1
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:10,675
Oh, you're making this
too easy for me.
2
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,310
Hold it right there, Coyote!
(all gasping)
3
00:00:12,312 --> 00:00:14,479
Don't worry.
We'll just cross the border
4
00:00:14,481 --> 00:00:16,314
in an alternate dimension.
5
00:00:16,316 --> 00:00:18,750
(whooshing)
6
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,653
(robotic voice):
Hold it right there, Coyote!
7
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,092
(growling)
8
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,960
(roaring)
9
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,097
Okay, ¡vámonos!
10
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:34,265
(high-pitched): Hey, what
do you think you're doing?!
11
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:36,101
Stop! (high-pitched):
Damn it, Buckwald.
12
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:38,536
We've got much bigger
problems than immigration!
13
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,305
(shrieks) Butterfly!
14
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,109
(screeches)
15
00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:52,016
♪ Ooh! ♪
16
00:00:52,018 --> 00:00:54,018
♪ Ha! ♪
17
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:56,121
♪ Ooh! ♪
18
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:58,323
♪ Ha! ♪
19
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,260
Whoa!
20
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,274
Hey, I got the mail.
21
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:19,844
Bud, the latest issue of
Suicide Weekly came in.
22
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,081
There's always so many ads
for al-Qaeda in here.
23
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,149
What's this?
24
00:01:24,151 --> 00:01:26,584
"You are invited
to a banquet in your honor
25
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,119
for your service
as a border agent."
26
00:01:28,121 --> 00:01:29,387
You hear that?
27
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:31,890
I'm finally getting
the recognition I deserve.
28
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:33,758
Oh, Bud, I'm so
proud of you.
29
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,593
You got accolades
in Desert Storm,
30
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,696
but this time, they
won't be from Saddam.
31
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,901
¡Hola, Buckwalds!
32
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,402
What are you all dressed up for?
33
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:45,970
Oh, just a banquet
in my honor.
34
00:01:45,972 --> 00:01:48,606
Something a lawn barber like
yourself wouldn't know about.
35
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:51,776
Hi, I'm your chauffeur for your
Gardener-of-the-Year banquet.
36
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,045
Oh, a stretch lawnmower!
37
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:58,316
So, sir, where are you from?
38
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:05,990
Wow, this place
is nice.
39
00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:08,626
Yeah, last time I was
in a place this fancy,
40
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,196
I was being auctioned
off to the sheik.
41
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:13,965
It's hard to believe that boy
42
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,800
who used to drink gasoline
for money
43
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,468
ended up an honored
border agent.
44
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,705
God, I could go for a glass
of Chevron 97 right now.
45
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:22,040
Welcome, everyone.
46
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,608
We all came
to this great country
47
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:25,310
hoping for a better life.
48
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:28,112
And thanks to one border
agent, Bud Buckwald,
49
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:31,616
we have made it across
and have flourished.
50
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:33,017
Dad, this banquet is hosted
51
00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:35,386
by an organization of successful
immigrant businessmen.
52
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,956
They're honoring you for
letting them into the country.
53
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:41,826
What?! Hey, last time I saw that
guy, he was a walking bush!
54
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:44,128
Hello. I'm the owner
of this banquet hall.
55
00:02:44,130 --> 00:02:46,464
This morning,
it was located in Méjico.
56
00:02:46,466 --> 00:02:49,534
I thought, "No way I'll get
an entire building past Bud."
57
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,236
But here we are.
58
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,872
I don't always cross the border,
59
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:57,308
but when I do,
I cross past Bud Buckwald.
60
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,043
♪ ♪
61
00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:01,012
Hello. I used to struggle
62
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,015
as an underqualified
geography teacher in Méjico.
63
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,751
But now, thanks to Bud,
I've built a new life here
64
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:10,088
in this wonderful country
of Czechoslovakia.
65
00:03:11,224 --> 00:03:12,891
Wow, Bud,
through your incompetence,
66
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,826
you've actually done
a really great thing.
67
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:17,061
They're all lying!
Don't get upset, Dad.
68
00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:19,931
Just try to have fun laughing
at this idiot border agent
69
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,266
everyone's making fun of.
70
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:23,534
Bud, these people are trying
to be nice to you.
71
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:24,903
Just sit back and smile vacantly
72
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:27,405
like I do
whenever I'm married to you.
73
00:03:27,407 --> 00:03:31,843
I have never been so humiliated
in my life, and I invented AIDS.
74
00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:35,246
I was making minestrone,
and it kind of got away from me.
75
00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:37,448
♪ ♪
76
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:41,252
ANNOUNCER: We now return
to La Fiesta Noche Show!
77
00:03:41,254 --> 00:03:43,721
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
78
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,857
Ha! It worked!
79
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,625
(laughter)
80
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,227
Ay, ay, ay!
81
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,263
(laughter)
82
00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:54,532
Well, that's why
you get a prenup.
83
00:03:54,534 --> 00:03:56,100
This show is so funny.
84
00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:59,203
It's the only time I forget
the face of the man I killed.
85
00:03:59,205 --> 00:04:02,273
Fans, next week, La Fiesta
Noche Show hits the road
86
00:04:02,275 --> 00:04:05,109
for a week of shows
in Mexifornia!
87
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:07,111
BOTH:
Mexifornia?!
88
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:10,982
MARIA: Ernesto, come on, we have
to go to my mother's for a week!
89
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,917
Thanks for not
putting up a big fight
90
00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,585
about going
to my mother's this time.
91
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,887
(window lowers)
92
00:04:15,889 --> 00:04:19,457
Pepito, get back
in the car before you... Pepito!
93
00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:20,892
Ernesto, turn around!
94
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:23,294
Why won't you turn around?!
95
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,965
That banquet made me
out to be a fool!
96
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:29,167
And to think I got
my hair done for it!
97
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:33,504
Stavros did all this work,
and now I've wasted his time!
98
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:34,939
Oh, Bud, you're overreacting.
99
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,774
It was a lovely evening.
100
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:40,011
I brought home this nice
gift basket they gave you.
101
00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,082
What is this?
102
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,317
Two tickets to something called
La Fiesta Noche Show?
103
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,519
La Fiesta Noche Show?!
(slide whistle blows)
104
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:51,122
¡Hola, Bud! I couldn't
help but hear
105
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,358
you were going to throw out
tickets to Fiesta Noche.
106
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:56,294
My father and I have watched
that show together for 40 years.
107
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,196
It's the one thing
we have in common.
108
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,331
Forget it! You wanting 'em
makes me want 'em!
109
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,599
You wanted 'em, right?
110
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,101
No...
111
00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:05,770
Yes! Give me! Give me!
Give me! Give me! Give me!
112
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:07,338
PLÁCIDO:
Ernesto!
113
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:10,541
I just won Fiesta Noche
tickets in a radio contest!
114
00:05:10,543 --> 00:05:12,010
Papi, that's great!
115
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:14,445
("Linus and Lucy" playing)
116
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:23,388
Oh, Bud,
this is gonna be fun.
117
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,689
¡Hola, Bud!
118
00:05:24,691 --> 00:05:26,290
Damn it, Ernesto,
leave me alone!
119
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,793
You're like the Bud
to the guy I stalk.
120
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,128
Hi, Richard!
121
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,396
Why did you move here?!
122
00:05:31,398 --> 00:05:33,364
I left Michigan
to get away from you!
123
00:05:33,366 --> 00:05:36,067
He hates when other people
pick his kids up from school.
124
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,136
(drumroll,
applause and cheering)
125
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:39,370
(upbeat music plays)
126
00:05:39,372 --> 00:05:41,639
¡Bienvenidos, Mexifornia!
127
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:44,542
Welcome to Fiesta Noche!
128
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,377
ERNESTO:
We love you, Don!
129
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:47,678
Did that get on TV?
130
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,147
Am I on TV?
131
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,649
PLÁCIDO: We won't know
until we watch!
132
00:05:51,651 --> 00:05:54,352
(band plays upbeat tune,
laughter)
133
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,587
(whistles)
134
00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,589
(laughter and applause)
135
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,195
Someday I want to slit
a silly man's throat.
136
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,030
Start with animals, son.
137
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,331
This show is terrible.
138
00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,434
How can this be a comedy
without Will Arnett?
139
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:12,603
We have to like him.
It's been decided.
140
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:14,439
There's no getting
around it.
141
00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:17,442
It took us 15 years
to get rid of Bonnie Hunt.
142
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:19,777
I don't have
that kind of energy anymore!
143
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:22,246
Señor, why don't you join me
onstage?
144
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:24,382
(cheering)
145
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,217
I don't know how
you say "no" in Spanish,
146
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:28,553
but I assume it involves
blowing a horn or something.
147
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,687
(air horn blows)
148
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:31,589
Bud, you just blew
the "yes" horn!
149
00:06:31,591 --> 00:06:33,524
Jean-Claude
Van Damme it!
150
00:06:34,594 --> 00:06:36,094
All right, what
do you want?
151
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,596
All I want is for everyone
to have fun.
152
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,264
Even border patrol agents.
153
00:06:40,266 --> 00:06:41,532
(laughter)
154
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:42,867
How dare you laugh at me!
155
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:44,735
I'll deport all of you!
156
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,304
First you got
to catch me.
157
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,439
You little son of a bitch!
(laughter)
158
00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:49,974
Hey, get back here!
159
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:52,443
(laughter and cheering,
band plays upbeat tune)
160
00:06:52,445 --> 00:06:54,278
Go back to Mexico! Oh!
161
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,613
(laughter and cheering continue)
162
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,115
Son of a sassin frassin.
163
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,983
What are you,
keeping a... turn it?
164
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,785
I'll curdle your farfen carson!
165
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:03,454
What a waste of pie!
166
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,623
Children are starving
in my basement!
167
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:06,958
Well, that settles it.
168
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,293
This family can never go out.
169
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:13,264
They made me look like a fool.
170
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,166
Bud, you're in
the wrong house.
171
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,101
They made me look
like a fool.
172
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,603
(phone ringing)
173
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:19,904
Who the hell is this?
174
00:07:19,906 --> 00:07:21,939
Mr. Buckwald,
it's Don Sacramento
175
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,108
from La Fiesta Noche Show!
176
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,511
We heard from our viewers
after tonight's taping,
177
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,012
and they love you!
178
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:29,614
You're a star in Mexico!
179
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:30,848
In Mexico?
180
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:32,150
That's right, so you may want
181
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,784
to brace yourself
for the onslaught
182
00:07:33,786 --> 00:07:35,086
of the chicken paparazzi.
183
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,187
(chickens clucking)
184
00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,655
(clucking):
Bawk-Bawk. Buckwald!
185
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,757
Bud Buckwald! Bud Buckwald!
186
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,596
SACRAMENTO:
Mr. Buckwald,
187
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:46,597
due to the popularity
188
00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:48,299
of your appearance
on Fiesta Noche,
189
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,868
we'd like to invite you back
for another taping.
190
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:52,303
Sorry, Sacramento.
191
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,305
Three years ago,
George Lopez and I took an oath
192
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,040
to never make Mexicans laugh.
193
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,942
He's lived up
to his end of the bargain,
194
00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,777
and now it's my turn.
195
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:01,279
Bud, why'd you turn him down?
196
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,481
That's exciting! You're a hit!
197
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,651
Because a man of my station
in life deserves respect.
198
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,120
I'm not their clown.
I got too much, uh...
199
00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:10,555
What's that called
when you think
200
00:08:10,557 --> 00:08:12,223
you're too good
to do something?
201
00:08:12,225 --> 00:08:14,458
You're asking
the wrong guy.
202
00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:16,460
Oh, Bud, don't be so sensitive.
203
00:08:16,462 --> 00:08:18,963
You're just putting on a show
for fun.
204
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:20,298
There's no shame in that.
205
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,666
You don't seem ashamed
that we have
206
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,467
to disguise our house
from creditors.
207
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:26,237
Hey, where's that house
I'm supposed to foreclose on?
208
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:30,875
Excuse me, Miss, do you know
where 25200 Cedar Road is?
209
00:08:30,877 --> 00:08:32,810
JANICE:
Nope, just me here.
210
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,979
Oh. Well, can I give you a ride
somewhere...?
211
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,347
What am I doing? I'm married.
212
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,549
¡Hola, Bud!
213
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:40,851
I've never said "hola"
to a celebrity before!
214
00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,253
(screaming)
215
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,821
The hell are you talking about?
216
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,256
All of my relatives watched you
217
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,358
on Fiesta Noche
and are big fans.
218
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,926
They have so many questions.
219
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,328
"Can he really eat 13 pizzas
220
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,530
in one sitting
like the Internet says?"
221
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,765
"Does he have the coolest
neighbor in the world?"
222
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,033
(laughs) That was me.
223
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:57,768
You see that, Fidencio?!
224
00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,604
I live next to a big star!
225
00:08:59,606 --> 00:09:01,539
What's that? I
couldn't hear you
226
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,842
over the voice of my
59-year-old girlfriend.
227
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,544
Look at that body.
228
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,380
Can you believe
she's had 37 kids?
229
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:11,215
(wind whistling)
230
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,717
MAN:
My hat!
231
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,752
Buckwald, there's a bunch
of vultures out there
232
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,854
feasting on a
rotting boar carcass.
233
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,956
Chase them away, then eat
the rest of the carcass
234
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:20,224
so they don't come back.
235
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:21,859
Been working here 20 years,
236
00:09:21,861 --> 00:09:23,761
I'm still treated like crap.
237
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:25,963
What the Ford Tough?
238
00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:27,431
(gasping, crowd chatter)
239
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:28,966
Hey, what are you doing here?!
240
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,601
Go back to Mexico!
241
00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:32,103
(laughter)
242
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:33,437
Oh, my God, he said it!
243
00:09:33,439 --> 00:09:35,940
I want him to
deport my babies.
244
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:37,642
(truck horn blowing)
245
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:40,044
MAN:
♪ Cherry pie is a kind of pie ♪
246
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:42,446
♪ That has a sexual
double meaning. ♪
247
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:45,583
I wish this bar could afford the
rights to real stripper songs.
248
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,785
Bud, you haven't paid
your tab in weeks.
249
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:50,554
People are supposed to pay
for Coors Light? Yuck.
250
00:09:50,556 --> 00:09:53,557
Sorry, Bud,
you leave me no choice.
251
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:55,459
(rock song playing)
252
00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:56,961
Bud, what do you mean
253
00:09:56,963 --> 00:09:59,297
you're gonna play sock-penis
funk rock all night
254
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,265
and don't care what anyone says?
255
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,833
(grunting)
256
00:10:02,835 --> 00:10:04,735
MAN:
There he is!
257
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,103
Bud! Bud! Bud!
258
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:07,938
Come drink with us!
259
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,774
(sighs)
260
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,075
(laughter)
261
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,610
¡Hola, Bud!
262
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,179
Ernesto, will you tell these
guys to stop staring at me?
263
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,348
You know, Bud, the ability
to make people laugh
264
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,483
is a rare gift,
and you've got it.
265
00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,252
They love you in Mexico, Bud.
266
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,820
Look at all these
Bud fan pages.
267
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:25,790
The hottest selling app
in Mexico is Angry Buds.
268
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,659
Bawk! Fartsocks! Tweet! Oof!
269
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:31,595
And here's someone who started
impersonating you on Twitter.
270
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:34,165
He's posting a bunch of racist
statements under your name.
271
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,800
No, that's me.
272
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,936
They may laugh at you, but their
laughter is a form of respect.
273
00:10:38,938 --> 00:10:40,204
Respect, huh?
274
00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:42,206
Maybe I will go back
on Fiesta Noche.
275
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,008
But I'll need you there
to translate.
276
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:46,210
Sure, Bud.
Hey, cheers!
277
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:48,179
I don't normally
drink tequila.
278
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:51,615
Neither do I, but this
calls for a toast!
279
00:10:51,617 --> 00:10:54,151
(organ playing "Wedding March")
280
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,953
We can stay anywhere
but Bally's.
281
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,455
My dad saw a ghost there.
282
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,890
(applause,
band playing lively music)
283
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,728
Uh-oh, looks like
somebody called la migra.
284
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:06,330
(crowd booing, shouting)
What do you mean "somebody"?
285
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,666
Hey, you asked me
to be here.
286
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:09,567
(laughter)
287
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,035
What are you all laughing at?
288
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,370
The only person who's got
289
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,405
a right to laugh at me
is my cardiologist!
290
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,840
(laughter continues)
291
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,975
Aw, go back to Mexico!
292
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:19,643
(cheering)
293
00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:22,313
He's so funny.
I wonder if he's got a daughter
294
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,748
who should be famous, too.
295
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,149
Bud, you were amazing!
296
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,650
That's the hardest I've laughed
297
00:11:26,652 --> 00:11:29,053
at a guy not dressed
like a bumblebee.
298
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:31,222
Hey, a guy dressed like
a bumblebee!
299
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:33,758
(cackling laughter)
300
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:34,859
(sighs)
301
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:37,395
Mr. Buckwald, your fans
in Mexico love you!
302
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,764
Would you honor us
by joining Fiesta Noche
303
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:42,266
for a three-week stop
in Mexico City?
304
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,769
You would, of course,
be handsomely compensated.
305
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:45,770
Handsomely?
306
00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:46,704
Yes, handsomely.
307
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:48,406
Oh, crap!
It's Lorne Michaels!
308
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,075
Your 40-year-old
variety comedy show sucks!
309
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:54,078
Your 40-year-old variety
comedy show sucks!
310
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,213
(grunting)
311
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:58,783
Remember that skit
with the breasts?
312
00:11:58,785 --> 00:11:59,617
Which one was that?
313
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,685
Oh, yeah, all of them!
314
00:12:01,687 --> 00:12:06,023
Did that horse ever get
his face back from Seth Meyers?
315
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:11,061
TV ANNOUNCER:
We now return to Familia Feud.
316
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,763
All right, Javier,
play or pass?
317
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:15,599
Play. Great! Reyes
family, you're up.
318
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:18,636
♪ ♪
(applause)
319
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:26,110
Oh, crap, I forgot
the question card.
320
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:27,912
♪ ♪
321
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,948
Everyone, I've got an
announcement to make.
322
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,650
I'm moving to Mexico!
323
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,052
NARRATOR (Southern accent):
Well, looks like ol' Bud
324
00:12:35,054 --> 00:12:36,454
is moving to Mexico.
325
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,955
Amazing how sometimes
you end up
326
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,891
inside the thing you hate.
Right, Sharon?
327
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,500
Bud, you're moving to Mexico
to be on La Fiesta Noche Show?
328
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,469
It's only for six weeks,
and I have no plans
329
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,270
to fake my own death
if things go well,
330
00:12:53,272 --> 00:12:55,940
in case you hear that things are
going well and that I'm dead.
331
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,742
Sorry in advance--
they never found the body.
332
00:12:58,744 --> 00:13:01,779
Well, Bud, I'd be lying
if I said that I wasn't shocked
333
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,981
and that I'm not
going to explore my options
334
00:13:03,983 --> 00:13:07,184
while you're gone, but
I understand why you have to go.
335
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:11,322
Oh, you're so lucky you'll get to
experience the wonders of Méjico.
336
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,257
Why are you saying it
like that?
337
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,959
What?
He's going to Méjico.
338
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:16,460
You should go
to Oaxaca.
339
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,462
They have
the best ta-ha-cos.
340
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:22,199
I've never read a book,
but I think you're a phony.
341
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:25,503
Thanks for understanding,
Maria.
342
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:28,339
It's Papi's and my chance
to live our dreams.
343
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,607
But what about your work?
344
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,542
I'm taking it with me.
345
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:35,012
Ugh! Why do I let it
pile up like that?
346
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,016
(lively, traditional
Mexican song playing)
347
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:53,030
(cheering)
348
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,045
You know, uh,
I'm not sure
349
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:10,147
coming down here was
such a good idea.
350
00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:11,415
We've only been here
three hours,
351
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:13,050
and I've been
kidnapped six times.
352
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:15,586
Don't worry, Bud, I'll show you
the ropes in Mexico.
353
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,088
See, the first rule
is to cross the border
354
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,757
when Buckwald is working.
355
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,826
(hissing breath) Ooh, I just
broke the second rule of Mexico,
356
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:24,528
which is don't say this to Bud.
357
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:26,030
Mr. Buckwald, welcome!
We're thrilled
358
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,432
that you decided to
be part of our show.
359
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,501
Yeah, could you pay me
in American dollars?
360
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,503
Mexican currency
looks like a funhouse.
361
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:35,506
I want serious money with
pyramids that have eyeballs.
362
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:37,508
Don Sacramento! Hi!
363
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,009
I'm Ernesto Gonzalez.
364
00:14:39,011 --> 00:14:40,611
This is my father,
Plácido.
365
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:42,413
We're huge fans
of the show.
366
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,914
Papi?
I'm not ready!
367
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:46,884
Come on, Papi, do the song
you were gonna do for him.
368
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,119
No! It's probably for the best.
369
00:14:49,121 --> 00:14:51,221
His song
was very sexual.
370
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,223
(birds chirping)
371
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:55,092
Well, Bud, let's
get you settled in.
372
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,628
We've provided you
with your own private villa.
373
00:14:57,630 --> 00:14:59,063
This is amazing.
Finally,
374
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,798
I'm getting treatment
befitting a star.
375
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,567
Oh, I forgot to mention--
you'll be sharing the villa
376
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:04,969
with my 22-year-old
daughter.
377
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:07,104
I should warn you, I
sunbathe topless a lot.
378
00:15:07,106 --> 00:15:09,607
And my girlfriends like
to come over all the time.
379
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,042
Does she really
have to stay here?
380
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:16,780
It's so good to see
mi familia in Méjico.
381
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,482
Gracias for
letting us stay.
382
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:20,551
So what's Bud like
in person?
383
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,953
He's a great guy.
I'd say I'm his best friend,
384
00:15:22,955 --> 00:15:24,922
because he called me
his least favorite friend
385
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,157
and I know he has
no other friends.
386
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:28,759
Plácido,
what are you doing here?
387
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,394
I missed my
hometown.
388
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:31,895
Something about
coming here,
389
00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:34,064
meditating on my
seminal experiences,
390
00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:37,067
puts all of life's
struggles into perspective.
391
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:40,638
The brothel closed down
two years ago.
392
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:47,144
Señor Buckwald,
our finest table.
393
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,345
Andy Garcias.
394
00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:49,613
You know, Ernesto,
395
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:50,681
Mexico ain't so bad.
396
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:51,982
They treat me well here.
397
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:54,451
I finally get respect,
and I got to say,
398
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:55,786
I owe it all to you.
399
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,688
Ah, Bud, for a comedic actor,
400
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,124
you sure know how
to bring on the waterworks.
401
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:02,926
Señor Buckwald, you've
just been elected mayor!
402
00:16:02,928 --> 00:16:03,794
Mayor?!
403
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,330
Your people
await you.
404
00:16:07,166 --> 00:16:08,899
(crowd cheering)
405
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,003
(over speakers): Uh...
I will work hard for you.
406
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:13,971
(cheering stops)
407
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,874
Bud, the people
only respond to fear.
408
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,777
(cheering)
409
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:22,046
Uh, what happened
to the last mayor?
410
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:23,113
He was assassinated.
411
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,882
You're the 12th mayor
elected today.
412
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,984
What's the municipal
budget look like?
413
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,452
It's in bad shape.
414
00:16:28,454 --> 00:16:30,788
All right,
let's get to work.
415
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:34,858
(laughter)
416
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:38,796
(laughter)
417
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,634
(laughter)
418
00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:46,670
I am not gonna say it.
419
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:49,139
(sighs)
Go back to Mexico.
420
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:51,275
(laughter)
421
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:55,713
(audience laughter on TV)
422
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,748
(laughs)
This guy's hilarious.
423
00:16:57,750 --> 00:17:00,884
He must be the guest of honor
at my party Saturday night.
424
00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:03,353
(chuckles) He can't be
the guest of honor--
425
00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:04,588
it's my birthday party.
426
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,657
Why would we throw you
a birthday party
427
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,892
three days
after you died?
428
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:13,897
Here's the water
you asked for, Bud.
429
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:15,065
Aw, damn it, Ernesto!
430
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,067
I asked for that
five minutes ago.
431
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:18,836
And I'm having a
bad mustache day.
432
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,471
I need to borrow yours.
433
00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:23,407
This thing sucks.
434
00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:24,708
Doesn't even stick.
435
00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:25,843
(both gasp)
436
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,444
Bud Buckwald, you're invited
437
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:29,613
to a party
at Pablo Barracuda's.
438
00:17:29,615 --> 00:17:31,415
Oh, cool. Can I see
the invitation?
439
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:33,417
Yeah. it's at the
end of this bat.
440
00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:34,885
I don't see
any invitation.
441
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,588
Oh, there it is--
"7:00 p.m., cocktail casual.
442
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,923
Entertainment provided
by Foreigner."
443
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:41,759
Heh. Which one?
444
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,299
I don't want to be
at this stupid party.
445
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,802
I'm just gonna get a pie
thrown in my face again.
446
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,103
Look, Bud, when
Pablo Barracuda
447
00:17:53,105 --> 00:17:55,139
invites you to a
party, you show up.
448
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:58,275
Also, it gives me a chance
to wear my party belt buckle.
449
00:17:58,277 --> 00:18:00,978
How is that a party belt buckle?
It's just a mirror.
450
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,213
Can I do a line off
your belt buckle?
451
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:06,817
I don't know--
"it's just a mirror."
452
00:18:07,453 --> 00:18:08,619
There's my guy!
453
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:10,220
Everyone, please welcome
454
00:18:10,222 --> 00:18:13,457
the funniest man
in show business, Bud Buckwald!
455
00:18:13,459 --> 00:18:14,958
(cheering)
456
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,095
Bud, would you please do us
the honor of saying...
457
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,429
well, you know.
458
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,465
(sighs)
Go back to Mexico.
459
00:18:21,467 --> 00:18:23,500
(laughter)
460
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:25,969
Hey! He's not laughing!
461
00:18:25,971 --> 00:18:28,138
BARRACUDA:
Beheadsman!
462
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:29,740
Sorry.
463
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:33,343
It's okay. I saw the ax,
and I stood by you anyway.
464
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:37,147
You ready, Bud?
You know, Ernesto,
465
00:18:37,149 --> 00:18:39,283
I wanted to change
things up a bit tonight,
466
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,618
so I wrote this
sketch for me to do.
467
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,953
"Bud Buckwald enters.
468
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,855
"He is a cross
between John Wayne,
469
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:47,658
Charles Bronson and the arm
on the Arm and Hammer box."
470
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,859
Bud, what is this?
471
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,460
You play the funny
border agent.
472
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,996
Yeah, well, I'm tired of that.
I want to play the hero,
473
00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:54,765
the guy that gets respect,
not the guy
474
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,033
who gets a pie in his face.
475
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,301
But, Bud,
the audience loves you
476
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,269
as the guy that gets
the pie in the face.
477
00:18:59,271 --> 00:19:01,004
You're the most
popular guy on the show.
478
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:02,606
Yeah, well,
I want respect.
479
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,842
And trust me, there's
nothing audiences love more
480
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,643
than when popular
comedians suddenly decide
481
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:08,278
they want to be
taken seriously.
482
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,948
Like when O.J. Simpson stopped
doing Naked Gun movies
483
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,549
to be in that
murder mystery.
484
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:13,984
People were riveted!
485
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:17,287
And now he's President
of the United States.
486
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:19,456
(villainous laugh)
487
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:20,824
Once you're taken care of,
488
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,060
I'm going to change
the socioeconomic demographics
489
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:25,362
of the United States
forever!
490
00:19:25,364 --> 00:19:27,431
(villainous laugh)
491
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:30,500
Who are you?
492
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:33,036
(imitating John Wayne):
They call me Bud Buckwald,
493
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:34,738
the man with no name.
494
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:35,973
I give up!
495
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,975
I could never defeat
your muscles.
496
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,643
You and what army?
497
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,411
(quiet pop)
(exhales)
498
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,880
(loud booing)
499
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:45,215
What the hell is he doing?
This is what happens
500
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:47,885
when you let white people write
material catered to Mexicans.
501
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,720
Someone throw a pie!
502
00:19:49,722 --> 00:19:52,122
(audience laughing)
503
00:19:53,425 --> 00:19:55,993
(audience booing)
504
00:19:57,062 --> 00:19:58,428
(gasps)
505
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:01,365
He's ruined my favorite show!
Kill him!
506
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,901
Which one is he talking about?
I haven't been watching.
507
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,270
Me either, but probably
the guy on his shirt.
508
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:08,906
You're smart.
You're, like, the best henchman.
509
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,941
Oh, stop.
510
00:20:12,077 --> 00:20:13,543
ERNESTO:
Uh-oh, Bud,
511
00:20:13,545 --> 00:20:15,512
I think it's time to go.
512
00:20:21,587 --> 00:20:22,920
We'll never escape!
513
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,755
Let's keep going.
514
00:20:24,757 --> 00:20:27,090
What do you mean?
515
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,427
Keep going, Ernesto.
516
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,262
You mean it?
517
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,531
(tires squeal)
518
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,536
(airplane engine sputtering)
519
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,809
(explosion)
520
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:48,178
What a reckless pilot.
521
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,883
Oh, it's so good to
have our men home.
522
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:55,552
Bud, thanks for letting me
be part of Fiesta Noche.
523
00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,120
It was a childhood
dream come true.
524
00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,122
Thanks for all your
help down in Mexico.
525
00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:00,924
I guess I blew a
big opportunity,
526
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:03,260
but all I was looking for
was a little respect.
527
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,562
Well, you've got a family
that respects you
528
00:21:05,564 --> 00:21:07,230
right here
in this house.
529
00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:10,801
Oh, look, an invitation
came for you in the mail.
530
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,836
"You are cordially invited
to a banquet
531
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:15,272
"to honor your service
as a sexy husband.
532
00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:18,809
25200 Cedar Road,
in the bedroom."
533
00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:21,144
Aw, thanks, Janice.
534
00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:23,947
(wolf howls, man screams)
535
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:28,352
Captioned by