1 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,840 Just three sacks of mail for you this morning. 2 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,320 The usual marriage requests, posies, knick-knacks. 3 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,360 An invitation for you to speak in Parliament. 4 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,400 Several pairs of ladies under things, 5 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,280 and just one claim you sired someone's child. 6 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,240 Please, God, no more children. 7 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,080 And there's one for me from my publisher, 8 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:09,520 asking when they might expect the cookbook they commissioned from me. 9 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,280 This letter bears the Royal Seal. 10 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,520 From Queen Victoria herself. 11 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,400 She's heard of my acclaimed portrayal 12 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:19,280 in our production of The Frozen Deep 13 00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:22,520 and writes to request a private command performance. 14 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,520 -For when? -Before she leaves for Balmoral for the summer. 15 00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,680 But there's no time. We both have books to finish. 16 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,200 I must gather the cast. 17 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,880 We shall rehearse in the drawing room at every opportunity. 18 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,320 (SIGHS) 19 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:37,480 To play to her Imperial Majesty places one beyond criticism. 20 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,920 Not that I've ever been the recipient of a bad review, 21 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,360 whether literary or indeed thespian. 22 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,840 Another billet-doux from Copenhagen. 23 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:52,760 "In honour of St Valentine, I send my fondest desirings 24 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:56,320 to one whose work I could not love more largely. 25 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,800 Hans Christian Andersen." 26 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,440 Warrants a reply, wouldn't you say? 27 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,160 I think it best you don't encourage him. 28 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,160 He is a devoted reader and Dickens enthusiast. 29 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,600 Letters from Mr Andersen... 30 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:08,360 I will not discourage someone who exhibits 31 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,840 such exceedingly good taste. 32 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,480 ..56, 57. 33 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:16,000 Am I to assume the Valentine card from you, my loving husband, 34 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:17,920 is in the afternoon post? 35 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,800 'My dearest Hans...' 36 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,200 "Clara... Clara... Clara..." 37 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,040 "Clara, kiss me." 38 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,360 "Oh, kiss me, Clara." 39 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,280 (DOORBELL RINGS) I'm in the bath! 40 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,000 "Kiss me, sister." 41 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:46,160 "Kiss ME, sister. Kiss me..." 42 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:49,000 (DOORBELL RINGS) I'm in the bath! 43 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:51,160 (MUSIC PLAYING) 44 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,840 (DOORBELL RINGS, KNOCK AT DOOR) 45 00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,840 (IN THE DISTANCE) "..my sister..." 46 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,600 (DOORBELL RINGS) 47 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,160 Will someone attend to the door?! 48 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,720 (DOORBELL RINGS REPEATEDLY) 49 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,320 (SIGHS) 50 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,720 (DOOR SHUTS) 51 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,360 -Hello. -Hello. 52 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,760 (MUTTERING) ..at this ungodly hour. 53 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:18,600 Hans? 54 00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,240 My own Dickens. 55 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,760 Good Lord. 56 00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,600 (LAUGHS) 57 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,640 What brings you to my door? Your invitation. 58 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,280 My what?(CHUCKLES) 59 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,520 "My dearest Hans. If ever you happen to be in England, 60 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,760 you'll be most welcome at Gad's Hill." 61 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,040 I ever happen to be in England. 62 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:42,920 -Hello! -Ah... 63 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,920 Charles, to whom are you talking? 64 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,000 The house of Dickens. Catherine... 65 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:49,400 this is Hans Christian Andersen. 66 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,040 Hans, please meet my wife, Catherine. 67 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:52,840 The wife of Dickens. 68 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,920 (SMOOCHES) Oh. 69 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,400 We've been expecting a visit from Mr Andersen, haven't we, my dear? 70 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,880 Of course. 71 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,520 It is such a delightful surprise to finally meet you 72 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,080 after all of your tireless correspondence. 73 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,320 Oh, you're staying with us. 74 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,400 These will be the happiest days of my life. 75 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,800 How wonderful. 76 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,440 Here you are. A Timber Doodle to set you right. 77 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,280 Most esteemed Dickens. 78 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,960 I have for you a gift. 79 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,800 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 80 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:37,920 "To Be Or Not To Be, by Hans Christian Andersen." 81 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,040 The children will be delighted! 82 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,280 No, no, no. It is a novel for the adults. 83 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,720 I wish to be a writer of serious, like you. 84 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,080 "For Charles Dickens." 85 00:04:50,120 --> 00:04:52,000 Oh, Hans. 86 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,480 You should read it. Read it tonight. 87 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,240 In bed. 88 00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:59,000 This is a book that should be savoured. 89 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,680 I must take my time. 90 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,640 Yes. Yes, you are right. 91 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,680 You should begin it now. 92 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,760 It is, I dare to say, a master's piece. 93 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,280 Read it. 94 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,920 Yeah. I will watch. 95 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,680 I should see how Mrs Dickens fares. 96 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,560 I have had to remove all my work from the guest bedroom 97 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,480 to accommodate Mr Andersen. 98 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:28,520 What on Earth is he doing here? 99 00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,480 It's quite the mystery. How long is he staying? 100 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:31,960 Oh, not long. I'm sure. 101 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,400 I do hope not. 102 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,120 I was midway through writing up my recipe for badger ham. 103 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,240 Oh, I love badger ham! I'm already behind on my deadline. 104 00:05:39,280 --> 00:05:41,440 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 105 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,040 Dickens! 106 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,640 (PANTING) You are great England's national treasure maybe. 107 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,240 But you forgot my book. Definitely. 108 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,840 Oh, so I did. It is impressively upsetting. 109 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,080 Your room is ready, Mr Andersen. 110 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,680 Mrs Dickens, I have for you. 111 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,560 Oh, how lovely. 112 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,160 And this is... 113 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,200 It is my special bowl for my eatings. 114 00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,560 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 115 00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,200 (DOOR CLOSES) Oh. Good morning, Mr Andersen. 116 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,680 Did you sleep well? 117 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,640 Terribly. It must be the most uncomfortable night of my life. 118 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:24,160 Or maybe that was the brothel in Antwerp. 119 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,160 No, no. It was definitely here. 120 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,760 Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that. 121 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,360 The one consolation was knowing that you were reading my book, Dickens. 122 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,280 Hans, let me introduce you to my children. 123 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,040 This is Chickenstalker. 124 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,840 Mr H. 125 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:42,240 And the noble Plorn! Charles! 126 00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:45,200 Francis, Henry and Edward. 127 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,320 -Mary.Mamie.Kate. -Lucifer Box. 128 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,800 -And Walter. -Young Skull! 129 00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:52,360 (CLATTERING) Ow! Alfred and Sydney. 130 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,400 Skittles and the Admiral. 131 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:56,480 And this is Charlie. 132 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,080 -Charlie. -Damn. 133 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,640 And they say your stories have too many peoples in them. (CHUCKLES) 134 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,320 Busy old Dickens! (CHUCKLES) 135 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,800 Please, sir. Can I have some more? (LAUGHS) 136 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,960 Children, this is Hans Christian Andersen, 137 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,120 the world-famous children's author. 138 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,000 And now the writer for the adults. 139 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:21,440 He has come to witness my genius first hand. 140 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:26,560 (SLURPS) I have no wifes and no childrens, 141 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,440 but I have sown my seeds across the corners of the world. 142 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:33,440 Are you planning to stay in England long, Mr Andersen? 143 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,240 Is someone looking after your house? 144 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,600 House? No, I have no house. 145 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,400 I stay wherever I am invited. 146 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,160 (BURPS) 147 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,080 (CHILDREN SNICKER) 148 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:50,840 (PEN SCRAWLING) 149 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:01,000 It is an honour to watch your father at his works. 150 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,480 Sorry. 151 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,400 (PEN CONTINUES SCRAWLING) 152 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,080 (GASPS) This is unsupportable! 153 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,960 I have a deadline to meet, not to mention a play to rehearse! 154 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,840 How can I concentrate with this relentless racket?! 155 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,480 I could read them something. 156 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,240 Yes, well. That's very generous of you, Hans, thank you. Er... 157 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,880 Something of mine. 158 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,600 Oh, YOUR book? 159 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,640 (CHUCKLING) Do not worry. I shall return it in the blink of a thigh. 160 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:50,360 Oh! (CHUCKLES) "The night was bitterly cold but the bed was warm. 161 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,280 And as he pulled his legs up to the body of the woman he had paid..." 162 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:01,480 Ah, good morning, Mrs Dickens. 163 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,120 Good morning... Mr Andersen. 164 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,440 I have abandoned my underwearings in the bathroom. 165 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:11,480 Kindly reunite them with your...legs. 166 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,360 You are so full of the liquorice today, Catherine. 167 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:20,160 No, Mr Andersen! 168 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,200 Mr Andersen! No! 169 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:24,880 -No! -CHILD SHOUTING: Ass! 170 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,280 -Edward, stay in there. -Ass! 171 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,840 (HANS SINGING TO HIMSELF) 172 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,440 (SINGING CONTINUES) 173 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,040 (DISTANT, NOISY THUMPING) "I know nothing. 174 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:48,120 Only that he... Father!" 175 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,160 I imagined he might be of some service entertaining the children 176 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,840 with his fairy stories. But instead, he fills their heads 177 00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:59,800 with all sorts of er... dockside ballyhoo! 178 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,440 This morning, Edward asked me what a brothel was. 179 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,320 Oh, Catherine. You do not understand writers. 180 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,640 Men of literary genius should be indulged. 181 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,400 Yet you have not indulged Hans by reading his book. 182 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,840 (LAUGHING) No, I have not. 183 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:14,440 I fear he will not depart our home 184 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,560 until you bestow some favourable opinion upon his novel. 185 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,240 It is enormous. I will not have time. 186 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,360 Why must people write such colossal books? 187 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,480 (DISTANT THUMPING, LAUGHTER AND MUSIC CONTINUE) 188 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:28,400 Read his book, tell him you love it, and then he will go! 189 00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:31,360 What if it is no good? I will not know what to say. 190 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,960 Harsh criticism can hurt people... 191 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,480 I imagine. 192 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,880 -You imagine? -It's unfortunate, but I alone among authors 193 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:41,600 would be unable to comfort the poor man.(DOOR OPENS) 194 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,480 (RECORDER WHISTLING, DRUM THUMPING, CHILDREN SHOUTING) 195 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,880 -Oh, ho! -No, Edward! 196 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,480 -Edward, no! -Yeah! 197 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,040 (CHILDREN CONTINUE SHOUTING) Sssh! 198 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,560 No! Francis, you should not... 199 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:56,880 (LAUGHING) 200 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,720 I simply do not understand where he got the idea 201 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,560 that he was welcome to come and stay with us. 202 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,400 No, me neither. 203 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,760 'Tis peculiar, is it not? 204 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,920 "My dearest Hans. 205 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,720 If you ever happen to be in England, you will be most welcome at... 206 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,000 ..Gad's Hill." 207 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:44,680 "My mind clears, but my eyes grow dim. 208 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,480 My sister... Clara. 209 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,560 Kiss me, sister. 210 00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:52,320 Kiss me before I die." 211 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:54,600 (DOOR OPENS) You invited him! 212 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,800 Catherine, I was just dying! 213 00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,240 Good! You were terribly good, Mr Dickens. 214 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,760 You invited that boorish ne'er-do-well into our home, 215 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,960 and now we are unable to cast him o... 216 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,560 Oh! (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 217 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,840 -Mr Andersen. -Are you not happy with me as your guest? 218 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,320 -What? Of course. -Ye... N.. Yes... -We are happy with you. -No, no. 219 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,240 -You misunderstand. -I haven't over-remained my welcomes, no? 220 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,160 No. The children love you. I love you. 221 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,920 Catherine...likes you. 222 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,760 Oh, thank you! 223 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,120 Oh, I am so happy to be your rest. 224 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,200 May I have a word? 225 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:36,840 What possessed you to invite that Nordic cuckoo? 226 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,840 I did not really invite him, I was being polite. 227 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,920 Polite? You? 228 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,440 It's impossible for me to get any work done with him here. 229 00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:47,000 Personally, I find having him here quite helpful. A bit of a boost. 230 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:49,640 It's good to have someone here who has faith in my genius. 231 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,400 Who does not prattle on about cuckoos and cookbooks. 232 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:55,600 Someone who's prepared to put my welfare before their own! 233 00:12:58,040 --> 00:12:59,560 Where are you going? 234 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,200 Wife! 235 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,040 Wife? (BOX SLAMS SHUT) 236 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:11,040 For 21 years I have been putting your welfare before my own. 237 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:14,440 There. What are these? 238 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,200 Bad reviews of your work. 239 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:18,880 See? 240 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:21,760 From Pickwick Papers to Little Doritt. 241 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,320 Oh, some veritable stinkers for that last one. 242 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,240 Did you write these? Are you... 243 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,640 -..a critic?! -No. 244 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,400 I removed them whenever they appeared in your daily newspaper 245 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,640 and concealed them in my trousseau. 246 00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:37,360 -Why? -So you could remain Dickens! 247 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,080 The mighty un-criticised Dickens! 248 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,880 I did that for you. 249 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:43,560 And why preserve them? 250 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,080 So I could read them privately, whenever I was furious with you. 251 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,440 So I would not feel quite so alone. 252 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:55,080 (DOOR OPENS) 253 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,240 (DOOR SLAMS) 254 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,560 "Mr Dickens is a..." (SHUDDERS) 255 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:11,480 "..vain, silly and transparent cockscomb." 256 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,080 That's just mean. 257 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:23,880 You're wearing my bridal gown! 258 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:28,240 Yes. Imagine being married to the great Charles Dickens 259 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,520 wearing this dress. 260 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:32,640 Everyone watching. 261 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:36,560 I was just this moment reading about the happy day, here in your diaries. 262 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:40,240 Mr Andersen, my diary, like my wardrobe, is private! 263 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:45,800 I find, tucked in your diary also, these works in your hand, yes? 264 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,440 I did write those, yes. 265 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,360 You are an artist. 266 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,000 Really, you think so? 267 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,200 That is most kind. Is not kindness. Is truth. 268 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:58,120 He must be so proud of you to write such poems. 269 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,280 Er...they're not poems. They're recipes. 270 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,200 What-ipes? For a cookbook. 271 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,440 Mrs Dickens, your... 272 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,240 ..recipes make me weep. 273 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,920 I am honoured to make the acquaintance of such a poet of soup. 274 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,640 (CLEARS THROAT) Maybe we could pick it up from after your death. 275 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,160 You could just lie there. 276 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,840 How can I lie there? 277 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,920 I am, it seems, a "maudlin boob" and a "circumloquacious ninny." 278 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:51,320 Oh. 279 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,480 What is your matter, my friend? 280 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,680 Mr Dickens fears that he's no Earthly good. 281 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,480 What absolute nonsense. 282 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,600 Without the fire that this man has lit inside my bottom, 283 00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,360 I would not have written this. 284 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,440 And when my new novel transforms my reputation 285 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,960 from ugly fairy-tale duckling to fat literary swan, 286 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,320 it will be down to the encouragement of this wonderful man. 287 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,320 Good, is it, Mr Andersen's book? 288 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,480 Er...yes, it's marvellous. 289 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,120 You have read it? 290 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,120 What was your favourite part? 291 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,360 All of it.(GASPS) Oh, you burst my chest. 292 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,880 I particularly enjoyed that you ended with an inheritance plot 293 00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,680 so convoluted and improbable 294 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:35,960 it would insult the intelligence of a whelk. 295 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,800 -What? -No, my mistake. 296 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:39,440 That was me... 297 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:43,080 ..according to the London Weekly Post. 298 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,960 -You insult yourself? -No, sir! I insult whelks. 299 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,720 It is here in black and white. 300 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,480 This, Charles, is criticism. 301 00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,320 (BLOWS) 302 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:00,840 And she is gone. 303 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:06,520 A work that is good lives by itself and needs no opinions, 304 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,000 save those of friends. 305 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:10,280 I believe in you. 306 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,920 -Thank you. -No, thank you. 307 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:16,280 Aw! 308 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,000 Ow! (GROANS) 309 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,120 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 310 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,120 Whenever will he leave? 311 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,200 He's a good man. He means well. 312 00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:33,000 I think we have misjudged him. 313 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:35,280 Oh, sweet Lord. 314 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:36,880 (BLOWS) 315 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,800 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 316 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,360 (DOOR CREAKS OPEN) 317 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,400 It is very raining on the windows in my room. 318 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,200 I will come and sleep here with you instead. 319 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:59,080 Ah! (KISSES BOTH) 320 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:16,560 (THUMPS) 321 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,720 We must be rid of him. 322 00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,040 He was tossing and turning all night. 323 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,640 -I know. -And when I say tossing - 324 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,400 I know, I know! 325 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,880 What else can I do? I've told him I love his wretched book. 326 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:29,840 -You must tell him to leave! -Yes, well, I'm just not very good with... 327 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,720 words. You are Charles Dickens! 328 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,720 And you will find the words, or God help me! 329 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:38,200 (DOOR OPENS) 330 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,360 Oh, Mr Andersen. 331 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,240 Are you going somewhere? 332 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,200 Yes, yes. Indeed. 333 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:53,320 I will partake of a small breakfast biscuit, perhaps. 334 00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:56,880 And then I must be taking my leaves. You're going? 335 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:00,400 -Oh, what a shame. -I hoped in my heart you would praise my new book, 336 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,120 -and you have. -Yes! Yes, I did. 337 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:04,720 So now I go. 338 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,440 I will miss you very much. 339 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,240 Oh! 340 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:12,440 (CLEARS THROAT) 341 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:14,440 Where will you go, Hans? 342 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,000 I... 343 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,160 sent a copy of my book to the famous novel writer Anthony Trollope, 344 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:24,560 and I plan to spend a few nights or months with him 345 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:26,360 reading through his favourite passages. 346 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,200 Capital idea. Tony will love that. 347 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,920 Yes, he will love that! 348 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,480 He will.(CHUCKLES) 349 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:36,160 My book is excellent. I know because my idol, Charles Dickens, says so. 350 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:41,240 Yes-s-s-s-s! 351 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:43,400 Catherine, are you shushing to conceal the fact 352 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,000 you're tearing a portion out of the London Weekly Post? 353 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,160 -No! -You know what I said. 354 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,800 If there is a review of my work, fair or foul, I will read it! 355 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,720 I am Charles Dickens. 356 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,800 -It is like soot in the wind. -Indeed. 357 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,040 No. 358 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,520 -Catherine. -No. 359 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,080 -Catherine. -No, just try - (FIRMLY) Catherine. 360 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,720 No. 361 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,000 Oh. 362 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:14,960 Catherine, as a gentleman, you know I cannot retrieve it from there! 363 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,680 Mr Andersen! 364 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,000 I will read it to you. No, please don't. 365 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,720 Pish pish.(CHUCKLES) 366 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,480 Oh, "The great Hans." 367 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:32,760 Oh. 368 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,520 "Hans Christian Andersen has delighted generations for decades 369 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,920 with his tales of princesses, emperors and Mer creatures. 370 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:47,160 His debut foray into the adult novel asks the question... 371 00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,480 ..'Should he have strayed from the fantasy land 372 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:52,680 in which he was so popular?'" 373 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:54,880 Yes, yes, yes, he should. There you go. 374 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,280 They love the book as much as I do, no need to read any further. 375 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:01,720 "When compared to the contemporaries he pitches himself against, 376 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,560 like the matchless Charles Dickens..." (CHUCKLES) 377 00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,400 "..Mr Andersen's attempts are laughable." 378 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,080 (SIGHS) 379 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,680 (WHINES) 380 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,760 (WHINING CONTINUES) 381 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:29,400 (WHINING CONTINUES) 382 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:35,880 Like soot in the wind, Hans. Like soot in the wind. 383 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,560 (WHINING CONTINUES) 384 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,080 (MOUTHING) 385 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,080 (KISSES) Ah! 386 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:52,800 You love my book? 387 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,200 Yes. Yes. 388 00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:58,520 What did you like best about my book? 389 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,880 Er...the... 390 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:04,920 ..the mermaid. 391 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:07,960 -The mermaid? -The duckling? The ugly duckling? 392 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,400 (GASPING) Oh, you never read my book! 393 00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,040 (GRITTING TEETH) I will, Hans. I will! 394 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:13,560 -He lied to me! -No! 395 00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:16,200 No, I was going to read it after I finished my play, 396 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,080 but books are so long these days, one seldom gets the time. 397 00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:21,720 Well, I cannot go to see Mr Trollope now, can I? 398 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,880 I will be his laughing sock. 399 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,280 No! No, you must...stay...here with us! 400 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,760 Take off your hat, take off your coat. 401 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,800 Oh, I can unpack my suitcases. 402 00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,320 Yes, do that. 403 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:36,800 Oh, oh, thank you. 404 00:22:36,840 --> 00:22:38,800 Dickens, thank you. 405 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,440 Oh. (CHUCKLES) 406 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:42,080 Oh. 407 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,240 I know I am safe if I am with you. 408 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,600 (DOOR OPENS, CLOSES) 409 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:08,840 'Hans stayed with us for five whole weeks. 410 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:11,640 He wrote a glowing review for a Danish newspaper 411 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,680 of his stay with, and I quote, 412 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,400 "The happy and cordial Dickens."' 413 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:19,280 'By the time it was published, 414 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,120 Charles and I were already divorced.' 415 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:26,680 'Dickens never wrote to me again. 416 00:23:28,120 --> 00:23:30,120 I never understood why.' 417 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,480 subtitles by Deluxe e-mail: AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk