1
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:06,705
What are you doing?
2
00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:10,042
I'm waiting for my
ship to come in.
3
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,946
? Love, love ?
4
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,650
? Love, love ?
5
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:21,419
? Love, American Style ?
6
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:24,522
? Truer than the
red, white and blue ?
7
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,993
? Love, American Style ?
8
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:32,463
? That's me and you ?
9
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:38,770
? And on a star-spangled
night, my love ?
10
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:40,605
? You can rest ?
11
00:00:40,674 --> 00:00:45,476
? You can rest your
head on my shoulder ?
12
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:50,148
? Or by the dawn's
early light, my love ?
13
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,716
? I will defend ?
14
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:56,155
? I will defend
your right to try ?
15
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:59,958
? Love, American Style ?
16
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:02,727
? That's me and you. ?
17
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,883
Tonight, you will see
18
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,808
three separate views
of love, American style:
19
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,788
A husband who's so busy looking
20
00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:21,046
he forgets to keep
an eye out for his wife,
21
00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:23,215
the collision of
an irresistible force
22
00:01:23,283 --> 00:01:25,150
with a very movable object,
23
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:28,153
and our first story about the
key to a successful honeymoon,
24
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:32,090
which we call:
25
00:01:55,548 --> 00:01:56,848
Let's go.
26
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,717
Oh, what a fascinating store.
27
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,298
Honey, what a time
to look at antiques.
28
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:05,257
Sweetheart, our room
won't be ready for 20 minutes.
29
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:09,072
The most important
moment of our life,
30
00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:11,274
and we have to wait until
the honeymoon suite's ready.
31
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,465
Darling, we've got a
whole lifetime ahead of us.
32
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:16,679
Unless there's an earthquake
in the next 20 minutes.
33
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,569
Oh, you stop that.
34
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,072
Help you?
35
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,308
Oh, no, thank you.
36
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,944
We're just looking
at all the lovely things.
37
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,013
Help yourself.
38
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,080
Oh, thank you.
39
00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:43,255
How do you hook
this thing on here?
40
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:44,256
Can't.
41
00:03:44,324 --> 00:03:45,257
Why not?
42
00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:46,336
It ain't a sword belt,
43
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,603
it's a Crusader belt.
44
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:48,826
Oh.
45
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,262
What did the
Crusaders use it for?
46
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,175
They didn't, their wives did.
47
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,433
Wives?
48
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,768
Why would a woman need
a big heavy metal belt like...
49
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,539
This isn't one of those, uh...
50
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:02,574
Sure is. Really?
51
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:06,311
Those poor Crusader wives.
52
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:09,481
Germans called them
Kreuscheidt girdle.
53
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,394
Think what the
wives called them.
54
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:16,321
This is, uh... it's very sturdy.
55
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,434
Had to be.
56
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,018
Some long wars in them days.
57
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:24,796
And I'm worried
about 20 minutes.
58
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:27,799
This is the last thing
I need right now.
59
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,008
It's, uh... it's stuck
or something.
60
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:38,009
T'ain't stuck.
61
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,122
Well, something's holding it.
62
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,290
It's locked. Locked?
63
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,913
Well, if you'll just
give me the key...
64
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:42,914
Ain't no key.
65
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,449
Ain't no key?
66
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,896
Had a key I'd be getting
more than $400 for it.
67
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,020
How do I get out of it?
68
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,789
The wives waited till their man
come home from the Crusades.
69
00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:53,970
I don't have a man coming
home from the Crusades.
70
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,004
I know.
71
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:56,828
I guess you bought it.
72
00:04:56,896 --> 00:04:57,829
Bought it?
73
00:04:57,897 --> 00:04:58,908
You seen the signs.
74
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,376
If you bust it, you bought it.
75
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,899
Well, now wait, I
haven't busted it.
76
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,846
No, but you ain't
out of it either.
77
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,437
Well, don't worry,
I'll get out of it.
78
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:08,065
Be making up the
bill, if you need me.
79
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,346
The room should be ready.
80
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:49,626
Room should be ready?
81
00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,983
I'll race you.
82
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,229
You run on up.
83
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,430
Me? Yeah.
84
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,120
Just me? Well, yeah, unpack,
85
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,933
take a bath, fix your
hair, order cocktails,
86
00:05:57,957 --> 00:05:59,435
you know, do what brides do.
87
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:00,392
Honey, what's the matter?
88
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,160
Nothing, it's just...
89
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,162
I'm a prisoner of love.
90
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:05,497
What?
91
00:06:07,801 --> 00:06:10,202
Sweetheart!
92
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,212
Well, don't you want to?
93
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:26,184
Yeah, of course I want to.
94
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,556
Whee!
95
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,827
It's an old war injury.
96
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:38,163
What's the matter?
97
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,478
Get rid of him.
98
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,001
There you are.
99
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,080
Thank you very much.
100
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,470
Thank you and, bye-bye.
101
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,872
Bye-bye.
102
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:49,500
Oh.
103
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:50,754
What happened?
104
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,011
It pinched me. My back.
105
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,713
What are we going to do?
106
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,649
We're going to get it off,
that's what we're going to do.
107
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,219
I love you so much.
108
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:07,859
That doesn't make it any easier.
109
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,928
Now let's see...
110
00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:12,542
police department,
fire department...
111
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,066
I got it.
112
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,279
Mm-hmm.
113
00:07:16,303 --> 00:07:18,202
Says it's a war injury.
114
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,004
You mean he's got a wooden leg?
115
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:23,207
No, more like a tin leg.
116
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:30,281
Desk.
117
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,517
A what?
118
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,620
Yes, ma'am, right away.
119
00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:36,855
It's her.
120
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:38,200
What'd she want?
121
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:39,390
A locksmith.
122
00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:40,670
A locksmith?
123
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,561
A locksmith.
124
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,740
Hmm.
125
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:46,298
If men could have
trusted their wives,
126
00:07:46,366 --> 00:07:49,534
they never would have
had to make these things.
127
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,235
Nothing personal.
128
00:07:58,445 --> 00:07:59,445
Where is it?
129
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,412
What?
130
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,746
The luggage that won't open.
131
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,058
Happens all the time. Oh, no.
132
00:08:03,082 --> 00:08:04,427
No, it isn't the luggage.
133
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:05,750
Closet.
134
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,385
No, it's not the closet.
135
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,086
Bathroom?
136
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,323
Mm-hmm, what'd you
do, lock yourself in?
137
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,890
Yes... I mean, no.
138
00:08:12,959 --> 00:08:14,537
Do you mind? May I?
139
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,927
We'll get these back to you
140
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:17,607
as soon as we get
through with them.
141
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,191
And thank you very much. Bye.
142
00:08:23,403 --> 00:08:24,769
Honey...?
143
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,508
Locked himself in the bathroom?
144
00:08:30,577 --> 00:08:31,509
Seems like.
145
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:34,078
Hmm, scared most like.
146
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,391
She's a fighter.
147
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:36,759
Going right in there after him.
148
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:39,083
She's a fighter.
149
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,851
Well?
150
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,064
It's no use.
151
00:08:42,088 --> 00:08:43,199
The only locksmith in town
152
00:08:43,223 --> 00:08:45,783
is away on a
three-day fishing trip.
153
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,925
I wonder how much
it costs to fly him in.
154
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:50,540
Better still, why
don't we fly you out...
155
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:51,707
To Boston!
156
00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:53,931
I can't get on a plane
wearing this thing!
157
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,234
Let's be calm. I am calm.
158
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,147
The trouble is, there's
just no give. It's rusty.
159
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,271
If I just had something
to make it slippery.
160
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,315
Won't believe this.
161
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,037
I'll take that.
162
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,227
No trouble at all, ma'am.
163
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,596
Do you mind?
164
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:27,176
Say, you folks are the
honeymoon couple, ain't ya?
165
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,132
That's right.
166
00:09:28,201 --> 00:09:29,945
Ain't nothing wrong, is there?
167
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:32,570
No, it's just that my
husband is a little rusty.
168
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,046
Rusty.
169
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,615
That's what she said.
170
00:09:57,564 --> 00:10:00,265
It's no good.
171
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:01,599
I know.
172
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:04,046
Why don't you do
what any woman does
173
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:06,630
when she gets a ring
stuck on her finger?
174
00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,677
Darling, no luck?
175
00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,011
No luck.
176
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,491
We've got to do something fast.
177
00:10:15,515 --> 00:10:16,726
I'm beginning to rust.
178
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,750
Well, why don't you
just give it one big yank?
179
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:21,378
The trouble is I
got no leverage.
180
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,489
You do it. Me?
181
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:27,091
Hurry up. I'll hang
on, you'll pull.
182
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:29,960
Pull!
183
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:31,061
I am pulling!
184
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,031
Coming...!
185
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,660
Harder, I think it's coming.
186
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,448
Ow!
187
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:40,483
Don't fight me.
188
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,039
I am not fighting you.
189
00:10:42,108 --> 00:10:45,376
Listen, if you don't relax,
it's not going to work.
190
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,645
All right, pull.
191
00:10:49,215 --> 00:10:51,850
It's slippery.
192
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:57,955
Now look what you've done.
193
00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,791
I thought you said come in.
194
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,091
More soap.
195
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,794
Compliments of the house.
196
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:07,465
That's right.
197
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:09,211
And she managed
to get the door open
198
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:10,880
and she was a-draggi"
him out the bathroom
199
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,414
and him hanging on to the basin
200
00:11:12,438 --> 00:11:13,805
yelling for dear life.
201
00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:16,708
Scared, that's
what he is, scared.
202
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,548
Desk.
203
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:24,616
Oh, yes, ma'am.
204
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:26,417
It's her.
205
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,753
Yes, ma'am.
206
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,955
A what?
207
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,524
Yes, ma'am, right away.
208
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,671
What'd she want?
209
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:37,162
A hacksaw.
210
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,064
Can't figure it out,
211
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:42,600
unless he's got himself
handcuffed to that old sink.
212
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:45,229
One thing I'll say for her,
though, she's a fighter.
213
00:11:45,271 --> 00:11:47,939
Oh, she's a fighter.
214
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,012
Say, lady, it's none
of my business...
215
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,379
You're right, it isn't.
216
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,062
No, April, not that.
217
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:01,318
Darling, it's the only way.
218
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,319
No, honey, please.
219
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,633
Sweetheart, you
don't have to worry.
220
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:04,822
I'll be very careful.
221
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,624
After all, I don't want
anything to happen
222
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,404
any more than
you do. It's not that.
223
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,195
Honey, if we saw it off,
they won't take it back.
224
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:14,532
$400 down the
drain just like that.
225
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:15,667
$400.
226
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,902
That's right, $400.
227
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,531
You do understand, don't you?
228
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,076
Oh, I understand all right.
229
00:12:25,144 --> 00:12:26,477
What's that supposed to mean?
230
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,524
You took the same course
in psychology that I took.
231
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:29,959
You know perfectly
well what it means.
232
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,148
Tell me.
233
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:32,617
As Freud says,
234
00:12:32,686 --> 00:12:34,719
nothing ever
happens by accident.
235
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,153
Are you suggesting...?
236
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:38,000
Well, who put the thing
on in the first place?
237
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:39,657
April?
238
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,193
And think what it is.
239
00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:44,106
I mean, just think
what it's called.
240
00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,775
Don't you see anything
significant in that?
241
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,866
You mean you actually think...
242
00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:49,979
Oh, let's be honest, Steve.
243
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:51,202
Are you afraid of me?
244
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,203
Afraid of you?
245
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,482
Because if you've
got any problems
246
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:54,717
you'd better tell me right now.
247
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:56,586
Listen, you ought to
be afraid of me. Why?
248
00:12:56,610 --> 00:12:58,788
Because I'm about to
bust you right in the mouth.
249
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:00,612
Steve... So much for Freud.
250
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,959
Now, we've got to think.
251
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:06,484
How do we get this
off without busting it?
252
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:07,685
Houdini.
253
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:09,253
Houdini?
254
00:13:09,322 --> 00:13:11,055
Darling, that's all
he did his whole life
255
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,556
was escape from things.
256
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,906
Sure, jails, handcuffs,
257
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,471
coffins, chained and
thrown into the sea.
258
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,739
Kid stuff.
259
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,608
Houdini never had to
escape from anything like this.
260
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:19,832
But the principle is the same.
261
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,332
Do you know how he did it?
262
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:22,800
Relaxation.
263
00:13:22,869 --> 00:13:24,869
He just sort of let his
muscles go like jelly.
264
00:13:24,938 --> 00:13:28,506
You know, all limp and
sort of slithered out of things.
265
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,053
April, that takes
years of practice.
266
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:34,045
We'll call a doctor and
get him to give you a shot.
267
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,014
Something to make you go all...
268
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:41,318
Temporarily.
269
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,757
Desk.
270
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,426
It's them.
271
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:50,761
Yes, ma'am.
272
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,131
Yes, ma'am.
273
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:56,134
Oh, yes, ma'am. Right away.
274
00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:57,601
What'd they want now?
275
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:58,869
A doctor.
276
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,271
I think she's hurt him.
277
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:01,639
She's a tiger.
278
00:14:01,707 --> 00:14:04,275
Well, if he can't handle her,
279
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,510
he shouldn't have married
her in the first place.
280
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:07,946
That's what I say.
281
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,647
Can't handle her.
282
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:14,251
Mrs. Knapp, I want you to feel
perfectly comfortable with me.
283
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,586
Now how long has it been
284
00:14:15,655 --> 00:14:18,022
since your husband locked
himself in the bathroom.
285
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:19,568
Oh, Doctor, you
don't understand.
286
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:21,258
You don't have
to pretend with me.
287
00:14:21,327 --> 00:14:22,593
The bellboy told me.
288
00:14:22,662 --> 00:14:24,907
Oh, listen, Doctor, you
really don't understand.
289
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:25,863
Hello, Doctor.
290
00:14:25,932 --> 00:14:27,031
Oh, hello...
291
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,466
Oh.
292
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:32,036
Did you, um...
293
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:35,106
injure yourself in some
athletic event at school?
294
00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,540
No, Doctor.
295
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,642
No?
296
00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:44,182
Good heavens, is that a... a...?
297
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:46,184
I mean... is that a...?
298
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:47,651
Yes.
299
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,616
I think you need
professional help.
300
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,460
I'm sorry, it won't work.
301
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,129
What about Houdini?
302
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,663
I can relax his
muscles all right,
303
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,432
but I can't collapse his bones.
304
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:02,934
Here, take one or two of these.
305
00:15:03,002 --> 00:15:04,368
What are they? A sedative.
306
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,148
Will that get him
out of the belt?
307
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,405
No, but it'll give me
a chance to think.
308
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,141
Oh, yes, yes,
I've got it. That's it.
309
00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:11,353
A locksmith, that's the answer.
310
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:12,855
We tried, Doctor,
he's out of town.
311
00:15:12,879 --> 00:15:15,213
I know, but his father's
here and that's even better.
312
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:18,482
He's an old locksmith
and that's an old lock.
313
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:20,871
Don't just sit there, Doctor,
give him a call, please.
314
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,456
Well, well, well.
315
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,691
We haven't had a
case like this in...
316
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:30,728
As a matter of fact, we've
never had a case like this.
317
00:15:30,797 --> 00:15:32,507
Mr. Wharton, I didn't
know what it was
318
00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:35,177
and when I put the thing on... Oh,
please, please, please, please, please.
319
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:38,136
Just one at a time.
320
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:40,682
Mr. Wharton, this
is our wedding night
321
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,551
and my husband is locked up.
322
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:43,855
Can you help me?
323
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:48,112
She means can you help us.
324
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:52,784
That's a very artistic piece
of workmanship, young man.
325
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:54,618
Do you mind if I examine it?
326
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:57,588
To your heart's content,
but after I'm out of it, please.
327
00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:00,858
It's a very
interesting inscription.
328
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:03,794
Yes, it may afford us a clue.
329
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,296
What does it say?
330
00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:11,202
Well, translated it says
"make war not love."
331
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,205
You know, there's a
very marvelous story
332
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:17,475
they tell about King Arthur.
333
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,377
He was going off to the war,
334
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,146
so he locked Guinevere
up in one of those things,
335
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:24,315
and then he tried
to think of someone
336
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,816
he could give the key to.
337
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,186
In case of an emergency.
338
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,721
And he thought and he thought.
339
00:16:30,790 --> 00:16:32,357
And he finally decided
340
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,026
that the only one of the
knights at the Round Table
341
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,895
that he could give it
to was Sir Lancelot.
342
00:16:37,964 --> 00:16:39,563
Then King Arthur
left for the wars
343
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,367
and he hadn't gotten any
further than the bottom of the hill,
344
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:45,203
when Sir Lancelot
came galloping after him,
345
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:49,374
waving his arms and yelling,
"Your majesty! Your majesty!
346
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:53,044
You gave me the wrong key!"
347
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,151
Mr. Wharton, can't
you do something?
348
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,353
Do something?
349
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,155
To get him out of it.
350
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,157
Oh, you want to
get him out of it?
351
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:07,603
Yes! Yes!
352
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,727
Why didn't you say so?
353
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,262
Of course I can do something.
354
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,064
Now just a minute.
355
00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,198
Stand right there.
356
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:15,378
Stand right there, understand?
357
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,735
And don't move. Don't move.
358
00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:22,940
Now then, one, two, three.
359
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:27,878
How?
360
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,780
Just tell me how.
361
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:31,682
It's very simple.
362
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:36,120
In those days the rich women
used to bribe the locksmiths
363
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,922
to put in an escape latch.
364
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,425
Yes, indeed.
365
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:44,062
Locksmiths really
swung in them days.
366
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:56,074
Darling, close your eyes now
367
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:58,276
and don't open them
until I tell you, okay?
368
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,440
Okay, you can open them now.
369
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,483
Steve?
370
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:08,953
I said you can open them now.
371
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,388
Steve!
372
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,557
April, I'm sorry, honey.
373
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,525
I just can't stay awake.
374
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,328
Darling, wake up! Steve!
375
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:20,264
Oh, I can't, honey.
I'm just too tired.
376
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,399
Those pills.
377
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:23,534
Steve! Steve!
378
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:46,190
A penny for your
thoughts, Lamar.
379
00:19:11,683 --> 00:19:14,251
Okay.
380
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:15,986
Oh, come on in.
381
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:19,601
Oh, I'm sorry to put you
through all the trouble
382
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:21,585
of seeing me home,
but there's been
383
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,405
so many burglaries
in this building lately.
384
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:25,207
That's all right, I
was glad to do it.
385
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:26,375
After all, you were nice enough
386
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,943
to stay and work
late at the office.
387
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:32,303
Oh, I enjoy working
late... with you.
388
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,139
Well... ditto.
389
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,644
Well, I guess
everything is A-OK then.
390
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:41,646
Oh, don't go.
391
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,859
I want you to come
in the bedroom.
392
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,483
Yeah?
393
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:47,751
It won't take long.
394
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,387
Yeah?
395
00:19:56,896 --> 00:19:59,296
All clear. No prowlers.
396
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:00,697
Right.
397
00:20:00,766 --> 00:20:02,811
Well, don't you want to
take your hat off? Well...
398
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:04,446
I've got the best
roast beef. No, I...
399
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,315
Oh, come on, let me
make you a sandwich.
400
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:07,438
No, no, no, really.
401
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,051
It's delicious. I
don't want anything.
402
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:11,387
But you didn't have any
supper, you've got to be starved.
403
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,110
No, no, I'm not. I'm not hungry.
404
00:20:13,179 --> 00:20:15,157
I never eat. I never
eat. Isn't that funny?
405
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:16,414
When I get home anyway,
406
00:20:16,482 --> 00:20:18,482
my wife will probably
have something for me.
407
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,319
She usually does, always.
408
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,722
Oh, I met your wife last
week in the office, remember?
409
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:25,723
Oh?
410
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:26,724
Yes, yes, I do.
411
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,626
Yes, that was her. Yeah.
412
00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,135
Pretty good looking
woman, isn't she?
413
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:32,330
Oh, yeah. Well, she's no...
414
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,565
but she's uh, she's
a wonderful person.
415
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,434
She really is.
416
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:37,668
We've been married 14 years.
417
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,780
14 years! Yeah, yeah.
418
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,037
Oh, wow.
419
00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:42,707
Looks pretty good for
14 years, doesn't she?
420
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:45,075
She's a wonderful person.
421
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:46,810
We really get along beautifully.
422
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:49,747
We... we really hit it off...
a good deal of the time.
423
00:20:49,815 --> 00:20:53,083
Well, look, I better
be shoving off.
424
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:55,453
She'll be worrying.
425
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:58,222
Didn't you call her and tell
her you'll be working late?
426
00:20:58,291 --> 00:21:00,558
Yeah, yeah, that's
why she'll be worrying.
427
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:02,226
Doesn't she trust you?
428
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,328
Oh, of course she does, yes.
429
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,097
She doesn't have any
reason not to trust me.
430
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:10,134
Or if she does, she
never knew about it.
431
00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:13,003
Well, look, I better
be shoving off.
432
00:21:13,072 --> 00:21:14,871
Okay, see you Monday.
433
00:21:16,775 --> 00:21:17,941
Good night.
434
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,776
Are you having
trouble with that?
435
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:21,690
Oh, yes, I can never
get these things...
436
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:24,348
Well, you've got a man here,
you might as well use him, huh?
437
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:31,755
Oh, sometimes it just
takes a couple of good taps.
438
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:36,627
Oh!
439
00:21:36,695 --> 00:21:38,562
Holy cow.
440
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:40,063
Did you cut yourself?
441
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,432
I don't know.
442
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,700
Oh!
443
00:21:43,769 --> 00:21:44,879
Oh... What a mess.
444
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:46,115
Oh, you ruined
your beautiful suit.
445
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:47,771
Oh, dear.
446
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,973
Oh, hurry, listen,
listen, slip it off
447
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,509
so that I can sponge it off.
448
00:21:51,577 --> 00:21:53,522
No, no, no, I've got to
get out of here, it's late.
449
00:21:53,546 --> 00:21:55,312
No! It's after 11:00.
450
00:21:55,381 --> 00:21:57,515
Well, you can't go like that.
451
00:21:57,583 --> 00:21:59,861
It's just a little stain,
nobody will notice.
452
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:01,918
What will your wife think?
453
00:22:01,987 --> 00:22:04,455
Oh, come on, come on,
it'll only take a second.
454
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,168
Come on. I don't know...
455
00:22:06,192 --> 00:22:08,103
We're going to get
it all on the inside...
456
00:22:08,127 --> 00:22:11,629
Go on, and give me
your trousers, please.
457
00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:20,771
Yeah?
458
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:21,905
Made you a drink.
459
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:23,718
Oh, great, how's my
suit coming along?
460
00:22:23,742 --> 00:22:25,676
It's coming along.
461
00:22:25,744 --> 00:22:26,744
Can you hurry?
462
00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:28,813
Wouldn't you be
463
00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:29,925
more comfortable out here?
464
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:32,916
All I'm wearing is a towel.
465
00:22:32,985 --> 00:22:35,552
Oh, well, that's all
they wear in Hawaii.
466
00:22:35,621 --> 00:22:37,488
Come on.
467
00:22:37,556 --> 00:22:39,623
This is, this is San Jose.
468
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:41,325
What do you think
of my round bed?
469
00:22:41,394 --> 00:22:42,993
Isn't that different?
470
00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:45,662
Yeah, how do you make it?
471
00:22:45,731 --> 00:22:49,766
I mean how do you
change the sheets?
472
00:22:49,835 --> 00:22:53,570
The one we've got at home
is just like it, only it's square.
473
00:22:53,639 --> 00:22:57,508
But our dining
room table is round.
474
00:22:57,576 --> 00:23:00,110
Yeah, everybody
talks about the bed.
475
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:02,446
Cal Freedman
calls it the Coliseum.
476
00:23:02,515 --> 00:23:04,081
Cal Freedman?
477
00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:05,715
Freedman in accounting?
478
00:23:05,784 --> 00:23:08,052
This will take a
little while to dry.
479
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,219
He's been here?
480
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:11,288
Oh, a few times.
481
00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:14,057
Freedman?
482
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,393
He's...
483
00:23:15,461 --> 00:23:16,394
he's married.
484
00:23:16,462 --> 00:23:18,763
I know.
485
00:23:18,831 --> 00:23:21,265
Married men are nicer.
486
00:23:21,333 --> 00:23:23,100
Do you know the minute I met you
487
00:23:23,168 --> 00:23:25,013
I knew right away
that you were married.
488
00:23:25,037 --> 00:23:26,077
Because you're nice.
489
00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:28,305
Oh, I...
490
00:23:28,374 --> 00:23:29,874
Oh, yes, you're wonderful
491
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:33,277
to work with and
to be with and...
492
00:23:33,345 --> 00:23:36,213
are you sure you've
never been to Hawaii?
493
00:23:36,282 --> 00:23:38,616
No, why?
494
00:23:38,684 --> 00:23:41,752
Oh, I don't know, you just
look very nice in that towel.
495
00:23:41,821 --> 00:23:43,031
Yeah?
496
00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,656
Like one of those sun gods.
497
00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:47,024
Well...
498
00:23:52,531 --> 00:23:54,909
Well, how about some
more of this stuff, huh?
499
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,300
Oh, make me one.
500
00:23:58,904 --> 00:24:00,237
Cal Freedman, huh?
501
00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:02,106
How do you like that?
502
00:24:02,174 --> 00:24:03,440
My wife's always saying,
503
00:24:03,509 --> 00:24:06,577
"God old, Cal, why can't
you be more like him?"
504
00:24:06,645 --> 00:24:07,722
Well, it's getting late,
505
00:24:07,746 --> 00:24:09,257
I think you better
call your wife.
506
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,214
Who, Alice?
507
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:12,282
No, no problem.
508
00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:14,884
I think when a man's
been married for 14 years
509
00:24:14,953 --> 00:24:17,521
he's entitled to be a
little late now and then.
510
00:24:32,838 --> 00:24:36,306
Hey, Big Chief, are
you watching the time?
511
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:37,941
Oh, the evening is young.
512
00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:39,075
Forget it.
513
00:24:41,113 --> 00:24:43,880
Listen, I sure had
you pegged wrong.
514
00:24:43,949 --> 00:24:46,883
You know what the girls at
the office had to say about you?
515
00:24:46,952 --> 00:24:48,418
What?
516
00:24:48,487 --> 00:24:51,047
They said you were a homebody.
517
00:24:54,260 --> 00:24:56,726
They didn't say whose
body my home was in,
518
00:24:56,795 --> 00:24:59,029
or whose home my body was in.
519
00:25:01,833 --> 00:25:04,568
Squaw, got-em more
firewater somewhere?
520
00:25:04,637 --> 00:25:05,917
In there.
521
00:25:07,439 --> 00:25:08,705
Oh!
522
00:25:10,643 --> 00:25:12,287
Then we'll see what
games we've got scheduled
523
00:25:12,311 --> 00:25:14,156
for the old coliseum
tonight, huh?
524
00:25:25,324 --> 00:25:28,592
Oh, that's... Okay.
525
00:25:28,661 --> 00:25:29,771
I'm easy, okay?
526
00:25:29,795 --> 00:25:30,905
No.
527
00:25:30,929 --> 00:25:33,597
Ah, here's a
charming spot, isn't it?
528
00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:34,931
Won't you join me?
529
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:36,933
Surely.
530
00:25:37,002 --> 00:25:37,934
Now...
531
00:25:38,003 --> 00:25:39,269
where were we?
532
00:25:39,338 --> 00:25:41,183
You know something, Mr. Travis?
533
00:25:41,207 --> 00:25:42,517
You're really very charming.
534
00:25:42,541 --> 00:25:43,773
I'm not Mr. Travis.
535
00:25:43,842 --> 00:25:45,942
"Mark" as in "bark."
536
00:25:49,014 --> 00:25:50,325
Where's the old flame-thrower?
537
00:25:50,349 --> 00:25:52,482
It's over there.
538
00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,817
It was right...
539
00:25:53,885 --> 00:25:55,352
My watch.
540
00:25:55,421 --> 00:25:56,620
Forget the time.
541
00:25:56,689 --> 00:25:57,765
No, but it's gone.
542
00:25:57,789 --> 00:25:59,067
The time? No, my watch.
543
00:25:59,091 --> 00:26:02,559
And the lighter, it
was right here in...
544
00:26:02,628 --> 00:26:03,938
Wait, there's
somebody been here.
545
00:26:03,962 --> 00:26:05,829
Now, Miss Hollings,
what kind of game
546
00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:07,897
are you trying to play
on old Mark the Bark?
547
00:26:07,966 --> 00:26:10,526
Your clothes! Your
clothes, your clothes.
548
00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:12,780
He must have come
in through the window.
549
00:26:12,804 --> 00:26:14,371
My clothes.
550
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,572
There's no sign of anybody.
551
00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:16,573
He just got away.
552
00:26:16,642 --> 00:26:17,752
With my clothes!
553
00:26:17,776 --> 00:26:19,710
Oh, no. No. No, no.
554
00:26:19,778 --> 00:26:20,711
This can't be happening.
555
00:26:20,779 --> 00:26:21,712
Call the police. Huh?
556
00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:23,157
Call, call the police. Yes.
557
00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:24,448
The police.
558
00:26:24,516 --> 00:26:25,582
What am I doing?!
559
00:26:25,651 --> 00:26:26,961
Why aren't you
calling the police?
560
00:26:26,985 --> 00:26:27,985
Are you crazy?
561
00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:29,586
Me and you in your
apartment like this?
562
00:26:29,655 --> 00:26:31,199
But it's my watch,
my beautiful watch!
563
00:26:31,223 --> 00:26:33,123
You can forget your watch.
564
00:26:33,191 --> 00:26:34,258
You can get another watch,
565
00:26:34,326 --> 00:26:35,592
but can I get another marriage?
566
00:26:35,661 --> 00:26:36,926
That's the problem.
567
00:26:36,995 --> 00:26:38,840
I wonder if he took
anything from the bedroom.
568
00:26:38,864 --> 00:26:40,597
Oh, boy, boy, boy.
569
00:26:40,666 --> 00:26:42,132
Oh, this is beautiful.
570
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,645
A thousand guys
out there, a million
571
00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:45,113
and they're all
getting away with it,
572
00:26:45,137 --> 00:26:47,604
and me, my first time
out and I've got to wind up
573
00:26:47,673 --> 00:26:49,984
with my picture on the front
page, wrapped in a towel.
574
00:26:50,008 --> 00:26:50,940
Bedroom's okay.
575
00:26:51,009 --> 00:26:51,941
You can forget that!
576
00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:54,077
The problem is my clothes!
577
00:26:54,146 --> 00:26:55,378
How can anybody
578
00:26:55,447 --> 00:26:58,949
be so low as to sneak
into a girl's apartment
579
00:26:59,017 --> 00:27:00,283
in the middle of the night
580
00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:02,130
and steal the pants
of a faithful husband
581
00:27:02,154 --> 00:27:04,755
married 14 years!
582
00:27:04,824 --> 00:27:06,557
I'm terribly sorry.
583
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:07,936
Why don't you call your wife?
584
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,137
She'll bring you some clothes.
585
00:27:09,161 --> 00:27:10,894
You can't be serious.
586
00:27:10,963 --> 00:27:12,563
What do you think
she'll be thinking?
587
00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:13,942
Why should she think anything?
588
00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:15,276
We didn't do anything wrong.
589
00:27:15,300 --> 00:27:18,902
Don't you have any sense
of decency or morality?
590
00:27:18,971 --> 00:27:21,572
Herb Foreman! I'll call Herb.
591
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:22,818
He's a great guy.
592
00:27:22,842 --> 00:27:24,285
Lives right across
the hall from me.
593
00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:25,487
He's a real operator.
594
00:27:25,511 --> 00:27:26,721
He's always getting
in scrapes himself.
595
00:27:26,745 --> 00:27:27,889
He'll know what to do.
596
00:27:27,913 --> 00:27:29,324
He'll bring me some
clothes down here
597
00:27:29,348 --> 00:27:31,908
and he'll keep his mouth shut.
598
00:27:32,317 --> 00:27:33,917
Hello, Betty?
599
00:27:33,986 --> 00:27:35,251
Mark Travis.
600
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,820
Say, is Herb there?
601
00:27:36,889 --> 00:27:38,121
He's what?
602
00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:39,122
He's with me?
603
00:27:39,191 --> 00:27:40,390
Yes, yes, I know he is.
604
00:27:40,459 --> 00:27:42,070
Yes, he just went out
for some cigarettes.
605
00:27:42,094 --> 00:27:44,054
Here he is now.
Hi, Herb. Bye, Betty.
606
00:27:44,730 --> 00:27:45,740
How do you like that?
607
00:27:45,764 --> 00:27:46,996
He's out with me.
608
00:27:47,065 --> 00:27:50,266
I know, you can wait till
morning when the stores open.
609
00:27:50,336 --> 00:27:52,180
Yeah, and the
divorce courts open.
610
00:27:52,204 --> 00:27:54,604
Oh, why me, why me?
611
00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:55,939
Oh, got it!
612
00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:57,852
There's a friend of
mine, lives across the hall.
613
00:27:57,876 --> 00:27:58,942
He's just about your size.
614
00:27:59,010 --> 00:28:00,655
Could you ask
him? Sure, come on.
615
00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:02,324
Yeah, but, maybe
he'll be in bed.
616
00:28:02,348 --> 00:28:03,413
No, he gets home late.
617
00:28:03,482 --> 00:28:04,414
Oh, good.
618
00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:06,883
He's a lieutenant
on the Vice Squad.
619
00:28:06,952 --> 00:28:08,218
Vice Squad?
620
00:28:08,286 --> 00:28:09,931
Oh, I don't deserve this.
621
00:28:09,955 --> 00:28:12,088
I... I don't deserve this.
622
00:28:12,157 --> 00:28:13,437
I've lived a good life.
623
00:28:13,492 --> 00:28:14,936
I give regularly to
the United Fund,
624
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,404
I give blood to the Red Cross.
625
00:28:16,428 --> 00:28:18,005
I buy Girl Scout
cookies every year.
626
00:28:18,029 --> 00:28:19,240
And look what it got me.
627
00:28:19,264 --> 00:28:21,142
Stuck somewhere
on the third floor
628
00:28:21,166 --> 00:28:22,944
at 1:00 in the morning
in my underwear.
629
00:28:22,968 --> 00:28:24,946
But it's not your fault. Mmm.
630
00:28:24,970 --> 00:28:28,905
You can write that on the
top of the property settlement.
631
00:28:28,974 --> 00:28:31,107
We'll think of something.
632
00:28:31,176 --> 00:28:32,442
Me!
633
00:28:32,511 --> 00:28:34,288
A guy who never spilled a drop
634
00:28:34,312 --> 00:28:36,179
of mayonnaise in his life.
635
00:28:36,248 --> 00:28:38,582
And it has to be a whole jar.
636
00:28:38,650 --> 00:28:40,116
And it has to be here!
637
00:28:40,185 --> 00:28:41,585
And it has to be the night
638
00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:43,631
some clothes-happy
kleptomaniac is on the loose.
639
00:28:43,655 --> 00:28:45,255
Well, maybe...
640
00:28:45,323 --> 00:28:50,026
if I talk to your wife, then
we could settle everything.
641
00:28:50,095 --> 00:28:52,128
This doesn't seem right.
642
00:28:52,197 --> 00:28:53,808
Ought to be someplace
where a decent citizen
643
00:28:53,832 --> 00:28:55,443
can get a hold
of a pair of pants
644
00:28:55,467 --> 00:28:56,477
at 1:00 in the morning.
645
00:28:56,501 --> 00:29:00,437
I know who's got some pants.
646
00:29:00,505 --> 00:29:01,538
Who?
647
00:29:01,607 --> 00:29:03,018
Why didn't I think
of that before?
648
00:29:03,042 --> 00:29:03,974
Who, who? Me!
649
00:29:04,043 --> 00:29:04,975
You? Yes.
650
00:29:05,044 --> 00:29:06,543
Yes, and a shirt, too.
651
00:29:06,612 --> 00:29:09,546
Mr. Travis, you're
just as good as home.
652
00:32:20,939 --> 00:32:21,939
Are you Mr. Travis?
653
00:32:22,007 --> 00:32:23,206
What is it?
654
00:32:23,275 --> 00:32:24,685
Oh, you saw me out the window.
655
00:32:24,709 --> 00:32:25,876
I wasn't going to jump!
656
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:27,822
I was just getting some
air into the bedroom.
657
00:32:27,846 --> 00:32:30,113
No, it's about this suit.
658
00:32:30,182 --> 00:32:32,615
Patrol car over
on the South Side
659
00:32:32,684 --> 00:32:34,418
picked up this burglary suspect.
660
00:32:34,486 --> 00:32:36,619
It isn't mine. It's not mine.
661
00:32:36,688 --> 00:32:38,956
You could tell better
if you had some light.
662
00:32:45,697 --> 00:32:47,008
My wife's a light sleeper.
663
00:32:47,032 --> 00:32:48,076
She's not a light sleeper.
664
00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:49,144
Light wakes her up.
665
00:32:49,168 --> 00:32:50,767
Now, about this suit.
666
00:32:50,836 --> 00:32:51,879
It's not mine.
667
00:32:51,903 --> 00:32:53,303
We found your wallet in it.
668
00:32:53,372 --> 00:32:55,683
Oh. Well, come to think
of it, maybe it is mine.
669
00:32:55,707 --> 00:32:57,352
Isn't that funny? I
never even missed it.
670
00:32:57,376 --> 00:33:00,143
And we found this
watch. It's not mine.
671
00:33:00,212 --> 00:33:02,612
I guess we'll have to keep
on looking for the real owner.
672
00:33:02,681 --> 00:33:04,814
Come to think of
it, maybe it is mine.
673
00:33:04,883 --> 00:33:05,949
Maybe it's my wife's.
674
00:33:06,018 --> 00:33:08,385
Well, that should
be easy to tell.
675
00:33:08,454 --> 00:33:09,919
There's an inscription.
676
00:33:09,989 --> 00:33:13,790
"To the wildest... from Tarzan"?
677
00:33:15,527 --> 00:33:17,794
Yeah, yeah, that's hers.
678
00:33:17,863 --> 00:33:19,129
She, uh... pet names.
679
00:33:19,198 --> 00:33:20,675
You know, when,
when we were younger.
680
00:33:20,699 --> 00:33:22,932
If you'll just sign a receipt.
681
00:33:23,001 --> 00:33:25,268
I wouldn't have bothered
you this time of night,
682
00:33:25,336 --> 00:33:27,937
but I thought you might
be worried about the wallet.
683
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,286
I appreciate it.
684
00:33:29,340 --> 00:33:30,940
Yeah, well, there's
some details we need,
685
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:33,476
like where the suit
was taken from...
686
00:33:33,545 --> 00:33:34,944
How about if I drop down
687
00:33:35,013 --> 00:33:37,613
to the station house
in the morning?
688
00:33:37,683 --> 00:33:39,282
Okay. I gotcha.
689
00:33:47,893 --> 00:33:48,958
What's going on?
690
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:50,960
What are you doing?
691
00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:52,295
Playing Little Bo Peep?
692
00:33:52,363 --> 00:33:54,164
It's nothing, nothing.
693
00:33:54,232 --> 00:33:55,364
Nothing?
694
00:33:55,433 --> 00:33:56,866
A cop here in the middle
695
00:33:56,935 --> 00:33:57,867
of the night?
696
00:33:57,936 --> 00:33:59,047
The whole thing is just...
697
00:33:59,071 --> 00:34:00,915
it's just a silly
misunderstanding.
698
00:34:00,939 --> 00:34:02,717
I took my secretary
home after work
699
00:34:02,741 --> 00:34:05,342
and this prowler broke
in and he stole my suit.
700
00:34:05,411 --> 00:34:06,453
He made you get undressed?
701
00:34:06,477 --> 00:34:08,412
No.
702
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:10,647
I-I wasn't wearing
it at the time.
703
00:34:10,715 --> 00:34:12,882
Well...
704
00:34:12,951 --> 00:34:14,362
Look, it was nothing like that.
705
00:34:14,386 --> 00:34:15,796
I took my secretary
home after work
706
00:34:15,820 --> 00:34:17,865
and she asked me up
for a roast beef sandwich.
707
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:20,924
Before you knew it, you
were both out of your clothes.
708
00:34:20,992 --> 00:34:22,225
That's beautiful.
709
00:34:22,294 --> 00:34:24,393
I'm telling you,
nothing happened.
710
00:34:25,797 --> 00:34:26,797
Nothing?
711
00:34:26,831 --> 00:34:29,399
Yes, Herb, something did happen.
712
00:34:29,467 --> 00:34:31,067
I learned a big lesson tonight.
713
00:34:31,136 --> 00:34:33,696
Someone up there helped me.
714
00:34:33,739 --> 00:34:36,272
But if I get out of
this thing tonight,
715
00:34:36,341 --> 00:34:39,008
I swear I'll never even
think of another woman.
716
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,144
Steady pal, you're pretty tired.
717
00:34:41,213 --> 00:34:42,456
You don't know
what you're saying.
718
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:45,282
Why do guys do it? Why?!
719
00:34:45,350 --> 00:34:46,827
Look at me... I'm
a nervous wreck.
720
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:48,751
The lies, the deceit, the guilt.
721
00:34:48,820 --> 00:34:49,986
It's not worth it.
722
00:34:50,055 --> 00:34:52,100
What do they tell their
wives when they come home
723
00:34:52,124 --> 00:34:53,290
at all hours of the night?
724
00:34:53,358 --> 00:34:54,558
Alibis are no problem.
725
00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:56,659
You just gotta keep it
a little simple, you see.
726
00:34:56,728 --> 00:35:00,297
Like you're taking a shortcut
home and you had a flat tire.
727
00:35:00,365 --> 00:35:01,431
That's foolproof.
728
00:35:01,499 --> 00:35:02,665
Wives always buy that.
729
00:35:02,734 --> 00:35:05,568
Yeah, well, my
wife won't have to.
730
00:35:05,637 --> 00:35:08,471
There'll be no flat tires
or shortcuts in this house.
731
00:35:09,841 --> 00:35:11,108
Okay.
732
00:35:11,176 --> 00:35:13,977
But you're sure ruining
my faith in human nature.
733
00:35:40,205 --> 00:35:41,471
Alice?
734
00:35:49,014 --> 00:35:50,280
Alice?
735
00:35:57,022 --> 00:35:58,555
"Gone to my sister's.
736
00:35:58,624 --> 00:36:00,290
"Won't be late.
737
00:36:00,359 --> 00:36:01,424
Love, Alice."
738
00:36:03,495 --> 00:36:05,595
Well, we did it.
739
00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:07,096
We really made it, you and me.
740
00:36:07,166 --> 00:36:09,566
We're home free.
741
00:36:09,635 --> 00:36:11,234
You crazy kid.
742
00:36:11,303 --> 00:36:13,903
All that worrying for nothing.
743
00:36:13,972 --> 00:36:15,905
Mr. Wonderful.
744
00:36:33,992 --> 00:36:37,460
Hello, Holly. Mark.
745
00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:39,262
Fine.
746
00:36:39,331 --> 00:36:41,309
You know, the, the
cops got your watch?
747
00:36:41,333 --> 00:36:43,933
Yeah. I'll bring it in Monday.
748
00:36:44,002 --> 00:36:46,135
What was there to worry about?
749
00:36:46,205 --> 00:36:48,271
No trouble, I came
home and that was it.
750
00:36:48,340 --> 00:36:50,273
Sure.
751
00:36:50,342 --> 00:36:52,942
Yeah.
752
00:36:53,011 --> 00:36:55,478
It was fun, wasn't it?
753
00:36:55,547 --> 00:36:58,281
Say, um...
754
00:36:58,350 --> 00:37:01,218
you know about the
convention next weekend?
755
00:37:01,286 --> 00:37:05,555
I think it might be pretty nice
if you could get down there.
756
00:37:05,624 --> 00:37:06,889
All right.
757
00:37:06,958 --> 00:37:08,891
We'll talk about
that Monday, too.
758
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,227
Yeah.
759
00:37:10,295 --> 00:37:11,894
Okay.
760
00:37:11,963 --> 00:37:13,230
Good night.
761
00:37:23,642 --> 00:37:25,575
It's after 3:00.
762
00:37:25,644 --> 00:37:27,244
Where could she be?
763
00:37:45,997 --> 00:37:46,929
Oh, Mark.
764
00:37:46,998 --> 00:37:48,042
You frightened me.
765
00:37:48,066 --> 00:37:49,932
A little late, isn't it?
766
00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:52,034
Well, it must be after 2:00.
767
00:37:52,104 --> 00:37:53,369
3:00. It's ten after 3:00.
768
00:37:53,438 --> 00:37:54,904
Oh.
769
00:37:54,973 --> 00:37:58,274
Don't tell me you were at
your sister's all this time.
770
00:37:58,343 --> 00:37:59,943
Oh, no.
771
00:38:00,011 --> 00:38:02,878
As a matter of fact, I
left there hours ago.
772
00:38:02,948 --> 00:38:04,880
Mark, I had the worst luck.
773
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:06,215
A flat tire.
774
00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,186
A flat tire?
775
00:38:10,255 --> 00:38:12,888
Mm-hmm, on the shortcut.
776
00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:14,936
Oh, Mark, it was just awful.
777
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,270
I didn't know what to do.
778
00:38:16,294 --> 00:38:18,394
I even tried to
change it myself.
779
00:38:18,463 --> 00:38:20,441
A milk truck finally
stopped to help me,
780
00:38:20,465 --> 00:38:21,897
or I'd probably still be there.
781
00:38:21,967 --> 00:38:23,566
A milk truck?
782
00:38:23,634 --> 00:38:24,867
What company?
783
00:38:24,936 --> 00:38:26,569
I don't know.
784
00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:28,004
Oh, it was the one
785
00:38:28,073 --> 00:38:30,217
with the cow
painted on the side.
786
00:38:30,241 --> 00:38:31,674
They all have that.
787
00:38:35,981 --> 00:38:37,380
There must have been
788
00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:39,082
a name or something?
789
00:38:39,150 --> 00:38:40,850
No, it was too dark to notice.
790
00:38:40,918 --> 00:38:43,097
But light enough to see a cow?
791
00:38:43,121 --> 00:38:44,753
What color was it?
792
00:38:44,822 --> 00:38:46,689
I don't know. What
difference does it make?
793
00:38:46,757 --> 00:38:48,869
A man's wife sees a
cow, it's perfectly normal
794
00:38:48,893 --> 00:38:50,771
for the husband to
want to know the color.
795
00:38:50,795 --> 00:38:52,895
I guess it was
brown. They all are.
796
00:38:52,964 --> 00:38:54,931
Zip, darling, zip.
797
00:38:56,734 --> 00:38:59,502
Mark, when is your convention?
798
00:38:59,571 --> 00:39:01,471
Next weekend.
799
00:39:01,540 --> 00:39:03,173
Why?
800
00:39:03,241 --> 00:39:06,576
Oh, I thought I might spend a
few days with Marge Howton.
801
00:39:06,645 --> 00:39:08,444
That wild woman?
802
00:39:08,513 --> 00:39:10,046
She's fun.
803
00:39:10,114 --> 00:39:12,782
And as long as you're going to
be gone for the whole weekend,
804
00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:15,552
I could get an early start.
805
00:39:15,620 --> 00:39:17,520
At what?
806
00:39:20,158 --> 00:39:23,092
You know, I may decide
not to go to that convention.
807
00:39:23,161 --> 00:39:24,260
Oh, really?
808
00:39:24,329 --> 00:39:26,596
I thought you were looking
forward to getting away.
809
00:39:26,665 --> 00:39:28,264
I was.
810
00:39:28,333 --> 00:39:31,267
But obviously not as much as...
811
00:39:31,336 --> 00:39:32,768
What's this?
812
00:39:32,837 --> 00:39:34,270
What's what?
813
00:39:34,339 --> 00:39:35,771
Looks like gloves.
814
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:37,985
Oh, they are, or were.
815
00:39:38,009 --> 00:39:42,144
I ruined them trying to
change that dumb tire.
816
00:39:42,214 --> 00:39:44,480
You mean you really...
817
00:39:46,718 --> 00:39:48,184
Mr. Wonderful.
818
00:39:48,253 --> 00:39:51,287
Sure, you learned a lot.
819
00:39:51,356 --> 00:39:53,022
Honey?
820
00:39:54,092 --> 00:39:55,692
Honey?
821
00:39:55,761 --> 00:39:59,763
Look, I think I'd like to
go to that convention.
822
00:39:59,831 --> 00:40:04,300
Well, I... I wish
you'd go with me.
823
00:40:04,369 --> 00:40:07,136
Well, if that's what
Mr. Travis wants,
824
00:40:07,205 --> 00:40:10,473
then, uh... Mrs. Travis
would be delighted.
825
00:40:11,943 --> 00:40:14,544
I think being with you is
going to be a lot more fun
826
00:40:14,613 --> 00:40:15,545
than being with Marge.
827
00:40:15,614 --> 00:40:16,891
And I think being with you
828
00:40:16,915 --> 00:40:19,193
is going to be a lot more
fun than being with...
829
00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:21,250
the boys.
830
00:40:23,321 --> 00:40:27,089
I don't know whatever
possessed me to think I could do it.
831
00:40:27,158 --> 00:40:28,892
It's the first and the last time
832
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:31,060
I will ever try
anything like that.
833
00:40:31,129 --> 00:40:33,689
I know exactly how you feel.
834
00:40:45,377 --> 00:40:47,521
Well, maybe it is silly, Peggy,
835
00:40:47,545 --> 00:40:49,523
but it's the only
way I can be sure
836
00:40:49,547 --> 00:40:51,859
there isn't a man under the bed.
837
00:41:11,670 --> 00:41:13,436
Oh, good afternoon, Mr. Miller.
838
00:41:13,505 --> 00:41:14,515
Oh, hello, Oscar.
839
00:41:14,539 --> 00:41:15,539
I have your table ready.
840
00:41:15,607 --> 00:41:17,039
Right this way, please.
841
00:41:17,108 --> 00:41:18,941
Oscar... Yes?
842
00:41:19,010 --> 00:41:21,121
Oscar, listen, what's
going on in here?
843
00:41:21,145 --> 00:41:22,145
What?
844
00:41:22,180 --> 00:41:25,114
That girl... has no clothes on.
845
00:41:25,183 --> 00:41:26,115
She's wearing a bikini.
846
00:41:26,184 --> 00:41:27,116
She's just topless.
847
00:41:27,185 --> 00:41:28,951
All of our waitresses
are topless now.
848
00:41:29,020 --> 00:41:31,064
Oh. When, uh,
did all this happen?
849
00:41:31,088 --> 00:41:32,822
Just today, but I've
been thinking about it
850
00:41:32,890 --> 00:41:35,169
since last week when the place
down the street went topless,
851
00:41:35,193 --> 00:41:36,626
and we went broke.
852
00:41:36,695 --> 00:41:37,960
Huh.
853
00:41:38,029 --> 00:41:39,562
Business has sure picked up.
854
00:41:39,631 --> 00:41:40,963
Better than ever.
855
00:41:41,032 --> 00:41:42,332
Well, some of the regulars
856
00:41:42,400 --> 00:41:44,233
to reserve the
table by the year.
857
00:41:44,302 --> 00:41:46,302
Here we are.
858
00:41:46,371 --> 00:41:48,137
Be careful, Mr. Miller.
859
00:41:48,206 --> 00:41:50,473
Only our policy has
changed, Mr. Miller.
860
00:41:50,542 --> 00:41:51,974
Nothing else.
861
00:41:52,043 --> 00:41:53,309
Well, enjoy your lunch.
862
00:41:53,378 --> 00:41:54,644
I'll try.
863
00:41:59,351 --> 00:42:01,818
Hello, Mr. Miller.
864
00:42:01,886 --> 00:42:04,153
Oh.
865
00:42:04,222 --> 00:42:05,388
Uh...
866
00:42:05,457 --> 00:42:07,122
Hello there, uh, uh, Gloria.
867
00:42:12,831 --> 00:42:14,430
Uh, how are, uh...
868
00:42:14,499 --> 00:42:15,765
How are things?
869
00:42:15,834 --> 00:42:17,600
I mean, how, how, how are you?
870
00:42:17,669 --> 00:42:18,968
Chilly.
871
00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:21,148
What'll it be today,
the usual chef's salad?
872
00:42:21,172 --> 00:42:25,742
No, no, I-I think, uh...
873
00:42:25,810 --> 00:42:28,745
If you don't mind,
I-I'd like to, um...
874
00:42:28,813 --> 00:42:30,580
I'd like to look first.
875
00:42:30,648 --> 00:42:32,147
At the, uh, the menu.
876
00:42:44,596 --> 00:42:47,163
I thought you wanted
to look at the menu.
877
00:42:47,231 --> 00:42:49,398
I did? Oh, I did.
878
00:42:49,467 --> 00:42:52,168
I, uh, I...
879
00:42:54,706 --> 00:42:59,042
I, uh, I tell you, I, I,
I think I'll order later.
880
00:42:59,110 --> 00:43:01,578
Um... right now, uh,
881
00:43:01,646 --> 00:43:05,247
I think you can bring me
a, uh, a dry, uh... martini.
882
00:43:05,316 --> 00:43:06,749
Okay.
883
00:43:06,818 --> 00:43:09,018
One dry martini.
884
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:11,220
Heavy on the olives.
885
00:43:11,289 --> 00:43:14,624
Okay.
886
00:43:21,265 --> 00:43:24,533
Oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs.
Miller, he just went to lunch.
887
00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:27,103
You missed him by not
more than five minutes.
888
00:43:27,171 --> 00:43:28,370
Oh, rats.
889
00:43:28,439 --> 00:43:30,506
I wanted to tell
him the good news.
890
00:43:30,575 --> 00:43:33,142
Carol and I have just been
elected co-chairwomen
891
00:43:33,211 --> 00:43:35,511
of the SFAN campaign
892
00:43:35,580 --> 00:43:37,458
of our ladies club. SFAN?
893
00:43:37,482 --> 00:43:40,049
Stop Filth And Nudity.
894
00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:41,050
Oh.
895
00:43:41,119 --> 00:43:44,020
Well, congratulations,
Mrs. Miller.
896
00:43:44,089 --> 00:43:47,590
And you too, Mrs. Filth...
I mean, I mean, Flynt.
897
00:43:47,659 --> 00:43:48,802
Oh, thank you.
898
00:43:48,826 --> 00:43:50,760
Maybe we ought
to drop in on him.
899
00:43:50,828 --> 00:43:52,595
Oh, that's a good idea.
900
00:43:52,664 --> 00:43:54,642
Shall I call him and tell
him you'll be joining him?
901
00:43:54,666 --> 00:43:56,277
He's at the VIP Restaurant
right across the street.
902
00:43:56,301 --> 00:43:57,533
No, don't bother.
903
00:43:57,602 --> 00:43:59,446
I think it'd be more
fun to surprise him.
904
00:43:59,470 --> 00:44:01,550
Come on. Okay. Bye-bye.
905
00:44:04,141 --> 00:44:06,509
Mr. Miller, your wife is
here with another lady.
906
00:44:06,577 --> 00:44:07,943
They'd like to
join you for lunch.
907
00:44:08,012 --> 00:44:10,613
All right, Oscar,
anything, anything.
908
00:44:13,518 --> 00:44:15,351
My wife?
909
00:44:22,493 --> 00:44:23,426
What...?
910
00:44:23,494 --> 00:44:24,927
Uh, pardon me.
911
00:44:24,995 --> 00:44:26,635
Oh, of course. Uh...
912
00:44:26,664 --> 00:44:28,597
Uh, George?
913
00:44:31,869 --> 00:44:33,135
What?
914
00:44:36,708 --> 00:44:39,842
Oh... hello there, uh, Sally.
915
00:44:39,911 --> 00:44:42,244
Hi, uh, Carol.
916
00:44:42,313 --> 00:44:44,558
George, what are you
doing under the table?
917
00:44:44,582 --> 00:44:48,684
I, uh... dropped
my cigarette lighter.
918
00:44:48,753 --> 00:44:50,085
Can't you find it?
919
00:44:50,154 --> 00:44:52,221
Well, it's very dark down here.
920
00:44:52,289 --> 00:44:56,325
If I had my cigarette lighter,
it'd be a lot easier to find it.
921
00:44:56,394 --> 00:44:59,194
How about you girls coming
down here and helping me?
922
00:44:59,263 --> 00:45:02,598
George, will you quit
acting silly and get up here?
923
00:45:04,235 --> 00:45:05,479
Well, nothing silly
924
00:45:05,503 --> 00:45:09,304
about trying to save
a... a cigarette lighter.
925
00:45:09,374 --> 00:45:11,440
I, I, uh...
926
00:45:11,509 --> 00:45:14,577
Well... uh...
927
00:45:14,645 --> 00:45:16,912
So, Sally...
928
00:45:18,315 --> 00:45:22,718
What is a nice girl like you
doing in a place like this?
929
00:45:22,787 --> 00:45:24,052
Place like what, George?
930
00:45:24,121 --> 00:45:26,856
Oh, we have some good
news for you, George.
931
00:45:26,925 --> 00:45:30,193
Yes. We stopped by the office
to tell you, and you were here,
932
00:45:30,261 --> 00:45:31,906
so we thought we'd come
and join you for lunch.
933
00:45:31,930 --> 00:45:33,074
Great idea. Where do we go?
934
00:45:33,098 --> 00:45:34,775
Oh, what's the
matter with this place?
935
00:45:34,799 --> 00:45:36,177
Well, I'm tired of it.
936
00:45:36,201 --> 00:45:38,579
I'd like to go someplace
else for a change.
937
00:45:38,603 --> 00:45:39,880
Oh, this place is fine.
938
00:45:39,904 --> 00:45:41,670
I must say the
service isn't great.
939
00:45:41,740 --> 00:45:43,020
I haven't seen a
single waitress.
940
00:45:43,074 --> 00:45:44,673
Neither have I. You haven't?
941
00:45:44,743 --> 00:45:46,120
You haven't seen
a single waitress?
942
00:45:46,144 --> 00:45:47,144
Not one.
943
00:45:47,212 --> 00:45:48,377
See, you're right.
944
00:45:48,446 --> 00:45:49,846
The service here is rotten.
945
00:45:49,914 --> 00:45:51,180
Let's get out of here quick.
946
00:45:51,249 --> 00:45:52,514
Oh, don't be silly, George.
947
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:54,862
If you eat here so often,
the food must be terrific.
948
00:45:54,886 --> 00:45:55,818
Let's stay here.
949
00:45:55,887 --> 00:45:58,054
Tell him the good news, Sally.
950
00:45:58,123 --> 00:45:59,055
Good news?
951
00:45:59,124 --> 00:46:00,735
Carol and I have been elected
952
00:46:00,759 --> 00:46:02,536
co-chairmen of the
Stop Filth And Nudity
953
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:04,526
campaign of our ladies club.
954
00:46:04,595 --> 00:46:06,796
No kidding.
955
00:46:06,865 --> 00:46:10,233
Well, why don't we go down
the street and stop some.
956
00:46:10,301 --> 00:46:12,501
I hear there's a topless
restaurant down there.
957
00:46:12,570 --> 00:46:14,637
We could go down
after lunch, George.
958
00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:16,183
Listen, I hear it's
actually much better
959
00:46:16,207 --> 00:46:18,318
if you do those things
on an empty stomach.
960
00:46:18,342 --> 00:46:19,508
Sit down, George.
961
00:46:25,750 --> 00:46:27,510
George, what are you doing?
962
00:46:27,551 --> 00:46:28,662
I just thought perhaps you-
963
00:46:28,686 --> 00:46:31,246
you'd like to
glance at the menu.
964
00:46:31,289 --> 00:46:32,666
Here's your martini, Mr. Miller.
965
00:46:32,690 --> 00:46:34,857
Just slip it under the menu.
966
00:46:34,926 --> 00:46:37,671
No need to hold
it so close, dear.
967
00:46:37,695 --> 00:46:39,373
B-B-But, you see, I know, dear,
968
00:46:39,397 --> 00:46:41,541
but it's so dark in
here, you see, and I...
969
00:46:41,565 --> 00:46:42,498
George.
970
00:46:42,566 --> 00:46:43,566
Waitress.
971
00:46:45,503 --> 00:46:49,271
You know, honey,
I forgot to kiss you.
972
00:46:50,374 --> 00:46:52,274
Honey, not in public!
973
00:46:52,343 --> 00:46:54,810
Oh, George, how would it look?
974
00:46:54,879 --> 00:46:57,813
The co-chairwoman
of the SFAN campaign
975
00:46:57,882 --> 00:46:59,815
being kissed in a restaurant?
976
00:46:59,884 --> 00:47:02,718
I'll be right back, sir.
977
00:47:02,787 --> 00:47:06,321
Saved by the bell covers.
978
00:47:06,390 --> 00:47:08,168
Telephone for Mr. Crane.
979
00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:10,826
Mr. Jim Crane.
980
00:47:10,895 --> 00:47:14,396
Oh, boy, is it hot in here.
981
00:47:18,703 --> 00:47:20,347
George, what are you doing?
982
00:47:20,371 --> 00:47:21,651
Oh, just checking my coat, dear.
983
00:47:21,706 --> 00:47:23,206
I'll pick it up on the way out.
984
00:47:23,274 --> 00:47:25,252
This place is too hot. Ah,
that's good enough for me.
985
00:47:25,276 --> 00:47:26,475
Let's go someplace else.
986
00:47:26,544 --> 00:47:28,189
I'm referring to
the temperature.
987
00:47:28,213 --> 00:47:30,773
Now, would you sit down?
988
00:47:32,217 --> 00:47:34,917
What is the matter with him?
989
00:47:34,986 --> 00:47:37,085
Would you care to order now?
990
00:47:42,159 --> 00:47:44,493
Uh, not now, waiter.
991
00:47:46,064 --> 00:47:47,863
Oh, my goodness.
992
00:47:47,932 --> 00:47:51,133
My goodness!
993
00:47:51,202 --> 00:47:52,702
George!
994
00:47:52,770 --> 00:47:54,414
Are all the
waitresses like that?
995
00:47:54,438 --> 00:47:56,271
Uh, like what, dear?
996
00:47:56,340 --> 00:47:57,773
Like that!
997
00:47:57,842 --> 00:48:01,443
Um...
998
00:48:02,780 --> 00:48:04,257
My golly, I never noticed.
999
00:48:04,281 --> 00:48:05,213
You didn't?
1000
00:48:05,282 --> 00:48:08,717
I'm glad you pointed that out.
1001
00:48:08,786 --> 00:48:10,819
All the waitresses
in here are blonde.
1002
00:48:10,889 --> 00:48:13,489
Not a brunette in the bunch.
1003
00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:15,157
Let's get out of here.
1004
00:48:15,226 --> 00:48:17,204
I refuse to eat in a
place that's prejudiced.
1005
00:48:17,228 --> 00:48:19,661
I am not referring to
the color of her hair!
1006
00:48:19,730 --> 00:48:20,897
Well, I was.
1007
00:48:20,965 --> 00:48:23,032
I mean the way she's dressed.
1008
00:48:23,101 --> 00:48:25,045
She's wearing nothing
from the waist up!
1009
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:27,003
She's not?
1010
00:48:27,071 --> 00:48:29,105
You didn't notice that, either?
1011
00:48:31,175 --> 00:48:32,508
Notice what?
1012
00:48:32,576 --> 00:48:34,877
The way she's dressed!
1013
00:48:34,946 --> 00:48:37,880
Why would I notice
a thing like that?
1014
00:48:37,949 --> 00:48:39,829
I'm not in the
clothing business.
1015
00:48:42,153 --> 00:48:44,486
All right.
1016
00:48:44,555 --> 00:48:47,422
I have a confession to make.
1017
00:48:47,491 --> 00:48:50,826
I am here... to do research.
1018
00:48:50,895 --> 00:48:52,061
Research?
1019
00:48:52,130 --> 00:48:54,074
What kind of research?
And this had better be good.
1020
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:56,799
Oh, it's good, it's good.
1021
00:48:56,868 --> 00:49:02,504
Uh, I'm here for the Stop
Filth and Nudity campaign.
1022
00:49:02,573 --> 00:49:05,474
I am one of their,
uh, secret agents.
1023
00:49:05,542 --> 00:49:08,276
Oh, George, don't be ridiculous.
1024
00:49:08,345 --> 00:49:10,446
A secret agent?
1025
00:49:10,514 --> 00:49:12,581
Okay, so I'm not a secret agent.
1026
00:49:12,650 --> 00:49:14,516
I'm a human being,
1027
00:49:14,585 --> 00:49:16,730
and human beings are
researching all the time.
1028
00:49:16,754 --> 00:49:20,056
It means nothing to me.
1029
00:49:20,124 --> 00:49:22,636
I mean, why don't
we just try to relax
1030
00:49:22,660 --> 00:49:26,728
and enjoy the rest of our
lunch despite our surroundings.
1031
00:49:26,798 --> 00:49:29,431
George.
1032
00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:30,565
What?
1033
00:49:30,635 --> 00:49:32,735
You're buttering your hand.
1034
00:49:32,803 --> 00:49:33,736
I am?
1035
00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:35,604
That's absurd.
1036
00:49:35,673 --> 00:49:37,873
Ah... ah.. ahh...
1037
00:49:37,942 --> 00:49:39,222
Oh, I'm bleeding.
1038
00:49:39,276 --> 00:49:40,754
I-I-I may have to have stitches.
1039
00:49:40,778 --> 00:49:41,710
Stitches.
1040
00:49:41,779 --> 00:49:42,711
I'll call our doctor!
1041
00:49:42,780 --> 00:49:43,780
I'll get a taxi.
1042
00:49:43,814 --> 00:49:44,747
I'll get the check.
1043
00:49:44,815 --> 00:49:46,048
Be-be calm, dear.
1044
00:49:46,117 --> 00:49:48,216
Uh, uh, uh, Gloria, honey,
1045
00:49:48,285 --> 00:49:49,952
can I have the check please?
1046
00:49:50,021 --> 00:49:50,953
What's the matter?
1047
00:49:51,022 --> 00:49:52,198
I stuck my hand.
1048
00:49:52,222 --> 00:49:54,156
Oh, what a shame.
1049
00:49:54,224 --> 00:49:55,991
Maybe this will help.
1050
00:49:56,060 --> 00:49:58,326
Oh, thanks a million, Gloria.
1051
00:50:01,632 --> 00:50:03,309
George, Carol
has the taxi waiting.
1052
00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:04,499
My hand's all better.
1053
00:50:04,568 --> 00:50:06,434
I don't have to
go to the doctor.
1054
00:50:06,503 --> 00:50:07,981
Oh, yes you do. No, I don't.
1055
00:50:08,005 --> 00:50:09,638
Yes, you do!
1056
00:50:09,707 --> 00:50:11,640
Yes, I do.
1057
00:50:17,714 --> 00:50:19,448
? ?
1058
00:50:22,753 --> 00:50:25,687
I hear they're only staying
together for the kids.