1 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,800 That's good is it, the drinking ? 2 00:00:29,879 --> 00:00:32,759 As long as it doesn't run away with you. 3 00:00:34,799 --> 00:00:36,479 It's been a bumpy month or two. 4 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,840 Sunshine in a glass. 5 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,320 Oh, hello darlings. 6 00:00:42,399 --> 00:00:45,679 I've just sat down. Good day at work ? 7 00:00:45,759 --> 00:00:48,880 I X-rayed a woman who had a fur-ball stuck in her oesophagus. 8 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:52,759 - We think she's been licking her cat. - Yeah, and I can't talk about my work. 9 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,560 - It's confidential. - Thank goodness. 10 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,159 - Except to say that... - Here we go. 11 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:57,520 There's one less shoplifter 12 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,359 called Alexis Spiliotopoulos since this morning. 13 00:01:00,439 --> 00:01:05,879 Oh, I'm proud of you, darling. Just don't do anything brave, please, ever. 14 00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:09,920 Oh, telegram from Larry from Athens. Postman gave me it. 15 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,439 "Athens is fulgent." 16 00:01:16,879 --> 00:01:19,400 "Met Indian Prince JeeJeebuoy." 17 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,840 - "He arrives tomorrow, short stay." - We've a prince coming to stay ?! 18 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,159 I hope his immigration papers are in order. 19 00:01:26,239 --> 00:01:28,599 A tiara does not constitute a valid passport. 20 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,519 But royalty ! Maybe he'll come on an elephant. 21 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:36,120 We're not making any concessions just because he's a, a silly prince. 22 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:41,480 But no harm in a quick spring clean. 23 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:49,000 Oh, yes good. You three can start on the garden. 24 00:02:37,479 --> 00:02:40,919 THE DURRELLS Season 3, episode 4 25 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,319 - Ooh, please check Roger for fleas. - I'm studying. 26 00:02:47,879 --> 00:02:51,439 Thank you. I'm so pleased, finally. 27 00:02:52,599 --> 00:02:56,000 We're immune. Don't want to give minor royalty a rash. 28 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:57,680 There we are. 29 00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:04,199 Typical of Larry to dump someone on us. 30 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:08,240 - We did live in India after all. - Well, I'm going to work. 31 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,400 Leslie was born in India, Lugaretzia, in the Punjab. 32 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,120 You are Indian ? 33 00:03:14,199 --> 00:03:17,719 Well, not really, but it's all fluid, isn't it, these days. 34 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,080 We're here, Margo's boyfriend is Turkish, 35 00:03:21,159 --> 00:03:24,560 and Leslie's having a baby with a Greek girl. 36 00:03:28,159 --> 00:03:30,039 Do try to get to know Daphne better, 37 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:33,439 especially now that you've got a responsible job you can be proud of. 38 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,680 I've tried, but her family are so angry with me for not marrying her. 39 00:03:38,080 --> 00:03:39,680 I can't do any more. 40 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:48,879 Good morning, officer. Don't you dare kick my wheels. 41 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:50,599 'Policed' to meet you ! 42 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,960 Mrs. Durrell, Margo says you have a maharaja coming to stay. 43 00:03:54,039 --> 00:03:57,319 Yes, Larry's started picking up exotic friends. 44 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,639 - Why stop at exotic animals ? - I come bearing shrimps. 45 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:05,360 Perfect ! I can make shrimp mango pulao for Prince JeeJeebuoy. 46 00:04:05,439 --> 00:04:07,560 No, they're for Gerry's flamingos. 47 00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:10,560 Shall I get you champagne for your special visitor ? 48 00:04:10,639 --> 00:04:12,879 No, no, no ! He will live like the rest of us. 49 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:21,759 Actually, Larry might like some. So yes, thank you. Do pick up a crate. 50 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:47,560 Die, you old bastard. Hardest bed ever. 51 00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:51,600 All gone wrong... 52 00:04:56,399 --> 00:04:58,240 Captain Creech ? 53 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:01,959 Captain Creech ! 54 00:05:02,399 --> 00:05:05,600 Yes. Only just. 55 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,600 - Can I help you up ? - What's the point ? 56 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:13,759 Perhaps I could find you a nicer gutter, with a view ? 57 00:05:16,639 --> 00:05:19,680 We will feed one shrimps, the other not, 58 00:05:19,759 --> 00:05:21,920 to see if it affects their colour. 59 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,959 Are there many animals whose colour changes with what they eat ? 60 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:29,639 Yes. Salmon. Goldfinches. Also from carotenoids. 61 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,680 She's stopped fretting about my education 62 00:05:32,759 --> 00:05:34,959 now I take my books with me everywhere. 63 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,560 What's really in there, dormice ? A weasel ? 64 00:05:49,639 --> 00:05:54,560 - So, how do you end up here ? - Chasing a popsy. 65 00:05:55,639 --> 00:06:01,720 Mellifluous arse. Bosoms lagging far behind, perfectly acceptable. 66 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:07,199 - Aren't you a bit old for that ? - It turns out I am. 67 00:06:08,519 --> 00:06:12,439 So many luscious beauties have slipped through my fingers. 68 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,000 How is your mother ? 69 00:06:16,439 --> 00:06:19,399 Fidgety at the prospect of grandmother-hood, 70 00:06:19,759 --> 00:06:21,319 otherwise rather well. 71 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:26,399 I'm at rock bottom. I don't have a pot to piss in. 72 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,439 Although out the window works just as well, I find. 73 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,920 I hate to sound like a bank manager, but, haven't you any savings put by ? 74 00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:40,600 I have my boat in Corfu. 75 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,720 And what I stand up in. 76 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:49,879 I tried to kill myself, you know. 77 00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:56,560 - I couldn't. - Well, that's ironic. 78 00:06:56,639 --> 00:06:59,800 I imagine many people have wanted to kill you over the years ! 79 00:07:30,439 --> 00:07:34,680 Relax ! He'll probably be one of those modern royals who love normality. 80 00:07:34,759 --> 00:07:37,959 It's not normal here. There's a zoo. 81 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:41,560 Lugaretzia will call him something awful, 82 00:07:41,639 --> 00:07:45,199 and he'll be expecting a lavatory that isn't open to the elements. 83 00:07:45,279 --> 00:07:48,120 - Are you all right ? - Yes, of course I am. 84 00:07:57,959 --> 00:07:59,160 Gerry ! 85 00:07:59,839 --> 00:08:03,040 He's just drawn animals and written daft stories. 86 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,360 What do you expect, Latin declensiables ? 87 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:08,800 That's not right, is it ? 88 00:08:08,879 --> 00:08:14,319 "The huge hairy animal mad a bow." And he spells like a half-wit. 89 00:08:14,399 --> 00:08:18,560 "Hoolymackrel, a gray baboon, my farverit, he sayed." 90 00:08:19,839 --> 00:08:22,759 Gerry, you solemnly promised that you were studying. 91 00:08:22,839 --> 00:08:24,879 There is no actual work here. 92 00:08:24,959 --> 00:08:29,240 - Certain is not spelt S-U-R-T-E-N. - It should be though, shouldn't it ? 93 00:08:29,319 --> 00:08:30,720 That's not good enough ! 94 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:35,879 You need the structure of a school. Where you can also make friends. 95 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,200 I am not going to a horrible English boarding school 96 00:08:39,279 --> 00:08:41,039 that smells of fear and sick. 97 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,879 No, of course you're not. I'll find you a school here. 98 00:08:53,639 --> 00:08:56,360 Royalty, coming up the garden path ! 99 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,159 Hello. You must be Mrs. Durrell. 100 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,879 Such charm. 101 00:09:34,519 --> 00:09:36,159 Leslie, the hunter. 102 00:09:38,639 --> 00:09:40,600 Margo, the beauty of the island. 103 00:09:43,519 --> 00:09:45,960 Naturalist par excellence, Gerry. 104 00:09:47,639 --> 00:09:49,120 And Lugaretiza. 105 00:09:50,919 --> 00:09:52,399 The cleaner ! 106 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,360 Thank you for letting me stay. It makes me very hot to see you all. 107 00:09:57,440 --> 00:09:59,519 We're honoured to welcome you. 108 00:10:00,759 --> 00:10:02,000 We've had to scrub the house. 109 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,759 The animals have left a lot of worrying stains. 110 00:10:04,840 --> 00:10:08,679 May I offer you a welcoming glass of champagne, Your Highness ? 111 00:10:08,759 --> 00:10:11,799 - No ! Oh no ! - Have you forgotten something ? 112 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:15,240 - Your elephant ? - No, it's my foolish name. 113 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,840 My mother named me Prince, 114 00:10:17,279 --> 00:10:20,159 her attempt to make our humble family sound royal. 115 00:10:21,639 --> 00:10:23,200 That is brilliant ! 116 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:27,000 I'm gonna name my son King. If I'm allowed a say in the name. 117 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,440 - So what do we call you ? - My friends call me JeeJee. 118 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,559 Shall I give back the rest of the champagne ? 119 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,200 No. 120 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:43,320 Mrs. Durrell, I'll try to make amends by being a most entertaining guest. 121 00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:11,519 The tiger padded into the room. 122 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:16,679 He froze hoping that if he attacked anybody it would be Major Ponsonby, 123 00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:20,279 whom nobody liked, but it turned towards me. 124 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,440 I vowed that if I escaped, 125 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,600 I would live as if each day were my last. 126 00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,919 Why is he such a joy ? 127 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,240 He loves life, and he's on the side of the angels. 128 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,519 Gerry, you have a beautiful future. 129 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,000 You understand that animals are our simpler, better selves. 130 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:45,360 They teach us so much, 131 00:11:46,279 --> 00:11:49,919 from how to sit quietly, to how to eat a fruit with elegance. 132 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,639 - I don't think Mother agrees with you. - Gerry, that's not fair. 133 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:56,559 I've given you freedom most boys only dream about. 134 00:11:56,639 --> 00:11:58,080 So why take it away now ? 135 00:11:58,159 --> 00:12:00,879 It's a school, not a house of correction. 136 00:12:01,759 --> 00:12:03,159 What's the difference ? 137 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:08,799 The age-old dichotomy between formal education 138 00:12:08,879 --> 00:12:12,240 and learning from what my mother calls 'fannying about'. 139 00:12:15,279 --> 00:12:17,679 Yes, none of my children liked school. 140 00:12:18,399 --> 00:12:21,399 Leslie took his uniform into the garden and shot it. 141 00:12:23,399 --> 00:12:27,200 - You've created a special family. - Yes, I have, haven't I ? 142 00:12:28,799 --> 00:12:32,799 Thank you. I'm remembering how lovely it can be to have guests. 143 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,679 - JeeJee ! - Larry ! 144 00:12:41,159 --> 00:12:43,799 Thank you ! I love your family ! 145 00:12:43,879 --> 00:12:46,879 No, these aren't mine. You've come to the wrong house. 146 00:12:50,039 --> 00:12:52,279 Humour as a deflective modesty reflex ! 147 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:53,600 Yes ! 148 00:12:55,639 --> 00:12:56,759 How was Athens ? 149 00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:04,799 Full of good things. I loved the old ruins so much, I bought one back. 150 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,759 - He's homeless and destitute. - Yes, of course he is ! 151 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,600 He's a drunken old lech. Nobody wants him in their house. 152 00:13:16,679 --> 00:13:20,360 - I found him at death's door. - Shall I bury him in the quarry ? 153 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:25,399 - No. - Oh ! Nice to be talked about. 154 00:13:26,159 --> 00:13:28,840 Or are you discussing how to get rid of me ? 155 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,600 - Yes, that's one of the choices. - Tell Mother about karma. 156 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,440 Rebuff him, and it may come back to bite you in the afterlife. 157 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:44,639 It's rather full here, but you can stay for a day or two. 158 00:13:45,399 --> 00:13:47,159 You'll have to have Gerry's room, 159 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,399 with the bugs and the rotting stuffed bat. 160 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,679 Ah ! Is that a barely crested grebe ? 161 00:14:09,799 --> 00:14:12,720 By then, the water was up to my arsehole, 162 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:15,240 a soothing balm for my dysentery, 163 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:19,200 but bad news in the middle of cocking Baffin Bay. 164 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,679 Talk about a grim Northwest Passage 'ey ! 165 00:14:38,639 --> 00:14:41,559 I fear these need a scrub, my dear. 166 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,279 I hope we see someone drop litter. 167 00:14:55,799 --> 00:14:59,440 We can arrest people for that. I checked. 168 00:15:00,039 --> 00:15:04,000 English today. I must practise. I do not like to arrest people. 169 00:15:04,519 --> 00:15:06,519 - Are you in the right job ? - No ! 170 00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,759 But being a baker turned me into a whale. 171 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,799 - Come on, we will trot along ! - No ! 172 00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:21,480 Daphne... 173 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:31,360 - I want us to be friends. - You are abandoning me. 174 00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,840 I'm not. 175 00:15:32,919 --> 00:15:36,000 So marry me, then the baby can have a respectable life. 176 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,840 But that's not fair. 177 00:15:42,519 --> 00:15:43,879 Daphne... 178 00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,799 Mrs. Durrell ! Nothing medical, I hope ? 179 00:15:54,879 --> 00:15:59,240 No, I'm very well. Although less so now Captain Creech is staying with us. 180 00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,960 This will cheer you up. Look. 181 00:16:01,039 --> 00:16:04,960 We had a quiet day at work so we X-rayed a rabbit wearing glasses. 182 00:16:08,279 --> 00:16:12,519 Can I ask your advice about Gerry ? I want to find him a local school. 183 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:15,600 And this is a fish with an earring. 184 00:16:19,639 --> 00:16:22,200 Let's try to look like professionals. 185 00:16:26,279 --> 00:16:28,840 As you know, Gerry hated school in England, 186 00:16:28,919 --> 00:16:32,440 so I need somewhere that's welcoming, but not too lax. 187 00:16:32,519 --> 00:16:35,759 And sporty, because his interests are a bit narrow. 188 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:39,200 He loves writing so a school with a creative ethos... 189 00:16:39,279 --> 00:16:41,559 There's only one school he can go to. 190 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:46,639 The nearest one. You'll both have to be interviewed by the headmistress, 191 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,399 who will test Gerry's Greek. 192 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,559 I love having him round the house. 193 00:16:51,639 --> 00:16:55,360 - But school's a good idea, isn't it ? - Why not ? He's fiercely intelligent. 194 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,320 Anywhere would be lucky to have him. 195 00:17:02,039 --> 00:17:03,720 Hello, what's all this then ? 196 00:17:07,759 --> 00:17:10,440 Let's leave it. If they're not sleeping, they're shouting. 197 00:17:10,519 --> 00:17:12,079 You can't just leave it. 198 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,480 Is this your baby ? 199 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:25,880 Nope. 200 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:30,160 Mrs. Petridis, have you mislaid a baby ? 201 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,640 Thank you ! I put him in the shade, but I couldn't remember where. 202 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,799 At least he didn't roll down a hill this time. 203 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,599 I won't charge you with neglect on this occasion. 204 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:40,599 Thank you. 205 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,799 I am restored ! 206 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:57,480 Good. Well, do try to stay on the straight and narrow. 207 00:17:57,559 --> 00:18:00,359 Well, I will, if you will. 208 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,559 We both have bent for... 209 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,039 liquid indulgence. 210 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,960 Oh, I think she's an amateur compared to you. 211 00:18:11,079 --> 00:18:13,640 So, who will buy my boat ? 212 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:19,839 I've never seen the appeal. Water. Wind. Seagulls. Chunky knitwear. 213 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,839 Oh, don't listen. Les and I are dying to do some sailing. 214 00:18:26,519 --> 00:18:29,359 I like you more and more, my boy. 215 00:18:33,519 --> 00:18:38,799 There ! Twenty pounds. Go on ! Arrest me. I'm robbing myself. 216 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:41,519 It's not even worth 20 bob ! 217 00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,799 - If you knew anything about boats... - I do ! 218 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,599 ...you would appreciate her solid qualities. 219 00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:50,680 I love it. You suddenly realise you can go anywhere. 220 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:54,240 - What a fine fella you are. - And this boat's like... 221 00:18:54,319 --> 00:18:57,039 Well, it's like you, Creech, barnacled, leaking... 222 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,119 Yes I, I do do that. 223 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,839 ...but heroically holding onto existence. 224 00:19:02,319 --> 00:19:03,839 - I'll buy it. - What ?! 225 00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:09,279 - You don't know how to sail ! - What an opportunity to start. 226 00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:12,599 - The Captain will teach me. - Will I ? Bollocks. 227 00:19:16,599 --> 00:19:18,079 Cheer up. 228 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,240 My brother, having waltzed at the ball with an eminent European lady, 229 00:19:22,319 --> 00:19:25,400 led her back to her seat, took her fan and said, 230 00:19:25,799 --> 00:19:28,160 "Madam, may I make wind in your face ?" 231 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,039 India enchanted us. 232 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,160 That's why it was hard to settle down in Bournemouth, 233 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:44,440 too many memories of warm nights and fireflies and music, 234 00:19:45,039 --> 00:19:48,599 and your father coming home late from building bridges 235 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:53,039 to find you all in bed, fighting sleep, so you could tell him about your day. 236 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,880 - Applause for the chef ! - Well done, Mummy ! 237 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:04,359 The curry was just missing some Bombay duck. 238 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,480 - You can't get it on Corfu. - Use a local duck. 239 00:20:07,559 --> 00:20:09,799 It's not duck. It's dried lizardfish. 240 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,359 - I'll find a substitute. - What are your plans after us ? 241 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:17,559 I'm en route to Persia to visit a famous holy man, a fakir. 242 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:21,000 To prepare, after this meal, I'll fast for four days 243 00:20:21,079 --> 00:20:23,079 to aid meditation into a trance. 244 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,839 I'll fast too. I'm intensely spiritual. 245 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,839 I can't fast. I'm too busy righting wrongs out there on the streets. 246 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,279 Creech ! I thought it was quiet. 247 00:20:33,359 --> 00:20:36,200 Yes, I've just been snoozing off the boozing. 248 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,319 Forgive me, but I think you drink too much. 249 00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:44,640 The body is a precision instrument. 250 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:47,839 To take alcohol is like pouring treacle into an expensive piano. 251 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:50,240 Oh, nonsense ! Leave the gal alone. 252 00:20:50,319 --> 00:20:53,359 Do you think it's easy trying to run a ship, house ? 253 00:20:53,759 --> 00:20:56,119 Thank you. 254 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,640 And now... 255 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:02,640 Oh right, let's have a sing-song. I'll start off and you join in. 256 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:03,720 What ? 257 00:21:03,799 --> 00:21:07,880 Oh Mary she's a sailor's lass To me hooker John o John 258 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:12,400 We courted all night on the grass To me Hooker John o John ! 259 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:18,519 Oh Susanna, woa-hoa, way up high Johnny's on the foreyard... 260 00:21:18,599 --> 00:21:20,160 Have you noticed ? 261 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,000 It's like Mother's Good Angel and her Bad Angel. 262 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,200 Wonder who's going to win. 263 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,319 He's so skinny, 264 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:38,039 he'll blow into the sea, especially after two days of fasting. 265 00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,200 I wonder if it's making him less judgemental. 266 00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:45,839 It's making him beautifully calm. 267 00:21:52,039 --> 00:21:54,640 I wonder why it's not doing the same to Margo ? 268 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:56,160 What are you staring at ?! 269 00:22:00,599 --> 00:22:04,400 Don't kill each other, and stay away from Albania. 270 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:08,359 - Watch and learn from me at first. - Watch and learn from me at first. 271 00:22:08,839 --> 00:22:13,359 I was hungry in the night and I ate one of the locusts. 272 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,200 Don't tell the boy. 273 00:22:18,039 --> 00:22:21,400 - No, first pull on the vang. - What's the vang ? 274 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,039 It's on the end of the gaff. 275 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,559 I told you what everything is. 276 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,720 You were too busy posing in your blouse ! 277 00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:33,200 I will arrest you if you touch that rope again ! 278 00:22:33,279 --> 00:22:38,680 This is my boat, so can you stop, for one second, being a policeman ? 279 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:42,680 No, fine, no, no fine. I'll leave you to it, shall I ? 280 00:22:42,759 --> 00:22:44,480 - I would adore that. - Yeah. 281 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:12,160 I don't think you'll find any lizard fish here, for your Bombay duck thing. 282 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:13,640 I'll dry whatever I catch. 283 00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:18,279 Let's talk about school. I'm going to test you on your Greek. 284 00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,960 You must impress your Headmistress. Or your mother will be broken into two. 285 00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:26,440 - Greek for 'school' ? - Skoolopolos ? 286 00:23:26,519 --> 00:23:28,039 - So close ! - Really ? 287 00:23:28,119 --> 00:23:29,119 No. 288 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:31,240 Greek for 'mathematics' ? 289 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,079 - Mathonopolous. - Almost there ! 290 00:23:35,559 --> 00:23:36,839 - Was I ? - No. 291 00:23:39,839 --> 00:23:42,880 Darling ! Please eat something. Fasting doesn't agree with you. 292 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,920 No, it's spiritually cleansing. 293 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:48,039 Well, you did eat five biscuits and lunch yesterday. 294 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,519 - This is harder than childbirth. - Right ! 295 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:03,400 No ! 296 00:24:04,279 --> 00:24:05,599 Lugaretzia. 297 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,039 Oh, hello. 298 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:30,920 Fish... for drying ! 299 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,519 You don't like him no more ? 300 00:24:36,599 --> 00:24:41,240 I do, but I don't like being told off in front of my family. 301 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,720 What's going on down there ? 302 00:24:57,200 --> 00:24:59,240 It looks illegal. 303 00:24:59,319 --> 00:25:02,119 Never mind, live and let live. 304 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:08,720 Isn't that Daphne's father ? 305 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,759 - Hello, Mr. Lykourgo. - Leslie. 306 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:43,559 Well, Junior Constable Durrell, strictly speaking. 307 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:10,200 Greetings. 308 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:33,000 JeeJee ! Margo ! 309 00:26:41,279 --> 00:26:43,720 No wonder he fainted, it smells hideous. 310 00:26:43,799 --> 00:26:47,119 No, it's the fasting. He's too thin ! 311 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,839 I'm cooking you a very big lunch. 312 00:26:52,839 --> 00:26:56,200 I'm sure enlightenment is also possible on a full stomach. 313 00:26:57,079 --> 00:26:59,599 - Please tell me to shut up but... - Shut up. 314 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,720 Thank you, JeeJee, but I am old enough to make up my own mind. 315 00:27:02,799 --> 00:27:09,039 Of course you are. Now, finish that fizzy tosh, and move on to this. 316 00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:13,920 - Oh, I'm fine thank you. - They say it goes with this. 317 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:16,359 If you're a girlie. 318 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,000 - Leslie ! - Hi, JeeJee. 319 00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:21,559 There's a stink in the garden. 320 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:25,039 Yes, JeeJee's drying sardines to make Bombay Duck. 321 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:26,640 Mummy, can I... ? 322 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,799 Why are you taking me over here, darling ? 323 00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:38,720 I found out that Daphne's father is involved in smuggling cigarettes. 324 00:27:38,799 --> 00:27:41,319 - Oh no ! - I don't know whether to report him. 325 00:27:42,279 --> 00:27:46,440 - What happens if you don't ? - If I'm caught, I'll lose my job. 326 00:27:46,519 --> 00:27:48,920 Oh, darling... Come and eat. 327 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,960 Now, try that. 328 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:21,720 Are you OK, Miss Margo ? 329 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,799 I was fasting and then I ate a whole pie. 330 00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:31,640 And that's another reason why I love it here. 331 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:37,440 Travellers pass through, you, my Swedish friend Sven, 332 00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:41,440 and Hugh, of course, or Huge, depending on who you talk to ! 333 00:28:44,279 --> 00:28:48,160 Although there was something missing. Oh, and recently in London... 334 00:28:48,799 --> 00:28:51,000 - Spiro. - Hello, JeeJees. 335 00:28:51,079 --> 00:28:54,680 - Mrs. Durrells, your car awaits. - Where are we going ? 336 00:28:54,759 --> 00:28:56,079 I do love surprises ! 337 00:28:56,559 --> 00:29:00,400 I'm taking you and Gerrys to meet the Headmistress of the school. 338 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:03,839 I forgot ! I'm an idiot. 339 00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,480 I would advise you to postpone the encounter. 340 00:29:07,559 --> 00:29:10,119 - Or shall we just get it over with ? - Yes. 341 00:29:10,759 --> 00:29:14,160 It's vital he gets a bloody good education. 342 00:29:15,519 --> 00:29:17,279 I think the bad angel is winning. 343 00:29:47,799 --> 00:29:49,160 Albania ! 344 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,799 No, let's not go that way. 345 00:30:02,279 --> 00:30:03,680 Bugger ! 346 00:30:05,039 --> 00:30:07,920 So what are your favourite subjects ? 347 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:14,599 Biology, Animals, Insects, Flamingos. 348 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,599 Flamingos are not a subject. 349 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:18,400 It's all Greek to me. 350 00:30:22,599 --> 00:30:24,240 Oh, I do apologise. 351 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:31,559 You know I think, don't you, that a school is, is like a greenhouse. 352 00:30:35,039 --> 00:30:38,200 - Carry on. - Do you want to get some air, Mother ? 353 00:30:38,279 --> 00:30:41,119 No, darling. There's plenty of that in here. 354 00:30:41,559 --> 00:30:44,200 My mother has a lot of guests at the moment, 355 00:30:44,279 --> 00:30:48,400 and they can be quite a handful, late nights, that kind of thing. 356 00:30:49,759 --> 00:30:54,599 My fakir Andrawathi is an amazing man. He was once buried alive for 120 days. 357 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:57,039 - Oh, how awful ! - No, it was deliberate. 358 00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:59,480 He was in a trance. 359 00:30:59,559 --> 00:31:02,200 - I've experienced it myself. - Is it magical ? 360 00:31:02,279 --> 00:31:05,000 It is. You feel you're floating. 361 00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,359 Indeed, real levitation does occur. 362 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,559 It is a paradox that most of us love the world, 363 00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,920 but wish somehow to escape its bounds. 364 00:31:13,359 --> 00:31:17,359 - Like Mother's drinking. - Indeed. I fear I've offended her. 365 00:31:18,319 --> 00:31:20,680 It is after all, another form of trance. 366 00:31:21,039 --> 00:31:22,759 I wonder if she's come out of it yet. 367 00:31:23,319 --> 00:31:25,559 Would I be able to bring my dog Roger in ? 368 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:27,759 - No. - Really ? 369 00:31:27,839 --> 00:31:29,519 He's now fully free of fleas. 370 00:31:30,359 --> 00:31:31,799 That's not easy to say ! 371 00:31:34,839 --> 00:31:37,519 I'm afraid you will not be coming to this school. 372 00:31:37,599 --> 00:31:39,079 What ? Why ? 373 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:42,720 It is not your son's fault, though his Greek is limited. 374 00:31:44,119 --> 00:31:45,359 It is yours. 375 00:32:01,519 --> 00:32:02,880 Hello dear. 376 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:12,119 Must get on, people to annoy. 377 00:32:20,359 --> 00:32:23,240 Please, Daphne. May I talk to you ? 378 00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:26,880 Yes. 379 00:32:34,039 --> 00:32:37,680 I don't know if your father said anything, about this morning ? 380 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:40,440 He did. 381 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,160 I'm not going to tell anyone. 382 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,119 Thank you. 383 00:32:48,519 --> 00:32:51,119 I won't tell anyone, even if it costs me my job, 384 00:32:52,119 --> 00:32:54,880 because whether you like it or not, we will be family. 385 00:32:55,599 --> 00:32:57,839 It's me who wants us to be a real family. 386 00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:00,160 We need to be in love for that. 387 00:33:04,799 --> 00:33:07,519 Bloody teachers ! Always judging everyone. 388 00:33:07,599 --> 00:33:09,039 I know. Outrageous. 389 00:33:09,119 --> 00:33:12,599 Creech is right, the finger-waggers will always be with us. 390 00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:15,400 A woman can't have a drink now, is that it ? 391 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,279 JeeJee's... You need to come. He's in a trance. 392 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,200 Gerry, run upstairs and try to grab him. 393 00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,319 Margo, bring cushions. 394 00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:39,799 That doesn't look very safe. 395 00:33:42,039 --> 00:33:43,839 Why don't you and I... ? 396 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,079 JeeJee ! Oh, God ! 397 00:33:53,079 --> 00:33:54,279 Speak to me ! 398 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:57,319 Please ! 399 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:07,359 There we go. 400 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,800 Let's both try to be more normal. 401 00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:15,880 - Did the pelican get you ? - No, he fell onto the pergola. 402 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,320 - I'm going to try it again. - Please don't. 403 00:34:22,599 --> 00:34:24,000 Has anyone seen Larry ? 404 00:34:24,079 --> 00:34:27,400 Not since I left him on his boat, which he can't sail. 405 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:29,760 He was so annoying I just left him there. 406 00:34:37,679 --> 00:34:38,840 Who the hell is that ? 407 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:01,719 Hello, Albanians. 408 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:05,719 I am British. 409 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:12,159 But think of me above all, as a Friend Of Albania. 410 00:35:40,159 --> 00:35:43,559 It's bloody easy when you know how, isn't it, this sailing ? 411 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:49,440 - Bloody easy ! - Bloody easy ! 412 00:35:50,199 --> 00:35:51,679 Thank you. 413 00:35:52,559 --> 00:35:53,599 Hello ! 414 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:56,079 I'm back. Oh ! 415 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,480 Sorry, you must have been really worried. 416 00:36:05,559 --> 00:36:08,320 Yes, yes. Don't do that again. 417 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:13,079 I drifted, but I was in safe hands. Albanians are fantastic people. 418 00:36:13,159 --> 00:36:15,679 Good, let's send Gerry to school there. 419 00:36:16,559 --> 00:36:18,559 He didn't get in ? Why ? 420 00:36:18,639 --> 00:36:21,360 Did he bang on about bugs or otter crap till she snapped ? 421 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,239 No, I ruined it, by turning up drunk. 422 00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:28,719 - Come on, that is quite funny. - No, it's not ! 423 00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:32,840 I keep messing up Gerry's education and I've been drinking like a fish 424 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:36,519 since Auntie died and Leslie made a baby nobody wants, poor little mite. 425 00:36:36,599 --> 00:36:39,800 Exactly, that's why you're drinking, to numb the pain. 426 00:36:40,639 --> 00:36:44,639 You're a fine mother, and a generous host to whomever I throw at you. 427 00:36:45,480 --> 00:36:48,920 No more guests, please, unless they're like JeeJeebuoy. 428 00:36:49,679 --> 00:36:52,440 He's sweetened our lives so much, 429 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,239 unlike our sailor friend. 430 00:36:55,840 --> 00:37:00,039 I can't for a moment imagine why I listened to Creech over him ? 431 00:37:00,119 --> 00:37:01,559 That was stupid. 432 00:37:02,039 --> 00:37:06,559 - Well, I've given up alcohol, again. - I haven't. I need one right now. 433 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:10,000 I was scared back there. We're heading for war in Europe, 434 00:37:10,079 --> 00:37:13,760 and I panic at the sight of some delightful Albanian fishermen. 435 00:37:15,559 --> 00:37:17,960 That's not me that stinks of fish, is it ? 436 00:37:18,039 --> 00:37:19,679 I think it must be, darling. 437 00:37:26,360 --> 00:37:29,400 We are ready to record the results. 438 00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:34,400 It's a black and white photograph, of course, but we'll get the idea. 439 00:37:43,239 --> 00:37:45,400 When you feel the urge to have a tipple, 440 00:37:46,519 --> 00:37:48,559 adopt this meditative position. 441 00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:54,400 Now, think of a word to say over and over. 442 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:56,719 Something simple. 443 00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:00,280 Grandmother. 444 00:38:01,679 --> 00:38:04,480 - Grand... - Don't... say it out loud. 445 00:38:05,599 --> 00:38:08,199 Possibly a word with fewer syllables. 446 00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:09,679 How about 'fish' ? 447 00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:13,400 Try something unrelated to what's on your mind. 448 00:38:35,679 --> 00:38:37,400 I was unfair, Gerry. 449 00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:40,599 - You're a lovely writer. - Thank you. 450 00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:42,960 Larry writes to dazzle. 451 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:48,440 You write to entertain, and your spelling makes me laugh out loud. 452 00:38:50,360 --> 00:38:55,199 This is my scientific report, to show that I'm doing fine without school. 453 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:58,639 Oh, well thank you. I shall read it with interest. 454 00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,480 A studie into the influence of feeding on pygmentation in flamingose. 455 00:39:01,559 --> 00:39:03,480 I'm so sorry for yesterday. 456 00:39:04,079 --> 00:39:07,199 I can't promise I'll never embarrass you again, 457 00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:08,880 but I won't do it for a while ! 458 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:15,119 Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Those sardines ! 459 00:39:19,119 --> 00:39:23,159 - The sardines smell dead. - I know, and Zoltan's coming. 460 00:39:23,239 --> 00:39:24,920 He vomits at the drop of a hat. 461 00:39:52,519 --> 00:39:55,360 Close your eyes and make your chin go floppy. 462 00:39:58,000 --> 00:39:59,360 Chin is floppy. 463 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:03,800 You do it. 464 00:40:04,159 --> 00:40:08,159 You would benefit from meditation, because you have a stressful job. 465 00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,199 I have. Don't even get me started. 466 00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:20,639 - Quick, quick. - Wait, Margo, please ! Fish go first. 467 00:40:22,519 --> 00:40:25,360 Ignore us, Daphne, we're just burying some fish. 468 00:40:32,159 --> 00:40:33,719 Quick ! 469 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,760 - Hello, Daphne. - Hello. 470 00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:45,039 Thank you, Leslie. 471 00:40:46,199 --> 00:40:48,760 Hello, Sir. Welcome to the family. 472 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:53,519 And welcome to mine. I'm not perfect, but my daughter is. 473 00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:56,920 Please... 474 00:41:02,159 --> 00:41:05,519 - Tea for our guests. - Thank you, Lugaretzia. 475 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:12,679 Oh ! Hello ! 476 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:14,079 Hello. Larry ? 477 00:41:14,159 --> 00:41:16,559 Larry... Albania ! 478 00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:30,599 - Champagne ? - No, mother's ruin. 479 00:41:32,079 --> 00:41:36,239 - Lugaretzia, photo ! - No ! Kill it ! Make a handbag. 480 00:41:38,960 --> 00:41:41,039 I've changed my mind. 481 00:41:41,119 --> 00:41:44,960 I love having guests. What are we humans for otherwise ? 482 00:41:45,039 --> 00:41:48,000 Trains moving forward on tracks that never touch. 483 00:41:49,119 --> 00:41:51,800 Mrs. Durrells, I was worried about you. 484 00:41:54,559 --> 00:41:55,880 Thank you. 485 00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,679 - I'm fine now. - I blame myself for buying the bubbly. 486 00:42:00,719 --> 00:42:02,280 Well, it's all gone now. 487 00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:06,559 And to be honest, I had a back-up vat of cooking sherry. 488 00:42:12,199 --> 00:42:16,440 Well, tragically, dear lady, I must depart. 489 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:19,760 You saved my life. 490 00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,039 Well, that was rather gracious. Thank you. 491 00:42:24,199 --> 00:42:27,079 Anyway, it won't be so much fun round here 492 00:42:27,159 --> 00:42:29,599 now the loopy Indian's buggering off 'ey ? 493 00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:33,159 I knew it couldn't last. 494 00:42:33,239 --> 00:42:37,719 As they say at sea, "One should always leave, before they count the cutlery." 495 00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:43,920 And I'm very pleased to tell you that I've finally beaten the demon drink. 496 00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:45,960 Gosh ! How ? 497 00:42:46,039 --> 00:42:49,599 Well I watched you pour it down your neck all this week 498 00:42:49,679 --> 00:42:53,559 and realised frankly, it's all a bit, unsavoury. 499 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,239 Not really the kind of thing I like to see in a lady. 500 00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:58,480 Shall I strike him ? 501 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,039 There's a line of people ahead of you. 502 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:06,119 - Shall we say goodbye, Captain ? - Rather inhospitable. 503 00:43:07,559 --> 00:43:11,760 Got any tucker for the journey ? No, no, no. 504 00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:16,679 I didn't see much of you JeeJee, but I hear you went down a storm. 505 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,800 I fear I lost credibility when I became lodged in your greenery ! 506 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:26,119 We thought that was your finest hour. 507 00:43:26,559 --> 00:43:29,320 Oh, Prince, it's been a joy. 508 00:43:31,679 --> 00:43:36,079 And if ever you want to be the fifth Durrell child, don't hesitate. 509 00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,079 I'm still amazed that seagulls managed to eat all my dried fish. 510 00:43:41,159 --> 00:43:42,480 Shocking ! 511 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:48,039 Good luck with your fakir. Send us a photograph of you levitating. 512 00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,599 Daphne agrees we should call our baby King. 513 00:43:50,679 --> 00:43:52,920 - No, I don't. - Or Count, or Doctor. 514 00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:57,159 Please all visit me in India ! Gerry, I'm sure I can rustle up a tiger. 515 00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:58,280 Bye. 516 00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,800 Well, that's two guests gone, 517 00:44:08,519 --> 00:44:11,400 now there's just your 54 unwanted animals to go. 518 00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:12,719 Always funny. 519 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,719 But in fact, there are a couple whose work is done. 520 00:44:32,679 --> 00:44:36,000 So... room for some more now. 521 00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:48,360 It's been so quiet since our guests left. 522 00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:50,800 Don't worry, I've got a batch coming over. 523 00:44:51,199 --> 00:44:52,880 Hey men, higher ! 524 00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:56,320 Hey Spiros ! Hey Spiros, higher ! 525 00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:02,559 Gently ! 526 00:45:04,400 --> 00:45:05,480 "Greetings." 527 00:45:06,639 --> 00:45:08,360 "From the bottom of my heart" 528 00:45:08,440 --> 00:45:11,760 "via a friend in Colombia, to my kind hosts." 529 00:45:12,679 --> 00:45:13,679 "JeeJee." 530 00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:25,440 That is the weirdest monkey ! 531 00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:31,199 Have I been drinking again, or does it look like that ? 532 00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:32,480 It's a sloth. 533 00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:37,880 Gosh ! 534 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,800 End of episode 4, season 3