1 00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:04,570 - Hey. There they are. 2 00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,271 How was the carnival? 3 00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:08,607 - Uncle robert threw up. - On a ride. 4 00:00:11,211 --> 00:00:13,078 - Oh, robert. 5 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:17,016 - He was on one of the spinning rides. 6 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:20,252 He nailed 11 people. 7 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:26,692 - I had to buy a guy a shirt. 8 00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:28,160 - Hey, guess what. 9 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,194 That was my college on the phone. 10 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:30,362 They want to give me a degree. 11 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:32,331 - I thought you had a degree. 12 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:35,100 - Yeah, what the hell were we paying for? 13 00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,602 - It's another one. 14 00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,604 They call it a honorary doctorate. 15 00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:41,340 - Oh! - Oh! 16 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:44,710 - I might throw up again. 17 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,311 - Oh, my god! 18 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,380 Raymond, you're a doctor! 19 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,249 - A doctorate, ma. 20 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,351 They call it a doctorate of letters. 21 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:55,054 - That is so great, honey, aww... 22 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:58,323 - Wow, ray, congratulations! 23 00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,827 We are so happy for you. 24 00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:03,662 - How much do they charge for this? 25 00:01:03,664 --> 00:01:05,531 - Nothing. - Yeah, right. 26 00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:07,499 No contribution at all? 27 00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,101 Let me tell you something-- 28 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:12,638 Education is the biggest scam going. 29 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,774 - Dr. Raymond albert barone. 30 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:18,210 - Yeah, yeah. 31 00:01:18,212 --> 00:01:19,611 - Hey, doctor, I got a mole 32 00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:22,581 You should take a look at on my backside. 33 00:01:29,656 --> 00:01:32,758 - Well, you must be my 9:30. 34 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,396 - Mm-hmm. 35 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:40,165 So what's your diagnosis? 36 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,400 - I don't know yet. 37 00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:43,302 I might have to put my healing hands 38 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:46,572 On your love-starved body. - Ooh. 39 00:01:46,574 --> 00:01:47,806 Oh, doctor. 40 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,341 [both laugh] 41 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,576 Dr. Ray. 42 00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:51,743 [laughs] 43 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,512 - What? What? 44 00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:56,715 - No, it's just funny calling you doctor. 45 00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:59,485 - It's not that funny. 46 00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:04,123 - Dr. Raymond barone, ph.D. 47 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:06,558 - All right, stop it. 48 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,193 Come on, you know how I feel 49 00:02:08,195 --> 00:02:11,897 About laughing during sex. 50 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,532 - You have to admit, you're not 51 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:16,702 The most professorial kind of guy. 52 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:18,704 - I can be exceedingly professorial. 53 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:19,905 - No, I know. 54 00:02:19,907 --> 00:02:22,307 I was just remembering that time 55 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:25,911 You read the word "stoma-cha-chuh." 56 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,414 - What's your point? 57 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:32,584 - You read "stoma-cha-chuh." 58 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:36,255 And the word really is... 59 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:39,725 - Stomachache. 60 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,735 - I am just teasing you. 61 00:02:49,737 --> 00:02:50,736 - Yeah, right. 62 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,171 - No, come on. 63 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,739 Come on, kiss me again. 64 00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:57,509 Hey, for once, I don't have a "head-ah-cha-chuh." 65 00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:59,311 - All right, forget it. - No, I'm kidding. 66 00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,680 - You know, you're just like robert and my father. 67 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,382 You don't think I deserve this. 68 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:06,351 - No, of course, I think you deserve this. 69 00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:08,220 - Even though I'm an idiot. - Yes. 70 00:03:08,222 --> 00:03:11,323 No, no, I don't believe that. 71 00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,859 No, you're very smart. You deserve this. 72 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,694 You're gonna do great. 73 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,330 - What do you mean, "do great"? 74 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,731 - When you give your speech. 75 00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:23,569 Well, you-- 76 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,939 You knew you had to give a speech, right? 77 00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:33,278 Ray, when they give you an honorary diploma, 78 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,947 You give a speech. 79 00:03:34,949 --> 00:03:38,417 - In front of people? 80 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:41,486 - Well, it's not a speech otherwise. 81 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:46,558 It's just a crazy man. 82 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,293 - Oh, my god. 83 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:49,595 - Honey, you'll do fine. 84 00:03:49,597 --> 00:03:51,897 - No, I won't! 85 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,365 They're gonna expect me to be smart 86 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,766 In front of smart people 87 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,501 And say smart things, and I'm not smart, 88 00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,403 You know it, and I know it. We all know it. 89 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,972 Who am I kidding? 90 00:03:59,974 --> 00:04:02,608 - Ray, come out. 91 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,776 - No! 92 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,679 I'm never coming out, so you're free to remarry. 93 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,551 - Ray... - Just... 94 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:16,989 Remember I can hear you in here. 95 00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:20,025 - Honey, listen... 96 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:24,930 They want you because you're good at what you do. 97 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,565 They want the students to see someone 98 00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:29,001 Who loves his work and is a success. 99 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,969 You don't have to sound like a professor. 100 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:33,305 What they want is ray barone. 101 00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,806 You give them that, 102 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:37,276 And I promise they will love you. 103 00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:46,985 - Yeah? 104 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,588 - Positive. 105 00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:59,498 Ooh, I'm feeling feverish, doctor. 106 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,867 - Oh, yes. Yes, you are. 107 00:05:01,869 --> 00:05:04,403 I think you might have caught something 108 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,004 From the rest of the cheerleading squad. 109 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,673 - Oh, yes. 110 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:14,379 - Step into my office. - Ooh! 111 00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:19,818 So much fun. 112 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,720 Just bring back memories and, you know... 113 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,790 - Oh, wasn't that wonderful? 114 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,106 - It was pretty good, right? Yeah. 115 00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,874 - All the money on that damn college, 116 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:46,545 They can't put a cushion on a folding chair? 117 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,448 My mole is killing me! 118 00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:50,682 - Bobby, are you sure 119 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,084 You got a picture of raymond 120 00:05:52,086 --> 00:05:53,618 Shaking the dean's hand? 121 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:54,920 - I'm sure, mom. 122 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,922 - And pictures of me kissing raymond? 123 00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:59,958 - We have enough to make wallpaper. 124 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,095 - Hey, listen, guys, all right, now that we're here, 125 00:06:03,097 --> 00:06:04,763 Really, tell me, 126 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,698 How was my speech? 127 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,667 - Everyone loved it! - Yeah? 128 00:06:08,669 --> 00:06:10,702 - It really was great, ray. 129 00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,571 So folksy. 130 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:14,639 - You did a good job, honey. 131 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:18,377 - Yeah, you can take your robe off now, merlin. 132 00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:25,550 By the way, why did you have to mention to everybody 133 00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:28,019 That when I was a kid, I couldn't throw a spiral? 134 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:31,123 - That was to show how I got into critiquing sports. 135 00:06:31,125 --> 00:06:32,524 - I liked the part about me cursing 136 00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:33,892 At the players on tv. 137 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,660 - Yeah, yeah, you liked that? 138 00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:36,762 - It's nice to know you have 139 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:40,098 An influence on your kids. 140 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,502 - It was the best speech I have ever heard. 141 00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,770 - Ah, you just liked it 142 00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,538 Because you got a big special mention. 143 00:06:46,540 --> 00:06:50,842 - Did I? I didn't notice. 144 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:53,145 - You should be very proud, ray. 145 00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,913 - All right. All right. 146 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,149 - Let's celebrate, huh? Put out some food. 147 00:06:57,151 --> 00:06:59,184 - I'll help you. - Okay. 148 00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:03,121 - Ooh, yes, that's good thinking, amy. 149 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:06,057 - So, ray's big day... 150 00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,093 You must be so proud of him. 151 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,761 - Yeah, I am proud of him. 152 00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:12,497 - What's wrong? 153 00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,865 - Nothing. 154 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,968 - Come on, something's up. 155 00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:18,770 - No, really, it's nothing. 156 00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:21,640 - You can tell me. 157 00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:26,178 - Well, he made a great speech today, right? 158 00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:28,547 I mean, how he worked in all those little stories 159 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,115 About everybody in his life? 160 00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,716 - Yeah, that was my favorite part. 161 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:34,152 - Did you notice he didn't mention me? 162 00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:37,456 - Of course he did. - No. 163 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:40,659 - No, I mean, he mentioned frank and robert 164 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,495 And thanked marie at the end and... 165 00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:46,998 Oh, my god, he didn't mention you. 166 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,734 - It's fine. It is. 167 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,570 - You know, deb, I'm sure ray 168 00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:54,539 Just made some kind of mistake in his speech. 169 00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:56,575 He just forgot. You should ask him. 170 00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,477 - No, no, I don't want to make a big deal about it. 171 00:07:58,479 --> 00:08:00,645 I want him to enjoy his day. 172 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,815 - What a beautiful diploma. 173 00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:04,983 - Why don't you keep it, ma? 174 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,117 - What? - Yeah. 175 00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:08,086 - Really? Oh, no. - Sure. 176 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:10,822 I can't hang it up here. It'd be like bragging. 177 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,225 Besides, you deserve it. 178 00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:15,827 - Oh, what a boy! 179 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:19,965 - Okay, okay. Okay, okay. 180 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,033 - He said okay! 181 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:34,713 - Can I talk to you for a minute, ray? 182 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,848 - Huh? 183 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,922 - Debra would kill me for this, because she won't say anything, 184 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:47,225 But I thought you might want to know. 185 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,227 You didn't mention her in your speech. 186 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:53,865 - What? No...Yes, I did. 187 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,268 I didn't? 188 00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:09,548 - Oh, my god. 189 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:11,783 You didn't thank your wife. 190 00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:14,653 You screwed the pooch! 191 00:09:14,655 --> 00:09:16,888 - Robert, quiet! 192 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,156 - What did he do? 193 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,759 - He didn't thank debra. - Amy! 194 00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:24,896 - No, no, no, I did. I did. I know I did. 195 00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:27,032 I wrote...I wrote... I wrote... 196 00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,334 Look, I wrote about-- I wrote about school. 197 00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:34,739 I wrote about-- I wrote about sports, and I... 198 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:40,779 Oh, no. 199 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,681 - Didn't even jot her name down in the margins. 200 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,616 - Amy, what are you doing? 201 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,052 - Helping? 202 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:48,086 - Let's go back, come on. Come on, let's go back. 203 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,121 I'll give another speech. 204 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,189 There's probably still people in the cafeteria. 205 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,357 - No, it's okay. 206 00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,959 Come on, this isn't about me. 207 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,161 Huh? This is your day. 208 00:09:56,163 --> 00:10:00,932 I'm so proud of you. You should be happy. 209 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,601 I'm gonna go check on the kids. 210 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:14,713 - So should we bury you in that dress? 211 00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:25,090 - Listen, debra, I just want to say-- 212 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,925 - No, really, ray. It's okay. 213 00:10:26,927 --> 00:10:29,260 You don't have to apologize again. 214 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:32,864 - Yeah, but you're supposed to thank your wife, and-- 215 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,233 And you are my wife, right? 216 00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,702 - Yes, I'm your wife. 217 00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:41,339 - And I am a stupid, stupid doctor. 218 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,842 - No, honey, really. It really is okay. 219 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,944 I wasn't even gonna say anything. 220 00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,078 - Yeah, but you did say something. 221 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,980 - No, I didn't. - To amy. 222 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,181 - Yes, to amy, because I thought 223 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,816 She wouldn't say anything to you. 224 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,753 And now I have to kill her. 225 00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,688 - Okay, see? It did bother you. 226 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,857 - No, really, don't obsess about this. 227 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:01,326 It was a great day, I'm proud of you, 228 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:04,396 And we don't need to talk about it anymore, okay? 229 00:11:04,398 --> 00:11:06,865 - Okay. 230 00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:08,299 You're right, it was-- 231 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,236 It was just a fluke, anyway, right? 232 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,937 - Night. - Night. 233 00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:22,981 You know what it is? 234 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,716 I know why I did it. 235 00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:27,218 It's because this was an award from college, 236 00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:28,887 So I was thinking of all the people 237 00:11:28,889 --> 00:11:33,692 That helped me through college, at that time. 238 00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:36,027 I didn't even know you then. 239 00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:40,432 - Well, where were all those people the other night 240 00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:42,233 When you were hiding in your closet, 241 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,169 Afraid to give your speech? 242 00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,205 - I wasn't hiding. I was making my special magic. 243 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:51,042 - Well, you couldn't have thanked those people 244 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,410 If I hadn't given you the confidence 245 00:11:52,412 --> 00:11:54,079 To make your speech. 246 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,081 - What confidence? I remember you making fun of me 247 00:11:56,083 --> 00:11:59,017 And giggling and "stoma-chah-chuh." 248 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,186 - Yes, but then I encouraged you, 249 00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:02,754 And you were able to get up 250 00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:05,023 In front of those people and give a great speech. 251 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,191 - Yeah, you encouraged me, 252 00:12:06,193 --> 00:12:07,459 But first, you had to tear me down 253 00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:09,461 So you could build me back up again. 254 00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:11,062 - What? - That's right. 255 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,130 That's what you do. 256 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,465 And you are very careful 257 00:12:13,467 --> 00:12:16,768 That I do not come out smarter than you. 258 00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:20,772 - I never really worry about that. 259 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:24,442 - Okay, all right. See? 260 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:26,745 That's tearing me down, tearing me down. 261 00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,012 You know what, maybe that's why something in my head 262 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,247 Prevented me from thanking you. 263 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,417 - [gasps] oh, my god. 264 00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,452 - What? - You did it on purpose? 265 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,222 - No, no. No! 266 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,824 No, I said something in my head did it. 267 00:12:39,826 --> 00:12:41,292 - Yeah, something like you thinking it. 268 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:43,394 - No, no, no! 269 00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:46,831 - You're not a stupid doctor. You're an evil doctor! 270 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:49,134 - No, no, I'm stupid. 271 00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,402 I'm a stupid man! You know that! 272 00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:53,905 - I can't believe you! 273 00:12:53,907 --> 00:12:57,175 - Debra, it was something I did unconsciously. 274 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:58,510 - Subconsciously. 275 00:12:58,512 --> 00:13:01,446 Unconscious means you're not awake. 276 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,549 - You see that? I don't know anything! 277 00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:10,922 I told you, I don't deserve the damn thing. 278 00:13:14,026 --> 00:13:18,196 - No, listen, honey, I don't want you to feel that way. 279 00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:24,068 I know you didn't mean to leave me out. 280 00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:27,572 It's just... 281 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:28,973 - It bothers you. 282 00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:30,308 - Yes, it bothers me, 283 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,010 But it bothers me that it bothers me. 284 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:35,180 You know, I don't need you to say nice things 285 00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,081 About me in public. 286 00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:41,119 I just... I don't know... 287 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:45,456 I want you to. I don't know. I'm sorry. 288 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,325 You're a very good doctor. I'm so sorry, good night. 289 00:13:58,237 --> 00:14:02,073 - I'm glad you feel better. 290 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,847 Hey, here she is. Coffee? 291 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,582 - Thank you. 292 00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:12,250 What are you doing? 293 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:15,453 - Nothin'. 294 00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:18,423 Remember the other night? 295 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,858 Read the paper. 296 00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:21,426 - Your column? - Yes, exactly. 297 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,428 My column. Read my column. 298 00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,363 - You think players 299 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,332 Should stop dumping gatorade on their coaches' heads. 300 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:30,268 It's wasteful and sticky. 301 00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,338 - Unless it's a championship game. 302 00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,607 Then it's okay. Little lower. 303 00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:38,943 - "I'm often asked by people who want to be sportswriters, 304 00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:40,612 "'how did you get started?' 305 00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:43,414 "and I understand this question, because of all the plum jobs, 306 00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:47,151 I've got the plum-est." 307 00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,887 - No, there's more. There's more. 308 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,588 - You know, I think I'll finish it 309 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:51,923 When the coffee kicks in. 310 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:52,924 But it seems really good. 311 00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:57,061 - No... 312 00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,930 "and it's a fair question to ask me, 313 00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:01,900 "because I am, after all, mostly qualified 314 00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,935 "to do something like deliver futons. 315 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:07,005 "so how did I get here? 316 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:10,074 "you see, there was this futon delivery guy, 317 00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,643 And he met a beautiful woman." 318 00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:16,547 Oh, now you're listening, yeah. 319 00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,150 "and even though she was way out of his league, 320 00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:21,586 "for some unknown reason, she smiled at him. 321 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,656 "eventually, and even more amazingly, 322 00:15:24,658 --> 00:15:26,491 "she married him. 323 00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:29,193 "and it turns out that when one of your dreams comes true, 324 00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:33,231 "you begin to take the others a little more seriously. 325 00:15:33,233 --> 00:15:36,167 "so even though I'm as amazed as anybody 326 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:39,270 "that I have any success at all, 327 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:43,675 I'm pretty sure it all started with my wife debra's smile." 328 00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:48,346 I wrote that. 329 00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:56,487 - That is the sweetest thing. 330 00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,056 - Yeah? Not too sappy? 331 00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,192 - It's way too sappy. 332 00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,163 - Good morning. 333 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:08,700 - Hey. 334 00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,501 Hi, ma. 335 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,103 - Hi, marie. Hi, frank. 336 00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,505 See your son's column this morning? 337 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,207 - Yes, we did. 338 00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,176 We thought it was wonderful, didn't we, frank? 339 00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:22,347 - Then why did you drag me over here? 340 00:16:22,349 --> 00:16:24,248 - I thought it was a marvelous piece. 341 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,985 Full of gratitude and feelings 342 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,619 That were so overwhelming, 343 00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:31,456 That it needed to be expressed in writing. 344 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,591 In the newspaper. 345 00:16:33,593 --> 00:16:38,062 - Ma, I thanked you at the graduation. 346 00:16:38,064 --> 00:16:43,701 - Yes, you made some vague reference to some "mother" 347 00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:46,571 In front of a few people on a lawn. 348 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:48,706 - What? 349 00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,274 - You never mentioned my name. 350 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:53,678 It was, quite frankly, rather perfunctory. 351 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,747 - Oh, come on. 352 00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:58,116 - Yet debra's magical smile 353 00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,351 Gets all the credit in front of-- 354 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,754 What's the circulation of the paper? 355 00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:03,755 - Oh, it doesn't matter. 356 00:17:03,757 --> 00:17:05,757 - 850,000. 357 00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:16,334 - 850,000. 358 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,670 What about my smile, raymond? 359 00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,073 What about my smile? 360 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:23,441 - And I like it when they dump the gatorade 361 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,411 On the coach's head. 362 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:29,781 That's funny. 363 00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,682 - Did you see the paper? - Yes, she saw. 364 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:34,152 Hundreds of thousands saw. 365 00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,087 - Isn't it great? 366 00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:38,056 Ray, that was so nice. 367 00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:41,325 See, deb, maybe it wasn't such a big mistake to bring it up. 368 00:17:41,327 --> 00:17:42,794 - Thank you, amy. 369 00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:50,802 - Go ahead, robert. 370 00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:53,504 - Uh, raymond, your success is your success 371 00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:55,640 And not my failure. 372 00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:02,380 And so, as any good brother should be, 373 00:18:02,382 --> 00:18:05,550 I am happy for you. 374 00:18:07,619 --> 00:18:10,855 - Both my sons are whipped! 375 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,524 - However, raymond, 376 00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,126 If anybody should get credit for your success, 377 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,461 It should be me. 378 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,130 - Robert! - That's right! Admit it! 379 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:21,399 You owe your success to the pathological desire 380 00:18:21,401 --> 00:18:23,668 You've always had to be better than me! 381 00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,636 - What? - That's right. 382 00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,840 Remember in school? I was the writer on the paper. 383 00:18:28,842 --> 00:18:30,842 Before you even knew how to pick up a pencil, 384 00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:32,677 I had my own column. 385 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,712 "the view from up here." 386 00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:41,419 - You've got to be kidding me! 387 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,288 - Well, it makes as much sense as a fake smile. 388 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:46,557 - What? - Oh... 389 00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:50,128 You don't whiten your teeth? 390 00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:52,230 - Hey, all you did was teach him piano. 391 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,764 If it was up to you, ray'd have a job 392 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:56,734 Playing "love story" next to a perfume counter. 393 00:18:59,404 --> 00:19:01,205 - All right, listen, you all had your chance with ray, 394 00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,407 And you got him as far as "futon guy." 395 00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:05,476 Maybe I took him the rest of the way. 396 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,811 - That is absurd! 397 00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,513 - You can take credit for the boy. 398 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:09,747 I'll take credit for the man. 399 00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,215 - You can have credit for the man. 400 00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:12,884 Who the hell would want that? 401 00:19:12,886 --> 00:19:16,554 I just want credit for the career. 402 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:20,258 - So you just cast aside the mother. 403 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,894 Let me tell you-- it didn't start with a smile. 404 00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:27,732 It started with 19 hours of horrible labor. 405 00:19:30,469 --> 00:19:34,805 - But before that, there was a smile. 406 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:47,552 - Also horrible. 407 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,821 - I want my credit. I deserve it! 408 00:19:50,823 --> 00:19:52,690 - Did you see the newspaper today? 409 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,358 - Oh, it's a terrible newspaper. 410 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,726 [all talking at once] 411 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,495 - All right, stop it. 412 00:19:57,497 --> 00:19:59,263 Stop it! Stop it! 413 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:02,700 Nothing's ever enough for anybody in this house! 414 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,902 What do you want? You want... 415 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,671 Okay, here it is. Here it is. You ready? 416 00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:10,808 Everybody? 417 00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,844 Thank you. Thank you. 418 00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:15,580 Thank you, robert. 419 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,848 I owe my career to you. 420 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,750 That column you did in grammar school 421 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,686 About noogies versus wedgies, 422 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:26,324 That's the reason that I go to work every day. 423 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:29,493 And, amy... I don't know what I did 424 00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:30,962 Before you came into this family 425 00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:33,798 To point out my mistakes, but thank you! 426 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,300 And, dad! 427 00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,002 Dad, there's something I always wanted to say to you. 428 00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:41,672 I've never said it before, but I'm gonna say it right now! 429 00:20:41,674 --> 00:20:46,611 You are the mole on the backside of my success. 430 00:20:59,625 --> 00:21:04,362 Sweet mama. 431 00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,530 Without your pushing, 432 00:21:06,532 --> 00:21:09,267 I would still be in your womb. 433 00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:22,513 And you, wife... 434 00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:25,016 Without you, 435 00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:27,752 I'd have nothing but heart-acha-chuh. 436 00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:42,767 - He thanked me first. 437 00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:45,069 - He saved me for last. 438 00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:49,840 - He said the most meaningful things about me. 439 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:54,011 - Why was he so fruity?