1 00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:05,881 Door opens 2 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,510 Eleanor? Come on in. 3 00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:15,015 Well, not often you get to confront your greatest failure face to face. 4 00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:16,475 Good to see you too, bud. 5 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,810 I am just dumbfounded as to how this happened. 6 00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:22,481 Our system has never made a mistake before. 7 00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:23,606 It's just not possible. 8 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,149 And yet, here we are. 9 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:27,402 First things first. 10 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,157 Who are you? — well, my name is Eleanor shellstrop. 11 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:34,159 And some of the info you had was right. 12 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,329 I mean, "flattened by a boner pill truck 13 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:40,415 after dropping Margarita mix in grocery store parking lot" 14 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:41,917 that's a very "me" way to die. 15 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,461 But all the other info was wrong. 16 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:48,006 In my defence, when I first arrived and you said 17 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:50,691 "you, Eleanor shellstrop, are dead, and you're in the good place" 18 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:53,762 I had no reason to think that was a mistake. 19 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,100 Location and date of birth, please? 20 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,478 Phoenix, Arizona. October 14th, 1986. 21 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,566 So, sorry, that's what I used to tell people when I lied about my age. 22 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,069 I was born in 1982. 23 00:01:09,278 --> 00:01:11,780 You lied so much you forgot your own birthdate. 24 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,782 Not a great start. 25 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:17,119 But it should be enough for Janet to locate your file. 26 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:18,829 Janet? — Janet beeps 27 00:01:20,122 --> 00:01:23,542 Janet? — what's that? What's that? 28 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,127 Janet gasps: What's this? 29 00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:29,047 Her memory's still being rebooted because 30 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:30,882 oh, you know someone murdered her. 31 00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:35,053 Janet, could you please locate the file for an Eleanor shellstrop 32 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:38,098 born in 1982. — yes. 33 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,267 Phoenix, Arizona, usa. 34 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,352 Sure! Anything else? 35 00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,814 No, Janet, this is actually a cactus. 36 00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:50,902 This might take a while. — Janet: Wee! 37 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:07,294 Since Janet can't retrieve your file, I need to find another way 38 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,504 to determine what kind of person you were. 39 00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,716 This is a quick litmus test. 40 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,468 A handful of questions 41 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,929 designed to tell whether you were fundamentally good or bad. 42 00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:19,389 Question number one. 43 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,392 Did you ever wrongfully slaughter your kinsman's yak? 44 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:28,231 Oh, sorry. This is the nomadic Mongolian edition. 45 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:31,985 I need to grab the north American. 46 00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,278 Yep, here we go. 47 00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:37,908 Question number one. Did you ever commit a serious crime 48 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:40,577 such as murder, sexual harassment 49 00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:43,121 arson, or otherwise? — no. 50 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:50,295 Did you ever have a vanity license plate like "mama's BMW," "lexus4liz" 51 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,464 or "boobguy?" — no. 52 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,092 Did you ever reheat fish in an office microwave? 53 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:57,427 Ew... no. — have you ever paid money 54 00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:00,305 to hear music performed by California funk rock band 55 00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:01,682 "the red hot chili peppers?" 56 00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:04,226 No. — where you ever a waiter 57 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:08,480 and when seeing a customer who had eaten all his or her food 58 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:12,025 you said sarcastically, "I guess you hated it?" 59 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:14,903 No. — Michael: Have you ever used the word hubby? 60 00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:18,323 Or referred to the department store target as "tarjay"? 61 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,449 No. 62 00:03:20,951 --> 00:03:23,954 Did you ever take off your shoes and socks on a commercial airline? 63 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:26,748 And socks? Ew. Who would do that? 64 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:31,294 People who go to the bad place, Eleanor, that's the point. 65 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:35,465 The bad place is every bit as awful as the good place is good. 66 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:38,719 And unless I can figure out a compelling reason to keep you here 67 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,762 you will spend eternity 68 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:44,891 with murderers and arsonists, and people who take off their shoes 69 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,602 and socks on commercial airlines. 70 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,523 Clears throat: Janet, can I have a glass of water, please? 71 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,942 Janet beeps — here you go! 72 00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,528 Oh, gosh! You said "water"? 73 00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:59,364 Yeah. — I'm so sorry. There you go. 74 00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,408 Eleanor sighs 75 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,289 I really do have sympathy for your situation. 76 00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:10,083 I mean, you thought your soulmate was a good person 77 00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:12,502 and then you learned that she's just an immoral grifter. 78 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:16,465 Tahani, please. — am I wrong? She lied to everyone. 79 00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:19,676 She caused a giant sinkhole, into which poor Glenn fell. 80 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:21,470 She caused a trash storm. She... 81 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,055 Well, she pretended to be my friend 82 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:25,932 when I really needed one. 83 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:29,394 And lest we forget, she murdered Janet! 84 00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,980 As far as I'm concerned, the sooner she's gone 85 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,273 the better off we'll all be. 86 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,859 I... I understand that Eleanor violated our trust. 87 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,277 But please 88 00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,504 when you're talking to Michael 89 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,864 try to think about what she's had to go through. 90 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:45,869 All right. I will, for you. 91 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,514 But we've been through a lot as well. 92 00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,516 You know, I haven't been this upset since my good friend Taylor 93 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,260 was rudely upstaged by my other friend kanye 94 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,461 who was defending my best friend Beyoncé. 95 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:58,173 And finally, a multi—part question. 96 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,259 Did you ever appear on the American television programme 97 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,678 "the bachelor," or its companion shows 98 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:06,264 "the bachelorette" and "bachelor in paradise" 99 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,683 or work on them in any capacity 100 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:13,104 or post on any social media site that you were 101 00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:17,400 emotionally invested in any of the "relationships" 102 00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:19,861 the contestants were pursuing? — no. 103 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:25,325 Ok! You did very well on the questionnaire, Eleanor. 104 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:26,493 So far, so good. 105 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,453 Janet beeps — Michael? Good news. 106 00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,997 I was able to obtain Eleanor shellstrop's file. 107 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,458 Would you like to see it? — yes, Janet, I would. 108 00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,627 But, first... — Michael sighs 109 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,587 is it actually a cactus? 110 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:38,839 I don't understand. 111 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:41,591 I want to see the file for Eleanor shellstrop. 112 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,511 Is that what you have? Or do you have a cactus? 113 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:45,959 I have the file. — you're sure. 114 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,932 You have the file, and not a cactus. — that is correct. 115 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,310 I have Eleanor shellstrop's file. I do not have a cactus. 116 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:56,106 Excellent. Please give me the file. — here you go! 117 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:58,668 Thank you, Janet. — you're welcome! 118 00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,734 Janet beeps 119 00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,279 well, I say we call it a day. 120 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,155 I mean, I nailed the questionnaire 121 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:06,324 and you're swimming in cacti. 122 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:10,871 Can't we just chalk this up to a hilarious mistake, and move on? 123 00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,747 No, we can't, Eleanor. 124 00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:15,876 There's no such thing as a mistake, in this realm. 125 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:18,295 And yet you are, somehow, a mistake. 126 00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:23,049 I mean you're a giant chunk of spinach in the teeth of the universe. 127 00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:33,184 I need to understand every facet of this disaster. 128 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,395 Tell me a lie about yourself. 129 00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:38,857 Any lie. — I love the opera. 130 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,065 Box buzzes 131 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:43,153 and now a truth. — I love women's MMA. 132 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,320 Box peeps 133 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:45,780 we don't like to use this. 134 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,366 We've never really had a call for it, before you. 135 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,952 But in the interest of time, Eleanor... 136 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,496 Did you murder Janet? 137 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,583 No, I did not. — box peeps 138 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,128 do you know who did? — yes. 139 00:07:01,171 --> 00:07:04,007 Will you tell me who it was? — no. 140 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:05,300 Box peeps 141 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:10,263 I assume it was one of your friends, and I admire you for protecting him or her. 142 00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:14,559 But, Eleanor, in the good place, there's no room for bad people 143 00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:18,480 or bad actions, so anyone involved in the murder of Janet 144 00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,815 will be reviewed and judged. 145 00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,526 And there will be consequences. 146 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,156 Tahani? Come on in. 147 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:29,406 Chidi. 148 00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:33,787 Imposter who soiled our paradise with her moral turpitude. 149 00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,330 What's up? 150 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:37,415 Thank you for confessing. 151 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:38,375 I don't know what I would have done 152 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,810 if you hadn't. — yeah, yeah, I'm amazing. 153 00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,796 Bad news. Michael knows I didn't kill Janet 154 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:46,299 which means it's only a matter of time before he finds out that you did. 155 00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,885 And that you did it because you were trying to stop 156 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,929 bonehead Jones over here. — hey, homies! 157 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:53,139 Then he'll figure out that jianyu's also a phony 158 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:56,142 and here's the real dongbuster 159 00:07:56,393 --> 00:08:00,522 Michael said anybody who did anything bad might have to go... 160 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,108 Oh! — which means jianyu's gone 161 00:08:03,191 --> 00:08:04,191 you might be gone 162 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,528 and all three of us are royally forking forked. 163 00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,405 So now I might get sent to the bad place? 164 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,968 This is terrible! What am I supposed to do if he asks me? 165 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,411 I don't know. Kant would say... 166 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,414 That lying in any scenario is wrong 167 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,959 so if Michael asks if you killed Janet, you should say "yes". 168 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,546 On the other hand, snitches do get stitches. 169 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,297 That is true. I read that once 170 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,299 on the back of my boy peanut's tricep. 171 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,427 And you just casually cited immanuel kant. 172 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,846 I mean I know we're in a miserable bind here, but 173 00:08:33,555 --> 00:08:35,116 this might be the proudest day of my life. 174 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,600 No offense, but that's a real bummer of a life. 175 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:42,355 Tahani. I'll get right to the crux of the matter. 176 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,400 Did you murder Janet? — absolutely not! 177 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:46,735 Box peeps 178 00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,113 now you've spent a lot of time with Eleanor. 179 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:51,573 Why do you think that is? 180 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,700 Well, people are just drawn to me. 181 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,245 You know, one of my shyest friends, I won't say his name to preserve his privacy 182 00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:59,456 but he found my presence so comforting 183 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,667 that he asked me to co—host his TV show, "Anderson Cooper 360". 184 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,712 Box peeps — given what you learned about Eleanor 185 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,173 do you think she deserves to be here? 186 00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:11,551 Well... 187 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:16,848 You know if it were up to me, I might find a way to look past her, um... 188 00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,267 Deficiencies. 189 00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:20,977 But it's not up to me, is it? 190 00:09:21,186 --> 00:09:23,480 There are some criteria that she unfortunately just 191 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,939 didn't meet in her time on earth. 192 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,228 So you think that I should send her to the bad place? 193 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,860 Well, I didn't say that. 194 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:32,906 But is her staying here unfair to those who earned their place? 195 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,116 It sounds like you want her to leave. 196 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:40,955 Well, is it not she who wants us to leave her? 197 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,375 Thank you, tahani, you've been a big help. — box buzzes 198 00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:47,545 listen up, genius. 199 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:49,190 He's gonna call you in there, in a second. 200 00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,590 Don't worry, I got you. 201 00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:54,219 I'll just tell Michael you're the bomb and that you got a dope soul an hella ethics. 202 00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,846 And he'll be all, "thanks, jianyu". 203 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:59,224 "You just freaked my being for real". 204 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,810 Oh, boy. No. Don't say any of that. 205 00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,978 Michael has a lie detector in there. 206 00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:05,605 It's, uh... it's a glowing cube. 207 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:06,815 Like the all—spark? 208 00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:08,858 From transformers? — sure. 209 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,152 Uh, just like the all—spark, from transformers and... 210 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,863 And he'll know instantly if you're lying about anything, so... 211 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:16,658 Only "smiles and nods," got it? 212 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,118 Door opens 213 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,496 jianyu, come on in. 214 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,129 Eleanor sighs — door closes 215 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:34,509 wise, sage, centered jianyu. 216 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:38,680 I seek your wisdom in this moment of crisis. 217 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:39,806 Michael sighs 218 00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:43,059 what to do with Eleanor? Should I let her stay? 219 00:10:44,018 --> 00:10:45,603 Should I send her away? 220 00:10:46,938 --> 00:10:49,816 You think I should send her away? 221 00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,361 No, I should let her stay? 222 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:58,032 Or "no, I shouldn't let her stay, because she doesn't belong here?" 223 00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:01,786 Or, "no, I shouldn't let her stay, even though she does belong here?" 224 00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:06,332 Oh, jianyu, I wish I had your wisdom. 225 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:10,712 Your devotion to the noble truths has given you something that I don't have... 226 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:11,796 Clarity. 227 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,882 It was Buddha who said 228 00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:18,761 "if a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him." 229 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,471 I'm not a man 230 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,223 and I've lived no "life" 231 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,934 so will this destroy me? 232 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,227 Ouch! 233 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,649 Ch, of course. 234 00:11:32,483 --> 00:11:35,528 A cactus on its own intends no harm 235 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:38,990 it's only when we interfere that it becomes dangerous. 236 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,451 I need to remember my own agency here. 237 00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:45,246 Oh, thank you, jianyu. 238 00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:46,706 You're free to go. 239 00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,752 Oh. Yes, of course, help yourself. 240 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:52,462 I've got plenty of those. 241 00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:57,926 Chidi? Come on in. 242 00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:00,678 Janet beeps — hi there! I have Eleanor's file. 243 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:04,682 Janet, if you hand me a cactus I swear I will lose my mind. 244 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:08,603 Oh! Yes! All right! Here we go. 245 00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:11,272 Eleanor, come back in. Chidi, you stay here. 246 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:19,030 This file contains a list of every good and bad thing you ever did. 247 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:22,825 It's your entire life told through a compendium of all of your actions. 248 00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,870 Nope. It's a picture of a cactus... 249 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:30,375 Dozens and dozens and dozens of pictures of the same cactus. 250 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,379 Oh, no, wait. Here we go. 251 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,714 Well, it's incomplete but... 252 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:41,970 There appear to be some references to the highest impact events from your life. 253 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,973 That's the, uh... biggest positive and negative point swings. 254 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,767 So, "little Julie?" Now who's that? 255 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,227 Julie is my cousin's daughter. 256 00:12:49,352 --> 00:12:53,940 Her mom is kind of a mess, so I used to take her to the mall sometimes 257 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:55,525 and bought her churro dogs. 258 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:59,404 It's a hot dog, but the bun is two churros 259 00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:02,490 and it's tied together with a slim Jim. 260 00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,952 It's an Arizona delicacy. — oh, sounds awful 261 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,496 but it's very nice that you made that girl happy. 262 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:10,999 So. What's this? 263 00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,125 Cool thredz 264 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,628 glendale Arizona's premiere t—shirt emporium?" 265 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:18,631 Uh... can we skip around and... And circle back? 266 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:20,716 How about I tell you more about those churro dogs? 267 00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:24,262 They came with unlimited ranch dressing. — let's hear about the t—shirts, please. 268 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:25,680 Eleanor soueals 269 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:30,059 okay. I'll tell you, and I'm going to be one hundred percent honest. 270 00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:35,106 But it doesn't make me look great so don't judge me. 271 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:39,068 That's literally the purpose of this entire exercise. 272 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:47,577 Okay. To understand this, you have to know about my roommate, Madison. 273 00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,455 She was terrible. — Eleanor: Hey, mads? 274 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,124 Um, I have to go to this stupid work party tonight. 275 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,876 Can I borrow your peach dress? 276 00:13:55,084 --> 00:13:57,253 Ooh, it's a hard no, babe. 277 00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:59,192 That dress is like twice your salary. 278 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:03,259 And I gotta go to the dmv and pick up my vanity plates. Ciao, bitches! 279 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:05,094 Door closes 280 00:14:17,523 --> 00:14:18,566 Dress rips 281 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,866 Well, that's... that's not great. 282 00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:30,244 But I assume you confessed, and paid to fix it? 283 00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,454 Not exactly. 284 00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:34,665 Hey, losers, I'm going out. Can you zip me? 285 00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,085 Dude, that dress is hella ripped. 286 00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:38,795 What? — Brittany laughs 287 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:41,714 ugh! That stupid dry cleaner! 288 00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:44,801 Well, that's the risk you take when you keep your clothes clean. 289 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,637 My mom's a lawyer. Those asswipes are gonna pay. 290 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,348 She sued for nine hundred dollars, for the dress 291 00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,434 and eighty million dollars in emotional distress. 292 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,062 The legal fees drove the dry cleaner out of business. 293 00:14:56,145 --> 00:15:01,401 Oh, boy. Wait, this story is about t—shirts. 294 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:03,528 There's more, isn't there? 295 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:05,321 A little. 296 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,031 Check this out. 297 00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:10,368 Somebody put the dry cleaner's story online and it went viral. 298 00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:11,869 Madison's famous. 299 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:15,039 The "dress bitch"? Yikes. 300 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,166 Serves her right. Madison is psycho. 301 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,668 She totally overreacted. 302 00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:23,005 This is her fault. — yeah. Her fault. That works. 303 00:15:23,798 --> 00:15:26,509 You guys, what is happening? 304 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,553 Someone egged my Lexus! 305 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:31,681 And I have like forty thousand tweets calling me the "dress bitch"! 306 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,850 Over a loser dry cleaner man? 307 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,060 Why is everyone so jealous of me? 308 00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,647 This is a trash city full of idiots! 309 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,525 Brittany laughs 310 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,486 the "dress bitch" is so catchy. — yeah. 311 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,250 I mean someone could totally make t—shirts. 312 00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,365 Oh! 313 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,992 No, no, no, no. 314 00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:55,538 Do not tell me that you made t—shirts that said that 315 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,665 and then sold them for a profit. 316 00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,542 I wish I could tell you that, bud. 317 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,335 Eleanor sighs I really do. 318 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:05,089 Girl, check it out! They're here! 319 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,926 Wait a second. Is this insane? 320 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,417 I mean should we be doing this? 321 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,472 Dude! Madison brought this on herself, okay. 322 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:15,683 She's a nightmare of a person, to everybody. 323 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,852 Plus we already have a ton of pre—orders. 324 00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,480 Here is your first cut of the profits! 325 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,231 Holy mama! 326 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,735 I can't believe you sold the t—shirts. 327 00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,529 Does it help if they basically sold themselves? 328 00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:30,323 I think you know it does not. 329 00:16:31,699 --> 00:16:32,939 What did you do with the money? 330 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:35,578 I was hoping you wouldn't ask me that. 331 00:16:40,875 --> 00:16:42,043 Thanks, babe! 332 00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:47,340 Next question! 333 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:49,759 Eleanor. 334 00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:54,722 Given what you know about the people who've been brought here 335 00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:56,641 the lives they've lead. 336 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,644 Do you think you belong in the good place? 337 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,981 No. I don't. — box peeps 338 00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,783 Trevor: Hello? Bad place. What's up, idiot? 339 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:17,662 Hello. This is Michael, the architect from neighbourhood one—two... 340 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:20,724 Trevor: Psyche! We 're not here right now, so leave a message after the beep. 341 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,042 I hate calling these guys. 342 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,212 Hello, uh... this is Michael 343 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:29,257 the architect from neighbourho—— — double psyche! We are here. 344 00:17:29,298 --> 00:17:30,298 Who dis? 345 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,301 This is Michael 346 00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:35,972 the architect from good place neighbourhood 1—2—3—5—8—w. 347 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,350 I'm guessing you've been looking for someone... 348 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,396 Called "Eleanor shellstrop". 349 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,607 She's here. Come and get her. 350 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,115 Steam hisses — brakes squeal 351 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:55,199 train whistle sounds 352 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,956 indistinct chatter 353 00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,296 Woman: Let's get out of here 354 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,468 Hello, Trevor. 355 00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:17,138 Hey, there he is! Good to see you again, Mikey! 356 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,056 Think fast, I brought you something. 357 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:20,641 Oh. Nuts! Thank you. 358 00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:22,768 Thank you. Ah! Wha——? 359 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,062 Bad place people laugh 360 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:27,773 oh, flaming snake ate all the nuts you brought me. 361 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,984 Ugh. You're too nice to humiliate. 362 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,195 Oh, hello. Hi. 363 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,990 You look like a piece of crap. Are you Eleanor? 364 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,660 Dude, you're like a legend in the bad place. 365 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,288 Check this out! Huh? 366 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:43,914 Bad place people: Dress bitch! 367 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:45,041 Pretty great, right? 368 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:48,919 Trevor, do you know what caused this mistake? Because I cannot figure it out. 369 00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:51,422 Nah, we're stumped. But, uh... don't sweat it, champ! 370 00:18:51,505 --> 00:18:54,300 She's definitely one of ours. So we'll just roll on out 371 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,583 and you can get back to, uh... 372 00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:58,220 Putting rainbows up your butt, or whatever you do here. 373 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,014 Okay, let's hit it, sweetheart. 374 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:01,140 We got along ride. 375 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,642 What? Right now? 376 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,019 Trevor, for decency's sake 377 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,270 let her have some goodbyes. 378 00:19:06,354 --> 00:19:08,689 Ugh! God, good people are the worst. 379 00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:11,108 Okay, uh... thirty minutes. 380 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:12,672 We gotta get back for "the bachelor". 381 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,862 I'm gonna be pissed if I miss the Rose ceremony. 382 00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:18,616 I just want to say once more, for the record 383 00:19:18,699 --> 00:19:21,994 that this whole "good—bad" system is bullshirt. 384 00:19:23,371 --> 00:19:26,499 There should be a medium place, for people like me 385 00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:29,794 who kinda sucked, but in like a fun, chill way. 386 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:33,589 I agree. I'm sorry there isn't. 387 00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:37,927 I'm sorry I dragged you into this, and that I never did laundry 388 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,555 and that I waited until you were about to do yours 389 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:44,725 then secretly tossed mine into the basket to trick you into doing it. 390 00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:47,061 You didn't trick me. I repeatedly asked you to stop. 391 00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,523 Just know you did everything you could to help me. 392 00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,234 You're a really good fake soulmate. 393 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,243 Knocks on the door — door opens 394 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,155 what are you guys doing here? 395 00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,624 Well, we thought it was only proper to see you off. 396 00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,084 It's the neighbourly thing to do. 397 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,881 You guys came to say goodbye because you're my friends. 398 00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:20,970 Well, I suppose some part of me, possibly 399 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,764 has a sense of casual kinship with you 400 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:26,650 as much as one might be fond of a street cat. 401 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,353 Thanks, tahanl 402 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:31,856 I'm sorry for everything. 403 00:20:34,650 --> 00:20:35,860 I'm really glad we're friends. 404 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,279 Oh! Goodbye forever. 405 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,281 Jianyu. 406 00:20:44,326 --> 00:20:45,369 Eleanor sighs 407 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:47,329 tahani: Jianyu keeps such a stoic face. 408 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,583 I just hope he sends her off with some sustaining wisdom. 409 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:58,758 I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you walk away. 410 00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:01,719 I really needed to hear that. Thanks. 411 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:05,347 Oh, hey dum—dum! You ready to go? 412 00:21:05,890 --> 00:21:07,600 Oh. You must be chidi. 413 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,435 Trying to improve her? 414 00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,853 Bold plan, bro. 415 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,814 Bold and stupid. My favourite combo. 416 00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:15,524 Well, actually, she learned a great deal 417 00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,461 in a very short amount of time. — oh, really? Really? 418 00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:19,403 I don't care. All right, let's hit it. 419 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,155 Oh, also you should smile more. 420 00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:23,616 You have such a pretty smile. Love ya, babe. 421 00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,117 Can't wait to torture you. 422 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:31,791 This is the 3:18 to the bad place 423 00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:35,544 making thousands of stops for literally no reason. 424 00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:39,423 Now as soon as you take your seats we will pull away from the station 425 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,510 and then immediately be delayed for forty—nine minutes 426 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:43,928 and not explain why. 427 00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:47,973 You'll notice it's very hot in here, and it will get one degree hotter 428 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,142 every time you think about how hot it is. 429 00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,853 Oops! You just thought about it. 430 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:56,690 Michael! — oh, hi, chidi. 431 00:21:57,191 --> 00:21:58,275 Want some pizza? 432 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:02,029 Bad place crew delivered a hundred of these to my office. 433 00:22:02,112 --> 00:22:05,574 All Hawaiian, the worst pizza. — Michael, I murdered Janet. 434 00:22:07,409 --> 00:22:09,411 I knew about Eleanor, from the beginning. 435 00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:11,580 I've been trying to help her become a better person 436 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,266 and when she found out that your "retirement" meant 437 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:14,330 that you would be tortured 438 00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:16,061 she immediately tried to find a way to prevent it. 439 00:22:16,085 --> 00:22:19,129 Which is why I ended up murdering Janet. 440 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:23,467 The point is, Eleanor is learning. 441 00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:25,761 She's just doing it after she died. 442 00:22:26,512 --> 00:22:30,432 And you did bring her here so, in many ways, this is your fault. 443 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:35,104 Yes. Jianyu actually made that same point. 444 00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,480 He did? — mmm. 445 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:41,151 Okay, look... I... I know you only deal in black or white 446 00:22:41,402 --> 00:22:42,486 good or bad. 447 00:22:42,611 --> 00:22:45,406 But you said it yourself, this situation is... 448 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,616 Unprecedented. 449 00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:50,828 I did enjoy her company. 450 00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:55,416 But this is not little league. 451 00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:59,086 There is no award for most improved player, chidi. 452 00:23:00,129 --> 00:23:01,589 Well, maybe there should be. 453 00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:04,465 One final note 454 00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:08,387 the dining car is at the very back of the train. 455 00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:12,516 It serves only room temperature Manhattan clam chowder 456 00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:14,727 and also it's closed. 457 00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:16,770 Okay! Here we go! 458 00:23:17,438 --> 00:23:19,773 Steam hisses 459 00:23:23,652 --> 00:23:25,863 Michael: Stop this train! — train squeals to a halt 460 00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:31,535 dude, what the fork? 461 00:23:31,744 --> 00:23:32,786 You're not leaving. 462 00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:36,415 Not with her. Not yet. Come on. 463 00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:41,921 Wait, you want to keep her? 464 00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:45,049 Bro, that's our girl! We agreed on this! 465 00:23:45,257 --> 00:23:48,260 No, what we agreed on was that this was a mistake. 466 00:23:48,510 --> 00:23:51,096 Trevor, we're in uncharted territory here. 467 00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:53,724 Until we can sort this out, she stays with us. 468 00:23:54,141 --> 00:23:55,184 All right, fine. 469 00:23:55,392 --> 00:23:58,228 But until this is resolved, we're keeping the other Eleanor. 470 00:23:58,646 --> 00:23:59,730 Fine. What? I'm sorry. 471 00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:02,483 The other Eleanor? Yeah, the real Eleanor. 472 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:05,327 The one that was supposed to be here, but got sent down to us instead. 473 00:24:05,361 --> 00:24:06,403 She's on the train. 474 00:24:07,237 --> 00:24:08,322 Eleanor! Come on out! 475 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:17,873 Hi, everyone. I'm Eleanor shellstrop.