1
00:02:13,424 --> 00:02:16,970
<i>Hii ni sawa, Jeff.
Namaanisha, usione aibu kuhusu hilo.</i>

2
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,973
<i>Je, mimi... Je! ninakufanya usiwe na raha?</i>

3
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:22,725
<i>Hapana. Inapaswa kukabiliwa, kwa hivyo ...</i>

4
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,687
<i>Ni ya ajabu sana, sivyo?</i>

5
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:28,648
<i>Sio... Si rahisi kuizungumzia.</i>

6
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,483
<i>Ni kitu ambacho nimehifadhi</i>

7
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,778
<i>kuzikwa ndani yangu kwa miaka mingi,</i>

8
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,113
<i>na ni...</i>

9
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:36,905
<i>Ndiyo.</i>

10
00:02:37,615 --> 00:02:41,661
<i>Ni kama kujaribu kuvuta juu
jiwe la tani mbili kutoka kwenye kisima.</i>

11
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,244
<i>Jeff, niambie ulikuwa unafikiria nini.</i>

12
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:23,831
Nilikuwa najiuliza
kwa nini nililazimishwa</i>

13
00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:26,292
<i>kufanya mauaji yote.</i>

14
00:10:27,209 --> 00:10:29,003
<i>Nilichokuwa nikitafuta</i>

15
00:10:29,086 --> 00:10:31,964
Hiyo ingekuwa, uh,
kujaza utupu ambao nilihisi.</i>

16
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:36,052
<i>Kumuua mtu
na ... na kuwatupa mara moja</i>

17
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,804
<i>haitoi furaha kubwa ya kudumu</i>

18
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:41,599
<i>au hisia ya kuridhika.</i>

19
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:45,394
Na bado nilihisi kulazimishwa</i>

20
00:10:46,604 --> 00:10:48,939
<i>kuifanya katika miaka hii yote.</i>

21
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,882
<i>Sikuonekana kuwa nayo</i>

22
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:18,552
<i>hisia za kawaida za huruma.</i>

23
00:11:19,845 --> 00:11:21,806
<i>Je, uliwahi kufikiria mwenyewe,</i>

24
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:24,433
<i>"Kwa nini sina hisia
ambayo watu wa kawaida wanayo?"</i>

25
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,894
<i>Nilishangaa kulihusu.</i>

26
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:31,232
<i>Ilianza na mawazo, mawazo.</i>

27
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:34,360
Siku zote ilianza na kuwazia,
na kisha</i>

28
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:38,406
Hatimaye ilionekana
fantasia, uh, zilikuja kuwa.</i>

29
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:16,694
<i>Ni nini kilianzisha yote?</i>

30
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:19,905
<i>Natamani ningekupa
jibu zuri na la moja kwa moja juu ya hilo.</i>

31
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:26,078
<i>Ikiwa kuna eneo lolote
yaani, lawama kweli,</i>

32
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:30,708
<i>ni mawazo yangu yaliyopotoka. Sijafanya hivyo
amekuwa akifikiri kawaida kwa miaka.</i>

33
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,768
<i>Tatizo lilikuwa nini kukua</i>

34
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,436
<i>kati ya mama na baba yako?</i>

35
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:33,520
<i>Ugh!</i>

36
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:37,650
<i>Hawakuweza kuelewana,</i>

37
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,485
<i>hasa kwa upande wa mama yangu.</i>

38
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:40,694
<i>Vurugu yoyote?</i>

39
00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:43,239
<i>Kupigwa makofi na kugonga tu.</i>

40
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:47,117
<i>- Nani alikuwa akimpiga nani?
- Um, Mama anampiga Baba.</i>

41
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,246
<i>Ulikuwa upande wa nani?</i>

42
00:13:51,205 --> 00:13:54,583
<i>Nilikuwa najaribu
kutokuwa upande wa mtu yeyote.</i>

43
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:24,006
<i>Kwa muda gani
ulikuwa unajua kuwa wewe ni shoga?</i>

44
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,926
<i>Uh, tangu nilipokuwa na umri wa miaka 13, ningesema.</i>

45
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:53,619
Ulifanya nini?
Kumbusu tu.</i>

46
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,663
<i>Kulala pamoja,</i>

47
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,081
<i>katika nyumba ya miti.</i>

48
00:15:57,831 --> 00:15:59,875
<i>Nilikuwa na miaka 14 au 15 hivi.</i>

49
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,503
<i>Na hiyo ilikuwa ni makubaliano.</i>

50
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,965
<i>Ulifikiria lini kwa mara ya kwanza</i>

51
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:49,528
<i>kuhusu kufanya mambo haya kwa mtu?</i>

52
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,009
<i>Uh...</i>

53
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:53,637
<i>- Ninamaanisha, ndoto tu.
- Ndiyo.</i>

54
00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:57,099
<i>Pengine nilipokuwa na umri wa miaka 18.</i>

55
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,870
<i>Wazazi wako walitengana lini?</i>

56
00:20:04,953 --> 00:20:06,288
<i>Nilipokuwa na umri wa miaka 18.</i>

57
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,624
<i>Mwaka wa 1978.</i>

58
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,519
<i>Mama na Baba</i>, <i>walikuwa na matatizo yao.</i>

59
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:33,315
<i>Hakuna kitu ningeweza kufanya
kubadili hali,</i>

60
00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:35,359
<i>kwa hivyo nilijaribu tu</i>

61
00:20:35,859 --> 00:20:39,321
<i>pata furaha kwa njia yangu mwenyewe,</i>

62
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,157
<i>ambayo kwa hakika haikuwa njia sahihi.</i>

63
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,752
Siku ambayo aliondoka kwenda Chippewa Falls

64
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:38,005
<i>- hukuzungumza naye tena?
- Haki.</i>

65
00:21:38,088 --> 00:21:40,090
Ilikufanya ujisikie vipi
wakati huo?</i>

66
00:21:40,173 --> 00:21:41,717
<i>Lo, nimeshuka moyo.</i>

67
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,260
<i>Upweke na kuchoka.</i>

68
00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:46,555
<i>Nimechanganyikiwa, ningesema.</i>

69
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,850
<i>Hakuna mtu aliyekuwa nyumbani.</i>

70
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,436
Nilimwona mtu huyu akipanda baiskeli.</i>

71
00:21:52,519 --> 00:21:56,106
Nilidhani itakuwa nzuri
kuwa na mtu karibu wa kuzungumza naye,</i>

72
00:21:57,107 --> 00:22:01,278
<i>na mtu ambaye nilitaka
kuwa na ngono.</i>

73
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:39,941
Hilo ndilo lililonivutia. Mwili.</i>

74
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,860
<i>Mwili wa misuli pekee.</i>

75
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:44,696
<i>Hiyo ndiyo... Hiyo ndiyo motisha.</i>

76
00:23:22,401 --> 00:23:24,778
<i>Hujafanya
chochote naye </ i>, <i> alikuwa na wewe?</i>

77
00:23:24,861 --> 00:23:25,861
<i>Hapana.</i>

78
00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:29,658
<i>Nimepata akili
hakupendezwa na hilo hata kidogo,</i>

79
00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:31,743
<i>baada ya muda kuzungumza naye.</i>

80
00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:33,995
Kwa hivyo siamini nilimuuliza, hapana

81
00:23:34,788 --> 00:23:35,789
<i>Sawa.</i>

82
00:23:50,470 --> 00:23:52,848
<i>Ilikuwa mara ya kwanza, uh...</i>

83
00:23:53,473 --> 00:23:56,309
<i>Nilikuwa na hamu ya kudhibiti.</i>

84
00:23:57,477 --> 00:23:59,020
<i>Nilipoteza hisia zote,</i>

85
00:23:59,729 --> 00:24:02,607
<i>kwa hivyo nadhani nimeamua tu</i>

86
00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:06,486
<i>kuifanya, iwe alikuwa, uh, shoga au la.</i>

87
00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:08,238
Haikuwa muhimu sana.</i>

88
00:24:30,260 --> 00:24:34,055
<i>Sijui kwa nini nilipiga
yake, isipokuwa nilitaka kukaa naye</i>

89
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,223
<i>kwa muda mrefu zaidi.</i>

90
00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:47,152
<i>Nilifikiri jinsi ilivyokuwa</i>

91
00:24:47,235 --> 00:24:50,739
<i>kwamba nilikuwa nikifanya hivyo</i>

92
00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:52,365
<i>kwa binadamu mwingine.</i>

93
00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:53,825
<i>Ilinishtua</i>

94
00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:55,994
<i>kwamba nilifikia hatua hiyo.</i>

95
00:24:57,287 --> 00:24:59,539
<i>Na hiyo ilikuwa hisia ya msisimko,</i>

96
00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:00,623
<i>kudhibiti,</i>

97
00:25:01,166 --> 00:25:03,460
<i>lakini ilichanganyikana na woga mwingi.</i>

98
00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:06,838
Ulifanya nini na mwili wake?
- Hakuna.</i>

99
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:08,507
<i>Hapa chini ya...</i>

100
00:25:09,299 --> 00:25:12,344
<i>chini ya nyumba katika eneo la nafasi ya kutambaa.</i>

101
00:25:12,427 --> 00:25:14,888
Ulishuka na kumwangalia?
- Nilifanya mara moja.</i>

102
00:25:14,971 --> 00:25:16,473
Lakini nilimtazama tu

103
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:20,602
Ni nini kilikuwa kikiendelea akilini mwako
ulipokuwa ukimtazama?</i>

104
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:22,520
<i>Uh...</i>

105
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:26,733
<i>Aina ya udadisi mbaya kuhusu...</i>

106
00:25:28,610 --> 00:25:30,779
<i>mtu aliyekufa alionekanaje.</i>

107
00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:33,989
<i>Uh...</i>

108
00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:37,869
<i>Udadisi uliochanganyika na woga mwingi.</i>

109
00:25:57,430 --> 00:26:00,100
<i>Nilianza
kumkatakata yeye na kila kitu.</i>

110
00:26:00,183 --> 00:26:02,727
<i>Kuna kitu kumhusu
kwamba ninakumbuka.</i>

111
00:26:02,811 --> 00:26:06,064
<i>Kukata miguu
na kisha mikono na kichwa.</i>

112
00:26:07,774 --> 00:26:09,276
<i>Je, umegusa chochote?</i>

113
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:11,278
<i>Mimi... Pengine nilifanya.</i>

114
00:26:11,361 --> 00:26:12,821
Ini na moyo.</i>

115
00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:24,624
<i>Je, ilikuhusu
kabisa kwa nini ulihisi</i>

116
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:26,459
<i>kuridhika vile wakati huo,</i>

117
00:26:26,543 --> 00:26:30,046
<i>ulipokuwa na umri wa miaka 18,
kwa kumtumia kupiga punyeto?</i>

118
00:26:30,797 --> 00:26:33,550
<i>Sina uhakika
Hata najua kwa nini sasa.</i>

119
00:26:33,633 --> 00:26:36,970
<i>Nimepata, uh, hisia ya kusisimua
nje ya kufanya hivyo.</i>

120
00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:39,889
<i>Lakini nilifanya.</i>

121
00:26:40,807 --> 00:26:43,101
<i>Ulifanya muda gani
kumhifadhi ndani ya nyumba pamoja nawe?</i>

122
00:26:43,184 --> 00:26:44,184
<i>Um...</i>

123
00:26:44,561 --> 00:26:46,730
<i>Sijui. Saa sita.</i>

124
00:29:26,139 --> 00:29:28,224
<i>Baba alikuwa akiishi hotelini,</i>

125
00:29:28,308 --> 00:29:31,603
<i>hivyo nilikuwa peke yangu
kwa miezi michache.</i>

126
00:29:32,395 --> 00:29:34,606
<i>Wakati huo
baba yako alikuwa hotelini,</i>

127
00:29:34,689 --> 00:29:36,608
<i>mara ngapi kwa siku
ungezungumza naye?</i>

128
00:29:37,650 --> 00:29:39,527
<i>Labda mara moja au mbili kwa wiki.</i>

129
00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:05,762
Baada ya hapo,
ulisema ulienda Jimbo la Ohio?</i>

130
00:30:05,845 --> 00:30:07,514
<i>Kwa takriban miezi mitatu.</i>

131
00:30:09,599 --> 00:30:13,561
Nilikunywa sana huko,
kwa hivyo alama hazikuwa nzuri sana.</i>

132
00:30:29,786 --> 00:30:32,372
<i>Walinipeleka kwa mafunzo ya kimsingi.</i>

133
00:30:33,289 --> 00:30:34,958
<i>Kisha mafunzo ya udaktari.</i>

134
00:30:51,808 --> 00:30:53,935
<i>nilikuwa
kunywa sana karibu na mwisho</i>,

135
00:30:54,018 --> 00:30:58,439
Kwa hivyo ilinibidi kurejea Ohio
pamoja na watu.</i>

136
00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:54,579
Nilikuwa na wasiwasi kuhusu hilo.</i>

137
00:31:57,081 --> 00:32:00,168
Imejidhihirishaje
kwamba ulitatizwa nayo?</i>

138
00:32:00,251 --> 00:32:01,920
<i>Ulikuwa unahisi nini?</i>

139
00:32:02,003 --> 00:32:03,296
<i> Hatia nyingi.</i>

140
00:32:04,422 --> 00:32:06,549
<i>Kutokuwa na maamuzi juu ya kama ninafaa</i>

141
00:32:07,759 --> 00:32:08,843
<i>ungama kwayo.</i>

142
00:32:13,014 --> 00:32:15,433
<i>Lakini sikuwahi kuwa na ujasiri wa kufanya hivyo.</i>

143
00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:17,101
<i>Ulikuwa unafikiria nini?</i>

144
00:32:17,810 --> 00:32:21,022
<i>Naam,
Nilijua jinsi makosa ya kutisha.</i>

145
00:32:22,482 --> 00:32:26,569
<i>Na sikuwahi kutaka kuwa nayo
kitu kama hicho kitatokea tena.</i>

146
00:34:15,344 --> 00:34:17,847
<i>Ni vigumu kuondoa hisia hizi</i>

147
00:34:17,930 --> 00:34:19,515
<i>na motisha, unajua.</i>

148
00:34:19,599 --> 00:34:22,935
<i>Najua ni ngumu sana.
Ikiwa inakuwa ngumu sana, niambie.</i>

149
00:34:23,478 --> 00:34:25,188
<i>- Unatambua kwa nini...
- Ndiyo, ni... ni...</i>

150
00:34:25,772 --> 00:34:28,066
<i>Kuizungumzia na kuichanganua</i>

151
00:34:29,108 --> 00:34:30,860
<i>hunionyesha jinsi gani,</i>

152
00:34:30,943 --> 00:34:33,613
<i>uh, mawazo yangu yalikuwa yamepotoshwa.</i>

153
00:34:59,430 --> 00:35:01,933
<i>Umewahi kujaribu kukuza uhusiano?</i>

154
00:35:02,016 --> 00:35:05,061
<i>Lo, hapana. Siwezi kusema kwamba nilifanya.</i>

155
00:35:05,144 --> 00:35:06,562
<i>Kwa nini sivyo?</i>

156
00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:09,899
<i>Sawa, ilikuwa ni kwa sababu
ya hali ya nyumbani.</i>

157
00:35:09,982 --> 00:35:11,901
<i>Sikuweza kuendelea</i>

158
00:35:11,984 --> 00:35:15,113
<i>uhusiano wa muda mrefu
nilipokuwa nikiishi.</i>

159
00:35:58,781 --> 00:36:00,783
<i>Nilikuwa nimehama wakati huo,</i>

160
00:36:00,867 --> 00:36:03,161
<i>hadi hapa Wisconsin</i>

161
00:36:03,244 --> 00:36:04,871
<i>kumsaidia bibi yangu.</i>

162
00:36:50,291 --> 00:36:53,002
<i>Uh,
Nilimsaidia kazi ya yadi</i>

163
00:36:53,085 --> 00:36:54,212
<i>na kazi mbalimbali.</i>

164
00:37:21,530 --> 00:37:24,325
<i>Kwa kweli nilifanya juhudi za dhati</i>

165
00:37:24,825 --> 00:37:27,745
<i>kubadilisha jinsi nilivyokuwa nikiishi,</i>

166
00:37:27,828 --> 00:37:29,288
<i>kubadilisha matamanio yangu.</i>

167
00:37:29,872 --> 00:37:32,959
<i>Ili kuondokana na, uh...</i>

168
00:37:33,042 --> 00:37:36,545
<i>mashoga, uh, hisia ambazo nilikuwa nazo.</i>

169
00:37:37,088 --> 00:37:39,757
<i>Mawazo yoyote ya dhambi.</i>

170
00:37:41,133 --> 00:37:43,511
<i>Alianza kwenda kanisani na Bibi</i>

171
00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:45,221
<i>mara kwa mara.</i>

172
00:37:46,389 --> 00:37:48,557
<i>Na, uh, alijaribu kukandamiza</i>

173
00:37:48,641 --> 00:37:51,727
<i>hisia zozote za ngono ambazo nilikuwa nazo.</i>

174
00:38:04,407 --> 00:38:07,576
<i>Bibi yangu
alikuwa akienda kanisani kila Jumapili.</i>

175
00:38:08,077 --> 00:38:09,745
<i>Yeye ni dhehebu gani?</i>

176
00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:10,997
<i>Mprotestanti.</i>

177
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:32,768
Nilikuwa nikitembea karibu na Southridge </ i>

178
00:38:33,561 --> 00:38:35,563
<i>na, uh, niliona mannequin hii</i>

179
00:38:35,646 --> 00:38:38,024
<i>aina hiyo ilivutia macho yangu.</i>

180
00:38:38,107 --> 00:38:40,818
<i>Nilitaka hiyo mannequin, kwa hivyo...</i>

181
00:38:42,403 --> 00:38:43,904
<i>iliingia dukani.</i>

182
00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,406
<i>Hakuna mtu humo ndani.</i>

183
00:38:45,489 --> 00:38:47,950
<i>Nilikaa hapo hadi wakati wa kufunga.</i>

184
00:38:48,034 --> 00:38:50,328
<i>- Na hakuna kengele zilizolia?
- Hapana, hakuna chochote.</i>

185
00:38:50,411 --> 00:38:52,204
<i>Nilivua mannequin,</i>

186
00:38:52,288 --> 00:38:53,539
<i>nilipata teksi kurudi nyumbani,</i>

187
00:38:53,622 --> 00:38:56,208
<i>na kuihifadhi kwenye karakana</i>

188
00:38:56,292 --> 00:38:58,252
<i>kwenye, uh, nyumba ya Bibi.</i>

189
00:38:58,878 --> 00:39:01,339
<i>Na nilikuwa nikicheza nayo baada ya...</i>

190
00:39:02,923 --> 00:39:05,009
<i>kuivaa na kuivua.</i>

191
00:39:06,927 --> 00:39:08,554
<i>Kujifanya kuwa ni kweli.</i>

192
00:39:25,321 --> 00:39:28,824
<i>Baada ya wiki
au mbili, Bibi angejikwaa.</i>

193
00:39:28,908 --> 00:39:32,370
Alikuwa akitundika nguo
kwamba yeye d kunawa kwa ajili yangu

194
00:39:32,453 --> 00:39:34,955
<i>- Alifanya hivyo?
- Ndio. Aliniuliza ni nini.</i>

195
00:39:35,039 --> 00:39:36,332
<i>Nimeipata wapi.</i>

196
00:39:36,415 --> 00:39:40,002
<i>Na nikampa hadithi
ambayo niliiokota kwa...</i>

197
00:39:40,086 --> 00:39:42,671
<i>Walikuwa na mannequins ya ziada
kwamba walikuwa wakiuza.</i>

198
00:39:42,755 --> 00:39:46,384
Nadhani alimpigia simu baba,
kwa hivyo nikaona bora niiondoe.</i>

199
00:39:46,467 --> 00:39:49,053
<i>Aliishusha hadi kwenye ghorofa ya chini na, uh,</i>

200
00:39:49,136 --> 00:39:52,431
<i>iliivunja,
na kuitupa nje ya takataka.</i>

201
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:06,380
<i>Nilikuwa katika maktaba ya West Allis...</i>

202
00:41:07,631 --> 00:41:10,092
<i>...kukaa tu kwenye kiti, kusoma kitabu.</i>

203
00:41:11,135 --> 00:41:13,637
Lilikuwa jambo la mwisho nililotarajia,
unajua?</i>

204
00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:18,184
Nilicheka tu peke yangu.
Nilidhani, uh,</i>

205
00:41:18,267 --> 00:41:21,687
<i>"Huo ni udhaifu mbaya,</i>

206
00:41:21,770 --> 00:41:24,815
<i>uh, jaribu kunifanya nijikwae,"</i>

207
00:41:25,441 --> 00:41:26,442
<i>unajua?</i>

208
00:41:26,984 --> 00:41:29,195
Sikuwahi kuona uso wake au kitu chochote

209
00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:34,366
<i>Ungelazimisha kupumzika
ulipoenda kanisani na Bibi</i>,

210
00:41:34,450 --> 00:41:36,785
<i>na ilirudi ikiwa na nguvu zaidi, sivyo?</i>

211
00:41:37,828 --> 00:41:39,997
Hicho ndicho kilichochea,
Nadhani.</i>

212
00:42:22,456 --> 00:42:25,459
<i>Mimi angalau
alikuwa na kazi iliyolipa nusu ya heshima.</i>

213
00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:28,045
<i>Ningetarajia wakati wa bure.</i>

214
00:42:28,128 --> 00:42:29,338
<i>Faragha.</i>

215
00:42:31,173 --> 00:42:32,925
<i>Alianza kunywa tena,</i>

216
00:42:33,884 --> 00:42:35,427
<i>kwenda kwenye maduka ya vitabu.</i>

217
00:42:36,387 --> 00:42:37,471
<i>Uh...</i>

218
00:42:38,097 --> 00:42:41,892
<i>Iligundua mahali palipokuwa baa za mashoga
na kuanza kwenda kwao.</i>

219
00:42:42,685 --> 00:42:45,771
<i>Nilichokuwa nikitafuta
alikuwa ni mwenzi wa moja kwa moja.</i>

220
00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:48,148
<i>Mtu wa kukaa naye usiku kucha.</i>

221
00:42:48,232 --> 00:42:51,944
<i>Mwanamume ambaye nilikuwa na udhibiti kamili juu yake</i>,

222
00:42:52,528 --> 00:42:55,030
<i>na kuweza kufanya nipendavyo.</i>

223
00:42:55,614 --> 00:42:57,366
<i>Kitu halisi</i>,

224
00:42:57,449 --> 00:43:00,452
<i>uh, badala ya bandia kama mannequin.</i>

225
00:43:00,536 --> 00:43:02,121
<i>Hivyo hiyo ndiyo ilikuwa fantasia yangu.</i>

226
00:43:04,081 --> 00:43:07,209
<i>Kidogo kidogo, nilianza kuanguka mbali...</i>

227
00:43:12,131 --> 00:43:15,092
<i>Niliacha tu, uh, kujaribu kupinga.</i>

228
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,688
Ulitumia dawa gani za usingizi?</i>

229
00:46:56,772 --> 00:46:58,065
<i>Lo, Halcion.</i>

230
00:46:58,148 --> 00:47:00,275
<i>Kwa nini ulipata agizo hilo?</i>

231
00:47:01,944 --> 00:47:03,654
<i>Kwa shida ya kulala.</i>

232
00:47:03,737 --> 00:47:05,072
<i>Nilifanya kazi zamu ya tatu.</i>

233
00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:08,367
<i>Hiyo ilikupa
hisia ya udhibiti?</i>

234
00:47:08,450 --> 00:47:09,450
<i>Uh...</i>

235
00:47:10,410 --> 00:47:12,663
<i>Vema, ningeweza kuwaweka huko kwa muda mrefu zaidi.</i>

236
00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:15,874
Ningeweza, uh, tu kulala nao

237
00:47:15,958 --> 00:47:19,795
<i>bila kuhisi shinikizo
kufanya chochote ambacho walitaka kufanya.</i>

238
00:47:20,295 --> 00:47:21,588
<i>Uh...</i>

239
00:47:22,756 --> 00:47:24,508
<i>Hakutakuwa na yoyote...</i>

240
00:47:24,591 --> 00:47:27,010
<i>Hawangenidai chochote.</i>

241
00:47:27,094 --> 00:47:30,639
<i>Lo, ningeweza kuzifurahia
jinsi nilivyotaka.</i>

242
00:47:32,099 --> 00:47:35,269
<i>Ulifikiria hata kidogo
jinsi wangeweza kujisikia?</i>

243
00:47:35,352 --> 00:47:38,772
Ndio, nadhani nilifanya,
lakini wakati huo sikujali sana.</i>

244
00:47:38,856 --> 00:47:41,441
<i>Nilitaka tu kufanya nilichotaka.</i>

245
00:47:41,525 --> 00:47:43,443
<i>Kwa hivyo sikujali.</i>

246
00:48:51,595 --> 00:48:53,805
<i>Je, yoyote kati ya hayo ilikuridhisha?</i>

247
00:48:53,889 --> 00:48:56,516
<i>Kuhusu kupata kweli
kuridhika yoyote ya kweli?</i>

248
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:57,600
<i>Haikufanya hivyo.</i>

249
00:48:58,352 --> 00:49:01,146
<i>Sikuwa na udhibiti juu yao. Mimi...</i>

250
00:49:02,731 --> 00:49:05,734
<i>Nilitaka zote, unajua.</i>

251
00:49:05,817 --> 00:49:08,320
<i>Na, uh, sikuweza kuipata kwa njia hiyo.</i>

252
00:50:08,380 --> 00:50:10,257
<i>Umezimia kabisa?</i>

253
00:50:10,340 --> 00:50:11,174
<i>Ndiyo.</i>

254
00:50:11,258 --> 00:50:12,801
<i>Hukujua kuwa umefanya lolote?</i>

255
00:50:12,884 --> 00:50:15,262
<i>Hapana.
Sio mpaka nilipoamka asubuhi.</i>

256
00:50:15,345 --> 00:50:16,805
<i>Sikuweza kuamini.</i>

257
00:50:23,145 --> 00:50:25,814
<i>Nimeshtuka. Uh...</i>

258
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:27,482
<i>Nimeingiwa na hofu.</i>

259
00:50:28,358 --> 00:50:29,651
<i>Na, uh...</i>

260
00:50:30,819 --> 00:50:32,279
Samahani sana kwamba ilitokea</i>

261
00:50:32,362 --> 00:50:35,949
<i>kwa sababu sikuwa na nia
ya kitu kama hicho kinachotokea.</i>

262
00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:38,076
Ulijuaje kuwa alikuwa amekufa?
Unaangalia mapigo yake?</i>

263
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:39,453
Niliogopa. Hapana.</i>

264
00:50:40,287 --> 00:50:42,831
Na kulikuwa na damu
inayotoka kinywani.</i>

265
00:50:43,415 --> 00:50:47,878
Inavyoonekana, nilikuwa nimempiga
na ngumi kifuani.</i>

266
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:26,745
<i>Ulifanyaje
kujisikia baada ya muda huo kwa Balozi?</i>

267
00:53:27,537 --> 00:53:28,580
<i>Imetisha...</i>

268
00:53:32,125 --> 00:53:36,338
<i>Na sikuwahi kutaka kuwa nayo
kitu kama hicho kitatokea tena.</i>

269
00:53:37,005 --> 00:53:41,009
Ulijisikiaje kwamba ilikuja
nje ingawa ulikuwa umepoteza fahamu?</i>

270
00:53:42,010 --> 00:53:44,221
<i>Lo, nimechanganyikiwa.</i>

271
00:53:45,388 --> 00:53:47,766
<i>Je, ulihisi
ungependa kuanza kupoteza udhibiti?</i>

272
00:53:47,849 --> 00:53:49,434
Ndiyo, nilijua nilikuwa nayo. Ndiyo.</i>

273
00:54:06,618 --> 00:54:09,120
Balozi alifanya kitu..</i>

274
00:54:09,204 --> 00:54:10,747
<i>Ilianzisha kitu</i>

275
00:54:12,540 --> 00:54:14,292
<i>Nilitaka zaidi.</i>

276
00:54:14,376 --> 00:54:17,504
<i>Sijui ilianzisha nini,
lakini ilianzisha kitu.</i>

277
00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:30,350
Ilinipa raha mgonjwa.</i>

278
00:54:30,433 --> 00:54:33,603
<i>Ilitawala mawazo yangu,
kufanya mambo haya.</i>

279
00:55:06,011 --> 00:55:09,222
<i>Kulazimishwa
alikuwa na nguvu zaidi kuliko kitu chochote kile.</i>

280
00:55:12,142 --> 00:55:15,437
<i>Ilikuwa nia moja, nguvu ya kuendesha.</i>

281
00:55:16,980 --> 00:55:17,980
<i>Yangu...</i>

282
00:55:18,523 --> 00:55:20,483
<i>matamanio, uh, yalikuwa</i>

283
00:55:21,526 --> 00:55:23,153
<i>mnyama, dhahiri.</i>