1 00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:05,951 Get your bag off the table. People eat there. 2 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,519 They eat on plates. 3 00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:10,695 Don't give me any crap, Maizy. 4 00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,436 I'm telling. You said "crap." 5 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,264 There's nothing wrong with crap. 6 00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:16,658 Oh, really? I thought that was a swear. 7 00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:18,268 No. You're thinking of shit. 8 00:02:18,312 --> 00:02:19,400 Oh, right. 9 00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,579 Do you mind? 10 00:02:24,622 --> 00:02:26,189 A sixth grader chased me on his bike, 11 00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:27,930 and I was running. 12 00:02:27,973 --> 00:02:31,281 When I got exhausted and fell down, he whaled me with his shoe. 13 00:02:31,325 --> 00:02:33,022 Thank your parents for that. 14 00:02:33,065 --> 00:02:35,764 How come? It was their brilliant idea to move here. 15 00:02:35,807 --> 00:02:38,245 They weren't making enough cash in Indianapolis. 16 00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:40,682 Forget that we were perfectly happy. 17 00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:42,640 So thank them for getting treated like shit every day. 18 00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:44,642 I'm telling on that one. 19 00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,166 Shut your face. 20 00:02:51,693 --> 00:02:53,695 Your book bag doesn't go on the floor. 21 00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:55,523 Always have a cow. 22 00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,396 Your nails are digging to my arm, God damn it! 23 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,919 Pick it up. 24 00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:05,010 You're just supposed to open the door for us. 25 00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,795 You're not supposed to kick us around. 26 00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:09,189 I'm an American, I have rights. 27 00:03:09,232 --> 00:03:10,799 Maizy, did I kick you around? 28 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:13,323 No, but you said "shit" twice. 29 00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,499 But only once for real. 30 00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:19,199 I've got better things to do than babysit you, you little stain. 31 00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:22,245 Like what? Hang out with friends you don't have? 32 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,508 Why don't you just shut up? 33 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,816 Want to make me? 34 00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:31,689 When our mother figure isn't here, I'm in charge. 35 00:03:32,951 --> 00:03:34,344 I'm sick of you calling her that! 36 00:03:34,388 --> 00:03:35,911 Too bad. 37 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,002 You moron! 38 00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:41,960 I don't know why we need boys at all. 39 00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:43,310 They're so loud. 40 00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,398 Shut up! 41 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:46,138 Shut up yourself! 42 00:03:46,182 --> 00:03:49,446 We need boys so they can grow up, 43 00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,796 get married, and turn into shadows. 44 00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:56,148 Let the dog out. 45 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,150 Percy! 46 00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:14,036 This is such a wonderful dinner, Mother. 47 00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:16,038 How do you find the time? 48 00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:20,608 Miles. 49 00:04:22,087 --> 00:04:24,655 Maizy, put that down. 50 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,788 Did you win in hockey yesterday? 51 00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:27,963 Hockey's been over for two weeks. 52 00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:36,885 I guess you don't want a hockey stick for your birthday. 53 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:46,286 You know what? 54 00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:51,203 When Dad goes to New York, I'm going to take a week off work. 55 00:04:51,247 --> 00:04:52,944 So you can interview new housekeepers? 56 00:04:54,119 --> 00:04:56,774 I've had enough of your ugliness. 57 00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:58,036 Oh, really? Mmm-hmm. 58 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,258 We're all just a little tired of the act. 59 00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,797 This was a really good idea. 60 00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:21,059 Thank you. 61 00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,105 How's that pie? 62 00:05:23,148 --> 00:05:24,193 Not bad. 63 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,023 You gonna be at work in the morning? 64 00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,679 I don't see how I can avoid it. 65 00:05:31,722 --> 00:05:34,246 You don't seem very happy about it. 66 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:36,858 All right, if you gotta know, 67 00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:39,339 I'm really not that excited about working for my girlfriend. 68 00:05:39,382 --> 00:05:42,254 There. I said it. It's out of the way. 69 00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:45,170 Okay, okay. Buck, I love you. I can't help myself. 70 00:05:45,214 --> 00:05:46,694 I wanna get married, I wanna have a family. 71 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:48,391 I wanna do it with you. 72 00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:50,654 Well, you know, the clock is ticking away here. 73 00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:54,266 I would just like to hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet before I die. 74 00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:57,008 I'll get you a mouse and a piece of sheet metal. 75 00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,490 Come on. Lighten up, will you? 76 00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:02,405 Don't push my button. I'm not gonna get into this. 77 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,015 I'm not pushing your buttons. 78 00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:06,496 I know me, I know what I like. 79 00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:10,587 All right? I like my friends. I like my freedom. 80 00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:13,024 I like knowing I can throw my sticks in the trunk of my car 81 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:15,505 and go golfing anytime I want. 82 00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:18,073 I don't hurt anybody. I don't see what the problem is. 83 00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:21,424 That's the best formula for loneliness I ever heard. 84 00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:22,947 Why are we arguing? 85 00:06:22,991 --> 00:06:24,558 We're talking. 86 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,734 I said I'd be at work in the morning. I'll be there. 87 00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,214 Okay. 88 00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:35,395 I... I just gotta get this out. 89 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:38,441 I mean, I know I'm harping on something here, but, you know, 90 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,138 just let me say it. I mean, you know, I am... 91 00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:41,966 I'm working on history. I'm working on the past. 92 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:45,535 You're gonna show up for work, you swear to God? In the A.M.? Promise? 93 00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:47,537 Chanice, I'll be honest with you, 94 00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:50,061 if I could think of an excuse that you would buy, 95 00:06:50,105 --> 00:06:51,149 I'd use it. 96 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,946 [RINGING] 97 00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,601 Hello. 98 00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:13,607 Oh, God. 99 00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:14,869 What? 100 00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:16,653 Just a second. 101 00:07:16,697 --> 00:07:18,873 It's your aunt. What happened? 102 00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,702 Your Dad had a heart attack. 103 00:07:26,228 --> 00:07:28,273 Who's going to watch the kids? 104 00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:32,277 Marcie. She's right across the street. 105 00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:34,889 She's the last person I'd ask for a favor. 106 00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:38,849 What about the Nevilles? 107 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,550 Would you call them? 108 00:07:43,593 --> 00:07:45,900 I want to leave as soon as we can. 109 00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:50,513 I am so helpless here. 110 00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:54,169 Honey, now, don't start getting down on why we moved. 111 00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,519 It has nothing to do with what happened. 112 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:57,477 Sorry. 113 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,743 Now, this is just a thought. 114 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,309 What about Buck? 115 00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:07,356 I'm sure he'd be glad to help out. 116 00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,532 This is not the time to discuss your brother. 117 00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,795 I don't want him here. 118 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:13,623 It's just a suggestion. 119 00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:16,626 He doesn't have kids. He isn't married. He doesn't even work! 120 00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:23,459 He's a little out there, but he's responsible, and he's family. 121 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:28,682 Buck isn't the kind of guy I feel comfortable leaving my kids with. 122 00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,945 The trashy people he hangs out with. 123 00:08:30,988 --> 00:08:34,252 That woman who sells tires. 124 00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:36,994 The horse racing. The gambling. 125 00:08:37,038 --> 00:08:39,040 Can you see him in this house? 126 00:08:39,083 --> 00:08:40,128 Okay. 127 00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,525 Call the Nevilles. 128 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,661 Are we going to Indianapolis? 129 00:08:53,141 --> 00:08:54,272 Daddy and I are. 130 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,884 And we're not? 131 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,365 No. I don't think that would be a good idea. 132 00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:04,282 Thanks. 133 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,199 I love my father very much. 134 00:09:08,243 --> 00:09:09,810 So why did you move away from him? 135 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,250 If my whole family moved away from me, 136 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:16,860 I'd have a heart attack, too. 137 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,086 Oh, I see. 138 00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:28,916 Who gonna take care of us? 139 00:09:28,959 --> 00:09:30,482 Mr. and Mrs. Neville. 140 00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:32,963 Is that a joke? You don't like the Nevilles? 141 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:34,878 Their dog's a ball sniffer. 142 00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:36,619 Don't talk like that. 143 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,752 Mr. Neville yelled at Michael Larson 144 00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:40,884 because the dog was sniffing Michael's balls. 145 00:09:40,928 --> 00:09:42,016 Don't use that word. 146 00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:43,583 I don't know another word. 147 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,802 Well, I'm sure we can talk to Mr. Neville about the dog. 148 00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:48,326 Sorry, honey. They're in Florida. 149 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:54,724 Okay. You get in bed. You have to get up for school. 150 00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:56,857 Who's in Florida? 151 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,467 Get back in bed. 152 00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:00,208 What's another word for "balls"? 153 00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,166 Get in bed. 154 00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:06,257 "Nuts." 155 00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:12,046 What do we do? 156 00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:13,569 I don't think we have much choice. 157 00:10:15,876 --> 00:10:16,964 Can we trust him? 158 00:10:20,141 --> 00:10:21,751 Yeah? 159 00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,361 Buck, this is Bob. 160 00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:24,232 Bob. 161 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:26,626 Bob who? 162 00:10:29,063 --> 00:10:30,673 Buck, it's your brother. 163 00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:34,155 Bobby. 164 00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:36,157 Bobby, hang on a minute. 165 00:10:39,116 --> 00:10:40,248 [BUCK COUGHING] 166 00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:58,048 [ALARMS BLARING] 167 00:10:58,092 --> 00:11:00,137 Bobby, I just used your Christmas present. 168 00:11:00,181 --> 00:11:02,226 Oh, the clapper. 169 00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:04,272 Bobby, you little piss ant, how you doing? 170 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,710 Jeez. What are you, drunk? 171 00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:13,063 Hey, you know something? We gotta get together. 172 00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:15,892 I haven't been over to your house since you moved. 173 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:19,243 Hey... I'm real sorry about those bushes too. 174 00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:23,204 I had no idea they would all catch on fire like that. 175 00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:26,511 You know, you were right. I should never have put the barbecue that close. 176 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:30,341 Buck, Cindy's father had a heart attack tonight. 177 00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:33,040 We'd like to get down to Indianapolis as soon as possible, 178 00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:35,651 but we have a problem with the kids. 179 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,306 We're stuck for somebody to watch them. 180 00:11:38,349 --> 00:11:40,134 If you're not doing anything... 181 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:42,963 Is this okay with Cindy? This has got her approval on it? 182 00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:45,748 Oh, yeah. 183 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:49,404 That would be great! I'd be honored! Sure! 184 00:11:49,447 --> 00:11:52,624 I've still got the one bedroom, you know, I'm gonna get a bigger place, 185 00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:54,670 but they bring their sleeping bags over here, 186 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,107 we'll have some fun. We'll make tents and stuff. 187 00:11:57,151 --> 00:12:00,067 We'll get some toys and some peanut butter. 188 00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,938 I thought you could come here. 189 00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:03,679 The kids have school. 190 00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,899 What am I thinking about? Sure. 191 00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:07,988 Do we wanna do this tonight or in the morning? 192 00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:09,990 Tonight would be best, I mean, if you could do it. 193 00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,556 Yeah. Tonight will be fine. 194 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,124 That'll be fine. Don't worry about it. 195 00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:16,083 I'll pack a few things. I'm on my way. 196 00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,562 Thanks. See you soon. 197 00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,958 He can do it. 198 00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,700 He was asleep, and I woke him up. 199 00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:28,225 At this hour, that's a good sign. 200 00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:30,401 We're all set. 201 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,672 Okay. This, this, this. 202 00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:47,157 Bag, bag, bag. 203 00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:48,245 Okay. 204 00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:50,682 This one will do. This... 205 00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,170 [RINGING] 206 00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:03,652 Hello. 207 00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,219 Chanice? Honey? 208 00:13:06,742 --> 00:13:08,396 Honey, I have some bad news. 209 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:11,442 Let me guess. 210 00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:13,183 You are not coming in to work in the morning. 211 00:13:16,883 --> 00:13:18,014 Just let... 212 00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:19,189 Let... 213 00:13:20,103 --> 00:13:21,235 No, but... 214 00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:22,323 You don't... 215 00:13:22,366 --> 00:13:23,803 Would you just... Let me... 216 00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:25,543 Give me... 217 00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:29,417 You're not... 218 00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:30,853 Give me a... 219 00:13:31,723 --> 00:13:32,768 Goodbye. 220 00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:39,209 Oh, boy. Those kids. I haven't seen those kids in a while. 221 00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,386 Tia's got to be nine. 222 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:46,521 Nine, maybe ten. Oh, boy. 223 00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:48,262 And the two new ones, they're... 224 00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:51,352 Larry and... 225 00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:54,572 Larry and... 226 00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:57,837 Betsy. 227 00:13:57,880 --> 00:13:59,360 Betsy... 228 00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:02,798 Jennifer. Jennifer. 229 00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:04,669 Larry and Jennifer. 230 00:14:04,713 --> 00:14:06,062 Nice kids. 231 00:14:11,676 --> 00:14:13,809 Honey, he's 40 years old. 232 00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:16,246 He knows his way around. 233 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:20,468 Look, why don't you go finish packing, and I'll watch out for Buck? 234 00:14:43,099 --> 00:14:44,579 What the hell? 235 00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:46,842 Where is everybody? 236 00:14:55,459 --> 00:14:56,547 Bob! 237 00:14:58,027 --> 00:14:59,115 Bob? 238 00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:04,164 This isn't funny! Come on! Wake up! 239 00:15:04,207 --> 00:15:05,948 I'm freezing my ass off out here! 240 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,689 Oh, shit. 241 00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:10,039 Come on, I'm getting mad, Bob. 242 00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,043 Yo, Bobby! 243 00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,610 Buck? Bob? 244 00:15:15,653 --> 00:15:17,090 Buck! Bob? 245 00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:18,526 Buck! Bob? 246 00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:19,657 Over here! 247 00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:23,923 [DOGS BARKING] 248 00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:31,843 You have any idea how many big white houses there are on this street? 249 00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:34,803 What? 250 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,065 Keep it down. 251 00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:39,373 What? What do you want me to do with my car? 252 00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:40,765 MAN: For crying out loud! 253 00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,377 Sorry, Mr. Hatfield! 254 00:15:43,420 --> 00:15:44,900 It's 2:00 a.m.! 255 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,946 How you doing? 256 00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:49,339 Hey, sorry I'm late. Oh, no, hey, come in. 257 00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:50,732 What happened to the mustache? Thanks for coming. 258 00:15:52,125 --> 00:15:53,648 Had to shave it off. How's Cindy? 259 00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:54,910 Not well. Not well. 260 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,999 Her dad? Hard to say. 261 00:15:57,043 --> 00:15:58,783 All those medical terms, huh? What is it, an infarction or something like that? 262 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:10,099 Hey, I stopped smoking cigarettes. 263 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:12,754 Oh, good. Isn't that something? 264 00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:16,236 I'm on to cigars now. I'm onto a five-year plan. 265 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:18,716 I eliminated the cigarettes, then I go to cigars, then I go to pipes, 266 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,763 then to chewing tobacco, then I'm onto that nicotine gum. 267 00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:23,808 Good. 268 00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:25,723 Yeah. 269 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:29,379 Money. I'll leave you blank checks. 270 00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,207 No, please. I've got lots of money. 271 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,428 No! No, please. 272 00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:35,820 No. Look, I've got the money. 273 00:16:35,864 --> 00:16:37,692 Please, I'd like to do this, all right? 274 00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:38,867 So... No. 275 00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:40,390 No, come on, will you? Please...Okay. 276 00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:42,044 I'll pay you back when we get home. 277 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:49,051 I won't have any problems cashing 278 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,836 a second-party out-of-state paycheck, will I? 279 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,404 The reason I'm saying is, I've been so busy lately, 280 00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:56,624 I haven't been able to do my banking. 281 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,060 I don't think there will be a problem. Don't worry about it. 282 00:16:58,104 --> 00:16:59,496 Let me just leave you the checks. 283 00:16:59,540 --> 00:17:01,368 Well, only if it's comfortable for you. 284 00:17:01,411 --> 00:17:02,238 That'll be easier. 285 00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,023 I guess, sure. 286 00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:07,983 Do you have a plunger here? While I'm thinking of these things. 287 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:10,594 For the morning, you know? My plumbing is just so bad. 288 00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:12,466 Of course, yours is good plumbing here, right? 289 00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:14,642 Yeah. I would imagine... Don't worry about it. 290 00:17:14,685 --> 00:17:16,470 You know, everything will be fine. 291 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:19,081 Just been bound up lately. It's driving me crazy. 292 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,475 I've been eating a lot of cheese, for some reason. 293 00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:23,999 I don't know what it is, I've got a craving for the stuff. 294 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,088 Think maybe that's an allergy or something? 295 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,611 Yeah. 296 00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:29,570 I don't know. I can't get enough cheese. 297 00:17:29,613 --> 00:17:31,311 I feel like a big mouse. 298 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,315 I don't know. Ah, well. Ah, well. 299 00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:36,838 Let's see... 300 00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:40,102 Oh, Miles' birthday. 301 00:17:40,146 --> 00:17:42,496 Forget that. We'll be back by that time. 302 00:17:42,539 --> 00:17:44,150 Okay, then. 303 00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:46,500 This should do. I probably won't use any of them. 304 00:17:46,543 --> 00:17:47,892 Just in case. 305 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,721 Right.Great. Okay. 306 00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:01,732 Here we go. I know I've forgotten something. 307 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:03,299 Just put...What else? What else? 308 00:18:03,343 --> 00:18:04,648 Right up. There you go. All right? 309 00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:06,781 Okay. That looks nice. 310 00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:09,000 Here. Give me your arm. There you go. 311 00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:10,480 This should only be a few days, 312 00:18:10,524 --> 00:18:11,873 and I promise I'll call you tomorrow. 313 00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:13,570 BOB: You got all the phone numbers, right? Yeah. 314 00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,181 Okay. Well, we're off. 315 00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:16,443 All right, you take care of yourself.Thanks a lot, Buck. 316 00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:18,097 Okay. All right. We really appreciate it. 317 00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:19,446 Thanks. Thanks. All right. 318 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:20,751 Thank you. 319 00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,579 Say hi to your dad for me. You can do it. 320 00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,233 Drive safe, all right? Okay, now. 321 00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:25,800 Okay. 322 00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:36,506 [WHISTLES] 323 00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:51,739 Boy, that's for sure. 324 00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:07,885 Unbreakable. 325 00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:15,763 Shit. 326 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:22,509 It's 7:02 in the A.M., you're listening to W-I-don't-have -to-go-to-work-today, 327 00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:24,119 brought to you by Kobolowski Tires. 328 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,556 For the best in tires, see Chanice Kobolowski. 329 00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,604 [UPBEAT SONG PLAYING] 330 00:19:37,001 --> 00:19:38,829 [SINGING ALONG] 331 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:58,980 Tia! 332 00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:04,203 You remember me? 333 00:20:08,729 --> 00:20:09,947 Uncle Buck. 334 00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,254 The Uncle Buck. 335 00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:22,830 Coffee drinker, huh? 336 00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:39,803 Hungry? 337 00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:42,153 No. Oh, come on, sure you are. 338 00:20:42,197 --> 00:20:44,286 Everybody loves breakfast. 339 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,854 You've got to have a good breakfast, start the day off right. 340 00:20:47,507 --> 00:20:48,508 Mmm. 341 00:20:51,815 --> 00:20:53,861 So where are the other ones? 342 00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:54,905 Other ones what? 343 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:56,907 The other kids. 344 00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:59,301 They have names. 345 00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:00,824 Miles and Maizy. 346 00:21:02,565 --> 00:21:04,306 Are Miles and Maizy up yet? 347 00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:05,133 I woke them, thank you. 348 00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:12,271 There you go. Are you deaf? 349 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:14,577 I said I wasn't hungry. That's one of my specialties. 350 00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:22,019 I'd rather starve, thank you. 351 00:21:22,063 --> 00:21:24,631 Does your mom know you drink coffee? 352 00:21:24,674 --> 00:21:26,850 I'm not doing it to impress you. 353 00:21:27,547 --> 00:21:29,157 I appreciate that. 354 00:21:31,768 --> 00:21:33,814 Is there any particular reason why you're giving me such a hard time? 355 00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:38,079 Am I giving you a hard time? 356 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,082 Well, I don't know. 357 00:21:42,344 --> 00:21:43,867 Hey! How you doing? 358 00:21:43,911 --> 00:21:45,521 Who are you? 359 00:21:45,565 --> 00:21:47,567 I'm your Uncle Buck. 360 00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:48,742 Do I have an uncle? 361 00:21:48,785 --> 00:21:50,134 Unfortunately. 362 00:21:51,484 --> 00:21:53,355 Holy smokes. 363 00:21:53,399 --> 00:21:55,009 He's cooking our garbage. 364 00:22:01,842 --> 00:22:04,366 Hey, where's your sister... 365 00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:06,629 Her name is Maizy... Maizy. 366 00:22:06,673 --> 00:22:08,370 ...for the second time. 367 00:22:09,023 --> 00:22:09,980 Sorry. 368 00:22:12,679 --> 00:22:14,115 You must be hungry. 369 00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:16,596 Just for you. 370 00:22:17,597 --> 00:22:19,076 Oh, my God. 371 00:22:20,251 --> 00:22:22,079 He put onions in the eggs. 372 00:22:22,123 --> 00:22:24,343 I'll gonna go check on Maizy. 373 00:22:24,386 --> 00:22:26,475 I'll fix you some cereal when I get back. 374 00:22:43,536 --> 00:22:44,493 Can I ask you something? 375 00:22:44,537 --> 00:22:45,668 What? 376 00:22:47,235 --> 00:22:48,889 Is your sister always this pleasant? 377 00:22:48,932 --> 00:22:51,674 No. She's usually in a bad mood in the morning. 378 00:22:54,460 --> 00:22:55,809 Ow! 379 00:22:55,852 --> 00:22:57,376 Do you want knots in your hair? 380 00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:59,073 Ow! Cut it out. 381 00:22:59,116 --> 00:23:00,509 I want Mom to do it. 382 00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:02,032 Mom's not here. 383 00:23:02,076 --> 00:23:03,991 She is too. No, she's not. 384 00:23:04,034 --> 00:23:05,514 She and Dad went to Indianapolis. 385 00:23:05,558 --> 00:23:07,386 They did not. 386 00:23:07,429 --> 00:23:08,474 Okay, they didn't. 387 00:23:08,517 --> 00:23:09,823 They did? 388 00:23:09,866 --> 00:23:12,652 Yes. I'm taking care of you. 389 00:23:12,695 --> 00:23:14,393 But you can't drive? 390 00:23:17,047 --> 00:23:18,832 Where do you live?The city. 391 00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:19,789 Do you have a house? Apartment. 392 00:23:19,833 --> 00:23:20,964 Own or rent? Rent. 393 00:23:21,008 --> 00:23:22,923 What do you do?Lots of things. 394 00:23:22,966 --> 00:23:24,359 Where's your office? I don't have one. 395 00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:25,752 How come? I don't need one. 396 00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:26,970 Where's your wife?Don't have one. 397 00:23:27,014 --> 00:23:28,537 How come? It's a long story. 398 00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:30,060 Do you have kids? No, I don't. 399 00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:31,671 How come? It's an even longer story. 400 00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:33,107 Are you my dad's brother? 401 00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:34,717 What's your record for consecutive questions asked? 402 00:23:34,761 --> 00:23:36,066 38. 403 00:23:36,110 --> 00:23:37,372 I'm your dad's brother all right. 404 00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:39,679 You have more hair on your nose than Dad. 405 00:23:39,722 --> 00:23:40,810 Nice of you to notice. 406 00:23:40,854 --> 00:23:41,768 I'm a kid. That's my job. 407 00:24:16,498 --> 00:24:18,718 That's my car. That isn't my car. 408 00:24:32,601 --> 00:24:33,602 [SCREAMING] 409 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:41,523 Tying your shoe? 410 00:24:47,747 --> 00:24:50,532 What time do you want me to pick you up after school? 411 00:24:50,576 --> 00:24:52,403 Don't bother. I'll get a ride with friends. 412 00:24:52,447 --> 00:24:55,711 No. I've got my orders. What time? 413 00:24:55,755 --> 00:25:00,237 Are you really this stupid? I said I would get a ride. I always get a ride. 414 00:25:00,281 --> 00:25:03,545 I'll just call the school, find out what time, and I'll meet you right here. 415 00:25:03,589 --> 00:25:06,722 Go ahead. Call the school. I won't be here. 416 00:25:06,766 --> 00:25:10,378 Stand me up today, and tomorrow 417 00:25:10,421 --> 00:25:14,077 I'll drive you to school in my robe and pajamas and walk you to your first class. 418 00:25:15,209 --> 00:25:16,384 4:00, okay? 419 00:25:17,733 --> 00:25:20,997 I'm stunned that I'm related to you. 420 00:25:21,041 --> 00:25:23,217 You get the pole out of your keister, we'll get along just fine. 421 00:25:26,699 --> 00:25:29,136 Did you ever have anyone embarrass you like this? 422 00:25:38,624 --> 00:25:39,407 No. 423 00:25:57,381 --> 00:25:58,426 You think she hates me? 424 00:25:58,469 --> 00:25:59,862 With a passion. 425 00:25:59,906 --> 00:26:01,951 Really. You think it's the hat? 426 00:26:01,995 --> 00:26:04,127 No. No? 427 00:26:04,171 --> 00:26:05,564 A lot of people hate this hat. 428 00:26:05,607 --> 00:26:08,915 It angers a lot of people, just the sight of it. 429 00:26:08,958 --> 00:26:11,526 I'll tell you a story about that on the way to school. 430 00:26:16,836 --> 00:26:19,752 Uh-huh. Yeah, right. Listen, Buck. For eight years, 431 00:26:19,795 --> 00:26:22,668 you have been making plans and breaking plans. 432 00:26:22,711 --> 00:26:24,974 What are you talking about, hon? 433 00:26:25,018 --> 00:26:28,761 Didn't we talk last night? Didn't we talk last night about this? 434 00:26:28,804 --> 00:26:29,936 What did we talk about? 435 00:26:29,979 --> 00:26:31,546 Me playing the father. 436 00:26:32,765 --> 00:26:34,462 I'm glad that you can do it for your brother. 437 00:26:34,505 --> 00:26:35,811 You sure as hell can't do it for me. 438 00:26:36,812 --> 00:26:38,466 How could I do it for you, hon? 439 00:26:38,509 --> 00:26:41,034 We don't have kids. What are you talking about? 440 00:26:41,077 --> 00:26:44,864 Buck, I know you think the job is pointless, 441 00:26:44,907 --> 00:26:46,909 and in some way, I'm trying to manipulate you, 442 00:26:46,953 --> 00:26:48,694 and control you and ruin your life. 443 00:26:49,390 --> 00:26:50,434 No. 444 00:26:51,566 --> 00:26:53,046 Look, I have to fill the position. 445 00:26:53,089 --> 00:26:54,569 It's important to the company, 446 00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,179 it's important to me. I'm swamped down here. 447 00:26:56,223 --> 00:26:57,833 Now, unless you tell me different, 448 00:26:57,877 --> 00:26:59,922 I'm offering the job to somebody else. 449 00:26:59,966 --> 00:27:02,446 Why don't you give me a week to think about it. 450 00:27:02,490 --> 00:27:04,884 You know, 'cause I don't know how long I'm gonna be here, hon. 451 00:27:04,927 --> 00:27:09,932 And, you know, if during that week you see somebody in there 452 00:27:09,976 --> 00:27:13,675 that's gonna fill the bill, hire him, part-time basis or whatever. 453 00:27:13,719 --> 00:27:16,765 And that way, you know, I'll make up my mind, 454 00:27:16,809 --> 00:27:19,028 and you know, we'll see where we are at that point. 455 00:27:19,072 --> 00:27:20,639 Okay. Well, I have to go! 456 00:27:21,204 --> 00:27:22,728 Bye-bye, hon. 457 00:27:34,217 --> 00:27:36,263 Eight. Eight more. Come on. 458 00:27:36,306 --> 00:27:38,961 Work it. Get the circulation going. 459 00:27:39,005 --> 00:27:40,441 Come on. Step it up. 460 00:27:41,529 --> 00:27:43,574 Isn't peace wonderful? 461 00:27:43,618 --> 00:27:46,229 Mikhail Gorbachev, the most improbable 462 00:27:46,273 --> 00:27:48,710 evil emperor in captivity, 463 00:27:48,754 --> 00:27:51,844 captivates Manhattan, wows the UN, 464 00:27:51,887 --> 00:27:55,586 by announcing a unilateral cut in the Soviet military, 465 00:27:55,630 --> 00:27:59,286 smiles and waves with erstwhile cold warriors 466 00:27:59,329 --> 00:28:00,809 Ronald Reagan... 467 00:28:03,029 --> 00:28:04,334 [WHINES] 468 00:28:12,778 --> 00:28:15,519 The stock market has its best week since July. 469 00:28:16,782 --> 00:28:17,913 Take that Karl Marx. 470 00:28:18,392 --> 00:28:19,785 [SNORING] 471 00:28:48,944 --> 00:28:51,120 Would you like to talk about a possible lunch trade? 472 00:29:40,779 --> 00:29:42,258 Cover your ears. 473 00:29:42,302 --> 00:29:43,390 What? Just do it. 474 00:29:43,433 --> 00:29:44,391 [CAR BACKFIRES] 475 00:29:50,789 --> 00:29:53,661 Do you know how whipped an engine has to be to blow that loud? 476 00:30:02,278 --> 00:30:03,584 Call me. 477 00:30:05,673 --> 00:30:07,196 You ever hear of a tune-up? 478 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:08,676 [CHUCKLING] 479 00:30:08,719 --> 00:30:10,634 [LAUGHS MOCKINGLY] 480 00:30:10,678 --> 00:30:12,375 You ever hear of a ritual killing? 481 00:30:12,419 --> 00:30:13,942 [CONTINUES MOCKING] 482 00:30:15,422 --> 00:30:17,206 I don't get it. 483 00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:18,860 You gnaw on her face in public like that again, and you'll be one. 484 00:30:23,909 --> 00:30:25,127 Hey! 485 00:30:31,307 --> 00:30:33,179 Are you crazy? I can be. 486 00:30:33,222 --> 00:30:34,745 You could have taken his head off! 487 00:30:34,789 --> 00:30:36,356 Yeah, but would he notice? 488 00:30:36,399 --> 00:30:38,619 Can we get something straight? 489 00:30:38,662 --> 00:30:40,882 The guy's a predator, and you're his prey. 490 00:30:40,926 --> 00:30:42,928 Oh, really. You bet. 491 00:30:42,971 --> 00:30:44,581 And how do you know? 492 00:30:44,625 --> 00:30:46,757 When I was his age, I was the guy zooming the girls like you. 493 00:30:48,237 --> 00:30:50,587 Pretty face, big chip on your shoulder. 494 00:30:50,631 --> 00:30:52,720 I recommend that you stay out of my personal life. 495 00:30:54,591 --> 00:30:56,376 Do your parents stay out of your personal life? 496 00:30:56,419 --> 00:30:58,595 They don't know my personal life. 497 00:31:00,467 --> 00:31:01,642 Have they met twiddle dink? 498 00:31:03,339 --> 00:31:04,688 His name is Bug. [SCOFFS] 499 00:31:06,516 --> 00:31:08,605 First or last? 500 00:31:08,649 --> 00:31:10,999 First. What's his last name, Spray? 501 00:31:14,829 --> 00:31:17,484 You should talk, Buck. 502 00:31:35,763 --> 00:31:36,851 No. 503 00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:37,983 No. N-O. 504 00:31:39,332 --> 00:31:40,899 Don't look at me like that. 505 00:31:42,074 --> 00:31:43,292 Don't. 506 00:31:44,380 --> 00:31:45,512 That's not fair. 507 00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:53,912 Don't you have a favorite doll or something? 508 00:31:55,739 --> 00:31:57,045 Why don't we get one of your dolls 509 00:31:57,089 --> 00:31:58,351 and put your dad's pajamas on him? 510 00:31:58,394 --> 00:31:59,439 No. 511 00:32:06,489 --> 00:32:08,665 Your brother! What about your brother? 512 00:32:10,189 --> 00:32:12,495 How about the dog? You know the dog. 513 00:32:18,371 --> 00:32:19,894 You can't. You just can't. 514 00:32:22,070 --> 00:32:25,682 It's a new law. That's it. It's in the books. 515 00:32:28,250 --> 00:32:29,817 You don't want to sleep with me. 516 00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:31,340 [PHONE RINGING] 517 00:32:31,384 --> 00:32:32,820 Can somebody get that, please? 518 00:32:35,823 --> 00:32:37,912 Do I have to do everything around here? 519 00:32:43,265 --> 00:32:44,658 MILES: Yo. 520 00:32:44,701 --> 00:32:46,573 CINDY: Hi, sweetie. How are you? 521 00:32:46,616 --> 00:32:48,836 Fine. I'm earning my keep. 522 00:32:48,879 --> 00:32:51,143 Uncle Buck's got me busting my hump. 523 00:32:51,186 --> 00:32:54,146 He says a little hard work will put hair on my chest. 524 00:32:54,189 --> 00:32:55,408 At least I'm learning a trade. 525 00:32:55,451 --> 00:32:57,758 That's good. 526 00:32:57,801 --> 00:32:59,934 Grandpa's feeling a little bit better. 527 00:32:59,978 --> 00:33:02,981 And he sent you big hugs and kisses. 528 00:33:03,024 --> 00:33:03,982 Tell him to hang in there. 529 00:33:05,635 --> 00:33:07,115 Can you get Uncle Buck? 530 00:33:07,159 --> 00:33:08,334 Will do, chickie. 531 00:33:10,075 --> 00:33:11,337 Mom. 532 00:33:11,380 --> 00:33:13,252 Hi. 533 00:33:13,295 --> 00:33:15,689 Next time you take off, why don't you hire a murderer to watch the house? 534 00:33:17,082 --> 00:33:19,040 This guy's a joke. 535 00:33:19,084 --> 00:33:22,217 Well, why don't you just go your way and let him go his. 536 00:33:23,653 --> 00:33:26,004 While he systematically dismantles my life. 537 00:33:26,047 --> 00:33:29,224 Another drawback is I'm a big drooler. 538 00:33:29,268 --> 00:33:30,747 You could wake up in the middle of the night 539 00:33:30,791 --> 00:33:32,314 thinking you were asleep in a swamp. 540 00:33:32,358 --> 00:33:33,837 Mom's on the phone. 541 00:33:33,881 --> 00:33:35,926 Oh, good. I'll be right there. 542 00:33:35,970 --> 00:33:38,146 The guy took off and left Miles and Maizy alone. 543 00:33:40,235 --> 00:33:43,456 Plus...he drinks. 544 00:33:43,499 --> 00:33:45,284 Did you brush your teeth? 545 00:33:45,327 --> 00:33:47,329 Yeah. You can feel my toothbrush. 546 00:33:47,373 --> 00:33:50,811 I have a friend who works at the crime lab at the police station. 547 00:33:50,854 --> 00:33:52,639 I could give him your toothbrush 548 00:33:52,682 --> 00:33:55,642 and he could run a test on it to see if you actually brushed your teeth 549 00:33:55,685 --> 00:33:58,340 or just ran your toothbrush under the faucet. 550 00:34:06,609 --> 00:34:10,265 If that's true, we're gonna really have to start brushing our teeth. 551 00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:13,616 Hi. How are you? 552 00:34:13,660 --> 00:34:15,096 CINDY: I'm okay. How's everything? 553 00:34:15,140 --> 00:34:16,576 Good. Good. 554 00:34:17,142 --> 00:34:18,665 You sure? 555 00:34:18,708 --> 00:34:20,928 Everything is fine here. Everything is fine. 556 00:34:21,581 --> 00:34:23,104 Kids are okay? 557 00:34:23,148 --> 00:34:25,759 Kids are great! We're having a great time together. 558 00:34:25,802 --> 00:34:27,500 How's your dad? 559 00:34:27,543 --> 00:34:30,111 He's okay. He's okay. He's getting better. Thanks. 560 00:34:30,155 --> 00:34:32,418 Good. Well, that's good news. That's encouraging. 561 00:34:32,461 --> 00:34:34,072 I've got a real good feeling about this. He's gonna be fine. 562 00:34:35,247 --> 00:34:37,597 I've got a few questions for you. 563 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,121 You know, you got an interesting set of plates in the living room there. 564 00:34:40,165 --> 00:34:41,253 Are they old? 565 00:34:41,296 --> 00:34:42,341 Yeah. 566 00:34:42,384 --> 00:34:43,385 They are. 567 00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:47,041 Where would you find something like that? 568 00:34:47,085 --> 00:34:49,217 In an antique shop downtown or something? 569 00:34:51,350 --> 00:34:52,960 In England. 570 00:34:53,003 --> 00:34:54,004 [WHISTLES] Everything else seems... 571 00:35:00,141 --> 00:35:02,926 How many times a day do you feed a dog like that? 572 00:35:02,970 --> 00:35:06,539 How many times a day do you think he eats? 573 00:35:07,235 --> 00:35:09,368 Four or five. 574 00:35:09,411 --> 00:35:11,196 I should have told you that he eats once. He eats once a day. 575 00:35:12,197 --> 00:35:13,372 Just once. 576 00:35:14,982 --> 00:35:17,376 What does he like to drink? Water? 577 00:35:17,419 --> 00:35:19,508 Yes. He drinks water. 578 00:35:19,552 --> 00:35:21,206 I'd keep some water out. 579 00:35:21,249 --> 00:35:22,990 I've been leaving the toilet seats up. 580 00:35:24,209 --> 00:35:26,341 Yeah. 581 00:35:26,385 --> 00:35:28,300 Is that what the blue water is? It's not good for him. 582 00:35:28,343 --> 00:35:30,606 [GROANS] Oh, God. 583 00:35:30,650 --> 00:35:32,260 That might account for something. 584 00:35:32,869 --> 00:35:34,262 Nothing. 585 00:35:34,306 --> 00:35:38,266 Just an odd coloration out on the grass. 586 00:35:39,224 --> 00:35:40,660 Buck, um... 587 00:35:43,097 --> 00:35:46,622 I just want you to know it makes me feel very secure to know that you're there. 588 00:35:50,409 --> 00:35:51,584 [CRYING] Thank you very much. 589 00:35:51,627 --> 00:35:52,889 Okay. Bye-bye. 590 00:36:00,201 --> 00:36:01,246 Bob! 591 00:36:02,072 --> 00:36:03,161 Bob! 592 00:37:27,332 --> 00:37:28,115 [SIGHS] 593 00:37:36,471 --> 00:37:37,907 Cindy. 594 00:37:47,874 --> 00:37:49,223 Come on. Open up. 595 00:37:51,660 --> 00:37:52,879 Hello. 596 00:38:01,496 --> 00:38:02,889 BUCK: I'm getting mad. 597 00:38:02,932 --> 00:38:04,325 All right. 598 00:38:04,369 --> 00:38:06,371 Get ready. Here I come. 599 00:38:06,414 --> 00:38:07,894 Come on. 600 00:38:07,937 --> 00:38:09,330 What? Do I have to talk dirty to you? 601 00:38:09,374 --> 00:38:10,592 Come on, open up for daddy. 602 00:38:13,116 --> 00:38:15,205 There we go. Come on. Nice and easy. 603 00:38:17,991 --> 00:38:19,427 Come on, there we go. Ah! Take that! 604 00:38:19,471 --> 00:38:21,429 Take that! Come on! You don't want the crowbar, do you? 605 00:38:21,473 --> 00:38:22,474 Come on! 606 00:38:23,823 --> 00:38:25,433 Open up! 607 00:38:25,477 --> 00:38:27,348 Come on! 608 00:38:27,392 --> 00:38:29,568 I'm going to shove my load into you whether you like it or not. 609 00:38:29,611 --> 00:38:30,395 Come on! [GROANS] 610 00:38:31,613 --> 00:38:32,962 Come on, you son of a bitch. 611 00:38:33,528 --> 00:38:34,529 Open up. 612 00:38:37,576 --> 00:38:38,707 Okay. [SIGHS] 613 00:38:48,674 --> 00:38:49,718 [SCREAMING] 614 00:38:54,723 --> 00:38:56,072 Freeze! What? 615 00:38:56,116 --> 00:38:58,161 Who are you? Cindy! 616 00:38:58,205 --> 00:38:59,511 She's in Indianapolis. 617 00:38:59,554 --> 00:39:01,774 What's she doing in Indianapolis? 618 00:39:01,817 --> 00:39:03,645 Her father had a heart attack. 619 00:39:03,689 --> 00:39:06,605 Who are you? And how do you know her father had a heart attack? 620 00:39:06,648 --> 00:39:08,084 I'm her brother-in-law. 621 00:39:08,128 --> 00:39:10,130 Oh, yeah! Who you talking dirty to? 622 00:39:13,438 --> 00:39:15,309 The washing machine. 623 00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:16,876 I... I don't know how to work it, 624 00:39:16,919 --> 00:39:18,660 so I was kicking it and swearing at it, 625 00:39:18,704 --> 00:39:21,010 you know, which is not an uncommon thing to do. 626 00:39:21,837 --> 00:39:23,317 And you thought that... 627 00:39:23,361 --> 00:39:24,797 [CHUCKLING] Oh, jeez... 628 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:26,276 I apologize. 629 00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:27,190 Okay. 630 00:39:29,541 --> 00:39:31,151 Boy! That's funny. 631 00:39:33,632 --> 00:39:35,764 I live across the street. 632 00:39:35,808 --> 00:39:36,852 My name is Marcie. 633 00:39:37,462 --> 00:39:38,201 Buck Russell. 634 00:39:39,551 --> 00:39:41,291 Marcie Dahlgren-Frost. 635 00:39:41,335 --> 00:39:42,684 Dahlgren is my maiden name. 636 00:39:42,728 --> 00:39:44,512 Frost is my married name. 637 00:39:44,556 --> 00:39:46,862 I'm single again, but I never bothered to lose the Frost. 638 00:39:48,298 --> 00:39:50,300 And I get compliments on the hyphen. 639 00:39:50,344 --> 00:39:51,998 Sure you would. Sure you would. Yeah. 640 00:39:54,043 --> 00:39:56,611 Well, I came to invite Cindy to lunch. 641 00:39:56,655 --> 00:39:59,484 But since she's not here, do you have plans? 642 00:39:59,527 --> 00:40:02,487 Actually, I got a lot of things to do around here. 643 00:40:02,530 --> 00:40:04,010 Rain check? 644 00:40:05,054 --> 00:40:07,448 I'll only be here a couple days. 645 00:40:07,492 --> 00:40:09,494 Cindy said it would only be a couple days? 646 00:40:09,537 --> 00:40:12,235 Well, she didn't specify. I just assumed, you know. 647 00:40:12,279 --> 00:40:15,413 My father's heart attack, I was out of town for three weeks. 648 00:40:15,456 --> 00:40:17,545 No wonder Cindy didn't call me. 649 00:40:17,589 --> 00:40:20,026 You need a relative for an imposition this size. 650 00:40:31,167 --> 00:40:32,212 Waiting for your sex? 651 00:40:33,256 --> 00:40:34,301 Shut up. 652 00:40:34,693 --> 00:40:35,781 Tia. 653 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,088 Tia. 654 00:40:40,916 --> 00:40:43,789 What did you blow all that make-up for? We're just going bowling. 655 00:40:44,833 --> 00:40:46,052 I'm not going bowling. 656 00:40:46,095 --> 00:40:47,706 Come on, it's a great sport. 657 00:40:47,749 --> 00:40:49,969 And it's virtually impossible to get pregnant while doing it. 658 00:40:50,012 --> 00:40:51,013 If you catch my drift. 659 00:40:51,666 --> 00:40:54,190 You're disgusting. 660 00:40:54,234 --> 00:40:56,149 I'll die before I go anywhere with you. 661 00:40:56,845 --> 00:40:58,107 It's gonna be fun. 662 00:40:58,151 --> 00:40:59,805 They have rent-a-shoes. 663 00:40:59,848 --> 00:41:01,894 And rent-a-foot-disease. 664 00:41:01,937 --> 00:41:03,852 We've done the battle of the wills. 665 00:41:03,896 --> 00:41:05,985 The deck's stacked in my favor. 666 00:41:06,028 --> 00:41:06,768 You're just gonna lose again. 667 00:41:07,943 --> 00:41:10,337 Try me. 668 00:41:10,380 --> 00:41:12,034 How'd you like to spend the next several nights 669 00:41:12,078 --> 00:41:15,690 wondering if your crazy out-of-work bum uncle 670 00:41:15,734 --> 00:41:17,605 will shave your head while you sleep? 671 00:41:18,693 --> 00:41:19,738 See you in the car. 672 00:41:20,608 --> 00:41:22,001 [EERIE MUSIC PLAYING] 673 00:41:22,044 --> 00:41:23,045 [MIMICS SHAVER BUZZING] 674 00:41:51,770 --> 00:41:53,162 Yeah! 675 00:41:59,429 --> 00:42:01,083 There you go. 676 00:42:01,127 --> 00:42:02,650 Now, this is a bowling ball. 677 00:42:36,902 --> 00:42:38,033 How you doing? 678 00:42:38,077 --> 00:42:40,253 I've never seen you here before. 679 00:42:40,296 --> 00:42:42,342 I know about everybody. 680 00:42:42,385 --> 00:42:44,039 That's why they call me Pal. 681 00:42:45,737 --> 00:42:47,173 Buy you a beer? 682 00:42:48,391 --> 00:42:49,958 You must be a college student, right? 683 00:42:51,264 --> 00:42:52,961 Cheerleader, probably. 684 00:42:54,441 --> 00:42:55,703 You look firm. 685 00:42:56,704 --> 00:42:58,271 Come on. Give it a push. 686 00:42:59,838 --> 00:43:03,319 You like all-terrain vehicles? 687 00:43:03,363 --> 00:43:08,194 I got a brand-new Bronco right out in the parking lot. Red. 688 00:43:09,151 --> 00:43:10,500 Want to go for a ride? 689 00:43:14,504 --> 00:43:16,811 Maizy, if the object of the game were 690 00:43:16,855 --> 00:43:20,293 to get the ball as close to the pins without knocking any over, 691 00:43:20,336 --> 00:43:22,687 you would be champion of the world. 692 00:43:22,730 --> 00:43:24,166 Really? Really. 693 00:43:31,565 --> 00:43:33,654 My throat sort of hurts. 694 00:43:33,698 --> 00:43:34,481 I can't talk. 695 00:43:35,525 --> 00:43:36,788 I got a cure for that. 696 00:43:43,098 --> 00:43:44,360 Buck. 697 00:43:44,404 --> 00:43:46,406 You got a game somewhere, Pal? 698 00:43:46,449 --> 00:43:47,755 Yeah. 699 00:43:47,799 --> 00:43:49,322 You won't get any strikes sitting there, are you? 700 00:43:49,365 --> 00:43:50,410 Move it! Go on, get out! 701 00:43:54,501 --> 00:43:56,938 Hey, shithead! Where the hell you been, huh? 702 00:43:56,982 --> 00:43:59,332 [BOTH VOCALIZING] 703 00:43:59,375 --> 00:44:01,073 BOTH: Hey! Hey! Hey! 704 00:44:02,683 --> 00:44:04,946 Come on, sit down. I want you to meet my niece. 705 00:44:04,990 --> 00:44:06,861 Tia, this is Rog. Rog, Tia. 706 00:44:06,905 --> 00:44:08,602 Hi. How are you? 707 00:44:08,646 --> 00:44:11,213 E. Roger Coswell. 708 00:44:11,257 --> 00:44:13,259 Come on. It ain't gonna bite. 709 00:44:15,740 --> 00:44:19,569 Okay. You've got to let somebody know where you are. 710 00:44:19,613 --> 00:44:21,659 I've been checking car trunks for your corpse. 711 00:44:21,702 --> 00:44:23,704 Yeah, I'm sorry about that. 712 00:44:23,748 --> 00:44:25,445 I've been out in the suburbs looking after my brother's kids for a few days. 713 00:44:26,881 --> 00:44:28,535 They're cute! Oh, I tell you. 714 00:44:28,578 --> 00:44:31,103 Art Linkletter was right, kids do say the god damnedest things. 715 00:44:31,146 --> 00:44:32,974 Is Chanice here? 716 00:44:33,018 --> 00:44:35,716 No. I'm kinda flying solo tonight. 717 00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:37,936 I want to let her have it for not marrying you. 718 00:44:37,979 --> 00:44:40,678 You know, if she caged you and married your worthless butt, 719 00:44:40,721 --> 00:44:42,462 I'd be able to find you. 720 00:44:42,505 --> 00:44:44,856 I got to talk business. I can't find you. 721 00:44:44,899 --> 00:44:47,902 Why don't we step in my office, then? 722 00:44:47,946 --> 00:44:49,687 Excuse us, will you. Come on. 723 00:44:50,688 --> 00:44:51,950 It was nice meeting you. 724 00:44:51,993 --> 00:44:53,560 I'll remember it always. 725 00:44:57,782 --> 00:44:59,131 Cute kid. 726 00:45:00,001 --> 00:45:01,568 Jimmy Bean called. 727 00:45:02,525 --> 00:45:03,657 Oh, yeah? 728 00:45:03,701 --> 00:45:05,137 He's coming in for the Winter Million 729 00:45:05,180 --> 00:45:07,487 at Burlington Park on Friday. 730 00:45:07,530 --> 00:45:10,142 He says it's a boat race. Very easy money. 731 00:45:10,185 --> 00:45:11,839 He owes you and he owes me. 732 00:45:11,883 --> 00:45:14,320 So he says we should show up an hour before post time 733 00:45:14,363 --> 00:45:16,104 and he'll give us the tip. 734 00:45:16,148 --> 00:45:19,412 Consider this, Buck, with this score, your whole year's covered. 735 00:45:21,370 --> 00:45:22,371 Huh? 736 00:45:25,026 --> 00:45:26,419 Maybe I can make it work. 737 00:45:27,899 --> 00:45:29,509 I'll see you Friday night. 738 00:45:30,249 --> 00:45:31,337 Thanks, Rog. 739 00:45:31,380 --> 00:45:33,469 Watch the sterno, will you? 740 00:45:39,084 --> 00:45:40,738 Hey, watch your fingers. 741 00:45:41,739 --> 00:45:42,565 Yay! 742 00:45:44,698 --> 00:45:47,005 What's a Chanice? 743 00:45:47,048 --> 00:45:49,747 That's someone who's sometimes seen around a Buck. 744 00:45:49,790 --> 00:45:51,444 Your girlfriend? 745 00:45:51,487 --> 00:45:54,795 A friend, and, yes, she is a girl. 746 00:45:54,839 --> 00:45:56,971 Are you supposed to marry her or something? 747 00:45:57,015 --> 00:46:01,019 The subject has come up, yes, but nothing serious. 748 00:46:01,062 --> 00:46:03,412 Maybe if you got married, you'd stop being such an asshole. 749 00:46:09,418 --> 00:46:10,463 Cigar? 750 00:46:10,942 --> 00:46:12,421 No, thanks. 751 00:46:12,465 --> 00:46:14,206 Let me know if you change your mind. 752 00:46:14,249 --> 00:46:16,382 I will. 753 00:46:16,425 --> 00:46:17,949 I'll get it nice and juicy for you. 754 00:46:29,221 --> 00:46:32,224 This is where you separate the men from the boys. 755 00:46:34,487 --> 00:46:38,056 Easy. Easy. There you go. Yeah. 756 00:46:38,099 --> 00:46:39,709 I got you now. 757 00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:53,811 Happy birthday! 758 00:46:53,854 --> 00:46:54,594 Whoo! 759 00:46:56,596 --> 00:46:58,206 I hope you're hungry. 760 00:46:59,773 --> 00:47:00,948 You should see the toast! 761 00:47:00,992 --> 00:47:02,515 I couldn't even get it through the door. 762 00:47:10,740 --> 00:47:13,831 Ah, announcement here. 763 00:47:13,874 --> 00:47:16,050 There's going to be a little delay on the clown. 764 00:47:16,094 --> 00:47:17,530 What clown? 765 00:47:17,573 --> 00:47:19,271 Miles' mom hired a clown. 766 00:47:19,314 --> 00:47:20,315 [EXCLAIMS] 767 00:47:22,883 --> 00:47:24,493 [BREATHING HEAVILY] 768 00:47:28,367 --> 00:47:29,368 [GROANS] 769 00:47:30,412 --> 00:47:31,413 [BELCHES] 770 00:47:35,678 --> 00:47:37,767 What's the matter? You don't like clowns? 771 00:47:37,811 --> 00:47:39,552 [DOORBELL RINGING]Yeah. About five years ago. 772 00:47:39,595 --> 00:47:41,728 Clowns are so boring, they make me puke. 773 00:47:43,077 --> 00:47:44,774 [MUMBLING] 774 00:47:46,472 --> 00:47:48,343 Screw them. That's all they get. 775 00:47:49,388 --> 00:47:50,519 [LAUGHING] 776 00:47:50,563 --> 00:47:52,347 I'm Pooter-The-Clown. 777 00:47:52,391 --> 00:47:53,522 Put it there. 778 00:47:55,133 --> 00:47:56,569 [HONKS] 779 00:47:56,612 --> 00:47:58,092 The kids will love that. 780 00:47:58,136 --> 00:48:00,094 I didn't order you. My sister-in-law did. 781 00:48:00,138 --> 00:48:02,705 She's not here right now. I'm looking after them. I'm the uncle. 782 00:48:02,749 --> 00:48:03,924 I'm Buck Russell. 783 00:48:03,968 --> 00:48:06,448 Great, listen, I'm sorry I'm late. 784 00:48:06,492 --> 00:48:09,930 I was at this all-night bachelorette party. 785 00:48:09,974 --> 00:48:11,192 Need any dildo jokes? 786 00:48:11,236 --> 00:48:12,846 Wham! I'm the guy! 787 00:48:17,807 --> 00:48:20,245 What did you have? A few drinks this morning? 788 00:48:20,288 --> 00:48:23,074 Huh? I think you did, didn't you? 789 00:48:23,117 --> 00:48:24,597 Who are you? Mother Cabrini? 790 00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,207 You never touch the stuff? 791 00:48:26,251 --> 00:48:27,948 No, no, no, 792 00:48:27,992 --> 00:48:30,733 but I wouldn't be drinking if I was going to entertain some kids. 793 00:48:30,777 --> 00:48:32,997 I don't have to take any shit from you. 794 00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:34,694 You know who I am? 795 00:48:34,737 --> 00:48:37,958 In the field of local live home entertainment, 796 00:48:38,002 --> 00:48:39,177 I'm a God! 797 00:48:40,526 --> 00:48:43,485 Get in your mouse and get out of here. 798 00:48:43,529 --> 00:48:45,748 Hey, you, let me tell you something, 799 00:48:45,792 --> 00:48:50,318 you low-life, lying, four-flushing sack of shit. 800 00:48:54,627 --> 00:48:55,628 [GROWLS] 801 00:49:13,689 --> 00:49:15,604 Let's go out to the car, huh? 802 00:49:17,998 --> 00:49:18,956 Why? 803 00:49:20,435 --> 00:49:22,524 What do you mean, why? 804 00:49:28,313 --> 00:49:29,618 Not now. 805 00:49:30,576 --> 00:49:31,707 It's fine. 806 00:49:34,145 --> 00:49:35,668 It's not fine. 807 00:49:36,582 --> 00:49:37,626 Why not? 808 00:49:39,672 --> 00:49:41,456 I just don't feel right yet. 809 00:49:43,415 --> 00:49:44,982 You ever going to feel right? 810 00:49:51,510 --> 00:49:52,990 I don't get where we're going. 811 00:49:53,033 --> 00:49:56,036 I told you 25 times. We're going to pick up Tia. 812 00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:58,038 She's at a cheerleader's house having dinner. 813 00:49:58,082 --> 00:49:59,909 Well, so she says. 814 00:49:59,953 --> 00:50:02,086 Since when do cheerleaders live in the woods? 815 00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:08,831 Come on. I'll take you home now. 816 00:50:11,051 --> 00:50:12,748 I don't want to go home. 817 00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:18,319 I'm okay. 818 00:50:19,146 --> 00:50:20,234 Sure? 819 00:50:24,717 --> 00:50:25,935 Trust me. 820 00:50:35,293 --> 00:50:36,424 [CAR BACKFIRES] 821 00:50:38,122 --> 00:50:39,384 Shit! Shit! 822 00:50:56,792 --> 00:50:59,099 Well, well, well. 823 00:50:59,143 --> 00:51:02,494 They certainly are scraping the bottom of the barrel for cheerleaders these days. 824 00:51:03,886 --> 00:51:06,454 What are you doing here? 825 00:51:06,498 --> 00:51:08,717 We were just driving by, going out for some ice cream. 826 00:51:08,761 --> 00:51:10,980 Thought you might like to join us. 827 00:51:11,024 --> 00:51:13,896 I said I would be home at 10:00. It's not even 9:00. 828 00:51:17,857 --> 00:51:21,730 Who said anything about that? I just thought you'd like to join us for some ice cream. 829 00:51:21,774 --> 00:51:23,776 Maybe your Bug here can join us. 830 00:51:23,819 --> 00:51:25,952 We can talk about burying the hatchet. 831 00:51:25,995 --> 00:51:28,128 You know what a hatchet is, don't you, Bug? 832 00:51:28,172 --> 00:51:29,608 It's an ax? 833 00:51:29,651 --> 00:51:32,045 Sort of. Yeah. Yeah. 834 00:51:32,089 --> 00:51:33,916 I got one in the car if you'd like to see it. 835 00:51:35,744 --> 00:51:36,963 I'll pass. 836 00:51:37,006 --> 00:51:40,009 Fair enough. I like to carry it. 837 00:51:40,053 --> 00:51:41,707 You never know when you're gonna need it. 838 00:51:42,969 --> 00:51:46,190 A situation may come up, say, 839 00:51:46,233 --> 00:51:50,672 for example, someone's been drinking and about to drive a loved one home, 840 00:51:51,804 --> 00:51:53,719 then I like to know I have it. 841 00:51:53,762 --> 00:51:56,591 Not to kill. [CHUCKLES] Just to maim. 842 00:51:57,810 --> 00:52:00,073 Take a little off the shoulder. Woosh! 843 00:52:01,074 --> 00:52:02,684 The elbow. 844 00:52:02,728 --> 00:52:05,470 Shave a little meat off the old kneecap. 845 00:52:05,513 --> 00:52:07,036 Whoo. 846 00:52:07,080 --> 00:52:09,343 You got both kneecaps? 847 00:52:09,387 --> 00:52:11,998 I like to keep mine razor-sharp, too. 848 00:52:12,041 --> 00:52:14,174 Sharp enough you can shave with them. 849 00:52:14,218 --> 00:52:16,698 Why, I've been known to circumcise a gnat. 850 00:52:18,309 --> 00:52:20,528 You're not a gnat, are you, Bug? 851 00:52:20,572 --> 00:52:23,749 Wait a minute. Bug, gnat. 852 00:52:25,881 --> 00:52:27,883 Is there a little similarity there? 853 00:52:30,059 --> 00:52:32,758 Whoa! I think there is. 854 00:52:35,108 --> 00:52:37,589 You understand what I'm talking about? 855 00:52:38,677 --> 00:52:40,505 I don't think you do. 856 00:52:40,548 --> 00:52:42,202 I'll be right back. 857 00:52:50,602 --> 00:52:52,081 I'm sorry. 858 00:52:52,125 --> 00:52:54,388 Look, um, I think you'd better split. 859 00:52:54,432 --> 00:52:56,782 You know, I don't exactly want him going berserk with an ax on me. 860 00:52:57,696 --> 00:52:59,176 He's all talk. 861 00:52:59,219 --> 00:53:00,394 Here it is. 862 00:53:01,787 --> 00:53:04,659 Come on over. Come on, I wanna show it to you. 863 00:53:06,748 --> 00:53:08,010 Maybe later. 864 00:53:08,924 --> 00:53:09,795 Okay. 865 00:53:16,584 --> 00:53:18,891 He's gone in a few days. 866 00:53:19,544 --> 00:53:20,545 Just relax. 867 00:53:22,286 --> 00:53:23,983 I'll get him back. 868 00:53:39,433 --> 00:53:42,131 That's a pretty stupid thing to do during flu season. 869 00:53:42,175 --> 00:53:44,003 I bet she's getting the tongue. 870 00:54:47,588 --> 00:54:48,372 BUCK: Just looking. 871 00:56:08,408 --> 00:56:09,583 Next. 872 00:56:11,585 --> 00:56:13,500 Tell you what. Let me go in there first, okay? 873 00:56:13,544 --> 00:56:16,155 I'll cover for you, give you a little more time out here to relax. 874 00:56:16,764 --> 00:56:17,896 Okay. Mmm. All right? 875 00:56:26,339 --> 00:56:27,558 Good morning. 876 00:56:35,348 --> 00:56:37,872 I'm Anita Hoargarth. 877 00:56:37,916 --> 00:56:40,788 Buck Melanoma, Moley Russell's wart. 878 00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:48,622 Not her wart, not her wart. I'm the wart. 879 00:56:48,666 --> 00:56:52,583 She's my tumor, my growth, my...my pimple. 880 00:56:52,626 --> 00:56:54,411 I'm "Uncle Wart." 881 00:56:54,454 --> 00:56:57,239 Buck "Wart" Russell, that's what they call me. 882 00:56:57,283 --> 00:56:59,633 Or melanoma head. They'll call me that. 883 00:57:00,765 --> 00:57:03,463 "Melanoma head's" coming. 884 00:57:03,507 --> 00:57:06,118 I'm... Uncle, Maizy Russell's uncle. 885 00:57:06,161 --> 00:57:08,555 Her uncle. 886 00:57:08,599 --> 00:57:11,210 Her mother set up this conference with you. 887 00:57:12,211 --> 00:57:14,605 I'm assistant principal here, 888 00:57:14,648 --> 00:57:17,608 as you've probably noticed from the indications on the door. 889 00:57:21,568 --> 00:57:23,135 This door? 890 00:57:23,178 --> 00:57:25,267 The outer door. Yes. The outer door. 891 00:57:25,311 --> 00:57:27,182 There's nothing on this one. 892 00:57:27,226 --> 00:57:29,097 That's just about enough of that. 893 00:57:31,186 --> 00:57:32,187 Sorry. 894 00:57:33,580 --> 00:57:38,759 I've been an educator for 31.3 years, 895 00:57:38,803 --> 00:57:42,676 and in that time, I've seen a lot of bad eggs. 896 00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:46,332 I say "eggs" because at the elementary level, 897 00:57:46,375 --> 00:57:49,248 we are not dealing with fully developed individuals. 898 00:57:53,034 --> 00:57:56,951 I see a bad egg when I look at your niece. 899 00:57:58,562 --> 00:58:03,349 She is a twiddler, a dreamer, a silly heart. 900 00:58:03,392 --> 00:58:05,569 She is a jabberbox. 901 00:58:05,612 --> 00:58:07,701 And frankly... 902 00:58:07,745 --> 00:58:14,055 I don't think she takes a thing in her life or her career as a student seriously. 903 00:58:17,363 --> 00:58:18,756 She's only six. 904 00:58:18,799 --> 00:58:20,671 That is not a valid excuse! 905 00:58:20,714 --> 00:58:24,196 I hear that every day and I dismiss it. 906 00:58:24,239 --> 00:58:25,763 I don't think I want to know a six-year-old 907 00:58:25,806 --> 00:58:27,939 who isn't a dreamer, or a silly heart. 908 00:58:27,982 --> 00:58:30,942 And I sure don't want to know one who takes their student career seriously. 909 00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:34,815 I don't have a college degree 910 00:58:34,859 --> 00:58:37,818 I don't even have a job. 911 00:58:37,862 --> 00:58:41,387 Does anyone have a special story about something that happened this week? 912 00:58:42,606 --> 00:58:44,172 Maizy. 913 00:58:44,216 --> 00:58:46,218 My uncle was microwaving my socks, 914 00:58:46,261 --> 00:58:49,177 and the dog threw up on the couch for about an hour. 915 00:58:49,221 --> 00:58:51,310 Honest? Yes. 916 00:58:51,353 --> 00:58:53,486 Why was your uncle microwaving your socks? 917 00:58:53,530 --> 00:58:55,880 He can't get the goddamn washing machine to work. 918 00:58:55,923 --> 00:58:57,142 Blasphemer! 919 00:58:58,273 --> 00:59:00,537 BUCK: I know a good kid when I see one. 920 00:59:00,580 --> 00:59:02,582 Because they're all good kids 921 00:59:02,626 --> 00:59:05,803 until dried-out, brain-dead skags like you 922 00:59:05,846 --> 00:59:08,936 drag them down and convince them they're no good. 923 00:59:08,980 --> 00:59:11,765 You so much as scowl at my niece or any other kid in this school 924 00:59:11,809 --> 00:59:13,114 and I hear about it, 925 00:59:13,158 --> 00:59:14,551 I'm coming looking for you. 926 00:59:17,945 --> 00:59:20,426 Take this quarter. 927 00:59:20,469 --> 00:59:23,821 Go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face. 928 00:59:23,864 --> 00:59:24,865 [GASPS] 929 00:59:25,823 --> 00:59:27,041 Good day to you, madam. 930 00:59:34,832 --> 00:59:35,876 Next. 931 00:59:36,616 --> 00:59:38,052 Ah, yeah! 932 00:59:58,769 --> 01:00:01,380 TERRY: Hi, Chanice. This is Terry. 933 01:00:02,076 --> 01:00:04,470 Walt Bern... 934 01:00:04,513 --> 01:00:08,256 Jesus, would you get with the program. Bernstein is his name. 935 01:00:08,300 --> 01:00:10,432 I forgot to give you the message. 936 01:00:10,476 --> 01:00:13,740 At least somebody knows what they're doing down there. 937 01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:15,829 BUCK: Chanice? Buck. 938 01:00:17,918 --> 01:00:20,486 I hate these machines. 939 01:00:20,529 --> 01:00:23,532 Look, I'm just calling to say I miss you. 940 01:00:25,404 --> 01:00:28,059 I know you probably don't believe it, but it's true. 941 01:00:28,102 --> 01:00:30,365 No, I haven't been drinking. 942 01:00:30,409 --> 01:00:32,019 I've been thinking a lot about you 943 01:00:32,063 --> 01:00:34,239 and what we've talked about the past few weeks. 944 01:00:34,282 --> 01:00:36,633 I think about you all the time. 945 01:00:36,676 --> 01:00:39,810 I think about those two dimples on your buns. 946 01:00:39,853 --> 01:00:41,768 Dimples. 947 01:00:41,812 --> 01:00:43,814 What did we call them? 948 01:00:43,857 --> 01:00:47,861 The one on the right was Lyndon, and the left was Johnson. 949 01:00:47,905 --> 01:00:49,733 No, that was your boobs we did. 950 01:00:49,776 --> 01:00:51,473 No, your boobs were Minnie and Mickey. 951 01:00:51,517 --> 01:00:53,867 I remember that because of Disney World. 952 01:00:53,911 --> 01:00:55,129 And Felix. Felix is what we called your... 953 01:00:55,173 --> 01:00:56,174 [CAT SCREECHES] 954 01:00:57,392 --> 01:00:59,960 BUCK: God damn kids. 955 01:01:00,004 --> 01:01:01,396 Okay. Come on, you. 956 01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:02,833 Come on, get in the house. 957 01:01:02,876 --> 01:01:05,487 What are you doing out here, making all this noise? 958 01:01:05,531 --> 01:01:06,837 Get in the house where you belong. 959 01:01:06,880 --> 01:01:08,447 Come on! Come on! 960 01:01:09,100 --> 01:01:10,188 Hey! 961 01:01:10,971 --> 01:01:12,669 Who let the cat out? 962 01:01:12,712 --> 01:01:14,409 MILES: We don't have a cat. 963 01:01:14,932 --> 01:01:16,803 Come on! Get out! 964 01:01:16,847 --> 01:01:18,022 Go on! Shoo! 965 01:01:25,159 --> 01:01:26,378 Hey! 966 01:01:26,421 --> 01:01:28,728 [MAIZY LAUGHING] 967 01:01:28,772 --> 01:01:29,816 Open up! 968 01:01:30,599 --> 01:01:32,210 Miles? 969 01:01:32,253 --> 01:01:34,386 [PHONE RINGING] 970 01:01:38,520 --> 01:01:39,652 Hello. 971 01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:41,654 Hi. May I please speak to Buck Russell? 972 01:01:41,698 --> 01:01:43,743 This is a friend of his Chanice Kobolowski. 973 01:01:46,615 --> 01:01:50,097 I'm sorry, Chanice. He's not here right now. 974 01:01:52,317 --> 01:01:54,058 Well, can you tell me when he's gonna be back? 975 01:01:54,101 --> 01:01:55,755 He went out with Marcie, 976 01:01:55,799 --> 01:01:58,497 the lady who lives across the street. 977 01:01:58,540 --> 01:02:00,368 They usually stay out pretty late. 978 01:02:05,417 --> 01:02:06,548 Do you want to leave a message? 979 01:02:13,817 --> 01:02:15,122 No. There's no message. 980 01:02:34,794 --> 01:02:36,448 There's no message. 981 01:03:02,039 --> 01:03:03,170 Hot! 982 01:03:17,315 --> 01:03:20,797 MARCIE: Is there a big, sexy guy in here? 983 01:03:20,840 --> 01:03:22,233 Oh, please don't let it be true. 984 01:03:23,887 --> 01:03:25,236 Hi. 985 01:03:25,279 --> 01:03:28,500 Oh, my God! What are you doing? 986 01:03:28,543 --> 01:03:31,024 The laundry. What's it look like? 987 01:03:31,068 --> 01:03:32,591 The washing machine's still broken, 988 01:03:32,634 --> 01:03:34,898 so I thought I'd use the microwave. 989 01:03:34,941 --> 01:03:37,726 Nuke them up, you know. Heats them up pretty good, too. 990 01:03:37,770 --> 01:03:40,251 It kills the germs and odors that they cause. 991 01:03:40,294 --> 01:03:41,992 You don't know what you're doing. 992 01:03:42,035 --> 01:03:43,428 You're bored out of your mind. 993 01:03:43,471 --> 01:03:45,212 You need a little adult supervision. 994 01:03:46,910 --> 01:03:47,736 Excuse me? 995 01:04:02,186 --> 01:04:02,969 [SOOTHING MUSIC PLAYING] 996 01:04:03,013 --> 01:04:04,362 Come on. 997 01:04:04,405 --> 01:04:06,886 Come on. I don't want to dance. Come on. 998 01:04:06,930 --> 01:04:10,020 I don't feel like... I'm not a dancer. This is ridiculous. 999 01:04:10,063 --> 01:04:12,718 I'm not gonna leave unless you do. 1000 01:04:12,761 --> 01:04:14,720 Okay, I'll dance. One dance, though. That's it. 1001 01:04:14,763 --> 01:04:17,549 'Cause I really have to take a nap and... 1002 01:04:17,592 --> 01:04:20,030 All right. One dance. That's it. 1003 01:04:21,248 --> 01:04:22,859 [DOORBELL RINGING] 1004 01:04:25,862 --> 01:04:26,950 Whoa! 1005 01:04:30,127 --> 01:04:31,563 What's this? 1006 01:04:33,521 --> 01:04:35,262 Oh! Come on! The dog is watching. 1007 01:04:35,741 --> 01:04:37,482 Come on. 1008 01:04:37,525 --> 01:04:39,527 What's that? Dirty Dancing? Uh-huh. 1009 01:04:41,442 --> 01:04:42,922 You got the girl by the neck. 1010 01:04:42,966 --> 01:04:44,184 Whoa. Dipped her. 1011 01:04:44,968 --> 01:04:45,969 Remember that? 1012 01:04:46,012 --> 01:04:47,535 Dips. Dips. 1013 01:04:57,589 --> 01:04:58,938 Am I bleeding? 1014 01:04:58,982 --> 01:05:00,200 No. 1015 01:05:01,375 --> 01:05:03,290 Will you get off? My back! 1016 01:05:09,601 --> 01:05:10,558 Hello. 1017 01:05:14,823 --> 01:05:15,955 Stop it. 1018 01:05:15,999 --> 01:05:17,130 I mean it. 1019 01:05:20,481 --> 01:05:22,135 This is fun though, isn't it? 1020 01:05:22,179 --> 01:05:23,615 I guess. 1021 01:05:24,529 --> 01:05:26,923 My aerobic workout today. 1022 01:05:26,966 --> 01:05:29,012 Heart's beating like a rabbit here. 1023 01:05:31,449 --> 01:05:32,450 Oh. 1024 01:05:39,109 --> 01:05:39,979 Yeah. 1025 01:05:51,556 --> 01:05:52,818 Hi, Chanice. 1026 01:05:53,819 --> 01:05:54,907 Surprise! 1027 01:05:57,344 --> 01:05:58,606 This is, um... 1028 01:05:58,650 --> 01:05:59,651 Marcie. 1029 01:06:03,220 --> 01:06:06,266 Yeah. Marcie, and she lives across the road. 1030 01:06:06,963 --> 01:06:08,051 She came over to... 1031 01:06:08,094 --> 01:06:10,009 Shut up, Buck. 1032 01:06:10,053 --> 01:06:11,576 That's a good idea. 1033 01:06:13,795 --> 01:06:15,797 Is this who you were out with last night? 1034 01:06:19,192 --> 01:06:21,020 What? 1035 01:06:21,064 --> 01:06:22,674 I didn't go out last night. 1036 01:06:24,328 --> 01:06:27,287 Hey, look. Honest. Honest. Honest. I'm telling the truth. 1037 01:06:27,331 --> 01:06:29,159 You son of a bitch! 1038 01:06:29,202 --> 01:06:32,901 Don't say that, okay. Chanice. Don't walk away. Chanice! 1039 01:06:33,685 --> 01:06:34,816 Chanice! 1040 01:06:34,860 --> 01:06:36,122 Hey, come here! 1041 01:06:36,166 --> 01:06:37,776 Chanice! Come here, hon. 1042 01:06:41,345 --> 01:06:43,173 Chanice, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Let me explain! 1043 01:06:43,216 --> 01:06:44,000 Will you let me explain? 1044 01:06:46,611 --> 01:06:47,916 You're wrecking the driveway! 1045 01:06:48,526 --> 01:06:49,788 Chanice! 1046 01:06:51,094 --> 01:06:52,095 Come on! 1047 01:06:54,010 --> 01:06:55,185 I love you. 1048 01:07:12,550 --> 01:07:14,378 What flew up her nose? 1049 01:07:21,428 --> 01:07:25,302 You better go home, okay, Marcie? 1050 01:07:25,345 --> 01:07:27,391 Pick up your records. The party's over. 1051 01:07:28,348 --> 01:07:29,480 Okay? 1052 01:07:38,010 --> 01:07:41,361 So, I'll just go home and wait for the Federal Express man. 1053 01:07:50,936 --> 01:07:52,807 Good night, Uncle Buck. 1054 01:07:53,852 --> 01:07:55,114 Good night, sweetheart. 1055 01:07:56,681 --> 01:07:57,899 Good night. 1056 01:08:05,603 --> 01:08:06,821 Uncle Buck? Yeah? 1057 01:08:08,258 --> 01:08:09,563 Got a minute? 1058 01:08:09,607 --> 01:08:10,695 I got lots of minutes. 1059 01:08:12,175 --> 01:08:14,525 Now that everything's okay with my grandfather, 1060 01:08:14,568 --> 01:08:16,570 I want to go out tomorrow night. 1061 01:08:16,614 --> 01:08:19,182 You can go crazy after I leave. Until then, I'm not letting you out. 1062 01:08:26,189 --> 01:08:29,366 You just can't find any way to be cool, can you? 1063 01:08:29,409 --> 01:08:30,584 You mean easy? No. 1064 01:08:30,628 --> 01:08:31,846 I mean decent. 1065 01:08:31,890 --> 01:08:33,631 You mean blind. 1066 01:08:33,674 --> 01:08:37,591 Who are you trying to score points with, my parents? 1067 01:08:37,635 --> 01:08:40,420 How many times have they had you here since we moved? 1068 01:08:40,464 --> 01:08:43,380 Try none until they went up shit creek and got stuck. 1069 01:08:43,423 --> 01:08:45,556 Get used on your parents' time. 1070 01:08:46,687 --> 01:08:47,993 Hey, Buck! 1071 01:08:48,036 --> 01:08:48,907 Yeah. 1072 01:08:50,604 --> 01:08:51,997 Have a bad day today? 1073 01:08:55,392 --> 01:08:57,829 It hurts when someone screws with your life, doesn't it? 1074 01:09:16,282 --> 01:09:17,718 Last call. 1075 01:09:22,810 --> 01:09:24,595 There you go. There you go. 1076 01:09:27,902 --> 01:09:29,687 A little for you, a little for me. 1077 01:09:35,780 --> 01:09:41,220 Boy, people used to say to me, 1078 01:09:41,264 --> 01:09:44,397 "Boy, Buck, you are one lucky son of a bitch. 1079 01:09:46,921 --> 01:09:49,315 "You got it made, Buck. You got it made." 1080 01:09:49,359 --> 01:09:51,361 And I did. 1081 01:09:51,404 --> 01:09:53,885 They'd say, "Oh, man, Buck, look at you. 1082 01:09:53,928 --> 01:09:56,322 "You don't have any kids, you don't have any wife. 1083 01:09:56,366 --> 01:09:59,717 "You don't have a desk, you don't have an office. 1084 01:09:59,760 --> 01:10:02,763 "You don't have a boss to worry about." 1085 01:10:06,245 --> 01:10:08,160 They were right. 1086 01:10:08,204 --> 01:10:09,553 I had it made. 1087 01:10:15,385 --> 01:10:20,912 Only thing now is, Perce, nobody says that anymore. 1088 01:10:26,439 --> 01:10:27,919 Oh, boy. 1089 01:10:28,963 --> 01:10:29,921 But 1090 01:10:31,227 --> 01:10:33,011 it'll all be better tomorrow. 1091 01:10:35,666 --> 01:10:36,841 Always is. 1092 01:10:40,018 --> 01:10:41,976 Because tomorrow, 1093 01:10:42,020 --> 01:10:43,978 we go to the track, 1094 01:10:44,022 --> 01:10:47,808 win some dough, some serious dough. 1095 01:10:49,288 --> 01:10:50,158 Yeah. 1096 01:10:51,812 --> 01:10:53,814 Make a lot of money tomorrow, kiddo. 1097 01:10:55,207 --> 01:10:56,861 You want a little pretzel with your beer? 1098 01:11:03,346 --> 01:11:05,652 U.B. went to school to pick you up, you know. 1099 01:11:05,696 --> 01:11:08,438 Tell U.B. when he gets home that he lost, okay? 1100 01:11:08,481 --> 01:11:10,396 Lost what? 1101 01:11:10,440 --> 01:11:12,703 Just tell him. He'll know what it means. 1102 01:11:12,746 --> 01:11:14,400 I'll see you guys Sunday. 1103 01:11:14,444 --> 01:11:15,662 What day is today? 1104 01:11:15,706 --> 01:11:17,185 Friday. 1105 01:11:17,229 --> 01:11:18,317 You know what that means. 1106 01:11:18,361 --> 01:11:20,101 Jumbo party. 1107 01:11:20,145 --> 01:11:22,539 You can put that on a platter. 1108 01:12:20,292 --> 01:12:21,206 [CAR BACKFIRES] 1109 01:12:23,513 --> 01:12:25,036 U.B. is home. 1110 01:12:25,079 --> 01:12:26,994 BUCK: Tia! Tia! 1111 01:12:28,126 --> 01:12:29,432 You guys seen Tia? 1112 01:12:29,475 --> 01:12:30,607 She took a breeze, U.B. 1113 01:12:34,828 --> 01:12:38,092 And she promised me she was going to look after you guys this evening. 1114 01:12:38,136 --> 01:12:39,137 She promised me. 1115 01:12:40,007 --> 01:12:41,792 So much for promises. 1116 01:12:41,835 --> 01:12:44,490 Does anyone in this house know how to keep a promise? 1117 01:12:44,534 --> 01:12:47,275 I know you two guys do. I know. 1118 01:12:47,319 --> 01:12:50,496 I had somewhere important to go to tonight. 1119 01:12:50,540 --> 01:12:52,324 This is how I make my living. 1120 01:12:52,368 --> 01:12:54,457 This was very important to me. 1121 01:12:54,500 --> 01:12:57,242 This was... My whole year was based on tonight. 1122 01:12:57,285 --> 01:13:00,898 It may be peanuts to your dad but it's my living. 1123 01:13:00,941 --> 01:13:03,814 I have no choice, I don't care what your parents are going to say. 1124 01:13:03,857 --> 01:13:05,468 I have to take you with me tonight. 1125 01:13:05,990 --> 01:13:07,470 Where? 1126 01:13:07,513 --> 01:13:08,949 To a racetrack. 1127 01:13:12,083 --> 01:13:13,432 BUCK: Here we go. 1128 01:13:13,476 --> 01:13:14,912 You have to go to the bathroom? 1129 01:13:14,955 --> 01:13:16,174 BOTH: Nope. You sure? 1130 01:13:16,217 --> 01:13:17,262 BOTH: Yep. 1131 01:13:17,305 --> 01:13:19,220 This is going to be fun, you know. 1132 01:13:19,264 --> 01:13:22,136 Beautiful horses, interesting people. 1133 01:13:22,180 --> 01:13:24,225 And win some serious coin, right? 1134 01:13:24,269 --> 01:13:27,664 Well, sometimes, yeah, but that's not the real reason people go there. 1135 01:13:27,707 --> 01:13:32,973 People go because of the beautiful horses and the colorful jockeys. 1136 01:13:34,975 --> 01:13:36,237 Bug picked up Tia? 1137 01:13:36,281 --> 01:13:37,761 Mmm-hmm. 1138 01:13:37,804 --> 01:13:40,416 And she said she was going to a party. 1139 01:13:40,459 --> 01:13:43,201 She said she'd be back Sunday. Must be a slumber party. 1140 01:13:46,204 --> 01:13:48,249 Hop in the back. Get your belts on. 1141 01:13:49,686 --> 01:13:52,776 Let her go to a party all weekend! 1142 01:13:52,819 --> 01:13:54,647 She's old enough to know better. 1143 01:13:54,691 --> 01:13:56,649 Hell, she doesn't listen to anybody anyway. 1144 01:13:57,737 --> 01:13:59,173 Damn kids. 1145 01:14:40,867 --> 01:14:43,043 [PHONE RINGING] 1146 01:14:43,087 --> 01:14:44,175 Yeah. Kobolowski Tires. 1147 01:14:45,393 --> 01:14:46,612 Hi. It's me. 1148 01:14:47,918 --> 01:14:49,920 Buck, can't you ever take a hint? 1149 01:14:49,963 --> 01:14:53,663 Chanice, it's not about me. I got a problem at the house. 1150 01:14:53,706 --> 01:14:55,752 I need somebody to watch the kids. 1151 01:14:55,795 --> 01:14:57,536 No. I'll tell you what you need. 1152 01:14:57,580 --> 01:14:58,929 Your horse fixer's in town 1153 01:14:58,972 --> 01:15:00,539 and you need to get to the track. 1154 01:15:00,583 --> 01:15:03,237 I ran into Rog. See, he told me all about it. 1155 01:15:03,281 --> 01:15:05,849 The idiot had the nerve to ask me for a loan. 1156 01:15:05,892 --> 01:15:07,764 What's the matter? 1157 01:15:07,807 --> 01:15:10,331 You can't take children with you when you're gonna cheat on a horserace? 1158 01:15:10,375 --> 01:15:11,985 You got some religion out there in the 'burbs? 1159 01:15:12,029 --> 01:15:15,467 I came close. I had them in the car. 1160 01:15:15,511 --> 01:15:17,687 Can we put personal problems aside for a second? 1161 01:15:18,601 --> 01:15:20,516 Tia took off on me. 1162 01:15:20,559 --> 01:15:22,648 I was supposed to pick her up after school. She wasn't there. 1163 01:15:22,692 --> 01:15:23,606 What do you mean, she ran away? 1164 01:15:24,955 --> 01:15:27,392 I guess. I don't know. 1165 01:15:27,435 --> 01:15:30,961 She's 15, she's angry, she's confused, 1166 01:15:32,005 --> 01:15:33,877 and I need to find her. 1167 01:15:35,182 --> 01:15:36,662 Can you help me? 1168 01:15:38,011 --> 01:15:39,796 I'm really stuck, Chanice. 1169 01:15:44,017 --> 01:15:45,976 All right. All right. 1170 01:15:46,019 --> 01:15:48,674 I will help you because there's kids involved in this. 1171 01:15:48,718 --> 01:15:51,851 But as far as you and I are concerned, it is over. 1172 01:15:53,679 --> 01:15:54,767 However it has to be. 1173 01:15:57,117 --> 01:15:59,816 I'll be there. Thank you. 1174 01:15:59,859 --> 01:16:01,339 For what it's worth, I'm sorry. 1175 01:16:23,622 --> 01:16:25,450 Your car's on fire. Car's on fire. 1176 01:16:25,493 --> 01:16:27,713 No, no, no. It's just a little oil. 1177 01:16:27,757 --> 01:16:30,629 I'm looking for a party somewhere around here. 1178 01:16:30,673 --> 01:16:32,500 Oh, that's on Totowa Lane. 1179 01:16:32,544 --> 01:16:33,937 My niece is there. 1180 01:16:33,980 --> 01:16:35,416 Our son's there. 1181 01:16:35,460 --> 01:16:37,114 Kids. 1182 01:16:37,157 --> 01:16:38,811 I don't think you ought to go in there with that hat on. 1183 01:16:38,855 --> 01:16:39,943 They'll kill you. 1184 01:16:39,986 --> 01:16:41,597 Really? Thanks for the tip. Yeah. 1185 01:17:19,330 --> 01:17:20,331 [GASPS] 1186 01:17:28,513 --> 01:17:31,864 I'm supposed to come over and watch you. 1187 01:17:35,433 --> 01:17:37,391 Hi! 1188 01:17:37,435 --> 01:17:39,785 I'm Chanice Kobolowski. I'm Uncle Buck's friend. 1189 01:17:39,829 --> 01:17:41,482 May I see your driver's license, ma'am? 1190 01:17:42,701 --> 01:17:43,833 Yeah. 1191 01:17:44,703 --> 01:17:45,704 Sure. 1192 01:17:45,748 --> 01:17:47,184 Good idea. 1193 01:17:49,752 --> 01:17:51,144 Here! I got it! 1194 01:17:51,841 --> 01:17:53,407 See? Look. 1195 01:17:54,147 --> 01:17:55,453 Look! 1196 01:17:55,496 --> 01:17:57,498 Can you please take it out of there? 1197 01:17:57,542 --> 01:17:58,543 Take it out? 1198 01:18:21,871 --> 01:18:23,220 You okay? 1199 01:18:24,264 --> 01:18:26,049 Come on. What's the matter? 1200 01:18:49,246 --> 01:18:50,247 [ALL SCREAM] 1201 01:18:51,552 --> 01:18:53,946 Coming through here. How you doing? 1202 01:18:55,165 --> 01:18:56,601 Having a good time? 1203 01:18:56,644 --> 01:18:58,559 You seen a guy named Bug around here? 1204 01:19:00,431 --> 01:19:02,172 I'm Tia Russell's uncle. 1205 01:19:02,215 --> 01:19:03,477 You girls know Tia? 1206 01:19:03,521 --> 01:19:05,392 No? She's kind of new. 1207 01:19:05,436 --> 01:19:06,742 I'm her uncle. 1208 01:19:08,352 --> 01:19:10,746 You haven't seen that Bug around here, have you? 1209 01:19:10,789 --> 01:19:12,182 No. No. 1210 01:19:12,704 --> 01:19:14,097 Nice guy. 1211 01:19:14,140 --> 01:19:16,273 Hey! Hey! Come back here with that! 1212 01:19:22,540 --> 01:19:24,194 How you doing? 1213 01:19:24,237 --> 01:19:25,761 Anybody seen Bug around here? 1214 01:19:27,545 --> 01:19:28,764 Hey, nice music. 1215 01:19:30,200 --> 01:19:32,071 Who's that? The Grass Roots? 1216 01:19:32,115 --> 01:19:33,333 I'm kidding. I know my music. 1217 01:19:39,862 --> 01:19:41,864 Stop it, please. 1218 01:19:45,084 --> 01:19:47,826 What the hell is that? 1219 01:19:47,870 --> 01:19:50,916 Hey, party time! Let's get down here, huh? 1220 01:19:50,960 --> 01:19:53,005 You seen Bug around here? 1221 01:19:53,049 --> 01:19:54,528 You seen Bug? 1222 01:19:55,312 --> 01:19:56,792 That's good stuff. 1223 01:19:58,097 --> 01:19:59,751 Keep it up. Keep it up. 1224 01:19:59,795 --> 01:20:01,187 Nice work. 1225 01:20:01,884 --> 01:20:03,624 Hey, how you doing? 1226 01:20:03,668 --> 01:20:05,104 Excuse me. 1227 01:20:05,148 --> 01:20:06,540 Crowded, huh? 1228 01:20:07,803 --> 01:20:10,457 Get down, get down, get down. 1229 01:20:10,501 --> 01:20:11,981 I don't want to do this. 1230 01:20:12,895 --> 01:20:14,418 Just relax. 1231 01:20:17,290 --> 01:20:18,596 Hello, young fellow. How are you? 1232 01:20:18,639 --> 01:20:20,772 I'm Tia Russell's uncle, Buck Russell. 1233 01:20:20,816 --> 01:20:22,643 Have you seen the bug around? 1234 01:20:22,687 --> 01:20:24,689 No? I'm looking for him. 1235 01:20:24,732 --> 01:20:26,256 You're Tia Russell's uncle? 1236 01:20:26,299 --> 01:20:27,692 Really? 1237 01:20:27,735 --> 01:20:30,129 Hey! Give me that! 1238 01:20:30,173 --> 01:20:32,262 Take my hat, you punk! 1239 01:20:33,002 --> 01:20:33,872 Don't mention it. 1240 01:20:33,916 --> 01:20:35,004 All right, pop. 1241 01:20:37,658 --> 01:20:39,225 Have you seen a guy named Bug? 1242 01:20:39,269 --> 01:20:41,140 Everybody knows Bug. Hip, hip guy. 1243 01:20:42,315 --> 01:20:43,403 Let me through here, will you? 1244 01:20:43,447 --> 01:20:45,188 Your mother know you do that? 1245 01:20:46,232 --> 01:20:47,233 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 1246 01:20:49,235 --> 01:20:51,020 Hey, this room's taken. 1247 01:20:52,021 --> 01:20:53,239 I want to go. 1248 01:20:53,283 --> 01:20:54,588 No, you don't. 1249 01:20:54,632 --> 01:20:55,633 [DOOR RATTLING] 1250 01:20:57,504 --> 01:21:00,464 That door opens, I'm going to kick somebody's ass! 1251 01:21:01,987 --> 01:21:02,858 Do you hear me? 1252 01:22:55,361 --> 01:22:56,449 Tia. 1253 01:23:15,381 --> 01:23:16,861 You were right. 1254 01:23:19,081 --> 01:23:21,561 Everything you said would happen happened. 1255 01:23:23,563 --> 01:23:24,651 I don't want to talk about it. 1256 01:23:24,695 --> 01:23:26,001 I just want to get you home. 1257 01:24:01,471 --> 01:24:02,994 Is this a trick? 1258 01:24:08,217 --> 01:24:09,261 No. 1259 01:24:13,439 --> 01:24:15,050 You know what happened? 1260 01:24:17,965 --> 01:24:18,879 Yeah. 1261 01:24:22,970 --> 01:24:25,582 Are you going to tell my parents about everything that's been going on? 1262 01:24:28,367 --> 01:24:29,412 No. 1263 01:24:32,110 --> 01:24:33,198 Thanks. 1264 01:24:37,985 --> 01:24:40,901 I've been riding your butt all week about how you live your life. 1265 01:24:44,427 --> 01:24:48,170 I realize maybe somebody should have been riding mine. 1266 01:24:48,213 --> 01:24:51,521 I'm probably the last guy in the world you'd want to help, 1267 01:24:54,176 --> 01:24:58,441 but I really could use your advice, vis-a-vis Chanice. 1268 01:24:58,484 --> 01:25:06,231 I've been stringing her along for about eight years now. 1269 01:25:06,275 --> 01:25:10,148 Maybe you could figure out what the hell is wrong with me. 1270 01:25:10,192 --> 01:25:12,585 I did such a great job earning your trust and admiration, 1271 01:25:12,629 --> 01:25:15,588 I'm confused why I can't do the same with Chanice. 1272 01:25:25,207 --> 01:25:26,730 You know there's 1273 01:25:29,776 --> 01:25:35,173 one family charity case that loves you very much. 1274 01:25:38,220 --> 01:25:39,395 I'm sorry. 1275 01:25:40,309 --> 01:25:41,658 Hey, come on. 1276 01:25:42,963 --> 01:25:46,053 Nothing to be sorry about. 1277 01:25:46,097 --> 01:25:49,318 I'm just kind of glad I got a chance to know you again. 1278 01:25:54,714 --> 01:25:56,281 Did you do anything to Bug? 1279 01:26:03,462 --> 01:26:07,858 Oh, my God! What did you do? 1280 01:26:19,261 --> 01:26:20,653 You shithead! 1281 01:26:20,697 --> 01:26:22,525 I could have suffocated here! 1282 01:26:22,568 --> 01:26:25,223 Um, do you know what I'd like you to do? 1283 01:26:25,267 --> 01:26:27,007 Actually, you could be doing both of us a favor. 1284 01:26:27,051 --> 01:26:28,835 I'd like you to apologize to the lady, please. 1285 01:26:29,662 --> 01:26:31,969 I'm sorry! 1286 01:26:32,012 --> 01:26:33,449 I'm sorry! 1287 01:26:33,492 --> 01:26:35,190 Okay, asshole? 1288 01:26:35,233 --> 01:26:37,192 I'm sorry! 1289 01:26:37,235 --> 01:26:40,195 I don't know if I told you this or not, but I'm an amateur dentist? 1290 01:26:41,761 --> 01:26:42,849 Oh, yes. He is. 1291 01:26:45,939 --> 01:26:47,506 [LAUGHING EVILLY] 1292 01:26:52,119 --> 01:26:53,251 I'm sorry. 1293 01:26:54,339 --> 01:26:55,471 Get him out of there. 1294 01:26:55,514 --> 01:26:57,299 Yeah? 1295 01:26:57,342 --> 01:26:58,735 It was halfhearted. We'll let him. Come on, here we go. 1296 01:26:58,778 --> 01:27:00,084 I'm really sorry. 1297 01:27:00,127 --> 01:27:02,086 I'm sure you are. I'm sure you are. 1298 01:27:02,129 --> 01:27:04,828 Let me just get you... 1299 01:27:04,871 --> 01:27:07,874 I didn't mean to hurt anybody. 1300 01:27:07,918 --> 01:27:08,832 There you go. There you go. 1301 01:27:10,486 --> 01:27:11,878 Oh, I'm sorry. 1302 01:27:19,103 --> 01:27:20,191 Shall we? 1303 01:27:20,235 --> 01:27:21,105 Yeah. 1304 01:27:28,068 --> 01:27:31,028 Yeah? Well, come on back, and I'll kick your ass, man! 1305 01:27:31,071 --> 01:27:33,030 Chicken shit! You're dead! 1306 01:27:34,466 --> 01:27:35,641 Shit. 1307 01:27:41,995 --> 01:27:44,215 I'm gonna sue your balls off, man! 1308 01:27:45,347 --> 01:27:47,349 Why don't you come again? 1309 01:27:47,392 --> 01:27:48,872 Come on! 1310 01:27:49,525 --> 01:27:51,178 Come on, man! 1311 01:27:51,222 --> 01:27:54,573 I'm going to sue you and I'm going to sue your whole family! 1312 01:27:54,617 --> 01:27:58,011 Okay, pal. Time for a golf lesson. 1313 01:27:58,055 --> 01:28:00,536 My dad's a lawyer, man! You're history! 1314 01:28:00,579 --> 01:28:02,233 A little fine wood. 1315 01:28:03,626 --> 01:28:05,889 Hey. What? 1316 01:28:06,759 --> 01:28:08,108 What? What are you doing, man? 1317 01:28:09,458 --> 01:28:11,764 Shit. 1318 01:28:11,808 --> 01:28:13,288 You're history, man! You're wasted! 1319 01:28:13,331 --> 01:28:15,551 I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got, man! 1320 01:28:15,594 --> 01:28:17,683 You're gonna be broke! So come on, come and get me! 1321 01:28:19,555 --> 01:28:21,687 You bastard! Aah! 1322 01:28:22,384 --> 01:28:24,124 Yes, sir! 1323 01:28:24,168 --> 01:28:25,822 You son of a bitch! 1324 01:28:25,865 --> 01:28:27,171 That hurt! 1325 01:28:27,214 --> 01:28:29,826 Hey, hey, hey. I'm not sorry, all right? 1326 01:28:31,218 --> 01:28:33,351 I ain't sorry for shit! 1327 01:28:36,746 --> 01:28:39,923 What do you see in that guy anyway? 1328 01:28:39,966 --> 01:28:43,100 I can't for the life of me figure that one out. 1329 01:28:43,143 --> 01:28:45,972 Don't answer. Don't answer. You don't have to. 1330 01:28:49,324 --> 01:28:52,196 I appreciate the confession, Tia. Thank you. Thanks a lot. 1331 01:28:52,239 --> 01:28:53,937 But my problems with Buck 1332 01:28:53,980 --> 01:28:57,593 go a whole lot deeper than a misunderstanding with a neighborlady. 1333 01:28:57,636 --> 01:28:59,551 Don't you think he loves you? 1334 01:29:01,074 --> 01:29:02,989 If he does, he'd never say it. 1335 01:29:03,816 --> 01:29:05,252 What if he did? 1336 01:29:05,296 --> 01:29:07,080 Then I would suspect he needed a new set of tires. 1337 01:29:08,517 --> 01:29:10,040 Seriously. 1338 01:29:10,083 --> 01:29:11,998 Seriously. 1339 01:29:12,042 --> 01:29:15,001 You're very sweet to talk about this 1340 01:29:15,045 --> 01:29:17,482 but I don't think you understand the bigger picture. 1341 01:29:17,526 --> 01:29:20,616 See, Buck's a charming man who wants to remain a boy forever. 1342 01:29:21,268 --> 01:29:22,835 Boy? 1343 01:29:22,879 --> 01:29:25,447 And at my age, that doesn't make for a lasting relationship. 1344 01:29:28,754 --> 01:29:31,627 I think he'd make a wonderful husband and father. 1345 01:29:31,670 --> 01:29:33,890 You do?Oh, yeah. 1346 01:29:33,933 --> 01:29:35,848 My sister and brother adore him. 1347 01:29:37,459 --> 01:29:41,201 He really has changed since he's been here this week. 1348 01:29:42,115 --> 01:29:44,379 He really has changed. 1349 01:29:44,422 --> 01:29:45,902 He's responsible 1350 01:29:46,642 --> 01:29:48,426 and caring and loving 1351 01:29:49,819 --> 01:29:52,343 and enthusiastic... 1352 01:29:53,605 --> 01:29:54,998 Energetic. 1353 01:29:55,041 --> 01:29:56,782 And energetic and 1354 01:29:57,957 --> 01:29:59,437 decent 1355 01:29:59,481 --> 01:30:00,699 [MUFFLED COUGH] 1356 01:30:00,743 --> 01:30:02,266 and kind 1357 01:30:02,309 --> 01:30:03,441 [COUGHING CONTINUES] 1358 01:30:05,269 --> 01:30:06,705 and humble 1359 01:30:06,749 --> 01:30:08,533 and honest and forthright. 1360 01:30:09,491 --> 01:30:10,666 Sense of humor. 1361 01:30:10,709 --> 01:30:13,320 And he's really got a great sense of humor. 1362 01:30:13,364 --> 01:30:15,148 Did he by any chance put you up to this? 1363 01:30:15,627 --> 01:30:19,414 No! Oh, no. Mmm-mmm. 1364 01:30:19,457 --> 01:30:21,590 No, I've just gathered this from my own observations. 1365 01:30:22,242 --> 01:30:23,679 No? 1366 01:30:23,722 --> 01:30:25,289 It's just the way he is. 1367 01:30:25,332 --> 01:30:26,333 Really? 1368 01:30:27,726 --> 01:30:28,727 Um! 1369 01:30:30,599 --> 01:30:31,991 [CLEARING THROAT] 1370 01:30:33,428 --> 01:30:34,167 Really? 1371 01:30:35,734 --> 01:30:36,909 Oh, yeah! 1372 01:30:36,953 --> 01:30:38,128 So unlike him. 1373 01:30:46,876 --> 01:30:47,877 Ow! 1374 01:30:54,492 --> 01:30:55,885 Check this out. 1375 01:31:01,934 --> 01:31:03,153 Hi, honey! 1376 01:31:04,067 --> 01:31:05,808 Is the coffee ready? 1377 01:31:06,722 --> 01:31:09,246 A little thirsty. 1378 01:31:09,289 --> 01:31:12,162 By the way, I have told you I loved you, 1379 01:31:13,206 --> 01:31:15,774 and it wasn't for tires, sweetheart. 1380 01:31:15,818 --> 01:31:17,080 It was for shocks, remember? 1381 01:31:23,173 --> 01:31:25,218 Oh, are they sweethearts, or what? 1382 01:31:25,262 --> 01:31:27,438 This one's smart as a whip. 1383 01:31:27,482 --> 01:31:29,396 I'm going to miss them like crazy. 1384 01:31:29,440 --> 01:31:32,312 They're beautiful children. What happened to you? 1385 01:31:32,356 --> 01:31:34,750 Recessive gene, skips every nine generations. 1386 01:31:34,793 --> 01:31:35,751 I got it this time. 1387 01:31:35,794 --> 01:31:37,317 Mmm-hmm. Tragic. 1388 01:31:37,361 --> 01:31:39,189 It isn't so bad, is it? 1389 01:31:39,885 --> 01:31:41,060 What? 1390 01:31:41,104 --> 01:31:42,627 The house, the family, the kids. 1391 01:31:42,671 --> 01:31:44,673 Oh, yeah. No, it's great. 1392 01:31:44,716 --> 01:31:46,544 This is great. 1393 01:31:46,588 --> 01:31:48,851 We should have done this a long time ago, 1394 01:31:48,894 --> 01:31:50,548 something like this, you know, you and I. 1395 01:31:54,596 --> 01:31:56,815 [BOTH SCREAMING] 1396 01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:07,173 They're here! 1397 01:32:12,570 --> 01:32:14,137 What are we doing? 1398 01:32:15,573 --> 01:32:19,142 Well, your mother, you see, and your sister 1399 01:32:19,185 --> 01:32:22,014 have to sort some things out. 1400 01:32:22,058 --> 01:32:23,450 They have to sort some things out. 1401 01:32:23,494 --> 01:32:25,540 So we're going to be very quiet for them. 1402 01:32:25,583 --> 01:32:27,977 So why don't we put a button on it like this 1403 01:32:32,242 --> 01:32:35,288 and a zipper, like that, and a lock. 1404 01:32:37,334 --> 01:32:39,641 I can't talk at all. I throw the key away. 1405 01:33:34,217 --> 01:33:35,610 It's going to be real different. 1406 01:33:37,089 --> 01:33:38,395 I promise. 1407 01:33:39,352 --> 01:33:40,571 I love you. 1408 01:33:53,671 --> 01:33:54,672 Shit! 1409 01:33:54,716 --> 01:33:56,065 MAIZY: Bye! 1410 01:33:56,108 --> 01:33:58,502 MILES: Bye, Uncle Buck! 1411 01:33:58,545 --> 01:34:01,200 Well, could I get out the door, please? 1412 01:34:01,244 --> 01:34:02,462 I'm going! 1413 01:34:02,506 --> 01:34:03,942 Well, this is heavy. 1414 01:34:03,986 --> 01:34:05,596 Bye! 1415 01:34:05,640 --> 01:34:07,946 Thanks again, Buck. 1416 01:34:07,990 --> 01:34:10,732 Next time you're downtown, maybe we can go out for a coffee. 1417 01:34:13,648 --> 01:34:14,431 Okay. 1418 01:34:16,085 --> 01:34:19,001 We really had a good time. I know it's kind of ridiculous. 1419 01:34:19,044 --> 01:34:20,524 We did leave the house a little messy. 1420 01:34:20,567 --> 01:34:21,873 We did try our best. You know, we're not so good at... 1421 01:34:21,917 --> 01:34:23,788 Chanice. What? 1422 01:34:23,832 --> 01:34:25,616 We're going home, we're not dying. 1423 01:34:25,660 --> 01:34:27,226 I'm saying good-bye, is that all right? 1424 01:34:27,270 --> 01:34:28,793 All right. Nice guy, is he? 1425 01:34:28,837 --> 01:34:30,577 Tell the neighbors we're really sorry 1426 01:34:30,621 --> 01:34:32,841 about having that thing parked in the driveway all week. 1427 01:34:32,884 --> 01:34:35,365 He's getting a new company car on Monday. 1428 01:34:35,408 --> 01:34:38,237 The hell I am! The beast is good for another 100,000 miles. 1429 01:34:38,281 --> 01:34:39,586 Yeah, well, it's too bad that you're not. 1430 01:34:39,630 --> 01:34:41,066 That's funny, Chanice. That's good. 1431 01:34:41,110 --> 01:34:42,677 See what I put up with? 1432 01:34:42,720 --> 01:34:45,157 Don't drive fast. I'm not fixing anymore tickets for you. 1433 01:40:07,305 --> 01:40:09,133 BUCK: Wake up! 1434 01:40:09,177 --> 01:40:10,656 [AIR HORN BLOWING] 1435 01:40:12,093 --> 01:40:13,572 [BUCK LAUGHING]