1 00:00:01,527 --> 00:00:03,060 My parents live in Florida now. 2 00:00:03,093 --> 00:00:04,993 They moved there last year. 3 00:00:05,027 --> 00:00:06,393 They didn't want to move to Florida, 4 00:00:06,427 --> 00:00:08,060 but they're in their 60s, 5 00:00:08,093 --> 00:00:10,727 and that's the law. 6 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:11,960 You know how it works. 7 00:00:11,993 --> 00:00:14,393 They got the leisure police. 8 00:00:14,427 --> 00:00:16,660 They pull up in front of the old people's house 9 00:00:16,693 --> 00:00:18,460 with the golf cart, jump out, "Let's go, Pop! 10 00:00:18,493 --> 00:00:19,660 "White belt, white pants, white shoes! 11 00:00:19,693 --> 00:00:20,860 "Get in the back! 12 00:00:20,893 --> 00:00:22,893 Drop the snow shovel! Right there! Drop it!" 13 00:00:22,927 --> 00:00:25,860 I am not much for the family gathering. 14 00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,193 You ever sit there, 15 00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,627 and the conversation's so boring, it's so dull? 16 00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:30,000 And you start to fantasize. 17 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,027 And you start to fantasize. 18 00:00:31,060 --> 00:00:32,560 You know, you think, 19 00:00:32,593 --> 00:00:35,727 what if I just...got up and jumped out that window? 20 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,060 Just crash right through the glass, you know? 21 00:00:39,093 --> 00:00:40,527 Come back in. 22 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,227 There's broken glass, everybody's all upset. 23 00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:44,560 "No, I'm all right. I was a little bored there. 24 00:00:44,593 --> 00:00:48,060 "No, I'm fine. I came back. I wanted to hear a little more 25 00:00:48,093 --> 00:00:49,793 "about that Hummel collection, Aunt Rose. 26 00:00:49,827 --> 00:00:51,693 Let's pick it up right there." 27 00:00:55,811 --> 00:00:57,244 [GUNSHOTS AND SIRENS PLAY OVER TELEVISION SPEAKERS] 28 00:00:57,278 --> 00:00:59,244 You have so many nice jackets, 29 00:00:59,278 --> 00:01:01,244 I don't know why you had to bring this jacket. 30 00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,311 Who wears a jacket like this? 31 00:01:03,344 --> 00:01:06,644 What's wrong with that nice gray one? 32 00:01:06,678 --> 00:01:08,344 You have beautiful clothes. 33 00:01:08,378 --> 00:01:09,678 They sit in your closet. 34 00:01:09,711 --> 00:01:11,344 Morty, you can't wear this. 35 00:01:11,378 --> 00:01:13,011 [TELEPHONE RINGING] 36 00:01:13,044 --> 00:01:14,678 [TIRES SCREECHING ON TELEVISION] 37 00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:19,078 Are you getting that? 38 00:01:19,111 --> 00:01:20,978 I thought you were getting it. 39 00:01:21,011 --> 00:01:23,345 [TELEPHONE RINGING] 40 00:01:23,345 --> 00:01:23,511 [TELEPHONE RINGING] 41 00:01:23,544 --> 00:01:24,578 Should I pick up? 42 00:01:24,611 --> 00:01:27,944 Do you want me to get that? 43 00:01:27,978 --> 00:01:29,078 I'll get it! 44 00:01:29,111 --> 00:01:30,211 I'll get it! 45 00:01:33,978 --> 00:01:35,844 [SIRENS, TIRES SCREECHING ON TELEVISION] 46 00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,311 Hello? 47 00:01:37,344 --> 00:01:39,311 Hello? 48 00:01:41,111 --> 00:01:44,311 [GUNSHOTS, DISCO-FLAVORED CHASE MUSIC ON TELEVISION] 49 00:01:46,544 --> 00:01:47,682 Hi. 50 00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:51,306 [LOUDLY] Would you make this thing lower? 51 00:01:51,339 --> 00:01:52,672 I can hear it on the street. 52 00:01:52,706 --> 00:01:53,345 Hey, Jer, how did you do? [LOWERS VOLUME] 53 00:01:53,345 --> 00:01:54,839 Hey, Jer, how did you do? [LOWERS VOLUME] 54 00:01:54,872 --> 00:01:58,139 We won. I made an incredible play in the field. 55 00:01:58,172 --> 00:01:59,739 It was a tag-up at third base. 56 00:01:59,772 --> 00:02:02,806 I threw the guy out from left field on a fly. 57 00:02:04,106 --> 00:02:05,672 We'll be in the championship game Wednesday 58 00:02:05,706 --> 00:02:07,272 because of me. 59 00:02:07,306 --> 00:02:10,072 It was the single greatest moment in my life. 60 00:02:10,106 --> 00:02:12,772 This is your greatest moment, a game? 61 00:02:12,806 --> 00:02:17,772 Well, no. Uh... Sharon Besser, of course. 62 00:02:17,806 --> 00:02:20,639 You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 63 00:02:20,672 --> 00:02:23,345 1946. I went to work for Harry Flemming... 64 00:02:23,345 --> 00:02:24,472 1946. I went to work for Harry Flemming... 65 00:02:24,506 --> 00:02:27,206 and I came up with the idea for the beltless trench coat. 66 00:02:29,039 --> 00:02:30,939 Jerry, look at this sport jacket. 67 00:02:30,972 --> 00:02:33,239 Is this a jacket to wear to an anniversary party? 68 00:02:33,272 --> 00:02:35,806 Well, the man's an individualist. 69 00:02:35,839 --> 00:02:38,172 He worked for Harry Flemming. 70 00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:39,772 He knows what he's doing. 71 00:02:39,806 --> 00:02:41,672 But it's their 50th anniversary. 72 00:02:41,706 --> 00:02:43,806 Your mother doesn't like my taste in clothing. 73 00:02:43,839 --> 00:02:45,406 You know, I spoke to Manya and Isaac 74 00:02:45,439 --> 00:02:46,639 on the phone today. 75 00:02:46,672 --> 00:02:49,072 They invited you again. I think you should go. 76 00:02:49,106 --> 00:02:51,006 First of all, I made plans with Elaine. 77 00:02:51,039 --> 00:02:52,406 So bring her. 78 00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:53,345 I don't even know them. What is she, a second cousin? 79 00:02:53,345 --> 00:02:56,006 I don't even know them. What is she, a second cousin? 80 00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:58,006 I mean, I met them three times in my life. 81 00:02:58,039 --> 00:02:59,639 I don't know her either. 82 00:02:59,672 --> 00:03:01,672 She made me fly from Florida for this, 83 00:03:01,706 --> 00:03:04,206 and then she criticizes my jacket. 84 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,472 At least come and say hello, 85 00:03:07,506 --> 00:03:09,339 have a cup of coffee, then you leave. 86 00:03:09,372 --> 00:03:11,039 How come he gets to leave? 87 00:03:12,872 --> 00:03:16,306 If I wind up sitting next to uncle Leo, I am leaving. 88 00:03:16,339 --> 00:03:18,939 He's always grabbing my arm when he talks to me. 89 00:03:18,972 --> 00:03:20,906 I guess it's because so many people have left 90 00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:23,345 in the middle of his conversation. 91 00:03:23,345 --> 00:03:24,072 in the middle of his conversation. 92 00:03:24,106 --> 00:03:25,806 And it's always about Jeffrey, right? 93 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:29,506 Yeah. He talks about him like he split the atom. 94 00:03:29,539 --> 00:03:31,372 The kid works for the Parks department. 95 00:03:32,372 --> 00:03:34,472 Morty, you coming in? 96 00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,006 Oh, yeah! I forgot all about it. 97 00:03:37,039 --> 00:03:38,506 Hey. How'd you do? 98 00:03:38,539 --> 00:03:40,172 We won. We're in the finals on Wednesday. 99 00:03:40,206 --> 00:03:41,306 Yeah! 100 00:03:41,339 --> 00:03:42,506 What is this about? 101 00:03:42,539 --> 00:03:44,006 I'm completely changing 102 00:03:44,039 --> 00:03:45,639 the configuration of the apartment. 103 00:03:45,672 --> 00:03:47,772 You're not going to believe it when you see it. 104 00:03:47,806 --> 00:03:49,006 Whole new lifestyle. 105 00:03:49,039 --> 00:03:50,839 What are you doing? 106 00:03:50,872 --> 00:03:52,206 Levels. 107 00:03:53,706 --> 00:03:55,006 Levels? 108 00:03:55,039 --> 00:03:56,839 Yeah. I'm getting rid of all my furniture, 109 00:03:56,872 --> 00:03:58,072 all of it, 110 00:03:58,106 --> 00:04:00,739 and I'm going to build these different levels. 111 00:04:00,772 --> 00:04:02,239 You know, with steps. 112 00:04:02,272 --> 00:04:04,739 And it will all be carpeted. 113 00:04:04,772 --> 00:04:06,739 A lot of pillows. 114 00:04:06,772 --> 00:04:07,739 You know, like ancient Egypt. 115 00:04:07,772 --> 00:04:08,739 Hmm. 116 00:04:08,772 --> 00:04:11,906 You drew up plans for this? 117 00:04:11,939 --> 00:04:13,339 No, no, it's all in my head. 118 00:04:13,372 --> 00:04:15,672 I don't see how you can get comfortable like that. 119 00:04:15,706 --> 00:04:17,772 Oh, I'll get comfortable. 120 00:04:17,806 --> 00:04:20,106 When do you intend to do this? 121 00:04:20,139 --> 00:04:23,345 Oh, should be done by the end of the month. 122 00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:23,406 Oh, should be done by the end of the month. 123 00:04:23,439 --> 00:04:24,939 You're going to do this yourself? 124 00:04:24,972 --> 00:04:27,672 It's a simple job. 125 00:04:27,706 --> 00:04:29,106 Why? You don't think I can, huh? 126 00:04:29,139 --> 00:04:31,106 Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. 127 00:04:31,139 --> 00:04:34,806 I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't. 128 00:04:36,672 --> 00:04:38,739 Well, I got the tools, I got the pillows, 129 00:04:38,772 --> 00:04:40,339 all I need is the lumber. 130 00:04:40,372 --> 00:04:42,106 Hey, that's some big job. 131 00:04:42,139 --> 00:04:46,639 I don't see it happening. 132 00:04:46,672 --> 00:04:48,572 Yeah, well, this time-- This time, you're wrong. 133 00:04:48,606 --> 00:04:50,006 Come on, I'll even bet you. 134 00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,006 Seriously? 135 00:04:51,039 --> 00:04:52,106 I don't want you betting. 136 00:04:52,139 --> 00:04:53,345 Morty, don't let them bet. 137 00:04:53,345 --> 00:04:53,506 Morty, don't let them bet. 138 00:04:53,539 --> 00:04:55,172 A big dinner, with dessert, 139 00:04:55,206 --> 00:04:57,006 but I got till the end of the month. 140 00:04:57,039 --> 00:04:59,006 I'll give you a year. 141 00:04:59,039 --> 00:05:00,006 No, no... 142 00:05:00,039 --> 00:05:02,306 No, no, no. A month. End of the month. 143 00:05:02,339 --> 00:05:03,372 It's a bet. 144 00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:16,372 JERRY: Seriously, do you want to switch chairs? 145 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:22,806 No, no. 146 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:23,345 I'm fine. 147 00:05:23,345 --> 00:05:24,406 I'm fine. 148 00:05:24,439 --> 00:05:26,639 Oh, Jerry, you listening to this? 149 00:05:26,672 --> 00:05:29,572 Yeah, Uncle Leo. 150 00:05:29,606 --> 00:05:30,572 So... 151 00:05:30,606 --> 00:05:31,906 So now the Parks commissioner 152 00:05:31,939 --> 00:05:35,739 is recommending Jeffrey for a citation. 153 00:05:35,772 --> 00:05:39,172 Right, for the, uh, reducing of the pond scum? 154 00:05:39,206 --> 00:05:43,306 No, no, no. For the walking tours. 155 00:05:43,339 --> 00:05:46,806 Oh, yeah, where the people eat the plant life, 156 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:48,072 the edible-foliage tour. 157 00:05:48,106 --> 00:05:50,472 LEO: That's exactly right. 158 00:05:50,506 --> 00:05:53,345 He knows the whole history of the park. 159 00:05:53,345 --> 00:05:54,472 He knows the whole history of the park. 160 00:05:54,506 --> 00:05:58,306 For two hours, he's talking and answering questions. 161 00:05:58,339 --> 00:06:00,606 But you want to know something? 162 00:06:00,639 --> 00:06:02,672 Whenever he has a problem with one of these 163 00:06:02,706 --> 00:06:05,439 high-powered big shots from the Parks department, 164 00:06:05,472 --> 00:06:08,172 you know who he calls? 165 00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:09,506 Mickey Mantle? 166 00:06:09,539 --> 00:06:12,672 ELAINE: Jerry. Jerry. 167 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,672 Did you taste these peas? 168 00:06:14,706 --> 00:06:16,972 These-- These peas are great. 169 00:06:17,006 --> 00:06:20,606 These peas are bursting with country-fresh flavor. 170 00:06:22,539 --> 00:06:23,345 Mm, phenomenal peas. 171 00:06:23,345 --> 00:06:24,672 Mm, phenomenal peas. 172 00:06:24,706 --> 00:06:26,339 Mm. 173 00:06:26,372 --> 00:06:28,306 Are you ready for dessert? 174 00:06:28,339 --> 00:06:32,672 Well, actually, we do have to kind of get going. 175 00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:34,306 You're going? 176 00:06:34,339 --> 00:06:37,272 Oh, uh, I don't really eat dessert. 177 00:06:37,306 --> 00:06:38,939 I'm dieting. 178 00:06:38,972 --> 00:06:40,172 Yeah, I can't eat dessert either. 179 00:06:40,206 --> 00:06:42,172 The sugar makes my ankles swell up 180 00:06:42,206 --> 00:06:43,172 and I can't dance. 181 00:06:43,206 --> 00:06:44,839 Can't dance? 182 00:06:44,872 --> 00:06:47,172 HELEN: He's kidding, Manya. 183 00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:49,839 MANYA: Is that a joke? 184 00:06:49,872 --> 00:06:52,006 So did you hear Claire's getting married? 185 00:06:52,039 --> 00:06:53,345 Yeah, yeah. 186 00:06:53,345 --> 00:06:53,439 Yeah, yeah. 187 00:06:53,472 --> 00:06:55,772 I hear the fellow owns a couple race horses. 188 00:06:55,806 --> 00:06:57,172 You know, trotters, like at Yonkers. 189 00:06:57,206 --> 00:06:58,172 JERRY: Horses. 190 00:06:58,206 --> 00:07:00,839 They're like big riding dogs. 191 00:07:00,872 --> 00:07:02,472 ELAINE: What about ponies, huh? 192 00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:04,906 What kind of abnormal animal is that? 193 00:07:04,939 --> 00:07:08,006 And those kids who had their own ponies... 194 00:07:08,039 --> 00:07:09,672 I know, I hated those kids. 195 00:07:09,706 --> 00:07:11,339 In fact, I hate anyone 196 00:07:11,372 --> 00:07:13,339 that ever had a pony when they were growing up. 197 00:07:13,372 --> 00:07:15,039 I had a pony. 198 00:07:20,539 --> 00:07:23,345 Well, I didn't, uh, really mean a pony per se. 199 00:07:23,345 --> 00:07:24,839 Well, I didn't, uh, really mean a pony per se. 200 00:07:24,872 --> 00:07:28,472 When I was a little girl in Poland, 201 00:07:28,506 --> 00:07:30,806 we all had ponies. 202 00:07:30,839 --> 00:07:34,172 My sister had pony. My cousin had pony. 203 00:07:34,206 --> 00:07:35,739 So, what's wrong with that? 204 00:07:35,772 --> 00:07:37,639 Nothing. Nothing at all. 205 00:07:37,672 --> 00:07:38,839 I was just merely expressing-- 206 00:07:38,872 --> 00:07:40,339 Should we have some coffee? 207 00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:42,772 Who's having coffee? 208 00:07:42,806 --> 00:07:44,839 He was a beautiful pony. 209 00:07:44,872 --> 00:07:46,506 And I loved him. 210 00:07:46,539 --> 00:07:48,172 Well, I'm sure you did. 211 00:07:48,206 --> 00:07:49,572 Who wouldn't love a pony? 212 00:07:49,606 --> 00:07:52,406 Who wouldn't love a person that had a pony? 213 00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:53,345 You. 214 00:07:53,345 --> 00:07:53,639 You. 215 00:07:53,672 --> 00:07:54,839 You said so. 216 00:07:54,872 --> 00:07:57,606 No, see, we didn't have ponies. 217 00:07:57,639 --> 00:07:59,806 I'm sure at that time in Poland, they were very common. 218 00:07:59,839 --> 00:08:02,106 They were probably like compact cars. 219 00:08:04,372 --> 00:08:05,739 That's it! 220 00:08:05,772 --> 00:08:07,839 I had enough! 221 00:08:11,806 --> 00:08:13,106 Have your coffee, everybody. 222 00:08:13,139 --> 00:08:15,506 She's a little upset. 223 00:08:15,539 --> 00:08:17,172 It's been an emotional day. 224 00:08:20,306 --> 00:08:23,272 I didn't know she had a pony. 225 00:08:23,306 --> 00:08:23,345 How was I to know she had a pony? 226 00:08:23,345 --> 00:08:26,306 How was I to know she had a pony? 227 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,372 Who figures an immigrant's gonna have a pony? 228 00:08:30,472 --> 00:08:34,106 Do you know what the odds are on that? 229 00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,672 I mean, in all the pictures I saw 230 00:08:35,706 --> 00:08:38,806 of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, 231 00:08:38,839 --> 00:08:41,039 I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. 232 00:08:43,339 --> 00:08:46,906 Why would anyone come here if they had a pony? 233 00:08:46,939 --> 00:08:48,506 Who leaves a country packed with ponies 234 00:08:48,539 --> 00:08:50,206 to come to a non-pony country? 235 00:08:51,972 --> 00:08:53,345 It doesn't make sense. 236 00:08:53,345 --> 00:08:54,639 It doesn't make sense. 237 00:08:54,672 --> 00:08:57,206 Am I wrong? 238 00:09:00,439 --> 00:09:02,172 I'll drive you to the airport. 239 00:09:02,206 --> 00:09:04,672 No, we're taking a cab. 240 00:09:04,706 --> 00:09:06,672 I just hope that the whole pony incident 241 00:09:06,706 --> 00:09:09,506 didn't put a damper on the trip. 242 00:09:09,539 --> 00:09:12,139 Oh, don't be ridiculous. It was a misunderstanding. 243 00:09:12,172 --> 00:09:14,106 Hey, I agree with him. 244 00:09:14,139 --> 00:09:17,006 Nobody likes a kid with a pony. 245 00:09:17,039 --> 00:09:19,506 Well, if you ever talk to her, tell her I'm sorry. 246 00:09:19,539 --> 00:09:21,172 Elaine too. She feels terrible. 247 00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:23,139 You know, you should give Manya a call. 248 00:09:23,172 --> 00:09:23,345 Maybe I will. 249 00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:24,839 Maybe I will. 250 00:09:24,872 --> 00:09:26,006 Oh, hey. 251 00:09:26,039 --> 00:09:27,272 Hey. 252 00:09:27,306 --> 00:09:30,139 I, uh, just came to say goodbye. 253 00:09:30,172 --> 00:09:31,139 Need any help with those? 254 00:09:31,172 --> 00:09:33,239 Oh, it's nothing. I got it. 255 00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:35,006 So, how are your levels coming along? 256 00:09:35,039 --> 00:09:37,972 Uh, well, I decided I'm not going to do it. 257 00:09:39,706 --> 00:09:40,739 Really? 258 00:09:40,772 --> 00:09:42,472 What a shock. 259 00:09:42,506 --> 00:09:43,472 Goodbye, Jerry. 260 00:09:43,506 --> 00:09:44,472 Take care. 261 00:09:44,506 --> 00:09:45,472 We'll call you. 262 00:09:45,506 --> 00:09:46,472 Bye, Jer. 263 00:09:46,506 --> 00:09:47,472 Bye, Dad, take it easy. 264 00:09:47,506 --> 00:09:48,472 Bye, Mr. Kramer. 265 00:09:48,506 --> 00:09:49,639 Yeah, so long, Morty. 266 00:09:52,339 --> 00:09:53,345 So...when do I get my dinner? 267 00:09:53,345 --> 00:09:56,506 So...when do I get my dinner? 268 00:09:56,539 --> 00:09:57,839 There's no dinner. 269 00:09:57,872 --> 00:10:00,439 The bet's off. I'm not going to do it. 270 00:10:00,472 --> 00:10:02,006 Yes, I know you're not gonna do it, 271 00:10:02,039 --> 00:10:03,106 that's why I bet. 272 00:10:03,139 --> 00:10:05,272 There's no bet if I'm not doing it. 273 00:10:05,306 --> 00:10:07,672 That's the bet, that you're not doing it. 274 00:10:07,706 --> 00:10:10,172 Yeah, well, I could do it, I don't want to do it. 275 00:10:10,206 --> 00:10:12,172 We didn't bet on if you wanted to do it, 276 00:10:12,206 --> 00:10:13,906 we bet on if it would be done. 277 00:10:13,939 --> 00:10:15,006 And it could be done. 278 00:10:15,039 --> 00:10:17,572 Well, of course, it could be done. 279 00:10:17,606 --> 00:10:18,906 Anything could be done, 280 00:10:18,939 --> 00:10:22,506 but it only is done if it's done. 281 00:10:22,539 --> 00:10:23,345 Show me the levels. 282 00:10:23,345 --> 00:10:24,172 Show me the levels. 283 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:25,839 The bet is the levels. 284 00:10:25,872 --> 00:10:27,639 I don't want the levels. 285 00:10:27,672 --> 00:10:29,239 That's the bet! 286 00:10:29,272 --> 00:10:31,572 [TELEPHONE RINGING] 287 00:10:31,606 --> 00:10:32,639 Man! 288 00:10:33,872 --> 00:10:34,839 Hello. 289 00:10:34,872 --> 00:10:36,839 No. 290 00:10:36,872 --> 00:10:39,972 Oh, hi. 291 00:10:40,006 --> 00:10:43,672 No, they just left. 292 00:10:43,706 --> 00:10:46,072 Oh, my God. 293 00:10:46,106 --> 00:10:48,139 Hang on a second. Maybe I can still catch them. 294 00:10:51,106 --> 00:10:53,139 Ma! Ma, up here! 295 00:10:53,172 --> 00:10:53,345 Don't get in the cab! 296 00:10:53,345 --> 00:10:55,572 Don't get in the cab! 297 00:10:55,606 --> 00:10:57,906 Manya died! 298 00:10:57,939 --> 00:11:00,606 Manya died! 299 00:11:06,462 --> 00:11:07,529 Who'd you talk to? 300 00:11:07,685 --> 00:11:08,885 Uncle Leo. 301 00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,419 And when's the funeral? I don't know. 302 00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:11,552 He said he'd call back. 303 00:11:11,585 --> 00:11:13,452 You know what this means, don't you? 304 00:11:13,485 --> 00:11:14,652 We lost the supersaver. 305 00:11:14,685 --> 00:11:16,985 Those tickets are nonrefundable. 306 00:11:18,752 --> 00:11:20,085 She just had a check-up. 307 00:11:20,119 --> 00:11:21,952 The doctor said she was fine. 308 00:11:23,519 --> 00:11:25,952 Unless... What? 309 00:11:25,985 --> 00:11:27,319 What? 310 00:11:27,352 --> 00:11:29,919 Nothing. 311 00:11:29,952 --> 00:11:31,885 You don't think... 312 00:11:31,919 --> 00:11:32,537 What, the pony remark? 313 00:11:32,537 --> 00:11:33,252 What, the pony remark? 314 00:11:33,285 --> 00:11:35,485 Oh, don't be ridiculous. 315 00:11:35,519 --> 00:11:36,985 She was an old woman. 316 00:11:37,019 --> 00:11:38,319 You don't think I killed her? 317 00:11:39,685 --> 00:11:41,552 You know what that flight back will cost us? 318 00:11:41,585 --> 00:11:43,419 It was an innocent comment. 319 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,152 I didn't know she had a pony. 320 00:11:45,185 --> 00:11:48,419 Maybe we could get an Army transport flight. 321 00:11:48,452 --> 00:11:50,419 They got a base in Sarasota, I think. 322 00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:52,719 I mean, the whole thing was taken out of context. 323 00:11:52,752 --> 00:11:53,752 It was a joke. 324 00:11:53,785 --> 00:11:55,285 [TELEPHONE RINGING] 325 00:11:55,319 --> 00:11:58,819 That's probably Uncle Leo. 326 00:11:58,852 --> 00:12:00,919 Hello? 327 00:12:00,952 --> 00:12:02,537 Yes, I know. 328 00:12:02,537 --> 00:12:03,785 Yes, I know. 329 00:12:03,819 --> 00:12:06,652 Well, it's just one of those things. 330 00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:10,485 Sure, sure. We'll see you then. 331 00:12:10,519 --> 00:12:12,619 The funeral's Wednesday. 332 00:12:12,652 --> 00:12:13,619 Wednesday? 333 00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:15,619 What--? What Wednesday? 334 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,219 2:00, Wednesday. 335 00:12:17,252 --> 00:12:18,485 Ah... 336 00:12:18,519 --> 00:12:19,478 What? 337 00:12:19,501 --> 00:12:21,068 I got the softball game on Wednesday. 338 00:12:21,101 --> 00:12:22,335 It's the championship. 339 00:12:22,368 --> 00:12:25,201 So you're not obligated. Go play in your game. 340 00:12:25,235 --> 00:12:27,001 I didn't even know the woman. 341 00:12:27,035 --> 00:12:28,001 So don't go. 342 00:12:28,035 --> 00:12:29,401 I mean, I met her three times. 343 00:12:29,435 --> 00:12:30,835 I don't even know her last name. 344 00:12:30,868 --> 00:12:32,501 Jerry, no one's forcing you. 345 00:12:32,535 --> 00:12:32,537 I mean, who has a funeral on a Wednesday? 346 00:12:32,537 --> 00:12:36,501 I mean, who has a funeral on a Wednesday? 347 00:12:36,535 --> 00:12:37,735 That's what I want to know. 348 00:12:37,768 --> 00:12:39,201 I mean, it's the championship. 349 00:12:39,235 --> 00:12:40,501 I'm hitting everything. 350 00:12:40,535 --> 00:12:42,501 I don't have a dress to wear. 351 00:12:42,535 --> 00:12:44,168 And you, you don't have anything. 352 00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:47,735 I got my sport jacket. 353 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,635 You're not wearing that to a funeral. 354 00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:50,735 What's wrong with it? 355 00:12:50,768 --> 00:12:51,968 It looks ridiculous. 356 00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:53,968 What, I'm going to buy a new sport jacket now? 357 00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:55,368 I don't know what to do. 358 00:12:55,401 --> 00:12:58,501 You know what this funeral is going to wind up costing me? 359 00:12:58,535 --> 00:12:59,868 Oh, boy. 360 00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:02,537 We don't understand death, 361 00:13:02,537 --> 00:13:04,335 We don't understand death, 362 00:13:04,368 --> 00:13:05,401 and the proof of this 363 00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:08,701 is that we give dead people a pillow. 364 00:13:08,735 --> 00:13:10,901 And, I mean, hey, you know, 365 00:13:10,935 --> 00:13:13,801 I think if you can't stretch out 366 00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:17,368 and get some solid rest at that point, 367 00:13:17,401 --> 00:13:19,968 I don't see how bedding accessories 368 00:13:20,001 --> 00:13:22,868 really make the difference. 369 00:13:22,901 --> 00:13:25,735 I mean, they got the guy in a suit with a pillow. 370 00:13:25,768 --> 00:13:27,468 Now, is he going to a meeting, 371 00:13:27,501 --> 00:13:29,468 or is he catching 40 winks? 372 00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:31,868 I mean, let's make up our mind where we think they're going. 373 00:13:33,701 --> 00:13:35,635 I actually like ponies. 374 00:13:35,668 --> 00:13:38,668 I was just trying to make conversation. 375 00:13:38,701 --> 00:13:40,701 What time is your game? 376 00:13:40,735 --> 00:13:42,735 2:45. 377 00:13:42,768 --> 00:13:45,068 And what time is the funeral? 378 00:13:45,101 --> 00:13:46,701 Two o'clock. 379 00:13:46,735 --> 00:13:48,068 How long does a funeral take? 380 00:13:48,101 --> 00:13:51,668 Depends on how nice the person was, 381 00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:56,901 but you got to figure even Oswald took 45 minutes. 382 00:13:56,935 --> 00:13:58,901 So you can't do both. 383 00:13:58,935 --> 00:14:01,468 You know, if the situation were reversed 384 00:14:01,501 --> 00:14:02,537 and Manya had some mahjong championship, 385 00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:03,568 and Manya had some mahjong championship, 386 00:14:03,601 --> 00:14:05,568 or something, 387 00:14:05,601 --> 00:14:07,568 I wouldn't expect her to go to my funeral. 388 00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:09,901 I would understand. 389 00:14:09,935 --> 00:14:12,135 How can you even consider not going? 390 00:14:12,168 --> 00:14:15,001 You know, I've been thinking. 391 00:14:15,035 --> 00:14:16,835 I cannot envision any circumstance 392 00:14:16,868 --> 00:14:18,068 in which I'll ever have 393 00:14:18,101 --> 00:14:20,035 the opportunity to have sex again. 394 00:14:22,701 --> 00:14:25,601 How's it going to happen? 395 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,635 I just don't see how it could occur. 396 00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:32,537 You know, funerals always make me think 397 00:14:32,537 --> 00:14:33,068 You know, funerals always make me think 398 00:14:33,101 --> 00:14:34,301 about my own mortality 399 00:14:34,335 --> 00:14:37,335 and how I'm actually going to die some day. 400 00:14:37,368 --> 00:14:39,401 Me, dead. 401 00:14:39,435 --> 00:14:40,835 Huh, imagine that. 402 00:14:40,868 --> 00:14:43,468 They always make me take stock of my life 403 00:14:43,501 --> 00:14:45,468 and how I've pretty much wasted all of it. 404 00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:47,635 and how I plan to continue wasting it. 405 00:14:47,668 --> 00:14:49,901 I know, and then you say to yourself, 406 00:14:49,935 --> 00:14:53,235 "From this moment on, I'm not wasting any more of it." 407 00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,835 But then you go, "How? 408 00:14:54,868 --> 00:14:56,901 I mean, what can I do that's not wasting it?" 409 00:14:56,935 --> 00:14:58,301 Well, is this a waste of time? 410 00:14:58,335 --> 00:14:59,735 What should we be doing? 411 00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:01,701 Can't you have coffee with people? 412 00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:02,537 You know, I can't believe 413 00:15:02,537 --> 00:15:03,568 You know, I can't believe 414 00:15:03,601 --> 00:15:05,635 you're even considering not playing. 415 00:15:05,668 --> 00:15:07,635 We need you. You're hitting everything. 416 00:15:07,668 --> 00:15:09,001 He has to go. 417 00:15:09,035 --> 00:15:11,035 He may have killed her. 418 00:15:12,935 --> 00:15:14,568 Me? What about you? 419 00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:16,235 You brought up the pony. 420 00:15:16,268 --> 00:15:18,401 Oh, yeah, 421 00:15:18,435 --> 00:15:22,201 but I didn't say I hated anyone who had one. 422 00:15:22,235 --> 00:15:23,568 Who's going to play left field? 423 00:15:23,601 --> 00:15:25,568 Bender? 424 00:15:25,601 --> 00:15:27,968 Bender? He can't play left. 425 00:15:28,001 --> 00:15:29,535 He stinks. 426 00:15:29,568 --> 00:15:32,537 I just don't see what purpose it's going to serve, you going. 427 00:15:32,537 --> 00:15:32,835 I just don't see what purpose it's going to serve, you going. 428 00:15:32,868 --> 00:15:36,335 I mean, you think dead people care who's at their funeral? 429 00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:38,401 They don't even know they're having a funeral. 430 00:15:38,435 --> 00:15:40,401 It's not like she's hanging out in the back going, 431 00:15:40,435 --> 00:15:42,701 "I can't believe Jerry didn't show up." 432 00:15:42,735 --> 00:15:45,801 Maybe she's there in spirit. How about that? 433 00:15:45,835 --> 00:15:48,068 If you're a spirit, 434 00:15:48,101 --> 00:15:50,635 and you can travel to other dimensions and galaxies, 435 00:15:50,668 --> 00:15:53,201 and find out the mysteries of the universe, 436 00:15:53,235 --> 00:15:54,801 you think she's gonna want to hang out 437 00:15:54,835 --> 00:15:56,235 at Drexler's funeral home on Ocean Parkway? 438 00:15:56,268 --> 00:15:59,135 George, I met this woman. 439 00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:01,501 She is not traveling to any other dimensions. 440 00:16:01,535 --> 00:16:02,537 Do you know how easy it is for dead people to travel? 441 00:16:02,537 --> 00:16:06,068 Do you know how easy it is for dead people to travel? 442 00:16:06,101 --> 00:16:07,735 It's not like getting on a bus. 443 00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:10,201 One second. It's all mental. 444 00:16:14,601 --> 00:16:16,801 50 years they were married. 445 00:16:16,835 --> 00:16:17,801 Now he's moving to Phoenix. 446 00:16:17,835 --> 00:16:20,368 Phoenix? 447 00:16:20,401 --> 00:16:22,468 What's happening with his apartment? 448 00:16:22,501 --> 00:16:23,668 I don't know. 449 00:16:23,701 --> 00:16:25,735 They've been in there since, like, World War II. 450 00:16:25,768 --> 00:16:27,535 Rent's $300 a month. 451 00:16:27,568 --> 00:16:30,668 Three hundred a month? 452 00:16:30,701 --> 00:16:32,537 Oh, my God. 453 00:16:32,537 --> 00:16:33,068 Oh, my God. 454 00:16:33,101 --> 00:16:37,235 EULOGIST: Although this may seem like a sad event, 455 00:16:37,268 --> 00:16:39,801 it should not be a day of mourning, 456 00:16:39,835 --> 00:16:44,035 for Manya had a rich, fulfilling life. 457 00:16:44,068 --> 00:16:47,201 She grew up in a different world, 458 00:16:47,235 --> 00:16:48,801 a simpler world, 459 00:16:48,835 --> 00:16:52,735 with loving parents, a beautiful home in the country, 460 00:16:52,768 --> 00:16:55,501 and, from what I understand, she even had a pony. 461 00:16:58,068 --> 00:17:01,068 Oh, how she loved that pony. 462 00:17:01,101 --> 00:17:02,537 [MUTTERS] 463 00:17:02,537 --> 00:17:03,468 [MUTTERS] 464 00:17:03,501 --> 00:17:05,501 Even in her declining years, 465 00:17:05,535 --> 00:17:10,501 whenever she would speak of it, her eyes would light up. 466 00:17:10,535 --> 00:17:11,535 Its lustrous coat, 467 00:17:11,568 --> 00:17:14,301 its flowing mane. 468 00:17:14,335 --> 00:17:17,268 It was the pride of Crakow. 469 00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:26,901 Well, the game's starting just about now. 470 00:17:26,935 --> 00:17:28,868 It was good that the two of you came. 471 00:17:28,901 --> 00:17:30,001 It was a nice gesture. 472 00:17:30,035 --> 00:17:31,568 I'm not a doctor yet, Uncle Morty. 473 00:17:31,601 --> 00:17:32,537 I'm just an intern. 474 00:17:32,537 --> 00:17:33,068 I'm just an intern. 475 00:17:33,101 --> 00:17:34,601 I can't write a note to an airline. 476 00:17:37,001 --> 00:17:38,735 You got your degree. They don't care. 477 00:17:38,768 --> 00:17:40,601 They just want to see something. 478 00:17:41,901 --> 00:17:44,235 I just wanted to say how sorry I was. 479 00:17:44,268 --> 00:17:48,068 Jerry, you want to hear something? 480 00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:50,868 Your cousin Jeffrey is switching parks. 481 00:17:50,901 --> 00:17:53,001 They're transferring him to Riverside, 482 00:17:53,035 --> 00:17:55,068 so he'll completely revamp that operation. 483 00:17:55,101 --> 00:17:56,235 You understand? 484 00:17:56,268 --> 00:17:57,568 Yeah. 485 00:17:57,601 --> 00:18:02,168 He'll do in Riverside now what he did in Central Park. 486 00:18:02,201 --> 00:18:02,537 More money. 487 00:18:02,537 --> 00:18:03,801 More money. 488 00:18:03,835 --> 00:18:07,901 So...that's your cousin. 489 00:18:07,935 --> 00:18:09,801 You don't understand. 490 00:18:09,835 --> 00:18:12,001 I've never paid full fare. 491 00:18:12,035 --> 00:18:13,568 Once again, I just wanted to say 492 00:18:13,601 --> 00:18:16,335 how sorry I am about the other night. 493 00:18:16,368 --> 00:18:17,401 Oh, me too. 494 00:18:17,435 --> 00:18:19,668 No, no, no. She forgot all about that. 495 00:18:21,035 --> 00:18:24,301 She was much more upset about the potato salad. 496 00:18:24,335 --> 00:18:28,135 So I understand you're moving to Phoenix. 497 00:18:28,168 --> 00:18:29,301 Yeah. 498 00:18:29,335 --> 00:18:30,401 My brother lives there. 499 00:18:30,435 --> 00:18:32,537 I think Manya would have liked Phoenix. 500 00:18:32,537 --> 00:18:33,335 I think Manya would have liked Phoenix. 501 00:18:33,368 --> 00:18:36,468 Mm. Gorgeous, exquisite town. 502 00:18:36,501 --> 00:18:40,335 So, what's happening with your apartment? 503 00:18:40,368 --> 00:18:43,535 Of course, it's very hot there. 504 00:18:43,568 --> 00:18:45,068 I'll have to get an air conditioner. 505 00:18:45,101 --> 00:18:46,301 Oh, you can have mine. 506 00:18:46,335 --> 00:18:47,901 I'll ship it out to you. 507 00:18:47,935 --> 00:18:49,568 But what about 508 00:18:49,601 --> 00:18:52,735 that big apartment on West End Avenue? 509 00:18:52,768 --> 00:18:55,068 Although they say it's a dry heat. 510 00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:56,368 Dry, wet. 511 00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:59,735 What's happening with your apartment? 512 00:18:59,768 --> 00:19:01,068 I don't even know 513 00:19:01,101 --> 00:19:02,537 if I should take my winter clothing. 514 00:19:02,537 --> 00:19:03,901 if I should take my winter clothing. 515 00:19:05,701 --> 00:19:07,901 I have an idea. 516 00:19:07,935 --> 00:19:11,201 Leave the winter clothing in the apartment, 517 00:19:11,235 --> 00:19:13,301 and I'll watch it for you, 518 00:19:13,335 --> 00:19:14,701 and I'll live there, 519 00:19:14,735 --> 00:19:17,868 and I'll make sure that nothing happens to it. 520 00:19:17,901 --> 00:19:20,901 Oh, the apartment. 521 00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:22,635 Jeffrey's taking the apartment. 522 00:19:22,668 --> 00:19:25,235 Oh, Jeffrey. 523 00:19:25,268 --> 00:19:27,735 You know Jeffrey. 524 00:19:27,768 --> 00:19:29,801 Yeah, from what I understand, 525 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:32,135 he works for the Parks department. 526 00:19:32,168 --> 00:19:32,537 [THUNDER CLAPPING] 527 00:19:32,537 --> 00:19:35,001 [THUNDER CLAPPING] 528 00:19:35,035 --> 00:19:37,035 It's raining. 529 00:19:37,068 --> 00:19:38,235 JERRY: It's raining? 530 00:19:38,268 --> 00:19:41,735 It's raining. 531 00:19:41,768 --> 00:19:43,735 The game will be postponed. 532 00:19:43,768 --> 00:19:45,468 We'll play tomorrow. 533 00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:48,035 Believe me, I wouldn't bother you 534 00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:52,235 if the Army hadn't closed that base in Sarasota. 535 00:19:52,268 --> 00:19:54,635 Here, scribble a little something here. 536 00:19:54,668 --> 00:19:56,501 I can't. I'll get in trouble. 537 00:19:56,535 --> 00:19:58,268 Oh, for God's sake. 538 00:20:00,335 --> 00:20:02,537 Who gets picked off in softball? 539 00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:02,601 Who gets picked off in softball? 540 00:20:04,768 --> 00:20:05,835 It's unheard of. 541 00:20:05,868 --> 00:20:06,835 Never happened to me before. 542 00:20:06,868 --> 00:20:09,635 I remember saying to myself, 543 00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:13,135 "Why is Jerry so far off the base?" 544 00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:15,068 I'll have to live with this shame 545 00:20:15,101 --> 00:20:16,668 for the rest of my life. 546 00:20:16,701 --> 00:20:18,068 Then in the fifth inning, 547 00:20:18,101 --> 00:20:19,968 why did you take off on the pop fly? 548 00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:21,901 I thought there were two outs. 549 00:20:21,935 --> 00:20:25,301 I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. 550 00:20:25,335 --> 00:20:28,368 I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something. 551 00:20:29,601 --> 00:20:32,168 It was the single worst moment of my life. 552 00:20:32,201 --> 00:20:32,537 What about Sharon Besser? 553 00:20:32,537 --> 00:20:33,901 What about Sharon Besser? 554 00:20:33,935 --> 00:20:36,468 Oh, well, of course, 1973. 555 00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:39,068 Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it? 556 00:20:39,101 --> 00:20:40,068 Wonder about what? 557 00:20:41,835 --> 00:20:43,068 You know. 558 00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:44,068 The spirit world. 559 00:20:45,868 --> 00:20:47,635 What, you think Manya showed up during the game 560 00:20:47,668 --> 00:20:48,835 and put a hex on me? 561 00:20:48,868 --> 00:20:52,335 I never saw anyone play like that. 562 00:20:52,368 --> 00:20:54,368 But I went to the funeral. 563 00:20:54,401 --> 00:20:59,635 Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her. 564 00:20:59,668 --> 00:21:00,968 Maybe Manya missed the funeral 565 00:21:01,001 --> 00:21:02,537 because she was off visiting another galaxy that day. 566 00:21:02,537 --> 00:21:03,868 because she was off visiting another galaxy that day. 567 00:21:03,901 --> 00:21:06,901 Don't you think she would have heard I was there? 568 00:21:06,935 --> 00:21:10,035 Not necessarily. 569 00:21:12,568 --> 00:21:16,035 Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? 570 00:21:18,001 --> 00:21:19,401 What is the pony? 571 00:21:19,435 --> 00:21:20,801 What is the point of the pony? 572 00:21:20,835 --> 00:21:23,668 Why do we have these animals, these ponies? 573 00:21:23,701 --> 00:21:26,901 What do we do with them, besides the pony ride? 574 00:21:26,935 --> 00:21:29,401 Why ponies? What are we doing with them? 575 00:21:29,435 --> 00:21:32,068 I mean, police don't use them for, you know, crowd control. 576 00:21:32,101 --> 00:21:32,537 "Hey, uh, you want to get back behind the barricades? 577 00:21:32,537 --> 00:21:36,335 "Hey, uh, you want to get back behind the barricades? 578 00:21:36,368 --> 00:21:37,635 "Hey. 579 00:21:37,668 --> 00:21:39,635 "Hey, little boy. 580 00:21:39,668 --> 00:21:41,401 "Yeah, I'm talking to you. 581 00:21:41,435 --> 00:21:45,035 Just... Behind the barricades." 582 00:21:48,335 --> 00:21:50,068 So somebody, I assume, 583 00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:52,368 genetically engineered these ponies. 584 00:21:52,401 --> 00:21:54,168 Do you think they could make them any size? 585 00:21:54,201 --> 00:21:56,535 Could they make them, like, the size of a quarter 586 00:21:56,568 --> 00:21:57,901 if they wanted? 587 00:21:57,935 --> 00:22:00,035 That would be fun for Monopoly, though, wouldn't it? 588 00:22:00,068 --> 00:22:02,301 Just have a little pony, and you put him on the... 589 00:22:02,335 --> 00:22:02,537 "Baltic. That's two down, go ahead. 590 00:22:02,537 --> 00:22:04,568 "Baltic. That's two down, go ahead. 591 00:22:04,601 --> 00:22:06,135 "Hold it. Right there, Baltic. 592 00:22:06,168 --> 00:22:08,935 Yeah, fine. Right there. Hold it right there."