1 00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:09,730 They just walked out of there! 2 00:00:09,730 --> 00:00:11,770 Yeah, I know, I was sort of sitting next to you. 3 00:00:11,770 --> 00:00:14,090 The whole Waters family. They just walked right out of there! 4 00:00:14,090 --> 00:00:17,770 Again, I was in the room. How do they always manage that?! 5 00:00:17,770 --> 00:00:19,210 They're good. 6 00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:21,010 They're greedy and they'll do it again, 7 00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:23,290 and next time we're going to catch them in the act. 8 00:00:23,290 --> 00:00:24,290 How? 9 00:00:33,890 --> 00:00:34,850 No good? 10 00:00:34,850 --> 00:00:37,930 They always know we're coming. How do they always know?! 11 00:00:37,930 --> 00:00:40,250 They're good, they work at it. 12 00:00:40,250 --> 00:00:42,810 They're never going to stop. Well, neither are we. 13 00:00:53,130 --> 00:00:54,250 Argh! 14 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,970 Argh! 15 00:01:04,970 --> 00:01:07,850 Argh! AARGH! 16 00:01:09,090 --> 00:01:10,450 Oh! Greg... 17 00:01:10,450 --> 00:01:12,690 In the act! 18 00:01:12,690 --> 00:01:16,850 It's the only way we're going to do this, in the act! 19 00:01:45,810 --> 00:01:47,690 They're still blocking it? 20 00:01:47,690 --> 00:01:49,970 Yeah. Very efficiently hacked. 21 00:01:49,970 --> 00:01:52,530 They must be bloody pleased with themselves. 22 00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,730 They must be. 23 00:02:00,490 --> 00:02:01,930 Right then? 24 00:02:01,930 --> 00:02:05,410 Ah, no! No, you've got to make the arrest. This one's yours, boss. 25 00:02:05,410 --> 00:02:07,570 You've never called me boss before. 26 00:02:07,570 --> 00:02:09,970 Oh, well, look what happens when you're good. 27 00:02:09,970 --> 00:02:13,210 You know how most days aren't good days? 28 00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:15,450 This is a good day. Not for the Waters family. 29 00:02:16,450 --> 00:02:18,490 OK, ten men on the roof, all exits covered. 30 00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:21,090 The bank's closed, so we've no hostages to worry about. 31 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:23,370 Sorry, no, go on. Go on. 32 00:02:23,370 --> 00:02:25,530 Um, we've got the tunnel entrance covered... 33 00:02:25,610 --> 00:02:27,210 ...and Davies, Willow and Christie 34 00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:29,490 are heading up armed response on Mafeking Road. 35 00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:32,290 Sorry, I'd better get this. It's him, isn't it? 36 00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:41,210 I, I, I have to go. What?! 37 00:02:41,210 --> 00:02:42,530 You make the arrest. No way! 38 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,650 Sorry, you'll be fine. I'm cool with this. 39 00:02:44,650 --> 00:02:47,930 Jones will get all the credit if you leave now, you know he will. 40 00:02:48,970 --> 00:02:52,050 Yeah, well, yeah, it doesn't matter, I have to go. 41 00:02:56,130 --> 00:02:58,050 Back up! I need maximum back up! 42 00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:00,010 Baker Street now! 43 00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:13,730 What's going on?! 44 00:03:13,730 --> 00:03:15,650 This is hard. What? 45 00:03:15,650 --> 00:03:18,010 Really hard. Hardest thing I've ever had to do. 46 00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:23,490 Do you know any funny stories about John? 47 00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:27,170 What?! 48 00:03:27,170 --> 00:03:30,210 I need anecdotes. Didn't go to any trouble, did you? 49 00:04:57,890 --> 00:05:01,250 Shut up, Mrs Hudson. I haven't said a word. 50 00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:03,290 You're formulating a question, 51 00:05:03,290 --> 00:05:05,770 it's physically painful watching you think. 52 00:05:05,770 --> 00:05:07,690 I thought it was you playing. 53 00:05:07,690 --> 00:05:08,850 It was me playing. 54 00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:11,330 I am composing. 55 00:05:11,330 --> 00:05:13,730 You were dancing. 56 00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:15,210 I was road-testing. 57 00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,410 You what? 58 00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:18,250 Why are you here? 59 00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:22,090 I'm bringing you your morning tea. You're not usually awake. 60 00:05:22,090 --> 00:05:23,530 You bring me tea in the morning? 61 00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:25,290 Well, where do you think it came from? 62 00:05:25,290 --> 00:05:27,690 I don't know. I just thought it sort of happened. 63 00:05:27,690 --> 00:05:29,330 Your mother has a lot to answer for. 64 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:31,890 Hmm, I know. I have a list. 65 00:05:31,890 --> 00:05:34,090 Mycroft has a file. 66 00:05:34,090 --> 00:05:37,130 So, it's the big day then. 67 00:05:37,130 --> 00:05:39,290 What big day? 68 00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:42,850 The wedding! John and Mary getting married. 69 00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:45,690 Two people who currently live together are about to attend church, 70 00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:48,570 have a party, go on a short holiday, then carry on living together. 71 00:05:48,570 --> 00:05:50,850 What's big about that? It changes people, marriage. 72 00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,450 Hmm, no it doesn't. 73 00:05:52,450 --> 00:05:56,730 Well, you wouldn't understand, cos you always live alone. 74 00:05:56,730 --> 00:05:58,970 Your husband was executed for double murder. 75 00:05:58,970 --> 00:06:01,170 You're hardly an advert for companionship. 76 00:06:01,170 --> 00:06:04,890 Marriage changes you as a person in ways that you can't imagine. 77 00:06:04,890 --> 00:06:06,410 As does lethal injection. 78 00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:09,850 My best friend, Margaret, she was my chief bridesmaid, 79 00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:13,210 we were going to be best friends forever, we always said that, 80 00:06:13,210 --> 00:06:14,930 but I hardly saw her after that. 81 00:06:14,930 --> 00:06:17,650 Aren't there usually biscuits? I've run out. Have the shops? 82 00:06:17,650 --> 00:06:21,250 She cried the whole day, saying, "Ooh, it's the end of an era." 83 00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,010 I'm sure the shop on the corner is open. 84 00:06:23,010 --> 00:06:26,730 She was probably right, really. I remember she left early. 85 00:06:26,730 --> 00:06:30,930 I mean, who leaves a wedding early? So sad. 86 00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:33,290 Hmm. Anyway, you've got things to do. 87 00:06:33,290 --> 00:06:36,370 No, not really. I've got plenty of time to get ready... Biscuits! 88 00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:39,370 Oh! I really am going to have a word with your mother. 89 00:06:39,370 --> 00:06:42,050 You can if you like, she understands very little. 90 00:06:57,930 --> 00:06:59,810 Right then. 91 00:07:05,410 --> 00:07:07,530 Into battle. 92 00:08:13,650 --> 00:08:15,370 Congratulations! 93 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:19,250 OK, hold it there, I want to get this shot of the newlyweds. 94 00:08:19,250 --> 00:08:21,690 Er, just the bride and groom, please. 95 00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,530 Sherlock... Oh, sorry. 96 00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:29,050 OK, three, two, one, cheese. 97 00:08:37,890 --> 00:08:42,170 The famous Mr Holmes. I'm very pleased to meet you. 98 00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:44,490 But no sex, OK? Sorry?! 99 00:08:44,490 --> 00:08:47,770 You don't have to look so scared, I'm only messing. 100 00:08:47,770 --> 00:08:51,410 Bridesmaid, best man, it's a bit traditional. 101 00:08:51,410 --> 00:08:53,850 Is it? But not obligatory. 102 00:08:53,850 --> 00:08:57,570 If that's the sort of thing you're looking for, the man over there in blue is your best bet. 103 00:08:57,570 --> 00:08:59,850 Recently divorced doctor with a ginger cat... 104 00:08:59,850 --> 00:09:03,130 A barn conversion and a history of erectile dysfunction. 105 00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:05,610 Reviewing that information, possibly not your best bet. 106 00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:07,010 Yeah, maybe not. 107 00:09:07,010 --> 00:09:09,730 Sorry, there was one more deduction there than I was expecting. 108 00:09:09,730 --> 00:09:13,170 Mr Holmes, you're going to be incredibly useful. 109 00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:23,370 Hello. Lovely to meet you. 110 00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:25,170 How are you? Beautiful, Mary. 111 00:09:25,170 --> 00:09:27,170 Thank you. Congratulations. 112 00:09:27,170 --> 00:09:28,210 David! 113 00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:32,970 Ah, ah, Mary. Congratulations, you look, um, very nice. 114 00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:36,250 Thanks. John, congratulations. You're a lucky man. Thank you. 115 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:39,850 Um, David, this is Sherlock. Hmm. 116 00:09:39,850 --> 00:09:42,810 Um, yeah, we've um... We've met. 117 00:09:46,370 --> 00:09:50,250 So, what exactly are my duties as an usher? 118 00:09:51,610 --> 00:09:53,930 Let's talk about Mary first. 119 00:09:53,930 --> 00:09:55,370 Sorry, what? 120 00:09:55,370 --> 00:09:59,050 Well, I think you know what. You went out with her for two years. 121 00:09:59,050 --> 00:10:01,410 Er, ages ago. We're... We're just good friends now. 122 00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:02,650 Is that a fact? 123 00:10:02,650 --> 00:10:06,850 Whenever she tweets, you respond within five minutes, regardless of time or current location, 124 00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:10,570 suggesting you have her on text alert. In your Facebook photographs of the happy couple, 125 00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:14,010 Mary takes centre frame, whereas John is always partly or entirely excluded. 126 00:10:14,010 --> 00:10:17,850 Well, you can't assume from that I've still got some kind of interest in Mary... 127 00:10:17,850 --> 00:10:21,370 You volunteered to be a shoulder to cry on on no less than three separate occasions. 128 00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:24,050 Do you have anything to say in your defence? 129 00:10:24,050 --> 00:10:27,010 I think from now on, we'll downgrade you to casual acquaintance. 130 00:10:27,010 --> 00:10:29,450 No more than three planned social encounters a year 131 00:10:29,450 --> 00:10:31,290 and always in John's presence. 132 00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:33,850 I have your contact details. I will be monitoring. 133 00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:39,530 They're right about you. You're a bloody psychopath. 134 00:10:39,530 --> 00:10:42,730 High functioning sociopath, with your number. 135 00:10:53,210 --> 00:10:54,410 Um... 136 00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:59,290 Hello. Darling. Thank you. 137 00:10:59,290 --> 00:11:01,490 You look fabulous. Thank you. 138 00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:03,410 Thanks for coming, thank you. 139 00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:07,850 Er, yes, well done in the service, Archie. 140 00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:11,810 He's really come out of his shell. I don't know how you did it. Um... 141 00:11:16,570 --> 00:11:18,810 Basically it's a cute smile to the bride's side, 142 00:11:18,810 --> 00:11:21,170 cute smile to the groom's side and then the rings. No. 143 00:11:21,170 --> 00:11:22,810 And you have to wear the outfit. No. 144 00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:24,810 You really do have to wear the outfit. What for? 145 00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:27,730 Grown-ups like that sort of thing. Why? 146 00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:29,850 I don't know, I'll ask one. 147 00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:32,250 You're a detective. 148 00:11:32,250 --> 00:11:34,850 Yep. Have you solved any murders? 149 00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:37,090 Sure, loads. Can I see? 150 00:11:38,570 --> 00:11:39,770 Yeah, all right. 151 00:11:47,010 --> 00:11:48,810 What's all the stuff in his eye? 152 00:11:48,810 --> 00:11:51,530 Maggots. Cool! 153 00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:52,810 Hmm. 154 00:11:52,810 --> 00:11:55,570 He said you had some pictures for him, as a treat? 155 00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:57,770 Er, yes, if he's good. 156 00:11:57,770 --> 00:12:00,330 Beheadings. Lovely little village. 157 00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:02,690 Hmm? What did you say? 158 00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:08,930 Hold it. 159 00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:11,970 Nice. 160 00:12:16,450 --> 00:12:18,570 I'm starving. Thanks. 161 00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:20,770 I had to lose so much weight to get into this dress. 162 00:12:22,610 --> 00:12:24,730 Hmm, he's nice. 163 00:12:24,730 --> 00:12:28,290 Traces of two leading brands of deodorant, both advertised for their strength, 164 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,490 suggestive of a chronic body odour problem, manifesting under stress. 165 00:12:31,490 --> 00:12:34,210 OK, done there. What about his friend? 166 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:40,450 Long-term relationship, compulsive cheat. Seriously? 167 00:12:40,450 --> 00:12:42,690 Waterproof cover on his smart-phone. 168 00:12:42,690 --> 00:12:45,730 Yet his complexion doesn't indicate outdoor work. 169 00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:48,890 It suggests he's in the habit of taking his phone into the shower with him, 170 00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:52,650 which means he often receives texts and emails he'd rather went unseen. Can I keep you? 171 00:12:52,650 --> 00:12:55,450 Do you like solving crimes? Do you have a vacancy? 172 00:12:56,890 --> 00:12:58,770 So, Harry? Er, no. No show. 173 00:12:58,770 --> 00:13:00,250 Darling, I'm so sorry. 174 00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:03,210 Yeah, it was a bit of a punt asking her, I suppose. 175 00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:05,850 Still, free bar, wouldn't have been a good mix. 176 00:13:07,810 --> 00:13:09,850 Oh. God, wow! 177 00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:12,930 Is that...? He came. 178 00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:20,530 So that's him, Major Sholto. Uh-huh. 179 00:13:23,050 --> 00:13:26,930 If they're such good friends, why does he barely even mention him? 180 00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:30,370 He mentions him all the time to me, never shuts up about him. 181 00:13:30,370 --> 00:13:32,490 About HIM? Mm-hmm. 182 00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:34,930 Urgh! I chose this wine, it's bloody awful! 183 00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:37,810 Yes, but it's definitely him that he talks about? Mm-hmm. 184 00:13:37,810 --> 00:13:40,930 I'm very, very, glad to see you, sir. 185 00:13:42,130 --> 00:13:45,210 I know you don't really do this sort of thing. 186 00:13:45,210 --> 00:13:47,530 Well, I do for old friends, Watson. 187 00:13:47,530 --> 00:13:49,290 John. 188 00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:51,370 It's good to see you. You too. 189 00:13:54,170 --> 00:13:56,090 Civilian life suiting you, then? 190 00:13:56,090 --> 00:13:59,930 Er, er, yes. Well, I think so, sir. No more need for the trick cyclist? 191 00:13:59,930 --> 00:14:02,610 No, I go now and then. Sort of a top-up. 192 00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:06,370 Therapy can be very helpful. 193 00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:11,970 Where are you living these days? 194 00:14:11,970 --> 00:14:15,170 Oh, way out in the middle of nowhere. You wouldn't know it. 195 00:14:15,170 --> 00:14:17,610 You look well... I've never even heard him say his name. 196 00:14:17,610 --> 00:14:21,010 Well, he's almost a recluse, you know, since... Yes. 197 00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:22,850 I didn't think he'd show up at all. 198 00:14:22,850 --> 00:14:25,090 John says he's the most unsociable man he's ever met. 199 00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,130 He is? He's the most unsociable? Hmm. 200 00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:30,650 Ah, that's why he's bouncing around him like a puppy. 201 00:14:30,650 --> 00:14:32,770 Oh, Sherlock! 202 00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:36,170 Neither of us were the first, you know. Stop smiling. 203 00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:38,170 It's my wedding day! 204 00:14:41,050 --> 00:14:43,170 Urgh! 205 00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:14,210 Yes? What, Sherlock? 206 00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:16,330 Why are you out of breath? Filing. 207 00:15:16,330 --> 00:15:20,170 Either I've caught you in a compromising position or you've been working out again. 208 00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:22,170 I favour the latter. What do you want? 209 00:15:22,170 --> 00:15:24,770 I need your answer, Mycroft, as a matter of urgency. 210 00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:28,730 Answer? Even at the eleventh hour, it's not too late, you know. 211 00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:29,890 Oh, Lord! 212 00:15:29,890 --> 00:15:33,090 Cars can be ordered, private jets commandeered. 213 00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:36,050 Today. It's today, isn't it? 214 00:15:36,050 --> 00:15:39,290 No, Sherlock, I will not be coming to the night-do, 215 00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:40,970 as you so poetically put it. 216 00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:44,890 What a shame. Mary and John will be extremely d... 217 00:15:44,890 --> 00:15:47,850 Delighted not to have me hanging around. 218 00:15:47,850 --> 00:15:49,290 Oh, I don't know. 219 00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:52,410 There should always be a spectre at the feast. 220 00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:55,810 So, this is it, then? The big day. 221 00:15:55,810 --> 00:15:58,810 I suppose I'll be seeing a lot more of you from now on. 222 00:15:58,810 --> 00:16:01,370 What do you mean? Just like old times. 223 00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:04,890 No, I don't understand. 'Well, it's the end of an era, isn't it?' 224 00:16:04,890 --> 00:16:07,930 John and Mary, domestic bliss. 225 00:16:07,930 --> 00:16:11,130 No, no, no. I prefer to think of it as the beginning of a new chapter. 226 00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:16,650 What? Nothing. I know that silence. What? 227 00:16:16,650 --> 00:16:18,370 Well, I'd better let you get back to it. 228 00:16:18,370 --> 00:16:20,970 You have a big speech or something, don't you? 229 00:16:20,970 --> 00:16:24,490 What? Cakes, karaoke, mingling. 230 00:16:24,490 --> 00:16:27,850 Mycroft! This is what people do, Sherlock. They get married. 231 00:16:27,850 --> 00:16:30,570 I warned you, don't get involved. 232 00:16:30,570 --> 00:16:32,530 Involved? I'm not involved. No... 233 00:16:32,530 --> 00:16:35,970 John asked me to be his best man, how could I say no? Absolutely. I'm not involved. 234 00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:38,130 I believe you. Really, I do. 235 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:41,970 Have a lovely day and do give the happy couple my best. 236 00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,450 I will. 237 00:16:44,450 --> 00:16:48,610 Oh, by the way, Sherlock, do you remember Redbeard? 238 00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:53,130 I'm not a child anymore, Mycroft. 239 00:16:53,130 --> 00:16:55,170 No, of course you're not. 240 00:16:55,170 --> 00:16:57,650 Enjoy not getting involved, Sherlock. 241 00:17:19,770 --> 00:17:21,610 Pray silence for the best man. 242 00:17:29,370 --> 00:17:31,570 Ladies and gentlemen, 243 00:17:31,570 --> 00:17:34,130 family and friends, 244 00:17:34,130 --> 00:17:36,610 and... 245 00:17:36,610 --> 00:17:39,410 um, others. 246 00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:45,690 Er... 247 00:17:50,690 --> 00:17:52,450 A-also... 248 00:17:56,970 --> 00:17:59,530 Greg... Molly. I've just had a thought. 249 00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:00,610 Is that a brain? 250 00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:02,730 What if John asks Sherlock to be his best man? 251 00:18:02,730 --> 00:18:05,090 Well, he will, won't he? He's bound to. Exactly. 252 00:18:05,090 --> 00:18:09,370 So? So, he'll have to make a speech, in front of people. 253 00:18:09,370 --> 00:18:13,010 There'll be actual people there, actually listening. 254 00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:16,330 Well, what's the worst that could happen? 255 00:18:16,330 --> 00:18:18,570 Helen-Louise probably wondered the same. 256 00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:20,130 Helen-Louise? 257 00:18:26,210 --> 00:18:27,570 Oh, hello dear. 258 00:18:27,570 --> 00:18:30,010 I was just thinking, if John does ask Sherlock... 259 00:18:30,010 --> 00:18:33,090 What, the speech, dear? No, it'll be fine. 260 00:18:33,090 --> 00:18:36,050 It's not just the speech, though, is it? 261 00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:45,770 Oh, brilliant! 262 00:18:45,770 --> 00:18:48,930 Mrs Hudson? Hello, darling. Are you all right? 263 00:18:48,930 --> 00:18:51,490 I was coming to see Sherlock and I thought you were... 264 00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:53,970 No... Possibly dying. 265 00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:56,010 Oh, sorry. 266 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:58,450 What's wrong? 267 00:18:58,450 --> 00:19:01,050 The telegrams! 268 00:19:01,050 --> 00:19:02,570 Sorry, what? 269 00:19:02,570 --> 00:19:05,290 Oh, sorry. 270 00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:10,290 Telegrams! 271 00:19:10,290 --> 00:19:13,410 Right, um... 272 00:19:13,410 --> 00:19:17,370 First things first, telegrams. 273 00:19:17,370 --> 00:19:20,850 Well, they're not actually telegrams, we just call them telegrams. I don't know why. 274 00:19:20,850 --> 00:19:22,570 Wedding tradition. 275 00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:25,970 Because we don't have enough of that already, apparently. 276 00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:27,050 "To Mr and Mrs Watson, 277 00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:29,770 "so sorry I am unable to be with you on your special day. 278 00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:32,970 "Good luck and best wishes, Mike Stanford." Aah. Aw. 279 00:19:32,970 --> 00:19:35,690 "To John and Mary, all good wishes for your special day," 280 00:19:35,690 --> 00:19:37,890 "with love and many big..." 281 00:19:37,890 --> 00:19:41,050 "Big squishy cuddles from Stella and Ted." 282 00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:46,250 "Mary, lots of love..." 283 00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:48,090 Yeah? 284 00:19:48,090 --> 00:19:53,050 "Poppet. Oodles of love and heaps of good wishes from Cam." 285 00:19:53,050 --> 00:19:56,370 "Wish your family could have seen this." 286 00:19:56,370 --> 00:20:01,050 "Special day..." "Very special day..." 287 00:20:01,050 --> 00:20:03,570 "Love..." "Love..." "Love..." "Love..." "Love..." 288 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:06,690 Bit of a theme, you get the general gist. People are basically fond. 289 00:20:09,050 --> 00:20:11,170 John Watson. 290 00:20:13,810 --> 00:20:15,850 My friend, John Watson. 291 00:20:17,330 --> 00:20:19,370 John... 292 00:20:19,370 --> 00:20:22,890 When John first broached the subject of being best man, I was confused. 293 00:20:22,890 --> 00:20:25,490 Sherlock? What was that noise downstairs? 294 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:26,890 Oh, it was Mrs Hudson laughing. 295 00:20:26,890 --> 00:20:29,130 Hmm, it sounded like she was torturing an owl. 296 00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:31,290 Yeah, well, it was laughter. 297 00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:32,490 Could have been both. 298 00:20:33,490 --> 00:20:34,850 Busy? 299 00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:38,970 Oh, just occupying myself. Sometimes it's so hard not smoking. 300 00:20:38,970 --> 00:20:41,210 Mind if I interrupt? 301 00:20:41,210 --> 00:20:42,330 Be my guest. 302 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:47,490 Tea? Er... 303 00:20:47,490 --> 00:20:50,450 So, er, the big question. 304 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:51,730 Mm-hmm? 305 00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:55,210 The best man. 306 00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:56,570 The best man? 307 00:20:56,570 --> 00:20:58,850 What do you think? Billy Kincaid. 308 00:20:58,850 --> 00:21:01,930 Sorry, what? Billy Kincaid, the Camden Garrotter, best man I ever knew. 309 00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:04,090 Vast contributions to charity, never disclosed. 310 00:21:04,090 --> 00:21:06,930 Personally managed to save three hospitals from closure 311 00:21:06,930 --> 00:21:10,050 and ran the best and safest children's homes in north England. 312 00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:14,610 Yes, every now and again there'd be some garrotings, but stacking up the lives saved against the garrotings, 313 00:21:14,610 --> 00:21:16,850 on balance I'd say he... For my wedding. 314 00:21:16,850 --> 00:21:18,450 For me, I need a best man. 315 00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:20,810 Oh, right. Maybe not a garrotter. 316 00:21:20,810 --> 00:21:23,330 Gavin? Who? 317 00:21:23,330 --> 00:21:26,370 Gavin Lestrade? He's a man and good at it. 318 00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:29,370 It's Greg. And he's not my best friend. 319 00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:31,090 Oh, Mike Stanford, I see. 320 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:34,290 Well, he's nice. Um, though I'm not sure how well he'd cope with all... 321 00:21:34,290 --> 00:21:37,090 No, Mike's great, but HE'S not my best friend. 322 00:21:39,170 --> 00:21:42,890 Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest and most important day of my life... 323 00:21:42,890 --> 00:21:45,410 Well... No, it is. It is. 324 00:21:45,410 --> 00:21:47,730 And I want to be up there with the two people 325 00:21:47,730 --> 00:21:51,930 that I love and care about most in the world. Yes. 326 00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:57,050 So Mary Morstan... Yes. 327 00:21:59,570 --> 00:22:00,770 And... 328 00:22:04,730 --> 00:22:06,010 ...you. 329 00:22:08,570 --> 00:22:11,130 I confess at first I didn't realise he was asking me. 330 00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:15,130 When finally I understood, I expressed to him that I was both flattered and surprised. 331 00:22:19,970 --> 00:22:24,010 I explained to him that I'd never expected this request and I was a little daunted in the face of it. 332 00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,290 Sherlock... 333 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:32,770 I nonetheless promised I would do my very best to accomplish a task which was, for me, 334 00:22:32,770 --> 00:22:35,210 as demanding and difficult as any I had ever contemplated. 335 00:22:35,210 --> 00:22:39,050 Additionally, I thanked him for the trust he placed in me and indicated that I was, 336 00:22:39,050 --> 00:22:42,730 in some ways, very close to being moved by it. 337 00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:49,410 No, it's getting a bit scary now. 338 00:22:49,410 --> 00:22:51,850 It later transpired that I'd said none of this out loud. 339 00:22:58,850 --> 00:23:00,010 So, in fact... 340 00:23:03,250 --> 00:23:05,450 You, you mean... Yes. 341 00:23:06,770 --> 00:23:09,210 I'm your... 342 00:23:09,210 --> 00:23:12,170 best... Man. ..friend? 343 00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:15,490 Yeah, of course you are. 344 00:23:16,850 --> 00:23:20,250 Of course... You're my best friend. 345 00:23:28,930 --> 00:23:31,890 How was that? 346 00:23:31,890 --> 00:23:33,610 Surprisingly OK. 347 00:23:35,730 --> 00:23:38,370 So you'll have to make a speech, of course. 348 00:23:46,530 --> 00:23:48,690 Done that. Done that. 349 00:23:48,690 --> 00:23:50,530 Done that bit, done that bit. 350 00:23:50,530 --> 00:23:53,210 Done that bit. Hmm. 351 00:23:55,210 --> 00:23:57,690 I'm afraid, John, I can't congratulate you. 352 00:23:57,690 --> 00:23:59,930 All emotions, and in particular love, 353 00:23:59,930 --> 00:24:03,290 stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. 354 00:24:03,290 --> 00:24:05,650 A wedding is, in my considered opinion, 355 00:24:05,650 --> 00:24:10,290 nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational 356 00:24:10,290 --> 00:24:13,330 and sentimental in this ailing and morally compromised world. 357 00:24:13,330 --> 00:24:16,650 Today we honour the deathwatch beetle that is the doom of our society, 358 00:24:16,650 --> 00:24:19,530 and in time, one feels certain, our entire species. 359 00:24:26,850 --> 00:24:30,570 But anyway, let's talk about John. Please. 360 00:24:30,570 --> 00:24:33,490 If I burden myself with a little helpmate during my adventures, 361 00:24:33,490 --> 00:24:37,410 this is not out of sentiment or caprice, it is that he has many fine qualities of his own 362 00:24:37,410 --> 00:24:40,130 that he has overlooked in his obsession with me. 363 00:24:40,130 --> 00:24:43,650 Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, 364 00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,850 from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides. 365 00:24:46,850 --> 00:24:51,130 It is a fact, I believe, that brides tend to favour exceptionally plain bridesmaids for their big day. 366 00:24:51,130 --> 00:24:54,610 There is a certain analogy there, I feel. And contrast is, after all, 367 00:24:54,610 --> 00:24:57,370 God's own plan to enhance the beauty of his creation. 368 00:24:57,370 --> 00:24:59,810 Or it would be if God were not a ludicrous fantasy 369 00:24:59,810 --> 00:25:02,810 designed to provide a career opportunity for the family idiot. 370 00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:08,890 The point I'm trying to make is that I am 371 00:25:08,890 --> 00:25:12,850 the most unpleasant, rude, 372 00:25:12,850 --> 00:25:15,690 ignorant and all-round obnoxious arsehole 373 00:25:15,690 --> 00:25:19,050 that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. 374 00:25:19,050 --> 00:25:21,530 I am dismissive of the virtuous, 375 00:25:21,530 --> 00:25:23,610 unaware of the beautiful 376 00:25:23,610 --> 00:25:26,250 and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. 377 00:25:27,370 --> 00:25:29,930 So if I didn't understand I was being asked to be best man, 378 00:25:29,930 --> 00:25:33,170 it is because I never expected to be anybody's best friend. 379 00:25:34,610 --> 00:25:36,850 And certainly not the best friend 380 00:25:36,850 --> 00:25:40,170 of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being 381 00:25:40,170 --> 00:25:43,010 I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. 382 00:25:44,530 --> 00:25:46,410 John, I am a ridiculous man. 383 00:25:47,450 --> 00:25:50,770 Redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. 384 00:25:50,770 --> 00:25:52,850 But, as I am apparently your best friend, 385 00:25:52,850 --> 00:25:55,930 I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion. 386 00:25:58,490 --> 00:26:00,010 Actually, now I can. 387 00:26:01,770 --> 00:26:05,290 Mary, when I say you deserve this man, 388 00:26:05,290 --> 00:26:08,930 it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. 389 00:26:08,930 --> 00:26:15,610 John, you have endured war and injury and tragic loss - 390 00:26:15,610 --> 00:26:20,490 so sorry again about that last one - so know this, today you sit between 391 00:26:20,490 --> 00:26:24,730 the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. 392 00:26:24,730 --> 00:26:28,850 In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. 393 00:26:28,850 --> 00:26:31,290 And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say, 394 00:26:31,290 --> 00:26:35,050 we will never let you down and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that. 395 00:26:39,210 --> 00:26:41,810 (If I try and hug him, stop me.) Certainly not. 396 00:26:43,250 --> 00:26:47,050 Ah, yes. Now onto some funny stories about John. 397 00:26:49,570 --> 00:26:52,810 What's wrong? What happened? Why are you all doing that? John? 398 00:26:52,810 --> 00:26:54,610 Oh, Sherlock! 399 00:26:54,610 --> 00:26:58,010 Did I do it wrong? No, you didn't. Come here. 400 00:26:59,690 --> 00:27:02,210 I haven't finished yet. Yeah, I know, I know. 401 00:27:02,210 --> 00:27:05,610 So onto some funny stories now... Can you wait till I sit down? 402 00:27:14,250 --> 00:27:18,010 So, onto some funny stories about John. 403 00:27:18,010 --> 00:27:22,210 If you could all just cheer up a bit, that would be better. 404 00:27:22,210 --> 00:27:23,370 On we go. 405 00:27:23,370 --> 00:27:28,970 So for funny stories, one has to look no further than John's blog. 406 00:27:28,970 --> 00:27:30,850 The record of our time together. 407 00:27:30,850 --> 00:27:33,210 Of course, he does tend to romanticise things a bit, 408 00:27:33,210 --> 00:27:35,370 but then, you know, he's a romantic. 409 00:27:35,370 --> 00:27:38,690 We've tackled some strange cases. 410 00:27:38,690 --> 00:27:40,770 The Hollow Client... 411 00:27:46,930 --> 00:27:48,610 The Poison Giant... 412 00:27:52,810 --> 00:27:54,330 Get down, John! 413 00:28:00,050 --> 00:28:02,130 We've had some frustrating cases... 414 00:28:07,450 --> 00:28:09,650 What is that? 415 00:28:09,650 --> 00:28:12,210 A French decathlete found completely out of his mind, 416 00:28:12,210 --> 00:28:15,250 surrounded by 1,812 matchboxes, 417 00:28:15,250 --> 00:28:16,770 all empty except this one. 418 00:28:16,770 --> 00:28:18,490 And what's in that one? 419 00:28:20,530 --> 00:28:22,610 Inexplicable. 420 00:28:25,690 --> 00:28:27,610 Touching cases... 421 00:28:29,010 --> 00:28:30,890 She's going to ring the doorbell. 422 00:28:32,650 --> 00:28:35,370 Oh, no. She's changed her mind. 423 00:28:35,370 --> 00:28:39,210 Oh, she's going to do it. No, she's leaving. 424 00:28:39,210 --> 00:28:41,330 She's leaving. Oh, she's coming back. 425 00:28:41,330 --> 00:28:45,570 She's a client, she's boring. I've seen those symptoms before. Hmm? 426 00:28:45,570 --> 00:28:49,170 Oscillation on the pavement always means there's a love affair. 427 00:28:49,170 --> 00:28:52,370 And of course I have to mention the elephant in the room... 428 00:28:56,290 --> 00:28:58,570 But we want something 429 00:28:58,570 --> 00:29:01,410 very particular for this special day, don't we? 430 00:29:03,570 --> 00:29:05,090 The Bloody Guardsman... 431 00:29:08,210 --> 00:29:11,770 Need to work on your half of the church, Mary, looking a bit thin. 432 00:29:11,770 --> 00:29:15,290 Oh, orphan's lot. Friends, that's all I have, lots of friends. 433 00:29:15,290 --> 00:29:17,970 Schedule the organ music to begin at precisely 11:48... 434 00:29:17,970 --> 00:29:20,450 But the rehearsal's not for another two weeks, just calm down. 435 00:29:20,450 --> 00:29:22,290 Calm? I am calm. I'm extremely calm. 436 00:29:22,290 --> 00:29:24,570 Let's get back to the reception, come on. 437 00:29:24,570 --> 00:29:26,370 John's cousin, top table? 438 00:29:26,370 --> 00:29:29,090 Hmm, hates you. Can't even bear to think about you. 439 00:29:29,090 --> 00:29:32,090 Seriously? Second class post, cheap card. 440 00:29:32,090 --> 00:29:35,250 Bought at a petrol station. Look at the stamp, three attempts at licking, 441 00:29:35,250 --> 00:29:37,490 she's obviously unconsciously retaining saliva. 442 00:29:37,490 --> 00:29:40,890 Ah, let's stick her by the bogs. Oh, yes. 443 00:29:41,770 --> 00:29:43,490 Who else hates me? 444 00:29:46,130 --> 00:29:47,690 Oh, great, thanks. 445 00:29:47,690 --> 00:29:50,770 "Priceless painting nicked." Looks interesting. 446 00:29:50,770 --> 00:29:52,130 Table four... Done. 447 00:29:52,130 --> 00:29:53,650 "My husband is three people." 448 00:29:53,650 --> 00:29:56,250 Table five... Major James Sholto - who he? 449 00:29:56,250 --> 00:29:59,650 John's old commanding officer. I don't think he's coming. He'll be there. 450 00:29:59,650 --> 00:30:01,930 Well, he needs to RSVP, then. He'll be there. Oh. 451 00:30:01,930 --> 00:30:05,330 "My husband is three people." It's interesting. 452 00:30:05,330 --> 00:30:08,410 It says he has three distinct patterns of moles on his skin. 453 00:30:08,410 --> 00:30:12,050 Identical triplets, one in half a million births. Solved it without leaving the flat. 454 00:30:12,050 --> 00:30:14,570 Now, serviettes... Swan or Sydney Opera House? 455 00:30:14,570 --> 00:30:17,210 Where did you learn that? Many skills are required in the field 456 00:30:17,210 --> 00:30:21,010 of criminal investigation... Fibbing, Sherlock. I once broke an alibi by demonstrating 457 00:30:21,010 --> 00:30:25,090 the exact severity of a fold... I'm not John, I can tell when you're fibbing. OK, I learnt it on YouTube. 458 00:30:25,090 --> 00:30:27,690 Opera House, please. Oh, hang on, I'm buzzing. 459 00:30:27,690 --> 00:30:29,330 Hello? 460 00:30:30,330 --> 00:30:33,810 Oh, hi, Beth. 461 00:30:33,810 --> 00:30:35,810 Yeah, yeah, I don't see why not. 462 00:30:35,810 --> 00:30:39,490 Actually, if that's Beth, it's probably for me too, hang on. 463 00:30:43,810 --> 00:30:47,610 He knows we don't have a friend called Beth, he's going to figure out that it's code. 464 00:30:47,610 --> 00:30:51,050 He's YouTubing serviettes. He's thorough. He's terrified. Of course he's not. 465 00:30:51,050 --> 00:30:54,690 When you're scared of something you start wishing it sooner, just to get it all going. 466 00:30:54,690 --> 00:30:57,170 But why would he be scared that we're getting married? 467 00:30:57,170 --> 00:30:59,770 It's not going to change anything, we'll still do stuff. 468 00:30:59,770 --> 00:31:02,090 You need to prove it to him. I told you to find him a new case. 469 00:31:02,090 --> 00:31:06,090 I'm trying. But you need to run him, OK? Show him it's still the good old days. 470 00:31:15,370 --> 00:31:17,970 That just sort of happened. 471 00:31:20,250 --> 00:31:23,850 Sherlock, um, mate... 472 00:31:25,530 --> 00:31:27,610 I have... 473 00:31:27,610 --> 00:31:31,090 I've smelled 18 different perfumes, 474 00:31:31,090 --> 00:31:36,970 I've sampled nine different slices of cake, which all tasted identical. 475 00:31:36,970 --> 00:31:40,970 I like the bridesmaids in purple... Lilac. Lilac. 476 00:31:40,970 --> 00:31:43,250 Um, there are no more decisions left to make. 477 00:31:43,250 --> 00:31:46,370 I don't even understand the decisions that we have made. 478 00:31:46,370 --> 00:31:48,450 I'm faking opinions, and it's exhausting. 479 00:31:48,450 --> 00:31:54,170 So, please, before she comes back... pick something. 480 00:31:55,450 --> 00:31:58,890 Anything. Pick one. Pick what? 481 00:31:58,890 --> 00:32:01,530 A case. Your inbox is bursting. 482 00:32:01,530 --> 00:32:04,250 Just... get me out of here. 483 00:32:04,250 --> 00:32:06,450 You want to go out on a case? Now? 484 00:32:06,450 --> 00:32:09,370 Please. Sherlock, for me. 485 00:32:11,450 --> 00:32:14,890 Don't you worry about a thing, I'll get you out of this. 486 00:32:14,890 --> 00:32:16,770 Oh. 487 00:32:16,770 --> 00:32:19,610 "Dear Mr Holmes, my name is Bainbridge." 488 00:32:19,610 --> 00:32:22,250 "I'm a Private in Her Majesty's Household Guard." 489 00:32:22,250 --> 00:32:24,610 "I'm writing to you about a personal matter..." 490 00:32:24,610 --> 00:32:26,970 "One I don't care to bring before my superiors," 491 00:32:26,970 --> 00:32:28,330 "it would sound so trivial." 492 00:32:29,450 --> 00:32:31,290 "But I think someone's stalking me." 493 00:32:31,290 --> 00:32:33,970 "I'm used to tourists, it's part of the job," 494 00:32:33,970 --> 00:32:35,850 "but this is different." 495 00:32:35,850 --> 00:32:37,250 "Someone's watching me." 496 00:32:40,370 --> 00:32:42,410 "He's taking pictures of me every day." 497 00:32:43,770 --> 00:32:47,170 "I don't want to mention it to the Major, but it's really preying on my mind." 498 00:32:51,490 --> 00:32:54,450 Uniform fetishist? All the nice girls like a soldier. 499 00:32:54,450 --> 00:32:58,450 It's "sailor". And Bainbridge thinks his stalker is a bloke. 500 00:32:58,450 --> 00:33:00,890 Let's go and investigate. Please. 501 00:33:00,890 --> 00:33:03,090 Elite guard. 40 enlisted men and officers. 502 00:33:03,090 --> 00:33:05,370 Why this particular Grenadier? Curious. 503 00:33:05,370 --> 00:33:09,090 Now you're talking. OK. Bye! 504 00:33:09,090 --> 00:33:12,330 Er, we're just going to... I need, um, Sherlock to help me 505 00:33:12,330 --> 00:33:14,850 choose some er... Ties. Socks. 506 00:33:14,850 --> 00:33:16,250 Why don't we go with socks? Yeah. 507 00:33:16,250 --> 00:33:18,130 I mean, you've got to get the right ones. 508 00:33:18,130 --> 00:33:21,570 Exactly, to go with my... Tie. Outfit. 509 00:33:21,570 --> 00:33:24,610 That'll take a while, right? Is my coat in there? Yes. 510 00:33:26,810 --> 00:33:29,370 I'm just going to take him out for a bit. Run him. 511 00:33:29,370 --> 00:33:31,730 I know. You said you'd find him a case. Hmm. 512 00:33:31,730 --> 00:33:33,530 Coming, Sherlock? Coming! 513 00:33:41,610 --> 00:33:43,650 Taxi! 514 00:33:57,730 --> 00:34:00,050 Company halt! 515 00:34:04,650 --> 00:34:06,250 Right turn! 516 00:34:07,650 --> 00:34:10,050 We're here to see Private Stephen Bainbridge. 517 00:34:10,050 --> 00:34:11,530 He's on duty right now, sir. 518 00:34:11,530 --> 00:34:13,570 But I'll certainly let him know when he's free. 519 00:34:13,570 --> 00:34:14,890 And when will that be? 520 00:34:14,890 --> 00:34:16,810 Another hour. 521 00:34:30,370 --> 00:34:32,530 Do you think they give them classes? 522 00:34:32,530 --> 00:34:33,970 Classes? 523 00:34:33,970 --> 00:34:37,250 How to resist the temptation to scratch their behinds. 524 00:34:37,250 --> 00:34:41,370 Afferent neurons in the peripheral nervous system. 525 00:34:41,370 --> 00:34:42,810 Bum-itch. 526 00:34:42,810 --> 00:34:43,770 Oh. 527 00:34:48,490 --> 00:34:50,810 So why don't you see him any more? 528 00:34:50,810 --> 00:34:53,850 Who? Your previous commander, Sholto. 529 00:34:53,850 --> 00:34:55,810 Previous commander? 530 00:34:55,810 --> 00:34:57,210 I meant ex. 531 00:34:57,210 --> 00:34:59,610 "Previous" suggests that I currently have a commander. 532 00:34:59,610 --> 00:35:03,010 Which you don't. Which I don't. Of course you don't. 533 00:35:03,010 --> 00:35:05,130 He was decorated, wasn't he? A war hero? 534 00:35:05,130 --> 00:35:06,530 Not to everyone. 535 00:35:07,690 --> 00:35:09,450 He led a team of crows into battle. 536 00:35:09,450 --> 00:35:10,650 Crows? 537 00:35:10,650 --> 00:35:13,770 New recruits. It's standard procedure - break the new boys in. 538 00:35:13,770 --> 00:35:14,930 But it went wrong. 539 00:35:16,170 --> 00:35:19,010 They all died, he was the only survivor. 540 00:35:19,010 --> 00:35:23,370 The press and families gave him hell, he gets more death threats than you. Oh, I wouldn't count on that. 541 00:35:23,370 --> 00:35:27,210 And why have you suddenly taken an interest in another human being? 542 00:35:27,210 --> 00:35:28,770 I'm "chatting". 543 00:35:32,810 --> 00:35:34,970 I won't be trying THAT again. 544 00:35:34,970 --> 00:35:39,090 Changing the subject completely... 545 00:35:39,090 --> 00:35:43,690 you know it won't alter anything, right, me and Mary getting married? 546 00:35:43,690 --> 00:35:45,610 We'll still be doing all this. 547 00:35:45,610 --> 00:35:47,810 Oh, good. If you were worried. 548 00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:49,130 I wasn't worried. 549 00:35:51,130 --> 00:35:52,130 Hmm. 550 00:35:53,930 --> 00:35:56,170 The thing about Mary, 551 00:35:56,170 --> 00:35:58,530 she has completely turned my life around. 552 00:36:00,490 --> 00:36:01,970 Changed everything. 553 00:36:03,490 --> 00:36:04,810 But, for the record, 554 00:36:04,810 --> 00:36:08,050 over the last few years there are two people who have done that, 555 00:36:08,050 --> 00:36:11,970 and the other one is... 556 00:36:11,970 --> 00:36:13,610 a complete dickhead. 557 00:37:45,730 --> 00:37:47,690 Can I ask what this is in connection with? 558 00:37:47,690 --> 00:37:51,890 Private Bainbridge contacted us about a personal matter, sir. 559 00:37:51,890 --> 00:37:54,770 Nothing's personal when it concerns my troops. 560 00:37:54,770 --> 00:37:56,810 What do you really want? 561 00:37:56,810 --> 00:37:59,650 I'm here on a legitimate enquiry. 562 00:37:59,650 --> 00:38:03,530 Are you press? Digging for some bloody Royal story or something? 563 00:38:03,530 --> 00:38:05,490 No, sir, I'm Captain John Watson, 564 00:38:05,490 --> 00:38:07,810 Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers. 565 00:38:07,810 --> 00:38:09,370 Retired. 566 00:38:09,370 --> 00:38:12,450 You could be a used-car salesman now, for all I know. 567 00:38:14,690 --> 00:38:16,690 Bainbridge? 568 00:38:16,690 --> 00:38:18,450 Gentleman here to see you. 569 00:38:19,970 --> 00:38:21,490 Bainbridge! 570 00:38:29,930 --> 00:38:31,730 I know you, don't I? 571 00:38:31,730 --> 00:38:32,970 Hmm? 572 00:38:35,610 --> 00:38:38,090 I've seen you in the papers. 573 00:38:38,090 --> 00:38:40,770 You hang around with that detective, 574 00:38:40,770 --> 00:38:42,450 the one with the silly hat. 575 00:38:44,170 --> 00:38:46,650 What the hell does Bainbridge want with a detective? 576 00:38:46,650 --> 00:38:48,450 I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to say. 577 00:38:48,450 --> 00:38:51,650 You're not at liberty to say? He's a soldier in my regiment. 578 00:38:51,650 --> 00:38:55,330 I'll be damned if he's going to get up to cloak-and-dagger nonsense like this. Sir! 579 00:38:55,330 --> 00:38:57,970 Sir! What's going on? It's Bainbridge, sir. 580 00:38:57,970 --> 00:38:59,010 He's dead. 581 00:39:08,290 --> 00:39:11,810 My God! 582 00:39:11,810 --> 00:39:14,770 Ah! No, let me take a look, sir, I'm a doctor. 583 00:39:14,770 --> 00:39:15,970 What? 584 00:39:15,970 --> 00:39:17,210 Sergeant, arrest this man! 585 00:39:17,210 --> 00:39:18,650 What? No, no! I'm a doctor! 586 00:39:18,650 --> 00:39:20,690 Oh, you're a doctor now too? Sergeant. 587 00:39:20,690 --> 00:39:21,930 Let me examine him, please! 588 00:39:21,930 --> 00:39:23,890 Sir, caught this one snooping around. 589 00:39:23,890 --> 00:39:25,370 Is that what this is all about? 590 00:39:25,370 --> 00:39:27,570 Distracting me, so that this man could get in here 591 00:39:27,570 --> 00:39:29,010 and kill Bainbridge? Don't be... 592 00:39:29,010 --> 00:39:31,130 Kill him with what? Where's the weapon? What? 593 00:39:31,130 --> 00:39:33,490 Where's the weapon? Go on, search me - no weapon. 594 00:39:33,490 --> 00:39:36,210 Bainbridge was on parade, he came off duty five minutes ago. 595 00:39:36,210 --> 00:39:38,050 When's this supposed to have happened? 596 00:39:38,050 --> 00:39:41,330 You obviously stabbed him before he got into the shower. No. No?! 597 00:39:41,330 --> 00:39:45,530 He's soaking wet and there's shampoo in his hair. He got into the shower, then someone stabbed him. 598 00:39:45,530 --> 00:39:48,290 The cubicle was locked from the inside, sir. I had to break it open. 599 00:39:48,290 --> 00:39:51,890 You must have climbed over the top. But then I'd be soaking wet too, wouldn't I? 600 00:39:51,890 --> 00:39:54,850 Major, please! I'm John Watson, Fifth Northumberland Fusiliers, 601 00:39:54,850 --> 00:39:57,490 three years in Afghanistan, a veteran of Kandahar, Helmand 602 00:39:57,490 --> 00:39:59,090 and Bart's bloody Hospital! 603 00:39:59,090 --> 00:40:00,930 Let me examine this body! 604 00:40:07,890 --> 00:40:09,490 Thank you. 605 00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:11,330 Suicide? 606 00:40:11,330 --> 00:40:13,090 No. The weapon again, no knife. 607 00:40:15,730 --> 00:40:20,010 Now, there is a wound to the abdomen. 608 00:40:21,490 --> 00:40:22,650 Incredibly fine. 609 00:40:22,650 --> 00:40:25,130 Man stabbed to death, no murder weapon. 610 00:40:25,130 --> 00:40:26,850 Door locked from the inside. 611 00:40:27,810 --> 00:40:29,690 Only one way in or out of here. Sherlock... 612 00:40:29,690 --> 00:40:31,650 Hmm? He's still breathing. 613 00:40:31,650 --> 00:40:33,450 Oh, my God! 614 00:40:33,450 --> 00:40:35,570 What do we do? Give me your scarf. What? 615 00:40:35,570 --> 00:40:37,890 Quickly, now! Call an ambulance! 616 00:40:37,890 --> 00:40:39,890 What? Call an ambulance, now! 617 00:40:39,890 --> 00:40:41,290 Do it! 618 00:40:41,290 --> 00:40:43,810 Nurse, press here, hard. 619 00:40:43,810 --> 00:40:45,210 Nurse? Yeah, I'm making do. 620 00:40:45,210 --> 00:40:47,010 Keep pressure on that wound. 621 00:40:47,010 --> 00:40:49,210 Stephen? Stephen, stay with me. 622 00:40:51,290 --> 00:40:53,370 Private Bainbridge had just come off guard duty. 623 00:40:53,370 --> 00:40:55,770 He'd stood there for hours, plenty of people watching, 624 00:40:55,770 --> 00:40:57,010 nothing apparently wrong. 625 00:40:57,010 --> 00:40:59,410 He came off duty and within minutes was nearly dead 626 00:40:59,410 --> 00:41:01,570 from a wound in his stomach, 627 00:41:01,570 --> 00:41:02,930 but there was no weapon. 628 00:41:02,930 --> 00:41:04,690 Where did it go? 629 00:41:04,690 --> 00:41:07,050 Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to consider this - 630 00:41:07,050 --> 00:41:09,370 a murderer who can walk through walls, 631 00:41:09,370 --> 00:41:11,610 a weapon that can vanish. But in all of this, 632 00:41:11,610 --> 00:41:14,890 there is only one element which can be said to be truly remarkable. 633 00:41:17,090 --> 00:41:18,730 Would anyone like to make a guess? 634 00:41:22,410 --> 00:41:23,570 Come on, come on, 635 00:41:23,570 --> 00:41:26,410 there is actually an element of QandA to all of this. 636 00:41:29,450 --> 00:41:32,090 Scotland Yard, have you got a theory? 637 00:41:32,090 --> 00:41:36,250 Yeah, you, you're a detective, broadly speaking. Got a theory? 638 00:41:36,250 --> 00:41:38,010 Er, um, if the, er... 639 00:41:38,010 --> 00:41:39,090 If the... If the... 640 00:41:39,090 --> 00:41:41,690 If the blade was propelled through the, erm... 641 00:41:43,690 --> 00:41:46,130 ...grating in the air vent, 642 00:41:46,130 --> 00:41:49,610 maybe a ballista or a catapult, um... 643 00:41:49,610 --> 00:41:52,250 Somebody tiny could crawl in there. 644 00:41:52,250 --> 00:41:54,890 So, yeah, we're looking for a dwarf. 645 00:41:54,890 --> 00:41:56,210 Brilliant. 646 00:41:56,210 --> 00:41:57,490 Really? No. 647 00:41:57,490 --> 00:41:58,650 Next? 648 00:41:58,650 --> 00:42:00,090 (He stabbed himself.) 649 00:42:00,090 --> 00:42:01,490 Hello, who was that? 650 00:42:01,490 --> 00:42:03,130 Tom? 651 00:42:06,090 --> 00:42:07,090 Got a theory? 652 00:42:09,650 --> 00:42:14,730 Attempted suicide, with a blade made of compacted blood and bone. 653 00:42:14,730 --> 00:42:17,050 Broke after piercing his abdomen, 654 00:42:17,050 --> 00:42:19,490 like a meat... 655 00:42:19,490 --> 00:42:20,890 dagger. 656 00:42:20,890 --> 00:42:22,530 A meat dagger? 657 00:42:22,530 --> 00:42:24,490 Yes. (Sit down.) 658 00:42:25,730 --> 00:42:26,730 No. 659 00:42:27,810 --> 00:42:31,170 There was one feature, and only one feature, of interest 660 00:42:31,170 --> 00:42:33,090 in the whole of this baffling case, 661 00:42:33,090 --> 00:42:36,650 and quite frankly it was the usual - John Watson. 662 00:42:36,650 --> 00:42:40,170 Who, while I was trying to solve a murder, instead saved a life. 663 00:42:41,810 --> 00:42:43,890 There are mysteries worth solving 664 00:42:43,890 --> 00:42:45,530 and stories worth telling. 665 00:42:47,450 --> 00:42:48,850 The best and bravest man I know 666 00:42:48,850 --> 00:42:51,130 and, on top of that, he actually knows how to do stuff. 667 00:42:51,130 --> 00:42:53,930 Except wedding planning and serviettes, he's rubbish at those. 668 00:42:53,930 --> 00:42:55,410 Hmm. The case itself remains 669 00:42:55,410 --> 00:42:58,890 the most ingenious and brilliantly planned murder, or attempted murder, 670 00:42:58,890 --> 00:43:01,290 I've ever had the pleasure to encounter. 671 00:43:01,290 --> 00:43:05,290 The most perfect locked-room mystery of which I am aware. 672 00:43:05,290 --> 00:43:07,210 However, I'm not just here to praise John, 673 00:43:07,210 --> 00:43:09,330 I'm also here to embarrass him, so let's move on to... 674 00:43:09,330 --> 00:43:10,650 No, wait... How was it done? 675 00:43:10,650 --> 00:43:12,450 How was what done? The stabbing? 676 00:43:14,730 --> 00:43:16,330 I'm afraid I don't know. 677 00:43:16,330 --> 00:43:18,530 I didn't solve that one. 678 00:43:18,530 --> 00:43:22,330 It can happen sometimes, it's very, very disappointing. 679 00:43:22,330 --> 00:43:24,850 Embarrassment leads me on to the stag night. 680 00:43:24,850 --> 00:43:26,930 Of course there's hours of material here, 681 00:43:26,930 --> 00:43:29,370 but I've cut it down to the really good bits. 682 00:43:30,970 --> 00:43:32,850 Murder scenes? 683 00:43:32,850 --> 00:43:35,610 Locations of murders? 684 00:43:35,610 --> 00:43:37,050 Hmm, pub crawl, themed. 685 00:43:37,050 --> 00:43:39,570 Yeah, but why can't you just do Underground stations? 686 00:43:39,570 --> 00:43:42,530 It lacks the personal touch. We're going to go for a drink in every... 687 00:43:42,530 --> 00:43:44,930 In every street where you've found a corpse. Delightful! 688 00:43:44,930 --> 00:43:46,210 Where do I come in? 689 00:43:46,210 --> 00:43:48,930 Don't want to get ill. That would ruin it, spoil the mood. 690 00:43:48,930 --> 00:43:51,410 You're a graduate chemist, can't you just work it out? 691 00:43:51,410 --> 00:43:53,290 I lack the practical experience. 692 00:43:54,930 --> 00:43:56,530 Meaning you think I like a drink? 693 00:43:56,530 --> 00:43:58,770 Occasionally. That I'm a drunk. No... No. 694 00:44:02,890 --> 00:44:05,370 You look... well. 695 00:44:05,370 --> 00:44:07,050 I am. 696 00:44:07,050 --> 00:44:08,530 How's... 697 00:44:11,170 --> 00:44:12,930 Tom? 698 00:44:12,930 --> 00:44:14,050 Not a sociopath. 699 00:44:14,050 --> 00:44:15,130 Still? Good. 700 00:44:15,130 --> 00:44:17,290 And we're having quite a lot of sex. 701 00:44:19,930 --> 00:44:23,490 OK. I want you to calculate John's ideal intake, and mine, 702 00:44:23,490 --> 00:44:25,650 to remain in the sweet spot for the whole evening. 703 00:44:25,650 --> 00:44:26,810 Light-headed - good. 704 00:44:26,810 --> 00:44:29,290 Urinating in wardrobes - bad. 705 00:44:29,290 --> 00:44:30,570 Hmm. 706 00:44:30,570 --> 00:44:33,090 Two, erm... beers, please. 707 00:44:33,090 --> 00:44:34,170 Pints? 708 00:44:34,170 --> 00:44:36,970 443.7 millilitres. 709 00:44:39,850 --> 00:44:40,970 Ah. 710 00:44:45,290 --> 00:44:47,170 What, are we on a schedule? 711 00:44:48,330 --> 00:44:49,850 You'll thank me. 712 00:45:06,130 --> 00:45:07,730 Cheers. Cheers. 713 00:45:13,970 --> 00:45:15,170 Over there. What? 714 00:45:15,170 --> 00:45:17,450 Toilets - any second now you're going to need... 715 00:45:17,450 --> 00:45:20,010 Hang on, tell me after. I need the loo. Hmm, on schedule. 716 00:45:20,010 --> 00:45:22,490 Eh? Nothing. Go! 717 00:45:27,770 --> 00:45:29,450 How long? Sorry? 718 00:45:29,450 --> 00:45:30,930 Your visit. 719 00:45:30,930 --> 00:45:34,290 Estimate approximate volume discharge... 720 00:45:34,290 --> 00:45:35,690 Stop talking now. 721 00:45:39,930 --> 00:45:43,530 Oh, quick, one more. He mustn't see. 722 00:45:52,930 --> 00:45:54,730 Here you go. Cheers. 723 00:45:58,050 --> 00:46:03,010 I know ash! Don't tell me I don't! 724 00:46:05,810 --> 00:46:09,770 All right, enough! That's... Stand up. 725 00:46:11,650 --> 00:46:14,970 Ash. I know ash. 726 00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,040 I have an international reputation. 727 00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:26,720 Do you have an international reputation? 728 00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:29,920 No, I don't have an international reputation. No. 729 00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:34,640 And I can't even remember what for. 730 00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:42,640 It's crime... something or other. 731 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,040 Oh, what are you doing back? 732 00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:48,840 I thought you were going to be up late. 733 00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:50,920 Ah, Hudders. What time is it? 734 00:46:52,320 --> 00:46:53,920 You've only been out two hours. 735 00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:06,920 Am I a vegetable? 736 00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:09,560 You or the... thing...? Pffrrrt! 737 00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:12,200 Funny! 738 00:47:12,200 --> 00:47:13,440 Thank you. 739 00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:16,640 Come on. No, you're not a vegetable. It's your go. 740 00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:19,720 Erm... 741 00:47:19,720 --> 00:47:21,800 am I human? 742 00:47:21,800 --> 00:47:23,040 Sometimes. 743 00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:24,400 Can't have sometimes. 744 00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:25,600 It has to be, um... 745 00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:29,200 Yes, you're human. Yes, I know, OK. And am I a man? 746 00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:30,680 Yep. Tall? 747 00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:33,920 Not as tall as people think. 748 00:47:33,920 --> 00:47:35,600 Hmm. Nice? 749 00:47:35,600 --> 00:47:37,080 Ish. 750 00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:38,160 Clever? 751 00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:39,200 I would say so. 752 00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:40,480 You would. 753 00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:42,320 Hmm, am I important? 754 00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:43,880 To some people. 755 00:47:43,880 --> 00:47:46,560 Do people like me? 756 00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:48,360 Erm, no they don't. 757 00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:51,400 You tend to rub them up the wrong way. 758 00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:53,000 OK. 759 00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:55,080 Am I the current King of England? 760 00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,120 You know we don't have a King. 761 00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:01,280 Don't we? No. 762 00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:03,240 Your go. 763 00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,520 I don't mind. Am I a woman? 764 00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:16,600 What? 765 00:48:17,600 --> 00:48:18,840 Yes. 766 00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,560 Am I... pretty? 767 00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:24,160 This? 768 00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:29,040 Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, 769 00:48:29,040 --> 00:48:30,800 influences and role models. 770 00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:33,280 Yeah, but am I a pretty lady? 771 00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,360 I don't know who you are, I don't know who you're supposed to be. 772 00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:40,560 You picked the name! 773 00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:42,600 But I picked it at random from the papers. 774 00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:46,000 You're not really getting the hang of this game, are you, Sherlock? 775 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:50,440 So I am human, I'm not as tall as people think I am. I'm... 776 00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:52,560 I'm nice-ish, clever, 777 00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:54,160 important to some people. 778 00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:57,000 But I tend to rub them up the wrong way. 779 00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:00,000 Got it. 780 00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:01,720 Go on, then. I'm you, aren't I? 781 00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:02,520 Client! 782 00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:06,000 Hello. 783 00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:08,200 Hello. Come on. 784 00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,200 Which one of you is Sherlock Holmes? 785 00:49:15,680 --> 00:49:17,360 I don't... a lot. 786 00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:20,360 I mean, I don't date all that much. 787 00:49:20,360 --> 00:49:25,320 And he seemed nice, you know? 788 00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:28,200 We seemed to automatically connect. 789 00:49:28,200 --> 00:49:29,640 We had one night, 790 00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:33,360 dinner, such interesting conversation. 791 00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:35,600 It was lovely. 792 00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:37,120 To be honest, 793 00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:39,880 I'd love to have gone further, 794 00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:44,080 but I thought, no, this is special, 795 00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:45,840 let's take it slowly. 796 00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:47,400 Exchanged numbers, 797 00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:49,920 he said he'd get in touch and then... 798 00:49:53,200 --> 00:49:58,840 Maybe he wasn't quite as keen as I was, 799 00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:02,360 but I just thought 800 00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:05,640 at least he'd call to say that we were finished. 801 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:14,720 I went round there, 802 00:50:14,720 --> 00:50:18,040 to his flat, no trace of him. 803 00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:22,480 Mr Holmes, I honestly think 804 00:50:22,480 --> 00:50:26,600 I had dinner with a ghost. 805 00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:32,280 Mr Holmes? 806 00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:39,400 With a ghost, Mr Holmes! 807 00:50:39,400 --> 00:50:42,320 Boring, boring, boring. No... 808 00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:43,880 fascinating. 809 00:50:45,120 --> 00:50:46,800 John. John! Wake up. 810 00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:50,400 I apologise about my... You know... Him. 811 00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:51,760 Rude. Rude! 812 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:55,560 I checked with the landlord 813 00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:58,760 and the man who lived there died. 814 00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:00,640 Heart attack. 815 00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:04,600 And there we are having dinner one week on. 816 00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,040 And I found this thing online, 817 00:51:08,040 --> 00:51:10,520 a sort of chatroom thing, 818 00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:14,760 for girls who think they're dating men from the spirit world. 819 00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:18,200 Don't worry, I'll find him in ten minutes. 820 00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:19,480 What's your dog's name? 821 00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:22,120 Yeah, I'm there if you want it... John, wake up. 822 00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,640 Went to... Yeah. 823 00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,320 The game is... something. 824 00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:28,400 On? 825 00:51:28,400 --> 00:51:30,040 Yeah, that, that. 826 00:51:30,040 --> 00:51:31,200 OK. 827 00:51:40,560 --> 00:51:42,680 Oh, it's nice. 828 00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:44,400 Nice place. 829 00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:51,600 See anything? Hmm? 830 00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:53,320 Any clues, Mr Holmes? 831 00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:55,360 Oh, errrm... 832 00:52:16,480 --> 00:52:18,320 I'm just going to whip this out. 833 00:52:35,280 --> 00:52:38,040 You all right? Hmm? Yeah, he's clueing. What? 834 00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:39,960 He's... Hmm? He's clueing for looks. 835 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,040 Mr Holmes? 836 00:52:58,080 --> 00:53:00,680 Mr Holmes! I'm calling the police. Oh, no... 837 00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:02,400 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 838 00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:04,640 No, look, this is a famous detective, 839 00:53:04,640 --> 00:53:07,440 it's Sherlock Holmes and his partner, John Hamish Watson. 840 00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:08,840 What do you think you're doing? 841 00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,200 Don't compromise 842 00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,560 the integrity of the... 843 00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:20,040 Crime scene. 844 00:53:26,240 --> 00:53:27,880 Yeah, that. 845 00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:49,160 Wakey-wakey! 846 00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:50,880 Oh, my God. 847 00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:52,760 Greg... Is that Greg? 848 00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:55,160 Get up. I'm going to put you two in a taxi. 849 00:53:55,160 --> 00:53:57,840 I managed to square things with the desk sergeant. 850 00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:00,360 Ha! What a couple of lightweights - 851 00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:02,400 you couldn't even make it to closing time! 852 00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:03,920 - Can you whisper? - Not really! 853 00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:09,640 Come on. 854 00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:24,720 Well, thanks for a... 855 00:54:24,720 --> 00:54:27,080 You know... an evening. 856 00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:28,080 It was awful. 857 00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:31,160 Yeah. I was going to pretend, but... 858 00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:32,800 it was, truly. 859 00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:34,200 That woman, Tessa... 860 00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:35,440 What? 861 00:54:35,440 --> 00:54:37,920 Dated a ghost, most interesting case for months. 862 00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:39,480 What a wasted opportunity! 863 00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:42,520 OK. 864 00:54:48,520 --> 00:54:49,920 How are you feeling? 865 00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:51,280 Hmm. 866 00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:54,760 It's just like old times, having you back here. 867 00:54:54,760 --> 00:54:59,040 I thought I'd make your favourite, one last time. 868 00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:01,960 Oh. Don't sound so final about it, 869 00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:04,880 I will be visiting, you know. Ooh, I've heard that one before! 870 00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:06,920 No, it's different now, though, isn't it? 871 00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,040 It's different to when we thought we'd lost him. 872 00:55:09,040 --> 00:55:11,240 Well, marriage changes everything, John. 873 00:55:11,240 --> 00:55:15,240 Does it? Yeah. You might not think it, but it does. 874 00:55:15,240 --> 00:55:17,320 It's a different phase in your life. 875 00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:18,600 You meet knew people, 876 00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:20,240 cos you're a couple, 877 00:55:20,240 --> 00:55:24,200 and then you just let your old friends slip away. 878 00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:27,400 It won't be like that. Well, if you've found the right one, 879 00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:30,480 the person that you click with, it's the best thing in the world. 880 00:55:30,480 --> 00:55:33,520 Well, I have. I know I have. Oh, I'm sure. 881 00:55:33,520 --> 00:55:34,720 She's lovely. 882 00:55:34,720 --> 00:55:37,040 Yeah, I think so. What about you? 883 00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:38,320 Me? 884 00:55:38,320 --> 00:55:41,600 Did you think you'd found the right one when you married Mr Hudson? 885 00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,680 No. It was just a whirlwind thing for us. 886 00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:47,960 I knew it wouldn't work, but I just got sort of swept along. Right. 887 00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:50,160 And then we moved to Florida. 888 00:55:50,160 --> 00:55:51,600 We had a fantastic time, 889 00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:54,840 but of course I didn't know what he was up to. (The drugs.) 890 00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:57,200 Drugs?! He was running, erm... 891 00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:59,160 Oh, what do you call it? 892 00:55:59,160 --> 00:56:01,360 Erm... A... 893 00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:03,200 cartel. 894 00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,200 And got in with a really bad crowd. 895 00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:08,480 Right. And then I found out about all the other women. 896 00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:10,280 I didn't have a clue. 897 00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:14,680 So, when he was actually arrested for blowing someone's head off, 898 00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:18,160 it was quite a relief, to be honest. 899 00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:20,760 Oh. 900 00:56:20,760 --> 00:56:23,880 It was purely physical between me and Frank. 901 00:56:23,880 --> 00:56:26,240 We couldn't keep our hands off each other. 902 00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:28,800 I know, there was one night... 903 00:56:28,800 --> 00:56:30,240 Oh, is that Sherlock? 904 00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:32,080 Is it? 905 00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:33,320 That's Sherlock. 906 00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:40,000 Urgh... 907 00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:55,600 There are going to be others. 908 00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:58,640 Others? Victims, women. 909 00:56:58,640 --> 00:57:00,760 Most ghosts tend to haunt a single house. 910 00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:03,320 This ghost, however, is willing to commute. Look. 911 00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:26,320 Hmm... 912 00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:28,240 Not you. Not you. 913 00:57:28,240 --> 00:57:30,440 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 914 00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:32,560 Not you. Not you. 915 00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:34,400 Not you. 916 00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:35,960 Not you. Not you. 917 00:57:35,960 --> 00:57:37,440 Hmm... 918 00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,080 Not you. 919 00:57:39,080 --> 00:57:42,480 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 920 00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:44,880 Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. 921 00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:46,040 Not you, you, you, or you, or you. 922 00:57:46,040 --> 00:57:50,320 Or not you, not you, not you, not you, not you, not you. 923 00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:53,080 Not you. 924 00:57:59,680 --> 00:58:01,520 Hi. 925 00:58:01,520 --> 00:58:03,040 Gail. 926 00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:09,880 Charlotte. 927 00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:13,600 Robyn. 928 00:58:16,120 --> 00:58:17,640 Vicky. 929 00:58:25,320 --> 00:58:27,400 How did you meet? 930 00:58:27,400 --> 00:58:29,640 Came up to me in a pub. Same gym as me. 931 00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:31,680 We just got chatting on the bus. 932 00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:32,760 Online. 933 00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:34,760 Name? Told you. 934 00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:36,560 His name. Oscar. 935 00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,440 Mike. Terry. 936 00:58:38,440 --> 00:58:41,000 Erm... Love Monkey. 937 00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:42,760 Your place? 938 00:58:42,760 --> 00:58:44,040 His place. 939 00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:46,480 Address? 940 00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:51,880 Nothing happened. 941 00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:54,960 It was just... very romantic. 942 00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:57,680 Four women in four nights. He must have something special. 943 00:58:57,680 --> 00:58:59,360 He was very charming. He listened. 944 00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:00,520 He was sweet. 945 00:59:00,520 --> 00:59:01,840 He had a lovely... 946 00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:03,880 You OK? 947 00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:07,400 You've let your food go cold. Mrs Hudson will play hell. 948 00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:08,680 Not now, John. 949 00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:14,160 Sorry about that. 950 00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:15,760 He had a lovely manner. 951 00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,800 Different names, different addresses. 952 00:59:18,800 --> 00:59:20,160 Describe him. 953 00:59:20,160 --> 00:59:21,240 Short blonde hair. 954 00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:22,640 Dark hair. Long. 955 00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:24,280 Ginger. I like gingers. 956 00:59:24,280 --> 00:59:25,480 Couldn't tell. 957 00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:27,360 He had a mask on. 958 00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:31,440 He's stealing the identity of corpses, 959 00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:34,720 getting their names from the obituary columns. 960 00:59:34,720 --> 00:59:36,040 All single men. 961 00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:37,480 He's using the dead man's flat 962 00:59:37,480 --> 00:59:40,120 under the assumption it will be empty for a while. 963 00:59:40,120 --> 00:59:41,480 Free love nest. 964 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:42,480 I feel sick. 965 00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:43,480 It's gruesome. 966 00:59:43,480 --> 00:59:45,400 That's awful. Clever... 967 00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:46,240 Bastard! 968 00:59:50,480 --> 00:59:52,760 Hello, Tessa. 969 00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:54,240 Meanwhile, back to business. 970 00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:56,000 No-one wants to use a dead man's home. 971 00:59:57,400 --> 00:59:59,440 At least not until it's been cleared. 972 00:59:59,440 --> 01:00:02,600 So, he disguises himself. 973 01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:05,520 Steals the man's home, steals his identity. 974 01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:08,160 But only for one night. Then he's gone. 975 01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:10,320 He's not a ghost, John. He's a Mayfly. 976 01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:11,680 He lives for a day. 977 01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:16,800 So, what was it he was looking for? 978 01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:17,840 Job? 979 01:00:17,840 --> 01:00:19,320 Gardener. Cook. 980 01:00:19,320 --> 01:00:20,920 Private nurse. I do security work. 981 01:00:20,920 --> 01:00:22,120 Maid. 982 01:00:23,400 --> 01:00:25,280 Obvious. You all work for the same person. 983 01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:42,200 No, no, not the same employer. Damn! 984 01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:43,600 Come on, we can do this. 985 01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:44,720 Ideal night out? 986 01:00:44,720 --> 01:00:46,040 Clay-pigeon shooting. 987 01:00:46,040 --> 01:00:47,160 Line dancing. 988 01:00:47,160 --> 01:00:48,240 Pictures. 989 01:00:48,240 --> 01:00:50,040 Wine in front of the telly. 990 01:00:50,040 --> 01:00:51,760 Dungeon. 991 01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:54,680 Make-up? Clarins. 992 01:00:54,680 --> 01:00:56,080 No7. 993 01:00:56,080 --> 01:00:58,120 Maybelline. Nothing special. 994 01:00:58,120 --> 01:00:59,080 Whatever's cheap. 995 01:00:59,080 --> 01:01:00,760 Perfume? 996 01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:02,840 Chanel. Chanel. Chanel. 997 01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:05,280 Chanel. Estee Lauder. 998 01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:07,920 Ideal man? 999 01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:09,200 George Clooney. 1000 01:01:09,200 --> 01:01:10,720 Oh...! Home-loving. 1001 01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:12,680 He'd have to like cuddling. 1002 01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:15,240 Caring. Ten things. 1003 01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:17,440 One - someone who isn't competitive with other men. 1004 01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:19,560 Two - someone who isn't constantly 1005 01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:23,040 trying to define himself by his masculinity... 1006 01:01:23,040 --> 01:01:25,440 There's a unifying factor, 1007 01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:26,880 there has to be. 1008 01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:28,760 None of you reported anything stolen. 1009 01:01:31,040 --> 01:01:34,840 Security guard, gardener, cook, maid, private nurse. 1010 01:01:34,840 --> 01:01:36,720 He's romancing his way up a pecking order. 1011 01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:39,680 Somebody's pecking order. Come on, think. Unless... 1012 01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:42,800 Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? 1013 01:01:42,800 --> 01:01:44,320 No. 1014 01:01:44,320 --> 01:01:46,200 Gotcha! What do you mean? 1015 01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:48,680 Everyone has secrets and they all replied too quickly. 1016 01:01:48,680 --> 01:01:51,480 Got to go. See you. No... Wait! Bye-bye. Wait! 1017 01:01:51,480 --> 01:01:54,200 Sorry, sexy, some secrets have to stay secret. 1018 01:01:54,200 --> 01:01:56,000 Enjoy the wedding. 1019 01:01:58,400 --> 01:02:01,840 Why? WHY would he date all of those women and not return their calls? 1020 01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:04,360 You're missing the obvious, mate. Am I? 1021 01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:05,800 He's a man. 1022 01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:07,880 But why would he change his identity? 1023 01:02:07,880 --> 01:02:09,280 Maybe he's married. 1024 01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:12,520 Oh... 1025 01:02:12,520 --> 01:02:14,200 Married. 1026 01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:15,320 Obvious, really. 1027 01:02:15,320 --> 01:02:17,040 Our Mayfly Man was trying to escape 1028 01:02:17,040 --> 01:02:18,760 the suffocating chains of domesticity 1029 01:02:18,760 --> 01:02:21,000 and instead of endless nights in watching the telly 1030 01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:24,680 or going to barbecues with the awful, dreadful, boring people he couldn't stand, 1031 01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:28,080 he used his wits, cleverness and powers of disguise to play the field. He was... 1032 01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:32,440 On second thoughts, 1033 01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:35,440 I probably should have told you about the elephant in the room. 1034 01:02:35,440 --> 01:02:38,080 However, it does help to further illustrate 1035 01:02:38,080 --> 01:02:39,960 how invaluable John is to me. 1036 01:02:39,960 --> 01:02:43,640 I can read a crime scene the way he can understand a human being. 1037 01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:46,600 I used to think that's what made me special - quite frankly I still do. 1038 01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:47,800 But a word to the wise, 1039 01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:50,640 should any of you require the services of either of us, 1040 01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:52,480 I will solve your murder, 1041 01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:55,360 but it takes John Watson to save your life. 1042 01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:56,960 Trust me on that, I should know, 1043 01:02:56,960 --> 01:02:59,200 he's saved mine so many times and in so many ways. 1044 01:03:01,640 --> 01:03:05,280 This blog is the story of two men 1045 01:03:05,280 --> 01:03:08,760 and their, frankly, ridiculous adventures 1046 01:03:08,760 --> 01:03:11,640 of murder, mystery and mayhem. 1047 01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:16,440 But from now on, there's a new story. 1048 01:03:17,920 --> 01:03:19,840 A bigger adventure. 1049 01:03:21,440 --> 01:03:22,760 Ladies and gentlemen, 1050 01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:27,360 pray, charge your glasses and be upstanding. 1051 01:03:27,360 --> 01:03:29,400 Today begin the adventures 1052 01:03:29,400 --> 01:03:31,280 of Mary Elizabeth Watson 1053 01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:33,120 and John Hamish Watson. 1054 01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:37,240 The two reasons why every single one of us is... 1055 01:03:54,960 --> 01:03:56,120 What did you say? 1056 01:03:56,120 --> 01:03:59,560 You said... 1057 01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:02,800 "John Hamish Watson." 1058 01:04:02,800 --> 01:04:05,240 You said that. You said "Hamish." 1059 01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:08,760 This is a famous detective, it's Sherlock Holmes 1060 01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:10,560 and his partner, John Hamish Watson. 1061 01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:12,480 How did you know? 1062 01:04:12,480 --> 01:04:14,680 How did YOU know his middle name? 1063 01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:16,800 He never tells anyone, he hates it. 1064 01:04:20,760 --> 01:04:22,680 John "H" Watson? 1065 01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:24,120 Yep. 1066 01:04:31,160 --> 01:04:33,440 Henry? Shut up. 1067 01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:34,680 Humphrey? 1068 01:04:34,680 --> 01:04:36,400 Shut up. 1069 01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:37,200 SHOWER RUNS Higgins? 1070 01:04:39,240 --> 01:04:41,320 'Go away!' 1071 01:04:41,320 --> 01:04:44,000 It took him years to confide in me. 1072 01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:46,360 Oh... 1073 01:04:46,360 --> 01:04:48,120 That's my birth certificate. 1074 01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:49,360 Yep. 1075 01:04:53,760 --> 01:04:56,000 And the woman - she knew. 1076 01:04:58,200 --> 01:04:59,920 Hamish. 1077 01:05:01,280 --> 01:05:02,960 John Hamish Watson, 1078 01:05:02,960 --> 01:05:06,000 just if you were looking for baby names. 1079 01:05:06,000 --> 01:05:07,840 God knows where she is. 1080 01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:14,560 Out of my head, I am busy! 1081 01:05:16,080 --> 01:05:18,440 There's only one time that name's been made public. 1082 01:05:18,440 --> 01:05:20,360 Does it have to be on the invitation? 1083 01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:22,360 It's your name. 1084 01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:24,120 It's traditional... It's funny... 1085 01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:28,680 'Enjoy the wedding...' 1086 01:05:33,360 --> 01:05:34,800 Enjoy the wedding. 1087 01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:36,920 The wedding. You knew about the wedding. 1088 01:05:36,920 --> 01:05:39,440 More importantly, you'd seen a wedding invitation. 1089 01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:41,680 Now barely 100 people had seen that invitation. 1090 01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:43,800 The Mayfly Man only saw five women. 1091 01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:45,960 For one person to be in both groups... 1092 01:05:45,960 --> 01:05:47,560 could be a coincidence. 1093 01:05:47,560 --> 01:05:49,680 Oh, Sherlock! 1094 01:05:49,680 --> 01:05:51,880 What do we say about coincidences? 1095 01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:53,320 The universe is rarely so lazy. 1096 01:05:53,320 --> 01:05:56,360 So, the balance of probability is? Someone went to great lengths 1097 01:05:56,360 --> 01:06:00,720 to find out something about this wedding. What great lengths? They lied. Assumed false identities. 1098 01:06:00,720 --> 01:06:02,680 Which suggests? Criminal intent. 1099 01:06:02,680 --> 01:06:03,920 Also suggests? 1100 01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:05,320 Intelligence, planning. 1101 01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:07,760 Clearly. But more importantly? 1102 01:06:09,280 --> 01:06:10,640 The Mayfly Man. 1103 01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:13,040 The Mayfly Man is... 1104 01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,240 Here today! 1105 01:06:15,240 --> 01:06:18,040 Ooh, sorry. I... 1106 01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:20,680 Another glass, sir? 1107 01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:22,480 Thank you, yes, thank you. Yes. 1108 01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:24,760 Something's going to happen, right here. 1109 01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:29,200 Now, where were we? 1110 01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:30,120 Could be any second. 1111 01:06:33,960 --> 01:06:35,320 You have control of the room. 1112 01:06:35,320 --> 01:06:36,880 Ah, yes. 1113 01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:40,000 Raising glasses and standing up. Very good. Thank you. 1114 01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:41,440 Don't lose it. 1115 01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:43,720 And down again. 1116 01:06:51,680 --> 01:06:52,840 Ladies and gentlemen, 1117 01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:55,160 people tell you not to milk a good speech. 1118 01:06:55,160 --> 01:06:57,560 Get off early, leave 'em laughing. 1119 01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:01,800 Wise advice I'll certainly try to bear in mind. 1120 01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:03,040 But for now... 1121 01:07:03,040 --> 01:07:04,680 part two! 1122 01:07:04,680 --> 01:07:07,200 Part two is more action-based. 1123 01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:10,920 I'm going to walk around, shake things up a bit. 1124 01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:13,720 Who'd go to a wedding? That's the question. 1125 01:07:13,720 --> 01:07:16,360 Who would bother to go to any lengths 1126 01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:18,400 to get themselves to a wedding? 1127 01:07:20,000 --> 01:07:21,280 Well, everyone. 1128 01:07:21,280 --> 01:07:23,840 Weddings are great, love a wedding. What's he doing? 1129 01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:25,600 Something's wrong. 1130 01:07:25,600 --> 01:07:27,120 And John's great too. 1131 01:07:27,120 --> 01:07:29,760 Haven't said that enough, barely scratched the surface. 1132 01:07:29,760 --> 01:07:31,120 I could go on all night 1133 01:07:31,120 --> 01:07:35,440 about the depth and complexity of his jumpers, 1134 01:07:35,440 --> 01:07:37,760 and he can cook. 1135 01:07:37,760 --> 01:07:41,320 Does... erm... a thing. A thing with peas... 1136 01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:44,800 Once. Might not be peas, might not be him. 1137 01:07:44,800 --> 01:07:47,800 But he's got a great singing voice, or somebody does. 1138 01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:50,080 Too many, too many, too many, too many! 1139 01:07:51,440 --> 01:07:54,200 Sorry, too many jokes about John. 1140 01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:57,200 Now... Criminal intent. 1141 01:07:57,200 --> 01:07:58,880 Where was I? Ah, yes. 1142 01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:00,720 Extraordinary lengths. 1143 01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:02,440 Speech. Speech. 1144 01:08:02,440 --> 01:08:04,160 Let's talk about... 1145 01:08:04,160 --> 01:08:06,640 All of which is suggestive of... 1146 01:08:07,880 --> 01:08:10,720 Murder! Sorry, did I say murder? 1147 01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:12,000 I meant to say marriage. 1148 01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:14,600 But, you know, they're quite similar procedures, 1149 01:08:14,600 --> 01:08:15,840 when you think about it. 1150 01:08:15,840 --> 01:08:17,680 The participants tend to know each other 1151 01:08:17,680 --> 01:08:19,440 and it's over when one of them's dead. 1152 01:08:19,440 --> 01:08:22,920 In fairness, murder is a lot quicker though. Janine, what about this one? 1153 01:08:22,920 --> 01:08:26,920 Acceptably hot? More importantly, his girlfriend's wearing new uncomfortable underwear 1154 01:08:26,920 --> 01:08:31,080 and hasn't bothered to pick this thread off his jacket, or point out the grease smudge on his neck. 1155 01:08:31,080 --> 01:08:33,720 He's going home alone. Also he's a comics and sci-fi geek, 1156 01:08:33,720 --> 01:08:36,680 they're always tremendously grateful, really put the hours in. 1157 01:08:36,680 --> 01:08:38,320 Jeff, the gents. 1158 01:08:38,320 --> 01:08:39,600 Loos now, please. 1159 01:08:39,600 --> 01:08:42,560 Greg. The loos, please. Why? 1160 01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:44,800 Oh, I don't know, maybe it's your TURN. 1161 01:08:45,880 --> 01:08:47,800 Yeah, actually, now you mention it. 1162 01:08:47,800 --> 01:08:50,600 Sherlock, any chance of a... An end date for this speech? 1163 01:08:50,600 --> 01:08:51,680 Got to cut the cake. 1164 01:08:51,680 --> 01:08:53,720 Oh, ladies and gentlemen, 1165 01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:56,480 can't stand it when I finally get the chance to speak for once. 1166 01:08:56,480 --> 01:08:57,800 Vatican cameos. 1167 01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:59,720 What did he say? What does that mean? 1168 01:08:59,720 --> 01:09:01,680 Battle stations, someone's going to die. 1169 01:09:01,680 --> 01:09:02,960 What?! 1170 01:09:04,040 --> 01:09:06,720 Narrow it down. Narrow it down. 1171 01:09:08,000 --> 01:09:09,800 Narrow it down! 1172 01:09:09,800 --> 01:09:11,560 Argh! No, no! 1173 01:09:11,560 --> 01:09:14,000 Not you! 1174 01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:18,600 You. It's always you. 1175 01:09:18,600 --> 01:09:21,360 John Watson, you keep me right. 1176 01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:24,280 What do I do? 1177 01:09:24,280 --> 01:09:25,920 You've already done it. 1178 01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:28,040 Don't solve the murder. 1179 01:09:28,040 --> 01:09:29,240 Save the life. 1180 01:09:29,240 --> 01:09:31,720 Sorry, off piste a bit. 1181 01:09:31,720 --> 01:09:33,040 Back now. Phew! 1182 01:09:33,040 --> 01:09:35,960 Let's play a game. Let's play murder. 1183 01:09:37,360 --> 01:09:38,480 Sherlock! 1184 01:09:38,480 --> 01:09:41,360 Imagine someone's going to get murdered at a wedding. 1185 01:09:41,360 --> 01:09:42,720 Who exactly would you pick? 1186 01:09:42,720 --> 01:09:45,720 I think you're a popular choice at the moment, dear. 1187 01:09:45,720 --> 01:09:48,720 If someone could move Mrs Hudson's glass just slightly out of reach, 1188 01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:49,720 that would be lovely. 1189 01:09:49,720 --> 01:09:54,000 More importantly, who could you only kill at a wedding? 1190 01:09:55,360 --> 01:09:57,080 Most people you can kill any old place. 1191 01:09:57,080 --> 01:09:58,160 As a mental exercise, 1192 01:09:58,160 --> 01:10:00,560 I've often planned the murder of friends and colleagues. 1193 01:10:00,560 --> 01:10:01,680 Now, John, I'd poison. 1194 01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:04,760 Sloppy eater, dead easy. I've given him chemicals and compounds, 1195 01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:06,240 that way he's never even noticed. 1196 01:10:06,240 --> 01:10:08,480 He missed a whole Wednesday once, didn't have a clue. 1197 01:10:08,480 --> 01:10:12,040 Lestrade's so easy to kill it's a miracle no-one's succumbed to the temptation. 1198 01:10:12,040 --> 01:10:15,920 I've got keys to my brother's house, I could break in and asphyxiate him, if the whim arose. 1199 01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:17,720 He's pissed, isn't he? Ow! 1200 01:10:17,720 --> 01:10:19,280 So, once again, 1201 01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:21,840 who could you only kill here? 1202 01:10:21,840 --> 01:10:23,400 Clearly it's a rare opportunity, 1203 01:10:23,400 --> 01:10:25,360 so it's someone who doesn't get out much. 1204 01:10:25,360 --> 01:10:27,280 Someone for whom a planned social encounter 1205 01:10:27,280 --> 01:10:29,520 known about months in advance is an exception. 1206 01:10:29,520 --> 01:10:31,160 Has to be a unique opportunity. 1207 01:10:32,560 --> 01:10:34,840 And since killing someone in public is difficult, 1208 01:10:34,840 --> 01:10:37,000 killing them in private isn't an option. 1209 01:10:37,000 --> 01:10:40,400 Someone who lives in an inaccessible or unknown location, then. 1210 01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:42,120 Someone private perhaps, 1211 01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:44,160 obsessed with personal security. 1212 01:10:45,600 --> 01:10:47,480 Possibly someone under threat. 1213 01:10:52,120 --> 01:10:54,640 Major James Sholto, who he? I don't think he's coming. 1214 01:10:54,640 --> 01:10:55,640 He'll be there. 1215 01:10:55,640 --> 01:10:57,520 Where are you living these days? 1216 01:10:57,520 --> 01:10:59,600 Oh, way out in the middle of nowhere. 1217 01:10:59,600 --> 01:11:01,200 The press and families gave him hell. 1218 01:11:01,200 --> 01:11:03,040 He gets more death threats than you. 1219 01:11:04,440 --> 01:11:06,480 A recluse? 1220 01:11:06,480 --> 01:11:08,520 Small household staff. 1221 01:11:08,520 --> 01:11:10,600 Job? Gardener. Cook. Private nurse. Maid. 1222 01:11:10,600 --> 01:11:12,600 High turnover for additional security. 1223 01:11:12,600 --> 01:11:15,640 I do security work. Probably all signed confidentiality agreements. 1224 01:11:15,640 --> 01:11:18,080 Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? ALL: No. 1225 01:11:18,080 --> 01:11:20,680 There is another question that remains. Rather a big one, 1226 01:11:20,680 --> 01:11:23,360 a huge one - how would you do it? How do you kill someone in public? 1227 01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:25,160 There has to be a way. This has been planned. 1228 01:11:25,160 --> 01:11:27,200 Mr Holmes! Hello, Archie, what's your theory? 1229 01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:29,640 Get this right and there's a headless nun in it for you. 1230 01:11:29,640 --> 01:11:32,360 The invisible man could do it. The who, what, why, when, where? 1231 01:11:32,360 --> 01:11:36,800 The invisible man with the invisible knife. The one who tried to kill the Guardsman. 1232 01:11:52,840 --> 01:11:54,000 Bainbridge? 1233 01:11:54,000 --> 01:11:55,720 Bainbridge! 1234 01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:06,760 (Oh, not just planned - planned and rehearsed.) 1235 01:12:06,760 --> 01:12:08,880 Ladies and gentlemen, 1236 01:12:08,880 --> 01:12:10,520 there will now be a short interlude. 1237 01:12:10,520 --> 01:12:12,600 The bride and groom... 1238 01:12:15,320 --> 01:12:17,280 The bride and groom. 1239 01:12:17,280 --> 01:12:21,040 Major Sholto's going to be murdered, I don't know how or by whom, but it's going to happen. 1240 01:12:21,040 --> 01:12:23,600 Excuse me, coming through. Consulting. 1241 01:12:23,600 --> 01:12:28,120 Stay here. Please be careful. Excuse me. Coming through. 1242 01:12:28,120 --> 01:12:30,600 Excuse me. 1243 01:12:30,600 --> 01:12:32,800 I'm sorry, one more. Oops. I'm so sorry. 1244 01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:33,800 Thank you. 1245 01:12:59,280 --> 01:13:02,320 How can you not remember which room? You remember everything. 1246 01:13:02,320 --> 01:13:04,720 I have to delete something! 207. 1247 01:13:11,760 --> 01:13:14,680 Major Sholto? Major Sholto! 1248 01:13:16,480 --> 01:13:20,080 Major Sholto! If someone's about to make an attempt on my life, 1249 01:13:20,080 --> 01:13:22,520 it won't be the first time. I'm ready. 1250 01:13:22,520 --> 01:13:24,520 Major, let us in. Kick the door down. 1251 01:13:24,520 --> 01:13:25,720 I really wouldn't. 1252 01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:30,280 I have a gun in my hand and a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes. 1253 01:13:30,280 --> 01:13:33,640 You're not safe in there. Whoever's after you, we know a locked room doesn't stop him. 1254 01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:35,600 The invisible man with the invisible knife. 1255 01:13:35,600 --> 01:13:39,440 I don't know how he does it. I can't stop him and that means he'll do it again! Solve it, then! 1256 01:13:39,440 --> 01:13:41,280 I'm sorry? 1257 01:13:41,280 --> 01:13:44,400 You're the famous Mr Holmes, solve the case, on you go. 1258 01:13:44,400 --> 01:13:47,040 Tell me how he did it and I'll open the door. 1259 01:13:47,040 --> 01:13:49,320 Please, this is no time for games, 1260 01:13:49,320 --> 01:13:50,800 just let us in, you're in danger! 1261 01:13:50,800 --> 01:13:52,360 So are you, so long as you're here. 1262 01:13:52,360 --> 01:13:55,280 Please, leave me. 1263 01:13:55,280 --> 01:13:58,800 Despite my reputation, I really don't approve of collateral damage. 1264 01:13:58,800 --> 01:14:02,000 Solve it. Sorry? Solve it and he'll open the door, like he said. 1265 01:14:02,000 --> 01:14:05,240 I couldn't solve it before, how can I solve it now? Because it matters now. 1266 01:14:05,240 --> 01:14:08,280 What are you talking about? Get your wife under control! She's right. 1267 01:14:08,280 --> 01:14:10,160 Oh, you've changed! No, she is. Shut up! 1268 01:14:10,160 --> 01:14:12,440 You are not a puzzle-solver, you never have been. 1269 01:14:12,440 --> 01:14:13,560 You're a drama queen! 1270 01:14:13,560 --> 01:14:17,320 Now, there's a man in there about to die, the game is on - solve it! 1271 01:14:33,080 --> 01:14:34,160 Bainbridge? 1272 01:14:36,880 --> 01:14:38,360 Bainbridge! 1273 01:14:41,480 --> 01:14:43,840 Though in fairness, he's a drama queen too. I know. 1274 01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:45,920 Major Sholto, no-one's coming to kill you. 1275 01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:48,720 I'm afraid you've already been killed several hours ago. 1276 01:14:48,720 --> 01:14:49,880 What did you say? 1277 01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:51,440 Don't take off your belt. 1278 01:14:51,440 --> 01:14:52,960 My belt? 1279 01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:54,080 His belt, yes. 1280 01:14:54,080 --> 01:14:56,480 Bainbridge was stabbed hours before we even saw him, 1281 01:14:56,480 --> 01:14:58,040 but it was through his belt. 1282 01:14:58,040 --> 01:14:59,880 Tight belt, worn high on the waist. 1283 01:14:59,880 --> 01:15:01,880 Very easy to push a small blade through the fabric 1284 01:15:01,880 --> 01:15:03,120 and you wouldn't even feel it. 1285 01:15:03,120 --> 01:15:06,000 The belt would bind the flesh together when it was tied tight. 1286 01:15:06,000 --> 01:15:08,600 Exactly. But when you took it off... Delayed-action stabbing. 1287 01:15:08,600 --> 01:15:11,480 All the time in the world to create an alibi. Major Sholto? 1288 01:15:11,480 --> 01:15:12,760 So... 1289 01:15:15,560 --> 01:15:18,840 I was to be killed by my uniform. 1290 01:15:18,840 --> 01:15:21,160 How appropriate. 1291 01:15:23,240 --> 01:15:24,720 He solved the case, Major, 1292 01:15:24,720 --> 01:15:27,720 you're supposed to open the door now. A deal is a deal. 1293 01:15:27,720 --> 01:15:29,760 I'm not even supposed to have this any more, 1294 01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:31,880 they gave me special dispensation to keep it. 1295 01:15:31,880 --> 01:15:34,200 I couldn't imagine life out of this uniform. 1296 01:15:34,200 --> 01:15:37,240 I suppose, given the circumstances, I don't have to. 1297 01:15:40,240 --> 01:15:41,600 When so many want you dead, 1298 01:15:41,600 --> 01:15:43,560 it hardly seems good manners to argue. 1299 01:15:48,200 --> 01:15:52,000 Whatever you're doing in there, James, stop it, right now! 1300 01:15:52,000 --> 01:15:53,720 I will kick this door down! 1301 01:15:53,720 --> 01:15:56,640 Mr Holmes, you and I are similar, I think. 1302 01:15:56,640 --> 01:15:59,440 Yes, I think we are. There's a proper time to die, isn't there? 1303 01:15:59,440 --> 01:16:00,760 Of course there is. 1304 01:16:00,760 --> 01:16:04,480 And one should embrace it when it comes. 1305 01:16:04,480 --> 01:16:05,520 Like a soldier. 1306 01:16:05,520 --> 01:16:08,320 Of course one should, but not at John's wedding! 1307 01:16:10,480 --> 01:16:12,200 We wouldn't do that, would we, 1308 01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:14,520 you and me? 1309 01:16:14,520 --> 01:16:17,280 We would never do that to John Watson. 1310 01:16:22,400 --> 01:16:23,760 I'm going to break it down. 1311 01:16:23,760 --> 01:16:25,800 Wait, wait, wait, you won't have to. 1312 01:16:32,080 --> 01:16:34,720 I believe I am in need of medical attention. 1313 01:16:34,720 --> 01:16:37,520 I believe I'm your doctor. 1314 01:16:53,120 --> 01:16:55,360 Pretty good. 1315 01:16:55,360 --> 01:16:57,440 Just hold your nerve on your turning. 1316 01:16:57,440 --> 01:16:59,120 Why do we have to rehearse? 1317 01:16:59,120 --> 01:17:01,360 Because we are about to dance together in public 1318 01:17:01,360 --> 01:17:02,880 and your skills are appalling. 1319 01:17:04,480 --> 01:17:06,480 Wow, you're a good teacher. Hmm. 1320 01:17:06,480 --> 01:17:08,320 And you're a brilliant dancer. 1321 01:17:08,320 --> 01:17:10,200 Can I let you in on something, Janine? 1322 01:17:10,200 --> 01:17:11,680 Go on, then. 1323 01:17:11,680 --> 01:17:13,760 I love dancing, I've always loved it. 1324 01:17:13,760 --> 01:17:14,840 Seriously? 1325 01:17:14,840 --> 01:17:15,800 Watch out. 1326 01:17:19,840 --> 01:17:22,360 Oh! 1327 01:17:22,360 --> 01:17:24,720 Never really comes up in crime work, but, you know, 1328 01:17:24,720 --> 01:17:27,600 I live in hope of the right case. Oh, I wish you weren't... 1329 01:17:27,600 --> 01:17:30,760 whatever it is you are. 1330 01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:33,600 I know. Well, glad to see you've pulled, Sherlock, 1331 01:17:33,600 --> 01:17:36,440 what with murderers running riot at my wedding. 1332 01:17:36,440 --> 01:17:38,120 One murderer... One nearly murderer. 1333 01:17:38,120 --> 01:17:40,520 Loves to exaggerate - you should try living with him. 1334 01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:42,040 Sherlock. 1335 01:17:42,040 --> 01:17:43,800 Got him for you. 1336 01:17:43,800 --> 01:17:46,920 Ah, the photographer, excellent. Thank you. 1337 01:17:46,920 --> 01:17:49,280 May I have a look at your camera? 1338 01:17:49,280 --> 01:17:52,280 Erm, what's this about? I was halfway home. 1339 01:17:52,280 --> 01:17:54,360 You should have driven faster. 1340 01:17:55,560 --> 01:17:57,120 Ah, yes. Yes! 1341 01:17:57,120 --> 01:17:58,880 Very good. 1342 01:17:58,880 --> 01:18:01,480 Now you see... Perfect. 1343 01:18:01,480 --> 01:18:03,880 What is? Are you going to tell us? 1344 01:18:03,880 --> 01:18:05,440 Try looking yourself. 1345 01:18:07,120 --> 01:18:10,400 Look for what? Is the murderer in these photographs? 1346 01:18:10,400 --> 01:18:12,200 It's not what's in the photographs, 1347 01:18:12,200 --> 01:18:14,280 it's what's not in them. Not in any of them. 1348 01:18:14,280 --> 01:18:15,560 Sherlock? 1349 01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:17,920 The showing-off thing, we've discussed it before... 1350 01:18:19,600 --> 01:18:23,160 There is always a man at a wedding who is not in any photograph, 1351 01:18:23,160 --> 01:18:24,960 who can go anywhere. 1352 01:18:24,960 --> 01:18:27,760 And even carry an equipment bag around with him if he likes. 1353 01:18:27,760 --> 01:18:29,720 And you never even see his face. 1354 01:18:29,720 --> 01:18:31,320 You only ever see... 1355 01:18:40,120 --> 01:18:41,400 The camera. 1356 01:18:41,400 --> 01:18:42,920 What are you doing? What is this? 1357 01:18:42,920 --> 01:18:45,560 Jonathan Small, today's substitute wedding photographer, 1358 01:18:45,560 --> 01:18:47,440 known to us as the Mayfly Man. 1359 01:18:47,440 --> 01:18:52,160 His brother was one of the raw recruits killed in that incursion. 1360 01:18:52,160 --> 01:18:54,240 Johnny sought revenge on Sholto, 1361 01:18:54,240 --> 01:18:56,560 worked his way through Sholto's staff, 1362 01:18:56,560 --> 01:18:57,760 found what he needed. 1363 01:18:57,760 --> 01:18:59,960 An invitation to a wedding. 1364 01:18:59,960 --> 01:19:03,480 The one time Sholto would have to be out in public. 1365 01:19:03,480 --> 01:19:07,280 So he made his plan and rehearsed the murder, 1366 01:19:07,280 --> 01:19:10,800 making sure of every last detail. 1367 01:19:23,000 --> 01:19:24,560 Brilliant, ruthless, 1368 01:19:24,560 --> 01:19:26,480 and almost certainly a monomaniac. 1369 01:19:26,480 --> 01:19:29,480 Though, in fairness, his photographs are actually quite good. 1370 01:19:29,480 --> 01:19:31,080 Everything you need is on that. 1371 01:19:31,080 --> 01:19:34,120 You probably ought to arrest him or something. 1372 01:19:34,120 --> 01:19:36,240 Do you always carry handcuffs? 1373 01:19:36,240 --> 01:19:38,280 Down, girl. Come on, quick. 1374 01:19:38,280 --> 01:19:40,760 It's not me you should be arresting, Mr Holmes. 1375 01:19:40,760 --> 01:19:43,320 Oh, I don't do the arresting, I just farm that out. 1376 01:19:43,320 --> 01:19:45,520 Sholto, he's the killer, not me. 1377 01:19:45,520 --> 01:19:47,760 I should have killed him quicker. 1378 01:19:50,360 --> 01:19:52,280 I shouldn't have tried to be clever. 1379 01:19:53,640 --> 01:19:55,440 You should have driven faster. 1380 01:20:04,760 --> 01:20:06,080 Right. 1381 01:21:24,680 --> 01:21:26,680 Ladies and gentlemen, just one last thing 1382 01:21:26,680 --> 01:21:28,720 before the evening begins properly. 1383 01:21:28,720 --> 01:21:32,480 Apologies for earlier, a crisis arose and was dealt with. 1384 01:21:32,480 --> 01:21:34,480 More importantly, however, 1385 01:21:34,480 --> 01:21:36,360 today we saw two people make vows. 1386 01:21:36,360 --> 01:21:37,800 I've never made a vow in my life 1387 01:21:37,800 --> 01:21:39,560 and after tonight I never will again. 1388 01:21:39,560 --> 01:21:41,760 So, here in front of you all, 1389 01:21:41,760 --> 01:21:43,480 my first and last vow. 1390 01:21:44,680 --> 01:21:46,680 Mary and John, 1391 01:21:46,680 --> 01:21:48,480 whatever it takes, 1392 01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:50,480 whatever happens, 1393 01:21:50,480 --> 01:21:51,840 from now on, 1394 01:21:51,840 --> 01:21:54,360 I swear I will always be there. 1395 01:21:54,360 --> 01:21:55,720 Always. 1396 01:21:55,720 --> 01:21:57,120 For all three of you. 1397 01:21:57,120 --> 01:21:59,600 Erm... Sorry, I mean... I mean two of you. 1398 01:21:59,600 --> 01:22:02,120 All two of you. Both of you, in fact. I just miscounted. 1399 01:22:02,120 --> 01:22:04,000 Anyway, it's time for dancing. 1400 01:22:04,000 --> 01:22:05,840 Play the music again, please. Thank you. 1401 01:22:05,840 --> 01:22:07,880 OK, everybody, just dance, don't be shy. 1402 01:22:07,880 --> 01:22:09,960 Dancing, please. Very good. 1403 01:22:09,960 --> 01:22:12,720 Sorry, that was one more deduction than I was really expecting. 1404 01:22:12,720 --> 01:22:14,440 Deduction? Increased appetite... 1405 01:22:14,440 --> 01:22:16,400 I'm starving. Change of taste perception. 1406 01:22:16,400 --> 01:22:18,560 Oh, I chose this wine, but it's bloody awful! 1407 01:22:18,560 --> 01:22:19,840 You were sick this morning. 1408 01:22:19,840 --> 01:22:21,520 You assumed it was just wedding nerves. 1409 01:22:21,520 --> 01:22:23,680 You got angry with me when I mentioned it to you. 1410 01:22:23,680 --> 01:22:26,880 All the signs are there. The signs? 1411 01:22:26,880 --> 01:22:28,840 The signs of three. 1412 01:22:28,840 --> 01:22:30,720 What? 1413 01:22:30,720 --> 01:22:32,640 Mary, I think you should do a pregnancy test. 1414 01:22:33,720 --> 01:22:36,840 Well, the statistics for the first trimester are... 1415 01:22:36,840 --> 01:22:37,880 Shut up! 1416 01:22:39,360 --> 01:22:40,640 Just shut up. 1417 01:22:40,640 --> 01:22:41,840 Sorry. 1418 01:22:41,840 --> 01:22:44,000 How did he notice before me? 1419 01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:46,480 I'm a bloody doctor. It's your day off. It's YOUR day off! 1420 01:22:46,480 --> 01:22:47,600 Stop. Stop panicking. 1421 01:22:47,600 --> 01:22:50,400 I'm not panicking. I'm pregnant, I'm panicking! Don't panic. 1422 01:22:50,400 --> 01:22:52,040 None of you panic. 1423 01:22:52,040 --> 01:22:53,800 Absolutely no reason to panic. 1424 01:22:53,800 --> 01:22:57,760 Oh, and you'd know, of course! Yes, I would. You're already the best parents in the world, 1425 01:22:57,760 --> 01:23:00,280 look at all the practice you've had. What practice? 1426 01:23:00,280 --> 01:23:04,200 Well, you're hardly going to need me around now that you've got a real baby on the way. 1427 01:23:11,840 --> 01:23:13,880 Are you all right? Yeah! 1428 01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:23,760 Dance. Hmm? Both of you now, go, dance. 1429 01:23:23,760 --> 01:23:27,040 We can't just stand here, people will wonder what we're talking about. Right. 1430 01:23:27,040 --> 01:23:28,280 Well, what about you? 1431 01:23:28,280 --> 01:23:31,720 Yeah, we can't all three dance, there are limits. Yes, there are. Ahem. 1432 01:23:31,720 --> 01:23:33,600 Come on, husband, let's go. 1433 01:23:33,600 --> 01:23:35,640 This isn't a waltz, is it? No. 1434 01:23:35,640 --> 01:23:37,360 Don't worry, I have been tutoring him. 1435 01:23:37,360 --> 01:23:41,040 He did, you know. Baker Street, behind closed curtains. Mrs Hudson came in one time. 1436 01:23:41,040 --> 01:23:43,200 I don't know how those rumours started! 1437 01:23:47,440 --> 01:23:49,400 ♪ Spinnin' my head around and taking my body under 1438 01:23:51,480 --> 01:23:53,520 ♪ Oh, what a night! 1439 01:23:55,800 --> 01:23:59,600 ♪ Oh, what a night! 1440 01:24:09,200 --> 01:24:12,640 ♪ Oh, I 1441 01:24:12,640 --> 01:24:16,400 ♪ I got a funny feelin' when she walked 1442 01:24:16,400 --> 01:24:18,440 ♪ In the room 1443 01:24:18,440 --> 01:24:20,840 ♪ Hey, I 1444 01:24:20,840 --> 01:24:25,560 ♪ As I recall it ended much too soon 1445 01:24:28,080 --> 01:24:30,880 ♪ Oh, what a night 1446 01:24:30,880 --> 01:24:34,640 ♪ Why'd it take so long to see the light? 1447 01:24:34,640 --> 01:24:39,600 ♪ Seemed so wrong but now it seems so right 1448 01:24:39,600 --> 01:24:43,680 ♪ What a lady, what a night 1449 01:24:55,360 --> 01:25:01,120 ♪ Oh, I felt a rush like a rolling ball of thunder 1450 01:25:01,120 --> 01:25:04,800 ♪ Spinnin' my head around and taking my body under 1451 01:25:04,800 --> 01:25:07,760 ♪ Oh, what a night! 1452 01:25:09,280 --> 01:25:12,800 ♪ Oh, what a night! 1453 01:25:14,320 --> 01:25:15,680 ♪ Oh, what a night... ♪