1 00:00:02,536 --> 00:00:03,637 Bye. Bye. 2 00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,173 CHRIS ROCK: When you're a kid, 3 00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:06,607 one of the most important lessons you learn 4 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,210 is when your parents tell you to do something... 5 00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:10,678 Y'all better eat that liver. 6 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:12,813 Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. 7 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:15,383 ...you do it... 8 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:18,652 ...no matter what you think... 9 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,554 Boy, get your feet off my good chair. 10 00:00:20,588 --> 00:00:22,556 Yes, ma'am. 11 00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:26,294 ...no matter what it is. 12 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:27,728 Girl, are you crazy?! 13 00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:30,164 You want to cook your brother, do it outside. 14 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:31,565 Yes, ma'am. 15 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,734 (muffled yelling) 16 00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:38,272 No matter how you feel. 17 00:00:38,306 --> 00:00:43,177 Chris, clear off the table and do the dishes. 18 00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,378 (both laughing) 19 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:47,781 No. 20 00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:50,484 (tires screeching, crashing sounds) 21 00:00:50,518 --> 00:00:53,487 (all gasp) 22 00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:55,389 What? 23 00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:57,558 Will I say what I said again? 24 00:00:57,591 --> 00:00:59,160 Will my mother kill me 25 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,095 before I get a chance to say it? 26 00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:03,697 Are Drew and Tonya gonna sit there and just let this happen? 27 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,566 Don't touch that dial. 28 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,314 * Aw, make if funky now. 29 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:30,391 Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION 30 00:01:30,391 --> 00:01:38,732 Captioning sponsored by PARAMOUNT TELEVISION 31 00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,402 After saying no to my mother for the first time, 32 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,603 I didn't know what to expect. 33 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,138 What did you say? 34 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:46,207 I said no. 35 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,341 Twice. 36 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:51,312 That's what I thought you said. 37 00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,591 Now say it again. 38 00:02:03,624 --> 00:02:06,360 Mom, I didn't eat all the dinner by myself. 39 00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:08,596 I shouldn't have to clean it all up by myself. 40 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:12,433 I don't wear all the clothes, but I wash them by myself. 41 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,435 I don't sleep in all the beds in this house, 42 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,570 but I make them up by myself. 43 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:19,507 I don't pee in all of the toilets 44 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,209 in this house by myself...! 45 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,510 Mom, Drew and Tonya sitting right there 46 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:23,944 doing nothing. Why can't they help? 47 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,846 Because I told you to do it. 48 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,450 Now I don't want to hear no more back talk. 49 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,552 Now clean this mess up. 50 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:35,323 No. I'm not gonna do it. 51 00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:42,896 Lord... please help me before I knock this boy's neck off. 52 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:48,369 Eight... 53 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,238 nine... 54 00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,972 t-ten! 55 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,242 I wouldn't see a woman that perplexed again 56 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,410 until Palin found out her daughter was knocked up. 57 00:02:56,444 --> 00:02:58,412 Now are you gonna clean up this table 58 00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:01,382 or do I need to tell your father? 59 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:04,585 Whenever there was a problem my mother couldn't handle, 60 00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,320 she'd call my father for backup, 61 00:03:06,354 --> 00:03:08,489 like the governor bringing in the National Guard. 62 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,493 Ow! 63 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:14,995 What's the situation?! 64 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,897 Chris won't do what I told him. 65 00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:18,499 You want me to do some dishes?! 66 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,900 I'll do some dishes! 67 00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:24,438 (screaming wildly) 68 00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,374 I'll handle this. 69 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,943 Oh! That was my... 70 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:36,350 (launcher beeps) 71 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,288 Yes! 72 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,690 (crowd cheering) 73 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,791 You know what? 74 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,528 Go ahead. Tell him. 75 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,629 I don't care. 76 00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,501 Fine. 77 00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,436 Drew, Tonya, come clean this table up 78 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:56,570 and wash the dishes. 79 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,506 BOTH: Yes, ma'am. 80 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,611 I enjoyed time with my father, 81 00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,614 but I was afraid this might be the last time. 82 00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,651 Where have you been? 83 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:13,020 I stopped to get coffee. 84 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,688 With his coffee coupon. 85 00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,491 Oh, coffee. Oh, yeah, that-that's nice. 86 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,059 Well, while you were out taking your time 87 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,661 sipping on coffee, 88 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:23,030 uh, your son was here staging a coup! 89 00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,064 A coup? 90 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:25,566 What? Who, Drew? 91 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,435 Chris! 92 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:32,573 I spent 20 hours of labor pushing out that big-eared boy, 93 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,742 and he turns around and does this to me?! 94 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,744 Does what? What did he do? 95 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:41,582 What did he do? Oh, what? You're on his side now?! 96 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,318 No, no, I'm just trying to find out what's going on. 97 00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:45,519 Oh, what's going on, what's going on. 98 00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:46,887 Let me think about what's going on. 99 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,656 Your son is trying to kill me. 100 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,424 That's what's going on! 101 00:04:50,458 --> 00:04:53,961 I-I cook, I clean, I care 102 00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,597 for this family, and what do I get in return? 103 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,566 Just a full-scale mutiny! 104 00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,833 Led by a child 105 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,502 who I bore for a man 106 00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:03,837 who's supposed to love and honor and protect me! 107 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:04,772 You know, 108 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,640 I thought we were all in this together, 109 00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:07,708 but you know what? 110 00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:10,010 I'm finding out now that I'm just by myself! 111 00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:13,547 Rochelle, what did he do? 112 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:18,986 I told Chris to wash the dishes. 113 00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,389 And he told me, "No." 114 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,692 And what do you do? 115 00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:27,628 Nothing! 116 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,969 While my father was trying to figure out what to do, 117 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,639 I was starting to realize what I had done. 118 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,574 What are you doing here so early? 119 00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:41,909 It's a long story. 120 00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,076 Why you here? 121 00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,546 I'm always here for breakfast. 122 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,647 So what happened? 123 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,816 I talked back to my mother; she's telling my father; 124 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,385 and I had to get out the house before he got home. 125 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:52,753 What were you thinking? 126 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:53,854 She's always making me do work 127 00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,424 while Drew and Tonya sit around like it's a hotel. 128 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:59,427 I mean, why do I have to be a maid? Do I look French? 129 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,729 Do I have on a black skirt with a white apron? 130 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,464 That's a whole other type of maid. 131 00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:05,733 You're a fool. Mothers do have limits. 132 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,900 I mean, there's only so much they can take. 133 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,969 You know, one day you just refuse to do the housework, 134 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,771 and then the next day you wake up, 135 00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,640 and there's some Italian lady naked in your kitchen 136 00:06:12,673 --> 00:06:14,675 at midnight eating all your spumoni ice cream, 137 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,610 and your dad comes out and he's, like, 138 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,679 "Hey, just, you know, go back to bed. 139 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,414 Forget all about it, Greg." 140 00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:22,916 Well, after my dad knocks my brains out, 141 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:25,819 I won't have to worry about remembering anything. 142 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,088 While I was trying to savor my last day of life, 143 00:06:28,121 --> 00:06:31,425 Mr. Omar was trying to savor a last meal. 144 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:34,061 So, the next thing I know, the doctors call 145 00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,864 and say I've gone from a clean bill of health 146 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,867 to who knows how much time left to live. 147 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,868 (laughs) 148 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,002 BOTH: Tragic. 149 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:45,473 You see, most people are decapitated by flying hubcaps. 150 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,774 (laughs) 151 00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:48,709 Or fall down a flight of steps 152 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,778 and get strangled between banister rails. 153 00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:54,748 So knowing when I'm gonna die allows me to make the most 154 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,685 of my remaining days and get my affairs in order. 155 00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,753 And he doesn't mean business affairs. 156 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,490 So from now on, I'm gonna do the things 157 00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:04,057 I want to do and say the things 158 00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:09,663 I want to say without worrying about the consequences. 159 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,098 (door shuts) 160 00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,469 Hey, Mr. Omar. 161 00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:17,004 Oh, hey, Mr. Julius. 162 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:21,108 Unfortunately, I'm here to give my 19-day notice. 163 00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:21,775 You moving out? 164 00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,712 Mm, no, more like moving on. 165 00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:25,846 Where you going? 166 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,781 Well, that's the great mystery of life, 167 00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:28,716 isn't it, Mr. Julius? 168 00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,251 Where do we go when we die? 169 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,855 Dying? Mr. Omar, that's terrible. 170 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,023 Oh, no, it's not. 171 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,693 'Cause for the next 19 days, I'm gonna be living it up! 172 00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,529 Pass me the meatballs. 173 00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:42,229 Okay. 174 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,832 Whoa-whoa-whoa, where's Chris? 175 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,099 Chris said he had to work late. 176 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,569 Good, then he'll be home soon. 177 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,870 Julius, 178 00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,171 your son is trying to kill me. 179 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:54,107 Go find him and stop him. 180 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:05,252 With my father on the way to Doc's, 181 00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:07,788 I was a dead man working. 182 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:10,791 (shrieks) 183 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,560 We need to talk. 184 00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,164 I just need to understand 185 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,567 why you would talk to your mother like that. 186 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,669 Dad, Drew and Tonya were sitting down watching TV, 187 00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,171 and I'm the only one Mom said to go clean up. 188 00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,873 It's just not fair. 189 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,675 You raised me to stand up for myself, 190 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:30,077 so why do I get in trouble when I do it at home? 191 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,912 Look, Chris, you might win the battle, 192 00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:32,880 but you're gonna lose the war. 193 00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:36,584 Sometimes it's not about just being right. 194 00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:37,885 Hey, look, 195 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,820 you need to apologize to your mother. 196 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:42,590 Why? 197 00:08:42,623 --> 00:08:44,592 Because she will make your life miserable. 198 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,660 You know how many times I've been right 199 00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,328 and still had to apologize? 200 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:51,765 469,531 times. 201 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,833 And counting. 202 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,802 How is that even possible? 203 00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:55,803 Because she doesn't care. 204 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,070 It doesn't make any sense. 205 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:57,638 Exactly. 206 00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,873 Look, that's the 207 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,876 of living with women: nothing makes sense. 208 00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,344 When you learn this, 209 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,280 then you'll finally understand what it is to be a man. 210 00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,784 Wrong or right, you still have to be sorry. 211 00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,200 I had survived the walk home. 212 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,869 Now all I had to do was apologize, 213 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:31,071 and my life would go back to normal. 214 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:33,874 So did you talk to him? 215 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,743 I talked to him. 216 00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:36,744 Good. 217 00:09:36,777 --> 00:09:39,647 Chris, clean up the table and do the dishes. 218 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:43,784 No. 219 00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,989 Well, it's been nice knowing you, America. 220 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,828 CHRIS ROCK: I had put my foot down. 221 00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:57,264 But unfortunately, it was into my own grave. 222 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:58,966 So I thought you talked to him? 223 00:09:58,999 --> 00:09:59,967 I did. 224 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,001 And he's got a point. 225 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:01,802 What?! 226 00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,671 Why should Drew and Tonya watch TV 227 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,938 while Chris cleans up their mess? 228 00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:08,976 I do not have to explain to him why I do 229 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:09,977 the things that I do. 230 00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:11,344 If I want him to do something 231 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,647 that I don't want the other kids to do, 232 00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,816 I probably have a good reason! 233 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,851 And do you have a good reason? No. 234 00:10:17,885 --> 00:10:19,787 But that doesn't matter! 235 00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,321 He's growing up, Rochelle. 236 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:24,391 If you ask him to do something that seems unfair, 237 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:25,458 he's gonna want to know why. 238 00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,861 You wanted a strong-minded kid, well, you got one. 239 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:30,698 Oh. 240 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,833 Okay, I-I see. 241 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,134 Oh, if he wants to be grown, 242 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,036 then he's grown. 243 00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:37,905 Fine. 244 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,107 How come when a woman says "fine," 245 00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,844 it's never actually fine? 246 00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:44,878 First thing in the morning, 247 00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:47,380 my mother did the meanest thing yet: nothing. 248 00:10:47,414 --> 00:10:49,182 Why didn't you wake me up? I'm late for school. 249 00:10:49,216 --> 00:10:50,951 You're grown. Wake yourself up. 250 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,385 You don't want to do nothing for me, 251 00:10:52,419 --> 00:10:53,821 I ain't doing nothing for you. 252 00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:54,922 And she didn't. 253 00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,024 She didn't do my laundry. 254 00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,726 Where are my underwear? 255 00:10:58,759 --> 00:10:59,993 You're grown. Wash your own drawers. 256 00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:05,065 She didn't make my meals. 257 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,066 Where's my breakfast? 258 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,067 You're grown. 259 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,335 You can cook your own food. 260 00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:14,341 While my mother was teaching me a lesson about life, 261 00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:16,977 Mr. Omar was giving out lessons about death. 262 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:20,080 And I also will take that helmet and those death darts. 263 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,049 That's a Crock-Pot and pens, man. 264 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,951 Not in the jungle, it's not. 265 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,719 You know, I can make 266 00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:28,288 a hand grenade out of a can of Cheez Whiz and a dress sock. 267 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,958 Well, you need to use it to blow your own brains out. 268 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,961 Don't they have centers for people like you? 269 00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:37,264 Bye. 270 00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:40,734 Excuse me. 271 00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:41,969 Hey, Monk. Hey, Julius. 272 00:11:43,336 --> 00:11:45,205 Hey, aloha, Mr. Julius. 273 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,107 You can't have all these people in the hallway. 274 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,742 What you gonna do about it? 275 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:49,642 I'm dying. 276 00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:52,079 Mr. Omar, these people are turning my house 277 00:11:52,112 --> 00:11:53,080 into a fire hazard. 278 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,315 Well, with all that asbestos 279 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,050 in the walls and ceiling, 280 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,952 you ain't got to worry about no fire. 281 00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,453 It's the asthma that's gonna kill you. 282 00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,122 Excuse me? You're cheap! 283 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,457 You're a bald-headed, 284 00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,393 penny-pinching skinflint. 285 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,061 Watch yourself, Mr. Omar. 286 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,763 What's to watch?! I'm dying. 287 00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,534 While my father was thinking about breaking a lamp 288 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,169 over Mr. Omar's head, 289 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:18,005 I was trying not to break down. 290 00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,840 Dude, you look terrible. 291 00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,975 I know. It was a rough morning. 292 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,044 Mom decided she's not gonna do anything for me anymore. 293 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,512 Barely made it to school. 294 00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:28,148 If you back down now, you'll miss the one chance you have 295 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,050 to make sure your voice is heard. I know. 296 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,419 All I have to do is stick it out just a little bit longer. 297 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,988 She's been mad at me before, and she'll be mad at me again. 298 00:12:35,022 --> 00:12:36,023 What's she gonna do, 299 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,224 not be my mother anymore? 300 00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:39,192 (woman speaking indistinctly over P.A.) 301 00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:41,094 I'd like to return this child. 302 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:43,063 Do you have the receipt? 303 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,198 Sure do. 304 00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,366 Looks good. 305 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:48,135 Take this to the cashier for your refund. 306 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,069 Thank you. 307 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,905 I was trying to become my own person, 308 00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,907 but my mother still thought she owned me. 309 00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:57,177 What you think you're doing? 310 00:12:57,210 --> 00:13:00,580 I'm making breakfast. 311 00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,916 With my eggs? 312 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,885 No, I bought the eggs, and I bought the bacon. 313 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,053 Oh. 314 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,054 (chuckles) 315 00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:08,822 Well, you ain't buy that skillet. 316 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,190 You ain't buy that fire. 317 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,492 You ain't buy that spatula. You ain't buy that plate. 318 00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,394 Next time, I'll remember to buy a paper plate. 319 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,263 Ooh! Next time? 320 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,166 Oh, next...? "Oh, next time, I'll remember to buy a paper..." 321 00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,100 No, next time, 322 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,836 you need to remember this ain't your kitchen! 323 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:26,206 This ain't your stove. This ain't your floor. 324 00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,841 Those ain't your frozen gizzards. 325 00:13:27,875 --> 00:13:29,576 That ain't your...! You say none of this is mine, 326 00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,311 maybe I should find someplace else to be. 327 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,946 Uh-oh! 328 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:33,947 Did y'all see that? 329 00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,448 I guess he jumping bad now. 330 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,217 You bad! I guess you Shaft! 331 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,086 You's a bad mother... 332 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:40,854 Shut your mouth! No. 333 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:43,190 Since you're so independent, so liberated, 334 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,258 maybe you need to go live in the Statue of Liberty. 335 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,459 Fine. 336 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,196 I'm leaving. 337 00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,597 I stood my ground, 338 00:13:50,630 --> 00:13:53,833 and now I was gonna be standing out on the street. 339 00:14:00,107 --> 00:14:02,142 CHRIS ROCK: I left the house before my mother 340 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,111 asked for her suitcase back. 341 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,078 Just say you're sorry. 342 00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,313 What for? 343 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,981 Because you just got kicked out. 344 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:09,216 Look, I don't care, all right? 345 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:11,051 It's better than doing everyone else's work. 346 00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,286 If you had been cleaning up after me 347 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,355 for the past ten years, you'd know how I felt. 348 00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,289 How you gonna eat? 349 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,624 I-I got a job. 350 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:18,525 Where you gonna stay? 351 00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:20,193 I'll find a place. 352 00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,161 Will you quit being stupid, 353 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,196 and go clean the kitchen like Mama told you? 354 00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:26,433 Look, if you want it clean so bad, you go do it. 355 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,368 So you're really leaving? 356 00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:30,070 Yeah. 357 00:14:31,071 --> 00:14:33,140 Well, can I have your radio? 358 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:34,908 Fine. 359 00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:39,246 Good luck, Chris. 360 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:47,487 ROCHELLE: Yeah, since this morning. 361 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,356 I mean, you know, it's not a big deal, 362 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,224 but if Chris calls, can you let me know? 363 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,426 Okay. 364 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:54,627 Thanks, Doc. 365 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,997 Why is this table such a mess? 366 00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,165 Somebody fired the maid. 367 00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,699 'Cause I'm not gonna clean it up. 368 00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,134 They're not gonna clean it up. 369 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:02,569 When I find him, Chris is gonna 370 00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:04,271 clean it up. When you find him? 371 00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,705 Chris and Mom got into another fight. 372 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,374 And she threw him out of the house. 373 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,476 What do you mean, you threw him out? 374 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,312 I may have implied 375 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,982 that since he was so self-sufficient, 376 00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,684 that maybe he should live someplace else. 377 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,252 And then he left. 378 00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:20,620 You telling me you kicked our son out 379 00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,022 because he didn't do the dishes? 380 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:23,123 Exactly. 381 00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,591 Not exactly. 382 00:15:24,624 --> 00:15:26,359 But it's the principle, Julius! 383 00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:28,428 Do you know what the words 384 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:29,429 "too far" mean? 385 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,663 Actually, she didn't. 386 00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,032 You're cutting the boy's arm off 387 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,166 for sticking his finger in the fan. 388 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,235 What? 389 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,970 Cutting off his arm? 390 00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,005 I don't get it. 391 00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,140 So am I the fan? 392 00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,241 I'm pretty sure Chris is the arm. 393 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,175 No, I think the arm is the arm. 394 00:15:42,209 --> 00:15:44,311 Chris is the boy. Yeah, Chris is the boy. 395 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,246 Look, sticking his finger in the fan 396 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,680 is just the equivalent of doing something stupid. 397 00:15:47,714 --> 00:15:48,815 Like talking back to Mom. Right. 398 00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:51,184 So cutting the arm off is kicking him out of the house? 399 00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:53,286 Exactly. So if he stuck 400 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:56,089 his finger in the fan, and I didn't like it, 401 00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:58,258 cutting his arm off so he wouldn't do it again 402 00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,292 wouldn't help. Wouldn't help. 403 00:15:59,326 --> 00:16:00,527 Oh. Oh. 404 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,029 Got it. 405 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,164 I'm-I'm gonna go find Chris. 406 00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,698 It's Saturday. He probably just went 407 00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:07,734 someplace in the neighborhood to cool off. 408 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,237 Hopefully, not under a fan. 409 00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:13,206 While my dad was talking sense into his woman, 410 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,242 a woman was talking some sense into me. 411 00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:16,143 Boy, are you crazy? 412 00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:18,078 You are lucky she just threw you out. 413 00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,679 But, V... Chris, you challenged her authority. 414 00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,381 You left her no choice. 415 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,316 So if me or Tonya say no, 416 00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:25,218 are you just gonna kick us out, too? 417 00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:26,619 Yes! No. 418 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:28,321 I didn't kick him out, Drew. 419 00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,322 He left. 420 00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,290 After you kicked him out. 421 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,524 He only left because you told him 422 00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,126 to go live in the Statue of Liberty. 423 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,394 CHRIS: Okay, how am I 424 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:37,097 supposed to talk to her if she won't listen to anything I say? 425 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,398 Chris, you are a child. 426 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:39,766 Parents don't negotiate 427 00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,168 with children. 428 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:41,968 Even though I hate Chris, 429 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,570 I still wish he would come back home. 430 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:44,571 I don't want him 431 00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,406 to get stabbed or shot 432 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,275 or turned out or hooked on drugs. 433 00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:51,078 Your brother is not gonna get hooked on drugs. 434 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,579 Actually, he probably will. 435 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,314 Runaways tend to fall into 436 00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,649 dangerous situations pretty quickly. 437 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,485 And drugs and alcohol provide a sedative 438 00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,619 to the trauma and isolation. 439 00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,489 Chris, you need to go 440 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,590 back home. 441 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,425 Why? It's just gonna happen again. 442 00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,393 What if he doesn't come back? 443 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:07,394 If he does, 444 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,328 it's just gonna happen again. 445 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:11,364 You know, if it was me and it was my kid, 446 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:12,432 I think I would've thought of 447 00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:13,666 a different way to say what I said, 448 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,502 so that my kid still learned his lesson 449 00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:16,636 while keeping our family together. 450 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,805 VANESSA: It's dishes! 451 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,408 You're acting like she told you 452 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,475 to bring down the mob! 453 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:23,676 Actually, the mob was 454 00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,178 slightly less vindictive than my mother. 455 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,780 Hey, Vanessa. 456 00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:28,848 Chris, let's go. 457 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,783 While me and my mother 458 00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,485 were still bent out of shape, 459 00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:35,322 Mr. Omar was about to straighten something out. 460 00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:36,656 Oh, hey, Mr. Julius! 461 00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:38,525 Chris, go upstairs. 462 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:41,161 And don't say anything to your mother till I get up there. 463 00:17:41,194 --> 00:17:43,196 I don't want her throwing you out again. 464 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,399 (chuckles) 465 00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:49,136 Hey, Chris! 466 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,237 What? 467 00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:53,440 Um, I was wondering had you rented my apartment yet. 468 00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,708 You forgot to say, "bald-headed skinflint." 469 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,444 Yeah. 470 00:17:57,477 --> 00:18:00,880 About that: I just wanted to say I'm very sorry. 471 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,215 Whatever. 472 00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,350 What difference is it to you 473 00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:05,352 whether I rented the place anyway? 474 00:18:05,385 --> 00:18:06,353 Won't you be dead? 475 00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:07,354 Uh, no, no. 476 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:08,321 Uh, turned out, 477 00:18:08,355 --> 00:18:09,556 there was a mistake. 478 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,392 I got Mr. Watkins' prognosis, and he got mine. 479 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:13,393 Who is Mr. Watkins? 480 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,361 He's the guy that's dying 481 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:15,428 instead of me. 482 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:16,429 (laughs) 483 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,499 Yeah, misdiagnosed with a terminal condition 484 00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:22,435 by a doctor with a nearsighted nurse. 485 00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:23,803 Tragic. Tragic! 486 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,406 Well... I guess that's good news. 487 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,210 Uh, look, look, look, Mr., Mr. Julius, 488 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,378 Mr. Julius. 489 00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,313 I was speaking my mind, 490 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:35,382 but my mind wasn't in the right place. 491 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,684 So you don't think I'm a bald-headed... 492 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:38,718 (screams) 493 00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:39,719 Don't say it! 494 00:18:39,752 --> 00:18:41,788 Don't you ever say that. 495 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,257 You're a good man, Mr. Julius. 496 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,526 Mr. Omar, 497 00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,495 next time you think you're dying, 498 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,364 before you start calling people names, be sure. 499 00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:57,704 Rent's due on the first. 500 00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:00,907 (chuckles) 501 00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:03,210 Hallelujah! 502 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,917 All right, first of all, 503 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:14,187 in the future, no kid gets thrown out of the house 504 00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,422 unless we both throw them out. 505 00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:18,558 Second, 506 00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:19,826 your mother's in charge. 507 00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,894 When she tells you to do something, you do it. 508 00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,963 You got it? 509 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,466 I'm talking to everybody here. 510 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:27,967 Now, do we all understand? 511 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:28,968 ALL: Yes. 512 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,404 Good. 513 00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:32,905 Chris, apologize to your mother. 514 00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:35,842 I'm sorry. 515 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,477 JULIUS: Sorry for what? 516 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,546 Mom, I'm sorry for being disrespectful 517 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:40,647 and talking back to you. 518 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:42,949 JULIUS: Good. 519 00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,617 Rochelle? 520 00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:47,454 Rochelle. 521 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:49,789 (sighs) 522 00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:52,492 Chris, I'm sorry for being unreasonable. 523 00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:53,660 I know I was unfair. 524 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,462 JULIUS: Okay. 525 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:56,929 This is over and done. 526 00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,965 Chris, give your mother a hug. 527 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,708 I'm sorry, baby. 528 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,543 I love you. 529 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,679 I'm sorry, too, Mom. 530 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:13,680 JULIUS: Great. 531 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,283 Drew, Tonya, go watch TV. 532 00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:18,551 Chris, clean this mess up. 533 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:19,719 Yeah, baby! 534 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:24,557 * Everybody hates Chris. 535 00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:27,560 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org