1
00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:11,303
Dave: Morning, Mike.
How's it hanging?

2
00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:13,680
Oh. Fine, Dave, just fine.

3
00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,724
I put your mail on your desk

4
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:19,811
and you have an appointment later
with the director of point calculations.

5
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:23,690
Let's reschedule that.
Those things last like a thousand years.

6
00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:26,652
Listen, we got the files
for the new crop of incoming

7
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,655
and the big guy thinks it's time
for you to fly solo.

8
00:00:31,114 --> 00:00:32,824
I get to design it myself?

9
00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,536
You've been an apprentice long enough.
You're ready.

10
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:40,165
It's... oh.

11
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:45,754
Oh, Dave. I'm gonna work so hard.
My design is gonna be absolutely perfect.

12
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:48,006
Dave laughing:
Ok. Easy there, rookie.

13
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,175
Starting immediately,
you'll be out of my department.

14
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,179
You'll be reporting directly
to the front office.

15
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,138
This is your shot. Good luck.

16
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:04,690
Whoosh

17
00:01:05,691 --> 00:01:07,442
Shawn:
The bad place is owed two people.

18
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:10,654
You have all done bad things
since you arrived here.

19
00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,281
I don't care which two of you go.

20
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,615
You can decide.

21
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:14,908
You have 30 minutes.

22
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:16,743
Timer beeps

23
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:21,123
all I ever wanted
was for this neighbourhood

24
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,667
my first neighbourhood, to be perfect.

25
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:25,460
Somehow I blew it and...

26
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,046
Now you're all suffering

27
00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,424
and for that, I'm deeply sorry.

28
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:38,849
This is truly
the saddest day of my life.

29
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:42,519
Joll y circus mus/c

30
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,031
Ok, I guess I'll speak first.

31
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:57,159
Jason and I are the mistakes.

32
00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,079
We're the ones who misled everybody
and dragged you all into this mess, so

33
00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:02,914
we should go to the bad place.

34
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:03,998
Agreed. — yes.

35
00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:07,836
Ok, I thought you were gonna at least
pretend to fight me on that but whatever.

36
00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:12,132
Hang on. That judge guy just said
everyone here has done bad things.

37
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,635
Let's look at this ethnically.

38
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:18,347
For what I hope is the last time.
It is “ethically”.

39
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:20,307
You guys helped me and Eleanor, right?

40
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,977
But we're bad,
so you helping us was bad.

41
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,063
It's basic consequentialism:

42
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,857
The morality of an action
is solely judged on its consequences.

43
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:30,609
Chidi laughs: Great. That's...

44
00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:33,779
The one time you actually remember
something from class.

45
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,299
Maybe I was brought here by mistake,
but since we've been here

46
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,200
I just tried to stay
out of everyone's way.

47
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,118
Chidi's done worse stuff than me.

48
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:42,579
He murdered Janet. He killed my wife!

49
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,456
I was trying to stop you from doing it!

50
00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:45,624
Yeah, but you did it.

51
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,084
He who smelt it, murdered Janet.

52
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,211
Ok, well, it's settled then.

53
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:51,213
Eleanor and jianyu are leaving.

54
00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:53,006
For the last time, my name is Jason

55
00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,008
not jianyu,
the amazing, incredible monk.

56
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,094
Which is why
you belong in the bad place.

57
00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:01,139
And by the way, Janet is not your wife.
Or your soulmate.

58
00:03:01,223 --> 00:03:02,783
There's a Janet in every neighbourhood.

59
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,393
Well, I'm in love with this Janet.

60
00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:07,854
We did a bunch of amazing, awesome stuff,
which almost turned out to be sex

61
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,565
and we were married in a legal ceremony.
— It was not legal.

62
00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,567
Ok, j—bones, you and me, outside.

63
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:13,694
What? But...

64
00:03:14,945 --> 00:03:16,780
I'm not going. I don't wanna.

65
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:22,285
I know you don't wanna, goofball.
I don't wanna either, but let's face it

66
00:03:22,953 --> 00:03:25,539
chidi and tahani are better people
than we are.

67
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:30,544
We tried to improve ourselves
and you know what, we did a good job.

68
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,254
Well, I did a good job.

69
00:03:32,504 --> 00:03:35,424
You mostly fell asleep in class
or made fart noises with your hands.

70
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,801
Fart noises
— I could never do that on earth.

71
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,303
This place truly is paradise.

72
00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:42,472
Tahani: Look at them

73
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,976
whispering away
like two beefeaters on a tea break.

74
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,978
I bet they're plotting against us.

75
00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:49,688
No way. Eleanor wouldn't do that.

76
00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,232
You do have feelings for her, don't you?

77
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:54,943
I don't know. Y—yes. But no.

78
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:57,505
Ok, please don't make me think
about this again. My brain will break.

79
00:03:57,529 --> 00:04:00,532
I'm sorry, it's just that I have
certain feelings for you.

80
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:02,117
You must see this.

81
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,911
The universe keeps intertwining our fates.

82
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,038
At first,
we both get fraudulent soulmates

83
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,624
and now we may be going
to the bad place together.

84
00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:12,419
It's meaningful, don't you think?

85
00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:17,132
This whole romantic situation
is such a mess.

86
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:20,427
I am vexed, tahani. Vexed.

87
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,888
I'm sorry,
I don't mean to contribute to your misery.

88
00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:24,639
It's just that I'm frightened.

89
00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:26,975
I don't have an actual soulmate.

90
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,854
What's gonna happen to me
when Jason and fake Eleanor go

91
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,023
and you're off with real Eleanor?

92
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,693
Whither tahani?
— ok. Team meeting.

93
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,071
Jason has agreed
that the two of us should go.

94
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:42,824
Bye, tahanl

95
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,826
sorry for everything.

96
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:48,580
After I'm gone, you can go ahead
and clean out my bud hole.

97
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,248
Thank you.

98
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:55,504
I love you so much, baby.
Promise me you'll visit?

99
00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,630
I will not.

100
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,633
It is literally impossible
for me to do that.

101
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,512
Well, it's been real, dog.

102
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,307
Sorry, that's how I ended
most of my serious relationships.

103
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,601
Yeah, that checks out.

104
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:12,729
I feel like I failed you.

105
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:13,855
No.

106
00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,066
Don't ever think that.

107
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,445
I was dropped into a cave...

108
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,114
And you were my flashlight.

109
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,701
Oh, goodbye forever.

110
00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,704
I will miss you so much.

111
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,374
Oh, I'll miss you too, you sexy skyscraper.

112
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,170
Ok, ready, bud?

113
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:39,673
It's gonna get freaky down there.

114
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:40,632
No/ce.

115
00:05:40,715 --> 00:05:42,217
Not in a good way, dummy.

116
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:47,305
Whatever happens, if we possibly can,
we gotta stick together. Ok?

117
00:05:48,890 --> 00:05:49,933
Good.

118
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,059
Let's grab Michael.

119
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:52,727
Knocking

120
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,062
Eleanor: Come in.

121
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:56,857
Hi, guys. Sorry to interrupt.

122
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:57,940
Um...

123
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,111
I'm going to the bad place.
I'm taking one of the slots.

124
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,070
What? — awesome.

125
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:03,947
I've been there. I know I can hack it.

126
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,909
Actually, I have kind of a rapport
with some of the fire monsters.

127
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:11,997
Also, if I can prevent someone else
from being tortured

128
00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,249
I should. It just seems right.

129
00:06:14,332 --> 00:06:16,877
Eleanor, that's crazy. You belong here.

130
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:18,461
There's another reason.

131
00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:22,757
Everyone here
is supposed to have a soulmate

132
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,261
and my soulmate doesn't love me.

133
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:33,518
I don't know if you love the other Eleanor,
or tahani, or someone else, but...

134
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:37,647
You don't love me,
which means that this...

135
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:41,026
Will never really be my good place.

136
00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,822
I'm going, so you only have to choose
one more person.

137
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,411
Ok, that means...

138
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,788
That means that... what does that mean?

139
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,790
It means...

140
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,127
I get to stay here with my wife forever!

141
00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:00,503
We did it, Eleanor!

142
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:04,132
Usa! Usa! Usa!

143
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,261
Usa! Usa!

144
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:11,097
Woohoo! This is so dope!
I get to stay.

145
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,768
You realise if you stay,
I still have to go, right?

146
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,313
Yes, but, I get to stay.

147
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,315
Good point, bud.

148
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:21,900
Well reasoned.

149
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,988
Wow. Chidi is a terrible writer.

150
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,035
Sighing:
This is a real mess, huh?

151
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:33,787
No matter what they decide

152
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,247
I bet you're gonna be in pretty hot water
with your boss.

153
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,459
Wouldn't be surprised
if retirement were on the table.

154
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,504
Retirement?

155
00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:43,630
Course, what do I know?

156
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:46,925
I'm just the all—knowing judge
of all matters in the afterlife.

157
00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:49,344
But face it, this is your mistake.

158
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,099
Val: Morning, Mike.
— morning, val.

159
00:07:55,350 --> 00:07:57,143
Which one's which? I always forget.

160
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,562
Black is regular. Orange is anti—matter.

161
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,651
Working on your first solo design, right?

162
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,236
How's it coming?

163
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:07,904
Fine.

164
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,488
I guess.

165
00:08:11,116 --> 00:08:14,577
Do you ever get the feeling
we could be doing it all... differently?

166
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:16,454
I mean, it's always the same.

167
00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:17,789
We get the names

168
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:22,335
come up with the design, they arrive,
we move onto the next one.

169
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,879
We never even get to be there...

170
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,173
To see how fun it is.

171
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,591
Yeah, that is a bummer,

172
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,635
but it's a good system.
I mean, it works, right?

173
00:08:30,719 --> 00:08:32,387
They laugh

174
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,890
but don't rock the boat here, pal.
Just try to do a good job.

175
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,227
She groans: French vanilla?

176
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,521
Regular anti—matter's fine.
Why flavour it?

177
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,442
Michael murmurs: A good job.

178
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:06,171
Ok, all things being equal,
and please check my ethical math here

179
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,507
the right move for me is to go, right?

180
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,926
Jason does seem to love Janet.

181
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,262
And he's not taking anyone's place

182
00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:16,556
because the real jianyu
isn't even dead yet.

183
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,348
So I should go.

184
00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:19,601
Wow.

185
00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,705
You're making decisions
based on what's best for other people.

186
00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:24,773
Yeah, dude. I'm not a monster...

187
00:09:26,357 --> 00:09:27,357
Anymore.

188
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,195
Alright, nerds, it's settled.

189
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:33,323
I'll go to the bad place
with real Eleanor

190
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,493
and you three can stay.
— yes! We get to stay, baby. We did it!

191
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,911
Wait, no.

192
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,286
You're not going.

193
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,082
I am.

194
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,166
What? — why?

195
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,793
Real Eleanor is my soulmate

196
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,503
or was my soulmate

197
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,273
and she's only going down there
because she thinks that I don't love her.

198
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,340
Do you? — I don't know.

199
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,984
Please don't ask me that.
My stomach hurts.

200
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,051
The point is

201
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,929
if she's going down there because of me,
I'll never be at peace.

202
00:09:56,262 --> 00:09:57,514
Plus, Jason's right.

203
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,825
I've done plenty of terrible things
since I've gotten here.

204
00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:01,059
I deserve to go.

205
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,103
Yes! We get to stay, baby.
We did it!

206
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,979
No, dude, this is bonkers.

207
00:10:05,063 --> 00:10:06,689
I am going. End of story.

208
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,692
No, I'm going with real Eleanor.
End of discussion.

209
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,362
No. I'm going. End of everything.

210
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,656
What? Now you're trying to replace chidi?

211
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,242
No. I'm going to replace real Eleanor.

212
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,719
Chidi and I are going to go together

213
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,454
which means that you and real Eleanor
and Jason can stay.

214
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,665
Yes! We get to stay, baby.
We did it!

215
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:27,794
Look, I love you,
and I think you love me.

216
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:31,923
We can be together,
away from everyone else.

217
00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,466
Obviously, we'll be miserable

218
00:10:33,550 --> 00:10:37,303
but I truly believe
our love will make us happy.

219
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:41,182
Ok, you realise the bad place is not
some sort of couples' retreat, right?

220
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:43,059
If it is, Janet and I would like to go.

221
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,186
I am going! And real Eleanor is going!

222
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:46,563
No, I'm going with real Eleanor.

223
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,106
No, I'm going with chidi.

224
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,649
Me and Janet are staying, just fyi.

225
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:51,776
Oh, that's enough out of you, robot lover.

226
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,278
Hey, that's racist.
— not a robot.

227
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,405
Oh, you have some nerve.

228
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,364
Guys?

229
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:57,740
Indistinct arguing

230
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,325
guys!

231
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,745
Chidi: The only reason why I'm going
is because real Eleanor is going.

232
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,956
If you go,
it doesn't make sense for me to go.

233
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,293
Look. You're not listening to me.

234
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:13,047
Holy motherforking shirtballs.

235
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,801
What? — oh, man!

236
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,137
Wow!

237
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:22,015
Ok, ok.

238
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:23,975
Uh, whoo!

239
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,894
Yo, Mikey! Shawn!

240
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:27,812
Come on out!

241
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:34,444
Is everything ok?
— right as rain, Mikey, my boy.

242
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,572
So, chidi and I
are gonna go to the bad place.

243
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:39,908
What? — trust me. I've got this.

244
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,243
That's our decision. Let's hit it.

245
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,495
Well... what about real Eleanor?

246
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,414
No, it's me and chidi. Call the train.

247
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,210
Point of order. I don't accept this offer.

248
00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,378
The real mistakes were Jason and Eleanor.

249
00:11:52,462 --> 00:11:54,464
Gah, gah, gah, gah!
You said any two of us.

250
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,466
It's me and chidi. Let's do it to it.

251
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,887
Michael! I just found
an obscure precedent in the rules

252
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,263
that might just save everyone.

253
00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,557
Buzz off, bambadjan.
Don't need it.

254
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,518
Uh, ok.

255
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:11,397
Ready when you are, boss.

256
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,274
Chidi: Eleanor, what's going on?

257
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,944
It took me a while to figure it out

258
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:19,989
but just now as we were all fighting
and yelling at each other

259
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,575
and each one of us demanding
we should go to the bad place

260
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:26,454
I thought to myself,
"man, this is torture".

261
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,206
And then it hit me.

262
00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,710
They're never gonna call a train
to take us to the bad place.

263
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:36,798
They can't. Because we're already here.

264
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:40,843
This is the bad place.

265
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:50,937
Dramatic music

266
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:54,482
oh, man!

267
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,986
I can't believe you figured it out.

268
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,363
Michael laughs sinisterly

269
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,031
oh, god!

270
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,909
You... you ruined everything,
you know that?

271
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,580
Michael: Oh, man.

272
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,375
Eleanor, you really suck!

273
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:14,669
I was so close to pulling it off!

274
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:17,714
Grunts angrily

275
00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,470
sorry. So she's right?

276
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,264
Yeah, she figured it out.

277
00:13:26,347 --> 00:13:29,809
No... no, this doesn't make any sense.

278
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:33,354
This is paradise.
— oh, it looks like paradise

279
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:38,860
but it's actually a filthy dumpster
full of our worst anxieties.

280
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:42,363
I'm surrounded by people
who are literally better than me.

281
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:46,326
Just me being here forced chidi
into an ethical clusterfork.

282
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:47,618
Tahani tortured Jason

283
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,412
by constantly trying to get him to talk

284
00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:52,290
Jason tortured me because I was sure
he would blow our cover

285
00:13:52,373 --> 00:13:55,251
which was torture for chidi,
because he was responsible for me

286
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,587
which made chidi
seem like the perfect soulmate

287
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,048
and that tortured tahani
because he didn't love her.

288
00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,842
You don't love me?
— please, don't ask me that right now.

289
00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:03,926
See?

290
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:07,680
We've been torturing each other
since the moment we arrived

291
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:11,517
and everything Michael has done
has made at least one of us miserable.

292
00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:15,063
I had to be his assistant
and try and find myself.

293
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:19,317
He convinced me
to throw my life's work in the garbage.

294
00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:23,112
Tahani: He made sure I'd see
those bogus neighbourhood rankings

295
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,365
because he knew I'd hate
being second—to—last.

296
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,786
Jason: And I had the perfect bud hole
and no dudes to share it with.

297
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,205
He played us like a fiddle.

298
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:33,956
You gotta give it up.

299
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:34,916
Oh, dip!

300
00:14:34,999 --> 00:14:38,211
Eleanor, I told you that first night
that we were in a prank show.

301
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:42,090
Oh, yeah. You did. Great job, man!

302
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,884
Chidi, don't go!

303
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:48,763
I don't care if you don't love me.
I love you.

304
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,183
It's the only thing that makes
any sense to me in this crazy world

305
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:55,186
and I think we should stay and try—...

306
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:58,398
No, stop, Vicky. They figured it out.

307
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:02,235
They_.
— Michael: They know this is the bad place.

308
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:03,820
Eleanor figured it out.

309
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,991
Oh, man!

310
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,594
This was supposed to be my big moment.

311
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,496
I just rehearsed that speech
for, like, three hours.

312
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,874
Damn it, Eleanor, you are the worst

313
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:18,334
and you can all suck it.

314
00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,463
Do you remember what I told you

315
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,049
when you predicted you could do this
for a thousand years?

316
00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:26,175
Whoosh

317
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:29,303
the time has come to innovate.

318
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:34,976
The human afterlife can be more fun—...

319
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:39,063
For us, obviously,
not for the people we're torturing.

320
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:40,982
Who cares about those dummies?

321
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:46,612
I present to you the perfect recipe
for my proposed experiment.

322
00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:51,826
Four people, perfectly suited
to make each other miserable.

323
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:59,834
I am going to design an afterlife
where they torture each other.

324
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:00,835
We've tried this.

325
00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:03,045
Humans are very reticent
to torture each other.

326
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:04,922
Even getting them to do simple things

327
00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,008
like pulling out each other's teeth
is like...

328
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,303
I can't think of the right analogy.

329
00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,763
Uh, what makes you think
that you can get them to do this?

330
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:15,641
Because they won't even know
that they are doing it.

331
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:20,021
I'm going to make them think
that they are in the good place

332
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,857
and to make sure
that they drive each other insane

333
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:24,692
I will be there

334
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:29,197
posing as a good place architect.
— what?

335
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,908
I even stole a good place Janet
we can use.

336
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,494
It can work.

337
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:38,289
Look, we can just send them all
to the hot spike pits

338
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:39,499
with the lava and the bees

339
00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,542
and the lightning
that tears off their flesh.

340
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:43,711
Let's try something new.

341
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,048
The thrill of watching them torture
each other

342
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:51,802
with personal deception and jealousy
will be so much more fulfilling than

343
00:16:52,386 --> 00:16:54,972
I don't know, uh,
pouring spiders into people's eyes

344
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,724
for, like, the zillionth time.

345
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:58,476
Hey, the spiders work great.

346
00:16:58,559 --> 00:17:00,645
Val, no one is criticising the spiders.

347
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,855
No... you've done amazing work
with the spiders.

348
00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:05,858
Too many variables. Too many moving parts.

349
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,568
That's what will make it fun.

350
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:09,987
I cannot predict everything
that's gonna happen

351
00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:11,447
but we'll improvise.

352
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:13,282
We'll... we'll be on our toes.

353
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,408
It'll be exciting.

354
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:16,701
I think...

355
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,539
That we can get them
to torture each other...

356
00:17:21,332 --> 00:17:22,375
For a thousand years.

357
00:17:22,917 --> 00:17:27,046
I think you'd be lucky to get six months
out of this insane gambit.

358
00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,132
But take me through it.

359
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,261
How would this work, exactly?
— Michael: Oh.

360
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,555
Yes, all right, so...

361
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,267
This is a 14 million—point plan.

362
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:42,728
Um... oh, sorry.

363
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,147
I thought we reserved the conference room.

364
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:46,899
No, Todd, we have it until three.

365
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,317
Sorry. Sorry, everyone.

366
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,443
Whoosh

367
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,570
so...

368
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:56,200
Bambadjan, and pavita,
and Gunnar, and Shawn...

369
00:17:56,284 --> 00:17:57,868
Everyone else in this neighbourhood—...

370
00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,120
Except for you four

371
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,832
everyone in this neighbourhood
is one of us.

372
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,334
After I came up
with everyone's characters

373
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:08,629
we'd just create fun scenarios
designed to torture you.

374
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:10,923
How can I be over it?
We haven't discussed it

375
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,717
or even spoken for days.

376
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,052
Well, it sounds like
you've had a really nice vacation

377
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,554
from your full—time job.

378
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,763
Get your story straight.

379
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:19,807
Whispers: Ok.

380
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:23,184
They're at each other's throats already.
This should put them over the top.

381
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:26,314
Ed, you play Bart, a former private eye.
— ooh.

382
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:29,150
Oh, uh, maybe my specialty was I...
Identity theft cases.

383
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,818
Oh, he'll love it. Love!

384
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:34,488
Now, Tracy, you're his soulmate, Nina...

385
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,532
A marriage counsellor.

386
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,909
Maybe we can get them to swing with us.

387
00:18:40,161 --> 00:18:41,579
That's perfect, perfect!

388
00:18:41,829 --> 00:18:42,872
Shh, shh, shh.

389
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,750
Michael:
Hey, guys? It's Michael.

390
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:46,709
Eleanor groans

391
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,294
Michael: That was really a fun time.

392
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,253
Whoosh

393
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,672
then it all started to go off the rails.

394
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,049
When I confessed.

395
00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,261
You had no idea / was gonna do that

396
00:18:57,553 --> 00:19:00,348
because, honestly,
I had no idea / was gonna do that

397
00:19:00,431 --> 00:19:02,224
Michael:
Yeah, that came out of nowhere.

398
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:05,603
I mean, after that,
it was just a crazy scramble for all of us.

399
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,814
You know, I... I definitely underestimated

400
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,942
how effective chidi was gonna be
teaching you to be good

401
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:16,280
and obviously, we didn't anticipate
that Janet would fall in love with Jason.

402
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,908
Hang on. That part is real?

403
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,702
Oh, yeah. Janet isn't one of us.

404
00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:25,998
No, she's sort of a foundational mainframe
for all of the neighbourhoods

405
00:19:26,082 --> 00:19:27,082
good and bad.

406
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,836
And apparently,
this Janet is in love with Jason.

407
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,963
I mean, co... what a world, huh?

408
00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:34,215
I knew it.

409
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,467
I love you so much, baby.

410
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:41,013
And I, in an indefinable way
that is not communicable through language

411
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:42,890
love you.

412
00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,266
Wait, I don't get something.

413
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:48,813
I know why Jason and I were sent here,
but why tahani?

414
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:52,817
Oh yeah. Didn't you raise, like,
$5,000 for charity or whatever?

415
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,903
Uh, 60 billion, actually, so...

416
00:19:58,239 --> 00:19:59,239
Oh.

417
00:20:00,241 --> 00:20:01,283
But it didn't matter...

418
00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,829
Because my motivations were corrupt.

419
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:09,500
I didn't care about helping the people
I raised the money for.

420
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:14,171
I just wanted to prove my parents wrong,
and stick it to my sister

421
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:15,881
get fame and attention.

422
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,093
My only real goal was to snog
Ryan gosling at the met ball.

423
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,096
Which I did.

424
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:24,306
Couple of times, actually.

425
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,808
Well, well, well.

426
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:29,937
Looks like duchess perfecto
wasn't so perfect after all.

427
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,314
I don't really think now
is the time to gloat, Eleanor.

428
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,108
Don't care. Gonna gloat a little.

429
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,570
But wait, why is chidi here?

430
00:20:37,653 --> 00:20:38,821
Well, um...

431
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:42,032
There's something
you don't know about me.

432
00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:44,368
I read an article saying that...

433
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,912
Growing almonds was bad
for the environment

434
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:51,000
and yet I continued to use
almond milk in my coffee—...

435
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,626
No, dingus!

436
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:58,090
You hurt everyone in your life
with your rigidity and your indecisiveness.

437
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,094
Oh, fork!

438
00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,137
You're right.

439
00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,976
Every friend, every girlfriend
was driven nuts

440
00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:11,103
because / couldn't do anything.

441
00:21:11,437 --> 00:21:12,938
I missed my mom's back surgery

442
00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:16,400
because I had already promised
my landlord's nephew

443
00:21:16,484 --> 00:21:18,694
that I would help him
figure out his new phone.

444
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:20,362
I made everyone miserable.

445
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,239
Well, if it makes you feel any better

446
00:21:22,323 --> 00:21:24,742
you were the closest
to actually getting in, up there.

447
00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:28,579
You weren't that close.
You were just the closest.

448
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,289
Well, that makes me feel worse somehow.

449
00:21:30,372 --> 00:21:32,750
Good. Thank you, chidi.

450
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,960
I... I really needed to hear that
right now.

451
00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:38,589
I mean, all this hard work,
all the planning, all for nothing.

452
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:40,800
It really sucks.

453
00:21:40,883 --> 00:21:41,883
No, it doesn't.

454
00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:44,512
This is wonderful.

455
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:47,181
You saw us all on earth...

456
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:52,102
A selfish ass, an idiot dj,
a tortured academic

457
00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:55,815
a hot, rich fraud with legs for days...

458
00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:59,401
Side note, I might legit be into tahani...

459
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,320
But that's for another time.

460
00:22:02,071 --> 00:22:04,156
You thought we would torture each other

461
00:22:04,949 --> 00:22:06,450
and we did for a little

462
00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,285
but we also took care of each other.

463
00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:10,579
We improved each other

464
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:12,915
and the four of us became a team.

465
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:19,046
So, the only thing you succeeded in doing
was bringing us all together.

466
00:22:20,631 --> 00:22:21,674
Oh, Eleanor...

467
00:22:22,883 --> 00:22:23,883
That's it!

468
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:27,847
My big mistake
was bringing you all together

469
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:31,058
h—having you be soulmates
living next to each other.

470
00:22:31,475 --> 00:22:35,020
Next time, I'll spread you out,
so it's more of a slow burn.

471
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:36,772
Uh, next time? — yeah, yeah.

472
00:22:36,856 --> 00:22:38,315
I'm gonna, uh, erase your memories

473
00:22:38,399 --> 00:22:40,734
you know, make a few changes
and start over again.

474
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:43,445
Hopefully. Just gotta get
the boss man to sign off.

475
00:22:44,196 --> 00:22:45,239
Wish me luck.

476
00:22:50,536 --> 00:22:52,288
Guys, we need a plan. Quick.

477
00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:53,789
Tahani, anything?

478
00:22:54,874 --> 00:22:56,393
Chidi, I need ya. You're the smart one.

479
00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:58,294
I... I... I can't. I.. I can't.

480
00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,379
Eleanor: Jason?
— what? What's up?

481
00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:01,462
Ugh!

482
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:03,966
What do you say? Take two, huh?

483
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:05,426
I don't know.

484
00:23:05,926 --> 00:23:06,969
I mean, what is this?

485
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:08,971
All this work for four people

486
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,432
and me, I'm wearing a judge's robe.

487
00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:14,768
I feel like a real weeny.

488
00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:17,813
Look, for a first attempt
it was actually very promising.

489
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:21,150
Let me...
Let me just tinker a little, try again.

490
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:22,943
Ok

491
00:23:23,694 --> 00:23:25,487
But you're way out on a limb here, Mike.

492
00:23:26,030 --> 00:23:28,991
If this thing goes sideways again,
you are done.

493
00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:32,703
Guys, he is going
to erase our memories at any second

494
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:34,538
and all of this
will have been for nothing.

495
00:23:35,372 --> 00:23:36,790
Ugh! You're useless!

496
00:23:39,668 --> 00:23:41,170
What do I write? What do I write?

497
00:23:41,253 --> 00:23:42,253
Ooh, come on, brain.

498
00:23:47,468 --> 00:23:48,510
Janet?

499
00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:51,847
You can't eat anything, right?
— correct.

500
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:52,973
Eleanor: Open up.

501
00:23:53,515 --> 00:23:55,893
Michael: All right, let's try again,
shall we?

502
00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,771
You know what, bro?
Do your worst.

503
00:23:59,188 --> 00:24:01,106
We figured it out once,
we can do it again

504
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,816
because you know what, Michael?

505
00:24:04,485 --> 00:24:05,361
Ya basic...

506
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:06,487
Silence

507
00:24:07,154 --> 00:24:08,197
whoosh

508
00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:10,199
relaxing water sounds

509
00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,501
Eleanor, come on in.

510
00:24:23,337 --> 00:24:25,839
You, Eleanor shellstrop, are dead.

511
00:24:26,465 --> 00:24:27,758
Your life on earth has ended

512
00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:32,304
and you're now in the next phase
of your existence in the universe.

513
00:24:34,181 --> 00:24:35,181
Cool.

514
00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:40,664
Michael on TV:
You know the way you feel when you see

515
00:24:40,688 --> 00:24:43,565
a chimpanzee and a baby tiger
who've become friends?

516
00:24:44,483 --> 00:24:47,444
That's how you're
going to feel every day.

517
00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:54,451
Your medical relief mission to Kazakhstan,
that really put you over the top.

518
00:24:54,535 --> 00:24:55,935
You got a tonne of points for that.

519
00:24:57,413 --> 00:25:01,375
Eleanor? I'm Chris baker.
I'm your soulmate.

520
00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:03,919
Cool. Bring it in, man.

521
00:25:05,921 --> 00:25:07,089
So where are you from, Chris?

522
00:25:07,172 --> 00:25:10,384
I'm from teaneck, New Jersey,
and I was a mailman.

523
00:25:11,510 --> 00:25:12,553
Really?

524
00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:18,642
Chris, you'll stand by me
no matter what, right?

525
00:25:18,726 --> 00:25:21,478
Hold that thought.
Is it ok if I go work out?

526
00:25:21,895 --> 00:25:26,525
I love working out.
I gotta stay jacked, it's... who I am.

527
00:25:26,608 --> 00:25:27,901
Yeah, you gotta.

528
00:25:27,985 --> 00:25:30,195
Once I'm back,
we'll get to know each other.

529
00:25:30,821 --> 00:25:31,864
Great.

530
00:25:32,823 --> 00:25:33,866
See ya soon.

531
00:25:35,242 --> 00:25:36,242
Ding — hi there.

532
00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:38,078
Who are you? — I'm Janet.

533
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,788
I think this is yours.

534
00:25:40,039 --> 00:25:42,249
After I was rebooted,
I found it in my mouth.

535
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:43,792
What?

536
00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:54,011
What the fork is a "chidi"?

537
00:25:55,179 --> 00:25:56,513
Why can't I say fork?