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Chappelle's Show.
Chappelle's Show.

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Chappelle's Show.

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Chappelle's Show.

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Chappelle's
Show.

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Oww.

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Whoo-hoo-hoo.

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Whoo-hoo.

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Yeah, yeah.

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Let's start
the show.

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(cheers and applause)

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(announcer)
Dave Chappelle!

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Oh, wow... man.

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Welcome, welcome to the
Chappelle Show, everybody.

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Thanks for coming out, man,
I am your, um, host.

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(laughs)

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You know,
I gotta tell y'all,

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I just bought one of
the hottest albums

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I bought in
a long time, man.

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That, that "Chocolate Factory",
that R. Kelly.

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He put it down.

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(applause)

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I mean, say what you want
to say about his scandal,

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but the music is scandal-proof,
you know what I'm saying?

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And any real fan
of R. Kelly

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wouldn't let that
scandal stop him

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because if you was paying
attention to his music

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all these years,

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you might've seen it coming
like I did.

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Go ahead,
roll that video.

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Yeah... it's the R.

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40 ounces of
malt liquor

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make me want to
tell you somethin'.

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Said rollin' around
sittin' on dubs,

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countin' the hours
high on shrubs.

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Coolin' in my Escalade.

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Man, I'm paid.
I got it made.

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Take me to
your special place.

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Close your eyes,
show me your face.

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I'm gonna
piss on it.

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Haters wanna hate,
lovers wanna love.

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I don't even want
none of the above.

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I want to piss on you
yes, I do.

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I'll piss on you.
I'll pee on you.

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Said your body,
your body

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is a port-a-potty.

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I'ma pee
out kick.

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I can use karate,
use karate.

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I'ma pee on you.

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Drip, drip, drip,
pee on you.

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Pour on you.

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Piss on you.
Piss on you.

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You'll never feel
quite the same

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when you get a whiff
of my Hershey stains.

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I wanna poop
on you too.

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I want to
pee in your food.

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Only thing to
make my life complete

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is when I turn your face
into a toilet seat.

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I want to pee on you.

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Yes, I do.
Yes, I do.

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I'll pee on you.
I'll piss on you.

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Haters wanna hate,
lovers wanna love.

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I don't even want
none of the above.

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I want to piss on you.
Yes, I do.

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I'll piss on you.
I'll pee on you.

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Won't you braid
my hair,

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say, won't you
braid my hair?

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Before you start
I'm gonna fart,

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I'm gonna fart on you.

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(applause and cheers)

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Oh!

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Boy, that R. Kelly
can make a love song

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about anything,
can't he?

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Now, a lot of you
might be wondering,

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"Dave, how are you
gonna follow that?"

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How else?

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Make some noise,
ladies and gentlemen,

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for Paul Mooney's, time for,
"Ask A Black Dude".

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Are all their dicks
really big?

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Or are some small,
some big?

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Is it a mixed bag,

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or do we just assume
they're all hung like horses?

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Brothers are packing,
they seem to be packing.

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I guess that's the way
of the world.

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That's why you have
so many mixed couples.

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White girl
ain't that crazy.

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How's the old saying go?

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"Once you go black,
you don't come back"?

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You go white,
you go running back to black.

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Ain't that the way
it goes?

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It happens that way.

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Wasn't Mariah Carey
married to a white man?

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And then they divorced...

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she was humping on
black chairs,

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she went crazy when she
got away from him.

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Okay, I've always wondered why
black guys shave their heads.

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I mean, it just seems
that they have great hair,

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and I could never figure out

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why so many of them
shave their heads.

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It's just a fad.

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Now, white folks wear
bald heads, too.

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You know they ain't gonna
let a nigga have nothing.

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We wore naturals,

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they took that,
they take everything.

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They took
Tina Turner.

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They took Michael Jackson.

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They took James Brown...
they gave him back.

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Who else they take?

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Lionel Richie.

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Oh, they'll
take stuff from you.

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They will take, they won't
let us have too much fun.

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That's what I told
some black people

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the other night at my show.

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I said,
"don't get too fond of me

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'cause white folks'll come in
and take me."

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They only want niggas
to have a little bit of fun.

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I get to talking
some mess on your show,

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they'll take your show,
they'll fix you, too.

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Woo!

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That Paul Mooney
is something!

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I can't believe this is
actually happening.

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R. Kelly actually sent over
the "Piss On You" remix.

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(man)
What?!

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I'm serious!

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For real, look!

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Normally
I don't do this,

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but I'ma hit y'all off with
a little taste of the remix.

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Y'all ready?
Here we go.

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I pick you up
from the club.

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Take you home
to make some love.

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Got a surprise,
close your eyes.

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I'm gonna
cover you with suds.

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I'm gonna give you
some poo-poo.

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I'm gonna give you
some pee-pee.

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I'm gonna give you
some doo-doo.

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Wash it down
with some wee-wee.

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This is the remix edition
of the song about pissin'.

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I got that peein'
leakin', reekin'

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and there's juice
in the kitchen.

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Yeah... that's how it goes
at an T. Kelly party.

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I sip Cris'...

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you drink piss.

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"I Wanna
Piss On You" remix.

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You heard?

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You know, I'm serious.

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I really do
want to piss on you.

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(applause)

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We'll take a quick
commercial break.

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Don't go nowhere,
we'll be right back.

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Chappelle's Show. Ow.

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Hey, gang.

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Boy, so much to talk
about tonight.

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I've been watching the,
the History Channel a lot.

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The History Channel,

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it gives you perspective
on a lot of things.

155
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For instance,
gang violence

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is something that I never
really understood.

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And then I was watching
the History Channel

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and they just
came with it, man.

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They really
enlightened me.

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(host) Welcome to "The
World's Greatest Wars".

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We've reviewed
The Civil War,

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World War II
and The Gulf War.

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But now, we turn your
attention to a classic war

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that took place right here
on American soil.

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For the last 20 years,
on Chicago's South side,

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a violent war has been waged
between two bitter enemies,

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the 19th Street Gangsters
and the River Terrace Crew.

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The war began in 1982 over
a pair of basketball shoes.

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But not just
any basketball shoes.

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These... were Nikes.

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"Ay, dog, ay,"

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Earl "The Snake" White
called out

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after a rival member
of the 19th Street Gangsters,

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General Cornrow Wallace,

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made minor contact
with his shoes.

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Ay!

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Ay, dog, ay.

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You stepped
on my sneaker, man!

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The Snake knew then that
he would have to fight him.

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Aah!

181
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Ah, aah!

182
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What you got?

183
00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:04,950
Oh! Aah!

184
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:07,120
(mocking)
Aah! Aah!

185
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Get that shit
off my sneakers!

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(clucking,
cooing)

187
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The Snake was down,
but not out.

188
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He returned to
the Crew's clubhouse

189
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and rallied the troops
with a most impassioned speech.

190
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Some mark-ass trick just
stepped on my sneakers

191
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and poured morton salt
all over 'em.

192
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Are y'all
ready to ride?

193
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Robble, robble.

194
00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:34,470
(all)
Robble, robble!

195
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Let's ride on these fools
at their own barbecue.

196
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Wasting no time,
the Crew commenced

197
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stomping on
people's sneakers

198
00:08:41,380 --> 00:08:44,020
to let them know
who ran the projects.

199
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General Cornrow Wallace
pulled out a gun...

200
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unheard of, at that point,
in street fighting.

201
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(gunshot)

202
00:08:52,260 --> 00:08:54,430
A resident called 9-1-1
immediately.

203
00:08:54,430 --> 00:08:57,470
Police showed up promptly
four hours later.

204
00:08:57,870 --> 00:09:00,900
Cornrow was sentenced
to seven years in prison.

205
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:04,810
His time there would be
formative, to say the least.

206
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,980
(clucking,
cooing)

207
00:09:07,010 --> 00:09:10,010
His roommate in jail was a man
named Tyrone Biggums,

208
00:09:10,010 --> 00:09:12,210
who regaled Cornrow
with stories

209
00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:14,780
of a new way
to make cocaine.

210
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,390
It's called crack!

211
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:18,690
It's great!

212
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,200
And it's so
simple to make!

213
00:09:21,290 --> 00:09:23,060
All you need
is some cocaine

214
00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:24,760
and some baking soda...

215
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:27,390
and I think I tasted
egg and cinnamon.

216
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,400
Whoever sells it
is gonna be rich!

217
00:09:30,830 --> 00:09:33,900
Cornrow immediately alerted
his friends on the outside

218
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,600
via a letter.

219
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,800
(man reading slowly)
"Yo.

220
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"Y'all niggers need
to cook up cocaine

221
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:46,880
"with... ba-king powder
and sell it.

222
00:09:46,910 --> 00:09:50,790
"All the best, Cornrollup.

223
00:09:50,820 --> 00:09:54,420
P.S. (coos)"

224
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,890
They immediately started
cooking the stuff up

225
00:09:56,890 --> 00:10:00,360
and selling it on what little
space they still controlled.

226
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,960
They had made hundreds
of thousands of dollars

227
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,670
in mere weeks.

228
00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:07,730
In no time, Snake and his crew
followed suit.

229
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:11,610
The money made fueled what
became a heated arms race

230
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,270
between the two groups.

231
00:10:13,340 --> 00:10:15,510
(gunshots)

232
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,680
(explosion,
Snake laughs)

233
00:10:17,710 --> 00:10:19,450
The violence escalated
every year,

234
00:10:19,450 --> 00:10:21,580
finally peaking in 1989

235
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:25,050
when the 19th Street Gangsters
sustained a massive loss

236
00:10:25,050 --> 00:10:27,690
at the battle of
the Kool Moe Dee concert,

237
00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:31,130
which took place at...
a Kool Moe Dee concert.

238
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,890
Newly released from prison,

239
00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:36,330
revered General Cornrow Wallace
was shot dead.

240
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,500
The funeral was somber

241
00:10:38,530 --> 00:10:41,970
and filled with Cornrow's
signature bird call.

242
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,140
(all cooing)

243
00:10:44,570 --> 00:10:47,030
The funeral passed
without incident

244
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:49,090
but what the crew did next

245
00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:52,380
appalled even
the hardest thugs.

246
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,550
The crew went
to the graveyard

247
00:10:54,550 --> 00:10:57,590
and dug up General
Cornrow Wallace's body,

248
00:10:58,020 --> 00:11:01,060
absconding with it
to their hideout.

249
00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:03,220
The incident was videotaped

250
00:11:03,260 --> 00:11:06,290
and sent to members of
the 19th Street Gangsters.

251
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:08,860
Hey, fool, we got
your leader.

252
00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,170
Look at us.

253
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:12,330
High five!
High five!

254
00:11:12,370 --> 00:11:14,530
Look at these
pretty clothes there.

255
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:17,970
Get his shoes,
look at them pretty shoes!

256
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:20,580
Oh, I'm steppin' on 'em.

257
00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:24,050
Robble, robble
robble, robble.

258
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,850
Tensions between
the Gangsters

259
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:31,890
and the 19th Street Crew
rage to this day.

260
00:11:31,890 --> 00:11:34,490
Most of the original members
of the gangs

261
00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:37,060
are either dead
or in jail.

262
00:11:37,090 --> 00:11:41,400
But we did speak to one member,
Earl "The Snake" White.

263
00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:44,900
Ironically, he now works
at a friendly Shoe Source

264
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:47,070
in a strip mall on
the exact location

265
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:50,070
where the Cardinal Projects
once stood.

266
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,370
All right!

267
00:11:51,810 --> 00:11:55,310
Snake, knowing what you do now,
was it all worth it?

268
00:11:55,310 --> 00:11:57,450
Yeah, it was a tragedy!

269
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,610
Can you repeat
the question?

270
00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:02,680
For the History Channel,
I'm Jeff Frankel.

271
00:12:02,680 --> 00:12:04,390
Good night.

272
00:12:04,420 --> 00:12:07,420
(applause)

273
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,060
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break,

274
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:13,930
but we'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.

275
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,660
So don't go anywhere.

276
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:23,040
Ha-ha, go ahead!

277
00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:29,980
Hey, gang, welcome back.

278
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:33,880
Welcome back.

279
00:12:33,910 --> 00:12:35,650
So here at Chappelle's Show.
we like to show people

280
00:12:35,650 --> 00:12:38,220
the real versions
of movies.

281
00:12:38,650 --> 00:12:40,420
Okay, so I got
another one for you.

282
00:12:40,420 --> 00:12:42,590
Today we're gonna do
"Deep Impact".

283
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:43,890
I don't know
if you've seen it.

284
00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:46,460
This was where Morgan Freeman
was the black President.

285
00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:49,500
An asteroid was speeding
towards Earth,

286
00:12:49,930 --> 00:12:51,700
and he had to
figure out a way

287
00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:55,140
to solve the problem
and save humanity!

288
00:12:55,170 --> 00:12:58,170
I wonder what would
really happen, hmm?

289
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,510
Please be seated.

290
00:13:05,550 --> 00:13:07,280
Hello, America.

291
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,880
As you all know, there's an
asteroid the size of Maine

292
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:12,490
speeding towards Earth
as we speak.

293
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:15,520
I'd like to take a moment
out of the day to, uh,

294
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,160
address the allegations
that this is somehow

295
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:19,430
my fault.

296
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:25,100
Firstly I'd like to say

297
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:28,970
that these allegations are
absolutely and 100% false.

298
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,570
Secondly,
and most importantly,

299
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:35,480
I'd like to say that you
motherfuckers disgust me!

300
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:38,080
You're goddamn right
I said it.

301
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:39,410
If you knew just
one of the things

302
00:13:39,410 --> 00:13:41,150
I was sworn
to secrecy to,

303
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:43,320
you would buckle under
the goddamn pressure.

304
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:44,620
Mr. President!
Mr. President!

305
00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:46,320
Like what?

306
00:13:46,350 --> 00:13:48,490
How about this.

307
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,390
I have here in my hand
the cure for AIDS.

308
00:13:52,430 --> 00:13:56,730
We've had this
for 25 years.

309
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,470
Have a great weekend.

310
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,500
Did I shock you?
Are you crazy yet?

311
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,100
Well, I have somebody
I'd like you to meet.

312
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:06,270
Come on up here, Paula.

313
00:14:06,310 --> 00:14:09,740
America, I'd like you to
meet my good friend Paula.

314
00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:12,350
And here's Paula again.

315
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,550
And here's Paula
one more time.

316
00:14:14,550 --> 00:14:17,550
We cloned these three bitches
in a laboratory in Seattle

317
00:14:17,550 --> 00:14:19,720
some 19-odd years ago.

318
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:21,920
Not only that, we added
a pinch of black genes

319
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,060
so that they could
do things like this.

320
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,360
Hit it, girls.

321
00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:27,960
Running through
the raindrops

322
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,570
wishing that
you won't stop...

323
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,770
that'll be enough,
thank you very much.

324
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:34,040
All right, baby.

325
00:14:34,470 --> 00:14:37,070
Oh, hold on, Paula.

326
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:38,810
It's the cure
for AIDS.

327
00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:41,840
Sorry about
last night.

328
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:44,040
Freaked out yet?
Have I blown your mind?

329
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:46,210
Or you think you can
still handle my job?

330
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:48,380
Because if you're cocky and you
think you got hold of this,

331
00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:50,550
I got some more
information for you.

332
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:53,150
Would you like to know
who killed Kennedy?

333
00:14:53,150 --> 00:14:54,890
Yeah.
Who killed Kennedy?

334
00:14:54,890 --> 00:14:56,620
You ready for
the truth, America?

335
00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:58,330
Here it comes.

336
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,500
Oswald killed Kennedy.

337
00:15:00,530 --> 00:15:03,560
That's right, Lee Harvey Oswald
killed John F. Kennedy,

338
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,570
alone and
by himself.

339
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,600
With a magic bullet.

340
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:11,370
That's right, the bullet
was actually magical,

341
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:12,640
magic does exist.

342
00:15:13,070 --> 00:15:15,280
We've known about this
for some 2,000 years.

343
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,580
I'm not finished yet,

344
00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:18,310
I have some more information
that might startle you.

345
00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:20,450
The R. Kelly sex tape.

346
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:23,050
That wasn't R. Kelly,
it was me.

347
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:24,460
That's right,

348
00:15:24,790 --> 00:15:26,520
I urinate on people
when I have sex with them.

349
00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:28,290
I'm a disgusting human being
and I apologize

350
00:15:28,290 --> 00:15:31,290
to the people who
I've hurt and peed on.

351
00:15:31,290 --> 00:15:33,030
Bet I blew your mind
right there, didn't I?

352
00:15:33,030 --> 00:15:34,360
I'm really on a roll
and I don't care

353
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:36,500
because the world's
going to end any day now.

354
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,260
So I might as well
introduce you

355
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,000
to a good friend
of mine, Bibble.

356
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:41,390
Bibble, come on up.

357
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:42,600
(man)
Oh my God!

358
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,310
Is that an alien?!

359
00:15:46,910 --> 00:15:48,640
America, this is Bibble.

360
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,280
Bibble is a space creature
that lives very far away

361
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,850
in a galaxy
called Nebulon Five.

362
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:56,480
And he is solely responsible
for the wave of technology

363
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,090
we've seen
over the last few decades:

364
00:15:59,090 --> 00:16:01,690
Cell phones, pagers,
Playstation 1 and 2.

365
00:16:01,690 --> 00:16:03,860
You might think it was the
Japanese who are responsible,

366
00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:05,560
but anyone in the know

367
00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,730
knows that it was Bibble,
fo' shizzle

368
00:16:07,730 --> 00:16:09,060
and all 'bout Bibble.

369
00:16:09,060 --> 00:16:11,910
'Cause only Bibble
can keep it so real.

370
00:16:12,070 --> 00:16:15,100
Hey, uh, Bibble, is
the spaceship ready?

371
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:16,870
(electronic voice)
Aye, aye.

372
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:18,170
I'm ready to
get out of here.

373
00:16:18,170 --> 00:16:19,910
Okay, me and Bibble
are about to leave,

374
00:16:19,910 --> 00:16:21,610
but before we go
I just want to say,

375
00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:23,380
there's no hope for
the Planet Earth.

376
00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:25,110
There's no way to
stop the asteroid

377
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,410
and you're all
gonna die.

378
00:16:26,410 --> 00:16:28,120
Everyone except for me.

379
00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:30,320
And of course, Bibble,
who's been so kind

380
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,490
to let me accompany him
on his spaceship.

381
00:16:32,490 --> 00:16:35,090
And I'm bringing those three
cloned white women with me.

382
00:16:35,090 --> 00:16:36,370
Good-bye, America.

383
00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:38,120
I hope you all die
in a fiery death

384
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,290
when the meteor
hits next Tuesday.

385
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,030
Come on, Bibble,
let's get out of here.

386
00:16:42,030 --> 00:16:43,730
(man)
Oh my God!

387
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:45,900
Aye, aye.

388
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:48,940
(applause)

389
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:54,610
All right, we're gonna take
a quick commercial break.

390
00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:56,340
But please,
don't go anywhere

391
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:58,480
'cause we'll be right back.

392
00:17:03,050 --> 00:17:04,120
Look at that.

393
00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:08,020
Turn on your TV,
what you gonna see?

394
00:17:10,190 --> 00:17:13,220
I would like to thank
the studio audience.

395
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:15,430
I would like to
thank you at home.

396
00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:18,430
You see, because
I keep saying...

397
00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:19,730
Hi.

398
00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:21,030
Hey, what's up, man?

399
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,340
We just got a call,
looks like you're having

400
00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:23,240
a lot of fun out here.

401
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,540
Just having
a blast, baby.

402
00:17:24,540 --> 00:17:26,710
Yeah, we, uh,
we are the white guys.

403
00:17:26,710 --> 00:17:28,880
And we've come
to take over your show.

404
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,450
What do you mean,
are you...?

405
00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,080
Well, we already
got Paul Mooney.

406
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,380
Now we gotta
take you.

407
00:17:35,380 --> 00:17:36,650
You took Paul?

408
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,980
Yeah...
oh, and by the way,

409
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,290
could you people
stack the chairs

410
00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:40,590
on the way out,
please?

411
00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:41,890
Thank you so much.

412
00:17:41,890 --> 00:17:43,190
Hey, wait a minute,
wait.

413
00:17:43,190 --> 00:17:44,490
Get a picture of me
and David before we go.

414
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:45,590
Oh, sure, sure.

415
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:46,660
Yeah, my daughter's
gonna love this.

416
00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:47,930
Oh, Hannah, yeah?

417
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,700
My daughter thinks
you're really funny.

418
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:51,430
Okay, we got him
now, huh?

419
00:17:51,430 --> 00:17:53,170
Is this still live?
Can we cut that?

420
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:56,600
Yeah, the mic's on...
but, hey, hold on there...

421
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,340
Help!

422
00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:01,810
Help!

423
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:04,410
What y'all
clapping for?!

424
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:05,710
Help!

425
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,010
Watch your step.

426
00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:09,430
This ain't no skit,
bitch, help!

427
00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:13,960
I'm rich, bi-atch!

428
00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:14,860
(horn honks)

429
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,300
Hi, thank you!

430
00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:23,500
Good night,
Cornrow Wallace.

431
00:18:23,530 --> 00:18:25,390
Watch out
for the wolves.

432
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:33,910
Is it mornin' yet?!

433
00:18:33,940 --> 00:18:36,540
I pee on people when
I have sex with them.

434
00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:37,810
(laughs)

435
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,150
Can I say
"pee on people"

436
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:41,310
or is standards
gonna kill me?

437
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,480
That's right, I spray
people with urine

438
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,180
during sexual encounters.

439
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:47,390
Surprise, surprise,
right in your eyes.

440
00:18:47,390 --> 00:18:49,090
You're right,
that's much lighter.

441
00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:50,830
(crew laughing)