1
00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:04,003
(screeches)
2
00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,476
♪ Ooh! ♪
3
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,478
♪ Ha! ♪
4
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,779
♪ Ooh! ♪
5
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,014
♪ Ha! ♪
6
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,448
Whoa!
7
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:29,328
SOUTHERN NARRATOR: Each year,
the hot, dry Santa Ana winds
8
00:00:29,330 --> 00:00:31,196
blow down
from the mountain passes,
9
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,500
making your lungs burn
and your eyes itch.
10
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,869
The desert howls
with the dark visitor,
11
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:39,571
ancient winds that leave
sleepy towns on edge.
12
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:42,341
(wind howling)
Hills burn,
13
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:43,809
neighbors lock their doors,
14
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:46,912
and long-dormant spirits
awaken.
15
00:00:46,914 --> 00:00:49,648
Anything can happen.
16
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:51,583
(birds singing)
17
00:00:51,585 --> 00:00:53,318
SANCHEZ (on TV):
Our top story.
18
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:54,887
Expect more dry,
blustery weather all week
19
00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,722
as the Santa Ana winds blow
through town.
20
00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,758
In other news, a sinkhole has
opened up in the sky
21
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,260
over Mexifornia High Stadium,
22
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:03,529
affecting the Track
and Field Championship.
23
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:07,666
Stuff nerds into lockers
without me!
24
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:09,568
Every year, strange things
seem to occur
25
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,670
just when the Santa Ana winds
kick up.
26
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,005
I don't get it.
27
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,506
Well, what I don't get is,
28
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:16,675
yesterday I saw you using
the toilet backwards.
29
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,110
Who goes nuts-to-tank?
30
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,446
It's the only way
I can get the right angle.
31
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,514
I have a condition called
"wandering anus."
32
00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:24,950
That's why yesterday
he wore a turtleneck.
33
00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:27,586
While we've been talking,
the rest of the house blew away.
34
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:28,921
(wind howling)
35
00:01:28,923 --> 00:01:30,355
JANICE:
Don't worry.
36
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:32,958
Something always
lands in its place.
37
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,596
¡Hola, Bud!
38
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,898
Check out 280
horsepower
39
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:43,035
of the ultimate combination
of wind and control!
40
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:44,269
It is so choice.
41
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,604
It's just a stupid
leaf blower.
42
00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:47,072
Shut your mouth!
43
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:49,541
This blower is systematic.
(musical sting plays)
44
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,944
Hydromatic.
45
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,246
Ultramatic!
46
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:56,415
Why, it's Leaf Lightning!
47
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,283
(upbeat music plays)
48
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,052
♪ Big E's got a long hose ♪
49
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,321
♪ That packs a lot of thrust,
oh, yeah ♪
50
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,656
♪ Stop singing,
please stop singing ♪
51
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,158
♪ Four strokes on an engine ♪
52
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,227
♪ That could wake a dead man,
oh, yeah ♪
53
00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,662
♪ I have no idea
what you're saying ♪
54
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:13,599
♪ Forget your little mower,
step up and feel my blower ♪
55
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,568
♪ Leaf Lightning! ♪
56
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:18,804
♪ We're so wet
from all our sweat ♪
57
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,639
♪ We work hard ♪
58
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:21,773
♪ In your backyard ♪
59
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:26,011
♪ With Leaf Lightning! ♪
60
00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,016
Bravo...
is where that belongs.
61
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:33,185
'Cause it's gay.
62
00:02:33,187 --> 00:02:37,156
ANNOUNCER (on TV): We now return to
Martin Lawrence in Big Momma's House.
63
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:39,458
Remember when I was trapped
in that fat suit?
64
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,160
Sanford, that
was my uterus.
65
00:02:41,162 --> 00:02:43,428
And you shouldn't
remember that far back.
66
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:46,398
Dad used to try
to tickle me with a coat hanger.
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00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,868
Crap! I'm out of energy drinks!
68
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,304
Hey, Ruiz, you got
any Psychopath Energy?
69
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:53,672
No! We're out, too!
70
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,140
BRYCE:
Me, too!
71
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:57,643
Oh, no! Cloud!
(glass shattering)
72
00:02:57,645 --> 00:03:00,012
In other news,
Psychopath Energy drink
73
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,613
has been banned by the FDA
74
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,682
for causing liver failure
and heart problems.
75
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:06,685
As a result, the entire Arizona
State campus fell asleep.
76
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:11,223
Yeah! Now it's my turn to draw
penises on all your faces!
77
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:12,858
(yells) Oh, no!
78
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:16,061
That was the only pen
on the Arizona State campus!
79
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,564
Psychopath Energy is
banned in the U.S.?!
80
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:21,366
This country was founded
by energy drinks!
81
00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:23,368
(engine revving)
82
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,170
(heavy metal music playing)
83
00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:29,141
(engine revving)
84
00:03:29,143 --> 00:03:32,044
(tires squealing)
85
00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:35,047
Hey, amigo, you got
any Psychopath Energy drink?
86
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,515
It was banned in the U.S.,
87
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:39,918
along with civilized
political discourse.
88
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,554
Sorry, señors, but if
you're looking for energy,
89
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,057
I got something better.
90
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:48,360
This is the most potent
energy drink on Earth.
91
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:51,330
So intense that it's been
banned in Mexico.
92
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,764
Banned from here?
93
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,666
Yeah, that was Mexico's
first law.
94
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,501
Well, down the snatch!
95
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,737
(gulping)
96
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:05,377
(singing percussively)
97
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:08,013
(scat singing)
98
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:11,750
(engine revving,
tires squealing)
99
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,419
(engine revving)
100
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,688
Calm down.
101
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:19,691
(engine revving,
police siren chirps)
102
00:04:20,894 --> 00:04:22,594
(glass breaking,
engine revving)
103
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:27,432
(engine revving)
104
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,871
(metallic creaking)
105
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,573
Come on, you sissy tigers!
106
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,708
I'm gonna sell your wangs
to the Chinese!
107
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,043
(tigers roaring)
108
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,478
(Sanford grunts,
high-pitched yell)
109
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,747
Wow, that boy's got huevos!
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00:04:41,749 --> 00:04:45,150
SPANISH ANNOUNCER:
Huevos!
111
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,486
(leaf blower whirring)
112
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:49,788
Looks good, guys.
113
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,256
All right, I've
been thinking.
114
00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:52,824
It's time I did
the right thing,
115
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,626
so fill out these
tax withholding forms.
116
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,994
Just joking!
Screw taxes!
117
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:57,429
Come get your cash!
118
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,765
(cheering)
119
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:03,902
Another immaculate
Gonzalez Landscaping job.
120
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,640
Well, this is why
I bought Leaf Lightning.
121
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:11,310
(loud, rumbling
machine engine revving)
122
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,112
What the hell?
123
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,747
(whirring)
124
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,889
(loud revving)
125
00:05:25,259 --> 00:05:29,027
Blow, you demon leaf!!
126
00:05:31,699 --> 00:05:34,266
(yelling):
No...!
127
00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:36,368
Ernesto, lemonade?
128
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:38,170
Okay! Thanks.
129
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,838
(wind howling)
130
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,540
BRYCE:
Oh, hey, Bud!
131
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,809
I know it's leaking fluid.
That's the problem.
132
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,544
The part's on backorder
from the factory?!
133
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,179
I'm coming down there.
134
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,647
Buckwald, I have to go.
135
00:05:48,649 --> 00:05:51,683
There's an emergency
with my wife's face.
136
00:05:58,192 --> 00:05:59,858
(wind whistling)
137
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,526
What the hell?!
138
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,063
Sorry, muchacho, but you
best turn right around
139
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,832
and go back where
you came from.
140
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,301
(with accent): Please, señor.
I'm like you.
141
00:06:09,303 --> 00:06:10,736
I have a family to support.
142
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,871
And I want to get as far away
from them as possible.
143
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:16,007
I hear that. Glad I got
all those bugs out of my ears.
144
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,476
Shh!
145
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,678
And frankly,
there's a few too many Mexicans
146
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,313
back there for my taste.
147
00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:24,182
You know, I've never said
this to an immigrant before,
148
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,318
but I feel like we
have a connection.
149
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,652
Tell you what.
150
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:30,055
I'm gonna look
the other way.
151
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,224
¡Gracias, señor!
What do they call you?
152
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:35,093
Bud Buckwald, as in the
Bud Buckwald Syndrome.
153
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,695
It's a rare disorder
154
00:06:36,697 --> 00:06:39,598
where you explain your name
more than is interesting.
155
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,868
SOUTHERN NARRATOR: Some mighty strange
things afoot in ol' Mexifornia.
156
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:45,670
Looks like the Santa Anas have
blown a second Bud into town.
157
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:48,940
Fox asked us to add more sex
and violence, like on Empire,
158
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:52,177
so we said,
"Here's a story about wind."
159
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,678
(bird singing)
160
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,114
Now you die, demon leaf.
161
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:02,421
Enough! I will destroy you
with my bare hands!
162
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,360
What are you?!
163
00:07:08,362 --> 00:07:09,761
(wind howling)
164
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,129
Hi, Papi!
165
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,597
Quiet down, kite!
166
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,167
I'm an anchor baby!
167
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,736
SANCHEZ:
In other news,
168
00:07:17,738 --> 00:07:19,271
an unpoppable bubble of silence
169
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,806
has blown into town,
170
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:22,941
trapping its victims
for all eternity.
171
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,811
(people gasping)
172
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,379
Hey, I'm John Mayer,
173
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:30,816
and I'm here to rock
this Wing Stop reopening!
174
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,451
(applause and cheering)
175
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:34,820
These strange events are
more than a coincidence.
176
00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:36,822
More water?
No, thanks. I'm driving.
177
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:39,157
There's more to these Santa
Ana winds than just weather.
178
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:42,661
There's something going on
here, some kind of conspiracy.
179
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,963
George, what do you know
about the Santa Anas?
180
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,965
My people believe
the Santa Ana winds
181
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,800
are the spirits
of our ancestors.
182
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,569
(door bangs open,
wind whistling)
183
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:54,906
(laughs) But no one believes
that crap anymore.
184
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:58,076
I hear you've
been nosing around
185
00:07:58,078 --> 00:07:59,778
about the Santa
Ana winds.
186
00:07:59,780 --> 00:08:02,614
Mind your own business!
Who are you? (yelps)
187
00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,449
Consider this a warning.
188
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:07,118
Oh, come on!
Who punches people in person?
189
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,787
Nowadays everyone uses Punchr,
190
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:11,323
the cross-platform
mobile punching app.
191
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:13,024
It's almost as popular
as Slapchat.
192
00:08:13,026 --> 00:08:15,594
Aah! Trevor's online!
193
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,701
STEVE:
Buckwald!
194
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,035
What the hell?!
195
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:26,538
My God, he's
taken my job!
196
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:29,341
There's a pile of vomit in the
bathroom with your name on it.
197
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,276
The dog that ate
your name tag threw up.
198
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,011
Huh. Maybe this isn't so bad.
199
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,513
And now I get the day off!
200
00:08:34,515 --> 00:08:35,981
(giggling)
201
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,349
Just wanted to say
202
00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:38,850
you've been doing great work
today, Buckwald.
203
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,453
Thanks, Steve.
204
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,859
(gasps)
205
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,628
(laughing)
206
00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:51,530
He's taking over my life!
207
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:53,031
Bud, the toilet
beaver's back.
208
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,633
He's dammed it up good.
209
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,636
The family voted, and we think
you should take care of it.
210
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,004
Don't get him too soggy.
211
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,139
He's all we have
for dinner tonight.
212
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,174
My family thinks he's me.
213
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,643
This is awesome!
214
00:09:04,645 --> 00:09:06,144
(giggling)
215
00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,146
(wind whistling)
216
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,916
Ow! My eyes!
217
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:12,684
(laughing):
Oh, my!
218
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,819
Now I can't breathe.
219
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,321
(gasps)
220
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:18,023
SOUTHERN NARRATOR:
Well, ol' Bud seems happy
221
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,258
to have found someone
to take over his life.
222
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,561
Meanwhile, Sanford's gotten
more energy drink
223
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,162
than he bargained for.
224
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:26,831
Man, I haven't been able
to sleep in three days
225
00:09:26,833 --> 00:09:28,934
because of this stupid drink.
226
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,180
You wrote and sold
the screenplay
227
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,849
to Big Momma's House 4
in one night?!
228
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:47,385
Yeah, it un-answers
all the answered questions
229
00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:48,753
from Big Momma's House 3.
230
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,422
(car horn tooting)
I got to go.
231
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,457
That's my ride
to the Kennedy Center Honors.
232
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,526
Oh, my God!
Don't get too excited.
233
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:56,294
It's the Jamie Kennedy
Center Honors.
234
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:58,863
It's at a recently closed
Burger King.
235
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:08,039
The demon leaf.
I can take care of it.
236
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,108
I've tangled with
this kind before.
237
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:12,043
Got this beauty
mark from the leaf
238
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,212
that tormented
Juarez Landscaping.
239
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,981
You knew the Juarez crew?
240
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:20,552
19 men set out to mow that lawn
on June 18, 1994.
241
00:10:20,554 --> 00:10:23,755
Had it mowed in an hour,
except for one leaf.
242
00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:25,223
A demon leaf.
243
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:26,992
Over the next 40 hours,
244
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,661
one by one, that
leaf took all of them.
245
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:32,230
Didn't need to kill 'em.
They killed themselves.
246
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,232
The first one went mad.
(laughing)
247
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,067
Shot himself before dusk.
248
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,336
The second stuck his face
in a lawnmower.
249
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:41,172
The third killed the fourth,
eighth and the twelfth. (grunting)
250
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,841
The ninth killed the seventh.
251
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,776
The fifteenth killed the sixth.
252
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:47,245
You should be writing
this down, or it won't be scary.
253
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:50,248
SOUTHERN NARRATOR: While Ernesto's
being tormented by a demon leaf,
254
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,283
J.C.'s got problems of his own.
255
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,819
Seems some folks
don't like him nosing around
256
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,287
about the old Santa Anas.
257
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,757
I can't believe
that guy hit you!
258
00:10:58,759 --> 00:11:00,759
Usually, other men
apply girl rules to you.
259
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,494
I guess I'll mind
my own business
260
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:03,962
about the Santa Ana winds.
261
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:06,331
J.C., you were right--
there is a conspiracy!
262
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,932
You have to keep going!
263
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,468
If you gave up every time
you got punched in the head,
264
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:11,936
we'd never make love.
265
00:11:11,938 --> 00:11:13,605
In weather, the Santa Ana winds,
266
00:11:13,607 --> 00:11:16,107
which scientists say originate
from deep in the mountains,
267
00:11:16,109 --> 00:11:17,842
continue to batter Mexifornia,
268
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,011
disrupting commerce
and government agencies.
269
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,714
Light the deportation cannon!
270
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:26,818
Viva Enrique!
271
00:11:26,820 --> 00:11:29,721
Of course! If we want to find
out who's behind the winds,
272
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:32,157
we have to go to their
source, the mountains!
273
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,558
J.C., you're brilliant!
274
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,160
Take me to the bedroom!
275
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,629
You got it, baby!
(high-pitched groan)
276
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:43,168
You can put the "This Side Up"
sticker anywhere you want.
277
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,202
(wind whistling)
278
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,904
♪ ♪
279
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:48,039
(wind whistling)
280
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,309
MAN:
This is for you, toots!
281
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:54,345
I tell you,
having a Mexican twin is great.
282
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:55,680
I've finally had time
283
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:57,348
to binge-watch
the NBC Nightly News.
284
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,350
I'm up to September 10, 2001.
285
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,153
No spoilers!
286
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,555
What the hell is he doing here?
287
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:05,557
He's supposed to be
at the border station!
288
00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,759
I came to this country
looking for a better life,
289
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,928
but I'm treated like crap
at my job,
290
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,429
and my family is a disaster.
291
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,698
I'm gonna close my
eyes, but don't worry.
292
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,066
I'm still listening.
293
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:18,436
Screw this.
I'm going back to Mexico!
294
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,271
(snoring)
295
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,706
(gasps)
He can't leave!
296
00:12:21,708 --> 00:12:23,241
He's taken over my life!
297
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:25,577
There's no backsies!
I must stop him!
298
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:28,079
Otherwise, it'll just
be me and Norwegian Bud.
299
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,514
(Norwegian accent):
Hello, Bud!
300
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,049
Which fjord is
your favorite?
301
00:12:31,051 --> 00:12:33,017
I like Aurlandsfjord!
302
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,303
MAN: Gentlemen,
we have made our living
303
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,139
writing the terrible movies
304
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,141
Hollywood churns out every year.
305
00:12:56,143 --> 00:13:00,812
And now, our livelihoods are
at stake because of this man?
306
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:02,080
Yeah, let's get him!
307
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,616
You coming with us,
M. Night Shyamalan?
308
00:13:04,618 --> 00:13:06,885
The twist is I'm Jewish!
309
00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:11,089
Ah. The leaf is gone!
310
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,957
Oh, thank God, he did it!
311
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:15,560
Oh, hey, thank you so much!
312
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:18,630
The leaf killed him!
313
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,231
It's a monster!
314
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:23,001
Ah. Who cares? He's dead.
315
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,737
Goal!
316
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:31,910
Stop! You're not going anywhere!
317
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,946
You're supposed to be doing
my job and pleasuring my wife!
318
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,615
Bud, we both know you don't know
which part is the trigger.
319
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,884
There's only so many parts.
I'll find it!
320
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:42,420
(grunting)
321
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,322
Don't make me go
back to my life!
322
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,657
Well, if you hate
your life so much,
323
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:47,292
why don't you come with me?
324
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:50,795
Really? You know what?
You're right. Let's do it!
325
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,463
SOUTHERN NARRATOR:
Turns out the Santa Anas
326
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,199
didn't blow Mexican Bud
into America.
327
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:57,435
They blew American Bud
into Mexico.
328
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:20,291
Nobody go outside!
Why not?
329
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:21,693
There's a murderous leaf
outside,
330
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,195
and if we go out there,
the leaf will kill...
331
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,964
Uh, you know what?
332
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,699
Saying this out loud
makes me realize
333
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,400
how ridiculous
this all is.
334
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,069
Let's just go.
335
00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:32,503
Nope. My gut was right.
336
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:34,539
Let's stay inside forever.
337
00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:38,376
SOUTHERN NARRATOR: Well, while
Ernesto hides from that demon leaf,
338
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,546
J.C. and Becky have set out
to find the source
339
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,381
of the Santa Ana winds.
340
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,049
The strange events
that happen
341
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,851
during the Santa Anas
can't be just a coincidence.
342
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,253
J.C., look!
343
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,854
My God.
344
00:14:49,856 --> 00:14:52,924
I bet the answer we're
looking for is in that cave!
345
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,593
You cannot enter my cave
until you answer my riddle.
346
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:59,063
Mm, no, we're actually
going to a different cave.
347
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,498
Come back!
348
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,600
You guys know
about any high school parties?
349
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,002
I can buy beer!
350
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,271
I'm 83,000 years old.
351
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,708
There he is!
Who are you guys?!
352
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:13,544
We're Hollywood writers,
and we came here to tell you
353
00:15:13,546 --> 00:15:16,014
to stop writing
all our terrible movies!
354
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:18,549
Look, are you
circumcised?
355
00:15:18,551 --> 00:15:21,452
You could just answer
me like a person!
356
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,421
Stop writing the movies or else!
357
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,989
Or else what?
358
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,862
(high-pitched yell, grunt)
359
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,065
(yells)
360
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:37,702
Take that, you Amish dicks.
361
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,071
(rooster crowing)
362
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:42,073
(laughing)
363
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:45,476
I can't believe I finally
escaped my miserable life!
364
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,045
We both did, Bud!
365
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,413
(both giggling)
366
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,882
God, Janice must be
hating life without me.
367
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:52,216
Oh, Bud!
368
00:15:52,218 --> 00:15:53,718
(Norwegian accent):
Sex is done.
369
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,386
Now we assemble furniture!
370
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:59,090
We got a report
about an illegal in this bar.
371
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:01,292
You're coming with us, gringo.
What?!
372
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,794
(sobbing):
No!
373
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,162
You can't arrest me!
374
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,763
You haven't even read me
my rights!
375
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:08,232
You have the right to an
attorney who will be murdered.
376
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,435
You have the right to be
framed for that murder.
377
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:12,437
Anything we claim you said
will be used against you
378
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:13,805
in a court of chickens.
379
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:15,406
Hey, this gringo's
resisting arrest.
380
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,008
(angry clucking)
381
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,710
(wind whistling)
382
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,650
(can clinks on ground)
383
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,986
(wind howling)
My hair!
384
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,355
(wind howling)
385
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,991
(explosion)
386
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:35,593
(tires squealing,
Bud grunting)
387
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:37,996
Damn it, not home yet.
388
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:40,765
(grunting)
389
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:47,438
My God, look at this place.
390
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,041
(liquid gurgling)
391
00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:59,117
"Cool J.C."? What?
392
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:01,386
I'm the cool J.C.,
right, Becky?
393
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:04,022
Oh! You make me
want to smoke!
394
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:07,625
Look, they're spying
on Mexifornians!
395
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:10,995
I can't believe it.
396
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:13,631
This is bigger
than we ever imagined.
397
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,034
Oh, my God, J.C.!
398
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:19,070
J.C., are you okay?!
399
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:21,873
J.C.! Talk to me!
400
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:26,711
J.C., wake up!
I found a piano!
401
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,153
Ernesto, how can a leaf
be a murderer?
402
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,021
Because that's no
ordinary leaf.
403
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:40,825
It's a demon, and I need
to do something about it.
404
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,861
It's time to take care
of this leaf once and for all.
405
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,363
MARIA (whispering):
Ernesto!
406
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,697
Not now, Maria!
407
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:49,600
(whispering): Ernesto? (gasps)
408
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:59,243
(low, indistinct speech)
409
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,937
(people groaning and yelling)
410
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,781
(growling and screaming)
411
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:44,122
(hysterical laughter)
412
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,389
(birds singing)
413
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:46,824
Hey, baby,
want to come inside?
414
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:48,392
Won't Ernesto be mad?
415
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,094
Pff. Ernesto
doesn't scare me.
416
00:18:50,096 --> 00:18:51,696
(screaming)
417
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,239
(roaring)
418
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,477
Pepito, I can't
let go of the door!
419
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,012
Come turn on the oven!
420
00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:10,581
Mami says I'm not allowed
to turn on the oven.
421
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,850
This time it's okay.
You can turn it on.
422
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:16,020
If I'm allowed to do it,
it's not fun anymore.
423
00:19:16,022 --> 00:19:18,089
Ruiz, turn on the oven!
424
00:19:18,091 --> 00:19:20,424
Mami says I'm not allowed
to turn on the oven.
425
00:19:20,426 --> 00:19:23,661
Just turn it on!
Okay.
426
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,230
(screaming)
427
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,770
(loud panting)
428
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:46,684
(mechanical whooshing)
429
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:49,187
(wind stops whistling)
430
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,841
Well, I got sued by the Jews
for beating them up,
431
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,043
and they took all my money.
432
00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:14,178
And to think,
I was on their side
433
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,013
through most
of Schindler's List!
434
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:19,750
Becky, J.C., I haven't
seen you two in days.
435
00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,320
According to the memories that
I woke up with this morning,
436
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,588
I've been doing sports.
437
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:25,022
And I've been
doing fashion!
438
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,225
Let's go watch
network television.
439
00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:29,827
I'm already excited
for Fallon's monologue.
440
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,429
What a novel format.
441
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:34,031
Oh, there's my Bud.
442
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,766
You know,
your look-alike was nice,
443
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:37,235
but I missed the real Bud.
444
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:38,603
You knew?
445
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:40,838
Well, I missed
you, too, Janice.
446
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,940
You know, Bud,
you're a great husband
447
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:45,443
and a better man than
you give yourself credit for.
448
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:48,412
Thanks, Janice.
449
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,715
She's taking over my life!
450
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:52,116
(giggling)
451
00:20:52,118 --> 00:20:53,618
I'm free!
452
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:54,785
(engine revving)
453
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:57,755
(clucks)
454
00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,928
(squeaking)
455
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,397
(Bryce's voice): Welp,
the experiment was a success.
456
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,898
This science project's
457
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,735
gonna blow Zorp's diorama
out of the water!
458
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:14,372
SOUTHERN NARRATOR: Well, looks like
ol' Bryce turned out to be an alien.
459
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,073
That was a fun surprise.
460
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:18,476
Made up for that Sanford story
I didn't care for.
461
00:21:18,478 --> 00:21:20,978
Why they got to be hard
on Big Momma's House?
462
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:23,614
You know, not every movie's
got to be a critical darling.
463
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,483
But you know
what they did get right
464
00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,618
was the portrayal
of them Hollywood Jews.
465
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,420
Now I'm talkin' myself
into liking this!
466
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:31,889
Well, see y'all at the Emmys!
467
00:21:31,891 --> 00:21:35,226
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH