1
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:05,306
Chuck Houston was the kind of man...
2
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:10,745
who wore his medals on the inside
as well as the outside.
3
00:00:11,346 --> 00:00:18,086
Chuck was shot 178 times in the movies.
4
00:00:18,653 --> 00:00:21,389
But it was in World War Il...
5
00:00:21,523 --> 00:00:24,692
that Chuck became a real hero.
6
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,695
He was a real star.
7
00:00:27,962 --> 00:00:32,233
He was wounded when
without regard for personal safety,
8
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:38,039
he heroically thrust himself
between an exploding grenade...
9
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:40,542
and his platoon,
10
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:45,713
and, uh, saved most of their lives.
11
00:00:46,681 --> 00:00:52,120
This was in the South Pacific,
earning him the Purple Heart.
12
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:55,557
You're 93 seconds too long.
13
00:00:55,857 --> 00:00:56,824
Oh, damn!
14
00:00:56,925 --> 00:00:57,859
We'll fix it.
15
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,795
You run a tight funeral.
16
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,665
Well, the service ends at 12:15,
we close casket,
17
00:01:03,765 --> 00:01:08,503
and if you can cut 93 seconds
from your tribute, we'll be home free.
18
00:01:08,603 --> 00:01:11,839
I'll work on it.
Tomorrow is another day.
19
00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:13,107
Goodbye, Mr. Prince.
20
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:15,310
Thank you, Fred. Good night.
21
00:01:16,311 --> 00:01:18,680
I like the display, Gerald. Thank you.
22
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:19,547
Thank you, sir.
23
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:22,917
Line two, Verity Chandler.
It's on hold.
24
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:25,587
Rita, Gerald, you can go.
I'll lock up.
25
00:01:25,687 --> 00:01:26,754
- Good night.
- Good night, Mr. Prince.
26
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:27,822
Good night.
27
00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:32,560
Verity, darling, did you get my
message about the Houston funeral?
28
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,963
I always get the message, lover.
29
00:01:35,063 --> 00:01:37,599
Eric, we have to have a private chat,
30
00:01:37,699 --> 00:01:39,801
just the two of us. Strictly personal.
31
00:01:39,901 --> 00:01:42,070
A chat? What about?
32
00:01:42,170 --> 00:01:44,005
There will be a funeral service,
33
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,074
of course, as always, but...
34
00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:47,809
we'll have one in private,
35
00:01:47,909 --> 00:01:50,378
all right? Just before.
36
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,747
Just the two of us.
37
00:02:00,622 --> 00:02:04,225
"Hollywood Heartbeat",
Sunday Promo, G102.
38
00:02:11,666 --> 00:02:16,404
Verity, what juicy tidbits do you have
on "Hollywood Heartbeat" this weekend?
39
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:17,171
What's new?
40
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:20,441
A story that will rattle
a few skeletons.
41
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:26,114
Watch this Sunday for grisly
undertakings on Sunset Boulevard.
42
00:02:26,381 --> 00:02:31,252
And if you've got gossip,
remember, you can email me at:
43
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:36,791
vicious_rumors_@
hollywood_heartbeat.com
44
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:18,599
Roger, darling, it's me at 11:30.
The liquor store just delivered...
45
00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:21,135
the booze for the Sunday party.
46
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:25,640
Listen, email me that revised
guest list as soon as possible.
47
00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:27,141
Now, page me.
48
00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:06,180
All right.
49
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:21,429
The Haverland Prince Funeral Home.
50
00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:46,454
Suzanne.
You meant a great deal to Chuck.
51
00:04:48,189 --> 00:04:49,791
How are you bearing up, Mrs. Houston?
52
00:04:49,891 --> 00:04:52,627
Oh, Mr. Prince. Would you excuse me?
53
00:04:52,727 --> 00:04:55,396
- I'd like to ask you a favour.
- Yes.
54
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,900
Could you sit with me
in the first row?
55
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,702
You may sit with anyone you choose.
56
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:05,273
Please sit with me.
You have been such a comfort.
57
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:06,607
It'll be my pleasure.
58
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,813
Oh, my, look at the red death.
59
00:05:54,956 --> 00:05:56,023
Excuse me, sir.
60
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:59,093
Your attorney is here to speak
to you about something urgent.
61
00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:00,027
Mm-hm.
62
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,232
Don't forget, service starts at noon.
63
00:06:04,332 --> 00:06:05,366
Yes, sir.
64
00:06:06,167 --> 00:06:11,038
Eric. I'm sorry, but the purchase
agreement has to be signed today.
65
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:16,010
Not to worry, Henry. I have it ready
for you. Shall we take the short cut?
66
00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:25,419
My chamber of horrors.
Look, but don't touch.
67
00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:35,930
It's on my desk.
Here we are, signed and delivered.
68
00:06:36,030 --> 00:06:39,767
You're now the proud owner of your
24th funeral home. Congratulations.
69
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:44,772
I think we should also congratulate
my dear old friend Mr. Haverland.
70
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,475
He would be proud of his protégé.
71
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:50,177
Yes. I really must be going.
72
00:06:50,278 --> 00:06:52,280
You'd like to go the way
of the living.
73
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:53,848
If you don't mind.
74
00:06:53,948 --> 00:06:56,250
It's always a pleasure, Henry.
75
00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,286
If you have any problems, call me.
76
00:06:58,386 --> 00:07:00,421
Absolutely. Bye-bye for now.
77
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,369
Oh, hi, babe!
78
00:07:16,671 --> 00:07:17,338
Verity.
79
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,674
You left your door unlocked.
Unlike you.
80
00:07:19,774 --> 00:07:21,676
I thought you'd gone.
81
00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:25,313
I checked the parking lot.
Your car wasn't there.
82
00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:29,150
No. Well, it's in for service.
I had a taxi drop me today.
83
00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:32,853
Maybe you can take me home when
this is over, just like old times.
84
00:07:32,954 --> 00:07:36,424
Nice joke, darling, but I only have
a minute. What do you want?
85
00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,559
I want your advice on a story
I'm working on...
86
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,695
for Sunday night's broadcast.
87
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:44,598
It's about a once-handsome,
never-was actor from England,
88
00:07:44,699 --> 00:07:48,536
didn't make it here either, who
gets a job in a Hollywood mortuary.
89
00:07:48,636 --> 00:07:53,307
The mortician takes a liking to him
and the actor becomes a mortician himself,
90
00:07:53,441 --> 00:07:55,676
only our boy undertaker gets greedy.
91
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:59,480
He realizes morticians can get to
the bodies before anyone else,
92
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:03,951
can find telltale traces
of homosexuality, affairs, drugs.
93
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:07,555
So he begins selling his information
to a television reporter,
94
00:08:08,089 --> 00:08:11,058
who also becomes his
oh-so-secret lover,
95
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,561
until he unceremoniously dumps her.
96
00:08:13,661 --> 00:08:15,396
That's old news.
97
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,264
Oh, this is even older.
98
00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:20,034
I shot this just a few days ago.
99
00:08:20,368 --> 00:08:21,836
It's the Dorothea Page mansion.
100
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:25,439
I knew you'd recognize it.
Just as I know you'll remember...
101
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:30,511
what was around Dorothea's neck when
her body arrived here some years ago.
102
00:08:31,212 --> 00:08:33,948
Eric, what ratings do you think
I'll get...
103
00:08:34,048 --> 00:08:35,883
for a story about
a Hollywood mortician...
104
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:39,120
who steals a diamond necklace
from a dead movie queen...
105
00:08:39,220 --> 00:08:41,589
so he can buy into a fancy mortuary?
106
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:42,857
Sounds fascinating.
107
00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:43,958
Doesn't it?
108
00:08:44,058 --> 00:08:47,328
I'm hot on your trail
and getting warmer by the minute.
109
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:50,531
I know your games. You're telling me
this so that I'll...
110
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,266
dig up dirt for you again.
111
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:55,469
Darling, no! You're not listening.
This isn't blackmail.
112
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,305
I'm broadcasting
this Sunday night at eight, live.
113
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:02,309
I'm even having a party
at my house to celebrate.
114
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:06,013
This is my big surprise scoop
of the year.
115
00:09:06,347 --> 00:09:07,681
Haven't told a soul.
116
00:09:08,349 --> 00:09:09,950
I wanted you to be the first to know.
117
00:09:10,418 --> 00:09:11,485
Thank you.
118
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,621
You're going to lose everything.
119
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:18,793
Eric Prince, you used to be
every widow's bedroom pet.
120
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,563
I only came by to make sure
you tune in Sunday night,
121
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:26,767
but it was worth it
just to see that knot in your gut.
122
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:31,772
Imagine this projected behind me...
123
00:09:33,374 --> 00:09:38,712
with the headlines, "Grisly
undertakings on Sunset Boulevard".
124
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,848
Hm?
125
00:09:42,383 --> 00:09:46,587
You burned me once, baby.
Now I'm going to burn you.
126
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,394
Mr. Prince?
127
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:42,009
Miss Rita, are the
flower arrangements all right?
128
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,944
Mr. Prince is delighted.
Thank you, Hugo.
129
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,746
I'm happy. Thank you.
130
00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:52,219
Oh, it's getting close.
131
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:57,191
I was just checking the new equipment.
Just lead on, would you?
132
00:11:20,648 --> 00:11:24,151
Chuck Houston was the kind of man...
133
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:27,888
who wore his medals on the inside...
134
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,191
as well as the outside.
135
00:11:31,192 --> 00:11:36,096
Chuck was shot 178 times...
136
00:11:36,197 --> 00:11:39,900
"Grisly undertakings
on Sunset Boulevard".
137
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,770
You burned me once, baby.
138
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:45,739
Now I'm going to burn you.
139
00:11:47,408 --> 00:11:50,277
...saved most of their lives.
140
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,880
This was in the South Pacific,
141
00:11:53,347 --> 00:11:56,850
earning him the Purple Heart.
142
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,056
May we always remember him.
143
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:15,703
I'll send one of our cars,
have you here at four o'clock.
144
00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:18,906
All will be ready.
I shall take care of this personally.
145
00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:20,441
Thank you.
146
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:23,477
Kathy, take care of your aunt,
would you, please?
147
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:25,346
Oh, Kathy.
148
00:15:47,448 --> 00:15:48,715
Eric?
149
00:15:48,916 --> 00:15:50,884
Here's your dear Chuck.
150
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:51,885
Thank you.
151
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:55,956
And, of course, we mustn't forget this.
152
00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:35,529
I see it. Stop. Just stop right here.
Is it all right to open the door?
153
00:16:46,406 --> 00:16:48,775
Happy trails!
154
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,221
Verity.
155
00:18:09,323 --> 00:18:12,259
My darling Verity.
156
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:28,842
Let's see what we have here.
157
00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:37,250
'97.
158
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:40,921
Change to 8.
159
00:18:43,924 --> 00:18:45,025
And...
160
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:50,130
where are you, Mr. Prince?
161
00:18:50,497 --> 00:18:51,765
There we are.
162
00:18:53,033 --> 00:18:54,067
Mm-hm.
163
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:58,572
Bye-bye, Mr. Prince.
164
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:05,145
And changed to...
165
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:14,287
Mm-hm.
166
00:19:15,956 --> 00:19:17,024
Hmm.
167
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:24,865
Adios, Mr. Prince. Hello, cocaine.
168
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:29,603
There we are. Change back.
169
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:32,706
Good.
170
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:22,389
I've come with my condolences.
171
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:25,292
Thank you, darling.
I'll get the glasses.
172
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,626
Thank you.
173
00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:36,103
I don't care what your procedures are, Sergeant.
I've made a ton of phone calls.
174
00:20:36,203 --> 00:20:39,206
Believe me, Verity Chandler
has friends in high places...
175
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:44,010
and nobody, I mean no one, knows
what the hell happened to her. Really!
176
00:20:44,111 --> 00:20:47,714
We have this party on Sunday.
The whole thing's bloody impossible.
177
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:52,152
Sir, we're doing the best we can
to locate Miss Chandler,
178
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,689
but as things stand
it's a missing-persons case.
179
00:20:55,789 --> 00:20:58,458
"Missing persons"?
Really, Sergeant?
180
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:02,195
"Missing persons" is like
being seated next to the kitchen.
181
00:21:02,295 --> 00:21:04,498
I would like some serious action.
182
00:21:05,899 --> 00:21:07,934
Oh! Hey!
183
00:21:08,535 --> 00:21:10,170
What's up with you?
184
00:21:11,071 --> 00:21:14,741
Hi, Sarge. Excuse me, I've gotta
get this hound under control.
185
00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:20,413
Are you gonna be good or are you gonna
embarrass me in front of the sergeant?
186
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:23,817
Look at that.
Will you look at that?
187
00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:27,087
I was on my way to the vet's
when you called.
188
00:21:27,187 --> 00:21:31,491
This guy hasn't been feeling too good
this week, kinda listless.
189
00:21:31,591 --> 00:21:34,694
Look at him now.
What's sparking you?
190
00:21:34,795 --> 00:21:37,998
Thanks for stopping by.
I know it's not a homicide,
191
00:21:38,098 --> 00:21:40,033
but Mr. Roger Gambles,
192
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:43,270
the missing lady's secretary,
is somewhat concerned.
193
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:44,838
You can say that again.
194
00:21:45,539 --> 00:21:48,175
All right. OK. He'll be all right.
195
00:21:48,275 --> 00:21:51,545
Uh... Oh, boy.
196
00:21:51,812 --> 00:21:53,914
Excuse me, what's this guy's name?
197
00:21:54,014 --> 00:21:55,982
Oh, Roger Gambles.
198
00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:03,557
Mr. Gambler, glad to see you, sir.
199
00:22:03,657 --> 00:22:05,492
Sergeant Degarmo been treating you
all right?
200
00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:07,460
Gambles. It's Roger Gambles.
201
00:22:07,561 --> 00:22:09,396
Oh, sorry, sir.
202
00:22:09,629 --> 00:22:11,598
You're a... you're a detective?
203
00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:14,568
Yes, I guess I am.
204
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:16,469
Uh-huh. Can you listen?
205
00:22:16,570 --> 00:22:18,505
Oh, yes, sir.
206
00:22:18,772 --> 00:22:21,241
The last time I heard from her...
207
00:22:21,341 --> 00:22:22,776
Excuse me.
208
00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:37,791
Yeah, he'll be all right.
Yes, sir?
209
00:22:37,891 --> 00:22:39,960
The last time I heard from her was...
210
00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:41,595
From who?
211
00:22:42,095 --> 00:22:45,899
From whom.
My employer, Miss Verity Chandler.
212
00:22:45,999 --> 00:22:49,469
The missing lady.
The reason we're all here.
213
00:22:50,003 --> 00:22:53,006
Last time I heard from her
was yesterday morning about 11:30.
214
00:22:53,173 --> 00:22:55,208
She's having a party
on Sunday and...
215
00:22:55,308 --> 00:22:57,811
asked me to email her
the revised guest list.
216
00:22:58,278 --> 00:23:02,916
I responded, she did not. I called her
repeatedly, several times, and...
217
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,919
all I got was the machine.
218
00:23:06,019 --> 00:23:07,554
When did you make these calls, sir?
219
00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:10,523
It's on the tape, Lieutenant.
I checked it.
220
00:23:12,626 --> 00:23:15,762
Three messages. 9:04pm.
221
00:23:15,862 --> 00:23:17,163
Verity, it's Roger. Call me.
222
00:23:17,697 --> 00:23:19,633
10:59pm.
223
00:23:19,733 --> 00:23:22,168
Roger again. Where are you?
224
00:23:22,269 --> 00:23:24,237
12:42am.
225
00:23:24,337 --> 00:23:26,439
Verity, I'm starting to worry.
226
00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:28,141
End of messages.
227
00:23:28,842 --> 00:23:30,577
- That's it?
- That's it.
228
00:23:31,778 --> 00:23:33,013
And you called the cops?
229
00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:34,881
What do you think?
230
00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:39,853
I showed up for work this morning,
the door was wide open, I saw the hall.
231
00:23:39,953 --> 00:23:42,055
What did you think
when you walked in?
232
00:23:42,322 --> 00:23:44,224
Oh, I think you did
the right thing, sir.
233
00:23:44,324 --> 00:23:47,060
She comes home, comes in here,
234
00:23:47,627 --> 00:23:51,231
pours herself a drink, off with
the earrings, off with the shoes.
235
00:23:51,331 --> 00:23:52,766
You see the shoes?
236
00:23:53,199 --> 00:23:54,734
I got the shoes.
237
00:23:55,235 --> 00:23:56,202
Yes, Sergeant?
238
00:23:56,303 --> 00:23:59,606
She sits down,
starts to work the computer.
239
00:23:59,806 --> 00:24:01,074
Doorbell rings.
240
00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:05,645
She gets up to answer it,
there's a struggle,
241
00:24:05,912 --> 00:24:09,749
someone nabs her
sometime after 8:40.
242
00:24:09,983 --> 00:24:13,286
After 8:40? Why 8:40?
243
00:24:13,486 --> 00:24:15,455
The computer, Detective.
It's there.
244
00:24:15,555 --> 00:24:17,924
The last time she made
an entry was 8:40pm.
245
00:24:18,825 --> 00:24:20,226
Can you look at it?
246
00:24:21,394 --> 00:24:23,163
I've already shown the sergeant.
247
00:24:24,264 --> 00:24:25,999
Can you look at it?
248
00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:28,034
Yes, I can.
249
00:24:29,269 --> 00:24:30,737
I'll look at it.
250
00:24:36,876 --> 00:24:39,746
"This reporter has been looking into
a tangled web of crime...
251
00:24:39,846 --> 00:24:43,383
amid the young and ruthless
in the snowy hills of Beverly.
252
00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:47,387
But the snow on those hills
ain't sugar, it's cocaine."
253
00:24:47,988 --> 00:24:49,155
Hm.
254
00:24:49,990 --> 00:24:50,657
Thank you.
255
00:24:51,391 --> 00:24:54,561
It seems like this drug story
got her kidnapped.
256
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:56,563
Can this be touched?
257
00:24:56,663 --> 00:24:57,998
Go ahead, they've been dusted.
258
00:24:58,098 --> 00:24:59,866
Guy's finished.
Everything's been done.
259
00:24:59,966 --> 00:25:06,172
Yesterday was Thursday.
Today is October 6, '97.
260
00:25:07,207 --> 00:25:12,212
"Twelve noon Houston fun."
261
00:25:12,812 --> 00:25:14,914
Was she gonna have fun in Houston?
262
00:25:15,315 --> 00:25:20,153
That's absurd. She went to the funeral
of Chuck Houston, the old cowboy actor.
263
00:25:20,253 --> 00:25:21,955
The service was yesterday at noon.
264
00:25:22,589 --> 00:25:23,957
Got that.
265
00:25:24,257 --> 00:25:28,428
What's "PH SB"?
266
00:25:28,661 --> 00:25:32,932
Phone someone?
"PH", phone, initials SB.
267
00:25:33,566 --> 00:25:35,702
Sid somebody, Shirley somebody?
Who knows?
268
00:25:35,802 --> 00:25:37,037
Could be.
269
00:25:37,937 --> 00:25:38,872
What's this?
270
00:25:38,972 --> 00:25:43,176
We've inventoried them.
11 pictures of a puppy.
271
00:25:46,279 --> 00:25:48,014
11?
272
00:25:48,114 --> 00:25:48,848
My God!
273
00:25:48,948 --> 00:25:50,316
What's the matter?
274
00:25:50,583 --> 00:25:53,153
Louella.
I forgot all about Louella.
275
00:25:53,253 --> 00:25:54,421
Louella?
276
00:25:55,155 --> 00:25:55,955
Who's Louella?
277
00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:57,590
Beats me.
278
00:26:02,195 --> 00:26:04,931
Poor Louella.
Slipped my mind completely.
279
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:06,633
Oh!
280
00:26:06,733 --> 00:26:09,402
- This is what's sparking you.
- Here, sweetie.
281
00:26:11,004 --> 00:26:12,505
Hold on, sweetheart.
282
00:26:12,605 --> 00:26:16,409
Oh, it's just a pup.
Look, he's shaking.
283
00:26:16,543 --> 00:26:18,478
- Sergeant, get my dog.
- Yes, sir.
284
00:26:18,578 --> 00:26:19,813
Hold him.
285
00:26:20,713 --> 00:26:23,817
Oh, look at this place.
It's a mess here!
286
00:26:24,184 --> 00:26:28,421
He's got no water!
He's got nothing! Where is it?
287
00:26:28,555 --> 00:26:29,255
Where's what?
288
00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:30,957
The food for the pup!
289
00:26:31,057 --> 00:26:33,960
Sorry. It's in the fridge.
She keeps it in the fridge.
290
00:26:34,394 --> 00:26:35,395
Yeah.
291
00:26:36,896 --> 00:26:37,897
Where's the spoons?
292
00:26:37,997 --> 00:26:39,866
The spoons? Over here. I'll get one.
293
00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:44,671
Here you are, Lieutenant.
294
00:26:46,139 --> 00:26:48,274
Oh, it's chicken. That's good.
295
00:26:48,374 --> 00:26:49,776
Yes, that's her evening treat.
296
00:26:49,876 --> 00:26:51,811
That's good. They like that.
297
00:26:52,312 --> 00:26:53,546
What did you say?
298
00:26:53,646 --> 00:26:55,815
Uh, her evening treat.
299
00:27:01,521 --> 00:27:02,655
Excuse me.
300
00:27:06,292 --> 00:27:10,163
Can you guys make sure this dog
is fed and has plenty of water?
301
00:27:10,263 --> 00:27:12,265
- Of course.
- And take him for a walk?
302
00:27:12,365 --> 00:27:16,002
And who's gonna watch this dog
while we're working on this case?
303
00:27:16,169 --> 00:27:17,270
Oh, I will.
304
00:27:17,370 --> 00:27:18,238
Thank you.
305
00:27:18,338 --> 00:27:21,307
You're going home, and, Sergeant,
if you'd...
306
00:27:21,574 --> 00:27:25,145
be kind enough to do me a favour,
307
00:27:25,378 --> 00:27:28,681
I want copies of these.
Take it to the lab.
308
00:27:28,781 --> 00:27:31,851
Copies made
from the negatives on the desk.
309
00:27:32,252 --> 00:27:34,487
Where was the funeral service?
310
00:27:35,054 --> 00:27:36,222
Haverland Prince.
311
00:27:36,656 --> 00:27:38,224
Haverland Prince...
312
00:27:38,358 --> 00:27:42,729
Haverland Prince...
Haverland Prince...
313
00:27:47,167 --> 00:27:48,334
Come in.
314
00:27:49,269 --> 00:27:51,070
- Good morning, sir.
- Ah, Rita.
315
00:27:51,171 --> 00:27:53,173
I was about to call your house.
316
00:27:53,273 --> 00:27:55,842
I wasn't at my house,
as a matter of fact.
317
00:27:55,942 --> 00:27:56,709
Who have we got?
318
00:27:56,809 --> 00:27:58,211
Regarding Dan Riley.
319
00:27:58,311 --> 00:28:01,514
The Motion Picture Home want to
start the viewing one hour later.
320
00:28:01,614 --> 00:28:03,082
Another day, another body.
321
00:28:03,183 --> 00:28:05,285
Also, there's a Mr. Lerby.
322
00:28:05,451 --> 00:28:08,555
Preplanned funeral.
The deceased arranged it two years ago.
323
00:28:08,655 --> 00:28:09,522
Cause of death?
324
00:28:09,989 --> 00:28:11,191
Gas boiler blew up.
325
00:28:11,658 --> 00:28:13,593
Ouch! Is there anything left of him?
326
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:15,562
Well, he's not the man he was.
327
00:28:15,662 --> 00:28:18,031
Mrs. Lerby, the widow,
will be here at ten.
328
00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:19,265
So will I.
329
00:28:19,632 --> 00:28:21,334
Mel Lerby was a jerk.
330
00:28:21,434 --> 00:28:26,339
A cheap, two-bit importer of
knock-off Korean knitwear.
331
00:28:26,673 --> 00:28:29,108
Our divorce
was gonna be final in a week,
332
00:28:29,209 --> 00:28:33,346
and if he'd waited seven days to kick it,
I wouldn't have to be here doing this.
333
00:28:33,446 --> 00:28:34,581
I don't want a service,
334
00:28:34,681 --> 00:28:37,450
I don't want flowers
and I do not want a coffin.
335
00:28:37,550 --> 00:28:40,887
Mrs. Lerby, your husband
requested a cremation.
336
00:28:40,987 --> 00:28:43,623
There has to be a container.
That's the law.
337
00:28:43,723 --> 00:28:46,926
He was a 98lb weakling
on his best day.
338
00:28:47,026 --> 00:28:50,129
What you got in there now
you could put in a shoebox!
339
00:28:50,230 --> 00:28:52,899
- Uh, Mrs. Lerby...
- A suggestion, Rita.
340
00:28:52,999 --> 00:28:58,171
We could cremate your husband today in
one of our inexpensive cardboard boxes,
341
00:28:58,271 --> 00:29:01,174
place his ashes in an urn
that I hope you will like...
342
00:29:01,274 --> 00:29:02,609
it'll be ready tomorrow...
343
00:29:02,709 --> 00:29:07,280
then arrange for our helicopter service
to disperse the ashes over the ocean...
344
00:29:07,380 --> 00:29:10,149
at our expense, with my compliments.
345
00:29:10,483 --> 00:29:12,518
We're going to take good care of him.
346
00:29:12,652 --> 00:29:14,887
Well, better you than me.
347
00:29:19,993 --> 00:29:21,261
Interesting woman.
348
00:29:21,661 --> 00:29:25,098
I'll cremate Mr. Lerby's remains myself
as soon as they arrive.
349
00:29:25,198 --> 00:29:29,569
They come in at three, but you'll have
to wait before you put him in the oven.
350
00:29:29,669 --> 00:29:31,571
- Why?
- It's being repaired.
351
00:29:31,671 --> 00:29:35,208
One of the gas jets blew yesterday
when you cremated Mr. Houston.
352
00:29:35,742 --> 00:29:39,579
Did it? How long will it take to fix?
353
00:29:39,746 --> 00:29:41,347
Repairman said it could be all day.
354
00:29:42,415 --> 00:29:44,250
Tell me immediately when it's ready.
355
00:29:44,350 --> 00:29:45,251
Yes, sir.
356
00:29:45,351 --> 00:29:48,821
Oh, by the way, someone's waiting
for you in the display room.
357
00:29:48,921 --> 00:29:50,323
Thank you, Rita.
358
00:30:04,837 --> 00:30:06,105
Morning, sir.
359
00:30:06,205 --> 00:30:10,843
I just can't get my wife to discuss
this stuff, but she should like this.
360
00:30:11,244 --> 00:30:12,378
Nice and soft...
361
00:30:12,478 --> 00:30:13,780
May I?
362
00:30:15,148 --> 00:30:17,116
I think you know the way out.
363
00:30:17,216 --> 00:30:18,451
Oh, sir, I'm sorry.
364
00:30:18,551 --> 00:30:22,121
I really shouldn't be smoking
in a special place like this.
365
00:30:22,822 --> 00:30:24,390
I'm from the police.
366
00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:25,325
Pardon?
367
00:30:25,425 --> 00:30:26,959
Lieutenant Columbo.
368
00:30:27,093 --> 00:30:27,960
You're joking.
369
00:30:28,061 --> 00:30:30,163
No, sir. No, I'm not.
370
00:30:31,064 --> 00:30:34,233
There you go.
Are you Haverland Prince?
371
00:30:34,500 --> 00:30:39,339
I'm Prince. My partner,
Arthur Haverland, died some years ago.
372
00:30:39,439 --> 00:30:41,107
Oh. Well, Mr. Prince,
373
00:30:41,207 --> 00:30:44,744
I'm looking into a missing-persons
case, Verity Chandler.
374
00:30:44,877 --> 00:30:45,812
She was here yesterday.
375
00:30:46,079 --> 00:30:47,480
Was she alone?
376
00:30:47,647 --> 00:30:48,781
As far as I know.
377
00:30:48,948 --> 00:30:50,183
Where was she?
378
00:30:50,283 --> 00:30:53,386
In the chapel. And I have to check it
for the next service.
379
00:30:53,486 --> 00:30:56,222
- Would you follow me?
- Oh, I'd love to, sir.
380
00:30:57,557 --> 00:31:01,394
The only person she spoke to was
the widow, Mrs. Houston. Then she left.
381
00:31:01,494 --> 00:31:03,730
Were you a friend of Miss Chandler's?
382
00:31:03,830 --> 00:31:05,231
A tabloid reporter?
383
00:31:05,331 --> 00:31:08,901
I keep my distance,
but I do call her about VIP funerals.
384
00:31:09,001 --> 00:31:11,571
The publicity's good
and she's discreet.
385
00:31:11,671 --> 00:31:14,607
As a matter of a fact, I called her
about the Houston service.
386
00:31:14,707 --> 00:31:16,275
Would you excuse me?
387
00:31:16,376 --> 00:31:18,811
That's coming along nicely, gentlemen.
388
00:31:18,911 --> 00:31:22,982
So she was here and then she left.
Yeah, OK.
389
00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:24,817
What kind of car was she driving?
390
00:31:25,051 --> 00:31:27,720
I assume the usual one.
A red Mercedes.
391
00:31:27,820 --> 00:31:29,655
Uh-huh, red Mercedes.
392
00:31:29,756 --> 00:31:32,658
Sir, this is Miss Chandler's datebook.
393
00:31:32,759 --> 00:31:35,027
Do you see the entry
for yesterday's date?
394
00:31:35,428 --> 00:31:39,932
"Houston fun PH, phone, SB".
395
00:31:40,032 --> 00:31:45,671
Do you know anybody who was invited or
who came to the funeral services...
396
00:31:45,772 --> 00:31:47,907
with the initials SB?
397
00:31:48,508 --> 00:31:53,579
Uh, Sonny Bono,
Sandra Bullock, Steven Bochco.
398
00:31:53,913 --> 00:31:56,749
Bono? Bullock? Bochco?
399
00:31:56,849 --> 00:32:01,187
Wow. Man,
you really get the big ones!
400
00:32:01,354 --> 00:32:05,324
The crème de la crème, sir.
That's French.
401
00:32:05,425 --> 00:32:06,993
Do you know of Dan Riley?
402
00:32:07,093 --> 00:32:10,062
The big dancer from the movies?
403
00:32:10,229 --> 00:32:12,031
Yeah, he died yesterday.
78 years old.
404
00:32:12,131 --> 00:32:14,867
Oh, he was up there with the greats.
405
00:32:14,967 --> 00:32:17,837
We're having the viewing
later this afternoon and...
406
00:32:17,937 --> 00:32:19,105
then the burial tomorrow.
407
00:32:19,205 --> 00:32:21,707
Oh. Gee whiz, that's funny.
408
00:32:21,808 --> 00:32:23,075
What?
409
00:32:23,176 --> 00:32:24,911
What you just said.
410
00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:29,816
You said you always call
Miss Chandler regarding VIP funerals.
411
00:32:29,916 --> 00:32:34,020
I was just at the Chandler house
and we checked her answering machine.
412
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,789
There were only three messages
since yesterday,
413
00:32:36,889 --> 00:32:39,759
all from her secretary.
414
00:32:40,726 --> 00:32:45,965
No, sir, there was no message from you
regarding Dan Riley's funeral.
415
00:32:46,165 --> 00:32:48,968
I must reprimand myself.
416
00:32:49,068 --> 00:32:50,870
Well, don't worry about it, sir.
417
00:32:50,970 --> 00:32:56,742
When you've got your mind on big things,
goodness, you could forget anything.
418
00:32:56,843 --> 00:32:59,078
Do you mind if I take one, sir?
419
00:32:59,178 --> 00:33:02,281
My wife and I gotta
make a decision on this stuff.
420
00:33:02,381 --> 00:33:05,751
With pleasure. And, of course,
you'll both be welcome here...
421
00:33:06,752 --> 00:33:08,421
when the time comes.
422
00:33:11,057 --> 00:33:13,092
You got a good sense of humour.
423
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:19,465
Oh, sir, if that red Mercedes were
here, would you know it was here?
424
00:33:19,565 --> 00:33:23,636
No, I wouldn't,
but my assistant would. Rita?
425
00:33:23,736 --> 00:33:26,973
We keep a log of all vehicles
that come for any bereavement.
426
00:33:27,073 --> 00:33:29,775
Rita, this is Lieutenant Columbo.
427
00:33:29,876 --> 00:33:33,546
He needs the car list for the Houston affair.
Would you give him any help you can?
428
00:33:33,646 --> 00:33:36,415
Certainly, sir.
Follow me, Lieutenant.
429
00:33:36,782 --> 00:33:40,653
Sir, this is a lovely place to go.
430
00:33:40,753 --> 00:33:42,288
You got that right.
431
00:33:51,297 --> 00:33:53,399
That's the complete list.
432
00:33:53,833 --> 00:33:56,035
Oh, this is great. Thanks.
433
00:33:56,135 --> 00:33:57,637
Is Miss Chandler's car here?
434
00:33:57,737 --> 00:34:01,507
Her Mercedes? No. We all know it.
435
00:34:01,674 --> 00:34:02,842
This was a taxi?
436
00:34:02,942 --> 00:34:04,877
Yes, there was a taxi.
437
00:34:04,977 --> 00:34:07,380
Anything odd in her behaviour?
438
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,482
Well, she comes here all the time.
439
00:34:09,582 --> 00:34:13,319
The last I saw of her, she was putting
one of our brochures in her purse.
440
00:34:13,419 --> 00:34:14,186
What was that, ma'am?
441
00:34:14,287 --> 00:34:16,923
She put our brochure in her purse.
442
00:34:17,023 --> 00:34:20,359
I just got this to talk to the wife,
but...
443
00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:22,862
you said that
she comes here all the time.
444
00:34:22,962 --> 00:34:24,096
Why would she want a brochure?
445
00:34:24,196 --> 00:34:26,999
No idea.
Oh, and she kissed the corpse.
446
00:34:27,099 --> 00:34:27,867
I'm sorry, ma'am?
447
00:34:27,967 --> 00:34:30,036
She kissed Mr. Houston's corpse.
448
00:34:30,136 --> 00:34:33,139
Hollywood's a very "kissy" town.
449
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:35,641
I even had to wipe her lipstick
off his cheek.
450
00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:37,209
You did? With what?
451
00:34:37,310 --> 00:34:38,344
My handkerchief.
452
00:34:38,444 --> 00:34:39,745
Do you have that handkerchief?
453
00:34:39,845 --> 00:34:42,415
I was going to
take it home and wash it.
454
00:34:43,382 --> 00:34:45,785
Oh, here we go.
455
00:34:47,820 --> 00:34:48,788
Thank you, ma'am.
456
00:34:48,888 --> 00:34:50,356
Will that be all?
457
00:34:51,390 --> 00:34:52,959
I think so.
458
00:34:53,459 --> 00:34:55,161
So what have we got?
459
00:34:55,761 --> 00:34:56,762
Her earrings...
460
00:34:58,564 --> 00:35:00,032
lipstick...
461
00:35:01,667 --> 00:35:03,569
her shoes...
462
00:35:29,629 --> 00:35:30,863
Be there.
463
00:35:32,498 --> 00:35:34,000
It has to be there.
464
00:35:48,814 --> 00:35:49,915
Lieutenant!
465
00:35:50,016 --> 00:35:51,617
In here, Sarge.
466
00:35:51,984 --> 00:35:53,119
Lieutenant.
467
00:35:56,222 --> 00:35:59,291
Well, you were right
to order up those reprints.
468
00:35:59,558 --> 00:36:02,662
There were 11 pictures of the puppy
in that envelope,
469
00:36:03,229 --> 00:36:07,400
but there were 12 exposures
on the roll. This is the 12th.
470
00:36:08,067 --> 00:36:09,502
How did you know there'd be a 12th?
471
00:36:09,769 --> 00:36:11,537
Cos of my brother-in-law.
472
00:36:11,637 --> 00:36:13,973
Only buys film that comes
in 12-shot rolls.
473
00:36:14,073 --> 00:36:17,643
He's always running out.
Drives you nuts.
474
00:36:18,544 --> 00:36:21,981
Well, I took the liberty of making
some enlargements.
475
00:36:22,081 --> 00:36:23,449
They might be useful.
476
00:36:23,549 --> 00:36:26,452
Oh. Well, that's using your head, sir.
477
00:36:27,219 --> 00:36:28,788
Thank you, Sergeant.
478
00:36:29,288 --> 00:36:31,557
Yeah, that was a good idea.
479
00:36:31,657 --> 00:36:33,059
Take a load off.
480
00:36:33,159 --> 00:36:34,427
Thanks, Lieutenant.
481
00:36:34,660 --> 00:36:37,863
Gee, this is a big place.
Any ID on this?
482
00:36:37,963 --> 00:36:39,331
Uh, no.
483
00:36:39,432 --> 00:36:43,703
So we still never found
the original of this photo?
484
00:36:44,203 --> 00:36:45,271
No. Nowhere.
485
00:36:45,371 --> 00:36:51,877
So why wasn't this photo
with the other pho...
486
00:37:00,019 --> 00:37:03,456
Photos. PH.
487
00:37:09,328 --> 00:37:10,629
You drink too much.
488
00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,933
I'm a widow. I'm in mourning.
489
00:37:17,103 --> 00:37:18,237
Hello.
490
00:37:19,305 --> 00:37:22,541
Oh, I'm so sorry
I didn't return your call,
491
00:37:22,641 --> 00:37:25,478
and actually I'm in the middle
of a meeting right now...
492
00:37:25,578 --> 00:37:27,980
with the funeral director
Mr. Prince.
493
00:37:29,882 --> 00:37:30,716
He says hello.
494
00:37:31,050 --> 00:37:32,251
Who is it?
495
00:37:33,419 --> 00:37:35,187
Lieutenant Combo?
496
00:37:35,454 --> 00:37:38,491
Columbo, yes.
Say that I say hello too.
497
00:37:38,758 --> 00:37:41,560
Oh. Well,
he said to say hello too.
498
00:37:43,829 --> 00:37:47,900
I'm afraid I'm not gonna be here.
I have to go see my psychiatrist.
499
00:37:48,934 --> 00:37:53,239
Well, I suppose I could.
All right, I'll see you there then.
500
00:37:53,339 --> 00:37:58,144
My psychiatrist will have to wait,
although he does love talking to me.
501
00:37:58,244 --> 00:38:00,079
Well, bye-bye.
502
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:02,047
Where is he?
503
00:38:02,515 --> 00:38:05,518
Verity Chandler's house.
He wants me to stop by.
504
00:38:05,618 --> 00:38:06,986
Did he say why?
505
00:38:08,053 --> 00:38:12,458
He wants to ask me some questions.
Said he has a few little problems there.
506
00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:14,393
I'll drive you.
507
00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:24,436
Ah, Mrs. Houston.
Thank you for coming, ma'am.
508
00:38:24,537 --> 00:38:28,240
I'm Lieutenant Columbo.
May I offer my condolences?
509
00:38:28,340 --> 00:38:30,609
No, thanks, I've had plenty.
510
00:38:30,943 --> 00:38:35,481
I'm sorry, it's just the tension.
I'm new at this widow stuff.
511
00:38:35,581 --> 00:38:37,349
And it's nice to see you again, sir.
512
00:38:37,449 --> 00:38:39,251
Mrs. Houston was too nervous to drive.
513
00:38:39,351 --> 00:38:42,087
I'm escorting her today,
if that's all right.
514
00:38:42,188 --> 00:38:44,557
Very nice. Please come in.
515
00:38:44,857 --> 00:38:45,791
Careful here.
516
00:38:45,891 --> 00:38:47,026
What happened?
517
00:38:47,126 --> 00:38:48,861
We're not sure, ma'am.
518
00:38:48,961 --> 00:38:52,565
That's why I want to ask you
a couple of questions.
519
00:38:52,932 --> 00:38:55,467
I hate to do this to you, ma'am.
520
00:38:55,568 --> 00:39:00,206
It's routine, you might say.
Routine.
521
00:39:00,306 --> 00:39:02,408
Yes, to the usual suspects.
522
00:39:02,508 --> 00:39:04,009
What has happened?
523
00:39:04,109 --> 00:39:07,313
The questions
that I want to ask you...
524
00:39:07,413 --> 00:39:10,816
and we're gonna be
asking everybody...
525
00:39:10,916 --> 00:39:14,854
that saw Miss Chandler yesterday
the same questions...
526
00:39:15,187 --> 00:39:19,458
and the question is
where were you from about...
527
00:39:19,558 --> 00:39:22,461
eight o'clock last night
until seven this morning?
528
00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:25,030
We'll start with you, sir.
Were you at home?
529
00:39:25,130 --> 00:39:28,601
As a matter of fact,
I wasn't at home.
530
00:39:28,701 --> 00:39:31,270
Not at home. Uh,
531
00:39:31,971 --> 00:39:33,706
could you elaborate on that, sir?
532
00:39:33,806 --> 00:39:36,208
Well, Lieutenant, I'm a bachelor.
533
00:39:36,308 --> 00:39:40,846
Shall we say that
I spent the evening with a friend?
534
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,649
With a friend.
535
00:39:43,916 --> 00:39:47,453
I hate to be indelicate, sir,
536
00:39:47,953 --> 00:39:53,492
but for my investigation,
it's important to know names...
537
00:39:53,592 --> 00:39:55,861
- Facts and that sort of thing.
- Specifics, yes.
538
00:39:56,128 --> 00:39:58,097
All right. All right.
539
00:39:58,764 --> 00:39:59,531
Ma'am?
540
00:39:59,632 --> 00:40:02,167
Mr. Prince spent the evening
with me at my house.
541
00:40:03,202 --> 00:40:04,203
With you, ma'am?
542
00:40:04,370 --> 00:40:05,404
Yes.
543
00:40:05,504 --> 00:40:06,572
At your house?
544
00:40:06,872 --> 00:40:08,107
Yes.
545
00:40:09,441 --> 00:40:10,142
Uh-huh.
546
00:40:10,242 --> 00:40:14,680
Yes, it's been a very vulnerable
and difficult time for Mrs. Houston.
547
00:40:14,780 --> 00:40:18,317
She was prostrate with grief,
and I felt it was necessary...
548
00:40:18,417 --> 00:40:22,121
So Mr. Prince
came over to my house...
549
00:40:23,389 --> 00:40:24,924
and he gave me grief counseling.
550
00:40:25,024 --> 00:40:26,225
Yes, I did.
551
00:40:26,458 --> 00:40:31,196
So you counseled Mrs. Houston
right through till this morning?
552
00:40:31,297 --> 00:40:32,498
Mm-hm.
553
00:40:32,631 --> 00:40:35,734
Mr. Prince came over
shortly before eight o'clock...
554
00:40:36,201 --> 00:40:38,504
and... Well...
555
00:40:39,805 --> 00:40:40,906
here we are.
556
00:40:41,974 --> 00:40:44,276
Lieutenant, do you have a moment?
557
00:40:45,177 --> 00:40:47,346
Excuse me, please, Liz.
558
00:40:47,546 --> 00:40:48,714
Lieutenant?
559
00:40:49,648 --> 00:40:51,383
Uh, the...
560
00:40:51,617 --> 00:40:55,521
the confidence that we've just shared
I imagine will go no further.
561
00:40:55,621 --> 00:41:00,059
Absolutely, sir.
That is your business.
562
00:41:00,159 --> 00:41:03,529
Thank you.
I appreciate that very much. Yes.
563
00:41:03,629 --> 00:41:07,066
Oh, ma'am!
I have a question for you.
564
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,870
Would you all mind
if I had a little shot of something?
565
00:41:12,571 --> 00:41:15,708
All this...
Well, it's given me the shakes.
566
00:41:15,808 --> 00:41:18,344
Well, I'm sure if
Miss Chandler were here,
567
00:41:18,444 --> 00:41:20,779
she'd be pleased to
share them with you.
568
00:41:20,879 --> 00:41:22,348
- Help yourself.
- Thank you.
569
00:41:22,448 --> 00:41:26,452
Just don't touch the Scotch.
570
00:41:26,652 --> 00:41:31,056
Don't worry. Scotch is not my flavour.
I prefer bourbon.
571
00:41:35,627 --> 00:41:37,629
Did you say something
about a question?
572
00:41:37,730 --> 00:41:39,898
Yes, ma'am. You know,
I'm a dog person...
573
00:41:39,999 --> 00:41:42,468
and I can usually
tell another dog person.
574
00:41:42,568 --> 00:41:46,472
And I bet you're a dog person.
575
00:41:46,905 --> 00:41:48,874
Well, aren't you clever?
576
00:41:48,974 --> 00:41:50,976
I do have a couple of
beauties at home.
577
00:41:51,076 --> 00:41:53,879
All right. Now,
you've got a 12-week-old puppy,
578
00:41:53,979 --> 00:41:56,515
like Miss Chandler, for three days,
579
00:41:56,615 --> 00:42:01,353
and you leave at ten in the morning
and you come back at eight at night.
580
00:42:01,854 --> 00:42:04,289
Would you forget to feed him?
581
00:42:04,690 --> 00:42:05,858
Never.
582
00:42:06,425 --> 00:42:10,496
Well, that pup was not fed.
His food was in the fridge.
583
00:42:10,596 --> 00:42:15,801
Until my dying day, I will
never believe that woman...
584
00:42:15,901 --> 00:42:19,038
forgot that there was
a hungry puppy waiting for her.
585
00:42:19,671 --> 00:42:21,073
With the mess in the hall,
586
00:42:21,173 --> 00:42:24,209
maybe someone kidnapped her
before she could feed him.
587
00:42:25,344 --> 00:42:27,212
She's a smart girl.
588
00:42:27,312 --> 00:42:32,084
Could I trouble you? Could you
come over here, near this desk?
589
00:42:32,184 --> 00:42:34,987
This is where Miss Chandler worked.
590
00:42:35,154 --> 00:42:36,522
Now, uh...
591
00:42:38,690 --> 00:42:40,492
these shoes.
592
00:42:40,759 --> 00:42:43,829
Were these the shoes
she was wearing at the funeral?
593
00:42:44,096 --> 00:42:48,033
Her shoes were black.
Yes, I would say so.
594
00:42:48,434 --> 00:42:50,502
Well, they were down here. OK.
595
00:42:50,636 --> 00:42:53,505
Uh, and these earrings.
596
00:42:53,639 --> 00:42:57,042
Were these the earrings
she was wearing at the funeral?
597
00:42:57,142 --> 00:43:01,914
Now, I know a lot about earrings
and I particularly remember them.
598
00:43:03,916 --> 00:43:06,085
Yes. These are the ones.
599
00:43:06,185 --> 00:43:09,421
Uh-huh. This glass was here.
600
00:43:12,257 --> 00:43:13,425
That's Scotch.
601
00:43:13,525 --> 00:43:16,895
So it looks like it was obvious
that this is where she was,
602
00:43:16,995 --> 00:43:18,397
and, uh...
603
00:43:18,964 --> 00:43:21,533
I only have one...
604
00:43:24,970 --> 00:43:26,839
Excuse me, ma'am.
605
00:43:27,039 --> 00:43:31,276
Would you turn your head toward
the light? That lipstick, ma'am.
606
00:43:31,376 --> 00:43:33,512
Would you say that that shade...
607
00:43:34,513 --> 00:43:38,217
is lighter in colour
than the lipstick on this glass?
608
00:43:40,018 --> 00:43:40,953
Yes.
609
00:43:41,053 --> 00:43:43,689
That shade, does it have a name?
610
00:43:43,789 --> 00:43:46,024
Well, I think
it's called Afternoon Delight.
611
00:43:46,125 --> 00:43:47,126
Uh-huh.
612
00:43:47,693 --> 00:43:52,865
Mr. Prince, sir, did you see Verity
kiss Chuck Houston?
613
00:43:52,965 --> 00:43:53,899
I don't recall that.
614
00:43:53,999 --> 00:43:55,434
Oh, she did.
615
00:43:55,701 --> 00:43:57,936
And frankly,
I thought it was a bit showy.
616
00:43:58,103 --> 00:44:01,907
Well, your employee Rita saw it,
because apparently she...
617
00:44:03,642 --> 00:44:07,412
wiped the lipstick
off of Mr. Houston's face.
618
00:44:08,413 --> 00:44:12,718
And she did it with this handkerchief.
619
00:44:12,885 --> 00:44:14,653
This stain, ma'am.
620
00:44:15,754 --> 00:44:17,990
How would this compare...
621
00:44:19,258 --> 00:44:21,793
with the lip print on the glass?
622
00:44:22,561 --> 00:44:23,495
It's not the same.
623
00:44:24,196 --> 00:44:28,167
Yeah. That's what I thought. Yeah.
624
00:44:30,369 --> 00:44:33,038
I happened to look
into this pocketbook.
625
00:44:33,505 --> 00:44:37,743
This is the pocketbook
that she was carrying at the funeral.
626
00:44:39,144 --> 00:44:41,079
And sure enough...
627
00:44:42,548 --> 00:44:43,982
this lipstick.
628
00:44:44,750 --> 00:44:47,152
And this lipstick...
629
00:44:48,787 --> 00:44:50,155
matches...
630
00:44:51,023 --> 00:44:53,125
the lipstick on this handkerchief.
631
00:44:53,959 --> 00:44:58,163
So this lipstick is the lipstick
that she was wearing...
632
00:44:58,263 --> 00:45:01,166
during the day yesterday.
633
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:06,638
Question:
why, when she came home at night,
634
00:45:07,372 --> 00:45:10,642
why did she take off
her day lipstick...
635
00:45:10,742 --> 00:45:16,181
and put on dark evening lipstick...
636
00:45:16,415 --> 00:45:18,717
to sit here alone,
637
00:45:19,318 --> 00:45:22,487
by herself, and type?
638
00:45:22,588 --> 00:45:24,156
Would you do that, ma'am?
639
00:45:24,456 --> 00:45:27,292
Oh, well, I'm a little confused.
640
00:45:27,659 --> 00:45:32,464
You know, they told me they think she
was working on this computer at 8:40,
641
00:45:32,564 --> 00:45:35,500
and maybe she was, I don't know,
but they also tell me...
642
00:45:35,601 --> 00:45:40,138
you push the right buttons right now,
don't ask me what they are,
643
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:48,247
you can erase that 8:40pm and put in
11:30am last Christmas, so who knows?
644
00:45:48,413 --> 00:45:51,483
"Only the Shadow knows."
645
00:45:51,583 --> 00:45:53,418
Fascinating.
646
00:45:53,619 --> 00:45:56,722
You certainly have a way with you,
Lieutenant.
647
00:45:56,822 --> 00:46:00,559
Is there anything else
you require of us at the moment?
648
00:46:01,493 --> 00:46:03,428
Not at this time, sir.
649
00:46:07,532 --> 00:46:08,600
- Sir!
- Yes?
650
00:46:08,700 --> 00:46:11,903
I'm sorry. Sir? Sorry, sir.
651
00:46:12,004 --> 00:46:14,573
Uh, ma'am? I'm sorry, ma'am.
652
00:46:14,806 --> 00:46:17,142
You're late, ma'am. Forgive me.
653
00:46:17,242 --> 00:46:20,679
This'll just take a second.
I just forgot.
654
00:46:21,246 --> 00:46:23,949
Uh, this house...
655
00:46:25,651 --> 00:46:28,120
Either of you recognize this house?
656
00:46:29,087 --> 00:46:34,026
Uh... no, I can't say
that I've ever seen that before.
657
00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:36,128
Have you ever seen this?
658
00:46:36,228 --> 00:46:38,664
No. No, I haven't.
659
00:46:38,764 --> 00:46:40,232
Sorry, Lieutenant. Can't help.
660
00:46:40,332 --> 00:46:43,201
All right. Thank you very much.
661
00:46:43,302 --> 00:46:44,336
Bye-bye again.
662
00:46:44,436 --> 00:46:45,804
Bye-bye.
663
00:47:38,490 --> 00:47:41,393
Mr. Lerby, we hardly knew you.
664
00:47:45,764 --> 00:47:49,401
A freshly repaired oven awaits you.
665
00:48:03,648 --> 00:48:07,719
Gentlemen, I fear
this is for double occupancy.
666
00:49:51,022 --> 00:49:53,959
Hey, Freddy.
What have you got for me?
667
00:49:54,159 --> 00:49:55,460
I got nothing.
668
00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:56,761
What's this? Soft time?
669
00:49:56,862 --> 00:49:58,463
But you got a visitor.
670
00:49:59,598 --> 00:50:00,832
- Eddie Fenelle?
- Yeah.
671
00:50:01,333 --> 00:50:03,401
You drive cab 953?
672
00:50:03,902 --> 00:50:04,936
Yeah.
673
00:50:05,504 --> 00:50:06,505
So what's the beef?
674
00:50:06,605 --> 00:50:07,706
Sit down.
675
00:50:08,673 --> 00:50:11,476
The dispatcher says
your cab picked up a fare...
676
00:50:11,576 --> 00:50:15,680
three days ago in Beverly Hills
a woman named Verity Chandler.
677
00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:17,716
Drove her to a funeral home.
678
00:50:19,551 --> 00:50:23,755
Oh, yeah. I don't remember her name,
but I picked her up around 11:30,
679
00:50:23,855 --> 00:50:26,558
dropped her off. End of story.
680
00:50:26,658 --> 00:50:27,826
You didn't drive her home?
681
00:50:27,926 --> 00:50:28,827
No.
682
00:50:28,927 --> 00:50:30,228
You didn't wait for her?
683
00:50:30,328 --> 00:50:31,129
No.
684
00:50:31,229 --> 00:50:33,164
How'd she leave the funeral home?
685
00:50:33,331 --> 00:50:34,199
How should I know?
686
00:50:34,299 --> 00:50:38,136
Maybe she bummed a ride from
another friend or called another cab.
687
00:50:38,470 --> 00:50:40,639
Did she have this picture?
688
00:50:41,072 --> 00:50:43,875
Hey, look, she didn't jump
in the front seat with me.
689
00:50:43,975 --> 00:50:47,312
We didn't get that close.
Are we done now?
690
00:50:47,679 --> 00:50:48,847
We're done.
691
00:50:51,983 --> 00:50:53,618
How long you been out?
692
00:50:54,386 --> 00:50:55,520
How'd you know I was in?
693
00:50:55,620 --> 00:50:59,224
I heard you say "soft time".
That's prison slang for easy duty.
694
00:50:59,858 --> 00:51:01,726
Six weeks. I'm on parole.
695
00:51:01,860 --> 00:51:03,161
Keep your nose clean.
696
00:51:03,428 --> 00:51:05,664
I'll keep it so clean,
you can eat off of it.
697
00:51:06,197 --> 00:51:08,767
I'm going for a burger.
Anything happens, page me.
698
00:51:08,867 --> 00:51:09,534
Right.
699
00:51:10,001 --> 00:51:11,570
Hey, nice talkin' to you.
700
00:51:11,970 --> 00:51:14,673
Phew. Hell, man!
701
00:51:15,140 --> 00:51:17,609
It is bumper to bumper out there.
702
00:51:17,876 --> 00:51:19,411
You waiting on a cab?
703
00:51:19,678 --> 00:51:20,745
No.
704
00:51:21,346 --> 00:51:23,381
So what are you doing?
Looking for a job?
705
00:51:24,950 --> 00:51:27,385
No, just sitting and thinking.
706
00:51:27,586 --> 00:51:29,387
Sitting and thinking.
707
00:51:29,721 --> 00:51:32,090
Well, that's a good thing
if you don't like to eat.
708
00:51:32,891 --> 00:51:36,127
But if you like to eat, not much time
for sitting and thinking.
709
00:51:36,227 --> 00:51:37,629
Gotta burn rubber.
710
00:51:37,729 --> 00:51:40,231
"HB". What does that mean?
711
00:51:40,332 --> 00:51:42,434
Uh, Hollywood Boulevard.
712
00:51:43,435 --> 00:51:45,270
Hollywood Boulevard...
713
00:51:49,374 --> 00:51:51,409
HB.
714
00:51:52,911 --> 00:51:54,846
SB.
715
00:53:02,013 --> 00:53:03,915
Hey! Hey!
716
00:53:04,015 --> 00:53:07,485
Hey, I'm a cop!
I'm a cop, you monkeys!
717
00:53:07,652 --> 00:53:11,456
A thousand pardons, Lieutenant.
You must forgive my security people.
718
00:53:12,123 --> 00:53:14,926
The bodyguards my country provides
are professional,
719
00:53:15,026 --> 00:53:17,829
but they can be overzealous
in their task.
720
00:53:17,929 --> 00:53:22,434
Now, what can Sheikh Hirami do
to help the Los Angeles Police?
721
00:53:22,567 --> 00:53:26,604
Sir, I'm looking into
a missing-persons case,
722
00:53:26,705 --> 00:53:29,107
a woman named Verity Chandler.
723
00:53:29,207 --> 00:53:32,811
Verity Chandler?
I have never heard this name.
724
00:53:32,911 --> 00:53:35,346
She's a kind of TV reporter.
725
00:53:35,447 --> 00:53:40,618
Ah, television!
Sheikh Hirami scoffs with derision.
726
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:42,754
You don't like television?
727
00:53:43,588 --> 00:53:47,158
Television is a box of infidels.
728
00:53:47,692 --> 00:53:49,794
Sheikh Hirami likes movie stars.
729
00:53:49,894 --> 00:53:51,963
Ah, good.
730
00:53:52,097 --> 00:53:56,401
Sheikh Hirami bought this mansion
because it belonged to the movie star...
731
00:53:56,634 --> 00:53:57,902
Miss Dorothea Page.
732
00:53:58,002 --> 00:54:00,939
Dorothea Page... Yes!
733
00:54:01,039 --> 00:54:05,243
A great silent-film star,
became even bigger in the talkies.
734
00:54:05,343 --> 00:54:06,644
This was her place?
735
00:54:06,745 --> 00:54:09,914
I've lived here seven years,
and I cannot tell you...
736
00:54:10,014 --> 00:54:13,952
the tourists, the gawkers.
That is why the security.
737
00:54:14,619 --> 00:54:18,223
You know, of course,
when Miss Dorothea Page died,
738
00:54:18,323 --> 00:54:19,758
the police came too.
739
00:54:19,991 --> 00:54:20,759
Why?
740
00:54:20,859 --> 00:54:22,660
Surely you must know.
741
00:54:22,761 --> 00:54:26,064
The case of the mysterious
missing diamonds.
742
00:54:26,431 --> 00:54:27,499
Diamonds?
743
00:54:28,166 --> 00:54:32,437
Uh, sir, maybe I will show you
this photograph.
744
00:54:43,414 --> 00:54:44,415
What's the ruckus?
745
00:54:44,516 --> 00:54:46,184
A thousand pardons.
746
00:54:46,284 --> 00:54:49,788
They are upset
because just three days ago,
747
00:54:49,888 --> 00:54:52,257
they chased away a woman
who took a picture.
748
00:54:52,390 --> 00:54:55,660
Wait a minute.
This woman who took this picture,
749
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:57,595
did she wear a big hat?
750
00:55:06,471 --> 00:55:07,639
Was that a yes?
751
00:55:07,872 --> 00:55:11,743
Big, black hat, red clothes.
Very red.
752
00:55:11,910 --> 00:55:15,613
Are you saying the woman wore
a big, black hat...
753
00:55:15,713 --> 00:55:18,349
with a lot of red clothes,
three days ago,
754
00:55:18,449 --> 00:55:21,152
took the picture and then drove away?
755
00:55:21,252 --> 00:55:24,389
Yes. She got out, stole
a photograph with her camera...
756
00:55:24,489 --> 00:55:26,891
and then jumped
right back into a taxi.
757
00:55:27,826 --> 00:55:28,493
Taxi?!
758
00:55:28,860 --> 00:55:30,461
Yes, they said taxi.
759
00:55:33,832 --> 00:55:35,400
Hey, I'm not for hire.
760
00:55:39,103 --> 00:55:42,140
Hey, can't you read?
The sign says no smo...
761
00:55:42,407 --> 00:55:45,577
Oh, it's you. Hey, listen,
I've already got a fare.
762
00:55:45,677 --> 00:55:48,847
The dispatcher tells me
you pick up the same guy...
763
00:55:48,947 --> 00:55:52,050
from the same doctor
at the same time each week.
764
00:55:52,150 --> 00:55:54,319
Right, and the meter's running.
What's up?
765
00:55:54,419 --> 00:55:57,622
Eddie Fenelle, aka Eddie the Fence.
766
00:55:57,722 --> 00:56:01,960
Six years, grand larceny,
receiving stolen goods.
767
00:56:02,260 --> 00:56:07,832
Does that include a diamond necklace
once worn by a star, Dorothea Page?
768
00:56:07,932 --> 00:56:10,568
Hey, you can't pin
that diamond job on me.
769
00:56:10,668 --> 00:56:15,607
I got a witness can identify you
as the driver of this cab...
770
00:56:15,940 --> 00:56:19,143
on the day that Verity Chandler...
771
00:56:20,378 --> 00:56:22,013
took this photograph.
772
00:56:24,649 --> 00:56:27,719
Now, are you gonna come clean
or do I take you downtown?
773
00:56:29,821 --> 00:56:31,990
I'm not looking to hurt you, Eddie.
774
00:56:32,090 --> 00:56:37,128
And right now I don't need any definites.
All I need is maybes.
775
00:56:37,495 --> 00:56:40,098
- Maybes?
- Yeah, maybes.
776
00:56:42,734 --> 00:56:44,102
OK, maybe.
777
00:56:45,069 --> 00:56:49,107
So maybe there is somebody who did
know something about those diamonds.
778
00:56:49,474 --> 00:56:54,245
This somebody didn't steal 'em,
he just handled 'em, if you know what I mean.
779
00:56:55,013 --> 00:56:58,216
And then maybe this somebody
went to prison for another job,
780
00:56:58,583 --> 00:57:02,086
then when he got out of the joint,
he gets a call from a woman.
781
00:57:02,186 --> 00:57:06,524
She says she's a reporter and she
wants the lowdown on those diamonds.
782
00:57:06,891 --> 00:57:10,828
And maybe somebody
got some money for this information.
783
00:57:11,663 --> 00:57:12,864
Maybe.
784
00:57:12,964 --> 00:57:16,167
And maybe
somebody's cab was used...
785
00:57:16,267 --> 00:57:21,306
to drive somebody to the dead
movie star's house to take a picture.
786
00:57:21,439 --> 00:57:22,907
Maybe that too.
787
00:57:23,007 --> 00:57:26,678
And maybe...
Come on, Eddie. I'm waiting!
788
00:57:28,746 --> 00:57:32,483
Maybe she wants this somebody to
finger the guy who stole the diamonds.
789
00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:33,785
How would she do that?
790
00:57:34,118 --> 00:57:36,554
She said she'd get a photo of the guy.
791
00:57:42,393 --> 00:57:43,561
Bingo.
792
00:57:43,761 --> 00:57:47,198
Uh, that is not an official bingo,
you understand?
793
00:57:47,732 --> 00:57:49,100
That's a maybe.
794
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:55,340
But somebody identified
this man in this picture...
795
00:57:55,573 --> 00:57:59,143
as the man
who fenced the diamond necklace...
796
00:57:59,243 --> 00:58:02,380
belonging to Dorothea Page.
797
00:58:02,547 --> 00:58:05,383
Sounds right. Maybe.
798
00:58:06,050 --> 00:58:07,352
Hey, here comes my fare.
799
00:58:07,452 --> 00:58:08,987
Keep that nose clean.
800
00:58:13,758 --> 00:58:16,995
The service that we provide
is a business,
801
00:58:17,195 --> 00:58:21,632
but how many businesses experience
the whole gamut of human emotions?
802
00:58:22,100 --> 00:58:26,004
Grief, pain, anger.
803
00:58:26,671 --> 00:58:29,640
Some of us call ourselves
funeral directors.
804
00:58:30,274 --> 00:58:32,844
I prefer the old-fashioned word,
805
00:58:33,311 --> 00:58:34,812
"undertaker".
806
00:58:34,912 --> 00:58:38,583
I undertake the pain...
807
00:58:38,683 --> 00:58:41,652
of the bereaved that they cannot bear.
808
00:58:42,186 --> 00:58:46,357
Our business is based on trust,
809
00:58:46,691 --> 00:58:51,162
and without that trust,
we lose our business.
810
00:58:51,262 --> 00:58:56,000
So it is in the spirit of that trust
that I accept these awards...
811
00:58:56,200 --> 00:59:00,638
and thank you all from the
bottom of my heart. Thank you.
812
00:59:07,812 --> 00:59:11,816
Move over here a little bit. Let me
take that, and look at the camera.
813
00:59:13,651 --> 00:59:14,385
Thank you.
814
00:59:15,253 --> 00:59:19,090
Thank you. Oh, yes,
I haven't seen you for a long time.
815
00:59:19,190 --> 00:59:23,428
Hey, John.
How's everything, huh? Good.
816
00:59:23,528 --> 00:59:27,432
Great speech, sir. Your office
said that I'd find you here.
817
00:59:27,532 --> 00:59:28,833
This is not a bad time, is it?
818
00:59:28,933 --> 00:59:31,769
No. Always a pleasure.
You intrigue me.
819
00:59:32,437 --> 00:59:34,872
I wanted to tell you
it wasn't Sonny Bono.
820
00:59:34,972 --> 00:59:37,408
- Excuse me?
- I said it wasn't Sonny Bono.
821
00:59:37,542 --> 00:59:40,311
- It wasn't him?
- No, sir. Or Sandra Bullock.
822
00:59:40,411 --> 00:59:42,180
- It wasn't her?
- No, sir.
823
00:59:42,280 --> 00:59:45,249
- It wasn't even Steven Bochco.
- Who was it?
824
00:59:45,516 --> 00:59:47,685
You won't believe this.
825
00:59:47,785 --> 00:59:49,353
- My cousin...
- It was him?
826
00:59:49,454 --> 00:59:52,523
No. My cousin works for a cab company.
827
00:59:52,623 --> 00:59:55,393
Drives a cab,
and I went down to see him.
828
00:59:55,493 --> 00:59:58,396
They've got this big map of the city...
829
00:59:58,496 --> 01:00:03,401
and he's writing on the blackboard,
"Heavy traffic, HB". "What's HB?"
830
01:00:03,501 --> 01:00:08,139
He says, "Hollywood Boulevard."
Holy jamolies!
831
01:00:08,239 --> 01:00:10,575
HB, Hollywood Boulevard.
832
01:00:10,875 --> 01:00:13,344
SB, Sunset Boulevard!
833
01:00:13,444 --> 01:00:14,112
Very good.
834
01:00:14,212 --> 01:00:15,880
We're off to the bar. You joining us?
835
01:00:15,980 --> 01:00:18,916
In a few minutes.
Have yourself a ball.
836
01:00:19,016 --> 01:00:21,152
- You bet, sir.
- See you later.
837
01:00:21,252 --> 01:00:25,556
It might be an idea if we went
somewhere private where we could chat.
838
01:00:25,656 --> 01:00:27,125
Follow me.
839
01:00:27,258 --> 01:00:30,461
This cousin of yours,
you see him often?
840
01:00:30,561 --> 01:00:31,696
Once a month.
841
01:00:31,796 --> 01:00:34,699
That should cover any fresh news
he has for you.
842
01:00:34,799 --> 01:00:36,334
Is he on your mother's side?
843
01:00:36,434 --> 01:00:38,202
No, sir. On my father's.
844
01:00:38,302 --> 01:00:40,404
Oh, on your father's side. I see.
845
01:00:40,505 --> 01:00:44,175
Lieutenant, you appear to have
something on your mind.
846
01:00:44,308 --> 01:00:45,209
What's bothering you?
847
01:00:45,309 --> 01:00:48,379
A couple of those photos
you took on the stand were OK,
848
01:00:48,479 --> 01:00:49,780
but...
849
01:00:50,314 --> 01:00:52,984
this is the man I would trust.
850
01:00:53,618 --> 01:00:55,119
I'm flattered.
851
01:00:55,219 --> 01:00:57,622
If you wouldn't mind
stepping over here.
852
01:00:57,722 --> 01:01:01,826
I think this will provide
adequate privacy.
853
01:01:01,926 --> 01:01:03,794
A nice, comfortable seat.
854
01:01:03,895 --> 01:01:09,767
If you'd care to step in,
and I'll be with you in a moment.
855
01:01:17,775 --> 01:01:20,378
Is there something in there, sir?
856
01:01:20,478 --> 01:01:24,282
Have no fear. It's just for display.
Empty as a tomb.
857
01:01:24,382 --> 01:01:28,186
Yes. Do you always carry
that paraphernalia with you?
858
01:01:28,786 --> 01:01:30,087
- Sir?
- Those trappings.
859
01:01:30,188 --> 01:01:32,190
All the things
that you pull out of your pockets.
860
01:01:33,824 --> 01:01:37,094
You know, that Sunset Boulevard thing,
it is intriguing.
861
01:01:37,195 --> 01:01:39,297
- It is, isn't it?
- Yeah.
862
01:01:39,463 --> 01:01:45,403
Oh, here we are.
"12 noon Houston fun PH SB."
863
01:01:45,503 --> 01:01:48,239
None of the SBs we thought up.
864
01:01:48,339 --> 01:01:51,042
Now, phone. PH,
don't tell me that that's "phone"?
865
01:01:52,577 --> 01:01:53,644
Photo.
866
01:01:53,744 --> 01:01:55,880
Photo. Photo. Oh, yes.
867
01:01:56,013 --> 01:02:00,484
And you did show us a photo of a house.
There must be some connection.
868
01:02:00,618 --> 01:02:01,786
I found the house.
869
01:02:01,886 --> 01:02:02,853
On Sunset Boulevard?
870
01:02:02,954 --> 01:02:05,289
There it was, sir, big as life.
871
01:02:05,456 --> 01:02:07,225
Fascinating.
Did you thank your cousin?
872
01:02:07,325 --> 01:02:10,728
I did, sir.
I gave him three golf balls, but...
873
01:02:11,362 --> 01:02:13,698
he'd never heard of Dorothea Page.
874
01:02:17,568 --> 01:02:18,669
Dorothea Page?
875
01:02:18,836 --> 01:02:22,340
It was her house, sir.
She died there.
876
01:02:23,541 --> 01:02:26,644
Dorothea Page. One of my idols.
877
01:02:26,744 --> 01:02:28,813
Oh, she was one of the greats, sir.
878
01:02:29,313 --> 01:02:32,083
A detective, Big George Tuddell,
he's an old friend of mine,
879
01:02:32,183 --> 01:02:36,120
he told me that when she died,
880
01:02:36,220 --> 01:02:39,724
there was a million-dollar
diamond necklace on her body.
881
01:02:39,991 --> 01:02:42,426
I can remember the very night.
882
01:02:42,526 --> 01:02:46,764
It was a Sunday,
September 19... 79.
883
01:02:46,864 --> 01:02:49,333
Her body was brought
to the funeral home.
884
01:02:49,433 --> 01:02:50,935
- You were there?
- Yes.
885
01:02:51,035 --> 01:02:52,703
- At the home?
- Yes.
886
01:02:54,171 --> 01:02:55,506
I was there.
887
01:02:56,607 --> 01:02:58,042
Wow.
888
01:02:58,142 --> 01:03:00,478
It was after midnight.
I was working late.
889
01:03:00,578 --> 01:03:02,513
We had four big funerals
the following day.
890
01:03:02,613 --> 01:03:04,915
I had a lot of preparation to do.
891
01:03:05,016 --> 01:03:06,784
And then the phone rang.
892
01:03:06,884 --> 01:03:10,021
Dorothea Page had died,
could the body be collected.
893
01:03:10,121 --> 01:03:13,958
So I sent the ambulance
and I just sat there devastated,
894
01:03:14,058 --> 01:03:18,095
reliving my memories of her.
895
01:03:18,429 --> 01:03:21,032
Then the ambulance returned,
the body was brought in and...
896
01:03:21,132 --> 01:03:25,002
then the phone rang again,
and this time it was the police.
897
01:03:25,236 --> 01:03:27,371
They said that inadvertently...
898
01:03:27,471 --> 01:03:29,940
a diamond necklace
had been left around her neck...
899
01:03:30,041 --> 01:03:34,178
before she was taken to the ambulance
and had I found it?
900
01:03:34,278 --> 01:03:36,314
So I said, "Of course not."
901
01:03:36,414 --> 01:03:38,215
You hadn't pulled back the covers yet!
902
01:03:38,316 --> 01:03:42,219
Exactly. So I told them
I'd go and check.
903
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:43,587
So I...
904
01:03:44,355 --> 01:03:47,558
I pulled the cover back
and no necklace.
905
01:03:47,658 --> 01:03:49,026
Uh-oh.
906
01:03:49,126 --> 01:03:52,063
So I went back to the phone and
I told the police the bad news...
907
01:03:52,163 --> 01:03:55,099
and they said,
"Don't leave the premises."
908
01:03:55,199 --> 01:03:57,335
I'll bet they were there
in five minutes.
909
01:03:57,535 --> 01:03:58,602
Two.
910
01:03:58,703 --> 01:04:00,237
You let them search the mortuary?
911
01:04:00,338 --> 01:04:01,305
I insisted on it!
912
01:04:01,672 --> 01:04:03,207
They never found the necklace?
913
01:04:03,307 --> 01:04:05,109
Not to this day.
914
01:04:05,276 --> 01:04:06,644
What a mystery, huh?
915
01:04:06,911 --> 01:04:08,012
Yeah.
916
01:04:09,480 --> 01:04:12,383
So what do you think
really happened, sir?
917
01:04:12,483 --> 01:04:13,851
Who stole that necklace?
918
01:04:14,285 --> 01:04:18,522
In my opinion, to this day,
I still believe it was the help.
919
01:04:20,358 --> 01:04:22,026
The help at her house.
920
01:04:23,527 --> 01:04:24,795
Why do you say that?
921
01:04:24,895 --> 01:04:26,530
Her negligee.
922
01:04:26,630 --> 01:04:29,033
It was stained, it was soiled.
923
01:04:29,166 --> 01:04:35,005
No decent human being would let
such a lady of class be seen in a rag.
924
01:04:35,106 --> 01:04:37,708
Eric, you're the man of the year.
We're waiting for you.
925
01:04:38,075 --> 01:04:40,978
I'll be with you in a minute, yes.
926
01:04:41,812 --> 01:04:46,117
Well, my public awaits.
Would you excuse me, Lieutenant?
927
01:04:46,217 --> 01:04:47,885
Oh, go right ahead, sir.
928
01:04:47,985 --> 01:04:50,454
Do you mind if I sit here
for a moment?
929
01:04:50,554 --> 01:04:54,492
Something just struck me.
I have to think.
930
01:04:55,126 --> 01:04:56,861
Make yourself at home.
931
01:05:07,738 --> 01:05:09,907
Everyone, silence. Silence!
932
01:05:10,775 --> 01:05:12,276
Thank you.
933
01:05:12,710 --> 01:05:15,613
Maestro, play!
934
01:05:18,616 --> 01:05:23,621
For he's a jolly good Undertaker
935
01:05:23,721 --> 01:05:27,591
For he's a jolly good undertaker
936
01:05:27,691 --> 01:05:31,829
For he's a jolly good undertaker
937
01:05:32,129 --> 01:05:34,965
This no one who dies can deny
938
01:05:35,499 --> 01:05:38,102
This no one who dies can deny
939
01:05:38,803 --> 01:05:41,906
This no one who dies can deny
940
01:05:42,306 --> 01:05:47,077
For he's a jolly good undertaker
941
01:05:48,345 --> 01:05:52,850
This no one who dies can deny
942
01:05:58,622 --> 01:06:01,592
- Drink, sir?
- A glass of orange juice, please. No ice.
943
01:06:03,127 --> 01:06:06,063
Hey, hey.
See the guy next to me?
944
01:06:06,464 --> 01:06:08,866
Wanna guess
what he does for a living?
945
01:06:09,133 --> 01:06:10,434
Not really.
946
01:06:12,136 --> 01:06:14,271
Miss, you gotta understand,
947
01:06:14,605 --> 01:06:18,108
Sam hasn't been next to
a warm body in years!
948
01:06:18,709 --> 01:06:20,211
I wonder why.
949
01:06:21,078 --> 01:06:22,746
What's your name?
950
01:06:23,147 --> 01:06:24,215
Morticia?
951
01:06:25,716 --> 01:06:29,286
Gentlemen, gentlemen. Gentlemen!
952
01:06:29,854 --> 01:06:31,388
Thank you. What is your name?
953
01:06:31,489 --> 01:06:32,256
I'm Roberta, sir.
954
01:06:32,690 --> 01:06:36,627
Roberta, to make up for the charm
and grace of my colleagues,
955
01:06:36,727 --> 01:06:39,630
kindly pour a round of drinks
for the entire bar.
956
01:06:40,130 --> 01:06:41,699
That'll be my treat.
957
01:06:42,967 --> 01:06:44,468
Does that include me, sir?
958
01:06:54,845 --> 01:06:56,447
Please. Thank you.
959
01:07:00,117 --> 01:07:02,887
Just kidding, sir.
I'm still on duty.
960
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:08,125
Sorry to bother you again,
but I'd be very grateful if, uh...
961
01:07:09,793 --> 01:07:11,328
you could look at this.
962
01:07:11,428 --> 01:07:16,500
This is my night of honour.
I would like to enjoy it.
963
01:07:16,600 --> 01:07:18,269
Oh, I understand that, sir.
964
01:07:18,369 --> 01:07:21,205
And I'm gonna be out of your hair
in a jiffy.
965
01:07:23,507 --> 01:07:28,779
"Report house security officer.
Woman in red dress. Big black hat."
966
01:07:28,879 --> 01:07:33,851
"Took photo of Dorothea Page house
three days before funeral."
967
01:07:35,519 --> 01:07:37,621
Sounds like we both know who.
968
01:07:38,188 --> 01:07:40,958
Well, it had to be her, but why, sir?
969
01:07:41,058 --> 01:07:43,060
Why would she do that?
970
01:07:43,160 --> 01:07:44,194
No idea.
971
01:07:44,562 --> 01:07:46,897
It's very disturbing, isn't it?
972
01:07:47,064 --> 01:07:48,399
Very.
973
01:07:48,766 --> 01:07:52,603
I could really be on my way, sir,
974
01:07:52,703 --> 01:07:55,506
if you would kindly
listen to this, too.
975
01:07:55,839 --> 01:07:57,708
Yes, I'll listen to it.
976
01:07:59,209 --> 01:08:02,446
I'm working on a story
that'll rattle a few skeletons.
977
01:08:02,546 --> 01:08:08,185
Watch this Sunday for grisly
undertakings on Sunset Boulevard.
978
01:08:08,485 --> 01:08:13,657
Hmm. She certainly
has a way with words.
979
01:08:13,757 --> 01:08:15,926
You're talking about...
980
01:08:16,026 --> 01:08:19,029
"grisly undertakings on
Sunset Boulevard", those words.
981
01:08:19,229 --> 01:08:21,599
I hope nothing serious
has happened to Verity,
982
01:08:21,699 --> 01:08:25,035
but sometimes
these tabloid journalists,
983
01:08:25,135 --> 01:08:28,439
they thrive on sensation.
984
01:08:28,606 --> 01:08:32,276
Right, sir.
So what you figure is that...
985
01:08:32,376 --> 01:08:37,748
she was gonna do one of those
sensationalized tabloid TV stories...
986
01:08:37,848 --> 01:08:40,117
on you and those missing diamonds.
987
01:08:40,217 --> 01:08:40,884
What do you think?
988
01:08:41,118 --> 01:08:44,922
I think she was. I do, yeah. Yeah.
989
01:08:45,022 --> 01:08:47,257
What about the photo of the house?
990
01:08:47,358 --> 01:08:52,563
Did she take that to show her viewing
audience as part of the TV show?
991
01:08:52,763 --> 01:08:54,064
So that's what you think?
992
01:08:54,264 --> 01:08:57,001
Uh... no, sir.
993
01:08:57,101 --> 01:09:00,037
She took that photograph...
994
01:09:01,972 --> 01:09:04,742
to show to somebody at the funeral.
995
01:09:06,477 --> 01:09:07,378
Really?
996
01:09:09,980 --> 01:09:14,018
Ladies and gentlemen, in honour of
Eric Prince, mortician of the year,
997
01:09:14,118 --> 01:09:16,920
I dug up a little
funeral medley for you all,
998
01:09:17,021 --> 01:09:19,490
and it goes a little like this.
999
01:09:22,393 --> 01:09:25,596
When a body meets a body
1000
01:09:25,696 --> 01:09:27,831
in the dead of night
1001
01:09:28,599 --> 01:09:31,902
Should a body hide a body?
1002
01:09:32,236 --> 01:09:35,806
Or cremate it tonight?
1003
01:09:36,807 --> 01:09:41,178
After the wake is over
1004
01:09:41,278 --> 01:09:44,782
After we've all gone home
1005
01:09:45,616 --> 01:09:49,586
After the body's buried
1006
01:09:50,020 --> 01:09:53,657
Then we can all get stoned
1007
01:09:54,024 --> 01:09:57,995
He'll be buried six feet under
when he goes
1008
01:09:58,362 --> 01:10:02,166
He'll be buried six feet under
when he goes
1009
01:10:02,533 --> 01:10:06,637
He'll be buried six feet under
and it isn't any wonder
1010
01:10:06,737 --> 01:10:10,541
He'll be buried six feet under
when he goes
1011
01:10:10,874 --> 01:10:13,077
Come on along, come on along
1012
01:10:13,177 --> 01:10:15,312
Eric Prince is the man of the year
1013
01:10:15,412 --> 01:10:17,581
Come on along, come on along
1014
01:10:17,681 --> 01:10:19,850
He's the reason for the beer
1015
01:10:19,950 --> 01:10:23,153
You know that he's the one
we all are here to see
1016
01:10:23,253 --> 01:10:24,588
Dear Eric
1017
01:10:24,688 --> 01:10:26,857
Come on along, come on along
1018
01:10:26,957 --> 01:10:32,396
Let's give the guy a cheer
1019
01:10:36,767 --> 01:10:39,937
Very nice, my friend.
Very nice. Thank you.
1020
01:10:41,038 --> 01:10:42,272
Beautiful.
1021
01:10:42,906 --> 01:10:48,512
Much as I loved her, I never
did see Dorothea Page's house.
1022
01:10:48,746 --> 01:10:50,347
Did anyone else recognize the photo?
1023
01:10:50,681 --> 01:10:53,117
No, sir. No.
1024
01:10:53,450 --> 01:10:54,518
Not a soul.
1025
01:10:54,752 --> 01:10:56,420
What a shame.
1026
01:10:56,854 --> 01:10:59,556
For a moment there,
I thought you were onto something.
1027
01:11:02,159 --> 01:11:05,362
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
let's liven things up a bit.
1028
01:11:05,462 --> 01:11:09,600
This is a party after all.
One, two, three, and...
1029
01:11:11,835 --> 01:11:13,103
Everybody, sing along.
1030
01:11:14,271 --> 01:11:16,140
You left this in the hearse.
1031
01:11:16,240 --> 01:11:19,243
I'm sure you'll wanna keep it
with your other awards.
1032
01:11:19,343 --> 01:11:23,881
My cousin's got one just like it
from the bowling league.
1033
01:11:23,981 --> 01:11:25,182
Thank you.
1034
01:11:25,816 --> 01:11:28,585
You'll have to forgive them,
Lieutenant.
1035
01:11:28,685 --> 01:11:32,222
You know, sometimes
our business can be,
1036
01:11:32,322 --> 01:11:35,592
shall I say, a little morbid.
1037
01:11:35,993 --> 01:11:39,363
Believe me, sir, if I had your job,
1038
01:11:39,463 --> 01:11:42,299
I'd be doing this every night!
1039
01:11:44,334 --> 01:11:47,971
If she was following this diamond-necklace
caper, she didn't tell me.
1040
01:11:48,071 --> 01:11:49,840
And you checked everything here?
1041
01:11:49,940 --> 01:11:52,676
You bet.
Not a mention of it anywhere.
1042
01:11:53,777 --> 01:11:55,779
But here's a really strange thing.
1043
01:11:56,280 --> 01:11:59,583
All the staff have them.
Verity always carried hers.
1044
01:11:59,850 --> 01:12:00,784
What is it?
1045
01:12:00,884 --> 01:12:02,986
It's a phone pager combined.
1046
01:12:03,220 --> 01:12:05,389
Here's where you paged me
to come over.
1047
01:12:05,522 --> 01:12:06,290
Oh, yeah.
1048
01:12:06,456 --> 01:12:08,692
"Lieutenant Columbo, 3:30."
1049
01:12:09,193 --> 01:12:11,662
Now, here's the really strange part.
1050
01:12:12,729 --> 01:12:16,400
When the public have gossip,
it usually comes in here, email,
1051
01:12:16,500 --> 01:12:18,435
then it's transferred to her pager.
1052
01:12:18,535 --> 01:12:19,536
Now,
1053
01:12:20,537 --> 01:12:21,972
look at the screen.
1054
01:12:22,806 --> 01:12:23,974
What is "interrupted"?
1055
01:12:24,074 --> 01:12:26,977
Cut off, gone, dead.
1056
01:12:28,512 --> 01:12:31,915
What could have cut off her pager...
1057
01:12:32,749 --> 01:12:34,751
at 12:32?
1058
01:12:35,252 --> 01:12:36,887
I have no idea.
1059
01:12:38,856 --> 01:12:40,023
How's the pup?
1060
01:12:41,692 --> 01:12:45,095
That's our remembrance package.
That costs $47,000.
1061
01:12:45,195 --> 01:12:46,797
Oh, I'll remember that one!
1062
01:12:46,897 --> 01:12:48,699
Of course, we have other options.
1063
01:12:48,966 --> 01:12:52,102
Excuse me.
Nice to see you again, Lieutenant.
1064
01:12:52,202 --> 01:12:55,305
Mrs. Lerby has come
to take her husband to his final rest.
1065
01:12:56,740 --> 01:12:58,008
Our condolences.
1066
01:12:58,108 --> 01:12:59,743
Oh, jeez!
1067
01:12:59,877 --> 01:13:02,112
He's heavier now
than when he was alive!
1068
01:13:02,312 --> 01:13:04,381
Have you selected
a place for dispersal?
1069
01:13:04,815 --> 01:13:06,884
Well, he was the king of double knit,
1070
01:13:06,984 --> 01:13:09,519
so I think I'll spread him
over one of his stores.
1071
01:13:09,720 --> 01:13:12,022
I think that Mrs. Lerby
is pulling our leg.
1072
01:13:12,656 --> 01:13:14,524
The ashes will be dispersed
over the ocean...
1073
01:13:14,625 --> 01:13:16,793
by our helicopter at eight tonight.
1074
01:13:16,894 --> 01:13:19,930
Cremation, that might be the way to go.
1075
01:13:20,030 --> 01:13:23,000
There's no worms, but that's hot, right?
1076
01:13:23,133 --> 01:13:25,269
Let me show you the procedure. Please.
1077
01:13:25,369 --> 01:13:26,870
- Oh, thank you.
- After you.
1078
01:13:27,337 --> 01:13:30,974
I'm leaving now, but I'll be back
in good time for the service.
1079
01:13:31,141 --> 01:13:32,709
Very fine, thank you.
1080
01:13:32,809 --> 01:13:35,012
Boy, this place is scary!
1081
01:13:35,112 --> 01:13:39,082
We would wheel you in on a gurney,
just like this one,
1082
01:13:39,182 --> 01:13:42,152
and if I had to store you overnight,
we'd put you in here.
1083
01:13:42,252 --> 01:13:43,220
It's refrigerated.
1084
01:13:43,520 --> 01:13:45,322
Is that thing always locked?
1085
01:13:45,722 --> 01:13:48,458
If a body is stored overnight, it is.
1086
01:13:48,558 --> 01:13:51,128
We wouldn't want it
to run away on us!
1087
01:13:51,228 --> 01:13:55,365
No, sir. Do all the employees
have keys?
1088
01:13:55,832 --> 01:13:59,002
Uh, just me. Good afternoon.
Welcome to my parlour.
1089
01:13:59,236 --> 01:14:01,872
He's interested in
the cremation procedure.
1090
01:14:02,072 --> 01:14:06,109
Is he? Gerald, I'm not too happy with
the flower arrangement in the chapel.
1091
01:14:06,209 --> 01:14:09,546
Would you check it out? I'll take over.
1092
01:14:09,646 --> 01:14:11,682
Right away.
Pleasure meeting you, Lieutenant.
1093
01:14:12,215 --> 01:14:14,251
I'll give you the tour.
1094
01:14:14,384 --> 01:14:20,190
Here we have an injector tube
for blood and formaldehyde.
1095
01:14:20,524 --> 01:14:25,896
And here we have scalpels,
needles and thread,
1096
01:14:25,996 --> 01:14:28,999
putty, Pan-Cake makeup powder.
1097
01:14:29,099 --> 01:14:31,535
A mortician
not only has to be a surgeon,
1098
01:14:31,635 --> 01:14:35,505
but also part-beautician
and part-makeup artist.
1099
01:14:35,605 --> 01:14:37,507
Now, this thing is called a choker.
1100
01:14:37,607 --> 01:14:40,243
You can take it.
It's been sterilized.
1101
01:14:40,344 --> 01:14:46,049
We insert that into you, attach the tube,
to extract your combustible gases.
1102
01:14:46,149 --> 01:14:50,053
It must be a funny job, sir,
being a mortician.
1103
01:14:50,153 --> 01:14:53,790
It has its moments. That is
an indispensable piece of equipment.
1104
01:14:53,890 --> 01:14:56,059
I don't know what I'd do without it.
1105
01:14:56,159 --> 01:14:57,995
So you undress the body,
1106
01:14:58,095 --> 01:15:00,831
then you do whatever you have to do
with that stuff,
1107
01:15:00,931 --> 01:15:02,833
dress it again. Then what?
1108
01:15:03,066 --> 01:15:06,169
In the box, in the coffin, in the casket.
1109
01:15:06,269 --> 01:15:07,871
Like that one there, sir?
1110
01:15:07,971 --> 01:15:09,740
Yes, a very popular model.
1111
01:15:10,007 --> 01:15:11,475
Could two people fit in there?
1112
01:15:11,842 --> 01:15:13,477
Afraid not.
What do you have in mind?
1113
01:15:13,710 --> 01:15:17,814
It's a crazy thought, sir. The wife
and I, we do everything together.
1114
01:15:17,914 --> 01:15:21,651
Nah, forget it. Where's the oven?
1115
01:15:21,785 --> 01:15:22,953
The oven?
1116
01:15:26,823 --> 01:15:28,825
Here's our little oven.
1117
01:15:33,296 --> 01:15:36,299
What we do is up with the door...
1118
01:15:38,902 --> 01:15:43,907
in you pop, turn on the heat
and away you go.
1119
01:15:44,007 --> 01:15:45,275
What heat would that be, sir?
1120
01:15:45,375 --> 01:15:46,743
1600 degrees.
1121
01:15:46,843 --> 01:15:49,679
And my wife
doesn't even like sunburn.
1122
01:15:49,813 --> 01:15:52,449
When it's finished,
is everything gone?
1123
01:15:52,549 --> 01:15:54,184
All gone.
1124
01:15:54,284 --> 01:15:55,919
And one person can run the oven?
1125
01:15:56,019 --> 01:15:57,054
Yes.
1126
01:15:58,355 --> 01:16:00,323
A whole body can
fit into one of those?
1127
01:16:00,424 --> 01:16:02,392
A human being is mostly water.
1128
01:16:02,492 --> 01:16:07,497
A man of your size would
probably burn down to about 5lbs.
1129
01:16:07,731 --> 01:16:09,332
Oh, I forgot something.
1130
01:16:09,533 --> 01:16:13,870
Yes, the Dan Riley, uh...
the Dan Riley ceremony.
1131
01:16:14,071 --> 01:16:18,108
These are his dancing shoes.
They'll be buried with him.
1132
01:16:18,208 --> 01:16:19,643
Would you care to see?
1133
01:16:19,743 --> 01:16:21,645
Yes, I would, sir. Yeah.
1134
01:16:23,380 --> 01:16:25,715
Everything would burn in that oven?
1135
01:16:25,816 --> 01:16:27,384
Of course, there are exceptions.
1136
01:16:27,918 --> 01:16:31,955
You can't cremate pacemakers,
for instance. They're made of titanium.
1137
01:16:32,055 --> 01:16:35,092
Mr. Houston,
he didn't have one, did he?
1138
01:16:35,192 --> 01:16:36,059
No.
1139
01:16:36,159 --> 01:16:38,228
That's much better, Gerald.
1140
01:16:38,328 --> 01:16:42,065
You and Hugo can go now, but do
check everything before the service.
1141
01:16:42,299 --> 01:16:44,801
- It shall be done, sir.
- Thank you. Hugo.
1142
01:16:44,901 --> 01:16:46,436
Now, after the service,
1143
01:16:46,536 --> 01:16:50,440
these are placed in the casket
before the casket is closed.
1144
01:16:50,540 --> 01:16:54,344
Sir, in case you were wondering,
Miss Chandler,
1145
01:16:54,444 --> 01:16:55,812
she didn't wear a pacemaker.
1146
01:16:55,912 --> 01:16:57,013
I wasn't wondering.
1147
01:16:57,114 --> 01:17:01,751
Yeah, but she did have one of these.
This is a... a pager.
1148
01:17:01,852 --> 01:17:05,255
She had this model, sir.
Oh, she carried this everywhere,
1149
01:17:05,355 --> 01:17:08,091
probably in her pocket,
and this would tell her...
1150
01:17:08,191 --> 01:17:12,129
when she received email messages
from the computer.
1151
01:17:12,229 --> 01:17:16,466
And on the day she disappeared, she
received messages, oh, let's see...
1152
01:17:16,566 --> 01:17:19,936
11:13 and 11:57,
1153
01:17:20,036 --> 01:17:23,173
but then, at 12:32...
1154
01:17:23,940 --> 01:17:25,876
the pager cut off.
1155
01:17:26,343 --> 01:17:28,311
No more signals. Kaput.
1156
01:17:28,411 --> 01:17:29,479
What do you think caused that?
1157
01:17:29,579 --> 01:17:34,851
Oh-ho! Ah!
That is a burning question, sir.
1158
01:17:34,951 --> 01:17:36,319
I think she was dead.
1159
01:17:36,419 --> 01:17:37,120
Really?
1160
01:17:37,354 --> 01:17:40,657
Yeah. I think she was killed
right here at the Houston service.
1161
01:17:40,757 --> 01:17:42,325
What would the killer do with the body?
1162
01:17:42,425 --> 01:17:45,195
He would get rid of it.
He'd cremate it.
1163
01:17:45,295 --> 01:17:48,765
There was only Chuck Houston's
cremation that day. I did it.
1164
01:17:48,932 --> 01:17:52,369
Yes, so the killer would have
had to have switched the bodies,
1165
01:17:52,469 --> 01:17:54,905
switched Chuck Houston
with Miss Chandler.
1166
01:17:55,205 --> 01:17:57,107
I see.
So if he had switched the bodies,
1167
01:17:57,207 --> 01:17:59,676
that would explain
the pager going kaput.
1168
01:17:59,843 --> 01:18:02,212
Yes, sir. It would.
1169
01:18:02,312 --> 01:18:06,283
I see. Well, since there was only one
cremation that day and I performed it,
1170
01:18:06,416 --> 01:18:09,519
that would make me the murderer.
1171
01:18:09,619 --> 01:18:13,223
Do tell me, do you have any bodies?
1172
01:18:13,323 --> 01:18:14,925
No, sir, I don't.
1173
01:18:15,158 --> 01:18:18,628
So if you don't have any bodies,
you can't prove there was a switch.
1174
01:18:18,795 --> 01:18:20,597
No, sir, I can't.
1175
01:18:20,697 --> 01:18:22,199
No bodies, no case.
1176
01:18:22,299 --> 01:18:24,901
Mm-hm. I suppose so.
1177
01:18:25,001 --> 01:18:27,904
That's the tricky thing
about burning questions,
1178
01:18:28,004 --> 01:18:33,543
once they're burned,
they're just ashes. Ashes!
1179
01:18:34,377 --> 01:18:35,979
Have you gone?
1180
01:18:39,382 --> 01:18:40,850
That's a nice display, ma'am.
1181
01:18:41,952 --> 01:18:44,087
My housekeeper made that.
1182
01:18:44,187 --> 01:18:48,158
If I'd done it,
they'd all be cockeyed, like me.
1183
01:18:48,425 --> 01:18:50,193
Nice place you got here.
1184
01:18:50,594 --> 01:18:54,497
Just a little ol' ranch house.
800 acres.
1185
01:18:55,332 --> 01:18:59,836
Chuck just craved it for his horses,
like I crave my bourbon.
1186
01:19:00,203 --> 01:19:01,805
Oh, my God!
1187
01:19:02,038 --> 01:19:03,006
Are you all right, ma'am?
1188
01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:08,979
I'm psychotic, Lieutenant.
I should get disaster aid, like Chuck.
1189
01:19:09,179 --> 01:19:12,215
Poor darling, he was wounded
so many times in the war.
1190
01:19:12,682 --> 01:19:15,185
Oh, you should've seen his x-rays.
They were grisly.
1191
01:19:15,285 --> 01:19:17,320
He only mounted one,
the one on the wall.
1192
01:19:17,921 --> 01:19:19,990
The one that made him limp
till the day he died.
1193
01:19:21,591 --> 01:19:23,526
You wanna know why I'm like this?
1194
01:19:23,627 --> 01:19:27,397
Because when you called
and said you'd be here in an hour,
1195
01:19:27,497 --> 01:19:30,367
I just had to help myself
to a few cocktails...
1196
01:19:30,467 --> 01:19:32,035
because I know why you're here.
1197
01:19:32,335 --> 01:19:34,904
I just wanted
to ask you a few questions.
1198
01:19:35,305 --> 01:19:36,373
All right.
1199
01:19:36,773 --> 01:19:39,209
I confess. I confess!
1200
01:19:39,309 --> 01:19:41,845
I throw myself
on the mercy of the court. I did it!
1201
01:19:42,646 --> 01:19:43,847
Did what, ma'am?
1202
01:19:44,114 --> 01:19:47,717
I threw Chuck's ashes over the sign,
the Hollywood sign.
1203
01:19:48,051 --> 01:19:51,621
Oh, well, that's against the law,
ma'am, and...
1204
01:19:52,656 --> 01:19:54,324
that's not...
1205
01:19:57,861 --> 01:19:59,229
good.
1206
01:19:59,429 --> 01:20:03,700
Oh. I only did it
because I thought he'd like it.
1207
01:20:04,768 --> 01:20:06,136
Am I gonna do time?
1208
01:20:06,636 --> 01:20:10,540
You told me the best confession ever.
1209
01:20:10,774 --> 01:20:13,610
I did? Are you gonna arrest me?
1210
01:20:13,710 --> 01:20:16,146
I'm going to arrest you, ma'am,
1211
01:20:16,246 --> 01:20:19,916
like no one has ever been arrested before.
1212
01:20:22,452 --> 01:20:26,856
He was a great artist,
ladies and gentlemen.
1213
01:20:27,791 --> 01:20:30,627
And now a special tribute...
1214
01:20:30,727 --> 01:20:33,496
that I know Dan would appreciate.
1215
01:20:49,479 --> 01:20:51,081
Beautiful.
1216
01:20:51,614 --> 01:20:53,616
Just beautiful.
1217
01:20:53,717 --> 01:20:54,918
Thank you.
1218
01:20:55,452 --> 01:20:58,054
But I didn't come here
for the service, sir.
1219
01:20:58,154 --> 01:20:59,656
That's a pity.
1220
01:21:00,724 --> 01:21:03,760
But I have to speak to you,
sir, tonight.
1221
01:21:03,860 --> 01:21:05,862
This is not the time, nor the place.
1222
01:21:05,962 --> 01:21:07,530
When and where, sir?
1223
01:21:07,630 --> 01:21:09,466
This service will be over soon.
1224
01:21:09,566 --> 01:21:12,402
I'll be working late.
In my office at nine.
1225
01:21:12,502 --> 01:21:14,704
That should fit in very well.
At nine?
1226
01:21:14,804 --> 01:21:16,606
Yes. I'll leave the gate open.
1227
01:21:16,706 --> 01:21:20,543
You make a left, follow the building
and my office is on the right.
1228
01:21:20,643 --> 01:21:21,611
There's a sign.
1229
01:21:21,711 --> 01:21:24,848
Left, right, a sign,
and you'll be there?
1230
01:21:24,948 --> 01:21:26,683
- Yes!
- Thank you very much, sir,
1231
01:21:26,783 --> 01:21:29,185
And I'm sorry about the intrusion.
1232
01:21:29,285 --> 01:21:30,286
Yes!
1233
01:21:34,524 --> 01:21:38,495
You sure know
how to send somebody away in style.
1234
01:21:57,247 --> 01:21:58,281
Come in.
1235
01:22:00,817 --> 01:22:02,952
Good evening. Right on time.
1236
01:22:03,052 --> 01:22:05,155
Oh, tea for two.
1237
01:22:05,255 --> 01:22:08,792
I thought it might be appropriate
after that service you attended today.
1238
01:22:08,892 --> 01:22:12,462
I hope you... Pull up a chair.
I hope you like tea.
1239
01:22:12,562 --> 01:22:13,863
Oh, it's my wife's favourite, sir.
1240
01:22:13,963 --> 01:22:16,633
Splendid.
And help yourself to milk and sugar.
1241
01:22:16,733 --> 01:22:19,536
Oh, very nice, sir.
Very nice indeed.
1242
01:22:19,636 --> 01:22:23,640
These tongs, very nice.
My wife, she uses a spoon.
1243
01:22:23,740 --> 01:22:24,874
Does she?
1244
01:22:26,209 --> 01:22:28,678
Oh, very nice.
1245
01:22:31,448 --> 01:22:34,083
Nice. Never tasted anything like it.
1246
01:22:34,350 --> 01:22:35,652
Darjeeling.
1247
01:22:36,119 --> 01:22:39,722
I've been chasing guys like you
for 25 years.
1248
01:22:40,690 --> 01:22:43,393
Caught every one, except you.
1249
01:22:44,027 --> 01:22:45,161
I hate to lose.
1250
01:22:45,261 --> 01:22:46,463
So do I.
1251
01:22:46,996 --> 01:22:49,732
You heard the one about
the wealthy old lady?
1252
01:22:49,833 --> 01:22:52,035
Hated her kids, but loved the dog.
1253
01:22:52,135 --> 01:22:53,436
I'm afraid not.
1254
01:22:53,536 --> 01:22:56,439
The dog always wore
a rhinestone collar.
1255
01:22:56,539 --> 01:22:59,876
And when the old lady died,
the kids couldn't find the money.
1256
01:22:59,976 --> 01:23:01,277
It disappeared.
1257
01:23:02,045 --> 01:23:04,581
Eight years later, the dog died.
1258
01:23:04,781 --> 01:23:09,152
It was cremated. Nothing left
except a mound of ashes...
1259
01:23:09,252 --> 01:23:13,990
and a $450,000 pile of diamonds.
1260
01:23:15,024 --> 01:23:21,064
So that wasn't a rhinestone collar
the dog had on. No, sir.
1261
01:23:21,698 --> 01:23:27,103
No. That was a $450,000
diamond collar.
1262
01:23:27,303 --> 01:23:29,005
Fascinating.
1263
01:23:29,772 --> 01:23:32,575
You see, sir, diamonds don't burn.
1264
01:23:33,343 --> 01:23:36,813
But you already know that, sir.
1265
01:23:36,913 --> 01:23:42,318
That's why you took Dorothea Page's
necklace off her dead neck,
1266
01:23:42,452 --> 01:23:46,456
opened her mouth
and dropped it down her throat,
1267
01:23:46,556 --> 01:23:49,425
so you could cremate the body
the next day...
1268
01:23:49,526 --> 01:23:53,696
and take the diamonds out of the oven
and put 'em in your pocket.
1269
01:23:53,796 --> 01:23:59,002
Why am I telling you this?
Because it makes me feel good.
1270
01:23:59,435 --> 01:24:02,505
I gotta get some satisfaction
out of this.
1271
01:24:02,605 --> 01:24:04,641
I'm gonna make an arrest tonight,
1272
01:24:05,074 --> 01:24:09,212
but I can't lay a finger on you, sir.
1273
01:24:09,312 --> 01:24:11,848
I haven't understood one word,
1274
01:24:11,948 --> 01:24:15,285
but that last part about the finger,
I like that.
1275
01:24:15,652 --> 01:24:19,055
It sounded good.
What's that thing doing here tonight?
1276
01:24:19,155 --> 01:24:21,791
- Oh, that's gonna land, sir.
- Is it?
1277
01:24:21,891 --> 01:24:23,493
Yeah, that's landing.
1278
01:24:23,593 --> 01:24:25,061
I'll go check on it.
1279
01:24:25,161 --> 01:24:27,430
Uh, sir, hold on just one minute.
1280
01:24:27,530 --> 01:24:30,500
Let me take another
sip of this beautiful tea.
1281
01:24:31,167 --> 01:24:35,104
Oh, these tongs, sir,
they're really special.
1282
01:24:35,204 --> 01:24:38,474
Why don't you keep them?
Save your wife using the spoon.
1283
01:24:38,575 --> 01:24:41,110
Thank you very much.
That's very nice.
1284
01:24:41,210 --> 01:24:45,114
Oh, yeah, these, uh...
They could come in useful.
1285
01:24:45,615 --> 01:24:46,983
Are you ready?
1286
01:24:51,654 --> 01:24:53,289
I'm ready now, sir.
1287
01:24:54,157 --> 01:24:57,827
Hey, guys, switch on your headlights
and those sidelights!
1288
01:24:57,927 --> 01:24:59,829
Let's get some light on this thing.
1289
01:24:59,929 --> 01:25:01,364
Yes, Lieutenant.
1290
01:25:01,598 --> 01:25:03,132
What's Mrs. Houston doing here?
1291
01:25:03,232 --> 01:25:05,301
That lady is my arrest.
1292
01:25:05,401 --> 01:25:06,502
Why?
1293
01:25:06,736 --> 01:25:11,140
She spread ashes over the Hollywood Hills.
That's against the law.
1294
01:25:11,240 --> 01:25:13,276
Oh, Eric, I've been such a fool.
1295
01:25:13,376 --> 01:25:14,978
Yes, it's all going to be all right.
1296
01:25:15,078 --> 01:25:16,112
Maybe,
1297
01:25:16,212 --> 01:25:19,315
if you'll tell the judge that the
warning about it's against the law...
1298
01:25:19,415 --> 01:25:21,484
is in very fine print.
1299
01:25:21,584 --> 01:25:23,219
If you'll do that,
that could help her.
1300
01:25:23,319 --> 01:25:24,187
It shall be done.
1301
01:25:24,287 --> 01:25:27,557
All right. Ma'am,
return to the police car.
1302
01:25:27,657 --> 01:25:28,858
Now, go.
1303
01:25:29,692 --> 01:25:32,629
Just precisely what is going on here?
1304
01:25:32,729 --> 01:25:35,031
Oh, it'll all be all right, sir.
1305
01:25:35,131 --> 01:25:36,899
Just to verify,
1306
01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:41,070
did you cremate Mr. Houston
at 12:20pm Thursday afternoon?
1307
01:25:41,170 --> 01:25:41,971
I did.
1308
01:25:42,071 --> 01:25:43,473
Very good.
1309
01:25:44,207 --> 01:25:47,076
Uh, you, sir! The pilot!
1310
01:25:47,176 --> 01:25:48,811
They tell me they call you Joe.
1311
01:25:48,911 --> 01:25:51,781
Come on over here, Joe,
and bring that bag with you.
1312
01:25:52,048 --> 01:25:54,884
Are you from the Prince Funeral Home?
1313
01:25:54,984 --> 01:25:56,019
Yes, sir, I am.
1314
01:25:56,119 --> 01:25:59,088
And on Thursday, did this woman,
Mrs. Houston,
1315
01:25:59,188 --> 01:26:01,290
bring ashes aboard your copter...
1316
01:26:01,391 --> 01:26:03,760
and tell you to fly over
the Hollywood sign?
1317
01:26:03,860 --> 01:26:04,761
Yes, sir, she did.
1318
01:26:04,861 --> 01:26:07,930
Did she dump
those ashes over the sign?
1319
01:26:08,031 --> 01:26:08,731
She did.
1320
01:26:08,831 --> 01:26:12,135
I'll take that bag, thank you.
Did you report that?
1321
01:26:12,402 --> 01:26:13,636
No, sir, I didn't.
1322
01:26:13,736 --> 01:26:17,807
All right. Report to the squad car,
please. Thank you very much.
1323
01:26:19,842 --> 01:26:24,280
The name "Lerby" written here, did you
write that when you cremated the body?
1324
01:26:24,380 --> 01:26:25,948
Yes, I did, but how the blazes...
1325
01:26:26,049 --> 01:26:29,619
I radioed the pilot, ordered him back.
1326
01:26:29,719 --> 01:26:31,654
His licence is in jeopardy.
1327
01:26:32,188 --> 01:26:35,324
Ma'am, I'm Lieutenant Columbo.
We met this morning.
1328
01:26:35,425 --> 01:26:37,960
I gotta confiscate
your husband's ashes.
1329
01:26:38,394 --> 01:26:40,463
Oh, no. He's like a bad penny.
1330
01:26:40,563 --> 01:26:43,099
Was your husband a war hero?
1331
01:26:43,199 --> 01:26:45,635
War hero! He was never in any war.
1332
01:26:45,735 --> 01:26:46,836
Never served?
1333
01:26:46,936 --> 01:26:49,272
No, he was 4-F,
like everything in his life.
1334
01:26:49,372 --> 01:26:50,473
Never decorated?
1335
01:26:50,573 --> 01:26:51,541
Of course not.
1336
01:26:51,641 --> 01:26:55,845
Cos I'm thinking of Chuck Houston,
who was not only a movie idol,
1337
01:26:55,945 --> 01:26:57,914
he was a legitimate war hero.
1338
01:26:58,014 --> 01:27:02,719
Fought all across the Pacific,
was wounded, hospitalized, endured pain.
1339
01:27:02,819 --> 01:27:06,355
You should see his x-rays.
He even had 'em framed.
1340
01:27:06,522 --> 01:27:09,492
Walked with a limp
to the day of his death.
1341
01:27:09,592 --> 01:27:11,327
Now, Mr. Prince,
1342
01:27:11,427 --> 01:27:15,631
if you did cremate Chuck Houston
on Thursday, as you claim,
1343
01:27:15,732 --> 01:27:19,769
when Mrs. Houston spread those ashes
over the Hollywood Hills,
1344
01:27:19,869 --> 01:27:23,840
Chuck and everything with him
ended up on that hillside.
1345
01:27:23,940 --> 01:27:25,541
But if you didn't...
1346
01:27:26,275 --> 01:27:29,979
if, instead, his body was switched...
1347
01:28:02,512 --> 01:28:04,947
I thought these might be useful.
1348
01:28:17,860 --> 01:28:20,797
Chuck Houston
had a piece of shrapnel in him.
1349
01:28:21,264 --> 01:28:26,636
A piece of shrapnel made of stainless
steel, hardest metal on earth, sir.
1350
01:28:26,736 --> 01:28:30,573
Like titanium, it won't melt
if you put 2,000 degrees on it.
1351
01:28:30,673 --> 01:28:33,876
Hard evidence, very distinctive shape.
1352
01:28:33,976 --> 01:28:35,645
I think the chances that...
1353
01:28:35,745 --> 01:28:40,716
this piece of metal will match
Mr. Houston's x-rays are good.
1354
01:28:40,850 --> 01:28:43,753
Now, sir,
perhaps you can explain...
1355
01:28:43,853 --> 01:28:46,155
how a piece of Mr. Houston's...
1356
01:28:46,255 --> 01:28:49,859
50-year-old war record
ended up in the urn...
1357
01:28:49,959 --> 01:28:55,231
of a 48-year-old leisurewear importer
from Sherman Oaks.
1358
01:28:55,798 --> 01:28:57,567
Very good.
1359
01:28:57,967 --> 01:29:00,336
Very, very good.
1360
01:29:02,171 --> 01:29:04,106
Would you excuse me, please?
1361
01:29:04,207 --> 01:29:06,309
Where are you going, Mr. Prince?
1362
01:29:07,777 --> 01:29:10,446
I'm going to the police car.
1363
01:29:10,646 --> 01:29:12,882
I'm wondering whether
we should travel separately,
1364
01:29:12,982 --> 01:29:15,585
or perhaps you'd care to join me.
1365
01:29:15,685 --> 01:29:18,621
Well, that's up to you, sir.
It's, uh...
1366
01:29:19,322 --> 01:29:20,890
your funeral.