WEBVTT 00:20.121 --> 00:21.555 Since you're in beach buggies, 00:21.622 --> 00:23.391 you will now drive to the beach 00:23.457 --> 00:25.093 at the northernmost point 00:25.159 --> 00:27.161 of Namibia, where it meets Angola. 00:27.228 --> 00:30.264 It's 1,000 miles away. 00:30.331 --> 00:32.100 RICHARD: We have got to find this road. 00:32.166 --> 00:35.636 This is not gonna be too clever in the dark. 00:35.703 --> 00:39.540 Listen. I shall find the Southern Cross. 00:39.607 --> 00:42.110 RICHARD: Oh, this is a bad idea! 00:42.176 --> 00:43.677 We are now trusting our lives 00:43.744 --> 00:46.147 to an orangutang who thinks he's Patrick Moore. 00:46.214 --> 00:49.950 JAMES: 24 hours of cold, misery, 00:50.017 --> 00:52.120 to achieve exactly nothing. 00:52.186 --> 00:54.655 I mean, it is exactly nothing. 00:56.190 --> 00:57.825 RICHARD: Oh, it's coming in! 01:00.228 --> 01:02.630 This is the best desert I've ever been to. 01:02.696 --> 01:04.565 Holy shit! 01:04.632 --> 01:06.800 RICHARD: Oh! 01:08.902 --> 01:13.141 JEREMY: What it actually is is a big, orange killing engine. 01:13.174 --> 01:15.042 - Jesus! 01:15.143 --> 01:17.478 RICHARD: Oh, my God! 01:18.379 --> 01:20.681 Please make it! Please! 01:24.852 --> 01:28.289 Just need to find a road now. This is not funny any more. 01:28.356 --> 01:30.191 I don't want another night in the desert. 01:31.159 --> 01:32.460 Oh, my God. 01:32.526 --> 01:34.528 I could go east, I could go west. 01:34.595 --> 01:36.730 RICHARD: Whichever way you go, it goes somewhere. 01:36.797 --> 01:40.401 Yes! It is the road to freedom. 01:41.335 --> 01:42.870 What the hell was that? 01:46.740 --> 01:50.811 What I'm driving here, or attempting to drive, is Apollo 13. 01:56.784 --> 02:01.889 JEREMY: It was morning by the time I nursed my wounded car into Windhoek, 02:01.955 --> 02:05.092 and my well-rested colleagues were full of admiration 02:05.193 --> 02:07.328 for how I'd pulled off such a feat. 02:08.629 --> 02:10.731 -Is that the first thing you thought of? 02:10.798 --> 02:13.201 Tear a hole in it. What's that gonna do? 02:13.234 --> 02:16.737 I needed to get to the bleed valve on the radiator, which is there. 02:16.804 --> 02:19.773 - And, to make life doubly difficult... 02:21.074 --> 02:23.277 ...I trod on my spectacles. 02:24.745 --> 02:26.647 That is tragic, trying to fix it with one lens. 02:26.714 --> 02:30.684 I was trying to fix it. And the only eye I can close is this eye. 02:30.751 --> 02:33.321 -You can't close your left eye? -I can't close my left eye. 02:33.387 --> 02:37.391 Why didn't you put them on upside down? You'd have the lens over the other eye. 02:40.261 --> 02:41.495 That is logic there. 02:41.562 --> 02:43.631 - Oh, yeah. 02:43.697 --> 02:46.400 - Come on, let's go. We've got a lot to do. - JEREMY: No! 02:46.467 --> 02:48.602 The one thing we have established now is that, 02:48.669 --> 02:50.371 with the exception of Windhoek, 02:50.438 --> 02:55.243 which is the capital, Namibia is a tough and arduous place. 02:55.309 --> 02:56.977 - Yeah. 02:57.044 --> 02:59.747 - No. - Have you got tenting equipment of any sort? 02:59.813 --> 03:03.284 Have you got somewhere to sleep other than the desert floor? No. 03:03.351 --> 03:06.354 So why don't we, today, get prepared 03:06.420 --> 03:09.723 for the next leg of the - big leg of the journey? 03:09.790 --> 03:12.426 - That is a good idea. We'll do that. - That's not a bad idea. 03:12.493 --> 03:15.863 We'll grant ourselves a day of... shopping. Mm. 03:15.929 --> 03:19.700 First of all, would you permit me to chisel some of the cheddar 03:19.767 --> 03:22.135 that has grown in my underpants away? 03:22.270 --> 03:23.604 Well, not here. 03:25.138 --> 03:27.608 JEREMY: Having de-cheesed my body parts, 03:27.675 --> 03:31.512 we headed out to get the necessary supplies. 03:31.579 --> 03:33.981 RICHARD: The thing is, if we go mesh, 03:34.047 --> 03:36.817 it'll keep the sun off but it won't keep the light out. 03:36.884 --> 03:39.287 That will wake us up early. That's 1.5 kilograms. But-- 03:39.353 --> 03:43.524 Hammond, the first thing you need to know before we start shopping in here 03:43.591 --> 03:46.026 is James and I are in charge. 03:46.093 --> 03:48.028 - RICHARD: Well... - JAMES: Sorry, he's right. 03:48.095 --> 03:50.163 No, you're not. You don't know anything about camping. 03:50.298 --> 03:52.300 - JAMES, JEREMY: Exactly. - How does that make you in charge? 03:52.333 --> 03:54.368 Because we know it's all terrible. 03:54.435 --> 03:58.005 If we leave it to you, we'll all end up sleeping in small green triangles. 03:58.071 --> 04:00.441 The camping you know about is in the Lake District, 04:00.508 --> 04:03.210 where you deliberately make yourself miserable. 04:03.311 --> 04:04.312 I'm sorry, he's right. 04:04.345 --> 04:07.381 It is possible, I think, 04:07.448 --> 04:09.650 with a bit of ingenuity and money, 04:09.717 --> 04:11.452 to make tenting bearable. 04:13.086 --> 04:15.689 JEREMY: Richard Baden-Hammond disagreed, 04:15.756 --> 04:18.492 so we went our separate ways. 04:18.559 --> 04:20.394 Correct, incorrect. 04:20.461 --> 04:22.029 - Exactly. 04:22.095 --> 04:23.797 - But I'd go even more correct. - Oh, yes! 04:23.864 --> 04:27.801 Perfect. Roll it out on the desert floor... 04:29.337 --> 04:30.338 ...you're home. 04:30.371 --> 04:32.440 Oh, James! Le Creuset! 04:32.506 --> 04:35.843 See, Hammond would hate this, because this weighs more than a tent. 04:35.909 --> 04:38.045 - Which it does, actually. - A lot more. 04:38.111 --> 04:41.449 - And it weighs more because it is a quality item. - Exactly. 04:41.515 --> 04:43.784 Pocket trowel. 04:43.851 --> 04:44.885 Pocket soap. 04:45.953 --> 04:47.355 Here we go. 04:47.355 --> 04:50.424 - Pasta spoon. - Yeah, good idea. 04:50.491 --> 04:53.461 I find that bottle opener a bit... lightweight. 04:53.527 --> 04:55.363 Yeah, more expensive is what we're looking for. 04:55.429 --> 04:57.197 You see, look at this, James. 04:57.264 --> 04:59.833 This is the sort of thing Hammond would think is a chair. 04:59.900 --> 05:05.072 Ooh! That's all you need. That's your whole... stove. 05:05.138 --> 05:06.640 That's it. 05:06.707 --> 05:08.909 It is, isn't it? - I presume so. 05:08.976 --> 05:12.546 For two, you could get a small chicken in there, or... a pheasant. 05:12.613 --> 05:14.548 We're getting there now. 05:16.650 --> 05:18.552 So that folds down to that. 05:22.823 --> 05:23.791 Yeah. 05:26.093 --> 05:28.829 JEREMY: The next morning, we headed out once more, 05:28.896 --> 05:31.599 with the camping gear James and I had bought 05:31.665 --> 05:33.066 bringing up the rear. 05:37.004 --> 05:39.440 And besides stocking up with essentials, 05:39.507 --> 05:45.813 Hammond and I had used our day off in Windhoek to modify our cars. 05:45.879 --> 05:49.417 To solve my overheating problems, I've fitted a ram-air scoop, 05:49.450 --> 05:54.221 which shovels refreshing, cooling air into the radiator as I go along. 05:54.287 --> 05:58.459 And, as you may have noticed, I've fitted a spoiler. 06:01.895 --> 06:04.732 My only complaint, really, about my beach buggy 06:04.798 --> 06:07.968 was its lack of performance in third and fourth gears. 06:08.035 --> 06:10.538 Couldn't up power from the engine and I don't want to stress it, 06:10.604 --> 06:12.440 so I could lighten it. 06:12.440 --> 06:15.943 I've stripped away the superstructure here and the passenger seat, 06:16.009 --> 06:17.911 anything spare. 06:17.978 --> 06:23.751 That means this car is 30-40 kilos lighter than it was before. 06:23.817 --> 06:28.188 Jeremy, why has your car sprouted a green moustache? 06:28.255 --> 06:31.959 JEREMY: Well, it's a spoiler for added downforce at the front end, 06:32.025 --> 06:34.628 which you need in a rear-engine vehicle. 06:34.695 --> 06:37.831 This thing will be unbelievable through the corners now, 06:37.898 --> 06:39.066 it really will. 06:39.132 --> 06:40.167 Like a 911. 06:41.535 --> 06:42.836 And I tell you what, 06:42.903 --> 06:44.838 even with your new lightweight buggy, 06:44.905 --> 06:48.542 you're no match for what I've got here this morning. 06:48.609 --> 06:51.344 Yeah, I'm sorry, mate. This is quicker. 06:51.479 --> 06:53.814 - It is not. - It is. 06:53.881 --> 06:57.084 Right, Richard Hammond, I challenge you to a race. 06:57.150 --> 06:59.753 OK, you're on. Idiot. 06:59.820 --> 07:02.756 JEREMY: We shall find a race track and we shall do racing. 07:02.823 --> 07:05.225 Well, you carry on. I'm not doing any racing. 07:05.292 --> 07:07.495 That's utterly pointless. 07:09.062 --> 07:11.098 JEREMY: On the outskirts of the city, 07:11.164 --> 07:13.300 we found a rather excellent circuit 07:13.366 --> 07:15.603 where we could do timed laps, 07:15.669 --> 07:19.006 and James could try out his new vacuum cleaner. 07:20.207 --> 07:21.509 JAMES: Oh, yes. 07:24.411 --> 07:25.746 - No. 07:25.813 --> 07:28.649 - Temperatures and pressures. 07:28.716 --> 07:30.918 This is a racing machine. Look at it. 07:30.984 --> 07:33.554 It's a plastic beach buggy parked near a V8. 07:33.621 --> 07:35.523 - With aero. 07:35.556 --> 07:37.090 - In... 07:37.157 --> 07:39.527 ...three, two, one, go! 07:41.662 --> 07:43.163 Yeah, I'm gonna do it in gear. 07:43.230 --> 07:45.298 - Give it a shot. - I'm gonna try that. 07:45.365 --> 07:47.100 - In-- - No! Throttle's jammed. 07:48.435 --> 07:50.237 Yes. 07:50.303 --> 07:51.371 - Jammed. - In-- 07:51.438 --> 07:53.340 No! You can keep saying "in" 07:53.406 --> 07:54.875 till the cows come home. The throttle... 08:00.080 --> 08:02.850 - Three, two, one, begin! 08:10.791 --> 08:12.225 Why... Why have you stopped? 08:12.292 --> 08:13.561 Ah. Well, erm... 08:15.729 --> 08:17.931 The throttle may have gone a bit open. 08:20.400 --> 08:21.569 Yeah. 08:21.635 --> 08:23.704 My throttle is totally broken. 08:23.771 --> 08:25.706 - Anyway, Hammond... 08:25.773 --> 08:28.876 Any car which can wheelie off the line... 08:28.942 --> 08:31.579 is going to be able to beat yours, and would have done. 08:31.579 --> 08:32.980 So... Sorry. 08:33.046 --> 08:34.748 You're saying because your car started, 08:34.815 --> 08:36.684 well, 50 yards away over there, 08:36.750 --> 08:38.719 wheelied, was uncontrollable, slammed back down 08:38.786 --> 08:40.954 and broke itself, it's the best on the track? 08:41.021 --> 08:42.389 JEREMY: Yes. 08:42.455 --> 08:45.258 Well, much learned. Really useful. Glad we did it. 08:47.695 --> 08:52.399 RICHARD: With Jeremy's endlessly troublesome car fixed again, 08:52.465 --> 08:56.069 we scooped up James' Dyson and continued northwards 08:56.136 --> 08:59.640 towards the finish line at the border with Angola. 09:02.610 --> 09:06.847 The going was smooth and easy and eerily quiet, 09:06.914 --> 09:09.249 which begged a question. 09:09.316 --> 09:14.321 Now, apparently, Namibia is the most dangerous place in the world to drive. 09:14.387 --> 09:16.890 There are more accidents per head then anywhere else, 09:16.957 --> 09:19.727 and car accidents are the first 09:19.793 --> 09:23.130 and most common cause of death in young adults. 09:24.364 --> 09:26.499 How 09:26.634 --> 09:28.936 I mean... the place is empty. 09:32.640 --> 09:38.779 In Britain, there are 250-260 people for every square kilometre. 09:38.846 --> 09:41.114 Here... it's two. 09:42.182 --> 09:44.051 Two! 09:44.117 --> 09:47.320 This makes the Australian outback look like Monaco. 09:47.387 --> 09:49.857 Monkey! Monkey! 09:49.923 --> 09:53.060 Huge anus! Did you see that thing's anus? 09:55.829 --> 09:57.497 JAMES: I, however, was not thinking 09:57.564 --> 10:00.834 about population statistics or monkeys' bottoms. 10:00.901 --> 10:03.737 I was just happy to be on a smooth surface 10:03.804 --> 10:07.040 in a car that wasn't filled with dust. 10:07.107 --> 10:08.642 I shall relax... 10:10.410 --> 10:11.979 ...with the lovely view. 10:13.213 --> 10:16.616 Sadly, though, a few miles later... 10:19.319 --> 10:21.588 Ow! Ow! Oh, my nuts! Ow! 10:25.558 --> 10:27.060 Stop it! 10:27.127 --> 10:28.595 Ow! Ow! Agh! 10:28.662 --> 10:30.230 James May? 10:30.297 --> 10:32.900 Yes, I can hear you, but it's very uncomfortable 10:32.966 --> 10:35.102 and my car has... has cut out. 10:41.809 --> 10:43.143 JAMES: Ow! 10:43.210 --> 10:45.212 JEREMY: Mercifully for James, 10:45.278 --> 10:47.214 we eventually arrived at a game reserve, 10:47.280 --> 10:50.050 which we decided would be an ideal place 10:50.117 --> 10:53.053 to set up camp for the night. 10:53.120 --> 10:55.322 - RICHARD: Right. 10:59.259 --> 11:00.527 That's what we need. 11:00.728 --> 11:03.864 JEREMY: As Hammond built his canvas hovel... 11:07.067 --> 11:10.771 ...James and I were looking forward to a more civilised evening 11:10.838 --> 11:12.139 in the tents we'd bought, 11:12.205 --> 11:14.007 and which had been erected 11:14.074 --> 11:16.844 by the butler we'd also bought. 11:16.910 --> 11:19.747 JAMES: Thank you, Giovanni. 11:19.780 --> 11:23.751 Tuck your shirt in, man! It's not a bloody caravan site. 11:23.784 --> 11:26.219 Erm... I'm just thinking, dinner. 11:26.286 --> 11:28.221 Mm. Do you mind if I get changed? 11:28.288 --> 11:30.991 - No, exactly. I'm gonna have a shower. - Mm. 11:31.058 --> 11:33.794 - Or I may have a bath, actually. 11:33.861 --> 11:36.163 Giovanni, could you run the baths? 11:45.906 --> 11:47.775 JEREMY: Apparently, this place has got oysters. 11:47.775 --> 11:50.510 Here? - Yeah. I know, it's extraordinary. 11:50.577 --> 11:51.945 Who knew? 11:52.012 --> 11:53.881 Are you coming for some dinner? 11:53.947 --> 11:56.316 RICHARD: What do you mean, "Coming for dinner"? I'm cooking here. 11:56.383 --> 11:57.785 There's a restaurant just down there. 11:57.818 --> 11:59.252 - Yeah, just down there. 11:59.319 --> 12:01.221 I don't want to go. 12:01.288 --> 12:02.990 I'm cooking this. I'm doing it properly, camping. 12:03.056 --> 12:04.691 - Well, come and-- - I'll join you after dinner. 12:04.792 --> 12:06.126 JEREMY: Whatever. 12:06.193 --> 12:07.560 JAMES: He's such a peasant, isn't he? 12:07.627 --> 12:09.029 JEREMY: It's just unbelievable. 12:10.597 --> 12:11.932 JEREMY: That evening in the restaurant, 12:11.999 --> 12:13.967 Hammond never did join us. 12:14.034 --> 12:17.370 But James and I were not short of company. 12:17.437 --> 12:21.141 Oh, look, there's rhinos! There's actual rhinos! 12:21.208 --> 12:23.676 And they've been dehorned. 12:23.811 --> 12:24.812 They've had to take its horn out 12:24.878 --> 12:27.047 to stop poachers shooting it. 12:27.114 --> 12:29.950 But you know what the poachers are doing? 12:30.017 --> 12:31.551 They shoot the dehorned ones, 12:31.618 --> 12:34.855 because if they track for a couple of days, a rhino, 12:34.922 --> 12:36.656 and then it's got no horn, they shoot it, 12:36.723 --> 12:40.193 and then they'll never track it again, so it saves time. 12:40.260 --> 12:42.930 Do you know how much you get for a rhino horn now? 12:42.996 --> 12:45.598 - Yeah, in Vietnam. 12:45.665 --> 12:46.834 I'm guessing it's a lot. 12:46.867 --> 12:49.636 $320,000. 12:49.702 --> 12:52.339 - So that's more expensive than gold. - Good God. 12:52.405 --> 12:56.109 Even the nub that's left that he's got is still worth, 12:56.176 --> 12:57.710 I don't know, thousands of dollars. 12:57.845 --> 12:59.913 I was gonna say, no matter how carefully you dehorn it, 12:59.980 --> 13:03.016 there's still horn going down into its nose. 13:03.083 --> 13:07.254 - JEREMY: That's such a tragedy, that, you know. - JAMES: Yeah. 13:07.320 --> 13:09.489 I want to do something about this while we're here. 13:09.556 --> 13:11.424 I'm sure we could come up with something. 13:12.893 --> 13:14.427 I'm sure we could. 13:15.863 --> 13:17.197 ** 13:25.205 --> 13:28.708 RICHARD: The next morning, I woke to find I'd been recruited 13:28.775 --> 13:33.446 into the Clarkson and May Rhino Protection Squad. 13:33.513 --> 13:35.715 They were even convinced that our beach buggies 13:35.782 --> 13:40.587 would be ideal for tracking the poachers. 13:40.653 --> 13:43.756 I can't deny, they do have a point about the whole rhino thing. 13:43.891 --> 13:45.358 It is ridiculous. 13:45.425 --> 13:48.761 Two rhinos killed every day in Africa by poachers, 13:48.896 --> 13:53.566 and then sold to a market that believes it's a cure for cancer, 13:53.633 --> 13:55.568 impotence, even hangovers. 13:57.037 --> 13:59.472 But are we necessarily the right men 13:59.539 --> 14:02.609 to tackle it head-on in the field? 14:04.344 --> 14:06.279 Ow! 14:06.346 --> 14:09.216 Wouldn't we be better just popping a £1 coin in a jar 14:09.282 --> 14:13.486 and letting somebody who knows what they're doing solve it? 14:13.553 --> 14:15.288 Well, I've got a tranquilizer gun 14:15.355 --> 14:17.925 from the place where we were last night, but... 14:19.459 --> 14:21.128 ...I can't see anyone to shoot. 14:24.965 --> 14:28.635 JEREMY: Figuring that the poachers probably didn't use the main road, 14:28.701 --> 14:31.838 we went off to look in the bush. 14:31.939 --> 14:33.606 JAMES: What about over there? 14:35.976 --> 14:37.410 RICHARD: No poachers. 14:39.646 --> 14:40.981 Tyre marks. 14:41.048 --> 14:43.583 It may be some poacher. 14:43.650 --> 14:44.784 Oh, no, wait. 14:44.851 --> 14:47.087 BF Goodriches. This is James May. 14:50.190 --> 14:52.359 RICHARD: Just so you know, this is stupid. 14:52.425 --> 14:54.427 JEREMY: What's stupid? 14:54.494 --> 14:56.729 RICHARD: How would you recognise a poacher when you saw one? 14:56.796 --> 15:00.167 - And when you find one, what are you gonna do? - Shoot him. 15:00.233 --> 15:01.969 All we're doing on our journey 15:02.002 --> 15:04.737 is driving three beach buggies to the Angolan border. 15:04.804 --> 15:06.773 - Yeah. - Which doesn't further the cause of humanity. 15:06.839 --> 15:08.508 - JAMES: Exactly. - RICHARD: And this does, does it? 15:08.575 --> 15:12.745 We've got a day, Hammond. Give us 24 hours. 15:12.812 --> 15:16.516 24 hours. Then, I promise, we'll get back on the road. 15:20.787 --> 15:23.690 JEREMY: Once our sceptical colleague had agreed, 15:23.756 --> 15:25.725 I decided to change tack, 15:25.792 --> 15:29.196 abandon the cars and search from the air, 15:29.262 --> 15:32.699 using some beach-front parasailing equipment. 15:36.403 --> 15:39.272 If we don't make it, please know that I hate you. 15:39.339 --> 15:42.642 There's not a breath of wind, so don't be stupid. 15:44.011 --> 15:45.612 Oh, my parachute's been... 15:47.014 --> 15:49.016 - Oh, hello! - RICHARD: Goodbye. 15:49.049 --> 15:51.484 - RICHARD: Shit! 15:55.022 --> 15:57.390 RICHARD: That's not worked at all. 15:57.457 --> 15:59.926 JEREMY: OK. Right, I'm not gonna do that. 16:00.027 --> 16:03.396 Clearly, my solution was too dangerous for us, 16:03.463 --> 16:06.099 so we sent Giovanni up instead. 16:08.535 --> 16:10.637 Look, he's going over there. He's gonna crash and die. 16:10.703 --> 16:14.041 - No, he's been blown a bit sideways but-- - And downwards. 16:16.709 --> 16:18.345 He didn't sign up for this, did he? 16:20.313 --> 16:23.150 JEREMY: Giovanni failed to spot any poachers, 16:23.216 --> 16:25.252 so we told him to stop messing about 16:25.318 --> 16:27.920 and get back to camp to pour some drinks, 16:28.055 --> 16:31.091 whilst we had a rethink. 16:31.158 --> 16:33.960 Everything we've tried has gone wrong. 16:34.061 --> 16:36.563 So let's accept it now and move on. 16:36.629 --> 16:37.964 We can go. 16:38.065 --> 16:39.366 No. 16:39.432 --> 16:43.536 I think the poachers only go out at night. 16:43.603 --> 16:45.072 Oh, for God's sake. 16:45.105 --> 16:46.739 We'll let the sun set, 16:46.806 --> 16:48.608 get some tactical kit. 16:48.675 --> 16:51.811 - Rifles. - Come on, Hammond. 16:51.878 --> 16:54.481 You gave us 24 hours before you took our guns and badges. 16:54.547 --> 16:56.416 - JAMES: He did. - RICHARD: OK. 16:56.483 --> 17:00.387 I think a couple more beers, head out there. 17:00.453 --> 17:01.921 I agree. 17:01.988 --> 17:03.756 - Let it get dark. Be patient. - JEREMY: Yes. 17:03.823 --> 17:06.359 - Hunters are patient, aren't they? - Exactly. 17:11.731 --> 17:13.700 JEREMY: Once darkness had fallen, 17:13.766 --> 17:15.102 we got kitted out 17:15.102 --> 17:17.204 with tranquilizer guns and tactical kit 17:17.270 --> 17:18.805 and headed back into the bush 17:18.871 --> 17:23.543 with a very unsure Richard in tow. 17:23.610 --> 17:25.478 I mean, I'd like to stop poachers, 17:25.545 --> 17:30.117 but out here at night, what is the poacher 17:30.183 --> 17:32.119 What am I more likely to find? 17:35.722 --> 17:38.691 JEREMY: What you have to do is look for rhino tracks, 17:38.758 --> 17:42.162 cos that's what the poachers will be following. 17:57.510 --> 18:00.813 Literally the most manly thing I've ever done. 18:00.880 --> 18:03.916 Grand Tour for men, splashing all over. 18:03.983 --> 18:05.485 - RICHARD: Ow! 18:05.552 --> 18:08.855 - JEREMY: Bloody hell! - RICHARD: You stupid bastards! 18:08.921 --> 18:11.023 Someone's shot me! 18:11.158 --> 18:13.059 RICHARD: Hammond 18:13.160 --> 18:14.427 Hammond? 18:14.494 --> 18:16.329 JAMES: Clarkson, you moron. 18:16.396 --> 18:17.697 JEREMY: Hammond? 18:28.308 --> 18:30.177 Right, well, I have to be honest, 18:30.243 --> 18:32.379 yesterday was a total waste of time. 18:32.445 --> 18:34.514 We achieved nothing. 18:34.581 --> 18:38.551 All we did achieve was we seem to have wounded Mr Hammond, 18:38.618 --> 18:41.654 who er... well, we couldn't wake him up this morning at all. 18:41.721 --> 18:44.757 And because we needed to get going, we've a long way to go, 18:44.824 --> 18:46.359 we've had to improvise. 18:56.936 --> 18:58.871 Aaargh! 19:01.508 --> 19:03.376 What the ? 19:04.244 --> 19:06.846 What the is this? 19:06.913 --> 19:08.548 You bastards! 19:13.653 --> 19:14.954 JEREMY: Back on the ground, 19:15.021 --> 19:18.258 James and I had our own problems. 19:18.325 --> 19:20.360 - Oh, God! 19:21.261 --> 19:23.396 Ow! Ow! 19:27.967 --> 19:29.902 This is very good for the gravel rash 19:29.969 --> 19:34.073 that I got... during my parachute accident yesterday. 19:34.140 --> 19:35.742 Oh, that hurts. 19:38.778 --> 19:41.147 What we could really do with is a rain shower 19:41.248 --> 19:43.550 to dampen this dust down. 19:43.616 --> 19:45.718 JAMES: I think it's unlikely. 19:45.785 --> 19:49.456 Yeah, there's no evidence that rain is on its way, I would say. 19:51.057 --> 19:53.693 JEREMY: Soon, word came over the radio 19:53.760 --> 19:56.396 that Hammond was on his way to rejoin us... 19:57.930 --> 20:01.334 ...and that he wasn't in the best of moods. 20:01.401 --> 20:03.603 What was that? 20:04.604 --> 20:06.973 What was that about? 20:07.039 --> 20:09.642 - We didn't want to leave you behind. - You wouldn't wake up. 20:09.709 --> 20:11.478 No, obviously, you didn't want to leave me behind, 20:11.544 --> 20:13.079 so you did the logical thing, 20:13.145 --> 20:15.648 which is suspend me from a helicopter whilst asleep. 20:15.715 --> 20:18.285 - Yes. - Most people would arrive at the same conclusion. 20:18.351 --> 20:20.587 No, you didn't! You were having a laugh! 20:20.653 --> 20:22.655 Do you realise how rough the first road was 20:22.722 --> 20:24.457 that you haven't had to drive on? 20:24.524 --> 20:26.626 And you got a helicopter ride, which we haven't had. 20:26.693 --> 20:28.761 You wouldn't be laughing and sniggering so much 20:28.828 --> 20:31.398 if I'd fallen out of that thing, as I could have done. 20:31.464 --> 20:33.132 Well, it wouldn't be funny. 20:33.199 --> 20:34.434 No, it just wouldn't be interesting. 20:40.440 --> 20:42.642 JEREMY: With the rhino fiasco behind us, 20:42.709 --> 20:44.811 we got back to the job in hand... 20:46.513 --> 20:48.781 ...which was to reach the Angolan border, 20:48.848 --> 20:50.783 and therefore prove that beach buggies 20:50.850 --> 20:53.185 are brilliant go-anywhere machines 20:53.252 --> 20:55.588 and not just frivolous toys. 20:57.790 --> 21:01.994 Today, however, that theory would be seriously tested. 21:05.332 --> 21:07.334 Oh, for God's sake! 21:09.969 --> 21:11.338 Ow! 21:13.973 --> 21:15.375 Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! 21:17.977 --> 21:21.047 Ow! Christ on a bike! 21:21.113 --> 21:24.917 I hate to admit this, but I'm jealous of Hammond. 21:24.984 --> 21:29.121 I wish I'd fitted that suspension on my car. 21:29.188 --> 21:33.793 How is this car gonna stand up to this punishment all day? 21:35.962 --> 21:38.498 Well, since it had been designed by me 21:38.565 --> 21:41.133 and made from 40-year-old components, 21:41.200 --> 21:43.936 the answer was depressingly predictable. 21:46.373 --> 21:49.809 The alternator, as you can see, has come off its hinge. 21:49.876 --> 21:52.979 The bolt's supposed to go in there and it's just come off. 21:53.045 --> 21:56.883 And the bolt, well, that's somewhere back there, 100 miles. 22:04.591 --> 22:07.226 So, my alternator is now held on with a screwdriver 22:07.293 --> 22:09.496 that I've hammered into place. 22:10.497 --> 22:11.964 And we're running well. 22:16.636 --> 22:19.572 Oh. I don't know what I'm gonna do about it, 22:19.639 --> 22:21.908 but I don't have a fan belt on there. 22:25.111 --> 22:27.179 I've got a problem. 22:27.246 --> 22:31.618 Another five miles, another fan belt. 22:31.684 --> 22:33.920 I'm gonna need a pair of tights. 22:36.122 --> 22:38.658 And it wasn't just me. 22:38.725 --> 22:42.094 I've been through all of that, all of that, the ignition cut-out switch. 22:42.161 --> 22:44.096 I've got some weird gremlin. 22:44.163 --> 22:47.434 JEREMY: This road is just shaking these cars to pieces. 22:50.770 --> 22:53.440 JAMES: Naturally, Jeremy decided that the only way 22:53.473 --> 22:55.442 of keeping his car in one piece 22:55.442 --> 22:58.210 was to drive very quickly. 22:58.277 --> 23:02.281 My optimum speed is 2,800 rpm, 23:02.348 --> 23:04.651 that being my only dial, really. 23:04.717 --> 23:07.720 That way, I'm skipping over the top of the ridges. 23:09.255 --> 23:11.524 Unfortunately, at this speed, 23:11.591 --> 23:13.860 my V8 was emptying the petrol tank 23:13.926 --> 23:16.128 every 31 miles. 23:16.195 --> 23:19.466 And one of the items we'd forgotten to buy at the camping shop 23:19.532 --> 23:21.801 was a funnel. 23:21.868 --> 23:24.771 Right, wind's dropped. Here we go. 23:24.837 --> 23:25.805 Drink! 23:27.273 --> 23:29.476 This is completely safe. 23:29.509 --> 23:32.479 Some of the petrol is... Oh, my giddy aunt! 23:37.383 --> 23:39.952 The roads are getting worse. 23:40.019 --> 23:43.089 Even though the going was appalling... 23:46.258 --> 23:48.227 ...the beach buggies, amazingly, 23:48.294 --> 23:51.598 were, more or less, still in one piece. 23:53.099 --> 23:55.835 However, as the relentless pounding wore on, 23:55.902 --> 23:59.005 the same could not be said of James. 23:59.071 --> 24:00.873 Agh! 24:04.243 --> 24:05.812 Oh, my God! 24:07.980 --> 24:10.517 Honestly, my bones are going to shatter. 24:23.095 --> 24:24.531 I've had enough of this. 24:27.233 --> 24:30.436 What I'm doing is I'm trying to soften up the front suspension, 24:30.537 --> 24:32.404 and I'm gonna soften the tyres as well. 24:32.539 --> 24:34.073 I've done quite a bit under here. 24:34.140 --> 24:37.043 Now I'm going to let a bit of air out of the tyres. 24:38.945 --> 24:41.614 JAMES: This made a huge difference. 24:48.354 --> 24:49.889 This is rubbish! 24:52.559 --> 24:53.793 Stop! 24:56.629 --> 24:58.297 But it didn't stop. 24:58.364 --> 24:59.666 It went on... 25:01.200 --> 25:02.168 ...and on. 25:03.670 --> 25:06.573 That day, I did 350 miles, 25:06.606 --> 25:09.776 and every single one of them was filled with pain, 25:09.842 --> 25:11.811 dust and misery. 25:16.583 --> 25:18.450 And that's why , the following morning, 25:18.585 --> 25:21.688 I came up with a radical plan. 25:21.754 --> 25:26.025 Don't drive on the road, drive near it. 25:26.092 --> 25:27.694 I did a bit alongside the road. 25:27.760 --> 25:29.696 Admittedly only half a kilometre, 25:29.762 --> 25:31.397 but it was bliss by comparison. 25:31.463 --> 25:33.900 It was like driving on a freshly resurfaced Silverstone. 25:33.966 --> 25:36.135 We don't have to stray miles from it. 25:36.202 --> 25:38.838 I agree, that would be foolish, cos we could just end up as skeletons. 25:38.905 --> 25:41.608 But, honestly, it's agony in mine. 25:41.641 --> 25:45.277 I've got neck ache, headache. I hate it. 25:45.344 --> 25:48.480 Right, I tell you what, Hammond. I tell you why I like his idea. 25:48.615 --> 25:53.185 If it is smooth off-road, it's more comfortable for us. 25:53.252 --> 25:57.156 If it's hopeless out there, we can blame him. 25:57.223 --> 25:58.190 Fair enough. 26:02.128 --> 26:03.730 JEREMY: With that settled, we left the road 26:03.796 --> 26:06.966 and set out on Highway May. 26:10.302 --> 26:14.506 I'll give James one thing, it is smoother than the road, 26:14.641 --> 26:17.944 but I am doing 3 mph. 26:18.010 --> 26:19.846 I mean, yeah, I like off-roading, I do, 26:19.912 --> 26:24.050 but... this isn't exactly quicker, is it? 26:24.116 --> 26:26.018 JEREMY: Sadly, a short while later, 26:26.085 --> 26:29.021 we didn't even have smooth going for us. 26:30.923 --> 26:32.324 Ow! 26:32.391 --> 26:33.793 Ow! Ow! Ow! 26:33.860 --> 26:35.662 Oh, spiffing. 26:37.930 --> 26:40.232 James, I hope you're happy with this. 26:40.299 --> 26:43.736 How bad must it have been for him if this is better? 26:47.039 --> 26:51.043 Oh, God al-bloody-mighty! What an idiot that man is! 26:51.110 --> 26:53.445 Yeah, this is a lot less bumpy. 26:53.512 --> 26:54.747 Oh, Christ! 26:57.016 --> 26:58.517 Jesus! 26:58.584 --> 27:00.052 Is this better 27:03.690 --> 27:05.357 Stop moaning! 27:08.761 --> 27:13.465 JEREMY: Hammond, my entire throttle assembly has disintegrated. 27:13.532 --> 27:16.168 RICHARD: I can't see why. I'm sure this is all helping it. 27:16.235 --> 27:18.104 JEREMY: Perfectly all right on the road. 27:18.170 --> 27:19.706 Yeah, I don't know why more people 27:19.706 --> 27:22.709 don't drive their cars on the road. 27:22.775 --> 27:25.211 Stop blaming your failures on the scenery. 27:26.145 --> 27:28.715 Every bone in his crotch... 27:28.748 --> 27:30.416 that's what I'm gonna break. 27:30.482 --> 27:32.919 Every single one of them. 27:32.985 --> 27:35.421 And then, if it were at all possible, 27:35.487 --> 27:37.990 May Tours got even worse. 27:39.859 --> 27:43.029 Oh! Oh, God! The dust! Agh! 27:43.095 --> 27:47.900 What is this Star Trek special effect we've arrived in? 27:50.136 --> 27:51.237 Oh, my God! 27:53.740 --> 27:57.009 I am swimming through dust. I'm actually swimming in it. 27:59.746 --> 28:01.513 Oh, dear, oh, dear! 28:01.580 --> 28:04.817 JAMES: We had driven into something called fesh fesh, 28:04.884 --> 28:07.754 a sand as fine as talcum powder. 28:07.787 --> 28:09.756 Oh, shite! 28:09.822 --> 28:13.292 And this had made Ali G even more cross. 28:15.962 --> 28:18.765 I can't see a bloody thing now. I've got to... 28:18.798 --> 28:21.801 I can't even find James May to kill him. 28:26.372 --> 28:30.142 JEREMY: OK, the engine's boiling and I'm stuck. 28:30.209 --> 28:32.411 All my electrics have gone haywire 28:32.478 --> 28:34.981 My... It's still trying to turn the motor over. The battery's dead. 28:35.047 --> 28:36.783 Are you stuck, James? 28:36.816 --> 28:38.985 Er... 28:40.953 --> 28:42.588 I think I'm stuck. 28:42.654 --> 28:44.690 Well done, James. 28:44.791 --> 28:46.492 Improved our lot no end. 28:46.558 --> 28:48.294 So the situation is... 28:48.360 --> 28:50.930 Hammond has broken his car, you're stuck, 28:50.997 --> 28:53.065 and mine's overheated. 28:53.132 --> 28:56.969 Are we going to say, James, that your idea was stupid? 28:58.370 --> 28:59.471 It was stupid. 29:03.009 --> 29:06.078 JEREMY: With even Sergeant Stubborn admitting defeat, 29:06.145 --> 29:08.414 it was time to throw in the towel. 29:08.480 --> 29:12.518 So we got ourselves sorted out, got a wash in the river 29:12.584 --> 29:16.388 and headed back to the road. 29:16.455 --> 29:19.291 There you go. Freshly ironed linen shirt 29:19.358 --> 29:23.830 with epaulettes that matches my beach buggy. 29:23.830 --> 29:25.297 Ironed by Giovanni. 29:28.534 --> 29:30.002 Despite everything, 29:30.069 --> 29:33.639 our beach buggies had covered 750 miles 29:33.705 --> 29:35.842 of our 1,000-mile journey, 29:35.908 --> 29:38.510 and we were now well into the tribal regions 29:38.577 --> 29:40.112 of northern Namibia... 29:41.848 --> 29:44.350 ...which is picture-book Africa. 29:46.853 --> 29:49.856 Well, this is all a bit too beautiful for words along here. 29:49.889 --> 29:51.891 Look at this. 29:51.958 --> 29:53.993 Tribal Namibia, I like it. 30:01.868 --> 30:04.336 Where we are now, it's genuinely... 30:04.403 --> 30:08.374 Well, what would you say, "unspoiled"? Yeah. 30:08.440 --> 30:10.709 People do live the lives 30:10.776 --> 30:13.145 they've led here for thousands of years. 30:16.248 --> 30:17.016 Oh, no! 30:17.083 --> 30:20.853 Oh, no! I'm dying! 30:20.920 --> 30:23.589 Annoyingly, the James May excursion 30:23.655 --> 30:26.325 had caused more damage than I'd realised. 30:27.293 --> 30:29.929 Oh, now this is stuck on. 30:29.996 --> 30:31.663 Oh, bugger. 30:31.730 --> 30:34.800 Then, instead of the breakdown-recovery service, 30:34.867 --> 30:37.403 some topless ladies arrived... 30:39.305 --> 30:40.772 RICHARD: Hello. 30:40.839 --> 30:44.710 ...which made knowing where to look a bit difficult. 30:44.776 --> 30:45.945 Oh! 30:50.116 --> 30:52.018 Erm... Concentrate on the job, Richard. 30:54.353 --> 30:56.455 This is unusual. 30:56.522 --> 30:58.524 I mean, normally the AA would have done. 31:00.592 --> 31:01.627 Thank you! 31:02.962 --> 31:04.396 Very good. 31:04.463 --> 31:07.266 - Oh, there's more. 31:14.240 --> 31:19.211 JEREMY: I, too, was nursing wounds as a result of May Tours. 31:19.278 --> 31:20.846 I do seem to have lost... 31:22.548 --> 31:24.150 ...one of my cylinders somehow. 31:24.216 --> 31:25.952 I'm driving a V7. 31:28.254 --> 31:31.723 Basically, this is now Spitty Spitty Bang Bang. 31:31.790 --> 31:34.826 So, at the lunch stop, Richard and I decided 31:34.961 --> 31:36.963 to get our revenge on Mr May. 31:47.006 --> 31:48.607 Clarkson! 31:48.674 --> 31:49.976 What? 31:49.976 --> 31:51.643 You've put... Where's... 31:51.710 --> 31:54.146 That is disturbing. 31:54.213 --> 31:55.982 What's annoying is, what have you done 31:55.982 --> 31:58.150 with my original vintage VW gear knob? 31:58.217 --> 32:00.352 Ah, well, no, good news on that. 32:00.419 --> 32:02.554 Giovanni has posted your original gear lever 32:02.621 --> 32:04.023 back to your address in London. 32:04.090 --> 32:05.691 - RICHARD: Special delivery. 32:05.757 --> 32:08.995 What is the matter with you? That's really offensive. 32:08.995 --> 32:11.497 Well, I think that's a bit sexist. 32:11.563 --> 32:14.366 No, it's not. Why would I want to drive with a rubber penis? 32:14.433 --> 32:16.502 I don't know. I think you're weird. 32:22.008 --> 32:26.612 RICHARD: With our break over, we got back on the road. 32:26.678 --> 32:30.082 For our American viewers, James May is driving a dick-shift. 32:33.452 --> 32:35.387 And it wasn't just James's knob 32:35.454 --> 32:37.323 that was keeping us amused. 32:37.389 --> 32:39.591 There was something else we'd learned over lunch 32:39.658 --> 32:41.760 that was even funnier. 32:41.827 --> 32:45.264 James May's fuel tank has a hole in it, or it's split. 32:46.165 --> 32:48.034 He's driving a bomb. 32:50.236 --> 32:51.937 It's a tense moment, this. 32:52.038 --> 32:54.806 It's like the end of a football match when it's 1-1. 32:54.873 --> 32:56.942 You're driving along, you know he's gonna blow up, 32:57.043 --> 32:59.378 you just don't know when. 32:59.445 --> 33:01.347 RICHARD: It's not gonna read well in the papers. 33:01.413 --> 33:05.284 "James May died in an exploding beach buggy, holding a rubber penis." 33:06.552 --> 33:08.520 Oh, shut up! 33:08.587 --> 33:09.688 Jeez! 33:15.361 --> 33:17.063 JAMES: Oh! In the face! 33:20.799 --> 33:23.535 JEREMY: Once James's fuel tank had run low enough, 33:23.602 --> 33:25.337 we pulled over in a small village 33:25.404 --> 33:27.706 so he could make some repairs. 33:30.842 --> 33:34.580 Well, the wind's blowing that way, so the fireball will go up there. 33:34.646 --> 33:36.982 It'll be sudden, won't it, when he goes? 33:37.083 --> 33:38.150 Yeah. It's "woompf." 33:38.217 --> 33:39.385 "Woompf," then a bit of quiet, 33:39.451 --> 33:41.120 and then... as all bits come down. 33:41.187 --> 33:42.854 JEREMY: Yes. 33:42.921 --> 33:45.091 Here's the split in the tank. 33:45.157 --> 33:47.826 - Apply this. - Oh, hello! 33:47.893 --> 33:50.696 You know we've been saying how bad the roads are, Hammond? 33:50.762 --> 33:52.331 Yes. 33:52.398 --> 33:55.734 They're bad enough to kill an un-killable car. 33:55.801 --> 33:57.669 That's kind of a terrifying sight, isn't it? 33:57.736 --> 34:02.108 I know. I've never seen that before in my life. 34:02.141 --> 34:04.810 A dead Toyota pickup truck. 34:06.612 --> 34:08.514 JEREMY: With James's tank bodged, 34:08.580 --> 34:11.483 we knuckled down to getting some miles under our belt. 34:14.420 --> 34:16.288 And for the rest of the day, 34:16.355 --> 34:19.658 the only person with petrol issues was me. 34:24.930 --> 34:29.135 Right. Refuelled, so I'm good now for 31 miles. 34:32.471 --> 34:35.207 By the end of the day, we'd made good progress. 34:35.274 --> 34:37.143 And when we stopped to make camp... 34:37.143 --> 34:39.978 Where the bloody hell's Giovanni? 34:40.045 --> 34:43.515 ...we were less than 100 miles from the finish line. 34:43.582 --> 34:46.285 So, after supper, we decided to have a conversation - 34:46.352 --> 34:47.886 well, argument - 34:47.953 --> 34:51.523 about who'd built the best beach buggy. 34:51.590 --> 34:55.661 The point is, yours isn't a beach buggy. 34:55.727 --> 34:56.995 - Yeah. 34:57.062 --> 34:58.530 Apart from having a beach buggy's body 34:58.597 --> 35:01.167 and the beating, pulsating heart of a beach buggy, 35:01.233 --> 35:02.501 namely a Beetle engine. 35:02.568 --> 35:04.236 I look at yours and go, 35:04.303 --> 35:05.971 "That doesn't even look like a beach buggy." 35:06.037 --> 35:08.274 It does and it is! It's a beach buggy. 35:08.340 --> 35:10.309 Enhanced, but in the spirit of beach buggying. 35:10.376 --> 35:13.912 - It isn't. - Jeremy, yours is... a freak. 35:13.979 --> 35:17.048 Had it existed 100 years ago, it would have been exhibited. 35:17.183 --> 35:20.819 People would come from miles and children would peak at it through curtains. 35:20.886 --> 35:22.388 "Oh, look at the monster!" 35:22.454 --> 35:23.589 The point is, I have always loved 35:23.655 --> 35:25.257 the spirit of the beach buggy. 35:25.324 --> 35:27.926 I love the era that created it and all of that. 35:27.993 --> 35:30.329 But the one thing that's made me not like it 35:30.396 --> 35:32.864 is the engine reminds me of Hitler. 35:32.931 --> 35:37.203 I have removed all of that Hitler DNA from mine, 35:37.236 --> 35:39.205 fitted a bloody great V8. 35:39.205 --> 35:41.440 It's gone too far. 35:41.507 --> 35:44.476 - It's Frankenstein's buggy. - JAMES: I can settle this. 35:44.543 --> 35:46.878 - Yours isn't a proper beach buggy. - It isn't. 35:46.945 --> 35:49.748 - But it's more of a beach buggy than yours. - Oh, rubbish! 35:49.815 --> 35:52.384 Because the true spirit of the beach buggy 35:52.451 --> 35:54.386 is the Beetle floorpan and engine, which his has. 35:54.453 --> 35:55.487 Yours doesn't have the engine. 35:55.554 --> 35:56.588 Mine actually has everything. 35:56.655 --> 35:58.390 Mine is the proper beach buggy. 35:58.457 --> 36:00.459 - I'm sorry about this, James, but... - You're not. 36:00.526 --> 36:02.428 ...your car was created 36:02.494 --> 36:04.630 by the swinging '60s and endorsed by Steve McQueen, 36:04.696 --> 36:07.299 one of the coolest people who ever lived, 36:07.366 --> 36:09.401 and yet, somehow, you have managed 36:09.468 --> 36:11.237 to make your beach buggy boring. 36:11.270 --> 36:12.904 - Rubbish - It is a bit. 36:12.971 --> 36:15.073 - It is boring. - It's a boring firework display. 36:15.140 --> 36:18.344 - It is. - It's boring in that it works. 36:18.410 --> 36:19.678 - No, James. - It doesn't work! 36:19.745 --> 36:21.380 The only thing that has gone wrong 36:21.447 --> 36:23.515 is a small leak in the petrol tank. 36:23.582 --> 36:25.584 Everything else about it has constantly worked. 36:25.651 --> 36:27.519 Do you know, every time I've overtaken you, 36:27.586 --> 36:29.321 I've looked and thought, "That's dismal." 36:29.388 --> 36:31.623 It isn't. It has an elegance and a purity. 36:31.690 --> 36:33.825 And when you say, "You've never come past me," 36:33.892 --> 36:37.062 I come past you every 30 miles because you've run out of fuel. 36:37.128 --> 36:41.400 It wheelies, the throttle sticks, the alternator falls off, bolts fall out of it. 36:41.467 --> 36:45.271 - It... The alternator... - You've had to fit a wing on it, which ruins the looks. 36:45.304 --> 36:47.038 It's not in the spirit of the beach buggy, 36:47.105 --> 36:50.309 but of a man desperately trying to justify a terrible idea. 36:50.376 --> 36:52.744 - It was a brilliant idea! - It doesn't work! 36:52.811 --> 36:54.380 I'm fairly conscious right now 36:54.446 --> 36:56.515 your car is drinking the fuel out of mine 36:56.582 --> 36:58.450 like a sort of plastic vampire. 36:58.517 --> 37:00.986 Look, mine has been thirsty. 37:01.052 --> 37:02.488 - Yes. 37:02.554 --> 37:04.122 JAMES: We continued arguing 37:04.189 --> 37:08.059 until Giovanni reminded us it was time to go to bed. 37:08.126 --> 37:09.895 But I didn't go to bed, 37:09.961 --> 37:14.700 because I had business to attend to. 37:14.766 --> 37:16.735 Right, Jeremy Clarkson thinks he's being flamboyant, 37:16.802 --> 37:19.338 and he doesn't realise that my knowledge of aerodynamics 37:19.405 --> 37:23.409 will trump his ability to fit rubber penises to people's cars. 37:41.026 --> 37:41.993 Shit! 37:47.366 --> 37:49.635 Hammond! Fire! 37:49.701 --> 37:51.470 Help! 37:51.537 --> 37:53.539 Hammond! Help! 37:58.710 --> 38:01.747 The next morning, as we resumed our journey, 38:01.813 --> 38:04.350 I was feeling rather philosophical. 38:05.751 --> 38:07.853 I once saw an old lady fall over 38:07.919 --> 38:10.922 and drop her shopping bag on the opposite side of the road, 38:10.989 --> 38:12.624 and her shopping fell out. 38:12.691 --> 38:14.360 And amongst it was an Easter egg, 38:14.393 --> 38:17.796 which I assume she bought for a grandchild or something, 38:17.863 --> 38:20.566 and it rolled into the road and got run over by a car. 38:20.632 --> 38:24.570 It was the most tragic thing I've ever seen... 38:24.636 --> 38:27.539 until I saw the front of my car this morning. 38:32.110 --> 38:35.747 JEREMY: And it wasn't just the front of his own car he'd ruined. 38:40.218 --> 38:44.623 I wouldn't mind, but the rattling from James's workmanship is appalling. 38:48.394 --> 38:52.030 Despite everything, though, we were now almost there. 38:52.097 --> 38:54.966 Today, we would reach the beach that marked the finish 38:55.033 --> 38:58.169 of what had been a spectacular journey 38:58.236 --> 39:00.939 through a spectacular country. 39:03.174 --> 39:05.043 Oh! 39:05.110 --> 39:07.112 - That deserves a stabbing. 39:09.214 --> 39:11.750 RICHARD: Oh, my God! 39:13.284 --> 39:14.453 Oh! 39:19.024 --> 39:21.192 JEREMY: Oh, my... 39:21.259 --> 39:23.829 Giovanni, could you run the baths? 39:27.132 --> 39:29.134 Aargh! 39:29.200 --> 39:31.503 Help! 39:31.570 --> 39:34.906 JEREMY: It really is an amazing part of the world, this. 39:34.973 --> 39:38.810 But everything that makes it amazing is harsh 39:38.877 --> 39:41.012 and unforgiving and difficult. 39:43.815 --> 39:46.051 Oh, stop! 39:46.117 --> 39:49.455 No one's ever said this before, but Namibia... 39:51.022 --> 39:53.992 ...is a beautiful bastard of a country. 40:02.868 --> 40:04.302 And yet, 40:04.369 --> 40:07.773 as we counted down the last few miles of our journey, 40:07.839 --> 40:12.444 our home-made beach buggies were still running. 40:12.511 --> 40:16.882 They were battered and bruised, but they'd proved our point to Mr Wilman. 40:17.983 --> 40:19.184 They'd made it. 40:21.419 --> 40:23.455 And they had done something else as well - 40:23.522 --> 40:24.956 they'd got under our skin. 40:25.023 --> 40:27.158 We liked them even more at the end 40:27.225 --> 40:29.961 than we had done at the start. 40:30.028 --> 40:32.664 I think everybody in the world should drive a beach buggy, 40:32.731 --> 40:36.301 because you're exposed to so much. 40:36.367 --> 40:37.736 Not just the elements, 40:37.803 --> 40:40.706 but the opinions of other people. 40:40.772 --> 40:42.140 I mean, when you're in a normal car, 40:42.207 --> 40:44.610 you shake your fist and make gestures, 40:44.676 --> 40:45.977 and shout and yell, 40:46.044 --> 40:48.747 because you feel cocooned and safe 40:48.814 --> 40:51.950 and immune from everybody. 40:52.017 --> 40:55.954 But in a beach buggy, everyone's just there. 40:56.021 --> 40:57.756 It's brilliant! 40:57.823 --> 41:00.692 It's such a friendly way of moving about. 41:02.528 --> 41:04.129 And with that, we settled down 41:04.195 --> 41:08.399 for what we hoped would be a smooth cruise to the beach. 41:08.534 --> 41:10.101 But it wasn't. 41:10.168 --> 41:11.136 Ow! Ow! 41:12.571 --> 41:13.905 Oh, God! Ow! 41:18.844 --> 41:20.579 This is outrageous! 41:22.380 --> 41:23.815 Holy shit! 41:26.618 --> 41:28.219 Oh, no! It's gone! 41:28.286 --> 41:32.257 And now my aerodynamics are badly affected as well. 41:35.393 --> 41:36.795 Oh, my word! 41:38.129 --> 41:40.198 Jeremy is hoping to get to the finish line 41:40.265 --> 41:43.268 in the sort of pile of scrap you hate your neighbours 41:43.334 --> 41:45.604 for keeping at the bottom of their garden. 41:49.040 --> 41:50.275 Oh, God! 41:54.913 --> 41:57.448 JEREMY: Oh, no! There's petrol! 41:57.583 --> 42:00.786 Oh! Hammond, don't go near his car! 42:00.852 --> 42:03.188 There's petrol all over the front of his car. 42:03.254 --> 42:04.322 - Yeah. 42:04.389 --> 42:05.924 RICHARD: Ooh! 42:05.991 --> 42:08.093 JEREMY: What if it caught fire, James? 42:13.364 --> 42:15.200 With just 30 miles to go, 42:15.266 --> 42:19.605 the mighty seven-cylinder V8 really started to play up. 42:21.206 --> 42:22.808 - Oh, no! 42:28.680 --> 42:30.348 And then it started to go dark, 42:30.415 --> 42:33.919 which presented us with the biggest problem of the lot. 42:37.355 --> 42:39.090 That's just terrible. 42:39.157 --> 42:41.292 Oh, God! 42:41.359 --> 42:42.994 JAMES: Well, that's marvellous. 42:43.061 --> 42:44.963 JEREMY: That one is dazzling me 42:45.030 --> 42:47.232 and that one is showing me where to go. 42:48.800 --> 42:51.903 RICHARD: This is far from ideal. 42:51.970 --> 42:54.005 JEREMY: Before pitch darkness fell, 42:54.072 --> 42:57.709 we pulled over to do some emergency repairs. 42:57.776 --> 42:59.477 I'm gonna put some... 42:59.544 --> 43:02.714 tape of a certain well-known brand on the problem. 43:04.650 --> 43:06.117 JEREMY: Finger tight will do. 43:06.184 --> 43:09.154 These repairs were extremely successful. 43:13.424 --> 43:16.161 Oh, it's swung into my face! 43:16.227 --> 43:19.330 No, I can't see a thing. Agh! That's worse! 43:21.700 --> 43:24.269 Oh, God. Now they've turned. 43:24.335 --> 43:27.038 Oh, no! My car's gone cross-eyed again! 43:29.340 --> 43:31.977 JEREMY: There's a man coming the other way. 43:32.043 --> 43:33.578 What's he gonna think of us? 43:33.679 --> 43:34.880 I don't know. 43:34.946 --> 43:36.948 I can't see a bloody thing. 43:38.583 --> 43:41.186 Thank you. Oh, that's good! 43:41.252 --> 43:43.421 It's shaken the headlight back round again! 43:43.488 --> 43:46.992 Yeah! No, it's back again. Oh, just for a moment. 43:48.694 --> 43:53.331 Then the rough road brought some new headlight problems. 43:53.398 --> 43:56.267 Oh, nothing! Oh, no! Nothing! Nothing! 43:56.334 --> 44:00.005 I've got... I've now got nothing at all. 44:00.071 --> 44:02.240 OK, Hammond and May, can you just let me know 44:02.307 --> 44:04.876 what your lighting situation is now? 44:04.943 --> 44:08.814 RICHARD: As long as I hold the flash lever back, I have light. 44:08.880 --> 44:12.851 JAMES: If I hold the lever, I get one light and one flashing light, yes. 44:12.918 --> 44:16.154 But I have to take my hand off to change gear. 44:16.221 --> 44:18.824 JEREMY: And then Hammond's car suddenly turned into 44:18.890 --> 44:21.192 the lighting rig at a Pink Floyd gig. 44:23.328 --> 44:25.496 Why does it keep changing? What... 44:25.563 --> 44:26.865 And it's all got... 44:32.303 --> 44:35.373 It's only three kilometres to go now. Three. 44:39.010 --> 44:39.811 Ahh! 44:39.878 --> 44:41.880 Oh, hell! 44:42.848 --> 44:44.282 Gone. Coming back. 44:46.084 --> 44:47.786 Although we couldn't see, 44:47.853 --> 44:50.989 we knew we must be close to the beach. 44:51.056 --> 44:53.158 It's not... you know, a seaside beach. 44:53.224 --> 44:56.427 It must be on a river or a lake, or something. 44:59.397 --> 45:01.833 This is uphill. I'm sure that's wrong. 45:03.769 --> 45:06.171 That's a big drop there. 45:06.237 --> 45:08.874 I don't want to go off there. 45:08.940 --> 45:11.176 JEREMY: I'm not sure this is sensible. 45:11.242 --> 45:14.913 Nowhere in any guide I've ever read does it say, 45:14.980 --> 45:18.549 "Explore new territory in a beach buggy 45:18.616 --> 45:21.853 with your lights all broken." 45:21.920 --> 45:25.891 Unable to find anything even remotely resembling a beach, 45:25.957 --> 45:27.793 we pulled over. 45:29.694 --> 45:32.864 We cannot carry on just plunging around in the darkness, 45:32.931 --> 45:34.332 hoping to find the beach. 45:34.399 --> 45:36.201 And, anyway, what is that noise? 45:37.568 --> 45:42.573 RICHARD: I would say that...is a waterfall. 45:42.640 --> 45:44.943 Is it something you want to come across in the dark? 45:45.010 --> 45:48.013 Because the other thing I'd say about that sound - 45:48.079 --> 45:51.449 it might be my imagination, but that sounds as though it's coming from below, 45:51.516 --> 45:52.818 like we're above it. 45:52.818 --> 45:54.219 We have climbed up that track. 45:54.285 --> 45:56.521 And a waterfall is a drop, by definition. 45:56.587 --> 45:58.890 If we're... I don't want to... in the dark. 45:58.957 --> 46:01.392 Abandon. I'm not doing it. 46:01.459 --> 46:03.528 We'll do it tomorrow. Sun. 46:03.594 --> 46:06.431 Let's look at the stars and have one more night in Namibia. 46:06.497 --> 46:08.733 We'll find it tomorrow and it'll be fantastically glorious. 46:08.834 --> 46:09.835 RICHARD: Tomorrow on the beach. 46:09.901 --> 46:12.203 JEREMY: Giovanni! 46:15.907 --> 46:20.411 The next morning, daylight brought answers to our questions. 46:22.480 --> 46:24.215 So it wasn't a waterfall. 46:24.282 --> 46:26.651 No, it was many waterfalls. 46:26.717 --> 46:28.053 Hundreds of waterfalls. 46:36.627 --> 46:38.729 And they were just part of what we all agreed 46:38.864 --> 46:43.902 was the most beautiful view we'd ever seen. 46:54.079 --> 46:57.715 But...many waterfalls. 46:57.782 --> 46:59.517 No beach that I can see. 47:02.988 --> 47:04.722 Does that count as a beach? 47:04.789 --> 47:05.891 JEREMY: That is a beach. 47:05.891 --> 47:07.658 JAMES: I'd call that a beach. 47:07.725 --> 47:10.728 - The beach. - That's got to be it. There's no others. 47:10.795 --> 47:13.899 Gentlemen, our quest is at an end. 47:13.932 --> 47:16.734 Let us ride... 47:16.801 --> 47:20.471 in splendour... to... 47:20.538 --> 47:22.941 - I'm not finishing that very well. What is it? - It's very moving. 47:23.008 --> 47:26.611 I'm trying to think of something evocative and Victorian and brilliant. 47:26.677 --> 47:28.813 RICHARD: "Let's go over there and finish our journey"? 47:28.914 --> 47:30.648 No, that's Brummie rubbish! 47:30.715 --> 47:32.683 - It is! - It's the fact. 47:32.750 --> 47:36.587 JEREMY: Unable to find the right words to mark the moment... 47:36.654 --> 47:38.123 ...we set off anyway. 47:41.659 --> 47:43.061 Yeah, this is it. 47:46.097 --> 47:49.334 We are half a kilometre from our objective. 47:53.638 --> 47:54.940 Oh. 47:55.006 --> 47:57.608 Oh, no. Path ends. Path ends. 47:58.843 --> 48:00.378 Erm... 48:02.747 --> 48:04.549 Oh, my God! 48:07.152 --> 48:08.519 Well, if this won't get over there, 48:08.586 --> 48:10.088 there's no way will theirs. 48:13.158 --> 48:16.261 JEREMY: We split up to look for a path through the rocks... 48:18.429 --> 48:19.497 JAMES: Oh, no! 48:19.564 --> 48:22.333 ...but it was hopeless. 48:22.400 --> 48:23.368 Forget it. 48:24.569 --> 48:26.337 Hammond, forget it. 48:26.404 --> 48:28.473 We aren't going down this hill. 48:31.742 --> 48:35.580 The problem is, even if we could get over this stuff, which we can't... 48:35.646 --> 48:37.215 RICHARD: No, we can't. 48:37.282 --> 48:39.985 ...have you seen what's between us and the beach? 48:40.051 --> 48:43.989 Look at it. There's no way you could drive over that or anywhere near. 48:44.022 --> 48:46.524 - Look, you can't even go inland. - No, we can't go there. 48:46.591 --> 48:48.293 And you can't go around that mountain 48:48.359 --> 48:50.428 and come at it from the back, cos they're cliffs. 48:56.501 --> 48:58.469 Wait a minute. 48:58.536 --> 49:00.505 What? 49:00.571 --> 49:01.672 I've had... 49:02.740 --> 49:04.142 ...a great idea. 49:04.209 --> 49:07.078 - RICHARD: Oh, no. - No. 49:07.145 --> 49:10.181 So we can't drive over here. 49:10.248 --> 49:15.620 But we have to get us and our cars to that beach over there. 49:17.088 --> 49:20.191 If there were to be some kind of... 49:20.258 --> 49:23.428 A mounting point on that cliff, maybe, and then-- 49:23.494 --> 49:24.429 Do what? 49:24.495 --> 49:26.564 No. Mounting point down there. 49:26.631 --> 49:28.466 Over that distance? That's a huge distance. 49:28.533 --> 49:30.068 - It's about half a kilometre. - No! 49:30.135 --> 49:31.802 But can you imagine the forces on it? 49:31.869 --> 49:34.339 - The things at the end are gonna have to be... - Huge. 49:34.405 --> 49:37.508 - Massive. - Jeremy, we don't all live in a cartoon. 49:37.575 --> 49:39.344 We will die! Dead! 49:42.313 --> 49:45.050 RICHARD: Given that there were no alternatives, 49:45.083 --> 49:46.917 we had to go with the ape's plan, 49:47.052 --> 49:52.457 which was to turn our beach buggies into cable cars. 49:52.523 --> 49:55.893 - That's over two metres. - Yeah, that's good enough. 49:55.960 --> 49:59.064 So we headed to a nearby abandoned mine... 50:00.398 --> 50:02.200 ...to scavenge materials. 50:05.103 --> 50:06.804 JAMES: Is that bit any good? 50:06.871 --> 50:10.941 - How much more of that cable have we got? - Four drums. 50:11.008 --> 50:14.345 - Are you proposing that that becomes a winding drum? - Yeah. 50:14.412 --> 50:16.881 It's very important... 50:16.947 --> 50:20.718 we get as much weight as possible into Hammond's car... 50:20.785 --> 50:23.188 for erm... well, for your amusement. 50:28.993 --> 50:30.061 Right, toolbox. 50:37.034 --> 50:39.404 - JEREMY: 30 metres. 50:45.910 --> 50:48.779 James, have you got that hoop welded in yet? 50:48.846 --> 50:50.148 No, that's my next job. 50:55.153 --> 50:56.921 RICHARD: Several days later, 50:56.987 --> 50:59.657 and with absolutely no help whatsoever 50:59.724 --> 51:04.028 from any Namibian mining engineers... 51:04.129 --> 51:08.266 ...the world's first beach buggy cable car was ready, and-- 51:08.333 --> 51:10.034 JEREMY: Shit! Stop, everybody! 51:10.135 --> 51:13.003 The goats are eating the tree that we've anchored it to. 51:13.138 --> 51:15.473 - Shoo, goats! Shoo! 51:18.343 --> 51:20.578 They were eating the tree. 51:20.645 --> 51:22.447 RICHARD: Anyway, as I was saying, 51:22.513 --> 51:24.949 it stretched for more than a third of a mile. 51:25.015 --> 51:27.885 And since the drop to the crocodile-infested river 51:27.952 --> 51:30.155 was several hundred feet, 51:30.188 --> 51:32.323 we decided James should go first. 51:33.324 --> 51:34.825 - We had a vote. 51:34.892 --> 51:36.861 We did, and we were unanimous you were going first. 51:36.927 --> 51:38.729 Right, so it's become a democracy all of a sudden? 51:38.796 --> 51:40.665 - JEREMY: Yes, it has. - RICHARD: Yeah. 51:40.731 --> 51:42.300 And anyway, your car's the lightest, 51:42.367 --> 51:43.868 now you've burned half of it away. 51:46.171 --> 51:49.174 I'm climbing in. Jesus! 51:49.207 --> 51:52.677 JEREMY: With the state-of-the-art generators fired up... 51:57.382 --> 51:59.584 ...James fortified himself for the journey... 52:01.085 --> 52:02.953 Is he drinking? 52:03.020 --> 52:06.191 ...and then simply drove off the launch pad. 52:06.257 --> 52:08.259 JAMES: Oh, my God! Whoa! 52:10.895 --> 52:12.630 Oh, shit! It's really high! 52:12.697 --> 52:16.066 It's really high! I'm turning the engine off. 52:16.201 --> 52:18.269 - RICHARD: We had to test it. - JEREMY: Well, exactly. 52:18.336 --> 52:21.406 - He had to go first. - Don't look at us and think we're bad. 52:21.472 --> 52:24.008 Because that was scientifically vigorous. 52:30.348 --> 52:31.916 It's a cable car. It's a cable car. 52:31.982 --> 52:34.652 I've been on lots of cable cars. They're safe. 52:34.719 --> 52:37.788 - JEREMY: God. Look, he's... This is where it's high. - RICHARD: That's horrible. 52:40.891 --> 52:42.860 No! It's going really high! I don't like... 52:46.797 --> 52:48.132 JAMES: I hate you! 52:48.233 --> 52:50.235 - OK. - He doesn't like us. 52:53.738 --> 52:58.075 JAMES: Despite my terror, the cable buggy kept on chugging through 52:58.142 --> 53:02.913 what's technically Angolan airspace towards the beach. 53:02.980 --> 53:04.148 God, I'm nearly there! 53:06.851 --> 53:08.886 Neutral. Handbrake off. 53:08.953 --> 53:11.256 He's gonna do it. He's gonna do it. 53:11.322 --> 53:12.623 I'm at the end! 53:15.025 --> 53:17.862 - JEREMY: He's down. - RICHARD: That's a landing. 53:17.928 --> 53:19.864 Yes! 53:21.699 --> 53:23.501 - I'm doing maths here. 53:23.568 --> 53:26.871 One of us is gonna be killed doing this, obviously, yes? 53:26.937 --> 53:30.875 - I'd say so, yeah. - So when we were all here, 33% chance. 53:30.941 --> 53:33.644 Now I'm doing it with a 50% chance. 53:33.711 --> 53:35.346 - I'm going next. 53:35.413 --> 53:37.315 - I can go next. - You can't go next. 53:39.917 --> 53:43.421 JEREMY: Whilst James toasted his success with some more drink... 53:44.889 --> 53:48.693 ...I won the argument and prepared for launch. 53:49.627 --> 53:51.829 Why is my car at this angle? 53:51.896 --> 53:55.300 Well, maybe because there's a massive V8 hanging out the back of it. 53:55.333 --> 53:57.802 Right! Right, right, right! 53:57.868 --> 53:59.036 I'll... here we go. 54:09.079 --> 54:13.784 My rectum has just opened like a set of theatre curtains. 54:13.851 --> 54:16.621 And for good reason, because my beach buggy 54:16.687 --> 54:21.392 weighed 200 kilograms more than James's charred wreck. 54:24.429 --> 54:27.465 Ooh! Ooh! He brushed the grass! 54:30.768 --> 54:32.503 I'm terrified, I'll be honest, 54:32.570 --> 54:35.340 but, for the first time since I set off, 54:35.373 --> 54:37.342 I'm comfortable in my beach buggy. 54:49.053 --> 54:52.457 Approaching the beach. Approaching the end of the journey. 54:52.523 --> 54:53.824 Here I come. 54:54.925 --> 54:57.828 And... touchdown! 54:57.895 --> 55:00.365 Yes! 55:00.365 --> 55:03.100 JEREMY: Bad news, Hammond. I've made it. 55:03.167 --> 55:04.702 Oh, great. 55:04.769 --> 55:08.373 - Oh, I say, James! 55:08.373 --> 55:10.608 JEREMY: Actually, I was lucky there was some left, 55:10.675 --> 55:14.379 because James had had a bit of a thirst on whilst he'd been alone. 55:15.913 --> 55:17.214 Hello, guys down there. 55:17.281 --> 55:19.550 It's Richard at the top. 55:19.617 --> 55:21.919 Right, I'm gonna do this now, so goodbye. 55:26.491 --> 55:28.593 Oh! I don't like that feeling! 55:33.764 --> 55:36.601 Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen, Richard Hammond. 55:37.935 --> 55:39.003 No! 55:41.171 --> 55:44.008 I could take solace from the fact that this system 55:44.074 --> 55:47.878 has already run twice with their cars and not failed - it's been tested. 55:47.945 --> 55:49.947 Or I could take a more realistic view, 55:50.014 --> 55:54.719 which is that those two fat oafs have already weakened it. 55:54.785 --> 55:57.021 JEREMY: Plus he had all that scrap metal in the back, 55:57.087 --> 55:59.457 which is why all eyes were on him. 55:59.524 --> 56:01.792 Well, when I say "all"... 56:01.859 --> 56:04.895 Look at the colours in those rocks over there. 56:04.962 --> 56:07.498 It's... It's fantastic. 56:07.565 --> 56:09.700 Just to the left of where Hammond is. 56:12.670 --> 56:15.440 Why's my car sitting so low? It is heavy. 56:15.506 --> 56:17.274 It is... Why's it lower? 56:17.341 --> 56:20.110 - The colouring is fabulous, isn't it? - Yeah, they are. 56:24.181 --> 56:27.685 RICHARD: Despite all my fears, the cables were holding 56:27.752 --> 56:31.288 and drawing me ever closer to my colleagues. 56:31.355 --> 56:33.691 This is it. I can see the beach. 56:33.758 --> 56:35.793 I'm so nearly there. We are gonna do it! 56:37.462 --> 56:38.863 Come on, Hammond. Come on. 56:41.131 --> 56:43.167 I'm gonna do it. 56:43.233 --> 56:45.069 Come on, Hammond. Come on. 56:49.507 --> 56:50.775 Oh. 56:53.478 --> 56:55.012 Erm... 56:57.014 --> 56:58.483 Why have I stopped? 56:58.483 --> 56:59.917 - JEREMY: Hammond! - JAMES: Come on! 56:59.984 --> 57:02.152 - RICHARD: I've stopped! - JEREMY: Hammond! 57:02.219 --> 57:03.854 It's just stopped! 57:03.921 --> 57:05.690 What can I do? It's just stopped! 57:05.756 --> 57:08.759 There's, like, 200 metres to go! 57:08.826 --> 57:11.829 I don't have anything to do with it! It's not up to me! 57:11.896 --> 57:14.765 Is there nothing you can do? 57:14.832 --> 57:16.834 Sadly, James was too drunk to think, 57:16.901 --> 57:18.569 and I'm mechanically inept. 57:18.636 --> 57:22.507 Plus, whatever had gone wrong had gone wrong at the top, 57:22.573 --> 57:24.374 and we were at the bottom. 57:24.509 --> 57:25.976 Move! Move! Move! 57:26.043 --> 57:28.112 There's literally nothing we can do. 57:28.178 --> 57:29.547 We've assessed everything 57:29.614 --> 57:31.616 and you're in a hopeless position. 57:33.317 --> 57:35.119 We could have another beer. 57:40.157 --> 57:42.392 We've gonna have to conclude, I'm afraid, 57:42.527 --> 57:47.164 that Mr Wilman was right that the beach buggy is no good. 57:47.231 --> 57:50.801 And on that terrible disappointment, it's time to end. 57:50.868 --> 57:53.571 Thank you so much for watching. Good night. 58:01.779 --> 58:03.881 * You've got your head on backwards, baby * 58:03.948 --> 58:05.415 * You don't know where you're at * 58:05.550 --> 58:07.251 * You've got your head on backwards, baby * 58:07.317 --> 58:09.253 * Watch out or you'll fall flat * 58:09.319 --> 58:12.356 * Instead of saying hi to the people that you meet * 58:12.422 --> 58:15.425 * You ought to say goodbye as you're walking down the street * 58:15.560 --> 58:18.262 * You've got your head on backwards, baby * 58:18.328 --> 58:21.065 * And you're gonna hit the ground * 58:21.131 --> 58:22.567 * Yeah * 58:22.567 --> 58:24.068 * Well, when you finally fall down, baby * 58:24.134 --> 58:27.037 * I don't wanna be around * 58:28.238 --> 58:29.206 * No *