1 00:00:04,454 --> 00:00:08,291 LOVE LIFE 2 00:00:08,625 --> 00:00:12,546 Our love lives can quite easily be reduced to data. 3 00:00:12,630 --> 00:00:13,672 For instance, 4 00:00:13,756 --> 00:00:17,260 by the time the average person ends up with the love of their life, 5 00:00:17,343 --> 00:00:20,013 they will have been in seven relationships. 6 00:00:20,180 --> 00:00:23,517 Of those, two are often long-term relationships, 7 00:00:23,684 --> 00:00:27,271 while the rest are a mix of short-term flings, casual dating, 8 00:00:27,438 --> 00:00:28,982 and one-night stands. 9 00:00:29,149 --> 00:00:33,237 The average person will also fall in love two of those times 10 00:00:33,404 --> 00:00:35,948 and have their heart broken twice as well. 11 00:00:36,532 --> 00:00:40,787 Yet behind all of those numbers, there is always a much bigger story. 12 00:00:41,788 --> 00:00:45,835 This is the story of Darby Carter. 13 00:00:47,086 --> 00:00:50,423 Darby doesn't remember her parents ever being married. 14 00:00:50,507 --> 00:00:53,969 They got divorced when she was four, and she spent her childhood 15 00:00:54,052 --> 00:00:58,808 being shuttled back and forth between their new houses and new families. 16 00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:02,938 - Coward. Won't even come to the door. - It's fine, Mom. 17 00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:07,484 This made Darby feel like a permanent hotel guest, 18 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:10,238 one who couldn't stay past 12:00 checkout. 19 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:11,906 Hi, Larry. 20 00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:15,911 As a result, Darby's adolescence 21 00:01:15,994 --> 00:01:19,749 was marked by myriad misguided attempts at connection. 22 00:01:19,832 --> 00:01:23,127 - You didn't have to walk me home. - But my house is just up there. 23 00:01:23,294 --> 00:01:26,965 - I didn't know you lived up here. Bye. - Bye. 24 00:01:30,970 --> 00:01:34,724 Darby had no idea where she was, and she was so nervous that 25 00:01:34,808 --> 00:01:37,352 this young man would find out she'd been lying 26 00:01:37,436 --> 00:01:41,315 that she took an anxiety poo in his family's yard. 27 00:01:41,983 --> 00:01:44,444 When Darby moved to New York for university, 28 00:01:44,527 --> 00:01:47,280 she imagined she'd become a cosmopolitan woman. 29 00:01:50,242 --> 00:01:53,913 In reality, it was fun, but slightly empty. 30 00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:56,916 Get the curtain. 31 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:03,591 Darby started to wonder if she'd ever reach the next level, 32 00:02:03,674 --> 00:02:06,219 where you're really dating someone, 33 00:02:06,302 --> 00:02:10,349 where you don't change your outfit just because you're seeing the person, 34 00:02:10,432 --> 00:02:14,770 where you just wear what you're wearing because you are who you are. 35 00:02:15,229 --> 00:02:18,191 And then she met Augie Jeong. 36 00:02:18,358 --> 00:02:22,196 ONE AUGIE JEONG 37 00:02:23,113 --> 00:02:24,156 All right, baby girl. 38 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:27,034 This is the hottest you have ever looked in your entire life. 39 00:02:27,118 --> 00:02:28,745 - I'm serious. - These are your clothes. 40 00:02:28,828 --> 00:02:30,747 What is it like to be an actual goddess ? 41 00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:33,834 Oh, my God. I'm PMS-ing. It's been dark since 4:00 p.m. I'm in no mood, man. 42 00:02:33,917 --> 00:02:37,463 Yeah, and I have a UTI, but it's Jim's birthday, so we gotta rally. 43 00:02:37,547 --> 00:02:40,550 All I'm doing for his birthday is, like, karaoke and a blow job, 44 00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:42,719 so they both have to be really good. 45 00:02:42,803 --> 00:02:44,096 I would never miss Jim's birthday. 46 00:02:44,179 --> 00:02:47,099 I would, however, make a polite appearance and then skip out early. 47 00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:48,809 You are killing me. Once you leave, 48 00:02:48,893 --> 00:02:51,521 it's just gonna be his work friends talking about Occupy Wall Street. 49 00:02:51,688 --> 00:02:53,148 Hey, you ladies are looking good. 50 00:02:53,231 --> 00:02:55,025 - We know, bro. - Eat shit, motherfucker. 51 00:02:55,192 --> 00:03:01,157 And I was thinkin' 'bout myself Then there she was 52 00:03:01,658 --> 00:03:06,121 In platform double suede. Yeah, there she was. 53 00:03:07,831 --> 00:03:10,543 I think Jim wants to fuck that Zooey Deschanel wannabe. 54 00:03:10,626 --> 00:03:12,837 Shut up. He's so in love with you. 55 00:03:12,921 --> 00:03:15,131 No, I know he is, but I still think he wants to fuck her. 56 00:03:19,470 --> 00:03:22,265 People can love people and still fuck other people. 57 00:03:22,598 --> 00:03:24,726 - You done with the book ? - What ? 58 00:03:24,893 --> 00:03:26,061 Did you pick a song yet ? 59 00:03:26,228 --> 00:03:27,813 Okay, fuck this. 60 00:03:29,732 --> 00:03:30,774 Sorry. 61 00:03:30,858 --> 00:03:33,653 Hey, bitch. Excuse me. All right, titty boy. 62 00:03:33,820 --> 00:03:36,072 - Yeah, I don't know. - No, no. We can look together. 63 00:03:39,409 --> 00:03:41,871 - I'm Augie, by the way. - Darby. 64 00:03:42,037 --> 00:03:44,040 - Furby ? - Darby. 65 00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:48,211 Yeah, I know. I've gotten Furby before, at Starbucks a lot. 66 00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:50,422 Right ? The names that I've gotten on my cups... 67 00:03:53,008 --> 00:03:55,511 I smell sex and candy. 68 00:03:55,595 --> 00:03:58,598 - Wow, Jim's girlfriend's on one, huh ? - Sara ? 69 00:03:58,682 --> 00:04:03,646 Yeah, she can't handle her liquor, but she drinks every night anyway. 70 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,400 Cool. So she's an alcoholic. 71 00:04:08,485 --> 00:04:09,986 No ! No. 72 00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:12,781 I mean, she's, if we were older, 73 00:04:12,865 --> 00:04:15,368 maybe, but right now, she's just, like, so fun. 74 00:04:16,077 --> 00:04:19,956 Mama this surely is a dream. 75 00:04:20,415 --> 00:04:26,380 I actually have a song up next, if you wanted to duet, perhaps ? 76 00:04:27,465 --> 00:04:31,344 - You already picked one ? - Yeah. I just wanted to talk to you. 77 00:04:34,723 --> 00:04:38,853 You cut me open and I keep bleeding. Oh, this part I know. 78 00:04:38,936 --> 00:04:42,274 - Keep, keep bleeding love. - Happy birthday, Jim ! 79 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,611 I keep bleeding. I keep, keep bleeding love. 80 00:04:45,694 --> 00:04:47,822 - I mean, I know a little bit. - Keep bleeding. 81 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,991 Keep, keep bleeding. 82 00:04:50,158 --> 00:04:52,786 - New York classic. - Oh, boy. 83 00:04:52,869 --> 00:04:55,205 People just say things like "New York classic." 84 00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:03,214 Well, this is me. 85 00:05:05,175 --> 00:05:08,470 I'm glad I got you home safe. These mean streets. 86 00:05:12,725 --> 00:05:14,853 I'm trying to think of something else to say. 87 00:05:15,020 --> 00:05:16,813 Well, I should... 88 00:05:18,273 --> 00:05:19,775 I should... 89 00:05:41,926 --> 00:05:46,598 My other roommate, Mallory, like, literally lives in this alcove thing. 90 00:05:48,433 --> 00:05:52,438 Yeah, so...I promise this isn't, like, a move, 91 00:05:52,521 --> 00:05:56,359 but is it cool if we hang out in my room ? 92 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:58,737 Yeah. 93 00:06:00,363 --> 00:06:04,660 I mean, they've been divorced for 20 years or something. So what about you ? 94 00:06:04,827 --> 00:06:07,121 My parents were the complete opposite. 95 00:06:07,205 --> 00:06:09,749 High school sweethearts that are somehow still in love. 96 00:06:09,833 --> 00:06:10,876 That's nice. 97 00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:13,921 But they're Satanists, so I guess it's not all good, right ? 98 00:06:14,088 --> 00:06:17,592 - Balances out, you know ? - Yeah, that's fair. 99 00:06:17,758 --> 00:06:20,679 Are you losing on purpose ? This is so pathetic. 100 00:06:20,762 --> 00:06:23,098 Well, I mean, to be honest with you, I'm pretty sure you made this game up. 101 00:06:23,181 --> 00:06:25,684 - Oh, I did not. How dare you ? - I don't know what I'm doing here. 102 00:06:25,768 --> 00:06:28,771 - This is a very popular game. - Who's played this game before ? 103 00:06:28,938 --> 00:06:32,067 I've explained this to lots of people, and nobody has ever critiqued me 104 00:06:32,150 --> 00:06:35,362 as a teacher. They say it's so fun. 105 00:06:35,446 --> 00:06:37,990 So I don't know. You're the first... 106 00:06:43,246 --> 00:06:46,500 - I do want to hear about this game. - I'm gonna tell you. 107 00:06:48,169 --> 00:06:50,838 - Oh, yes. I can... - Yeah, it's... Yeah. 108 00:07:00,725 --> 00:07:02,393 - What ? - You're bony. 109 00:07:02,477 --> 00:07:04,145 - What ? - I mean... 110 00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:11,153 You have, like, a surprisingly slender, fit body. 111 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,947 Thank you. 112 00:07:13,030 --> 00:07:15,116 Oh, no, don't, don't. I'm sweaty. 113 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,743 It's okay. I like it. 114 00:08:04,632 --> 00:08:07,635 - Like, embarrassed. - Babe, you were good. It was good. 115 00:08:07,718 --> 00:08:11,473 - Hey. - Oh, hey. Good morning, bud. 116 00:08:11,556 --> 00:08:13,225 - Good morning. - Hey. 117 00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:16,604 - Do you have coffee here ? - I could make another pot. 118 00:08:16,687 --> 00:08:18,856 Oh, no, that's okay. I'll go out and grab some. Just gonna... 119 00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:21,109 Oh, yeah, go for it. It's communal. 120 00:08:26,615 --> 00:08:27,950 - Hey, morning. - Hi. 121 00:08:31,704 --> 00:08:32,831 I had a lot of fun last night. 122 00:08:32,998 --> 00:08:36,251 'Cause you had a good time. It was fine for me. Whatever. 123 00:08:37,753 --> 00:08:39,589 Anyway, I have to.. 124 00:08:40,548 --> 00:08:41,883 I have to go play basketball with some buddies. 125 00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:45,470 Yeah, I have to knit scarves with the other Army wives. 126 00:08:45,637 --> 00:08:47,014 - Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Nice. - Yeah. 127 00:08:48,432 --> 00:08:50,351 Do you want my number, or... 128 00:08:50,518 --> 00:08:52,854 I'm just gonna leave it all up to chance, you know ? 129 00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:55,232 I think I got a $5 bill. You seen "Serendipity ?" 130 00:08:55,398 --> 00:08:57,985 That's a solid reference, man. 131 00:09:05,368 --> 00:09:06,953 Okay. 132 00:09:07,371 --> 00:09:09,039 Bye. 133 00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:15,421 - Okay, seriously. - Okay, okay. 134 00:09:15,505 --> 00:09:17,883 - Like, that's enough. - I'll leave, I'll leave. 135 00:09:20,052 --> 00:09:22,012 All right, I'm leaving. 136 00:09:22,638 --> 00:09:24,515 - See you, Jimbo. - See you at work, buddy. 137 00:09:24,599 --> 00:09:26,100 - See you, Sara. - Bye. 138 00:09:28,603 --> 00:09:31,648 - I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. What just happened ? 139 00:09:31,732 --> 00:09:33,025 Excuse me. 140 00:09:33,108 --> 00:09:35,194 Do I have a husband now ? Is he my husband ? 141 00:09:35,278 --> 00:09:38,323 I just... Is that how that works ? 142 00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,993 Yeah, well, I'm glad to see you're taking it slow. 143 00:09:41,159 --> 00:09:44,872 I'm just excited. Be happy for me. 144 00:09:44,955 --> 00:09:47,250 - Jim. - Come on, Jim. Please. 145 00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:50,378 - So serious, Jim. - Please be happy for me. 146 00:09:50,545 --> 00:09:52,297 - I can't think straight. - Help me, please. 147 00:09:52,381 --> 00:09:54,717 All I can do is smell these bath salts that I got... 148 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,302 - Morning. - Oh, hey. 149 00:09:56,385 --> 00:09:59,806 Darby. Thank God. I need a woman to look at these. 150 00:10:00,348 --> 00:10:03,477 Which font do you like for the escort cards ? This one or this one ? 151 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:09,233 - The left one. - Yes. See ? 152 00:10:09,317 --> 00:10:10,693 Told you, babe. Whatever one you want. 153 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:15,032 Oh, God, honey, have an opinion. It is your wedding too. 154 00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:16,867 Okay. Speaking of which, Darby, 155 00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,703 do you plan on bringing someone to the wedding ? 156 00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,788 Not to pressure you or anything. 157 00:10:22,332 --> 00:10:24,751 - Yeah. - New boyfriend ? 158 00:10:24,918 --> 00:10:26,670 I don't know. Maybe. 159 00:10:27,296 --> 00:10:28,631 Explains why you look like shit this morning. 160 00:10:28,798 --> 00:10:31,301 Okay. All right. Let's leave her alone. 161 00:10:31,384 --> 00:10:33,261 - See you at home. - Bye, Kate. 162 00:10:33,345 --> 00:10:36,598 Darby, your first tour today is some assholes from Gawker. 163 00:10:36,682 --> 00:10:40,019 Oh, fuck you. Gawker ? What do I like about this job ? 164 00:10:40,186 --> 00:10:42,438 Maybe 'cause you get to say "fuck you" to your boss ? 165 00:10:42,605 --> 00:10:44,316 Very true. All right. 166 00:10:44,482 --> 00:10:45,525 Day 1 167 00:10:45,609 --> 00:10:50,072 That whole day, Darby was buoyant. Who knew when she'd see Augie again, 168 00:10:50,156 --> 00:10:52,533 but for now, she was walking on air, 169 00:10:52,617 --> 00:10:54,953 alive with the glow of a new connection. 170 00:10:55,704 --> 00:10:59,708 The next day, that glow began to wear off, and she hadn't heard from him, 171 00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:02,503 so Darby went to great lengths to keep herself busy, 172 00:11:02,587 --> 00:11:06,257 deciding it was time to color-code her book collection. 173 00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:07,717 Hey. 174 00:11:09,428 --> 00:11:13,432 Do you think I should do, like, an accent wall in here ? 175 00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:17,646 - What kind of accent ? - I mean, just like... 176 00:11:17,729 --> 00:11:19,231 - Australian ? - Oh, my God. 177 00:11:19,398 --> 00:11:21,817 That's not helpful. You know what I'm going through. 178 00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,944 - Darby, I'm an accent wall. - I hate you. 179 00:11:24,362 --> 00:11:29,201 The third day was harder. Darby sunk into an awful apprehension. 180 00:11:29,284 --> 00:11:33,539 Why hadn't Augie texted ? Was she boring ? Was her body weird ? 181 00:11:34,373 --> 00:11:36,959 Darby's brain started doing mental gymnastics, 182 00:11:37,043 --> 00:11:39,546 coming up with ways she could casually run into him. 183 00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:42,758 Honestly, like, at this point, I'm kind of pissed. 184 00:11:42,841 --> 00:11:45,761 I'm tempted to, like, just go to Politico and confront him. 185 00:11:45,845 --> 00:11:47,221 Okay, Darby, look, I love you, 186 00:11:47,305 --> 00:11:50,350 but do remember that's my place of work, okay ? So keep that in mind. 187 00:11:50,517 --> 00:11:53,854 - No, please, do it. - Thank you. She thinks it's funny. 188 00:11:53,937 --> 00:11:56,732 I would never. I would never ! Mostly. Maybe. 189 00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:58,025 Are those dates ? 190 00:11:58,109 --> 00:12:00,695 Okay, so date farmers are on strike in Mexico, 191 00:12:00,779 --> 00:12:02,197 so technically, you guys are like scabs. 192 00:12:02,364 --> 00:12:04,700 You know what, Jim ? We don't need that from you. 193 00:12:04,992 --> 00:12:09,247 On the fourth day of radio silence, Darby buried herself in her work. 194 00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:11,249 Very special tour, the butt tour ! 195 00:12:13,376 --> 00:12:17,381 - I'm tired. How long is this tour ? - It is two full hours. Get ready. 196 00:12:17,548 --> 00:12:19,008 Fuckin' heels. 197 00:12:19,091 --> 00:12:24,306 Okay. We're gonna start over here. This super cute muscular bronze butt. 198 00:12:24,473 --> 00:12:26,600 This Greek bronze butt is very rare 199 00:12:26,683 --> 00:12:28,686 because when Romans took over Greek dominions, 200 00:12:28,853 --> 00:12:30,855 they knew how valuable the bronze was the sculptures were made of, 201 00:12:30,938 --> 00:12:33,983 so they often melted them down to make armor and weapons, 202 00:12:34,067 --> 00:12:36,695 and we're very fortunate that this sculpture's been preserved 203 00:12:36,862 --> 00:12:42,326 so we can all enjoy its very... emotional, expressive clenched butt. 204 00:12:42,493 --> 00:12:45,330 It looks like Spencer's dick. 205 00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:48,876 Okay, guys, please. Don't touch the statues. 206 00:12:48,959 --> 00:12:51,504 This is really against the rules. 207 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,715 As Darby watched this woman 208 00:12:53,881 --> 00:12:56,968 climb a statue that had managed to survive centuries, 209 00:12:57,052 --> 00:13:00,639 she couldn't help but marvel that someone chose this person. 210 00:13:01,932 --> 00:13:05,645 And not just for a day, but for the rest of her life. 211 00:13:08,148 --> 00:13:10,984 Darby couldn't even get a "Wazzup ?" 212 00:13:11,151 --> 00:13:12,820 DAY 5 213 00:13:12,903 --> 00:13:15,114 Around her, life continued as if somehow 214 00:13:15,281 --> 00:13:19,077 there was anything more important than what she was going through. 215 00:13:19,161 --> 00:13:22,581 By this point, she'd managed to pull her flat mates into it as she 216 00:13:22,665 --> 00:13:27,211 carried on in the grand tradition of women waiting by the phone. 217 00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:31,633 - It's your dad. - Good. 218 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:36,889 He wants to know "who sings the song... 'Wonderwall..." 219 00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:43,480 - I'm sorry it wasn't Augie. - It's okay. 220 00:13:43,564 --> 00:13:47,193 It was my dad. At least it wasn't my gym asking where I've been. 221 00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:51,239 Oh, my God. Why am I spinning out ? All this sucks. 222 00:13:51,323 --> 00:13:53,659 Why don't you just take the reins and text him ? 223 00:13:55,703 --> 00:13:57,705 - Can I do that ? - No, you can't. 224 00:13:57,872 --> 00:14:01,918 Look, I know it's fucked up, but you have to wait for him to hit you up. 225 00:14:02,085 --> 00:14:03,837 I don't want to get into a political debate about it. 226 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,589 It's just the world right now. 227 00:14:05,672 --> 00:14:09,760 Says the girl who made Jim read his high school diary out loud to you 228 00:14:09,844 --> 00:14:12,931 like there are zero boundaries. Boundaries don't exist. 229 00:14:13,098 --> 00:14:17,686 Yeah, 'cause I paid my dues. Look, you can play the crazy card down the road, 230 00:14:17,770 --> 00:14:20,064 but right now, you gotta bear down. 231 00:14:20,147 --> 00:14:22,984 No, no, no. No, no. That shit's so antiquated. 232 00:14:23,067 --> 00:14:26,238 Why do you need a boyfriend right now ? Honestly, look what it's doing to you. 233 00:14:26,405 --> 00:14:28,073 This isn't Jane Austen times. I'm sorry. 234 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,117 I think I'm just stressed because 235 00:14:30,284 --> 00:14:32,203 I told my boss that I was bringing a plus-one to his wedding, 236 00:14:32,286 --> 00:14:36,416 and now I think it would be super embarrassing to just not bring anyone. 237 00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,418 I know what you're thinking, you little 0 to 60 freak. 238 00:14:38,585 --> 00:14:41,923 Even as a favor. I could just be like, "Hey, as a friend, as a buddy..." 239 00:14:42,089 --> 00:14:45,176 You cannot invite Augie to that wedding, right ? 240 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:49,139 Oh, my God. I'm obsessed with him, and it's so pathetic. 241 00:14:56,523 --> 00:14:58,024 I'll just... 242 00:14:59,192 --> 00:15:01,612 No way ! 243 00:15:04,699 --> 00:15:06,910 - Fine. - I'm gonna be totally chill. 244 00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:08,495 I'm gonna be totally chill. 245 00:15:08,662 --> 00:15:10,497 STRAND BOOKSTORE 246 00:15:10,664 --> 00:15:13,667 - Haven't read any Jane Austen. - What ? 247 00:15:13,751 --> 00:15:15,753 - I know, which was surp... - Deal-breaker. I can't do this. 248 00:15:15,837 --> 00:15:17,881 - Oh, you too ? - I'm kidding. 249 00:15:19,090 --> 00:15:21,927 Mallory was making fun of me, 'cause I don't... 250 00:15:22,094 --> 00:15:24,221 Actually, there is one of these books that I've been looking for. 251 00:15:24,305 --> 00:15:26,557 Why wouldn't we get ten romance novels ? 252 00:15:27,892 --> 00:15:32,189 Okay, so if I had to tell you something unexpected about me. 253 00:15:32,272 --> 00:15:34,525 Yeah. I'll give you $1,000. 254 00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:37,361 That you wouldn't have guessed this was... 255 00:15:37,445 --> 00:15:41,908 No, I'll give you $1,000 to tell me something that really shocks me. 256 00:15:41,992 --> 00:15:44,036 I was just gonna tell you for free. 257 00:15:44,119 --> 00:15:48,082 I was actually so into musical theater that my mom thought that I was gay. 258 00:15:48,249 --> 00:15:53,213 She asked me if I had seen the movie "Milk," because she had rented it. 259 00:15:53,296 --> 00:15:56,550 And she thought it was really important that we watch it together. 260 00:15:56,634 --> 00:15:58,594 - That's so sweet. - Yeah. 261 00:15:58,678 --> 00:16:00,471 - That's nice. - Yeah. 262 00:16:00,555 --> 00:16:04,977 You know I, too, have done some musical theater. 263 00:16:05,060 --> 00:16:07,104 - Get the fuck out. - Yeah, in high school. 264 00:16:07,187 --> 00:16:10,441 One time... In "Cats", I know. 265 00:16:10,525 --> 00:16:12,110 - You were in "Cats ?" - Yeah. 266 00:16:12,193 --> 00:16:13,236 What ? 267 00:16:13,319 --> 00:16:17,199 There were so many kids, and there weren't enough parts... 268 00:16:17,282 --> 00:16:18,325 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 269 00:16:18,409 --> 00:16:20,745 So they did that thing where they made up a cat. 270 00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:22,330 - But just for you, though. - Yeah. 271 00:16:22,497 --> 00:16:26,626 It was something insane. It was like Carbucketty or something. 272 00:16:26,793 --> 00:16:29,338 Oh, my God. It was so embarrassing. 273 00:16:31,006 --> 00:16:35,845 Is it weird that I'm kind of turned on by you being an ensemble cat ? 274 00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:37,848 You're such a jerk. 275 00:16:39,475 --> 00:16:43,896 This is stupid. Do you want to go to my boss's wedding with me ? 276 00:16:48,276 --> 00:16:50,195 What ? You don't have to. 277 00:16:50,362 --> 00:16:54,075 No, yes, I do ! I do want to go ! I do want to go. 278 00:16:55,284 --> 00:16:57,245 - Yes, absolutely. - Great. 279 00:16:57,871 --> 00:16:59,873 - When is it ? - I don't know. 280 00:16:59,956 --> 00:17:00,999 Okay, great. 281 00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:03,294 Lin for the win ! 282 00:17:05,505 --> 00:17:07,841 This dude is unbelievable. I'm losing my mind. 283 00:17:08,007 --> 00:17:11,136 - Holy shit ! - Yes ! Linsanity forever ! 284 00:17:11,303 --> 00:17:13,555 - He's on fire ! - Oh, Darbs, are you into sports now ? 285 00:17:13,722 --> 00:17:15,892 I don't know. I'm trying to sound cool. 286 00:17:15,975 --> 00:17:17,560 - You do sound cool. - Thank you. 287 00:17:17,727 --> 00:17:19,020 - You're hustlin'. - I don't know. 288 00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:22,024 - Yes. - This kid came out of fucking nowhere. 289 00:17:22,107 --> 00:17:23,567 Tell me about it. 290 00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:26,028 It was January when they met at karaoke, 291 00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:29,282 and by February, they were acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. 292 00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,868 Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. 293 00:17:31,952 --> 00:17:33,579 - Please do. - These are fakes. 294 00:17:33,662 --> 00:17:35,831 - What ? - Don't tell anybody. 295 00:17:37,083 --> 00:17:40,962 They ignored all the usual rules about keeping things mysterious. 296 00:17:44,508 --> 00:17:46,552 You guys are nasty ! 297 00:17:53,518 --> 00:17:56,480 - Nice. - That's gonna be the one. For sure. 298 00:17:56,647 --> 00:17:59,442 - I love this table. - I want ten more beers. 299 00:17:59,525 --> 00:18:02,487 Does anybody else want ten more beers ? Just me ? 300 00:18:02,654 --> 00:18:03,697 For too long, 301 00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:07,743 she'd merely watched these kinds of relationships from the outside, 302 00:18:07,826 --> 00:18:12,457 and anything she knew about the way they felt was purely speculative. 303 00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:15,961 But now she had some firsthand experience. 304 00:18:16,044 --> 00:18:19,840 This is what it was really like to love someone. 305 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,306 Lin on the penetration, he got bottled up... 306 00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:30,060 - What happened to our friend ? - He's just having an off night. 307 00:18:30,144 --> 00:18:32,355 - Hey, Aug, we're gonna roll. - All right, man. 308 00:18:32,438 --> 00:18:35,692 - Sorry, buddy. They'll bounce back. - Yeah, thanks for coming, man. 309 00:18:35,859 --> 00:18:37,903 - See you, Sara. - Bye. 310 00:18:41,407 --> 00:18:44,535 - I'm sorry, baby. - It's okay. Thank you. 311 00:18:51,752 --> 00:18:54,130 Is this what it's like being a Knicks fan ? 312 00:18:55,631 --> 00:18:57,133 Yeah, kind of. Hey... 313 00:19:01,638 --> 00:19:05,434 - What's up ? - Never mind. It's cool. Nothing. 314 00:19:07,270 --> 00:19:10,148 Hey, come on. Don't do that. Oh, my God. 315 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,441 No. I just... 316 00:19:13,318 --> 00:19:17,323 I just don't want you to freak out, 'cause this timing really sucks, but... 317 00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,909 Okay. Sorry. 318 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,995 - Bless you. - Thank you. 319 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:28,085 I just found out that Politico wants to send me out on the road 320 00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:32,757 as an embed in a couple of weeks, and I'll be gone till November, so... 321 00:19:32,841 --> 00:19:35,511 - Oh, wow. - Yeah. 322 00:19:36,512 --> 00:19:40,642 Okay. I mean, well, if you're gonna be gone till November... 323 00:19:40,808 --> 00:19:44,354 Well, no, 'cause if all goes well, then after that, 324 00:19:44,438 --> 00:19:47,775 I'd be working out of the D.C. bureau, which would be like... 325 00:19:48,693 --> 00:19:49,944 I'd be moving there. 326 00:19:52,697 --> 00:19:53,990 Okay. 327 00:19:55,659 --> 00:19:58,579 Is that, like, optional or... 328 00:20:00,456 --> 00:20:04,044 I guess it is, but it's a pretty big opportunity for me, you know. 329 00:20:04,210 --> 00:20:05,587 - Yeah. - Yeah. 330 00:20:05,670 --> 00:20:08,006 - No, of course. - Yeah. 331 00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:11,510 What the fuck am I saying ? I'm gonna be on Obama's press bus and everything. 332 00:20:11,594 --> 00:20:15,932 - It's my dream. - Dude, that's amazing. 333 00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:19,561 - I mean, congratulations. - Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. 334 00:20:19,728 --> 00:20:24,776 And look. If that makes you not want to hang out with me anymore, 335 00:20:24,859 --> 00:20:29,656 I totally get it, because... this can't really go anywhere, you know ? 336 00:20:29,740 --> 00:20:33,202 Yeah. I mean, it can't go anywhere, but we were just, like, 337 00:20:33,369 --> 00:20:35,663 seeing if it was gonna go anywhere, so it's not a big deal. 338 00:20:35,830 --> 00:20:40,460 Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. I'm really glad we're on the same page about that. 339 00:20:40,961 --> 00:20:46,426 I know it sounds corny, but I feel like it's my civic duty, in a way. 340 00:20:46,593 --> 00:20:52,558 Can you imagine if Romney was fucking president ? The world would end. 341 00:20:56,896 --> 00:21:00,776 But we should just, like, keep hanging out until you leave, right ? 342 00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:02,319 - Are you sure ? - I mean, do you not want to ? 343 00:21:02,402 --> 00:21:05,865 No, no, no, no, no, I definitely do. Of course I do. 344 00:21:05,948 --> 00:21:08,451 - I really like you, Darby. A lot. - Great. 345 00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:09,911 I just... 346 00:21:11,746 --> 00:21:14,166 I've been through the whole long-distance thing before, 347 00:21:14,249 --> 00:21:17,628 and I don't want either of us to get hurt or anything like that. 348 00:21:17,712 --> 00:21:19,505 I don't think that's gonna happen. 349 00:21:19,672 --> 00:21:21,549 Okay. So what... 350 00:21:21,716 --> 00:21:23,552 Should I just bail ? Is that what we're saying ? 351 00:21:23,635 --> 00:21:26,764 On your boss's wedding ? On Augie's last night ? No. 352 00:21:26,931 --> 00:21:30,810 Baby, you are playing the long game. You keep your eyes on the prize. 353 00:21:30,894 --> 00:21:34,314 When you talk about love, you turn into Coach Taylor. Really sweet. 354 00:21:34,398 --> 00:21:37,067 Coach and Mrs. Coach are the model couple, in my eyes, so... 355 00:21:37,151 --> 00:21:40,321 Okay, look. I will be your plus-one if you want to bail on Augie. 356 00:21:40,488 --> 00:21:42,699 I will be there. I will do that. I am here for you. 357 00:21:42,782 --> 00:21:46,161 Darby, you just go with the flow, okay ? Who knows what could happen ? 358 00:21:46,245 --> 00:21:48,122 It could be a magical night, and then 359 00:21:48,289 --> 00:21:52,418 you could be the first ever real-life person to chase someone to the airport. 360 00:21:52,502 --> 00:21:54,379 What ? 361 00:21:54,546 --> 00:21:57,341 That was a great buildup, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. 362 00:21:57,508 --> 00:22:00,428 I've been watching a ton of Hugh Grant movies. 363 00:22:00,511 --> 00:22:01,762 Okay. 364 00:22:04,682 --> 00:22:09,188 And so Darby trudged on with a brave face, trying to make the best of it, 365 00:22:09,271 --> 00:22:13,526 but beneath that façade was an unavoidable fact, 366 00:22:13,693 --> 00:22:17,572 he was really leaving. This was really ending. 367 00:22:21,410 --> 00:22:23,329 You look really great tonight. 368 00:22:24,330 --> 00:22:27,167 Thank you. So do you. You look great. 369 00:22:27,334 --> 00:22:32,006 Oh, thank you. I mean, it was between this or my tuxedo tee. 370 00:22:32,089 --> 00:22:34,175 - Or my "ripped abs" tee. - Wow. 371 00:22:34,342 --> 00:22:36,177 Or my Bulbasaur tee. You've seen that one ? 372 00:22:36,344 --> 00:22:39,055 I didn't know you were such a novelty tee guy. 373 00:22:39,139 --> 00:22:42,476 - Really big. I go to the club. - There's a club ? 374 00:22:42,559 --> 00:22:44,812 See ? This is why you can't leave. 375 00:22:44,979 --> 00:22:47,482 'Cause we have so much to learn about each other. 376 00:22:47,565 --> 00:22:51,069 - There's a club ? I wanna know more ! - Yes, I said, yeah, I know. 377 00:22:51,236 --> 00:22:52,696 Let's not think about it tonight. 378 00:22:54,573 --> 00:22:57,243 Yeah. I kind of can't not think about it. 379 00:22:57,410 --> 00:22:58,620 - Yeah. - So... 380 00:23:01,706 --> 00:23:04,668 - Should we dance ? - Okay. 381 00:23:04,752 --> 00:23:07,255 Make the most of our last night together. 382 00:23:10,258 --> 00:23:11,301 Yeah. 383 00:23:11,384 --> 00:23:13,971 I don't know if you're ready for this, though. 384 00:23:14,137 --> 00:23:16,390 - I don't know him. - I have this philosophy of dance. 385 00:23:16,473 --> 00:23:18,935 Does anybody have a whistle ? 386 00:23:21,146 --> 00:23:23,857 After a few hours of alcohol consumption, 387 00:23:23,940 --> 00:23:26,735 Darby and Augie found themselves at that point of the evening 388 00:23:26,819 --> 00:23:30,740 when it's easy to say something you'll regret. 389 00:23:30,823 --> 00:23:33,910 Is it possible to, like, overdose on frosting ? 390 00:23:33,994 --> 00:23:37,289 'Cause I don't know why I'm doing this to myself. It's like I'm hazing myself. 391 00:23:37,373 --> 00:23:39,166 Nobody's making me do this. 392 00:23:39,792 --> 00:23:45,674 A "Post" headline, "Tour Guide Dies from Frosting/Open-Bar Combo." 393 00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:50,471 - Wow. - What ? 394 00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:54,267 No, I'm glad to know you think of me as a tour guide. 395 00:23:54,350 --> 00:23:55,393 What ? 396 00:23:55,477 --> 00:23:57,729 I'm sorry my career isn't as sexy as yours is right now. 397 00:23:57,813 --> 00:24:01,275 Hey, hey. I was kidding. 398 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,320 - I'm kidding, right ? - Truth in every joke. 399 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:07,199 What are you doing right now ? 400 00:24:08,659 --> 00:24:12,121 I'm having feelings. I'm sorry, like... 401 00:24:12,204 --> 00:24:14,499 feelings that you are very good at not having. 402 00:24:14,582 --> 00:24:15,750 I'm having feelings too. 403 00:24:15,834 --> 00:24:18,295 I just don't want to process them at your boss's wedding. 404 00:24:18,462 --> 00:24:20,506 Yes, that's fine. That's fine. 405 00:24:21,382 --> 00:24:23,676 You're right. That's fine. 406 00:24:26,763 --> 00:24:28,348 Darby, I love you. 407 00:24:30,267 --> 00:24:32,895 You don't have to say that. You don't. 408 00:24:33,062 --> 00:24:35,356 You're not gonna say you love me back ? 409 00:24:36,691 --> 00:24:39,027 I do, but what's the point of, what's... 410 00:24:39,194 --> 00:24:41,947 - Why does there have to be a point ? - Okay. I love you. 411 00:24:42,030 --> 00:24:43,657 - Really ? - Yeah. You know I do. 412 00:24:43,824 --> 00:24:46,244 - Awesome ! That's great ! - Yeah, it is great. 413 00:24:46,410 --> 00:24:49,998 It's great. I love you. Bye forever. 414 00:24:50,165 --> 00:24:52,793 Oh, come on. Stop. That is not fair. 415 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:56,631 You said long-distance doesn't work. So fuck it. 416 00:24:56,797 --> 00:24:59,843 - Please don't put words into my mouth. - Is that not exactly what you said ? 417 00:25:00,009 --> 00:25:02,721 Just because I'm leaving does not mean that we'll never see each other again. 418 00:25:02,888 --> 00:25:05,724 We can Skype, right ? We can try and make it work. 419 00:25:05,808 --> 00:25:08,978 - Oh, my God, we can Skype. - What are you doing ? Seriously ? 420 00:25:09,145 --> 00:25:11,272 This is our last night together, and you're really gonna do this ? 421 00:25:11,356 --> 00:25:14,776 - Write me letters from camp. -Seriously ? Come on. 422 00:25:14,943 --> 00:25:17,446 - What do you say ? Do you want... - Okay. All right. 423 00:25:18,656 --> 00:25:22,994 Yeah, we can Skype. We can Skype until you find somebody new, 424 00:25:23,078 --> 00:25:25,330 'cause I know how things go on these tour buses. 425 00:25:25,414 --> 00:25:28,793 What ? Do you think I'm going on the road with the fucking Stones ? 426 00:25:28,876 --> 00:25:32,046 - No. - I work at Politico. This is... 427 00:25:32,130 --> 00:25:36,009 I know. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Whatever. 428 00:25:40,306 --> 00:25:41,641 Fucking hell. 429 00:25:41,724 --> 00:25:46,354 You should be glad your leading man always be glad. 430 00:25:46,521 --> 00:25:51,360 Sit by home and let me kiss your lovely lips. 431 00:25:55,615 --> 00:25:59,453 Didn't I do it, baby ? 432 00:26:02,039 --> 00:26:05,210 Didn't I do right ? 433 00:26:08,505 --> 00:26:11,216 Why you wanna leave me, baby ? 434 00:26:14,846 --> 00:26:18,099 I said didn't I treat you right ? 435 00:26:21,729 --> 00:26:23,647 It's a mystery... 436 00:26:44,546 --> 00:26:46,549 Can you help me ? 437 00:26:50,428 --> 00:26:52,013 Thanks. 438 00:27:02,442 --> 00:27:04,194 Augie, I'm sorry. 439 00:27:06,655 --> 00:27:07,990 I know. 440 00:27:09,158 --> 00:27:11,786 It's okay. We both drank too much. 441 00:27:18,669 --> 00:27:20,505 I really do love you. 442 00:27:24,050 --> 00:27:25,886 I really love you too. 443 00:27:46,868 --> 00:27:47,911 Hey. 444 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:51,999 Told you the snow gets gross. 445 00:27:52,792 --> 00:27:54,585 Yeah. Guess you were right. 446 00:27:56,087 --> 00:28:00,467 By the way, I have some information that I think will change your life. 447 00:28:03,054 --> 00:28:05,473 Carbucketty is a real cat. 448 00:28:05,932 --> 00:28:07,892 What ? What do you mean ? 449 00:28:08,059 --> 00:28:11,855 Well, let's just say I spent some time on the old "Cats" Wikipedia page 450 00:28:11,939 --> 00:28:16,235 this morning, and Carbucketty, who is also sometimes known as Pouncival, 451 00:28:16,319 --> 00:28:20,699 is very much a real character... And not at all made up for your production. 452 00:28:20,782 --> 00:28:21,825 Oh, my God ! 453 00:28:23,744 --> 00:28:27,081 That's amazing ! I don't know why that makes me want to cry. 454 00:28:29,084 --> 00:28:31,878 Carbucketty's real ! This is a game-changer. 455 00:28:33,172 --> 00:28:35,966 - I just wanted you to know. - Thanks. 456 00:28:42,808 --> 00:28:46,187 - I should go. - Yeah. Yeah, you should go. 457 00:28:56,782 --> 00:28:58,159 Bye, Darby. 458 00:29:00,662 --> 00:29:01,913 Bye, Augie. 459 00:29:03,456 --> 00:29:05,667 After a relationship ends, 460 00:29:05,751 --> 00:29:11,299 most people feel like they'll never meet anyone else, but they always do. 461 00:29:11,382 --> 00:29:15,345 Darby doesn't know it yet, but her person is out there. 462 00:29:15,429 --> 00:29:18,515 Maybe she's met them already, maybe she hasn't, 463 00:29:18,599 --> 00:29:22,562 but they are alive in this city, and they are looking for her too. 464 00:29:22,645 --> 00:29:26,733 Each step is moving It's moving me up 465 00:29:28,444 --> 00:29:32,198 Moving It's moving me up. 466 00:29:33,950 --> 00:29:37,120 Every step is moving me up. 467 00:29:38,330 --> 00:29:41,459 It will all happen for her. 468 00:29:41,542 --> 00:29:44,379 Just not the way she thinks it will.