1 00:00:02,420 --> 00:00:04,172 Older Ted: Kids, in the fall of 2008, 2 00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:07,133 your aunt Robin was unemployed and a little bit adrift. 3 00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:09,635 So she valued her friendship with Lily more than ever. 4 00:00:09,719 --> 00:00:12,555 Hey, so I hear Marshall has to work late on Friday. 5 00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:14,682 You know what that means. Ladies' night. 6 00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:17,685 Oh, actually one of the teachers at my school, Jillian, 7 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:21,272 is having a birthday party. Oh, okay. 8 00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,398 What? 9 00:00:22,481 --> 00:00:25,776 It's just, I've never even heard of this Jillian person before, 10 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,530 and suddenly she's like your best friend. You can't shut up about her. 11 00:00:29,614 --> 00:00:32,116 Don't be jealous. You and I hang out all the time. 12 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,993 Yeah, but Marshall's always there. 13 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:37,538 We don't get a lot of quality time to talk, just the two of us. 14 00:00:37,622 --> 00:00:39,290 That's not true. 15 00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:42,418 So that's when the story gets really good. 16 00:00:42,501 --> 00:00:44,378 So, we go to the... 17 00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,172 Hey. Hey. 18 00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:52,178 Place. And then that guy asks about the thing with the stuff 19 00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,388 that I told you about at that place that time. 20 00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:58,434 Long story short, events transpired. 21 00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:02,438 Oh, my god. You and the guy from the mayor's office 22 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:07,235 did it in the UN building under the desk of the ambassador from Zaire? Nice. 23 00:01:07,944 --> 00:01:09,737 I just wish we could have some girl time. 24 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:13,241 I love Marshall, but he's always talk-blocking me. 25 00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,618 So come out with me and Jillian then. 26 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:19,413 Okay, but I don't want to stay out too late because... 27 00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:23,292 Remember that thing last month after I went to the place? 28 00:01:23,376 --> 00:01:27,255 Well, you-know-who said it's fine, but she gave me some stuff. 29 00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:30,174 You still got that yeast infection, huh? 30 00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:45,398 Marshall, 31 00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:48,067 I want you to enjoy this moment. What moment? 32 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:52,280 The last moment of you and I being even slightly in competition 33 00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:53,823 for the title of Ted's best friend. 34 00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:56,617 Marshall's my best friend. Exactly. It's a tie. 35 00:01:56,993 --> 00:01:58,452 But all of that is about to change. 36 00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:02,123 Ted, am I correct that you are an architect? 37 00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,792 My best friend would really know that, but go on. 38 00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:07,795 And what are you currently designing? 39 00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:10,589 Actually, we're renovating the New York public library. 40 00:02:10,673 --> 00:02:12,550 Wow, Ted, that's huge! 41 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,927 No, not the New York public library. 42 00:02:15,011 --> 00:02:18,472 It's the new public library in York, north Dakota. 43 00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:22,059 Their books are in two sections, fishing and non-fishing. 44 00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:26,272 Then I think you are going to really like what happened at work today. 45 00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,483 And so, while those bribes did destabilize the regime 46 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,819 and caused the death of most of the royal family, 47 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:35,614 it did lead to looser banking regulations in rangoon. 48 00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:38,534 So yay us. Okay, last order of business. 49 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,721 It's been decided we're going to move forward with plans 50 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:44,081 for Goliath national bank's new downtown headquarters. 51 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,710 Well, who's gonna design it? Was my first question. 52 00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:49,420 Who's gonna design it? 53 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:50,897 We've already approached one firm about it. 54 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:54,091 This Swedish architecture collective called sven. 55 00:02:54,759 --> 00:02:57,636 Sven? Sven? 56 00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,765 Older Ted: Sven was this Swedish architecture collective 57 00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:04,685 revered for their bold, innovative designs. I hated those guys. 58 00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:08,856 I hate those guys. Swedish architecture cohecfive. 59 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,524 Lame. Pretentious. 60 00:03:10,608 --> 00:03:12,860 "We're not a company. We're a collective." 61 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,613 I know. "We are Swedish. 62 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:20,368 "We are so cool with ourbaguefies and our Eiffel Tower." 63 00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,787 Dude, Sweden's not France. You know that, right? 64 00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,288 Oh, it's France. 65 00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,792 So anyway, I say to bilson... 66 00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:30,294 Bilson, with all due respect... 67 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:33,672 No, I stand up, and I say to bilson... 68 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,384 Bilson, with all due respect... 69 00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:40,304 Music. Imagine patriotic music playing. 70 00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:46,268 Bilson, with all due respect, it would be terrible 71 00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:51,649 if a job that could go to a hard-working American architecture firm 72 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:54,610 went to a bunch of French guys. 73 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:58,364 Where is our patriotism? Our sense of country? 74 00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:01,784 Our love of all that is... Look, Stinson, 75 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,787 no one hates every other country in the world as much as I do, 76 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,415 but you better have a point. I do. 77 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:11,836 I know a fantastic American architect who would be perfect for the job. 78 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,254 Ted mosby. 79 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,257 So, all you gotta do is come in, pitch your design, 80 00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,801 I get the board to approve it, and the job is yours. 81 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:21,929 Do you realize what a hero I would be if I brought this project to my firm? 82 00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,332 And that's not even the best part. 83 00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,599 All three of us are gonna be working together. 84 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:28,537 Ted can be on the conference call. He can totally be on the conference call. 85 00:04:28,561 --> 00:04:30,604 What's the conference call? The way it works is, 86 00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:33,023 one of us will duck into the other's office and say... 87 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:36,527 Marshall, the conference call's about to start. 88 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,696 I'm sorry, guys. I gotta go. 89 00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:42,783 Barne y: And then we go up to the roof of the building and drink beer. 90 00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:44,952 This is awesome. 91 00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:48,038 Drinking at work. We're basically madmen. 92 00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:50,666 We are! We're such mad men! 93 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,585 I'm gonna go smack a secretary on the ass. 94 00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:55,671 That's totally what they would do on that show. 95 00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,256 What show? 96 00:04:57,882 --> 00:05:02,219 And then, we throw crumpled up beer cans at pigeons. 97 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,598 I don't do that. I totally want to do that. 98 00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:07,183 Well, I am gonna make that happen. 99 00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:10,436 Seriously, Barney, after everything I went through with Stella, 100 00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:13,647 getting me this opportunity... It really means a lot. 101 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:16,775 Older Ted: It really did. You see, kids, when I became an architect, 102 00:05:16,859 --> 00:05:21,197 I had one dream, to contribute a building to the skyline of New York City. 103 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:23,908 I wanted to be able to point to one of those buildings and say, 104 00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:27,453 "see that one? That one right there? That's mine." 105 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,207 This job was my opportunity to do just that. 106 00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:38,547 Wow! Your friend's having her birthday here? 107 00:05:38,631 --> 00:05:43,302 What's she turning, 19? No. Believe me, this isn't her scene. 108 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,721 She probably just didn't know what kind of place this was. 109 00:05:45,804 --> 00:05:50,184 Lily! Over here, you sexy bitch! We've got bottle service! 110 00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:56,774 Oh, my god! At school, she's so quiet and normal. 111 00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,736 I had no idea she's... She's a woo girl. 112 00:06:01,946 --> 00:06:04,031 Older Ted: What's a woo girl? Let me explain. 113 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:05,866 A woo girl is a type of young woman 114 00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:08,202 who, like the cuckoo bird or the whip-poor-will, 115 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:10,621 gets her name from the signature sound she makes. 116 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:15,125 Now, a "woo" can be elicited in many different ways. 117 00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:17,461 From a certain song coming on the jukebox... 118 00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:23,634 Oh, my god, this song is totally about me. 119 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:26,929 To half-priced shots. 120 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,141 From a ride on a mechanical bull... 121 00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:36,772 To, well, pretty much anything. 122 00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:39,817 Oh, my god, I was worried that I didn't feed the cat, 123 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,403 but then I remembered that I did! 124 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:49,159 I swear, at school Jillian seems so unwoo-y. 125 00:06:49,994 --> 00:06:52,037 Yeah, she doesn't look woo-ish. 126 00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:54,081 Maybe she only observes the high holidays, 127 00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:58,294 like mardi gras and spring break. Maybe she's just a cultural woo. 128 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:02,548 Now, go easy on me. It's a work in progress. 129 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,760 Ted, this is amazing. 130 00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:10,681 The detail. The shading. The playfulness of the lines. 131 00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,935 This is exactly what Princess Leia would look like topless. 132 00:07:15,019 --> 00:07:16,604 My way of saying thanks. 133 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:19,523 So, you want to see my designs for the building? 134 00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,233 No, I'm good. 135 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:24,820 Ted: Hey hey. Sogetflfls Lily just texted me. 136 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:28,699 She's at that bar giddy ups with a bunch of woo girls. 137 00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:34,997 Oh, my god, you guys. My boob just fell out of my top at the bar. 138 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:37,291 Trick! I pulled it out for a free drink! 139 00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:43,505 So, Jillian, I hear when you're not flashing bartenders, 140 00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:46,008 you teach the second grade. What's that like? 141 00:07:46,091 --> 00:07:49,178 So rewarding. I don't know if you're familiar with the rie technique, 142 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:52,681 but it derives from the progressive educational philosophy of Rudolf steiner, 143 00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:54,325 who founded the Waldorf school, which... 144 00:07:55,392 --> 00:08:00,439 Oh, my god. I love this song! Come on, you lazy skanks. Let's dance! 145 00:08:02,358 --> 00:08:04,818 You, too, you dumb whores. 146 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:08,030 No, thank you, you ignorant hussy. 147 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,202 Why, Lily aldrin, you sly minx. 148 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,038 I've been saying for years that our gang needed a woo girl, 149 00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:18,224 and here you've been hiding a whole batch of them from me. 150 00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,335 We do not need a woo girl. No one needs a woo girl. 151 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:26,298 Be careful, Lily. The world absolutely needs woo girls. 152 00:08:26,382 --> 00:08:29,677 If there were no woo girls, there'd be no girls gone wild, 153 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:33,889 no bachelorette parties, no Las Vegas poolside bars. 154 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:37,101 All the things that you hold dearest, Lily, would be gone. 155 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,286 Those are none of the things... 156 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:41,855 The souvenir shot glass industry would collapse. 157 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:46,944 So would the body glitter industry and the stretch Hummer rental industry. 158 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:52,658 Tiny cowboy hats would be worn only by tiny cowboys. 159 00:08:53,409 --> 00:08:56,870 And when brown eyed girl would come up on the jukebox, 160 00:08:56,954 --> 00:09:00,124 all you would hear would be silence. 161 00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,794 And brown eyed girl. 162 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:07,965 But who would woo, Lily? Who would woo? 163 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:09,800 Would you? 164 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:13,929 Would you woo? 165 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,849 Who wants to name my boobs? 166 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:24,314 Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with hannity and colmes. 167 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,861 Older Ted: Over the next couple of weeks, I dove into work. 168 00:09:28,944 --> 00:09:31,822 It felt great to be working on something that I really cared about. 169 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,032 Finally, the morning of the presentation arrived. 170 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:40,748 And we believe this timeless design will radiate the strength and stability 171 00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:44,334 that is Goliath national bank. Thank you, gentlemen. 172 00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:50,549 Older Ted: I left there feeling pretty good about my chances. 173 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,468 Later that night, we ran into Barney. 174 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:55,512 Hey, Barney! Give me the good news. 175 00:09:56,138 --> 00:09:59,308 You didn't get it. What? 176 00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,060 The board decided to go with sven. 177 00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:18,452 I can't believe I didn't get it. I really thought I nailed the pitch. 178 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:19,995 Why would they go with sven? 179 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:22,289 I did everything I could to change their minds. 180 00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:27,836 But they wouldn't budge. I'm sorry. Wow, this really sucks. 181 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,007 After the way these last couple of months have gone, 182 00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,010 I guess I needed this more than I thought I did. 183 00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:36,845 Hey, 184 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:43,101 you want to go down to the current gnb building and just, like... I don't know. 185 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:46,230 Just pee on it a little bit? 186 00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,566 Yeah. Yeah, I think I need that. 187 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,904 Finish your beer. Fill the tank. 188 00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:00,828 What happened? Ted didn't get that job. 189 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:04,748 But that's not the biggest disappointment of the day. 190 00:11:04,832 --> 00:11:07,292 What? We saw you woo. 191 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,003 Saw who woo? Saw you woo. 192 00:11:10,087 --> 00:11:11,672 I didn't woo. You did, too. 193 00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:14,424 That's not true. Your nose just grew. 194 00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:17,678 So what, you're like best friends with Jillian now? 195 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:21,598 No. It's just... you're married, Lily, but I'm still single. 196 00:11:21,682 --> 00:11:25,227 Whenever I hang out with you, I'm usually the third wheel to you and Marshall. 197 00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,563 Sometimes it's fun to go out with other single women 198 00:11:27,646 --> 00:11:31,358 and do stuff that you don't want to. Like what? 199 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,278 Like woo, Lily. Like woo. 200 00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:36,071 I can woo. That's not true. 201 00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,615 I can, too. Ifsjustnotyou. 202 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:42,870 Bhson yeah? 203 00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:47,541 Hey. Look, I just want to say, I know you guys went with sven, 204 00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,543 but Ted mosby is tremendously talented, 205 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:52,212 and I think he would have done a hell of a job. 206 00:11:52,296 --> 00:11:54,798 I agree. That's why I voted for him. 207 00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:56,675 So, then, it's agreed. 208 00:11:56,758 --> 00:12:00,470 From now on, all atm fees are now called freedom charges. 209 00:12:00,929 --> 00:12:02,598 Conference call. Now. 210 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,354 You got something you want to tell me? Oh, damn it. 211 00:12:09,438 --> 00:12:12,441 I told Heather to put everything back on your desk the way it was. 212 00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:16,653 Bilson told me he wanted to give the job to Ted. So what happened? 213 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,325 Okay, fine. 214 00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,203 Will radiate the strength and stability 215 00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:28,790 that is Goliath national bank. Thank you, gentlemen. 216 00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:40,135 So? That was great. I love it. 217 00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:44,389 Yes! Looks like we got our guy. I don't think we even need to meet with... 218 00:12:46,016 --> 00:12:47,434 I am sven jorgensen. 219 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:51,355 With me are sven pilsen and sven johanssen, and we are sven! 220 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,106 Sven! Sven! 221 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,942 You are Goliath national bank. 222 00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:58,153 You are cutting edge. You are new. You are fresh. 223 00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,739 Women want to be with you, men wish to harm you, 224 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:04,242 but the fool who dares challenge you shall be crushed! 225 00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:07,204 Your headquarters will tell the world of these facts. 226 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,873 And one more thing, don't look now! 227 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:14,294 Which of you is Barney Stinson, head of the search committee? 228 00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,129 Oh, my god. That's me! 229 00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,383 You, Barney Stinson, are a man of power and virility. 230 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:23,095 Your office shall be here, in the head of a tyrannosaurus Rex! 231 00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:26,348 I never knew it till now, but I've always dreamed of that. 232 00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:30,352 On your large desk of Honduran rosewood shall be this button. 233 00:13:30,435 --> 00:13:34,064 What does the button do? Press it! Press it for glory! 234 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:42,322 Yes! This is the most awesome building in the universe. 235 00:13:42,406 --> 00:13:44,992 There is no way this building could be more awesome. 236 00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:47,786 There is a strip club in the letter n. 237 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:54,459 What the hell is the matter with you? This is Ted's big break! 238 00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:56,312 And then you sold him out because you wanted to work 239 00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,171 in the brain of a tyrannosaurus Rex, 240 00:13:58,255 --> 00:14:00,358 which, incidentally, if you knew anything about dinosaurs, 241 00:14:00,382 --> 00:14:04,636 is really, really small. Marshall, this isn't about my office. 242 00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,222 Ted's building was good. Sven's was better. 243 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:10,017 And I am not going to let the fact that I am Ted's best friend 244 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,768 be a factor in business. 245 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,496 You didn't pick sven's building because it was better. 246 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,832 You picked it because you wanted to work in a cool dinosaur office. 247 00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:19,985 That's a lie! I picked it becauseit_ 248 00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,863 It breathes fire, Marshall. 249 00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,407 Fire marshal. 250 00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:29,786 I didn't even notice. How could you do this to Ted 251 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,710 after everything he's been through with Stella? 252 00:14:31,747 --> 00:14:33,248 You're just being selfish. 253 00:14:33,331 --> 00:14:37,419 Marshall, I would never make a business decision for selfish reasons. 254 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,172 I am a professional. Now, come on. 255 00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,895 Let's get a nice daytime drunk going, and throw empties at pigeons. 256 00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:45,052 No. No. For two reasons. 257 00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:48,138 One, pigeons are smarter than you think. They hold grudges. 258 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:52,559 And, two, this is our last conference call, Mr. Stinson. 259 00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,728 There are repercussions to screwing over a friend. 260 00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,354 Like what? Like this. 261 00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:00,192 Hey. 262 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:27,344 Oh, my god, you guys. Last night, we raised $10,000 for my charity 263 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:31,515 to help combat childhood illiteracy. It's a really seflousissue. 264 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:39,272 Someone just earned herself an ass-first ride down the dance floor spank canyon! 265 00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:49,658 Lily, what are you doing here? 266 00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,994 Oh, just doing the fun things you single girls do. 267 00:15:53,078 --> 00:15:55,497 What's with the plastic fireman's hat? 268 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:59,918 I didn't have a cowboy hat, and today was fire safety day at school, so... 269 00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:06,383 Oh, my god, bitch. This is our anthem. Really? Who sings this? 270 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:10,220 Is ll cool j still doing things? 271 00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:13,640 This is great, svens. 272 00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,059 You guys are so much cooler than Marshall. 273 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,395 He doesn't even own a unitard. 274 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:22,232 Who wants a brew? I don't understand. 275 00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,484 Where is the conference call? 276 00:16:24,568 --> 00:16:27,404 No, no. This is the conference call. Get it? 277 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:31,491 In america, when we work late, we lie about a conference call, 278 00:16:31,575 --> 00:16:34,452 and we come up here and we drink a few beers. It's awesome. 279 00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:37,122 This is a waste of time. Push-ups! 280 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:42,794 Misty, you are such a slut. Let's do another shot. 281 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:48,133 You're the slut, you skank. Shots are on you. 282 00:16:49,843 --> 00:16:53,013 No, bitch, shots are on you. You're such a whore. 283 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:58,685 You're all a bunch of prostitutes. You probably have stds. 284 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,399 Let's go dance. 285 00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,656 Lily, this isn't working. You shouldn't be here. 286 00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:15,285 I get it. Because I'm happily married, I'm some kind of loser? 287 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,912 Exactly the opposite. 288 00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:20,290 Lily, why do you think the woo girls have to woo 289 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:24,336 when they win a game of beer pong, or when a hot guy takes his shirt off? 290 00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:29,507 It's because that is as good as life gets for them. They're really sad people. 291 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:32,403 And when they hang out with someone who's got it all figured out, 292 00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:36,806 someone like you, it burns them out. It takes away their woo. 293 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:40,227 You're just saying that so I don't feel like an old married lady. 294 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,395 Look at those girls, Lily. 295 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:46,024 Look at them and listen to what their woos are really saying. 296 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:14,052 Oh, those poor girls and Ted. I just want to go give them all a hug. 297 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:19,933 Lily, right now I'm like them. I'm unemployed, I'm single, I'm a little lost. 298 00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:23,520 So every once in a while, I need to woo. 299 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:28,191 But when I need to talk about something real, you're the one I turn to. 300 00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:31,319 You're my best friend. And you're mine. 301 00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:34,364 And I promise I'll make more time for just us. 302 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,200 Marshall doesn't have to tag along to everything we do. 303 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,786 Hey, have you guys tried these purple hooter test tube shots? 304 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,669 I've had like five of them. I don't even think there's alcohol in here. 305 00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:45,250 Where'd you get that hat? What hat? 306 00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:51,798 Hey. We fired sven. What? 307 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:55,885 Yeah, those guys were idiots. I mean, sure, they had some cool ideas. 308 00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,888 Some really cool ideas. Actually, iwonder if it's not too late to... 309 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:02,892 No! The point is, you got the job. 310 00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,019 Yeah. Really? 311 00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,855 The search committee realized they made the wrong decision. 312 00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:11,651 Plus, you really mean a lot to them and they want you to be happy. 313 00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:13,320 That's weird. 314 00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:17,032 Look, Ted, your design was the best, and you deserve it. 315 00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:20,827 There's also something that you should know 316 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:24,331 about why you didn't get the job in the first place. 317 00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,416 You see, Ted... it was bilson. 318 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,001 Yeah, yeah. 319 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:31,588 Bilson just wanted to have an office in a dinosaur head, 320 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,507 but Barney convinced him that it was really, really stupid. 321 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:38,053 Well, you know. Oh. Thank you, Barney. 322 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,721 What... I can't believe this. 323 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:42,724 I just got our firm the biggest account we've ever had. 324 00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:48,313 Hey, next rounds on me. 325 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,778 Why'd you let me off the hook? 326 00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:58,948 You did the right thing. Seemed like you deserved a bye. 327 00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:03,203 Plus, it would have really bummed Ted out, and he's finally happy right now. 328 00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:05,789 Yeah. Well. 329 00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,334 You really are Ted's best friend. 330 00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:15,173 And so am I. It's a tie. Thanks, Marshall. 331 00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:17,860 Older Ted: Marshall wound up caving and telling me the truth about Barney, 332 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,302 like ten minutes later. 333 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:21,930 At which point we tied uncle Barney to the mechanical bull, 334 00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:24,493 cranked it up to a setting called "paint mixer," and went home. 335 00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,894 I love you, man. Love you, too, buddy. 336 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:29,562 Hey, you going to ride the bull tonight? 337 00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:32,816 No, not if you paid me. I have an inner ear thing. 338 00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:35,151 Older Ted: It was a pretty great night. 339 00:20:38,530 --> 00:20:40,990 Three hours. That's a bar record. 340 00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,785 That's right, ladies. 341 00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:49,082 Jillian, you know what'd be really crazy and funny and stupid to do tonight? 342 00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:52,252 If you and me find a guy and have a three-way. 343 00:20:52,836 --> 00:20:55,338 Maybe, if we found the right guy. 344 00:20:56,089 --> 00:21:00,552 Yeah, and if we don't find the right guy, maybe you and I could just... 345 00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:05,014 You know who was pretty cute? That guy Ted. Let's go find him.