 --> 00:28:53,956 Yes, the point is that I had to promise to do nothing. 408 00:28:55,174 --> 00:28:57,166 And I went bail for you, too. 409 00:28:57,301 --> 00:28:59,293 Oh. 410 00:28:59,427 --> 00:29:02,546 Apparently, it's a matter for careful... careful diplomacy. 411 00:29:02,679 --> 00:29:04,339 You can see what they mean. 412 00:29:04,472 --> 00:29:06,263 Yes, of course. 413 00:29:06,390 --> 00:29:10,636 I know nothing about politics. I rather stuck my head in where I wasn't wanted. 414 00:29:10,768 --> 00:29:14,219 - I could get into the most awful trouble. - Trouble, Mr Candy? 415 00:29:14,354 --> 00:29:16,346 Well, I'm a soldier. You know that. 416 00:29:16,481 --> 00:29:20,975 I thought you were a soldier this morning. Or have you joined the Army since luncheon? 417 00:29:23,944 --> 00:29:26,979 Meet Meister von Reumann. Meet Meister Hoffmann. 418 00:29:27,113 --> 00:29:29,105 - Meine Kommilitonen. - Meine Herren. 419 00:29:30,573 --> 00:29:32,861 - The table's filling up. - Whose table? 420 00:29:32,992 --> 00:29:36,490 Don't you remember the Stammtisch? It's where Kaunitz will sit. 421 00:29:38,162 --> 00:29:42,657 You know, it's a bit staggering to see a girl take such an interest in politics. 422 00:29:42,790 --> 00:29:45,327 - Politics? - Well, what else can you call it? 423 00:29:45,459 --> 00:29:48,909 German propaganda against England. Counter-propaganda. 424 00:29:49,044 --> 00:29:51,001 That's politics, isn't it? 425 00:29:51,129 --> 00:29:53,619 Not for me, nor for a great many people. 426 00:29:53,756 --> 00:29:58,333 You see, Mr Candy, when our Embassy in Berlin reports to the Foreign Office in London 427 00:29:58,467 --> 00:30:03,591 that "a slight change of attitude is visible in the German nationals towards the Boer question", 428 00:30:03,721 --> 00:30:08,631 I have to report home that I have lost my position and am returning to the bosom of my family. 429 00:30:08,766 --> 00:30:11,054 I suppose they'd be rather sick about it. 430 00:30:11,184 --> 00:30:14,967 - They will welcome me with open arms. - I don't blame them, either. 431 00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:18,187 No, you see, my family were opposed to my coming to Berlin. 432 00:30:18,356 --> 00:30:21,689 - They said the place for a young girl is home. - Quite so. 433 00:30:21,817 --> 00:30:23,809 - Why? - What do you mean, why? 434 00:30:23,943 --> 00:30:27,809 How do you know what is the best place for a young girl? Are you a girl? 435 00:30:27,946 --> 00:30:29,938 - Have you any daughters? - I say! 436 00:30:30,072 --> 00:30:33,654 While you men have been fighting, we women have been thinking. 437 00:30:33,783 --> 00:30:37,614 Think for yourself, Mr Candy. What careers are there open to a woman? 438 00:30:37,744 --> 00:30:40,413 - She can get married. - I was just going to say... 439 00:30:40,538 --> 00:30:44,486 Supposing she doesn't want to get married? She can go and be a governess. 440 00:30:44,624 --> 00:30:48,122 But what does a governess know, Mr Candy? Nothing, I assure you. 441 00:30:48,293 --> 00:30:51,127 Then what can she teach the children in her charge? 442 00:30:51,253 --> 00:30:54,917 Very little, except good manners, if she herself has good manners. 443 00:30:55,048 --> 00:30:58,665 - Good manners are important. - Did you learn that in South Africa? 444 00:30:59,884 --> 00:31:04,711 My brothers told me that good manners cost us Magerfontein, Stormberg and Colenso. 445 00:31:04,846 --> 00:31:06,968 6,000 men killed and 20,000 wounded 446 00:31:07,098 --> 00:31:09,090 and two years of war, 447 00:31:09,224 --> 00:31:13,719 when with a little common sense and bad manners, there would have been no war at all. 448 00:31:13,852 --> 00:31:15,844 (Waltz ends) 449 00:31:15,979 --> 00:31:17,971 (Applause) 450 00:31:20,315 --> 00:31:25,141 The one thing I don't understand is why you should have to teach German children manners. 451 00:31:25,277 --> 00:31:29,487 - There are plenty of English... - I'll tell you, if you promise not to laugh. 452 00:31:29,613 --> 00:31:32,815 - I promise. - My only asset is a fluent command of English. 453 00:31:32,949 --> 00:31:34,526 Hear, hear! 454 00:31:34,658 --> 00:31:39,200 To teach English in England is to carry coals to Newcastle, and it's ill-paid. 455 00:31:39,370 --> 00:31:43,615 I decided to obtain a post in Germany, where my English would command a premium, 456 00:31:43,748 --> 00:31:46,238 and, having learnt German, to return to England... 457 00:31:46,374 --> 00:31:47,749 Well, I'll be sugared! 458 00:31:59,425 --> 00:32:02,591 - That is he? - It's him, all right, the little skunk. 459 00:32:06,388 --> 00:32:08,676 - Well, shall we go? - Go? 460 00:32:08,806 --> 00:32:11,012 Oh, yes, I suppose so. 461 00:32:11,141 --> 00:32:15,387 History will remember this as the great retreat from the Cafe Hohenzollern. 462 00:32:15,519 --> 00:32:17,511 Just a second, please. 463 00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:24,809 Here we are. Can you get the orchestra to play 141? 464 00:32:24,942 --> 00:32:26,934 Why, yes, of course. Call a waiter. 465 00:32:27,069 --> 00:32:28,646 Waiter! 466 00:32:28,778 --> 00:32:32,775 - It's Mignon, "I Am Titania". Do you really like it? - I'll explain later. 467 00:32:32,906 --> 00:32:34,898 Waiter! 468 00:32:35,033 --> 00:32:37,986 - Can the band play 141? - But of course. 469 00:32:41,328 --> 00:32:43,320 (Laughter below) 470 00:32:43,455 --> 00:32:45,447 Mr Kapellmeister, 471 00:32:45,581 --> 00:32:48,332 Mignon wants the table over there. 472 00:32:48,458 --> 00:32:50,664 The lady with the hat. 473 00:32:56,756 --> 00:32:59,044 Kaunitz was a prisoner in our blockhouse. 474 00:32:59,174 --> 00:33:02,008 This was the only record we had on our phonograph. 475 00:33:02,134 --> 00:33:04,126 I want to see if he remembers it. 476 00:33:04,678 --> 00:33:07,512 So, Kaunitz, tell me. 477 00:33:07,638 --> 00:33:11,337 VON REUMANN: Well, gentlemen, the little Englanders... 478 00:33:11,474 --> 00:33:13,513 479 00:33:16,352 --> 00:33:18,344 Touched him on the raw, all right. 480 00:33:18,479 --> 00:33:21,348 I can't stand this music. 481 00:33:21,481 --> 00:33:23,437 That music again! 482 00:33:23,607 --> 00:33:24,770 Waiter! 483 00:33:24,900 --> 00:33:26,228 He's calling the waiter. 484 00:33:26,359 --> 00:33:27,308 Waiter! 485 00:33:27,443 --> 00:33:29,933 You should stop playing this Mignon. 486 00:33:30,070 --> 00:33:33,520 - Is he trying to bribe the orchestra? - Not with money. Beer. 487 00:33:33,656 --> 00:33:35,861 - Beer for the orchestra. - Yes indeed! 488 00:33:49,375 --> 00:33:51,581 Mr. Kapellmeister, please, please. 489 00:33:51,710 --> 00:33:53,832 Stop playing that mignon. 490 00:33:53,961 --> 00:33:55,953 - Why this? - The lower ones. 491 00:33:56,088 --> 00:33:59,586 They don't want to hear it. It's getting on their nerves. 492 00:34:08,179 --> 00:34:10,716 - (Music stops) - Round one to Kaunitz. 493 00:34:10,848 --> 00:34:13,172 VON REUMANN: Cheers, gentlemen. Cheers! 494 00:34:13,308 --> 00:34:15,300 MEN AT TABLE: Prost! 495 00:34:15,434 --> 00:34:16,762 Reinforcements are coming. 496 00:34:29,652 --> 00:34:32,569 Mr. Kapellmeister, beer for the orchestra. 497 00:34:32,696 --> 00:34:35,186 This is gross. 498 00:34:35,323 --> 00:34:37,315 Bier. 499 00:34:44,704 --> 00:34:46,696 From the table over there. 500 00:35:01,799 --> 00:35:04,468 501 00:35:09,555 --> 00:35:11,843 - Waiter! - Yes, Mr. Kaunitz? 502 00:35:11,973 --> 00:35:15,554 - I bribed everyone! - So I did it. For those up there. 503 00:35:15,684 --> 00:35:20,309 - That's why a gentleman asked for the Mignon. - Er hat eine verdammte Frechheit. 504 00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:24,672 He's coming up. 505 00:35:24,806 --> 00:35:26,882 - Let us go, Mr Candy. - A bit late now. 506 00:35:29,059 --> 00:35:31,728 - I hope he doesn't see you. - I hope he does. 507 00:35:37,190 --> 00:35:38,767 Hello, Kaunitz. 508 00:35:42,068 --> 00:35:45,104 Das ist ja eine schone Uberraschung, Herr Candy. 509 00:35:45,237 --> 00:35:47,727 - Come on, Kaunitz. You speak English. - I do. 510 00:35:49,907 --> 00:35:51,899 But I prefer German. 511 00:35:52,033 --> 00:35:54,025 Meine Damen und Herren! 512 00:35:55,953 --> 00:36:00,198 - Stop it, Kaunitz. I'm with a lady. - You should have thought of that earlier. 513 00:36:01,415 --> 00:36:03,703 - Erlauben Sie mir... - Stop it, Kaunitz. 514 00:36:03,833 --> 00:36:06,121 - Take off your... - Come on. Be a good lad. 515 00:36:10,629 --> 00:36:12,372 Kameraden! 516 00:36:13,756 --> 00:36:15,380 Get back to your table. 517 00:36:17,884 --> 00:36:19,343 (Onlookers gasp) 518 00:36:23,013 --> 00:36:25,764 You will give an account for this. 519 00:36:25,890 --> 00:36:28,427 - You boor, you! - Help me, Hans. 520 00:36:30,435 --> 00:36:33,885 Mr. Kapellmeister, play. Play a waltz. 521 00:36:37,189 --> 00:36:41,482 - Please tell him that it's all his fault. He started it. - English! 522 00:36:41,609 --> 00:36:45,024 Please, gentlemen, no scandal. Take your seats. 523 00:36:45,153 --> 00:36:48,984 A shame! They tolerate English pigs in their restaurant. 524 00:36:49,114 --> 00:36:52,280 - We didn't do anything. - We have nothing to do with you! 525 00:36:52,408 --> 00:36:54,281 Manners! 526 00:36:54,409 --> 00:36:57,279 I speak English. You will get into great trouble. 527 00:36:57,411 --> 00:36:59,154 You are not now in England. 528 00:36:59,288 --> 00:37:02,738 - You saw very well that he asked for it. - Was sagt er? 529 00:37:02,873 --> 00:37:06,656 Herr Kaunitz is a friend of ours. You will satisfaction give. 530 00:37:06,793 --> 00:37:09,330 Please stop shouting. You don't understand. 531 00:37:09,461 --> 00:37:11,998 This gentleman and Herr Kaunitz are old friends. 532 00:37:12,130 --> 00:37:16,126 GERMANS: Was sagt sie? - Sie sagt, Kaunitz und ich sind alte Freunde! 533 00:37:16,257 --> 00:37:19,506 It's going a bit far to call that skunk a friend of mine. 534 00:37:19,635 --> 00:37:22,754 Herr Kaunitz is a member of der Alldeutsche Verband! 535 00:37:22,887 --> 00:37:25,922 The Alldeutsche Verband should be ashamed of yourself. 536 00:37:26,056 --> 00:37:27,597 What does he say? 537 00:37:27,724 --> 00:37:30,558 He says the Pan-German Association something should be shameful. 538 00:37:30,684 --> 00:37:32,557 (Crowd gasps) 539 00:37:32,685 --> 00:37:38,638 Sir, officers of the Imperial German Army are members of the Pan-German Association. 540 00:37:38,773 --> 00:37:41,441 Then the officers of the Imperial German Army 541 00:37:41,525 --> 00:37:43,813 should be ashamed of themselves, too. 542 00:37:43,943 --> 00:37:45,935 Ladies and gentlemen, 543 00:37:46,069 --> 00:37:51,489 he said the army officers let the emperor be ashamed. 544 00:37:51,615 --> 00:37:53,607 (Crowd gasps) 545 00:38:21,510 --> 00:38:23,502 Just a moment, please. 546 00:38:29,933 --> 00:38:30,928 Please. 547 00:38:46,486 --> 00:38:48,976 - From Knight. From Schonborn. - Him, Fitzroy. 548 00:38:49,112 --> 00:38:51,104 GERMAN OFFICERS: Guten Tag. 549 00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:55,235 - Konnen wir mit lhnen Deutsch sprechen? - Naturlich. Was wunschen Sie? 550 00:38:55,367 --> 00:38:58,817 Being on British territory, shouldn't we speak in English? 551 00:38:58,952 --> 00:39:01,240 Righto. How can I help you gentlemen? 552 00:39:01,371 --> 00:39:03,363 - Won't you sit down? - Thank you. 553 00:39:07,542 --> 00:39:09,534 Thank you. 554 00:39:09,668 --> 00:39:14,791 We wish some information about a compatriot of yours in Berlin, a certain Mr Candy. 555 00:39:14,922 --> 00:39:17,127 - Clive Candy? - Yes, Clive Candy. 556 00:39:17,257 --> 00:39:20,422 You've come to the right man. We were at Harrow together. 557 00:39:20,550 --> 00:39:23,669 We've lost touch a bit since the war. He's Army, you know. 558 00:39:23,803 --> 00:39:27,550 - An officer of the British Army? - Just returned from South Africa. 559 00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,672 Oh, this is excellent news. 560 00:39:29,807 --> 00:39:31,598 - Ein Offizier. - Grobartig! 561 00:39:31,725 --> 00:39:33,930 You have relieved us from great doubts. 562 00:39:34,060 --> 00:39:37,225 We were worried he might not be able to give satisfaction. 563 00:39:37,354 --> 00:39:38,812 Satisfaction? 564 00:39:38,938 --> 00:39:43,563 An officer of the Imperial German Army cannot demand satisfaction from an opponent 565 00:39:43,691 --> 00:39:46,098 who is not his equal in position and honour. 566 00:39:46,235 --> 00:39:48,440 Since this Clive Candy is an officer, 567 00:39:48,570 --> 00:39:51,142 - he can be challenged. - Challenged to what? 568 00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:53,272 - To a duel, Mr Fitzroy. - Duel?! 569 00:40:00,870 --> 00:40:03,905 Hurry to the Kaiserhof. Bring Mr Clive Candy here at once. 570 00:40:04,038 --> 00:40:05,995 Don't come back without him. 571 00:40:17,006 --> 00:40:20,041 I told you to hurry, Venning! Don't argue. Go at once! 572 00:40:27,346 --> 00:40:30,263 Mr Candy has insulted the whole of the German Army. 573 00:40:30,390 --> 00:40:35,513 I didn't, sir. I only said if the officers belonged to the Alldeutscher Verband with Kaunitz... 574 00:40:35,643 --> 00:40:39,556 then the German Army ought to be ashamed of itself. That's what you said. 575 00:40:39,688 --> 00:40:44,016 - 82 Ulan officers want to challenge you. - Mr Candy's told me the whole story. 576 00:40:44,149 --> 00:40:47,268 By the way, that girl you mentioned, is she trustworthy? 577 00:40:47,401 --> 00:40:49,109 Oh, undoubtedly, sir. 578 00:40:49,236 --> 00:40:52,900 It's not suggested Mr Candy should fight the whole officer corps? 579 00:40:53,030 --> 00:40:58,782 They're drawing lots to decide who is to fight this gentleman... who has not insulted anybody. 580 00:40:58,909 --> 00:41:01,115 Have you any suggestions, Colonel? 581 00:41:01,244 --> 00:41:04,078 Militarily speaking, Mr Candy has no option. 582 00:41:04,204 --> 00:41:06,576 If he cannot fight a duel, he must run away. 583 00:41:06,706 --> 00:41:11,201 Politically speaking, such an action would be disastrous. Mr Candy must fight. 584 00:41:11,334 --> 00:41:15,378 One moment. Surely you're leaving Mr Candy out of your calculations. 585 00:41:15,504 --> 00:41:18,954 - I'll fight if necessary, sir. - Yes, my dear boy. I know that. 586 00:41:19,090 --> 00:41:22,339 - You'd better go to your hotel and stay there. - Yes, sir. 587 00:41:22,467 --> 00:41:24,755 Could you get in touch with Miss er... 588 00:41:24,885 --> 00:41:27,126 Miss Hunter, sir? I believe I could. 589 00:41:27,262 --> 00:41:32,385 Tell her to give the impression that your reasons for coming to Berlin were to see her. 590 00:41:32,515 --> 00:41:36,049 - You're in love with her or something of the sort. - But I'm not. 591 00:41:36,185 --> 00:41:39,932 Mr Candy, you've caused enough trouble already. Do what I ask. 592 00:41:40,062 --> 00:41:44,806 Meanwhile, I and these gentlemen will discuss the best way to get you out of this. 593 00:41:44,941 --> 00:41:46,933 And us. 594 00:41:47,067 --> 00:41:49,059 (Whispers) Well, you are a... 595 00:41:57,824 --> 00:41:59,816 VON RITTER: May I have the Codex? 596 00:42:02,077 --> 00:42:04,069 Thank you. 597 00:42:04,204 --> 00:42:07,120 This is our famous Brown Codex, Colonel Goodhead. 598 00:42:07,247 --> 00:42:09,785 The code of honour observed by all duellists. 599 00:42:09,916 --> 00:42:12,406 We thought you might not be familiar with it. 600 00:42:12,543 --> 00:42:14,914 Thank you. I shall study it with attention. 601 00:42:16,545 --> 00:42:19,415 We have permission to offer for the site of the duel 602 00:42:19,547 --> 00:42:22,038 the gymnasium at the barracks of our regiment. 603 00:42:22,174 --> 00:42:24,166 We agree. 604 00:42:25,593 --> 00:42:29,424 We are now in the position to announce who will fight Lieutenant Candy. 605 00:42:29,554 --> 00:42:32,305 Oberleutnant Theodor Kretschmar-Schuldorff. 606 00:42:32,431 --> 00:42:34,968 - May I make a note of that? - With pleasure. 607 00:42:35,100 --> 00:42:37,092 - His card. - Thank you. 608 00:42:37,226 --> 00:42:41,009 Have you any suggestions regarding choice of leader for the duel? 609 00:42:42,230 --> 00:42:45,562 We suggest the military attache to the Swedish legation. 610 00:42:45,690 --> 00:42:47,682 Ausgezeichnet. 611 00:42:47,817 --> 00:42:49,809 We agree. His name is...? 612 00:42:49,943 --> 00:42:51,935 - Colonel Borg. - Colonel Borg. 613 00:42:52,070 --> 00:42:55,983 Regarding sabres, we shall, of course, supply a number to choose from. 614 00:42:56,114 --> 00:42:59,363 - We shall supply a number, as well. - Certainly, Colonel. 615 00:42:59,491 --> 00:43:02,824 VON RITTER: The choice of sabres will be determined by lot. 616 00:43:02,952 --> 00:43:07,659 You know, of course, that sabres must not exceed the maximum weight of 60 decagrams? 617 00:43:07,789 --> 00:43:11,453 - 60 decagrams. - We shall make a note of it. 618 00:43:12,875 --> 00:43:16,658 - Bring your own doctor. We shall bring ours. - We agree. 619 00:43:16,795 --> 00:43:20,957 Do you prefer to strip the upper parts of the bodies of the combatants, 620 00:43:21,089 --> 00:43:23,627 - or do you prefer shirtsleeves? - Shirtsleeves. 621 00:43:25,759 --> 00:43:29,803 I see here that paragraph 133 says, "A few hours previous to the duel 622 00:43:29,929 --> 00:43:32,004 it is advisable to take a bath." 623 00:43:32,139 --> 00:43:34,427 Only the principals, not the seconds! 624 00:43:36,975 --> 00:43:42,099 It's very strange to be preparing a duel between two people who've never even seen each other. 625 00:43:42,229 --> 00:43:44,221 It happens sometimes. 626 00:43:44,355 --> 00:43:46,347 Marriages also, you know? 627 00:43:46,482 --> 00:43:48,770 Has your man ever fought a duel? 628 00:43:48,900 --> 00:43:50,691 No. Has yours? 629 00:43:50,818 --> 00:43:55,064 Strictly between ourselves, Theo doesn't really approve of duels. 630 00:43:55,196 --> 00:43:57,402 Then, gentlemen, 631 00:43:57,531 --> 00:43:59,772 is this fight really necessary? 632 00:44:01,867 --> 00:44:06,658 Sir, there are moments in a soldier's life when his personal feelings do not count. 633 00:44:07,830 --> 00:44:11,529 Oberleutnant Kretschmar-Schuldorff knows his duties very well. 634 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:22,248 - We have not agreed upon the time. - Will seven in the morning be agreeable to you? 635 00:44:22,381 --> 00:44:24,373 - Get it over early. - I agree. 636 00:44:24,508 --> 00:44:27,543 - Seven o'clock. - It'd be advisable to meet half an hour earlier. 637 00:44:27,676 --> 00:44:30,842 At 6:30am in the gymnasium of the barracks of the 2nd Ulans. 638 00:44:43,003 --> 00:44:44,959 Ah, here comes our man. 639 00:44:51,742 --> 00:44:53,698 - Morning. Slept well? - Very. 640 00:44:53,868 --> 00:44:57,283 - He was still sleeping when I called. - They forgot to wake me. 641 00:44:57,412 --> 00:45:00,365 - Your nerves are all right. - Dr Crowther. Mr Candy. 642 00:45:00,498 --> 00:45:02,786 - How do you do? - How do you do? Oh. 643 00:45:04,667 --> 00:45:06,742 Why wasn't I allowed any breakfast? 644 00:45:06,877 --> 00:45:09,083 - Because the book says not. - It would. 645 00:45:09,212 --> 00:45:11,003 Ah, you'll do. 646 00:45:12,214 --> 00:45:14,882 - Do you want this? - I hope you've read it. 647 00:45:14,966 --> 00:45:18,499 Miss Hunter read it. She says it's a joke, good enough for Punch. 648 00:45:18,635 --> 00:45:22,085 - Where is Theo Kretschmar-Schuldorff? - He hasn't shown up yet. 649 00:45:22,221 --> 00:45:24,676 I congratulate you on your pronunciation. 650 00:45:24,848 --> 00:45:27,219 I learnt it by heart, so when my grandchildren say, 651 00:45:27,349 --> 00:45:29,507 "Grandpa, have you ever cut anybody's ear off? " 652 00:45:29,642 --> 00:45:32,726 I shall be able to say, "Yes, Theo Kretschmar-Schuldorrfs." 653 00:45:32,853 --> 00:45:34,892 Nobody could invent a name like that. 654 00:45:35,021 --> 00:45:36,598 Hello, who's this? 655 00:45:36,731 --> 00:45:40,395 Colonel Borg, the Swedish military attache. He's going to lead the combat. 656 00:45:40,525 --> 00:45:42,517 Colonel Borg. Mr Candy. 657 00:45:42,651 --> 00:45:45,320 I must, of course, use German expressions. 658 00:45:45,403 --> 00:45:51,356 I shall say "los" for starting and "halt" for stop. Can you memorise these two words? 659 00:45:51,491 --> 00:45:54,656 I'll try. At the beginning, I'll be sure you mean "start". 660 00:45:54,785 --> 00:45:57,820 During the combat, you're not likely to say "start" again. 661 00:45:57,953 --> 00:45:59,531 That is true. 662 00:45:59,663 --> 00:46:01,240 Excuse me. 663 00:46:02,873 --> 00:46:07,866 Seven o'clock. Theo Kretschmar-Schuldorff will forfeit his entrance fee if he doesn't... 664 00:46:26,014 --> 00:46:28,006 I wish I'd brought my uniform. 665 00:46:28,141 --> 00:46:31,888 - How are you with a sabre? - Oh, I don't know. I know which end to hold. 666 00:46:32,018 --> 00:46:35,054 - We drew lots for them. - I hope mine's a nice light one. 667 00:46:35,187 --> 00:46:37,179 All sabres weigh the same. 668 00:46:50,197 --> 00:46:52,189 Seconds, please? 669 00:46:52,324 --> 00:46:54,992 Excuse me, please, would you undo your shirt? 670 00:47:00,329 --> 00:47:01,906 Thank you. 671 00:47:03,123 --> 00:47:04,700 Right. 672 00:47:04,832 --> 00:47:07,868 Do you want to roll up your sleeve or will you rip it off? 673 00:47:08,001 --> 00:47:10,835 - What's better? - I am not permitted to give advice. 674 00:47:10,962 --> 00:47:13,630 - I think I'll rip it. - It is definitely better. 675 00:47:13,713 --> 00:47:15,705 Doctor, your scissors, please. 676 00:47:19,968 --> 00:47:21,960 What did he hope to find in there? 677 00:47:22,094 --> 00:47:24,086 Protective bandages. 678 00:47:55,334 --> 00:47:57,326 Good luck, my boy. 679 00:47:57,460 --> 00:47:59,748 Now, you alone will come with me, please. 680 00:48:06,591 --> 00:48:08,879 You'd better rub your feet in the rosin. 681 00:48:23,895 --> 00:48:26,681 Ich werde jetzt das Protokol vorlesen. 682 00:48:26,813 --> 00:48:28,556 I shall read now the protocol. 683 00:48:29,857 --> 00:48:35,526 Sie durfen den Kampf erst auf das Kommando "los" beginnen. 684 00:48:35,694 --> 00:48:39,477 You will only start at the command "los". 685 00:48:39,614 --> 00:48:44,239 You have to fight interrupt on the command "stop", 686 00:48:44,367 --> 00:48:46,904 whoever there is. 687 00:48:47,035 --> 00:48:52,241 You must stop the fight when you hear the command 'halt', whoever may say it. 688 00:48:53,582 --> 00:48:58,076 As soon as you feel wounded, you have to stop the fight immediately 689 00:48:58,210 --> 00:49:01,210 and by jumping back the distance to take, 690 00:49:01,337 --> 00:49:03,744 even if 'stop' is not commanded. 691 00:49:05,089 --> 00:49:09,168 If you feel to be wounded, you must stop the fight, and by leaping back, 692 00:49:09,301 --> 00:49:15,633 you must regain position at the original distance, even if no 'halt' has been commanded. 693 00:49:15,763 --> 00:49:20,590 Es ist verboten, die Waffe des Gegners mit der bloben Hand zu ergreifen. 694 00:49:20,725 --> 00:49:24,425 It is forbidden to seize the weapon of the opponent with the bare hand. 695 00:49:27,980 --> 00:49:29,972 Sekundanten, bitte. 696 00:49:57,167 --> 00:50:00,831 Die Stellungen nehmen. Into fighting position, please. 697 00:50:12,063 --> 00:50:13,687 Fertig? 698 00:50:15,033 --> 00:50:16,610 Ready? 699 00:50:17,527 --> 00:50:18,985 Los! 700 00:51:27,611 --> 00:51:30,647 - They must have started by now. - You never know. 701 00:51:30,780 --> 00:51:34,859 I heard of one chap whose nerve broke. Absolutely went all to pieces. 702 00:51:34,991 --> 00:51:38,774 - Poor fellow. - He was in such a funk, he couldn't lift his arm. 703 00:51:38,911 --> 00:51:45,077 The seconds tried to lift it for him, but as soon as they let go, it dropped like a railroad signal. Rum! 704 00:51:45,207 --> 00:51:50,033 I say, I hope our chap doesn't get killed. It'll create an awful stink if he does. 705 00:51:50,168 --> 00:51:53,003 I think you are the most odious man I have ever met. 706 00:51:53,129 --> 00:51:56,331 If anything does happen to him, I'll blow up your Embassy. 707 00:51:56,464 --> 00:52:00,876 - I say. Are you a suffragette? - Never mind. If anything happens to Mr Candy... 708 00:52:01,009 --> 00:52:04,840 Oh, you mean Suggie. I was talking about the German fellow. 709 00:52:04,970 --> 00:52:08,219 Nothing could possibly happen to Suggie. He won the fencing shield 710 00:52:08,348 --> 00:52:11,513 - two years running. Do you know... - Oh, look! 711 00:52:37,042 --> 00:52:40,908 They don't need each other in any way to worry. We will do whatever is necessary. 712 00:52:41,045 --> 00:52:41,993 Thank you. 713 00:52:42,129 --> 00:52:45,663 Of course the patient will unable to get up before six o'clock. 714 00:52:45,798 --> 00:52:47,956 -Afternoon, Miss Hunter. - Good afternoon. 715 00:52:48,091 --> 00:52:49,502 -You can go in now. -How is he? 716 00:52:49,634 --> 00:52:52,967 The doctors say six to eight weeks, no longer. Fit as a fiddle. 717 00:52:53,095 --> 00:52:56,628 - I'm so glad. - They've given permission for you to stay here. 718 00:52:56,764 --> 00:52:58,970 I'm not staying in Germany, Colonel Goodhead. 719 00:52:59,099 --> 00:53:02,348 I go back tomorrow. I've already telegraphed my father. 720 00:53:02,476 --> 00:53:05,476 - Haven't you told her? - No. 721 00:53:05,603 --> 00:53:07,809 Now, Miss Hunter, you must be sensible. 722 00:53:07,938 --> 00:53:10,689 We're very fortunate that everything has gone off so well. 723 00:53:10,815 --> 00:53:14,349 - You wouldn't want to spoil everything. - Spoil everything? 724 00:53:14,484 --> 00:53:17,235 The duel was generally supposed to be about you. 725 00:53:17,361 --> 00:53:21,938 What would people say if you left him now, wounded and alone in a nursing home? 726 00:53:22,073 --> 00:53:26,650 Naturally, I thought you understood all this, otherwise why have you come here? 727 00:53:26,784 --> 00:53:30,448 - To say goodbye to Mr Candy. - Go in now, Miss Hunter. 728 00:53:30,579 --> 00:53:34,409 Don't bother about the bills. They have orders to send those to the Embassy. 729 00:53:34,540 --> 00:53:36,579 - Good afternoon. - Good afternoon. 730 00:53:36,750 --> 00:53:40,082 GOODHEAD: Good afternoon, Miss Hunter. 731 00:53:40,210 --> 00:53:43,044 Well. 732 00:54:00,432 --> 00:54:02,555 NURSE: Bitte? 733 00:54:02,684 --> 00:54:04,676 Guten Tag. 734 00:54:04,810 --> 00:54:07,680 Good afternoon, Miss Hunter. You are Miss Hunter, are you not? 735 00:54:07,812 --> 00:54:10,481 My name is Erna Konig, and I speak excellent English. 736 00:54:10,606 --> 00:54:14,472 - Oh, that's splendid. How is he? - He can neither hear nor speak. 737 00:54:14,609 --> 00:54:18,024 It will be very difficult for a day or two until we take the bandages off. 738 00:54:18,153 --> 00:54:21,272 He has a fine cut. His upper lip is very nearly severed. 739 00:54:21,405 --> 00:54:25,401 It is really almost 10cm in length. A knife could not have done it better. 740 00:54:25,533 --> 00:54:27,192 Is he in great pain? 741 00:54:27,326 --> 00:54:31,369 Oh, but certainly. He is a very lucky man not to have glass splinters in the wound. 742 00:54:31,495 --> 00:54:33,985 - Glass splinters? - It is a common accident in winter. 743 00:54:34,122 --> 00:54:37,122 The snow freezes on the boot, the warm room melts the ice, 744 00:54:37,249 --> 00:54:40,783 and the little piece of slippery ice lies in wait for the hurrying foot... 745 00:54:40,918 --> 00:54:46,255 But to fall right through the glass window of the British ambassador, that is not so common. 746 00:54:46,339 --> 00:54:47,832 No, indeed. 747 00:54:47,965 --> 00:54:51,831 And would you believe it? We have another accident, in the next wing. 748 00:54:51,967 --> 00:54:56,178 An officer. He is cut to the forehead. 12 stitches. 749 00:54:56,304 --> 00:54:59,339 - Quite a coincidence. - I go now to prepare your room. 750 00:54:59,473 --> 00:55:03,054 - You are staying here, don't you? - Yes, Nurse Erna, I do. 751 00:55:03,183 --> 00:55:05,175 If you wish to speak to him, 752 00:55:05,310 --> 00:55:07,349 please to shout. 753 00:55:27,992 --> 00:55:30,992 (Shouts) I have got you into an awful mess. 754 00:55:31,119 --> 00:55:33,111 Awful mess! 755 00:55:33,246 --> 00:55:35,700 You've got me into a mess, too. 756 00:55:37,373 --> 00:55:39,365 I forgive you. 757 00:55:39,500 --> 00:55:42,251 Do you want me to write to your people in England? 758 00:55:42,377 --> 00:55:44,369 Parents? 759 00:55:44,503 --> 00:55:46,045 Brother? Sister? 760 00:55:46,171 --> 00:55:48,163 Fiancee? 761 00:55:50,132 --> 00:55:52,089 Oh, you want your wallet. 762 00:55:59,138 --> 00:56:00,762 Oh, your aunt. 763 00:56:00,889 --> 00:56:03,676 What's the address? 764 00:56:14,232 --> 00:56:16,307 Your aunt seems to like short letters. 765 00:56:16,442 --> 00:56:18,979 What shall I tell her? The truth? 766 00:56:21,362 --> 00:56:23,769 Accident. Hunting accident! 767 00:56:25,114 --> 00:56:28,482 Do you know Oberleutnant Kretschmar-Schuldorff is here? 768 00:56:28,617 --> 00:56:30,656 He has a very bad cut on his forehead. 769 00:56:30,827 --> 00:56:33,696 Eight stitches. 770 00:56:33,829 --> 00:56:36,401 Oh, he has 12 stitches. 771 00:56:36,539 --> 00:56:39,207 Here is refreshment, Miss Hunter, 772 00:56:39,291 --> 00:56:42,493 - then you must depart for today. - When can he have visitors? 773 00:56:42,626 --> 00:56:45,199 - Wednesday is visitors' day. - Every Wednesday? 774 00:56:45,336 --> 00:56:48,253 Every Wednesday from 3pm to 5pm. 775 00:56:48,380 --> 00:56:51,333 At 5pm, a bell is rung for the end of visitors' hours. 776 00:56:51,466 --> 00:56:53,458 (Bell rings) 777 00:56:57,428 --> 00:56:59,420 Auf Wiedersehen, Liebchen. 778 00:56:59,554 --> 00:57:01,712 Auf Wiedersehen, Onkel. 779 00:57:01,848 --> 00:57:05,844 (Marching) 780 00:57:05,976 --> 00:57:07,967 WOMAN: Ulanen. 781 00:57:16,524 --> 00:57:18,516 O, die wunderbaren Ulanen! 782 00:57:25,781 --> 00:57:27,773 - After you, sir. - Bitte sehr. 783 00:57:27,907 --> 00:57:29,899 Nach Ihnen! 784 00:57:30,034 --> 00:57:32,026 What did he say, Aubrey? 785 00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:36,702 - I think he wants us to go first, sir. - We can't do that, can we? 786 00:57:36,830 --> 00:57:38,822 Er, you and I, 787 00:57:38,956 --> 00:57:40,948 you know, together. 788 00:57:41,083 --> 00:57:43,075 Bitte sehr. 789 00:57:51,798 --> 00:57:53,790 Wie nett. 790 00:57:53,925 --> 00:57:56,415 - Was konnen sie bloss sein? - Keine Ahnung. 791 00:57:56,552 --> 00:58:00,500 - Englander. - Oh, danke. Danke, Fraulein. 792 00:58:00,638 --> 00:58:04,765 I had thought that no-one could smoke so much as a German officer. 793 00:58:04,891 --> 00:58:07,641 Now I see that a British officer can surpass him. 794 00:58:07,768 --> 00:58:11,100 And not only in smoking, my dear Nurse Erna. 795 00:58:11,228 --> 00:58:13,386 And in what else, also? 796 00:58:13,522 --> 00:58:17,139 Eating, drinking, making love, growing moustaches. 797 00:58:17,274 --> 00:58:20,476 Miss Hunter, I am going to grow a moustache. What is your opinion? 798 00:58:20,610 --> 00:58:24,689 - Excellent. Our dragoons gave you the idea. - You always find me out. 799 00:58:24,821 --> 00:58:28,403 I saw them cross the vestibule, preceded by their moustaches. 800 00:58:28,532 --> 00:58:30,987 They nearly caused a diplomatic incident. 801 00:58:31,117 --> 00:58:33,951 They collided with a party of Ulans coming from... 802 00:58:34,077 --> 00:58:37,825 My dear Miss Hunter, soldiers cause military incidents. 803 00:58:37,955 --> 00:58:40,161 They leave diplomacy to the diplomats. 804 00:58:40,290 --> 00:58:44,369 A German officer would shave off his moustache to show that he had a scar. 805 00:58:44,501 --> 00:58:47,786 That's just one of the points where we differ, my dear Nurse Erna. 806 00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:51,003 - Will you like me with a moustache? - How do you know you can grow one? 807 00:58:51,131 --> 00:58:56,289 Nurse Erna, Nurse Erna, is it permissible to insult the patients? 808 00:58:56,426 --> 00:58:59,959 What view, if any, do you take of my great moustache plan? 809 00:59:00,095 --> 00:59:02,087 You are the moustache type. 810 00:59:02,221 --> 00:59:04,178 (Plays tune) 811 00:59:04,348 --> 00:59:06,340 Thank you. 812 00:59:06,474 --> 00:59:08,632 Ooh! 813 00:59:08,768 --> 00:59:11,174 She's taken away... Always tidying up. 814 00:59:11,311 --> 00:59:14,560 Nurse Erna, where are my... Thank you. 815 00:59:14,688 --> 00:59:18,685 - Is the British Army enjoying itself in Berlin? - On the whole, yes. 816 00:59:18,816 --> 00:59:23,026 They had lunch yesterday in the regimental mess of the 1 st Dragoon Guards. 817 00:59:23,152 --> 00:59:26,236 - The Kaiser and the Prince of Wales spoke. - Spoke about what? 818 00:59:26,363 --> 00:59:29,067 - Nobody could remember. - When do they return to London? 819 00:59:29,198 --> 00:59:31,356 In a week. Would you care to accompany them? 820 00:59:31,491 --> 00:59:33,863 - They'll have a special train. - We could try, 821 00:59:33,993 --> 00:59:36,662 or you could stay another five weeks and come back with me. 822 00:59:36,787 --> 00:59:38,695 - Great care must be taken of me. - No doubt. 823 00:59:38,830 --> 00:59:41,035 No answer at all. Will you or won't you? 824 00:59:41,165 --> 00:59:45,659 - If you stay on, you may get another job. - We'll see. Oh, are we going to play cards? 825 00:59:45,793 --> 00:59:48,995 I asked Nurse Erna to fix up a bridge four. We don't want to get bored. 826 00:59:49,128 --> 00:59:53,540 The head nurse is finding a suitable couple for you to play with after dinner, 827 00:59:53,673 --> 00:59:56,673 but you must not stay up after 10:30 at the very latest. 828 00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:59,125 - I promise you, Nurse Erna. - You do play? 829 00:59:59,260 --> 01:00:01,217 - Only whist. - Oh, it's simple. 830 01:00:01,387 --> 01:00:04,968 - Let's have a trial game of double dummy. - I will bring a lamp. 831 01:00:05,098 --> 01:00:10,007 You're a good pupil, Edith. That's $32,000 I owe you. Toss you, 832 01:00:10,143 --> 01:00:12,135 - double or quits. - Agreed. 833 01:00:12,269 --> 01:00:15,767 - Well, what is it? -Heads. No, I mean tails. 834 01:00:15,897 --> 01:00:19,311 Heads it is. Ha! We're quits. 835 01:00:19,441 --> 01:00:24,778 Cigarettes, but please do remember, Mr Candy, that smoking is bad for you. 836 01:00:24,861 --> 01:00:28,229 - I love you, Nurse Erna. -You are an angel, Nurse Erna. 837 01:00:28,363 --> 01:00:31,696 - (Knocking) - There are our guests. Would you let them in? 838 01:00:53,839 --> 01:00:56,923 Mrs. von Kalteneck. First Lieutenant Kretschmar-Schuldorff. 839 01:00:57,050 --> 01:01:00,963 Miss Hunter. Mr Candy. I hope you have a good time. 840 01:01:01,094 --> 01:01:03,086 How do you do? 841 01:01:03,221 --> 01:01:05,545 - Kretschmar-Schuldorff. - Yes, I know. 842 01:01:05,681 --> 01:01:08,384 - Um zehn Uhr werde ich Sie wieder abholen. - Danke. 843 01:01:08,516 --> 01:01:10,508 I'm very glad you've come. 844 01:01:13,010 --> 01:01:15,216 I promised Theo to make a little speech. 845 01:01:15,345 --> 01:01:17,468 He would like to have made it himself. 846 01:01:17,597 --> 01:01:19,091 Very much. 847 01:01:19,223 --> 01:01:21,760 Theo knows only two English expressions - 848 01:01:21,891 --> 01:01:25,176 "very much" and "not very much". Stimmt, Theo? 849 01:01:25,310 --> 01:01:28,227 - Very much. - He would like to have come before. 850 01:01:28,354 --> 01:01:30,311 Very much. 851 01:01:30,481 --> 01:01:34,607 Only he was afraid nobody could translate to you what he says. 852 01:01:34,734 --> 01:01:36,726 Miss Hunter speaks German. 853 01:01:36,860 --> 01:01:39,943 - She sprechen German. THEO: Was? Wirklich? Sie reden Deutsch? 854 01:01:40,071 --> 01:01:41,445 Nicht sehr gut. 855 01:01:41,572 --> 01:01:43,777 Ich finde, Sie reden ausgezeichnet. 856 01:01:45,324 --> 01:01:48,906 Theo has heard that you took part in the South Africa campaign. 857 01:01:49,035 --> 01:01:51,525 - Ja, ja. - And that you have won a very famous medal. 858 01:01:51,662 --> 01:01:53,405 THEO: Viktoria... 859 01:01:53,538 --> 01:01:55,744 - Victoria Cross. THEO: Ja. Cross. 860 01:01:55,873 --> 01:01:58,908 He envies you because a German officer knows about war 861 01:01:59,042 --> 01:02:01,746 - only from the newspapers. - And mostly wrongly. 862 01:02:01,877 --> 01:02:03,952 And mostly wrongly. 863 01:02:04,087 --> 01:02:05,746 Let's have a drink, shall we? Sherry? 864 01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:08,880 - I would love a glass of sherry. - Would you like sherry? 865 01:02:09,049 --> 01:02:11,041 Not very much. 866 01:02:11,175 --> 01:02:13,167 Port? 867 01:02:13,302 --> 01:02:15,293 Was nehmen Sie, Fraulein? 868 01:02:15,428 --> 01:02:17,420 She and I, we drink Kirschwater. 869 01:02:18,889 --> 01:02:22,506 - Oh, Kirschwasser! - Yes, that's right. Kirschwater. Do you like it? 870 01:02:22,641 --> 01:02:24,633 Very, very much. 871 01:02:24,768 --> 01:02:26,760 Let me help you. 872 01:02:35,150 --> 01:02:37,142 Do you know Berlin, Mr Candy? 873 01:02:37,276 --> 01:02:41,142 The Hotel Kaiserhof, the British Embassy, the Cafe Hohenzollern, 874 01:02:41,279 --> 01:02:44,398 and the gymnasium of the barracks of the 2nd Ulans. 875 01:02:44,531 --> 01:02:46,239 I hope 876 01:02:46,366 --> 01:02:48,690 we shall be able to show you more than that. 877 01:02:48,826 --> 01:02:51,826 - Eine Zigarette, Oberleutnant? - Danke sehr. 878 01:02:51,953 --> 01:02:53,945 Do you like the opera? Concerts? 879 01:02:54,079 --> 01:02:56,071 I prefer riding, hunting or polo. 880 01:02:56,206 --> 01:02:58,696 I adore hunting, and I love sports. 881 01:02:59,875 --> 01:03:03,124 Interessieren Sie sich fur Sport, Fraulein? 882 01:03:03,252 --> 01:03:05,458 Nein, ich habe keinerlei Talent fur Sport. 883 01:03:05,587 --> 01:03:07,579 Cut for partners. 884 01:03:11,216 --> 01:03:13,208 - You and I. - Sie und ich. 885 01:03:13,342 --> 01:03:15,915 Furchtbar nett. Ich hoffe, wir spielen jeden Abend. 886 01:03:16,053 --> 01:03:19,218 - What's he saying? - I hope we shall be able to play every night. 887 01:03:19,347 --> 01:03:21,339 - Oh, yes, rather! - Very much. 888 01:03:43,072 --> 01:03:44,447 I say. 889 01:03:44,573 --> 01:03:47,028 Oh, Baby-Face, I want you a moment. 890 01:03:47,159 --> 01:03:50,277 - What is it? Those nursing home accounts? - Yes. 891 01:03:50,411 --> 01:03:53,079 Would you kindly explain what the deuce this item means? 892 01:03:53,204 --> 01:03:55,196 40 packs of playing cards! 893 01:03:55,331 --> 01:03:59,114 - It's enough for the casino at Monte Carlo. - I spoke to Miss Hunter about it. 894 01:03:59,250 --> 01:04:02,665 The evenings were so long, there's nothing to do at Stolpchensee. 895 01:04:02,794 --> 01:04:06,244 Very well. Don't you ever do any work? 896 01:04:06,380 --> 01:04:08,372 What? Oh, this. 897 01:04:08,506 --> 01:04:10,913 First time this year. After all, it's mild. 898 01:04:11,050 --> 01:04:14,963 Well, don't catch a cold. These nursing homes are an expensive business. 899 01:04:15,094 --> 01:04:17,667 - Is Miss Hunter returning to England? - As far as I know. 900 01:04:17,804 --> 01:04:21,338 - Well, not at our expense, I hope. - Good heavens, no. She was going anyway. 901 01:04:21,474 --> 01:04:23,430 Well, so was Candy, for that matter. 902 01:04:23,600 --> 01:04:26,269 I know. He had a return ticket. It's expired. 903 01:04:26,352 --> 01:04:28,344 Very well, buy him a new one. 904 01:04:28,478 --> 01:04:31,395 - Righto. - And get Candy to give you that old ticket of his. 905 01:04:31,522 --> 01:04:33,514 We'll claim a refund at Cook's. 906 01:04:33,649 --> 01:04:37,597 Half a mo, those things belong to Theo. Put them with the alarm clock. 907 01:04:38,860 --> 01:04:40,852 How's your own packing going? 908 01:04:40,987 --> 01:04:43,691 - Not fast. - Well, you'd better hurry up, then. 909 01:04:43,822 --> 01:04:46,229 - I'll be all right. - Don't you be so sure. 910 01:04:46,366 --> 01:04:50,611 We've only got half an hour and we've got to call at the Embassy first. Stop mooning about. 911 01:04:50,744 --> 01:04:53,281 - I'm not mooning about! - Keep your hair on. 912 01:04:54,413 --> 01:04:56,985 I say, old girl, what's up? 913 01:04:57,123 --> 01:04:59,115 Edith, I say, what's the matter? 914 01:04:59,249 --> 01:05:01,918 It's not because I didn't call for you yesterday, is it? 915 01:05:02,001 --> 01:05:05,001 - Frau von Kalteneck left for the south last night. - Did she? 916 01:05:05,128 --> 01:05:07,085 - You knew she was going. - I'd forgotten. 917 01:05:07,213 --> 01:05:09,584 It's not my fault if you don't like horses, is it? 918 01:05:09,715 --> 01:05:12,631 We went to see her riding stables. She's got some fine beasts. 919 01:05:12,759 --> 01:05:14,383 They're a bit fat, though. 920 01:05:14,510 --> 01:05:18,127 I say, old girl, do stop crying. Suppose somebody came in. 921 01:05:18,262 --> 01:05:20,385 - Nobody will come in. - Look... 922 01:05:24,725 --> 01:05:27,725 I promise to take you out the first night we get back to London. 923 01:05:27,852 --> 01:05:31,896 Her Majesty's Theatre, The Last Of The Dandies. They say it's an awfully good show. 924 01:05:32,022 --> 01:05:34,393 - The paper said... - What paper? What do you mean? 925 01:05:34,523 --> 01:05:36,515 Is that what's making you cry? 926 01:05:36,650 --> 01:05:40,860 No, the paper said there was a play at Her Majesty's called Ulysses. 927 01:05:44,405 --> 01:05:48,402 Oberleutnant Kretschmar-Schuldorff returns your books, Mr Candy. 928 01:05:48,533 --> 01:05:50,525 He is on his way to see you. 929 01:05:50,659 --> 01:05:52,651 Oh, I must hurry. 930 01:05:52,786 --> 01:05:54,908 You'd better. I'll meet you in the hall. 931 01:05:57,873 --> 01:06:00,363 Well, what am I to do with them? I don't read German. 932 01:06:00,499 --> 01:06:04,199 - Miss Hunter got them for me. - You can present them to our library. 933 01:06:04,335 --> 01:06:07,371 Clever Nurse Erna, but I must write my name in them... 934 01:06:07,504 --> 01:06:12,165 so Clive Candy's name will live for ever in a corner at Stolpchensee. 935 01:06:13,467 --> 01:06:15,459 (Cheery whistling) 936 01:06:15,801 --> 01:06:17,793 May I come in? 937 01:06:17,928 --> 01:06:20,596 Come in, my old horse, my old steeplechaser. 938 01:06:21,847 --> 01:06:23,839 Wo ist Edith? 939 01:06:23,974 --> 01:06:25,966 Packing. 940 01:06:26,100 --> 01:06:28,092 Wieso packing? 941 01:06:29,269 --> 01:06:32,601 - Wieso packing? - Of course. And you? How much longer do you have? 942 01:06:32,730 --> 01:06:34,722 Oh, I a week, 943 01:06:34,856 --> 01:06:36,848 or... 944 01:06:36,983 --> 01:06:38,939 - Two weeks? -Two weeks. 945 01:06:39,109 --> 01:06:41,101 Yes. 946 01:06:43,404 --> 01:06:46,653 - Clive, Edith come here translate. - I can translate. 947 01:06:46,781 --> 01:06:50,908 - No thanks. This is far too important. - Don't interrupt Edith. She'll never be ready. 948 01:06:51,034 --> 01:06:53,026 Shall I fetch Miss Hunter? 949 01:06:54,203 --> 01:06:56,954 I have to call at Embassy, old man, 950 01:06:57,080 --> 01:06:59,072 get my ticket to London. 951 01:07:00,207 --> 01:07:05,081 Yes. Please, would you like to bring the lady here. 952 01:07:05,210 --> 01:07:07,202 - Drink? - No. 953 01:07:07,337 --> 01:07:09,791 -Not now. - All right. 954 01:07:09,922 --> 01:07:13,337 What the blazes is up with everybody today? 955 01:07:15,217 --> 01:07:16,545 Clive... 956 01:07:16,676 --> 01:07:18,882 you... und I... 957 01:07:19,011 --> 01:07:21,003 friends, yes? 958 01:07:21,138 --> 01:07:23,130 Or no? 959 01:07:23,264 --> 01:07:25,256 Well, of course we're friends. 960 01:07:26,433 --> 01:07:28,425 We must... 961 01:07:30,019 --> 01:07:32,011 ... duel again. 962 01:07:32,145 --> 01:07:36,058 Where's your dictionary, old man? You must have got two pages stuck together. 963 01:07:37,816 --> 01:07:39,808 I... love... 964 01:07:40,943 --> 01:07:42,935 ... your... 965 01:07:43,069 --> 01:07:45,061 Ich habe das Wort vergessen. 966 01:07:47,614 --> 01:07:50,697 Your... Miss Hunter. 967 01:07:50,825 --> 01:07:52,781 Say that again. 968 01:07:55,453 --> 01:07:57,445 I... love... 969 01:07:57,579 --> 01:08:00,330 your... Miss Hunter. 970 01:08:05,793 --> 01:08:07,785 You're cuckoo. 971 01:08:07,920 --> 01:08:09,627 No... nein. Ich... 972 01:08:09,796 --> 01:08:11,539 Ich nein cuckoo. 973 01:08:11,672 --> 01:08:13,664 You cuckoo... 974 01:08:13,799 --> 01:08:15,791 because Miss Hunter... 975 01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,917 loves me. 976 01:08:21,512 --> 01:08:23,884 Congratulations! When did it happen? 977 01:08:24,014 --> 01:08:26,006 Why don't I know about it? 978 01:08:26,140 --> 01:08:28,097 - No duel? - Duel? I? 979 01:08:28,267 --> 01:08:31,183 Ich fight anyone who tried to stop it. 980 01:08:31,311 --> 01:08:33,979 - Now will you have a drink? - Double drink! 981 01:08:34,104 --> 01:08:36,773 You know, old boy, Edith was never my fiancee. 982 01:08:36,856 --> 01:08:39,524 Ah, fiancee! Das ist das Wort, das ich nicht finden kann. 983 01:08:39,650 --> 01:08:42,400 No, not my fiancee. Lovely girl. Sweet girl. 984 01:08:42,527 --> 01:08:44,518 But not my fiancee. Cheers. 985 01:08:46,112 --> 01:08:48,270 Bottom up. 986 01:08:48,406 --> 01:08:49,899 (Knocking) 987 01:08:50,032 --> 01:08:52,024 Come in. 988 01:08:52,158 --> 01:08:54,731 Ah, Nurse Erna. Come and have a drink. 989 01:08:54,868 --> 01:08:57,240 - Where's the fiancee? - Sie will nicht kommen. 990 01:08:57,370 --> 01:08:59,576 - Sie will nicht kommen? - She won't come down? 991 01:08:59,705 --> 01:09:03,404 - Then we'll go up. Come on, Theo. - Moment. Moment. Die Flaschen. 992 01:09:03,541 --> 01:09:06,209 Und the glasses. 993 01:09:20,928 --> 01:09:22,505 (Knocking) 994 01:09:22,637 --> 01:09:24,629 CANDY: Edith! 995 01:09:24,764 --> 01:09:26,756 Come in. 996 01:09:26,890 --> 01:09:29,843 Edith, my child. I feel like a proud father. 997 01:09:29,976 --> 01:09:32,264 Do you, Clive? Why? 998 01:09:32,394 --> 01:09:35,310 - I have to give you away, don't I? - Who told you? 999 01:09:35,438 --> 01:09:37,430 - I told. - In fluent double German. 1000 01:09:37,564 --> 01:09:41,014 Das einzige Wort, das ich nicht finden konnte. 1001 01:09:41,150 --> 01:09:43,142 - Fiancee. - Fiancee, ja. 1002 01:09:43,276 --> 01:09:48,517 A toast. Here's to the happiness of my fiancee who was never my fiancee, 1003 01:09:48,655 --> 01:09:52,734 and here's to the man who tried to kill me before he was introduced to me. Prost. 1004 01:09:52,866 --> 01:09:56,448 - Prost. - May I kiss the bride? 1005 01:09:56,577 --> 01:09:58,569 Why ask? I did not ask. 1006 01:10:02,623 --> 01:10:05,160 - Goodbye, Clive. - Goodbye, Edith, old girl. 1007 01:10:12,546 --> 01:10:14,871 I hope we'll meet again sometime. 1008 01:10:15,006 --> 01:10:16,714 I'm sure we shall. 1009 01:10:20,969 --> 01:10:23,044 Now, listen to me, you son of a gun, 1010 01:10:23,178 --> 01:10:25,716 you won't understand a word of what I'm going to say, 1011 01:10:25,847 --> 01:10:31,515 but I came to Berlin to find a rat, and I found two of the grandest people I've ever met. 1012 01:10:31,643 --> 01:10:33,967 I leave to you, 1013 01:10:34,103 --> 01:10:37,352 you Prussian stiff-neck you, this girl in trust, 1014 01:10:37,480 --> 01:10:41,939 and if you don't take care of her, I'll raise the whole of England against you. 1015 01:10:42,066 --> 01:10:45,019 The Navy will steam up your stinking Stolpchensee, 1016 01:10:45,152 --> 01:10:48,567 and I'll lead the Army down Unter den Linden, and we'll... 1017 01:10:48,696 --> 01:10:50,688 Clive... 1018 01:10:52,240 --> 01:10:55,904 ... my English is not very much... 1019 01:10:57,243 --> 01:10:59,235 ... but my friendship for you... 1020 01:11:01,830 --> 01:11:03,822 ... is very much. 1021 01:11:09,752 --> 01:11:12,752 - I hope it's taught you a good lesson, Candy. - Yes, sir. 1022 01:11:12,879 --> 01:11:17,954 The trouble with you young fellows is you want to go changing everything. What's the result? 1023 01:11:18,091 --> 01:11:21,506 You spent all your leave in a nursing home full of foreigners. 1024 01:11:21,635 --> 01:11:24,469 You cost the Treasury a lot of money. 1025 01:11:24,595 --> 01:11:27,002 You make the Foreign Office very cross. 1026 01:11:27,139 --> 01:11:29,131 Yes, very cross. 1027 01:11:29,265 --> 01:11:32,218 And what do you get for it? Your beauty's spoiled. 1028 01:11:32,351 --> 01:11:34,473 You weren't any fashion plate before. 1029 01:11:34,602 --> 01:11:37,139 I'd be surprised if any woman would look twice at you. 1030 01:11:37,271 --> 01:11:39,263 - So would I. - When you were here in January, 1031 01:11:39,397 --> 01:11:42,979 I told you very clearly it was not your concern, it was an Embassy job. 1032 01:11:43,108 --> 01:11:45,230 Well, sir, I thought I'd take a chance. 1033 01:11:45,359 --> 01:11:47,731 A chance? A chance?! 1034 01:11:47,861 --> 01:11:51,194 You can't afford to take a chance with your career, my boy. 1035 01:11:51,322 --> 01:11:54,772 You are in the Army as a career, aren't you? Not for five minutes? 1036 01:11:54,908 --> 01:11:58,856 You were putting up a pretty good show. You go barging in on this nonsense, 1037 01:11:58,994 --> 01:12:01,531 and you come very near to getting yourself kicked out. 1038 01:12:01,662 --> 01:12:04,449 - You don't want to get kicked out, do you? - No, sir. 1039 01:12:04,581 --> 01:12:06,573 Well, let me tell you one thing. 1040 01:12:06,707 --> 01:12:11,119 Don't bother your head with things you don't understand and you won't go far wrong. 1041 01:12:11,252 --> 01:12:13,327 Never go off at half-cock. Keep cool. 1042 01:12:13,462 --> 01:12:16,711 Keep your mouth shut and avoid politicians like the plague. 1043 01:12:16,839 --> 01:12:18,831 That's the way to get on in the Army. 1044 01:12:18,966 --> 01:12:20,958 Thank you, sir. 1045 01:12:27,888 --> 01:12:29,880 Care to dine at my club tonight? 1046 01:12:30,015 --> 01:12:33,264 - Sorry, sir. I'm taking someone to the theatre. - Pretty? 1047 01:12:33,392 --> 01:12:35,384 I haven't met her yet, sir. 1048 01:12:35,519 --> 01:12:37,641 Oh, you're still a bit cracked, my boy. 1049 01:12:38,813 --> 01:12:41,101 Well, I hope you improve as you get older. 1050 01:12:43,983 --> 01:12:45,975 And cheer up, my boy. 1051 01:12:48,144 --> 01:12:49,721 Yes, sir. 1052 01:12:51,881 --> 01:12:53,873 1053 01:13:03,180 --> 01:13:05,172 Father, 1054 01:13:05,307 --> 01:13:11,474 whose oath in hollow hell is heard, whose act is lightning after thunder-word. A boon! 1055 01:13:11,603 --> 01:13:16,559 A boon - that I compassion find for one, the most unhappy of mankind. 1056 01:13:16,690 --> 01:13:18,682 - How is he named? - Ulysses. 1057 01:13:18,816 --> 01:13:21,982 He who planned to take the towered city of Troy-land. 1058 01:13:22,110 --> 01:13:24,102 - What wouldst thou? - This! 1059 01:13:24,236 --> 01:13:29,276 That he at the last may view the smoke of his own fire curling blue. 1060 01:13:29,407 --> 01:13:30,569 Where bides the man? 1061 01:13:30,699 --> 01:13:34,565 Calypso this long while detains him in her languorous ocean-isle. 1062 01:13:34,702 --> 01:13:39,493 Father of gods, this man hath stricken blind my dear son Polyphemus. 1063 01:13:39,622 --> 01:13:43,998 And with wind, with roaring waves, by me let him be hurled from sea to sea, 1064 01:13:44,125 --> 01:13:46,876 - and dashed about the world. - Peace, children, 1065 01:13:47,002 --> 01:13:49,326 and from your shrill reviling cease! 1066 01:13:50,671 --> 01:13:53,873 Hermes, command Calypso to release Ulysses, 1067 01:13:54,007 --> 01:13:55,999 and to waft him over seas. 1068 01:13:56,133 --> 01:13:59,335 Ulysses shall return. 1069 01:14:00,678 --> 01:14:03,464 Cloud-gatherer, stay! 1070 01:14:03,597 --> 01:14:06,003 Yet canst thou work in mischief on the way. 1071 01:14:06,140 --> 01:14:09,093 Yet ere he touch at last his native shore, 1072 01:14:09,225 --> 01:14:12,807 Ulysses must abide one labour more. 1073 01:14:12,936 --> 01:14:14,928 Thank you. Where's the bar? 1074 01:14:15,063 --> 01:14:17,055 Darling, do control yourself. 1075 01:14:17,189 --> 01:14:23,475 ... breathing, face amid the breathless dead, the track of terror and the slope of doom. 1076 01:14:23,610 --> 01:14:25,602 I say, there's old Suggie. 1077 01:14:25,737 --> 01:14:28,144 Really, darling? Where? 1078 01:14:28,280 --> 01:14:31,980 (Whispers) Suggie? Suggie? 1079 01:14:32,116 --> 01:14:34,986 - ... is hungering still... - Suggie! 1080 01:14:35,118 --> 01:14:36,991 ... oh, Father, in thy youth, 1081 01:14:37,119 --> 01:14:42,456 didst feel at least for mortal women ruth. To Leda, Leto, Danae, we are told, 1082 01:14:42,540 --> 01:14:45,030 didst show thee on occasion tenfold... 1083 01:14:45,167 --> 01:14:48,120 Who's the girl with Clive, darling? Do you know her? 1084 01:14:48,252 --> 01:14:51,869 - As a matter of fact, I do. - Well, darling, who is she? 1085 01:14:52,005 --> 01:14:54,246 I believe he met her sister in Berlin. 1086 01:14:55,382 --> 01:14:58,299 Darling, why all this mystery? Who is she? 1087 01:14:58,426 --> 01:15:01,295 My niece's governess. A Miss Hunter. 1088 01:15:01,428 --> 01:15:05,804 Wonders will never cease. Sybil Gilpin out without her mother, and with Hoppy, too. 1089 01:15:05,931 --> 01:15:08,421 Didn't you know, Mr Candy? They're married. 1090 01:15:08,558 --> 01:15:10,633 - Hoppy and Sybil? - Over a month ago. 1091 01:15:10,767 --> 01:15:14,978 The family were quite taken by surprise. It was very romantic and sudden. 1092 01:15:15,104 --> 01:15:17,226 And they met here in this very theatre. 1093 01:15:17,355 --> 01:15:20,604 I know. I seem to be a born matchmaker. 1094 01:15:22,692 --> 01:15:24,684 - Hello, Pebble. - Master Clive! 1095 01:15:31,782 --> 01:15:34,354 - Your aunt is asleep. - All right. Don't disturb her. 1096 01:15:34,492 --> 01:15:38,191 - I didn't feel like going to the club. - You're not sick, Master Clive? 1097 01:15:38,328 --> 01:15:40,320 No. I say, 1098 01:15:40,454 --> 01:15:43,371 Pebble, how did you feel when you buried Mr Pebble? 1099 01:15:43,498 --> 01:15:47,364 Oh, it wasn't so bad at the time, Master Clive, there was so much to do. 1100 01:15:47,501 --> 01:15:50,252 It was after that it got bad, if you understand me. 1101 01:15:50,378 --> 01:15:52,702 I hope you haven't come from a burial, sir. 1102 01:15:52,838 --> 01:15:56,669 No, from the theatre, but it was the same thing, in a way. 1103 01:15:56,799 --> 01:15:58,791 Was it a sad play? 1104 01:15:58,925 --> 01:16:02,708 On the contrary, it was a musical play. Is the bed in the den made up? 1105 01:16:02,845 --> 01:16:06,129 No, but it won't take a minute if you don't mind sleeping in blankets. 1106 01:16:06,264 --> 01:16:07,971 There isn't time to air the sheets. 1107 01:16:08,098 --> 01:16:12,260 - Lady Margaret has made changes... - Pebble! What is going on down there? 1108 01:16:12,393 --> 01:16:14,598 - Am I staying? - I suppose so, 1109 01:16:14,728 --> 01:16:17,052 since there's no man here to throw you out. 1110 01:16:17,188 --> 01:16:19,856 I say, who put up my South African heads? 1111 01:16:19,940 --> 01:16:22,893 - I don't know. - They don't look half so bad, do they? 1112 01:16:23,025 --> 01:16:25,017 No. 1113 01:16:25,151 --> 01:16:28,270 Pebble, stop fussing like an old hen, and go to your bed. 1114 01:16:28,404 --> 01:16:30,396 Yes, my lady. 1115 01:16:32,031 --> 01:16:34,901 - Good night, Master Clive. - Good night. 1116 01:16:35,033 --> 01:16:38,483 Now, even money that some catastrophe has brought you here. 1117 01:16:38,619 --> 01:16:40,243 - You're on. - Debts? 1118 01:16:40,370 --> 01:16:41,864 - No. - A woman. 1119 01:16:41,996 --> 01:16:43,988 Not exactly. 1120 01:16:44,123 --> 01:16:46,530 - Explain. - I went to the theatre tonight. 1121 01:16:46,666 --> 01:16:48,457 - Alone? - With a girl. 1122 01:16:48,584 --> 01:16:51,074 And why, pray, is she "not exactly"? 1123 01:16:51,211 --> 01:16:53,369 Oh, it was nothing to do with her. 1124 01:16:53,504 --> 01:16:56,706 Perhaps. See anyone there you knew? 1125 01:16:56,840 --> 01:17:00,919 - I met Hoppy and Sybil Gilpin. They're married. - Why not? A very suitable match. 1126 01:17:01,051 --> 01:17:04,217 He has money, and she has land, and neither of them has any brains. 1127 01:17:04,345 --> 01:17:06,337 You surely weren't in love with her. 1128 01:17:06,471 --> 01:17:08,344 - With Sybil? Oh, no. - I'm glad of that. 1129 01:17:08,473 --> 01:17:11,307 She has the muscles of a prize fighter. She'll hit him one day. 1130 01:17:11,433 --> 01:17:16,010 - Hoppy could give her a couple of stone. - She'll soon make that up, I assure you. 1131 01:17:18,605 --> 01:17:21,308 Who is this girl you took to the theatre tonight? 1132 01:17:21,440 --> 01:17:25,685 - A Miss Hunter. I met her sister in Berlin. - Is she nice? 1133 01:17:25,818 --> 01:17:28,059 Very. I mean the sister. 1134 01:17:28,194 --> 01:17:29,772 Which sister? 1135 01:17:29,904 --> 01:17:31,896 The one that stayed in Berlin. 1136 01:17:32,030 --> 01:17:35,481 Then the one in London is not so nice, I take it. 1137 01:17:35,616 --> 01:17:38,782 - No. - I see. 1138 01:17:38,910 --> 01:17:47,081 Now, listen, Clive. I have 18 rooms here, a bone-idle staff eating their heads off, 1139 01:17:47,207 --> 01:17:49,495 and when you come home from South Africa, 1140 01:17:49,626 --> 01:17:52,744 - you go straight to your club. - I know, it's awful. 1141 01:17:54,379 --> 01:17:57,379 I want you to remember that whatever you do, 1142 01:17:57,506 --> 01:18:01,337 and wherever you are, you've always got a home here... 1143 01:18:01,467 --> 01:18:05,926 and, whatever you shoot, there's always room for them here, too. 1144 01:18:06,054 --> 01:18:08,046 Look how much room there is. 1145 01:18:36,633 --> 01:18:38,257 (Gunshot) 1146 01:18:39,458 --> 01:18:41,249 (Gunshot) 1147 01:18:42,377 --> 01:18:43,954 (Gunshot) 1148 01:18:44,837 --> 01:18:46,461 (Gunshot) 1149 01:18:47,631 --> 01:18:49,421 (Gunshot) 1150 01:18:50,466 --> 01:18:52,090 (Gunshot) 1151 01:18:52,843 --> 01:18:54,301 (Gunshot) 1152 01:18:54,427 --> 01:18:57,546 (Hunting horn) 1153 01:18:59,040 --> 01:18:59,988 (Gunshot) 1154 01:19:29,861 --> 01:19:31,853 (Gunshots) 1155 01:19:31,987 --> 01:19:33,979 (Machine-gun fire) 1156 01:19:34,114 --> 01:19:36,106 (Heavy artillery fire) 1157 01:19:39,242 --> 01:19:41,234 (Shellfire) 1158 01:19:54,552 --> 01:19:56,924 This is Dead Cow Crossroads, sir. 1159 01:19:58,388 --> 01:20:02,171 The question is whether that's the church with the double tower 1160 01:20:02,308 --> 01:20:05,058 or the Estaminet du Pont. 1161 01:20:07,686 --> 01:20:09,678 Damn it, Murdoch, 1162 01:20:09,813 --> 01:20:11,805 you're supposed to know the road. 1163 01:20:11,939 --> 01:20:14,975 I know it at night, sir. In the daytime it looks different. 1164 01:20:18,819 --> 01:20:20,645 Eh? Got a scent? 1165 01:20:20,779 --> 01:20:25,356 Yes, sir. Yon's our road, sir. I can smell the two horses those sappers didnae bury. 1166 01:20:25,490 --> 01:20:27,945 - Hark away, then. - Hark away, sir. 1167 01:20:28,075 --> 01:20:30,067 (Shellfire) 1168 01:20:38,541 --> 01:20:41,955 Glad to see you, sir. I've got another umbrella for you. 1169 01:20:42,085 --> 01:20:44,871 You've a marvellous eye for loot, van Zijl. 1170 01:20:45,003 --> 01:20:48,418 - Learnt from the English in the Boer War, sir. - Where did you get them? 1171 01:20:48,547 --> 01:20:51,216 Off the Jerries. 11 of them brought in an hour ago. 1172 01:20:51,299 --> 01:20:54,632 Lord knows where they stole them. They were using them for camouflage 1173 01:20:54,760 --> 01:20:56,752 against aircraft. 1174 01:21:04,558 --> 01:21:06,550 1175 01:21:09,061 --> 01:21:11,137 - Good evening. - Good evening, sir. 1176 01:21:11,271 --> 01:21:12,848 Evening, sir. 1177 01:21:13,773 --> 01:21:17,604 Can we get through to the RTO at Dupuis-sur-Something? 1178 01:21:17,734 --> 01:21:21,481 Dupuis-sur-Croix. The Yanks are down there. How about it, Paddy? 1179 01:21:21,612 --> 01:21:25,608 I'm afraid the line's down between us and Mile 14, sir. I can send a runner. 1180 01:21:25,739 --> 01:21:28,989 - What message, sir? - Tell him to hold a place on the leave train. 1181 01:21:29,117 --> 01:21:31,405 - When can I leave here? - Not before dark. 1182 01:21:31,577 --> 01:21:35,241 They're plastering the road between 1-7 and 1-9 with shrapnel. 1183 01:21:35,371 --> 01:21:39,498 - Right. Someone look after Murdoch. - Nobby. 1184 01:21:39,624 --> 01:21:41,580 - Very good, sir. - Mind the leak, sir. 1185 01:21:41,709 --> 01:21:44,199 - Freddie, get that runner away. - Yes, sir. 1186 01:21:44,335 --> 01:21:47,917 If any of you have any important letters or messages home, I'll take them. 1187 01:21:48,046 --> 01:21:50,038 - Thank you, sir. - Paddy? 1188 01:21:50,173 --> 01:21:52,378 Just now I'll see the prisoners again. 1189 01:21:52,508 --> 01:21:54,464 All right, sir. 1190 01:21:54,592 --> 01:21:56,584 What are these prisoners? 1191 01:21:56,719 --> 01:21:58,711 Ulans. 2nd Regiment. 1192 01:21:58,845 --> 01:22:02,628 - That's all I've got out of them so far. - I'd like to question them. 1193 01:22:02,765 --> 01:22:04,757 - Certainly, sir. - Paddy? 1194 01:22:04,891 --> 01:22:06,848 The 2nd Regiment of Ulans. 1195 01:22:07,018 --> 01:22:09,010 - Sir? - Bring in the prisoners, 1196 01:22:09,144 --> 01:22:12,263 - and tell the orderly to light the lamp. - Any officer with them? 1197 01:22:12,396 --> 01:22:15,349 - Not so lucky. - Where did you nab them? 1198 01:22:15,482 --> 01:22:17,723 Floating down the river early this morning. 1199 01:22:17,858 --> 01:22:20,942 I had a boom across, and netted them like salmon. 1200 01:22:21,069 --> 01:22:23,191 They had 100lb of dynamite with them. 1201 01:22:23,320 --> 01:22:27,103 My guess is they were after the new pontoon bridge below St Mangy. 1202 01:22:27,240 --> 01:22:29,730 How the devil did they get to know about that? 1203 01:22:29,867 --> 01:22:33,530 They took one of our patrols prisoner the day before yesterday. 1204 01:22:33,661 --> 01:22:35,949 Are you suggesting that our fellows talked? 1205 01:22:37,372 --> 01:22:40,040 The Germans know how to make them talk. 1206 01:22:40,165 --> 01:22:42,157 Oh. 1207 01:22:43,501 --> 01:22:47,248 Well, if they are, they're cracking, my dear chap. It's a sure sign. 1208 01:22:47,378 --> 01:22:51,589 Nobody starts to fight foul till he sees he can't win any other way. 1209 01:22:53,007 --> 01:22:56,340 I quite believe Hindenburg, who I heard said the other day 1210 01:22:56,468 --> 01:23:00,714 that until now, Germany has used her arms with honour. 1211 01:23:00,846 --> 01:23:02,968 I admit he said nothing about her legs! 1212 01:23:10,186 --> 01:23:12,178 Halt! 1213 01:23:12,312 --> 01:23:14,304 Left turn! 1214 01:23:16,940 --> 01:23:19,347 CANDY: Get that off to Brigade 1215 01:23:19,484 --> 01:23:21,559 - in the morning. - Certainly, sir. 1216 01:23:21,694 --> 01:23:23,982 Do any of you know Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff? 1217 01:23:26,572 --> 01:23:28,564 Don't play deaf. He was an Oberst 1218 01:23:28,698 --> 01:23:30,904 in your regiment the last time I heard of him. 1219 01:23:31,033 --> 01:23:34,282 Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff, 2nd Regiment of Ulans. 1220 01:23:37,830 --> 01:23:41,577 - Which of you can speak English? VAN ZIJL: Hey. 1221 01:23:41,707 --> 01:23:45,122 You spoke English an hour ago. Answer the Brigadier. 1222 01:23:45,251 --> 01:23:47,208 I do speak. 1223 01:23:47,378 --> 01:23:48,658 CANDY: Ah. 1224 01:23:48,795 --> 01:23:50,787 Now, listen to me. 1225 01:23:52,131 --> 01:23:55,914 We don't use the same methods that I hear you use on your prisoners, 1226 01:23:56,050 --> 01:23:59,169 but I assure you we have means to find out what we want. 1227 01:24:00,345 --> 01:24:02,337 What was this explosive 1228 01:24:02,471 --> 01:24:04,547 - found on you intended for? - I don't know. 1229 01:24:04,681 --> 01:24:06,673 - Don't lie. - I do not know. 1230 01:24:07,850 --> 01:24:10,138 You took three men prisoner two days ago. 1231 01:24:10,268 --> 01:24:13,138 - No. - Then how did you know about the bridge? 1232 01:24:13,270 --> 01:24:15,262 I know nothing about a bridge. 1233 01:24:15,397 --> 01:24:17,436 Then why were you carrying dynamite? 1234 01:24:18,691 --> 01:24:21,098 Quite safe to go now, sir. Your car's waiting. 1235 01:24:21,234 --> 01:24:23,985 - Won't you stay for dinner, sir? - What have you got? 1236 01:24:24,111 --> 01:24:26,684 - Macaroni. We found it in the cellar. - Beastly stuff. 1237 01:24:26,821 --> 01:24:28,813 And the usual corned horse. 1238 01:24:28,948 --> 01:24:31,236 Oh, I think I'll take my chance at Dupuis. 1239 01:24:32,617 --> 01:24:36,483 It's a pity I've got to go. I'd like to have another shot at those prisoners. 1240 01:24:36,620 --> 01:24:38,944 Oh, I think I've got the idea, sir. 1241 01:24:39,080 --> 01:24:41,072 I'll tackle them for you. 1242 01:24:41,206 --> 01:24:44,325 - Right. Make your report to Brigade. - Very good, sir. 1243 01:24:54,340 --> 01:24:56,711 Now, listen. 1244 01:24:56,842 --> 01:24:59,332 I am in command here now. 1245 01:24:59,468 --> 01:25:03,002 And I know how to deal with you scum. 1246 01:25:03,138 --> 01:25:06,506 I'm not a simple English gentleman. 1247 01:25:06,640 --> 01:25:09,309 I'm a simple South African. 1248 01:25:10,393 --> 01:25:14,306 And I can assure you that I have means to get what I want. 1249 01:25:14,437 --> 01:25:16,725 What was the dynamite for? 1250 01:25:16,855 --> 01:25:19,013 How many of you got away? 1251 01:25:19,149 --> 01:25:22,102 What happened to the three men you took prisoners? 1252 01:25:25,611 --> 01:25:27,603 30 seconds to reply. 1253 01:25:46,000 --> 01:25:49,617 - US SOLDIER: 10. - US SOLDIER: 10. 1254 01:25:49,753 --> 01:25:52,124 - 8:35. - 8:35. 1255 01:25:52,254 --> 01:25:54,246 Hello! Hello! Dammit. 1256 01:25:55,507 --> 01:25:58,341 The lousy line's dead, sir. I can't get Beechwood. 1257 01:25:58,467 --> 01:26:02,760 - Keep trying. And what do you want? - I'm Brigadier General Candy. 1258 01:26:02,887 --> 01:26:05,840 I'm sorry, sir. Sit down. Take the load off your feet. 1259 01:26:05,972 --> 01:26:07,929 I couldn't see your brass for the mud. 1260 01:26:08,057 --> 01:26:10,927 - What can I do for you? - You're the railway transport officer? 1261 01:26:11,059 --> 01:26:12,850 I run trains, if that's what you mean. 1262 01:26:12,977 --> 01:26:15,847 - That is, when there are any trains to run. - Did you get my chit? 1263 01:26:15,979 --> 01:26:18,849 Will you, for the Lord's sake, get me through to Beechwood? 1264 01:26:18,981 --> 01:26:22,930 The Colonel's having kittens. Try the other circuit. You said "chit"? 1265 01:26:23,067 --> 01:26:25,059 - Yes. - What's a chit? 1266 01:26:25,194 --> 01:26:27,186 A message, man. A message. 1267 01:26:27,320 --> 01:26:29,608 I want transport to London. It's urgent. 1268 01:26:29,738 --> 01:26:32,442 There hasn't been any message since I've been on duty. 1269 01:26:32,574 --> 01:26:36,273 I'll see what we can do for you. Jake, get RTO at Ami-le-Bon, will you? 1270 01:26:36,410 --> 01:26:38,402 - Yes, Colonel. Yes. - OK, sir. 1271 01:26:38,536 --> 01:26:41,986 Yes, we're trying to get through, sir. We're trying the other circuit. 1272 01:26:42,122 --> 01:26:45,075 Yes, I'll let you know. A merry little madhouse we've got here. 1273 01:26:45,207 --> 01:26:48,077 Yes, very. When does my train leave? 1274 01:26:48,209 --> 01:26:50,913 Where do I change? And where can I get some food? 1275 01:26:51,045 --> 01:26:53,202 I thought so. Thanks very much. 1276 01:26:53,338 --> 01:26:56,706 Yeah, it's what I thought. You'll have to go through to Ami-le-Bon. 1277 01:26:56,840 --> 01:26:59,626 I've come from Ami-le-Bon to catch a train here. 1278 01:26:59,759 --> 01:27:03,672 - My motorcar is stuck in the mud... - What's that? What, Colonel? 1279 01:27:03,803 --> 01:27:06,376 TRANSPORT OFFICER: The hell, you say? Thanks a lot. 1280 01:27:07,556 --> 01:27:09,678 - That's that. - What's what? 1281 01:27:09,807 --> 01:27:13,222 A German delegation is on its way to see General Foch. They're going to 1282 01:27:13,351 --> 01:27:15,474 - sue for an armistice. - Yippee! 1283 01:27:15,603 --> 01:27:19,646 Nonsense! German propaganda. Old trick to put us off our guard. 1284 01:27:19,772 --> 01:27:21,764 What about my train? 1285 01:27:21,899 --> 01:27:25,148 There's not a train, or a track, or a locomotive to pull one, sir. 1286 01:27:26,277 --> 01:27:29,941 In this war, I've seen ammunition dumps without ammunition, 1287 01:27:30,071 --> 01:27:34,068 field kitchens with no cooks, motorcars with no petrol to run them on, 1288 01:27:34,199 --> 01:27:39,405 so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to find a railway transport officer without trains. 1289 01:27:39,536 --> 01:27:43,746 But let me tell you this, young man, that in the Boer War or in Somaliland, 1290 01:27:43,872 --> 01:27:48,414 this sort of inefficiency wouldn't have been tolerated for a second. Not for a second. 1291 01:27:48,542 --> 01:27:50,664 Now, where can I get some grub? 1292 01:27:50,794 --> 01:27:53,710 The Crown of Thorns is good for a hand-out at almost any hour. 1293 01:27:53,837 --> 01:27:56,506 - What is it? A pub? - A pub, sir? I don't get you. 1294 01:27:56,589 --> 01:27:59,293 Oh, dash it. We don't speak the same language. 1295 01:27:59,424 --> 01:28:01,416 Er... a cafe? 1296 01:28:01,551 --> 01:28:05,499 No, sir. It's a convent. It's on the way to Ami-le-Bon. 1297 01:28:05,637 --> 01:28:08,672 - Show me the way, will you? - (Motor) 1298 01:28:08,806 --> 01:28:11,378 I think I hear Armstrong coming with a bathtub now. 1299 01:28:21,731 --> 01:28:25,894 Armstrong, I want you to take the General here over to the Crown of Thorns. 1300 01:28:26,026 --> 01:28:28,730 Yes, sir. Yes, sir, General. I sure will do that. 1301 01:28:31,696 --> 01:28:34,566 ARMSTRONG: It's kinda damp, but I'll get you there. 1302 01:28:34,699 --> 01:28:38,031 - You're off. - Poor show I couldn't get a train tonight. 1303 01:28:38,159 --> 01:28:40,116 I've wasted 24 hours of my leave. 1304 01:28:40,286 --> 01:28:43,321 You can step on it, Armstrong. The General's in a hurry. 1305 01:28:43,454 --> 01:28:44,996 I sure will do that. 1306 01:28:49,917 --> 01:28:51,909 Well, goodbye, General. 1307 01:28:52,044 --> 01:28:55,459 What were those other wars he was talking about, Captain? 1308 01:28:55,629 --> 01:28:58,997 The Boer War and the Somi-something? I never heard of them. 1309 01:28:59,132 --> 01:29:02,464 Those weren't wars. Those were just summer manoeuvres. 1310 01:29:03,885 --> 01:29:07,134 Here we are, General. The Convent of the Crown of Thorns. 1311 01:29:07,262 --> 01:29:10,013 - Let me give you a hand. - I can manage. Thank you. 1312 01:29:12,016 --> 01:29:14,008 (Bell clangs) 1313 01:29:23,690 --> 01:29:26,180 WOMAN: Who is there? - Good evening, Sister Jacqueline. 1314 01:29:26,317 --> 01:29:29,566 WOMAN: Good evening, Napoleon. - I've brought you a real live colonel. 1315 01:29:29,694 --> 01:29:33,607 - I am an English general. - But come in, my general. 1316 01:29:35,824 --> 01:29:39,238 Good night, General. Enjoy your food. Good night, Sister Jacqueline. 1317 01:29:39,409 --> 01:29:43,619 Good night, Napoleon. 1318 01:29:43,746 --> 01:29:45,738 What do you want, my general? 1319 01:29:45,872 --> 01:29:48,991 Thank you, ma'am. The Americans... 1320 01:29:49,124 --> 01:29:51,116 Me... I am... 1321 01:29:52,543 --> 01:29:55,792 I...Eat... 1322 01:29:55,921 --> 01:29:58,956 Mr. General ate something who would have hurt him? 1323 01:29:59,089 --> 01:30:02,457 - Yes. Eat. - But come on, my general. 1324 01:30:05,677 --> 01:30:08,879 Come, my general. We will heal you very quickly. 1325 01:30:09,013 --> 01:30:13,341 My mother, there is an English general who has just arrived. 1326 01:30:13,474 --> 01:30:15,846 I'm coming with you, my little one. 1327 01:30:15,976 --> 01:30:18,264 The general is ill. 1328 01:30:18,394 --> 01:30:20,931 - Good evening, madam. -Good evening, General. 1329 01:30:21,063 --> 01:30:23,897 Ah, Matron. For heaven's sake, tell your girls to sit down. 1330 01:30:24,023 --> 01:30:27,189 - Sit down, nurses. Sit down. - We need to remove these wet things. 1331 01:30:27,359 --> 01:30:30,394 And your coat. General, you have fallen on your feet. 1332 01:30:30,527 --> 01:30:32,519 I was beginning to think so. 1333 01:30:34,238 --> 01:30:38,282 I have 62 freshly trained nurses straight from England, and all dying to nurse someone. 1334 01:30:38,408 --> 01:30:41,076 - Now, what's the trouble? - Trouble, Matron? 1335 01:30:41,160 --> 01:30:43,484 Well, the nun said you'd eaten something. 1336 01:30:43,620 --> 01:30:45,612 She got it wrong. I want to eat. 1337 01:30:45,746 --> 01:30:47,738 - I'm hungry. - Oh! 1338 01:30:49,916 --> 01:30:51,908 C'est qu'il veut manger! 1339 01:30:52,042 --> 01:30:53,417 (Laughs) 1340 01:30:53,543 --> 01:30:55,535 Soyez le bienvenu, General. 1341 01:30:55,670 --> 01:30:57,958 - Merci, ma mere. - Il va rester avec nous. 1342 01:30:58,088 --> 01:31:00,080 C'est bien, ma mere. 1343 01:31:01,757 --> 01:31:05,006 Well, that's settled. We shall be delighted to have you with us. 1344 01:31:05,134 --> 01:31:07,091 Thank you. 1345 01:31:07,261 --> 01:31:09,549 You've been in the front line? I suppose you have. 1346 01:31:09,679 --> 01:31:13,592 I was with the ltalians. I was lucky. I came through Caporetto without a scratch. 1347 01:31:13,724 --> 01:31:16,842 Good heavens, Matron. What insect powder do you use? 1348 01:31:16,976 --> 01:31:18,968 (Laughs) 1349 01:31:24,147 --> 01:31:26,472 MATRON: Come and sit over here, General, will you? 1350 01:31:26,607 --> 01:31:29,726 Move along a bit, my dear. Une assiette, s'il vous plait. 1351 01:31:29,860 --> 01:31:31,816 Could you pass the water? 1352 01:31:32,987 --> 01:31:34,528 We have macaroni. 1353 01:31:34,655 --> 01:31:38,069 - Splendid. - Thank you, Nurse. 1354 01:31:38,199 --> 01:31:41,567 CANDY: Matron, have you ever seen the Indian rope trick? 1355 01:31:41,701 --> 01:31:44,369 No, General. Have you? It must be an incredible sight. 1356 01:31:44,495 --> 01:31:48,870 Yes, but I've never heard of anybody who's seen it, unless he heard he was going to see it 1357 01:31:48,998 --> 01:31:51,239 I beg your pardon. I don't quite understand. 1358 01:31:51,374 --> 01:31:55,038 You hear about a thing, you hope to see it, and then you see it. 1359 01:31:55,168 --> 01:31:57,125 Yes, General. Will you excuse me? 1360 01:31:57,295 --> 01:31:59,702 One moment, Matron. Do you know that girl over there? 1361 01:31:59,838 --> 01:32:02,411 I'm afraid I don't. I only met them here at the station. 1362 01:32:02,549 --> 01:32:06,296 Come along, nurses. Bed, everyone. Bed, everybody. Come along. 1363 01:32:08,469 --> 01:32:10,461 Come on, Wynne. 1364 01:32:22,312 --> 01:32:25,229 - Ou est le matron? - Qui? La matrone? 1365 01:32:25,356 --> 01:32:27,680 - Oui. - Vous desirez lui parler encore? 1366 01:32:27,816 --> 01:32:30,650 - Oui, parler quick. - Restez. Je m'en vais la chercher. 1367 01:32:32,861 --> 01:32:36,276 Nurse, do you know the name of the girl sitting at the end of that table? 1368 01:32:36,405 --> 01:32:38,978 - Dark or fair? - Fair. 1369 01:32:39,115 --> 01:32:42,400 Oh, I don't remember. Can you describe her better? 1370 01:32:42,534 --> 01:32:45,984 Well, she was fair. I didn't see the colour of her eyes. Slim. 1371 01:32:46,120 --> 01:32:49,203 Sorry. Well, it might be anyone. Excuse me, General. 1372 01:32:49,330 --> 01:32:51,702 Where do you come from? What detachment are you? 1373 01:32:51,832 --> 01:32:55,165 Yorkshire. West Riding, most of us. Good night, General. 1374 01:32:55,293 --> 01:32:57,285 Good night. 1375 01:33:07,251 --> 01:33:09,575 CANDY: How long now? MURDOCH: Not long now, sir. 1376 01:33:09,711 --> 01:33:12,379 - You've said that ten separate times. - I know, sir. 1377 01:33:12,463 --> 01:33:15,249 - Well, hurry. The train leaves at 10:30. - I know, sir. 1378 01:33:15,381 --> 01:33:18,417 - I need time at Ami-le-Bon. I'm going to GHQ. - I know, sir. 1379 01:33:18,550 --> 01:33:21,918 Stop talking like an infernal parrot, Murdoch. How do you know? 1380 01:33:22,053 --> 01:33:23,594 - I was told, sir. - Who told you? 1381 01:33:23,720 --> 01:33:26,471 - Major van Zijl's batman, sir. - What did he say? 1382 01:33:26,597 --> 01:33:31,721 That you were up in the air because the Major got information from the Jerries - the prisoners. 1383 01:33:31,851 --> 01:33:34,519 Your misinformation, Murdoch, is typical. 1384 01:33:34,603 --> 01:33:38,434 - Thank you, sir. - Four pages of confessions 1385 01:33:38,606 --> 01:33:41,724 not worth... Kretschmar-Schuldorrf? 1386 01:33:41,858 --> 01:33:44,644 There can't be two of them with a name like that, eh, Murdoch? 1387 01:33:44,776 --> 01:33:47,563 - No, sir. - You don't know what on earth I'm talking about. 1388 01:33:47,695 --> 01:33:48,809 No, sir. 1389 01:33:48,946 --> 01:33:52,989 Haven't I told you about the time I was in Berlin in 1902? 1390 01:33:53,115 --> 01:33:55,107 When you grew your moustache, sir? 1391 01:33:55,242 --> 01:33:58,408 And yet you can't remember the name Kretschmar-Schuldorff. 1392 01:33:58,536 --> 01:34:00,741 You ought to bequeath that brain of yours 1393 01:34:00,871 --> 01:34:04,155 - to Guy's Hospital. - Oh, I remember now, sir. He married the girl. 1394 01:34:04,290 --> 01:34:06,282 Yes. 1395 01:34:06,416 --> 01:34:08,373 He married the girl. 1396 01:34:09,793 --> 01:34:13,327 Last night, Murdoch, I saw a girl, 1397 01:34:13,463 --> 01:34:15,455 a nurse, straight from England. 1398 01:34:17,132 --> 01:34:19,836 I've never seen a more striking resemblance. 1399 01:34:19,967 --> 01:34:24,046 She must have been a very common type of girl, sir. The young lady in Berlin, I mean. 1400 01:34:24,178 --> 01:34:27,593 She was the most uncommon... What the devil do you mean, Murdoch? 1401 01:34:27,722 --> 01:34:31,422 Well, sir, there was that girl in the film. You remember? You went nine times. 1402 01:34:31,558 --> 01:34:33,681 And that girl in the group out of the Bystander. 1403 01:34:33,810 --> 01:34:36,763 We lost it in the big push, didn't we? And then there's... 1404 01:34:36,895 --> 01:34:38,971 Despatch rider coming, sir. 1405 01:34:39,105 --> 01:34:41,477 - General Candy? - Yes. 1406 01:34:41,607 --> 01:34:45,271 Urgent message from Major van Zijl, sir. Came over the wire from Mile 14. 1407 01:34:45,401 --> 01:34:47,274 They've mended the line, sir. 1408 01:34:52,406 --> 01:34:53,401 Any answer, sir? 1409 01:34:58,327 --> 01:35:00,319 No. No answer. 1410 01:35:14,212 --> 01:35:16,204 Anything wrong, sir? 1411 01:35:18,132 --> 01:35:20,124 Murdoch, 1412 01:35:20,258 --> 01:35:22,250 the war is over. 1413 01:35:22,385 --> 01:35:24,377 Is it, sir? 1414 01:35:24,511 --> 01:35:27,084 The Germans have accepted the terms of the armistice. 1415 01:35:27,221 --> 01:35:30,969 Hostilities cease at ten o'clock, and it's nearly that now. 1416 01:35:31,099 --> 01:35:33,221 Murdoch, do you know what this means? 1417 01:35:33,350 --> 01:35:35,342 I do, sir. 1418 01:35:35,477 --> 01:35:37,469 Peace. 1419 01:35:38,646 --> 01:35:40,519 We can go home. 1420 01:35:41,648 --> 01:35:43,640 Everybody can go home. 1421 01:35:43,774 --> 01:35:46,478 For me, Murdoch, it means more than that. 1422 01:35:46,609 --> 01:35:50,143 It means that right is might, after all. 1423 01:35:51,321 --> 01:35:54,321 The Germans have shelled hospitals, bombed open towns, 1424 01:35:54,448 --> 01:35:57,117 sunk neutral ships, used poison gas... 1425 01:35:57,200 --> 01:35:59,157 and we won. 1426 01:36:00,369 --> 01:36:03,653 Clean fighting, honest soldiering have won. 1427 01:36:03,788 --> 01:36:05,780 God bless you, 1428 01:36:05,914 --> 01:36:08,120 - Murdoch. - Sir. 1429 01:36:10,292 --> 01:36:12,284 (Silence) 1430 01:36:18,214 --> 01:36:20,206 (Birdsong) 1431 01:37:36,276 --> 01:37:38,268 Miss Barbara! 1432 01:37:38,402 --> 01:37:41,106 Lunch is ready! 1433 01:37:41,237 --> 01:37:43,229 Barbara! 1434 01:37:43,364 --> 01:37:45,356 (Dog barks) 1435 01:37:45,490 --> 01:37:48,277 - Oh, dear. - Don't listen to them. 1436 01:37:49,827 --> 01:37:51,819 Now, you listen to me. 1437 01:37:53,788 --> 01:37:55,780 There I was, asleep. 1438 01:37:55,914 --> 01:37:57,906 You'd never seen me before. 1439 01:37:58,040 --> 01:38:00,032 You never even spoke to me then. 1440 01:38:01,918 --> 01:38:04,290 How could you be so sure? 1441 01:38:04,420 --> 01:38:07,420 Can I ask you a question first? 1442 01:38:07,547 --> 01:38:09,539 You're wriggling. 1443 01:38:09,673 --> 01:38:11,665 All right. Fire away. 1444 01:38:11,800 --> 01:38:13,792 How can you be so sure? 1445 01:38:13,926 --> 01:38:16,761 I'm 20 years older than you are, and I'm a soldier. 1446 01:38:16,887 --> 01:38:19,555 When other people are thanking God the war is over, 1447 01:38:19,639 --> 01:38:24,762 I'm going to the War Office to ask, "Where is another war where you can use me? " 1448 01:38:26,101 --> 01:38:28,592 You asked me that once before, and I told you. 1449 01:38:28,728 --> 01:38:31,977 I'm asking you again, because I want to hear it again. 1450 01:38:33,189 --> 01:38:35,181 And again. 1451 01:38:38,818 --> 01:38:42,897 I'm marrying you because I want to join the Army and see the world. 1452 01:38:45,073 --> 01:38:48,238 I'm marrying you because I love watching you play polo. 1453 01:38:50,284 --> 01:38:53,901 I'm marrying you for 50 different reasons, 1454 01:38:54,037 --> 01:38:57,487 and they all mean that's how I imagined my future husband. 1455 01:39:02,376 --> 01:39:04,368 Same here. 1456 01:39:04,502 --> 01:39:06,494 That's how I imagined my future wife. 1457 01:39:11,340 --> 01:39:13,332 (Gong) 1458 01:39:14,676 --> 01:39:16,419 Oh, the gong's the final appeal. 1459 01:39:16,552 --> 01:39:19,125 Darling, we must go. We've got the bishop for lunch. 1460 01:39:19,263 --> 01:39:21,255 I hope he's tender. 1461 01:39:21,389 --> 01:39:23,381 And now, 1462 01:39:23,515 --> 01:39:25,507 in conclusion, I... 1463 01:39:25,642 --> 01:39:29,306 Oh, yes. I should like to say a few words to General Candy. 1464 01:39:29,436 --> 01:39:32,187 We members of the Church Militant 1465 01:39:32,313 --> 01:39:37,270 can admire the heroes of the war, but in our hearts we are men of peace. 1466 01:39:37,400 --> 01:39:42,274 And so I am glad to have met you for the first time, as I did, sir, 1467 01:39:42,403 --> 01:39:49,068 on a simple and heart-warming occasion, rather than at some military ceremonial. 1468 01:39:49,200 --> 01:39:52,069 When I first heard that a general of the British Army 1469 01:39:52,202 --> 01:39:56,364 was arranging a ball for the benefit of those nurses of the West Riding 1470 01:39:56,496 --> 01:40:01,655 who had taken part in the four-year struggle, I said to myself, 1471 01:40:01,792 --> 01:40:05,658 "There is a man whose heart is in the right place." 1472 01:40:05,794 --> 01:40:09,791 And I am glad to be able to tell you that one result is 1473 01:40:09,922 --> 01:40:16,041 that the sum of one hundred and thirty-one pounds, two and sixpence 1474 01:40:16,176 --> 01:40:20,718 will be handed over to the War Nurses' Benevolent Fund. 1475 01:40:22,722 --> 01:40:25,129 My Lord Bishop, I want to make a confession. 1476 01:40:25,266 --> 01:40:30,057 I first saw Barbara in Flanders on the last night of the war. 1477 01:40:31,395 --> 01:40:37,147 She was a nurse among 70 other nurses. I never knew her name, 1478 01:40:37,274 --> 01:40:42,397 but I found out that most of the nurses came from Yorkshire, and the West Riding. 1479 01:40:42,528 --> 01:40:46,441 And, of course, she was a nurse. 1480 01:40:46,572 --> 01:40:48,564 So, I thought to myself... 1481 01:40:48,698 --> 01:40:51,367 Well, Yorkshire's a big place, 1482 01:40:51,492 --> 01:40:53,484 my Lord Bishop. 1483 01:40:53,618 --> 01:40:55,610 So, I thought, 1484 01:40:55,745 --> 01:40:59,113 'How can I find a nurse in Yorkshire? ' 1485 01:40:59,247 --> 01:41:02,662 You understand who I'm driving at, 1486 01:41:02,791 --> 01:41:05,744 I suppose? What I mean? 1487 01:41:10,171 --> 01:41:12,709 I understand exactly what you mean, darling. 1488 01:41:35,297 --> 01:41:38,831 - That window is the den. - Wrong. Next floor's the den. 1489 01:41:38,966 --> 01:41:40,958 CANDY: That's the bathroom. 1490 01:41:41,093 --> 01:41:43,049 BARBARA: Ooh, look. 1491 01:41:43,219 --> 01:41:45,128 They're here. 1492 01:41:46,304 --> 01:41:48,261 Is yon grey head Murdoch? 1493 01:41:48,431 --> 01:41:51,384 His idea of greeting the conquering hero, I suppose. 1494 01:41:51,516 --> 01:41:55,383 I think I shall like Murdoch. And I know I shall like this house. 1495 01:41:55,519 --> 01:42:00,263 Clive, let this whole house be our den, where we can always crawl, 1496 01:42:00,397 --> 01:42:04,394 whether we return with rich spoils, or badly mauled from our rovings, 1497 01:42:04,525 --> 01:42:06,517 or just to change our spots. 1498 01:42:08,028 --> 01:42:10,518 Aunt Margaret would have loved you for that. 1499 01:42:12,447 --> 01:42:14,439 (Horn toots) 1500 01:42:24,039 --> 01:42:27,620 BARBARA: Hmm. It's a fine, solid-looking property. Like you. 1501 01:42:32,753 --> 01:42:34,745 Clive, you won't change, will you? 1502 01:42:34,879 --> 01:42:36,871 And don't ever leave this house. 1503 01:42:37,006 --> 01:42:42,211 No fear! And even if there's a second Flood, this house shall always stand on solid foundations. 1504 01:42:42,343 --> 01:42:45,343 - We'll have a private lake in the basement. - That's a promise. 1505 01:42:45,470 --> 01:42:48,802 - You'll stay just as you are till the floods come. - Till the floods come. 1506 01:42:48,930 --> 01:42:51,717 - And this is a lake. - And this is a lake. 1507 01:42:53,267 --> 01:42:54,974 I'm sorry, ma'am. Mrs Candy. 1508 01:42:55,143 --> 01:42:58,143 I was at the top of the house. I wasn't expecting you so early. 1509 01:42:58,270 --> 01:43:01,056 - Well, Murdoch, this is the wife. - So, you're Murdoch. 1510 01:43:01,189 --> 01:43:05,232 - Yes, madam. - The first time I've heard anything but "Yes, sir". 1511 01:43:05,358 --> 01:43:08,358 Everything is under control. I've had the telephone installed. 1512 01:43:08,485 --> 01:43:10,608 - Good. - The agency has a lot of cooks for you... 1513 01:43:10,779 --> 01:43:12,771 Come along. Let's get inside. 1514 01:43:12,905 --> 01:43:14,897 (Whistles) Come on. 1515 01:43:20,535 --> 01:43:22,527 We'll have some fun with this. 1516 01:43:22,662 --> 01:43:25,117 The tradespeople called. They'll call again. 1517 01:43:25,247 --> 01:43:27,915 That's all right. Not staying this time. Off tonight. 1518 01:43:28,040 --> 01:43:30,329 Eight weeks Paris. Then we'll put our feet up, 1519 01:43:30,459 --> 01:43:33,909 - and have a big party. - Yes, sir. I got your letters from the club, sir. 1520 01:43:34,045 --> 01:43:36,037 - They're on the wee tray. - Ah. 1521 01:43:39,748 --> 01:43:42,914 I'm so sorry, Murdoch. You took such a lot of trouble. 1522 01:43:43,042 --> 01:43:45,912 Oh, that's all right, ma'am. We're used to it. 1523 01:43:46,044 --> 01:43:49,210 I told the porter the General wouldn't be using the club so much. 1524 01:43:49,338 --> 01:43:50,998 Oh, what did he say? 1525 01:43:51,131 --> 01:43:52,755 Well, go on, Murdoch. I can bear it. 1526 01:43:52,882 --> 01:43:56,131 Yes, ma'am. He said, "They all say that at first," ma'am. 1527 01:43:57,969 --> 01:44:02,345 I say! Barbara? Here's an answer from the Prisoners of War Committee. 1528 01:44:02,472 --> 01:44:05,472 - Oh, have they found him? - Yes, Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff, 1529 01:44:05,599 --> 01:44:08,848 2nd Regiment, Ulans of the Guard. 1530 01:44:08,977 --> 01:44:11,811 Camp VII, Hardwick Hall, Derbyshire. 1531 01:44:11,937 --> 01:44:13,929 Poor old Theo. 1532 01:44:15,606 --> 01:44:17,598 - Darling? - Mm-hm. 1533 01:44:17,733 --> 01:44:20,270 Let's postpone Paris. 1534 01:44:20,401 --> 01:44:22,393 I'd love to meet him. 1535 01:44:27,281 --> 01:44:29,273 1536 01:45:09,434 --> 01:45:11,972 Message, sir, from the commandant's office. 1537 01:45:21,901 --> 01:45:24,771 No answer. 1538 01:45:24,903 --> 01:45:26,480 (Whispers) Excuse me, sir, but... 1539 01:45:26,613 --> 01:45:28,605 No answer! 1540 01:45:38,246 --> 01:45:40,238 - Well? - He said no answer, sir. 1541 01:45:40,372 --> 01:45:43,242 - No answer? What else? - Nothing, sir. 1542 01:45:44,417 --> 01:45:47,666 - He refused to come? - If that was the message, madam. 1543 01:45:55,841 --> 01:45:57,833 Why is "very much" 1544 01:45:57,968 --> 01:45:59,082 printed like that? 1545 01:45:59,218 --> 01:46:00,926 It was a joke we had. 1546 01:46:01,053 --> 01:46:04,088 - Where was the Oberst? - Listening to the band, sir. 1547 01:46:04,222 --> 01:46:05,763 All right, Higgins. 1548 01:46:09,934 --> 01:46:11,926 I was thinking... 1549 01:46:13,061 --> 01:46:14,970 ... how odd they are. 1550 01:46:15,104 --> 01:46:17,096 Queer. 1551 01:46:17,231 --> 01:46:22,354 For years and years, they're writing and dreaming beautiful music and beautiful poetry. 1552 01:46:23,818 --> 01:46:25,810 All of a sudden they start a war. 1553 01:46:27,363 --> 01:46:29,355 They sink undefended ships, 1554 01:46:29,489 --> 01:46:33,651 shoot innocent hostages, and bomb and destroy whole streets in London, 1555 01:46:33,784 --> 01:46:35,776 killing little children. 1556 01:46:37,369 --> 01:46:40,618 And then they sit down in the same butcher's uniform, 1557 01:46:40,747 --> 01:46:43,035 and listen to Mendelssohn and Schubert. 1558 01:46:45,291 --> 01:46:47,746 There's something horrid about that. 1559 01:46:47,877 --> 01:46:51,291 - Don't you think so, Clive? - Mm. 1560 01:46:55,924 --> 01:46:58,129 Perhaps I should have written in German. 1561 01:46:58,259 --> 01:47:02,884 MAJOR DAVIES: He understands English. They all learn English while they're here. 1562 01:47:03,012 --> 01:47:05,502 (Distant applause) 1563 01:47:09,850 --> 01:47:11,557 Do you mind if we had a try? 1564 01:47:11,684 --> 01:47:14,638 Perhaps it was because of the music. There's an interval now. 1565 01:47:14,770 --> 01:47:17,853 By all means try, sir, but Mrs Candy had better remain. 1566 01:47:18,022 --> 01:47:22,813 Yes. I can't understand it. I've written to him before the war and he's written to me. 1567 01:47:26,987 --> 01:47:30,520 They stopped English lessons on 11 th November. 1568 01:47:32,449 --> 01:47:33,942 On Armistice Day. 1569 01:47:35,576 --> 01:47:38,244 (Low murmur of conversation) 1570 01:47:47,917 --> 01:47:49,909 Colonel Kretschmar-Schuldorff? 1571 01:47:51,920 --> 01:47:53,912 Over there. 1572 01:47:58,883 --> 01:48:00,460 Theo! 1573 01:48:02,344 --> 01:48:03,968 (Conductor taps baton) 1574 01:48:07,889 --> 01:48:09,881 1575 01:48:47,625 --> 01:48:49,581 - Ah, Davies! - Hello, Candy. 1576 01:48:49,751 --> 01:48:52,621 I hope your wife will forgive me. 1577 01:48:52,753 --> 01:48:55,422 - You didn't read the invitation. - Bachelor party, eh? 1578 01:48:55,547 --> 01:48:58,796 If I'd known your charming wife wasn't here, I wouldn't have hurried. 1579 01:48:58,924 --> 01:49:02,588 - We'll get you something. - I had dinner on the train. I came from Victoria. 1580 01:49:02,718 --> 01:49:04,212 - Leave? - No, duty. 1581 01:49:04,345 --> 01:49:06,882 - Come and have a glass of port. - (Phone rings) 1582 01:49:11,349 --> 01:49:14,018 This is Brigadier General Candy's residence. 1583 01:49:14,101 --> 01:49:17,635 - May I speak to the General, please? - Whom may we ask is speaking? 1584 01:49:17,770 --> 01:49:20,936 Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorrf. I'm at Victoria station. 1585 01:49:21,064 --> 01:49:22,937 Tell him I'm leaving London tonight. 1586 01:49:23,107 --> 01:49:28,064 - Do you mind repeating the name, sir? - Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorrf. 1587 01:49:28,194 --> 01:49:30,186 Thank you, sir. 1588 01:49:34,323 --> 01:49:36,315 (Theo whistles 'l Am Titania') 1589 01:49:44,622 --> 01:49:47,291 Can't he phone tomorrow? Where's he speaking from? 1590 01:49:47,374 --> 01:49:50,493 Victoria station, sir. He's leaving tonight, he said. 1591 01:49:50,626 --> 01:49:54,208 - What name? - It sounded like Wrenchbar something, sir. 1592 01:49:54,379 --> 01:49:56,916 - Kretschmar-Schuldorff! - That's it, sir. 1593 01:49:57,047 --> 01:50:00,131 Murdoch, that brain of yours ought to be in a bottle. Theo! 1594 01:50:00,258 --> 01:50:02,250 Yes, it's me, Theo. 1595 01:50:03,927 --> 01:50:05,919 How are you, my friend? 1596 01:50:08,347 --> 01:50:10,339 Yes, I'm going home. 1597 01:50:11,766 --> 01:50:13,971 If there's such a thing left in Germany. 1598 01:50:15,101 --> 01:50:18,599 Hm? There are scores of us here. Can't you hear them? 1599 01:50:18,729 --> 01:50:21,266 We have an extra train. It leaves at 11:30. 1600 01:50:23,232 --> 01:50:25,722 Yes, yes, we are under guard. 1601 01:50:27,234 --> 01:50:31,101 Er, Clive... I may still call you Clive now you're a general? 1602 01:50:31,237 --> 01:50:35,103 Cut the cackle. What have you got to say for yourself? 1603 01:50:35,240 --> 01:50:38,110 Look, I'm sorry, I'm terribly sorry... 1604 01:50:39,284 --> 01:50:41,360 ... because of our meeting at the camp. 1605 01:50:42,578 --> 01:50:44,535 I was a silly fool. 1606 01:50:44,705 --> 01:50:47,029 Yes. I felt I had to tell you before I leave. 1607 01:50:47,165 --> 01:50:49,204 I must ring off now. Good luck to you all. 1608 01:50:49,333 --> 01:50:50,827 - Major Davies. - Yes? 1609 01:50:50,959 --> 01:50:52,951 Come here a moment, will you? 1610 01:50:53,085 --> 01:50:55,920 I'll send you back to Derbyshire if you're not careful. 1611 01:50:56,046 --> 01:50:58,880 You just sit tight and we'll come and get you. 1612 01:50:59,006 --> 01:51:01,128 All right, all right. I won't run away. 1613 01:51:02,258 --> 01:51:04,250 Would you mind, Lieutenant? 1614 01:51:04,385 --> 01:51:07,753 You Prussian stiff-neck. The only way to get you is to kidnap you. 1615 01:51:07,887 --> 01:51:09,630 Let's have a look at you. 1616 01:51:10,847 --> 01:51:12,839 Ah, you've worn well, old chap. 1617 01:51:14,183 --> 01:51:17,717 - You've still got my mark, I see. - You still need a moustache. 1618 01:51:17,852 --> 01:51:19,928 - When were you captured? - July '16. 1619 01:51:20,062 --> 01:51:23,560 - You were lucky. You missed the worst. - I'd rather be unlucky. 1620 01:51:23,690 --> 01:51:27,437 Have you heard from home? Have you got any children? How about Edith? 1621 01:51:27,567 --> 01:51:32,940 What shall I answer first? Edith is all right as far as I know and, yes, we have two children. 1622 01:51:33,071 --> 01:51:34,980 Boys, eh? 1623 01:51:35,114 --> 01:51:38,564 - Now, that one's exactly like Edith. - Karl. He is, isn't he? 1624 01:51:38,700 --> 01:51:40,822 - I almost wish we had no children. - What? 1625 01:51:40,951 --> 01:51:45,327 - What future do they have in a beaten country? - You Germans are all a bit crazy. 1626 01:51:45,454 --> 01:51:47,446 Barbara will tell you what's what. 1627 01:51:47,581 --> 01:51:50,285 - Who? - My wife. Oh, you don't know I'm married. 1628 01:51:50,416 --> 01:51:54,163 - You'll get a shock when you see her. - Shock? I'm sure she's charming. 1629 01:51:54,294 --> 01:51:56,286 I don't mean that. You wait and see. 1630 01:51:56,420 --> 01:51:59,788 Oh, you won't see her. She's gone to the theatre with her mother. 1631 01:51:59,923 --> 01:52:03,504 Never mind. Have you got any more snapshots? Tell me about yourself. 1632 01:52:04,968 --> 01:52:06,711 GUEST: Neither were much good. 1633 01:52:06,844 --> 01:52:12,181 Gentlemen, this is my friend Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff. 1634 01:52:12,306 --> 01:52:15,756 Sir Archibald Blair, shining light of the Foreign Office. 1635 01:52:15,892 --> 01:52:17,931 - How do you do? - General Betteridge. 1636 01:52:18,060 --> 01:52:20,218 How do you do? I've heard about you, Oberst. 1637 01:52:20,353 --> 01:52:22,725 CANDY: General Keen. - How do? 1638 01:52:22,855 --> 01:52:26,436 CANDY: Major Michael Cornish and his brother Major... 1639 01:52:26,566 --> 01:52:28,854 - John. - ... John Cornish. 1640 01:52:28,984 --> 01:52:32,850 Admiral Sir Merton Barrow of the so-called Senior Service. 1641 01:52:32,987 --> 01:52:35,773 - Commodore Brandon-Crester. - Ditto. 1642 01:52:35,905 --> 01:52:38,989 Major Davies you know. 1643 01:52:39,116 --> 01:52:41,784 - Intimately. - Yes. 1644 01:52:41,910 --> 01:52:44,945 Colonel Hopwell, aide to the Governor of Gibraltar. 1645 01:52:45,078 --> 01:52:46,905 How do you do, my dear fellow? 1646 01:52:47,038 --> 01:52:50,572 - Sir William Rendall, on the Viceroy's staff. - How do you do? 1647 01:52:50,707 --> 01:52:52,699 George Metcalf of Uganda. 1648 01:52:53,834 --> 01:52:57,913 - Sir John Bembridge, just back from Jamaica. - How do you do, sir? 1649 01:52:58,046 --> 01:53:00,168 Colonel Mannering, known to the press 1650 01:53:00,297 --> 01:53:03,499 - as the uncrowned king of Southern Arabia. - How do you do? 1651 01:53:03,633 --> 01:53:05,257 M r Christopher Wynne 1652 01:53:05,384 --> 01:53:08,918 - of Bradford, England, my father-in-law. - How are you? 1653 01:53:09,053 --> 01:53:12,302 - How do you do? - Embodiment of all the solid virtues. 1654 01:53:12,430 --> 01:53:15,300 Sit down, Theo. What will you have to drink? 1655 01:53:15,432 --> 01:53:17,673 - Port, please. - Port. 1656 01:53:17,809 --> 01:53:19,635 BETTERIDGE: Pass the port. 1657 01:53:19,769 --> 01:53:22,520 BLAIR: It has to go round the clock. - Cigar? Cigarette? 1658 01:53:22,646 --> 01:53:24,970 - Cigarette. - They're both on the table. 1659 01:53:25,106 --> 01:53:27,430 BLAIR: Turkish or Virginian? - Virginian. 1660 01:53:27,566 --> 01:53:29,558 HOPWELL: Oh, sorry. 1661 01:53:29,692 --> 01:53:32,443 I don't suppose you remember me... 1662 01:53:32,569 --> 01:53:36,945 - but we met in Berlin in '02. - Oh, did we? 1663 01:53:37,072 --> 01:53:41,780 Ah, Barstow. Colonel Barstow of the Royal Air Force - Oberst Kretschmar-Schuldorff. 1664 01:53:41,909 --> 01:53:44,660 - How do you do? - Don't get up. 1665 01:53:44,786 --> 01:53:48,154 BETTERIDGE: Glad to see you're off home now. - Thank you, sir. 1666 01:53:48,288 --> 01:53:50,957 HOPWELL: Awful being a prisoner of war in England. 1667 01:53:51,040 --> 01:53:53,577 I don't think it is much good anywhere. 1668 01:53:53,708 --> 01:53:59,045 Oh, my dear fellow, in this country people poke their nose into everything. 1669 01:53:59,129 --> 01:54:02,710 - Did you get any letters from spinsters? - Yes, we have. 1670 01:54:02,840 --> 01:54:05,756 They started a campaign to write to prisoners of war. 1671 01:54:05,883 --> 01:54:08,456 - Not our chaps, mind you. THEO: It wasn't so bad. 1672 01:54:08,594 --> 01:54:11,380 We had books, concerts, lectures. 1673 01:54:11,512 --> 01:54:16,137 I'm sure your camp was well run. German organisation is very thorough. 1674 01:54:16,266 --> 01:54:18,222 A bit too thorough for us. 1675 01:54:19,685 --> 01:54:21,676 WYNNE: Was the cooking good? 1676 01:54:21,811 --> 01:54:24,645 - It was English cooking. - (All laugh) 1677 01:54:24,771 --> 01:54:26,562 He's got a sense of humour. 1678 01:54:26,731 --> 01:54:31,475 My daughter Joyce started a campaign to better the food of the German prisoners. 1679 01:54:31,609 --> 01:54:35,475 I remember the Government was also charged with overfeeding them. 1680 01:54:35,612 --> 01:54:37,687 Oh, we're not too bad. Drink up, Theo. 1681 01:54:40,490 --> 01:54:42,482 Gentlemen... your health. 1682 01:54:42,617 --> 01:54:44,027 WYNNE: Cheer up. 1683 01:54:44,160 --> 01:54:45,737 - Good luck. - Good luck. 1684 01:54:46,661 --> 01:54:49,412 By the way, what have you done with Tiger Blomfield? 1685 01:54:49,538 --> 01:54:52,906 At Victoria, in the Grosvenor bar. He was hostage for the Oberst. 1686 01:54:53,041 --> 01:54:55,709 Where is the sense of guarding officer prisoners 1687 01:54:55,792 --> 01:54:59,741 - a year after the fighting's over? - I imagine it is more to protect us. 1688 01:54:59,879 --> 01:55:01,456 - Against what? - People. 1689 01:55:01,588 --> 01:55:02,998 - What people? THEO: Yours. 1690 01:55:03,131 --> 01:55:04,245 How do you mean? 1691 01:55:04,382 --> 01:55:08,046 They can't be adjusted from war to peace as easily as you can, gentlemen. 1692 01:55:08,176 --> 01:55:11,425 - (All mutter) BETTERIDGE: I think you'll find that's not true. 1693 01:55:11,553 --> 01:55:15,419 CANDY: Do you mean to say our people would attack you in that uniform? 1694 01:55:15,556 --> 01:55:17,927 I tried to kill Englishmen in this uniform. 1695 01:55:18,058 --> 01:55:21,141 BLAIR: My dear fellow, that's rather a gloomy point of view. 1696 01:55:21,268 --> 01:55:23,509 CANDY: You've got the wrong end of the stick. 1697 01:55:23,645 --> 01:55:26,894 - The war's over. - There's nothing to bear malice about. 1698 01:55:27,022 --> 01:55:29,014 You're a decent fellow and so are we. 1699 01:55:29,149 --> 01:55:32,232 I am not a decent fellow, I am a beggar. 1700 01:55:32,401 --> 01:55:36,018 Like the rest of all the professional soldiers in our army. 1701 01:55:36,153 --> 01:55:38,276 A beaten country can't have an army, 1702 01:55:38,405 --> 01:55:41,820 - so what are we going to do? - There'll be a great deal to do. 1703 01:55:41,949 --> 01:55:44,439 But not for us. 1704 01:55:44,576 --> 01:55:48,275 We know a bit about horses. We can become stableboys. 1705 01:55:49,454 --> 01:55:53,201 - You'll feel differently when you're home again. - Mm, home. 1706 01:55:53,332 --> 01:55:56,830 But what will the home be like? Another prison camp. 1707 01:55:56,959 --> 01:55:59,165 HOPWELL: Who says so? 1708 01:55:59,294 --> 01:56:03,041 We're going to have foreign troops occupying our cities for years. 1709 01:56:03,172 --> 01:56:06,705 - For years? I like that. - I've never heard a man more wrong. 1710 01:56:06,841 --> 01:56:10,173 - We don't want to make beggars of you. - We're a trading nation. 1711 01:56:10,302 --> 01:56:12,294 We must have countries to trade with. 1712 01:56:12,428 --> 01:56:17,634 Surely you realise that the reconstruction of Germany is essential to the peace of Europe? 1713 01:56:17,765 --> 01:56:21,761 I can't see our taxpayers keeping an army in your country, can you, Candy? 1714 01:56:21,893 --> 01:56:25,759 No, of course not. Read the papers, man - the English papers. 1715 01:56:25,896 --> 01:56:30,556 We can't ask you to be our friends if we'd rob you and humiliate you too. 1716 01:56:30,690 --> 01:56:32,813 - That's how we all feel, eh? ALL: Hear, hear! 1717 01:56:32,942 --> 01:56:34,934 We want to be friends. 1718 01:56:42,323 --> 01:56:44,648 "We want to trade with Germany," said one. 1719 01:56:46,118 --> 01:56:50,908 A general said, "We don't want to keep an eye on you just to occupy your country." 1720 01:56:51,038 --> 01:56:52,662 A general! 1721 01:56:52,789 --> 01:56:56,785 Oh, they are... children. Boys playing cricket. 1722 01:56:56,917 --> 01:57:00,783 They win the shirts off our backs and now they want to give them back. 1723 01:57:00,919 --> 01:57:02,911 Because the game is over. 1724 01:57:03,046 --> 01:57:05,334 War is a most unpopular thing in England. 1725 01:57:05,464 --> 01:57:08,334 They are already organising pacifist societies. 1726 01:57:08,466 --> 01:57:10,589 Their newspapers are anti-milita... 1727 01:57:12,552 --> 01:57:14,924 Wait a moment. 1728 01:57:15,054 --> 01:57:17,046 Here we can get to something. 1729 01:57:18,181 --> 01:57:20,173 Anti-military. 1730 01:57:21,350 --> 01:57:26,141 This childlike stupidity is a raft for us... 1731 01:57:27,771 --> 01:57:30,440 ... in a sea of despair. 1732 01:57:30,523 --> 01:57:33,191 Do you know what my friend General Candy said? 1733 01:57:33,275 --> 01:57:37,354 "Don't you worry, old chap, we'll soon have Germany on her feet again." 1734 01:57:46,450 --> 01:57:50,317 I think we made an impression on him. The last thing I said to him was, 1735 01:57:50,453 --> 01:57:53,987 "Don't you worry. We'll soon have Germany on her feet again." 1736 01:57:54,122 --> 01:57:56,873 - And he believed it? - Theo? I believe so. 1737 01:57:58,000 --> 01:57:59,957 I... hope so. 1738 01:58:13,010 --> 01:58:15,002 (Hums "I Am Titania") 1739 01:58:18,806 --> 01:58:20,465 - Darling. - Hm? 1740 01:58:20,599 --> 01:58:22,057 Don't hum. 1741 01:58:23,184 --> 01:58:25,140 Was I humming? 1742 01:58:25,269 --> 01:58:28,636 Mm-hm. It's a little habit you've got. 1743 01:58:30,480 --> 01:58:32,472 Mm. 1744 01:58:35,567 --> 01:58:37,559 What'll I do if I don't hum? 1745 01:58:37,694 --> 01:58:40,266 (Giggles) Oh, Clive. 1746 02:00:06,163 --> 02:00:07,705 (Gunshot) 1747 02:00:08,665 --> 02:00:10,289 (Gunshot) 1748 02:00:11,291 --> 02:00:12,750 (Gunshot) 1749 02:00:13,626 --> 02:00:15,618 (Gunshot) 1750 02:00:34,865 --> 02:00:37,900 MAN: Theodor Kretschmar-Schuldorrf. THEO: Here. 1751 02:00:38,034 --> 02:00:40,405 MAN: This way, please. 1752 02:00:40,536 --> 02:00:43,452 Your registration book and identity card, please. 1753 02:00:45,456 --> 02:00:47,448 Please. 1754 02:00:47,582 --> 02:00:49,574 Sit down. 1755 02:01:03,843 --> 02:01:05,800 When did you arrive in this country? 1756 02:01:05,970 --> 02:01:08,542 The 6th of June, '35. 1757 02:01:08,680 --> 02:01:10,672 - From? - Paris, France. 1758 02:01:10,806 --> 02:01:14,091 I arrived in France the 15th of January '34. 1759 02:01:14,225 --> 02:01:16,894 - From Germany? - Yes. 1760 02:01:16,977 --> 02:01:18,969 Why did you leave Germany? 1761 02:01:19,104 --> 02:01:22,353 My outlook of life is against the Nazis. 1762 02:01:23,523 --> 02:01:28,397 Most refugees left Germany early in 1933 when Hitler came to power. 1763 02:01:29,527 --> 02:01:34,152 I had nothing to fear from Hitler. At least, I... I thought so. 1764 02:01:34,281 --> 02:01:36,949 It took me eight months to find out I was wrong. 1765 02:01:37,032 --> 02:01:38,989 Rather a long time. 1766 02:01:40,702 --> 02:01:42,575 Don't you think so? 1767 02:01:42,703 --> 02:01:46,699 Please, I mean no offence, but you in England took five years. 1768 02:01:46,831 --> 02:01:49,202 Yes, quite right. 1769 02:01:50,291 --> 02:01:52,200 Have you been in England before? 1770 02:01:52,335 --> 02:01:56,082 Yes. I was prisoner of war in the last war. 1771 02:01:57,588 --> 02:01:59,580 I see you were an officer. 1772 02:02:00,715 --> 02:02:02,707 When did you leave the Army? 1773 02:02:02,842 --> 02:02:04,834 In 1920. 1774 02:02:04,968 --> 02:02:09,296 Eight out of ten officers had to retire when the German Army ceased to exist... 1775 02:02:09,429 --> 02:02:12,513 - as a large army. - You prefer the existence of a large army? 1776 02:02:12,640 --> 02:02:14,597 Not any more. 1777 02:02:14,766 --> 02:02:18,893 In '20 I chose a new profession. I became a military chemist. 1778 02:02:19,019 --> 02:02:23,312 - I worked for 13 years in a factory in Mannheim. - Are you married? 1779 02:02:23,439 --> 02:02:25,431 My wife is dead. 1780 02:02:26,566 --> 02:02:28,558 Children? 1781 02:02:28,693 --> 02:02:30,685 Two. 1782 02:02:30,819 --> 02:02:32,811 I have no connection with them. 1783 02:02:32,946 --> 02:02:34,938 They are good Nazis. 1784 02:02:36,615 --> 02:02:38,690 As far as any Nazi can be called good. 1785 02:02:38,825 --> 02:02:43,734 I am afraid, Mr Kretschmar-Schuldorff, that doesn't sound very much in your favour. 1786 02:02:45,329 --> 02:02:47,321 I've tried to answer correctly. 1787 02:02:48,956 --> 02:02:54,293 Personally, I don't doubt your good faith, but I'm here to safeguard my country's interests. 1788 02:02:54,418 --> 02:02:56,410 You may be an anti-Nazi, you may not be. 1789 02:02:57,546 --> 02:03:02,539 In times like these, one enemy in our midst can do more harm than ten across the Channel. 1790 02:03:04,592 --> 02:03:08,126 If you were here to work for the enemy, what would you tell me now? 1791 02:03:08,261 --> 02:03:11,012 Exactly the same. That you were a friend of England. 1792 02:03:11,138 --> 02:03:12,881 That our enemy was your enemy. 1793 02:03:13,015 --> 02:03:15,931 I know this is hard on those who are really with us, 1794 02:03:16,058 --> 02:03:20,055 but it should be their best assurance that this time we mean business. 1795 02:03:20,186 --> 02:03:22,261 If you are a friend, 1796 02:03:22,396 --> 02:03:25,147 our precautions are your precautions, 1797 02:03:25,273 --> 02:03:28,024 and our interests your interests... 1798 02:03:28,150 --> 02:03:32,146 because our victory will be your victory. 1799 02:03:33,445 --> 02:03:35,733 Is there anything else you'd like to say? 1800 02:03:38,407 --> 02:03:41,407 - If you don't mind, sir. - No, go ahead. 1801 02:03:42,993 --> 02:03:49,077 In earlier years, the most important principle of my life used to be "never lie, 1802 02:03:49,206 --> 02:03:53,783 - always tell the truth." - A very good principle. I hope you stick to it. 1803 02:03:53,917 --> 02:03:56,158 Oh, I have not told a lie, but I... 1804 02:03:56,294 --> 02:03:58,286 I also have not told the truth. 1805 02:04:00,172 --> 02:04:04,998 A refugee soon learns that there's a big difference between the two. 1806 02:04:06,259 --> 02:04:09,841 The truth about me is that I'm a tired old man 1807 02:04:09,970 --> 02:04:12,721 who came to this country because he is homesick. 1808 02:04:15,349 --> 02:04:19,345 Oh, please, don't stare at me like that, sir. I am all right in the head. 1809 02:04:20,477 --> 02:04:23,845 You know that after the war we had very bad years in Germany. 1810 02:04:23,980 --> 02:04:25,936 We got poorer and poorer. 1811 02:04:26,106 --> 02:04:30,601 Every day retired officers and schoolteachers were caught shoplifting. 1812 02:04:30,734 --> 02:04:32,726 Money lost its value. 1813 02:04:32,861 --> 02:04:35,529 The price of everything rose... 1814 02:04:35,654 --> 02:04:38,061 except of human beings. 1815 02:04:38,198 --> 02:04:42,064 We read in the papers that the after-war years were bad everywhere. 1816 02:04:42,200 --> 02:04:44,027 That crime was increasing 1817 02:04:44,160 --> 02:04:48,239 and honest citizens were having a hard job to put the gangsters in jail. 1818 02:04:50,206 --> 02:04:52,910 Well, I needn't tell you, sir, that in Germany 1819 02:04:53,041 --> 02:04:57,417 the gangsters finally succeeded in putting the honest citizens in jail. 1820 02:04:59,796 --> 02:05:01,788 My wife was English. 1821 02:05:01,922 --> 02:05:04,591 She would have loved to come back to England. 1822 02:05:04,674 --> 02:05:09,299 But it seemed to me that I would be letting down my country in its greatest need. 1823 02:05:09,427 --> 02:05:11,503 And so she stayed at my side. 1824 02:05:13,305 --> 02:05:18,012 When, in summer '33, we found... 1825 02:05:18,141 --> 02:05:20,845 that we had lost our children to the Nazi party, 1826 02:05:21,977 --> 02:05:23,969 and I was willing to come, 1827 02:05:25,313 --> 02:05:27,186 she died. 1828 02:05:28,315 --> 02:05:30,556 None of my sons came to her funeral. 1829 02:05:34,361 --> 02:05:36,353 Heil Hitler. 1830 02:05:38,822 --> 02:05:43,282 And then, in January '35, I had to go to Berlin on a mission for my firm. 1831 02:05:44,451 --> 02:05:48,946 Driving up in my car, I lost my way on the outskirts of the city, 1832 02:05:49,079 --> 02:05:53,372 and suddenly... the landscape seemed so familiar to me. 1833 02:05:54,833 --> 02:06:00,585 And slowly I recognised... the road, the lake... 1834 02:06:01,755 --> 02:06:05,205 ... and a nursing home where I spent some weeks recovering... 1835 02:06:07,217 --> 02:06:09,754 ... almost 40 years ago. 1836 02:06:09,885 --> 02:06:13,716 I stopped the car and sat still... remembering. 1837 02:06:15,389 --> 02:06:22,433 And... You see, in this very nursing home, sir, I met my wife for the first time. 1838 02:06:23,728 --> 02:06:26,847 And I met an Englishman who became my greatest friend. 1839 02:06:28,064 --> 02:06:35,393 And I remembered the people at the station in '19, when we prisoners were sent home... 1840 02:06:35,528 --> 02:06:37,733 cheering us, treating us like friends. 1841 02:06:38,947 --> 02:06:43,192 The faces of a party of distinguished men around a table, 1842 02:06:43,325 --> 02:06:48,448 who tried their utmost to comfort me when the defeat of my country seemed to me unbearable. 1843 02:06:49,912 --> 02:06:53,909 And... very foolishly... 1844 02:06:55,083 --> 02:06:57,371 ... I remembered the English countryside, 1845 02:06:58,543 --> 02:07:01,496 the gardens, the green lawns, 1846 02:07:02,629 --> 02:07:05,202 the weedy rivers and the trees... 1847 02:07:06,340 --> 02:07:08,332 ... she loved so much. 1848 02:07:11,594 --> 02:07:15,542 And a great desire came over me to come back to my wife's country. 1849 02:07:21,100 --> 02:07:23,092 And this, sir, is the truth. 1850 02:07:29,564 --> 02:07:31,556 (Traffic outside) 1851 02:07:42,698 --> 02:07:47,774 Haven't you got anyone in this country who knows you well? A British citizen? 1852 02:07:47,910 --> 02:07:51,859 The doorman at the chemical works where I offered my services. 1853 02:07:51,996 --> 02:07:55,530 The police officers at the Aliens' Department at Bow Street. 1854 02:07:55,665 --> 02:07:57,657 Sentry. 1855 02:07:59,043 --> 02:08:01,829 Don't you know Major General Clive Wynne-Candy? 1856 02:08:03,379 --> 02:08:05,371 THEO: Yes, sir, I used to know him. 1857 02:08:05,506 --> 02:08:08,541 Did you ask him to come here and testify on your behalf? 1858 02:08:08,674 --> 02:08:10,999 Yes, I did send him a letter, 1859 02:08:11,134 --> 02:08:13,422 but I suppose he... 1860 02:08:18,723 --> 02:08:22,802 Theo, my dear chap. Let's have a good look at you. 1861 02:08:22,934 --> 02:08:25,603 By God, you've kept your figure better than I have. 1862 02:08:25,686 --> 02:08:27,429 Bit of a bay window, what? 1863 02:08:27,562 --> 02:08:31,096 You see, sir, I wouldn't be surprised if this fellow disliked us. 1864 02:08:31,231 --> 02:08:33,223 He comes to England twice in his life. 1865 02:08:33,358 --> 02:08:37,306 The first time he's a prisoner, and the second time he's about to be one. 1866 02:08:37,444 --> 02:08:40,978 May I talk to him, sir? I haven't seen him for 19... 1867 02:08:41,113 --> 02:08:44,030 - 20. - ... 20 years and a bit. 1868 02:08:44,157 --> 02:08:47,738 Not here, General. We have many Kretschmar-Schuldorffs waiting. 1869 02:08:47,868 --> 02:08:52,991 Do you mean to say that I've travelled 11 hours from... mustn't say where... 1870 02:08:53,121 --> 02:08:55,991 and you won't allow me to have a word with a condemned man? 1871 02:08:56,123 --> 02:08:59,871 - Do you have to go back this minute? - Tomorrow. Infernally early. 1872 02:09:00,001 --> 02:09:03,748 That's all right. You can talk to him all day and all night, till midnight. 1873 02:09:03,879 --> 02:09:05,538 Aliens' curfew, you know. 1874 02:09:05,672 --> 02:09:08,755 - And I can take him with me? - If you say you know him. 1875 02:09:11,050 --> 02:09:14,383 - Do I know him? - And will stand surety for him? 1876 02:09:15,803 --> 02:09:17,795 With everything I have, sir. 1877 02:09:19,181 --> 02:09:20,972 (Clock ticks) 1878 02:09:37,068 --> 02:09:39,060 (Clock chimes) 1879 02:09:43,823 --> 02:09:46,692 - It's time I was going. - The night's young yet. 1880 02:09:46,825 --> 02:09:49,231 Don't you remember? Curfew for aliens. 1881 02:09:49,368 --> 02:09:51,739 - Oh, yes. - I have to be at home by midnight. 1882 02:09:51,870 --> 02:09:54,158 Don't forget, sir, you've to be up at six. 1883 02:09:54,288 --> 02:09:56,197 - Early parade, eh? - Aye. 1884 02:09:56,331 --> 02:09:59,248 How lucky you are, Clive. 1885 02:09:59,375 --> 02:10:02,043 Yes, they put me on the retired list in '35, 1886 02:10:02,127 --> 02:10:03,917 but I knew they'd want me again. 1887 02:10:04,045 --> 02:10:06,333 Back I went on the active list like a shot. 1888 02:10:09,465 --> 02:10:11,457 I mean... 1889 02:10:11,591 --> 02:10:15,635 Why don't you stay? I've 18 rooms. 1890 02:10:15,761 --> 02:10:17,836 - Murdoch, rally round. - Thank you. 1891 02:10:17,971 --> 02:10:21,173 I'd better not. I would need a special permit anyway. 1892 02:10:22,766 --> 02:10:24,758 All right, Murdoch, as you were. 1893 02:10:24,892 --> 02:10:27,976 Stay a little longer. I'll send you home by car. 1894 02:10:28,103 --> 02:10:31,268 Murdoch, tell Miss Cannon to be here by quarter to twelve. 1895 02:10:31,397 --> 02:10:33,685 - Very good, sir. - Who is Miss Cannon? 1896 02:10:33,815 --> 02:10:35,807 Miss Cannon? My driver. MTC. 1897 02:10:38,860 --> 02:10:41,148 Do you remember, Clive, we used to say, 1898 02:10:41,278 --> 02:10:46,153 "Our armies are fighting for our women, our children and our homes"? 1899 02:10:47,282 --> 02:10:49,689 Now the women are fighting beside the men. 1900 02:10:50,827 --> 02:10:54,823 The children are being trained to shoot. What's left is the home. 1901 02:10:54,954 --> 02:10:57,789 But what is the home without women and children? 1902 02:10:59,040 --> 02:11:02,373 You never met my wife. Would you like to see a picture of her? 1903 02:11:02,501 --> 02:11:04,327 Very much. 1904 02:11:07,004 --> 02:11:10,787 Do you remember when that was all I was able to say in English? 1905 02:11:10,924 --> 02:11:12,501 Very much. 1906 02:11:14,718 --> 02:11:18,417 - You got further with them than I ever got. - In what respect? 1907 02:11:20,055 --> 02:11:22,177 Dash it, don't tell me you didn't know. 1908 02:11:22,306 --> 02:11:24,097 Knew what? 1909 02:11:25,225 --> 02:11:27,217 Well, you make me blush. 1910 02:11:27,351 --> 02:11:30,102 I don't know what you're talking about. 1911 02:11:30,228 --> 02:11:33,976 I thought it was written all over my face when I left Berlin in '02. 1912 02:11:34,106 --> 02:11:36,477 Don't forget, I never saw your face after you left. 1913 02:11:38,693 --> 02:11:40,684 I was in love with her. Your wife. 1914 02:11:43,613 --> 02:11:45,605 She never told me. 1915 02:11:45,739 --> 02:11:47,731 She never knew. 1916 02:11:48,991 --> 02:11:51,197 But I seem to remem... 1917 02:11:51,326 --> 02:11:56,200 Oh, Clive, that last day in Berlin when I told you, you seemed genuinely happy. 1918 02:11:56,330 --> 02:11:58,618 Dash it, I didn't know then. 1919 02:11:58,790 --> 02:12:03,165 But on the train I started to miss her. On the boat it was worse. 1920 02:12:03,293 --> 02:12:06,826 By the time I got back to London, well, I'd got it properly. 1921 02:12:06,962 --> 02:12:11,669 My Aunt Margaret got onto the scent right away. Women have a nose for these things. 1922 02:12:11,798 --> 02:12:14,205 Besides, I did a stupid thing. 1923 02:12:15,342 --> 02:12:18,177 The first night back, I took out her sister. 1924 02:12:18,303 --> 02:12:20,509 - Aunt Margaret's? - Edith's. 1925 02:12:20,679 --> 02:12:22,671 - Who? Martha? - Yes. 1926 02:12:22,806 --> 02:12:24,798 What's stupid about that? 1927 02:12:24,932 --> 02:12:27,257 Thinking her sister would be like she was. 1928 02:12:28,393 --> 02:12:30,385 Like Edith? 1929 02:12:30,519 --> 02:12:32,511 Yes. 1930 02:12:33,938 --> 02:12:36,642 Well... you got over it. 1931 02:12:36,774 --> 02:12:39,264 That's just it. I never got over it. 1932 02:12:39,401 --> 02:12:43,563 Theo, this may sound a damned silly thing to say to you, but... 1933 02:12:43,695 --> 02:12:45,687 I never got over it. 1934 02:12:48,407 --> 02:12:51,490 You may say that she was my ideal... 1935 02:12:51,617 --> 02:12:54,617 if you were some sort of sickening long-haired poet. 1936 02:12:55,787 --> 02:12:58,703 All my life I've been looking for a woman like her. 1937 02:12:59,956 --> 02:13:01,913 So now you know. 1938 02:13:03,083 --> 02:13:08,159 Well, er... I never thought it possible that an Englishman could be so romantic. 1939 02:13:10,505 --> 02:13:12,497 And your wife? 1940 02:13:12,632 --> 02:13:15,834 You don't mind me asking you... but you loved her? 1941 02:13:16,968 --> 02:13:18,960 Yes... dreadfully. 1942 02:13:20,095 --> 02:13:23,261 She was exactly like Edith. I'll show her to you. 1943 02:13:35,230 --> 02:13:37,222 Oh, she's very lovely. 1944 02:13:37,357 --> 02:13:40,476 But isn't she like Edith, eh? See the resemblance? 1945 02:13:41,693 --> 02:13:44,646 Yes, there's something very striking. 1946 02:13:46,238 --> 02:13:50,483 But you must not forget, I saw Edith 31 years later than you. 1947 02:13:50,616 --> 02:13:53,284 We grew old together. 1948 02:13:54,368 --> 02:13:57,404 - You understand? - Ah, yes, of course. 1949 02:13:57,537 --> 02:13:59,529 But she was exactly like her. 1950 02:14:01,373 --> 02:14:03,365 Mm. 1951 02:14:06,168 --> 02:14:09,453 It's a strange place to hang such a lovely picture. 1952 02:14:09,587 --> 02:14:12,540 She wanted it. I call this my den, you know. 1953 02:14:12,672 --> 02:14:16,336 She always knew why I used to come back here. We had a joke about it. 1954 02:14:16,467 --> 02:14:18,459 All my stuffs here. 1955 02:14:21,137 --> 02:14:23,129 It'd be an awful gap without her. 1956 02:14:25,389 --> 02:14:28,058 Have a peg, what? 1957 02:14:28,141 --> 02:14:32,304 It must be terrible to lose someone very dear to you in a foreign country. 1958 02:14:32,436 --> 02:14:34,926 It wasn't a foreign country, it was Jamaica. 1959 02:14:45,737 --> 02:14:47,693 Bye, Clive. Have a nice journey. 1960 02:14:47,821 --> 02:14:50,572 Don't worry about anything. It's under control. 1961 02:14:50,698 --> 02:14:53,734 - Can you close the door, sir, please? - Shut up, Murdoch. 1962 02:14:53,867 --> 02:14:55,325 Good luck, Murdoch. 1963 02:14:55,452 --> 02:14:58,866 Thank you, sir, but I'm staying behind to look after things here. 1964 02:14:58,996 --> 02:15:01,118 - You know the way, Angela? - Yes, sir. 1965 02:15:08,586 --> 02:15:10,376 (Engine starts) 1966 02:15:11,504 --> 02:15:13,496 The door, sir, please. 1967 02:15:13,631 --> 02:15:16,999 - Did you see the warden? - I'm the warden of this district, sir. 1968 02:15:17,133 --> 02:15:20,216 It must be very difficult to drive in the blackout. 1969 02:15:21,344 --> 02:15:23,632 It's not as bad as it looks, sir. 1970 02:15:23,763 --> 02:15:26,549 I suppose you've done a lot of night driving. 1971 02:15:26,681 --> 02:15:29,551 No, sir. I never drove before the war. 1972 02:15:31,143 --> 02:15:33,977 - What made you learn it? - My boyfriend taught me. 1973 02:15:34,103 --> 02:15:36,391 But not at night. 1974 02:15:36,521 --> 02:15:38,513 Is he a good driver? 1975 02:15:38,648 --> 02:15:40,972 First-rate. He's one of the Bentley boys. 1976 02:15:41,108 --> 02:15:43,812 Just now he walks on his two flat feet. 1977 02:15:44,944 --> 02:15:46,900 He's a private in training. 1978 02:15:48,196 --> 02:15:50,864 What was your job before the war, Miss Cannon? 1979 02:15:50,948 --> 02:15:53,782 - Photographic model. - Oh, interesting work. 1980 02:15:54,909 --> 02:15:56,901 Not bad. A bit hard on the feet. 1981 02:15:58,786 --> 02:16:00,778 How did you know my name, sir? 1982 02:16:00,913 --> 02:16:02,905 The General talked about you. 1983 02:16:03,039 --> 02:16:05,031 Oh, did he? 1984 02:16:06,292 --> 02:16:09,410 - Mind if we try and beat the light, sir? - No, not at all. 1985 02:16:12,713 --> 02:16:15,962 Oh... Sorry, sir, couldn't make it. 1986 02:16:17,424 --> 02:16:19,630 Do you like being the General's driver? 1987 02:16:19,759 --> 02:16:22,428 Of course. Who wouldn't? He's such an old darling. 1988 02:16:22,511 --> 02:16:25,262 I could have done a handstand when he asked for me. 1989 02:16:25,388 --> 02:16:27,546 Do you know, he chose me out of 700 girls. 1990 02:16:27,681 --> 02:16:31,014 Some odds, isn't it, 700-1? 1991 02:16:31,142 --> 02:16:34,841 For crying out loud, look at that light. He ought to be reported. 1992 02:16:38,814 --> 02:16:41,386 Come on, don't be all night. 1993 02:16:43,817 --> 02:16:45,809 Ah. 1994 02:16:48,570 --> 02:16:50,562 That's what causes accidents. 1995 02:16:56,576 --> 02:16:59,492 - Long odds, weren't they, sir? - I beg your pardon? 1996 02:16:59,620 --> 02:17:01,612 700-1. 1997 02:17:01,746 --> 02:17:04,153 Makes me a bit of an outsider. 1998 02:17:07,250 --> 02:17:09,574 What is your first name, Miss Cannon? 1999 02:17:09,710 --> 02:17:11,702 Angela. 2000 02:17:11,836 --> 02:17:13,828 That's a lovely name. 2001 02:17:13,963 --> 02:17:15,955 Comes from angel, doesn't it? 2002 02:17:16,089 --> 02:17:19,671 I think it stinks. My friends call me Johnny. 2003 02:17:22,135 --> 02:17:24,708 Is it this crossing or the next, sir? 2004 02:17:24,845 --> 02:17:26,967 Oh, this will do here. 2005 02:17:32,267 --> 02:17:34,674 - Good night, Angela. - Good night, sir. 2006 02:17:34,810 --> 02:17:38,143 - I'd like to see your boyfriend one of these days. - Me too. 2007 02:17:38,271 --> 02:17:39,681 Good night, sir. 2008 02:17:54,123 --> 02:17:56,115 (Buzzer) 2009 02:17:59,460 --> 02:18:01,452 He's on his way down now. 2010 02:18:01,587 --> 02:18:03,875 For the love of Gielgud, go and stop him. 2011 02:18:04,005 --> 02:18:07,752 If you let him put one whisker in the studio, you are out. 2012 02:18:07,883 --> 02:18:10,373 - This way, General. - Thank you. 2013 02:18:10,509 --> 02:18:13,379 - General Wynne-Candy? - This way to Studio 5, sir. 2014 02:18:13,511 --> 02:18:15,883 - Mr Marsh wants to see you. - Never heard of him. 2015 02:18:16,013 --> 02:18:18,135 - He's heard of you, sir. - Has he? Good. 2016 02:18:18,265 --> 02:18:21,798 - This way to Studio 5. - What time does my broadcast start? 2017 02:18:21,934 --> 02:18:24,009 - Almost at once, sir. - At 21:20, sir. 2018 02:18:24,144 --> 02:18:26,136 - Plenty of time. - Excuse me, miss. 2019 02:18:26,270 --> 02:18:28,262 Oh, shut up. 2020 02:18:30,440 --> 02:18:32,811 - A regular warren, eh? - Yes. 2021 02:18:32,941 --> 02:18:34,933 - Beehive of industry. - Yes, sir. 2022 02:18:35,068 --> 02:18:38,270 - Do you like it here? - Yes. You meet such interesting people. 2023 02:18:38,403 --> 02:18:40,526 You can tell that from the programmes. 2024 02:18:40,655 --> 02:18:42,647 General Wynne-Candy. 2025 02:18:44,241 --> 02:18:45,521 Phew. 2026 02:18:45,658 --> 02:18:48,694 - I don't think we've met. - No, I've not had that pleasure. 2027 02:18:48,827 --> 02:18:50,202 - Do sit down. - Thank you. 2028 02:18:50,328 --> 02:18:51,870 - Cigarette? - Thank you. 2029 02:18:51,996 --> 02:18:54,533 Very snug quarters you've got here. And deep. 2030 02:18:54,664 --> 02:18:58,827 - Yes, we have to be deep these days. - I quite agree. Back to the Stone Age. 2031 02:18:58,959 --> 02:19:01,496 I don't think I'll light this at the moment. 2032 02:19:01,628 --> 02:19:03,666 Bad for speaking. Makes my throat dry. 2033 02:19:03,796 --> 02:19:07,922 General, I'm afraid we've been having some trouble about your broadcast. 2034 02:19:08,049 --> 02:19:10,337 Well, I'm used to trouble. I'm a soldier. 2035 02:19:10,467 --> 02:19:12,673 Yes, the er... authorities... 2036 02:19:14,345 --> 02:19:18,293 ... think that it's a little ill-timed and might be better postponed. 2037 02:19:20,098 --> 02:19:22,767 Think it's a little ill-timed? 2038 02:19:23,893 --> 02:19:26,264 Who has been saying that? Why? 2039 02:19:26,394 --> 02:19:28,932 Well, General, you know in times of war... 2040 02:19:29,063 --> 02:19:32,063 Don't talk to me about war. 2041 02:19:32,232 --> 02:19:35,682 No, of course, that would be... grotesque. 2042 02:19:35,818 --> 02:19:38,486 I have been asked to describe in this broadcast 2043 02:19:38,569 --> 02:19:42,780 my views on the cause of the retreat and its aspects for the future. There they are. 2044 02:19:42,906 --> 02:19:46,487 I've served my country for 44 years. What was your position before this? 2045 02:19:46,617 --> 02:19:48,075 - I was a lawyer. - What? 2046 02:19:48,201 --> 02:19:50,691 - A lawyer. - A lawyer? Well, I was a soldier. 2047 02:19:50,828 --> 02:19:54,492 And before that I suppose you were at college. And I was a soldier. 2048 02:19:54,622 --> 02:19:57,456 And I was a soldier when you were a baby. 2049 02:19:57,582 --> 02:19:59,574 And before you were born, sir, 2050 02:19:59,709 --> 02:20:04,535 when you were nothing but a toss-up between a girl's and a boy's name, I was a soldier. 2051 02:20:09,966 --> 02:20:13,381 I'm deeply sorry, sir. I know it's not you. 2052 02:20:13,510 --> 02:20:15,502 No, I'm afraid it isn't. 2053 02:20:17,054 --> 02:20:20,386 I'll make the necessary enquiries through the War Office. 2054 02:20:20,515 --> 02:20:23,515 I'll have a light for this cigarette now, if you please. 2055 02:20:23,642 --> 02:20:29,014 RADIO: Malta this morning had its 25th air raid since Italy entered the war last Monday. 2056 02:20:29,146 --> 02:20:32,181 It's not known if there was any damage or casualties. 2057 02:20:32,314 --> 02:20:34,105 Cigarette, soldier? 2058 02:20:34,232 --> 02:20:38,311 In yesterday's raids one civilian was killed and eight were wounded. 2059 02:20:40,570 --> 02:20:44,234 That brings us to the end of the news and to tonight's Postscript, 2060 02:20:44,364 --> 02:20:46,356 which is given by Mr JB Priestley. 2061 02:20:48,534 --> 02:20:50,526 What on earth can have happened? 2062 02:20:50,660 --> 02:20:54,028 - Murdoch, do you think he's had an accident? - I cannae think. 2063 02:20:54,163 --> 02:20:56,913 - I was expecting it. - Why? 2064 02:20:57,040 --> 02:21:00,324 I read his speech. I thought they would cancel it. 2065 02:21:00,459 --> 02:21:02,451 (Distant muttering) 2066 02:21:05,003 --> 02:21:06,746 It's him. 2067 02:21:06,880 --> 02:21:10,461 RADIO: Sorry about the slight delay. Now here is Mr Priestley. 2068 02:21:11,883 --> 02:21:14,456 Where can I go? The General mustn't find me here. 2069 02:21:14,593 --> 02:21:17,759 - Let me handle it. - Oh, no fear. You let me out of here. 2070 02:21:28,728 --> 02:21:30,720 Hello, Theo. 2071 02:21:30,854 --> 02:21:33,807 If supper's ready you can serve it, Murdoch. 2072 02:21:33,940 --> 02:21:35,932 I'm very sorry, sir. 2073 02:21:36,066 --> 02:21:38,188 CANDY: Hm? Why? - I shouldn't be here. 2074 02:21:38,359 --> 02:21:41,858 I asked Miss Cannon in. She was anxious to hear your broadcast. 2075 02:21:41,987 --> 02:21:45,153 Cancelled at the last minute. Pity we hurried as we did, Angela. 2076 02:21:45,281 --> 02:21:46,988 We didn't leave the War Office 2077 02:21:47,115 --> 02:21:49,107 till five-and-twenty to nine. 2078 02:21:49,242 --> 02:21:52,277 There's a War Office letter, sir. It came this afternoon. 2079 02:21:52,411 --> 02:21:55,695 Paul Reynaud has resigned. Petain is Prime Minister. 2080 02:21:55,830 --> 02:21:57,822 THEO: Bad news. - What? 2081 02:21:57,956 --> 02:21:59,948 Oh, yes, bad news. 2082 02:22:08,588 --> 02:22:10,746 MURDOCH: Sherry, sir? 2083 02:22:10,882 --> 02:22:12,874 Er... yes. 2084 02:22:19,179 --> 02:22:21,669 MURDOCH: Sherry, miss? 2085 02:22:21,806 --> 02:22:24,889 - Sherry, Mr Sch... Sir? - Yes, please. 2086 02:22:37,817 --> 02:22:39,809 Thank you. 2087 02:22:42,236 --> 02:22:44,228 How is your fiance? 2088 02:22:45,363 --> 02:22:47,770 - He's not my fiance. - Oh, beg your pardon. 2089 02:22:49,366 --> 02:22:52,402 - How is your boyfriend? - He's getting a commission. 2090 02:22:52,535 --> 02:22:54,527 Oh, congratulations. 2091 02:23:02,125 --> 02:23:05,041 - I ought to go, you know. - No, no. Stay a bit longer. 2092 02:23:06,544 --> 02:23:08,536 Cheers. 2093 02:23:09,672 --> 02:23:11,664 Down the hatch. 2094 02:23:16,843 --> 02:23:19,168 Any news about your application? 2095 02:23:19,303 --> 02:23:22,220 - Turned down. Enemy alien. - But you're an expert. 2096 02:23:22,347 --> 02:23:25,430 - Why didn't you ask him? He knows everybody. - He was away. 2097 02:23:25,557 --> 02:23:27,549 MURDOCH: Dinner's served, sir. 2098 02:23:28,768 --> 02:23:30,760 Yes. 2099 02:23:34,689 --> 02:23:37,357 ANGELA: I'm going, sir. Do you want the car any more? 2100 02:23:37,482 --> 02:23:39,770 MURDOCH: I brought an extra cover, sir. 2101 02:23:41,568 --> 02:23:43,607 Sit down, Angela... Theo. 2102 02:23:43,736 --> 02:23:47,104 - Sit down, both of you. - Thank you, sir, I've had my dinner. 2103 02:23:47,239 --> 02:23:49,231 Have another one, Angela. 2104 02:23:49,365 --> 02:23:53,528 If you're worried about sitting down with your general, then stop worrying. 2105 02:23:53,660 --> 02:23:55,652 I'm not a general any more. 2106 02:23:58,038 --> 02:24:00,030 Clive, what has happened? 2107 02:24:00,164 --> 02:24:02,999 Retired again. Axed. They don't need me any more. 2108 02:24:04,918 --> 02:24:06,910 I'm sorry, sir. 2109 02:24:09,170 --> 02:24:12,087 I... I know how that feels. 2110 02:24:12,214 --> 02:24:14,206 No, you don't. 2111 02:24:14,341 --> 02:24:16,416 I was barely 45 when it happened to me. 2112 02:24:16,551 --> 02:24:19,254 Different kettle of fish. You were made to do it. 2113 02:24:19,386 --> 02:24:21,544 But we're not finished. 2114 02:24:21,679 --> 02:24:24,383 Nor am I. Just starting. 2115 02:24:24,514 --> 02:24:28,807 I've often thought, a fellow like me dies - special knowledge - awful waste. 2116 02:24:28,934 --> 02:24:31,887 Well, am I dead? 2117 02:24:32,019 --> 02:24:35,138 Does my knowledge count for nothing? Experience, skill? 2118 02:24:35,272 --> 02:24:36,730 You tell me. 2119 02:24:36,856 --> 02:24:40,271 It is a different knowledge they need now, Clive. 2120 02:24:41,401 --> 02:24:44,567 The enemy's different, so you have to be different too. 2121 02:24:44,695 --> 02:24:46,687 Are you mad? I know what war is. 2122 02:24:46,821 --> 02:24:49,358 - I don't agree. - You... 2123 02:24:49,490 --> 02:24:54,115 I read your broadcast up to the point where you described the collapse of France. 2124 02:24:54,243 --> 02:24:58,488 You commented on Nazi methods - foul fighting, bombing refugees, 2125 02:24:58,621 --> 02:25:02,071 machine-gunning hospitals, lifeboats, bailed-out pilots and so on - 2126 02:25:02,207 --> 02:25:04,578 by saying that you despised them, 2127 02:25:04,708 --> 02:25:10,875 that you would be ashamed to fight on their side and that you'd sooner accept defeat than victory 2128 02:25:11,004 --> 02:25:13,673 if it could only be won by those methods. 2129 02:25:13,756 --> 02:25:15,748 So I would. 2130 02:25:15,883 --> 02:25:23,792 Clive, if you let yourself be defeated by them just because you are too fair to hit back 2131 02:25:23,930 --> 02:25:26,634 the same way they hit at you, 2132 02:25:27,807 --> 02:25:31,140 there won't be any methods but Nazi methods. 2133 02:25:31,268 --> 02:25:37,102 If you preach the rules of the game while they use every foul and filthy trick against you, 2134 02:25:38,231 --> 02:25:40,935 they'll laugh at you. 2135 02:25:41,066 --> 02:25:44,020 They'll think you are weak, decadent. 2136 02:25:47,029 --> 02:25:49,780 I thought so myself in 1919. 2137 02:25:49,906 --> 02:25:51,898 I heard all that in the last war. 2138 02:25:52,032 --> 02:25:54,024 They fought foul then 2139 02:25:54,159 --> 02:25:56,151 and who won it? 2140 02:25:56,285 --> 02:25:58,277 I don't think you won it. 2141 02:25:58,412 --> 02:26:01,826 We lost it, but you lost something too. 2142 02:26:01,956 --> 02:26:04,363 You forgot to learn the moral. 2143 02:26:06,084 --> 02:26:10,661 Because victory was yours, you failed to learn your lesson 20 years ago. 2144 02:26:10,795 --> 02:26:13,285 And now you have to pay the school fees again. 2145 02:26:13,422 --> 02:26:17,833 Some of you will learn quicker than the others. Some will never learn it. 2146 02:26:17,967 --> 02:26:23,552 Because you've been educated to be a gentleman and a sportsman in peace and in war. 2147 02:26:23,679 --> 02:26:25,671 But, Clive... 2148 02:26:26,973 --> 02:26:29,214 ... dear old Clive... 2149 02:26:30,850 --> 02:26:33,388 ... this is not a gentleman's war. 2150 02:26:34,520 --> 02:26:38,563 This time you are fighting for your very existence, 2151 02:26:38,689 --> 02:26:43,148 against the most devilish idea ever created by a human brain. 2152 02:26:44,276 --> 02:26:45,818 Nazism. 2153 02:26:47,028 --> 02:26:49,020 And if you lose... 2154 02:26:50,322 --> 02:26:52,647 ... there won't be a return match next year. 2155 02:26:54,116 --> 02:26:56,192 Perhaps not even for a hundred years. 2156 02:27:07,667 --> 02:27:09,659 Oh, you... 2157 02:27:09,794 --> 02:27:12,794 you mustn't mind me, an alien, saying all this. 2158 02:27:14,380 --> 02:27:18,459 But who can describe hydrophobia better than one who's been bitten... 2159 02:27:19,675 --> 02:27:21,667 ... and is now immune? 2160 02:27:27,264 --> 02:27:32,220 Well, you see, Angela, even one's best friend lets one down. 2161 02:27:35,228 --> 02:27:37,220 I don't think so, sir. 2162 02:27:37,354 --> 02:27:40,188 You too, eh? Kick a fellow when he's down, what? 2163 02:27:40,314 --> 02:27:44,690 Nobody would ever kick you, sir. You've just got to change over, that's all. 2164 02:27:45,818 --> 02:27:47,810 Change over? To what? 2165 02:27:49,237 --> 02:27:51,941 Well, a new job. It's easy enough for a man. 2166 02:27:53,073 --> 02:27:55,907 You think so, eh? Swap horses in midstream. 2167 02:27:56,033 --> 02:27:58,737 A lot of people have had to do it in this war, sir. 2168 02:27:58,869 --> 02:28:03,613 - It's better than drowning. - Bravo, Angela. I shall call you Johnny in future. 2169 02:28:03,747 --> 02:28:05,739 She's hit the nail on the head. 2170 02:28:05,874 --> 02:28:09,158 I don't know you. You shouldn't give up so easily, my boy. 2171 02:28:10,293 --> 02:28:13,827 Is this the same man who took Berlin by storm 40 years ago? 2172 02:28:13,962 --> 02:28:17,081 Look at me. Nobody wants me, but do I give up? 2173 02:28:17,215 --> 02:28:19,621 Nobody wants you and you're an expert. 2174 02:28:19,758 --> 02:28:22,544 I don't know anything but soldiering. 2175 02:28:23,844 --> 02:28:26,513 Not even that, apparently. 2176 02:28:26,638 --> 02:28:31,049 What about the Home Guard, sir? They need leaders. They're becoming an army. 2177 02:28:31,182 --> 02:28:35,510 - If we're invaded, they're our first defence. - There you are. You know everybody. 2178 02:28:35,644 --> 02:28:38,763 You could get them arms and instructors and equipment. 2179 02:28:38,896 --> 02:28:40,805 Oh, what a job. 2180 02:28:40,939 --> 02:28:44,307 - Forming a new army. CANDY: Home Guard, eh? 2181 02:28:44,441 --> 02:28:47,192 Yes, sir. I was going to tell you myself, sir. 2182 02:28:47,318 --> 02:28:49,560 You're drunk, Murdoch. Tell me what? 2183 02:28:49,695 --> 02:28:51,604 That I joined the Home Guard, sir. 2184 02:28:51,738 --> 02:28:55,236 - You? - Yes, sir. Anything wrong with the soup, sir? 2185 02:28:55,366 --> 02:28:58,282 How should anybody know if they haven't touched it? 2186 02:29:00,869 --> 02:29:03,110 Take it away, Lance Corporal Murdoch. 2187 02:29:03,246 --> 02:29:05,238 Sergeant Murdoch, sir. 2188 02:29:05,372 --> 02:29:08,076 What have you been doing, sir, all this time? 2189 02:29:08,208 --> 02:29:10,413 Nothing, you blockhead, except talk. 2190 02:29:12,919 --> 02:29:15,291 But watch now. 2191 02:29:18,673 --> 02:29:20,665 (Explosion) 2192 02:29:39,062 --> 02:29:41,517 SOLDIER: 2193 02:29:41,647 --> 02:29:44,813 2194 02:29:44,941 --> 02:29:46,933 Hello, what's this? 2195 02:29:47,067 --> 02:29:49,059 Come out. 2196 02:29:50,570 --> 02:29:52,562 Hm. Do for hoopla, anyway. 2197 02:29:58,283 --> 02:30:00,275 WOMAN: There you go, boys - tea. 2198 02:30:05,997 --> 02:30:08,997 Oi, missus. Two basins for me and my old china. 2199 02:30:09,124 --> 02:30:11,116 - Ooh. - Get your skates on. 2200 02:30:11,251 --> 02:30:13,741 See this? Major General Clive Wynne-Candy. 2201 02:30:13,877 --> 02:30:15,786 Blimey, what a moniker. Fill it up. 2202 02:30:15,920 --> 02:30:18,208 Removed to Royal Bathers' Club, Piccadilly. 2203 02:30:18,339 --> 02:30:21,292 He'd need a bath after this. Good luck to the old bustard. 2204 02:30:23,092 --> 02:30:24,835 - Still here? - Just off, General. 2205 02:30:24,968 --> 02:30:26,296 - Don't be late. - No, sir. 2206 02:30:26,428 --> 02:30:29,096 - What's that? - A gun, sir. Brother's a gamekeeper. 2207 02:30:29,221 --> 02:30:31,213 That's the ticket. Load with No.4. 2208 02:30:31,348 --> 02:30:34,134 We'll soon have Tommy guns. Know which end is which? 2209 02:30:34,266 --> 02:30:36,258 - Oh, yes, sir. - That's right. 2210 02:30:40,479 --> 02:30:42,471 Break it up, chaps. 2211 02:30:42,605 --> 02:30:44,597 Good afternoon. 2212 02:30:57,616 --> 02:31:01,066 By Gad, we'll have the proper weapons or I'll know the reason why. 2213 02:31:01,201 --> 02:31:03,158 I won't leave that damned doorstep. 2214 02:31:03,328 --> 02:31:06,909 I'll make a stay-in stroke or a sit-down strike, or whatever it is. 2215 02:31:07,039 --> 02:31:09,031 We'll show 'em, Angela, eh? 2216 02:31:10,207 --> 02:31:11,998 A real army, eh? 2217 02:31:13,126 --> 02:31:15,248 The men are all right. Keen as mustard. 2218 02:31:15,378 --> 02:31:18,496 Organisation, general staff, offices, general headquarters - 2219 02:31:18,630 --> 02:31:21,464 that's what we want and, by Gad, we'll get them! 2220 02:31:23,675 --> 02:31:25,667 - Do you hear, Angela? - Yes, sir. 2221 02:31:25,801 --> 02:31:28,505 Give me one year. Six months. 2222 02:31:28,637 --> 02:31:30,842 I'll show 'em. 2223 02:32:50,192 --> 02:32:52,268 - Take the afternoon off. - Thank you, sir. 2224 02:32:52,402 --> 02:32:54,359 - Club, 7:30. - Very good, sir. 2225 02:32:54,487 --> 02:32:56,479 Point to the throat, my boy. 2226 02:33:03,118 --> 02:33:06,367 Gentlemen, this is der Tag, what? 2227 02:33:06,495 --> 02:33:10,741 The most vital and comprehensive exercise in which the Home Guard have taken part. 2228 02:33:10,873 --> 02:33:13,992 Defence of London. We've trained for it, we can tackle it. 2229 02:33:14,125 --> 02:33:16,580 - We'll put up a good show, eh? - We will, sir. 2230 02:33:16,752 --> 02:33:20,202 We'll show these youngsters there's life in the old dog yet. 2231 02:33:21,339 --> 02:33:24,457 Gentlemen, war starts at midnight. 2232 02:33:41,769 --> 02:33:44,057 Five minutes easy, Sergeant. 2233 02:33:44,187 --> 02:33:46,512 2234 02:34:05,827 --> 02:34:07,570 Tea for two. 2235 02:34:08,871 --> 02:34:10,863 No.9, doctor's favourite. 2236 02:34:18,336 --> 02:34:20,043 - Got to go in a minute. - Why? 2237 02:34:20,170 --> 02:34:22,043 - Got a job on. - Oh, you would have. 2238 02:34:22,172 --> 02:34:24,164 Come and have a look. 2239 02:34:30,886 --> 02:34:32,878 - See that? - What, those trucks? 2240 02:34:33,012 --> 02:34:35,300 - My private army. - Well, what about it? 2241 02:34:36,598 --> 02:34:39,800 Remember what you told me last night... amongst other things? 2242 02:34:39,934 --> 02:34:41,926 Yes, and I wish I hadn't told you. 2243 02:34:42,060 --> 02:34:45,475 Why do you think I wanted the lowdown on Sugar Candy's movements? 2244 02:34:45,604 --> 02:34:47,477 Why did you? What's the mystery? 2245 02:34:47,606 --> 02:34:49,313 - We're off to see him. - Who? 2246 02:34:49,440 --> 02:34:51,017 - The wizard. - What for? 2247 02:34:51,150 --> 02:34:54,185 da-da da-da da-da! 2248 02:34:54,319 --> 02:34:58,149 - Shut up, Spud. What do you mean? - We're going to teach him total war. 2249 02:34:58,280 --> 02:34:59,857 - How? - Capture him. 2250 02:34:59,989 --> 02:35:03,439 War starts at midnight, but we'll bag him hours before that. 2251 02:35:03,575 --> 02:35:06,112 - Nazi methods, you know. - You're not a Nazi. 2252 02:35:06,243 --> 02:35:08,994 - We're not training to fight Englishmen. - You can't! 2253 02:35:09,120 --> 02:35:11,527 - Watch me. - I won't let you. He's a dear old man. 2254 02:35:11,664 --> 02:35:14,533 So will I be when I'm over 100. Ah, tea. 2255 02:35:14,666 --> 02:35:18,034 But, Spud, how can you do it? I know what it would mean to him. 2256 02:35:18,168 --> 02:35:21,618 Within an hour, the Wizard will be the captive of my bow and spear, 2257 02:35:21,754 --> 02:35:25,750 not to mention the toughest troops between here and New Zealand. Drink up. 2258 02:35:25,882 --> 02:35:29,546 Spud, I gave you the information and it's mean to take advantage of it! 2259 02:35:29,676 --> 02:35:31,882 Don't be a sissy. In war, anything goes! 2260 02:35:34,096 --> 02:35:36,633 Oh, no, you don't. 2261 02:35:40,183 --> 02:35:42,140 Here, stop that. 2262 02:35:43,269 --> 02:35:44,466 (Music stops) 2263 02:35:44,603 --> 02:35:46,595 Oh, darling. 2264 02:35:46,729 --> 02:35:50,097 WAITRESS: He's dead! Oh, Mr... Mr Marshall! 2265 02:35:50,232 --> 02:35:52,437 Spud! 2266 02:35:52,567 --> 02:35:53,847 2267 02:36:00,322 --> 02:36:02,444 - Spud. - Come on, sir, what happened? 2268 02:36:05,200 --> 02:36:06,742 - She got me. - Who? 2269 02:36:06,868 --> 02:36:09,572 Mata Hari. Come on, quick. 2270 02:36:09,703 --> 02:36:11,280 Oh, no. 2271 02:36:12,413 --> 02:36:15,449 - Any luck? - Not a hope. She's halfway to London by now. 2272 02:36:15,582 --> 02:36:19,330 She's gone to warn the Wizard. Get my tin hat. Get after her, quick! 2273 02:36:21,795 --> 02:36:24,914 - Who's going to pay for the tea? - The Sergeants' Mess. 2274 02:36:25,047 --> 02:36:27,039 - Yes. - Oh! 2275 02:36:28,174 --> 02:36:29,632 Mr Marshall! 2276 02:36:40,016 --> 02:36:41,593 (Tyres screech) 2277 02:36:51,523 --> 02:36:53,515 - It's impossible. - Get him on the phone. 2278 02:36:53,650 --> 02:36:56,021 - But, miss... - Oh, go on, man. 2279 02:36:56,152 --> 02:36:58,144 Very good. 2280 02:36:59,279 --> 02:37:02,232 SERGEANT: Come on, Section. SOLDIER: Yes, sir. 2281 02:37:02,364 --> 02:37:05,946 His driver wishes to speak to General Wynne-Candy. Yes, it's... 2282 02:37:07,993 --> 02:37:10,448 SPUD: Is General Wynne-Candy here? - No, sir. 2283 02:37:10,578 --> 02:37:14,028 - (Whispers) Get General Wynne-Candy. PORTER: He left an hour ago. 2284 02:37:14,164 --> 02:37:17,366 SPUD: Where was he going? - What is your business with him? 2285 02:37:17,499 --> 02:37:19,290 SPUD: I have a message for him. 2286 02:37:19,417 --> 02:37:21,908 - Give it to me. I'll see he gets it. - Damn it, man. 2287 02:37:22,044 --> 02:37:24,748 SPUD: Are you a Home Guard? PORTER: Why, sir? 2288 02:37:24,880 --> 02:37:27,085 SPUD: The password is Veuve Clicquot 1911. 2289 02:37:27,214 --> 02:37:30,168 PORTER: The General and his staff are in the Turkish baths. 2290 02:37:30,300 --> 02:37:33,004 (Blows whistle) Hawkins, you're in charge. 2291 02:37:33,135 --> 02:37:35,341 SPUD: Don't leave your desk. You're a prisoner. 2292 02:37:35,470 --> 02:37:39,087 PORTER: War doesn't start till midnight. SPUD: That's what you think. 2293 02:37:39,223 --> 02:37:43,634 SPUD: Sergeant, that girl under there. She's a prisoner too. 2294 02:37:43,767 --> 02:37:47,764 SPUD: All right, boys, this is it. Brute force and ruddy ignorance. 2295 02:37:47,895 --> 02:37:49,887 Hello? Hello? 2296 02:37:50,022 --> 02:37:51,646 Hello? 2297 02:37:51,773 --> 02:37:55,604 Well, warn him, then. Can't you understand English? Tell him to hide. 2298 02:37:55,734 --> 02:38:00,560 Gentlemen, the war will soon be over. We agree, it's very fine to win the last battle. 2299 02:38:00,696 --> 02:38:02,688 We much prefer to win the first. 2300 02:38:04,990 --> 02:38:07,907 You will be kept prisoner in this building till 6am. 2301 02:38:25,921 --> 02:38:28,590 ANGELA: It's all right, sir, he's still there. 2302 02:38:33,259 --> 02:38:35,251 Hello, Clive. 2303 02:38:35,386 --> 02:38:39,465 Hello, Theo. I'm glad you've come. I couldn't have stood anybody else. 2304 02:38:39,597 --> 02:38:41,589 Oh, that's all right. 2305 02:38:41,724 --> 02:38:44,474 - You've heard, I suppose. - Yes. 2306 02:38:44,601 --> 02:38:46,593 Johnny told me. 2307 02:38:46,727 --> 02:38:48,719 And? 2308 02:38:48,853 --> 02:38:53,763 Well, I think it is a dirty trick, but... I can't help finding it a bit funny too. 2309 02:38:54,899 --> 02:38:56,891 It is. That's the worst of it. 2310 02:38:58,026 --> 02:39:00,232 What do you think is going to happen now? 2311 02:39:00,361 --> 02:39:04,274 Officially, this fellow would be brought up before a court of inquiry 2312 02:39:04,406 --> 02:39:06,777 and the exercise repeated some other time. 2313 02:39:06,907 --> 02:39:08,899 Will there be an inquiry, sir? 2314 02:39:09,034 --> 02:39:10,990 No, there won't. I'll see to that. 2315 02:39:13,203 --> 02:39:15,160 - Where is he now? - Spud, sir? 2316 02:39:15,330 --> 02:39:17,322 He's with his men. 2317 02:39:17,456 --> 02:39:19,448 They're marching into London. 2318 02:39:24,419 --> 02:39:26,376 - Did you see them? - Yes, we saw them 2319 02:39:26,504 --> 02:39:28,626 when we came across the Cromwell Road. 2320 02:39:28,756 --> 02:39:30,748 The whole army. With bands. 2321 02:39:31,883 --> 02:39:33,875 How did they look, eh? 2322 02:39:34,009 --> 02:39:36,843 - Well, Clive, I must say they... - They looked OK. 2323 02:39:36,970 --> 02:39:38,962 2324 02:40:02,237 --> 02:40:04,608 CANDY: They cleaned up my place rather nicely. 2325 02:40:04,738 --> 02:40:08,071 ANGELA: They built an emergency water tank there too, sir. 2326 02:40:21,125 --> 02:40:26,330 I've been thinking this over all night. I don't want to get this young fellow into trouble. 2327 02:40:28,046 --> 02:40:30,417 I think I'll invite him to dinner instead. 2328 02:40:30,548 --> 02:40:33,417 Wasn't I just as much of a young fool as he is? 2329 02:40:33,550 --> 02:40:36,087 - Of course I was. - Yes. 2330 02:40:36,218 --> 02:40:40,001 But I wonder if he's going to be such a grand old man as you are. 2331 02:40:40,138 --> 02:40:45,510 When I was a young chap I was all gas and gaiters with no experience worth a damn. 2332 02:40:45,641 --> 02:40:48,807 Now, tons of experience and nobody thinks I'm any use. 2333 02:40:50,728 --> 02:40:53,432 I remember when I got back from Berlin in '02. 2334 02:40:54,564 --> 02:40:58,228 Old Betteridge gave me the worst wigging I ever had. 2335 02:40:59,359 --> 02:41:02,145 And then he invited me to dinner. 2336 02:41:02,278 --> 02:41:05,112 I didn't accept. Often wish I had. 2337 02:41:09,074 --> 02:41:11,742 Yes, I think I will invite him to dinner. 2338 02:41:11,826 --> 02:41:14,861 - And he'd better accept, you hear? - Yes, sir. 2339 02:41:16,095 --> 02:41:19,214 - (Military band approaches) - Here they come. 2340 02:41:19,347 --> 02:41:21,339 (Band stops playing) 2341 02:41:21,473 --> 02:41:24,390 (Marching feet) 2342 02:41:31,255 --> 02:41:34,090 BARBARA: You'll stay just as you are till the floods come. 2343 02:41:34,216 --> 02:41:35,674 CANDY: Till the floods come. 2344 02:41:35,800 --> 02:41:39,168 - And this is a lake. - And this is a lake. 2345 02:41:39,303 --> 02:41:43,548 Now here is the lake and I still haven't changed. 2346 02:41:45,265 --> 02:41:46,463 Sir?