1
00:00:01,628 --> 00:00:03,171
[rock music]

2
00:00:03,296 --> 00:00:04,296
- Yeah, baby!
- Yes.

3
00:00:04,380 --> 00:00:06,174
Come on now.
Wow.

4
00:00:06,299 --> 00:00:08,593
- Clunker. Clunkville.

5
00:00:08,718 --> 00:00:10,053
This is going on
45 minutes, guys.

6
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:11,178
- Yeah.

7
00:00:11,221 --> 00:00:12,347
Someone make a shot, please.

8
00:00:12,472 --> 00:00:13,598
- Yo, dude.
- Hey, Ders.

9
00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:16,351
Who can make a smaller face?

10
00:00:16,476 --> 00:00:18,770
- Adam.
- Thank you.

11
00:00:18,895 --> 00:00:20,563
That's right, dude.
- That's nothing to be proud of.

12
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,357
- You owe me
a buck or two for that.

13
00:00:22,482 --> 00:00:24,025
- On to more important things.

14
00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:25,485
Do you guys know what sexing is?

15
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,290
- Yeah, I heard of that.
Sexting, for sure.

16
00:00:27,403 --> 00:00:28,947
- Okay, cool, 'cause I think I
just got super deep into it.

17
00:00:29,072 --> 00:00:30,072
- Really'?

18
00:00:30,156 --> 00:00:31,366
- Well, apparently,
I met some girl

19
00:00:31,491 --> 00:00:32,491
named Annette last night.

20
00:00:32,534 --> 00:00:35,370
I was pretty drunk,
so I don't really remember her,

21
00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:37,580
but she's been sexting me
all morning.

22
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:39,249
So she goes, 'What happened
to you last night?

23
00:00:39,374 --> 00:00:40,667
You bailed on me."

24
00:00:40,792 --> 00:00:41,709
- Oh, that's not like you, dude.

25
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:42,834
- I know.
- No.

26
00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,420
- So I go, "Sorry.
What are you doing now?"

27
00:00:44,546 --> 00:00:45,755
She says, "Nothing."

28
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,400
So I go,
'Well, we're having a shindig.

29
00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:48,925
You ought to come by."
- Yeah.

30
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,760
- She goes,
"I'll think about it.

31
00:00:50,885 --> 00:00:53,930
In the meantime,
you can think about this."

32
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,932
Boom.
- Whoa-ho!

33
00:00:56,057 --> 00:00:57,934
Nipple.
Nipple shot.

34
00:00:58,059 --> 00:00:59,143
That is a good-looking nipple,
bro.

35
00:00:59,269 --> 00:01:00,520
- Totally a nipple.
Great job.

36
00:01:00,645 --> 00:01:02,188
- That's the nipple
of my dreams.

37
00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:03,523
- Why don't you get her
over here, man?

38
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:04,983
Send her a pic of your dick.

39
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:07,277
- Okay, um, she just sent me

40
00:01:07,402 --> 00:01:08,402
a picture of her nipple,

41
00:01:08,403 --> 00:01:09,654
so I'm not sure...

42
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:11,155
- Well, that's the order
of things.

43
00:01:11,281 --> 00:01:12,991
It goes nipple, dick,
pussy, butt hole.

44
00:01:13,116 --> 00:01:14,516
- Oh, okay, all right,
well, I mean,

45
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:15,660
I've never done-
Wait, whose butt hole?

46
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:17,245
- Dude, I saw it on Dateline.

47
00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:18,705
- Why don't you get some blood
in that sucker?

48
00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:19,706
- Seal the deal.
- Come on, man.

49
00:01:19,831 --> 00:01:20,831
- Seal the deal, dude.

50
00:01:20,832 --> 00:01:22,292
- All right, I'll do it.

51
00:01:22,417 --> 00:01:23,960
- Go handle that.
- I'm gonna seal the deal.

52
00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:25,086
- Get rid of that hat.

53
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,880
[cheers]

54
00:01:28,006 --> 00:01:30,049
- GQ time.
GQ time.

55
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,343
Everybody, time to get <i>GQ</i> time.

56
00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:36,306
Oh, man, are you gonna have sex
with this girl, Anders?

57
00:01:36,431 --> 00:01:38,057
Oh, yeah.

58
00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,559
Man-ufique.
- Nice.

59
00:01:39,684 --> 00:01:42,645
- Oh, okay,
that's definitely illegal.

60
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,523
- That was good.
- Countdown to vagina town.

61
00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,400
- Yeah, baby!
- All right.

62
00:01:47,525 --> 00:01:48,526
Uh-huh.

63
00:01:48,651 --> 00:01:49,986
- I also washed my rear end

64
00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:51,571
in case I got to take
that picture later.

65
00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:52,864
- Wow. You did that.

66
00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:54,115
Awesome.
Great.

67
00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,366
Very good.
- Whose phone is that?

68
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:57,118
That's cool.
- Oh, thanks.

69
00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:58,328
It's Vanessa's actually.

70
00:01:58,453 --> 00:01:59,329
She just got a text from you.

71
00:01:59,454 --> 00:02:00,788
That's kind of weird.

72
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:04,626
Forward to:
select all contacts.

73
00:02:04,751 --> 00:02:06,085
And send.

74
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,087
Vanessa, thanks for the phone.

75
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:09,547
Enjoy your new wallpaper.

76
00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:12,091
[cell phones ringing
and beeping]

77
00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,887
[laughter]

78
00:02:16,012 --> 00:02:17,096
That's his.
That's his dick.

79
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,431
Right here.

80
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:20,016
The nipple of your dreams

81
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:22,518
is actually my nipple
of your nightmares.

82
00:02:22,644 --> 00:02:26,189
[laughter]
Oh, right? Yeah.

83
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:27,690
Oh, that's embarrassing.

84
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:28,815
- This isn't funny.

85
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:29,859
There was a weird shadow.

86
00:02:29,984 --> 00:02:31,569
The lighting in the bathroom
is strange.

87
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:35,657
[hip-hop music]

88
00:02:35,782 --> 00:02:37,033
- ♪ I'm fresh ♪

89
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:38,201
♪♪

90
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,662
- ♪ You gotta, you gotta,
you gotta gotta

91
00:02:40,787 --> 00:02:42,497
- ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪

92
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:45,625
- Oh, nice.

93
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,044
Dude, how are you gonna get down
from the roof?

94
00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,796
You're gonna be hammered.

95
00:02:49,921 --> 00:02:52,548
- So this is
where my "friends" are.

96
00:02:52,674 --> 00:02:53,674
- Hey, look who it is.

97
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:55,718
It's Dick-Tembe Mutombo.

98
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:56,843
[laughter]

99
00:02:56,886 --> 00:02:57,886
- Look who it is. lt's-

100
00:02:57,887 --> 00:03:01,099
Your dick is so tan, bro!

101
00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:03,893
- No.
- No? You didn't like that one?

102
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,521
- You know, when you kick
a dude and he's already down,

103
00:03:06,646 --> 00:03:10,358
he's not likely to share
his blunt with you.

104
00:03:10,483 --> 00:03:11,859
- You don't smoke.

105
00:03:11,984 --> 00:03:13,027
- I just bought this
from a girl,

106
00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:14,445
and I'm smoking it tonight.

107
00:03:14,570 --> 00:03:15,822
- You're gonna smoke
with us, right?

108
00:03:15,947 --> 00:03:17,031
- I don't have to.

109
00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:19,325
- Dude,
you should be thanking us,

110
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,619
because, without us,
all of those super hot chicks

111
00:03:21,744 --> 00:03:22,787
wouldn't have seen your...

112
00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:24,330
tan dick.

113
00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:25,415
- Yeah, I heard a girl
down there

114
00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:27,083
talking about you, man.

115
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:29,252
It's basically
like you're rounding third base

116
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,087
headed for home.

117
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,380
- Wait, was it Vanessa?

118
00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:34,265
She's got tattoos, man.
I'm into that lately.

119
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,092
- Oh, here we go.
- There's something about ink-

120
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,593
both: Poop dollar!

121
00:03:37,719 --> 00:03:39,470
- There's poop in it!

122
00:03:39,595 --> 00:03:40,763
There's poop in the dollar!

123
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:41,888
- Look at that.

124
00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,057
- All right,
whose poop this time?

125
00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,893
- Oh, that's all Adam.
- Gross.

126
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:48,229
- It's weird how unembarrassed
I am by that.

127
00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:51,023
- Come on, guys.
This is a Sunday fun day.

128
00:03:51,149 --> 00:03:52,817
Let's get...
crazy!

129
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:54,152
Gimme that.

130
00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,277
[hip-hop music]

131
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:56,279
Oh, yeah.

132
00:03:56,404 --> 00:04:00,324
♪♪

133
00:04:00,450 --> 00:04:01,576
Ah-ha-ha!

134
00:04:01,701 --> 00:04:04,662
- [coughs] Cool.

135
00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:06,372
- It's early in the morning.

136
00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:09,542
I'm not gonna eat
a pepperoni pizza.

137
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,043
- This is the kind
of fertilizer-

138
00:04:11,169 --> 00:04:13,546
you don't want to lay down
a thick layer.

139
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:15,757
- I understand
that you're in the bathtub,

140
00:04:15,882 --> 00:04:19,010
and if you could just get out,
dry yourself off...

141
00:04:19,135 --> 00:04:20,470
- Are you guys freaking out?

142
00:04:20,595 --> 00:04:22,013
- Okay, now I am, Jillian.

143
00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:24,265
Why don't you chill out?

144
00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:26,684
- Sorry, it's just you guys
don't at all look ready

145
00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:29,103
for the drug test today.

146
00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,549
- Wait, there's a drug test
today?

147
00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:32,648
- Yeah, I know.
I'm freaking out too.

148
00:04:32,774 --> 00:04:34,692
Last night I went
to the Justin Bieber concert

149
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:36,402
with my nephew Dennis,

150
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:38,654
and this guy was smoking weed
right next to us.

151
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,156
Totally freaked me out.

152
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,824
Hey, you know
what else freaked me out?

153
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,409
That picture of your dick,
Anders.

154
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,994
I got it in a text.

155
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,788
- How didn't we know
about this drug test?

156
00:04:46,913 --> 00:04:48,498
We smoked yesterday.

157
00:04:48,623 --> 00:04:51,501
- Dude, we smoked in the car
this morning.

158
00:04:51,626 --> 00:04:53,002
- Alice!
- Alice!

159
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,754
- Yo, boss lady.
- Good morning.

160
00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:57,006
- Looking large and in charge.

161
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,131
Minus the large,

162
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:01,177
plus points for being cool.

163
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,678
- Shut up, Adam.

164
00:05:02,804 --> 00:05:04,180
God, I cannot believe
we are wasting our time

165
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:06,307
with this pointless drug test
yet again.

166
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:07,683
- Oh, yeah, there's that today.

167
00:05:07,809 --> 00:05:09,519
We don't have a problem
with that.

168
00:05:09,644 --> 00:05:10,728
- Look, you guys know
what I'm about.

169
00:05:10,853 --> 00:05:12,438
Both: Putting up the numbers.
- That's right.

170
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:13,563
I put up the numbers

171
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:14,857
like you put your thumbs
up each other's butts.

172
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,526
Besides, this drug test
is a joke.

173
00:05:16,651 --> 00:05:18,651
I can't have my sales force
running to the bathroom

174
00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:20,571
every five minutes
like a bunch of bulimics.

175
00:05:20,696 --> 00:05:21,864
- You don't have
to worry about us

176
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:24,534
'cause we are straight
as arrows.

177
00:05:24,659 --> 00:05:26,702
We should be in quivers
because we're straight

178
00:05:26,828 --> 00:05:28,704
like as arr-we should-

179
00:05:28,830 --> 00:05:30,832
we're archers.

180
00:05:30,957 --> 00:05:33,501
- Okay, look, I know
what's going on out there, okay.

181
00:05:33,626 --> 00:05:34,906
But you need to grow the "F" up.

182
00:05:34,961 --> 00:05:37,505
Speaking of growing,
wait till you see the boner

183
00:05:37,630 --> 00:05:39,340
they sent over
from the testing company.

184
00:05:39,465 --> 00:05:41,342
- Knock, knock.
Is this the VIP lounge?

185
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,970
- Oh, and there he is.

186
00:05:44,095 --> 00:05:45,888
- Hi, guys.
- Guys, this is Robbie.

187
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,432
- Yeah, Robbie.
Best test in the west.

188
00:05:48,558 --> 00:05:49,684
- He likes to say that.

189
00:05:49,809 --> 00:05:51,310
- Best-test-in-the-west Robbie.

190
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:52,562
- There he goes.

191
00:05:52,687 --> 00:05:53,687
- It's just a drug test,

192
00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:55,022
so nothing to be scared of.

193
00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,232
- I'm excited.

194
00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,733
What kind of drugs
are we testing?

195
00:05:57,859 --> 00:05:59,235
[laughter]

196
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,070
- What?
- That was a joke.

197
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:03,239
- Oh, I love jokes.
That's fun. That's funny.

198
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,658
- Okay, well, I'm just gonna let
you guys pal around.

199
00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:08,035
And I'm gonna get away from you.

200
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,160
Okay.

201
00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:13,124
- Bye, Alice.

202
00:06:13,249 --> 00:06:16,627
- You might have her fooled
but not me.

203
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,754
I recognize burnouts
when I see 'em.

204
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:22,049
I'm a professional.
I'm a friggin' bloodhound.

205
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:24,594
And I can see the signs-
the glazed eyes,

206
00:06:24,719 --> 00:06:29,056
the ridiculous J.Crew outfit.

207
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:32,935
And you, Strawberry Shortcake,

208
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,146
I can't wait to get deep inside

209
00:06:35,271 --> 00:06:38,149
that urinary tract
of a river of pee

210
00:06:38,274 --> 00:06:40,568
and just see what kind of
mistakes you've been making

211
00:06:40,693 --> 00:06:42,486
in your own life.

212
00:06:42,612 --> 00:06:45,489
Oh, Mama,
I'm gonna have fun with you.

213
00:06:48,034 --> 00:06:51,120
So, um, I'll see you guys
in a little bit.

214
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,872
[hip-hop music]

215
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:57,793
[hip-hop music]

216
00:06:57,919 --> 00:07:00,713
- I found this stuff
called niacin.

217
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:03,007
It's supposed to flush
the toxins out of your system.

218
00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:04,967
- I could start a fire,
burn this place down.

219
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,677
One time, when I was a kid,

220
00:07:06,802 --> 00:07:09,013
I literally did this
for, like, 45 minutes

221
00:07:09,138 --> 00:07:10,640
and I started a fire.

222
00:07:10,765 --> 00:07:12,683
My clubhouse went up in flames.
Feel that.

223
00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:14,185
- That was a cool dance.
- Yeah. Thank you.

224
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:15,686
- What's your idea, dude?

225
00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:16,687
You gonna give us
some egg salad sandwiches

226
00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,481
out of that little cooler?

227
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,775
- No, I was thinking
maybe two tall glasses

228
00:07:20,900 --> 00:07:23,819
of 100% clean urine.

229
00:07:23,945 --> 00:07:25,446
- What?
- Yeah.

230
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,114
I knew about the drug test.

231
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:29,867
Because they announced it
two months ago

232
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:33,037
and me being your friend
stocked up for you

233
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,442
'cause you guys
are drug addicts.

234
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:36,123
But then you had to pull

235
00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,875
yesterday's
little sexting prank.

236
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,440
And now I don't think
you deserve it.

237
00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:43,381
But I'll let you earn it.

238
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:46,175
- Name it.
- Bear with me here.

239
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:50,972
I thought about this last night.

240
00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,522
Eat this.
- No. Thank you.

241
00:07:59,647 --> 00:08:02,066
That is danger.
- Give me the damn tile.

242
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:05,403
- Okay, sure.
I really hate you for this.

243
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:06,612
- Enjoy that.

244
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,072
- You know how
this is gonna feel coming out?

245
00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:09,573
- Feast.
- Probably not good.

246
00:08:09,699 --> 00:08:10,908
- It's gonna make
our butt holes bleed.

247
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,618
- Thanks.
- Chow down.

248
00:08:13,995 --> 00:08:15,538
- Ugh!
- [laughs]

249
00:08:15,663 --> 00:08:18,541
Oh, wow,
that's a big first bite.

250
00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,001
That's a really big first bite.

251
00:08:20,126 --> 00:08:21,711
- It's so dry.

252
00:08:21,836 --> 00:08:23,379
- It's like a mummy's dick.

253
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:26,090
- And this guy, you better
catch up with your friend.

254
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:27,508
- You're a real son of a bitch.

255
00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,051
- Speaking of ketchup,

256
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,416
get the Arby-Q sauce on it,
huh?

257
00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:35,224
[both retching and groaning]

258
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:37,393
- All right, you guys-
You guys have had enough.

259
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:40,730
Uh, why don't you
just wash it down, champs?

260
00:08:40,855 --> 00:08:42,231
- That's piss.
- That is urine.

261
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,157
- We're not gonna drink piss.
- No, thank you.

262
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,609
- No, no, no, this is Gatorade.

263
00:08:45,735 --> 00:08:47,611
See, that's what happens
when you mess

264
00:08:47,737 --> 00:08:49,113
with the mastermind of pranks.

265
00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:50,489
- Okay, wow.

266
00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,868
- You pull a prank on me,
you get pranked back.

267
00:08:53,993 --> 00:08:58,039
All right?
Here is the real piss.

268
00:08:58,164 --> 00:08:59,749
And it's all mine.

269
00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:02,543
It's all...

270
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,962
- Over your face.
What?

271
00:09:05,087 --> 00:09:06,130
What?

272
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:07,465
- That was stupid.

273
00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:08,591
- You're stupid, bro.

274
00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,077
You've got piss
on your face, dude.

275
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:11,886
- Adam, I had enough
for all three of us.

276
00:09:12,011 --> 00:09:13,429
I was gonna let the joke
run a little longer

277
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,264
and then split it up,
but now it's gone.

278
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,891
And a little bit in my mouth.

279
00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:18,434
- Why didn't you
tell me that then?

280
00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,603
- Because I was trying
to be cool and dramatic,

281
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,313
which you would know
nothing about.

282
00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:24,065
- Oh, I don't know about being
cool and dramatic, dude?

283
00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:25,775
Who's saving up
to buy a motorcycle,

284
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,735
a crotch rocket,
and a cool leather jacket?

285
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:28,861
Lam!

286
00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:29,945
- I don't care.
I can't talk to you.

287
00:09:30,071 --> 00:09:31,071
- Screw you.

288
00:09:31,155 --> 00:09:32,823
- Oh, no.
What's wrong, guys?

289
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:34,575
You seem a little jumpy.

290
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,660
Why don't we just go ahead
and get you guys fired

291
00:09:36,786 --> 00:09:39,830
so you can spend the rest
of the day getting all high?

292
00:09:39,955 --> 00:09:41,624
- That actually sounds awesome.

293
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:42,708
- I can hear you whispering.

294
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,210
- I know you can hear me.

295
00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:45,503
I'm doing it loud enough
for you to hear me.

296
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,213
- Oh, really?
Well, can you hear this?

297
00:09:47,338 --> 00:09:48,338
- What?

298
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:49,715
- You have until 5:00

299
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,344
to make with the zip,
the flop, the splash,

300
00:09:53,469 --> 00:09:54,720
<i>and the boo-hoe.</i>

301
00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:55,845
- What was the flop?

302
00:09:55,888 --> 00:09:59,183
- The flop is the penis coming
out of the slacks or trousers.

303
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,684
- Oh.

304
00:10:00,810 --> 00:10:02,210
- So then the boo-hoo
is just, like,

305
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,397
an extra, like, poop afterwards
or something?

306
00:10:05,523 --> 00:10:06,732
- I'm done with you amateurs.

307
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:08,776
I got a pee cart coming through!

308
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:22,581
- Dude, this guy is ruthless.

309
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,375
I will not move back in
with my mom.

310
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:27,044
I will sell every drop
of my blood for money.

311
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:29,964
- We've got an hour lunch.
We'll figure something out.

312
00:10:31,966 --> 00:10:33,509
- Waymond.

313
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:35,511
- Hey, Karl, what's up, brother?

314
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:37,054
Do you know
where we can get some niacin

315
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,179
in the next hour?

316
00:10:38,264 --> 00:10:39,264
- Yo, let me drive.

317
00:10:39,265 --> 00:10:40,307
- No.
- You have some now?

318
00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:41,433
Where you at?

319
00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:43,352
- How come you always
get to drive, dude?

320
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:44,353
- Because he doesn't even have
a license,

321
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:45,563
and you have a DUI.

322
00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:46,848
- Sweet.
We'll see you in ten.

323
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:48,190
- So where to?

324
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,358
- Our house.

325
00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:50,484
- You let a drug dealer

326
00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:51,652
stay in our house all day?

327
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,696
- He feeds my turtles, Anders.

328
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:57,241
- Ow. Karl.
- Hey, Karl, what's up?

329
00:10:57,366 --> 00:10:59,660
- It's almost the ending, bro.
It's Die Hard.

330
00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,203
- Did they just say "clucking"?

331
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,580
- Yeah, it must be on cable,

332
00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:04,373
so they switch
the swear words out.

333
00:11:04,498 --> 00:11:06,018
- Oh, Carl Winslow.
I forgot about him.

334
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:07,209
" Shh!

335
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,253
- Did you know that Reginald
VelJohnson wasn't actually-

336
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,005
- Shut the cluck up.

337
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:14,508
Fuck

338
00:11:14,633 --> 00:11:16,510
[hip-hop music]

339
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,515
[hip-hop music]

340
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,517
- "Come out to the coast.

341
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,644
We'll get together,
have a few laughs."

342
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:26,979
- It's a movie, dude.

343
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:28,504
You can't climb
through an air duct.

344
00:11:28,564 --> 00:11:30,065
- This movie's based on a book.

345
00:11:30,191 --> 00:11:31,275
Books don't lie.

346
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,235
- Um, Blake,
did you need that niacin

347
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,070
for some reason, bro?

348
00:11:35,196 --> 00:11:37,573
- Oh, yeah.
Thanks, man.

349
00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,408
- See ya, Karl.
- See ya.

350
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,076
- Hey, Ders.

351
00:11:41,202 --> 00:11:43,078
I just got that stuff
at the drug store, man.

352
00:11:43,204 --> 00:11:44,204
- That's great.

353
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,623
Just don't touch
any of my things.

354
00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:46,748
- What? Why not?

355
00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:49,793
- Because your fingernails
are gross.

356
00:11:51,587 --> 00:11:52,838
- Oh.

357
00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,590
He is absolutely right.

358
00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:57,259
- It says here to take two
for results in eight hours.

359
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,763
That means we should take eight
for results in two.

360
00:12:00,888 --> 00:12:03,974
- Yep, all right,
let's crank the heat up

361
00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:05,476
and sweat this bitch out.
- Wait a second.

362
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,144
Guys, these aren't
Flintstone vitamins.

363
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:08,270
There's probably side effects.

364
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,688
Let me see the bottle.

365
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,106
- Yeah, see, redness,

366
00:12:11,232 --> 00:12:12,942
itching of the skin.

367
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:13,943
- You guys sweating yet or what?

368
00:12:14,068 --> 00:12:15,444
'Cause I got swamp nuts.

369
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:16,570
- Yeah, boy!

370
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,239
I'm about ready to keep my job

371
00:12:18,364 --> 00:12:19,949
and get a paycheck, son.

372
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:22,076
- Whatever.
- You know this.

373
00:12:22,201 --> 00:12:24,954
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What if this doesn't work, man?

374
00:12:25,079 --> 00:12:26,455
We need clean piss.

375
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,082
- [sighs] Ugh!

376
00:12:28,207 --> 00:12:29,917
I had clean piss already.
Remember'?

377
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:31,126
I had it.

378
00:12:31,252 --> 00:12:33,128
- Maybe we could find somebody
to give us clean piss.

379
00:12:33,254 --> 00:12:35,130
- How are we supposed to find
someone to give us clean piss

380
00:12:35,256 --> 00:12:38,425
when everyone over the age of 12
smokes weed these days?

381
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,473
[tires screech]

382
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:47,101
- Hey, kids, you gotta go pee?

383
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:48,560
Pigtails, I'm talking to you.

384
00:12:48,686 --> 00:12:50,312
- We have candy.

385
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,814
- Guys, guys, come on.
Look at our faces.

386
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,099
We're just scaring these kids.

387
00:12:53,107 --> 00:12:54,650
Why don't we go somewhere

388
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:55,985
where we can actually get
some clean piss?

389
00:12:56,110 --> 00:12:57,820
- Okay.
- Hey, I'll give you some piss.

390
00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,280
- You will?
- Yeah.

391
00:12:59,405 --> 00:13:00,489
Maybe I need to go.

392
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:01,991
What's in it for me, bfiches?

393
00:13:02,116 --> 00:13:03,742
- Uh...

394
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:06,704
I have... a receipt.

395
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:08,747
' I've got $4
huh? '

396
00:13:08,872 --> 00:13:10,792
- I make 30 bucks a week
of allowance, fuck nose.

397
00:13:10,874 --> 00:13:14,003
- Okay, so what do you want?

398
00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:15,546
- I want something I can't buy.

399
00:13:15,671 --> 00:13:16,839
<i>- ORGY-</i>

400
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,007
- Oh, okay.
- I get it.

401
00:13:18,132 --> 00:13:19,383
- Yeah, all right. Sure.
- See this bag?

402
00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:21,010
Pee into it, and wait here.

403
00:13:21,135 --> 00:13:23,012
We'll be back.
All right?

404
00:13:23,137 --> 00:13:25,217
- You remind me of myself.
- And watch your language.

405
00:13:25,306 --> 00:13:26,306
- ♪ Lit, lit, lit ♪

406
00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:27,599
♪ Let the reefer hang,
swingin' orangutan ♪

407
00:13:27,725 --> 00:13:28,725
- Hey, Karl.

408
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,686
- ♪ Sweet Mary Jane
with a hybrid boomerang ♪

409
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:31,811
♪ Bang bang boogie ♪

410
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:39,812
♪♪

411
00:13:50,164 --> 00:13:52,916
- Oh, definitely.

412
00:13:53,042 --> 00:13:54,209
Stupid.

413
00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:55,336
- ♪ Give me that ol' bang bang ♪

414
00:13:55,461 --> 00:13:56,661
♪ Give me that ol' bang bang ♪

415
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:57,880
♪ Give me
that ol' bang bang boogie ♪

416
00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,883
- All right,
let's get that piss.

417
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,384
- Let's make this fast.
I have Boy Scouts at 4:00.

418
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,511
- This.
- See this hard drive?

419
00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:07,056
5,000 songs, all right?

420
00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:09,892
- Wait, no, no, no.
The Nookie Mix is tracks

421
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,685
specifically picked to bone to.

422
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,020
- I don't have sex.

423
00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:16,148
- But you probably
beat yo' meat, right?

424
00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,274
And this is a good one.

425
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:18,609
It's old, but it is...

426
00:14:18,734 --> 00:14:20,819
- Digital.
500 porn videos, all right.

427
00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:21,944
- That's creepy.

428
00:14:22,029 --> 00:14:23,030
- I'll take that lighter,
though.

429
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:24,281
- Uh, it's actually a Zippo.

430
00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,075
- Does it light cats on fire?
- Cats?

431
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,493
- On fire, yeah.

432
00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:29,661
- No.
- So pass.

433
00:14:29,787 --> 00:14:30,827
What do you got, Hermione?

434
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:31,829
- Shut up, booger face.

435
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,165
I got ninja stars and fireworks.

436
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,249
- All right, that's what I want.

437
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:35,584
- All right, cool.

438
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:36,835
Pee first, booger face.

439
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,961
- I'm not a booger face,
asshole.

440
00:14:38,087 --> 00:14:39,088
- Yeah, whatever.

441
00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:42,549
' He)', what are you guys doing?

442
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,301
- Go, go, go, go!
- They touched me.

443
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:45,719
- Perverts!

444
00:14:45,844 --> 00:14:47,262
- You got some, right?
You got some pee?

445
00:14:47,388 --> 00:14:48,597
- Oh, yeah.
- All right, here, here.

446
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,265
Just put it in here.

447
00:14:50,391 --> 00:14:52,976
- Here we go.
- It's not enough.

448
00:14:53,102 --> 00:14:56,814
Hey, Ders,
just turn the car around.

449
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,441
Let's go back to the office,
get it over with.

450
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,943
- Yeah, all right.

451
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:07,032
- Karma is for real.

452
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:08,951
- And thank you very much.

453
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:10,119
- No, Mom, I'm saying I might
have to borrow some money.

454
00:15:10,244 --> 00:15:12,579
- There you go.

455
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:13,997
- He's awesome at peeing.

456
00:15:14,123 --> 00:15:16,083
But let's see how you do.

457
00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:21,588
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.

458
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:25,467
Take as much time as you can.

459
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:27,302
<i>- HEY-</i>

460
00:15:27,428 --> 00:15:29,096
I said, "Let's go."

461
00:15:33,434 --> 00:15:35,686
- Hey, Jillian, I got a plan.

462
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:37,312
Are you in?
- Hell, yeah.

463
00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:39,815
You know it's bros before hos.

464
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:42,818
- Yippee-ki-yay,
mother cluckers.

465
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,821
[dramatic music]

466
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:48,115
♪♪

467
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,492
- Can I get some water?

468
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:51,994
- Yeah, I'm parched.

469
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,287
- Yes, fine.

470
00:15:53,412 --> 00:15:57,166
Make it fast.

471
00:15:57,291 --> 00:16:00,294
Hey, I said fast.
Get there now!

472
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,342
- "Come up to the roof,

473
00:16:07,468 --> 00:16:11,472
we'll get together,
smoke a few blunts."

474
00:16:15,017 --> 00:16:17,019
- Hey, Robbie.
Hey, how's it going?

475
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:18,854
Um, listen, I wanted
to talk to you

476
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,063
about something real quick,
is that okay?

477
00:16:20,189 --> 00:16:21,189
- Make it quick. Go.

478
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:22,357
- Oh, it's totally quick.

479
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:24,985
I see that you're on your way
into the bathroom,

480
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,570
and you don't want
to go in there right now.

481
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,530
'Cause...

482
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,824
it's gay time.

483
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,910
It's gay time in the bathroom.

484
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:37,998
And if you go in there,
then you'd be gay.

485
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:39,541
- Hey Twitchy.

486
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,585
- Huh?
- What drugs are you on?

487
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,504
- Not-some-none.

488
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,342
- All right.
No, no, I'm gonna do her next.

489
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:59,770
All right, try not to pee
on the cup intentionally.

490
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:02,064
I have to touch them afterwards.

491
00:17:07,528 --> 00:17:12,032
That's it, boys.
Just like your mama taught you.

492
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:33,303
All done?

493
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:34,930
- No.
Not even close.

494
00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:38,100
[hisses]

495
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:40,227
- Hey. You're doing that
with your mouth.

496
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,776
Wow.

497
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:50,237
That smells
like unemployment, boys.

498
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,615
[hip-hop music]

499
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:39,995
[hip-hop music]

500
00:18:42,623 --> 00:18:43,874
- So what's the deal?

501
00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:45,250
You gonna come back later,
get your stuff,

502
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,918
sort of do the walk of shame?

503
00:18:47,044 --> 00:18:48,605
Is that it?
- Yeah, something like that.

504
00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:49,629
- Okay, cool.

505
00:18:49,713 --> 00:18:51,548
- Hew
- Oh, no, sorry.

506
00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:53,216
I get that too.
That's my tip.

507
00:18:53,342 --> 00:18:54,926
- Great.
- All right.

508
00:18:55,052 --> 00:18:57,638
- Enjoy that.
- I will. Bye-bye.

509
00:18:57,763 --> 00:18:59,723
Nice doing business
with you guys.

510
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,683
- All right, see ya.

511
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:04,603
[car engine starts]

512
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,689
- Poop dollar, biotch!
[laughter]

513
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,274
- Oh, you think
that's funny, huh?

514
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:10,859
I still have a job.

515
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:13,862
I'm Robbie!
I'm best in the west!

516
00:19:18,867 --> 00:19:21,828
- Tell me, how does one screw up

517
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:23,538
this badly?

518
00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:25,123
- [clears throat]

519
00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:27,000
I understand the results
were a little off.

520
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:28,125
- Oh.

521
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,045
Every employee
has tested positive

522
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,964
for the following:
marijuana, MDMA,

523
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:35,926
PCP, HGH, Lipitor,

524
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,345
Adderall, DayQuil, NyQuil-

525
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,138
why would anyone take both?

526
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:43,058
Nitrous oxide, Benzedrine,
Valtrex, Flomax,

527
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,935
Cialis, and birth control.

528
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,853
Thanks for bringing
that up, buddy.

529
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:49,189
I can't have kids.
Don't need birth control.

530
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:50,314
- I didn't know.

531
00:19:50,399 --> 00:19:52,119
- Look, I want you to get on
your hobby cart

532
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,694
and ride your ass
out of this office

533
00:19:53,819 --> 00:19:55,153
before I grab Orlando's vacuum

534
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,864
and I shove it up your ass
on full suction.

535
00:19:57,989 --> 00:20:00,158
- It was great
doing business with you.

536
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:01,743
- Jillian!

537
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,537
- Hi.
How can I help?

538
00:20:03,662 --> 00:20:04,662
- Shut up.
- Okay.

539
00:20:04,705 --> 00:20:05,706
- I need you to draft an email

540
00:20:05,831 --> 00:20:09,042
to all employees apologizing
for today's drug test.

541
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:10,585
The results were inconclusive,

542
00:20:10,711 --> 00:20:12,087
and we're gonna have
a new round tomorrow.

543
00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:15,298
Just a strand of hair.

544
00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:17,551
Why are you still staring at me?

545
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:19,886
- I'm sorry about the kid thing.
I couldn't help-

546
00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:22,097
- Why aren't you typing?

547
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:25,559
- I can't have pets
in my apartment building, so...

548
00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:26,893
Right.

549
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,770
Email. Hair.
Got it.

550
00:20:29,688 --> 00:20:31,398
- Whoo!
♪ She had a space nut ♪

551
00:20:31,523 --> 00:20:32,774
♪ Like a cosmonaut ♪

552
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:33,942
♪ Whatcha know about me being ♪

553
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,277
♪ The cosmo robot ♪

554
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:37,320
- Whoa.
- ♪ Dadadadada ♪

555
00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:40,407
All: ♪ Da da da da da ♪
[cell phone beeps]

556
00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:42,492
- ♪ I got a phone
with capabilities ♪

557
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:43,910
♪ If I get another email ♪

558
00:20:44,035 --> 00:20:45,787
♪ It's the end of me ♪

559
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:49,291
- Damn it.

560
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,418
- Nice.

561
00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:53,420
[dog snorting, party horn blows]