1 00:01:20,750 --> 00:01:26,250 THE BARRANDOV STUDIO PRESENTS 2 00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:30,125 WRITTEN BY 3 00:01:30,208 --> 00:01:36,542 THE GOOD SOLDIER SVEJK 4 00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:39,417 ADAPTATION 5 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:42,083 PHOTOGRAPHY 6 00:01:42,167 --> 00:01:44,833 MUSIC 7 00:01:44,917 --> 00:01:47,292 SOUND 8 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:49,917 FILM EDITOR 9 00:01:50,375 --> 00:01:52,875 SET DESIGN 10 00:01:52,958 --> 00:01:55,542 COSTUME DESIGN 11 00:01:55,625 --> 00:01:58,208 SET DECORATION 12 00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:01,042 MAKE-UP 13 00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:03,750 SCRIPT 14 00:02:03,833 --> 00:02:06,125 CHIEF OF PRODUCTION 15 00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:11,083 STARRING 16 00:02:53,417 --> 00:02:57,292 ASSISTANT DIRECTOR 17 00:02:57,375 --> 00:03:03,208 WRITTEN and DIRECTED BY 18 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:17,333 Sir! Sir! So they've killed our Ferdinand. 19 00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:21,458 Which Ferdinand, Mrs Muller? I know two Ferdinands. 20 00:03:21,542 --> 00:03:24,625 One of them does jobs for Prasa the chemist, 21 00:03:24,708 --> 00:03:28,375 and one day he drank a bottle of hair oil by mistake. 22 00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:32,500 No, it's the Archduke Ferdinand, the one from Konopiste. 23 00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:35,333 You know, the fat, pious one. 24 00:03:35,417 --> 00:03:40,417 Good Lord, that's a fine thing. And where did this happen? 25 00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:43,083 They shot him at Sarajevo with a revolver, you know. 26 00:03:43,167 --> 00:03:46,292 He was riding there with his Archduchess in a motorcar. 27 00:03:46,375 --> 00:03:52,958 Fancy that, Mrs Mller, how a ride in a motorcar can end up badly. 28 00:03:53,042 --> 00:03:56,750 - Did he suffer long? -The Archduke was done for on the spot. 29 00:03:56,833 --> 00:03:59,333 You know, they're dangerous things, these revolvers, that they are. 30 00:03:59,417 --> 00:04:05,250 Some revolvers won't go off, even if you tried till you was dotty. 31 00:04:05,333 --> 00:04:07,583 But they're sure 32 00:04:07,667 --> 00:04:11,083 to have bought something better than that for the Archduke. 33 00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:12,958 And I wouldn't mind betting, Mrs Muller, 34 00:04:13,042 --> 00:04:16,125 that the man who did it put on his best clothes for the job. 35 00:04:16,208 --> 00:04:19,667 It's not like when a poacher shoots a gamekeeper. 36 00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:21,792 You have to wear a top hat 37 00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:24,458 or else the police'd run you in before you got anywhere near him. 38 00:04:24,542 --> 00:04:26,833 I hear there was a whole lot of them, Mr Svejk. 39 00:04:26,917 --> 00:04:29,292 Of course, there was, Mrs Muller. 40 00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:33,375 If you wanted to kill an archduke... or the Emperor, 41 00:04:33,458 --> 00:04:36,208 you'd naturally talk it over with somebody. 42 00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:38,958 Two heads are better than one. 43 00:04:39,042 --> 00:04:41,667 One gives one bit of advice, another gives another, 44 00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:45,583 and so the good work prospers, as our National Anthem says. 45 00:04:45,667 --> 00:04:49,292 The newspaper says that the Archduke was riddled with bullets. 46 00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:52,208 He emptied the whole lot into him. 47 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:56,875 That was mighty quick work. I'd buy a Browning for a job like that. 48 00:04:56,958 --> 00:05:00,125 It looks like a toy, but in a couple of minutes 49 00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:06,208 you could shoot twenty archdukes with it, thin or fat. 50 00:05:09,375 --> 00:05:12,458 That gave me the shock of my life. I thought someone was spying on us. 51 00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:14,417 But instead of that of that, 52 00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:17,625 our Balaban, sold six times already, has returned again! 53 00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:22,292 Aren't you unlucky with that dog! Why did you take him in at all? 54 00:05:22,375 --> 00:05:25,417 I had to because he's so ugly 55 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:28,667 that the other dogs want nothing to do with him. 56 00:05:28,792 --> 00:05:32,875 - And he seemed sad. - But he's been a real pest! 57 00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:36,500 Well, Mrs Muller, now I'm going to call round at "The Flagon." 58 00:05:36,583 --> 00:05:41,417 - Alright, Mr Svejk. - Give the key to the house porter. 59 00:05:51,625 --> 00:05:56,500 - We're having a fine summer. - Pretty feckin' rotten. 60 00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:00,875 That's a fine thing they've done for us at Sarajevo, innit? 61 00:06:00,958 --> 00:06:04,042 D'you mean the wineshop at Nusle? They've a rumpus there every day. 62 00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:07,875 No, I mean Sarajevo in Bosnia. They shot the Archduke Ferdinand. 63 00:06:07,958 --> 00:06:09,500 What do you think of that? 64 00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:14,708 I never shove my nose into that sort of thing, I'm hanged if I do. 65 00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:36,708 You used to have a picture of the Emperor hanging here. 66 00:06:36,792 --> 00:06:41,167 That's right, but the flies kept shitting all over it 67 00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:43,583 so I put it away into the lumber room. 68 00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:47,333 You see, somebody might pass a remark about it 69 00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:53,250 and then there might be trouble. What use would it be to me? 70 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:59,667 - Good day to y'all! - And to you, Mr Svejk. 71 00:07:00,875 --> 00:07:03,417 Black beer for me today. 72 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:06,417 At Vienna, they're in mourning, too! 73 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:13,375 You won't believe it, but I knew something would go down at Sarajevo. 74 00:07:13,458 --> 00:07:17,292 - What, you knew about it? - For sure. 75 00:07:17,375 --> 00:07:21,583 It happened during an army inspection. No good ever comes of those. 76 00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:23,167 - This is yours. - Thank you. 77 00:07:23,250 --> 00:07:25,792 Once at an inspection like that 78 00:07:25,875 --> 00:07:29,083 there was twenty buttons missing from my tunic. 79 00:07:29,167 --> 00:07:31,667 I got two weeks' solitary confinement for it, 80 00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:35,458 and I spent two days of it tied-up hand and foot. 81 00:07:35,542 --> 00:07:38,250 All that for lack of discipline. 82 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:42,958 Our company commander, he always used to say to us: 83 00:07:43,042 --> 00:07:47,833 "There's got to be discipline, you thickheaded louts, 84 00:07:47,917 --> 00:07:52,000 or else you'd be crawling about like monkeys on trees!" 85 00:07:52,083 --> 00:07:54,500 Ain't that the truth? 86 00:07:54,583 --> 00:07:58,917 Just imagine a park, say at Charles Square, 87 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,792 and a soldier without discipline on every tree. 88 00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:09,542 That's what I was always most afraid of. 89 00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:16,042 - That business at Sarajevo was done by the Serbs. -You're wrong there. 90 00:08:16,125 --> 00:08:18,458 It was done by the Turks. 91 00:08:18,542 --> 00:08:21,250 Because of Bosnia and Herzegovina. 92 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,500 They're cross because our Emperor 93 00:08:23,583 --> 00:08:26,583 didn't give them a hand in the war with Serbia. 94 00:08:26,667 --> 00:08:28,792 Do you like Turks? 95 00:08:28,875 --> 00:08:32,125 Do you like that heathen pack of dogs? 96 00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:35,500 A customer's a customer, and he may be a Turk for all that. 97 00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,625 With a business to look after, I can't be bothered with politics. 98 00:08:38,708 --> 00:08:41,583 Pay for your beer, and gab about what you like! 99 00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:46,458 Alright, innkeeper, but you must admit it's a great loss to Austria. 100 00:08:46,542 --> 00:08:48,875 There's no denying that. A fearful loss. 101 00:08:48,958 --> 00:08:53,792 You can't replace Ferdinand by any sort of tomfool. Indeed. 102 00:08:53,875 --> 00:09:00,083 I wouldn't like to be the Archduke's widow. What's she going to do now? 103 00:09:00,167 --> 00:09:05,292 Kids are orphans, Konopiste without its master and lord. 104 00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:10,292 Is she to marry some other Archduke? What good would come of that? 105 00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:13,708 She'd take another trip to Sarajevo and be left a widow yet again! 106 00:09:13,792 --> 00:09:16,458 Come, gents, let's turn the page, shall we? 107 00:09:16,542 --> 00:09:19,083 That's exactly the sort of thing I don't like. 108 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:22,708 One word leads to another and then it lands you in trouble. 109 00:09:22,875 --> 00:09:27,417 No worries, we're not drunk enough to be making nasty remarks on the Emperor. 110 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,833 And what sort of nasty remarks about the Emperor 111 00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:34,083 do people make when they're drunk? 112 00:09:34,167 --> 00:09:38,958 - Ah well, all sorts. - Right, but what? Do you know some? 113 00:09:39,042 --> 00:09:41,625 Get drunk yourself, 114 00:09:41,708 --> 00:09:46,333 let the Austrian National Anthem be played, 115 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:51,792 and you'll see for yourself what kind of talk you start leading. 116 00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:56,750 But don't you think the Emperor will put up with that sort of thing! 117 00:09:56,833 --> 00:10:00,208 You mark my words, there's got to be war with the Turks. 118 00:10:00,292 --> 00:10:04,042 Kill my uncle, would you? Then take this smack in the jaw. 119 00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:08,083 Oh, there's bound to be war. I can't tell you more than that. 120 00:10:12,333 --> 00:10:17,125 Follow me into the passage and there I'll tell you something. 121 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:33,833 Now let me have a cherry brandy and I must be off, as I'm arrested. 122 00:10:34,958 --> 00:10:39,500 - Come here. Are you married? - Yes. 123 00:10:39,792 --> 00:10:44,833 - And can your wife take over the inn during your absence? -She can. 124 00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:47,333 That's alright, then. We'll come for you in the evening. 125 00:10:47,417 --> 00:10:50,917 Don't worry about that, I'm being run in only for high treason. 126 00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:52,833 But what about me? I've been so careful about what I said. 127 00:10:52,917 --> 00:10:58,167 I've got you for saying the flies defiled the Emperor. Come with me. 128 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:05,833 You'll have all that Emperor stuff knocked out of your head. 129 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:11,000 I'm innocent! I don't read the paper! 130 00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:13,875 - What concern is that of mine? - I'm not interested in politics. 131 00:11:13,958 --> 00:11:17,417 I'm innocent, mister. I'm innocent, upon my soul I am! 132 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:20,875 For God's sake, where'd you put my basket? 133 00:11:20,958 --> 00:11:26,875 - I'd like to speak with my attorney! - Call my lawyer immediately! 134 00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:31,042 Is there a vacant place here? 135 00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:35,500 Well, what's it look like outside? Are we to stay here for long? 136 00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:38,958 Depends on what sort of crime you've committed. 137 00:11:39,042 --> 00:11:44,125 I'm a smallholders' union chairman, and we were having a garden party, 138 00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:49,958 two tons of schnitzels, rich lottery, and just when the party's pumping, 139 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:54,208 along comes a gentleman telling us to quit it, Austria's in mourning. 140 00:11:54,292 --> 00:11:57,708 All I say is: "Just wait a moment, till they've finished playing 141 00:11:57,792 --> 00:12:00,792 'Rise, all ye Slavs!" And so here I am. 142 00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:03,417 You can be sure of a long stay then. 143 00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:06,875 I got nicked just for trumping a king at cards with the exclamation: 144 00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:09,000 "Bang goes the king, just like in Sarajevo!" 145 00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:13,833 This looks like ten years for each of us. 146 00:12:13,917 --> 00:12:19,333 - But why me? I'm a stationer... - I'm innocent, Mister, innocent! 147 00:12:19,458 --> 00:12:24,167 So was Jesus Christ, and they crucified him for all that. 148 00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:29,333 Nobody anywhere has even given a damn whether or not a man is innocent. 149 00:12:29,417 --> 00:12:33,333 I'm not Jesus Christ, I'm truly innocent. 150 00:12:33,417 --> 00:12:40,167 Please, you've such a kind look on yer face, tell them I'm innocent. 151 00:12:40,250 --> 00:12:46,250 Quiet, please, I'm preparing a lecture! 152 00:12:46,708 --> 00:12:48,250 I'm innocent! 153 00:12:48,333 --> 00:12:51,875 And why do you happen to be here? 154 00:12:51,958 --> 00:12:58,000 Leave me alone, good-for-nothings, you could really land me in trouble. 155 00:12:58,083 --> 00:13:04,042 This gent is here for attempted murder only, so he's good. 156 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:10,458 - Now I'm here, too! -I felt sure the gentleman would keep his word. 157 00:13:10,542 --> 00:13:13,333 Such precision's a mighty nice thing. 158 00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:15,917 Such precision's pretty feckin' rotten! 159 00:13:16,583 --> 00:13:20,917 Gents, I think I'm going insane. We really are in prison. 160 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,833 It used to be much worse. 161 00:13:22,917 --> 00:13:25,875 In old days, the accused had to walk over glowing hot iron... 162 00:13:25,958 --> 00:13:29,625 - You don't say! - And drink melted lead! 163 00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:33,167 Today we're copping it sweet. 164 00:13:33,250 --> 00:13:39,208 We've got bunks, a table, a toilet. 165 00:13:39,292 --> 00:13:43,458 Conditions have certainly improved! To our benefit. 166 00:13:43,625 --> 00:13:46,000 Joseph Svejk. Come up for examination! 167 00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:48,500 - Excuse me. - At your service. 168 00:14:04,833 --> 00:14:07,000 Cut it out! How often are you going to spit, man? 169 00:14:07,083 --> 00:14:09,083 Well, as a matter of fact, I don't feel like it, but I'm trying to do 170 00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:13,083 as the regulations tell me to. That notice over there says... 171 00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:25,875 Good day to you, gentlemen! Here's hoping you're well! 172 00:14:31,167 --> 00:14:33,625 Take that idiotic expression off your darned face! 173 00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:35,375 I can't help it! 174 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:39,083 I was even discharged from the army on account of my feeble-mindedness, 175 00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:40,917 I'm officially a dunce, please. 176 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:47,333 The offences you've committed show you've got all your wits about you. 177 00:14:47,583 --> 00:14:53,833 Insulting his Royal Highness, approval of the Archduke's murder, 178 00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:59,167 ridiculing the state mourning, inciting rebellion... 179 00:14:59,250 --> 00:15:02,208 Why're you sticking your nose into my papers? 180 00:15:02,292 --> 00:15:05,000 I only wanted to make sure nothing's been left out! 181 00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:08,083 What've you got to say for yourself? 182 00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:11,375 There's a lot of it. You can have too much of a good thing. 183 00:15:11,458 --> 00:15:17,292 - So you admit it's true? - Every jot. You've got to be strict. 184 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:20,500 - Who do you keep company with? - My charwoman, Sir. 185 00:15:20,583 --> 00:15:24,000 And you don't know anybody in political circles here? 186 00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:29,792 Sure, I buy the "National Politics" regularly, because of the ads, 187 00:15:29,875 --> 00:15:31,333 you know, in case someone's looking for a lost dog... 188 00:15:31,417 --> 00:15:36,500 Shut your goddamn trap! Do you admit everything? 189 00:15:36,583 --> 00:15:41,583 If you wish me to admit it all, I shall admit it, Sir. 190 00:15:41,667 --> 00:15:46,167 But if you tell me, "Svejk, don't you admit anything!" 191 00:15:46,250 --> 00:15:49,500 then I shall argue the point till the end of my days. 192 00:15:53,542 --> 00:15:55,917 Sign here. 193 00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:19,458 Just a sec, I forgot the full stop. Anything else for me to sign? 194 00:16:19,542 --> 00:16:22,792 You'll be taken to Criminal Court in the morning. 195 00:16:22,875 --> 00:16:26,333 And at what time, Sir? I shall not like to oversleep, Christ Almighty! 196 00:16:26,417 --> 00:16:32,500 - Get out! -Just wanting to avoid causing a delay... 197 00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:50,625 So, how'd it go? 198 00:16:52,333 --> 00:16:59,458 I think I've just owned up to killing the Archduke Ferdinand! 199 00:16:59,542 --> 00:17:01,583 Well I'll be damned! 200 00:17:02,042 --> 00:17:04,375 IMPERIAL PENAL COURT 201 00:17:04,458 --> 00:17:10,500 There's a golden gate stands open, just you walk in, and it'll cost you, 202 00:17:10,583 --> 00:17:15,083 this golden gate will cost you, you'll get hit over your head! 203 00:17:17,208 --> 00:17:19,542 Good day. 204 00:17:24,708 --> 00:17:27,292 Sit down. 205 00:17:30,667 --> 00:17:33,583 So you're Mr Svejk? 206 00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:41,875 I think I've got to be, my dad was Mr Svejk and mom Mrs Svejk. 207 00:17:42,458 --> 00:17:47,625 A fine business you've been up to, you've got plenty on your conscience. 208 00:17:47,708 --> 00:17:55,542 I've always plenty on my conscience, perhaps even more than you have, Sir! 209 00:17:56,917 --> 00:18:01,083 I can see from the signed statement. 210 00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:08,292 Did they bring any pressure to bear on you at police headquarters? 211 00:18:08,375 --> 00:18:15,917 Not one jot, Sir. When they told me to sign, I just did as I was told. 212 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:22,125 I'm not going to fuss about my own signature, what use would that be? 213 00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:26,542 Are you feeling quite well? 214 00:18:26,625 --> 00:18:31,000 I can't say quite well, Your Honour. 215 00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:35,875 I suffer from rheumatism. And I use embrocation for it. 216 00:18:35,958 --> 00:18:40,917 When the weather's about to change, it hurts me something awful. 217 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:50,042 - Can you hear my joints creak? - Do sit down again. 218 00:18:51,875 --> 00:19:02,167 Suppose, Mr Svejk, we had you examined by the medical authorities? 219 00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:10,833 One doctor at the police headquarters already checked me for gonorrhoea. 220 00:19:11,458 --> 00:19:18,417 All the same, Mr Svejk, we shall try the medical board. 221 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:25,167 You'll have a nice rest, won't you? One more question. 222 00:19:26,167 --> 00:19:35,000 You're supposed to have said there'd be war breaking out soon. 223 00:19:35,125 --> 00:19:38,417 Yes, Your Honour. Very soon. 224 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,917 Suppose you were wrong? 225 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:47,167 I hope not, after all, it's already written in my statement, Your Honour. 226 00:19:47,250 --> 00:19:49,083 So you know it for sure, then? 227 00:19:49,167 --> 00:19:51,917 To err is human. Anyone can be wrong. 228 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:56,583 A scholar or an illiterate nincompoop. Even ministers can go wrong. 229 00:19:56,667 --> 00:20:04,958 - Don't you feel run-down at times? - No, Your Honour, I don't. 230 00:20:05,042 --> 00:20:11,958 Except that once I got nearly run down by a motorcar, years ago. 231 00:20:12,042 --> 00:20:16,125 That's quite enough, you may go now. 232 00:20:16,208 --> 00:20:21,500 Thank you, Your Honour, it's been a great pleasure. 233 00:20:33,458 --> 00:20:40,167 Gentlemen, long live our Emperor Franz Joseph the First! 234 00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:44,417 The case is quite clear. Any further examinations are quite futile. 235 00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:47,958 But we shall have to comply with the law. 236 00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:57,292 Take five steps. 237 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:16,000 - I told you to take five steps only. - A few steps more won't kill me. 238 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:27,833 But I didn't complain of anything having fallen in my eye. 239 00:21:28,667 --> 00:21:32,500 Show us your teeth! Better, better! 240 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,458 This is how a Danish hound does it. 241 00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:38,542 Sit down. 242 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,458 Cross your legs. 243 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,250 Not like that, at leisure! 244 00:21:52,958 --> 00:21:55,333 Tell us quickly, could you measure the diameter of the globe? 245 00:21:55,417 --> 00:21:59,375 - Is radium heavier than lead? - I've never weighed it, Sir. 246 00:21:59,458 --> 00:22:05,708 Listen, can you sing? Could you sing us a song? 247 00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:10,208 Of course, gentlemen, I have neither voice nor ear, but I shall do it 248 00:22:10,292 --> 00:22:14,667 to please you, if you want to have some fun. 249 00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:26,167 Oh, the monk in the armchair yonder, 250 00:22:26,625 --> 00:22:34,208 in his hand he bows his head... 251 00:22:35,792 --> 00:22:39,875 That's all I know, but then, I also know some folksongs 252 00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:44,542 like "God Save Our Emperor" and "When We Went into the War," 253 00:22:44,625 --> 00:22:50,042 - and then some hymns like... - I think that's quite enough. 254 00:22:50,125 --> 00:22:52,417 - One more question, Professor. - Of course, please yourself. 255 00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:55,708 - Dear colleague, but I believe... - No, no! I insist on this question. 256 00:22:55,792 --> 00:23:06,417 - Tell me, how much is 12 897 times 13 8637 -729. 257 00:23:17,583 --> 00:23:21,375 Let's write down our findings. 258 00:23:21,875 --> 00:23:25,750 The undersigned medical authorities agree 259 00:23:25,833 --> 00:23:29,500 on the complete cretinism of Mr Svejk, 260 00:23:29,583 --> 00:23:32,542 who expresses himself in such terms as 261 00:23:32,667 --> 00:23:36,208 "Long live our Emperor Franz Joseph the First!", 262 00:23:36,292 --> 00:23:40,333 a remark which completely suffices 263 00:23:40,417 --> 00:23:49,000 to demonstrate Svejk's mind to be that of an obvious imbecile. 264 00:23:49,083 --> 00:23:53,417 The undersigned medical authorities thus hand over the examined Svejk 265 00:23:53,500 --> 00:23:56,125 to the responsible authorities. 266 00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:22,042 TO MY NATIONS! 267 00:24:25,042 --> 00:24:26,500 MOBILISATION 268 00:24:34,625 --> 00:24:40,167 That's the Emperor's proclamation to say that war has been declared. 269 00:24:41,208 --> 00:24:45,500 I saw it coming, but in the Asylum they don't know anything about it, 270 00:24:45,583 --> 00:24:48,458 although they should be the first in the know. 271 00:24:48,542 --> 00:24:51,000 What do you mean by this? 272 00:24:51,083 --> 00:24:56,625 They've got a lot of army officers locked up there. 273 00:24:57,542 --> 00:25:03,958 Long live the Emperor Franz Joseph! We'll win this war! 274 00:25:22,250 --> 00:25:26,583 That's enough! No trouble now! Just disperse quietly! 275 00:25:26,875 --> 00:25:33,917 Gents, I can see it quite clearly. We're bound to win this war! 276 00:25:38,125 --> 00:25:42,875 I'm very sorry that you've fallen into our hands again. 277 00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:47,542 We told you to turn over a new leaf, but it seems we've been mistaken. 278 00:25:47,625 --> 00:25:52,167 Tell me, who induces you to indulge in such silly tricks? 279 00:25:52,250 --> 00:25:55,083 Beg your pardon, Sir, I don't know what silly tricks you mean! 280 00:25:55,167 --> 00:26:00,458 Well, isn't it a silly trick to cause a crowd to gather 281 00:26:00,542 --> 00:26:03,208 and to incite them by shouting, 282 00:26:03,292 --> 00:26:06,417 "Long live the Emperor Franz Joseph the First, we'll win this war!"? 283 00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:10,375 It fairly riled me to see them all reading the Royal proclamation 284 00:26:10,458 --> 00:26:16,417 and showing no pleasure about it, no "hoorays" or "three cheers". 285 00:26:16,500 --> 00:26:21,417 And so I, an old soldier myself, had to shout these words. 286 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:26,708 I think if you'd been in my place, you'd have done just the same. 287 00:26:26,792 --> 00:26:31,458 There's a war and it has to be won, nobody's gonna talk me out of that! 288 00:26:31,542 --> 00:26:37,875 I thoroughly appreciate your zeal, but you were under police escort, 289 00:26:37,958 --> 00:26:40,500 and so it must have made a rather ironic impression. 290 00:26:40,583 --> 00:26:43,333 When a man is being run in by a police officer, 291 00:26:43,417 --> 00:26:46,792 it's a critical moment in his life. 292 00:26:46,875 --> 00:26:49,917 And if at such a moment, a man doesn't forget to do the right thing, 293 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,875 that's not a bad thing at all! 294 00:26:52,958 --> 00:26:55,542 Go to blazes, Svejk! 295 00:26:55,625 --> 00:26:59,167 But if we ever meet her again, 296 00:26:59,250 --> 00:27:04,458 you will go straight to a Court Martial. Is that clear? 297 00:27:04,542 --> 00:27:07,833 God bless you for all you've done. 298 00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:12,000 And if you'd like a thoroughbred dog at any time, just call on me. 299 00:27:12,083 --> 00:27:15,583 - I'm a dog breeder. - Get out! 300 00:27:25,042 --> 00:27:27,458 I don't believe him anyways. 301 00:27:27,542 --> 00:27:32,875 How can a lout like he be interested in Austria winning the war? 302 00:27:32,958 --> 00:27:36,625 Well, in any case, don't let him get out of sight! 303 00:27:36,708 --> 00:27:40,208 You know what? We shall try to catch him from far off unawares. 304 00:27:43,375 --> 00:27:46,417 Well, as you think... Well, yes. 305 00:27:48,917 --> 00:27:52,208 - Good day. - Good day. 306 00:27:55,250 --> 00:27:59,708 Well, here I am, back again. But where is Mr Palivec? 307 00:27:59,833 --> 00:28:08,417 They gave him... ten years... A week ago. 308 00:28:10,083 --> 00:28:15,625 Fancy that now, then he's already served seven days of it. 309 00:28:15,708 --> 00:28:20,542 And he was so cautious. 310 00:28:21,125 --> 00:28:25,125 Caution's the mother of wisdom. 311 00:28:25,208 --> 00:28:28,375 Well, let me have a large rum! 312 00:28:30,917 --> 00:28:36,917 - And the sausages, Mrs Palivec? - I'll get them right away. 313 00:28:48,667 --> 00:28:50,792 Good day. 314 00:29:10,917 --> 00:29:20,542 Fancy that, a man called Cimpera, Straskov No. 5, is selling a farm 315 00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:27,792 with 13 acres of fields, situated close to school and railway. 316 00:29:28,542 --> 00:29:31,167 I'm surprised to find you interested in farming, Mr Svejk. 317 00:29:31,250 --> 00:29:34,542 Oh, it's you, is it? I didn't recognise you... 318 00:29:34,625 --> 00:29:37,125 - I came here today on your account. - Well, let's go then. 319 00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:42,708 Stay seated, please do. All I want is a dog. 320 00:29:43,167 --> 00:29:45,375 That I can get for you. 321 00:29:45,458 --> 00:29:52,500 Oh, God help me, woe is me! 322 00:29:52,583 --> 00:29:56,333 What have I ever done to anyone? 323 00:29:56,417 --> 00:30:00,083 Don't cry, woman, in three months we'll have won the war, 324 00:30:00,167 --> 00:30:03,042 there'll be an amnesty and your husband will come home. 325 00:30:03,125 --> 00:30:09,583 And will that help me? Here I've got warm sausages and no customers. 326 00:30:09,667 --> 00:30:15,208 Why do you keep coming here? You'll ruin my business! 327 00:30:15,292 --> 00:30:19,083 Well, leave them here, I'm paying. 328 00:30:20,375 --> 00:30:25,125 And a bottle of wine, I feel like spending some real money today! 329 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:30,625 Would you like a police dog? I know a man who's got one... 330 00:30:30,708 --> 00:30:34,292 You know, all I'm concerned about is the size... 331 00:30:34,375 --> 00:30:35,708 The one I'm talking about is about this size... 332 00:30:35,792 --> 00:30:40,625 No, not that... I'd like a ratter, quite a small one, and cheap. 333 00:30:40,792 --> 00:30:43,833 A ratter is no calf. The smaller the costlier. 334 00:30:43,958 --> 00:30:46,333 Well, in that case, a bigger one would do... 335 00:30:46,417 --> 00:30:50,333 Tell you what: give me an advance of 30 crowns, 336 00:30:50,417 --> 00:30:55,167 and I'll get you a dog that will make everybody's head turn around. 337 00:30:55,250 --> 00:30:58,250 30 crowns? Here they are. 338 00:30:58,333 --> 00:31:02,500 - Let's have a drink on the bargain. - One more. -Isn't it too much? 339 00:31:02,583 --> 00:31:05,583 Well you've got to pay if you want to have fun. 340 00:31:05,667 --> 00:31:10,042 Today you don't have to be afraid of me, I'm even not on duty. 341 00:31:11,625 --> 00:31:15,208 You can say whatever you like about politics... 342 00:31:15,292 --> 00:31:20,917 I don't discuss such things at a pub. All politics are for children. 343 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:25,625 You think? Of course, yes. Or for such morons as Franz Joseph! 344 00:31:31,708 --> 00:31:35,917 Look here, friend, give me advice. 345 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,958 I want to register with the Anarchist movement. What do you say? 346 00:31:40,042 --> 00:31:50,042 Look, come here and take this. And call me by my first name, okay? 347 00:31:54,708 --> 00:32:00,625 "What every good citizen's earned, 348 00:32:00,708 --> 00:32:07,500 the state will promptly take away..." 349 00:32:07,875 --> 00:32:10,417 Don't be silly. 350 00:32:10,500 --> 00:32:15,208 Someone'll hear you and you'll get in trouble. 351 00:32:15,292 --> 00:32:20,292 Look, fellow, what about the ratter? Where do I deliver him? 352 00:32:20,375 --> 00:32:23,958 Ratter... What ratter? Ah, the ratter! 353 00:32:24,167 --> 00:32:30,083 Don't worry about the ratter, Joe. 354 00:32:30,167 --> 00:32:35,708 I shall collect him ... 355 00:32:38,583 --> 00:32:41,250 In person! 356 00:32:44,208 --> 00:32:46,625 Good afternoon, Mr Svejk! 357 00:32:46,708 --> 00:32:50,917 Good afternoon. 358 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,292 So I'm back again, Mrs Muller! 359 00:32:54,375 --> 00:32:58,583 For Christ's sake, you're alive? 360 00:32:58,667 --> 00:33:03,375 Don't be cross with me, I took a new lodger, a nightclub porter. 361 00:33:03,458 --> 00:33:05,750 They searched your place thrice. 362 00:33:05,833 --> 00:33:09,083 Everybody said you're done with, since you're such an oddball. 363 00:33:26,167 --> 00:33:30,917 Look here, boss, get up! 364 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:34,833 Or you'll be late. 365 00:33:34,917 --> 00:33:38,250 Get the feck out! 366 00:33:38,333 --> 00:33:41,792 I'd be very sorry if you'd have to state to your company commander 367 00:33:41,875 --> 00:33:45,833 that it was I'd let you oversleep the mobilisation. 368 00:33:45,917 --> 00:33:49,208 See for yourself, here it is. 369 00:33:49,292 --> 00:33:52,375 There's a war on. 370 00:33:53,292 --> 00:33:58,833 - What sort of stupid joke is this? - Warl 371 00:33:58,917 --> 00:34:02,542 And I wanted to sleep till 8 pm. 372 00:34:02,625 --> 00:34:05,042 Marena, get up! 373 00:34:05,333 --> 00:34:07,125 Good day. 374 00:34:37,042 --> 00:34:40,333 Off they lead them, straight to the station! 375 00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:44,083 Louis, I won't let you go! 376 00:34:44,167 --> 00:34:49,917 You're such a big chunk of a man, they'll hit you in no time! 377 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:53,792 Marena, don't be a hussy! Ten years working at a nightclub! 378 00:34:53,875 --> 00:34:58,792 A silly war holds no surprises for me! Let's go! 379 00:35:10,542 --> 00:35:13,500 Mrs Muller! 380 00:35:15,417 --> 00:35:17,833 Mrs Muller! 381 00:35:19,208 --> 00:35:23,292 Yes, Mr Svejk? Is your rheumatism worse again? 382 00:35:23,375 --> 00:35:28,708 Hand me my army-cap from the wardrobe! 383 00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:57,958 - I'm going to join the army! - And what're you going to do there? 384 00:35:58,042 --> 00:36:00,375 Fight! 385 00:36:01,292 --> 00:36:05,750 Austria's in a bad shape, that's why they've called on me! 386 00:36:05,833 --> 00:36:08,417 Even our evening newspaper admits that our dear fatherland 387 00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:13,417 is threatened by dark clouds. - But you can hardly even move! 388 00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:16,500 Never you mind, Mrs Muller, I'll join the army in a wheelchair. 389 00:36:16,583 --> 00:36:19,375 The confectioner round the corner has just the thing I need. 390 00:36:19,458 --> 00:36:22,417 Years ago, the used to wheel around his lame, wicked granddad in it... 391 00:36:22,500 --> 00:36:29,708 - But Mr Svejk... -Get the wheelchair and push me to war! 392 00:36:33,333 --> 00:36:36,292 To Belgrade! 393 00:36:38,083 --> 00:36:40,417 To Belgrade! 394 00:36:46,708 --> 00:36:50,042 Look, people, how funny! A cripple about to enlist! 395 00:36:50,125 --> 00:36:52,917 To Belgrade! 396 00:37:07,458 --> 00:37:10,167 To Belgrade! 397 00:37:17,708 --> 00:37:22,000 You've got it all wrong, I've got it here written out quite clearly. 398 00:37:22,083 --> 00:37:29,542 ...to appear before the authorities, clean, tidy and in a sober state... 399 00:37:29,625 --> 00:37:31,625 What's there to laugh about? 400 00:37:32,708 --> 00:37:37,750 As you can see, my dear policeman, I'm really about to join up. 401 00:37:37,833 --> 00:37:42,875 For the Emperor and his family! 402 00:38:01,792 --> 00:38:04,000 He's a heroic soldier! 403 00:38:04,083 --> 00:38:07,500 Escort this man to the local Army Headquarters! 404 00:38:07,583 --> 00:38:11,958 Let me pass! I know this gent! A freethinker! 405 00:38:12,042 --> 00:38:17,000 "Long live our Serbian brothers!" Don't you agree? "Hooray!" 406 00:38:17,083 --> 00:38:21,917 Folks, that's a secret policeman! 407 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,250 He's trying to provoke us! 408 00:38:49,292 --> 00:38:54,500 Das ganze tschechische Volk ist eine Simulantenbande! 409 00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:57,958 How many people are to appear before the Board today? 410 00:38:58,042 --> 00:39:01,875 - 550. - And how many should we draft? 411 00:39:01,958 --> 00:39:07,958 - 550. - Get them grimy louts in here, quick! 412 00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:17,583 Holasek, Joseph, baker. 413 00:39:22,125 --> 00:39:25,333 - One hundred and sixty. - Tauglich. 414 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:31,917 - Koc€ic¢ka Vaclav, waiter. - Tauglich. 415 00:39:32,833 --> 00:39:37,000 - Hrdina Bofrivoj, teacher. - Tauglich. 416 00:39:40,083 --> 00:39:42,792 Take that malingerer away! 417 00:39:46,625 --> 00:39:52,000 - Carry on! - Svejk Joseph! -Hier! 418 00:40:06,708 --> 00:40:09,500 Super-arbitrated on account of being feeble-minded. 419 00:40:09,625 --> 00:40:12,750 And what else is wrong with you? 420 00:40:12,833 --> 00:40:16,042 Beg to report, Sir, I've got rheumatism, 421 00:40:16,125 --> 00:40:19,875 but I'll serve the Emperor till my last breath! 422 00:40:19,958 --> 00:40:21,625 Sie sind ein Simulant! 423 00:40:21,708 --> 00:40:25,458 Arrest him immediately! 424 00:40:31,083 --> 00:40:35,542 Take him to Dr Grunstein, 425 00:40:35,625 --> 00:40:39,417 he cures every single one! 426 00:40:41,458 --> 00:40:45,250 - Doctor's round! - Out of the beds, immediately! 427 00:40:45,333 --> 00:40:47,500 Dr Grunstein! 428 00:41:00,708 --> 00:41:06,167 - Macura, asthma. - Enema, aspirin. 429 00:41:07,708 --> 00:41:11,833 - Kot'atko, deaf and dumb. - Since birth? 430 00:41:11,917 --> 00:41:15,250 Gastrolaxage, quinine. 431 00:41:17,125 --> 00:41:23,083 - Pokorny, tuberculosis. - Double enema. 432 00:41:25,417 --> 00:41:27,875 Svejk. -Here! 433 00:41:27,958 --> 00:41:31,125 No diagnosis so far. 434 00:41:31,542 --> 00:41:36,583 - So, what's wrong with you? - Beg to report, I'm rheumatic. 435 00:41:36,667 --> 00:41:41,875 What a mishap, to be suffering from rheumatism during world war, 436 00:41:41,958 --> 00:41:47,875 when one's supposed to enlist! You must be ever so upset, right? 437 00:41:47,958 --> 00:41:52,458 Beg to report, I'm ever so upset! 438 00:41:52,542 --> 00:41:55,167 And your knees aren't hurting? 439 00:41:55,250 --> 00:41:57,292 Beg to report, they are indeed. 440 00:41:57,375 --> 00:42:01,083 We're going to cure you here, better than any spa procedure! 441 00:42:01,167 --> 00:42:04,875 You'll be marching onto the front like a bat out of hell! 442 00:42:04,958 --> 00:42:10,083 Write down: a complete diet, gastrolaxage twice a day, 443 00:42:10,167 --> 00:42:14,833 and once a day an enema, but a darn good one! 444 00:42:14,917 --> 00:42:21,833 He'll be calling upon all the Saints to drive the rheuma out of his body! 445 00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:30,917 And now, we're going to administer some medicine on you! 446 00:42:45,583 --> 00:42:48,917 Drink that up all at once! 447 00:43:00,042 --> 00:43:02,125 I'll be damned! 448 00:43:09,542 --> 00:43:12,833 I'm not going to examine you, bumps! 449 00:43:12,917 --> 00:43:16,625 I know you're all malingerers who want to shirk the army. 450 00:43:16,708 --> 00:43:20,500 Don't think me an utter fool! 451 00:43:20,583 --> 00:43:24,750 Those beds have accommodated whole swarms of men 452 00:43:24,833 --> 00:43:28,083 who had nothing wrong with them except a lack of military spirit. 453 00:43:28,167 --> 00:43:31,583 I've cured them all with my enemas. 454 00:43:32,333 --> 00:43:37,500 In twenty years to come, you'll still be screaming in your sleep 455 00:43:37,583 --> 00:43:44,875 when you dream about trying to swing the lead on Doctor Grunstein! 456 00:43:44,958 --> 00:43:49,083 Beg to report, Sir, my ability to speak and hear seem to return! 457 00:43:49,167 --> 00:43:55,875 Good, but you'll have your enema before you go, 458 00:43:55,958 --> 00:44:00,917 SO you can't complain we didn't treat you here! 459 00:44:11,167 --> 00:44:15,458 The most sacred emotions were touchingly demonstrated by a cripple, 460 00:44:15,542 --> 00:44:19,250 who was being wheeled along in a chair by an elderly lady. 461 00:44:19,333 --> 00:44:23,625 To Belgrade! Shouted this worthy son of the Czech nation, 462 00:44:23,708 --> 00:44:28,583 who enlisted in the army in order to prove his fidelity to the Emperor. 463 00:44:28,667 --> 00:44:32,750 This man is prepared to give his life and possessions for his monarch. 464 00:44:32,833 --> 00:44:34,917 Genug, ma chere, genug... 465 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:41,500 As Your Excellency, the Baroness, commands. It goes no further anyway. 466 00:44:46,667 --> 00:44:53,250 Ach, mein Gemahl, the general von Botzenheim, he used to say: 467 00:44:53,333 --> 00:44:57,667 "A Czech soldier, a good soldier!" 468 00:44:58,208 --> 00:45:00,375 Johann! 469 00:45:01,542 --> 00:45:08,042 We must go to the hospital sofort to find this heroic soldier! 470 00:45:16,458 --> 00:45:21,750 No good coming here with rheumatism, this stands as much chance as corns. 471 00:45:21,833 --> 00:45:25,792 I have only half a stomach and nobody believes it anyhow. 472 00:45:25,875 --> 00:45:29,125 The best thing is to have petrol injected under the skin. 473 00:45:29,208 --> 00:45:32,750 You get a fever so fine it makes you want to jump out of the window. 474 00:45:32,833 --> 00:45:38,167 Jesus, I'm so hungry! 475 00:45:38,917 --> 00:45:42,917 I can't stand it any longer! 476 00:45:43,292 --> 00:45:46,583 I had a dream today, 477 00:45:46,708 --> 00:45:50,333 I was eating fatty greaves. 478 00:45:50,417 --> 00:45:54,583 - Hot or cold? - Cold. 479 00:45:54,667 --> 00:46:02,333 That I couldn't, I prefer my greaves hot and of a nice brown colour. 480 00:46:02,417 --> 00:46:07,042 For God's sake, fellows, stop gabbing about food! 481 00:46:07,125 --> 00:46:08,250 Everybody to bed! 482 00:46:08,333 --> 00:46:12,042 Did you hear me? Be quick about it! Get a move on! 483 00:46:12,125 --> 00:46:14,083 Some Archduchess is supposed to be coming here! 484 00:46:14,167 --> 00:46:18,000 What're you waiting for? Hurry up! 485 00:46:18,083 --> 00:46:22,083 And don't you dare to show your dirty feet, you louts! 486 00:46:22,167 --> 00:46:24,875 No complaints either, do you hear? 487 00:46:24,958 --> 00:46:27,417 Who says a word will be strung up! 488 00:46:27,500 --> 00:46:30,542 I beg to report I'd like to welcome the Archduchess. 489 00:46:30,625 --> 00:46:33,333 I know a nice welcoming address... 490 00:46:33,417 --> 00:46:36,875 - Will you lie down! - I shall indeed. 491 00:46:45,917 --> 00:46:50,458 Well, here's our dear Svejk. 492 00:46:51,792 --> 00:46:55,708 He's being very patient, dear Archduchess. 493 00:46:55,792 --> 00:47:00,292 - A chair! - Svejk, two enemas and a chair! 494 00:47:00,375 --> 00:47:03,833 - For the Baroness! - An enema for the Baroness? 495 00:47:03,917 --> 00:47:06,625 - A chair! - Oh, a chair, right! 496 00:47:06,708 --> 00:47:13,042 A Czech soldier, good soldier, crippled soldier! 497 00:47:13,125 --> 00:47:17,083 I love me a Czech Austrian. 498 00:47:17,583 --> 00:47:21,583 I read everything in the paper. 499 00:47:26,083 --> 00:47:29,458 Johann, kommen Sie her. 500 00:47:33,792 --> 00:47:40,833 I bring you some yummies, 501 00:47:44,583 --> 00:47:46,958 suckies, 502 00:47:47,875 --> 00:47:52,583 smokies, and drinkeys. 503 00:47:53,417 --> 00:47:55,875 Read the inscription aloud! 504 00:47:55,958 --> 00:48:02,958 "Deutschmeister," liquor for soldiers and civilians. "Gott strafe England!" 505 00:48:03,042 --> 00:48:06,292 When in need... 506 00:48:06,375 --> 00:48:10,000 Pardon me, Ma'am, I wanted to say: 507 00:48:10,083 --> 00:48:15,958 "God, bless you for all these gifts! 508 00:48:16,083 --> 00:48:17,917 Amen." 509 00:48:21,917 --> 00:48:28,167 The soldier's got appetite, he'll be cured soon and fit for the front! 510 00:48:28,250 --> 00:48:34,125 Certainly, Baroness... I won't keep him a day longer than necessary. 511 00:49:32,333 --> 00:49:35,250 Give us a ciggie! I haven't smoked since heaven knows when! 512 00:49:35,333 --> 00:49:37,625 Here, a cigarette! 513 00:49:44,208 --> 00:49:47,542 Hab' acht! Hab' acht! Hab' acht! 514 00:49:57,375 --> 00:50:01,375 So, you louts, you don't appreciate my kindness! 515 00:50:01,458 --> 00:50:06,250 I pump your stomachs, I give you enemas, 516 00:50:06,333 --> 00:50:10,542 and the moment I turn my back you try to Kill yourselves with grub! 517 00:50:10,625 --> 00:50:14,625 All of them are to have their stomachs pumped out! 518 00:50:16,125 --> 00:50:22,875 - Do you know the Baroness? - She's my stepmother. 519 00:50:22,958 --> 00:50:30,125 She abandoned me at a tender age and now she's found me again. 520 00:50:31,375 --> 00:50:38,583 Give him another enema and then send him straight to gaol! 521 00:50:40,167 --> 00:50:42,500 Don't spare me! 522 00:50:42,583 --> 00:50:46,417 Think the foundations of the Austrian empire are based on that enema. 523 00:50:46,500 --> 00:50:50,167 And victory is ours! 524 00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,875 Smell my fist, you lout! 525 00:51:37,292 --> 00:51:41,417 I'd rather not feel it on my nose, it smells of the graveyard! 526 00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:45,042 Well, then, remember it, you twerp! 527 00:51:58,250 --> 00:52:01,458 Just a moment... I'm coming. 528 00:52:12,125 --> 00:52:16,042 Now you'll see quite a show. The chaplain's usually sloshed. 529 00:52:29,292 --> 00:52:30,625 Hab' Acht! 530 00:52:32,833 --> 00:52:37,375 Everybody follow what I say in prayers... repeat after me. 531 00:52:41,500 --> 00:52:45,625 What Sunday are we havin' anyway? 532 00:52:46,833 --> 00:52:53,542 I knew it wouldn't work. I'm all for having you shot! 533 00:52:56,375 --> 00:53:00,250 I insist on it from this holy place, you good-for-nothings, 534 00:53:00,333 --> 00:53:03,125 because you won't turn over a new leaf 535 00:53:03,208 --> 00:53:06,958 and instead carry on on the thorny path of sin! 536 00:53:10,208 --> 00:53:14,042 I would request that nobody blow their noses here! 537 00:53:14,125 --> 00:53:16,167 You're no horses and neither is this a stable! 538 00:53:16,250 --> 00:53:21,417 Sergeant, would you mind? 539 00:53:21,500 --> 00:53:29,458 Remember you're soldiers and no blasted civilians! 540 00:53:30,333 --> 00:53:39,500 You gotta see through a dark cloud into the distant spaces 541 00:53:39,583 --> 00:53:46,458 and know that everything here lasts only for a short instance. 542 00:53:46,542 --> 00:53:50,125 Well, where did I stop? 543 00:53:50,208 --> 00:53:56,875 God is merciful, but only towards decent folks, 544 00:53:56,958 --> 00:54:01,875 and not for a gang of rotters who take no notice of God's laws 545 00:54:01,958 --> 00:54:05,042 and the army's regulations. 546 00:54:05,125 --> 00:54:08,417 You don't even know how to pray, 547 00:54:08,500 --> 00:54:13,167 and you think this some sort of a show or circus. 548 00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:16,208 Do you hear me, you down there in your underclothes? 549 00:54:16,292 --> 00:54:18,833 Beg to report, Sir, we hear you! 550 00:54:18,917 --> 00:54:27,292 Some day you'll remember me and you'll know I meant well! 551 00:54:33,250 --> 00:54:38,958 That man should serve you as an example! What's he doing? 552 00:54:39,083 --> 00:54:42,083 He's weeping! 553 00:54:42,375 --> 00:54:47,750 Don't cry, I tell you, stop it! You wanna become better? 554 00:54:47,833 --> 00:54:52,125 That's not such an easy job, laddie! 555 00:54:52,208 --> 00:54:55,458 You're crying now, but when you get back to your cell, 556 00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:58,833 you'll be as big a louse as before. 557 00:54:59,792 --> 00:55:08,667 I've finished, you loafers, please behave properly during mass! 558 00:55:12,000 --> 00:55:16,000 Not like last time, when some of you fellows at the back 559 00:55:16,083 --> 00:55:20,708 were swopping government linen for grub! At ease! 560 00:55:30,167 --> 00:55:38,542 Star light, star bright, 561 00:55:39,250 --> 00:55:45,792 give us guidance on the sea, 562 00:55:47,500 --> 00:55:54,125 by your light, by your sight, 563 00:55:54,250 --> 00:56:00,625 lead us to the holy pastures! 564 00:56:01,792 --> 00:56:09,333 When we weaken, when we stumble, 565 00:56:09,417 --> 00:56:14,708 help us recover, when we're tempted. 566 00:56:20,958 --> 00:56:23,625 Here you are! 567 00:56:23,708 --> 00:56:28,667 That's the first time anyone has ever shed a tear during my sermon. 568 00:56:29,875 --> 00:56:34,708 Admit it, you blackguard, you've cried just for fun! 569 00:56:34,792 --> 00:56:39,167 I beg to report, Sir, that I really only wept just for fun. 570 00:56:39,250 --> 00:56:44,333 I saw that what your sermon needed was one reformed sinner, 571 00:56:44,417 --> 00:56:46,375 and so I tried to oblige. 572 00:56:46,458 --> 00:56:50,833 I'm beginning to like you. What are you here for? 573 00:56:50,917 --> 00:56:54,583 Beg to report, Sir, I really haven't a clue. 574 00:56:54,667 --> 00:57:00,250 I always mean well and it turns out against me. 575 00:57:00,333 --> 00:57:04,500 Like the martyr in that painting. 576 00:57:06,875 --> 00:57:10,792 I will ask the provost about you. Dismissed! 577 00:57:15,833 --> 00:57:21,000 Svejk isn't here. What the hell is in these shelves? 578 00:57:21,083 --> 00:57:24,083 If at least you a had bottle in every one of them! 579 00:57:24,167 --> 00:57:27,208 We could drink them up in alphabetic order! 580 00:57:27,292 --> 00:57:31,625 There's such a mess in these files, such chaos. 581 00:57:32,917 --> 00:57:36,917 Hallo, Provost Lieutenant Bernis speaking. 582 00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:39,625 Captain, I should like to know whether you've got the file 583 00:57:39,708 --> 00:57:43,083 relating to a man called Svejk. 584 00:57:44,333 --> 00:57:51,375 I'm supposed to have it? That's odd. Excuse me, sorry. 585 00:57:52,542 --> 00:57:56,417 It's beginning to interest me also, what's up with this fellow Svejk. 586 00:57:56,500 --> 00:58:01,958 Who searcheth, findeth. God's mercy is endless. 587 00:58:02,042 --> 00:58:07,542 - What about cards, do you play? - Well, I'm out of luck these days. 588 00:58:07,708 --> 00:58:14,292 - But I know a girl, I tell you, she's such a... -I need a servant. 589 00:58:15,167 --> 00:58:19,542 Well, here you are, here's Svejk. Right on top of the file, too. 590 00:58:19,625 --> 00:58:23,417 - Sorry, dear padre, this won't do. - What did he do? 591 00:58:23,500 --> 00:58:29,125 - Dunno, but look: he's been executed. - Rubbish, I've just talked to him. 592 00:58:29,208 --> 00:58:32,083 - And what's he here for? - He hasn't a clue himself. 593 00:58:32,167 --> 00:58:39,000 That's what they all say. Richtig! Someone's mixed up the files. 594 00:58:39,083 --> 00:58:40,042 But what shall we do now? 595 00:58:40,125 --> 00:58:43,958 Well, sentence someone else on Svejk's papers! 596 00:58:44,042 --> 00:58:46,625 That'll be difficult. 597 00:58:46,708 --> 00:58:54,792 What a pity. Tomorrow I'm throwing a party, there'll be drinks, ladies... 598 00:58:54,875 --> 00:58:57,667 You're coming, aren't you? 599 00:58:58,667 --> 00:59:04,167 Well, since it's you, dear padre, you can have him. 600 01:00:19,833 --> 01:00:22,083 Who do you keep greeting all the time? 601 01:00:22,167 --> 01:00:23,917 All these people are acquaintances of mine. 602 01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:27,583 - Are you from Prague? -Yes. - You won't give us the slip? 603 01:00:27,667 --> 01:00:29,333 Of course he'd run away at the first chance! 604 01:00:29,417 --> 01:00:34,292 Why should he? He's free now! I have it here, in my pocket. 605 01:00:34,375 --> 01:00:37,208 - And what do you have in your pocket? - Well, I don't quite know. 606 01:00:37,292 --> 01:00:40,125 You see, you don't even know and yet you're talking. 607 01:00:40,208 --> 01:00:42,708 Don't you know why we are taking you to the Army Chaplain? 608 01:00:42,792 --> 01:00:45,083 - For confession. - What, for confession? 609 01:00:45,167 --> 01:00:48,250 - Yes, they're hanging me tomorrow. - Hang...? 610 01:00:48,333 --> 01:00:53,917 That's how it's done. They call it spiritual comfort. 611 01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,208 Oh well, come along. 612 01:01:23,625 --> 01:01:25,292 Halt! 613 01:01:26,042 --> 01:01:30,042 Nur fur Militar... Ist jetzt... 614 01:01:34,958 --> 01:01:39,208 How about taking those bayonets off? After all, he's one of us. 615 01:01:39,292 --> 01:01:40,708 But how? 616 01:01:44,167 --> 01:01:47,417 - Halt! - Don't be silly! 617 01:01:47,500 --> 01:01:51,458 Look here, you know this town. Do you know of a pub handy? 618 01:01:51,542 --> 01:01:54,792 Why not? Just round the corner from here. 619 01:01:54,875 --> 01:01:58,000 There's even music, a fiddle, an accordion. 620 01:01:58,083 --> 01:01:59,917 You can leave your rifles in the kitchen. 621 01:02:00,000 --> 01:02:06,250 - What is it? - Remember the arrangements we made? 622 01:02:06,333 --> 01:02:09,083 Understand? 623 01:02:10,542 --> 01:02:13,417 Of course! Is it a safe place? 624 01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:18,625 Frequented only by tarts and similar decent folks. 625 01:02:20,042 --> 01:02:21,875 Let's go then! 626 01:02:22,542 --> 01:02:28,375 On Pankrac Hill, right on the top of it, 627 01:02:28,458 --> 01:02:31,500 trees are planted all really nice. 628 01:02:31,583 --> 01:02:35,250 On Pankrac Hill, right on the top of it, 629 01:02:35,333 --> 01:02:39,458 trees are planted all really nice. 630 01:02:40,458 --> 01:02:43,958 Had a girl fine, she was all mine, 631 01:02:44,042 --> 01:02:47,042 but now she's someone else's vice! 632 01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:52,083 Had a girl fine, she was all mine, 633 01:02:52,167 --> 01:02:55,792 but now she's someone else's vice! 634 01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:03,667 Svejk, come here! Where did they dress you up like this? 635 01:03:05,250 --> 01:03:09,167 Svejk, you ought to have a photo taken! 636 01:03:12,208 --> 01:03:15,042 Christ, but this is Svejk! 637 01:03:19,458 --> 01:03:23,958 Good day to you, gentlemen! Oh, it's Mr Svejk. 638 01:03:24,042 --> 01:03:28,500 One large beer for each of you. Here you are. 639 01:03:32,417 --> 01:03:34,375 - Thank you. - Cheers! To health! 640 01:03:34,458 --> 01:03:38,875 You know, after all, we shouldn't drink to your health... 641 01:03:40,083 --> 01:03:43,333 Tell us, why are they going to string you up? 642 01:03:43,417 --> 01:03:46,458 Maybe he was born under an unlucky star. 643 01:03:46,542 --> 01:03:50,083 They don't hang people for nothing, there's got to be a reason. 644 01:03:50,167 --> 01:03:53,875 There must be something... 645 01:03:53,958 --> 01:03:57,083 In war times, they don't take it as seriously as all that - 646 01:03:57,167 --> 01:04:00,917 you can either be killed on the battlefield or executed at home. 647 01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:03,792 It's all the same, anyway... 648 01:04:04,000 --> 01:04:08,000 - Aren't you a political one? - Who me? Too much! 649 01:04:08,083 --> 01:04:09,292 Drop that subject. 650 01:04:09,375 --> 01:04:11,417 If you'd be smart fellas, buy us a drink! 651 01:04:11,500 --> 01:04:14,417 Of course, ladies! Why not? Waiter, come here! 652 01:04:14,500 --> 01:04:21,208 At a little window over there, a blondie's seated, fine and fair! 653 01:04:23,333 --> 01:04:30,208 At a little window over there, a blondie's seated, fine and fair! 654 01:04:31,500 --> 01:04:39,167 Hey, you soldier, have no fear, Come inside, come over here! 655 01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:46,917 Hardly did I get inside, music started, loud and wild! 656 01:04:48,208 --> 01:04:55,000 Hardly did I get inside, music started, loud and wild! 657 01:04:56,500 --> 01:05:00,583 Oh my dear, oh my dear... 658 01:05:01,792 --> 01:05:09,500 Ma'am, that Vermouth is like water, send us a bottle of something decent. 659 01:05:09,583 --> 01:05:13,500 - That gent's going to pay for it all. - In a moment. 660 01:05:14,583 --> 01:05:21,750 I've a small farm in Holovousy. There's lovely apples in my garden. 661 01:05:21,833 --> 01:05:27,042 When I get my Urlaub, I'll bring you half a ton. 662 01:05:27,125 --> 01:05:31,708 - And what have got in your pocket? - That? That's a state secret! 663 01:05:31,792 --> 01:05:35,208 - Here you are, ladies and gents! - The Devil's Liquor! 664 01:05:35,292 --> 01:05:42,667 You're my sweetie-pie, sweetie-pie, You're my sweetest sweetie-pie... 665 01:05:47,083 --> 01:05:48,542 You're my sweetest sweetie-pie... 666 01:05:48,875 --> 01:05:52,375 Come outside with me, for a fiver, I'll give you a nice injection. 667 01:05:52,458 --> 01:05:55,375 Petrol, and you're sure to be in hospital for at least 3 months. 668 01:05:55,458 --> 01:05:58,292 Don't worry, the bloke's a medico. Nobody'll be the wiser. 669 01:05:58,375 --> 01:06:02,125 You'll be nice and safe for a long time. 670 01:06:03,958 --> 01:06:07,000 Hahaha... a medico. 671 01:06:09,417 --> 01:06:14,792 You're my sweetie-pie, sweetie-pie, You're my sweetest sweetie-pie... 672 01:06:16,625 --> 01:06:19,875 You're my sweetest sweetie-pie... 673 01:07:17,833 --> 01:07:24,083 Come to me ye all, those who have wine, as I'm thirsty! 674 01:07:24,583 --> 01:07:29,458 - Come here, my little nuff! - I am the Son of Bear Hunter. 675 01:07:34,792 --> 01:07:36,917 Well? Oh well! 676 01:07:48,167 --> 01:07:50,125 So you're here, Svejk, are ya? 677 01:07:50,208 --> 01:07:53,458 - Beg to report, Sir... a package. - I say, got a match? 678 01:07:53,542 --> 01:07:57,167 - Beg to report, Sir, I haven't. - I say, why not? 679 01:07:57,250 --> 01:08:00,083 Every proper soldier ought to have matches to light up with. 680 01:08:00,167 --> 01:08:04,667 - A soldier without matches is...? - Is matchless, Sir. 681 01:08:05,625 --> 01:08:12,000 Splendid, he's matchless and can't give anybody a light. That's it. 682 01:08:12,083 --> 01:08:16,250 - Do you drink liquor? - No liquor for me, Sir, only rum. 683 01:08:16,333 --> 01:08:19,375 Good for you! Just take a look at that big lout over there. 684 01:08:19,458 --> 01:08:22,500 I borrowed him as batman today, from Lieutenant Feldhuber. 685 01:08:22,583 --> 01:08:28,333 He's a tee... tee... teetotaller. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? 686 01:08:28,417 --> 01:08:31,500 You bloody fool, do you know what you deserve? A punch in the jaw... 687 01:08:34,500 --> 01:08:36,792 So you're drunk! 688 01:08:36,875 --> 01:08:42,167 - lch melde gehorsamst... - You're drunk while on duty! 689 01:08:42,250 --> 01:08:44,833 And you'll be punished for it. I'll have you arrested! 690 01:08:44,917 --> 01:08:48,458 Right now, I'm going to phone for the MPs. 691 01:08:56,875 --> 01:09:01,833 Hallo! What are you doing at that bloody switchboard? 692 01:09:01,917 --> 01:09:07,500 Let me have the KandK Korpskommando immediately! 693 01:09:07,583 --> 01:09:11,500 What? What do you say? I can't understand a single word... 694 01:09:14,417 --> 01:09:21,292 Don't be a fool now, it was us escorting you, wasn't it? 695 01:09:21,375 --> 01:09:24,708 Well, my dearies, as Napoleon used to say, 696 01:09:24,792 --> 01:09:28,083 "In war, the situation changes from one moment to another." 697 01:09:28,167 --> 01:09:30,417 I could do with a drink. 698 01:09:30,500 --> 01:09:35,625 I can't get connection to the HQ. So, go home, the two of you! 699 01:09:35,708 --> 01:09:40,875 Run away and remember, mustn't booze while on duty! Out with you! March! 700 01:10:26,625 --> 01:10:29,333 Sir, please. 701 01:10:32,708 --> 01:10:36,667 Ma'am, I'm sure it can't be Christmas already? 702 01:10:43,458 --> 01:10:46,500 Some more Eau de Cologne. 703 01:10:48,958 --> 01:10:53,500 Sir! Here's some black coffee. 704 01:11:05,417 --> 01:11:07,958 - Listen, you! What's your name? - Svejk. 705 01:11:08,042 --> 01:11:13,500 Svejk. Tell me, didn't I misbehave yesterday? 706 01:11:13,583 --> 01:11:15,750 Beg to report, it all went smoothly. 707 01:11:15,833 --> 01:11:18,333 Only when I was letting the ladies out of the house, 708 01:11:18,417 --> 01:11:21,250 a gent looking like a Turk with a Fez on his head, 709 01:11:21,333 --> 01:11:25,333 came out of the door opposite from ours, causing a disturbance. 710 01:11:25,417 --> 01:11:28,792 - And? -I gave him a knuckle sandwich on the jaw and he calmed down. 711 01:11:28,875 --> 01:11:31,000 You shouldn't have done that. That was the Landlord. 712 01:11:31,083 --> 01:11:34,750 Well, now he knows that owning a house is no fun at all. 713 01:11:34,833 --> 01:11:38,458 It couldn't happen to us, we don't own a house. 714 01:11:38,542 --> 01:11:43,083 There you're right. All we own is... 715 01:11:47,333 --> 01:11:53,083 Svejk, all we own is 36 pennies. 716 01:11:53,167 --> 01:11:57,292 I wish I was employed at the Quartermaster's Store, 717 01:11:57,375 --> 01:12:02,875 there I could at least pinch a barrel of rum, or some lard. 718 01:12:02,958 --> 01:12:07,000 But what shall we do? What about selling the sofa? 719 01:12:07,083 --> 01:12:12,833 - We wouldn't get much for that one. - You think so? Let's keep it then. 720 01:12:12,917 --> 01:12:16,042 It belongs to the Landlord anyway. I know what we'll do, Svejk. 721 01:12:16,125 --> 01:12:19,167 I'll give you three addresses to go to and borrow money. 722 01:12:19,250 --> 01:12:23,083 You'll go to Pruska Street, to Captain Schnabel's 723 01:12:23,167 --> 01:12:25,125 and ask him to lend me a hundred crowns. 724 01:12:25,208 --> 01:12:27,500 He was lucky at cards two days ago. So what? 725 01:12:27,583 --> 01:12:29,167 And in case you're not successful there, 726 01:12:29,250 --> 01:12:33,208 you'll go to the VrsSovice barracks and ask for Lieutenant Mahler. 727 01:12:34,333 --> 01:12:36,542 - So he isn't in? - Told you already, he isn't in. 728 01:12:36,625 --> 01:12:39,125 - So he went to the coffeehouse? - You'd have to wait somewhere. 729 01:12:39,208 --> 01:12:43,625 So I'd have to wait? Well alright, I'll wait. 730 01:12:43,708 --> 01:12:46,458 Till tomorrow morning, if necessary. 731 01:12:46,958 --> 01:12:51,083 Fine thing, he's got money for the coffeehouse, 732 01:12:51,167 --> 01:12:54,417 but no money to pay his debts with. 733 01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:04,750 A fine Chaplain, fie! 734 01:13:04,833 --> 01:13:11,292 - Sir, I ask you not to spit here! - And I'll spit once more. 735 01:13:11,375 --> 01:13:13,875 If I feel like it, like this! Do you see? 736 01:13:13,958 --> 01:13:20,833 If you're an educated man, behave yourself, don't act like a vagabond! 737 01:13:20,917 --> 01:13:25,167 So I don't behave decently? And what do I behave like, tell me? 738 01:13:25,250 --> 01:13:28,625 A hooligan, that's what! Spitting on the floor just like in a train. 739 01:13:28,708 --> 01:13:31,083 I was wondering all the time about those notices everywhere, 740 01:13:31,167 --> 01:13:35,458 about not spitting on the floor, now I know it's because of you! 741 01:13:35,542 --> 01:13:38,250 You must be a very well-known man! 742 01:13:38,333 --> 01:13:41,292 You... You dirty creature! You! let go of me! 743 01:13:41,375 --> 01:13:45,583 I'm an honourable citizen! Help! Help! Let go of me! 744 01:14:36,208 --> 01:14:38,708 Why the tomfoolery? 745 01:14:38,792 --> 01:14:42,917 Beg to report, Sir, that I took care of everything, just like you said. 746 01:14:43,000 --> 01:14:48,083 Supper is served in the drawing-room. I shall now go and fry some eggs. 747 01:14:48,958 --> 01:14:50,625 On bacon, too! 748 01:14:56,000 --> 01:14:59,375 - Who was it lent us money? - Beg to report, Sir, all of them. 749 01:14:59,458 --> 01:15:02,750 Only in front of Captain Schnabel I had to crawl on my knees. 750 01:15:02,833 --> 01:15:04,875 That one's a real son of a bitch. 751 01:15:04,958 --> 01:15:09,625 - But when I told him about your paternity case... -A paternity case? 752 01:15:09,708 --> 01:15:12,458 Of course, alimony, you know, paying a girl so much every week. 753 01:15:12,542 --> 01:15:16,542 You told me to pitch any yarn I pleased, so... 754 01:15:16,625 --> 01:15:17,583 And what did Captain Schnabel say? 755 01:15:17,667 --> 01:15:20,708 There were about five gentlemen present and they all asked me 756 01:15:20,792 --> 01:15:24,125 what sort of a girl it was, so I told them she a smart little bit, 757 01:15:24,208 --> 01:15:28,000 not quite fifteen yet - and they all wanted to have her address. 758 01:15:29,542 --> 01:15:32,542 - You've made a nice mess of it, I must say! -Don't worry, Chaplain. 759 01:15:32,625 --> 01:15:38,167 I gave them the address of a deaf lady down our street. 760 01:15:43,292 --> 01:15:45,542 I told you already that he isn't in! 761 01:15:45,625 --> 01:15:51,542 - Don't lie to me, he's returned! - But he isn't home to anybody! 762 01:15:51,625 --> 01:15:54,708 - That's no concern of mine! - He's preparing tomorrow's sermon. 763 01:15:54,792 --> 01:15:59,542 Leave me alone, man! Chaplain, I have to protest! 764 01:15:59,625 --> 01:16:01,875 I'm not used to that sort of treatment. 765 01:16:01,958 --> 01:16:03,958 My batman is certainly not right. 766 01:16:04,042 --> 01:16:06,250 A guest in the house means God in the house, as an old proverb says. 767 01:16:06,333 --> 01:16:09,500 Beg to report, Sir, this bloke is very difficult to dispose of. 768 01:16:09,583 --> 01:16:14,000 Just like a Bouska from Liben. They once kicked him out of Exner's 769 01:16:14,083 --> 01:16:16,250 eighteen times and he always returned claiming he'd left his pipe behind... 770 01:16:16,333 --> 01:16:17,875 Chaplain, I protest! 771 01:16:17,958 --> 01:16:21,292 He was that persevering he could've become a cabinet minister. 772 01:16:21,375 --> 01:16:25,375 I hope I'm not here to be ridiculed! 773 01:16:25,667 --> 01:16:29,375 - Take a chair, please. - Thank you. 774 01:16:30,417 --> 01:16:37,917 We're having Hungarian salami, sardines, salmon, and fried eggs. 775 01:16:38,500 --> 01:16:41,625 Isn't it nice to have a treat on borrowed money! 776 01:16:41,708 --> 01:16:44,958 I insist that you listen to what I have to say! 777 01:16:45,042 --> 01:16:49,417 I hope I'm right in assuming you've come to get money for the check? 778 01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:56,375 Indeed I have and I hope I won't have to leave without it! 779 01:16:58,917 --> 01:17:00,375 What are you doing? 780 01:17:00,458 --> 01:17:04,167 Beg to report, Sir, I've already had some difficulties with this gent. 781 01:17:04,250 --> 01:17:06,583 Leave us, Svejk, we've got a private affair to discuss! 782 01:17:06,667 --> 01:17:09,917 Beg to report, Sir, I'm leaving you! 783 01:17:11,125 --> 01:17:13,583 If there was no war, I wouldn't press you, 784 01:17:13,667 --> 01:17:16,583 but I've recently made a number of very sad experiences. 785 01:17:16,667 --> 01:17:22,125 For example Lieutenant Janota owed me 700 crowns and fell at Dryné. 786 01:17:22,208 --> 01:17:29,000 Lieutenant Prasek, 2 000 crowns, taken captive on the Russian front. 787 01:17:29,083 --> 01:17:33,042 Captain Wichterle, Lieutenant Machek, both imprisoned by the Serbians, 788 01:17:33,125 --> 01:17:37,542 each of them owing me 1 500 crowns. 789 01:17:37,625 --> 01:17:39,750 You must understand my anxiety... 790 01:17:39,833 --> 01:17:43,792 - But, Mister... I am not... - I know your objection, Chaplain. 791 01:17:43,875 --> 01:17:46,042 That a parson is in no direct danger. 792 01:17:46,125 --> 01:17:47,833 But listen! 793 01:17:47,917 --> 01:17:52,417 Army Chaplain Mathias died a week ago in Brno. 794 01:17:55,708 --> 01:17:59,167 He failed to pay me 1 800 crowns and went to supply extreme unction 795 01:17:59,250 --> 01:18:02,333 to a chap who had the plague and who was of no concern of his anyway... 796 01:18:02,417 --> 01:18:07,125 - That's his duty. I shall do the same tomorrow. -At a plague hospital, too! 797 01:18:07,208 --> 01:18:14,125 Tell me, Chaplain, is this war only on to finish off all my debtors? 798 01:18:14,208 --> 01:18:16,792 Svejk, I'm beginning to get tired. 799 01:18:16,875 --> 01:18:21,625 Tell him very gently, "The Chaplain won't give you a penny!" 800 01:18:21,708 --> 01:18:25,167 I'm not budging an inch till I get what you owe me! 801 01:18:25,542 --> 01:18:28,042 If that's the case, Svejk, dispose of him just as you see fit! 802 01:18:28,125 --> 01:18:30,375 That's a sham, you've tricked me! 803 01:18:30,458 --> 01:18:34,542 Make no noise, you hoodlum, the Chaplain has to study! 804 01:18:34,625 --> 01:18:39,625 I know, to figure out how to cheat honest people out of their money! 805 01:19:16,958 --> 01:19:23,250 Wiener Blut... Tralala... 806 01:19:26,208 --> 01:19:29,708 Good Lord, I'm grateful we've found the place. 807 01:19:29,792 --> 01:19:32,250 I'd been driving him around for two hours before I managed 808 01:19:32,333 --> 01:19:36,292 to squeeze an address out. He's been sick all over my cab. 809 01:19:36,375 --> 01:19:38,875 And now I can't get any money out of him! 810 01:19:38,958 --> 01:19:43,583 - Chaplain, Sir! - Stop! Stop! I've got to drive... 811 01:19:43,667 --> 01:19:46,500 Help me! 812 01:19:51,625 --> 01:19:55,292 Gentlemen, I'm not going to have a steam-bath. No steam-bath, please! 813 01:19:55,375 --> 01:19:57,667 Of course not, come here! 814 01:20:02,417 --> 01:20:06,250 Give it to me, no more booze! 815 01:20:07,792 --> 01:20:11,042 Take those skates off! 816 01:20:12,042 --> 01:20:16,875 - Chaplain... -There are circles... "It's me, Svejk. -...round the moon. 817 01:20:18,125 --> 01:20:21,792 - We have to pay for the cab. - Do you believe in immortality? 818 01:20:21,875 --> 01:20:25,375 - Leave me alone, will ya? - Say, can a horse get into heaven? 819 01:20:25,458 --> 01:20:29,083 Be quick about paying for the fare. I've other parties to take care of! 820 01:20:29,167 --> 01:20:32,792 Chaplain, he wants money! 821 01:20:39,833 --> 01:20:45,875 Take the lot! Ich kann bezahlen. A penny more or less bothers me not. 822 01:20:45,958 --> 01:20:50,917 - Hergott! - Wait! We've got to search him. 823 01:20:51,708 --> 01:20:56,417 Of course. All those who are dead, report to the Korpskommando 824 01:20:56,500 --> 01:20:59,375 within three days, to get a Christian burial. 825 01:20:59,542 --> 01:21:02,208 Lady, don't tickle me! 826 01:21:06,167 --> 01:21:10,083 That's not enough! I took him round the town three times! 827 01:21:10,167 --> 01:21:14,292 - We've got no more! - Fine business! Fiel 828 01:21:25,667 --> 01:21:31,375 The fire won't burn! Somebody must be blowing on it... 829 01:21:31,458 --> 01:21:35,458 I want something, but I don't know what. I don't know! 830 01:21:35,542 --> 01:21:37,458 Don't you know what I want? 831 01:21:37,542 --> 01:21:41,000 But I couldn't care less, and neither could you, Svejk! 832 01:21:41,083 --> 01:21:47,625 - Sit down! - Oh, I'm so alone in the world! 833 01:21:47,708 --> 01:21:50,917 People, Svejk, I've got to tell you something! 834 01:21:51,000 --> 01:21:55,542 - I, a repentant sinner, confess... - Don't lie on the floor! 835 01:21:55,625 --> 01:21:58,667 - Just a minute, I have to tell... - Chaplain, will you lie down! 836 01:22:09,292 --> 01:22:12,792 My compliments! Ladies, I've a lovely joke for you. 837 01:22:12,875 --> 01:22:16,583 There once was a drummer living in Budéjovice, he got married 838 01:22:16,667 --> 01:22:20,792 and died within a year! Isn't it lovely? 839 01:22:34,125 --> 01:22:38,542 Ma'am, what a sweet boy you've got! 840 01:22:38,625 --> 01:22:42,500 Look, what uncle's brought you... 841 01:22:44,125 --> 01:22:49,000 Boodlicky, boodlicky, boodlicky! I want a cognac! Where is it? 842 01:22:54,083 --> 01:22:58,208 Come here, come here, come... 843 01:23:08,292 --> 01:23:15,417 Come on, lie down quietly, or I'll have to hit you one! 844 01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:20,667 You're such a good boy. I'll have to marry you off to my sister. 845 01:23:25,125 --> 01:23:29,250 Chaplain, do you hear me? 846 01:23:29,333 --> 01:23:34,292 Is that you, Svejk? Where am 1? 847 01:23:34,375 --> 01:23:39,042 It seems you've been suffering from a slight attack of the DTs. 848 01:23:41,625 --> 01:23:48,375 Yesterday, I've lost all my money. Including you, Svejk. 849 01:23:48,625 --> 01:23:51,875 I've lost you at cards, Svejk! 850 01:23:51,958 --> 01:23:56,875 I've thrown you into the clutches of Lieutenant Lukas. 851 01:23:56,958 --> 01:23:58,292 That's not the end of the world. 852 01:23:58,375 --> 01:24:00,458 In a few days time we'll get the money somehow... 853 01:24:00,542 --> 01:24:03,292 Oh no, impossible, quite impossible! 854 01:24:03,375 --> 01:24:07,833 You know, debts at cards are debts of honour. 855 01:24:07,917 --> 01:24:12,125 And I'm an officer. Hab acht! 856 01:24:12,792 --> 01:24:15,958 Abtreten! 857 01:24:17,917 --> 01:24:20,792 Jesus Christ! Jesus... 858 01:24:52,167 --> 01:24:54,250 Beg to report, Sir, that I'm here! 859 01:24:58,167 --> 01:25:00,500 Turn around! 860 01:25:02,333 --> 01:25:04,042 - Some more, Sir? - Halt! 861 01:25:04,125 --> 01:25:10,083 Well, finally you look almost like a soldier. 862 01:25:10,167 --> 01:25:15,375 - Did they supply you with a coat? - Beg to report, even with a coat! 863 01:25:15,542 --> 01:25:20,750 A word of warning, I'm very strict. Do you even know what a batman is? 864 01:25:20,833 --> 01:25:24,417 A batman's an officer's servant, boot-polish and pipe-cleaner. 865 01:25:24,833 --> 01:25:27,417 If I say, "Jump into the fire!", 866 01:25:27,500 --> 01:25:31,250 into the fire you have to jump, even if you wouldn't like to. 867 01:25:31,333 --> 01:25:32,958 What're you staring at? 868 01:25:33,042 --> 01:25:37,083 Beg to report, Sir, that's a Harz canary! 869 01:25:37,167 --> 01:25:43,083 - Are you fond of animals? - It's dogs I fancy most, Sir. 870 01:25:43,167 --> 01:25:47,750 - If you'd like me to... - I'm fond of dogs, as companions. 871 01:25:47,833 --> 01:25:54,167 - I used to have a stable dog once... - Stable dogs are the best. 872 01:25:54,250 --> 01:25:57,958 A stable dog's not to everybody's liking, he's got such hard whiskers 873 01:25:58,042 --> 01:26:04,167 and looks like a released prisoner, but he's so ugly he's beautiful! 874 01:26:04,875 --> 01:26:09,958 Well, when you get the chance, bring me a dog! 875 01:26:10,333 --> 01:26:12,333 Hand me my sword. 876 01:26:12,417 --> 01:26:17,417 And remember: I love everything clean and tidy. 877 01:26:17,500 --> 01:26:21,417 And I can't stand lies. I love honesty and hate lies. 878 01:26:21,500 --> 01:26:23,458 Lies I punish without mercy. Is that understood? 879 01:26:23,542 --> 01:26:29,125 Beg to report, Sir, quite. There's nothing worse than a liar. 880 01:26:30,542 --> 01:26:34,000 And as far as honesty's concerned, there's nothing nicer, 881 01:26:34,083 --> 01:26:39,500 because with honesty you get places. Take for instance a walking contest. 882 01:26:39,583 --> 01:26:43,417 As soon as you start doing tricks and running, you're disqualified. 883 01:26:43,500 --> 01:26:46,417 That happened to a cousin of mine. 884 01:26:46,500 --> 01:26:50,167 An honest man's respected everywhere, 885 01:26:50,250 --> 01:26:54,625 he's satisfied with himself and feels like a new-born babe, 886 01:26:54,708 --> 01:27:01,000 when he goes to bed and can say, "Well, I've been so honest today." 887 01:27:01,083 --> 01:27:05,417 The Chaplain recommended you to me as a champion idiot. 888 01:27:05,500 --> 01:27:07,875 I'm inclined to think he wasn't far wrong. 889 01:27:07,958 --> 01:27:09,458 Beg to report, Sir, 890 01:27:09,542 --> 01:27:12,208 I was discharged from doing my regular service for being feeble-minded. 891 01:27:12,292 --> 01:27:15,083 There were two of us discharged for the same reason and the time: 892 01:27:15,167 --> 01:27:19,458 me and a Captain von Kaunitz. 893 01:27:19,833 --> 01:27:25,792 Now, Svejk, comes the main thing. Sometimes, ladies come to me. 894 01:27:25,875 --> 01:27:30,042 One or the other may stay all night. 895 01:27:30,125 --> 01:27:32,833 In a case like that you'll bring coffee for two into the bedroom, 896 01:27:32,917 --> 01:27:38,542 but be sure not to enter till I ring for you! 897 01:27:40,792 --> 01:27:41,958 Do you hear me? 898 01:27:42,042 --> 01:27:46,542 Beg to report, Sir, I know what it means to come at the wrong time. 899 01:27:46,625 --> 01:27:50,167 Once, I took a young woman home with me, and just as we were 900 01:27:50,250 --> 01:27:53,500 getting on fine together, my charwoman brought me the coffee. 901 01:27:53,583 --> 01:27:57,583 She didn't half have a fright, poured all the coffee down my back 902 01:27:57,667 --> 01:28:00,042 and said "Good morning" on top of it. 903 01:28:00,125 --> 01:28:04,958 I'm on duty today. I shan't be home till late. Tidy the place up a bit. 904 01:28:05,042 --> 01:28:08,917 The last orderly was so slovenly he's leaving today for the front! 905 01:28:09,000 --> 01:28:12,333 And don't let anyone into the apartment! 906 01:28:13,542 --> 01:28:23,208 Oak leaf, oak leaf, don't fall into the river. 907 01:28:34,833 --> 01:28:42,833 The water would carry you away and that would make me sad. 908 01:29:25,667 --> 01:29:28,958 - Are you the Lieutenant's batman? - That I am! 909 01:29:29,042 --> 01:29:32,417 Well, why don't you open up? Why do you leave me kicking outside? 910 01:29:32,500 --> 01:29:35,625 - I didn't... -Hear the bell, I know. Don't lie to me. 911 01:29:35,708 --> 01:29:39,458 You know very well I rang the bell. Take those suitcases inside! 912 01:29:39,542 --> 01:29:42,167 I can't do that without the Lieutenant's permission. 913 01:29:42,250 --> 01:29:45,958 Do as I told you. Take those suitcases into the room! 914 01:29:46,083 --> 01:29:49,042 Lady, the only order I got was to get a stable dog. 915 01:29:49,125 --> 01:29:52,000 I know nothing whatsoever about your suitcases. 916 01:29:52,083 --> 01:29:56,292 - So you won't take my cases in? - As I've told you. 917 01:29:56,375 --> 01:30:00,667 Till I get an army order, I don't know my own brother. 918 01:30:00,792 --> 01:30:05,708 I'm going to lock up, and of course I can't leave a stranger in the flat. 919 01:30:05,792 --> 01:30:09,833 - So please... - You must be crazy! 920 01:30:09,917 --> 01:30:15,583 I've come to visit the Lieutenant... 921 01:30:15,667 --> 01:30:20,792 That's an old one. In our street, someone came to visit BéliCsky, 922 01:30:20,875 --> 01:30:25,958 the confectioner, and once in his absence opened all the wardrobes, 923 01:30:26,042 --> 01:30:31,208 - and ran away with the contents! - Once more, take the cases in! 924 01:30:31,292 --> 01:30:35,708 Excuse me, Ma'am, I've been entrusted with the whole apartment. 925 01:30:35,833 --> 01:30:38,708 I'm responsible for every single bit of it. 926 01:31:00,208 --> 01:31:03,375 I'm really sorry I've got to talk to you like this, 927 01:31:03,458 --> 01:31:07,292 but there's got to be order in the army! 928 01:31:08,333 --> 01:31:11,542 Take this to the Lieutenant! 929 01:31:14,375 --> 01:31:17,750 Here's a five crown tip for you. 930 01:31:17,833 --> 01:31:21,708 - I'll wait here for the answer. - No play, Ma'am. 931 01:31:21,833 --> 01:31:26,417 Keep your five crowns. If you insist, you can come to the barracks with me. 932 01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:28,875 I'll hand your letter to the Lieutenant 933 01:31:28,958 --> 01:31:31,958 and you can get your answer. 934 01:31:34,875 --> 01:31:38,792 Now, I'm going to lock up! 935 01:32:32,500 --> 01:32:36,125 - What's the matter? - Beg to report, a letter for you. 936 01:32:43,042 --> 01:32:44,208 LIEBER HEINRICH! I CAN'T STAND MY HUSBAND. 937 01:32:44,292 --> 01:32:45,958 I'VE COME TO VISIT YOU FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS. 938 01:32:46,042 --> 01:32:47,792 DEIN BURSCH IST EIN GROSSES MISTVIEH. DEINE KATTY. 939 01:32:49,458 --> 01:32:53,125 The lady writes you're a beast. What've you done to her? 940 01:32:53,208 --> 01:32:55,000 Beg to report, Sir, nothing. 941 01:32:55,083 --> 01:32:57,542 She wanted to move into your flat, suitcases and all. 942 01:32:57,625 --> 01:33:00,458 - What? What's that? - Well I prevented that alright. 943 01:33:00,542 --> 01:33:04,917 I know of a draper in VojtéSska Street who once took a lady 944 01:33:05,000 --> 01:33:08,958 to spend one night with him, and then couldn't get rid of her, 945 01:33:09,042 --> 01:33:12,583 so he had to poison himself with coal gas, and her as well. 946 01:33:12,667 --> 01:33:16,208 - Where is she now? - Waiting outside the gate. 947 01:33:20,208 --> 01:33:24,458 My orders, Ma'am, are to treat you politely and to do everything 948 01:33:24,542 --> 01:33:29,583 you might wish. I got a hundred crowns to do it with. 949 01:33:29,708 --> 01:33:30,875 Get a cab! 950 01:35:40,292 --> 01:35:43,792 What do you say to that, Svejk? 951 01:35:44,000 --> 01:35:47,417 As the Staff HQ would put it in their reports: 952 01:35:47,500 --> 01:35:50,917 After a carefully prepared retreat, 953 01:35:51,000 --> 01:35:55,667 we entrenched ourselves in positions prepared beforehand. 954 01:36:42,625 --> 01:36:48,667 - Svejk! Where are you? - Beg to report that I'm here. 955 01:36:49,375 --> 01:36:51,500 Come in! 956 01:36:54,875 --> 01:36:56,417 Inside, you mean? 957 01:36:56,500 --> 01:37:00,708 Of course, I want you to scrub my back! 958 01:37:06,208 --> 01:37:12,292 Wouldn't you prefer to wait till the Lieutenant comes home? 959 01:37:12,375 --> 01:37:17,000 No, I want it done right now... And by you! 960 01:38:09,083 --> 01:38:12,042 - Everything alright, Svejk? - Beg to report, Sir, 961 01:38:12,125 --> 01:38:16,958 that I've fulfilled all the lady's wishes as you instructed me. 962 01:38:17,042 --> 01:38:20,417 Thank you very much, Svejk! And did she want many things done? 963 01:38:20,500 --> 01:38:22,875 About six, Sir. 964 01:38:22,958 --> 01:38:28,375 And now she's sound asleep. I did everything she wanted. 965 01:38:29,125 --> 01:38:32,500 Thanks, I'm glad I can rely on you in everything. 966 01:38:56,333 --> 01:38:58,542 Beg to report, Sir, that I'm waiting here. 967 01:38:58,625 --> 01:39:06,125 I've asked you to come because we have to talk in confidence. 968 01:39:06,208 --> 01:39:09,375 What's going on at home? What's she doing? 969 01:39:09,458 --> 01:39:13,292 She just broke that large bottle of Eau de Cologne. 970 01:39:13,375 --> 01:39:17,792 The place smells like a barbershop. 971 01:39:21,500 --> 01:39:24,000 What are we going to do? 972 01:39:24,250 --> 01:39:27,250 Don't say I haven't warned you. I know of a fellow once... 973 01:39:27,333 --> 01:39:30,875 - We must get rid of that woman. - It's high time, too. 974 01:39:30,958 --> 01:39:34,708 Or we'll be as weak as puppies. 975 01:39:34,792 --> 01:39:39,292 - But how? -The best thing, Sir, would be to dispatch her home. 976 01:39:39,375 --> 01:39:42,333 "Priority, registered mail," too. I know of a similar case, 977 01:39:42,417 --> 01:39:45,500 happened at VVSenory last year. Let's send a wire to her husband. 978 01:39:45,583 --> 01:39:49,417 As a sort of "unknown friend." We'll put it like this: 979 01:39:49,500 --> 01:39:56,083 "Your wife's address is such and such." After all, it isn't your fault. 980 01:39:56,167 --> 01:39:59,750 - You didn't invite her to come. - Of course I didn't. 981 01:39:59,833 --> 01:40:02,917 And, as you say, her husband, is an intelligent sort of a fellow. 982 01:40:03,000 --> 01:40:05,417 So even if you do get a punch on the jaw... 983 01:40:05,500 --> 01:40:06,917 Let's go to the post office. 984 01:40:33,000 --> 01:40:35,708 Where is she? Here she is... 985 01:40:48,875 --> 01:40:54,250 - Katy! - My husband, Lieutenant Lukas. 986 01:40:59,667 --> 01:41:05,375 - An "Unknown Friend" wired me the address. -How disgraceful! 987 01:41:06,833 --> 01:41:10,708 - Don't you like cigarettes? - Thanks, thanks. 988 01:41:12,500 --> 01:41:15,958 - Pardon me. - Take a seat, won't you? 989 01:41:16,042 --> 01:41:19,500 - You must be tired. - Yes, please, thank you. 990 01:41:21,167 --> 01:41:24,750 You don't know how pleased I am to be here to welcome you. 991 01:41:24,833 --> 01:41:28,458 You know, I live at the barracks, and that's why I was able to offer 992 01:41:28,542 --> 01:41:33,625 Madam the hospitality of my flat, as an old acquaintance. 993 01:41:35,000 --> 01:41:39,042 My Katy is a funny woman. Suddenly she decided to take a nerve cure. 994 01:41:39,125 --> 01:41:41,500 I was away travelling, and upon my return 995 01:41:41,583 --> 01:41:44,500 I find the house empty and Katy gone. 996 01:41:44,875 --> 01:41:48,292 What about you, Lieutenant? You'll be off to the front soon, I suppose? 997 01:41:48,375 --> 01:41:50,583 As soon as I've finished my job of training volunteer officers. 998 01:41:50,667 --> 01:41:53,542 We need a lot of new officers, you know, and it's very sad 999 01:41:53,625 --> 01:41:56,208 most men prefer to remain plain privates in the infantry. 1000 01:41:56,292 --> 01:41:57,625 - It looks like people lack interest in the war... -You're wrong there. 1001 01:41:57,708 --> 01:42:00,792 It interests me very much what's going on at the front. 1002 01:42:00,875 --> 01:42:05,292 The hop business's been hit by the war, but I hope it won't last. 1003 01:42:05,375 --> 01:42:08,417 Our position's very good. The Eastern Beskyd Mountains 1004 01:42:08,500 --> 01:42:10,583 and the Carpathians are excellent pivotal centres for us. 1005 01:42:10,667 --> 01:42:14,792 One strong blow on this line and we shan't stop till Moscow. 1006 01:42:58,708 --> 01:43:02,875 Pardon me, Miss, can you tell me which way to Zizkov? 1007 01:43:02,958 --> 01:43:07,083 - To Zizkov? You'll have to turn back this way... -Back? 1008 01:43:07,167 --> 01:43:14,167 Across the Bridge, then as far as the Powder Tower, there ask again. 1009 01:43:22,250 --> 01:43:27,125 - You don't seem to be from Prague, either? -No, I'm from Vodrany. 1010 01:43:27,208 --> 01:43:31,792 From Vodriany? So we're almost neighbours - I'm from Protivin. 1011 01:43:31,875 --> 01:43:34,583 If you're from Protivin, then you're sure to know Pejchar, 1012 01:43:34,667 --> 01:43:36,875 the butcher on the village-green? 1013 01:43:36,958 --> 01:43:41,250 - Of course I do, he's my cousin. - You don't say. 1014 01:43:44,167 --> 01:43:45,417 Aren't you a Jaros? 1015 01:43:45,500 --> 01:43:49,125 - Indeed. -Which Jaros family do you come from? From the Razice branch? 1016 01:43:49,208 --> 01:43:53,708 - From Razice. -Is your father still delivering beer? -Indeed he is. 1017 01:43:53,792 --> 01:43:58,250 - Well, he must be over sixty now. - Sixty-eight he was last spring. 1018 01:43:58,333 --> 01:44:00,458 You don't say... 1019 01:44:20,458 --> 01:44:24,125 Lux! Lux! 1020 01:44:26,833 --> 01:44:28,542 Lux! 1021 01:44:31,708 --> 01:44:34,833 3 breweries where I used to deliver thousands of tons of hops every year 1022 01:44:34,917 --> 01:44:38,167 were burned down in Belgium. Another one, in Lwow, was burned to cinders. 1023 01:44:38,250 --> 01:44:40,208 If it goes on like this, I shall be ruined. 1024 01:44:40,292 --> 01:44:44,917 Katy, are you ready? All this is causing me so much excitement. 1025 01:44:45,000 --> 01:44:49,583 These losses in business and then domestic worries on top of it. 1026 01:44:50,250 --> 01:44:54,792 Last year she ran away with a prof, as far as Zagreb. 1027 01:44:54,875 --> 01:45:00,292 At that time I managed to sell 6 tons of hops to the local brewery. 1028 01:45:00,375 --> 01:45:02,750 What's going to happen to my cases? 1029 01:45:02,833 --> 01:45:06,083 Of course, darling, of course. Everything's ready. 1030 01:45:06,167 --> 01:45:09,292 I've got a car waiting downstairs. 1031 01:45:09,542 --> 01:45:12,833 - Lieutenant... - Ma'am. -Why didn't you protect me? 1032 01:45:12,917 --> 01:45:15,792 You permit him to drag me away like a lifeless doll... 1033 01:45:15,958 --> 01:45:21,667 - We have to say goodbye now! - As you wish... 1034 01:45:31,458 --> 01:45:34,167 My compliments, Lieutenant. 1035 01:45:34,958 --> 01:45:39,625 If you should get injured fighting, come to our place for a rest-cure. 1036 01:45:48,125 --> 01:45:51,417 Come here, you... 1037 01:45:52,875 --> 01:45:56,542 Beg to report, Sir, I'm bringing you thoroughbred... 1038 01:45:56,625 --> 01:45:59,083 Come on, you! ...stable dog. 1039 01:45:59,167 --> 01:46:01,250 He's got to get used to his new surroundings. 1040 01:46:01,333 --> 01:46:06,083 - What's his name? - Max. I'll get his pedigree soon. 1041 01:46:06,167 --> 01:46:08,417 Put him into the kitchen for now. 1042 01:46:08,500 --> 01:46:12,667 Come on, I tell you... come on! 1043 01:46:25,958 --> 01:46:29,208 Don't look so cross, you silly ass. 1044 01:46:29,708 --> 01:46:34,833 If you think it over, every soldier has been stolen from his home, too. 1045 01:46:58,500 --> 01:46:59,458 Stop! 1046 01:47:03,292 --> 01:47:07,583 Lieutenant, subordinates must always salute their superiors! 1047 01:47:07,667 --> 01:47:11,292 This regulation's not been abolished! And now, to the second point: 1048 01:47:11,375 --> 01:47:15,167 Since when do Lieutenants take stolen dogs for a walk? Answer me! 1049 01:47:15,250 --> 01:47:19,333 - That dog, Colonel... - Belongs to me! That's my Lux! 1050 01:47:19,417 --> 01:47:26,458 - You didn't read the ad that Colonel Krause's dog is missing? -No. -What? 1051 01:47:26,542 --> 01:47:30,500 You didn't read the ad your superior officer put in the paper? 1052 01:47:30,583 --> 01:47:35,125 Nice goings on! And at a time we're losing hundreds and hundreds 1053 01:47:35,208 --> 01:47:38,458 of brave soldiers at the front everyday and you don't read the ads! 1054 01:47:38,542 --> 01:47:40,417 Do you call that discipline? 1055 01:47:40,500 --> 01:47:43,458 That way I could advertise for one, two, three hundred years! 1056 01:47:43,542 --> 01:47:48,042 - I can assure you, Sir... - It won't happen again? 1057 01:47:48,125 --> 01:47:50,458 I'll see to that! I'll send you off to Budéjovice, 1058 01:47:50,542 --> 01:47:53,500 where the march battalions are being formed! 1059 01:47:53,583 --> 01:47:57,083 You can enjoy your walking now in the meanwhile! 1060 01:48:01,417 --> 01:48:08,667 Fierce fights at Medzilaborce... 1061 01:48:09,542 --> 01:48:12,125 Alright, so... 1062 01:48:16,375 --> 01:48:21,917 Svejk! You've stolen a dog! 1063 01:48:22,292 --> 01:48:27,542 - I didn't steal him myself. - But you knew he was stolen! 1064 01:48:28,125 --> 01:48:30,208 Yes, I did. 1065 01:48:30,292 --> 01:48:32,417 Svejk! 1066 01:48:45,083 --> 01:48:48,958 You know I feel like sending you off to face the Council of war? 1067 01:48:49,042 --> 01:48:51,625 But they'd set you free, 1068 01:48:51,792 --> 01:48:55,458 given that you'd be the stupidest thing they'd've ever seen! 1069 01:48:55,542 --> 01:48:59,875 Why the heck did you bring that beast into my house? 1070 01:48:59,958 --> 01:49:04,458 - In order to bring you joy. - Jesus Christ! 1071 01:49:05,458 --> 01:49:08,125 Do you happen to know what a march battalion is? 1072 01:49:08,208 --> 01:49:12,292 "March batty"! Marschkompanie is "march compy"! 1073 01:49:12,375 --> 01:49:14,375 We abbreviate these. 1074 01:49:14,458 --> 01:49:20,458 Get ready. With that march batty we'll soon be joining the front! 1075 01:49:20,542 --> 01:49:26,000 - Are you happy? - Lieutenant, that'll be splendid! 1076 01:49:26,083 --> 01:49:36,000 When we both get killed together for the Emperor and his family! 1077 01:49:39,375 --> 01:49:44,333 END OF PART ONE