1 00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:08,150 red tooth. 2 00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:09,910 This isn't exactly a letter. 3 00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:13,370 This isn't a letter. 4 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:19,990 It's more like a confession of a cathartic, life-changing, liberating 5 00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:21,570 experience I had recently. 6 00:02:22,950 --> 00:02:26,290 Like one of those dreams where you suddenly realize that you can fly, 7 00:02:26,510 --> 00:02:31,270 looking down from above, weightless, exhilarated, brave. 8 00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:37,160 When the spell broke, I realized I needed a little time back in my world to 9 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,400 reflect upon what we had. 10 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,660 And I gave myself a month. 11 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:48,900 I went where I always go when I'm sad. 12 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:54,480 I traveled out into the country to an abandoned old castle. 13 00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:05,080 My uncle's the caretaker there. 14 00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:09,620 I used to spend the summers there when I was a kid. 15 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,420 It's big and dusty and haunted with memories. 16 00:03:25,220 --> 00:03:27,440 First time we touched was here. 17 00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:31,420 First time we made love was here. 18 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:43,300 When we first met, I'd send him messages and he'd send them back. 19 00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,800 Training pigeons together was a part of how we fell in love. 20 00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:05,060 I never thought I'd fall in love. 21 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:08,880 fall in love. 22 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:15,700 And when I did, I just happened to be with the least likely man on earth. 23 00:04:17,380 --> 00:04:19,200 Not that he isn't wonderful. 24 00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,060 That he's an artist. 25 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:46,910 Not just an ordinary artist. 26 00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:50,170 His subjects are women. 27 00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:58,650 All of them young. 28 00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,350 All of them beautiful. 29 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,230 And all of them naked. 30 00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:12,010 I told myself I'd get used to it. 31 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:18,000 Even though I knew he wasn't sleeping with them, it was still hard to face, 32 00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:25,060 seeing him that close to them, that intimate. 33 00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:41,560 Call it jealousy. 34 00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:49,430 insecurity, whatever it was, was still hard to take. 35 00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:16,590 I even tried modeling for him. 36 00:06:23,770 --> 00:06:26,070 I've never done anything like it before. 37 00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:32,830 And I'd be lying if I didn't say it excited me. 38 00:06:35,190 --> 00:06:37,650 I mean really excited me. 39 00:06:43,190 --> 00:06:44,210 The paint. 40 00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:49,140 on my body. 41 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,080 It's warm. 42 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:56,240 Texture. 43 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,600 The intimacy. 44 00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,100 To be that free. 45 00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:11,060 His eyes on my body. 46 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,320 out of my body. 47 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,880 And I watched his concentration. 48 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:42,960 His focus. 49 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,000 To be that free. 50 00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:24,430 It excited me. 51 00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:34,500 And when I was with him, it was like we were floating on a cloud in our 52 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:35,679 own little world. 53 00:08:38,419 --> 00:08:39,419 Perfect. 54 00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,240 So perfect. 55 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,020 Absolutely perfect. 56 00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:11,140 And then I began to think, if it excited me that much to be with him that way, 57 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,880 what about them? 58 00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:16,780 The other women? 59 00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:39,400 My imagination started running wild. 60 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,460 All I could see was him with those other women. 61 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:44,040 Jealousy. Insecurity. I knew whatever it was, it would eventually 62 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,440 destroy what we had. Well, please. 63 00:10:48,020 --> 00:10:49,020 That's everything. 64 00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:51,420 That's everything. 65 00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:53,540 So I decided to leave. 66 00:11:04,860 --> 00:11:07,180 There's nothing I can do to convince you to stay. 67 00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:28,580 it's me it's nothing to do with you it's all in my head 68 00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,260 Let me know that you're okay. I will. 69 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:40,260 It's crazy what we do to ourselves, projecting our worst nightmares, our 70 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,260 worst fears. 71 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,000 And it filled me with sorrow. 72 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:46,880 And it filled me with pain. 73 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,640 And all I could think about was him. 74 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,700 And he kept on calling. 75 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,960 The phone kept ringing. 76 00:13:04,460 --> 00:13:05,820 But what could I say to him? 77 00:13:07,940 --> 00:13:12,840 I hate phones and telegrams and fax. 78 00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:35,780 It had nothing to do with him. 79 00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,580 It was me. 80 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:39,880 It was all in my head. 81 00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:43,940 The phone just kept on ringing. 82 00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:46,860 Come on, guys. 83 00:13:47,380 --> 00:13:52,880 What about all those lovers and generals on the battlefield? 84 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,260 Napoleon and Josephine? 85 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,740 Caesar and Cleopatra? 86 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:05,220 Tarzan and Jane. 87 00:14:07,660 --> 00:14:14,080 Cleopatra lying awake at night in Egypt, wondering if Caesar was being faithful 88 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:18,600 to her, wondering how she measured up to those other women. 89 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,740 much I missed him. 90 00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:39,100 How much he meant to me. 91 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:56,960 Jealousy sucks. 92 00:14:58,260 --> 00:14:59,540 Insecurity sucks. 93 00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:11,950 Son of a bitch. I missed him so much. 94 00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:29,450 Maybe if I send him one word at a time. 95 00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,010 Stupid. 96 00:15:33,110 --> 00:15:34,110 Jealous. 97 00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:36,470 Insecure. 98 00:15:37,430 --> 00:15:38,430 Weak. 99 00:15:39,150 --> 00:15:40,230 I don't know what to do. 100 00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:46,950 That image of you in the hallway that day, I'm still trying to understand why. 101 00:15:49,270 --> 00:15:50,270 Can't paint. 102 00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:54,430 Can't sleep. 103 00:15:55,270 --> 00:15:56,350 Don't want to sleep. 104 00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,390 Can't sleep. 105 00:15:59,510 --> 00:16:00,590 Don't want to sleep. 106 00:16:01,910 --> 00:16:02,910 Can't eat. 107 00:16:03,510 --> 00:16:04,570 Don't want to eat. 108 00:16:05,210 --> 00:16:06,210 Can't work. 109 00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:07,430 Can't sleep. 110 00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:09,760 Don't want to work. Don't want to sleep. 111 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:11,480 Can't paint. 112 00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,240 Don't want to paint. 113 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:19,900 Miss you. 114 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:21,760 Love you. 115 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:24,020 Want you. 116 00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:28,260 Miss you. 117 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:29,440 Want you. 118 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,300 We just kept sending the notes back and forth. 119 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,819 The more notes we sent the better I felt. 120 00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:29,660 Clear. 121 00:17:30,940 --> 00:17:31,940 Calmer. 122 00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:33,860 More in love. 123 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,120 Completely in love. 124 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,339 Miss you. 125 00:17:44,340 --> 00:17:46,200 Love you. 126 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:49,180 Want you. 127 00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:54,980 Miss 128 00:17:54,980 --> 00:18:06,040 you. 129 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,900 Need you. 130 00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:10,400 Want you. 131 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,300 Miss you. 132 00:18:43,570 --> 00:18:46,590 I can't live without you. 133 00:18:47,570 --> 00:18:48,570 I need you. 134 00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:52,050 Want you. Miss you. Need you. 135 00:18:52,390 --> 00:18:53,390 Want you. 136 00:18:54,190 --> 00:18:56,170 Miss you. Come home. 137 00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,950 can't live without you please come home 138 00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:04,070 If you ever paint yourself into a corner, into a place where you can't 139 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:08,330 find your way out, my advice to you is to just shut your eyes and jump. 140 00:20:12,050 --> 00:20:13,050 You do that? 141 00:20:14,410 --> 00:20:15,410 Jump up.