1 00:00:47,330 --> 00:00:48,330 Pleasant weather? 2 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:51,330 Stop jabbering, you two. We're not Italians. 3 00:00:51,850 --> 00:00:53,830 Gan -gan, you look so beautiful today. 4 00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:57,490 I don't know why they didn't cast Angelina Jolie to play you in The Crown. 5 00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:58,750 Or Giselle. 6 00:01:00,870 --> 00:01:02,190 Settle, settle. 7 00:01:02,550 --> 00:01:04,129 Get the defibrillator paddles ready. 8 00:01:05,670 --> 00:01:06,670 No, no, we're good. 9 00:01:07,790 --> 00:01:10,530 Charlotte, can you move over like half an inch, please? 10 00:01:10,950 --> 00:01:11,950 Sorry, George. 11 00:01:12,230 --> 00:01:13,910 And who the hell is calling you? 12 00:01:14,230 --> 00:01:15,230 No one. 13 00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:19,070 Camilla, whatever it is you're dying to say, just spit it out. 14 00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:21,830 Oh, no, Mummy, she's fine. That's just how she swallows. 15 00:01:22,030 --> 00:01:23,910 I could put the curtain around her if you prefer. 16 00:01:24,370 --> 00:01:27,270 No. It's all good, darling. She loves you. 17 00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:31,250 He looks good. Fit. 18 00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:33,010 Oh, shut up. 19 00:01:33,250 --> 00:01:34,250 You shut up. 20 00:01:35,590 --> 00:01:38,170 Yeah, you look amazing today, Grandpa. 21 00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:40,430 This is a sexy family. 22 00:01:40,910 --> 00:01:42,370 You know, for British people. 23 00:01:45,550 --> 00:01:46,509 Hey, Owen. 24 00:01:46,510 --> 00:01:47,850 Yes, Your Royal Highness. 25 00:01:48,090 --> 00:01:51,670 When you're clipping my nails, can you at least try to act like you're enjoying 26 00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:54,470 it? My toes are absorbing a lot of your resentment. 27 00:01:54,890 --> 00:01:56,950 I would never want you to think that I didn't... Eh, eh. 28 00:01:57,190 --> 00:01:58,570 Less talky, more clippy. 29 00:01:58,970 --> 00:02:02,870 Ooh, Kelly Ripper just posted a throwback Thursday photo of her eating a 30 00:02:02,870 --> 00:02:04,170 on the set of All My Children. 31 00:02:04,610 --> 00:02:05,610 OMG. 32 00:02:06,030 --> 00:02:07,030 Cough and emoji. 33 00:02:07,150 --> 00:02:10,090 I love Kelly Ripper. I feel like we could be friends. 34 00:02:10,470 --> 00:02:11,950 Of course you could, sir. 35 00:02:12,170 --> 00:02:13,730 I know. That's why I said it. 36 00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,060 Let's see if she liked my comment yet. 37 00:02:16,780 --> 00:02:20,400 Hold on. Is she even following me? 38 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,100 Oh, my God. 39 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:23,980 Kelly Ripper doesn't follow me. 40 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:27,920 Perhaps she unfollowed you by accident, sir. I've done that. 41 00:02:28,140 --> 00:02:29,980 Wait. You're on Instagram? 42 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:34,520 It's mostly just pictures of me in my garden. Or of my deceased wife. 43 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,620 Well, not the dead wife again. 44 00:02:36,980 --> 00:02:38,520 Babe, move on. 45 00:02:39,310 --> 00:02:42,430 Anyway, you're right. Kelly obviously unfollowed me by accident. 46 00:02:42,690 --> 00:02:45,970 Yes, of course. That's probably what happened, sir. Probably? 47 00:02:46,270 --> 00:02:47,390 What do you mean, probably? 48 00:02:47,710 --> 00:02:51,370 I don't think I said probably. I believe I said definitely. 49 00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:53,290 Did you? 50 00:02:53,370 --> 00:02:55,010 I did, sir. 51 00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:56,750 Oh. Okay. 52 00:02:57,390 --> 00:02:58,390 Thank you. 53 00:02:58,450 --> 00:03:00,930 Just for that, I'm going to go on your Instagram. 54 00:03:01,290 --> 00:03:02,330 There you are. 55 00:03:02,710 --> 00:03:06,990 And like this picture of you. 56 00:03:07,430 --> 00:03:09,700 Like... That's my wife, sir. 57 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,360 Jesus. 58 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:12,860 I'm unliking it. 59 00:03:18,140 --> 00:03:20,600 I love you. I love you too, Douglas. 60 00:03:21,180 --> 00:03:24,660 Tomorrow is that thing, right? You know, that thing. 61 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,000 What's it called? 62 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,180 Your investiture ceremony, Your Royal Highness. 63 00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:29,420 Yes, it's tomorrow. 64 00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:31,480 And that is when I do what, exactly? 65 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:35,840 It's when you select certain men and women to knight and make dames, ma 'am. 66 00:03:36,810 --> 00:03:38,430 I know what it is, you topper. 67 00:03:40,150 --> 00:03:42,310 What the fuck? No idea. 68 00:03:42,730 --> 00:03:46,690 And will there be the little thing that I like to eat? You know, that little 69 00:03:46,690 --> 00:03:48,030 tart? That thing? 70 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:49,870 Yes, ma 'am, the flummery tart. 71 00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,330 Of course, as always. 72 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:53,710 Good. I fucking love that thing. 73 00:03:55,770 --> 00:03:57,230 You've got a lot of... Don't... 74 00:03:57,230 --> 00:04:03,370 Unbelievable. 75 00:04:10,220 --> 00:04:12,500 Unbelievable. Don't make me sigh again, Dinesh. 76 00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:13,740 Sorry, sorry. 77 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,120 What's unbelievable? 78 00:04:15,420 --> 00:04:18,700 Kelly Ripper still isn't following me. I've got to do something to get her 79 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:21,899 attention. I love Kelly Ripper. I feel like we could be friends. 80 00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:24,000 What a stupid fucking thing to say. 81 00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:27,660 Oh, look, your grandmother is making Greta Thunberg a dame. 82 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,860 Ugh, Greta Dumberg is more like it. 83 00:04:30,940 --> 00:04:33,520 I said Greta Dumberg is more like it. 84 00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:36,440 Don't laugh if you don't think it's funny. 85 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,740 Wait, Greta Thunberg is going to be a dame? You know what that means. 86 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,080 Maggie Smith is dead. 87 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,039 What? No. 88 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:44,660 What does that have to do with anything, Sebastian? 89 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:49,020 Doesn't a dame have to die before there can be a new one? That's what I thought, 90 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:52,420 too. That doesn't even make any... All right, both of you just shut up. 91 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,860 Well, that's the bell. Really fun day, guys. 92 00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:57,100 Text me later. 93 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:58,160 Free Britney! 94 00:04:59,620 --> 00:05:01,580 I never know where we stand with him. 95 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,830 Hey, Gan -Gan. Who's there? 96 00:05:14,070 --> 00:05:14,809 Who's there? 97 00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:16,690 It's me. It's me, Gan -Gan. 98 00:05:17,170 --> 00:05:18,630 Oh, hello, sweetheart. 99 00:05:19,170 --> 00:05:20,890 Oh, Jesus, my fucking heart. 100 00:05:21,130 --> 00:05:22,770 Anyway, I wanted to ask you something. 101 00:05:23,150 --> 00:05:24,990 Would you rub my feet while you do? 102 00:05:25,670 --> 00:05:27,590 Um, okay. 103 00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:36,250 So my good friend Kelly Ripper... Kelly and Ryan, Kelly Ripper? Yes, that's her. 104 00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,950 So I thought maybe you could make her a dame for me. 105 00:05:39,310 --> 00:05:42,850 Has she done anything else? I don't think so, but Helen Mirren's a dame, and 106 00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:43,930 hasn't done anything either. 107 00:05:44,190 --> 00:05:45,189 That's true. 108 00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:46,610 Okay, stop rubbing now. 109 00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:49,510 Sure. Thanks, Gam -Gam. Excuse me. 110 00:05:51,090 --> 00:05:55,930 Everyone stop fucking startling me! 111 00:05:56,570 --> 00:05:58,890 All right, well, thanks again. 112 00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,840 Excuse me, Your Royal Highness. 113 00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,980 Oh, hey, oh, no, it's cool. Come on in. 114 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:14,880 Okay, Google, turn off. 115 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:16,079 Guess what? 116 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:18,880 Gan -Gan just agreed to make Kelly Ripper a dame. 117 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,980 Splendid. And she's also honoring Greta Thunberg, I hear. 118 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:27,700 Well, Kelly's someone who actually deserves it. Do you know how early she 119 00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:28,700 get up for that show? 120 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,400 Anyway, she's obviously going to follow me after that. 121 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:32,840 Happy ending indeed. 122 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,640 Oh, I almost forgot, sir. 123 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:40,320 You received a postcard today from your Uncle Harry and Aunt Meghan in L .A. 124 00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:41,600 A postcard? 125 00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:43,060 Let me see that. 126 00:06:43,340 --> 00:06:45,460 What the hell are they doing in L .A. anyway? 127 00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,580 Uh... Hey. 128 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,700 Did you know it's cold in there? 129 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:57,260 Yeah. It's the refrigerator, Harry. 130 00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,220 Must be an American thing. 131 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:00,600 Um, it's not. 132 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,120 So I was thinking maybe later I could show you around L .A. We can go to 133 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,069 Hollywood Boulevard. 134 00:07:05,070 --> 00:07:07,030 Actually, it's kind of disgusting. Or maybe the Santa Monica Pier. 135 00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:10,210 Never mind, that's kind of gross, too. And whatever, we'll figure it out. I am 136 00:07:10,210 --> 00:07:11,930 just so happy to be back. 137 00:07:12,270 --> 00:07:13,129 For sure. 138 00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:14,650 But wait, what's this? 139 00:07:21,950 --> 00:07:22,950 Amazing, right? 140 00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:27,530 Okay. I have to tell you, this might be the smallest palace I've ever been in. 141 00:07:27,790 --> 00:07:32,730 Well, it's an apartment, so... Yes, an apartment palace, I know that. 142 00:07:33,130 --> 00:07:35,630 Lots of tiny palaces inside one big palace. 143 00:07:35,870 --> 00:07:39,730 You really need to stop thinking in terms of palaces. We have to get jobs. I 144 00:07:39,730 --> 00:07:43,290 have to start auditioning again. Oh, yes. You were on the very famous show 145 00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:46,890 Suits. More popular in the States than even Friends, you told us. 146 00:07:47,170 --> 00:07:49,650 Yeah, I might have oversold that a little bit at the time. 147 00:07:49,950 --> 00:07:52,930 Look, I love you, and I'm willing to do whatever I need to do in order to be 148 00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:53,930 with you, Megan. 149 00:07:54,030 --> 00:07:55,710 Aw, and I love you, too. 150 00:07:56,550 --> 00:07:59,550 I think it's important we do this ourselves, Harry, and not live off your 151 00:07:59,550 --> 00:08:00,590 family. I agree. 152 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,760 We'll just have to find a way to make 50 billion pounds on our own. 153 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:05,800 Fuck. 154 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,780 The Queen's investiture ceremony starts in ten minutes. 155 00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:11,060 Keep it moving. 156 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,480 Keep it moving. 157 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:14,940 Oh, my God, I have to shit so bad. 158 00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,520 You there, go get the trays of flambéry tarts. 159 00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:18,880 Yeah, I'm new. 160 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:24,220 I don't... I don't know what that is. I'll show him. Come with me. They're the 161 00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:25,760 Queen's favourite tarts. 162 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,540 Neat. I didn't suppose I could poo first. 163 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,000 It's down here. 164 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:37,559 This is where you keep the tarts. Just a little bit further, down this corridor, 165 00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:43,059 the tarts are very complicated little pastries. There's a whole process to 166 00:08:43,059 --> 00:08:44,059 making them. 167 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:45,820 It's a little weird. 168 00:08:50,620 --> 00:08:52,680 Jesus! Easy, easy! 169 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,800 They... They didn't have eyes. 170 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:16,620 Centuries ago, several bakers were brought down here until they perfected 171 00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:19,620 royal family's favourite treat, the flummery tart. 172 00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:21,720 They never saw the light of day. 173 00:09:22,260 --> 00:09:26,180 Eventually, they started breeding, and then over the decades, they kind of 174 00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:29,620 evolved into... Is it politically incorrect to say monsters? 175 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,160 My God. I told you it was a little weird. 176 00:09:33,580 --> 00:09:35,660 Are the tarts that good? I'm not a fan. 177 00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:47,590 Lovely to meet you. 178 00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:50,130 I'm Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge. 179 00:09:50,630 --> 00:09:52,170 And I'm William, the Duke of Cambridge. 180 00:09:52,370 --> 00:09:53,510 And these are my teeth. 181 00:09:53,990 --> 00:09:58,770 Hey, I'm Kelly Ripper, the woman of New Jersey. 182 00:09:58,970 --> 00:10:01,030 Of course you're being honoured this evening. 183 00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:04,370 And may I ask for what specifically? 184 00:10:04,890 --> 00:10:06,190 I have no idea. 185 00:10:08,430 --> 00:10:10,370 Oh, sickening. 186 00:10:10,850 --> 00:10:12,750 I can't watch you eat. 187 00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:15,730 Finally, she leaves. 188 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,800 You two are a fun pair. 189 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:19,500 Hey, Greta. 190 00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:20,580 Hi, Kelly. 191 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:21,800 Hey, Kelly. Kelly. 192 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:22,919 Hey, Kelly. 193 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:23,920 It's me, George. 194 00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:25,620 Get out of here, Greta. 195 00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:27,440 Oh, hey. 196 00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:28,540 Yeah, hey. 197 00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:31,360 So, this is cool, right? 198 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,580 I know. I'm going to be a dame. 199 00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,260 Did Maggie Smith die? 200 00:10:35,480 --> 00:10:40,200 No, Maggie Smith didn't die. Why does everyone... Anyway, it's so fun that 201 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,700 Instagram friends and we're finally meeting in person. 202 00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:44,780 Oh, is that how we know each other? 203 00:10:44,980 --> 00:10:45,819 Yeah, that's how. 204 00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:47,960 Like I follow you and you follow me. 205 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,840 Are those those fucking tarts I like? 206 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,940 I can't talk now. They're all watching me. 207 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,820 And I'm watching them. 208 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,520 Hi, Mummy. 209 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,640 Yep, here it is. Kelly Ripper following. 210 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:11,980 See? I bet if you go to atprinceg2013, you'll see the same thing. 211 00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:14,330 Do it. 212 00:11:14,350 --> 00:11:15,390 Um, okay. 213 00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:19,370 Oh, I... I guess I wasn't following you. 214 00:11:19,570 --> 00:11:20,870 Sorry. Am now. 215 00:11:21,150 --> 00:11:22,770 Oh, yeah, sure. Whatever. I don't care. 216 00:11:24,730 --> 00:11:25,930 What the hell are you doing? 217 00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:27,470 We're not in Japan, dear. 218 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,370 Curtsy next time. 219 00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:31,510 Someone taught me! 220 00:11:32,390 --> 00:11:33,590 I thought she'd be nice. 221 00:11:33,970 --> 00:11:34,970 Yeah, she's not. 222 00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:37,990 Hello, I'm Prince Charles, and this is my wife Camilla. 223 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:41,270 You know, a lot of people think Camilla should have a chat show, too. 224 00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:43,390 She's got quite the gift of gab. 225 00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:45,170 Breakfast show chat, darling? 226 00:11:46,230 --> 00:11:47,530 You're going to love it, Kelly. 227 00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:48,890 She's so good. 228 00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:50,110 Go on, darling. 229 00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:53,470 Yeah, I kind of preferred your other wife. 230 00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:58,910 That was fun tonight, though, wasn't it? 231 00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:03,710 You've missed like ten spots already, by the way. How hard is it to apply face 232 00:12:03,710 --> 00:12:05,010 cream? Fuck. 233 00:12:05,430 --> 00:12:06,830 Apologies, Your Royal Highness. 234 00:12:07,670 --> 00:12:10,550 Yes, the evening was a huge success. 235 00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:15,000 It was also freezing today, so you noticed Greta didn't have much to say. 236 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,080 Oh, look at this. Dame Kelly Ripper following. 237 00:12:18,420 --> 00:12:19,560 She changed that fast. 238 00:12:19,980 --> 00:12:23,020 See? I told you, sir. It was a simple mistake. 239 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,500 Yeah, yeah. Anyway, now I can do this. 240 00:12:26,340 --> 00:12:27,340 Unfollow. 241 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:28,720 Bye. 242 00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:32,380 Don't let me do that again, by the way. Pull me back, oh. 243 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:38,180 Why do I care if Kelly Ripper follows me? That was like a lot of wasted 244 00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:41,380 I do see now how it was my fault, sir. 245 00:12:41,660 --> 00:12:43,020 Oh, don't feel bad, oh. 246 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:47,340 Look, look what I'm doing. At Owen Palace, follow. 247 00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:49,240 Oh, sir. 248 00:12:49,840 --> 00:12:52,220 Okay, Google, play Lady Gaga. 249 00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,480 I want your stupid love. 250 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,520 to free me from the pain. 251 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,600 I gotta find that peace. 252 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:22,680 Is it too late or could this love protect me from the pain? 253 00:13:23,060 --> 00:13:26,980 I would battle for you even if my brain gets too weak.