1 00:00:37,891 --> 00:00:42,630 [ Siren blaring, tires screeching ] 2 00:00:42,630 --> 00:00:46,567 [ Helicopter flying by ] 3 00:00:49,837 --> 00:00:53,273 [ Man on radio ] Go ahead and disregard the chase. We got him. 4 00:00:53,273 --> 00:00:56,243 That, uh-- [ Indistinct ] 5 00:00:56,243 --> 00:00:59,747 [ Man ] You are now about to witness the strength of street knowledge. 6 00:00:59,747 --> 00:01:03,717 * [ Rap ] [ Radio, indistinct ] 7 00:01:03,717 --> 00:01:06,820 *I'm Coming Straight Out of compton * 8 00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:10,958 *When Something Happens In south central Los Angeles nothing happens * 9 00:01:10,958 --> 00:01:14,127 *It's Just Another Nigger Dead, dead, dead * 10 00:01:14,127 --> 00:01:15,796 *Straight Out Of Compton 11 00:01:15,796 --> 00:01:17,698 *Crazy Motherfucker Name ice cube * 12 00:01:17,698 --> 00:01:20,267 *From The Gang Called Niggers with attitude * 13 00:01:20,267 --> 00:01:22,736 *Ak-47 Is The Tool 14 00:01:22,736 --> 00:01:24,137 *Don't Make Me Out The motherfucking fool * 15 00:01:24,137 --> 00:01:26,874 *As I Leave Believe I'm scarred, baby * 16 00:01:26,874 --> 00:01:30,277 *When I Come Back, Boys I'm coming straight out of compton, compton, compton * 17 00:01:30,277 --> 00:01:32,913 [ Speaking spanish ] 18 00:01:32,913 --> 00:01:36,817 My friend said he saw you with ramon comacho. Shut up, ho! It ain't true, ricco. 19 00:01:40,754 --> 00:01:43,891 It's time to teach both of you a lesson. 20 00:01:43,891 --> 00:01:47,260 I wouldn't do that if I was you. [ Squeaking ] 21 00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:51,264 You better step back,ese, unless you want me to bust a cap in your ass. 22 00:01:51,264 --> 00:01:55,703 This is my 'hood. And these girls belong to me. 23 00:01:55,703 --> 00:02:00,674 Belong? That is a very sexist way to talk about these bitches. 24 00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:05,979 [ Speaking spanish ] 25 00:02:05,979 --> 00:02:09,016 Bonjour. Je m'appelle ali. 26 00:02:09,016 --> 00:02:11,318 J'habitein staines. 27 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,763 [ Hawking ] 28 00:02:31,972 --> 00:02:34,808 You made me use me last tissue. 29 00:02:34,808 --> 00:02:36,744 Me ain't got another one now. 30 00:02:36,744 --> 00:02:39,579 [ Speaking spanish ] 31 00:02:45,218 --> 00:02:48,622 You what? Speak to the hand, 32 00:02:48,622 --> 00:02:51,124 'cause the face, it ain't listening. 33 00:02:51,124 --> 00:02:53,326 [ Speaking spanish ] 34 00:02:55,395 --> 00:02:57,297 - [ Yells ] - [ Yells ] 35 00:02:57,297 --> 00:03:01,134 Sorry. 36 00:03:01,134 --> 00:03:03,236 No! 37 00:03:23,356 --> 00:03:25,759 [ Speaking spanish ] 38 00:03:25,759 --> 00:03:30,898 REMEMBER: Life is the most precious gift that jah has given us. 39 00:03:38,071 --> 00:03:39,773 [ Guns cocking ] 40 00:03:46,179 --> 00:03:48,648 [ Imitating machine gun ] 41 00:03:55,889 --> 00:03:57,891 [ All laughing ] 42 00:04:11,905 --> 00:04:13,874 [ Yelling ] 43 00:04:13,874 --> 00:04:16,243 Unlucky. 44 00:04:18,378 --> 00:04:24,317 Mm, you saved us. I justreally want to thank you. 45 00:04:24,317 --> 00:04:26,720 Mm. [ Zipper unzipping ] 46 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:29,823 I'ah, dios mio! That's gonna need the two of us. 47 00:04:32,225 --> 00:04:36,764 Mmm. Here. Let me help you with that. 48 00:04:36,764 --> 00:04:39,867 *Boy, I'm Gonna Make you love me make you want me * 49 00:04:39,867 --> 00:04:43,170 *And I'm Gonna Give You Some attention * Mm, that's nice. 50 00:04:43,170 --> 00:04:48,842 * [ Continues ] That's very nice. Oh, yes, please. 51 00:04:48,842 --> 00:04:52,112 Mmm. Thank you very much. 52 00:04:52,112 --> 00:04:54,815 Oh, that's good, babe. [ Chuckles ] 53 00:04:56,316 --> 00:04:59,920 - oh, 2 pac, no! - [ Licking ] 54 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:03,490 [ Dog whimpers ] Whatever. 55 00:05:05,258 --> 00:05:07,761 [ Rapid licking ] 56 00:05:07,761 --> 00:05:11,098 - oh, yeah, baby. Play with the balls. - [ Rapid licking ] 57 00:05:11,098 --> 00:05:13,200 Oh, good dog. [ Knocking on door ] 58 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,535 [ Woman ] Ali, are you awake? For real. 59 00:05:15,535 --> 00:05:17,905 Ally pally, do you know how very late it is? 60 00:05:17,905 --> 00:05:20,107 And you're still in bed all asleep. 61 00:05:20,107 --> 00:05:23,543 - sorry, nana. - *It's Nice To Get Up In the morning * 62 00:05:23,543 --> 00:05:25,846 [ Growling ] Get off. 63 00:05:25,846 --> 00:05:29,783 *Four Or Five Or Six O'clock In the good old summertime * [ Growling ] 64 00:05:29,783 --> 00:05:33,821 *But When The Winter Comes And it's snowing out * [ Growling continues ] 65 00:05:33,821 --> 00:05:36,957 *It's Nice To Get Up In the morning * 66 00:05:36,957 --> 00:05:40,460 [ Growling stops ] *But Better To stay in bed * 67 00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:43,396 - [ Whimpers ] - ah, that's better. 68 00:05:43,396 --> 00:05:49,002 Ally pally, it's not nice to play with yourpupik when nana's in the room. 69 00:05:49,002 --> 00:05:51,939 - come on. You're teaching your class today. - oh, wicked. 70 00:05:51,939 --> 00:05:54,474 Out of bed, choppy-chop. 71 00:06:08,221 --> 00:06:11,191 *Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive 72 00:06:11,191 --> 00:06:14,061 *Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive 73 00:06:14,061 --> 00:06:16,830 *Wicked, Wicked *Junglist Massive 74 00:06:18,065 --> 00:06:20,467 *Wicked Original * [ Reggae ] 75 00:06:37,284 --> 00:06:40,553 - *Booyaka, Booyaka - * [ Reggae Continues ] 76 00:06:40,553 --> 00:06:43,957 *Booyaka, Booyaka Booyaka, booyaka * 77 00:06:45,358 --> 00:06:46,860 *Booyaka, Booyaka 78 00:06:48,228 --> 00:06:51,364 * [ Reggae Continues ] 79 00:06:58,939 --> 00:07:00,941 [ No dialogue ] 80 00:07:03,110 --> 00:07:05,312 * [ Fading ] 81 00:07:05,312 --> 00:07:08,448 - yo, yo. A'ight. A'ight. A'ight. - [ Belches ] 82 00:07:08,448 --> 00:07:13,620 Respect. So, what's goin' down in staines town, my nigga? 83 00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:17,224 Yo, nigga, we just be cold chillin', kicking back, suckin' on some gin and juice, 84 00:07:17,224 --> 00:07:19,192 laid back. Laid back? 85 00:07:19,192 --> 00:07:21,094 All right. For real. 86 00:07:21,094 --> 00:07:23,430 Jezzy, is you wearing green? 87 00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:28,035 I knew it. You is defecting to the iver heath posse, isn't it? 88 00:07:28,035 --> 00:07:30,470 Come on, let's stab him. Hold on, wait! 89 00:07:30,470 --> 00:07:33,606 Me mum put me yellow top in the wash with my brother's blue football socks, 90 00:07:33,606 --> 00:07:36,109 even though they ain't colorfast. 91 00:07:36,109 --> 00:07:40,080 All right, but you tell that slag that in the ghetto... 92 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:45,185 Washing non-colorfast synthetics at 60 degrees could cost you your life. 93 00:07:45,185 --> 00:07:48,588 Will you boys move? I've told you before. It's a fire risk. 94 00:07:48,588 --> 00:07:51,458 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, my brother. What's the problem? Huh? 95 00:07:51,458 --> 00:07:54,261 We just four brothers chillin' out on the sidewalk, maxin', relaxin'. 96 00:07:54,261 --> 00:07:57,164 It ain't too taxin'. Boof. Move! 97 00:07:57,164 --> 00:08:00,367 Okay. Yeah. We'll just sit on the bench. Yes. 98 00:08:01,468 --> 00:08:04,604 * [ Rap ] 99 00:08:06,506 --> 00:08:09,309 De east staines massiv. 100 00:08:09,309 --> 00:08:14,647 Well, if it ain't the west staines massiv outside their precious center. 101 00:08:17,284 --> 00:08:19,086 [ All ] Booyakasha! 102 00:08:19,086 --> 00:08:22,355 [ All ] Wikity-waketysha! Boo! 103 00:08:22,355 --> 00:08:25,592 Eastside is the best. Shhhh. 104 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:29,963 Westside is the best. [ Squeaks ] 105 00:08:29,963 --> 00:08:33,233 - eastside is the best. - westside is the best. 106 00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:35,635 - westside is the best. - eastside is the best. 107 00:08:35,635 --> 00:08:39,439 - [ Laughing ] - shit. I meant westside is the best. 108 00:08:39,439 --> 00:08:43,076 Anyways, you is on our turf. 109 00:08:43,076 --> 00:08:45,712 Once you past the bumblebees day nursery, 110 00:08:45,712 --> 00:08:49,582 just before you get to the mini-roundabout-- you know, on elmsleigh gardens-- 111 00:08:49,582 --> 00:08:53,020 then you is in the westside, oh, yeah? We don't care. 112 00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:55,388 Your mama is so fat... 113 00:08:55,388 --> 00:08:59,359 That when she volunteered to clean the cages at the zoo, 114 00:08:59,359 --> 00:09:04,097 people walk by and say, "look at that hippopotamus." 115 00:09:04,097 --> 00:09:07,034 That ain't fair. It's glandular. 116 00:09:09,269 --> 00:09:13,440 Let's leave these batty boys behind. Hey, your mama don't think so. 117 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:16,076 * [ Hip-hop ] 118 00:09:25,385 --> 00:09:27,254 - slow down! - [ Tires screeching ] 119 00:09:29,756 --> 00:09:31,624 [ Horn beeps ] 120 00:09:33,193 --> 00:09:35,262 Stop! 121 00:09:35,262 --> 00:09:38,498 - eastside! - what a flippin' loon. He's gonna get himself killed. 122 00:09:38,498 --> 00:09:41,368 Hey, yo, yo, g. It's the lapd, man. 123 00:09:41,368 --> 00:09:44,171 Yeah? And? 124 00:09:44,171 --> 00:09:48,708 [ Laughs ] Oh, man! You are one bad mofo, man. 125 00:09:48,708 --> 00:09:51,478 - *I Is Feelin' It You rockin' it * - *I'm Feelin' It 126 00:09:51,478 --> 00:09:53,080 *I'm Checkin' It *I'm Doin' It 127 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,514 *I'm Feelin' It *I'm Kissin' It 128 00:09:54,514 --> 00:09:56,316 *I'm Checkin' It *Nice 129 00:09:56,316 --> 00:09:59,452 * [ Rap Beat ] *Wicked 130 00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:03,423 *Wicked *Follow Me 131 00:10:04,657 --> 00:10:07,094 *Wicked Now, Wicked Now Wicked * 132 00:10:07,094 --> 00:10:09,329 *Me Got The Chicken Me like the chicken * 133 00:10:09,329 --> 00:10:12,699 *Me Got The Chicken Wicked A rockin' and a flickin' * 134 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,501 *We Got With The [ Scatting ] 135 00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:16,369 *A To The L To the I to the g * 136 00:10:16,369 --> 00:10:17,670 *Ali G That's me, that's me * 137 00:10:17,670 --> 00:10:19,239 *A To The L To the I to the g * 138 00:10:19,239 --> 00:10:21,108 *That's G That's me, that's me * 139 00:10:21,108 --> 00:10:23,243 *R To The I To The C To the k to the y * 140 00:10:23,243 --> 00:10:25,645 *That's Ricky C Ricky c to the c to the c * 141 00:10:25,645 --> 00:10:30,183 *Ricky C, Ricky-- Oh, wait a sec. I's gonna be late for me class. Let's go. 142 00:10:30,183 --> 00:10:34,521 [ Ali g ] Crack cocaine is destroying our community. 143 00:10:34,521 --> 00:10:38,525 So when a brother makes it through, they deserve our respect. 144 00:10:38,525 --> 00:10:40,627 So let's big it up for darren, 145 00:10:40,627 --> 00:10:45,332 who's been clean and off the crack now for eight years. 146 00:10:45,332 --> 00:10:48,501 - eight and three-quarter years. - whatever. 147 00:10:48,501 --> 00:10:53,773 Me don't want to say this, but most of you ain't never gonna see 11. 148 00:10:53,773 --> 00:10:57,844 Booka! Drive-bys. 149 00:10:57,844 --> 00:11:01,714 [ Sobbing ] Look, he's crying. Homo, homo. 150 00:11:01,714 --> 00:11:05,118 Hey! We'll have none of that language here. 151 00:11:05,118 --> 00:11:08,888 - the word is "batty boy." - batty boy! 152 00:11:08,888 --> 00:11:11,858 Batty boy! Better! Now, everybody up. 153 00:11:11,858 --> 00:11:14,627 'Cause it's time to give out this week's badges. 154 00:11:14,627 --> 00:11:17,797 First, big it up for me main man andy... 155 00:11:17,797 --> 00:11:20,833 Who has finally got his hot-wiring badge... 156 00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:25,372 And his advanced swearing badge. Shit off, you hairy dog's cock. 157 00:11:25,372 --> 00:11:29,509 Respect. And since you is got your fifth badge, 158 00:11:29,509 --> 00:11:32,479 you has also earned your second slit. 159 00:11:32,479 --> 00:11:36,383 Hopefully one day, you'll get to be tyrone's level. 160 00:11:36,383 --> 00:11:41,188 Tryrone, if you's get any better, we is gonna have to start doing your pubes, a'ight? 161 00:11:41,188 --> 00:11:43,390 I don't have any. 162 00:11:43,390 --> 00:11:46,159 Well, I have got millions. 163 00:11:46,159 --> 00:11:49,796 Now, remember, without realness, we is nothing. 164 00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:53,233 So, posse, keep it real. 165 00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:57,404 [ All ] Keep it real! Keep it real! 166 00:11:57,404 --> 00:11:59,772 Now on the streets, you is gotta know that your homey... 167 00:11:59,772 --> 00:12:02,275 Will take a cap in his ass for you. 168 00:12:02,275 --> 00:12:07,180 So let's start with a very basic trust exercise. 169 00:12:07,180 --> 00:12:10,450 One, two, three. 170 00:12:10,450 --> 00:12:13,920 - ali, can I have a word? - sure. 171 00:12:13,920 --> 00:12:16,356 It's about the center. 172 00:12:16,356 --> 00:12:19,926 Now I know how much these classes mean to you... 173 00:12:19,926 --> 00:12:23,796 - and how much the kids enjoy them. - [ Groans ] 174 00:12:23,796 --> 00:12:27,300 But I'm afraid the government is withdrawing our funding. 175 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,702 They're closing down the john nike leisure center. 176 00:12:33,506 --> 00:12:35,875 You what? 177 00:12:35,875 --> 00:12:38,611 How is these kids gonna make it out of the ghetto now? 178 00:12:38,611 --> 00:12:42,415 They'll have to go somewhere else. Somewhere else? 179 00:12:42,415 --> 00:12:46,653 Do you know what this center means to them? And to me? 180 00:12:46,653 --> 00:12:50,223 This is the spiritual home of the west staines massiv. 181 00:12:50,223 --> 00:12:53,360 This is like what mecca is to the jews. 182 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,463 It's like what Kentucky is to chickens. 183 00:12:56,463 --> 00:13:01,468 And it was here where me first felt me julie's... [ Whistles ] 184 00:13:01,468 --> 00:13:06,239 Ali, there's nothing you can do. 185 00:13:06,239 --> 00:13:08,875 Now, you better go and tell the kids. 186 00:13:28,961 --> 00:13:32,399 I ain't never gonna let them close us down. 187 00:13:32,399 --> 00:13:34,834 Keep it real. Yeah? 188 00:13:34,834 --> 00:13:37,437 [ Thud ] [ Groans ] 189 00:13:37,437 --> 00:13:40,273 [ Woman ] Dinner with the belgian prime minister at 8:00. 190 00:13:40,273 --> 00:13:42,309 Nato briefing in half an hour. 191 00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:45,278 And the deputy prime minister urgently wishes to speak to you. 192 00:13:45,278 --> 00:13:48,748 Has he heard the poll results yet? Excuse me. I wish I hadn't. 193 00:13:48,748 --> 00:13:51,050 Gallup's putting us 22 points behind. 194 00:13:51,050 --> 00:13:53,753 What about mori? Twenty-three points behind. 195 00:13:53,753 --> 00:13:56,689 The youth vote's deserting us in droves. 196 00:13:56,689 --> 00:14:00,327 All our focus groups suggest we're out of touch. Maybe we are. I know I am. 197 00:14:00,327 --> 00:14:03,530 Don't be ridiculous. Are we gonna lose this by-election, david? 198 00:14:03,530 --> 00:14:07,634 No chance. We haven't lost staines in 20 years, and we're not about to start now. 199 00:14:07,634 --> 00:14:09,936 We just have an image problem. 200 00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:13,373 We have to find a candidate who will improve that image. 201 00:14:13,373 --> 00:14:15,442 Somebody young. 202 00:14:16,843 --> 00:14:19,712 Somebody ethnic. Somebody in touch. 203 00:14:19,712 --> 00:14:21,781 Exactly, prime minister. You're absolutely right, david. 204 00:14:21,781 --> 00:14:24,083 What we got to find is an outstanding candidate... 205 00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:27,554 Who's intellectually superior, who can guarantee us victory. 206 00:14:27,554 --> 00:14:30,022 Easy now, Mrs. Hugh. Booyakasha. 207 00:14:30,022 --> 00:14:33,693 Is me julie about? Safe. She's upstairs. 208 00:14:33,693 --> 00:14:37,630 Hello, baby. I's been missing you so much today. 209 00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:40,500 You is looking so fine. 210 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,969 - all I want to do is pull your panties down-- - ali? 211 00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:45,104 Oh, hello, me julie. 212 00:14:45,104 --> 00:14:47,707 Stop feeling up nina and get in here. 213 00:14:47,707 --> 00:14:51,378 Sorry. I got confused. Strange how you never get confused with tracy, isn't it? 214 00:14:51,378 --> 00:14:54,581 - hello, ali. - hello. 215 00:14:54,581 --> 00:14:57,750 You know you's me only bitch-- ho. 216 00:14:57,750 --> 00:15:03,089 Lady? When me close me eyes, you's the only girl me ever think about. 217 00:15:03,089 --> 00:15:05,892 * [ Hip-hop ] 218 00:15:10,963 --> 00:15:13,500 * [ Ends ] Ali, open your eyes. 219 00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,568 Sorry. There was something in them. 220 00:15:15,568 --> 00:15:17,670 Because there's these fleas that is going around. 221 00:15:17,670 --> 00:15:19,706 And two of them, and they're coming. 222 00:15:19,706 --> 00:15:22,942 They're coming in again. They're in me eyes. 223 00:15:22,942 --> 00:15:25,712 - * [ Hip-hop Resumes ] - [ Whip cracks ] 224 00:15:25,712 --> 00:15:28,748 Ali g, you've been a very bad boy and you need to be punished. 225 00:15:28,748 --> 00:15:31,984 - are you a bad boy? - yes, I am. 226 00:15:31,984 --> 00:15:35,855 My skin is so dry. So for being a bad boy, 227 00:15:35,855 --> 00:15:38,691 I want you to rub oil into me. 228 00:15:38,691 --> 00:15:42,094 Paying special attention to my breasts and my batty crease. 229 00:15:42,094 --> 00:15:45,432 Okay. I will do that. 230 00:15:45,432 --> 00:15:49,602 But first, I want you to take your hat off, you naughty, naughty boy. 231 00:15:49,602 --> 00:15:52,739 But me never take me hat off. You take that off, 232 00:15:52,739 --> 00:15:55,608 - and I'll take these off. - okay. 233 00:16:02,849 --> 00:16:06,586 Now I'm going to milk you. [ Julie's voice ] Ali. 234 00:16:06,586 --> 00:16:08,855 Give me one more sec. 235 00:16:08,855 --> 00:16:14,193 - behave, alistair. - j.lo, they is closing down the center. 236 00:16:14,193 --> 00:16:17,129 So I was gonna go on a hunger strike until they save it. 237 00:16:17,129 --> 00:16:20,667 Or until I die. So just in case I do join... 238 00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:23,936 Tupac and biggie in dat ghetto in the sky, 239 00:16:23,936 --> 00:16:27,607 I's come here to bone you one last time. 240 00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:30,209 I think Mr. Johnson might have something to say about that. 241 00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:32,845 - can I watch? - I ain't got no problem with that. Has you? 242 00:16:32,845 --> 00:16:36,883 Ali. Don't do nothing stupid, all right? 243 00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:48,060 Hear me now. She ain't really me julie. 244 00:16:48,060 --> 00:16:51,030 Obviously, in real life, I's going out with someone much fitter. 245 00:16:51,030 --> 00:16:54,767 But they do that to make me more accessible. 246 00:16:54,767 --> 00:16:57,136 Which means that you girls out there will think that I will knob you, 247 00:16:57,136 --> 00:16:58,905 even if you was a minger. 248 00:17:06,646 --> 00:17:09,015 Okay, you got ten seconds till you start, mac daddy. 249 00:17:09,015 --> 00:17:10,883 [ Muffled ] More, more! More! 250 00:17:12,852 --> 00:17:15,822 Okay, and go! 251 00:17:15,822 --> 00:17:18,124 Mr. G, why are you on hunger strike? 252 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,893 [ Muffled ] In the struggle for-- 253 00:17:23,062 --> 00:17:27,266 in the struggle for justice, I's willing to lay down me life. 254 00:17:27,266 --> 00:17:30,903 Just like martin luther... Vandross did. 255 00:17:33,906 --> 00:17:36,743 This is local party chairman, alan swan. 256 00:17:36,743 --> 00:17:39,512 He's been putting together a list of names for the by-election. 257 00:17:39,512 --> 00:17:42,582 This is a great honor. I've always, um, been a particular admirer-- 258 00:17:42,582 --> 00:17:47,687 - the names, swan. - right. Uh, well, uh, there are, um-- 259 00:17:47,687 --> 00:17:51,290 there are three really outstanding candidates that match all your criteria. 260 00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:55,194 Top of the list is andrew hamilton. PHD., political science, 261 00:17:55,194 --> 00:17:58,865 studied PP. At oxford, gained a starred first. 262 00:17:58,865 --> 00:18:01,668 Have you tried these new chicken dippers? They're quite good, aren't they? 263 00:18:01,668 --> 00:18:04,571 Oh, yeah, they're really good. What sauce are you going for? 264 00:18:04,571 --> 00:18:06,839 Ooh. Uh, I think it's barbecue. 265 00:18:06,839 --> 00:18:10,843 [ Yelling ] 266 00:18:14,747 --> 00:18:16,916 I can't take it. I can't take it. 267 00:18:16,916 --> 00:18:19,986 [ Yelling ] 268 00:18:25,124 --> 00:18:27,526 Chicken dippers! 269 00:18:31,063 --> 00:18:33,600 - good. We can go home now. - ah, nips. 270 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,968 I'll get the keys, yeah? 271 00:18:35,968 --> 00:18:40,239 Starting again from... Now! 272 00:18:40,239 --> 00:18:42,274 * [ Rap ] 273 00:18:42,274 --> 00:18:44,977 No. 274 00:18:49,982 --> 00:18:52,785 Well, what has we got here then? 275 00:18:52,785 --> 00:18:55,622 I's doin' a serious protest, if you don't mind. 276 00:18:55,622 --> 00:18:58,057 Well, in that case, we'll leave you to it. 277 00:18:58,057 --> 00:19:00,893 Oh, thanks. 278 00:19:00,893 --> 00:19:03,896 There was just one thing, though. 279 00:19:06,032 --> 00:19:10,302 - [ All laughing ] - * [ Rap ] 280 00:19:10,302 --> 00:19:13,239 *And Y'all Gonna See That the hottest nigger out there * 281 00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:16,275 *Was, Is, Will Be Me 282 00:19:16,275 --> 00:19:19,912 *Just Like That I can go away for a minute do some other shit * 283 00:19:19,912 --> 00:19:23,750 - *But Bounce Right Back - [ Groans ] 284 00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:27,186 Grow, biggy, grow. I just gotta get a semi-lob on. 285 00:19:28,387 --> 00:19:33,092 Jennifer lopez. Jennifer lopez. 286 00:19:33,092 --> 00:19:37,797 Jennifer lopez lezzing off with the one from destiny's child with the big thighs. 287 00:19:40,032 --> 00:19:42,635 [ Giggles ] 288 00:19:42,635 --> 00:19:45,271 Look here now! Look here now! 289 00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,740 Look at my massive beast. [ All screaming ] 290 00:19:49,108 --> 00:19:52,645 You filthy animal! 291 00:19:59,018 --> 00:20:02,755 Oh, shep, this rail is very dirty. 292 00:20:02,755 --> 00:20:05,224 It's going to need a lot of polishing. 293 00:20:05,224 --> 00:20:07,660 [ Moaning ] 294 00:20:07,660 --> 00:20:11,764 PHD. In economics, three years at harvard, age 34-- 295 00:20:11,764 --> 00:20:15,768 swan, is there any reason why there should be an absurdly dressed, 296 00:20:15,768 --> 00:20:17,770 half-naked man chained to a fence... 297 00:20:17,770 --> 00:20:20,973 Being tossed off by an old blind council worker? 298 00:20:23,009 --> 00:20:26,245 - [ Moaning ] - ignore him. 299 00:20:26,245 --> 00:20:28,881 It's the local idiot making some pathetic protest. 300 00:20:30,349 --> 00:20:32,785 Have him unchained and bring him in here. 301 00:20:32,785 --> 00:20:35,187 But I'm trying to go through the whole-- bring him in, swan. 302 00:20:39,191 --> 00:20:41,227 Straight ahead at the top of the stairs. 303 00:20:43,863 --> 00:20:47,834 *Freak Me, Baby *Yeah, Just Like That 304 00:20:47,834 --> 00:20:50,236 *Freak Me, Baby *Come On, Come On 305 00:20:50,236 --> 00:20:53,372 *Freak Me, Baby 306 00:20:53,372 --> 00:20:56,275 *Let Me Lick You Up and down * 307 00:20:56,275 --> 00:20:58,377 *Till You Say Stop 308 00:21:00,179 --> 00:21:03,315 *Let Me Play With your body, baby * 309 00:21:03,315 --> 00:21:05,684 *Make You Feel Hot 310 00:21:07,253 --> 00:21:10,456 [ Off-key ] *Let Me Do All The Things 311 00:21:10,456 --> 00:21:12,792 *You Want Me To Do 312 00:21:15,327 --> 00:21:17,730 *'Cause Tonight, Baby 313 00:21:17,730 --> 00:21:22,769 *I Wanna Get Freaky with you * 314 00:21:24,403 --> 00:21:27,306 I'm kate hedges, the deputy prime minister's private secretary. 315 00:21:27,306 --> 00:21:31,243 Please, come in. And, uh, you can pull your pants up now. 316 00:21:37,850 --> 00:21:41,220 Hello. I'm david carlton, the chancellor of the exchequer and the deputy prime minister. 317 00:21:41,220 --> 00:21:45,024 *Hello, I's Ali G The dominatin' MC. * 318 00:21:45,024 --> 00:21:47,994 *Makin' Bitches Touch Their punani * 319 00:21:47,994 --> 00:21:51,931 *The Number After Two It be * Three. 320 00:21:51,931 --> 00:21:55,101 *No Ali A, No Ali B No ali c, no ali d * 321 00:21:55,101 --> 00:21:58,170 *No Ali-- 322 00:21:58,170 --> 00:22:00,306 *E 323 00:22:00,306 --> 00:22:02,875 *No Ali-- 324 00:22:02,875 --> 00:22:05,044 Uh... 325 00:22:05,044 --> 00:22:08,480 *F But ali * G. 326 00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,518 Po! Your rhymes is tight for a honky. Yes, sir. 327 00:22:12,518 --> 00:22:16,422 - that's his full name and address. - tell me, ali, 328 00:22:16,422 --> 00:22:20,359 - do you have a job? - unfortunately, I's recently gone on the dole. 329 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,495 - really? When? - eight years and three months ago. 330 00:22:23,495 --> 00:22:26,799 It says here you claim disability benefit. Are you-- 331 00:22:26,799 --> 00:22:30,069 yes, I is actually spasticated. 332 00:22:30,069 --> 00:22:32,438 I's got a terrible dj-ing injury. 333 00:22:32,438 --> 00:22:35,341 Me still ain't got full mobility on me main mixing finger. 334 00:22:35,341 --> 00:22:37,509 [ Scratching ] Ow! 335 00:22:39,078 --> 00:22:41,247 Everything down there is still working. 336 00:22:41,247 --> 00:22:43,382 Oh, yes. Yes. 337 00:22:43,382 --> 00:22:45,551 Ali, um, would you sit down? 338 00:22:45,551 --> 00:22:47,786 Um, please, sit down. 339 00:22:51,057 --> 00:22:53,492 Have you ever considered becoming a member of parliament? 340 00:22:53,492 --> 00:22:56,328 What would me want to do that for? It's full of pricks. 341 00:22:56,328 --> 00:23:01,100 Oh, that's a little harsh. I'm an MP. Am I a prick? Yes. 342 00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:04,570 Let's try approaching this from a different angle. 343 00:23:04,570 --> 00:23:08,474 Um... Is there nothing in the world that you would like to change? 344 00:23:08,474 --> 00:23:12,344 Yeah. Me'd wanna save the john nike leisure center, obviously. 345 00:23:12,344 --> 00:23:16,082 Well, as the MP. For staines, you could achieve that. 346 00:23:16,082 --> 00:23:18,417 Would you stand as our candidate in this by-election? 347 00:23:18,417 --> 00:23:22,321 Well, me gotta be honest. Me ain't actually bi. I mean, 348 00:23:22,321 --> 00:23:25,424 obviously, I done it with two girls. 349 00:23:25,424 --> 00:23:27,860 Well, I seen it on the internet. 350 00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:29,595 But me would never feel completely comfortable... 351 00:23:29,595 --> 00:23:32,498 Being bummed by a man, or even bummin' a man. 352 00:23:32,498 --> 00:23:35,534 I know a lot of people say, "never say ever," But me feel so strongly... 353 00:23:35,534 --> 00:23:40,306 That me exit hole should always stay me exit hole and never become me entry hole. 354 00:23:40,306 --> 00:23:44,310 You know what I's saying? Yes. 355 00:23:44,310 --> 00:23:48,014 Yes. Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you. 356 00:23:48,014 --> 00:23:49,949 Later. 357 00:23:54,220 --> 00:23:56,422 Later, sweetheart. 358 00:24:12,271 --> 00:24:15,975 David? What are you doing? 359 00:24:15,975 --> 00:24:18,510 He was the biggest idiot I have ever met. 360 00:24:18,510 --> 00:24:21,080 Choose him and there is no way we can win the by-election. 361 00:24:21,080 --> 00:24:23,482 I know. But there will be a leadership crisis. 362 00:24:23,482 --> 00:24:26,452 A vote of no confidence. The PM. Will be out. 363 00:24:26,452 --> 00:24:28,387 And who could possibly replace him? 364 00:24:31,958 --> 00:24:35,627 Ali has two weeks to lose us 18,000 votes. 365 00:24:35,627 --> 00:24:38,264 Let's get him on the campaign trail. 366 00:24:42,068 --> 00:24:44,503 Easy now, rude boy. Me name be ali g... 367 00:24:44,503 --> 00:24:47,373 And me is here representing staines. 368 00:24:47,373 --> 00:24:49,575 Me wanna know if me can count on your vote. What ya say? 369 00:24:49,575 --> 00:24:52,511 - definitely not! - hairy muff. 370 00:24:52,511 --> 00:24:57,083 Well, seein' as I is here, I couldn't interest you in a quarter of moroccan black? 371 00:24:57,083 --> 00:24:58,550 It's well good shit. 372 00:24:58,550 --> 00:25:03,389 Dave, it's your turn to shit through the letter box. 373 00:25:03,389 --> 00:25:06,592 Our anti-bullying program has won paise throughout the county. 374 00:25:06,592 --> 00:25:11,497 And incidents of bullying in this school are at an all-time low. 375 00:25:11,497 --> 00:25:14,666 Ah, this is jonathan, who used to suffer terribly at the hands of bullies. 376 00:25:14,666 --> 00:25:18,104 I ain't surprised. Look at him. 377 00:25:18,104 --> 00:25:22,341 Hey, fatty boom-boom. Hey, fatty boom-boom. 378 00:25:22,341 --> 00:25:27,513 Hey, want another cream cake? Boing, boing, boing. 379 00:25:27,513 --> 00:25:32,151 [ Chuckles ] Oh. He is well fat, though, isn't he? 380 00:25:32,151 --> 00:25:34,653 All you motherfuckers, fu-fu-fu-fuckers. 381 00:25:34,653 --> 00:25:37,456 All you motherfuckers. Fu-fu-fu-fuckers. 382 00:25:37,456 --> 00:25:41,360 Vote for the g. The motherfucking g. That's me. The motherfucking g. 383 00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:43,729 All the bitches in the house say "yo." 384 00:25:46,432 --> 00:25:50,569 Vote for me, 'cause me know what you lezzers want. 385 00:25:50,569 --> 00:25:53,539 I's a big supporter of your cause. 386 00:25:53,539 --> 00:25:57,643 And I's got many, many of your videos. 387 00:25:57,643 --> 00:26:00,379 If you vote for me, me give you me pledge... 388 00:26:00,379 --> 00:26:03,149 To lower taxes on strap-ons. 389 00:26:03,149 --> 00:26:08,354 - [ Booing ] - why's you getting so eggy? Is you all on? 390 00:26:08,354 --> 00:26:12,758 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, to commemorate the extension of the town hall, 391 00:26:12,758 --> 00:26:15,561 we're asking all the candidates to lay down a brick. 392 00:26:15,561 --> 00:26:19,231 Ali, we wonder whether you'd be good enough to lay one for us now? 393 00:26:19,231 --> 00:26:21,767 - what? Here? - we would be honored. 394 00:26:21,767 --> 00:26:23,702 In front of everyone? Well, yes. 395 00:26:25,171 --> 00:26:27,073 All right. 396 00:26:33,512 --> 00:26:36,315 [ Crowd groaning ] 397 00:26:38,784 --> 00:26:40,652 Not bad. 398 00:26:40,652 --> 00:26:43,289 This is absolutely vital. 399 00:26:43,289 --> 00:26:45,591 Ten days ago, we were 14 points ahead. 400 00:26:45,591 --> 00:26:48,394 With one day to go, we are eight points behind. 401 00:26:48,394 --> 00:26:52,030 Listen, did you get the manifesto that I sent you? 402 00:26:54,266 --> 00:26:57,303 Have you got another roach? Uh, for real. 403 00:27:04,176 --> 00:27:08,080 You got another roach? Uh, yeah, for real. 404 00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:11,417 Wicked. Wicked. Yeah. [ Chuckles ] 405 00:27:11,417 --> 00:27:14,520 Yes. It was very helpful. 406 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,456 Thirty seconds till we're on air. Would you like to come with me? 407 00:27:17,456 --> 00:27:21,160 Good luck. Don't hold back. 408 00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,562 * [ Fanfare ] 409 00:27:23,562 --> 00:27:27,499 Shh, shh, shh, shh. [ Giggles ] [ Mumbling ] 410 00:27:27,499 --> 00:27:32,438 In what is possibly the most crucial by-election of the past decade, 411 00:27:32,438 --> 00:27:35,107 we're joined tonight by ex-environment secretary and political heavyweight... 412 00:27:35,107 --> 00:27:37,843 David griffiths, and newcomer ali g. 413 00:27:37,843 --> 00:27:39,845 If you haven't made your mind up yet, 414 00:27:39,845 --> 00:27:42,181 you will have done by the end of this debate. 415 00:27:42,181 --> 00:27:46,218 Ali, if elected, what would you do for staines? 416 00:27:46,218 --> 00:27:48,754 Well, me'd save the john nike leisure center, isn't it? 417 00:27:48,754 --> 00:27:51,523 You can't suggest that your sole policy... 418 00:27:51,523 --> 00:27:56,495 Is to save a center that's barely used and a terrible drain on funds. 419 00:27:56,495 --> 00:27:59,298 What are your other policies? 420 00:27:59,298 --> 00:28:01,567 My other policies? 421 00:28:01,567 --> 00:28:04,503 Yes. You must have some. 422 00:28:04,503 --> 00:28:06,372 [ No sound ] 423 00:28:06,372 --> 00:28:09,441 Well. 424 00:28:09,441 --> 00:28:13,179 Oh, I think it is well important to reduce... 425 00:28:13,179 --> 00:28:15,781 "Inflat-ee-on." 426 00:28:15,781 --> 00:28:20,419 And, also, to invest in the "nehuss." 427 00:28:22,354 --> 00:28:24,523 The naha... Nahus. 428 00:28:24,523 --> 00:28:27,159 Oh, the NH.S. 429 00:28:27,159 --> 00:28:29,928 - you're reading from my sheet. - no, I ain't. I was for them things myself. 430 00:28:29,928 --> 00:28:34,400 You has obviously copied from me. It wasn't me. 431 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,536 Well, then, perhaps you'd like to tell me where you stand on the ER.M.? 432 00:28:37,536 --> 00:28:41,307 No problem. Me thought their first album was whack. 433 00:28:41,307 --> 00:28:43,475 And to be honest, me hate all indie music. 434 00:28:43,475 --> 00:28:45,677 Quick frankly, the voters of staines deserve better. 435 00:28:45,677 --> 00:28:47,679 You're making a mockery of this debate. 436 00:28:47,679 --> 00:28:52,184 What? Is you looking in the mirror? All you're doing... 437 00:28:52,184 --> 00:28:54,386 Is making it obvious to all the voters out there... 438 00:28:54,386 --> 00:28:58,290 - what an absolute buffoon you are. - talking about yourself again? 439 00:28:58,290 --> 00:29:00,192 [ Ali ] I think so, yes. 440 00:29:00,192 --> 00:29:03,529 You are an embarrassment to your party and to the people of staines. 441 00:29:03,529 --> 00:29:06,198 That is not a very nice way to talk about your mum. 442 00:29:06,198 --> 00:29:08,567 I put it to you... 443 00:29:08,567 --> 00:29:11,403 That you are the worst possible candidate... 444 00:29:11,403 --> 00:29:14,406 Ever put forward by your miserable party. 445 00:29:14,406 --> 00:29:16,442 Well, I put it to you... 446 00:29:25,951 --> 00:29:28,720 - that you sucked off a horse. - [ Gasps ] 447 00:29:31,590 --> 00:29:34,393 I did not, uh, suck off a horse. 448 00:29:36,328 --> 00:29:39,398 I have already dealt with this issue with the party chairman. 449 00:29:39,398 --> 00:29:42,268 And as I explained to him, 450 00:29:42,268 --> 00:29:46,538 I was out hunting with a friend... 451 00:29:46,538 --> 00:29:51,510 And I slipped on to the end of a horse's phallus, 452 00:29:51,510 --> 00:29:56,882 which, unfortunately, owing to it being the mating season, 453 00:29:56,882 --> 00:29:59,518 was... Aroused. 454 00:30:03,522 --> 00:30:06,492 [ Ali ] Why is he going? Does he need to do a pony? 455 00:30:06,492 --> 00:30:10,696 - [ Laughing ] Oh. That's cold. - is that a yes or a neigh? 456 00:30:10,696 --> 00:30:13,565 Why ain't you speaking? Is you a bit hoarse? 457 00:30:13,565 --> 00:30:16,702 Was that a lie or was that the tr-hoof, hoof? 458 00:30:16,702 --> 00:30:20,672 [ Ali over speaker ] I don't want to read the "gallop" polls tomorrow. Giddyup! 459 00:30:20,672 --> 00:30:23,375 Another dramatic day in the staines by-elections... 460 00:30:23,375 --> 00:30:26,878 Saw the unexpected withdrawal of opposition candidate david griffiths. 461 00:30:26,878 --> 00:30:30,516 Tomorrow's vote now becomes a two-horse race between thomas alvarez... 462 00:30:30,516 --> 00:30:33,552 And ali g, with the result too close to call. 463 00:30:33,552 --> 00:30:36,688 Thomas alvarez, liberal democrats, 464 00:30:36,688 --> 00:30:38,890 five thousand and eighty votes. 465 00:30:42,628 --> 00:30:44,763 Alistair leslie graham, [ Laughing ] 466 00:30:44,763 --> 00:30:47,833 Who? What a stupid name. 467 00:30:47,833 --> 00:30:50,702 Five thousand and eighty-six votes. [ Screams ] 468 00:30:50,702 --> 00:30:52,771 You won! You did it! 469 00:30:52,771 --> 00:30:55,441 Selector! 470 00:30:55,441 --> 00:30:57,676 [ Man ] And I now declare ali g... 471 00:30:57,676 --> 00:31:02,314 Has been duly elected as member of parliament for staines. 472 00:31:08,420 --> 00:31:11,423 Now, do you wanna see the new member of parliament, a'ight? 473 00:31:11,423 --> 00:31:13,725 [ Both laughing ] 474 00:31:13,725 --> 00:31:14,993 - [ Zipper unzipping ] - [ Feedback ] 475 00:31:14,993 --> 00:31:18,964 [ Ali on PA. ] Look, I is touching myself. Do you like that? 476 00:31:18,964 --> 00:31:21,767 Is that turnin' you on? 477 00:31:21,767 --> 00:31:24,102 [ Julie on PA. ] Not really. Hmm. 478 00:31:24,102 --> 00:31:27,539 [ Ali ] Would you like to give a kiss to Mr. Gherkin? 479 00:31:27,539 --> 00:31:31,009 [ Julie ] Oh, baby, you're so long and hard. 480 00:31:31,009 --> 00:31:35,681 - [ Ali ] That's the hand brake. - now let's get jiggy. 481 00:31:35,681 --> 00:31:38,984 [ Ali ] *Mm, Mr. Bombastic Reggae fantastic * 482 00:31:38,984 --> 00:31:41,387 *Take It And De doogie doogie doogie * 483 00:31:41,387 --> 00:31:43,121 *Mr. Ro-ro-ro-ro-ro 484 00:31:43,121 --> 00:31:46,558 *Mmmmmmantic 485 00:31:46,558 --> 00:31:48,660 [ Softly moans ] 486 00:31:50,829 --> 00:31:52,531 Is it in yet? 487 00:32:07,446 --> 00:32:11,683 Big up yourself. Respect. Safe. Big up yourself. 488 00:32:11,683 --> 00:32:15,153 - [ Indistinct ] - hey, hey, I know you. 489 00:32:15,153 --> 00:32:18,390 You is the geezer that did it with that prozzie, isn't it? 490 00:32:19,758 --> 00:32:21,393 Respect. 491 00:32:23,829 --> 00:32:26,998 - [ Man ] ...because this government's conduct-- - order! Order! 492 00:32:26,998 --> 00:32:32,971 - [ All shouting ] - this government's conduct of economic policy... 493 00:32:32,971 --> 00:32:37,543 Has not only been incompetent, it has been unscrupulous, 494 00:32:37,543 --> 00:32:41,613 untrustworthy and untruthful. 495 00:32:41,613 --> 00:32:44,483 They is dissin' our posse. I's gonna sort this. 496 00:32:44,483 --> 00:32:47,919 [ Man ] Order! Order in the house! 497 00:32:47,919 --> 00:32:50,589 - and look at this. - order! Order! 498 00:32:50,589 --> 00:32:54,726 Will the member from staines return to his seat? 499 00:32:54,726 --> 00:32:58,964 Will the member from staines return to his seat? 500 00:32:58,964 --> 00:33:03,902 Order! Order in the house! 501 00:33:07,205 --> 00:33:11,042 What is he doing? I'm-i'm not sure, prime minister. 502 00:33:11,042 --> 00:33:14,045 Order in the house! 503 00:33:14,045 --> 00:33:16,848 And for you, sir, to come down and step up to me... Shh. 504 00:33:16,848 --> 00:33:20,185 And have the-- relax, ya batty. 505 00:33:20,185 --> 00:33:22,187 [ Snaps fingers ] 506 00:33:27,493 --> 00:33:29,928 Look at you. 507 00:33:29,928 --> 00:33:33,164 All you ever do all day long is cuss each other. 508 00:33:33,164 --> 00:33:38,604 R-e-s-t-e-c-p. 509 00:33:38,604 --> 00:33:40,606 Do you even know what that spells? 510 00:33:40,606 --> 00:33:42,941 "Restecp"? 511 00:33:46,244 --> 00:33:50,148 - yes. "Restecp." - restecp. 512 00:33:50,148 --> 00:33:54,085 How's anyone out there meant to restecp each other... 513 00:33:54,085 --> 00:33:56,087 If you lot in here... 514 00:33:56,087 --> 00:34:00,992 Don't even start restecping one another? 515 00:34:00,992 --> 00:34:03,194 Sergeant, eject the gentleman. 516 00:34:03,194 --> 00:34:05,864 Do you wanna know how to make this country better? It's simple. 517 00:34:05,864 --> 00:34:09,234 Two WORDS: Keep it real. 518 00:34:09,234 --> 00:34:12,504 - that's three words. - don't be a spanner. "It" ain't a real word. 519 00:34:12,504 --> 00:34:15,974 It's short for "innit," innit? Keep it real! 520 00:34:15,974 --> 00:34:19,144 The member of staines will be banned from the house. 521 00:34:19,144 --> 00:34:21,246 Is it 'cause I's black? 522 00:34:21,246 --> 00:34:24,683 What in god's name have you done to me? 523 00:34:24,683 --> 00:34:27,619 I want that idiot in my office in the morning with his letter of resignation. 524 00:34:27,619 --> 00:34:29,487 Is that clear? Yes, prime minister. 525 00:34:30,689 --> 00:34:32,257 - [ Knocking on door ] - come in. 526 00:34:34,860 --> 00:34:37,729 Listen. Me know me done wrong. 527 00:34:37,729 --> 00:34:39,765 Ali, haven't you read the papers? 528 00:34:50,208 --> 00:34:53,879 I can't believe it. 529 00:34:53,879 --> 00:34:55,781 There's a dog that can play table tennis. 530 00:34:55,781 --> 00:34:58,283 Ali, it's the press. They love you. 531 00:34:58,283 --> 00:35:00,118 But how can he hold the bat? 532 00:35:00,118 --> 00:35:03,021 Ali, the deputy prime minister and I were wondering... 533 00:35:03,021 --> 00:35:07,025 What would you say if I asked you to join the cabinet? 534 00:35:07,025 --> 00:35:10,896 No. Think about it. Ali joins the cabinet. 535 00:35:10,896 --> 00:35:13,264 The two of them are publicly allied together. 536 00:35:13,264 --> 00:35:16,134 Ali slips up and he takes that old prat with him. 537 00:35:16,134 --> 00:35:18,236 What makes you think ali will join? 538 00:35:18,236 --> 00:35:20,672 Because I've suggested to the prime minister... 539 00:35:20,672 --> 00:35:24,610 That he offers to save his leisure center. Are you mad? That would-- 540 00:35:24,610 --> 00:35:27,913 let me finish. Offers to save his leisure center... 541 00:35:27,913 --> 00:35:32,250 If ali can secure him a 20-point lead in the polls. 542 00:35:32,250 --> 00:35:35,153 Yo, boss man, now I's in the cabinet and all that, 543 00:35:35,153 --> 00:35:37,656 could I have a look at the red button? 544 00:35:37,656 --> 00:35:39,691 - can I trust you? - yes. 545 00:35:39,691 --> 00:35:42,628 All right, here we are. 546 00:35:42,628 --> 00:35:48,199 Now, one touch on that red button could destroy the whole world. 547 00:35:48,199 --> 00:35:51,136 That is very interesting that you say that because-- no! No! 548 00:35:51,136 --> 00:35:53,672 [ Laughs ] Fell for it, fell for it. 549 00:35:53,672 --> 00:35:56,141 Ali, please stand away, please. 550 00:35:56,141 --> 00:35:58,143 Dear me. Can't we just blow up something? 551 00:35:58,143 --> 00:36:00,612 Of course not. Please? 552 00:36:00,612 --> 00:36:03,014 No! Come on, just somewhere shitty, like wales. 553 00:36:03,014 --> 00:36:06,685 Ali. I heard the prime minister of wales called your mum a slag. 554 00:36:06,685 --> 00:36:09,187 Iamthe prime minister of wales. 555 00:36:09,187 --> 00:36:11,322 Well, you shouldn't talk that way about your mum, isn't it? 556 00:36:11,322 --> 00:36:14,626 Now, look, your first cabinet meeting is next thursday. 557 00:36:14,626 --> 00:36:17,729 [ Prime minister ] We're going to be discussing asylum seekers. 558 00:36:17,729 --> 00:36:21,399 I'm sending you on a fact-finding mission. 559 00:36:21,399 --> 00:36:24,135 If anybody wants to smuggle anything into britain, 560 00:36:24,135 --> 00:36:26,772 chances are they'll come through here. 561 00:36:26,772 --> 00:36:29,741 And it's not just immigrants. Take a look at this. 562 00:36:31,242 --> 00:36:33,278 You'll be appalled. 563 00:36:33,278 --> 00:36:36,748 Look at this crap. 564 00:36:36,748 --> 00:36:39,417 Thirty kilos of marijuana smuggled in from europe, 565 00:36:39,417 --> 00:36:41,419 south America and the middle east. 566 00:36:41,419 --> 00:36:45,056 That is terrible. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. 567 00:36:45,056 --> 00:36:47,292 - is there any skunk? - yes. 568 00:36:47,292 --> 00:36:50,896 Some scumbag managed to smuggle in 15 kilos of this. 569 00:36:50,896 --> 00:36:54,700 Turns out it's the strongest super skunk ever discovered. 570 00:36:56,768 --> 00:36:59,337 Over here is where we keep the confiscated weapons. 571 00:36:59,337 --> 00:37:01,907 And this is where we keep the-- [ Yelling ] 572 00:37:05,911 --> 00:37:08,680 You must have such a laugh here, what? 573 00:37:09,848 --> 00:37:12,884 - no, we don't. - oh. 574 00:37:12,884 --> 00:37:16,354 This next section is where we keep the mountains of hard-core pornography. 575 00:37:16,354 --> 00:37:18,389 Most of it coming from germany. 576 00:37:18,389 --> 00:37:20,425 You may want to look away at this bit. 577 00:37:20,425 --> 00:37:23,829 No, I's got a job to do. 578 00:37:25,130 --> 00:37:28,867 [ Whimpers ] I know. 579 00:37:28,867 --> 00:37:32,203 It makes me feel sick too. 580 00:37:32,203 --> 00:37:34,405 Well, I's gonna have to compile me report now. 581 00:37:34,405 --> 00:37:38,043 So if you wouldn't mind fucking off. Certainly, sir. 582 00:37:38,043 --> 00:37:41,046 Oh, westminster will be sending down a couple of experts... 583 00:37:41,046 --> 00:37:44,382 To help me with me research. [ Ricky c ] jezzy, glasses. 584 00:37:45,917 --> 00:37:48,319 Hello. We is experts. 585 00:37:51,189 --> 00:37:55,260 [ Music plays, man, woman moaning ] 586 00:37:57,896 --> 00:37:59,965 [ Man on tv speaking german ] 587 00:38:03,168 --> 00:38:07,372 Well, now, ali, tells us. What did you find out in dover? 588 00:38:07,372 --> 00:38:10,441 Well, we saw a lot of stuff-- most of it from germany-- 589 00:38:10,441 --> 00:38:14,312 of these blokes all goin' in through the back door. 590 00:38:14,312 --> 00:38:17,916 Absolutely right. I've been to germany and experienced it myself. 591 00:38:17,916 --> 00:38:21,019 Respect. I remember one time... 592 00:38:21,019 --> 00:38:24,322 There were these two huge african men... 593 00:38:24,322 --> 00:38:28,359 Who managed to squeeze themselves into... This tiny box. 594 00:38:30,261 --> 00:38:33,231 - how long was they in there for? - fifteen hours. 595 00:38:33,231 --> 00:38:36,501 It was incredibly emotional. It must have hurt, what? 596 00:38:36,501 --> 00:38:40,105 - it still does. - sorry. 597 00:38:40,105 --> 00:38:45,110 So, john, what are we going to do about these asylum seekers? 598 00:38:45,110 --> 00:38:48,914 Well, we can't just let them all in. It'll cripple the economy. 599 00:38:48,914 --> 00:38:51,416 - ooh. Ooh. - ah, yes, ali. 600 00:38:51,416 --> 00:38:53,819 Let's think about this, right? 601 00:38:53,819 --> 00:38:56,888 What is the main thing we ain't got enough of in this country? 602 00:38:56,888 --> 00:38:59,190 - hospitals. - no. - libraries? 603 00:38:59,190 --> 00:39:04,195 Behave! We ain't got enough fit women. 604 00:39:04,195 --> 00:39:07,866 And we's got too many mingers. No offense, karen. 605 00:39:09,300 --> 00:39:12,470 So why don't we just let in all the fit refugees... 606 00:39:12,470 --> 00:39:14,472 And turn away all the rank ones. 607 00:39:14,472 --> 00:39:16,574 That way we solve both problems. 608 00:39:16,574 --> 00:39:20,545 We's knobbin' two birds with one connie, isn't it? [ Chattering ] 609 00:39:20,545 --> 00:39:22,480 - this is ludicrous. - what do you think? 610 00:39:24,415 --> 00:39:27,352 I think we should "keep it real." 611 00:39:28,319 --> 00:39:31,256 Fit. Fit. 612 00:39:32,190 --> 00:39:34,960 Fit. Wait. 613 00:39:36,895 --> 00:39:39,497 Back to slovenia. Fit. 614 00:39:42,934 --> 00:39:46,371 As I was saying, education standards are at their lowest for 15 years. 615 00:39:46,371 --> 00:39:50,508 Yeah, well, that is because kids is learning stuff that ain't no use to them. 616 00:39:50,508 --> 00:39:55,380 I mean, who here has ever used maths? Or english? 617 00:39:57,015 --> 00:40:02,320 Exactly. Let's start making education relevant. 618 00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:07,325 So, if kevin buys six ounces of jamaican sinsemilla from fat tony... 619 00:40:07,325 --> 00:40:10,395 For 6480, cash in hand, 620 00:40:10,395 --> 00:40:13,932 and has to divide it amongst 11 of his customers, 621 00:40:13,932 --> 00:40:16,134 how much should he charge for an eighth... 622 00:40:16,134 --> 00:40:20,338 So he can make 6100 profit to pay off his child support? 623 00:40:20,338 --> 00:40:23,174 Prime minister, the situation in northern ireland... 624 00:40:23,174 --> 00:40:26,177 Is threatening to spiral out of all control. 625 00:40:26,177 --> 00:40:29,915 Hear me now. The only way you is ever gonna get those hindus... 626 00:40:29,915 --> 00:40:33,952 To stop killing them islams-- it's actually catholics fighting protestants. 627 00:40:33,952 --> 00:40:38,356 Whatever-- is if you get some really fit woman... 628 00:40:38,356 --> 00:40:41,326 To get her babylons out for peace. 629 00:40:41,326 --> 00:40:43,561 Prime minister-- not you, love. 630 00:40:43,561 --> 00:40:49,600 The army is costing the british taxpayer 64.2 billion a year. 631 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,937 How does the government intend to reduce this figure? 632 00:40:51,937 --> 00:40:56,207 We is gonna hire the a-team. 633 00:40:56,207 --> 00:40:57,508 [ Man ] Her majesty, the queen. 634 00:40:59,911 --> 00:41:02,948 Your majesty. 635 00:41:02,948 --> 00:41:05,416 May I introduce ali g, member of parliament for staines. 636 00:41:07,218 --> 00:41:10,021 *Come On, Baby Girl Will you show me your twirls * 637 00:41:10,021 --> 00:41:12,223 *Come On, We both on the floor * 638 00:41:12,223 --> 00:41:14,259 *I Will Rock Your World 639 00:41:14,259 --> 00:41:18,096 *I Will Wind And Go Down Wind and come up * 640 00:41:18,096 --> 00:41:20,098 *I'll Watch The People On the way * 641 00:41:20,098 --> 00:41:23,268 * [ Fading ] 642 00:41:23,268 --> 00:41:28,606 Hello, cheeky. You is much fitter than you look on them coins. 643 00:41:28,606 --> 00:41:32,110 Me tell you, next time I put a 50 pence piece in me pocket, 644 00:41:32,110 --> 00:41:36,948 me'll feel honored having your head so close to me nuts. 645 00:41:36,948 --> 00:41:40,685 Nothing's working. The jobless figures are at their highest level-- 646 00:41:44,055 --> 00:41:46,657 this country has a special relationship with the united states. 647 00:41:46,657 --> 00:41:48,626 What do you think of bush? 648 00:41:48,626 --> 00:41:50,962 Me love bush. I mean, 649 00:41:50,962 --> 00:41:55,300 me love anything that gives foliage to the punani area. 650 00:41:56,634 --> 00:41:59,304 Would you do a dance for me, please? 651 00:42:05,977 --> 00:42:09,614 - oh, my god. - shaven heaven. Respect. 652 00:42:09,614 --> 00:42:12,617 As ali g's influence grows ever stronger-- 653 00:42:12,617 --> 00:42:14,619 [ Reporter Ali g storms the palace. 654 00:42:14,619 --> 00:42:17,122 [ Man speaking foreign language ] 655 00:42:17,122 --> 00:42:20,458 [ Applause, cheering ] 656 00:42:29,167 --> 00:42:33,104 "As of 12:00, all rizlas will be free. 657 00:42:33,104 --> 00:42:35,506 "To discourage their use, there will be a levy... 658 00:42:35,506 --> 00:42:38,509 "Of 25 pence in the pound on panties. 659 00:42:38,509 --> 00:42:41,379 "This will exclude thongs. 660 00:42:41,379 --> 00:42:44,115 "As for the health service, 661 00:42:44,115 --> 00:42:47,318 "marijuana will be made available free on the NH.S... 662 00:42:47,318 --> 00:42:51,289 For the treatment of chronic diseases, such as itchy scrot." 663 00:42:54,359 --> 00:42:58,263 "Furthermore, I am a bellend--" [ Laughing ] 664 00:43:03,734 --> 00:43:07,405 - prime minister, I can't be expected-- - get on, david. 665 00:43:08,806 --> 00:43:12,343 "I like to take it up de batty. 666 00:43:12,343 --> 00:43:17,415 Yes, I do. It feel really nice and is me favorite." 667 00:43:19,750 --> 00:43:23,121 "I used to be a girl and wear knicks. 668 00:43:23,121 --> 00:43:25,022 Honest." 669 00:43:26,524 --> 00:43:28,559 "Ask me mum." [ All laughing ] 670 00:43:31,396 --> 00:43:34,399 * [ Theme ] 671 00:43:37,468 --> 00:43:39,670 War looms in central africa. 672 00:43:39,670 --> 00:43:42,640 Britain is to host a last-minute peace conference. 673 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:46,511 A triumphant budget framed by britain's most controversial MP. 674 00:43:46,511 --> 00:43:48,746 [ Turns tv off ] 675 00:44:11,602 --> 00:44:14,472 Just because you bought me a fancy frock doesn't make up for three months of neglect. 676 00:44:14,472 --> 00:44:17,642 Me know. Listen, ali, I ain't never been to nothing like this before, 677 00:44:17,642 --> 00:44:21,212 so don't leave me on my own tonight, all right? Don't worry, baby. 678 00:44:21,212 --> 00:44:23,781 * [ Classical ] 679 00:44:27,385 --> 00:44:30,488 Look, there's the prime minister. I seen him on the telly. 680 00:44:30,488 --> 00:44:32,457 Let me get his autograph. Yo, boss man, this is me julie. 681 00:44:32,457 --> 00:44:34,692 Oh, yes, right. Shall we meet the delegates? 682 00:44:34,692 --> 00:44:37,562 Ah. This is president wattana from thailand. 683 00:44:37,562 --> 00:44:39,664 It is an honor to meet you. 684 00:44:39,664 --> 00:44:44,435 Thai. A'ight. Present. [ Pops lips ] 685 00:44:44,435 --> 00:44:47,438 Ali, let's move along. Do forgive me. 686 00:44:47,438 --> 00:44:49,374 Ah. This is the mongolian delegate. 687 00:44:50,675 --> 00:44:53,444 Is you a genuine mong? 688 00:44:53,444 --> 00:44:57,548 Oh, that is fantastic that you lot is also being represented here. 689 00:44:57,548 --> 00:45:01,186 [ Speaking native language ] 690 00:45:01,186 --> 00:45:03,821 [ Slowly ] I will go and get you... 691 00:45:03,821 --> 00:45:06,257 Some nice crayons. 692 00:45:06,257 --> 00:45:08,659 [ Chuckles ] Shall we-- shall we carry on? 693 00:45:08,659 --> 00:45:10,695 Thank you. Do-do forgive me. 694 00:45:10,695 --> 00:45:12,697 They really can do anything, what? 695 00:45:12,697 --> 00:45:14,799 Oh, this is borat from kazakhstan. 696 00:45:14,799 --> 00:45:18,169 [ Speaking native language ] Bless you. 697 00:45:18,169 --> 00:45:21,572 It is nice to meet you. 698 00:45:21,572 --> 00:45:24,709 Get off, you batty boy! Oh, no! Ali, ali. 699 00:45:24,709 --> 00:45:27,612 - it's all right. - that's ridiculous. - you're a cocksucker. 700 00:45:36,187 --> 00:45:38,689 Bonjour. 701 00:45:38,689 --> 00:45:40,658 Canape, sir? 702 00:46:00,345 --> 00:46:03,348 [ Nickers ] 703 00:46:17,295 --> 00:46:19,664 Me julie. 704 00:46:21,866 --> 00:46:23,901 Julie? 705 00:46:23,901 --> 00:46:25,803 [ Sobbing ] 706 00:46:27,004 --> 00:46:29,840 Hello? 707 00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:31,709 [ Sniffles ] 708 00:46:35,413 --> 00:46:39,884 What you doing up here with me? Why don't you just stay downstairs with that posh girl? 709 00:46:39,884 --> 00:46:42,553 We was just talking about the politics. 710 00:46:42,553 --> 00:46:44,889 I ain't interested in what you got to say. Just shut up! 711 00:46:46,657 --> 00:46:48,826 For real, me won't speak no more. 712 00:46:54,899 --> 00:46:58,403 Oh, you really are a prat. 713 00:46:58,403 --> 00:47:01,005 Now come here. [ Chuckles ] 714 00:47:01,005 --> 00:47:03,941 Hey, we can't. This is the PM.'s bedroom. 715 00:47:05,310 --> 00:47:07,378 Well, 716 00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,517 why don't you pretend to be the prime minister then? 717 00:47:13,984 --> 00:47:15,920 Cheeky. 718 00:47:20,491 --> 00:47:22,927 Uh, ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, please. 719 00:47:22,927 --> 00:47:25,530 Uh, in advance of tomorrow's summit, 720 00:47:25,530 --> 00:47:27,998 I shall be having private talks with both parties. 721 00:47:27,998 --> 00:47:31,636 So, so first, president mwepu, 722 00:47:31,636 --> 00:47:35,340 - would you care to join me upstairs? - a pleasure. 723 00:47:35,340 --> 00:47:37,742 Thank you. 724 00:47:41,011 --> 00:47:44,349 [ Banging ] [ Julie moaning ] 725 00:47:44,349 --> 00:47:48,719 [ Glass clinking ] 726 00:47:52,890 --> 00:47:55,726 [ Banging, moaning ] 727 00:48:00,097 --> 00:48:04,335 - [ Banging, faster ] - [ Ali, muffled ] Boombayeh! Boombayeh! 728 00:48:04,335 --> 00:48:06,737 [ Banging stops ] 729 00:48:11,041 --> 00:48:14,445 I must say, I enjoyed that. So did I. 730 00:48:14,445 --> 00:48:16,981 I'm so glad we thrashed it out. 731 00:48:16,981 --> 00:48:20,117 Mm-hmm. Ladies and gentlemen, I want everyone to know... 732 00:48:20,117 --> 00:48:24,689 That president mwepu, here, is a very big man. 733 00:48:24,689 --> 00:48:28,058 - [ Disgusted moaning ] - and I would like you to know that the prime minister... 734 00:48:28,058 --> 00:48:30,361 Was very hard... [ Crowd ] ohh! 735 00:48:30,361 --> 00:48:32,397 - but very straight. - [ Moaning continues ] 736 00:48:32,397 --> 00:48:35,132 The president here was very muchon top to start off with. 737 00:48:35,132 --> 00:48:37,602 [ Sickened gasping ] But I don't mind telling you... 738 00:48:37,602 --> 00:48:40,605 I was in a deep hole. Oh, very deep. 739 00:48:42,607 --> 00:48:45,843 But even though we had some sticky patches, 740 00:48:45,843 --> 00:48:49,013 I'm delighted to say we came together, finally, in the end. 741 00:48:49,013 --> 00:48:52,450 - [ Violent moans ] - yes, I lapped up everything that you had to offer. 742 00:48:54,419 --> 00:48:57,988 Now, President oempeba, would you care to join me upstairs? 743 00:48:57,988 --> 00:49:02,359 - no bloody way! - can I come? 744 00:49:07,798 --> 00:49:09,767 Hmm. 745 00:49:12,470 --> 00:49:14,672 Come on, honey. Let's go home. 746 00:49:14,672 --> 00:49:16,874 I'll cook you up your favorite. 747 00:49:16,874 --> 00:49:21,145 What, angel delight? Yeah. Butterscotch. 748 00:49:21,145 --> 00:49:25,450 Mm. Mm. Butterscotch. 749 00:49:25,450 --> 00:49:27,718 This bit is for the girls. 750 00:49:27,718 --> 00:49:31,489 To show that me can be well sensitive. 751 00:49:31,489 --> 00:49:35,760 By the way, if any of you bitches is fit and into doggie... 752 00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:38,529 Then 'ere is my mobile number. 753 00:49:38,529 --> 00:49:42,099 Callers must be over 16. 754 00:49:42,099 --> 00:49:43,968 But not by too much, obviously. 755 00:49:46,904 --> 00:49:49,474 Me can't. 756 00:49:49,474 --> 00:49:52,677 They need me at the peace conference tomorrow. 757 00:49:52,677 --> 00:49:56,881 You wha'? What about the people who really need ya? 758 00:49:56,881 --> 00:50:00,050 What about ricky? What about dave? 759 00:50:00,050 --> 00:50:02,487 What about me, ali? 760 00:50:02,487 --> 00:50:06,924 [ Sighs ] Please come back to staines. 761 00:50:08,826 --> 00:50:13,030 The world is bigger than staines. 762 00:50:13,030 --> 00:50:14,832 And me gotta save it. 763 00:50:17,802 --> 00:50:19,804 You'll have to do it on your own, then. 764 00:50:19,804 --> 00:50:21,872 Julie-- 765 00:50:21,872 --> 00:50:24,141 julie? [ Sighs ] 766 00:50:24,141 --> 00:50:26,511 Uh, let me call you back. 767 00:50:29,179 --> 00:50:32,683 We've got to get rid of him before this bloody center's saved. 768 00:50:32,683 --> 00:50:35,653 - well, what I thought-- - youthought? 769 00:50:35,653 --> 00:50:38,589 [ U.s. Delegate ] The united states will do everything in its power... 770 00:50:38,589 --> 00:50:42,026 To support chad in its struggle against its neighbors! 771 00:50:42,026 --> 00:50:46,764 Russia will not allow this western oppression to continue, 772 00:50:46,764 --> 00:50:50,034 and in order to support burkina faso... 773 00:50:50,034 --> 00:50:54,772 Is prepared to utilize all our military capabilities. 774 00:50:54,772 --> 00:50:57,508 - [ Gasping, chattering ] - that's outrageous! 775 00:50:57,508 --> 00:51:00,210 - [ All talking together ] - how can you make a statement like that? 776 00:51:00,210 --> 00:51:04,081 Ali, ali, ali! * [ Music On Headphones ] 777 00:51:04,081 --> 00:51:06,851 Could be armageddon breaking out. Please help me, will you? 778 00:51:06,851 --> 00:51:10,788 - chill, bro. Me'll sort it. - the united states will not be intimidated! 779 00:51:10,788 --> 00:51:13,858 We are prepared to meet any show of force with our full military might. 780 00:51:33,043 --> 00:51:35,780 Oi! Do you know why they is all shoutin' in there? 781 00:51:35,780 --> 00:51:37,815 It's because they ain't been fed their teas. 782 00:51:37,815 --> 00:51:39,717 Come on! Choppy-chop! 783 00:51:39,717 --> 00:51:42,587 [ Pandemonium ] 784 00:51:51,762 --> 00:51:55,766 Moving to a motion. All those in favor of sending iran... 785 00:51:55,766 --> 00:51:59,136 Down to the gas station to get some potato chips and chocolate, 786 00:51:59,136 --> 00:52:01,806 raise your hands. [ All agreeing, laughing ] 787 00:52:03,908 --> 00:52:07,011 -[ man ] bye-bye. - oh, bummer. 788 00:52:07,011 --> 00:52:10,280 *Tease Me, Tease Me Tease me, baby * 789 00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:12,983 I'm sorry we invaded you. 790 00:52:12,983 --> 00:52:15,953 It wasreallyuncool. 791 00:52:15,953 --> 00:52:19,056 You know, who cares? It's all in the past. 792 00:52:19,056 --> 00:52:22,092 And hey, if I was going to be invaded by anyone, 793 00:52:22,092 --> 00:52:24,762 I am happy it was you. [ Chuckles ] 794 00:52:24,762 --> 00:52:27,632 You are really cool. 795 00:52:27,632 --> 00:52:29,900 And you have nice clothes. 796 00:52:29,900 --> 00:52:33,003 You saved my white ass, ali. 797 00:52:33,003 --> 00:52:35,172 No problem, "bredrin." 798 00:52:35,172 --> 00:52:38,676 Big up the 'erbal tea, a'ight? A'ight. 799 00:52:38,676 --> 00:52:41,812 - hey, you, britain! [ Grunts ] - [ Cork popping ] 800 00:52:41,812 --> 00:52:44,749 Respect. 801 00:52:44,749 --> 00:52:47,284 -*I will never forget the first time we kissed * - how does he do it? 802 00:52:47,284 --> 00:52:50,788 *Catching A Big Fish 803 00:52:50,788 --> 00:52:53,791 *Yes, You Are On Top Of my romance list * 804 00:52:53,791 --> 00:52:57,261 *Second To None You defeat the favorite * 805 00:52:57,261 --> 00:53:01,098 *Woman, Your Love Is Like Burnin' fire on me soul * 806 00:53:01,098 --> 00:53:04,334 *Woman, Tease Me Till me lose control * 807 00:53:04,334 --> 00:53:08,906 *Woman Your Love Is Like Burnin' fire on me soul * 808 00:53:08,906 --> 00:53:11,942 *Woman, Tease Me Till me lose control * 809 00:53:11,942 --> 00:53:15,680 *Tease Me, Tease Me Tease me, baby * 810 00:53:17,314 --> 00:53:19,650 [ Prime minister ] You know, we're quite a team, ali. 811 00:53:19,650 --> 00:53:22,920 It's thanks to you we're 22 points ahead. 812 00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:24,889 I'm gonna save that center of yours. 813 00:53:24,889 --> 00:53:27,892 [ Ali ] Wicked! Boo! Boo! Boo! 814 00:53:27,892 --> 00:53:31,028 Check out all the "pepperami." [ Prime minister ] They're for you, ali. 815 00:53:31,028 --> 00:53:33,030 This is your moment. 816 00:53:33,030 --> 00:53:35,700 [ All shouting ] 817 00:53:40,771 --> 00:53:43,908 Will you comment on accusations that you drugged the leaders of the world? 818 00:53:47,277 --> 00:53:50,280 - you what? -Well, we have evidence that proves you're guilty. 819 00:53:52,082 --> 00:53:55,185 Uh, "well, we have evidence that proves you guilty." 820 00:53:55,185 --> 00:53:58,823 - this is just childish. - "this is just childish!" 821 00:53:58,823 --> 00:54:01,158 Aren't you, by employing this absurd rhetorical tactic, 822 00:54:01,158 --> 00:54:03,160 merely incriminating yourself further? 823 00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:06,964 Aren't you, by... Blah, blah, tactic, just blah, blah your father? 824 00:54:06,964 --> 00:54:10,200 This bag was sent to my office anonymously this morning. 825 00:54:10,200 --> 00:54:13,470 Do you deny that you stole it from customs and excise? 826 00:54:13,470 --> 00:54:16,340 That could be anyone's! What's that to do with me? Come on. 827 00:54:18,342 --> 00:54:20,444 I's got to go. I's turtlin'. 828 00:54:20,444 --> 00:54:22,679 I's actually touchin' cloth. 829 00:54:24,949 --> 00:54:27,818 Oh, dear. There goes your leisure center. 830 00:54:27,818 --> 00:54:30,387 Clear your desk before you go, will you? Prime minister! 831 00:55:10,094 --> 00:55:12,830 [ John ] Big up yourself, ali. Good-bye, Mr. G. 832 00:55:12,830 --> 00:55:15,966 Won't be the same without you. We'll Miss you, Mr. G. 833 00:55:15,966 --> 00:55:17,935 Respect. Big up yourself. 834 00:55:20,004 --> 00:55:22,406 You're all right. Westside. 835 00:55:26,343 --> 00:55:29,013 [ Children playing ] 836 00:55:32,316 --> 00:55:35,052 Flippin' heck. 837 00:55:35,052 --> 00:55:37,988 Nan, can I borrow your car? 838 00:55:37,988 --> 00:55:40,925 [ Hip-hop ] *Where Would I Be Without My *Baby 839 00:55:40,925 --> 00:55:42,993 *The Thought Alone Might *Break Me 840 00:55:42,993 --> 00:55:45,529 *And I Don't Want To Go *Crazy 841 00:55:45,529 --> 00:55:48,232 *But Every Dog Needs A *Lady 842 00:55:48,232 --> 00:55:51,535 *And I Feel Like You and I been * *Moanin' Together 843 00:55:51,535 --> 00:55:53,904 *Inseparable You chose pain over pleasure * 844 00:55:53,904 --> 00:55:55,505 *For That, You'll Forever Be part of me * 845 00:55:55,505 --> 00:55:57,942 *My Body And Your Soul They know I can't wait * 846 00:55:57,942 --> 00:56:00,845 *Baby *What Would I Be Without you * 847 00:56:00,845 --> 00:56:03,814 *Uh, Yeah *I Only Think About You 848 00:56:03,814 --> 00:56:05,415 *I Know You're Tired Of bein' lonely * 849 00:56:05,415 --> 00:56:08,085 *Lonely *So, Baby Girl Put it on me * 850 00:56:08,085 --> 00:56:10,520 *Put It On Me *What Would I Be Without you * 851 00:56:10,520 --> 00:56:13,357 *Uh *I Only Think About You 852 00:56:13,357 --> 00:56:15,359 [ Sucks lip ] 853 00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:20,831 [ Commodores ] *Thanks For The Times 854 00:56:20,831 --> 00:56:24,368 [ Mouthing words silently ] *That You've Given Me 855 00:56:26,036 --> 00:56:31,876 *The Memories Are All In my mind * 856 00:56:38,182 --> 00:56:40,918 *You're Once 857 00:56:40,918 --> 00:56:44,254 *Twice 858 00:56:44,254 --> 00:56:47,925 *Three Times A Lady [ Doorbell ringing ] 859 00:56:49,927 --> 00:56:52,296 *And I Lo-- [ Beeping ] 860 00:56:55,866 --> 00:56:59,269 Having a bad day? Maybe I can help. 861 00:57:01,105 --> 00:57:04,441 - is it nippy outside? - very. 862 00:57:06,410 --> 00:57:08,612 Wha' is you doin' here? 863 00:57:08,612 --> 00:57:11,248 [ Clears throat ] Let me show you. 864 00:57:11,248 --> 00:57:15,319 So, today's main news AGAIN: The prime minister has resigned, 865 00:57:15,319 --> 00:57:18,422 after the discovery of a videotape from a security camera... 866 00:57:18,422 --> 00:57:22,392 Showing him having perverse sexual intercourse with an unknown prostitute. 867 00:57:22,392 --> 00:57:25,963 [ Julie moaning ] 868 00:57:25,963 --> 00:57:28,198 That ain't no prostitute, that's me ho! 869 00:57:28,198 --> 00:57:31,468 As of 11:00 this morning, the deputy prime minister, david carlton, 870 00:57:31,468 --> 00:57:33,603 will be acting prime minister. 871 00:57:33,603 --> 00:57:36,974 What? That ain't fair. That weren't the PM.! 872 00:57:36,974 --> 00:57:39,977 - why ain't they showin' the rest of the tape? - unfortunately, 873 00:57:39,977 --> 00:57:42,913 my boss has locked it in his safe, in his new office at chequers, 874 00:57:42,913 --> 00:57:45,615 - and that's where it's staying. - you ain't gonna get away with this. 875 00:57:45,615 --> 00:57:48,953 If you keep your mouth shut, 876 00:57:48,953 --> 00:57:51,655 david's willing to be very generous. 877 00:57:51,655 --> 00:57:56,293 I'm... Willing to be verygenerous. 878 00:57:56,293 --> 00:57:58,195 [ Loud sucking ] 879 00:57:58,195 --> 00:58:00,664 All that you have to do... 880 00:58:00,664 --> 00:58:04,935 Is keep... Your mouth... Shut. 881 00:58:04,935 --> 00:58:06,636 [ Groaning ] 882 00:58:11,641 --> 00:58:13,978 I'm tuning up my engine, ali. 883 00:58:13,978 --> 00:58:17,247 [ Sucking sound ] Fill me with petrol. 884 00:58:17,247 --> 00:58:20,684 I's gonna pump you with me five-star unleaded, a'ight? 885 00:58:20,684 --> 00:58:24,021 - let me see your nozzle. - what? 886 00:58:24,021 --> 00:58:26,723 Oh, you wanna see me knob? All right. 887 00:58:26,723 --> 00:58:29,659 - [ Turns on music ] -*Freak me, baby 888 00:58:31,295 --> 00:58:34,198 *Let Me Lick You Up And Down 889 00:58:34,198 --> 00:58:36,066 *Till You Say Stop 890 00:58:38,102 --> 00:58:41,238 *Let Me Play With your body, baby * 891 00:58:41,238 --> 00:58:43,107 *Make You Real Hot 892 00:58:44,508 --> 00:58:48,245 *Let Me Do All The Things 893 00:58:48,245 --> 00:58:50,414 *You Want Me To Do 894 00:58:53,117 --> 00:58:55,652 *'Cause Tonight, Baby 895 00:58:55,652 --> 00:59:00,390 *I Want To Get Freaky with you * 896 00:59:00,390 --> 00:59:03,327 *Baby, Don't You Understand 897 00:59:03,327 --> 00:59:06,496 *I Wanna Be Your Nasty Man 898 00:59:06,496 --> 00:59:10,067 [ Turns off music ] [ Panting ] Give me your fuel injection. 899 00:59:12,036 --> 00:59:14,404 And in tomorrow's phone-in, we'll be asking this QUESTION: 900 00:59:14,404 --> 00:59:17,641 "Have you ever slept with a pig?" I know I certainly have. 901 00:59:17,641 --> 00:59:22,546 [ Woman on tv ] and we'll be finding out what turns girls like this into slags. 902 00:59:22,546 --> 00:59:25,149 No one calls me julie a slag. 903 00:59:25,149 --> 00:59:27,551 - [ Clicks off tv ] - come to mama. 904 00:59:39,329 --> 00:59:41,565 Take them off. 905 00:59:53,677 --> 00:59:57,814 * [ Disco, Indistinct ] 906 00:59:57,814 --> 01:00:00,284 *Where Are You, Baby We used to have so much fun * 907 01:00:00,284 --> 01:00:02,186 *You Drive Me Crazy 908 01:00:02,186 --> 01:00:04,288 *Somebody Tell Me Where he's gone * 909 01:00:04,288 --> 01:00:07,691 *Where Are You, Baby We used to have so much fun * 910 01:00:07,691 --> 01:00:09,626 *You Drive Me Crazy 911 01:00:12,529 --> 01:00:15,699 [ Cub scouts, chanting ] Keep it real. Keep it real. 912 01:00:17,367 --> 01:00:19,536 This ain't right. Here. 913 01:00:19,536 --> 01:00:22,706 Set it to vibrate and finish yourself off. 914 01:00:37,421 --> 01:00:39,489 [ Groaning, panting ] 915 01:00:39,489 --> 01:00:42,526 Open up, open up! Yo, blood, I needs your help. 916 01:00:42,526 --> 01:00:45,295 Everyone on the telly is callin' me julie a slag. 917 01:00:45,295 --> 01:00:47,164 What, they heard about her three-header at derek jamal's 18th? 918 01:00:47,164 --> 01:00:49,266 What three-header? Nothin'. No. No. 919 01:00:49,266 --> 01:00:52,536 Anyways, I can prove that she ain't. "Bredrin." 920 01:00:52,536 --> 01:00:56,072 We got to restart "drive-by fm." What you say? 921 01:01:00,210 --> 01:01:02,846 "Drive-by fm" is back 'pon the road! 922 01:01:02,846 --> 01:01:06,150 Wicked! Let's do it. Let's go. Is you any good at knots? 923 01:01:06,150 --> 01:01:09,586 Yo, yo, yo, 'ear me now. Rewind, bubba dubba, 'ear now. [ Gibberish ] 924 01:01:09,586 --> 01:01:12,289 This is drive-by fm, the sound of the ghetto, 925 01:01:12,289 --> 01:01:14,858 coming to you from deep in the heart of berkshire. 926 01:01:14,858 --> 01:01:20,164 [ Both imitating drums, gunshots ] 927 01:01:20,164 --> 01:01:23,500 [ Clicking ] 928 01:01:23,500 --> 01:01:25,502 [ Stops ] What was dat? 929 01:01:25,502 --> 01:01:29,139 A helicopter. Oh, you was doin' the wings? 930 01:01:29,139 --> 01:01:31,408 [ Whispers ] Oh, that's good. 931 01:01:31,408 --> 01:01:35,145 'Ear me now, gangsters. There is some serious shit goin' down. 932 01:01:35,145 --> 01:01:37,747 Da prime minister-- check it-- 933 01:01:37,747 --> 01:01:42,319 has been chucked out by a geezer who is a m-massive dong. 934 01:01:42,319 --> 01:01:45,355 He is even more "eviller" Than skeletor. 935 01:01:47,724 --> 01:01:51,295 To get the PM. Back in, me needs to get 'old of this tape... 936 01:01:51,295 --> 01:01:53,797 Of me knobbin' me bitch. 937 01:01:53,797 --> 01:01:56,366 If you 'elp me rescue this video, 938 01:01:56,366 --> 01:01:59,636 we can save da country. 939 01:01:59,636 --> 01:02:01,605 Plus, you will get to see me julie's babylons. 940 01:02:01,605 --> 01:02:04,174 [ Laughs ] Wicked! 941 01:02:04,174 --> 01:02:06,776 That is why I's callin' all of you... 942 01:02:06,776 --> 01:02:10,547 To end the berkshire turf wars. 943 01:02:10,547 --> 01:02:13,417 There's been enough brothers slain. 944 01:02:13,417 --> 01:02:16,253 So, put down your AK.S. 945 01:02:16,253 --> 01:02:18,255 Lay down your uzis. 946 01:02:18,255 --> 01:02:23,793 And unite into one massive massiv. 947 01:02:25,395 --> 01:02:28,332 So big up the eton wick crew. Hold tight. 948 01:02:28,332 --> 01:02:30,667 Hold tight the iver heath posse. One love. 949 01:02:30,667 --> 01:02:33,437 Shout goin' out to the englefield green massiv. 950 01:02:33,437 --> 01:02:37,741 -Two time! - and me never thought me would ever say THIS: 951 01:02:39,443 --> 01:02:42,312 But big up... 952 01:02:42,312 --> 01:02:46,583 The east staines massiv. 953 01:02:46,583 --> 01:02:48,485 Hey, what you doin', man? Shh. 954 01:02:51,955 --> 01:02:54,424 Hear this, hassan "b". 955 01:02:54,424 --> 01:02:57,461 If you join us, 956 01:02:57,461 --> 01:03:01,431 then I is prepared to hand over... 957 01:03:01,431 --> 01:03:04,468 The boris the spider climbing frame in leagrove park. 958 01:03:08,372 --> 01:03:11,475 Let's do what tupac and biggie never managed, a'ight? 959 01:03:17,914 --> 01:03:20,717 There it is, there it is, if you is joining us for this military operation, 960 01:03:20,717 --> 01:03:22,819 then meet up wearing your camouflage and combat gear. 961 01:03:22,819 --> 01:03:26,790 The venue is outside the john nike leisure center at 9:00 tomorrow morning. 962 01:03:26,790 --> 01:03:28,858 Actually, that's a bit early. Could we make it 12:00? 963 01:03:37,434 --> 01:03:40,003 Sorry I is late. 964 01:03:40,003 --> 01:03:43,540 But there was something on the telly about monkeys. 965 01:03:43,540 --> 01:03:46,776 Dey is well funny, what, with all their arms and their-- 966 01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:53,550 respect to all of you for wearin' your "camelflage." 967 01:03:53,550 --> 01:03:54,951 It will help you go undetected. 968 01:03:56,986 --> 01:04:00,357 Now, let's go to chequers and rescue that tape. 969 01:04:00,357 --> 01:04:02,326 Let's do this for britain. 970 01:04:02,326 --> 01:04:04,461 Let's do this for me julie. 971 01:04:04,461 --> 01:04:06,596 And let's do this for hip-hop! 972 01:04:06,596 --> 01:04:08,598 - selector! - [ All ] selector! 973 01:04:08,598 --> 01:04:11,301 *Fight The Power 974 01:04:11,301 --> 01:04:13,303 *Fight The Power 975 01:04:13,303 --> 01:04:14,904 *Fight The Power 976 01:04:16,072 --> 01:04:17,707 *Fight The Power 977 01:04:17,707 --> 01:04:20,009 *Fight The Power 978 01:04:20,009 --> 01:04:21,978 *Fight The Power 979 01:04:21,978 --> 01:04:25,415 Hear me now. I's drawn up a detailed plan of chequers. 980 01:04:25,415 --> 01:04:28,618 The tape is in the PM.'s office. In a safe. 981 01:04:28,618 --> 01:04:33,457 Right? First up, ricky, dave and me will go in. 982 01:04:33,457 --> 01:04:36,726 Jezzy, you stay here. We's gonna be like the a-team. 983 01:04:36,726 --> 01:04:38,962 And I is BA. Baracus. 984 01:04:38,962 --> 01:04:41,598 I wanna be BA. Baracus. [ Deep grunting ] 985 01:04:41,598 --> 01:04:44,100 But I is very muchlikehim. 986 01:04:44,100 --> 01:04:47,103 [ Imitating ] "I ain't gettin' on no plane!" "I ain't gettin' on no plane!" 987 01:04:47,103 --> 01:04:48,872 "I ain't gettin' on no plane!" 988 01:04:48,872 --> 01:04:51,475 "Shut up, fool! I ain't gettin' on no plane!" 989 01:04:51,475 --> 01:04:54,411 What? Look, it's gold. "I ain't gettin' on no plane." 990 01:04:54,411 --> 01:04:57,547 "I wanna step back, kiss myself. I ain't gettin' on no plane." That's james brown. 991 01:04:59,983 --> 01:05:02,719 You'll be murdoch. And dave, you'll be face. 992 01:05:02,719 --> 01:05:06,022 - and what do we do? - you lot stay 'ere, and we all hide.. 993 01:05:06,022 --> 01:05:08,892 And blend into the natural habitat. [ Owl hooting ] 994 01:05:08,892 --> 01:05:12,596 Then, when it gets dark, me will make the secret signal. 995 01:05:12,596 --> 01:05:16,400 * [ Imitating Hip-hop ] 996 01:05:18,968 --> 01:05:23,139 [ Imitating DJ. Scratching ] *Fresh, Fresh, Fresh, Fresh A'ight * 997 01:05:23,139 --> 01:05:27,110 - let's go! -At that point, you will tune in all your radios... 998 01:05:27,110 --> 01:05:29,746 To the baddest speed garage station, 999 01:05:29,746 --> 01:05:31,615 and crank up the volume to the max! 1000 01:05:31,615 --> 01:05:35,084 This will bring out the guards. 1001 01:05:35,084 --> 01:05:39,623 And at that point, we will use ourcunning to overpower them. 1002 01:05:40,724 --> 01:05:43,427 - bundle! - [ Screaming ] 1003 01:05:45,028 --> 01:05:46,830 * [ Rap, Indistinct ] 1004 01:05:57,006 --> 01:05:59,709 [ Phone ringing ] 1005 01:05:59,709 --> 01:06:02,612 - sir? - what the hell's going on? 1006 01:06:02,612 --> 01:06:05,682 I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, sir. But I've sent some men out to check. 1007 01:06:05,682 --> 01:06:08,785 Well, see that you do. I want maximum security. Patrol the house. 1008 01:06:13,056 --> 01:06:17,494 [ Ali ] The great hall is exactly like the one in lara croft's house. 1009 01:06:17,494 --> 01:06:19,863 You know, in "tomb raider ii" On playstation. 1010 01:06:19,863 --> 01:06:22,165 So, dave, if you run at the pillar, 1011 01:06:22,165 --> 01:06:25,902 that will take us through to the underwater kingdom, and onto the next level. 1012 01:06:27,571 --> 01:06:30,607 [ Banging head, grunting ] 1013 01:06:30,607 --> 01:06:32,576 If for some reason that don't work, 1014 01:06:32,576 --> 01:06:35,178 we must find a way to cross the touch-sensitive floor. 1015 01:06:35,178 --> 01:06:38,715 If we lift our feet at all, we're dead. 1016 01:06:38,715 --> 01:06:42,619 [ Mechanical, raspy voice ] *Break Dance Electric boogie break dance * 1017 01:06:42,619 --> 01:06:46,590 *Electric Boogie Break Dance Electric boogie break dance * 1018 01:06:46,590 --> 01:06:48,958 *Break It Off 1019 01:06:51,961 --> 01:06:53,997 Nothing. We'll keep on looking. 1020 01:06:56,032 --> 01:06:59,569 [ Ali ] next stop, we's got to go through the laser room. 1021 01:06:59,569 --> 01:07:02,806 Dave, you'll use your special skills to help us through. 1022 01:07:19,489 --> 01:07:22,892 -[ dave coughs ] - remember, if we break any of these beams, 1023 01:07:22,892 --> 01:07:25,995 it will set the alarms off-- so extra careful. 1024 01:07:25,995 --> 01:07:27,864 Now, let's do it. 1025 01:07:29,733 --> 01:07:31,200 *This Is The Funk Now hit me * 1026 01:07:33,036 --> 01:07:36,039 *Just Get On Down And hit me * 1027 01:07:36,039 --> 01:07:38,942 *Their Bodies Gettin' So funky, now hit me * 1028 01:07:38,942 --> 01:07:42,946 * [ SAMPLE: Kraftwerk, "Trans-europe express" ] 1029 01:07:53,923 --> 01:07:55,091 *You Gotta Rock It Don't stop it * 1030 01:07:55,091 --> 01:07:57,060 *You Gotta Rock It Don't stop it * 1031 01:07:57,060 --> 01:07:59,729 *You Gotta Rock It Don't stop it * 1032 01:07:59,729 --> 01:08:03,567 *You Gotta Rock It Don't stop * This must be the PM.'s office. 1033 01:08:03,567 --> 01:08:05,669 The tape is in there. 1034 01:08:08,004 --> 01:08:11,741 Intruders in my office. This is a terrorist attack. 1035 01:08:11,741 --> 01:08:15,211 Shoot on sight. Repeat, shoot on sight. 1036 01:08:17,313 --> 01:08:20,216 The safe! No, the safe. Yeah, safe, man. 1037 01:08:20,216 --> 01:08:22,919 [ Ali ] Yeah, I is safe, man. Open it up. No, the safe. 1038 01:08:22,919 --> 01:08:25,755 Yeah, man. I is feeling fine. I told you. 1039 01:08:25,755 --> 01:08:28,592 [ Ricky ] The safe, the safe. Yeah, man, I's safe. 1040 01:08:28,592 --> 01:08:31,761 [ High, squeaky voice ] Behind you! 1041 01:08:36,165 --> 01:08:40,169 Hold on. I thought you couldn't speak. 1042 01:08:40,169 --> 01:08:42,105 [ Squeaking ] It's not really that. It's just I've always been... 1043 01:08:42,105 --> 01:08:44,307 Terribly embarrassed about my voice. 1044 01:08:44,307 --> 01:08:46,643 All right. Don't go on about it. 1045 01:08:46,643 --> 01:08:48,778 Stop givin' it "all that." 1046 01:08:48,778 --> 01:08:53,082 Now, if me can just interrupt your life story for one second. 1047 01:08:53,082 --> 01:08:55,251 [ Pretending to yawn ] Let's tie these geezers up, 1048 01:08:55,251 --> 01:08:57,553 and get that safe open, hmm? Safe. 1049 01:09:00,289 --> 01:09:02,792 [ Sighs ] No. 1050 01:09:02,792 --> 01:09:06,029 I got it. Why don't we link up the batteries... 1051 01:09:06,029 --> 01:09:09,666 Of all the cars outside here, and then transfer the electrical current... 1052 01:09:09,666 --> 01:09:11,935 Through a human chain, and blow this mother open! 1053 01:09:11,935 --> 01:09:13,837 But won't we get "electrical-o-cooted"? 1054 01:09:13,837 --> 01:09:16,172 We'll blow the batteries, but we won't get fried, 1055 01:09:16,172 --> 01:09:19,175 long as the chain don't break, 'cause we're all wearin' rubber-soled trainers. 1056 01:09:19,175 --> 01:09:22,646 - trust me, man, I got a "d" in physics. - wicked. I'll text 'em. 1057 01:09:22,646 --> 01:09:27,951 - [ Beeping ] - [ Beeping ] 1058 01:09:31,655 --> 01:09:36,292 - "b--"? - no, "b-8-2-rez." 1059 01:09:36,292 --> 01:09:39,763 "Be-attories"? Batteries! 1060 01:09:39,763 --> 01:09:44,634 "2-Ger-4," Two-gef-for? Together! 1061 01:09:44,634 --> 01:09:49,372 Me was tryin' to save time. Bumbaclot. 1062 01:10:05,354 --> 01:10:07,691 Switch on the engine. Pass it on. 1063 01:10:07,691 --> 01:10:09,859 [ High voice ] Switch on the engine. Pass it on. 1064 01:10:09,859 --> 01:10:12,929 [ Laughs ] your voice. [ Whispers ] switch on the engine. Pass it on. 1065 01:10:12,929 --> 01:10:16,365 [ Passing it on ] 1066 01:10:21,370 --> 01:10:23,673 Bitch on a pension. Suck my dong. 1067 01:10:23,673 --> 01:10:26,810 - what? Should I turn the engine on? - yeah. 1068 01:10:28,144 --> 01:10:30,914 [ Starting engines ] 1069 01:10:33,750 --> 01:10:36,686 *This Is The Funk Now hit me * 1070 01:10:36,686 --> 01:10:38,822 *Just Get On Down And hit me * 1071 01:10:48,698 --> 01:10:50,800 What is you doin'? I can't help it. I'm bein' pulled! 1072 01:10:54,270 --> 01:10:56,239 No! 1073 01:10:58,074 --> 01:11:00,810 [ Choir ] *Be Our Saviors 1074 01:11:05,281 --> 01:11:08,752 [ Laughing ] Bo, bo, bo! Yes! 1075 01:11:08,752 --> 01:11:10,419 We up on the a-team! 1076 01:11:13,456 --> 01:11:16,960 - peace, man. - peace, "bredrin." 1077 01:11:23,466 --> 01:11:25,902 Ali! Ali! 1078 01:11:25,902 --> 01:11:28,805 Fuckin' hell! The tape ain't here! 1079 01:11:28,805 --> 01:11:30,807 What you talkin' about, willis? Well, look for yourself. 1080 01:11:32,508 --> 01:11:35,378 All it is is some... Photographs... 1081 01:11:39,015 --> 01:11:41,785 And this, uh, map of staines. 1082 01:11:45,822 --> 01:11:48,491 Jah rastafari haile selassie I-and-i! 1083 01:11:48,491 --> 01:11:50,927 Dey's extendin' heathrow airport. That means... 1084 01:11:52,762 --> 01:11:54,964 They's gonna destroy staines! 1085 01:11:54,964 --> 01:11:58,334 And they's startin' in... Three hours. 1086 01:11:58,334 --> 01:12:00,804 Two hours, fifty-seven minutes, to be precise. 1087 01:12:05,441 --> 01:12:07,944 Why is you got to build this terminal over staines? 1088 01:12:07,944 --> 01:12:10,914 Because I have bought 600 acres of land there. Can I have those, please? 1089 01:12:17,020 --> 01:12:21,257 Now, don't try escaping from here, because this room doubles as a nuclear bunker. 1090 01:12:21,257 --> 01:12:24,460 It is completely impenetrable to the outside world. 1091 01:12:24,460 --> 01:12:28,464 [ Inhales, sighs ] And I've forgotten to put on the air supply. 1092 01:12:28,464 --> 01:12:30,900 Why don't you just nip outside now and stick it on? 1093 01:12:33,036 --> 01:12:35,438 Do you know, you really are unbelievably stupid. 1094 01:12:35,438 --> 01:12:37,306 [ Beeps ] 1095 01:12:45,081 --> 01:12:48,952 Oi! Knob-end! 1096 01:12:48,952 --> 01:12:51,254 - what? - gimme them plans. 1097 01:12:59,996 --> 01:13:04,233 Or what? Or nipple cripple, that's what. 1098 01:13:04,233 --> 01:13:08,304 [ Grunting, breathing hard ] 1099 01:13:09,372 --> 01:13:12,575 Chinese burn! 1100 01:13:20,449 --> 01:13:23,186 [ Sobbing ] 1101 01:13:23,186 --> 01:13:26,055 You hit me on the nose, you fuckin' nutcase! 1102 01:13:34,230 --> 01:13:36,565 I ain't bein' funny, but you should look behind you. 1103 01:13:36,565 --> 01:13:39,268 Uh, because there's like a thousand police officers behind you-- 1104 01:13:45,108 --> 01:13:47,977 look behind you. There's jennifer lopez! 1105 01:13:47,977 --> 01:13:51,114 What? You want to bone him right this second, 'cause you is feelin' so horny... 1106 01:13:51,114 --> 01:13:53,849 That if you don't get it now-- 1107 01:13:55,985 --> 01:13:58,321 look, there's 20 squid on the floor. 1108 01:14:00,990 --> 01:14:03,659 There is a squirrel, with the head of a chicken, 1109 01:14:03,659 --> 01:14:06,963 and with, like, wings and everything. 1110 01:14:06,963 --> 01:14:09,165 There's ju-- [ Sighs deeply ] 1111 01:14:09,165 --> 01:14:11,367 Is you gonna hit me again? Mm-hmm. 1112 01:14:17,373 --> 01:14:19,575 Now I'm going to shoot you. 1113 01:14:35,124 --> 01:14:38,294 Booyakasha! 1114 01:14:42,932 --> 01:14:45,301 [ Groans ] 1115 01:14:50,974 --> 01:14:54,543 This is from the people of staines. 1116 01:14:56,980 --> 01:15:00,516 [ Passing gas quietly, then loudly ] 1117 01:15:00,516 --> 01:15:03,719 Ooh. I think I followed through. 1118 01:15:03,719 --> 01:15:06,622 [ Beeping ] Me julie, you there? 1119 01:15:06,622 --> 01:15:08,591 Me know what you must think of me. 1120 01:15:08,591 --> 01:15:10,994 I been a piece of knob cheese. 1121 01:15:10,994 --> 01:15:12,996 But me got to save staines, and me can't do it on me own, 1122 01:15:12,996 --> 01:15:15,664 and-- and I shat meself. 1123 01:15:18,034 --> 01:15:20,503 Shit. Ricky and dave! 1124 01:15:32,681 --> 01:15:35,718 - ricky? - [ Panting ] 1125 01:15:37,653 --> 01:15:41,657 We thought if we was gonna die, we might as well give it a go. 1126 01:15:41,657 --> 01:15:44,427 - well, what's it like? - it's not bad, you know. 1127 01:15:44,427 --> 01:15:47,730 - dave? - [ High voice ] Quite nice, actually. 1128 01:15:47,730 --> 01:15:51,034 We'll talk about this later. Now we got to save staines. 1129 01:15:51,034 --> 01:15:53,302 Two minutes. See you in the car? 1130 01:15:53,302 --> 01:15:55,571 All right. Be quick. The feds is comin'. 1131 01:15:55,571 --> 01:15:57,673 - and you don't want to finish up inside. - well-- 1132 01:16:00,443 --> 01:16:03,679 [ Me julie ] Save our center! Save our center! 1133 01:16:03,679 --> 01:16:05,481 Hold on tight, we gotta delay 'em. 1134 01:16:05,481 --> 01:16:08,351 Leave 'em alone, you pigs! They're senile! 1135 01:16:13,089 --> 01:16:15,658 Send it in. Send it in. 1136 01:16:28,537 --> 01:16:31,640 I wouldn't do that if I was you. 1137 01:16:31,640 --> 01:16:36,245 Ali! I love you! 1138 01:16:36,245 --> 01:16:38,681 Julie! 1139 01:16:41,617 --> 01:16:44,353 - hello. - ignore them and start the demolition. 1140 01:16:44,353 --> 01:16:47,290 Wait! Don't listen to him! He's a criminal. 1141 01:16:47,290 --> 01:16:51,127 And not even the good kind, that sell drugs or do drive-bys. 1142 01:16:51,127 --> 01:16:54,530 I is got proof here that he is tryin' to destroy staines. 1143 01:16:54,530 --> 01:16:57,733 So what? It's a shithole. 1144 01:16:57,733 --> 01:17:00,803 - arrest them. - oh, shit! 1145 01:17:00,803 --> 01:17:03,472 We's goin' to jail. Every day for the next twenty years, 1146 01:17:03,472 --> 01:17:06,041 we is gonna get bummed in the showers. [ Siren wailing ] 1147 01:17:07,643 --> 01:17:12,281 - hold it. Release him. -Under what authority? 1148 01:17:12,281 --> 01:17:15,151 In case you forgot, I am the acting prime minister. 1149 01:17:15,151 --> 01:17:17,153 You are the disgraced one. [ Car door slamming ] 1150 01:17:17,153 --> 01:17:21,557 Disgraced by you. And this tape proves it. 1151 01:17:21,557 --> 01:17:25,128 - kate-- - no, david. 1152 01:17:25,128 --> 01:17:28,597 When I first entered politics, it was to create a better world. 1153 01:17:30,666 --> 01:17:34,637 A world of honesty, integrity and truth. 1154 01:17:34,637 --> 01:17:37,806 But somewhere along the way, that vision was lost. 1155 01:17:37,806 --> 01:17:43,412 My dream was tarnished, and instead, I discovered greed, avarice and-- 1156 01:17:43,412 --> 01:17:45,814 bo-ring! [ Yawning ] 1157 01:17:45,814 --> 01:17:48,517 Arrest him. 1158 01:17:48,517 --> 01:17:51,554 Enjoy your life with this fool. 1159 01:17:51,554 --> 01:17:54,823 You two deserve each other. Piss off. 1160 01:17:54,823 --> 01:17:57,693 - oh, nice! - and you can rest assured, ali, 1161 01:17:57,693 --> 01:18:00,296 we're not gonna build terminal five over staines. 1162 01:18:00,296 --> 01:18:02,565 We're gonna demolish slough instead. 1163 01:18:02,565 --> 01:18:06,535 Wicked. As of right now, I'm gonna need a new deputy prime minister. 1164 01:18:06,535 --> 01:18:08,404 How would you feel about being my right-hand man? 1165 01:18:08,404 --> 01:18:13,676 [ Laughing ] Right-hand man! Batty boy, batty boy! 1166 01:18:13,676 --> 01:18:15,711 What do you say, ali? 1167 01:18:17,413 --> 01:18:20,416 I's shown you the way. 1168 01:18:20,416 --> 01:18:23,786 You will have to carry on the journey by yourself, now. 1169 01:18:23,786 --> 01:18:27,323 As for me, I is gonna stick with me posse. 1170 01:18:27,323 --> 01:18:29,492 And me bi-- 1171 01:18:29,492 --> 01:18:32,461 me lady. 1172 01:18:43,639 --> 01:18:47,376 Ahem, "hactually," There is one thing you could do for me. 1173 01:18:47,376 --> 01:18:49,478 * [ Reggae ] 1174 01:18:52,581 --> 01:18:54,817 This way, ambassador. 1175 01:18:54,817 --> 01:18:58,654 *Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Yea I'm Mr. Reggae ambassador * 1176 01:18:58,654 --> 01:19:00,689 Your crop is ready for inspection. 1177 01:19:00,689 --> 01:19:04,693 Bo. *I'm Mr. Reggae Ambassador 1178 01:19:04,693 --> 01:19:09,298 *Hey, Me Play Me Reggae Music In any condition * 1179 01:19:09,298 --> 01:19:11,834 *Drop It In A Style Drop it in a fashion * 1180 01:19:11,834 --> 01:19:15,571 -*Everywhere I go - good morning, ambassador. 1181 01:19:15,571 --> 01:19:18,241 Ambassador, will you try the harvest? 1182 01:19:18,241 --> 01:19:22,378 *Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Yea I'm Mr. Reggae ambassador * 1183 01:19:23,846 --> 01:19:28,484 *Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Yea I'm Mr. Reggae ambassador * 1184 01:19:30,319 --> 01:19:34,557 *Ah, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Yea I'm Mr. Reggae ambassador * 1185 01:19:34,557 --> 01:19:38,761 This... Is good shit. 1186 01:19:38,761 --> 01:19:41,497 The man from staines, he say yes! 1187 01:19:41,497 --> 01:19:43,866 *This Is How We Do It 1188 01:19:46,535 --> 01:19:48,371 *This Is How We Do It 1189 01:19:54,277 --> 01:19:56,645 - ice, please? - huh! [ Popping ] 1190 01:19:58,547 --> 01:20:01,484 Ali, this is a great jacuzzi. 1191 01:20:01,484 --> 01:20:03,952 That... Ain'ta jacuzzi. 1192 01:20:03,952 --> 01:20:07,323 *It's Friday Night Sorry. 1193 01:20:07,323 --> 01:20:09,892 *And I Feel All Right 1194 01:20:09,892 --> 01:20:11,594 *The Party's Here On the westside * 1195 01:20:11,594 --> 01:20:13,796 *So I Reach For My 40 And I turn it up * 1196 01:20:13,796 --> 01:20:16,599 *Designated Driver Take the keys to my truck * 1197 01:20:16,599 --> 01:20:18,701 *Hit The Shore 'Cause I'm faded * 1198 01:20:18,701 --> 01:20:20,903 *Honeys In The Street Say Monty, oh, we made it * 1199 01:20:20,903 --> 01:20:26,275 *It Feels So Good In my 'hood tonight * * [ Bongoes, Bass Drum ] 1200 01:20:26,275 --> 01:20:28,577 *The Summertime Skirts And the guys in kani * 1201 01:20:28,577 --> 01:20:31,380 *All The Gang-bangers Forgot about the drive-bys * 1202 01:20:31,380 --> 01:20:33,982 *You Gotta Get Your Groove On Before you go get paid * 1203 01:20:33,982 --> 01:20:37,353 Bring her in. 1204 01:20:37,353 --> 01:20:40,289 *Throw Your Hands Up And let me hear the party say * 1205 01:20:40,289 --> 01:20:42,858 Dance for me, bitch. 1206 01:20:42,858 --> 01:20:45,994 *This Is How We Do It *South Central Does It Like nobody does * 1207 01:20:45,994 --> 01:20:48,631 *This Is How We Do It 1208 01:20:48,631 --> 01:20:50,633 *To All My Neighbors You got much flava * 1209 01:20:50,633 --> 01:20:52,835 *This Is How We Do It 1210 01:20:52,835 --> 01:20:57,673 *Let's Flip The Track Bring the old school back * *This Is How We Do It 1211 01:20:57,673 --> 01:21:00,576 -*I'm kinda buzzed - me julie. 1212 01:21:00,576 --> 01:21:02,478 Me got something to ask you. 1213 01:21:04,580 --> 01:21:07,650 [ Giggling ] Will you make me... 1214 01:21:07,650 --> 01:21:10,085 The happiest man in the world? 1215 01:21:14,323 --> 01:21:16,925 Yeah, I will. [ Giggling ] Let me shag her, then. 1216 01:21:18,594 --> 01:21:21,597 *This Is How We Do It In a UK. Vibe * 1217 01:21:21,597 --> 01:21:25,634 *This Is How We Do It Come on, sue, to the floor and sabrina to the mic * 1218 01:21:25,634 --> 01:21:27,703 *This Is How We Do It 1219 01:21:27,703 --> 01:21:31,607 *This Is How We Do It It's friday night * 1220 01:21:31,607 --> 01:21:34,477 *And I Feel All Right 1221 01:21:34,477 --> 01:21:37,413 *Party's Here On The Westside 1222 01:21:37,413 --> 01:21:39,882 So, what did you think of the film? 1223 01:21:39,882 --> 01:21:41,817 It weren't bad, was it? 1224 01:21:41,817 --> 01:21:43,886 It was easily better than harry potter, 1225 01:21:43,886 --> 01:21:46,655 which me thought was very childish. 1226 01:21:46,655 --> 01:21:50,626 If you is watchin' this, potter, I's better than you. 1227 01:21:50,626 --> 01:21:53,095 You probably ain't even slept with a girl. 1228 01:21:53,095 --> 01:21:55,798 I's slept with three. 1229 01:21:55,798 --> 01:21:58,767 And I got one of 'em to play with herself. 1230 01:21:58,767 --> 01:22:00,869 Anyways, whatever you thought of this film, 1231 01:22:00,869 --> 01:22:03,739 please tell your mates that it waswicked. 1232 01:22:03,739 --> 01:22:05,608 'Cause if this flops, 1233 01:22:05,608 --> 01:22:08,577 me won't be able to get me nan a new hip. 1234 01:22:08,577 --> 01:22:12,481 So the choice is yours. No pressure. 1235 01:22:12,481 --> 01:22:14,650 Come here, nan, and tell them about it. 1236 01:22:14,650 --> 01:22:18,020 What? You is fallin' over again? 1237 01:22:18,020 --> 01:22:21,023 What, you done the other one in as well? 1238 01:22:21,023 --> 01:22:25,160 Don't cry there, all mashed up, a lump of bones. 1239 01:22:25,160 --> 01:22:28,063 Me will get you the cash to make it better. 1240 01:22:28,063 --> 01:22:30,499 Somehow. 1241 01:22:33,068 --> 01:22:35,571 Don't be selfish. 1242 01:22:35,571 --> 01:22:37,673 Buy the merchandise and all. 1243 01:22:39,842 --> 01:22:41,477 *Ali G 1244 01:22:41,477 --> 01:22:44,046 *Shaggy 1245 01:22:44,046 --> 01:22:45,914 *Last Time, Babylon You A ride, now yeah, you man * 1246 01:22:47,750 --> 01:22:50,085 *A To The L To The I To the g-issey * *Ali G 1247 01:22:50,085 --> 01:22:53,155 *J To The U To the L-i-e-issey * *Julie 1248 01:22:53,155 --> 01:22:56,459 *S To The H To the a double g-issey, y * *Shaggy 1249 01:22:56,459 --> 01:22:58,494 *Rude Boys Get Busy 1250 01:22:58,494 --> 01:23:00,963 *I Need A Cure For this thing I'm feelin' * 1251 01:23:00,963 --> 01:23:03,599 *Shaggy Need Some Sexual healin' * 1252 01:23:03,599 --> 01:23:05,901 *I Want To Reach And touch the ceilin' * 1253 01:23:05,901 --> 01:23:08,604 *When I'm Knobbin' My julie * 1254 01:23:08,604 --> 01:23:10,973 *Me Am The King Of the late-night dealin' * 1255 01:23:10,973 --> 01:23:13,609 *Worse Now, It's Just A piece I'm stealing * 1256 01:23:13,609 --> 01:23:16,111 *Safe Sex It's just a lover believin' * 1257 01:23:16,111 --> 01:23:18,881 *When I'm Loggin' My Julie 1258 01:23:18,881 --> 01:23:22,685 *Julie, Truly *You Know Me Love-a You 1259 01:23:22,685 --> 01:23:25,153 *From My Head Down To My *Goolie 1260 01:23:25,153 --> 01:23:28,724 *Uh, Uh *Woman, You Turn Me On With your big babylons * 1261 01:23:28,724 --> 01:23:32,795 *Julie, Truly *You Got To Treat Her 1262 01:23:32,795 --> 01:23:34,630 *When Me Touch You With Me *Goolie 1263 01:23:34,630 --> 01:23:36,565 [ Ali ] *Hey, Mr. Shaggy Me can rap too * 1264 01:23:36,565 --> 01:23:40,135 *Yo, Yo, Yo [ Ali ] *You Is Better Than J.lo 1265 01:23:40,135 --> 01:23:42,638 *Sexy You, She's Just A Minger Fit as destiny's child * 1266 01:23:42,638 --> 01:23:44,172 *Well, Apart From The lead singer * 1267 01:23:44,172 --> 01:23:46,942 *You's Fitter Than the spice girls including the ginger * 1268 01:23:46,942 --> 01:23:49,612 *Give It A Shake 'Cause me wanna be in ya * 1269 01:23:49,612 --> 01:23:52,014 *They Was Claimin' That Our love was wrong, uh * 1270 01:23:52,014 --> 01:23:54,016 *The People Just Stared And said it was too long * 1271 01:23:54,016 --> 01:23:56,018 *But It Ain't A Crime To have a 12-inch * 1272 01:23:56,018 --> 01:23:59,221 *A What *Dong, Da-dong, Dong-dong 1273 01:23:59,221 --> 01:24:03,559 *Julie, Julie *You Know Me Love-a You 1274 01:24:03,559 --> 01:24:06,128 *From My Head Down To My *Goolie 1275 01:24:06,128 --> 01:24:09,598 *Woman You Turn Me On With your big babylons * *Hey Yo, Hey Yo 1276 01:24:09,598 --> 01:24:13,636 *Me Julie, Truly *You Got To Sweet Talk 1277 01:24:13,636 --> 01:24:17,172 *That's Right *When Me Touch You To me goolie * 1278 01:24:17,172 --> 01:24:19,942 *But You Turn Me On With your big babylons * 1279 01:24:19,942 --> 01:24:23,712 *Whoa *This Is How We Do It In a UK. Vibe * 1280 01:24:23,712 --> 01:24:28,016 *This Is How We Do It *Ha, It's The Mis-teeq Mis-teeq, mis-teeq * 1281 01:24:28,016 --> 01:24:30,619 *This Is How We Do It 1282 01:24:30,619 --> 01:24:34,590 *This Is How We Do It It's friday night * 1283 01:24:34,590 --> 01:24:37,259 *And I Feel All Right 1284 01:24:37,259 --> 01:24:39,795 *Party's Here On The Westside 1285 01:24:39,795 --> 01:24:42,097 *So I Reach For My 40 And I turn it up * 1286 01:24:42,097 --> 01:24:44,700 *Designated Driver Turn the key to my truck * 1287 01:24:44,700 --> 01:24:46,769 *Hit The Shore 'Cause I'm faded * 1288 01:24:46,769 --> 01:24:49,672 *Guys In The Street Say Girls, oh, you made it * 1289 01:24:49,672 --> 01:24:53,876 *It Feels So Good In my 'hood tonight * 1290 01:24:53,876 --> 01:24:56,011 *The Summertime Skirts And the guys in kani * 1291 01:24:56,011 --> 01:24:59,181 *All The Gang-bangers Forgot about the drive-bys * 1292 01:24:59,181 --> 01:25:03,018 *You Gotta Get Your Groove On Before you're gonna get paid * 1293 01:25:03,018 --> 01:25:05,187 *So Tip Up Your Cup And throw your hands up * 1294 01:25:05,187 --> 01:25:07,790 *And Let Me Hear The party say * 1295 01:25:07,790 --> 01:25:10,125 *I'm Kinda Buzzed And it's all because * 1296 01:25:10,125 --> 01:25:12,160 *This Is How We Do It 1297 01:25:12,160 --> 01:25:15,097 *South Central Does It Like nobody does * 1298 01:25:15,097 --> 01:25:17,165 *This Is How We Do It 1299 01:25:17,165 --> 01:25:19,668 *To All My Neighbors You got much flava * 1300 01:25:19,668 --> 01:25:21,770 *This Is How We Do It 1301 01:25:21,770 --> 01:25:24,206 *So Flip The Track Bring the old school back * 1302 01:25:24,206 --> 01:25:26,742 *This Is How We Do It 1303 01:25:26,742 --> 01:25:29,111 *Oh, I'm Buzzin' Because 1304 01:25:29,111 --> 01:25:31,146 *This Is How We Do It 1305 01:25:31,146 --> 01:25:35,317 *South Central Does It Like nobody does * *This Is How We Do It 1306 01:25:35,317 --> 01:25:38,053 *L-o-n-d-o-n 1307 01:25:38,053 --> 01:25:40,355 *This Is How We Do It 1308 01:25:40,355 --> 01:25:43,058 *I'll Never Come Back On an old school track * 1309 01:25:43,058 --> 01:25:45,060 *This Is How We Do It *Check It Out 1310 01:25:45,060 --> 01:25:49,665 * [ Rap, Indistinct ] 1311 01:26:04,179 --> 01:26:08,316 *But I'm Buzzin' Because *This Is How We Do It 1312 01:26:08,316 --> 01:26:12,955 *South Central Does It Like nobody does * *This Is How We Do It 1313 01:26:12,955 --> 01:26:15,223 *L-o-n-d-o-n 1314 01:26:15,223 --> 01:26:17,726 *This Is How We Do It 1315 01:26:17,726 --> 01:26:20,195 *I Never Come Back On an old school track * 1316 01:26:20,195 --> 01:26:22,631 *This Is How We Do It 1317 01:26:22,631 --> 01:26:27,102 *I'm Kinda Buzzed And it's all because * *This Is How We Do It 1318 01:26:27,102 --> 01:26:31,339 *South Central Does It Like nobody does * *This Is How We Do It 1319 01:26:31,339 --> 01:26:36,278 *All My Neighbors You got much flava * *This Is How We Do It 1320 01:26:36,278 --> 01:26:40,949 *So, Flip The Track Bring the old school back * *This Is How We Do It 1321 01:26:40,949 --> 01:26:45,788 *This Is How We Do It *This Is How We Do It 1322 01:26:45,788 --> 01:26:50,392 *Mis Teeq Does It Like nobody does * *This Is How We Do It 1323 01:26:50,392 --> 01:26:55,030 *All My Neighbors You got much flava * *This Is How We Do It 1324 01:26:55,030 --> 01:26:59,802 *And We'll Never Come Back On an old school track * *This Is How We Do It