1
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:27,680
Good evening, fun hunters.

2
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,800
The French philosopher
Jean-Paul Sartre once said,

3
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:36,240
"Life begins on the other side
of despair."

4
00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,760
But, for me, it was
on the other side of the Pennines.

5
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,720
Hull, 1956.

6
00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:47,200
Surely one of the chilliest sprawls
of the northern hemisphere.

7
00:00:47,240 --> 00:00:51,120
It was so cold outside, brass
monkeys were lagging one another.

8
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:54,160
Mind you, the temperature inside
wasn't much warmer.

9
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,840
♪ ..Coming home tonight. ♪

10
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,440
(CHATTING)

11
00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:03,000
Thank you.

12
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:05,600
(MAN SHOUTING)

13
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,840
(MICROPHONE SQUEALING)

14
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,520
Thank you very much.

15
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,240
I've loved being here tonight,
ladies and gentlemen,

16
00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,360
and I sure hope you've enjoyed
having me here too.

17
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,360
I'm back tomorrow night,
so I hope to see you then.

18
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,200
(CHATTING)

19
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,680
I think your piano's a bit off-key.

20
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,720
-Oh, aye.
-Have you got a tuner?

21
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,240
Yeah, yeah, course we do.
We've got tuna, mackerel, cod...

22
00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:41,120
No, I meant a piano tuner.

23
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,800
I know you did.
And you know what they say

24
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,960
about a bad workman and his tools.
What do you mean?

25
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,560
Listen, son, I've been
in this game a long time.

26
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:53,360
Do you mind if I give you a bit of
-constructive criticism?
-Course not.

27
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,520
You're crap.

28
00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:01,480
'That night, I lay awake
in a cocoon of despair.'

29
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If success breeds success,

30
00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,080
I was on the pill.

31
00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:08,760
The following day,
I managed to lose myself in drink.

32
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,320
'But as I weaved my weary way
back to the dreaded club,

33
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,200
'I paused to reflect on

34
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,920
'how different my life
might have turned out...'

35
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,400
Les Dawson!

36
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,760
'..if only I'd stayed in Paris.'

37
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,640
(EDITH PIAF SINGING)

38
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,400
'Paris was the city of light...

39
00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,400
'..the city of literature.

40
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,880
'Maybe even the city of love.'

41
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,840
Oui?'Or maybe not.'

42
00:02:58,880 --> 00:03:00,120
Oh, hello.

43
00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,720
Leslie Dawson.

44
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,000
I wrote to you about the room.

45
00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,960
Leslie...is a man?

46
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,800
(SIGHING)

47
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,360
Incroyable.

48
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,920
Allez.

49
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:20,080
Il y a un bain au rez de chaussee,
l'eau chaud...

50
00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,960
'The landlady went by the name
of Madame Gaudin.'

51
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,120
..et les jeudis.

52
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:26,440
'It's hard to describe
what she looked like,

53
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,760
'but she used to be
a model for spanners.

54
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:32,600
'I wouldn't say she was fat, but
when she went for a dress fitting,

55
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,880
'the assistants worked in shifts.'

56
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,200
..necessaire reserver le bain

57
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:39,880
deux semaines en avance.

58
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,400
Hot water's available
Tuesdays and Thursdays,

59
00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:47,080
but if you want a bath,
you have to book in advance,

60
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,240
though, sadly,
she won't let people share.

61
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,000
-I'm Brian.
-Oh, Leslie.

62
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:53,360
Ooh, as in Leslie Caron,
An American In Paris?

63
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:55,760
No, Leslie Dawson,
from the Co-op in Collyhurst.

64
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,600
I thought I heard a Northern twang.
Pleased to meet you. ..Oh.

65
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,760
So, do you have a title?

66
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,920
No, just Mr Dawson.

67
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:09,440
I meant for your novel.

68
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,600
Oh, no. Not yet.

69
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:13,960
How did you know I was a writer
anyway?

70
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,600
You're renting a Parisian garret
on the Left Bank

71
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,400
and you haven't got an easel. What
else are you gonna do, knit doilies?

72
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:24,040
Besides, takes one to know one.
Alors, j'ai change les draps,

73
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,440
plies, gratuit.

74
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:29,440
She says she's changed the sheets
-for you, no extra charge.
-Oh.

75
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,000
Merci beaucoup!
Well, she had to, really.

76
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,600
Her last tenant used them
to hang himself.

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Bloody hell.

78
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:44,640
'Yes, I'd come to Paris to be
a novelist. Hardly original.

79
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:49,920
'Even a little foolhardy, as I was
greener than an unripe banana.

80
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,080
'But as my hero Sartre said,

81
00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,760
'"Man is what
he wills himself to be."

82
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,120
'And my will was to write.'

83
00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:16,240
Oh, excuse me.

84
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,320
I'm renting the room upstairs.

85
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,080
The facilities,
there's no actual bowl.

86
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,240
Pardon?

87
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,880
(WHISPERING) The toilet.
There's nowhere to sit.

88
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:26,760
You can shit in the hole.

89
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,960
No, sorry, I meant to sit.

90
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,840
You know, to park yourself.

91
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,120
Ah, in France,
you must squat and go.

92
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,080
Oh, right.

93
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,240
I thought someone had
nicked your bog.

94
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,880
Well, I didn't know they didn't have
proper toilets.

95
00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,600
(CLEARING THROAT)
May I?

96
00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,640
(PLAYING CLASSICAL PIECE)

97
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,360
(OFF-KEY NOTES)

98
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:14,400
(CONTINUES PLAYING)

99
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:23,680
(SPORADIC OFF-KEY NOTES)

100
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:45,280
(STOPS PLAYING)

101
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,960
I admire your playing.

102
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,960
This place could do with
some atmosphere.

103
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:54,560
You are in Paris for some time?
Till I've written my great novel

104
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,480
and enjoyed my great romance.

105
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,040
Could be weeks, months, years,
who knows?

106
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,000
How would you like a job here, Les?

107
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:05,440
-A job?
-Oui.
Playing the piano in the evening.

108
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Shall we say 12 until 3?

109
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,000
Er, I came here to write.

110
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,320
Drinks on the house,
tips from the clientele.

111
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,960
What clientele? It's dead.
I will make you hot meal.

112
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,760
No, I just can't.
100 francs a night.

113
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,480
Done.

114
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,800
There is one condition.

115
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,360
You will play only this one tune,

116
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,440
nothing else, all evening.

117
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,640
You're kidding!
Three hours of Limelight?

118
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,520
You're trying to drive people away?
It is what I wish.

119
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,840
You have a problem with that?
No, no.

120
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,240
She who pays the piper
-calls the tune.
-Mm.

121
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,400
Ah. Allez.

122
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,600
(STARTS PLAYING)

123
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,840
(OFF-KEY NOTE)

124
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:02,240
'And so I gradually settled into
my life in La Vie Lumiere.

125
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:08,200
'By day, I sat at my typewriter...

126
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:15,440
'..trying desperately to think of
something to write about.

127
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,760
'And by night...

128
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,680
'I played the piano
for Madame Gaudin...

129
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,520
'and barely anybody else.

130
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,800
'Customers came and went,
but never stuck around.

131
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:46,320
'It amazed me
how she made any money.

132
00:08:52,360 --> 00:08:55,600
'Meanwhile, my literary endeavours
were going downhill

133
00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,560
'faster than a rabbit on a promise.'

134
00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,200
So, how's the novel coming on?

135
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,680
It isn't, really.

136
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,760
I think I've got writer's block.

137
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,680
Rubbish. There's no such thing.

138
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,920
You're either writing
or you're not writing.

139
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:13,240
If you're not, it's because you're
too distracted by bloody Paris

140
00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:17,040
when you'd be better off
in Manchester writing about
real life instead.

141
00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:18,680
I'm not distracted.

142
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,440
-I'm hard at it.
-Flirting with
the barmaid, you mean.

143
00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,880
Well, she is cute.
Whatever ras's your berries.

144
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,560
I have done a sort of
pithy travelogue.

145
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,840
First impressions of the city,
that type of thing.

146
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,800
You mean you've written
-some postcards.
-Yeah, basically.

147
00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:41,400
I'm serious, Les. Don't you know
the existential creed?

148
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,880
No. You hum it and I'll play it.

149
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,960
Man is the sum of his actions.

150
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,760
If you're not picking up a pen or
a paintbrush and using it every day,

151
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:52,120
then you're not an artist,
you're a tourist.

152
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,040
My English teacher said
I had a way with words,

153
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,400
but...the more I think about it,
the more constipated I become.

154
00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:02,520
We all love words, dear.

155
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:04,400
Words can say anything.

156
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,360
What you need...

157
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,800
is a voice.

158
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,640
And so, to find my voice, my mind
turned from Paris to Manchester.

159
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,760
If I was going to be a writer,

160
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,560
I needed to draw inspiration
from closer to home.

161
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,320
(PLAYING PIANO)

162
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,320
(DOOR CLOSING)

163
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,120
Another satisfied customer.

164
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,680
I suppose you've heard the story
about the young couple

165
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,800
-from Collyhurst.
-I don't have time
-for this.
-No, sit down.

166
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:47,240
It was the wedding night, see, and
they were just going upstairs to bed

167
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,440
and she says, "I love you."

168
00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,840
And he said, "I love you too.

169
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,560
"Shall we consummate our marriage?"

170
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,440
"Yeah, if you like."

171
00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:59,680
"Right, blow out the candle."

172
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:00,800
"Yeah."

173
00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,440
"What's up? I can't blow it out."

174
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,400
"Give it to me, stupid."

175
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:10,880
Look...
No, sit down, you'll like this.

176
00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:12,520
"Give it to me, stupid."

177
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,960
"I can't blow it out either."
"I can't."

178
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,520
"Well, who's downstairs?"

179
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:19,920
"Me mother."

180
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,280
I said, "Mother!"

181
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,760
She says, "What's up?"
"Can't blow this candle out.

182
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,600
"I've tried, can't blow it out."

183
00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,200
"Let me have a go."

184
00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:30,880
(SQUEAKING) Oh!

185
00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:32,160
(LAUGHING)

186
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:34,160
"I can't blow it out either.

187
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,120
"I'll shout your father. Father!"

188
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:38,640
"What?"

189
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:43,600
"Can't blow this candle out.
I've tried, they've tried,
can't blow it out."

190
00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,480
(LAUGHING)

191
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,760
He said, "I can't blow it out
either.

192
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,760
"What are we gonna do?

193
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,000
"The vicar's downstairs.
Shout the vicar."

194
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,560
"Vicar!"

195
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:58,240
"Hello. What seems to be amiss?"

196
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,400
"Can't blow this candle out.

197
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,320
"I can't, he can't, she can't.
Can't blow it out."

198
00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:06,680
"Allow me."

199
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,400
This is the end?

200
00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:13,800
Yes.

201
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,720
I'm sorry, but I don't understand.

202
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:20,560
Nor do I. It's just a joke
my grandma used to tell.

203
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,360
Hm. How do you make these faeces?

204
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:24,720
Eh?

205
00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:27,920
-The... Oh, the faces!
-Yes.

206
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,400
I used to box when I was a kid.

207
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:31,600
Ah, oui, la boxe.

208
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:35,160
I wasn't very good. I was carried
out of the ring so often

209
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:36,920
I had handles sewn in my shorts.

210
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,840
But the good thing about breaking
your jaw is, you can do this.

211
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:43,960
(LAUGHING)

212
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,960
See? Sexy, eh?

213
00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:48,640
Mm.

214
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:51,840
Emerald.

215
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,000
(CLEARING THROAT)

216
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:57,840
I had no idea why Madame Gaudin
wanted me to play the same tune

217
00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,160
for three hours a night
on such a defective instrument.

218
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,040
But it wouldn't be long
before I found out.

219
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,320
What do you think?

220
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,200
It's good.

221
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:26,560
-Really?
-Yes.

222
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,880
There's a few...purple patches.

223
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,680
What do you mean?
Like you've swallowed a thesaurus

224
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,240
and sicked it up on the page.

225
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:36,800
Here, um...

226
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:42,200
"grimy, hunched warehouses severing
the skyline with dissipated profiles

227
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,560
"that lurch above narrow tenements,

228
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,720
"gazing, eyeless,
onto litter-pitted streets."

229
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,680
Yeah. Took me ages, that sentence.

230
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:55,520
Literature isn't drapery, Les,
you don't get paid by the yard.

231
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,280
-It's crap.
-No, it's good.

232
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,320
You just...you don't need
to write like

233
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,840
you're trying to impress
your English teacher.

234
00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,680
Some of it's verging on
the, dare I say, comic.

235
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,680
Great(!)
Oh, come one.

236
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,640
Let me buy you dinner, cheer you up.
I'm not hungry.

237
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,240
Ever had the shish kebabs?
Ever since I arrived.

238
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,640
(NOISY COMMOTION)

239
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,080
Hell... Les, don't.

240
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,600
(MADAM GAUDIN SHOUTING)

241
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,160
Emerald?

242
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,400
Les, leave, go back downstairs.
-Allez, allez!
-What's going on?

243
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,840
Fat man, he tried to make pipi
on our rug.

244
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,480
-Degueulasse!
-Is this
some sort of knocking shop?

245
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,840
What happens here is
none of your concern.

246
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,320
(CONTINUES SHOUTING)

247
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,200
Why didn't you tell me?
Because I like you.

248
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,920
Because I did not want you
to judge me.

249
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:48,280
Ah, you are the penis.

250
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:49,640
What?

251
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,280
You are the penis.

252
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,640
You play the bad piano downstairs?

253
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,680
Oh, the pianist.

254
00:14:55,720 --> 00:15:00,120
Your terrible music makes our
clients come quickly and go quickly.

255
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:02,720
More money for Madame
means more money for us.

256
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:04,920
Very clever. Thank you.

257
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,080
(BOTH MOUTHING)

258
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,680
You're welcome.

259
00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,360
Glad to be of service.

260
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:15,160
Les... I did try to warn you.

261
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:17,680
So that was it.

262
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,440
I was a brothel Beethoven.

263
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,640
A prostitute's Prokofiev.

264
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,640
A cathouse Khachaturian.

265
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,920
Not for the first time...

266
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,640
I felt like a failure.

267
00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:42,720
-MAN:
-La vie humaine commence
de l'autre cote du desespoir.

268
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,360
Eh?

269
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,400
Life begins on the other side
of despair.

270
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:50,640
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

271
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,480
May I join you?

272
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,880
You know, this afternoon,
I went to a cafe

273
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,200
and ordered a coffee with no cream.

274
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,240
The waitress came back and said,

275
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,440
"I'm sorry, Monsieur Sartre,
we don't have any cream.

276
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:11,280
"Can I bring you a coffee
with no milk instead?"

277
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:12,680
You see?

278
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,600
Not really.

279
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:18,560
We create ourselves, our essence,

280
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,760
by what we do, the choices we make.
Action.

281
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,520
Our dreams and our intentions
are futile.

282
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:27,360
Hm. Tell me about it.

283
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,040
I came here to be a writer.

284
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:31,720
-Then write.
-I can't.

285
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,360
I haven't found my voice.

286
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,240
Then do something else.

287
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,080
Be true to who you are.

288
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,760
But that's the point.

289
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,240
Who am I?

290
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,280
I'm a writer that hasn't written
anything.

291
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,600
A fat, boozing Northerner
who likes music and literature.

292
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,880
(DIALOGUE INDISTINCT)

293
00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:01,600
I think you have the ability to make
people laugh, to bring them joy.

294
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,840
Your stories, your piano,
your funny faces.

295
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,480
-Faces.
-I would give my right hand
to have this skill,

296
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,680
but you think,
what, it is beneath you?

297
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,680
People want to be entertained.

298
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:17,800
They don't want to see a miserable,
fat man playing a wonky piano.

299
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,400
You would be surprised.

300
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,320
Your best work is what you do best.

301
00:17:26,360 --> 00:17:29,800
Find this,
and you will find happiness.

302
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,960
We cannot choose to have no cream
if the cream does not exist.

303
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,280
But we can choose...

304
00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:38,040
to have no milk.

305
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:43,640
A bientot.

306
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,120
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)

307
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,960
The great WC Fields one said,

308
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,400
"If at first you don't succeed,
try, try again.

309
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:13,680
"Then quit, there's no point being
a damn fool about it."

310
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,400
God, I feel terrible.

311
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:25,640
Me head's banging
like a shithouse door in a gale.

312
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,200
I asked the doctor
if he could recommend anything

313
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,720
for persistent wind.
You know what he said?

314
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,360
A kite.
(LAUGHING)

315
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:44,600
I'm sorry, but...the sadder you are,
the funnier you are.

316
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,360
That's a fat lot of good, innit?

317
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:52,960
Dr Bernard tells me the police
raided La Maison Chabanel last week

318
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,720
and the Sphinx the week before.

319
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:58,200
It is the new Conseiller.
He wants to clean up this area.

320
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,600
That's a shame.
He was your best customer.

321
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,360
We will have to move elsewhere.

322
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,840
Maybe it is time you started
looking for another job.

323
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,240
No, no need.

324
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,440
I'm going back to Manchester.

325
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,080
Ferry leaves tonight.

326
00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,120
I've failed at being a writer.

327
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,440
-I never said that.
-I'm sure
they'll let me back at the Co-op.

328
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:18,120
Don't worry.

329
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:20,560
Lady Luck will smile on you soon.

330
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:24,440
Hm. By the time she smiles on me,
she won't have any teeth left.

331
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,200
Quel dommage.

332
00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,480
Do you still have a few hours left?

333
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:32,600
Hm?

334
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,520
(SWEEPING, ROMANTIC MUSIC)

335
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:49,080
♪ I'll be loving you eternally... ♪

336
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:51,120
(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

337
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,440
Ruby?

338
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,240
Tu me laisses la place?

339
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,320
♪ ..From the start, within my heart

340
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:09,440
♪ It seems I've always known... ♪

341
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:11,680
How do you do it?

342
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,880
(LAUGHING)

343
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,200
Now...

344
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:19,720
Voila.

345
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,040
♪ ..Forever true

346
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,960
♪ And loving you

347
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:37,240
♪ Eternally. ♪

348
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,640
'So that was it.

349
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,720
'My Parisian sojourn was over.'

350
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,640
I went back to Manchester and
started as an apprentice electrician

351
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,280
but that was a disaster.

352
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,960
I was to that employ what
the Pope is to brothel management.

353
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,160
I played piano with a jazz band.

354
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,240
We were that bad, we got paid off
at a charity gig.

355
00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:05,200
But it did get me an agent...

356
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:10,040
who got me a booking at
the Emperor's Club, Hull, 1956,

357
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,160
where it seemed like
things couldn't get any worse.

358
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,720
(LAUGHING AND CHATTING)
Right, bit of hush, please.

359
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,920
Come on, hey, look, we've paid
good money for these turns.

360
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,240
And I, for one,
-want to bloody hear 'em.
-Ssh!

361
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,840
Thank you. Right, this next
young lad has complained

362
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,360
that some of his jokes have been
going over the audience's heads.

363
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,440
But that's partly my fault

364
00:21:31,480 --> 00:21:34,240
because I fitted these speakers
too bloody high.

365
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,600
(LAUGHTER)

366
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:40,120
Ladies and gentlemen, will you
please give a warm welcome

367
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,400
to Mr Les Dawson!

368
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,320
(GENTLE APPLAUSE)

369
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:50,480
(VOICES ECHOING)

370
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,400
(PIANO KEYS THRUMMING)

371
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,840
Jesus Christ, he's pie-eyed.

372
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:17,720
'We cannot choose to have no cream
if the cream does not exist.

373
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,800
'But we can choose...

374
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,000
'to have no milk.'

375
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,440
Well, thank you for that
brief spatter of applause.

376
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:46,440
It's nice to be here
in this renovated fish crate.

377
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,960
Hm, what an audience.

378
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,080
I've seen more life
in a tramp's vest.

379
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:54,280
(GENTLE LAUGHTER)

380
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,280
(MICROPHONE SQUEALING)

381
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,880
(CLEARING THROAT)

382
00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:14,920
Now, you may be thinking...

383
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,960
why's he standing up there,
half drunk?

384
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,240
Well, I thought it was obvious.

385
00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,040
I ran out of money.

386
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,880
(LAUGHTER)
I wasn't always an entertainer.

387
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,000
No, there was a time
when I had regular meals.

388
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:29,920
(GENTLE LAUGHTER)

389
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,280
For a time, I was a pianist
in Parisian brothel.

390
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,560
Pay was lousy,
but I saw plenty of tips.

391
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,200
(LAUGHTER)
I said tips.

392
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:39,480
(GUFFAWING)

393
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,120
Oof!
(LAUGHTER)

394
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,720
In awe, I saw the waxing moon

395
00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:53,040
ride across the zenith of the
heavens like an amber chariot...

396
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,840
towards the ebony void
of infinite space...

397
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:00,880
..wherein the tethered belts
of Jupiter and Mars hang...

398
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,120
..forever festooned...

399
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,400
..in their orbital majesty.

400
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:12,680
(SIGHING)

401
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,160
And as I looked at all this,
I thought to myself...

402
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,120
..I must put a roof on this toilet.

403
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,920
(LAUGHTER)

404
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,240
(PLAYING "BYE-BYE BLACKBIRD")

405
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,880
(OFF-KEY NOTES)

406
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:43,840
Come on.

407
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,160
'For the first time,
I was hearing genuine laughter

408
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,760
'from one of the toughest audiences
a comedian can face.'

409
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,960
And although it took me
another ten years playing the clubs

410
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,120
to become an overnight success,

411
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,400
I'd finally found my voice.

412
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,640
And that's all a true artist
can ever ask for.

413
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,240
Have you heard enough?

414
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:16,520
Absolutely, that's brilliant.
-Thanks, Les.
-No worries.

415
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,800
See you in a couple of weeks, then.

416
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,480
♪ Bye-Bye Blackbird

417
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,520
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