1 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:25,180 I have a confession to make, Red Shoes. Like most women, I've always been under 2 00:01:25,180 --> 00:01:28,800 this impression that if I could change certain things about myself, then I 3 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:29,800 would find happiness. 4 00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:34,660 If only I was a little prettier, richer, thinner, taller, sweeter, tougher, had 5 00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:38,320 fuller lips, or just about anything different than what I had and was, I 6 00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:41,520 would, in fact, have and be all that I could dream of being. 7 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,200 Most importantly, I would accept myself. 8 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:48,780 Unable to reinvent myself. 9 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:51,700 I did the next best thing. 10 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:58,260 I took a leave of absence from work and made arrangements to take off for 11 00:01:58,260 --> 00:01:59,260 France. 12 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,520 Apekme koko awalawai. 13 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,500 Apekme koko awalawai. 14 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:56,010 When my friend Lynn heard what I was doing, she called a friend of hers in 15 00:02:56,010 --> 00:03:01,850 Paris, a photojournalist, to see if she knew of any great places of life. 16 00:03:03,150 --> 00:03:06,950 As luck would have it, it just so happened she was going away for the 17 00:03:06,950 --> 00:03:10,550 month of April and was desperately looking for someone to house-sit. 18 00:03:13,010 --> 00:03:19,350 Or, in her case, I should say boat-sit, since she lived on a converted barge on 19 00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:20,350 the Seine. 20 00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:30,150 Ha! Ha! 21 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,260 In all my life, I've never seen a place quite as beautiful. 22 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:17,899 The furniture, the art on the wall, the plates, 23 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,519 the silverware. 24 00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:22,169 Everything. 25 00:04:24,170 --> 00:04:26,550 The woman who lives here must be extraordinary. 26 00:04:32,950 --> 00:04:39,310 It might sound strange, but from the moment I walked through the door, 27 00:04:39,430 --> 00:04:42,030 I wanted to be her. 28 00:04:43,930 --> 00:04:45,810 Her spirit took me over completely. 29 00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:49,830 It was like walking into her soul. 30 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:55,800 Bushy. 31 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:54,520 I've never snooped or invaded anyone's privacy before. 32 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,620 In fact, it would never have entered my mind. 33 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,700 But this was different. 34 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,280 I had to find out who she was. 35 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,980 February 5th, 1993. 36 00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:24,280 Another collection. 37 00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:28,020 Shot 35 rolls before noon. 38 00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:31,040 All the clothes look the same. 39 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,280 It's cold. 40 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:34,900 Gray. 41 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,120 Decided to call Jim. 42 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,440 Haven't seen him since New York. 43 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:44,920 Repeated everything we did the last time. 44 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,180 I like to dance. 45 00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:50,140 Saying nothing. 46 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,460 Wouldn't let him touch me. 47 00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,180 Not yet. 48 00:06:57,380 --> 00:06:59,740 Just his eyes on me as I undressed him. 49 00:07:01,840 --> 00:07:03,360 And then I took his picture. 50 00:07:04,920 --> 00:07:06,500 One after the other. 51 00:07:08,540 --> 00:07:09,540 He looked. 52 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,180 And I loved it too. 53 00:07:29,419 --> 00:07:30,920 Thank you. 54 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,720 Thank you. 55 00:07:55,390 --> 00:08:02,310 The more I read about Shelby, the more I wanted to be like 56 00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:03,310 her. 57 00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,470 Her words gave me courage. 58 00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:15,270 Too shy to ever allow anyone to take my picture. 59 00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:21,520 I set up a camera I found of hers and Decided to try and take them out myself. 60 00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:26,140 I wanted to know what it was like. 61 00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,320 It excited me. 62 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:35,140 It made me feel bad and daring and free. 63 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:39,059 It made me feel like Shelby. 64 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,580 The next day, I did something else I'd never done before. 65 00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,600 I borrowed one of Shelby's short skirts. 66 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,380 And actually had the courage to wear it out in public. 67 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:56,520 Thank you, Shelby. 68 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,280 It was amazing. 69 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,920 I'd been in Paris for four days. 70 00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:10,180 And for the first time in my life, everything seems possible. 71 00:09:11,460 --> 00:09:12,900 I'm totally anonymous. 72 00:09:14,020 --> 00:09:15,560 Nobody knows who I am. 73 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,240 Nobody to judge me. 74 00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:25,890 If Shelby could sit in a short skirt in an outdoor cafe and pick up a 75 00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:28,850 waiter, why couldn't I? 76 00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:32,150 Gina's not Gina today. 77 00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:35,790 She's Shelby. 78 00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:41,950 Confident, poised, brave. 79 00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:44,330 Shelby. 80 00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:48,110 I do love being Shelby. 81 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,090 Love it. 82 00:09:52,070 --> 00:09:53,070 Love it. 83 00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:57,410 April 5th, 1993. 84 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,390 Dinner alone. 85 00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:02,510 I was bored. 86 00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,090 He was a waiter. 87 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,170 His name was Jean-Louis. 88 00:10:09,110 --> 00:10:10,830 Wrote my room number on the check. 89 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:13,810 Very discreet. 90 00:10:15,770 --> 00:10:17,050 And so was he. 91 00:10:28,550 --> 00:10:29,670 and he wasn't even that attractive. 92 00:10:31,050 --> 00:10:32,190 But it didn't matter. 93 00:10:33,570 --> 00:10:40,010 I focused on that tattoo on his chest and waited for that feeling to come. 94 00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:46,090 I loved to be taken from behind. 95 00:10:48,950 --> 00:10:50,730 Just the sound of his breath. 96 00:10:52,770 --> 00:10:55,230 The weight of his body pressed against me. 97 00:10:57,430 --> 00:10:59,810 My hands. scraping the edge of the bed. 98 00:11:02,610 --> 00:11:04,090 He'd be anybody. 99 00:11:06,050 --> 00:11:07,190 The air. 100 00:11:09,230 --> 00:11:11,530 The blood rushing into my face. 101 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:13,690 I could hardly breathe. 102 00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:18,950 Then from out of nowhere it suddenly began. 103 00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:23,110 Violently at first. 104 00:11:25,090 --> 00:11:27,190 And over and over again. 105 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,020 Like waves lapping on the shore. 106 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,580 If only I could keep him in that way forever. 107 00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,440 I couldn't give her up. 108 00:11:59,310 --> 00:12:00,310 I loved her clothes. 109 00:12:01,450 --> 00:12:02,850 Loved to dress like her. 110 00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:06,290 Loved to read her letters. 111 00:12:08,210 --> 00:12:10,230 Loved to hear a voice in my head. 112 00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:12,830 Loved him. 113 00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:14,930 Loved him. 114 00:12:19,870 --> 00:12:22,790 Charles was the difference between sex and love. 115 00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:28,250 He was the only man that could make me come by just a touch. 116 00:12:29,710 --> 00:12:31,210 Or sometimes even a look. 117 00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:35,370 I felt passion for him. 118 00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:39,310 His lips. 119 00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:41,430 His kiss. 120 00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:45,090 He could have owned me if he wanted to. 121 00:12:46,810 --> 00:12:51,530 He was the only man I would relinquish myself to. 122 00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:54,430 I did. 123 00:12:55,750 --> 00:12:57,710 I loved it when he kissed me. 124 00:13:21,930 --> 00:13:28,030 I didn't already mention it. My name is Antonio, and my number is 42533441. 125 00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:29,850 Sorry about that message. 126 00:13:30,230 --> 00:13:31,230 It's a bad habit. 127 00:13:31,750 --> 00:13:33,430 Anyway... Hello? 128 00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:34,910 This is Southern. 129 00:13:40,830 --> 00:13:42,010 I couldn't resist. 130 00:13:43,130 --> 00:13:45,470 He had no idea who I was. 131 00:13:47,730 --> 00:13:49,710 To him, I was Shelby. 132 00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:56,080 Beautiful, poised, beguiling. 133 00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:58,840 Shelby. 134 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,760 Just keep on repeating. 135 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:24,020 My name is Shelby. 136 00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:30,340 And I'm strong and fierce and beautiful. 137 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,660 Just keep on repeating it like a mantra. 138 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:39,300 That's right. 139 00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:44,200 I said my name is Shelby. 140 00:15:20,330 --> 00:15:23,510 My name is Shelby, and you are under my spell. 141 00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:32,250 My name is Shelby, and you will do what I want you to do. 142 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:40,690 My name is Shelby, and I'm strong, fierce, 143 00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:43,310 and beautiful. 144 00:15:45,830 --> 00:15:46,830 That's right. 145 00:15:47,970 --> 00:15:49,550 I said my name. 146 00:15:50,500 --> 00:15:51,500 is Shelby. 147 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,460 What did Sue tell you about me? 148 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,560 She said you were wonderful. 149 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,500 Which you are. 150 00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:10,040 And that you were, um... How did she put it? 151 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:12,840 Without fear. 152 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:50,860 You like being in control, huh? 153 00:16:52,060 --> 00:16:53,060 Is that it? 154 00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:09,760 I want you to keep me inside of my thighs. 155 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,579 I talked to a voice on the other end of the phone. 156 00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,280 And now she asks me to kiss the inside of her thighs. 157 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,240 Inside of my thighs. 158 00:17:47,850 --> 00:17:48,850 You kiss me? 159 00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:51,570 I think I've died. 160 00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:52,930 I've gone to heaven. 161 00:17:54,570 --> 00:17:55,570 Answer me. 162 00:20:03,180 --> 00:20:04,560 We made love all night. 163 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:12,740 And somewhere during that time, I stopped being Shelby and became myself. 164 00:20:14,580 --> 00:20:17,040 And that's when my real problems began. 165 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,780 Poor Antonio. 166 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:24,700 Went to bed with one woman and woke up with another. 167 00:20:25,180 --> 00:20:26,180 You're perfect. 168 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:28,320 No, I'm not. 169 00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:29,620 Yes, you are. 170 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,360 Perfect. The perfect woman. 171 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:36,860 Believe me, I'm far from perfect. 172 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:41,780 Sweetest lips. 173 00:20:42,820 --> 00:20:43,920 Perfect lips. 174 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:48,440 What a goofy smile. 175 00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:54,260 Perfect neck. 176 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,020 What neck? 177 00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:22,220 Wildly beautiful. 178 00:21:23,780 --> 00:21:24,800 Completely unexpected. 179 00:21:29,340 --> 00:21:33,000 I'm just not used to... What? 180 00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,000 You're not used to what? 181 00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:36,900 Say the words. 182 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:40,980 I'm not used to this kind of attention. 183 00:21:45,340 --> 00:21:46,340 It's the way I feel. 184 00:21:52,110 --> 00:21:53,290 Maybe we went too fast. 185 00:21:55,610 --> 00:22:00,110 Maybe we should get dressed and go out and get a cup of coffee, you know? 186 00:22:01,410 --> 00:22:02,410 Talk a little. 187 00:22:03,510 --> 00:22:04,530 Start from the beginning. 188 00:22:07,450 --> 00:22:12,010 I can tell you all about me and I can tell me all about you and everything. 189 00:22:12,710 --> 00:22:15,190 What frightens you, what excites you. 190 00:22:24,590 --> 00:22:25,590 What do you say? 191 00:22:36,850 --> 00:22:43,710 I, uh... I'm sorry, um... I need to be alone 192 00:22:43,710 --> 00:22:44,710 right now. 193 00:22:55,820 --> 00:23:00,060 He seemed to really like me, and I really liked him. 194 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:03,300 And I didn't want it to be a fantasy. 195 00:23:05,420 --> 00:23:07,140 I wanted it to be real. 196 00:23:08,620 --> 00:23:14,060 When he called to ask if he could see me again, I finally worked up the courage 197 00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:15,140 to tell him the truth. 198 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:23,260 I told him who I was, how none of it was mine, and it didn't seem to matter to 199 00:23:23,260 --> 00:23:28,550 him. And then he repeated again how much he really liked me just as I am. 200 00:23:29,650 --> 00:23:30,750 For who I am. 201 00:23:31,330 --> 00:23:36,910 Wow, so she wasn't who he thought she was, even though he liked who he thought 202 00:23:36,910 --> 00:23:37,789 she was. 203 00:23:37,790 --> 00:23:41,350 Even though he liked who she was when he found out who she really was. 204 00:23:43,450 --> 00:23:46,170 And if she hadn't pretended to be Shelby, he would never have met her. 205 00:23:46,970 --> 00:23:50,310 And she would never have learned that being who she really is is probably the 206 00:23:50,310 --> 00:23:51,310 best thing that she can be. 207 00:23:53,450 --> 00:23:54,450 You understand that? 208 00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:01,690 Maybe you can explain it to me.