1 00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:05,130 ("Figaro" playing) 2 00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:18,018 ♪ Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! ♪ 3 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:22,064 ♪ Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! ♪ 4 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,732 ♪ Figaro! ♪ 5 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:25,275 ♪ I'm here ♪ 6 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,736 ♪ Hey, Figaro! I'm here ♪ 7 00:00:27,736 --> 00:00:31,156 ♪ Figaro here, Figaro there, Figaro here, Figaro there ♪ 8 00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:34,326 ♪ Figaro up, Figaro down, Figaro up, Figaro down ♪ 9 00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,119 ♪ Ready very ready I'm like lightning ♪ 10 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:38,705 ♪ I'm the factotum of the city, of the city ♪ 11 00:00:38,705 --> 00:00:41,875 ♪ Of the city, of the city, of the city ♪ 12 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:42,960 Wow! 13 00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:50,050 ♪ Ah, well done Figaro! Well done, very good ♪ 14 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,510 ♪ Luck to you, luck to you ♪ 15 00:00:51,510 --> 00:00:53,095 ♪ Luck to you will not be missed... ♪ 16 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:54,096 (vocalizing) 17 00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,851 ♪ Luck to you, luck to you you will not lack luck ♪ 18 00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:05,732 ♪ I'm the factotum of the city ♪ 19 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:09,194 ♪ Of the city, 20 00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:15,075 ♪ Of the city. ♪ 21 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:17,577 (gulps) 22 00:01:17,577 --> 00:01:20,497 (low-pitched voice) Salutations, snacks. 23 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,749 (high-pitched voice) Yipe. On second thoughts, 24 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:25,794 (normal voice) Yipe! 25 00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:27,963 (high-pitched voice) 9-1-1! 9-1-1! 26 00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:31,091 Police, civic authorities! A. S. P. C. A. A. S. A. P! 27 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:35,470 Murder, betrayal, kidnapped-- no, birdnapped! 28 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,140 (low-pitched voice) A cup of garlic, 29 00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,725 a twist of parakeet. 30 00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:43,270 Eat your heart out, Julia Child. 31 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,564 (high-pitched voice) Excuse me, but isn't it customary 32 00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:48,900 for the jailbird to get one telephone call? 33 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,111 (low-pitched voice) In your case, I think not. 34 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,697 Afternoon snacks have very few civil liberties, 35 00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,907 but I'm not wholly without heart. 36 00:01:55,907 --> 00:01:58,493 How about a nice, soothing cigarette? 37 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,582 (spitting, gagging) 38 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,377 (high-pitched voice) I will not do this. I cannot. 39 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,130 Oh, what a foul way for a bird to die! 40 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,132 I don't want to get beak cancer. 41 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,509 No! My lungs are blackened. 42 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,970 Here we go again. Cut, cut, cut. -(coughing) 43 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,139 Roll it back. What are you doing? -Help me. Help me. 44 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:22,934 Daniel, that line is not in the script. Why did you add it? 45 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:26,688 - Well, I thought I should comment on the situation. - What situation? 46 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,648 The fact that Pudgie the Parrot has a cigarette 47 00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:30,984 shoved into his mouth is morally irresponsible. 48 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,652 This is a cartoon, okay? 49 00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,529 This is not a friggin' Oprah Winfrey special. 50 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,740 Lou, millions of kids see this cartoon. 51 00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,159 It's like sending each one of them a packet of cigarettes and saying, "Light up." 52 00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:42,287 You can't put words in Pudgie's mouth if his mouth isn't moving. 53 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,748 Well, it's voice-over. It's an interior monologue. 54 00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,625 Maybe even the voice of God. That's even better. 55 00:02:46,625 --> 00:02:48,710 (low voice) Don't, Pudgie. Don't smoke. 56 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:53,173 - Actors. - What? Well, let's ask the technicians. 57 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,759 Do you think it's morally right to promote smoking to the youth of America? 58 00:02:58,303 --> 00:03:01,473 (whistles) They're biased. That's a mistrial. 59 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,058 Daniel, listen to me. 60 00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:05,060 This session is costing the studio thousands of dollars. 61 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,396 Now, if you want a paycheck, you stick to the script. 62 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:08,897 If you want to play Gandhi, 63 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:10,899 then do it on somebody else's time. 64 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:21,243 (imitating Gandhi) Then I've got to do what I've got to do. 65 00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:23,829 That's very funny. Where the hell are you going? 66 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,247 Hey, listen, buddy, I'll tell you something. 67 00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:26,540 If you leave, you're not coming back in. 68 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,292 I'm not taking any crap from you, pal. 69 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,462 Well, in the words of Porky Pig-- 70 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:36,258 (stammering) P-p-p-p-piss off, Lou. 71 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,222 (music playing) 72 00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:12,544 GIRL: So what aboutthat history test? -BOY: Don't ask. 73 00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:15,464 GIRL: Did you have fun in school today? -I painted a picture... 74 00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,883 - Oh, yeah? - ...of a rainbow. 75 00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,386 - (whistles) - BOTH: Dad? 76 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:22,554 Daddy! 77 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,391 Daddy! 78 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,477 Yow! Oh! 79 00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:29,811 Oh, thanks. 80 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:30,979 I thought you couldn't pick us up. 81 00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:33,190 Well, I got off early. 82 00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:37,986 - You mean you got fired. - No, I quit for reasons of conscience. 83 00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,572 - Actors. - (surfer accent) Hey, dude! 84 00:04:40,572 --> 00:04:42,949 Congratulations on your 12th birthday. 85 00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,619 - Thanks. - All right. I got a surprise for ya. 86 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,287 - A stripper? - Ooh, please. 87 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,456 - Two strippers? - Hoo-hah, boy! 88 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,874 - A party? - Yes! 89 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:53,502 - No. No parties. - Yes. 90 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:56,755 Mom said you couldn't have one because of your report card. 91 00:04:56,755 --> 00:05:00,091 (imitating Jack Nicholson) Mom's not gonna be home for another four hours, is she? 92 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:02,844 (laughing) 93 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:07,557 Prepare yourself for the wild kingdom, hmm? 94 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:11,311 (hissing) 95 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,651 - (children shouting) - (horse whinnying) 96 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:21,821 (donkey braying) 97 00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,159 (lamb bleating) 98 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,080 Coming up toward the very end. There she goes at the very end. 99 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,165 And she wins that race. 100 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,001 Come on off now. Here we go. (grunting) 101 00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:37,087 Okay. You want to feed him? 102 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:39,548 (quacking) 103 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:42,008 See if this guy will. Want some? 104 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,093 - (coughs) - Oops. Sorry. 105 00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:46,805 WOMAN: Shoo! Get out! 106 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,640 (clucking) 107 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,642 Get out! Go! 108 00:05:50,642 --> 00:05:53,395 Shoo! Shoo! 109 00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,272 - (pig squealing) - Oh! 110 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:57,607 (quacking) 111 00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,818 Oh! 112 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:15,875 WOMAN: Gregory, Henderson, and Hillard. 113 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:19,004 - Miranda Hillard, please. - (rooster crowing) 114 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,716 MIRANDA: I know what you're going for with these murals, 115 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,093 but perhaps if they weren't so large. 116 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:28,305 And let's do steel windows, not wood. -MAN: Uh-huh. 117 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,390 Eliminate the Oriental rug. 118 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,100 - Let's try an Aubusson carpet. - Mm-hmm. 119 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,977 Uh, more pink than red. 120 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,395 - MAN: Good idea. - WOMAN: I like that. 121 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,564 Union Square Inn. Ah, this is better. 122 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,859 More Arts and Crafts, a Dirk van Ark lamp, a Stickley chair. 123 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:43,695 - Don't be seduced by chintz. - Excuse me. 124 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:46,615 - Miranda, can I speak to you for a couple minutes? - Yes. Excuse me. 125 00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,825 - WOMAN: Certainly. - Just be one minute. 126 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,164 I just got off the phone with a Stuart Dunmeyer. 127 00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,999 - Stuart Dunmeyer? - Mm-hmm. 128 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,960 - He said you were acquaintances. - Stuart Dunmeyer? 129 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,338 Yeah. He's putting millions of dollars into restoring 130 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,423 that old Wellman mansion up on Nob Hill. 131 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,301 He wants to make it into a $500-a-night BandB. 132 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,470 Yes. I read about it. 133 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,597 - He's been doing very well. - Mm-hmm. 134 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:14,434 That's him. And he specifically asked for you, Miranda. 135 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,811 - He did? - Yeah. 136 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:19,105 So I told him you'd get in touch with him first thing tomorrow. 137 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,317 - Yes, I will. - Miss Hillard? 138 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,611 The operator has a Gloria Chaney on hold. 139 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,238 - She says it's an emergency. - Excuse me. 140 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,784 Gloria? 141 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,619 (hip-hop blaring) 142 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,669 ♪ Pack it up, pack it in ♪ 143 00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:42,629 ♪ Let me begin, I came to win ♪ 144 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,006 - ♪ Battle me, that's a sin... ♪ - God. 145 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:48,510 - This your residence, ma'am? - Yes. I'm sorry to say it is. 146 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,470 Are you aware that it's illegal to possess animals 147 00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,764 of a barnyard nature in a residential area, ma'am? 148 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:56,685 - What if you're married to one? - We're also responding to a noise ordinance violation. 149 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:59,688 Believe me, I'm gonna respond myself. I'm awfully sorry about this. 150 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:03,149 I'll get back-- You ate my begonias! God! 151 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,567 (music continues) 152 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,528 - Get out of my way. - (bell jingling) 153 00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,780 ♪ I came to get down, I came to get down ♪ 154 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,490 ♪ So get off your seat and jump around ♪ -(children shouting) 155 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,908 ♪ Jump around ♪ 156 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,244 ♪ Jump around ♪ 157 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,705 ♪ Jump around ♪ 158 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,499 ♪ Jump up, jump up and get down ♪ 159 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,419 ♪ Jump, jump, jump, everybody jump ♪ 160 00:08:22,711 --> 00:08:23,837 ♪ Jump, jump, 161 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,672 jump, jump, jump, jump ♪ 162 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:29,259 ♪ Everybody jump, 163 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,934 ♪ Everybody jump, jump, jump, jump, jump... ♪ 164 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:41,020 Oh, shoo! Git! Git! 165 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,070 ♪ I'm the cream of the crop, I rise to the top ♪ 166 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,156 ♪ I never eat a pig 'cause a pig is a cop ♪ 167 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,658 ♪ Or better yet, a Terminator like Arnold Schwarzenegger ♪ 168 00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,994 ♪ Tryin' to play me out like as if my name was Sega ♪ 169 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,246 ♪ I'm comin' to getcha, I'm comin' to getcha ♪ 170 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,290 ♪ Spittin' out lyrics, homie, I'm with ya ♪ 171 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,459 ♪ I came to get down, I came to get down ♪ 172 00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:04,878 ♪ So get out your seat and jump around ♪ -Ha! 173 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,672 - Miranda! Whasup? - ♪ Jump around ♪ 174 00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,759 You're home early, girlfriend. 175 00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:13,094 - Having a birthday in the house. - ♪ Jump up, jump up and get down... ♪ 176 00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:15,847 What the hell is going on around here? 177 00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,348 Don't get mad, honey. 178 00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:19,768 Listen. You're home a little early. 179 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,895 I was gonna have everything cleaned up before you got home. 180 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:24,022 ♪ Jump, jump, jump, jump ♪ 181 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,232 ♪ Jump, jump, everybody, jump, jump, jump... ♪ 182 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,944 Honey? Honey, what are you looking for? 183 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,113 Honey, I'd be careful. That pony had a lot of water. 184 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,241 - (grunts) - (music stops) 185 00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,000 Party's over. 186 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,755 DANIEL: Oh, that's great. 187 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,424 She called you, and you bust the birthday party! That's great! 188 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:55,220 MIRANDA: Don't you dare make me out to be the monster here, Daniel! Don't you dare! 189 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,889 You have all the fun, and I get whatever's left over. 190 00:09:57,889 --> 00:10:00,850 - Oh, you chose the career-- - I have no choices here, Daniel! 191 00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:02,644 I have no choices! 192 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,145 Even when I try to do something fun, 193 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,730 you have to do it ten times bigger. 194 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,899 I bring home a birthday cake and a few gifts. 195 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,984 You bring home the goddamn San Diego Zoo, 196 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,736 and I have to clean up after it. -Oh, I'm sorry, 197 00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,905 but it's not toxic waste, just a few party plates, eh! 198 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,616 Why am I the only one that feels there has to be rules? 199 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,369 - Oh, right. - Why do you always make me out to be the heavy? 200 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:22,330 I don't make you out to be anything. You do it yourself quite naturally. 201 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:24,791 You set me up, Daniel, every time. -I don't set you-- 202 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,417 Oh, lighten up, will you? 203 00:10:26,417 --> 00:10:28,336 Just realize you're spending too much time 204 00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:30,672 with those corporate clones you used to despise. 205 00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,633 I spend too much time with you, Daniel. It's over! 206 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,303 It's over. (sighs) 207 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,473 Come on, Miranda. Listen, we've got problems, but who doesn't? 208 00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,892 We can work 'em out. What are you talking about, "It's over"? 209 00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:45,562 We've been trying to work them out for 14 years. 210 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,856 Come on. Please. 211 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:51,192 Listen, maybe we need some help, okay? 212 00:10:51,192 --> 00:10:53,152 Maybe we can go to a family therapist. 213 00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:55,989 - They'll help us through this together. - It's too late for that. 214 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:59,284 Well, let's take a vacation together 215 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,035 with the kids, as a family. 216 00:11:01,035 --> 00:11:02,662 Get you away from work, you're a different person. 217 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,747 You really are. You're great. 218 00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:08,585 Oh, Daniel, our problems would be waiting for us right here when we got back. 219 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,044 Well, we'll move, 220 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,046 and hopefully our problems won't follow us. 221 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,132 Daniel, please don't joke. 222 00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,051 Okay. 223 00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:22,265 We-- we've just grown apart. 224 00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:25,935 We're different. We have nothing in common. 225 00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:29,355 Oh, sure we do. We love each other. 226 00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:36,321 Come on, Miran. 227 00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:38,281 We love each other. 228 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,703 Don't we? 229 00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,418 I want a divorce. 230 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,755 No. 231 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,848 We can't. We're a family, you know? 232 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,185 I'm so sorry. 233 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,235 (music playing) 234 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:51,020 Yeah, Ma. He told me all about it. 235 00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:54,857 - Yeah, Ma, I heard, I heard. - MA (on phone): I wanna talk to him. 236 00:12:54,857 --> 00:12:57,944 - Well, yeah, he's here. - No. 237 00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,947 - MA: Frank. - Ma, he's not really in the mood to talk. 238 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:03,616 - Is he depressed or what? - Yeah. Depressed, you know. 239 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,995 - I mean, his marriage is ending. - My marriage is not ending. 240 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:09,455 It's just on hiatus. 241 00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,500 MA: I mean, I really want to talk to him about it. 242 00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,627 Ma, I think he's in a little bit of denial. 243 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:18,381 No. We're taking good care of your little boy. Don't worry, Mom. 244 00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:21,009 - Hi, Evelyn. Thanks for the jam. - She says you're welcome. 245 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,802 - MA: The concealer? - Oh, I don't know. 246 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,470 Uh, that beige concealer, 247 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,305 - do you know when we're getting more of it? - Next week. 248 00:13:26,305 --> 00:13:28,808 - You hear that, Ma? Next week. - MA: Oh, I'm so glad. 249 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,269 Hang on. Enough already. It's a man. 250 00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,896 - How would you know? - Bitch. 251 00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,857 This is your mother you're talking to. -No, Ma, not you. 252 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,526 - I was talking about the dog. - (meows) 253 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,571 Ma, listen, uh, we got people waiting for us on the set. 254 00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,406 Oh, yeah. It's a busy life, Ma. 255 00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:46,284 - Places to go, faces to paint. - Oh, I know, but tell Danny... 256 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,161 - Yeah, I'll tell him, Ma. - I want him to come. 257 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,079 - Don't wor-- I'll tell him. - MA: I would love it. 258 00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,831 Yeah. Hold on, Ma. 259 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,459 She wants to know if you want to come stay with her. 260 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:56,335 No way. 261 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,880 He says he'll think about it, Ma. 262 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:01,924 I will. All right. I love you, too. 263 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,843 - Bye, Ma. - Bye-bye. 264 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,136 Hey, listen. 265 00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:06,721 You know you can always stay with us 266 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,222 just as long as you want. 267 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,266 Thank you. 268 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,518 But I'm okay, really. I mean, this is... 269 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,895 this is just a temporary thing. 270 00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:16,731 I know Miranda. It's gonna blow over. 271 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:22,528 Mr. and Mrs. Hillard, 272 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,697 although these custody proceedings 273 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:27,241 have always tended to favor the mother, 274 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:30,286 we also realize, perhaps now more than ever, 275 00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:32,330 that it is not in a child's best interest 276 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:35,666 to deprive him or her of an obviously loving father. 277 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:39,504 However, since at the present time, 278 00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,756 Mr. Hillard has no place to live 279 00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:44,258 and no employment... 280 00:14:44,258 --> 00:14:48,221 it is the court's ruling to award sole custody to Mrs. Hillard. 281 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,890 - Congratulations. - No. 282 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,769 JUDGE: Mr. Hillard will have visitation rights every Saturday. 283 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,938 - Can't you do something? - He's already made his decision. 284 00:14:56,938 --> 00:15:00,149 Isn't it traditional to say something like, "I object" or something? 285 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:03,361 Your Honor, please. 286 00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,780 I mean, every Saturday. That's one day a week. 287 00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:08,116 That's not enough. 288 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:11,285 I have to be with my children. It's not a question, really. 289 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:13,496 I mean, I have to be with them, sir, please. 290 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:17,125 I know it seems like a lot, but for me, it's not enough, really. 291 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,918 I haven't been away from 'em 292 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,337 for more than one day since the day they were born. 293 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:25,091 Mr. Hillard, I would like to add that this ruling is only temporary. 294 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:28,970 - Oh, good. - I will assign a court liaison to oversee your case, 295 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:32,431 and there will be a continuance of these proceedings in 90 days. 296 00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,476 I'm giving you three months, Mr. Hillard. -Thank you. 297 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:38,062 Three months in which to get a job, keep it, 298 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:40,815 and create a suitable home. 299 00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:43,067 If this proves to be a possibility for you, 300 00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:46,863 I will consider a joint-custody arrangement when we reconvene. 301 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:50,116 - We're adjourned. - (gavel pounds) 302 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,702 Well, it looks like there's a little light at the end of our tunnel, eh? 303 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:59,584 (music playing) 304 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:27,904 - That's all my stuff. - This is all my fault. 305 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:30,865 God, no. Why would you think that? 306 00:16:30,865 --> 00:16:33,326 I should've never had a birthday, Dad. 307 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,162 - This never would've happened. - Yes, it would. 308 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,456 It was an accident waiting to happen. 309 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:41,125 Okay? You did nothing wrong. 310 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,586 You got that? 311 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,087 Hey, give me five. 312 00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,050 Hey. (chuckling) 313 00:16:52,053 --> 00:16:54,263 You're the man of the house now. 314 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:55,681 Don't be messy, okay? 315 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,853 - You can't go now. - Honey, I have to. 316 00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:04,357 We're in the middle of Charlotte's Web. 317 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,192 Who's gonna finish it? 318 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,278 Well, Grandma will finish it for you. 319 00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,323 (whispering) She's not as good. 320 00:17:12,323 --> 00:17:14,283 She always skips parts, 321 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,202 and she never does the voices. 322 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,496 She smells funny, too. 323 00:17:18,496 --> 00:17:20,331 That's the formaldehyde. 324 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,667 That's why Granny's so well preserved. 325 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:25,461 Mm-hmm. Hey, come here. 326 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:28,839 (chuckles) Hey. 327 00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:31,968 It's the same as always. We just have a really big backyard. 328 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,095 - Okay? - I love you. 329 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,513 I love you. 330 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,184 Okay. I'll miss you. 331 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,104 Saturday comes real quick. 332 00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:47,275 I'll miss you. 333 00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,609 Ditto. 334 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,319 Oh, Dad. 335 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,740 - Take care of her. - Okay. 336 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,829 Bye-bye. Hey. 337 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,497 (chuckling) 338 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,877 Thanks for the time, Warden. Bye. 339 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,509 Bye, Dad. 340 00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,100 (car starts) 341 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,950 As your court liaison, I will be looking at two things-- 342 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,577 your living environment-- 343 00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,579 It's more like a habitat, really. 344 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:46,208 And I will be coming by on Monday 345 00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:49,128 and Friday evenings to inspect it. 346 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,130 (Southern accent) Well, I'll put on a chicken. 347 00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:54,133 And of course, there's always the job issue. 348 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,594 This is the nearest employment office. 349 00:18:56,594 --> 00:18:59,430 I've taken the liberty of making an appointment for you. 350 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:00,514 Thank you. 351 00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:03,642 Oh, by the way, do you have any special skills? 352 00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:07,897 Oh, yes. I do. I do voices. 353 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,649 What do you mean, you do voices? 354 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:13,986 (German accent) Well, I do voices. 355 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:14,820 Yes! 356 00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,530 (imitating alien) We've come to this planet looking for intelligent life. 357 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:18,282 Oops, we made a mistake. 358 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:19,367 (Russian accent) Happy to be in America. 359 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,243 Don't ask for green card. 360 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:23,704 (imitating monster) I want you in the worst way. 361 00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,289 (imitating Groucho Marx) This is a certainly rough meeting, 362 00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:27,666 and it's not going very well for me, I'll tell you that. 363 00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:29,001 (imitating Chico Marx) Boss, give her a chance. 364 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,462 She's gonna loosen up any moment. 365 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,339 (imitating Sean Connery) Look at me right now, Moneypenny. 366 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,424 I want to undo that bow and get to know ya. 367 00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,177 I'm crazy to make a deal with you! 368 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,097 (imitating Reagan) Nancy and I are still looking for the other half of my head. 369 00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:44,934 (imitating Walter Brennan) This is it. You're doing it. I'm sitting on a gold mine. 370 00:19:44,934 --> 00:19:46,519 (imitating Humphrey Bogart) Don't make me smack you, sweetheart, I'll do it. 371 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,978 (Pudgie voice) ♪ Figaro. ♪ 372 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,939 I do a great impression of a hot dog. 373 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:56,195 - (chuckling) - Mr. Hillard, do you consider yourself humorous? 374 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,197 I used to. 375 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,534 There was a time when I found myself funny, 376 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,786 but today, you have proven me wrong. 377 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,497 Thank you. 378 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:09,208 I-- listen, bottom line, 379 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,378 I need to be with my children, 380 00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,838 and I'll do anything to do that. 381 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,548 You just tell me what to do. 382 00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,773 (bell rings) 383 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,359 - Excuse me. - Yeah? 384 00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:36,694 - You Tony? - That's me. 385 00:20:36,694 --> 00:20:38,571 Hi. I'm Daniel Hillard, the actor. 386 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:43,868 Follow me. 387 00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,996 - (bell rings) - Oh, films. 388 00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,915 Will I be introducing these movies on air? 389 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,251 - Not exactly. - What do I do? 390 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:55,546 Well, you take all these cans, you box 'em, and you ship 'em. 391 00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:58,007 Then you box those cans over there, ship them. 392 00:20:58,007 --> 00:20:59,383 Then more of them will come in. 393 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:02,178 You box those, you ship those. 394 00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,846 Any questions? 395 00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,641 After you box 'em... 396 00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,977 You ship 'em. 397 00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,271 Lots of luck, smart-ass. 398 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,693 I think I made a friend. 399 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:26,744 This way. Miranda. 400 00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,037 Stu! 401 00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:30,289 (clears throat) 402 00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:36,212 Hello, Miranda. 403 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:39,924 - It's been a long time. - Yes. 404 00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,967 Yeah. 405 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:45,429 Um, Mr. Dunmeyer's come by to look over your sketches. 406 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:47,640 Um... 407 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,517 let me show you to the conference room. 408 00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:54,605 MIRANDA: As you probably know, the estate was built in 1876. 409 00:21:54,605 --> 00:21:56,565 Now, these sketches are meant to reflect 410 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,901 your desire to have it completely restored. 411 00:21:58,901 --> 00:22:01,237 You look better than ever. 412 00:22:01,237 --> 00:22:03,781 The lobby will resemble a music salon 413 00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:06,659 with a great deal of inspiration from the French Second Empire. 414 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:09,620 I was thinking a 17th century grand piano-- 415 00:22:09,620 --> 00:22:13,374 You realize I've been following your career in the trades these past couple of years. 416 00:22:13,374 --> 00:22:15,960 A tufted sofa, a Flemish tapestry, 417 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,337 a brass-bound Regency-style table-- 418 00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:21,257 I'd love to get reacquainted... 419 00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:22,466 catch up. 420 00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:26,345 Mantel clocks, 421 00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:29,431 fringed upholstered chairs, drapes-- heavy drapes. 422 00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:31,684 Can we talk over dinner maybe? 423 00:22:31,684 --> 00:22:34,687 Oh, Stuart, thank you. 424 00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:36,981 I-- I-- 425 00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:40,067 I-- I'm at the beginning of a divorce. 426 00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:43,904 It just didn't work out. 427 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:45,614 Oh, Miranda, I'm sorry. 428 00:22:45,614 --> 00:22:47,783 Look, you don't have to say that. -No, really. 429 00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:50,160 I mean, I never held any grudges or anything. 430 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,954 I just-- 431 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,123 Well, I always hoped you'd find happiness. 432 00:22:55,624 --> 00:22:57,876 Oh, God, that's so nice. 433 00:22:57,876 --> 00:22:59,461 I mean, I was worried about coming in here. 434 00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:01,380 I thought I might scare you off the project. 435 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:04,091 Oh, no, no, no, of course not. 436 00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:06,427 I-- I'm a professional. 437 00:23:06,427 --> 00:23:10,014 I-- I-- I was flattered that you thought of me 438 00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:12,683 after all these years and everything. 439 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,688 Everything. Well... 440 00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:19,231 ancient history. 441 00:23:19,231 --> 00:23:20,899 Yeah. 442 00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,444 Yeah. 443 00:23:25,487 --> 00:23:27,156 I'm late. 444 00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:28,282 I've got a meeting over at the bank. 445 00:23:28,282 --> 00:23:30,117 - Oh. - Okay. Um... 446 00:23:33,329 --> 00:23:36,624 Can we talk maybe later in the week? -Sure. 447 00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,419 It's good to see you again. 448 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,521 (people shouting) 449 00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:04,276 DANIEL: Mmm, good, huh? 450 00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:10,157 I know the place doesn't look like much now, 451 00:24:10,157 --> 00:24:13,452 but it'll be okay. 452 00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:17,122 - How do you like it? - Nice. 453 00:24:17,122 --> 00:24:19,291 - It's okay. - Detestable. 454 00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:23,879 Hey, just give me some time. 455 00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:27,299 I'm not too comfortable with this new lifestyle. 456 00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:30,803 - Neither are we. - I know it's hard, sweetie. 457 00:24:33,472 --> 00:24:35,724 Can't you just tell Mom you're sorry? 458 00:24:38,352 --> 00:24:41,063 Wish I could. 459 00:24:41,063 --> 00:24:43,399 You know, grown-up problems, 460 00:24:43,399 --> 00:24:46,110 they're a little more complicated, Nattie. 461 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,864 How is the old battle-ax? 462 00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:53,492 (chuckles) Your mom. 463 00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:55,869 - She's fine. - Oh. 464 00:24:55,869 --> 00:24:58,288 I'm glad to hear that. 465 00:24:58,288 --> 00:25:01,500 I'd hate to think that she came down with amebic dysentery or... 466 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:03,252 piles. 467 00:25:03,252 --> 00:25:05,587 What's amebic dysentery? 468 00:25:05,587 --> 00:25:08,424 Well, it's some kind of infection in your tummy 469 00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:10,008 where you get diarrhea forever. 470 00:25:10,008 --> 00:25:12,386 - Diarrhea forever? - That's enough. 471 00:25:12,386 --> 00:25:13,762 Your body dries up, and you die. 472 00:25:13,762 --> 00:25:15,639 - DANIEL: No. - You die? 473 00:25:15,639 --> 00:25:17,307 You don't have to be so graphic with her. 474 00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:19,268 I read it in a science book. 475 00:25:19,268 --> 00:25:22,104 Why would you want Mommy to die? 476 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:26,316 Oh, honey, I don't want Mommy to die. 477 00:25:26,316 --> 00:25:29,153 Then why did you say that? 478 00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:35,409 Look, Dad, you're not trying very hard. 479 00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:37,327 We only get to come here once a week. 480 00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:39,872 That's not very much. 481 00:25:39,872 --> 00:25:42,458 You're right. I'm sorry. 482 00:25:42,458 --> 00:25:45,002 I'll try harder. 483 00:25:45,002 --> 00:25:48,630 Nattie, I'll think good thoughts, okay? 484 00:25:48,630 --> 00:25:51,383 About Mommy? 485 00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:53,761 I'll try. I really will. 486 00:25:53,761 --> 00:25:57,723 - And call her a princess. - Oh. Oh, yes. 487 00:25:57,723 --> 00:26:00,559 Yeah. And right now I feel like a toad. 488 00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:02,478 Like, blech. 489 00:26:02,478 --> 00:26:05,856 - (both laughing) - Daddy's a toad. 490 00:26:10,819 --> 00:26:13,030 (horn honks) 491 00:26:13,030 --> 00:26:15,115 - That's Mom. - No, that's not. 492 00:26:15,115 --> 00:26:17,785 - Can't be. She's an hour early. - Come on, Nattie. We gotta go. 493 00:26:17,785 --> 00:26:20,370 - NATTIE: Okay. - No. Come on. Sit down. 494 00:26:20,370 --> 00:26:23,415 Sit down. Sit down! 495 00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,793 You don't have to run off when she honks the horn. 496 00:26:25,793 --> 00:26:29,588 Come on. You're on my time now. 497 00:26:29,588 --> 00:26:31,340 You're my goddamn kids, too! 498 00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:39,890 Come on. Hey. 499 00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:50,734 Hi. 500 00:26:50,734 --> 00:26:54,071 Oh, Daniel, charming. 501 00:26:54,071 --> 00:26:58,075 Thank you, Miranda. I was going kind of for a refugee motif. 502 00:26:58,075 --> 00:27:00,285 You know, fleeing my homeland kind of thing. 503 00:27:00,285 --> 00:27:02,246 But look at you. 504 00:27:02,246 --> 00:27:04,998 This lovely Dances With Wolves motif. 505 00:27:04,998 --> 00:27:07,501 What's your Indian name, Shops With a Fist? 506 00:27:07,501 --> 00:27:08,919 Are my children ready yet? 507 00:27:08,919 --> 00:27:12,923 No, our children are not ready yet, because you are an hour early, 508 00:27:12,923 --> 00:27:15,384 and you were an hour late dropping them off. 509 00:27:15,384 --> 00:27:17,636 Daniel, I'm really sorry, but I don't have time for this. 510 00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:19,721 All right? I have to go to the bank and the market. 511 00:27:19,721 --> 00:27:21,640 I have to drop something off at the newspaper office. 512 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,058 - Newspaper? - I'm sorry. 513 00:27:23,058 --> 00:27:24,726 Are you taking out one of those personal ads? 514 00:27:24,726 --> 00:27:29,481 "D.W.F. seeks W. W. M. with BMW, into light BandD." 515 00:27:29,481 --> 00:27:31,984 I'm placing an ad for a housekeeper. 516 00:27:31,984 --> 00:27:34,194 A housekeeper? 517 00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:36,488 Why do you need a housekeeper? 518 00:27:36,488 --> 00:27:38,365 I need someone to be there when the children get home 519 00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:42,244 from school, to clean, possibly start dinner. 520 00:27:42,244 --> 00:27:44,955 - How much are you gonna pay this person? - $300 a week. 521 00:27:44,955 --> 00:27:47,833 - Is that all right? - Three hun-- 522 00:27:47,833 --> 00:27:50,002 May I see the ad? 523 00:27:50,002 --> 00:27:53,130 - (scoffs) All right. - Miranda, just let me look at the ad. 524 00:27:53,130 --> 00:27:56,091 - I have a right as their father. - All right. Here you go. Anything else you wanna see? 525 00:27:56,091 --> 00:27:58,802 - Are you offering? - Not anymore. 526 00:27:58,802 --> 00:28:00,554 What's the change? 527 00:28:00,554 --> 00:28:03,098 - You guys all right? - Yeah, Mommy, we're fine. 528 00:28:03,098 --> 00:28:05,809 - (sniffs, groans) - Hey, Miranda. 529 00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:07,853 Why don't you let me take care of the kids? 530 00:28:07,853 --> 00:28:09,354 I'll pick 'em up after school, 531 00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:11,023 they can be with me for a couple of hours, 532 00:28:11,023 --> 00:28:12,774 and then I'll drop them off at your house after work. 533 00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:14,151 - Oh, Mom, that'd be great. - Yeah. 534 00:28:14,151 --> 00:28:16,445 - Look, the kids love it. - NATTIE: Please! Please! 535 00:28:16,445 --> 00:28:18,238 I'll think about it. 536 00:28:24,286 --> 00:28:26,914 We're his goddamn kids, too. 537 00:28:31,752 --> 00:28:33,629 Kids say the darnedest things. 538 00:28:33,629 --> 00:28:36,214 (chuckles) Thank you. 539 00:28:36,214 --> 00:28:37,966 Any other choice phrases 540 00:28:37,966 --> 00:28:40,302 you'd like to teach our five-year-old, Daniel? 541 00:28:40,302 --> 00:28:43,180 Oh! Come on. Everybody get their coats. 542 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:44,723 - Come on. - Okay. 543 00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:47,976 Put them on, and let's get out of here. 544 00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:50,771 - LYDIA: Okay, Mom. - I would say go to the bathroom before we go, 545 00:28:50,771 --> 00:28:52,731 but I don't think that's a good idea. 546 00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:54,191 All right. 547 00:28:54,191 --> 00:28:57,152 I hope you didn't eat much of that. 548 00:28:57,152 --> 00:28:59,988 - Come on, don't forget anything. I don't want to come back. - All right. 549 00:28:59,988 --> 00:29:02,282 Come on. Let's go. 550 00:29:02,282 --> 00:29:03,575 - See you Saturday. - Say good-bye to your father. 551 00:29:03,575 --> 00:29:05,160 - Bye, Daddy. - See ya later. 552 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:07,496 Bye, Dad. 553 00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:11,833 - There's your ad. - Have to get my purse. 554 00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:13,043 Yeah, get it. 555 00:29:26,848 --> 00:29:30,268 - (telephone ringing) - MIRANDA: Hello? 556 00:29:30,268 --> 00:29:32,187 Are you calling in response to the ad? 557 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:35,399 - FEMININE VOICE: Uh-huh. - Tell me, who was your previous employer? 558 00:29:35,399 --> 00:29:38,235 I was in a band-- Severe Tire Damage. 559 00:29:38,235 --> 00:29:40,779 - In a band? - I just wanna know one thing. 560 00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:42,906 Are your kids well-behaved, 561 00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:46,076 or do they need, like, a few light slams every now and then? 562 00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:48,704 Um, I'll have to get back to you. 563 00:29:48,704 --> 00:29:50,163 Wow. 564 00:29:53,041 --> 00:29:55,002 (German accent) Yeah, my name is Ilsa Himmelman. 565 00:29:55,002 --> 00:29:58,046 And I want to know how many children do you have? 566 00:29:58,046 --> 00:30:01,717 - I have two girls and a boy. - Oh, a boy. 567 00:30:01,717 --> 00:30:05,429 I don't work with the males, 'cause I used to be one. 568 00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:09,349 Yikes! 569 00:30:10,350 --> 00:30:12,602 (telephone rings) 570 00:30:12,602 --> 00:30:15,230 - Hello. - (screams) 571 00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:17,524 (Southern accent) Layla, get back in your cell! 572 00:30:17,524 --> 00:30:19,860 Don't make me get the hose! 573 00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:20,986 (soft voice) Hello. 574 00:30:25,699 --> 00:30:28,452 (Spanish accent) I am job. 575 00:30:29,703 --> 00:30:31,288 Do you speak English? 576 00:30:31,288 --> 00:30:34,124 I am job. 577 00:30:34,124 --> 00:30:36,043 I'm sorry. The position has been filled. 578 00:30:37,586 --> 00:30:39,254 Oh, what a nightmare. 579 00:30:41,256 --> 00:30:44,134 Let's go in for the kill. 580 00:30:45,135 --> 00:30:47,554 (telephone ringing) 581 00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:55,228 - Hello? - (feminine voice, English accent) Hello? 582 00:30:55,228 --> 00:30:58,440 I'm calling in regards to the ad I read in the paper. 583 00:31:00,692 --> 00:31:02,235 Yes. 584 00:31:02,235 --> 00:31:04,488 Well, would you tell me a little bit about yourself? 585 00:31:04,488 --> 00:31:06,656 Oh, certainly, dear. 586 00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:08,408 For the past 15 years, 587 00:31:08,408 --> 00:31:11,870 I have worked for the Smythe family of Elbourne, England. 588 00:31:11,870 --> 00:31:14,081 That's "Smythe," not "Smith," dear. 589 00:31:14,081 --> 00:31:17,542 And for them, I did housecleaning, cooking, 590 00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:21,088 and took care of their four glorious children. 591 00:31:21,088 --> 00:31:23,715 Oh, I grew quite attached to them after 15 years, 592 00:31:23,715 --> 00:31:26,885 but they grew up, as children tend to do. 593 00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:28,720 Oh, but listen to me, I'm going on 594 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:31,348 when you should be telling me about your little ones. 595 00:31:31,348 --> 00:31:33,892 Well, I have two girls-- 596 00:31:33,892 --> 00:31:35,393 Oh, two precious gems. 597 00:31:35,393 --> 00:31:37,604 No doubt, the jewel of your eye. 598 00:31:37,604 --> 00:31:41,942 - And one boy. - Oh, the little prince. How wonderful. 599 00:31:41,942 --> 00:31:45,529 I must tell you, there would be a little light cooking required. 600 00:31:45,529 --> 00:31:47,030 Oh, I don't mind that, dear. 601 00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:49,950 I'd love some heavy cooking, but I do have one rule-- 602 00:31:49,950 --> 00:31:52,327 they'll only eat good, nutritious food with me. 603 00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:54,913 And If there's any dispute about that, 604 00:31:54,913 --> 00:31:57,541 it's either good, wholesome food or empty tummies. 605 00:31:57,541 --> 00:32:00,502 That's my rule. I hope it's not too harsh for you, dear. 606 00:32:00,502 --> 00:32:02,921 No. Um... 607 00:32:02,921 --> 00:32:07,300 would you mind coming on an interview, say, Monday night at 7:30? 608 00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:10,262 - Oh, I'd love to, dear. - Wonderful. 609 00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:15,183 I'm at 2640 Steiner Street. 610 00:32:15,183 --> 00:32:17,644 Steiner. Oh, how lovely. 611 00:32:17,644 --> 00:32:20,564 - Could you tell me your name? - My name? 612 00:32:22,274 --> 00:32:25,610 I thought I gave it to you, dear. -No. 613 00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:27,070 Oh! 614 00:32:31,158 --> 00:32:33,994 - Doubtfire. - I beg your pardon? 615 00:32:33,994 --> 00:32:37,539 Doubtfire, dear. Mrs. Doubtfire. 616 00:32:37,539 --> 00:32:41,126 Well, I look forward to meeting you. -Oh, lovely, dear. 617 00:32:41,126 --> 00:32:42,127 Me, too. 618 00:32:42,127 --> 00:32:44,129 - Bye-bye. - Ta-ta. 619 00:32:47,883 --> 00:32:50,260 Showtime. (chuckles) 620 00:32:55,473 --> 00:32:58,268 - Daniel, hi. - Could you make me a woman? 621 00:32:59,477 --> 00:33:02,981 Honey, I'm so happy! 622 00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:05,233 - Oh, come in. - I knew you'd understand. 623 00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:10,655 - Is this gonna hurt? - Don't whine. Just relax. 624 00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:13,658 - Are you sure? - Just remember-- pain is beauty. 625 00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:15,118 Okay, here we go. Take a deep breath. 626 00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:17,412 - Instant eye lift. - Whoa. 627 00:33:17,412 --> 00:33:19,748 And you'll never see the strings. 628 00:33:19,748 --> 00:33:21,249 They'll be under the wig. 629 00:33:21,249 --> 00:33:23,793 The man has 5:00 shadow at 8:30 a. m., 630 00:33:23,793 --> 00:33:25,337 and you're worried about strings? 631 00:33:25,337 --> 00:33:27,005 All right. We'll start with makeup. 632 00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:29,174 - I'm not gonna wax. - Don't worry. 633 00:33:29,174 --> 00:33:32,761 - We'll just lightly spackle. - I feel like Gloria Swanson. 634 00:33:32,761 --> 00:33:37,098 - You look like her mother. - I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille. 635 00:33:37,098 --> 00:33:39,809 Okay, everyone. 636 00:33:39,809 --> 00:33:41,478 Let's pray. 637 00:33:43,813 --> 00:33:46,191 (Spanish accent) I hope you are using jungle red, 638 00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:47,776 because that is the only color I love. 639 00:33:47,776 --> 00:33:49,444 - Matches your lips. - God bless you. 640 00:33:49,444 --> 00:33:51,154 You know, I'm feelin' fabulous 641 00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:54,032 because I met this beautiful Cuban. -Mm-hmm. 642 00:33:54,032 --> 00:33:56,618 Every night is like the Bay of Pigs. -Mmm! 643 00:33:56,618 --> 00:33:59,704 - I can't lie to you. It's beautiful with him. - Mm-hmm. 644 00:33:59,704 --> 00:34:02,123 I don't know. This will scare the children. You think so? 645 00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:04,125 I don't know. Maybe this is too much for them. 646 00:34:04,125 --> 00:34:06,878 I think we have to go to the next level-- 647 00:34:06,878 --> 00:34:08,964 latex. 648 00:34:08,964 --> 00:34:12,509 (Jewish accent) Oy, it was such a shande. 649 00:34:12,509 --> 00:34:14,552 I should never buy gribenes from a mohel. 650 00:34:14,552 --> 00:34:16,680 It's so chewy. 651 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:18,640 No, I feel like bubbe. This is not working. 652 00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:20,684 This isn't working, but don't worry. 653 00:34:20,684 --> 00:34:22,727 It's a work in progress, and you're my brother. 654 00:34:22,727 --> 00:34:25,063 I'll never let you be embarrassed. -God bless you. 655 00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:27,065 I think we're gonna have to do the entire face. 656 00:34:27,065 --> 00:34:29,526 But look at this nice thing though we have here. 657 00:34:29,526 --> 00:34:32,445 ♪ Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match ♪ 658 00:34:32,445 --> 00:34:35,365 ♪ Find me a find, catch me a catch. ♪ 659 00:34:40,245 --> 00:34:42,831 (imitating Streisand) ♪ Don't tell me not to live, just sit and "puttah" ♪ 660 00:34:42,831 --> 00:34:45,458 ♪ Life's candy and the sun's a ball of "buttah" ♪ 661 00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:50,088 ♪ Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade. ♪ 662 00:34:50,088 --> 00:34:52,299 (normal voice) It's not working. I need to go older. 663 00:34:52,299 --> 00:34:56,011 Older? You mean like Shelley Winters older or Shirley MacLaine older? 664 00:34:56,011 --> 00:34:59,222 - What's the difference? - Some Scotch tape and red hair dye. 665 00:34:59,222 --> 00:35:02,309 - What about Joan Collins? - Oh, I don't think I have the strength. 666 00:35:02,309 --> 00:35:04,686 - All right. - But I have some plaster. 667 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:14,446 ♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪ 668 00:35:17,240 --> 00:35:20,493 ♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪ 669 00:35:23,538 --> 00:35:29,377 ♪ Luck, if you've ever been a lady to begin with ♪ 670 00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:33,131 ♪ Luck be a lady tonight ♪ 671 00:35:39,429 --> 00:35:43,141 ♪ Luck let a gentleman see ♪ 672 00:35:45,769 --> 00:35:49,272 ♪ How nice a dame you can be ♪ 673 00:35:51,733 --> 00:35:55,612 ♪ I know the way you treated other guys ♪ 674 00:35:55,612 --> 00:35:57,614 ♪ You've been with ♪ 675 00:35:57,614 --> 00:36:01,493 ♪ Luck be a lady with me ♪ 676 00:36:04,162 --> 00:36:06,956 ♪ Luck be a lady ♪ 677 00:36:08,333 --> 00:36:10,502 Are we close? 678 00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:16,257 - Any closer and you'd be Mom. - ♪ Luck be a lady ♪ 679 00:36:16,257 --> 00:36:22,263 - ♪ Tonight. ♪ - (whooping) 680 00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:33,817 - NATTIE: That's disgusting. - LYDIA: Ew. 681 00:36:33,817 --> 00:36:36,945 That's the most revolting thing I've ever seen. 682 00:36:36,945 --> 00:36:38,405 - Awesome. - (doorbell rings) 683 00:36:41,241 --> 00:36:43,910 What is this? Turn it off, will you? Come on. 684 00:36:43,910 --> 00:36:46,871 Everybody over here. I want you to meet this lady with me. 685 00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:50,333 I want you to be polite to her, then tell me what you think. 686 00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:53,461 Everybody stand over here and help me decide what to do. 687 00:36:59,467 --> 00:37:02,303 Hello. Mrs. Hillard, I presume? 688 00:37:02,303 --> 00:37:04,222 Yes. I'm Miranda Hillard. 689 00:37:04,222 --> 00:37:06,725 - Euphegenia Doubtfire. - Oh. 690 00:37:06,725 --> 00:37:09,227 Yes. Won't you please come in? 691 00:37:09,227 --> 00:37:10,770 Thank you, dear. 692 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:14,774 And these must be the cherubs. 693 00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:17,026 Yes. This is Natalie. 694 00:37:17,026 --> 00:37:19,154 Oh, hello, Natalie. 695 00:37:19,154 --> 00:37:21,281 - Are you wearing bug spray? - (chuckles) 696 00:37:21,281 --> 00:37:23,908 - Nattie! - It's quite all right, dear. No offense taken. 697 00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:26,161 I was a little liberal with the atomizer. 698 00:37:26,161 --> 00:37:28,413 And at my age, dear, you know, it's like a good Stilton. 699 00:37:28,413 --> 00:37:30,790 Everything does have its old aroma. (chuckles) 700 00:37:30,790 --> 00:37:32,834 I admire that honesty, Nattie. 701 00:37:32,834 --> 00:37:35,420 That's a noble quality. Never lose that. 702 00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:39,132 Because it often disappears with age or entering politics. 703 00:37:39,132 --> 00:37:40,925 Look at that face. 704 00:37:40,925 --> 00:37:43,261 You remind me of Stuart Little, 705 00:37:43,261 --> 00:37:46,806 one of the most honorable creatures in all of literature. 706 00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:48,141 Do you know that book, Stuart Little? 707 00:37:48,141 --> 00:37:50,351 Yeah. It's one of my favorites. 708 00:37:50,351 --> 00:37:53,313 Oh! Mine, too. Maybe I could read it to you. 709 00:37:53,313 --> 00:37:56,149 - If I get the position. - That would be wonderful. 710 00:37:56,149 --> 00:37:59,527 - Really. And who is this strapping young lad? - This is Chris. 711 00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:02,447 - Hello, Christopher. - Hello. 712 00:38:02,447 --> 00:38:04,157 Geez, you're big for a lady. 713 00:38:04,157 --> 00:38:06,493 You could play for the 49ers. 714 00:38:06,493 --> 00:38:10,455 Well, I was a fullback, but that's European football, dear. 715 00:38:10,455 --> 00:38:13,166 - Soccer? - Yes. You play soccer, too? 716 00:38:13,166 --> 00:38:15,627 - Yeah. - Oh, isn't that amazing? 717 00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,962 Yes, I was captain of the women's team. 718 00:38:17,962 --> 00:38:20,048 We won three university championships. 719 00:38:20,048 --> 00:38:22,592 Oh, but that was decades ago. 720 00:38:22,592 --> 00:38:24,552 But I was more disciplined back then. 721 00:38:24,552 --> 00:38:26,930 I always put my studies ahead of my athletics. 722 00:38:26,930 --> 00:38:28,515 I'm sure you're the same way. 723 00:38:28,515 --> 00:38:30,683 I'm sure you've got all your homework done already. 724 00:38:30,683 --> 00:38:34,562 - Well, not exactly. - Really? Oh, that's a pity. 725 00:38:34,562 --> 00:38:36,940 Because young men who don't do their studies 726 00:38:36,940 --> 00:38:40,193 often always miss out on more amusing activities. 727 00:38:40,193 --> 00:38:43,905 - And who's this young lady? - MIRANDA: This is Lydia. 728 00:38:45,532 --> 00:38:47,033 Hello, Lydia. 729 00:38:50,203 --> 00:38:52,580 This isn't fair, Mom. Why do we need a housekeeper anyway? 730 00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:54,791 Oh, this is all I need right now. 731 00:38:54,791 --> 00:38:57,168 - Look, why can't Dad do it? - Excuse me, dear. 732 00:38:57,168 --> 00:38:59,170 But I don't think it's appropriate to argue with your mother 733 00:38:59,170 --> 00:39:00,505 in front of a perfect stranger, 734 00:39:00,505 --> 00:39:02,715 if you don't mind my saying so. 735 00:39:02,715 --> 00:39:05,802 I just don't see why we can't spend the extra time with Dad. 736 00:39:05,802 --> 00:39:09,722 Maybe she's right, dear. Maybe their father would be a more appropriate person. 737 00:39:09,722 --> 00:39:12,058 - No, I don't think so. - Really? 738 00:39:12,058 --> 00:39:14,352 It's not my fault, honey. 739 00:39:14,352 --> 00:39:17,355 If he would get a job and a decent apartment-- 740 00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:20,692 - You see, he's the kind-- - Excuse me, dear. 741 00:39:20,692 --> 00:39:23,611 I'm sure you normally would encourage the children to step out of the room 742 00:39:23,611 --> 00:39:26,614 before you verbally bash their father, hmm? 743 00:39:26,614 --> 00:39:28,825 Well, if I did that, I might never see them again. 744 00:39:31,452 --> 00:39:33,204 - I'm sorry. - That's all right. 745 00:39:33,204 --> 00:39:35,832 You're right. You're absolutely right. -No harm done. 746 00:39:35,832 --> 00:39:39,502 - I'm not a therapist. I just see what I see. - Yes. 747 00:39:39,502 --> 00:39:41,087 Why don't you guys go on upstairs? 748 00:39:41,087 --> 00:39:42,755 I'll be up in a minute. 749 00:39:42,755 --> 00:39:45,383 - It's lovely to meet you. - CHRIS: Yeah. Nice to meet you. 750 00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,260 DANIEL: You, too, Lydie. 751 00:39:53,975 --> 00:39:56,311 - Oh, they're a spirited bunch. - Yes. 752 00:39:56,311 --> 00:40:00,106 - Especially that Lydie. She's got daggers for you. - I know. 753 00:40:00,106 --> 00:40:03,568 They're very upset with me right now. -Probably the divorce. 754 00:40:03,568 --> 00:40:07,280 - How did you know? - Well, you can sense it, dear, 755 00:40:07,280 --> 00:40:09,449 the way she talks about her father. -Really? 756 00:40:09,449 --> 00:40:12,493 I don't think he's in the navy, really, the way she's saying she misses him. 757 00:40:12,493 --> 00:40:14,829 You know, it's like she wants him here, like he's nearby. 758 00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:16,956 - Yes. - Oh, that's so sad-- 759 00:40:16,956 --> 00:40:20,001 Would you care to have a cup of tea? -I'd love that. 760 00:40:20,001 --> 00:40:22,754 - It's right in here. - Oh, really? What a lovely home you have. 761 00:40:22,754 --> 00:40:25,340 - Did you decorate this yourself? - Yes, I did. 762 00:40:25,340 --> 00:40:29,260 Oh, it reeks of taste. Isn't this lovely, dear. 763 00:40:29,260 --> 00:40:31,262 - Thank you. - Here's my résumé. 764 00:40:31,262 --> 00:40:34,515 Oh, thank you. Let me start this tea. 765 00:40:34,515 --> 00:40:36,643 Oh, no, dear. Let me get that for you. 766 00:40:36,643 --> 00:40:39,437 You've had a hard day. You just set yourself down 767 00:40:39,437 --> 00:40:42,690 on that stool and leave the tea to me. 768 00:40:42,690 --> 00:40:44,317 - (chuckles) - Thank you. 769 00:40:44,317 --> 00:40:47,987 - That's very nice of you. - Oh, not at all, dear. 770 00:40:47,987 --> 00:40:50,990 - Oh, what a wonderful résumé. - Oh, thank you, dear. 771 00:40:50,990 --> 00:40:53,868 "Expert in first aid and CPR." 772 00:40:53,868 --> 00:40:55,787 And the Heimlich maneuver, dear. 773 00:40:55,787 --> 00:40:58,122 You can never be too prepared when you've got little ones 774 00:40:58,122 --> 00:41:00,917 running around, you know, 'cause they'll swallow anything. 775 00:41:00,917 --> 00:41:04,212 You've got to be ready to pop it out, hmm? 776 00:41:04,212 --> 00:41:06,547 Oh, let's see. 777 00:41:06,547 --> 00:41:08,049 Oh! 778 00:41:08,049 --> 00:41:10,677 What a perfectly appointed little cubby. 779 00:41:10,677 --> 00:41:11,969 Look at this. 780 00:41:11,969 --> 00:41:14,597 Everything has its place and name tag. 781 00:41:14,597 --> 00:41:18,059 How precise. It's lovely. 782 00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:20,144 My husband never appreciated it. 783 00:41:20,144 --> 00:41:22,605 Oh, poor dolt. 784 00:41:22,605 --> 00:41:25,316 That's not the reason you divorced him, was it? 785 00:41:25,316 --> 00:41:26,484 No. 786 00:41:28,319 --> 00:41:31,030 That's so sad, because marriage can be such a blessing. 787 00:41:32,031 --> 00:41:35,785 - So can divorce. - Oh. 788 00:41:35,785 --> 00:41:39,956 Daniel is a... very difficult man to live with. 789 00:41:39,956 --> 00:41:43,167 - Hmm. - But the children are crazy about him. 790 00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:45,837 You don't have to be a psychic to sense that. 791 00:41:45,837 --> 00:41:47,922 (chuckles) 792 00:41:47,922 --> 00:41:50,925 My, you certainly do know your way around a kitchen. 793 00:41:50,925 --> 00:41:53,052 Oh. Well. 794 00:41:53,052 --> 00:41:55,680 It's just because everything's is so accessible. 795 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,807 You designed it. 796 00:41:57,807 --> 00:42:00,184 I'm amazed there isn't a little label there that says "spoons." 797 00:42:00,184 --> 00:42:01,811 (chuckles) 798 00:42:04,397 --> 00:42:06,774 You remind me of someone. 799 00:42:08,192 --> 00:42:09,444 Really? Who? 800 00:42:12,739 --> 00:42:15,074 I feel like I've known you for years. 801 00:42:15,074 --> 00:42:18,035 Well, maybe we knew each other in another life. 802 00:42:18,035 --> 00:42:19,746 (chuckling) 803 00:42:21,289 --> 00:42:24,542 I would love for you to come and work with us. 804 00:42:24,542 --> 00:42:27,003 - So would I. - Great. 805 00:42:27,003 --> 00:42:28,838 Oh, it would be an honor. 806 00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:33,760 To us. 807 00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,345 The start of a business relationship. 808 00:42:47,899 --> 00:42:50,610 (normal voice) God! 809 00:42:50,610 --> 00:42:53,863 (grunts) Oh. Oh. 810 00:42:54,864 --> 00:42:56,157 Oh! 811 00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:08,211 (feminine voice) Good evening, dear. 812 00:43:10,213 --> 00:43:13,049 Evening, ma'am. 813 00:43:13,049 --> 00:43:14,509 (beeps) 814 00:43:18,387 --> 00:43:20,097 Cold night, isn't it? 815 00:43:20,097 --> 00:43:23,059 Yes, it is. 816 00:43:23,059 --> 00:43:26,187 Hope you have something nice and warm to go home to. 817 00:43:39,784 --> 00:43:41,244 (normal voice) My back. 818 00:43:42,370 --> 00:43:44,413 Jesus! 819 00:43:44,413 --> 00:43:48,209 If I find the misogynistic bastard that invented heels, I'll kill him. 820 00:43:48,209 --> 00:43:50,419 God! 821 00:43:59,220 --> 00:44:01,514 Excuse me. 822 00:44:01,514 --> 00:44:03,558 (deep feminine voice) Mrs. Sellner. 823 00:44:03,558 --> 00:44:06,018 Have we met? 824 00:44:06,018 --> 00:44:08,312 (feminine voice) No. 825 00:44:08,312 --> 00:44:10,648 But Danny's told me all about you. 826 00:44:10,648 --> 00:44:12,108 I'm his sister. 827 00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:17,905 His much older sister. 828 00:44:17,905 --> 00:44:21,701 - You have his eyes. - Oh, only if he fills out a donor card. 829 00:44:21,701 --> 00:44:23,578 (laughing) 830 00:44:23,578 --> 00:44:25,580 Is Mr. Hillard in? I have an appointment. 831 00:44:25,580 --> 00:44:28,499 Do you? Oh, that's wonderful. 832 00:44:28,499 --> 00:44:31,377 Well, let me go upstairs and get him, and he'll be right down. 833 00:44:31,377 --> 00:44:34,088 - I'll come with you. Yes. - No. Why? 834 00:44:34,088 --> 00:44:36,299 Because I have an appointment 835 00:44:36,299 --> 00:44:39,719 on Monday and Friday evenings to check the apartment. 836 00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:43,180 I remember him saying something about that. 837 00:44:43,180 --> 00:44:44,807 Are you sure you want to walk in, dear? 838 00:44:44,807 --> 00:44:47,184 That's three floors, hoofin' it all the way. 839 00:44:47,184 --> 00:44:50,688 - If you can do it, I can. - I'll bet so. Is your ticker all right? 840 00:44:50,688 --> 00:44:54,317 - Top-notch. - Oh, good, 'cause I don't want to jump-start you. 841 00:44:56,819 --> 00:44:59,530 (grunts) Damn door! 842 00:44:59,530 --> 00:45:02,617 Oh, come in, please, dear. Sorry about that. 843 00:45:02,617 --> 00:45:05,369 Here we are. Daniel's abode. 844 00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:07,246 (sighs) 845 00:45:07,246 --> 00:45:10,917 Oh, that's mine, dear. I'm a messy houseguest. 846 00:45:10,917 --> 00:45:12,877 Well, uh, just make yourself at home. 847 00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:14,837 I'll be right back. He'll be back. 848 00:45:14,837 --> 00:45:17,506 I'll go get him. Don't be afraid. I'll be right there. 849 00:45:17,506 --> 00:45:19,550 Don't worry. Danny! 850 00:45:19,550 --> 00:45:23,429 Danny boy, where are ya? Oh, here he is, dear. I found him. 851 00:45:23,429 --> 00:45:26,140 Danny, there's a Mrs. Sellner here to see you. 852 00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:28,601 - (normal voice) Oh, is she here? - (feminine voice) Yes, dear, she is. 853 00:45:28,601 --> 00:45:32,229 DANNY (normal voice): Oh, Mrs. Sellner, I just got out of the shower. 854 00:45:32,229 --> 00:45:34,774 I think you'll be very pleased with me. 855 00:45:34,774 --> 00:45:38,235 I've been through some really interesting changes, 856 00:45:38,235 --> 00:45:42,740 and I'm becoming a new man and a model father. 857 00:45:42,740 --> 00:45:47,203 (feminine voice) He'll be right there. He's just changing, dear. 858 00:45:47,203 --> 00:45:50,498 (normal voice) Yes, I want to keep you abreast of some of the changes in my career. 859 00:45:50,498 --> 00:45:52,500 There've been two big developments. 860 00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:55,336 I'm finally starting to come into my own. 861 00:45:55,336 --> 00:45:57,588 Things are really starting to take shape. 862 00:45:57,588 --> 00:46:00,049 And I'm blossoming. Really, I am. 863 00:46:00,049 --> 00:46:02,218 Things were hairy for a while, 864 00:46:02,218 --> 00:46:05,596 but, oh, I'm in great shape now. 865 00:46:05,596 --> 00:46:09,475 I'm my own man now. Oh, yes. 866 00:46:09,475 --> 00:46:12,186 A job I could really sink my teeth into. 867 00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:14,355 I'll be right there, Mrs. Sellner. 868 00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:21,112 So nice I don't have to save face anymore, Mrs. Sellner. 869 00:46:24,073 --> 00:46:27,368 - (screams) - Mrs. Sellner! How are you? 870 00:46:27,368 --> 00:46:29,370 Always a joy. If you wanted some cheese, 871 00:46:29,370 --> 00:46:31,831 why didn't you just say so? (sighs) 872 00:46:31,831 --> 00:46:34,250 Well, I know you'll be happy to know 873 00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:35,918 that I now am holding down two jobs-- 874 00:46:35,918 --> 00:46:37,795 one for an educational film and TV company-- 875 00:46:37,795 --> 00:46:39,672 heavy responsibility. 876 00:46:39,672 --> 00:46:42,216 - And the other? - Cleaning houses. 877 00:46:42,216 --> 00:46:44,176 Not mine. 878 00:46:44,176 --> 00:46:48,222 - Oh. Big girl. - Your sister is English? 879 00:46:48,222 --> 00:46:50,266 Oh, she's half English, half American. 880 00:46:50,266 --> 00:46:52,727 Half sister, really, so that makes her about an eighth English. 881 00:46:52,727 --> 00:46:54,812 I don't know. I've never really done the math. 882 00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:56,897 You see, my father was American. 883 00:46:56,897 --> 00:46:59,525 He, uh, flew for the English during the war. 884 00:46:59,525 --> 00:47:03,362 He was in London and met this lovely Englishwoman. 885 00:47:03,362 --> 00:47:05,865 Well, my sister was the fruit of their passions. 886 00:47:05,865 --> 00:47:09,535 - (screams) - Sorry. My sister's, not yours. 887 00:47:09,535 --> 00:47:11,996 You see, she's not a very good housekeeper, 888 00:47:11,996 --> 00:47:14,707 but she makes a fabulous cup of English tea. 889 00:47:14,707 --> 00:47:16,500 - Really? - Yes. 890 00:47:16,500 --> 00:47:19,128 Well, I would adore a good cup of English tea. 891 00:47:19,128 --> 00:47:22,506 Oh, wouldn't we all? I'll go get her. 892 00:47:22,506 --> 00:47:25,468 Sis! Oh, sis! 893 00:47:25,468 --> 00:47:27,511 Sis, you in here? 894 00:47:27,511 --> 00:47:30,681 Tea. Cup of T. N. T. 895 00:47:36,145 --> 00:47:38,731 (laughing) 896 00:47:38,731 --> 00:47:41,567 (grunts) Come on. 897 00:47:43,944 --> 00:47:46,864 - (grunting) - (gasps) 898 00:47:46,864 --> 00:47:48,949 - BOY: Sick. - Get out-- 899 00:47:48,949 --> 00:47:49,950 Mom! 900 00:47:52,036 --> 00:47:55,664 Oh! My face! 901 00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:01,462 - (groans) - (children continue laughing) 902 00:48:01,462 --> 00:48:04,590 What am I gonna do? I've gotta go down and get it. 903 00:48:06,467 --> 00:48:09,178 Here we go. Oh! Norman Bates. 904 00:48:24,235 --> 00:48:26,112 (floor creaks) 905 00:48:31,283 --> 00:48:34,703 - Miss Hillard? - (feminine voice) Yes, dear? 906 00:48:34,703 --> 00:48:36,789 I take sugar in my tea. 907 00:48:36,789 --> 00:48:39,542 Oh, your tea! 908 00:48:39,542 --> 00:48:41,919 I'll be right there with your tea! 909 00:48:45,172 --> 00:48:48,551 Coming right up, dear! Sugar. One lump or two, dear? 910 00:48:48,551 --> 00:48:51,053 - Two, please. - Tea! Sugar! 911 00:48:51,053 --> 00:48:53,597 Hot water! You got it! Oh, dear! 912 00:48:53,597 --> 00:48:55,766 Coming right your way, dear! 913 00:48:55,766 --> 00:48:57,977 Be right there with your tea! 914 00:48:57,977 --> 00:49:00,813 (horn honks) 915 00:49:00,813 --> 00:49:02,815 (normal voice) No! Stop! 916 00:49:02,815 --> 00:49:05,943 Stop! Oh! Oh! 917 00:49:05,943 --> 00:49:07,570 No! 918 00:49:11,323 --> 00:49:12,825 Oh, shit! 919 00:49:14,702 --> 00:49:17,037 Oh! Ow! (groans) 920 00:49:19,582 --> 00:49:21,792 Can I give you a hand? 921 00:49:21,792 --> 00:49:24,128 (feminine voice) Oh, no, dear, I don't need a hand. 922 00:49:24,128 --> 00:49:26,881 I need... (normal voice) a face! A face! 923 00:49:26,881 --> 00:49:28,799 Are you sure? 924 00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:31,552 (feminine voice) Oh, definitely! 925 00:49:31,552 --> 00:49:34,722 - Really sure. No problem. - (clattering) 926 00:49:34,722 --> 00:49:37,141 Oh! 927 00:49:37,141 --> 00:49:39,393 (normal voice) I'm not a Muslim. I need a face. 928 00:49:39,393 --> 00:49:41,103 A face. Oh, God. 929 00:49:44,148 --> 00:49:47,651 Miss Hillard? The water's boiling. 930 00:49:47,651 --> 00:49:50,779 - (feminine voice) Hello! - (screams) 931 00:49:50,779 --> 00:49:52,865 Oh, I'm sorry to frighten you, dear. 932 00:49:52,865 --> 00:49:55,993 I must look like a yeti in this getup. -(kettle whistling) 933 00:49:55,993 --> 00:49:58,120 This is my nightly meringue mask. 934 00:49:58,120 --> 00:49:59,580 Part of my beauty regimen. 935 00:49:59,580 --> 00:50:01,832 What it is is basically egg whites, 936 00:50:01,832 --> 00:50:04,919 crème fraîche, powdered sugar, vanilla, and a little touch of alum. 937 00:50:04,919 --> 00:50:07,046 There you go, dear. Oh, there you go! 938 00:50:07,046 --> 00:50:09,006 You've got your cream and your sugar now. 939 00:50:09,006 --> 00:50:11,884 It's a little cupp-u-tea-no. One drop or two? 940 00:50:11,884 --> 00:50:14,261 Would you like another one? Oh, there you go! 941 00:50:14,261 --> 00:50:17,806 (laughing) As you can see, I can't stay with you, dear. 942 00:50:17,806 --> 00:50:21,310 I'm melting like a snow cone in Phoenix. There we go again! 943 00:50:21,310 --> 00:50:25,522 I'll go get Danny, all right? He'll be right with you. Hold on. 944 00:50:25,522 --> 00:50:27,316 Danny! 945 00:50:27,316 --> 00:50:30,236 - (normal voice) Coming, sis! - It was lovely to have met you. 946 00:50:30,236 --> 00:50:32,321 (feminine voice) Lovely to meet you! 947 00:50:49,380 --> 00:50:52,800 - Had a little accident. - Would you be careful with this one? 948 00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:55,844 - She's an old woman. - I will. 949 00:50:57,096 --> 00:50:58,681 Why wasn't I an only child? 950 00:51:00,057 --> 00:51:03,435 ♪ Come here, sister... ♪ 951 00:51:03,435 --> 00:51:06,438 - (office bell rings) - ♪ Papa's in the swing ♪ 952 00:51:07,940 --> 00:51:11,151 ♪ He ain't too hip ♪ 953 00:51:11,151 --> 00:51:13,487 ♪ About that new breed, babe ♪ 954 00:51:15,447 --> 00:51:18,367 ♪ He ain't no drag ♪ 955 00:51:18,367 --> 00:51:20,869 ♪ Papa's got a brand-new bag ♪ 956 00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:25,958 ♪ Come here, Mama ♪ 957 00:51:25,958 --> 00:51:28,544 ♪ And dig this crazy scene ♪ 958 00:51:30,170 --> 00:51:33,674 ♪ He's not too fancy ♪ 959 00:51:33,674 --> 00:51:35,884 ♪ But his mind is pretty clean... ♪ 960 00:51:35,884 --> 00:51:37,761 - I'm sorry. - (normal voice) It's quite all right. 961 00:51:37,761 --> 00:51:40,764 ♪ Ain't no drag ♪ 962 00:51:40,764 --> 00:51:44,226 ♪ Papa's got a brand-new bag ♪ 963 00:51:44,226 --> 00:51:46,645 ♪ Hey, come on... ♪ 964 00:51:46,645 --> 00:51:49,106 LYDIA: Here we go. 965 00:51:49,106 --> 00:51:51,400 Ready? Okay. 966 00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,610 - Did you have fun at school? - Uh-huh. 967 00:51:53,610 --> 00:51:56,322 - What did you do? - I painted a picture of a bunny, 968 00:51:56,322 --> 00:51:58,240 and the teacher liked it. 969 00:51:58,240 --> 00:52:00,367 - She did? - Uh-huh. 970 00:52:00,367 --> 00:52:03,162 There it is, Mel, $1,000 worth of hair. 971 00:52:03,162 --> 00:52:06,373 What am I supposed to do with it? -Alan, I was wondering if-- 972 00:52:06,373 --> 00:52:09,793 You want one of them? I'd rather make a coat for my wife. 973 00:52:09,793 --> 00:52:12,546 - Pick it up, pick it up... - All right, everyone, 974 00:52:12,546 --> 00:52:14,798 it's time to expand your minds. 975 00:52:14,798 --> 00:52:17,760 It's homework time, okay? 976 00:52:17,760 --> 00:52:20,512 - Yeah, but after Dick Van Dyke. - (turns TV on) 977 00:52:20,512 --> 00:52:24,558 No. Now. 978 00:52:24,558 --> 00:52:27,186 - No. - Mrs. Petrie-- 979 00:52:27,186 --> 00:52:31,148 - We always watch Dick Van Dyke. - MAN ON TV: She is crazy. 980 00:52:31,148 --> 00:52:32,608 - Rob's wife? - No, his mother. 981 00:52:32,608 --> 00:52:35,319 Really? Well, not anymore. 982 00:52:37,029 --> 00:52:39,073 The only thing you'll be watching is deep CNN. 983 00:52:40,366 --> 00:52:43,202 - (gasps) - Now... 984 00:52:43,202 --> 00:52:46,663 I know you're used to loosey-goosey, 985 00:52:46,663 --> 00:52:49,708 but I run a much tighter ship. 986 00:52:49,708 --> 00:52:52,920 Between the hours of 3:00 p. m. and 7:00 p. m., 987 00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:54,546 I'm in charge. 988 00:52:54,546 --> 00:52:58,550 And when I'm in charge, you will follow a schedule. 989 00:52:58,550 --> 00:53:02,096 Those who do not follow the schedule will be punished. 990 00:53:02,096 --> 00:53:05,891 - Punished? - She's lying. 991 00:53:05,891 --> 00:53:08,185 She'd never punish us. 992 00:53:08,185 --> 00:53:11,397 Don't fuss with me. 993 00:53:11,397 --> 00:53:14,066 (music playing) 994 00:53:43,220 --> 00:53:45,431 This is exploitation. It's not fair. 995 00:53:45,431 --> 00:53:49,059 - Shut up, Lydie! - Yeah, you got us into this. 996 00:53:49,059 --> 00:53:51,603 Ooh, my little ankle-biters, 997 00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:54,273 do I sense dissension in the ranks? 998 00:53:54,273 --> 00:53:57,317 Are we ready for homework, or shall we continue manual labor? 999 00:53:57,317 --> 00:53:59,611 No. Anything but this. 1000 00:53:59,611 --> 00:54:02,990 All right, then. Upstairs, my little nose-miners. 1001 00:54:02,990 --> 00:54:06,160 Go. Flee before me. 1002 00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:08,537 Onward and upward. 1003 00:54:08,537 --> 00:54:10,914 Go pump some neurons. 1004 00:54:10,914 --> 00:54:13,250 Expand your craniums. 1005 00:54:13,250 --> 00:54:15,127 - I miss Dad. - Me, too. 1006 00:54:15,127 --> 00:54:16,920 Me most. 1007 00:54:19,423 --> 00:54:21,341 (normal voice) I'm here, guys... 1008 00:54:22,509 --> 00:54:24,178 in some form. 1009 00:54:27,347 --> 00:54:29,641 Let's see. 1010 00:54:29,641 --> 00:54:32,102 (muttering) 1011 00:54:33,145 --> 00:54:35,272 Okay. A pinch of basil. 1012 00:54:36,482 --> 00:54:39,276 Oh! Damn! 1013 00:54:39,276 --> 00:54:41,528 Come on. Ow! 1014 00:54:46,074 --> 00:54:47,868 (screams, shouts) 1015 00:54:47,868 --> 00:54:50,954 Mother-- oh! 1016 00:54:50,954 --> 00:54:54,374 Oh, God. It's gonna blow! Oh, boy! 1017 00:54:54,374 --> 00:54:57,294 Easy. Easy. 1018 00:54:57,294 --> 00:55:01,173 Damn. Calm down. Oh. Oh. Oh. Come on. 1019 00:55:01,173 --> 00:55:03,842 Hey, hey, hey. How is it? 1020 00:55:03,842 --> 00:55:06,720 Oh, my God, it's clotted. Oh, God. 1021 00:55:06,720 --> 00:55:09,473 (sniffs) This Hollandaise smells like burnt rubber. 1022 00:55:11,683 --> 00:55:14,061 God, it's hot in here. 1023 00:55:14,061 --> 00:55:16,230 (screaming) 1024 00:55:16,230 --> 00:55:19,691 Oh, God! Oh! Oh! 1025 00:55:20,692 --> 00:55:22,402 Oh! (shouts) 1026 00:55:25,489 --> 00:55:27,991 (shouting, coughing) 1027 00:55:31,954 --> 00:55:34,248 (shouts) Look at this. 1028 00:55:34,248 --> 00:55:37,209 My first day as a woman, and I'm getting hot flashes. 1029 00:55:54,476 --> 00:55:56,562 - Hey, here's your food, lady. - (feminine voice) How much do I owe you? 1030 00:55:56,562 --> 00:56:00,732 - 135.27. - $135? That's certainly-- 1031 00:56:00,732 --> 00:56:02,484 - Twenty-seven cents. - Twenty-seven cents. 1032 00:56:02,484 --> 00:56:05,362 Four dinners, 20 bucks extra for rushing. 1033 00:56:05,362 --> 00:56:08,782 Rushing? You could've been a little bit faster, dear. 1034 00:56:08,782 --> 00:56:12,744 - There's-- there's 140. Do you have change? - No. 1035 00:56:12,744 --> 00:56:15,372 I thought you wouldn't. Thank you very much. 1036 00:56:46,194 --> 00:56:48,071 Hello? 1037 00:56:49,573 --> 00:56:52,326 Hello? Anybody home? 1038 00:56:54,620 --> 00:56:57,497 - Where were you guys? - Upstairs doing our homework. 1039 00:56:57,497 --> 00:57:00,000 Mrs. Doubtfire said we had to. 1040 00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,628 - Oh, she did, huh? - Mm-hmm. 1041 00:57:02,628 --> 00:57:05,922 Doing your homework. How great. 1042 00:57:05,922 --> 00:57:07,549 - Hi. - Hi, honey. 1043 00:57:07,549 --> 00:57:09,635 Look at this place. It looks wonderful. 1044 00:57:09,635 --> 00:57:11,762 All spick-and-span. 1045 00:57:11,762 --> 00:57:14,348 (gasps) 1046 00:57:18,852 --> 00:57:21,063 Wow! 1047 00:57:25,025 --> 00:57:27,819 Dinner is served, madam. 1048 00:57:27,819 --> 00:57:30,447 How lovely. 1049 00:57:52,719 --> 00:57:55,305 - Mrs. Doubtfire? - Lydia, dear, 1050 00:57:55,305 --> 00:57:58,684 get back inside right now before you freeze. 1051 00:57:58,684 --> 00:58:03,146 Look, I just want to apologize for being such a pain today. 1052 00:58:03,146 --> 00:58:04,856 Oh, dear, it's all right. 1053 00:58:04,856 --> 00:58:08,110 - Really. Go. - No, I'm-- I'm really sorry. 1054 00:58:08,110 --> 00:58:10,153 It's just I'm still kind of messed up... 1055 00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:12,406 about everything. 1056 00:58:14,741 --> 00:58:18,328 - We all are, sweetie. - What? 1057 00:58:20,122 --> 00:58:23,417 I just mean I understand the pain you're all going through. 1058 00:58:26,044 --> 00:58:27,754 Yeah. 1059 00:58:29,131 --> 00:58:31,508 Well, I also wanted to thank you. 1060 00:58:31,508 --> 00:58:35,762 - For what? - For making my mom so happy. 1061 00:58:35,762 --> 00:58:37,639 Oh. 1062 00:58:37,639 --> 00:58:39,891 She hasn't been in this good a mood since... 1063 00:58:41,226 --> 00:58:42,686 I can't even remember. 1064 00:58:44,688 --> 00:58:47,107 It's been a long time. 1065 00:58:47,107 --> 00:58:49,443 - It has? - Yeah. 1066 00:58:50,736 --> 00:58:53,029 Well, I've-- I got to go back in, but-- 1067 00:58:53,029 --> 00:58:56,616 - Go, go, go. - Okay. Thank you. 1068 00:58:56,616 --> 00:58:58,702 You're welcome. 1069 00:59:02,372 --> 00:59:04,583 - Bye. - Bye, dear. 1070 00:59:10,380 --> 00:59:12,007 Thank you. 1071 00:59:24,311 --> 00:59:26,855 (chuckles) Oh, no. 1072 00:59:28,690 --> 00:59:32,402 Well, milady, it's a pleasure to see you again. 1073 00:59:32,402 --> 00:59:34,696 A joy, as always. 1074 00:59:39,910 --> 00:59:41,787 (sighs) 1075 00:59:53,632 --> 00:59:57,177 I like that Mediterranean look in women. -Oh. 1076 00:59:57,177 --> 00:59:59,596 Natural, healthy... 1077 01:00:01,139 --> 01:00:03,350 just the way God made you. 1078 01:00:03,350 --> 01:00:07,229 Well, he broke the mold when he made me, dear. 1079 01:00:07,229 --> 01:00:09,022 He made me very special. 1080 01:00:09,022 --> 01:00:10,774 He sure did. 1081 01:00:13,109 --> 01:00:14,694 Bless you. 1082 01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:20,283 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1083 01:00:20,283 --> 01:00:24,162 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady... ♪ -(shouting) 1084 01:00:24,162 --> 01:00:27,916 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1085 01:00:27,916 --> 01:00:32,087 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1086 01:00:39,135 --> 01:00:43,056 - Ooh, goal! - ♪ Never judge a book by its cover ♪ 1087 01:00:43,056 --> 01:00:46,560 ♪ Or who you gonna love like your lover ♪ 1088 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:50,230 ♪ Say love would be wise to love in disguise ♪ 1089 01:00:50,230 --> 01:00:54,317 ♪ She had the body of a Venus, Lord, imagine my surprise ♪ 1090 01:00:54,317 --> 01:00:58,488 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1091 01:00:58,488 --> 01:01:02,450 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1092 01:01:02,450 --> 01:01:05,996 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1093 01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:09,708 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1094 01:01:13,670 --> 01:01:17,132 ♪ Cruised into a bar on the shore ♪ 1095 01:01:17,132 --> 01:01:20,677 ♪ Her picture graced the grime on the door ♪ 1096 01:01:20,677 --> 01:01:23,972 ♪ She a long-lost love at first bite ♪ 1097 01:01:23,972 --> 01:01:27,976 ♪ Baby, maybe you're wrong but you know it's all right ♪ 1098 01:01:27,976 --> 01:01:30,604 ♪ That's right, yeah, yeah... ♪ 1099 01:01:32,856 --> 01:01:36,484 (imitating Richard Nixon) - I am not a crook. - I am not a crook. 1100 01:01:36,484 --> 01:01:39,696 "As she kissed Stuart and thanked him. 1101 01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:41,781 'How was it down there?' asked Mr. Little, 1102 01:01:41,781 --> 01:01:45,452 who was always curious to know about places he'd never been to. 1103 01:01:45,452 --> 01:01:47,704 - 'It was all right.'" - ♪ Do me, do me, do me ♪ 1104 01:02:08,058 --> 01:02:12,020 ♪ Ooh, what a funky lady ♪ 1105 01:02:12,020 --> 01:02:15,941 ♪ Ooh, she like it, like it, like it, like it ♪ 1106 01:02:15,941 --> 01:02:18,401 ♪ Ooh, he was a lady ♪ 1107 01:02:20,278 --> 01:02:23,823 ♪ Yeow ♪ 1108 01:02:23,823 --> 01:02:27,744 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1109 01:02:27,744 --> 01:02:31,456 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1110 01:02:31,456 --> 01:02:35,335 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady ♪ 1111 01:02:35,335 --> 01:02:37,087 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady... ♪ 1112 01:02:37,087 --> 01:02:39,172 (normal voice) Back off, asshole! 1113 01:02:39,172 --> 01:02:42,968 - Beat it! - ♪ Dude looks like a lady... ♪ 1114 01:02:42,968 --> 01:02:46,513 (feminine voice) Broke my bag, the bastard. Oh. 1115 01:02:48,098 --> 01:02:50,684 ♪ Dude looks like a lady ♪ 1116 01:02:50,684 --> 01:02:54,104 ♪ That, that dude looks like a lady. ♪ 1117 01:02:54,104 --> 01:02:56,314 Lover boy's here. 1118 01:02:56,314 --> 01:02:59,442 What a beautiful little car for Don Juan. 1119 01:03:04,239 --> 01:03:06,783 So sad when that happens. 1120 01:03:06,783 --> 01:03:08,952 It was our junior year in college, okay? 1121 01:03:08,952 --> 01:03:11,705 And your mother got asked to design this big float. 1122 01:03:11,705 --> 01:03:14,916 (chattering) 1123 01:03:19,254 --> 01:03:21,631 Elastic bands were flying out everywhere. Hit you in the face. 1124 01:03:21,631 --> 01:03:24,801 - MIRANDA: That's not true. - It was like Jaws. 1125 01:03:24,801 --> 01:03:29,139 Isn't thatthe pretty picture? Oh. -Oh, Mrs. Doubtfire. 1126 01:03:29,139 --> 01:03:33,810 Miranda, what a pleasant surprise to see you home so early, dear. 1127 01:03:33,810 --> 01:03:35,729 And who is your gentleman caller? 1128 01:03:35,729 --> 01:03:38,690 This is Stu. He just wanted to come home and meet the kids. 1129 01:03:38,690 --> 01:03:40,400 Oh, did he? 1130 01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:43,820 Oh, this must be the famous Mrs. Doubtfire. 1131 01:03:43,820 --> 01:03:46,740 - It's a pleasure to meet you. - Oh. 1132 01:03:46,740 --> 01:03:49,909 Yes, well, Miranda's been raving about you. 1133 01:03:49,909 --> 01:03:53,121 - Odd. She's never mentioned you. - No? 1134 01:03:53,121 --> 01:03:56,833 - No. - Well, it's good to meet you. 1135 01:03:56,833 --> 01:03:59,085 - You, too. - Yes. 1136 01:03:59,085 --> 01:04:00,837 I have a home in London. I was born there. 1137 01:04:00,837 --> 01:04:03,089 What part of England are you from? 1138 01:04:03,089 --> 01:04:06,342 Here and there, dear. All over really. 1139 01:04:06,342 --> 01:04:08,136 Yes? 1140 01:04:08,136 --> 01:04:10,430 Accent's a little, kind of muddled there. 1141 01:04:10,430 --> 01:04:12,724 Really? Well, so is your tan. (chuckles) 1142 01:04:14,726 --> 01:04:17,228 No, dear, you know, can you help me with something? 1143 01:04:17,228 --> 01:04:18,855 I found this outside. 1144 01:04:18,855 --> 01:04:21,858 Uh, yes. This is off my Mercedes. 1145 01:04:21,858 --> 01:04:23,610 Off your Mercedes, dear? 1146 01:04:23,610 --> 01:04:26,488 You own that big, expensive car out there? 1147 01:04:26,488 --> 01:04:29,783 Oh, dear. Well, they say a man who has to buy a big car like that's 1148 01:04:29,783 --> 01:04:32,410 trying to compensate for smaller genitals, is he? 1149 01:04:32,410 --> 01:04:36,039 But not in your case, 'cause I see that you're a strapping lad, aren't ya? 1150 01:04:36,039 --> 01:04:38,583 - Lovely to meet you. - You, too, dear. 1151 01:04:40,126 --> 01:04:42,378 Mrs. Doubtfire, may I speak with you for a moment? 1152 01:04:42,378 --> 01:04:44,172 Oh, certainly, dear. 1153 01:04:44,172 --> 01:04:47,801 Um, could you stay a few extra hours this evening? 1154 01:04:47,801 --> 01:04:51,596 Stu. That's more of a thick soup than a name, really. 1155 01:04:51,596 --> 01:04:54,015 Oh, no, it's a name. It's short for Stuart. 1156 01:04:54,015 --> 01:04:57,393 - Is it? - Yes. He's a client. And a friend. 1157 01:04:57,393 --> 01:04:59,729 - Was a friend. He is a friend. - What is he? 1158 01:04:59,729 --> 01:05:01,773 I don't know what's happening. 1159 01:05:01,773 --> 01:05:04,025 What is it, dear? Just stay calm. -Isn't he fabulous? 1160 01:05:04,025 --> 01:05:08,154 Oh, kind of, dear, if you like that handsome, rugged type. 1161 01:05:08,154 --> 01:05:11,825 But personally, I prefer short, furry and funny. 1162 01:05:11,825 --> 01:05:14,786 Well, he just wants to go out and have a drink. 1163 01:05:14,786 --> 01:05:18,289 - And I think that's pretty harmless, don't you? - Absolutely not, dear, 1164 01:05:18,289 --> 01:05:22,252 'cause they always have other intentions. -This is business mostly. 1165 01:05:22,252 --> 01:05:25,922 I'll just sit there and sip club soda and we'll go over wallpaper samples. 1166 01:05:25,922 --> 01:05:29,384 Dear Miranda, wake up and smell the coffee, dear. 1167 01:05:29,384 --> 01:05:31,928 Can't you see the lust in that man's eyes? 1168 01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:35,306 It's too soon, dear, really. 1169 01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:37,559 You've got to give your divorce some time, dear. 1170 01:05:37,559 --> 01:05:41,729 Let your sheets cool down before you bring someone else into the bed, all right? 1171 01:05:41,729 --> 01:05:45,066 Mrs. Doubtfire, may I ask you a question? 1172 01:05:45,066 --> 01:05:46,818 Oh, certainly, dear. 1173 01:05:46,818 --> 01:05:50,196 How long after Mr. Doubtfire passed away-- 1174 01:05:50,196 --> 01:05:54,409 - Winston, yes. - Winston. Did you feel any... desire? 1175 01:05:57,996 --> 01:06:00,081 - Never. - Never? 1176 01:06:00,081 --> 01:06:02,041 - Never again. - Never again? 1177 01:06:02,041 --> 01:06:05,628 Once the father of your children is out of the picture, 1178 01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:09,716 the only solution is total and lifelong celibacy. 1179 01:06:09,716 --> 01:06:11,718 - Celibacy? - Yes. 1180 01:06:11,718 --> 01:06:15,763 And if you violate that, heaven forgive you. 1181 01:06:15,763 --> 01:06:17,098 Good luck. 1182 01:06:19,017 --> 01:06:20,310 Thank you. 1183 01:06:22,020 --> 01:06:23,479 Uh... 1184 01:06:26,232 --> 01:06:28,151 MRS. DOUBTFIRE: Preponderance. 1185 01:06:29,319 --> 01:06:32,989 LYDIA: P-R-E-P-O-N... 1186 01:06:34,240 --> 01:06:37,827 D-E-R-A-N-C-E. 1187 01:06:37,827 --> 01:06:40,455 Bravo. Discriminate. 1188 01:06:41,998 --> 01:06:45,293 D-I-S-C-R- 1189 01:06:45,293 --> 01:06:48,463 I-M-I-N-A-T-E. 1190 01:06:48,463 --> 01:06:51,341 Oh, that's very good. Will you excuse me, dear? 1191 01:06:51,341 --> 01:06:53,801 Call of nature. All right? 1192 01:06:53,801 --> 01:06:55,845 Check those. I'll be right back. 1193 01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:09,025 (seat clanks) 1194 01:07:18,493 --> 01:07:21,037 - Oh, God. - Oh, God. 1195 01:07:21,037 --> 01:07:23,623 - Oh, my God! - Chris! Wait! 1196 01:07:25,041 --> 01:07:27,043 Lydia! Lydia, come on! We gotta call the cops! 1197 01:07:27,043 --> 01:07:29,754 - We gotta dial 9-1-1 now! - What? What? Why? 1198 01:07:29,754 --> 01:07:31,673 Well, Mrs. Doubtfire-- he's a she. 1199 01:07:31,673 --> 01:07:34,050 - He's a she-he. (stammering) - What? 1200 01:07:34,050 --> 01:07:35,551 Ah! 1201 01:07:35,551 --> 01:07:38,221 - He's half-man, half-woman. - What? 1202 01:07:38,221 --> 01:07:39,764 Yes, I swear. 1203 01:07:39,764 --> 01:07:41,516 - Now just calm down. - Freeze! 1204 01:07:41,516 --> 01:07:43,059 - Just relax, please! - You're going to get it. 1205 01:07:43,059 --> 01:07:45,687 - In the balls. - Yeah! She's got 'em? 1206 01:07:45,687 --> 01:07:47,772 She's got everything. 1207 01:07:47,772 --> 01:07:49,649 All right, listen to me. 1208 01:07:49,649 --> 01:07:52,485 I'm not who you think I am. 1209 01:07:52,485 --> 01:07:55,154 - Yeah, no shit. - (normal voice) Watch your mouth, young man. 1210 01:07:59,200 --> 01:08:00,827 Oh, my God. 1211 01:08:04,497 --> 01:08:07,667 - Dad? - Yeah. 1212 01:08:07,667 --> 01:08:10,795 - Dad? - Yeah, honey. 1213 01:08:12,672 --> 01:08:15,591 You don't really like wearing that stuff, do you, Dad? 1214 01:08:15,591 --> 01:08:18,886 Well, some of it's comfortable. No! No. 1215 01:08:18,886 --> 01:08:21,097 It's a pain in the padded ass. 1216 01:08:21,097 --> 01:08:23,349 This is not a way of life. It's just a job. 1217 01:08:23,349 --> 01:08:26,978 I don't go to old-lady bars or anything like that after work, you know? 1218 01:08:26,978 --> 01:08:29,522 You know, it's the only way I could see you guys every day. 1219 01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:31,774 W-Who did this? 1220 01:08:31,774 --> 01:08:35,361 - Uncle Frank and Aunt Jack. - Oh. 1221 01:08:40,742 --> 01:08:43,328 - It's really you in there. - Yeah. 1222 01:08:47,248 --> 01:08:49,876 It's just a mask. And this is a bodysuit. 1223 01:08:49,876 --> 01:08:52,128 I didn't have any operations or anything. 1224 01:08:52,128 --> 01:08:55,006 - It's good. - Yeah. 1225 01:08:55,006 --> 01:08:58,051 - Hi. - Hi. Oh, hey. 1226 01:08:58,051 --> 01:08:59,635 Sorry I scared you. 1227 01:08:59,635 --> 01:09:02,388 - Come here, Chris. - No. No, it's okay. 1228 01:09:02,388 --> 01:09:04,015 I get it. 1229 01:09:04,015 --> 01:09:06,142 I just, you know, don't want to hug you or anything. 1230 01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:07,935 Not just yet. 1231 01:09:07,935 --> 01:09:11,522 - That's cool. It's a guy thing. - Yeah. 1232 01:09:11,522 --> 01:09:16,444 Well, now that you know, you can't tell Mom, okay? 1233 01:09:16,444 --> 01:09:18,071 'Cause if she finds out, 1234 01:09:18,071 --> 01:09:22,450 I'll only be able to see you through plate glass, okay? 1235 01:09:22,450 --> 01:09:25,536 And we can't tell Nattie, 'cause she'll blow my cover. 1236 01:09:25,536 --> 01:09:28,289 So you have to promise me it's just us, all right? 1237 01:09:28,289 --> 01:09:31,167 - You promise? - Okay. 1238 01:09:31,167 --> 01:09:32,377 Okay. 1239 01:09:33,419 --> 01:09:34,712 It's okay. 1240 01:09:37,423 --> 01:09:39,717 All right. It's our little secret. 1241 01:09:43,763 --> 01:09:48,309 Most of the dinosaurs were herbivorous, 1242 01:09:48,309 --> 01:09:53,815 but this tyrannosaurus rex is a carnivore. 1243 01:10:01,197 --> 01:10:05,034 The reptile-like Saurischia-- 1244 01:10:05,034 --> 01:10:08,663 Saurischia and... 1245 01:10:08,663 --> 01:10:12,208 the birdlike Ornithischia. 1246 01:10:18,840 --> 01:10:19,882 Now, we're going to go... 1247 01:10:21,676 --> 01:10:24,345 where no human being's ever been. 1248 01:10:24,345 --> 01:10:27,765 - Oh, no. - As we continue our journey into prehistory. 1249 01:10:27,765 --> 01:10:31,644 - Which one's the dinosaur? - The one in the middle, I think. 1250 01:10:31,644 --> 01:10:33,479 Nah, you're wrong. They're all extinct. 1251 01:10:37,024 --> 01:10:38,860 I can't believe they're still subjecting kids to this. 1252 01:10:38,860 --> 01:10:40,862 This is insane. 1253 01:10:40,862 --> 01:10:42,697 They should have a little disclaimer that says, 1254 01:10:42,697 --> 01:10:45,032 "Do not operate heavy machinery while watching this show." 1255 01:10:45,032 --> 01:10:48,619 - (chuckles) - It's incredible. 1256 01:10:48,619 --> 01:10:50,955 This guy used to put me to sleep when I was a kid. 1257 01:10:50,955 --> 01:10:52,790 It's amazing. 1258 01:10:52,790 --> 01:10:54,250 He has the warmth of a snow pea. 1259 01:10:54,250 --> 01:10:56,043 He makes Mr. Rogers look like Mick Jagger. 1260 01:10:56,043 --> 01:10:58,588 That's insane. (scoffs) 1261 01:10:58,588 --> 01:11:01,674 What kind of idiot kept this guy on the air for 25 years? 1262 01:11:02,675 --> 01:11:04,260 Me. 1263 01:11:07,263 --> 01:11:10,933 - You? - Jonathan Lundy. 1264 01:11:12,560 --> 01:11:16,063 Jonathan Lundy, general manager, owner. 1265 01:11:16,063 --> 01:11:20,276 I'm Daniel Hillard, former employee. -Ahh. Maybe. 1266 01:11:20,276 --> 01:11:24,155 (laughs) That was funny. 1267 01:11:24,155 --> 01:11:26,115 Listen, I don't mean to criticize. 1268 01:11:26,115 --> 01:11:28,993 I just, you know, sometimes I have-- -Criticize all you want. 1269 01:11:28,993 --> 01:11:32,038 The show's terrible. I'm gonna cancel it. 1270 01:11:32,038 --> 01:11:35,291 It's pulling down the whole afternoon schedule. Nah, it's gone. 1271 01:11:35,291 --> 01:11:36,584 - You know what you gotta do? - What? 1272 01:11:36,584 --> 01:11:38,294 Maybe just start from scratch. 1273 01:11:38,294 --> 01:11:40,505 Give it kind of a-- maybe a musical number. 1274 01:11:40,505 --> 01:11:43,508 Imagine a little tyrannosaurus Rex comes out, you know-- 1275 01:11:43,508 --> 01:11:45,885 Hillard, get your ass to the truck. -Yeah. 1276 01:11:45,885 --> 01:11:49,388 - That shipment's gotta make a 6:00 flight to L. A. - Okay, Tony. 1277 01:11:49,388 --> 01:11:52,308 Tony, this is Mr. Lundy. 1278 01:11:52,308 --> 01:11:54,644 - He knows who I am. - Yeah. 1279 01:11:54,644 --> 01:11:57,104 Did you ever wish that sometimes you could freeze-frame 1280 01:11:57,104 --> 01:11:58,981 a single moment in your day, 1281 01:11:58,981 --> 01:12:01,859 look at it and say, "This is not my life"? 1282 01:12:03,486 --> 01:12:05,988 (music playing) 1283 01:12:07,031 --> 01:12:09,534 (man vocalizing) 1284 01:12:11,702 --> 01:12:13,746 ♪ Walk, walk ♪ 1285 01:12:13,746 --> 01:12:17,041 ♪ He said, walk like a man ♪ 1286 01:12:17,041 --> 01:12:19,335 ♪ Talk like a man ♪ 1287 01:12:19,335 --> 01:12:23,089 ♪ Walk like a man, my son ♪ 1288 01:12:23,089 --> 01:12:27,343 ♪ No woman's worth crawling on the earth ♪ 1289 01:12:27,343 --> 01:12:29,512 ♪ So walk like a man, my son... ♪ 1290 01:12:29,512 --> 01:12:32,139 Miranda, what are you home early for, dear? 1291 01:12:32,139 --> 01:12:34,267 I had an appointment. Oh, thank you. 1292 01:12:34,267 --> 01:12:36,561 - That's all right. - With the court liaison Mrs. Sellner. 1293 01:12:36,561 --> 01:12:39,188 - Oh. - I can't believe it. 1294 01:12:39,188 --> 01:12:41,148 What, dear? 1295 01:12:41,148 --> 01:12:43,693 She says that Daniel has some woman living with him 1296 01:12:43,693 --> 01:12:46,487 - pretending to be his sister. - Oh! 1297 01:12:46,487 --> 01:12:48,281 I told her he doesn't even have a sister. 1298 01:12:48,281 --> 01:12:52,243 Oh, Mrs. Sellner's probably mistaken. 1299 01:12:52,243 --> 01:12:55,871 Oh, she's a social worker, dear, really. 1300 01:12:55,871 --> 01:12:57,832 And, besides, 1301 01:12:57,832 --> 01:13:02,253 how could he replace you and so quickly, really? 1302 01:13:02,253 --> 01:13:05,673 She's supposed to be older and very unattractive. 1303 01:13:07,758 --> 01:13:09,760 Really? 1304 01:13:09,760 --> 01:13:12,221 Mrs. Doubtfire? 1305 01:13:13,931 --> 01:13:17,935 - Yes? - Did you and Mr. Doubtfire ever... 1306 01:13:17,935 --> 01:13:20,062 You must've had your share of problems. 1307 01:13:20,062 --> 01:13:23,816 Oh, of course, dear. What marriage doesn't? 1308 01:13:23,816 --> 01:13:28,237 But I always say the bad times fade away 1309 01:13:28,237 --> 01:13:30,948 and the good ones adhere themselves to your memory. 1310 01:13:30,948 --> 01:13:33,618 - Yes. Excuse me. - Oh, it's all right. 1311 01:13:35,411 --> 01:13:39,915 Oh, as I hold this cold meat, I'm reminded of Winston. 1312 01:13:39,915 --> 01:13:44,295 - God rest his soul. - When did he pass on? 1313 01:13:44,295 --> 01:13:47,131 Eight years ago, dear, 1314 01:13:47,131 --> 01:13:49,216 this November. 1315 01:13:49,216 --> 01:13:53,429 - What happened? - He was quite fond of the drink. 1316 01:13:53,429 --> 01:13:56,849 - Ah. - It was a drink that killed him. 1317 01:13:56,849 --> 01:13:58,684 How awful. He was an alcoholic? 1318 01:13:58,684 --> 01:14:02,021 No. He was hit by a Guinness truck. 1319 01:14:02,021 --> 01:14:04,565 So, it was quite literally the drink that killed him. 1320 01:14:04,565 --> 01:14:07,818 - Oh, how tragic. - Yes. 1321 01:14:09,779 --> 01:14:12,239 Oh. 1322 01:14:12,239 --> 01:14:15,868 Oh, but he was a good man, though, really. 1323 01:14:15,868 --> 01:14:19,080 A sainted man. 1324 01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:21,540 And despite his mountains of faults-- 1325 01:14:21,540 --> 01:14:25,503 Dear, I always say a flawed husband is better than none at all. 1326 01:14:25,503 --> 01:14:28,339 Who needs a husband when I've got you? 1327 01:14:28,339 --> 01:14:31,634 Oh, surely you don't mean that, dear. -Well-- 1328 01:14:31,634 --> 01:14:33,719 Oh, that's so sweet. 1329 01:14:33,719 --> 01:14:37,139 Can't imagine what it was like being married to Daniel. 1330 01:14:37,139 --> 01:14:39,517 Well, tell me, dear, what was so horrible about this man 1331 01:14:39,517 --> 01:14:42,395 you lived with for 14 years? 1332 01:14:42,395 --> 01:14:44,480 Well, at first, nothing. 1333 01:14:44,480 --> 01:14:47,942 He was-- he was so romantic, 1334 01:14:47,942 --> 01:14:49,985 - so passionate. - Really? 1335 01:14:49,985 --> 01:14:52,988 He sounds like an absolute stud, dear. 1336 01:14:52,988 --> 01:14:55,324 I hope you don't mind me being a tad rude, 1337 01:14:55,324 --> 01:14:58,661 but how was he? 1338 01:14:58,661 --> 01:15:01,205 You know, on a scale of one to 10? 1339 01:15:01,205 --> 01:15:04,875 Oh, well, that part was always... 1340 01:15:04,875 --> 01:15:06,585 okay. 1341 01:15:06,585 --> 01:15:08,379 Just okay? 1342 01:15:08,379 --> 01:15:13,426 Oh, he's probably a Casanova compared to poor old Winston. 1343 01:15:13,426 --> 01:15:16,262 What was the matter with Winston? -Oh, dear. 1344 01:15:16,262 --> 01:15:19,890 Winston's idea of foreplay was, "Effie, brace yourself." 1345 01:15:19,890 --> 01:15:23,519 (laughs) Oh. 1346 01:15:23,519 --> 01:15:27,189 It was Daniel's spontaneity and his energy I fell in love with. 1347 01:15:27,189 --> 01:15:29,275 Really? 1348 01:15:29,275 --> 01:15:33,571 Everyone else I knew was so organized, so scheduled. 1349 01:15:33,571 --> 01:15:36,073 Like me, I guess. 1350 01:15:36,073 --> 01:15:39,201 Daniel was so wonderfully different and funny. 1351 01:15:39,201 --> 01:15:41,078 He could always make me laugh. 1352 01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:43,956 They always say the key to a solid marriage is laughter. 1353 01:15:45,666 --> 01:15:48,878 But after a few years, everything just stopped being funny. 1354 01:15:48,878 --> 01:15:51,172 Why? 1355 01:15:51,172 --> 01:15:52,923 I was working all the time 1356 01:15:52,923 --> 01:15:55,593 and he was always between jobs. 1357 01:15:55,593 --> 01:15:57,595 I hardly ever got to see the kids, 1358 01:15:57,595 --> 01:16:00,014 and on the nights I would try to get home early to be with them, 1359 01:16:00,014 --> 01:16:01,599 something would go wrong. 1360 01:16:01,599 --> 01:16:03,768 The house would be wrecked, and I'd have to clean it up. 1361 01:16:06,145 --> 01:16:10,733 He never knew, but so many nights, I just cried myself to sleep. 1362 01:16:12,401 --> 01:16:13,819 Really? 1363 01:16:16,572 --> 01:16:18,365 The truth is, 1364 01:16:18,365 --> 01:16:20,409 I didn't like who I was when I was with him. 1365 01:16:20,409 --> 01:16:23,454 I would turn into this horrible person. 1366 01:16:23,454 --> 01:16:27,166 I didn't want my kids growing up with a mother like that. 1367 01:16:29,251 --> 01:16:31,420 When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better. 1368 01:16:32,922 --> 01:16:36,592 And... I'm sure he's better when he's not with me. 1369 01:16:38,511 --> 01:16:41,347 Well, you never-- 1370 01:16:41,347 --> 01:16:45,017 I mean, did you ever say anything to him, dear? 1371 01:16:48,229 --> 01:16:50,481 Daniel never liked to talk about anything serious. 1372 01:16:55,694 --> 01:16:59,615 I-- I used to think Daniel could do anything, 1373 01:16:59,615 --> 01:17:03,077 except be serious. 1374 01:17:03,077 --> 01:17:06,539 But, then, I was serious enough for everybody. 1375 01:17:16,382 --> 01:17:19,301 (bell clanging) 1376 01:17:28,936 --> 01:17:31,355 - Oh. - NATTIE: This is great! 1377 01:17:31,355 --> 01:17:34,400 - Isn't this posh? - CHRIS: Amazing. 1378 01:17:34,400 --> 01:17:35,985 I'll bet it's very exclusive. 1379 01:17:35,985 --> 01:17:38,237 Probably need a credit reference just to get in the pool. 1380 01:17:40,030 --> 01:17:42,700 - Amazing. - Oh, Nattie, 1381 01:17:42,700 --> 01:17:45,035 not a single body that exists in nature. 1382 01:17:45,035 --> 01:17:48,205 Look at that. Lydie. 1383 01:17:48,205 --> 01:17:49,915 - There's Stu. - Where? 1384 01:17:49,915 --> 01:17:51,959 Oh, on the board there. 1385 01:17:51,959 --> 01:17:55,004 Oh, isn't he a stunning piece of work? 1386 01:17:55,004 --> 01:17:58,465 Look, Nattie. That's called liposuction. Mmm. 1387 01:18:06,974 --> 01:18:10,102 - MIRANDA: Wow. - I hope he had protection. 1388 01:18:10,102 --> 01:18:12,479 You hit the water at that speed, God knows what happens. 1389 01:18:12,479 --> 01:18:15,691 - Oh. Let's go say hi. - Let's do, please. 1390 01:18:15,691 --> 01:18:17,860 - Wow, it's amazing. - Stunning. 1391 01:18:21,989 --> 01:18:23,365 (grunts) 1392 01:18:25,409 --> 01:18:28,746 - Oh, hello. You look lovely. - Hi. 1393 01:18:28,746 --> 01:18:30,831 Oh, guys, I'm so glad you could make it. 1394 01:18:30,831 --> 01:18:34,335 Oh, by the looks of you, that water's so cold. 1395 01:18:34,335 --> 01:18:38,881 - Yes, well-- - Your tummy looks different from my daddy's. 1396 01:18:38,881 --> 01:18:41,133 - Oh, Nattie. - Well... 1397 01:18:41,133 --> 01:18:44,303 - Not everyone has their own personal trainer. - (laughs) 1398 01:18:44,303 --> 01:18:47,097 Well, guys, you got your swimsuits? You wanna go for a dip? 1399 01:18:47,097 --> 01:18:48,390 - Oh, great. - That'd be great. 1400 01:18:48,390 --> 01:18:50,517 Good. How about you, Mrs. Doubtfire? 1401 01:18:50,517 --> 01:18:52,269 Oh, you wicked, wicked man. 1402 01:18:52,269 --> 01:18:55,314 Isn't there enough flesh here for you to feast your eyes on? 1403 01:18:55,314 --> 01:18:58,025 Oh, come now, Mrs. Doubtfire, don't be bashful. 1404 01:18:58,025 --> 01:19:00,569 Oh, no, dear. I think they've outlawed whaling. 1405 01:19:00,569 --> 01:19:02,655 We'd be re-enacting the Titanic. 1406 01:19:02,655 --> 01:19:06,116 - Come on, Mrs. Doubtfire. - Oh, no, no. Just go, leave me here. 1407 01:19:06,116 --> 01:19:07,952 I'll just sit here in the sun and crisp. 1408 01:19:07,952 --> 01:19:10,496 I don't think you can get heatstroke twice in the same year. 1409 01:19:10,496 --> 01:19:13,749 Okay. Well, let's go, kids. Swim time. 1410 01:19:13,749 --> 01:19:15,751 - Go, go, dear. I'll be fine. - Come on. Come on. 1411 01:19:15,751 --> 01:19:17,836 The day's on me, Mrs. Doubtfire. 1412 01:19:17,836 --> 01:19:20,130 - Anything you need, just put it on my tab, okay? - Thank you, dear. 1413 01:19:20,130 --> 01:19:23,592 (under breath) Touch me again, I'll drown you, you bastard. 1414 01:19:23,592 --> 01:19:27,596 I'll just sit here and watch you move in on my family. 1415 01:19:27,596 --> 01:19:29,348 Hello, hello. 1416 01:19:29,348 --> 01:19:31,433 - And how are you? - Good. 1417 01:19:31,433 --> 01:19:34,269 Oh, God, what am I doing here? 1418 01:19:34,269 --> 01:19:37,773 This is beyond obsession. Oh, God. 1419 01:19:37,773 --> 01:19:40,567 (calypso music playing) 1420 01:19:47,408 --> 01:19:48,450 (burps) 1421 01:19:49,785 --> 01:19:52,579 - Yes! - Yeah! 1422 01:19:52,579 --> 01:19:55,499 - Okay, Natalie! Ready? - Okay, Natalie. 1423 01:19:55,499 --> 01:19:57,543 There you go! All right! 1424 01:20:04,383 --> 01:20:06,260 Is everything all right, ma'am? 1425 01:20:06,260 --> 01:20:09,430 Fan-bloody-tastic. Can I have another? 1426 01:20:09,430 --> 01:20:11,473 - Sure. - Great. 1427 01:20:11,473 --> 01:20:13,392 - Yes! - Okay, Chris. 1428 01:20:15,227 --> 01:20:16,937 It's our ball! It's our ball! Our ball! 1429 01:20:21,400 --> 01:20:23,277 - Hi. - Soda with a lime, please. 1430 01:20:33,495 --> 01:20:36,749 - (normal voice) It's on me. - No, thanks. 1431 01:20:45,883 --> 01:20:48,719 Four iced teas, Todd. 1432 01:20:48,719 --> 01:20:50,596 So, uh, whose rug rats? 1433 01:20:53,599 --> 01:20:56,435 - Miranda Hillard's. - Miranda Hillard? 1434 01:20:56,435 --> 01:20:59,480 Mm-hmm. The woman I'm seeing. 1435 01:20:59,480 --> 01:21:02,649 No kidding. You? The guy who's never having kids? 1436 01:21:02,649 --> 01:21:04,193 Won't have anything to do with kids? 1437 01:21:04,193 --> 01:21:06,195 You won't date a woman who's got kids. 1438 01:21:06,195 --> 01:21:10,157 People change, Ron. I'm pushing 40. 1439 01:21:10,157 --> 01:21:12,951 I don't want to spend the rest of my life by myself. 1440 01:21:12,951 --> 01:21:15,537 She's got an awful lot of baggage, though. Three kids? 1441 01:21:15,537 --> 01:21:18,874 Three terrific kids, and I'm crazy about them, especially that little Natalie. 1442 01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:21,460 Look at her. She's a sweetie-pie. 1443 01:21:23,879 --> 01:21:27,216 God knows they need some kind of stable father figure in their life right now. 1444 01:21:27,216 --> 01:21:30,135 - Thanks, Todd. - What about their real father? 1445 01:21:30,135 --> 01:21:33,639 What can I say, Ron? The guy's a loser. I'll see you. 1446 01:21:34,515 --> 01:21:36,558 Loser? You-- 1447 01:21:42,481 --> 01:21:45,818 (feminine voice) Oh, sir. I saw it. 1448 01:21:45,818 --> 01:21:48,946 Some angry member of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them? 1449 01:21:48,946 --> 01:21:51,073 Oh, the terrorists. They ran that way. 1450 01:21:51,073 --> 01:21:52,908 It was a run-by fruiting. 1451 01:21:52,908 --> 01:21:54,368 I'll get them, sir. Don't worry. 1452 01:21:56,328 --> 01:21:58,205 (clears throat) 1453 01:21:59,289 --> 01:22:01,416 Oh. 1454 01:22:01,416 --> 01:22:05,003 Oh. Good waste of juice. 1455 01:22:05,003 --> 01:22:08,006 (normal voice) Loser. (laughs) 1456 01:22:08,006 --> 01:22:10,050 What are you looking at? 1457 01:22:28,986 --> 01:22:31,780 (whistling) 1458 01:22:42,624 --> 01:22:45,335 Hi, boys and girls. 1459 01:22:45,335 --> 01:22:48,463 Today we'll be talking about dinosaurs. 1460 01:22:48,463 --> 01:22:52,467 (imitating announcer) It's a "dinosaurus" line! 1461 01:22:52,467 --> 01:22:55,304 (vocalizing) 1462 01:22:55,304 --> 01:22:57,973 And please welcome the king! 1463 01:22:57,973 --> 01:23:01,810 (humming Elvis tune) 1464 01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:04,771 It's a dinner show. Hey... hey, where you from? 1465 01:23:04,771 --> 01:23:06,398 Thank you, I'm gonna make you lunch. Thank you very much. 1466 01:23:06,398 --> 01:23:08,066 Thank you! All right. 1467 01:23:08,066 --> 01:23:09,485 Ladies and gentlemen, 1468 01:23:09,485 --> 01:23:11,403 put your claws together! 1469 01:23:11,403 --> 01:23:15,657 Please welcome James Brown-ausarus! 1470 01:23:15,657 --> 01:23:17,868 (humming) 1471 01:23:17,868 --> 01:23:19,995 (imitating James Brown) ♪ I eat wood, dinna, dinna, dinna, dinna ♪ 1472 01:23:19,995 --> 01:23:22,873 ♪ It tastes good, dinna, dinna, dinna, dinna ♪ 1473 01:23:22,873 --> 01:23:25,083 ♪ No meat, big feet ♪ 1474 01:23:25,083 --> 01:23:27,461 ♪ I eat wood, pum, pum, pum. ♪ 1475 01:23:27,461 --> 01:23:29,588 Ow! Oh, I got to help myself. 1476 01:23:29,588 --> 01:23:32,382 Can't go on. Can't go on. I'm goin' extinct. 1477 01:23:32,382 --> 01:23:35,177 Oh, thank you, James. But right now, yo! 1478 01:23:35,177 --> 01:23:38,096 It's time for the raptor rap! 1479 01:23:38,096 --> 01:23:40,807 ♪ I'm a raptor, doin' what I can ♪ 1480 01:23:40,807 --> 01:23:44,269 ♪ Gonna eat everything till the appearance of man ♪ 1481 01:23:44,269 --> 01:23:47,481 ♪ Yo, yo, see me, I'm livin' below the soil ♪ 1482 01:23:47,481 --> 01:23:50,776 ♪ I'll be back, but I'm comin' as oil. ♪ 1483 01:23:53,862 --> 01:23:56,865 Very impressive, Mr. Hillard. 1484 01:23:56,865 --> 01:23:59,326 I didn't know anybody was watching. I was just playing. 1485 01:23:59,326 --> 01:24:01,703 - I don't think I-- - I was watching. That's funny stuff. 1486 01:24:01,703 --> 01:24:04,665 - Well, thanks. - I think kids would like it. 1487 01:24:04,665 --> 01:24:06,875 They'd be entertained, and they'd get some information, too. 1488 01:24:06,875 --> 01:24:09,294 Yeah, well, that's kind of my theory. I think you could, you know, 1489 01:24:09,294 --> 01:24:12,172 - you don't have to play down to 'em, you just play to 'em. - No. 1490 01:24:12,172 --> 01:24:15,968 - Listen, I'd like to hear some more of your ideas. - My ideas? 1491 01:24:15,968 --> 01:24:19,680 - How about a dinner meeting? - Oh, okay. 1492 01:24:19,680 --> 01:24:22,891 Next Friday, Bridges restaurant. 7:00 sharp. 1493 01:24:22,891 --> 01:24:24,851 I'll be there. 1494 01:24:30,941 --> 01:24:33,151 Take five. 1495 01:24:33,151 --> 01:24:34,820 Take five million. You're dead. 1496 01:24:39,908 --> 01:24:43,412 Well, we've just had our first home-cooked meal. 1497 01:24:43,412 --> 01:24:45,330 I'm domestic now, huh? 1498 01:24:45,330 --> 01:24:47,416 CHRIS: This is really terrific, Dad. -LYDIA: It's great. 1499 01:24:47,416 --> 01:24:49,668 DANIEL: You want some more spaghetti? -No, thanks. I'm stuffed. 1500 01:24:49,668 --> 01:24:51,545 How about garlic bread? I made it myself. 1501 01:24:51,545 --> 01:24:54,715 Well, I didn't make it. I cooked it, you know, sliced it. 1502 01:24:54,715 --> 01:24:57,509 It's okay, Dad. Thanks. 1503 01:24:57,509 --> 01:25:00,512 You know what, the place looks great. The food's terrific. 1504 01:25:01,346 --> 01:25:04,266 I'm really proud of you. 1505 01:25:04,266 --> 01:25:06,810 - Yeah, me, too. - NATTIE: Me, too. 1506 01:25:08,895 --> 01:25:12,107 - (knock on door) - I'll be right back. 1507 01:25:18,739 --> 01:25:20,490 - Thank you for knocking. - Yeah. 1508 01:25:22,617 --> 01:25:25,996 Whoa, look at this. 1509 01:25:25,996 --> 01:25:29,207 - I see you got someone to clean for you. - No. 1510 01:25:31,543 --> 01:25:33,462 (scoffs) Hi, guys. 1511 01:25:33,462 --> 01:25:35,172 - Hi, Mom. - Mom. 1512 01:25:35,172 --> 01:25:36,590 - Are they ready? - No. 1513 01:25:36,590 --> 01:25:38,300 They haven't had their dessert yet. 1514 01:25:38,300 --> 01:25:39,801 - You cooked? - Yes. 1515 01:25:39,801 --> 01:25:41,678 I cook, I bake, I sew. 1516 01:25:41,678 --> 01:25:45,182 Thanks to this Amish home study course, I'm doing quite well. 1517 01:25:45,182 --> 01:25:48,060 - I'm very impressed. - Really? 1518 01:25:48,060 --> 01:25:49,603 Give me a second chance, okay? 1519 01:25:49,603 --> 01:25:51,938 Let me take the kids after school. 1520 01:25:51,938 --> 01:25:54,274 I can't get rid of Mrs. Doubtfire. 1521 01:25:54,274 --> 01:25:56,485 - She's terrific. - Come on, Miran. Why not? 1522 01:25:56,485 --> 01:25:58,236 She's the best thing that ever happened to us. 1523 01:25:58,236 --> 01:26:00,405 The kids are all doing better in school. 1524 01:26:00,405 --> 01:26:03,992 Chris is passing every single subject. He is. 1525 01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:07,037 I find myself getting home early just to be with them. 1526 01:26:07,037 --> 01:26:10,040 We're all doing so great. 1527 01:26:10,040 --> 01:26:12,584 Whew. Sounds like an amazing woman. 1528 01:26:12,584 --> 01:26:15,253 - Too good to be true. - She is. 1529 01:26:23,428 --> 01:26:26,556 - I kind of like the black one. - Me, too. 1530 01:26:26,556 --> 01:26:29,351 I don't know. Actually-- Mrs. Doubtfire. 1531 01:26:29,351 --> 01:26:31,812 - Yes? - We need another woman's opinion. 1532 01:26:31,812 --> 01:26:35,482 - Oh, then I'm your woman. - Which one? 1533 01:26:35,482 --> 01:26:38,026 - What's the occasion? - It's my birthday. 1534 01:26:38,026 --> 01:26:41,196 - Oh. - Stu's taking me out to dinner. 1535 01:26:41,196 --> 01:26:42,614 Oh. 1536 01:26:44,074 --> 01:26:46,243 - Neither. - Neither? 1537 01:26:46,243 --> 01:26:49,329 They're both too brazen, dear. They cry "harlot," really. 1538 01:26:49,329 --> 01:26:52,207 I mean, the red one is the traditional color for streetwalkers, dear. 1539 01:26:52,207 --> 01:26:55,419 And the black one is far too short. I hope you waxed. 1540 01:26:55,419 --> 01:26:58,130 They both say to me, "I'm easy." 1541 01:26:58,130 --> 01:27:01,216 And you don't want that, dear. You want to be Kilimanjaro on your first date-- 1542 01:27:01,216 --> 01:27:05,011 Inaccessible. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? 1543 01:27:05,011 --> 01:27:08,390 No, let's find something more your own age, all right? 1544 01:27:08,390 --> 01:27:11,143 Something a little less tawdry. 1545 01:27:11,143 --> 01:27:13,562 Oh, let's see. 1546 01:27:13,562 --> 01:27:15,730 How about this lovely frock? 1547 01:27:15,730 --> 01:27:19,401 Tasteful, elegant, don't you think? 1548 01:27:19,401 --> 01:27:23,321 And old. I wore that to my aunt's funeral in 1976. 1549 01:27:23,321 --> 01:27:25,407 Well, a classic never dies, dear. 1550 01:27:25,407 --> 01:27:27,868 - I think it's time to revive it. - Well, I should ask the kids. 1551 01:27:27,868 --> 01:27:29,995 - All right. Let's do that. - What do you think? 1552 01:27:29,995 --> 01:27:32,539 I'd go with the short black one. 1553 01:27:32,539 --> 01:27:36,918 - Yeah, it's the most fun. - There, you see? I agree. 1554 01:27:36,918 --> 01:27:39,796 Fine. I'll get the frock out of here. 1555 01:27:39,796 --> 01:27:41,590 You ask my opinion, then don't take it. 1556 01:27:41,590 --> 01:27:43,633 I will not be held responsible for your virtue. 1557 01:27:43,633 --> 01:27:45,802 Well, you'll be there to protect me. -I will? 1558 01:27:45,802 --> 01:27:47,971 Stu has invited you and the children to join us. 1559 01:27:47,971 --> 01:27:51,475 Oh, how lovely-- one big happy family. 1560 01:27:51,475 --> 01:27:54,895 I wouldn't miss that for the world. Should be smashing good fun. 1561 01:27:54,895 --> 01:27:58,857 - Oh, I'm so glad. - When does this enchanted evening take place? 1562 01:27:58,857 --> 01:28:03,153 - Friday night, 7:00. - This Friday at 7:00? 1563 01:28:03,153 --> 01:28:05,697 Yes. We're going to my favorite restaurant-- Bridges. 1564 01:28:05,697 --> 01:28:07,282 - Bridges? - (thuds) 1565 01:28:07,282 --> 01:28:10,035 Yes, Friday at 7:00. 1566 01:28:10,035 --> 01:28:11,161 Bridges. 1567 01:28:11,161 --> 01:28:14,289 - Sorry. - Yes. 1568 01:28:14,289 --> 01:28:16,291 - Bridges? - Yes, Bridges. 1569 01:28:16,291 --> 01:28:18,585 - As in the restaurant, Bridges? - Friday at 7:00. 1570 01:28:20,504 --> 01:28:21,922 - I can't. - Why not? 1571 01:28:21,922 --> 01:28:23,215 Please, don't. No. 1572 01:28:23,215 --> 01:28:24,925 - It's bingo night, dear. - Cancel it. 1573 01:28:24,925 --> 01:28:27,177 I can't. It's my turn to pull the balls at the rectory. 1574 01:28:27,177 --> 01:28:30,472 - I can't. - Mrs. Doubtfire, please join us. 1575 01:28:30,472 --> 01:28:33,099 - Don't ask me that, dear. - I can't have my birthday without you. 1576 01:28:33,099 --> 01:28:36,102 It's so important to me and the children that you be there. 1577 01:28:36,102 --> 01:28:39,314 You're part of the family now. I can't have a birthday without you. 1578 01:28:39,314 --> 01:28:42,400 It would mean so much to me and the children. Wouldn't it? 1579 01:28:42,400 --> 01:28:45,862 Please, promise you'll come with us, Mrs. Doubtfire. You just have to. 1580 01:28:48,323 --> 01:28:50,408 Who could resist that little face? 1581 01:28:52,410 --> 01:28:56,081 - I promise. - Thank you. Thank you. 1582 01:28:56,081 --> 01:28:58,458 Oh, thank you, dear. Sorry. 1583 01:28:58,458 --> 01:29:01,127 - Oh, are you all right? - I'm fine. 1584 01:29:01,127 --> 01:29:03,964 - Let's see. Nothing, nothing. - Anything in May? 1585 01:29:03,964 --> 01:29:06,508 Not a thing. Doesn't look good. 1586 01:29:08,426 --> 01:29:12,389 I'm sorry. Mr. Lundy's completely booked for the next two months. 1587 01:29:12,389 --> 01:29:14,349 Listen, I'll meet him anytime, anywhere. 1588 01:29:14,349 --> 01:29:16,393 I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. 1589 01:29:16,393 --> 01:29:19,396 Please, I can't cancel. I'd be blowing a huge opportunity. 1590 01:29:19,396 --> 01:29:22,232 Take my advice. Don't cancel. 1591 01:29:25,360 --> 01:29:26,987 Thank you. 1592 01:29:42,294 --> 01:29:44,045 MRS. DOUBTFIRE: Come along, Nattie dear. 1593 01:29:44,045 --> 01:29:46,256 Hi. Hello, hello, darling. 1594 01:29:46,256 --> 01:29:49,134 - Shouldn't you cover your shoulders, Miranda? - No, I'm fine. 1595 01:29:49,134 --> 01:29:51,761 - Good evening, Mr. Lundy. - Good evening. 1596 01:29:51,761 --> 01:29:54,389 - (normal voice) Oh, God. - MIRANDA: This is so sweet of you. 1597 01:29:54,389 --> 01:29:58,184 - Here we go. - Oh, Mrs. Doubtfire, you look wonderful. 1598 01:29:58,184 --> 01:30:00,520 - Thank you. - Absolutely wonderful. Come on. 1599 01:30:05,483 --> 01:30:07,777 - Good evening, Mr. Lundy. - I'm meeting someone. 1600 01:30:07,777 --> 01:30:10,655 - Has he arrived yet? - No, I'm sorry. 1601 01:30:10,655 --> 01:30:14,576 He hasn't arrived yet. But we can seat you. Smoking or nonsmoking? 1602 01:30:14,576 --> 01:30:17,162 - Nonsmoking, please. - Nonsmoking. 1603 01:30:17,162 --> 01:30:19,956 - Tanya will seat you. Table 15. - This way, please. 1604 01:30:22,125 --> 01:30:23,710 Uh, reservation. Dunmeyer. 1605 01:30:23,710 --> 01:30:27,339 Yes, sir. Smoking or nonsmoking? 1606 01:30:27,339 --> 01:30:29,424 - Nonsmoking. - Smoking. 1607 01:30:29,424 --> 01:30:33,136 Mrs. Doubtfire, you don't smoke. -No, I don't, but I did. 1608 01:30:33,136 --> 01:30:35,972 - Oh. - Oh, and, dear, I found the best way to keep from smoking 1609 01:30:35,972 --> 01:30:38,975 and lighting up is to be around those who do smoke. 1610 01:30:38,975 --> 01:30:41,436 I have to randomly ingest a little bit of nicotine, 1611 01:30:41,436 --> 01:30:43,730 - and it steels my wool. - Uh-huh. 1612 01:30:43,730 --> 01:30:47,275 Oh, I know you're Mr. Health. Bless you for putting yourself in harm's way. 1613 01:30:47,275 --> 01:30:51,071 - Mm. Smoking. - All right. Table 39. Table 39. 1614 01:30:51,071 --> 01:30:52,614 - Thirty-nine. My age. - Follow me, please. 1615 01:30:52,614 --> 01:30:55,241 You're a saint. 1616 01:30:55,241 --> 01:30:58,536 - Thank you very much for humoring an old lady. - Thank you. 1617 01:30:58,536 --> 01:31:00,705 Sweetie, we're going to have some food right now. 1618 01:31:08,296 --> 01:31:10,632 (normal voice) Oh, he's pissed already. -STU: Mrs. Doubtfire? 1619 01:31:10,632 --> 01:31:13,843 - What? - Would you like to join us? 1620 01:31:13,843 --> 01:31:16,388 Ooh, I thought I saw Clint Eastwood. 1621 01:31:16,388 --> 01:31:18,682 That would make my day. 1622 01:31:18,682 --> 01:31:20,934 He is such a stud-muffin. 1623 01:31:20,934 --> 01:31:23,520 Will you excuse me, dear? I have to check my wrap. 1624 01:31:23,520 --> 01:31:27,232 - I'll do it for you. Yes, yes. - Oh, no. Please, I'm fine. I'm quite capable-- 1625 01:31:27,232 --> 01:31:29,776 All right, dear. Where are you-- There you go. 1626 01:31:29,776 --> 01:31:32,487 - Oh, and your bag, too, ma'am. - All right. Drop it. 1627 01:31:33,822 --> 01:31:36,366 Oh, I'm very sorry, dear, it's my medicine. 1628 01:31:36,366 --> 01:31:40,412 I have to go take my medicine now. -We have water at the table. 1629 01:31:40,412 --> 01:31:42,497 I can't take it orally, dear. 1630 01:31:42,497 --> 01:31:44,624 Will you forgive me? I'll be right back. 1631 01:31:44,624 --> 01:31:47,502 Would you like something to drink? -Yes. A good, stiff chardonnay. 1632 01:31:48,920 --> 01:31:50,922 I like 'em light and woody. Thank you. 1633 01:31:57,178 --> 01:31:59,723 - (phone rings) - (clears throat) 1634 01:31:59,723 --> 01:32:02,600 Hello. Bridges restaurant. May I help you? 1635 01:32:02,600 --> 01:32:04,310 Yes. My name is Daniel Hillard. 1636 01:32:04,310 --> 01:32:06,813 I believe Mr. Lundy is expecting me for dinner. 1637 01:32:06,813 --> 01:32:08,398 Will you tell him that I'm running a little late? 1638 01:32:08,398 --> 01:32:10,567 I was caught in traffic, but I'm on my way. 1639 01:32:10,567 --> 01:32:13,069 I'll deliver the message personally, sir. -Thank you. 1640 01:32:16,698 --> 01:32:18,533 (exhales) 1641 01:32:20,076 --> 01:32:22,328 (gasps) Oh! 1642 01:32:22,328 --> 01:32:24,956 Oh, Stu. 1643 01:32:24,956 --> 01:32:26,166 - Wow. - I hope you like it. 1644 01:32:26,166 --> 01:32:29,419 Oh, it's gorgeous. Thank you. 1645 01:32:29,419 --> 01:32:32,547 Ooh! Did I miss anything? 1646 01:32:32,547 --> 01:32:34,632 Well, yes. Look. 1647 01:32:34,632 --> 01:32:37,302 This is the gift that Stu gave me for my birthday. 1648 01:32:37,302 --> 01:32:39,137 - Ooh! - Let's just try this. 1649 01:32:39,137 --> 01:32:41,639 - Is it gorgeous? - Is it real? 1650 01:32:41,639 --> 01:32:43,641 Do you like it? It is very real, Mrs. Doubtfire. 1651 01:32:43,641 --> 01:32:46,227 You can either wear that or feed a small country. 1652 01:32:46,227 --> 01:32:47,937 That's so nice. 1653 01:32:47,937 --> 01:32:50,940 - So decadent. - Mommy, I need to go. 1654 01:32:52,734 --> 01:32:55,653 Mrs. Doubtfire, would you take her? -No. You. 1655 01:32:55,653 --> 01:32:59,574 - She wants you, dear. - Well, I'll be right back. 1656 01:32:59,574 --> 01:33:00,617 Okay. (kissing sounds) 1657 01:33:01,701 --> 01:33:03,661 Come on, sweetie. 1658 01:33:05,830 --> 01:33:07,373 Yes, well... 1659 01:33:07,373 --> 01:33:11,211 Children, look at that lovely dessert tray over there. 1660 01:33:11,211 --> 01:33:14,881 Why don't you pick out what you'd like now so they can reserve it? 1661 01:33:14,881 --> 01:33:18,092 - All right. We'll be back. - Thank you. All right. 1662 01:33:20,178 --> 01:33:22,806 That's a pretty impressive bauble you got her. 1663 01:33:22,806 --> 01:33:25,391 Hmm? Oh, thank you. Thank you. 1664 01:33:25,391 --> 01:33:28,603 Fella gives a gift like that, he wants more than a piece of her heart, eh? 1665 01:33:30,313 --> 01:33:33,775 Bit of a going down payment, huh? -Excuse me? 1666 01:33:33,775 --> 01:33:36,611 Oh, you know, dear. Sink the sub. 1667 01:33:36,611 --> 01:33:38,947 Hide the weasel? Park the porpoise? 1668 01:33:38,947 --> 01:33:42,325 Bit of the old Humpty Dumpty? Little Jack Horny? 1669 01:33:42,325 --> 01:33:45,119 The horizontal mambo? Hmm? 1670 01:33:45,119 --> 01:33:47,247 - Mrs. Doubtfire-- - The bone dance, eh? 1671 01:33:47,247 --> 01:33:49,457 Rumple Foreskin. Baloney bop. 1672 01:33:49,457 --> 01:33:51,668 Bit of the old cunning linguistics. 1673 01:33:51,668 --> 01:33:53,336 - Hmm? - Mrs. Doubtfire, please. 1674 01:33:53,336 --> 01:33:57,090 Oh, dear, I'm sorry. Am I being a little graphic? Sorry. 1675 01:33:57,090 --> 01:34:00,468 I hope you're up for a little competition. -I beg your pardon? 1676 01:34:00,468 --> 01:34:04,514 She's got a power tool in the bedroom, dear. It's her personal jackhammer. 1677 01:34:04,514 --> 01:34:06,432 She could break sidewalk with that thing. 1678 01:34:06,432 --> 01:34:09,644 She uses it, and the lights dim. It's like a prison movie. 1679 01:34:09,644 --> 01:34:11,646 Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth. 1680 01:34:11,646 --> 01:34:14,357 Ooh. 1681 01:34:14,357 --> 01:34:17,527 I hope you bring cocktail sauce. 1682 01:34:17,527 --> 01:34:20,697 She's got the crabs, dear, and I don't mean Dungeness. 1683 01:34:20,697 --> 01:34:24,242 I'm being blunt as a spoon, aren't I? 1684 01:34:24,242 --> 01:34:27,829 Forgive me. Ohh. Mmm. 1685 01:34:32,041 --> 01:34:35,420 It's the wine. Oh, gosh. 1686 01:34:35,420 --> 01:34:38,673 Be back in a flush, all right? My tiny bladder. 1687 01:34:40,466 --> 01:34:43,136 - (sighs) - Uh, Mrs. Doubtfire? 1688 01:34:43,136 --> 01:34:46,306 - What? - You're going into the men's room. 1689 01:34:46,306 --> 01:34:49,267 No. Oh, so it is. 1690 01:34:49,267 --> 01:34:52,562 Oh, I do need new glasses, dear. Sorry. 1691 01:34:55,231 --> 01:34:56,399 Hello? 1692 01:35:26,179 --> 01:35:28,348 Aah! Geez! God. 1693 01:35:40,777 --> 01:35:43,655 - Excuse me. May I have a menu? - Of course. 1694 01:35:43,655 --> 01:35:45,323 Thank you. 1695 01:35:46,824 --> 01:35:49,160 - What's France like? - STU: France is very beautiful. 1696 01:35:52,872 --> 01:35:54,207 Thank you very much. 1697 01:35:56,334 --> 01:35:58,127 - Mr. Lundy. - Oh, hi. 1698 01:35:58,127 --> 01:35:59,837 Sorry I'm late. Did you get my message? -That's all right. 1699 01:35:59,837 --> 01:36:02,632 Yes. Sit down. How about a drink? -Hi. 1700 01:36:02,632 --> 01:36:04,842 Oh, sure. I'll have what he's having. -All righty. 1701 01:36:04,842 --> 01:36:07,220 - Double Chivas on the rocks. - WAITER: Double Chivas on the rocks. 1702 01:36:07,220 --> 01:36:10,807 - Bring him two doubles so he can catch up. - Two doubles. Be right back. 1703 01:36:10,807 --> 01:36:15,770 - Scotch drinker, huh? That's my kind of guy. - Gentlemen, start your engines. 1704 01:36:20,692 --> 01:36:22,568 Okay, everybody, are we ready to order? 1705 01:36:22,568 --> 01:36:25,571 Yes, I believe we are. Uh, children, fire away. 1706 01:36:25,571 --> 01:36:29,534 Shouldn't we wait for Mrs. Doubtfire? -Yes. 1707 01:36:32,286 --> 01:36:34,872 - LUNDY: Okay. - (both chuckling) 1708 01:36:37,583 --> 01:36:39,544 - Ahh. - Ahh. 1709 01:36:39,544 --> 01:36:42,171 - Aha! - Aha! 1710 01:36:42,171 --> 01:36:44,090 - Come on. - WAITER: How are we doing over here? Okay? 1711 01:36:44,090 --> 01:36:45,258 - No, no, no. - Oh, yes. 1712 01:36:45,258 --> 01:36:46,843 - One more for you. - One more. 1713 01:36:46,843 --> 01:36:49,804 (chuckling) Thank you. All right. 1714 01:36:49,804 --> 01:36:52,432 - (exhales) - Now... 1715 01:36:54,517 --> 01:36:57,478 what can you do to help the ratings on the kid show? 1716 01:36:57,478 --> 01:37:00,189 Bottom line, don't patronize kids, you know? 1717 01:37:00,189 --> 01:37:02,400 They're little people. You gotta personalize it. 1718 01:37:02,400 --> 01:37:04,944 Make it fun and entertaining. If it's something you'd enjoy, 1719 01:37:04,944 --> 01:37:07,280 - they'd enjoy it, hmm? - That's what I'm interested in. 1720 01:37:07,280 --> 01:37:09,157 Bingo. Hmm? 1721 01:37:09,157 --> 01:37:12,160 Well, I wonder what's happened to Mrs. Doubtfire? 1722 01:37:12,160 --> 01:37:15,413 - We could cross over to-- - Will you excuse me for a moment? 1723 01:37:15,413 --> 01:37:16,998 But-- 1724 01:37:19,042 --> 01:37:21,586 (panting) Okay. 1725 01:37:24,672 --> 01:37:26,299 Oh, come on. 1726 01:37:34,390 --> 01:37:37,393 Whoo. (sighs) 1727 01:37:48,112 --> 01:37:50,865 - May I help you, ma'am? - Yes, dear. Thank you very much. 1728 01:37:52,116 --> 01:37:54,368 - Ohh! - (gasps) 1729 01:37:54,368 --> 01:37:56,245 Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you all right? -Oh my goodness-- 1730 01:37:56,245 --> 01:37:58,581 Mrs. Doubtfire, are you all right? -It's my fault. 1731 01:37:58,581 --> 01:38:00,792 - WAITER: My fault. - STU: Are you all right? 1732 01:38:00,792 --> 01:38:04,087 - Forgive me. Excuse me. - All right. There we go. 1733 01:38:04,087 --> 01:38:06,464 Thank you. Oh, let's see here. 1734 01:38:06,464 --> 01:38:09,592 - May I take your order, ma'am? - Oh, yes. Whoo! 1735 01:38:11,594 --> 01:38:14,972 Let's see. I'll have the poached salmon. 1736 01:38:14,972 --> 01:38:17,558 - That will be lovely. - Yes, ma'am. And you, sir? 1737 01:38:17,558 --> 01:38:20,978 I'll have the jambalaya. And make mine not spicy. I'm allergic to pepper. 1738 01:38:20,978 --> 01:38:22,897 Not spicy. Certainly, sir. 1739 01:38:22,897 --> 01:38:25,483 - Thank you. Cheers. Your health. - Mmm. 1740 01:38:33,241 --> 01:38:35,827 - Oop. - (giggles) 1741 01:38:35,827 --> 01:38:39,914 Oh, my God. So sorry about that. 1742 01:38:41,249 --> 01:38:43,584 Just one moment. Carpe dentum. 1743 01:38:43,584 --> 01:38:45,419 - Seize the teeth. - Let me assist you. 1744 01:38:45,419 --> 01:38:47,922 Oh, dear. A spoon. Oh. How clever. -A spoon. 1745 01:38:47,922 --> 01:38:50,133 - Wait. I've got it. - Here we go. 1746 01:38:50,133 --> 01:38:52,552 Wait, I've got-- There, there, dear. Make a pincer. 1747 01:38:52,552 --> 01:38:54,387 - Come at it from both sides. - There you go, darling. 1748 01:38:54,387 --> 01:38:56,597 That's it. There we go. Very good. -Oh, oh! 1749 01:38:56,597 --> 01:38:59,433 Oh, thank you. There it is. 1750 01:38:59,433 --> 01:39:02,395 Ohh, just shake them off like a dog. 1751 01:39:02,395 --> 01:39:05,189 Sorry. Oh, forgive me. 1752 01:39:05,189 --> 01:39:08,109 - It's all right. - Sorry about my spray. 1753 01:39:08,109 --> 01:39:10,820 I'll be right back. 1754 01:39:10,820 --> 01:39:13,156 (lisping) I just have to reattach them with a little adhesive. 1755 01:39:13,156 --> 01:39:17,118 - Yes. And tell him to puree the salmon, if you would please. - Puree the salmon. 1756 01:39:17,118 --> 01:39:19,370 Thank you. Sorry about that. 1757 01:39:26,252 --> 01:39:28,129 Oh. That one. 1758 01:39:33,092 --> 01:39:36,971 Ooh, I didn't know there was someone else in here. Sorry. 1759 01:39:42,602 --> 01:39:45,563 (zipper zipping) Oh, damn it! Oh, there it is. 1760 01:39:45,563 --> 01:39:48,524 Oh! (zipper zips) 1761 01:39:48,524 --> 01:39:50,651 Excuse me. 1762 01:39:57,783 --> 01:39:59,410 CHRIS: I heard the food's really good in France. 1763 01:39:59,410 --> 01:40:01,996 They have bread this big. 1764 01:40:01,996 --> 01:40:03,873 (grunts) 1765 01:40:10,463 --> 01:40:13,883 Mmm. Where the hell have you been? 1766 01:40:13,883 --> 01:40:16,594 I took the liberty of ordering you another scotch. 1767 01:40:16,594 --> 01:40:19,764 - Bully! - Ah! Drink up. 1768 01:40:19,764 --> 01:40:22,058 Mmm. 1769 01:40:22,058 --> 01:40:24,393 (sniffs) Daniel? 1770 01:40:24,393 --> 01:40:28,564 - Hmm? - Are you wearing ladies perfume? 1771 01:40:28,564 --> 01:40:30,942 (sniffs) 1772 01:40:30,942 --> 01:40:32,610 Yes, I am. 1773 01:40:35,446 --> 01:40:37,323 Are you wearing lipstick? 1774 01:40:40,117 --> 01:40:41,619 Yeah. 1775 01:40:42,662 --> 01:40:45,039 Why? 1776 01:40:45,039 --> 01:40:48,376 - Rubbed off. - From whom? 1777 01:40:50,086 --> 01:40:52,922 Girl I used to date. She's a waitress. 1778 01:40:52,922 --> 01:40:55,341 - Waitress? Here? - Oh, yeah. 1779 01:40:55,341 --> 01:40:57,343 On the way to the bathroom. 1780 01:40:58,886 --> 01:41:00,513 Couldn't keep her hands off me. 1781 01:41:00,513 --> 01:41:03,933 (chortles) You dog. 1782 01:41:03,933 --> 01:41:07,061 You old scalawag. 1783 01:41:07,061 --> 01:41:09,146 Hey, hey. 1784 01:41:09,146 --> 01:41:12,233 - I got the stretch outside. - Oh. 1785 01:41:12,233 --> 01:41:15,111 Does your girlfriend have a girlfriend? -Hey, it's the '90s. 1786 01:41:15,111 --> 01:41:17,113 No, no. I mean... 1787 01:41:17,113 --> 01:41:20,491 does she have a lady friend for me? 1788 01:41:20,491 --> 01:41:22,868 - Go ahead. Ask her. - I'll go ask her. 1789 01:41:22,868 --> 01:41:25,746 Go ahead. Come on. Go get 'em. 1790 01:41:27,665 --> 01:41:29,625 Whew. 1791 01:41:33,087 --> 01:41:35,548 - Hey, Dan. Dan! - Yeah? 1792 01:41:35,548 --> 01:41:37,466 Hey, I need my orders for table 39. 1793 01:41:37,466 --> 01:41:41,387 Relax. They'll be out in a minute. -Thank you. Great. Geez. 1794 01:41:44,223 --> 01:41:47,977 (chuckles) Thirty-nine. 1795 01:42:00,531 --> 01:42:01,949 (speaks Italian) Thirty-nine! 1796 01:42:03,492 --> 01:42:05,995 Twenty-six, 17. Let's get these orders out. 1797 01:42:19,258 --> 01:42:20,634 Hot jambalaya! 1798 01:42:24,805 --> 01:42:26,140 Yes. 1799 01:42:27,058 --> 01:42:29,143 Yes. 1800 01:42:32,313 --> 01:42:34,982 - Can I help you, ma'am? - (normal voice) Oh, Sorry I'm late. 1801 01:42:34,982 --> 01:42:38,277 But after all those scotches, I had to piss like a racehorse. 1802 01:42:38,277 --> 01:42:39,653 Mmm. 1803 01:42:41,405 --> 01:42:44,367 - Daniel? - Yeah? 1804 01:42:44,367 --> 01:42:48,079 Why in God's name are you dressed like a woman? 1805 01:42:53,292 --> 01:42:56,837 (quietly) Oh, damn. I-- 1806 01:43:01,967 --> 01:43:03,094 Well... 1807 01:43:06,555 --> 01:43:09,975 I'd like you to meet the host of your new show. 1808 01:43:09,975 --> 01:43:11,894 Host? 1809 01:43:11,894 --> 01:43:14,563 (feminine voice) Euphegenia Doubtfire, dear. 1810 01:43:14,563 --> 01:43:18,609 I specialize in the education and entertainment of children. 1811 01:43:20,820 --> 01:43:23,280 (normal voice) Surprise. (laughs) 1812 01:43:26,450 --> 01:43:29,662 Oh, thank you very much. This looks terrific, eh? 1813 01:43:29,662 --> 01:43:33,374 - Where's Mrs. Doubtfire? - Well, I hope the dear lady's all right. 1814 01:43:33,374 --> 01:43:35,793 - Shall we start? - Yes. Yes, let's start. 1815 01:43:35,793 --> 01:43:38,379 I don't want it to get cold. Go ahead. -Bon appétit. 1816 01:43:40,131 --> 01:43:43,426 All right, tell me. Why would Mrs. Doubtfire be a good host? 1817 01:43:43,426 --> 01:43:46,887 I'm a hip old granny who could hip-hop, bebop, 1818 01:43:46,887 --> 01:43:51,225 dance till you drop, and yo, yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa. 1819 01:43:58,357 --> 01:44:01,235 (coughing) 1820 01:44:05,531 --> 01:44:07,867 - Stu? - (coughing, choking) 1821 01:44:07,867 --> 01:44:11,245 Stu. Oh, he's choking. 1822 01:44:11,245 --> 01:44:13,956 He's choking! He's choking! Somebody, help! 1823 01:44:13,956 --> 01:44:15,458 - We need a doctor. - Somebody's choking. 1824 01:44:15,458 --> 01:44:18,669 He's choking! Help us! Oh, God. 1825 01:44:18,669 --> 01:44:21,714 - He's choking here! Call 9-1-1. - Oh, no. I killed the bastard. 1826 01:44:21,714 --> 01:44:24,300 He's choking! Mrs. Doubtfire! Help us, he's choking. 1827 01:44:24,300 --> 01:44:28,012 - Help is on the way, dear! - Mrs. Doubtfire! 1828 01:44:28,012 --> 01:44:31,307 - Help is on the way! - Mrs. Doubtfire! Mrs. Doubtfire, he's choking! 1829 01:44:31,307 --> 01:44:33,601 Hold on, dear. Let me get the stuff free. 1830 01:44:33,601 --> 01:44:37,980 (grunting) One more time, dear. 1831 01:44:37,980 --> 01:44:42,359 Oh, no. Work with me. Come on! Come on! 1832 01:44:42,359 --> 01:44:44,278 - (Mrs. Doubtfire grunting) - Oh, my God. 1833 01:44:46,780 --> 01:44:50,034 Here! Come on! (grunts) 1834 01:44:50,034 --> 01:44:52,328 (grunts, yells) 1835 01:44:57,917 --> 01:45:01,670 (gasps) I'm okay. I'm okay. 1836 01:45:03,297 --> 01:45:04,632 (normal voice) You all right there? -Yes. 1837 01:45:04,632 --> 01:45:05,883 Almost lost you. 1838 01:45:11,764 --> 01:45:13,307 Oh, Dad. 1839 01:45:13,307 --> 01:45:15,392 Oh, my... 1840 01:45:17,520 --> 01:45:19,063 Daddy? 1841 01:45:24,401 --> 01:45:26,779 Yeah, honey. It's me. 1842 01:45:26,779 --> 01:45:29,865 - (screams) - Happy birthday. 1843 01:45:31,200 --> 01:45:35,996 (cries out) Daniel? Daniel. 1844 01:45:35,996 --> 01:45:38,499 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 1845 01:45:38,499 --> 01:45:41,043 Oh, my God. The whole time-- 1846 01:45:41,043 --> 01:45:43,629 The whole time you were-- the whole time? 1847 01:45:43,629 --> 01:45:46,507 - Oh, I'm sorry, Miranda. Please. - Don't talk to me! 1848 01:45:46,507 --> 01:45:50,010 Don't touch me! Don't touch me. I have to go. 1849 01:45:50,010 --> 01:45:52,221 We have to leave now. I have to leave. 1850 01:45:52,221 --> 01:45:54,723 We have to leave now. I have to go. We're going. 1851 01:45:57,810 --> 01:46:00,354 - You guys go. - I'm sorry, Dad. 1852 01:46:00,354 --> 01:46:02,356 Bye. 1853 01:46:04,692 --> 01:46:07,027 Sorry about the pepper. (mumbles) 1854 01:46:07,027 --> 01:46:10,489 - Yeah. - Okay. (clears throat) 1855 01:46:10,489 --> 01:46:12,032 (clears throat) 1856 01:46:18,038 --> 01:46:20,165 What are you looking at? Show's over. 1857 01:46:26,380 --> 01:46:29,800 JUDGE: Uh, Miss Robeson, do you have any closing remarks? 1858 01:46:29,800 --> 01:46:33,387 Nothing further, Your Honor. 1859 01:46:33,387 --> 01:46:35,055 Well, Mr. Hillard, 1860 01:46:35,055 --> 01:46:38,434 since you've determined to act as your own attorney, 1861 01:46:38,434 --> 01:46:40,811 you are entitled to make a closing statement at this time. 1862 01:46:44,189 --> 01:46:45,733 (clears throat) 1863 01:46:51,864 --> 01:46:53,657 Your Honor, in the past two months, 1864 01:46:53,657 --> 01:46:55,492 I have secured a residence, 1865 01:46:55,492 --> 01:46:57,411 I've refurbished that residence 1866 01:46:57,411 --> 01:46:59,747 and made it an environment fit for children. 1867 01:46:59,747 --> 01:47:01,498 Those are your words. 1868 01:47:01,498 --> 01:47:03,834 I'm also holding a job as a shipping clerk. 1869 01:47:03,834 --> 01:47:07,838 So I believe I met your requirements ahead of schedule. 1870 01:47:10,090 --> 01:47:12,468 In regards to my behavior, 1871 01:47:12,468 --> 01:47:15,220 I can only plead insanity, 1872 01:47:15,220 --> 01:47:17,723 because ever since my children were born, 1873 01:47:17,723 --> 01:47:20,267 the moment I looked at them, I was crazy about them. 1874 01:47:20,267 --> 01:47:23,270 And once I held them, I was hooked. 1875 01:47:24,897 --> 01:47:26,940 I'm addicted to my children, sir. 1876 01:47:26,940 --> 01:47:29,735 I love them with all my heart, 1877 01:47:29,735 --> 01:47:32,029 and the idea of someone telling me I can't be with them, 1878 01:47:32,029 --> 01:47:35,032 I can't see them every day... 1879 01:47:35,032 --> 01:47:37,910 it's like someone saying I-I can't have air. 1880 01:47:37,910 --> 01:47:41,538 I can't live without air, and I can't live without them. 1881 01:47:41,538 --> 01:47:44,541 Listen, I would do anything. I just want to be with them. 1882 01:47:44,541 --> 01:47:46,126 You know, I need that, sir. 1883 01:47:47,670 --> 01:47:49,296 We have a history. 1884 01:47:51,215 --> 01:47:53,884 And I just-- They mean everything to me. 1885 01:47:53,884 --> 01:47:55,803 And they need me as much as I need them. 1886 01:47:58,931 --> 01:48:02,059 So please, don't take my kids away from me. 1887 01:48:08,482 --> 01:48:09,650 Thank you. 1888 01:48:19,868 --> 01:48:24,498 Mr. Hillard, you've been able to fool a lot of people 1889 01:48:24,498 --> 01:48:27,626 into believing that you're a 60-year-old woman. 1890 01:48:27,626 --> 01:48:30,295 No easy task. 1891 01:48:30,295 --> 01:48:34,174 And your little speech seemed to be... 1892 01:48:34,174 --> 01:48:36,969 very heartfelt and genuine. 1893 01:48:39,054 --> 01:48:41,515 But I believe it to be 1894 01:48:41,515 --> 01:48:44,852 a terrific performance by a very gifted actor. 1895 01:48:44,852 --> 01:48:47,521 - Nothing more. - No, it's not that. 1896 01:48:47,521 --> 01:48:49,314 The reality, Mr. Hillard, 1897 01:48:49,314 --> 01:48:52,568 is that your lifestyle over the past months 1898 01:48:52,568 --> 01:48:54,820 has been very unorthodox. 1899 01:48:54,820 --> 01:48:58,991 And I refuse to further subject three innocent children 1900 01:48:58,991 --> 01:49:03,120 to your peculiar and potentially harmful behavior. 1901 01:49:03,120 --> 01:49:07,166 It is this court's decision to award full custody to Mrs. Hillard. 1902 01:49:07,166 --> 01:49:12,212 - Oh, God. No, sir. Please. - You will have supervised visitation every Saturday. 1903 01:49:12,212 --> 01:49:15,674 - Supervised, sir? - Yes. A court liaison will accompany you 1904 01:49:15,674 --> 01:49:17,468 when you spend time with the children. 1905 01:49:17,468 --> 01:49:21,388 I am suggesting a period of psychological testing, 1906 01:49:21,388 --> 01:49:23,682 and perhaps treatment for you, Mr. Hillard. 1907 01:49:23,682 --> 01:49:28,312 We will reexamine this case one year from now. 1908 01:49:28,312 --> 01:49:30,773 - Thank you. Court is adjourned. - (gavel bangs) 1909 01:49:45,204 --> 01:49:48,582 I don't do laundry. I don't do windows. I don't do carpets. 1910 01:49:48,582 --> 01:49:52,377 I don't do bathtubs. I don't do toilets. And I don't do diapers. 1911 01:49:52,377 --> 01:49:55,297 Well, my children have been potty-trained for quite some time. 1912 01:49:55,297 --> 01:49:58,258 Hmm, well, I don't do washing. I don't do basements. 1913 01:49:58,258 --> 01:50:01,720 I don't do dinners. I don't do reading. 1914 01:50:02,721 --> 01:50:06,183 Ah. Yes. 1915 01:50:06,183 --> 01:50:09,269 Well, we have your number. Thank you so much for coming. 1916 01:50:09,269 --> 01:50:11,730 - We'll be getting back to you. - Thank you. 1917 01:50:11,730 --> 01:50:13,065 I'll show you to the door. 1918 01:50:16,860 --> 01:50:21,156 - Yes. Here we are. Please. - (door unlocks, closes) 1919 01:50:24,952 --> 01:50:28,455 - Laura, that shipment has been delayed three times. - Well... 1920 01:50:28,455 --> 01:50:32,668 Yes, but-- Laura, I'm not going to wait another six months for it. 1921 01:50:32,668 --> 01:50:34,628 - Okay, I'll try the number. - You do that. 1922 01:50:34,628 --> 01:50:36,296 - Call me back. - (telephone beeps) 1923 01:50:38,507 --> 01:50:41,510 Oh, guys, please don't be so depressed. 1924 01:50:41,510 --> 01:50:43,303 Everything's gonna be all right. 1925 01:50:43,303 --> 01:50:47,099 - I miss her spaghetti. - I miss her jokes. 1926 01:50:47,099 --> 01:50:49,518 I miss her stories. 1927 01:50:49,518 --> 01:50:52,271 Don't worry. We will find someone. 1928 01:50:52,271 --> 01:50:55,732 There are plenty of people out there. -Nobody like her. 1929 01:50:58,026 --> 01:51:02,698 All right, I admit, things were a lot nicer when she was around. 1930 01:51:02,698 --> 01:51:05,409 The house was so warm and cozy, and... 1931 01:51:05,409 --> 01:51:09,371 the beds were always made and the dinner was-- She isn't real. 1932 01:51:09,371 --> 01:51:13,208 We have to stop referring to her as if she were a real person. 1933 01:51:13,208 --> 01:51:15,669 MRS. DOUBTFIRE: Hello, my dears! 1934 01:51:17,087 --> 01:51:19,965 We have a wonderful show today. 1935 01:51:19,965 --> 01:51:23,176 We have Mr. Van Zandt from the Sierra Club, 1936 01:51:23,176 --> 01:51:27,472 and he's going to bring some animals that are endangered species. 1937 01:51:27,472 --> 01:51:29,600 Do you know what that means, poppets? -Wait a minute. 1938 01:51:29,600 --> 01:51:32,185 - Did you say "puppet"? - Oh, no, dear. 1939 01:51:32,185 --> 01:51:35,480 Oh, it's Kovacs. Welcome, Kovacs. -Hi, guys. 1940 01:51:35,480 --> 01:51:38,734 Did you say "extinction"? Did you smell something? Something stinks? 1941 01:51:38,734 --> 01:51:41,361 I'm not talking about something smelling bad. I'm talking about extinction. 1942 01:51:41,361 --> 01:51:44,406 That means when there's no more of a particular animal. 1943 01:51:44,406 --> 01:51:47,034 - Oh, my gosh. - Doesn't that make you a little mad? 1944 01:51:47,034 --> 01:51:49,244 - It makes me very mad. - Well, tell people about it. 1945 01:51:49,244 --> 01:51:51,705 I'm mad. You know why? Because next it's the chimps. 1946 01:51:51,705 --> 01:51:54,499 That's right. There are fewer chimps in the world than there used to be. 1947 01:51:54,499 --> 01:51:58,086 Doesn't it make you mad that humans are playing your parts in movies? 1948 01:51:58,086 --> 01:52:00,297 Ooh, Cheetah, Planet of the Apes. -Right. 1949 01:52:00,297 --> 01:52:02,716 Who gets his role? Roddy McDowell. 1950 01:52:02,716 --> 01:52:04,801 - I'd do better than that. - Ooh! 1951 01:52:04,801 --> 01:52:07,638 I'd do better than Charlton Heston. -And your rug is better, too. 1952 01:52:07,638 --> 01:52:11,516 - Ooh, much better. - You could fly to Persia on that rug. 1953 01:52:11,516 --> 01:52:15,437 - But, you know, boys and girls, that's all-- - What the-- (laughing) 1954 01:52:25,030 --> 01:52:26,949 Shall we tell them where we're going tomorrow, Kovacs? 1955 01:52:26,949 --> 01:52:29,576 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They want to know. -Tomorrow, poppets, 1956 01:52:29,576 --> 01:52:31,411 we're taking a wonderful trip, 1957 01:52:31,411 --> 01:52:33,121 but you don't have to pack your bags 1958 01:52:33,121 --> 01:52:35,248 because we're going in our mind. -That's right. 1959 01:52:35,248 --> 01:52:40,420 We're going across the Atlantic Ocean to England where I came from. 1960 01:52:40,420 --> 01:52:43,340 - You came from England, huh? - I did, dear. It's a wonderful country. 1961 01:52:43,340 --> 01:52:45,842 - Do you know about England? - I know that it's an island. 1962 01:52:45,842 --> 01:52:48,178 It's a island, dear, and a glorious one. -Mm-hmm. 1963 01:52:48,178 --> 01:52:51,765 - Because they have a queen and they have a royal family. - And a lot of-- Ooh. 1964 01:52:51,765 --> 01:52:54,351 - Oh, just like a poker game. - It's a full house. 1965 01:52:54,351 --> 01:52:56,019 Couple of the cards aren't living at home anymore. 1966 01:52:56,019 --> 01:52:57,521 Not anymore, dear. Thanks to mobile phones. 1967 01:52:57,521 --> 01:52:59,523 - No, no. - Oh. 1968 01:52:59,523 --> 01:53:03,193 - Do you know what language they speak in England? - Pakistani. 1969 01:53:03,193 --> 01:53:06,071 Oh, that's right, Kovacs, in many stores they do, 1970 01:53:06,071 --> 01:53:08,782 but we'll get into that tomorrow, boys and girls. 1971 01:53:08,782 --> 01:53:10,617 You owe me a kiss, Kovacs. 1972 01:53:10,617 --> 01:53:12,494 - I'm going to give you two. - All right, dear. 1973 01:53:12,494 --> 01:53:14,413 - Here's one on the cheek. - All right, mm. 1974 01:53:14,413 --> 01:53:16,248 - And here's a monkey bite! - (screams) 1975 01:53:16,248 --> 01:53:19,960 Oh! Oh, you wicked, wicked monkey! Oh! 1976 01:53:19,960 --> 01:53:24,131 Well, that's all for today. Bye-bye. 1977 01:53:24,131 --> 01:53:26,591 MAN: Cut. 1978 01:53:26,591 --> 01:53:28,719 That's a wrap, folks. Thank you very much. 1979 01:53:28,719 --> 01:53:31,805 - That was terrific. - That was good. 1980 01:53:33,890 --> 01:53:37,269 We're a smash. Number one in our time slot. 1981 01:53:37,269 --> 01:53:39,646 - Yeah? - Yes. Calls from Detroit, 1982 01:53:39,646 --> 01:53:42,190 Cleveland, Chicago, Los Angeles-- -Ooh. 1983 01:53:42,190 --> 01:53:45,152 - All with offers to syndicate. - Hollywood. 1984 01:53:45,152 --> 01:53:47,154 - Whoo! - Daniel? Daniel? 1985 01:53:47,154 --> 01:53:50,032 Yes? Miranda. 1986 01:53:50,032 --> 01:53:52,367 Could I talk to you? 1987 01:53:54,828 --> 01:53:57,914 Yeah. I'll be right out. Just wait here. 1988 01:54:20,896 --> 01:54:23,857 Welcome to Euphegenia's house. 1989 01:54:23,857 --> 01:54:26,485 A little drafty, but, you know, it's nice. 1990 01:54:30,072 --> 01:54:31,907 What can I do for you? 1991 01:54:33,700 --> 01:54:36,411 Well, first of all, congratulations on the show. 1992 01:54:36,411 --> 01:54:39,664 Well, thanks. You got to see the dress rehearsal, you know. 1993 01:54:39,664 --> 01:54:41,625 We've-- 1994 01:54:41,625 --> 01:54:45,921 the kids-- we've been watching every day. 1995 01:54:48,131 --> 01:54:50,217 Well, it's nice to know they can see me every day. 1996 01:54:54,262 --> 01:54:56,640 Look, Daniel, I know it's going to take a long time 1997 01:54:56,640 --> 01:54:58,475 to get over all the fights 1998 01:54:58,475 --> 01:55:00,811 and all the horrible things we said to each other. 1999 01:55:02,646 --> 01:55:06,650 It's, uh, it's so hard. 2000 01:55:06,650 --> 01:55:09,986 But I know somehow, you and I will be all right. We'll get through this. 2001 01:55:13,782 --> 01:55:16,743 But the kids-- I-I-- 2002 01:55:18,829 --> 01:55:20,831 I don't want to hurt our children. 2003 01:55:23,500 --> 01:55:25,794 So what do you want me to do? 2004 01:55:25,794 --> 01:55:29,673 You want me to pretend like everything's all right? Put on a happy face, smile? 2005 01:55:31,758 --> 01:55:33,969 Jesus, Miranda. You took my children away from me. 2006 01:55:35,554 --> 01:55:37,556 I can only see them now with supervision-- 2007 01:55:37,556 --> 01:55:39,933 some woman who comes and watches me with the kids, 2008 01:55:39,933 --> 01:55:41,476 like I'm some sort of deviant. 2009 01:55:41,476 --> 01:55:43,645 If I try to hug 'em, she wonders why. 2010 01:55:43,645 --> 01:55:45,313 You know what that's like? 2011 01:55:45,313 --> 01:55:47,691 You just sat there in that courtroom. You knew the truth. 2012 01:55:47,691 --> 01:55:50,777 You didn't say a word, and you let that judge pass that despicable sentence. 2013 01:55:50,777 --> 01:55:53,947 I was angry. Look, you hurt me, too. -(scoffs) 2014 01:55:53,947 --> 01:55:57,450 - You ripped my heart out. You come back to do it again? - You know what? 2015 01:55:57,450 --> 01:55:59,327 - What? - I don't want to do this anymore. 2016 01:55:59,327 --> 01:56:01,663 I don't want to do any more "Who did what to whom?" 2017 01:56:05,959 --> 01:56:09,045 Ever since this happened, I've been trying to make sense out of it, 2018 01:56:09,045 --> 01:56:11,256 and the only thing I know to be true in my heart 2019 01:56:11,256 --> 01:56:13,341 is the children were happier 2020 01:56:13,341 --> 01:56:15,719 when Mrs. Doubtfire was part of their lives. 2021 01:56:15,719 --> 01:56:17,137 Oh. Yeah. 2022 01:56:18,972 --> 01:56:22,350 She... she brought out the best in them. 2023 01:56:23,727 --> 01:56:27,480 She brought out the best in you. -And you. 2024 01:56:27,480 --> 01:56:29,024 Yeah. 2025 01:56:32,611 --> 01:56:34,237 They miss her terribly. 2026 01:56:37,240 --> 01:56:41,119 - What are you saying? - Daniel, the kids need you. 2027 01:56:49,419 --> 01:56:51,046 I need them. 2028 01:56:58,345 --> 01:57:02,140 Well, tomorrow, we'll have Frank, who is a makeup artist-- 2029 01:57:02,140 --> 01:57:05,477 - (knock) - Oh, a big knock at the door. 2030 01:57:05,477 --> 01:57:08,313 Who could that be, and do we have enough time? 2031 01:57:09,606 --> 01:57:12,275 Mr. Sprinkles, boys and girls. 2032 01:57:12,275 --> 01:57:14,903 Hello, Mr. Sprinkles. What do you have for me today? 2033 01:57:14,903 --> 01:57:18,073 - Mrs. "Doubtflyer," I've got a letter from Katie... - (doorbell rings) 2034 01:57:20,242 --> 01:57:21,618 It's the new babysitter. 2035 01:57:23,662 --> 01:57:25,789 Come on, guys. Come on. Get up. Let's go. 2036 01:57:27,916 --> 01:57:29,417 Come on. 2037 01:57:31,086 --> 01:57:35,048 It's gonna be all right. Chris, wait right over there. 2038 01:57:35,048 --> 01:57:36,299 Everybody... 2039 01:57:47,519 --> 01:57:49,104 Daddy. 2040 01:57:51,523 --> 01:57:55,151 - Hi. - What's going on? 2041 01:57:56,403 --> 01:57:58,238 I'm here to pick you up. 2042 01:57:58,238 --> 01:58:00,865 Your dad's going to take you for a few hours 2043 01:58:00,865 --> 01:58:04,077 - every day after school. - Really? 2044 01:58:05,453 --> 01:58:08,123 What about the courts? That legal stuff? 2045 01:58:08,123 --> 01:58:12,002 - Ask your mom. - I took care of it. 2046 01:58:12,002 --> 01:58:16,006 No more supervised visits. No more court liaison. 2047 01:58:16,006 --> 01:58:18,800 - Just us? - Just us. 2048 01:58:23,888 --> 01:58:25,724 (chuckles) 2049 01:58:30,312 --> 01:58:32,522 Go get Mr. Bear. 2050 01:58:32,522 --> 01:58:35,150 - Go get your stuff. Hurry up. - All right. 2051 01:58:40,238 --> 01:58:44,159 - Would you like to come in? - I'll wait outside. 2052 01:58:44,159 --> 01:58:45,327 Okay. 2053 01:58:48,246 --> 01:58:49,748 Thank you. 2054 01:58:55,754 --> 01:58:57,172 I'll see you. 2055 01:59:02,177 --> 01:59:04,304 (feminine voice) "Dear Mrs. Doubtfire, 2056 01:59:04,304 --> 01:59:07,891 two months ago, my mom and dad decided to separate. 2057 01:59:07,891 --> 01:59:10,185 Now they live in different houses. 2058 01:59:10,185 --> 01:59:13,480 My brother Andrew says that we aren't a real family anymore. 2059 01:59:13,480 --> 01:59:17,442 Is this true? Did I lose my family? 2060 01:59:17,442 --> 01:59:20,445 Is there anything I could do to get my parents back together? 2061 01:59:22,030 --> 01:59:24,032 Sincerely, Katie McCormick." 2062 01:59:26,659 --> 01:59:28,328 Oh, my dear Katie. 2063 01:59:30,372 --> 01:59:32,832 You know, some parents, when they're angry, 2064 01:59:32,832 --> 01:59:36,211 they get along much better when they don't live together. 2065 01:59:36,211 --> 01:59:39,881 They don't fight all the time and they can become better people, 2066 01:59:39,881 --> 01:59:43,051 and much better mommies and daddies for you. 2067 01:59:43,051 --> 01:59:45,553 And sometimes they get back together. 2068 01:59:47,180 --> 01:59:49,391 And sometimes they don't, dear. 2069 01:59:49,391 --> 01:59:53,186 And if they don't, don't blame yourself. 2070 01:59:54,646 --> 01:59:56,815 Just because they don't love each other anymore, 2071 01:59:56,815 --> 01:59:59,192 doesn't mean that they don't love you. 2072 02:00:01,277 --> 02:00:04,614 There are all sorts of different families, Katie. 2073 02:00:04,614 --> 02:00:06,908 Some families have one mommy. 2074 02:00:06,908 --> 02:00:11,079 Some families have one daddy or-or two families. 2075 02:00:11,079 --> 02:00:14,082 And some children live with their uncle or aunt. 2076 02:00:14,082 --> 02:00:18,628 Some live with their grandparents, or some children live with foster parents. 2077 02:00:18,628 --> 02:00:22,257 And some live in separate homes in separate neighborhoods 2078 02:00:22,257 --> 02:00:24,217 in different areas of the country. 2079 02:00:24,217 --> 02:00:28,721 And they may not see each other for days, weeks, months, 2080 02:00:28,721 --> 02:00:30,515 or even years at a time. 2081 02:00:31,558 --> 02:00:33,268 But if there's love, dear... 2082 02:00:35,103 --> 02:00:37,230 those are the ties that bind. 2083 02:00:38,690 --> 02:00:41,943 And you'll have a family in your heart forever. 2084 02:00:43,945 --> 02:00:46,448 All my love to you, poppet. 2085 02:00:46,448 --> 02:00:48,408 You're going to be all right. 2086 02:00:51,035 --> 02:00:52,412 Bye-bye. 2087 02:01:01,254 --> 02:01:04,591 (music playing)