1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,880 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,000 Oh, Mandy 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,200 Well, you came and you gave without taking 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:09,920 But I sent you away 5 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,560 Oh, Mandy 6 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:16,760 Well, you kissed me and stopped me from shaking 7 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:19,040 And I need you today 8 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,640 Oh, Mandy. 9 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:25,920 So, what kind of work are you interested in? 10 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:31,040 I like mindless tasks. You know, something I can do with my hands. 11 00:00:31,040 --> 00:00:33,040 OK, let's have a little look. 12 00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,800 Don't touch that, please. 13 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:41,200 Oh, here's a bit of luck. There's a position here packing fruit 14 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,800 at a food distribution factory. Oh, no. That doesn't sound like me. 15 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,120 It's either that or you'll have to attend an adult training course 16 00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:51,600 to improve your interview technique. That doesn't sound like me either. 17 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:54,760 Well, you've got to do one of them or I'll have to dock your benefits. 18 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:57,440 Fruit factory or adult training course? It's up to you. 19 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,320 It's like Sophie's Choice, in't it? 20 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,040 Job-seeker 21 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:08,120 Job-seeker... 22 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,040 Please watch the video. 23 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,920 Welcome to your new job at Gone Bananas, 24 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:26,040 the banana processing and distribution centre! 25 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:31,200 Please pay attention to this short health and safety presentation. 26 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:35,520 Processing and distributing up to 20,000 bananas a day, 27 00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,760 we are proud to have the sixth highest volume 28 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:42,760 of any banana processing and distribution centre in the UK 29 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,040 and North Europe region. 30 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:49,520 And all this with the third best health and safety record. 31 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:51,680 Let's keep it that way. 32 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:58,040 This is Mick. Mick was brought on board to replace Jill, 33 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:01,280 who was sadly killed in a banana processing 34 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,680 and distribution incident. 35 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,360 Don't let what happened to Jill happen to Mick 36 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:09,040 or to you. 37 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:15,760 These are laminates. 38 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,040 It is particularly important you familiarise yourselves 39 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,760 with this one. 40 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,040 This is a deadly spider from north Africa. 41 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,480 If you see it, you must smash it with your hammer. 42 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,040 And remember the Gone Bananas code. 43 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,280 One to stun, two to kill, 44 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,480 three to make sure. 45 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,520 DRAMATIC JINGLE PLAYS 46 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:50,040 Did you watch the video? Yeah, yeah. That were dead informative, that. 47 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,120 Thanks for that. Great. I will see you on Monday, then. 48 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,520 All right. 49 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,280 Have you been smoking? 50 00:02:58,280 --> 00:02:59,680 No. 51 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,040 No, it were like this when I come in. 52 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,200 Minty Peak? 53 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,280 Actually, have you got something all grown-up and executive? 54 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,600 You know, something that says conference call? 55 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:14,120 No Minty Peak? I've got a new job. 56 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:16,600 Oh, that is wonderful news, Mandy. 57 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,760 What is it? At the banana factory. 58 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,280 I'm an arachnid control operative. What is that? 59 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:24,760 Spiders, Lol! They come in on the bananas. 60 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,160 It's my job to smash 'em. It's a very important role. 61 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:30,760 Why don't they smash them at their end? 62 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,520 I don't know, but I'm quids in here. 63 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,520 I am so happy for you, Mandy. 64 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:37,280 Can I ask you something? 65 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,640 How exactly do you kill the arachnids? 66 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,160 Day-o... 67 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:45,280 One to stun, two to kill, three to make sure. 68 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,520 Daylight come and me... 69 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,520 One to stun, two to kill, three to make sure. 70 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,040 Work all night and drink a rum 71 00:03:56,040 --> 00:04:00,040 Daylight come and me wanna go home 72 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,040 Stack banana till the morning come 73 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:07,800 Daylight come and me wanna go home 74 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:12,040 Come mister tally man, tally me banana 75 00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:15,760 Daylight come and me wanna go home 76 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:19,680 Come mister tally man, tally me banana 77 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,520 Daylight come and me wanna go home 78 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:27,520 Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch 79 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:31,360 Daylight come and me wanna go home 80 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,960 Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch 81 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:39,360 Daylight come and me wanna go home 82 00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,760 Day 83 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,040 Me say day-o 84 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:47,040 Daylight come and me wanna go home 85 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:48,520 Day 86 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:51,280 Me say day, me say day, me say day 87 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,760 Daylight come and me wanna go home 88 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:58,760 A beautiful bunch of ripe banana 89 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,760 Daylight come and me wanna go home 90 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,760 Hide the deadly black tarantula 91 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,400 Daylight come and me wanna go home 92 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:14,760 Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch 93 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,120 Daylight come and me wanna... 94 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,040 These are for you. Bananas? 95 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:23,760 You get to take the black ones home. Oh, great. Ta. 96 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:27,760 Day 97 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:29,920 Me say day-o 98 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:34,040 Daylight come and me wanna go home 99 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,240 Day-o 100 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,840 Day-o 101 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,280 Daylight come 102 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:48,040 And me wanna go home. 103 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:07,760 Something terrible has happened. 104 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,520 I bloody loved that job, Lola. 105 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,680 I were good at it, too. 106 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,520 Shh. Dear, dear, never mind. 107 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:36,040 It weren't my fault, though. They're really fast, some of these spiders. 108 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,520 What is the latest death toll? 109 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,040 17. 110 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,560 It's not all bad news, though. 111 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,920 I've got a phone interview in the morning. 112 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,760 I might not mention the 17 dead. 113 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,040 What makes you think you're the right person 114 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,680 to join Chicken Bungalow? I like fried chicken. 115 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,640 I have it most nights. 116 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:14,200 I like other people who eat fried chicken, so I assume we'd get on, 117 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,440 and I always wash my hands, not just when I've done a number two. 118 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,840 Where do you see yourself in five years? 119 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:23,520 Well, if I'm not breeding Dobermann Pinschers, 120 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,400 hopefully I'll be working for you just frying chicken. 121 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,280 What are your strengths? 122 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,040 I'm not a grass. 123 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,040 I might be some things but I'm not a grass. 124 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,760 Oh, and I can swallow a tangerine whole. 125 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,520 TOILET FLUSHES 126 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,200 When can you let me know by? 127 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,160 Job-seeker 128 00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:48,760 Job-seeker... 129 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,040 Cheers for taking a chance on me. 130 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:59,280 Well, to be honest, you were the only applicant. Oh, fantastic. 131 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,600 I won't let you down. 132 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,040 Is it all right if I go on my break now? I'm gasping for a fag. 133 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:12,760 Yeah, all right. 134 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,600 Just make sure you're not seen smoking in your uniform. 135 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,120 It's not the healthy image we want to portray. 136 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:19,360 Yeah. 137 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,280 FAN WHIRS 138 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,480 FAN CHUGS 139 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,520 Shit. 140 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,040 Oh, fuckin' hell. 141 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:15,680 Cheers. Thanks. 142 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,040 One second. 143 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:22,360 We've just got a... 144 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:23,880 ..new person. 145 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,320 Oh, shit. 146 00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,480 Oh, fuckin' shit. 147 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,040 FAN CHUGS 148 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:35,040 Jesus. 149 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,080 SHE BLOWS 150 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,120 SHE COUGHS 151 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,040 Help! 152 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,360 Oh, this is fucking typical. 153 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,280 There you go. 154 00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:50,040 Thanks. 155 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,760 ALARM BLARES 156 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:53,360 One second. 157 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,400 Have you been smoking? 158 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,040 No, it were like this when I come in. 159 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,600 What time do you want me tomorrow? 160 00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,440 Back again, I see. 161 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,760 Now, Mandy, I've had some feedback from your recent employers 162 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:24,360 and it would be helpful and constructive for you to hear 163 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,800 what they had to say. Oh, no, I'm all right, thanks. 164 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,680 Mark from Chicken Bungalow said, 165 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:31,040 "She burned down my chicken restaurant." 166 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,840 And the banana people said thanks to your negligence, 167 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:35,520 17 lives were lost. 168 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:37,520 I knew they'd dredge that up. 169 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,440 And all of them said they thought you could do with some work 170 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,520 on your interview skills so I'm afraid I am going to insist 171 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:46,560 that you go on the adult training course. Fuckin' hell! 172 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:52,040 Job-seeker 173 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,040 Job-seeker 174 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,040 Job-seeker 175 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,520 Job-seeker 176 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,680 Job-seeker 177 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,520 Job-seeker... 178 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,040 Right, who's next? 179 00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,520 Come on, then. 180 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,560 OK, if you could just stand there on your mark, please. 181 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,280 How tall are you? 182 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:29,840 No idea. 183 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:33,040 Somewhere between Dudley Moore and Richard Osmond. 184 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:37,640 Right. OK. Just read this for us, please, in your own time. 185 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:39,280 Job-seeker 186 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,040 Job-seeker... 187 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,680 A couple of things to discuss, Mandy. Fuckin' ell. What now? 188 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,960 First of all, you didn't attend the adult training course as agreed. 189 00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:55,760 I did. I definitely went there. 190 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,560 Well, you didn't sign the register. Didn't I? No. 191 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:03,440 It's so long ago now. It was last Wednesday. You can't expect me to 192 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,880 remember everything that's ever happened. Jesus! 193 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:09,360 Secondly, have you been doing any paid work over the last two weeks? 194 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:13,360 No. Because it's come to my attention, Mandy, 195 00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,480 that you've actually been working. I haven't. 196 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,560 You haven't appeared in a commercial for a payday loans company? 197 00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,480 Who's told you that? 198 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,680 Mandy, your face is everywhere. 199 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:28,520 She just looks like me. What about her? Does she look like you? 200 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,440 What about this? 201 00:12:31,440 --> 00:12:34,520 Are you desperate for some cash but don't have any family members 202 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,440 willing to bail you out again? 203 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,320 Then try Cash Maggot. 204 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,280 Too many bills this month? 205 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,440 Visit Cash Maggot and get the money you need today. 206 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,280 It's so quick and simple. 207 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:48,920 There's nothing to fax and no boring paperwork to send. 208 00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:51,760 I'm a cash maggot. I am a cash maggot. 209 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,520 I'm a cash maggot. I'm a cash maggot! 210 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,440 Call Cash Maggot now 211 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,920 and you can have up to £300 in your account straight away. 212 00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:02,840 I'm a cash maggot. He is. I am. She is. 213 00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:05,520 I am. She is. I am. They are. 214 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,280 He definitely is. 215 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,040 ALL: Thanks, Cash Maggot! 216 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,680 Representative APR 91%. 217 00:13:10,680 --> 00:13:13,440 Your home may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments. 218 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,440 The fact that you're mouthing the words suggests that it's you. 219 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,840 So how much did you get paid? Nothing. 220 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,480 Yet. 221 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,520 How much will you be getting? 222 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:26,000 It were only a day. I mean... How much? 223 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,600 30 grand. 224 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,040 Sorry, what was that? £30,000. 225 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:37,040 Mandy, we take benefit fraud very seriously here. 226 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,280 OK? There's a strict procedure for this. I have to refer it 227 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,120 to my line manager. She'll have to refer it to legal. 228 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,560 They'll open a full investigation, work out... 229 00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:47,280 Day-o 230 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:49,360 Da-a-ay-o 231 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:54,520 Daylight come and me wanna go home... 232 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,000 You've got 30 days to appeal it. 233 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,360 Me say day, me say day, me say day 234 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,200 Me say day, me say day-o... 235 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,880 ..a custodial sentence. 236 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,440 Job-seeker 237 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,040 Bo!