1 00:00:04,879 --> 00:00:06,506 I -- I can't hold them off, Rick! 2 00:00:06,589 --> 00:00:07,841 Th-There's too many! 3 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:12,262 Richard! 4 00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:15,932 Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam. 5 00:00:16,015 --> 00:00:17,058 Relinquish it at once! 6 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,476 Aah! 7 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:24,899 Submit, you continental cunt. 8 00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,943 Aah! Got a better idea. 9 00:00:27,026 --> 00:00:30,238 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 10 00:00:30,321 --> 00:00:31,740 Aah! 11 00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:34,117 Aah! 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,910 Happy? Of course I'm happy. 13 00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:37,954 You're acting like you won, 14 00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:39,622 but this is exactly what I wanted! 15 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,624 I am Mr. Nimbus! 16 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,294 Ugh, whatever. Come on, Morty. 17 00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:45,754 Man, that was intense. 18 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,797 Yeah nice work, buddy. 19 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,799 Sorry I had to blow up your bunker. 20 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,427 Not so fast, Sanchez. 21 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:55,555 It is I, Cookie Magneto. 22 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:56,473 What the fuck? 23 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,558 I'm -- I'm not engaging this guy. 24 00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:00,143 That's hardly up to you, Rick. 25 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:02,937 I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies? 26 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:05,690 Yes. Okay, but cookies aren't a substance. 27 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,400 They're more of a name we -- we give to -- 28 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:08,651 To the things I control. 29 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:09,903 Do you control cookie ingredients? 30 00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:11,738 Because, y'know, t-that sounds dangerous. 31 00:01:11,821 --> 00:01:13,323 Y'know, everything has sugar in it. 32 00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:13,948 Fight me and find -- 33 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,326 Aah! 34 00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,119 Jesus, Rick! I'm sorry, Morty. 35 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:19,454 I know you're gonna say it's punching down, 36 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,456 but I can't fight another one of these '90s-style 37 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:22,749 goofball super villains. 38 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,000 I'm not the fucking Tick. 39 00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:26,461 I'm -- I'm exhausted. Okay, but i-if you really 40 00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:27,712 have a lot of these guys gunning for you, 41 00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,839 maybe you should look into what you're doing to -- 42 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,424 Oh, don't start that crap, Morty. 43 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,010 I don't do anything for these dipshits to seek me out. 44 00:01:34,093 --> 00:01:36,137 I am Mr. Calypso! 45 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:41,518 Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit. 46 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,020 Okay, I might look into it. 47 00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,973 Why don't you have a seat? 'Cause this isn't a therapy session. 48 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,224 I-I'm just asking you what people in your racket 49 00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:24,811 say about handling this particular situation. 50 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,355 First, we'd want you to define the situation. 51 00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:29,065 I'm a walking target for a never-ending sea of angry nerds 52 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:32,068 that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of... 53 00:02:32,151 --> 00:02:33,319 I don't know, platform? 54 00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:34,654 I mean, look at this guy. 55 00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:35,989 He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk." 56 00:02:36,072 --> 00:02:37,490 Because of course that's the angle of attack 57 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:38,741 that's gonna undo me, right? 58 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,161 You don't shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo. 59 00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:44,247 And you think locking this man in a chamber 60 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:47,250 and milking him of cosmic fluid will somehow resolve this? 61 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:49,002 I think it's the best I can do to profit from a situation 62 00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:51,129 and maybe set an example. 63 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,047 But you've set this example many times 64 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,591 and it's not changing your situation. 65 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,010 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you're gonna tell me to ignore them. 66 00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,928 But guess what? They want that too. 67 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,597 And why would they want to be ignored? 68 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:02,390 You really believe if I let a guy like this 69 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:04,893 do whatever he wants, he gets bored and vanishes? 70 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,812 Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong? 71 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,814 Yes! Then show me data. 72 00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:11,107 Ignore them for a week and see what happens. 73 00:03:11,190 --> 00:03:14,611 You're on, bitch. 74 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,696 Is that man dead? 75 00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:18,531 Is everything in here confidential? 76 00:03:18,615 --> 00:03:19,574 Everything but murder. 77 00:03:19,657 --> 00:03:20,992 Then he's fine. 78 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:23,703 I mean, I-I think it's pretty big, you know? 79 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,246 Big step for the big cheese. 80 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:26,581 Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed. 81 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,540 Can we not make it a big deal? 82 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,500 It's worth celebrating, Rick. 83 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:30,793 You accepted the concept of therapy 84 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,755 without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly. 85 00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:35,715 Jerry, for fuck's sake, that was a regular fly 86 00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:36,466 in her office that day. 87 00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:39,385 What the hell? Riiick! 88 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,678 How 'bout a little piss? 89 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:44,307 Rick, why is there a man shooting piss on our front lawn? 90 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,308 I'm sure he'll tell you. 91 00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,310 I am Pissmaster! 92 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:51,981 Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez. 93 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,608 He's spraying my lavender bush. 94 00:03:53,691 --> 00:03:55,652 My bees need that lavender! 95 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:56,986 Remember five seconds ago 96 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,488 when you guys were stoked about me changing 97 00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,239 because it made you feel superior? 98 00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:02,408 Ooh, whole family's here. 99 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:03,952 Who's that redhead? 100 00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,662 Wouldn't mind spraying her with a golden shower. 101 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:06,663 -Oh, my God, what? -Hey! 102 00:04:06,746 --> 00:04:07,830 Okay, that's it! 103 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,123 Jerry, please think about this. 104 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,833 If you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole 105 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,710 for not helping or an asshole for helping. 106 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,963 My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms, 107 00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,631 and I'll respond how I choose! 108 00:04:16,714 --> 00:04:17,257 -Wait, Dad, don't! -Honey! 109 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,008 Hey. 110 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,635 You want a piece of piss? 111 00:04:20,718 --> 00:04:22,679 If that's your stupid rude way of saying 112 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:24,263 I have to fight you, I will. 113 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,682 Take your shot, pussy. 114 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,684 Don't talk to me that way. Go away! 115 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,227 Make me. Go away! 116 00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:32,772 Ow! 117 00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,691 Careful, honey! 118 00:04:43,950 --> 00:04:44,701 Just stay down. 119 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,536 I -- I don't even know you. 120 00:04:46,619 --> 00:04:47,787 Yeah, you don't know me. 121 00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:51,082 But I'm gonna know your whole ass, you son of a gun. 122 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:57,630 Hey, none of that! Break it up, guys! 123 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:58,381 Hey! Come on! 124 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,347 Come on, you dirty motherfucker. 125 00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:12,270 No! No, no, no, no no! 126 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,819 Stop! Aah! 127 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,905 Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! 128 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,240 Stop! I give up! 129 00:05:24,323 --> 00:05:26,409 Apologize to my daughter. 130 00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,119 For what? 131 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:29,162 You know for what! 132 00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,913 I'm sorry! 133 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,833 I'm sorry I sexualized you! 134 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:36,836 It came out wrong! 135 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:39,589 That's my dad. That's my fucking dad! 136 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,384 Honey, I'm so proud of you. 137 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,261 Ow! 138 00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:46,804 Oh, sorry. 139 00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:47,263 Thank you, Rick. 140 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,935 Damn, hashtag 141 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:54,353 Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list 142 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,272 of other people's observations about you, 143 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:58,441 and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis 144 00:05:58,524 --> 00:06:01,027 on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter. 145 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:03,362 Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence 146 00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:04,530 that you're a bad person. 147 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:06,032 That is their highest honor! 148 00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:07,492 So this is what it's like to trend. 149 00:06:07,575 --> 00:06:08,659 Feels good. Feels right. 150 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,912 Just keep in mind, now a bunch more assholes 151 00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,205 are gonna know they can get a rise out of you. 152 00:06:12,288 --> 00:06:14,207 Boooo! Rick, let a dog have one day. 153 00:06:14,290 --> 00:06:16,793 I'm letting! I'm letting! 154 00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,671 Whoa. Are those orbs? 155 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:21,923 This is what I'm talking about. 156 00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:23,174 Some asshole saw that fight and, believe it not, 157 00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:26,302 they were jealous of Pissmaster. 158 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:31,224 I am Blagnar the Eternal. 159 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,643 We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster. 160 00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,394 That's my dad, Jerry Smith! 161 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:36,771 Jerry Smith. 162 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,815 Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice 163 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,316 and those who deliver it. Wait, what? 164 00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:44,153 Our great council would like to offer you this silver orb 165 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:46,155 and with it a place amongst us. 166 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,949 Whoa. It -- It -- It's sticky. 167 00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:50,118 Yeah, that means it's found a pure heart 168 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:51,285 it wants to bond with. 169 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,829 Y-You guys saw my son-in-law on the news, 170 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,163 now he gets a sticky orb. 171 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,165 What's the catch? We're not rubes. 172 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:57,917 Yeah, your power is well known in our jurisdiction, 173 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,293 Rick Sanchez, and it should come as no surprise 174 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:02,421 that our orbs are unsticky for you. 175 00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:05,174 Oh, no, first I get banned from the Nextdoor app, 176 00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,467 now this. 177 00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,636 I'd be honored to join your organization. 178 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:11,180 S-So what do I do? Rub the orb when I see crime? 179 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,974 Or -- Or eat the orb like spinach? 180 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,560 The orb is raw power. 181 00:07:15,643 --> 00:07:17,145 Trust your heart, Jerry. 182 00:07:17,228 --> 00:07:18,479 It will know what to do. 183 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,862 Did you turn on the microwave? 184 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,155 No? Maybe? 185 00:07:27,238 --> 00:07:28,281 I -- I was trying to fly. I -- 186 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,325 What? I mean, come on, Rick. 187 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:34,453 Orbs and goblets, this is your thing. 188 00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:35,955 Orbs and goblets. 189 00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:37,832 I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family. 190 00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:39,333 Can you please help me? 191 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,961 Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me. 192 00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,754 Trust me, I'm helping by not helping. 193 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:44,839 -Wow. -Seriously, Rick? 194 00:07:44,922 --> 00:07:46,215 What the eff, Grandpa? 195 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,217 Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing. 196 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,219 Now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back 197 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,095 from being a hero? 198 00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,430 Are you seriously that petty? 199 00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:53,890 Okay, you know what? Fine! 200 00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:55,308 Here. Here's your goddamn suit. 201 00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:58,477 I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it. 202 00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,979 This shooty-thing looks cool. 203 00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,355 That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor 204 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:04,150 that can blow up planets. Whoa. 205 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:05,318 So tight. Kinda hot. 206 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,069 Okay, show me, uh... 207 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,989 acts of evil happening around the galaxy. 208 00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,490 Whoa, Space Hitlers? 209 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:15,077 "Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime." 210 00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:17,371 My God, each one of them is their own type of Hitler. 211 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,248 Yeah, th-that's a problem. Oh, shit, do that one. 212 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,459 Aw, you guys. That's my parents. 213 00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:23,753 Wow. 214 00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:24,712 Well, family, 215 00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:25,922 looks like Jerry Smith 216 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,590 has his first orb mission. 217 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,300 Lawn Flaming-Ho! 218 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:34,055 Just a reminder, you guys asked for this. 219 00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:35,348 Soon, our legion of Hitlers 220 00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:38,392 will bring about a new galactic order. 221 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,685 A reich, if you will. 222 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,270 Riddle Hitler me this -- 223 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:44,190 I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now? 224 00:08:44,273 --> 00:08:46,943 Auf wiedersehen, bad guys! 225 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:48,694 Exterminate him! 226 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,446 Ow! Shit! Oh, Jesus. 227 00:08:50,529 --> 00:08:51,864 One at a time! 228 00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,450 Ah, oh, my God! 229 00:08:58,871 --> 00:09:03,125 Uh, hope there weren't other people on that planet. 230 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,543 And there were no other people on the planet! 231 00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,545 Only Hitlers! 232 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,798 Each one ready to start their own holocaust, 233 00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,925 meaning an estimated 30 billion lives 234 00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,468 were saved by a single blast. 235 00:09:12,551 --> 00:09:15,554 And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith. 236 00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,265 Hashtag 237 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,266 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 238 00:09:18,349 --> 00:09:20,559 Up next -- Oh, actually nothing. 239 00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,395 I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more. 240 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:27,024 I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless. 241 00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:29,277 I've got so many issues! 242 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,069 Aah! 243 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,153 We need to talk. 244 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:32,405 Hey. No. 245 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:35,074 I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me 246 00:09:35,157 --> 00:09:36,951 and my patients with respect. 247 00:09:38,577 --> 00:09:40,496 Oh, Lord. I was a fly! 248 00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:44,041 So unburdened, so free of shame! 249 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,835 Welp, I'm officially cured! 250 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:46,961 Here. Here's your data. 251 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,587 Hard proof that God hates me. 252 00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:50,548 I ignored a troll, and Jerry beat the guy's ass. 253 00:09:50,631 --> 00:09:52,591 Now he's got this orb and he's using the power 254 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,136 which I gave him to annihilate planets of Hitlers, 255 00:09:55,219 --> 00:09:56,846 and everyone's popping champagne. 256 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,515 Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change, 257 00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:00,516 and they're changing. 258 00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:01,851 It's working. 259 00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,436 Oh, so if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law 260 00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:05,187 beats up people, it's "working." 261 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,522 But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power? 262 00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,774 Rick, listen to yourself. 263 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,860 You're complaining about how you have to be careful 264 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,278 with your immense power 265 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:13,863 and that Hitlers are dead. 266 00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:16,907 Everything you're describing is positive. 267 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:18,868 Oh, shit. Not reacting. 268 00:10:18,951 --> 00:10:20,328 That really is the kill move? 269 00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:21,704 I don't know if you need to think about it 270 00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,874 in terms of murder, but, yes, just stay the course. 271 00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:25,958 Okay, good -- good talk. 272 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,044 Well, what you're describing is therapy, 273 00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,628 and if you'd like to keep receiving it, 274 00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:32,548 start scheduling your visits with Judy up front. 275 00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,426 Thank you, thank you, Flamingo Fam. 276 00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:36,886 Uh, you know, when they asked me if I wanted 277 00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,513 to be the first human to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer, 278 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:42,183 I thought, "Well, I don't know. 279 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,644 I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast." 280 00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,396 But you know what sold me? 281 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,607 The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew. 282 00:10:49,690 --> 00:10:51,567 Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say? 283 00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,444 What? Are you serious? 284 00:10:53,527 --> 00:10:56,322 Oh, shit, yeah, I love Mitsubishi! 285 00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,199 Me too! I-I've heard of them! This is so exciting! 286 00:10:58,282 --> 00:10:59,825 Oh, my God! This is so cool! 287 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,535 Alright gang, orbs away! 288 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,170 O me o' my, can it be? 289 00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:12,588 A giant piece of shit I see? 290 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,635 I am Mr. Stringbean! 291 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,678 No one resists my rhyming scheme! 292 00:11:19,762 --> 00:11:22,598 Hey, douchebag, why don't you chill out? 293 00:11:22,681 --> 00:11:23,724 Who's this asshole? 294 00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:25,226 I am Doctor Buckles! 295 00:11:25,309 --> 00:11:27,686 Here to tighten the belt on your opinions! 296 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,689 Oh, you wanna see the Bean get mean? 297 00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:31,649 Aah! 298 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,611 I'll be damned. I'm out. 299 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:39,115 I'm out. 300 00:11:41,909 --> 00:11:43,411 I'm -- I'm out. 301 00:11:43,494 --> 00:11:45,704 Oh, my God, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on. 302 00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:48,582 Oh! Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car! 303 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,877 What a loser. Hey you watching the Pissmaster video? 304 00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:55,464 Yeah. He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right? 305 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:56,882 Oh-ho, without a doubt. 306 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,634 Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit? 307 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,589 God damn it. 308 00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:39,341 Fuck, shit, come on, man. 309 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,302 Fuck, come on, where is it? 310 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:42,678 Shit, shit. 311 00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,515 Ugh! Fuck! 312 00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:49,643 Come on, Pissmaster, come on. 313 00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:53,647 Aah! 314 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,027 Damn it. 315 00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,369 It's me. 316 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:09,788 Please, please just open up. Dad? 317 00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:12,833 Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls 318 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:14,502 and I'm worried, okay? 319 00:13:14,585 --> 00:13:16,629 I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast. 320 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:18,672 It's just...I've been so frustrated with you. 321 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,342 Look, if you were to ever do something, 322 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,052 I'd never stop blaming myself. 323 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:24,720 Just, please. Please let me know you're okay. 324 00:13:24,803 --> 00:13:27,556 God damn it. 325 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,143 I'm okay, honey. We're good. 326 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,603 I thought something happened to you. 327 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:35,022 I can tell you for sure -- if anything happens to me, 328 00:13:35,105 --> 00:13:36,482 it's 100% not on you. 329 00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,317 It's my own choice. 330 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:41,529 You still sound like you're gonna do something bad. 331 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:44,365 Just promise you won't, okay? 332 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,741 Okay, yeah. 333 00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:46,742 Promise. 334 00:13:46,825 --> 00:13:47,743 Love you, Dad. 335 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,415 Fuck. 336 00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:03,425 Well, this is it. 337 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:06,345 I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith. 338 00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:07,721 The Earth man. FlamingoDad. 339 00:14:07,805 --> 00:14:10,933 Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped 340 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:14,603 made me realize -- people just wanna see me fail. 341 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:18,732 All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong. 342 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,458 Help! 343 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,421 Wait! Who are you? 344 00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:41,964 Pissmaster. 345 00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,799 M-Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you. 346 00:14:43,882 --> 00:14:46,510 Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way. 347 00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:47,553 Not just missiles. 348 00:14:47,636 --> 00:14:49,346 Oh, ugh, okay. 349 00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,348 Y'all ready for piss? 350 00:14:51,432 --> 00:14:52,808 Yo! Pissmaster! 351 00:14:52,891 --> 00:14:53,892 You saving that cat to make people forget you suck? 352 00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:56,937 Nope, just saving it to save it. 353 00:14:57,021 --> 00:14:57,980 Okay, we got nothing. 354 00:15:04,194 --> 00:15:05,821 Piss 355 00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:07,740 Pee 356 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:09,491 Urine 357 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,868 Number one 358 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:11,744 Pee pee 359 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:14,496 Piss 360 00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:17,333 -Pee -Look, it's Pissmaster! 361 00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,253 Dr. Wong, what's up? 362 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,504 Rick, you're late for your session. 363 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,007 Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good. You're good? 364 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:27,134 Yeah, see, I put on the suit of my enemy 365 00:15:27,217 --> 00:15:28,510 and I fucking love it. 366 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,679 Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city, 367 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,181 and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space. 368 00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:34,850 Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself. 369 00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:37,770 He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise 370 00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:40,356 never get myself, nice wet bow on top. 371 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:42,191 I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that, 372 00:15:42,274 --> 00:15:43,776 but I think you might be nailing it. 373 00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:47,279 What? If it's free and fun, do it. 374 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,530 It sounds healthy. 375 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:49,657 Oh, that wasn't my goal, 376 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:50,699 but good to know. 377 00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:51,867 Shit, gotta go. 378 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:03,879 No, exactly. And the slave planet thing, 379 00:16:03,962 --> 00:16:07,841 I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so... 380 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:12,888 Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, lot of traffic on the orbway. 381 00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:14,348 Take a seat, Jerry. 382 00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:17,643 We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise. 383 00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:18,769 I mean, who cares, right? 384 00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,521 Uh, people are talking about him. 385 00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:21,063 He's becoming likable. 386 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:21,814 Good, even. 387 00:16:21,897 --> 00:16:24,400 But... he's Pissmaster. 388 00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,693 People change, Jerry. 389 00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,695 Everyone loves a comeback story. 390 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,405 All in favor of 391 00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:32,074 offering orbship to Eugene Michael Piss, 392 00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:33,742 aka Pissmaster? 393 00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,077 Orb-yes. 394 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,120 All those opposed? 395 00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:37,746 Obviously orb-no. 396 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,373 The orbship has spoken. 397 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:43,836 You know what, Jerry? I think this is a good test for you. 398 00:16:43,919 --> 00:16:45,254 If you can't let go of your pettiness enough 399 00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:49,925 to recruit Pissmaster, maybe you don't deserve your orb. 400 00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:50,801 And, Jerry... 401 00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:54,263 don't come back without him. 402 00:16:54,346 --> 00:16:55,681 Absolute chaos! 403 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,266 No one knows who planted the bomb, 404 00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,600 but one thing is clear: 405 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:02,062 Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans, 406 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:03,397 now sits on the brink of doom. 407 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,483 The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle 408 00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,777 it as we speak. 409 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,779 I can't stress enough, I'm eight years old, 410 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,781 I have no idea what I'm doing! 411 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,867 Look! It's Pissmaster! 412 00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:15,951 Oh, no! There's no time to dismantle it! 413 00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,454 Come on, it's not safe here. 414 00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:19,288 Whoa, oh, oh! Whoo-hoo! 415 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:22,082 Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop? 416 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:24,918 Pissmaster. Jerry, what are you doing here? 417 00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:26,879 Eugene Michael Piss, 418 00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:29,715 by decree of the Andromeda strain, 419 00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,717 our great council presents you with this orb, 420 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,218 which you have to take. 421 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,804 Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something. Excuse me? 422 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,973 Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given. 423 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,601 I don't want it! Well, you have to take it. 424 00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:42,311 Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here! 425 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:45,022 He's flying it into space! 426 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:46,982 He's gonna sacrifice himself! 427 00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:51,570 Get back here, you ungrateful shit! 428 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:54,072 What is your problem?! You're screwing up my hero death! Good! 429 00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:57,076 FlamingoDad wants us to blow up?! 430 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:59,077 When did he become a shitheel? 431 00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,662 Life comes at you fast. 432 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,498 Jesus, Dad! People are filming! 433 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:03,916 Yeah, maybe dial it back? 434 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:12,841 Rick? 435 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,301 PissSuit! Auto-pilot the payload! 436 00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,344 Confirmed. 437 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,275 That's my fucking dad. 438 00:18:35,405 --> 00:18:36,865 Jerry?! Dad?! Are you okay? 439 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,785 Your father is the fucking Pissmaster! 440 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,745 Um... Grandpa? What the hell? 441 00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:44,665 Jerry, what is this? 442 00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:46,208 People are saying you turned shitheel? 443 00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,877 Well, apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster, 444 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,128 so why don't you ask him? 445 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,507 What the...? Rick Sanchez the Pissmaster? 446 00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:54,842 Okay, this is not a good look. 447 00:18:54,925 --> 00:18:56,552 This family, man. 448 00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,220 Look, I don't know what kinda weird shit 449 00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,013 you two are pulling, but it's completely unstickworthy. 450 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:03,225 We're done here. But I didn't know! 451 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:06,728 I-I'm a good guy,. I -- I made you all famous! 452 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,188 I'm 1,000 years old. 453 00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:11,149 You know how many "Flamingo Dads" I've seen? 454 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,609 Don't orb us. 455 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:15,737 I don't get it. 456 00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,073 You -- You were Pissmaster the whole time? 457 00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:19,241 Obviously not, Jerry. 458 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,076 I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill-- 459 00:19:21,159 --> 00:19:24,037 Uh, when -- when you made him... 460 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:27,040 Uh, yeah. I-I've always been Pissmaster. 461 00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:30,043 But that would mean you let my dad beat you up 462 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:33,213 just so he could, like, feel more confident? 463 00:19:33,297 --> 00:19:34,506 Wow. Damn, Rick. 464 00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,091 Yeah, that's amazing. Hold on, Wh-- 465 00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:38,218 Everyone's just accepting this? 466 00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:40,220 Wait. Wasn't Pissmaster an alien? 467 00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,014 He obviously avatar'd it. Probably a robot. 468 00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:44,099 But why? Why would Rick even prop me up like that? 469 00:19:44,182 --> 00:19:46,101 Jesus, Jerry. Rick did something nice for once, okay? 470 00:19:46,184 --> 00:19:49,146 He's obviously trying to change. 471 00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:54,026 You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi. 472 00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:57,321 Proud of you, Dad. 473 00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,823 Or should I say: Pissmaster. 474 00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:01,992 Yeah, Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you. 475 00:20:02,075 --> 00:20:04,786 And I guess I'm sorry for trying to stop you 476 00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,580 from killing yourself with a nuclear bomb. 477 00:20:06,663 --> 00:20:09,416 I just... really liked having an orb. 478 00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:10,709 Eh. Don't sweat it, Jer. 479 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:12,002 Piss under the bridge. 480 00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:14,588 Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh? 481 00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:17,466 Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good. 482 00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:18,884 That's pretty great of you, Rick. 483 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:20,594 Yeah... that's right, Morty. 484 00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:21,637 That's right. Wait, Morty. 485 00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:23,221 You have to promise not to tell anyone, 486 00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:24,222 but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself. 487 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:26,767 Oh, man, what?! Yeah, I mean, 488 00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:28,268 I found him dead and I -- I put on his suit, 489 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,145 but look at this -- he literally blames your dad. 490 00:20:30,228 --> 00:20:34,399 Holy shit. Wait, you kept the suicide note? 491 00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,653 That's so messed up! I know, I mean, I had to tell someone, Morty. 492 00:20:37,736 --> 00:20:39,571 I couldn't just sit on that. And you expect me to? 493 00:20:39,655 --> 00:20:41,156 Morty, no! What are you doing?! 494 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,909 Aah! What the hell?! He killed himself? 495 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,911 Jesus, Dad, you should've told us! 496 00:20:45,994 --> 00:20:46,995 Especially if Jerry murdered him! 497 00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,622 Wait, don't say that, I -- I didn't murder! 498 00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:50,415 Hey, I -- I thought it was pretty cool 499 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,542 that I withheld that information. But you didn't withhold it! 500 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,252 You're walking around with the note! Yeah, Grandpa, 501 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,254 you gotta, like, keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice. 502 00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:58,590 That's the cool move. I mean, how am I the bad guy? 503 00:20:58,674 --> 00:21:02,010 He sprayed piss on us! You -- You all cheered me on! Don't drag us into this. 504 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,595 A man is dead, Dad. Again, wasn't gonna say it, 505 00:21:03,679 --> 00:21:04,805 but I told you this would happen. 506 00:21:04,888 --> 00:21:06,014 Get off your high horse. Boooo! 507 00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,307 Dr. Wong would be so proud. Go ahead and boo. 508 00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:08,767 I was breathing piss, you think I care? 509 00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:09,935 Is this what it's like to trend? 510 00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:11,144 This is a nightmare! 511 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,605 I should've just let him pee on my daughter! 512 00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,357 Ew! What the hell, Dad? 513 00:21:46,304 --> 00:21:50,642 How about Jack Miller, aka CarJack? 514 00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:51,935 He lifted a car off a stranger. 515 00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:53,395 -Eh. -I guess. 516 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:54,646 -Next. -Orb-no. 517 00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:56,023 We're fresh off a dad and a piss guy. 518 00:21:56,106 --> 00:21:57,315 Maybe we add someone that's already powerful? 519 00:21:57,399 --> 00:22:00,193 We have to be realistic about who we can get. 520 00:22:00,277 --> 00:22:03,155 I have a pitch. We're not gonna add Scarlett Johansson. 521 00:22:03,238 --> 00:22:07,826 Next up: Mr. Nimbus, lord of the oceans. 522 00:22:07,909 --> 00:22:09,578 Oh, I hear he controls the police. 523 00:22:09,661 --> 00:22:10,579 -Wow. -The police? 524 00:22:10,662 --> 00:22:11,872 -Orb-yes. -Ohhh. 525 00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:12,998 Guys, I already checked. 526 00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:15,042 His reps say he's really busy right now. 527 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:15,917 -He just doesn't wanna do it. -Everyone says that. 528 00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:18,086 Oh, and we're not busy? 529 00:22:19,463 --> 00:22:20,964 Did you get any of that?