1
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_
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_
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Unprompted Mandarin?
4
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What do you want?
5
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I already told you
we are not getting a monkey.
6
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We already have to take care
of your grandma.
7
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Fine, but there's an autograph
signing at the mall this week,
8
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and it's during school hours.
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No skipping school.
10
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Even if the building's on fire,
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you wait for the bell
and die with honor.
12
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But it's my new favorite
basketball player... Allen Iverson!
13
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A.I.?
14
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"The Answer"?
The All-Star for the Sixers.
15
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Got a crossover so smooth,
it'll put a baby in your sister?
16
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Connie? Don't bring my sister into this!
17
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Come on, Dad, please? You love hoops.
18
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And you know how hard I've been
working on this college stuff.
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Sorry, but I'm with your mother
on this one. No skipping school.
20
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But I think you should leave
if there's a fire.
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You smell smoke, you run.
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C'mon, Ma, it's just half a day.
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This is so unfair!
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Unfair?
25
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Wimbledon requiring Pete Sampras
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to play wearing a shirt is unfair.
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Denzel having to act
wearing a shirt is unfair.
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Me having to complete
a stupid academic practicum
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in order to become teacher boss...
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definitely unfair.
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What's a practicum?
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I have to spend 100 hours
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shadowing a teacher at some school
34
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in order to finish my degree.
35
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Apparently, "practicum" is Latin
for "waste Jessica's time."
36
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Practicum?
37
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We're talking about practicum? Really?
38
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I'm in here trying to get an autograph,
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and we're talking about practicum?
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Practicum?!
41
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100 hours is a lot.
42
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For everyone involved.
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Yes, but in order to achieve your goals,
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you need to keep your head down
and stay the course.
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Look at your brother Evan.
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He wants to be Doctor-President,
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and he has never veered from the path.
48
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He's predictable, reliable...
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Aloha!
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[Dramatic music plays]
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[Screams]
52
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What have you done to your neck?!
53
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It's ruined!
54
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Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
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♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
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♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
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♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
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♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
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♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
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♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
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♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
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Evan, why do you have
sea creatures on your neck?!
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Oh, my puka shells?
Geoff got me into them.
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Geoff? Who's Geoff?
65
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He's my friend from school.
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He spells his name G-E-O-F-F.
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Isn't that cool?
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G-off?
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Jeff.
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- G-off.
- Jeff.
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How come you never mentioned him before?
72
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I guess that's 8th grade
for you, always moving.
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Well, I better go,
or else I won't get a seat
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in the back of the bus.
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Then I'll have to sit on the wheel hump.
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[Door opens, closes]
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Puka shells, back of the bus,
single-strap backpack.
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This is not like Evan.
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What is going on with him at school?
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How would I know? We don't go
to the same school anymore.
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I'm in high school now.
82
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I graduated junior high last June?
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There was a ceremony
where you shouted out, "Boring"?
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Oh, right.
85
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That poor girl sang
"The Greatest Love of All."
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Don't try Whitney
if you can't do Whitney.
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Okay.
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You're worried about Evan
because of puka shells?
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Puka shells lead to shady friends,
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which leads to distraction,
which leads to bad grades!
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Next thing you know,
Evan won't be Doctor-President.
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I don't know, Mom.
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Puka shells are just casual beachwear
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that also work in the city.
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Well, you know what else works
in the city?
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Institutional racism.
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[Sighs]
98
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Nice form!
99
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The sleeve helps.
100
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It's good for my ligaments,
and sometimes it's a napkin.
101
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Well, sorry we can't let you
skip school, but I am proud
102
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of all the hard work
you've been doing for college.
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An A.I. jersey!
104
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I know you're a fan
of "The Big Response."
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It's "The Answer."
106
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Oh. That's catchier.
107
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Thanks, Dad.
108
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Oh. I've been thinking about
how to help pay for tuition.
109
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Four words... Basketball scholarship.
110
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Okay.
111
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I'm gonna put together
a reel of all my hoop skills
112
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and send it to Georgetown,
Duke, Kentucky...
113
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[Smacks lips, sighs]
114
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Oh, son, this is the hard part
of being a dad
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they never show on TV.
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The truth is, you are unlikely
to get a basketball scholarship.
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You are a clumsy boy
with a heart of gold.
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Maybe if you hustle,
you can get a cup of coffee
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in some third-tier Euro league,
120
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but even then,
you'll just be a curiosity,
121
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an Asian spectacle
for the Slavs to jeer at.
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I don't want that.
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No.
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No, you don't.
125
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But what you do have
126
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is a great imagination,
intelligence, and personality,
127
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and there's plenty
of scholarships for that.
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Thanks, Dad.
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[Chuckles]
130
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Wait.
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They spelled "Iverson" with a "Q."
132
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"Iversqn"?
133
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- Is this fake?
- [Sighs]
134
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Explains why it was
in the clearance bin.
135
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That Michael Gordan jersey
makes a lot more sense now.
136
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[Sighs]
137
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[School bell rings]
138
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Hunter, what kind
of a child zoo is this?
139
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You've let Evan slip through the cracks.
140
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Evan?
141
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He's got straight A's,
a can-do attitude,
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making new friends.
143
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Aside from one little detention...
144
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Detention?!
145
00:05:01,976 --> 00:05:05,119
Well, the whole class got it
for tardiness.
146
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The whole class?!
147
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How are you teacher boss
148
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and I still have to take practicum?
149
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Trust me, Evan's doing just fine.
150
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You have nothing to worry about.
151
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False.
152
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I need you to follow him to every class
153
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and report back to me.
154
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Be sly about it.
155
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Peek around corners. Use binoculars.
156
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You know what I'm talking about.
157
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I can't follow one child all day.
158
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Who has time for that?
159
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One last Huang, one more year.
160
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[Sighs]
161
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You can do this.
162
00:05:34,783 --> 00:05:37,718
[Indistinct talking on TV]
163
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Dad, I took your advice and
found an awesome scholarship.
164
00:05:40,422 --> 00:05:41,689
Oh!
165
00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:44,625
"The Wesley Snipes Scholarship
for Orlando Youth."
166
00:05:44,626 --> 00:05:47,194
Smart. Channeling some of
that "Passenger 57" money
167
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into a charitable cause.
168
00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:50,865
He must have a great tax guy.
169
00:05:50,866 --> 00:05:52,233
The scholarship will be enough
170
00:05:52,234 --> 00:05:53,768
to buy a dope-ass massage chair
for my dorm room.
171
00:05:53,769 --> 00:05:55,035
It's gonna be pimp.
172
00:05:55,036 --> 00:05:57,905
Anyways, I have to write
an essay about my biggest hero.
173
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Oh. So, uh, who do you have in mind?
174
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It was an obvious choice.
175
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A man who's really impacted my life.
176
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I'm listening.
177
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Someone who embodies the American dream.
178
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He came from nothing,
179
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has a tireless work ethic
and amazing hair.
180
00:06:09,417 --> 00:06:10,451
That doesn't just happen.
181
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That's that work ethic you mentioned.
182
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My hero...
183
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Allen Iverson.
184
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That's great. [Chuckles]
185
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Great choice. Yes.
186
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[School bell rings]
187
00:06:22,798 --> 00:06:24,698
Alright, Geoff, is this your card?
188
00:06:24,699 --> 00:06:25,699
No.
189
00:06:26,535 --> 00:06:27,802
Is this your card?
190
00:06:27,803 --> 00:06:28,536
Nope.
191
00:06:28,537 --> 00:06:29,603
[Sighs]
192
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I'm such a bad magician.
193
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Hey. That's my card!
194
00:06:33,642 --> 00:06:34,475
Or am I?
195
00:06:34,476 --> 00:06:36,210
Dude, how did you do that?
196
00:06:36,211 --> 00:06:38,479
A magician never reveals his secrets.
197
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:40,648
That's why they're not
in relationships for long.
198
00:06:40,649 --> 00:06:42,116
That was awesome.
199
00:06:42,117 --> 00:06:44,051
Hey, you should come to my Bar Mitzvah.
200
00:06:44,052 --> 00:06:46,420
Really? Isn't that
for close friends and family?
201
00:06:46,421 --> 00:06:48,522
I mean, we are friends, right?
202
00:06:48,523 --> 00:06:49,690
[Gasps]
203
00:06:49,691 --> 00:06:52,992
One question... how early
is too early to show up?
204
00:06:53,628 --> 00:06:55,362
Show up to what?
205
00:06:55,363 --> 00:06:56,497
Mommy?
206
00:06:56,498 --> 00:06:59,500
Good news, Evan.
I'm doing my practicum here.
207
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:01,167
We're going to school together!
208
00:07:02,671 --> 00:07:05,172
Now, which one of
you bed-wetters is G-off?
209
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:13,548
- You're doing your practicum here?
- Isn't it great?
210
00:07:13,549 --> 00:07:15,275
Instead of wasting my time
211
00:07:15,277 --> 00:07:18,145
following dummy teachers
at some random school,
212
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,281
I can spend my 100 hours with you
213
00:07:20,282 --> 00:07:21,682
and still get credit!
214
00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:22,850
100 hours is a lot.
215
00:07:22,851 --> 00:07:24,251
A lot of fun.
216
00:07:24,252 --> 00:07:26,487
I guess we could carpool together.
217
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:29,190
And the field trip permission
slip process will be streamlined.
218
00:07:29,191 --> 00:07:30,157
Cards?
219
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,325
Are you playing poker?
220
00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,893
Did you put him up to this, G-off?
221
00:07:32,894 --> 00:07:34,095
Uh, it's Geoff,
222
00:07:34,096 --> 00:07:36,797
and Evan was just showing us
some magic tricks.
223
00:07:36,798 --> 00:07:39,499
Trix? Like that drunk
cartoon rabbit? No.
224
00:07:40,135 --> 00:07:41,268
Applesauce?
225
00:07:41,269 --> 00:07:43,504
You know that gives you bad boom booms.
226
00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,939
[Both chuckle]
227
00:07:47,275 --> 00:07:50,211
Boo-yah. Dropped off 10 meals
in under two hours.
228
00:07:50,212 --> 00:07:52,713
The trick is,
never put the car in "park."
229
00:07:52,714 --> 00:07:54,849
How would that even... So,
can I take the afternoon off?
230
00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:56,317
I want to work on my hero essay.
231
00:07:56,318 --> 00:07:57,918
Oh. Uh, sure. [Chuckles]
232
00:07:57,919 --> 00:08:00,054
Uh, are you still writing
about Allen Iverson?
233
00:08:00,055 --> 00:08:01,589
'Cause I was just thinking,
234
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:03,390
maybe there's another hero in your life
235
00:08:03,391 --> 00:08:04,625
you'd rather write about,
236
00:08:04,626 --> 00:08:05,992
someone closer to home?
237
00:08:06,995 --> 00:08:08,095
You mean Uncle Marvin?
238
00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:09,330
I do thank you for your service.
239
00:08:09,331 --> 00:08:10,264
Oh.
240
00:08:10,265 --> 00:08:12,432
You want to thank me? Enlist.
241
00:08:13,001 --> 00:08:15,569
I was, um, actually thinking
even closer to home.
242
00:08:15,570 --> 00:08:18,706
Maybe an unsung hero
you've known since birth.
243
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,940
I don't want to write about Mom.
244
00:08:19,941 --> 00:08:22,309
She already made me do that
for Mother's Day.
245
00:08:22,310 --> 00:08:23,277
I'll just stick with A.I.
246
00:08:23,278 --> 00:08:25,479
[Chuckles]
247
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,848
I'll be honest, Lou,
I'm a little soused,
248
00:08:27,849 --> 00:08:31,452
but I think maybe you wish
that Eddie saw you as his hero.
249
00:08:31,453 --> 00:08:33,320
Oh, yeah, I did, but I know how I get.
250
00:08:33,321 --> 00:08:35,089
I'm probably just overthinking it.
251
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:36,090
No, no, no.
252
00:08:36,091 --> 00:08:38,292
If anything, you're underthinking it.
253
00:08:38,293 --> 00:08:40,361
Nicole used to think of me as her hero,
254
00:08:40,362 --> 00:08:42,997
and then... pfft... Gonzo.
255
00:08:42,998 --> 00:08:45,199
Was it the... uh...
256
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,167
What?
257
00:08:46,168 --> 00:08:47,168
The lesbian thing?
258
00:08:47,169 --> 00:08:48,502
[Chuckling] No, no. That was great.
259
00:08:48,503 --> 00:08:49,470
I don't know what happened.
260
00:08:49,471 --> 00:08:51,071
You know, I used to fix her car for her.
261
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:53,307
I'd teach her about classic rock.
262
00:08:53,308 --> 00:08:54,575
I'm a big Pink Zeppelin fan.
263
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:57,111
And then at some point,
you know, she just...
264
00:08:57,112 --> 00:08:59,413
stopped seeing me as her hero.
265
00:08:59,414 --> 00:09:01,382
And then she moved away and...
266
00:09:01,383 --> 00:09:03,250
we haven't been as close since. Really?
267
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:05,853
Hey, if Eddie leaves the house
and you're not his hero,
268
00:09:05,854 --> 00:09:06,886
it's over.
269
00:09:08,056 --> 00:09:10,157
But Eddie only has
one year of school left.
270
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:12,660
Well, then you have time
to turn things around.
271
00:09:12,661 --> 00:09:13,627
[Laughs]
272
00:09:13,628 --> 00:09:15,529
Hey, and if you don't,
273
00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:17,397
that's what whiskey is for.
274
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,235
♪
275
00:09:21,236 --> 00:09:22,703
Great job, Ev.
276
00:09:22,704 --> 00:09:25,339
Ev? No, no. His name is Ev-an.
277
00:09:25,340 --> 00:09:27,041
Trust me, I named him myself.
278
00:09:27,042 --> 00:09:29,209
It's a new nickname I'm trying out.
279
00:09:30,378 --> 00:09:32,346
Did your new friends put you up to this?
280
00:09:32,347 --> 00:09:34,782
Lose it.
Presidents don't have nicknames.
281
00:09:34,783 --> 00:09:36,183
- What about Abe Lincoln?
- Dead.
282
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:37,251
- Teddy Roosevelt?
- Dead.
283
00:09:37,252 --> 00:09:38,586
- Jimmy Carter?
- Ineffective.
284
00:09:38,587 --> 00:09:39,719
[Sighs]
285
00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:41,488
Yes, Ev?
286
00:09:41,489 --> 00:09:43,490
Actually, Ev is no more.
287
00:09:43,491 --> 00:09:44,725
It's back to Evan now.
288
00:09:44,726 --> 00:09:46,360
May I please be excused to the bathroom?
289
00:09:46,361 --> 00:09:47,695
Yes.
290
00:09:47,696 --> 00:09:50,831
Remember, sitting down to pee
doesn't make you a lesser boy.
291
00:09:50,832 --> 00:09:52,533
[Laughter]
292
00:09:52,534 --> 00:09:56,570
♪
293
00:09:56,571 --> 00:09:59,173
Everything okay? They said
it was a family emergency.
294
00:09:59,174 --> 00:10:00,674
It's our mother. Oh, God.
295
00:10:00,675 --> 00:10:02,109
She's ruining 8th grade for me.
296
00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:03,477
That's the emergency?
297
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,646
Remember how hard it was for me
after skipping a grade?
298
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:08,315
I'm finally starting to fit in,
and then Mommy shows up.
299
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,584
Gentle suggestion?
Stop calling her Mommy.
300
00:10:10,585 --> 00:10:11,819
She won't give me any space.
301
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,020
She took over my locker,
302
00:10:13,021 --> 00:10:15,022
threw away my "frivolous" colored pens,
303
00:10:15,023 --> 00:10:16,223
and you know what she said
304
00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:17,324
when I brought up Geoff's Bar Mitzvah?
305
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:18,759
"A boy doesn't become a man
306
00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,361
until he earns his first paycheck.
307
00:10:20,362 --> 00:10:22,730
That's a Chinese Bar Mitzvah."
"...Chinese Bar Mitzvah."
308
00:10:22,731 --> 00:10:24,164
I went through something similar
309
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:25,599
with my friend Marta's quinceañera.
310
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,101
So, what should I do?
311
00:10:27,102 --> 00:10:28,402
Just ask Mom to pick a new school.
312
00:10:28,403 --> 00:10:30,070
And interfere with her practicum?
313
00:10:30,071 --> 00:10:32,206
I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a saboteur.
314
00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:33,841
Then just figure out a way to avoid her.
315
00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:34,842
It's a big school.
316
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,277
[Sighs] Yeah, I guess.
317
00:10:36,278 --> 00:10:37,845
Look, I gotta go.
318
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,546
Please don't tell Mom we talked.
319
00:10:39,547 --> 00:10:41,382
I'm already too involved.
320
00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:42,749
[Click]
321
00:10:44,152 --> 00:10:45,753
The office said to come meet you.
322
00:10:45,754 --> 00:10:46,787
What's going on?
323
00:10:46,788 --> 00:10:49,189
Is it Grandma's bookie?
We gotta move again?
324
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:50,391
What? No.
325
00:10:50,392 --> 00:10:52,793
I just thought I'd stop by
and say hello and, uh...
326
00:10:52,794 --> 00:10:55,195
take you to get
Allen Iverson's autograph.
327
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:56,964
For real? You're not clowning me?
328
00:10:56,965 --> 00:10:58,198
Lou don't clown.
329
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,401
Well, your mother doesn't always
see the whole picture.
330
00:11:00,402 --> 00:11:03,504
Yes, school is important,
but so is your happiness.
331
00:11:03,505 --> 00:11:05,673
You needed someone to swoop in
and save the day.
332
00:11:05,674 --> 00:11:08,075
I don't know what you would
call someone like that.
333
00:11:08,076 --> 00:11:10,144
I'd call them awesome.
334
00:11:10,145 --> 00:11:11,612
[Chuckles]
335
00:11:11,613 --> 00:11:12,780
Seed planted.
336
00:11:12,781 --> 00:11:15,849
Well, nothing but pavement
between us and...
337
00:11:15,850 --> 00:11:17,551
[Tires screech] Oh, no! Obstacle!
338
00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,352
What is it, Dad?
339
00:11:18,353 --> 00:11:20,054
Uh, oh, uh... car trouble.
340
00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,955
Now? We're not gonna make it.
341
00:11:21,956 --> 00:11:24,124
Don't worry, son.
I will get you to that signing.
342
00:11:24,125 --> 00:11:25,492
Your old man knows his way around
343
00:11:25,493 --> 00:11:27,193
the hood area of an automobile.
344
00:11:29,097 --> 00:11:31,265
Yup. Just what I thought.
345
00:11:31,266 --> 00:11:34,535
A cracked flange belt... plug.
346
00:11:34,536 --> 00:11:36,637
[Chuckles]
I'll have her fixed in a jiff.
347
00:11:36,638 --> 00:11:38,105
You sure you don't need any help?
348
00:11:38,106 --> 00:11:39,506
Oh... Oh, no. Do not come out here.
349
00:11:39,507 --> 00:11:41,775
But, uh, you know what could help?
350
00:11:41,776 --> 00:11:44,277
Some tunes. Hit "play" on the stereo.
351
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:48,415
♪ I need a hero ♪
352
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:52,753
♪ I'm holding out for a hero
till the morning light ♪
353
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:55,723
♪ He's gotta be sure,
and it's gotta be soon ♪
354
00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:58,525
♪ And he's gotta be larger than life ♪
355
00:11:58,526 --> 00:12:00,794
♪ Larger than life ♪
356
00:12:00,795 --> 00:12:01,762
[Hissing]
357
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,230
Oh, no! Oh, no.
358
00:12:03,231 --> 00:12:04,565
Damn it, Louis, this is why
359
00:12:04,566 --> 00:12:06,667
you should always stick to air guitar.
360
00:12:06,668 --> 00:12:08,000
[School bell rings]
361
00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:10,571
Oh. I was thinking we'd buy lunch.
362
00:12:10,572 --> 00:12:11,672
Today is pizza day.
363
00:12:11,673 --> 00:12:14,408
Yes, but at home,
it's expiration date day.
364
00:12:14,409 --> 00:12:16,042
Quick, eat up before they turn.
365
00:12:17,212 --> 00:12:19,246
Mommy, I was thinking...
366
00:12:19,247 --> 00:12:21,615
instead of going to
my boring honors classes,
367
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,350
maybe you'd be more help
with the classes
368
00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:24,985
with the "visual learners."
369
00:12:24,986 --> 00:12:26,186
Nope. Sounds bad.
370
00:12:26,187 --> 00:12:27,688
Hey, guys.
371
00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,456
Wanna join? Please?
372
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:31,925
Maybe another time, when things are...
373
00:12:31,926 --> 00:12:32,993
[Sniffs]
374
00:12:32,994 --> 00:12:34,050
...different.
375
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,931
You sure you don't want
to switch classes?
376
00:12:37,932 --> 00:12:40,067
Consider it a challenge.
377
00:12:40,068 --> 00:12:42,102
One of the teachers
doesn't even have a lesson plan.
378
00:12:42,103 --> 00:12:44,571
He just makes up facts
and plays the guitar.
379
00:12:44,572 --> 00:12:46,974
Tempting, but I already
lined up our schedules
380
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,776
and turned in my timecard
to Principal Hunter.
381
00:12:48,777 --> 00:12:50,010
We're set.
382
00:12:50,011 --> 00:12:52,913
If it were up to me, we'd be
in school together forever.
383
00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:54,882
[Echoing] Forever.
384
00:12:54,883 --> 00:12:56,817
JESSICA: Go, go, go!
385
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,286
You call that rowing?!
I call it pathetic!
386
00:12:59,287 --> 00:13:01,422
No wonder you're all still virgins!
387
00:13:01,423 --> 00:13:04,425
Sweetie, how are your boom booms?
388
00:13:04,426 --> 00:13:06,593
[Dramatic beat]
389
00:13:06,594 --> 00:13:08,395
This is too cold.
390
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,764
I'm gonna go sweet-talk
that hairy lunch lady
391
00:13:10,765 --> 00:13:12,065
into using the microwave.
392
00:13:12,066 --> 00:13:14,334
And a hair net.
393
00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:17,770
I must get rid of Mommy.
394
00:13:18,773 --> 00:13:21,275
- ♪ I'm holding out for a hero ♪
- Is this whole tape just this one song?
395
00:13:21,276 --> 00:13:22,643
♪ Till the end of the night ♪
396
00:13:22,644 --> 00:13:24,978
Dad, we're running out of time
for the autograph signing.
397
00:13:24,979 --> 00:13:27,147
Uh, don't worry.
It's just the flux capacitor.
398
00:13:27,148 --> 00:13:28,682
I'll have it fixed in a minute.
399
00:13:28,683 --> 00:13:30,784
♪ I need a hero ♪
400
00:13:30,785 --> 00:13:31,851
[Van door closes]
401
00:13:33,121 --> 00:13:35,522
Flux capacitor? That's from
"Back to the Future."
402
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:37,291
I thought you said
you knew what you were doing.
403
00:13:37,292 --> 00:13:38,459
Yeah, yeah. I got it.
404
00:13:38,460 --> 00:13:40,561
[Chuckles] See?
405
00:13:40,562 --> 00:13:41,595
Uh... that...
406
00:13:41,596 --> 00:13:42,729
Oh!
407
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:45,165
Why are there so many things in here?!
408
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:47,134
Alright, I don't know what I'm doing.
409
00:13:47,135 --> 00:13:48,735
I was pretending the car broke down,
410
00:13:48,736 --> 00:13:50,103
and then I broke it for real.
411
00:13:50,104 --> 00:13:52,172
What? Why would you do that?
412
00:13:52,173 --> 00:13:53,106
I don't know.
413
00:13:53,107 --> 00:13:54,808
So you would see me as your hero.
414
00:13:54,809 --> 00:13:56,343
By playing mechanic?
415
00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:58,645
Well, now I don't
get to meet Allen Iverson.
416
00:13:58,646 --> 00:13:59,946
Some hero you are.
417
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,016
[Clank]
418
00:14:03,017 --> 00:14:04,651
Aah! Oh, no! Again!
419
00:14:04,652 --> 00:14:05,886
[School bell rings]
420
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:08,355
♪
421
00:14:08,356 --> 00:14:10,624
Hunter, your microwave
destroyed my spoon.
422
00:14:10,625 --> 00:14:11,792
You owe me a spoon.
423
00:14:11,793 --> 00:14:12,793
Evan?!
424
00:14:13,361 --> 00:14:15,095
Is that my timecard?
425
00:14:15,096 --> 00:14:17,531
I was just checking your math.
426
00:14:17,532 --> 00:14:19,199
Uh, 10, carry the 1...
427
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,567
Oh. Yep, looks good.
428
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:24,571
We both know my math
doesn't need to be checked.
429
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,153
You need to be checked.
430
00:14:26,155 --> 00:14:29,142
Sneaking into Principal Hunter's office?
431
00:14:29,143 --> 00:14:31,712
Did your new sketchy friends
put you up to this?
432
00:14:31,713 --> 00:14:33,614
They didn't make me. You did!
433
00:14:33,615 --> 00:14:36,151
I was padding your hours
to get you out of school faster.
434
00:14:36,152 --> 00:14:37,412
I don't want you here!
435
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:42,380
- You don't want me here?
- No. You're messing up my life.
436
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,264
Me?! You're the one
who's getting detention
437
00:14:45,266 --> 00:14:47,067
and breaking into offices.
438
00:14:47,068 --> 00:14:48,802
This is so unlike you, Evan.
439
00:14:48,803 --> 00:14:50,804
Very unpresidential.
440
00:14:50,805 --> 00:14:51,772
Well, except for Nixon.
441
00:14:51,773 --> 00:14:53,307
But at least he had the good sense
442
00:14:53,308 --> 00:14:54,608
to pay other people to do it!
443
00:14:54,609 --> 00:14:56,810
We all got detention,
but we weren't late.
444
00:14:56,811 --> 00:14:58,579
Mr. Marsh is a hardliner from Arizona
445
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:00,514
who doesn't believe in Daylight Savings.
446
00:15:00,515 --> 00:15:02,950
You're still veering off course.
447
00:15:02,951 --> 00:15:06,487
That's why I'm here...
To get you back on track.
448
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:09,056
I mean, puka shells, magic tricks,
449
00:15:09,057 --> 00:15:10,591
Geoff with a "G"?
450
00:15:10,592 --> 00:15:12,125
Well, you're a jerk with a "J"!
451
00:15:12,126 --> 00:15:13,393
[Gasps]
452
00:15:13,394 --> 00:15:16,128
If you really think these puka
shells are the problem, here.
453
00:15:16,965 --> 00:15:19,398
I dare you to not try this on
when you're alone.
454
00:15:22,570 --> 00:15:23,903
[Hip-hop music playing]
455
00:15:27,208 --> 00:15:28,275
Hey. Good news.
456
00:15:28,276 --> 00:15:29,910
Marvin said he could fix the van.
457
00:15:29,911 --> 00:15:32,212
Turns out the problem was
I jammed a screwdriver in it.
458
00:15:32,213 --> 00:15:33,647
Looks like you saved the day again.
459
00:15:33,648 --> 00:15:34,948
Good job, hero.
460
00:15:34,949 --> 00:15:36,583
Sorry.
461
00:15:36,584 --> 00:15:38,585
It's just that when you
chose Allen Iverson
462
00:15:38,586 --> 00:15:40,621
for your essay instead of me,
I freaked out.
463
00:15:40,622 --> 00:15:43,223
And then Marvin got in my head,
464
00:15:43,224 --> 00:15:46,360
and with you going off
to college so soon...
465
00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:48,160
I just don't want us to grow apart.
466
00:15:49,163 --> 00:15:50,731
This is ridiculous.
467
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,132
I know. I'm sorry.
468
00:15:52,133 --> 00:15:54,166
No, I mean, I can't believe
you'd ever think that.
469
00:15:55,069 --> 00:15:56,436
You've always been there for me.
470
00:15:56,437 --> 00:15:58,672
You taught me how to drive,
gave me my first job,
471
00:15:58,673 --> 00:16:00,073
helped me with my girl problems...
472
00:16:00,074 --> 00:16:02,142
I mean, women problems.
473
00:16:02,143 --> 00:16:03,143
Good catch.
474
00:16:03,144 --> 00:16:04,945
You have nothing to worry about.
475
00:16:04,946 --> 00:16:08,015
Sure, A.I. is awesome,
but you're more than a hero.
476
00:16:08,016 --> 00:16:10,017
You're my dad.
477
00:16:10,018 --> 00:16:11,285
I'm always going to need you,
478
00:16:11,286 --> 00:16:13,085
and we're never going to grow apart.
479
00:16:14,722 --> 00:16:16,590
[Sighs] You want a hug, don't you?
480
00:16:16,591 --> 00:16:19,026
[Voice breaking] Whatever.
I could go either way.
481
00:16:19,027 --> 00:16:20,126
[Chuckles]
482
00:16:22,697 --> 00:16:24,031
Hey. I have an idea.
483
00:16:24,032 --> 00:16:26,165
Quick, grab your Iversqn. Let's go.
484
00:16:27,602 --> 00:16:28,769
[School bell rings]
485
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,872
Three more minutes on your test,
then pencils down.
486
00:16:31,873 --> 00:16:33,005
[Door opens]
487
00:16:34,008 --> 00:16:35,441
What's wrong with Evan?
488
00:16:37,011 --> 00:16:38,445
Excuse me, ma'am. Who are you?
489
00:16:38,446 --> 00:16:39,913
A concerned parent.
490
00:16:39,914 --> 00:16:43,083
God, I miss the WASPy coldness
of private school parents.
491
00:16:43,084 --> 00:16:44,685
I don't get it.
492
00:16:44,686 --> 00:16:46,420
Evan's not himself anymore.
493
00:16:46,421 --> 00:16:49,356
He's ruining his dreams
of becoming Doctor-President.
494
00:16:49,357 --> 00:16:50,591
No, he's not.
495
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:53,093
Last night, he held a model U.N.
with his Beanie Babies.
496
00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:55,362
They executed Oinker for war crimes.
497
00:16:55,363 --> 00:16:57,130
But was he wearing his puka shells?
498
00:16:57,131 --> 00:16:58,932
Evan's just getting older
and trying new things.
499
00:16:58,933 --> 00:17:00,534
That doesn't make him
a different person.
500
00:17:00,535 --> 00:17:02,803
But I don't recognize him anymore.
501
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,805
Every day, it's something new.
502
00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,273
Mom, 8th grade's tough.
503
00:17:06,274 --> 00:17:08,141
It's that awkward time
before high school.
504
00:17:08,142 --> 00:17:10,043
Remember when I got that zit on my lip
505
00:17:10,044 --> 00:17:11,878
and no one spoke to me for a week...
506
00:17:11,879 --> 00:17:13,413
At school or at home?
507
00:17:13,414 --> 00:17:14,982
Oh, I popped it in your sleep,
508
00:17:14,983 --> 00:17:17,384
but by morning,
it had grown back stronger...
509
00:17:17,385 --> 00:17:18,418
and angrier.
510
00:17:18,419 --> 00:17:20,887
Evan's just trying to figure it all out.
511
00:17:20,888 --> 00:17:22,655
If you really want to help him,
give him space.
512
00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,358
It's not easy having your mom
at school with you.
513
00:17:26,327 --> 00:17:28,962
Time. Hand your tests forward.
514
00:17:28,963 --> 00:17:29,997
[Sighs]
515
00:17:29,998 --> 00:17:33,166
"C," "D," not enough information, "A"...
516
00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:34,901
[Indistinct conversations]
517
00:17:34,902 --> 00:17:37,804
Good news, bad news,
good news, bad news.
518
00:17:37,805 --> 00:17:39,473
Good news, I got past security
519
00:17:39,474 --> 00:17:41,407
with a classic Louis Huang fakeout.
520
00:17:43,911 --> 00:17:45,879
Shark!
521
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:51,051
♪
522
00:17:51,052 --> 00:17:52,419
I fell for that, too.
523
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:54,521
An escaped shark?
That's not what you want.
524
00:17:54,522 --> 00:17:56,056
Okay, bad news...
525
00:17:56,057 --> 00:17:58,258
Allen Iverson wouldn't sign
your fake jersey.
526
00:17:58,259 --> 00:18:00,594
Agh. Iversqn. That damn "Q."
527
00:18:00,595 --> 00:18:02,629
Good news... I told him he's your hero,
528
00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:03,964
and he signed this instead.
529
00:18:03,965 --> 00:18:06,333
This is a real jersey.
530
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:07,601
And it's game-worn.
531
00:18:07,602 --> 00:18:09,236
[Sniffs]
532
00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:10,470
It reeks.
533
00:18:10,471 --> 00:18:11,672
Like 46 points.
534
00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:12,973
Thanks, Dad.
535
00:18:12,974 --> 00:18:14,908
Oop. Last bad news.
536
00:18:14,909 --> 00:18:17,411
I have a lifetime ban
from all NBA events.
537
00:18:17,412 --> 00:18:18,779
Sorry, son.
538
00:18:18,780 --> 00:18:20,480
I gotta remove him from the property.
539
00:18:20,481 --> 00:18:23,016
But I must say,
you got a pretty cool dad.
540
00:18:23,017 --> 00:18:24,784
The best.
541
00:18:26,154 --> 00:18:28,188
Just so you know,
I knew there wasn't a shark.
542
00:18:28,189 --> 00:18:31,525
But, you know... safety first.
543
00:18:31,526 --> 00:18:33,427
[Los Del Rio's "Macarena" plays]
544
00:18:33,428 --> 00:18:35,462
♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena ♪
545
00:18:35,463 --> 00:18:37,931
♪ Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle
alegría y cosa buena ♪
546
00:18:37,932 --> 00:18:40,200
♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena ♪
547
00:18:40,201 --> 00:18:42,335
Mommy? What are you doing here?
548
00:18:42,336 --> 00:18:44,004
I'm giving you your space.
549
00:18:44,005 --> 00:18:45,605
So, you crashed my friend's Bar Mitzvah?
550
00:18:45,606 --> 00:18:46,940
School wasn't enough?
551
00:18:46,941 --> 00:18:49,176
♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena ♪
552
00:18:49,177 --> 00:18:50,310
♪ Hey, Macarena ♪
553
00:18:50,311 --> 00:18:51,344
About that.
554
00:18:51,345 --> 00:18:54,181
It's possible I may have overreacted.
555
00:18:54,182 --> 00:18:56,183
A little bit. Like just barely.
556
00:18:56,184 --> 00:18:57,617
- Barely?
- [Sighs]
557
00:18:57,618 --> 00:19:00,620
When you showed up with
the puka shells on, I panicked!
558
00:19:00,621 --> 00:19:02,289
That's not the Evan I know.
559
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:03,623
We're always on the same page.
560
00:19:03,624 --> 00:19:06,526
I'm used to you telling me everything...
561
00:19:06,527 --> 00:19:09,329
What you're thinking, how your day went,
562
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:11,631
what Grandma writes about me
in her journal.
563
00:19:11,632 --> 00:19:13,066
I didn't tell you about the necklace
564
00:19:13,067 --> 00:19:14,501
because I knew you'd hate it.
565
00:19:14,502 --> 00:19:16,670
You hate a lot of stuff. I do.
566
00:19:16,671 --> 00:19:18,572
I just want to be able
to try things on my own.
567
00:19:18,573 --> 00:19:19,806
I know.
568
00:19:19,807 --> 00:19:22,709
You have to find out for
yourself that things are stupid.
569
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:25,077
And you wonder
why I don't tell you things.
570
00:19:26,047 --> 00:19:28,348
I'm sorry I called you the J-word.
571
00:19:28,349 --> 00:19:30,083
[All gasp]
572
00:19:30,084 --> 00:19:31,084
"Jerk."
573
00:19:31,085 --> 00:19:33,220
MAN: Oh. [Man laughs]
574
00:19:33,221 --> 00:19:35,989
I promise to give you your space.
575
00:19:35,990 --> 00:19:39,693
But if you ever need the truth,
you know where to find me.
576
00:19:39,694 --> 00:19:40,694
Deal?
577
00:19:40,695 --> 00:19:42,094
Deal.
578
00:19:42,864 --> 00:19:45,132
I shouldn't have changed your timecard.
579
00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:46,433
That was a low moment.
580
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:48,368
It was, but good news...
581
00:19:48,369 --> 00:19:50,670
No more timecards, no more practicum.
582
00:19:50,671 --> 00:19:51,571
What?
583
00:19:51,572 --> 00:19:53,340
Emery's cranky teacher told me
584
00:19:53,341 --> 00:19:56,042
private schools don't require
any of that nonsense.
585
00:19:56,043 --> 00:19:58,111
I could become a teacher boss
right away!
586
00:19:58,112 --> 00:19:59,146
Mazel tov.
587
00:19:59,147 --> 00:20:00,446
That means "congrats."
588
00:20:01,716 --> 00:20:03,083
Are you wearing cologne?
589
00:20:03,084 --> 00:20:05,585
CK One. It's a unisex fragrance.
590
00:20:05,586 --> 00:20:08,487
Ohhh, that's so...
591
00:20:09,524 --> 00:20:11,458
...interesting.
592
00:20:11,459 --> 00:20:12,459
I know, right?
593
00:20:17,248 --> 00:20:19,282
[2 Unlimited's
"Get Ready for This" plays]
594
00:20:19,283 --> 00:20:21,484
Hey, Coach, all my life,
I've wanted to go
595
00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:24,454
to your college, university,
or institute of technology.
596
00:20:24,455 --> 00:20:26,923
Now, anyone can send you
a video of their dunks,
597
00:20:26,924 --> 00:20:28,691
but I'm not anyone.
598
00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:29,892
♪ Y'all ready for this? ♪
599
00:20:29,893 --> 00:20:31,728
Inbound passes.
600
00:20:31,729 --> 00:20:33,997
♪
601
00:20:33,998 --> 00:20:35,531
Taking charges.
602
00:20:35,532 --> 00:20:37,734
♪
603
00:20:37,735 --> 00:20:40,103
Ugh! [Grunts]
604
00:20:40,104 --> 00:20:41,537
Floor spacing.
605
00:20:41,538 --> 00:20:44,073
♪
606
00:20:44,074 --> 00:20:45,575
Bench support. Hustle up.
607
00:20:45,576 --> 00:20:46,476
Good defense!
608
00:20:46,477 --> 00:20:47,343
Find the opening.
609
00:20:47,344 --> 00:20:48,411
You got this.
610
00:20:48,412 --> 00:20:49,812
C'mon, ref! Are you blind?
611
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,447
They're in the zone!
Grandma, get out of the street!
612
00:20:51,448 --> 00:20:52,482
[Horn blares]
613
00:20:52,483 --> 00:20:53,816
Thanks for watching.
614
00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:55,118
Swish!
615
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:56,119
♪ Hey ♪
616
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,153
♪
617
00:20:57,154 --> 00:20:58,021
♪ Hey ♪
618
00:20:58,022 --> 00:21:06,022