1 00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:29,396 Looks like it's curtains for me, kiddies. 2 00:01:29,606 --> 00:01:33,975 Then again, maybe the Venetian blinds would look better. 3 00:01:36,813 --> 00:01:38,542 I don't know. 4 00:01:38,615 --> 00:01:43,052 When I started this little makeover I was pretty excited. 5 00:01:43,119 --> 00:01:47,954 I thought a little Slaytex Paint, some new scream doors, 6 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:50,891 maybe even some scare conditioning, 7 00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:56,421 I could turn my little doomicile into a regular pied-�-terror. 8 00:01:56,499 --> 00:02:02,131 But, I tell you, kiddies, between the dust and the ghost overruns, 9 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,470 your pal, the Crypt Keeper is going out of his mind! 10 00:02:06,409 --> 00:02:09,708 Which is kind of like the woman in tonight's terror tale. 11 00:02:10,079 --> 00:02:12,309 It's about a comic book artist 12 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:17,251 who's about to experience a terrible case of d�j� boo. 13 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:21,288 I call it "Whirlpool. " 14 00:03:30,393 --> 00:03:34,227 Hey, Velma, you getting in the tub with me or not? 15 00:03:35,265 --> 00:03:37,631 Sure thing, doll. I'll be right there. 16 00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:41,132 Well, I hope you like it hot. 17 00:03:44,774 --> 00:03:45,934 Velma? 18 00:03:47,277 --> 00:03:48,266 Velma? 19 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:51,511 Where did you... 20 00:03:53,049 --> 00:03:55,449 Kill him! That's right. Get him. 21 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,849 Kill the slimy rat! 22 00:03:59,889 --> 00:04:02,585 Do it! Squeeze the life out of him. Come on! 23 00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:04,923 Die, you son of a bitch! 24 00:04:15,038 --> 00:04:16,699 Put some clothes on! 25 00:04:20,109 --> 00:04:21,974 You had him in the kip, didn't you? 26 00:04:22,045 --> 00:04:25,913 You told me to do whatever it took. And that's what it took. 27 00:04:26,950 --> 00:04:30,044 Actually, I feel kind of bad about Jerry. 28 00:04:30,987 --> 00:04:32,579 He was pretty good. 29 00:04:33,923 --> 00:04:35,185 What the hell. 30 00:04:35,425 --> 00:04:37,518 I'll always have my memories. 31 00:04:46,569 --> 00:04:51,404 I'm glad you feel that way, Velma. I'm all choked up. 32 00:04:51,474 --> 00:04:53,135 I didn't mean it. 33 00:05:05,488 --> 00:05:06,512 Now, wait a minute. 34 00:05:06,589 --> 00:05:08,318 Maybe I'm stupid or something, but I don't get it. 35 00:05:08,391 --> 00:05:10,518 No, it's simple. This guy is really dead. 36 00:05:10,593 --> 00:05:12,925 - What, he's dead? - No, he's dead. 37 00:05:12,996 --> 00:05:14,327 Oh, you mean he's dead. 38 00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,728 He's dead. 39 00:05:15,798 --> 00:05:17,527 What, are you kidding me? 40 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,598 - What's the matter, you don't like it? - What's to like? 41 00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:22,695 What kind of ending is that? 42 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,501 - It's a twist. - It's a piece of shit. 43 00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,440 Even the artwork sucks. 44 00:05:27,510 --> 00:05:30,946 There is no edge to it. It's predictable. 45 00:05:31,014 --> 00:05:32,140 What are you talking about? 46 00:05:32,215 --> 00:05:34,843 You don't expect the guy in the tub to be alive. 47 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:38,580 He's alive? Jeez, I thought he was a ghoul or something. 48 00:05:38,654 --> 00:05:39,746 He's not? 49 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:43,714 Okay, he's a ghoul. I'll change it. 50 00:05:43,793 --> 00:05:46,819 For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours. 51 00:05:46,896 --> 00:05:49,421 Except now I'm a story short. Thank you! 52 00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:51,399 Iggy, you got anything in your files? 53 00:05:51,467 --> 00:05:55,233 I got that he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire- but-neither-of-them-knows-it story. 54 00:05:55,304 --> 00:05:56,464 Hal, save me! 55 00:05:56,539 --> 00:05:58,097 You know that guy-who-wants-to-head-the-company- 56 00:05:58,174 --> 00:05:59,937 so-they-cut-off-his-head thing I been working on? 57 00:06:00,009 --> 00:06:00,998 Oh, Christ. 58 00:06:01,077 --> 00:06:02,339 I can have it on your desk in a half hour. 59 00:06:02,412 --> 00:06:04,004 Do it. Just do it. 60 00:06:12,722 --> 00:06:14,747 It's not that bad, is it? 61 00:06:15,558 --> 00:06:18,083 Rolanda, I want you in my office right now. 62 00:06:20,229 --> 00:06:22,857 Trust me. It's worse. 63 00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:28,662 How dare you walk in here and try to pass off that garbage to me? 64 00:06:28,738 --> 00:06:31,366 I wouldn't line a birdcage with that story. 65 00:06:31,441 --> 00:06:33,375 - I'm sorry. - Sorry don't cut it. 66 00:06:33,443 --> 00:06:35,934 I need stories. I need them on time and I need them great. 67 00:06:36,012 --> 00:06:38,947 And I can't remember the last time you delivered either. 68 00:06:39,015 --> 00:06:40,346 For crying out loud, Rolanda, 69 00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:42,008 you used to be the thoroughbred in this stable. 70 00:06:42,085 --> 00:06:43,609 What happened to you? 71 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,319 Are you drinking again? 72 00:06:45,388 --> 00:06:47,754 Honest to God, Vern, not a drop. 73 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:51,191 Yeah. Then maybe you should start. 74 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,651 I don't know what to tell you except 75 00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:56,628 clean out your desk. 76 00:06:57,133 --> 00:07:00,398 Please, please, Vern, we got a history, you and me. 77 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,831 You want me to beg? 78 00:07:04,941 --> 00:07:06,101 I'll beg. 79 00:07:08,644 --> 00:07:13,274 I've seen you on your knees before and it ain't a pretty picture. 80 00:07:13,649 --> 00:07:15,048 Security! 81 00:07:15,918 --> 00:07:19,820 Hey, let go of me, you big palooka! 82 00:07:22,158 --> 00:07:23,921 That poor kid. 83 00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,185 Can't say you didn't see it coming. 84 00:08:02,465 --> 00:08:04,763 You're a little later than I expected. 85 00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:08,334 I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight. 86 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:13,137 I took your advice and I stopped in that cozy little bar around the corner. 87 00:08:13,843 --> 00:08:16,243 - They remembered me. - Why not? 88 00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:19,543 They've been in mourning since the day you climbed on the wagon. 89 00:08:19,615 --> 00:08:22,743 Funny, that's what they said. 90 00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:26,217 Can we speed this up? I gotta get to work in the morning. 91 00:08:26,289 --> 00:08:28,917 I got a great idea for a story, Vern. 92 00:08:29,158 --> 00:08:31,649 It's about a gal who loses her job. 93 00:08:31,727 --> 00:08:33,991 And something inside of her snaps 94 00:08:34,063 --> 00:08:36,395 and she finds that thing 95 00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:39,090 that gives her back her edge. 96 00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,136 Sounds a little thin. 97 00:08:41,704 --> 00:08:45,401 Trust me, the visual's going to sell it. 98 00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:49,173 Rolanda, what are you doing? 99 00:08:49,245 --> 00:08:52,772 I ain't begging for my job anymore, that's for sure. 100 00:08:53,015 --> 00:08:55,575 Look, you gotta understand I did what I did for a reason. 101 00:08:55,651 --> 00:08:57,380 Garbage! On your knees. 102 00:08:57,453 --> 00:08:59,318 You're the one who's going to beg. 103 00:08:59,388 --> 00:09:03,449 And I've seen you on your knees and it's not a pretty picture. 104 00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:05,892 - Rolanda. Rolanda. - Come on. Come on. 105 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:07,657 I don't hear you begging. 106 00:09:07,730 --> 00:09:09,288 No! No! No! 107 00:09:41,931 --> 00:09:43,558 Move! Move! Freeze! 108 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,467 No, no, no! No! No! 109 00:09:48,237 --> 00:09:52,003 No! 110 00:10:30,279 --> 00:10:33,646 Actually, I feel kind of bad about Jerry. 111 00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:36,079 He was pretty good. 112 00:10:36,686 --> 00:10:37,948 What the hell. 113 00:10:38,254 --> 00:10:40,347 I'll always have my memories. 114 00:10:49,265 --> 00:10:53,998 I'm glad you feel that way, Velma. I'm all choked up. 115 00:10:57,973 --> 00:11:00,305 - What, he's dead? - No, he's dead. 116 00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:04,275 - You mean he's dead. - No, he's dead. 117 00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:06,076 What, are you kidding me? 118 00:11:06,716 --> 00:11:08,707 What's the matter, you don't like it? 119 00:11:08,784 --> 00:11:11,082 What kind of ending is that? 120 00:11:12,288 --> 00:11:14,620 - It's a twist. - It's a piece of shit. 121 00:11:14,690 --> 00:11:16,214 Even the artwork sucks. 122 00:11:16,292 --> 00:11:18,260 There is no edge to it. It's predictable. 123 00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:20,522 I didn't expect the guy in the tub to still be alive. 124 00:11:20,596 --> 00:11:23,793 He's alive? Jeez, I thought he was a ghoul or something. 125 00:11:25,568 --> 00:11:29,231 For Christ's sake, I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours. 126 00:11:29,305 --> 00:11:32,001 Except now I'm a story short. Thank you! 127 00:11:33,209 --> 00:11:35,404 Iggy, you got anything in your files? 128 00:11:35,478 --> 00:11:39,141 I got that he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire- but-neither-of-them-knows-it story. 129 00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:41,775 Great. Hal, save me. 130 00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:43,409 You know that guy-that-wants-to-head-the-company- 131 00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:45,181 so-they-cut-off-his-head thing that I been working on? 132 00:11:45,254 --> 00:11:46,949 I can have it on your desk in a half hour. 133 00:11:47,022 --> 00:11:48,580 Do it. Just do it. 134 00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:59,157 It's not that bad, is it? 135 00:11:59,235 --> 00:12:01,965 Rolanda, I want you in my office. Now! 136 00:12:04,907 --> 00:12:06,101 It's worse. 137 00:12:07,109 --> 00:12:10,237 Vern, there's something strange going on here. 138 00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:13,941 How dare you walk in here and try to pass off that garbage to me? 139 00:12:14,016 --> 00:12:16,541 I wouldn't line a birdcage with that story. 140 00:12:17,453 --> 00:12:20,650 You gotta listen to me. I had this dream last night. 141 00:12:20,723 --> 00:12:23,954 I need stories. I need them on time and I need them great. 142 00:12:24,026 --> 00:12:26,517 I can't even remember the last time you delivered either. 143 00:12:27,062 --> 00:12:30,190 For crying out loud, you used to be the thoroughbred in this stable. 144 00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:32,325 Are you drinking again? 145 00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:35,363 Honest to God, Vern, not a drop. 146 00:12:37,039 --> 00:12:39,166 Then maybe you should start. 147 00:12:42,077 --> 00:12:43,669 Before you fire me? 148 00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,140 Somebody call security! 149 00:12:52,388 --> 00:12:53,878 That poor kid. 150 00:12:54,890 --> 00:12:57,051 Can't say you didn't see it coming. 151 00:13:06,502 --> 00:13:07,764 Oh, no. 152 00:13:36,699 --> 00:13:38,997 You're a little later than I expected. 153 00:13:40,169 --> 00:13:43,036 I wasn't gonna wait much past midnight. 154 00:13:43,105 --> 00:13:46,563 I want to apologize for today. I haven't been drinking. 155 00:13:47,109 --> 00:13:49,873 But I have a great idea for a story. 156 00:13:50,346 --> 00:13:52,576 It's about a gal who loses her job. 157 00:13:52,648 --> 00:13:54,775 And something inside of her snaps 158 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:58,809 and she finds that thing that gives her back her edge. 159 00:13:58,888 --> 00:14:00,321 Sounds a little thin. 160 00:14:00,556 --> 00:14:03,992 No, I really think I have something, something good. 161 00:14:07,596 --> 00:14:11,589 One step closer and I'll blow you away, you sick bitch. 162 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:13,628 What are you doing? 163 00:14:13,702 --> 00:14:15,727 You didn't come here to beg for your job. 164 00:14:15,804 --> 00:14:18,432 - You came here to kill me. - No! No! 165 00:14:18,507 --> 00:14:21,305 You're about as predictable as your cockamamie stories. 166 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,540 On your knees. 167 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:26,308 I said get down on your goddamn knees! Come on! 168 00:14:26,382 --> 00:14:29,249 - Come on. - What are you doing? 169 00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:32,243 You think I'm gonna wait around here for you to nail me? 170 00:14:32,321 --> 00:14:35,484 I didn't come here to kill you. I came here to beg for my job. 171 00:14:35,558 --> 00:14:39,517 Everybody saw you attack me today. They had to run for security. 172 00:14:39,595 --> 00:14:44,498 Then tonight you came back. I had to shoot you in self-defense. 173 00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:46,091 I think it'll sell. 174 00:14:49,071 --> 00:14:50,265 Vern, no! 175 00:15:09,792 --> 00:15:11,259 Oh, shit! 176 00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:29,439 Freeze! 177 00:15:30,713 --> 00:15:31,873 No! No! 178 00:15:31,947 --> 00:15:34,916 No! 179 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,234 Tales from the Crypt. - Hello, Hal? 180 00:16:27,302 --> 00:16:28,291 Is Vern there? 181 00:16:28,370 --> 00:16:29,997 - He went out. - Went out? 182 00:16:30,773 --> 00:16:34,140 Well, you know that guy-who-wants- to-be-the-head-of-the-company 183 00:16:34,209 --> 00:16:35,574 thing you've been working on? 184 00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:37,407 You better get cracking. 185 00:16:37,479 --> 00:16:40,107 Probably won't take you more than a half an hour to finish it. 186 00:16:40,182 --> 00:16:41,171 Why's that? 187 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:45,209 Because I'm not coming in today, that's why. 188 00:16:47,189 --> 00:16:48,679 Could you hold on just a second? 189 00:16:53,228 --> 00:16:54,456 Vern, what are you doing here? 190 00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:56,259 What do you think? Where's the story? 191 00:16:56,965 --> 00:17:00,662 I was just calling to tell you... Something came up. I don't have it. 192 00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:01,964 You idiot! 193 00:17:02,037 --> 00:17:04,130 I gotta have this issue to the printer's in two hours! 194 00:17:04,206 --> 00:17:06,834 - Except now I'm a story short! - I fixed it. 195 00:17:06,909 --> 00:17:09,241 I called Hal and I told him to finish 196 00:17:09,311 --> 00:17:11,541 that guy-who-wants-to-be- the-head-of-the-company thing. 197 00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:13,410 I hate that frigging story! 198 00:17:13,482 --> 00:17:17,578 It's even stupider than Iggy's goddamn he's-a-werewolf-she's-a-vampire story! 199 00:17:17,653 --> 00:17:19,985 Oh, Christ! Are you drinking again? 200 00:17:20,055 --> 00:17:22,546 Honest to God, Vern, no, not a drop! 201 00:17:23,258 --> 00:17:25,283 You're fired, you hear me? Fired! 202 00:17:26,729 --> 00:17:30,096 Vern, don't do this to me. 203 00:17:32,334 --> 00:17:34,131 I can't take this anymore! 204 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,537 Vern, no! 205 00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,308 - Oh, my God. - Freeze! 206 00:17:49,384 --> 00:17:51,079 Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 207 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,553 You cold-blooded bitch. 208 00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:59,355 I didn't do it! 209 00:18:06,635 --> 00:18:09,195 You're going home, sweetheart. 210 00:18:09,872 --> 00:18:11,134 Poor kid. 211 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,668 Can't say you didn't see it coming. 212 00:18:14,309 --> 00:18:16,300 I know what's going on here! 213 00:18:16,378 --> 00:18:20,815 You'll shoot me and I'll wake up in a minute and it'll start all over again. 214 00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,506 OFFICER: Ready. 215 00:18:24,787 --> 00:18:25,776 Aim! 216 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:28,687 Fire! 217 00:18:36,165 --> 00:18:38,030 What, are you kidding me? 218 00:18:38,467 --> 00:18:40,059 What's the matter? Don't you like it? 219 00:18:40,135 --> 00:18:42,126 What kind of ending is that? 220 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:45,605 - It's a twist. - It's a piece of shit. 221 00:18:45,674 --> 00:18:49,132 - Even the artwork sucks. - I can fix it. 222 00:18:49,578 --> 00:18:50,670 Don't bother! 223 00:18:50,746 --> 00:18:52,737 And I don't appreciate you using my likeness 224 00:18:52,815 --> 00:18:54,544 in your goddamn story, either. 225 00:18:54,883 --> 00:18:57,408 I gotta get this issue to the printer's in two hours! 226 00:18:57,486 --> 00:18:59,818 Rick, grab something from your files, will you? 227 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:00,877 Yeah. 228 00:19:03,192 --> 00:19:04,216 You 229 00:19:04,993 --> 00:19:06,358 in my office. 230 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:12,894 Now! 231 00:19:17,873 --> 00:19:20,967 Oh, shit. 232 00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:28,144 Poor Rolanda, all she wanted was another shot. 233 00:19:28,217 --> 00:19:31,118 And that's exactly what they gave her. 234 00:19:31,186 --> 00:19:34,349 Talk about character assassination. 235 00:19:37,659 --> 00:19:39,650 So, what do you think, kiddies? 236 00:19:39,728 --> 00:19:43,687 Am I ready for Architectural Digest or what? 237 00:19:44,132 --> 00:19:48,967 It took a while, but this old haunt is finally coming together. 238 00:19:49,304 --> 00:19:51,329 Nice shudders over there. 239 00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:54,031 A lovely fright fixture over here. 240 00:19:54,109 --> 00:19:55,440 As a matter of fact, 241 00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:59,708 I've even started thinking of some new improvements I want to make. 242 00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:03,410 And I'm going to use the same contractor. 243 00:20:03,485 --> 00:20:05,544 I'm already taking bits.