1 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,640 KURTAN: And this is it! 2 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:22,960 REV FRANCIS: Ah. 3 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,960 Look, one- and two-bed flats still available. 4 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:31,320 Yeah, so basically, it's gonna be a new housing development built here, 5 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,720 which is really exciting. 6 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:36,440 And it's funny cos you was protesting against all that last year. 7 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,600 Yeah, I was dead against it last year, 8 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,800 but then I applied to move into one of the new flats 9 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:45,880 and I'm close to getting approved, so...sort of all for it now, really. 10 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,920 The start of a new era. How exciting, Kurtan. 11 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,240 Yeah. The one thing I'm most excited about 12 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,080 is being allowed to have friends come over to the new flat, 13 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,440 cos you'll come over, won't you, Vicar? 14 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,880 Yes, yes, absolutely. 15 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,680 Yeah, I'll be coming over to the new flat. 16 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:03,440 Yeah, as long as you wear one of them plastic bibs that catches all the food. 17 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:05,840 Well, that can be arranged. 18 00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:09,680 Yeah, all right. Yeah, that works for me. 19 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:26,560 REV FRANCIS: No, I haven't actually told Kerry and Kurtan yet that I'm leaving. 20 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,120 I've been trying to find the right moment but it's all been rather full-on. 21 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:35,240 Er, I actually just played my last game for the cricket club on Saturday. 22 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:37,440 (CHEERING) 23 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:40,680 Sorry, chaps. Did you see that? 24 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,760 It was a demon ball. It...it really moved off the seam. 25 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,160 - It moved a hell of a lot. - Bloody useless! 26 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,480 But, er, yes, it's full steam ahead getting ready for Bristol. 27 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:56,320 Polly's been packing up the house while I've been tying up all the loose ends here 28 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,640 and, er, on top of it all 29 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,760 we're right in the middle of preparations for the harvest festival. 30 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,440 We've got a Heinz! 31 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:07,760 Yeah, harvest is coming up, which I'm absolutely buzzed about. 32 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:10,440 33 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:12,480 and the... 34 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,800 KERRY: Er, Vicar's asked me to help out, 35 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:18,800 er, because the other volunteers are a bunch of emotional vampires 36 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,920 and they just, like, drain the energy out of it. 37 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:23,800 June! 38 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,400 39 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,000 40 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,320 Oh, come on, June. 41 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:33,880 Take it away, June! 42 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:35,800 43 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,160 ALL: 44 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:38,280 KERRY: Yes! 45 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:42,000 46 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:45,560 And this is why I do harvest festival. 47 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,360 Cos of the atmosphere. 48 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:55,240 Arthur is lord of the harvest, it's a bit of a village tradition. 49 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:59,840 Er, basically his job is to, like, organise all the donations and that. 50 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,760 Um, he's been lord of the harvest 51 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:07,720 every year since 1972 but, quite frankly, he hasn't been giving a fuck since 2003. 52 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,080 Do you know how many boxes we've got sorted so far? 53 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,160 No, how many? 54 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,880 Well, you should know, you're lord of the harvest, mate. 55 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:19,560 Yeah, he doesn't do anything, he just gets everybody else to work for him. 56 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:24,200 Er, but when the Gazette comes, he's bang right in the middle of the photo 57 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:28,640 with a giant marrow, grinning like he's Bob fuckin' Geldof. 58 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,560 (KNOCK ON DOOR) 59 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:42,920 - Hello, Kerry. How are you? - Hello. Yeah, I'm good. 60 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:44,640 - Do you wanna come in? - Now an all right time? 61 00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,840 - Yeah, yeah, it's fine. Vicar's here. - KURTAN: Ah, Vicar! 62 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:50,600 - Ah, Kurtan, you're here too. - Just going through paints. 63 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:51,960 - Ah. - KERRY: Yeah, very dull. 64 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,480 - Great. - Quick question for you. 65 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:58,280 Er, kitchen colour, Teal Tension or Mellow Sage? 66 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:02,480 Mm, I think sage is a nice calm colour for a kitchen. 67 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:05,400 Me and you are very much the same. 68 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:06,480 What?! 69 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:08,640 What?! 70 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:10,920 Vicar! 71 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,640 - What are you here for? - Just a chat, really. 72 00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:15,880 Just a chat, really! 73 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,320 Er, no, thank you, Sue, but thanks all the same, I'm fine. 74 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,440 He's fine! 75 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,480 Um, I think the darker. 76 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,640 What?! 77 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,040 He's fine, he doesn't want one! 78 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,040 What?! 79 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,560 He doesn't want one! 80 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,680 Shall we... shall we go through to the living room? 81 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:44,960 Yeah. 82 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,880 Just wanna have a chat with you about something, if that's all right? 83 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:49,640 - Yeah, sure. - Yeah. 84 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,840 Looking smart. 85 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,880 - Oh, thank you very much. - Very smart. 86 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,520 New threads. 87 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:01,640 Um, you know I went to Bristol to see Jacob? 88 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:02,680 BOTH: Yeah. 89 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,360 Well, that wasn't the only reason I was there. 90 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,640 I also met the archbishop. 91 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,440 - Mm. - Right. 92 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:17,400 Yes, I met him to discuss me moving parish...to Bristol. 93 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:22,000 Right. And what does that mean? 94 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:27,360 Well, it would mean I would be leaving the village 95 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,320 to take up a new parish in Bristol. 96 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,280 Leaving the village? Why? 97 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:41,840 I just feel it's a good time for a new challenge. 98 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,960 KERRY: I think that's a really bad idea. 99 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,400 Yeah, that... that seems utter madness to me. 100 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,120 Look, look, I know it won't be easy but... 101 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:52,480 my job is not to stay comfortable, 102 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:58,240 and much as I love it here with you all, um, I need to help people. 103 00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,360 I don't quite know what to say to that. 104 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,120 But you... you've got everything you need here. 105 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:04,720 Who's decided this? 106 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:08,200 Well, it's... it's the archbishop who decides it... 107 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,480 - The archbishop? - ...but it...but also with my... 108 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:10,840 Who even is the archbishop? 109 00:06:10,880 --> 00:06:13,360 I've never heard of the archbishop before until today. 110 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,840 Then you're... you're dancing to the sound of his flute. 111 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:20,200 If the archbishop told you to kick a dog in the face, would you? 112 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,000 No, but if he asked me to change parish, then yes, I would. 113 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,480 (EXHALES) That's terrifying. 114 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,160 You're like a Sims character to the archbishop. 115 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:31,320 He can pick you up and plonk you down wherever he likes you. 116 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:33,280 - Yeah. - You just go along with it? 117 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,320 KURTAN: What...what about us? 118 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,040 - What are we gonna do? - Yeah. 119 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:39,040 Well, I think you're both mature enough for me to go. 120 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,840 No, we're not. Especially her. 121 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,800 I am me and I know I am not mature, am I? 122 00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:45,760 - She's not mature. - Well, I think you are mature. 123 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,720 - I'm not. - What about Len? 124 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,280 You just gonna leave Len to shrivel up and die? 125 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,680 Len will be fine. 126 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,160 No, he might be fine in the body, he's not in the head. 127 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,520 He's one of these people that when somebody he loves leaves... 128 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,040 - BOTH: ...they die. - Look, look, things will continue 129 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,000 because there will be a handover to a new vicar and I will make sure that you... 130 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:05,800 I don't want a new vicar. Did you want a new vicar? 131 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:07,280 No, I don't want a new vicar. 132 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,320 Well, then, let's not have a new vicar. 133 00:07:09,360 --> 00:07:11,520 Look, I know it's not easy to hear this... 134 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,520 - Here's a deal. - ...and it's a bit sooner... 135 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,920 You can have your little parish in Bristol or whatever, 136 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:20,440 but you stay in the village here to live and you just commute to Bristol. 137 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,560 - That's a fair deal. - That's very fair. 138 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:25,480 That is fair, you've gotta give it to him. 139 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,160 Look, much as I would love to stay in the village, 140 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,360 and I really would, um, it... commuting just isn't practical, 141 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:36,720 so I'm afraid I'm in no position to negotiate. 142 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,000 (KERRY AND KURTAN SCOFF) 143 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:47,520 Well, do you know what? I've seen this coming for a long time, actually. 144 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:50,760 I'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner, you know. 145 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,760 Your ability to just drop everything like it never mattered or existed 146 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:58,800 is baffling and actually you're good at it 147 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,320 and you've turned it into an art form and we walked right into that. 148 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,360 Pulling the wool over our eyes since the very first day you got here. 149 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,560 Well, do you know what? Good luck with it all. Hope it works out for you. 150 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,440 Kerry, do you wanna say anything? 151 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:12,760 Did you know about this as well? 152 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:14,840 Is this all a thing that's been going on for a long time? 153 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,560 - Just leave it, Kurtan, come on. - No. 154 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,640 - Just go. - We can have it out now. 155 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,840 - Come on. - Let down by the lot of you. 156 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:25,600 REV FRANCIS: I knew they would find it hard hearing the news, but 157 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:30,440 hopefully, over time, they'll be able to process this news 158 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:34,400 and understand why I've made the decision I made. 159 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:38,040 I would rather kill him than let another parish have him. 160 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,680 I wholeheartedly agree with that. 161 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,160 If we can't have him, then I don't want anyone to have him. 162 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,960 I don't even want his family to have him. 163 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,040 If he thinks this is gonna be all hugs and kisses and fare-thee-wells, 164 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,560 then he's lost the plot, cos we ain't gonna make it easy for him. 165 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,600 No way. 166 00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:53,600 Yeah, especially when he's just prepared to piss everything up the wall 167 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:54,800 like a piss artist. 168 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,520 He has no idea what Bristol's like. 169 00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,480 He thinks it's gonna be all lollipops and candy lanes - 170 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,480 well, it's not, it's all just smackheads and knife crime. 171 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,720 And Clifton Suspension Bridge. 172 00:09:05,760 --> 00:09:10,320 But when you've driven over that once, you've driven over that a thousand times. 173 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:28,280 Just noticed there's a slight discrepancy in numbers of tinned soups. 174 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:29,720 I don't know if you've noticed that. 175 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,280 (DOOR BANGS) 176 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,760 Ah, Kerry, I was hoping I'd see you here. 177 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,680 Yeah, well, I'm only here to hand in the pasta twirls 178 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,800 and also hand in my resignation regarding - RE - harvest. 179 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,920 And I'd like to CC you into this as well, June. 180 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,080 REV FRANCIS: Ah, right, well, that's a shame, Kerry. 181 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,960 Yeah, it is a shame but, er, in light of recent toxic friends 182 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,520 emerging from the shadows, I feel I no longer have a choice in the matter. 183 00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:54,000 Well, well, actually there was something 184 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,520 I was hoping I'd be able to talk to you about, if you've got a moment? 185 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:03,680 Well, quickly, because I feel I've already left this situation emotionally. 186 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,680 I'll be really quick. Do you wanna just pop over here? 187 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:12,920 So, er, there was an unfortunate incident with Arthur, 188 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:17,080 which I won't go into now, but it means I needed to talk to you about something. 189 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,560 - What about Arthur? - There was an incident, 190 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:21,240 but like I said, I'd rather not get into it. 191 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:22,440 What did he do? 192 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,640 It...it was more what he said. 193 00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,200 What did he say? 194 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:30,360 He made an odious comment to June. 195 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,040 What did he say to June? 196 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,520 - I'd rather not repeat it. - Just say. 197 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,560 (SIGHS) Well, OK. He...he said, 198 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,800 "Crows belong in a field, not in the Cotswold village hall," 199 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,440 and she was very, very upset. 200 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,640 That's actually quite witty for Arthur. 201 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:53,880 Well, as a result, Arthur is no longer lord of harvest 202 00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,160 and has been expelled from the committee altogether. 203 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,960 Yeah, well, about time, I say. 204 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,640 So I was wondering if that was something you might be interested in. 205 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,640 - What? The lord of the harvest? - Yes. 206 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:11,680 - What, me being lord of the harvest? - Yes. 207 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,240 I'll think about it, sure. 208 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,160 Well, if you're in two minds, I can always ask June. 209 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,280 - Hang on. - She'll be fine with it... 210 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:24,040 I've thought about it, and seeing as no-one else is stepping up to the mark, 211 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,280 yes, I begrudgingly accept. 212 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,240 Oh, Kerry, that's wonderful, thank you. 213 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:32,080 But can I just say, I'm quite frankly appalled that this didn't happen sooner. 214 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,680 - Right. - But not so appalled 215 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,360 that I won't take the title, 216 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,720 - but appalled none the same. - Understood. 217 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,240 Right! New lord, new harvest. 218 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:43,520 June, what you got for me? 219 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,240 KERRY: All right? 220 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,280 KURTAN: All right? 221 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:02,720 Thought you lot would be here. 222 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,080 - Did you see the bald snake? - Yeah. 223 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,320 And how is he? 224 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,560 Seems all right, seems fine. 225 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,360 (KERRY GROANS) 226 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,360 Do you think he realises how much of a laughing stock he's gonna be in Bristol? 227 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,000 He's a laughing stock here. 228 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,560 Do you know what they say about him at the...at the cricket club? 229 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,800 No, what? 230 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,720 They say the only runs the Vicar gets is in his cricket whites. 231 00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:35,560 And that's from elderly village residents, Ker, not from Bristol wiseguys. 232 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,800 Yeah, that's scary. 233 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,080 - They'll skin him alive in Bristol. - Mm. 234 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:44,600 Do you know what? I've actually washed my hands with him now. 235 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,600 - Yeah? - I don't want anything to do with him. 236 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,600 Yeah, I wish I could do that an' all. 237 00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:53,120 Well, what do you mean you can't? 238 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:58,160 Well, I can't because our paths are gonna sort of cross, unfortunately, 239 00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:00,400 me being lord of the harvest now and that... 240 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:05,080 - ...but...what can you do? - What? Hang on. What? 241 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,480 Who made you lord of the harvest? 242 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:12,000 Well, the crown sort of fell on me head, as it were. 243 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,920 Oh...my...God. 244 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:16,960 The puppet master strikes again. 245 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:19,640 The Vicar asked you, didn't he? 246 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:23,840 Well, he just sort of said, you know, Arthur's not doing it any more... 247 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:25,080 What, and you said yes? 248 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:28,080 Well, yeah! Because who else is gonna do it? 249 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,960 You know, you can't just go around cancelling harvest, Kurtan. 250 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,920 - Oh, my... - That would be mad. 251 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,600 That man has no shame and he's just fobbing you off, Ker, 252 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,760 cos he knows you're as thick as compacted pig shit. 253 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:39,960 Wow! 254 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,280 Kurtan! 255 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,240 That's the lord of the harvest you're talking to. 256 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:48,400 A bit of respect would be nice. 257 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:52,760 Where are you going? 258 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,960 Vicar has made Kerry lord of the harvest cos he is a master manipulator. 259 00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,000 He's a game player, OK? 260 00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:04,280 And he gets off on it. He's like Jigsaw in the Saw films. 261 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,960 You know, he wants you to think he's got a good moral compass 262 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,600 but in reality he's just a sick fuck 263 00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,600 who gets off on watching you scoop your own eyeballs out 264 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,160 to get a key to unlock your chains. 265 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,400 And then you think you're free and he comes in riding on a little trike going, 266 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,200 "Let's play another game." 267 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:22,960 But I ain't playing it. 268 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,240 No, thank you. Not for me. 269 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:38,200 REV FRANCIS: Well, yes, I've got, er, Nick coming down for a chat today. 270 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:41,240 - Nick! Hello! - Oh, Francis, how are you? 271 00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,480 Er, he's a vicar from a neighbouring parish 272 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,280 to the one I'm taking on in Bristol. 273 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:49,320 Er, he wanted to see me to... to make sure we're on the same page 274 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:50,720 for when I take over. 275 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,800 I mean, the problem is always, what do you spend your money on? 276 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:54,920 Yes. 277 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:57,280 I did ask if it could wait till I was there, 278 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,200 but he's keen to get the ball rolling. 279 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:02,360 Tell me, er, what it is you do here. 280 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:09,160 Er, well, um, so, I guess, er, I'm... I'm always keen on trying to think 281 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,080 of new initiatives to bring community together and such. 282 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,880 All right. Great. Well, what sort of things? 283 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:19,960 Well, for instance, we...we recently started a river walks initiative, 284 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,400 which basically involves doing a weekly walk along the river bank. 285 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,000 Yeah, yeah. 286 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:31,080 Ah, what else? Oh, um, we... we recently had, 287 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,520 er, a very successful Fly Me To The Moon event, 288 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:39,760 which involved about seven kids making and launching stomp rockets, 289 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,360 which was fun but educational as well. 290 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,400 Right. 291 00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:48,680 Sorry, I'm just waffling on. 292 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,920 I mean, what about you? 293 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:52,720 I mean, what works in Bristol? 294 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:54,320 Er, well, the initiative 295 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:58,080 that's probably been the most successful was the, er, needle exchange. 296 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,960 Oh, right, well, we do a similar thing here actually, it's very popular. 297 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,080 - Really? - Yes, more with the older women. 298 00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:06,720 Er, I say, I didn't know you had so many needle felters in Bristol. 299 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,720 Just realised we're not talking about the same type of needles. 300 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:14,760 No. 301 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:23,080 Er, yes, I think I may have underestimated the job in Bristol, 302 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:27,800 er, and certainly talking to Nick has given me pause for thought. 303 00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,040 I hope I've made the right decision. 304 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,920 We've had huge cuts to policing, we've had huge cuts to mental health provision. 305 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,320 And, er, we're expected to pick up the slack. 306 00:16:37,360 --> 00:16:38,560 Yes, yes, of course. 307 00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,240 I mean, when I joined the church 20 years ago, 308 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,040 I never dreamed I'd hear of vicars wearing stab vests. 309 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:47,640 Oh, no. Goodness...goodness me, no. 310 00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,120 KERRY: Oh, yea! 311 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,520 Oh, yea! Collecting for a harvest. 312 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:05,080 Don't draw your curtains. I know that you're in, Carol! 313 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,720 Go behind me like this. 314 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:11,240 (DOOR OPENS) 315 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,240 - Hello. - Oh, hiya there. 316 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:16,040 Um, I don't know if you've heard about a little scheme that we're doing. 317 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:20,080 It's called harvest. Er, you heard there's a new lord of the harvest in town? 318 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:25,760 That's me, and just knocking door to door collecting non-perishable goods. 319 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,920 This is exactly the sort of thing the lord of the harvest should be doing. 320 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:33,360 You know, getting in amongst your people, collecting the taxes thyself. 321 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,320 Er, and if the harvest doesn't come to you, you gotta go out to the harvest. 322 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,520 And if needs must, be a little bit pushy with harvest. 323 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,360 Tins, tins, tins, 324 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:48,880 tins, tins, tins, tins... 325 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,160 Yeah, don't want that. 326 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,360 - Thank you for supporting the harvest. - OK. 327 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,120 KERRY: The lord of the harvest since 1972 328 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:00,400 would just sit in his ivory tower, like Prince Philip, 329 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,760 and he wouldn't get out amongst his people, so nobody... 330 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,120 everybody was so scared of him that, what I do, 331 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:12,240 I'm like a Princess Diana, I'm a Meghan Markle, I get out amongst my people. 332 00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,200 I kiss babies on the head, you know, I shake people's hands. 333 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:21,440 I'm up for cutting ribbons on, you know, new businesses, bakeries, 334 00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,080 er, little coffee shops. 335 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,720 Because I am the people. 336 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:34,640 But I'm also higher than them because I have the hat. 337 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,560 REV FRANCIS: Yes, I am worried about how Kurtan's doing. 338 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:52,280 He's a little more internal than Kerry 339 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,760 so I...I thought I'd take a quick look at his Facebook page, 340 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,880 as he can be more vocal on there, 341 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:02,480 and there were a couple of posts that concerned me a bit. 342 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,760 So, yes, there was this one. 343 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:11,400 "Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the one person 344 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:16,520 "you thought would never hurt you," which, sadly, I think is about me. 345 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,080 And then, er, there's this one. 346 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,520 "Don't get all depressed over a vicar from your past. 347 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:27,360 "That's like being sad because the garbageman picked up the trash," 348 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,760 which I'm pretty sure is also about me. 349 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:34,840 Yes, it's upsetting to think of leaving the village on bad terms, 350 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,720 er, but it is slightly out of my hands. 351 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:11,720 - Hello, Kurtan. - You all right? 352 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,600 - How are you? - Yeah, fine. 353 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:18,240 Ah, great. Well, I was just popping around to give you this. 354 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:20,920 Oh, right. What is it? What is it? 355 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,880 It's just a little house-warming gift for your new flat. 356 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:28,280 It's, um, it's a waffle maker cos I... I know how much you love your waffles. 357 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:29,400 Oh, right, yeah. 358 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:34,280 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) So, um, how are you? 359 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,240 Yeah, yeah, fine. 360 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,120 Haven't seen you for a bit. 361 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,840 No, just, yeah, just... just been busy doing stuff. 362 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:45,440 Is there anything else? Cos I'm just gonna... 363 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:51,240 Er, oh, I meant to say, if, um, if you need any more help 364 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,000 with the housing application, it's still just in its final stages, isn't it? 365 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:56,040 - Oh, no, it's fine. - I can... 366 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:57,640 - You can pop round. - No, no. 367 00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,280 - Are you sure you don't...? - No, it's OK. 368 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,280 OK, well, um... 369 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,840 - All right, well, thanks for that. - Yeah, well, you're very... 370 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:05,560 - OK, thanks. - See you later. 371 00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:06,920 Thanks, Kurtan. 372 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:19,880 KURTAN: He fuckin' pisses me off, cos if I knew how upset I'd be 373 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,000 when he was gonna leave, 374 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,280 I would never have got involved with him in the first place. 375 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,440 He's like Andy from Toy Story. 376 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:32,120 He should've just sat all his toys down from the start and said, 377 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,960 "Look, guys, at some point I will grow out of all you lot 378 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,560 "and that's the way it's gonna be. 379 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,800 "Cos when I'm in my 20s, I'm not gonna wanna be sat in my room 380 00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,360 "playing with Woody and Buzz, 381 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:49,280 "I wanna go out clubbing, doing ket, shaggin' birds." 382 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:55,880 "So whatever your plans are for the future, just don't include me in them." 383 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:04,640 And all the toys would've been like, "Wow, that fuckin' hurts, 384 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:09,080 "but at least we know where we stand, thanks for being honest." 385 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:22,000 REV FRANCIS: Er, yes, it's, er, been very busy and obviously 386 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,400 there's still a lot of unfinished business. 387 00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,640 I do feel that time is escaping me a little. 388 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,760 - (KNOCK ON DOOR) - Oh, hello, June. 389 00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,680 Vicar, we really need to talk about your hollyhocks. 390 00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,080 Mm, what about them? 391 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:37,480 Well, they've shed their petals all over the path 392 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,600 and they're going brown and it looks rather unsightly. 393 00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:44,320 I haven't really had a moment, but once I've finished here I'll sort it, OK? 394 00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:48,240 And will you be clearing the Japanese knotweed on the vicarage before you go 395 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,520 or will you just leave it to riddle the brickwork for the next vicar? 396 00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,200 Because I'm not sure if that's fair. 397 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,360 Look, June, I've had rather a lot on. 398 00:22:56,400 --> 00:23:00,240 Yes, but remember, you're not in Bristol yet. 399 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,240 I'm well aware of that, June. Thank you. 400 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,360 Super Noodles, yes, please. 401 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,200 Yeah, people have been pretty generous so far. 402 00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,320 I mean, I really wouldn't be surprised 403 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:26,920 if this was the most bountiful harvest that was ever harvested 404 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:32,960 and, you know, I'm pretty sure as well that I will go down in history 405 00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,760 as the greatest lord that's ever lorded the harvest. 406 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:40,480 Vicar! Look at the haul that me and Pork Chop got. 407 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:44,160 Where did you get all this from? There's a hell of a lot of electricals here. 408 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:45,960 Oh, just going door to door. 409 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,520 Kerry, that's really not in the spirit of harvest. 410 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,640 Why I can't I trust you to do anything without taking it to the extreme? 411 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:55,040 Cos it's for a good cause. 412 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,520 Where did you get this waffle maker from? 413 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,680 Oh, Kurtan donated that. 414 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,920 I bought this for Kurtan for his new flat. 415 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,360 Yeah, he said he didn't need it. 416 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,120 What do you mean? 417 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,440 Er, cos he's not gonna bother with a flat. 418 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:10,680 What? 419 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:13,680 Yeah, he said, "What's the point?" 420 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:16,760 - Where did I put that? - Oh, that's just brilliant. 421 00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:21,760 To think I could've been of any use in Bristol when I can't even help here. Hmm. 422 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,200 Right, I want, er... 423 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,000 ...everything here taken back right now. 424 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:32,600 What, even the tins? 425 00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,720 Of course not the tins - stop being so bloody churlish! 426 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,920 - JUNE: Vicar... - It's getting really boring, June! 427 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,920 What the fuck? 428 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,560 Did you just see that? The Vicar's lost it. 429 00:24:57,600 --> 00:25:01,360 I never ever seen him like that before, like he properly... 430 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:04,080 There was one minute where I thought he was gonna spark out June. 431 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,120 She was stood there shaking like that. 432 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:11,640 But, yeah, I...I think he's gonna bottle going Bristol... 433 00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:14,760 ...which is good. 434 00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:29,280 I, er, I thought I was ready to leave the village but, um... 435 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,640 ...I think it's all just a big mistake. 436 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,760 Things here are falling apart. 437 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:41,840 Kurtan's given up his flat. I'm shouting at June. 438 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:45,920 I'm clearly not the right person for this Bristol job. 439 00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:53,440 I've never seen the back of someone's head look so sad. 440 00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:55,320 - Yeah? - It was really funny. 441 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:58,440 Sounds funny. 442 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:01,880 It was. 443 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,000 Sounds it. 444 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,880 The thing about the Vicar is that he believes in everyone else, 445 00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:12,600 but he doesn't believe in himself. 446 00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:16,120 And as soon as he gets a bit of self-doubt in his head, it eats away at him. 447 00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,880 So I know if we lay just one more guilt trip on him, 448 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:24,240 he'll crumble like a Jenga in a hurricane. 449 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,000 And he will forget about Bristol and leaving the village 450 00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:33,840 and everything will just go back to normal, which is all I really want. 451 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,000 Are you sure you wanna do this? 452 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,080 Yeah, fuck it, let's do it. 453 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:44,960 But one thing that I have learnt from the Vicar 454 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:49,800 is that sometimes the thing you want isn't necessarily the right thing to do. 455 00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:57,280 Vicar? Can we have a word? 456 00:26:58,640 --> 00:26:59,920 REV FRANCIS: Yes, of course, come in. 457 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:02,760 Is everything OK? 458 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,720 You know you've gotta go, don't you, Vicar? 459 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,920 Yeah? You're gonna be great. 460 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,640 - He's crying. - I hope so. 461 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,640 I just hope they realise what they've got. 462 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:32,080 Yeah...cos you're a legend. 463 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,320 - Oh. - But you are annoying as well. 464 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:41,760 Really annoying, and you've really gotta pluck them hairs from the top of your nose 465 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,600 cos that's gonna really wind everyone up. 466 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,160 - Yes, I know. - Yeah? 467 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:48,240 Thank you, Kerry. Thank you, Kurtan. 468 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:51,480 Oh. 469 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,240 You wearing Jean Paul Gaultier, Vicar? 470 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:57,840 Yeah. 471 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:00,080 Smells really nice. 472 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,480 Thanks. 473 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,760 KURTAN: Well, I don't want him to go, believe me, 474 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,840 but I know there's people out there that need him more than we do. 475 00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,040 The village won't be the same without him. 476 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,360 But we've gotta set him free now. 477 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:20,840 Yeah, cos it's exactly like when Swindon sold Sam Parkin to Ipswich Town, you know. 478 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:23,440 We lost one of our finest ever strikers that day. 479 00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:27,360 We did, yeah, but he had to go, you know, he was restless. 480 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:30,800 He had to leave to progress his career 481 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:33,600 and the very least we could do was grant him his transfer request 482 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,320 after years of exceptional service he gave to the club. 483 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:40,760 And, yeah, he did fail at Ipswich, 484 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,760 cos ultimately, he was massively out of his depth. 485 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:46,480 His career just nose-dived after that, but... 486 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,840 ...I'm sure the same won't happen to you, though, Vicar. 487 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:14,040 Of course it'll be sad to go, but it's the right time to leave. 488 00:29:14,080 --> 00:29:17,400 (INHALES) I just needed a push in the right direction. 489 00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:19,600 The village has been a wonderful home, 490 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,160 but above all, it'll be the people I miss. 491 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,880 - You all right? - Oh, hello, Mandy. How are you? 492 00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:31,960 - You leaving, are you? - Er, yes. Yes, I am, sadly. 493 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,800 Well, good luck with it all. It's never really worked out for you here, has it? 494 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,040 Well, I've thoroughly enjoyed my time here... 495 00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:41,320 - Yeah, see you later. - Yes, thank you, Mandy. 496 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:49,240 The thing about living in the village is that people come and people go... 497 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:52,880 ...but the Vicar has done so much here 498 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,920 that a part of him will always be in the village. 499 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,720 - See ya. - See ya. 500 00:29:58,760 --> 00:29:59,920 Bye! 501 00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:01,200 - KERRY: Bye. - KURTAN: Behave yourself. 502 00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:03,840 (HORN BEEPS) 503 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,040 KERRY: You know, a very wise man once said, 504 00:30:08,080 --> 00:30:11,560 "Wherever I roam, this place will always be my home." 505 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:14,440 Yeah. 506 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:17,560 Who said that? 507 00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:18,880 John McCririck... 508 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:23,240 ...talking about Cheltenham Racecourse. 509 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,480 He can't have lived at Cheltenham Racecourse, though, surely? 510 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:33,240 No, but he was there a lot. 511 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,120 They had a Premier Inn that was just outside the racecourse, 512 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,040 that he was just booked in constantly. 513 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,440 He'd just turn up and wouldn't have to phone and book in advance, 514 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:51,680 he'd just turn up and they'd go, "Oh, John, room's ready." 515 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:55,880 Makes sense. 516 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,160 - KERRY: Oh, that's my house there, look. - KURTAN: Yeah. 517 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,360 That's where my new flat's gonna be - over there. 518 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:13,520 Oh, yeah. 519 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:19,160 Oh, look, Rob Robinson's farm, up there, look. 520 00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:23,880 Who's that? 521 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:28,880 Rob Robinson. 522 00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:31,880 Who's Rob Robinson? 523 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,440 - Are you joking? - No. 524 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:43,200 Rob Robinson - the guy who was in our class in Year Seven for, like, two weeks 525 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:45,600 and then totally disappeared off the face of the Earth. 526 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,200 I went on that whole quest to find out what happened to him. 527 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,920 - Did you? - Yeah, for, like, a week. 528 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:55,080 Don't remember that. 529 00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:57,640 These lot were there, they filmed the whole thing. 530 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:01,040 Well, I've never watched this. 531 00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:05,840 You...you've never watched the documentary that you're in? 532 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:07,800 No. 533 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:10,800 Not really my sort of thing. 534 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:22,040 - How can you not remember? - I think you've lost the plot, mate. 535 00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,600 How have you forgotten him twice?