1
00:00:09,248 --> 00:00:11,500
All right, all right, I'll talk.

2
00:00:11,625 --> 00:00:13,585
Just make the pain stop.

3
00:00:13,710 --> 00:00:16,588
Oh, shut up.
I'm just trying to get the blood flowing.

4
00:00:16,713 --> 00:00:19,091
- More like make me haemorrhage.
- Don't tempt me.

5
00:00:19,174 --> 00:00:21,343
Oh, God, you broke something.

6
00:00:21,468 --> 00:00:23,804
Oh, too bad
it wasn't your bloody pie hole.

7
00:00:23,929 --> 00:00:26,140
There, we're done, you big baby.

8
00:00:27,182 --> 00:00:28,475
What, already?

9
00:00:29,059 --> 00:00:31,395
Oh, that felt great.

10
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:34,398
Oh, I feel like a new man.

11
00:00:34,690 --> 00:00:36,942
- I love your new table.
- Oh, you're sweet.

12
00:00:37,067 --> 00:00:39,319
- Can I make you a sandwich?
- Oh, that'd be great, yeah.

13
00:00:39,528 --> 00:00:40,529
Oh, by the way, Daph,

14
00:00:40,654 --> 00:00:43,449
you know, they're showing the first
ever episode of Rockford today.

15
00:00:43,615 --> 00:00:45,909
If you're really serious
about becoming American citizen,

16
00:00:45,993 --> 00:00:48,120
- maybe you ought to watch it.
- Ah.

17
00:00:49,371 --> 00:00:51,123
Well, now you've opened it.

18
00:00:51,248 --> 00:00:52,624
- That's mail theft.
- Nonsense.

19
00:00:52,708 --> 00:00:54,126
- What's going on?
- Nothing.

20
00:00:54,209 --> 00:00:57,087
A piece of Cam Winston's mail
found its way into our box.

21
00:00:57,212 --> 00:00:58,964
Been happening
since we switched boxes,

22
00:00:59,089 --> 00:01:01,110
even after I gave the postman
a stern lecture.

23
00:01:01,341 --> 00:01:03,302
Especially after.

24
00:01:05,262 --> 00:01:06,597
It was an honest mistake.

25
00:01:06,889 --> 00:01:08,599
Cam and I
are on all the same mailing lists.

26
00:01:08,724 --> 00:01:11,393
I'm sure mine is in his box.
Besides, it's nothing personal.

27
00:01:11,518 --> 00:01:13,228
It's just an announcement
for someplace

28
00:01:13,353 --> 00:01:15,147
called La Porte D'Argent.

29
00:01:15,689 --> 00:01:17,858
Probably just another
froufrou restaurant

30
00:01:17,983 --> 00:01:19,234
or froufrou clothing store.

31
00:01:19,359 --> 00:01:21,069
No, no, no,
this is not froufrou, Dad,

32
00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:23,864
as evidenced
by the manly scent of balsam.

33
00:01:24,573 --> 00:01:27,826
They obviously deal
with a very upscale clientele.

34
00:01:28,285 --> 00:01:30,537
Oh, La Porte D' Argent'?

35
00:01:31,205 --> 00:01:33,457
Someone at the racquet club
was talking about this.

36
00:01:33,749 --> 00:01:35,918
- It's very, very exclusive.
- Yes?

37
00:01:36,251 --> 00:01:37,419
That's all I know.

38
00:01:39,505 --> 00:01:41,673
Some ill-mannered person
started up his blow dryer

39
00:01:41,798 --> 00:01:43,050
before I could hear any more.

40
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:45,427
- Hello.
- Oh, Daphne, Daphne.

41
00:01:45,552 --> 00:01:47,095
Did I get one of these
in the mail today?

42
00:01:47,262 --> 00:01:49,973
- No, I don't think so.
- Poor Niles.

43
00:01:51,350 --> 00:01:52,226
What's this about?

44
00:01:52,351 --> 00:01:55,729
Oh, they're all worked up over
some smelly invitation Frasier stole

45
00:01:55,812 --> 00:01:57,249
to someplace they never heard of.

46
00:01:57,328 --> 00:01:58,190
Oh.

47
00:01:58,524 --> 00:01:59,816
But that's what's so intriguing,

48
00:01:59,942 --> 00:02:01,860
there exists
an exclusive place in Seattle

49
00:02:01,944 --> 00:02:03,612
that neither of us knows about.

50
00:02:04,363 --> 00:02:08,659
It could be an art gallery
or a new haberdashery.

51
00:02:08,825 --> 00:02:11,161
Or an Italian shoelace boutique.

52
00:02:12,329 --> 00:02:13,789
- What's happening?
- It's a machine.

53
00:02:14,581 --> 00:02:18,502
It's asking me to enter
my six-digit access code. What'll I do?

54
00:02:18,627 --> 00:02:22,548
Why don't you just punch in
whatever keys spell out "snobby"?

55
00:02:25,676 --> 00:02:27,302
You know, it might be worth a try.

56
00:02:31,557 --> 00:02:33,934
- Oh, denied.
- Oh.

57
00:02:35,060 --> 00:02:37,479
The allure of La Porte D'Argent
has increased ten-fold.

58
00:02:38,105 --> 00:02:39,189
Here's our plan.

59
00:02:39,356 --> 00:02:42,985
Go to the university computer lab,
bribe some hungry hacker.

60
00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:44,903
And once they've tapped
into their mainframe,

61
00:02:45,028 --> 00:02:48,240
La Porte D'Argent
will offer up her sweet secret

62
00:02:48,365 --> 00:02:50,367
like a blushing bride
on her wedding night.

63
00:02:51,451 --> 00:02:54,830
Why don't you just go down there
and ask them what they do?

64
00:02:58,417 --> 00:03:00,085
All right, Dad, that's a plan B.

65
00:03:18,437 --> 00:03:19,896
Hello. Uh.

66
00:03:20,355 --> 00:03:22,768
- Is this La Porte D'Argent?
- Yes, it is.

67
00:03:22,815 --> 00:03:23,900
Ah, good.

68
00:03:24,401 --> 00:03:28,113
Say, someone was asking me
earlier today about La Porte D'Argent,

69
00:03:28,238 --> 00:03:33,160
and I had a difficult time
characterising it. Uh.

70
00:03:33,660 --> 00:03:34,786
What would you tell him?

71
00:03:35,245 --> 00:03:37,122
We try to discourage
word-of-mouth.

72
00:03:37,331 --> 00:03:39,291
That's exactly what I said.

73
00:03:40,751 --> 00:03:43,253
So, oh, well, I'm here
to take advantage of your offer.

74
00:03:43,462 --> 00:03:46,089
- Sure. Can I have you name, please?
- Yes. Frasier Crane.

75
00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:50,886
I'm not finding you.

76
00:03:51,261 --> 00:03:52,888
Try Dr. Frasier Crane.

77
00:03:54,348 --> 00:03:56,850
Perhaps you've heard
my popular radio show?

78
00:03:57,684 --> 00:03:59,811
I'm not really a radio person.

79
00:04:02,648 --> 00:04:05,359
I'm sorry, Dr. Crane,
you're not on the list, I can't let you in.

80
00:04:06,693 --> 00:04:09,029
- But I have an invitation.
- But you're not on the list.

81
00:04:09,196 --> 00:04:11,448
- Yes, but I do have an invitation.
- But you aren't on the list.

82
00:04:11,990 --> 00:04:15,202
Yes, well, if I were on the list,
then I wouldn't need an invitation.

83
00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:18,205
I would say I'm on the list, therefore,
the invitation supersedes the list.

84
00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:21,249
No, invitations are given out
only to those on the list.

85
00:04:21,541 --> 00:04:22,334
Aha.

86
00:04:22,584 --> 00:04:24,711
But you do concede
that I have a valid invitation?

87
00:04:25,379 --> 00:04:27,923
- Yes.
- It follows that I would be on the list.

88
00:04:28,090 --> 00:04:29,466
But you're not.

89
00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:32,052
Then how did I get the invitation?

90
00:04:32,302 --> 00:04:34,388
I really don't know.
You could have stolen it.

91
00:04:36,390 --> 00:04:38,058
Are you accusing me of deception?

92
00:04:38,433 --> 00:04:39,935
Cam. Cam Winston. Ha.

93
00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,144
There you are.

94
00:04:42,771 --> 00:04:44,898
Hello, Frasier.

95
00:04:46,358 --> 00:04:49,653
While I was waiting for you,
I decided to test the mettle of this man.

96
00:04:49,778 --> 00:04:51,446
I'm pleased to report
that he follows the rules

97
00:04:51,571 --> 00:04:53,990
of La Porte D'Argent to the letter.

98
00:04:57,327 --> 00:04:59,955
Anyway, I am a guest
of Mr. Cam Winston's here.

99
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,375
Uh, he told me to meet him here,
gave me the invitation and here I am.

100
00:05:03,458 --> 00:05:05,252
Yes, I am Cam Winston,
and he's my guest

101
00:05:05,377 --> 00:05:07,963
and I asked him
to meet me here. Oh.

102
00:05:10,257 --> 00:05:11,591
Here you are, Mr. Winston.

103
00:05:11,675 --> 00:05:14,094
Welcome to La Porte D'Argent.

104
00:05:14,219 --> 00:05:15,971
- Thank you.
- Hope you both enjoy your stay.

105
00:05:16,096 --> 00:05:19,391
Take a moment to look over our
services, and I'll be back in a moment.

106
00:05:24,104 --> 00:05:27,232
Niles, it's a day spa.

107
00:05:27,441 --> 00:05:30,902
Good gravy, this is fantastic.

108
00:05:32,654 --> 00:05:34,030
Would you stop talking like that?

109
00:05:34,197 --> 00:05:36,616
That's the worst impersonation
of Cam Winston I've ever heard.

110
00:05:36,908 --> 00:05:38,869
- Heard another?
- Of course not.

111
00:05:39,578 --> 00:05:40,996
Then it's the best.

112
00:05:42,122 --> 00:05:44,416
Now you're stuck
talking like that all day.

113
00:05:45,167 --> 00:05:46,460
Here are your keys, gentlemen.

114
00:05:46,585 --> 00:05:48,587
Your aestheticians
will be with you shortly.

115
00:05:48,712 --> 00:05:49,796
Thank you. Ahem.

116
00:05:49,921 --> 00:05:52,007
Thank you. Good,
I've been waiting for that all morning.

117
00:05:57,512 --> 00:05:58,722
Oh, Niles.

118
00:05:59,306 --> 00:06:01,391
The Ayurvedic massage
sounds splendid.

119
00:06:01,641 --> 00:06:04,978
"Two therapists at once
using hot stones"

120
00:06:05,312 --> 00:06:10,817
and a blend of essential oils
personally created for your <i>dosha.</i>

121
00:06:13,069 --> 00:06:14,571
I think I'll have
aromatherapy Swedish.

122
00:06:14,696 --> 00:06:17,991
Oh, Niles, look at this bounty.

123
00:06:18,158 --> 00:06:20,118
Take a risk. Be a man.

124
00:06:22,412 --> 00:06:24,873
"The Chardonnay Rosehip
Salt Glow?"

125
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,291
Now that's more like it.

126
00:06:29,377 --> 00:06:31,505
- Oh, lovely.
- Hello there.

127
00:06:31,630 --> 00:06:33,089
- Right this way.
- Thank you.

128
00:06:33,256 --> 00:06:36,468
Frasier, Frasier,
river rocks and a stalk of wheat.

129
00:06:36,593 --> 00:06:38,053
- Ooh.
- Ooh.

130
00:06:46,478 --> 00:06:50,732
I knew it was going to be good,
but I had no idea it would be this good.

131
00:06:50,857 --> 00:06:53,527
I feel like I've been rubbed
by angels.

132
00:06:53,610 --> 00:06:55,821
Niles, I just wish you had tried

133
00:06:55,946 --> 00:06:58,114
the Wassertanzen
aqua-therapy treatment.

134
00:06:58,198 --> 00:07:00,784
I feel as if I've had
a rebirthing experience.

135
00:07:00,867 --> 00:07:02,244
I've never felt better in my life.

136
00:07:03,119 --> 00:07:06,331
I'm so polished,
my entire body is squeaking.

137
00:07:08,041 --> 00:07:10,293
- Ah, hello.
- How was everything?

138
00:07:10,418 --> 00:07:11,711
- Heaven.
- Oh, nirvana.

139
00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:13,463
I'm so glad.

140
00:07:13,588 --> 00:07:15,340
Now, this is a breakdown
of your services.

141
00:07:15,423 --> 00:07:16,216
Ah.

142
00:07:16,550 --> 00:07:18,969
Mm. Oh.

143
00:07:20,011 --> 00:07:22,264
- Nirvana ain't cheap, huh?
- No.

144
00:07:23,390 --> 00:07:25,725
Well, it's worth it, I suppose, ha, ha.

145
00:07:25,809 --> 00:07:27,644
Do we make this
a standing appointment?

146
00:07:27,769 --> 00:07:29,563
- I think we owe it to ourselves.
- Yes.

147
00:07:29,688 --> 00:07:31,147
I'd be happy to set that up.

148
00:07:31,273 --> 00:07:32,732
Now, I've also put together

149
00:07:32,858 --> 00:07:36,236
a personal La Porte D' Argent
product system for each of you

150
00:07:36,361 --> 00:07:39,739
based on the recommendations
of your aestheticians.

151
00:07:40,073 --> 00:07:42,117
Oh, Niles, this smells great.

152
00:07:42,242 --> 00:07:43,326
Try that.

153
00:07:43,994 --> 00:07:46,538
The Mid-afternoon
Anti-Stress Spritz.

154
00:07:46,705 --> 00:07:47,664
Mm-hm.

155
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,460
I've never even heard
of eyelash conditioner.

156
00:07:52,544 --> 00:07:53,545
Ah.

157
00:07:55,297 --> 00:07:57,257
Hence the brittle lashes.

158
00:07:59,634 --> 00:08:00,760
Hey.

159
00:08:02,262 --> 00:08:03,722
Isn't that Senator Ogden?

160
00:08:03,889 --> 00:08:04,973
It is.

161
00:08:05,724 --> 00:08:07,934
Oh, Niles,
this just gets better and better.

162
00:08:08,143 --> 00:08:10,395
Balanced skin and social advancement
all in one setting.

163
00:08:10,478 --> 00:08:11,813
I'm gonna go say hello.

164
00:08:15,483 --> 00:08:16,693
I'm sorry.

165
00:08:16,860 --> 00:08:19,946
That area is restricted
to our gold-level members.

166
00:08:22,699 --> 00:08:24,826
You have a gold level?
How do you get in?

167
00:08:24,951 --> 00:08:26,995
You'd have to be on the list.

168
00:08:27,454 --> 00:08:28,872
Well, we are on the list.

169
00:08:28,997 --> 00:08:30,582
The gold list.

170
00:08:30,916 --> 00:08:32,208
This is absurd.

171
00:08:32,459 --> 00:08:35,378
I mean, I am a member of every
exclusive club in this entire town.

172
00:08:35,503 --> 00:08:37,547
You must have a reciprocal
membership with one of them.

173
00:08:37,714 --> 00:08:39,883
I'm sorry,
but you're more than welcome

174
00:08:40,008 --> 00:08:43,136
to enjoy the many amenities
of the silver level.

175
00:08:45,221 --> 00:08:48,350
And just how are we supposed
to enjoy this?

176
00:08:52,103 --> 00:08:53,730
And this isn't working.

177
00:09:02,197 --> 00:09:04,491
You never told me
Rockford was Maverick.

178
00:09:04,866 --> 00:09:07,661
Well, technically, he's not Maverick
in this. He's Rockford.

179
00:09:08,078 --> 00:09:10,622
Even though we all know
he's secretly Maverick.

180
00:09:11,039 --> 00:09:13,583
- I can see why you like this show.
- Yeah.

181
00:09:13,708 --> 00:09:14,876
What's not to like?

182
00:09:15,043 --> 00:09:18,713
Solving crimes, pretty girls,
car chases...

183
00:09:18,838 --> 00:09:21,299
- Leisure suits.
- Yeah.

184
00:09:24,135 --> 00:09:26,388
Rockford's dad reminds me of you.

185
00:09:27,681 --> 00:09:29,975
- What are you talking about?
- Rockford's dad.

186
00:09:30,183 --> 00:09:32,560
You're just like him.
Cranky, but loveable.

187
00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:35,814
The hell I am. I'm like Rockford.

188
00:09:35,981 --> 00:09:37,941
- How'd you get that?
- Well, come on.

189
00:09:38,066 --> 00:09:40,318
He solves crimes, I solve crimes.

190
00:09:40,485 --> 00:09:42,821
We're both in tune
with the beat of the street.

191
00:09:43,071 --> 00:09:45,031
He's the kind of guy
that men wanna be

192
00:09:45,156 --> 00:09:46,408
and woman wanna be with.

193
00:09:46,783 --> 00:09:48,076
When this show first came out,

194
00:09:48,201 --> 00:09:50,328
everybody used to say
I was like Rockford.

195
00:09:53,581 --> 00:09:57,002
I'm sorry, I don't see it.
You still remind me of his dad.

196
00:09:57,502 --> 00:10:00,213
Rocky? But he's old.

197
00:10:03,591 --> 00:10:04,926
Oh, I see.

198
00:10:05,885 --> 00:10:07,303
I didn't mean that.

199
00:10:07,429 --> 00:10:10,724
I just meant there's something
about him that reminds me of you.

200
00:10:10,807 --> 00:10:12,100
Yeah, his oldness?

201
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,977
Oh, stop it.

202
00:10:14,352 --> 00:10:16,813
If you wanna be Rockford,
you can be Rockford, I don't care.

203
00:10:16,896 --> 00:10:18,690
Fine. Then let's just watch it.

204
00:10:24,612 --> 00:10:26,156
I don't wanna watch this anymore.

205
00:10:26,823 --> 00:10:30,076
Congratulations.
You've ruined Rockford for me.

206
00:10:32,078 --> 00:10:33,955
I had a nagging feeling
the whole time

207
00:10:34,039 --> 00:10:36,374
they were holding something
back on purpose.

208
00:10:36,499 --> 00:10:39,919
Blended for your <i>dosha</i> indeed.

209
00:10:40,462 --> 00:10:43,048
They wouldn't know my <i>dosha</i>
if they fell over it.

210
00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:47,052
So, what kind of a hoity-toity place
did it end up being?

211
00:10:47,177 --> 00:10:48,636
It was a hellhole.

212
00:10:49,929 --> 00:10:52,098
The nerve to call it a day spa

213
00:10:52,307 --> 00:10:55,602
when it's nothing more than
a mere front for a bona fide luxury spa

214
00:10:55,727 --> 00:10:58,938
which taunts those kept at bay
outside its golden door.

215
00:10:59,147 --> 00:11:00,982
If you didn't go in,
how do you know it's better?

216
00:11:01,107 --> 00:11:04,444
It had to be. The door was gold.
Ours was only silver.

217
00:11:04,611 --> 00:11:06,529
Gold is better than silver.

218
00:11:07,947 --> 00:11:09,407
Stupid silver.

219
00:11:11,576 --> 00:11:14,788
Well, you'll always be
in my exclusive club, honey.

220
00:11:14,871 --> 00:11:17,916
Oh, thanks. And that's all I need.

221
00:11:18,666 --> 00:11:20,543
There must be somebody
who can get us in.

222
00:11:21,795 --> 00:11:24,422
- Let's go comb our Rolodexes.
- Yes.

223
00:11:24,672 --> 00:11:26,132
Yes, there has to be a way
out of the slum

224
00:11:26,257 --> 00:11:27,842
they call the Silver Room.

225
00:11:28,468 --> 00:11:31,012
Why do I keep squeaking?

226
00:11:33,681 --> 00:11:36,851
Hey, Frasier, wait till you see this.

227
00:11:37,018 --> 00:11:38,478
It is so cool.

228
00:11:38,812 --> 00:11:39,813
Really?

229
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:42,524
Well, I could use something
to balm my wounds.

230
00:11:42,982 --> 00:11:44,275
Painful as it is,

231
00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:48,238
I've come to accept that I shall never
pass through that spa's gold door.

232
00:11:49,531 --> 00:11:51,699
- I was filing your new head shot.
- Yes.

233
00:11:51,866 --> 00:11:53,618
And I started looking
through your old ones,

234
00:11:53,743 --> 00:11:55,411
going back
to when you first started.

235
00:12:03,294 --> 00:12:04,712
Ooh.

236
00:12:04,879 --> 00:12:06,005
What am I looking at?

237
00:12:06,256 --> 00:12:09,134
Oh, it's like an animation
of your hairline receding.

238
00:12:09,884 --> 00:12:11,344
Isn't that great?

239
00:12:13,221 --> 00:12:15,640
Okay, wait, now,
here's the good part.

240
00:12:15,807 --> 00:12:17,350
- Uh-huh.
- It's growing back.

241
00:12:18,518 --> 00:12:19,853
- Receding.
- Yes, yes.

242
00:12:19,978 --> 00:12:21,813
- Growing back.
- Yes, all right, Roz, that's enough.

243
00:12:21,938 --> 00:12:23,481
Oh, don't be so sensitive.

244
00:12:23,606 --> 00:12:24,649
- Hi.
- Hi.

245
00:12:24,774 --> 00:12:26,734
Oh, Niles, no good news, I suppose.

246
00:12:27,068 --> 00:12:29,112
I've had no luck getting us
into the gold level.

247
00:12:29,237 --> 00:12:32,490
Are you guys really this bent out
of shape about that gold spa?

248
00:12:32,615 --> 00:12:33,449
Yes.

249
00:12:33,616 --> 00:12:35,577
Why can't you be happy
with the silver?

250
00:12:35,702 --> 00:12:37,579
- Because gold is better.
- Bull.

251
00:12:37,704 --> 00:12:40,373
The only reason why you wanna
go there is because you can't.

252
00:12:40,999 --> 00:12:42,667
We saw a senator going in.

253
00:12:43,042 --> 00:12:46,713
A senator.
We elected him, he works for us.

254
00:12:46,963 --> 00:12:49,340
How is it fair that our employee
is admitted

255
00:12:49,465 --> 00:12:52,927
while we are shunted off
to the icy depths of silver level?

256
00:12:56,306 --> 00:12:57,932
It's a spa.

257
00:12:58,308 --> 00:13:00,185
How much better could it be?

258
00:13:00,393 --> 00:13:02,562
What, are they gonna
carry you around like a sultan?

259
00:13:02,729 --> 00:13:04,939
You gonna be massaged
by supermodels?

260
00:13:05,064 --> 00:13:07,108
And then what if you do get
through the gold door?

261
00:13:07,233 --> 00:13:08,985
What next? The diamond door?

262
00:13:09,235 --> 00:13:11,279
And after that, a titanium door.

263
00:13:11,404 --> 00:13:13,281
And after that, a plutonium door.

264
00:13:13,406 --> 00:13:14,574
Oh, that's ridiculous.

265
00:13:14,699 --> 00:13:18,286
Plutonium's radioactive. No one
is going to make a door out of it.

266
00:13:21,456 --> 00:13:23,541
Although Roz
does make a point, Niles.

267
00:13:23,833 --> 00:13:25,919
What kind of crazy fantasy
are we chasing?

268
00:13:29,923 --> 00:13:31,674
See? I'm right.

269
00:13:31,799 --> 00:13:33,134
Oh, I'm sorry.

270
00:13:33,635 --> 00:13:37,013
I was just imagining supermodels
with that crook Senator Ogden.

271
00:13:37,430 --> 00:13:40,892
It was Senator Ogden? I know him.

272
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:42,894
You do?

273
00:13:43,228 --> 00:13:46,314
Yeah. He really owes me one too.

274
00:13:46,439 --> 00:13:49,067
- You want me to give him a call?
- Would you? Absolutely.

275
00:13:49,192 --> 00:13:50,652
How do you know Senator Ogden?

276
00:13:51,027 --> 00:13:55,198
Well, I knew him a few years ago
when his marriage was on the rocks.

277
00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:57,075
We kept it very hush-hush.

278
00:13:58,034 --> 00:13:59,994
Thank God I knew CPR.

279
00:14:04,249 --> 00:14:05,667
<i>Rockford's</i> on.

280
00:14:07,001 --> 00:14:08,086
Not interested.

281
00:14:08,294 --> 00:14:10,046
Oh, come on.
It looks like a good one.

282
00:14:10,255 --> 00:14:13,258
- Tom Selleck's in it.
- Oh, those are good.

283
00:14:14,968 --> 00:14:16,261
Not that I care.

284
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:20,056
You know,
I caught a few episodes at home,

285
00:14:20,181 --> 00:14:24,477
and I see the resemblance between
you and a young Jim Rockford.

286
00:14:26,604 --> 00:14:27,689
No, you don't.

287
00:14:29,315 --> 00:14:30,566
Yes, I do.

288
00:14:30,692 --> 00:14:33,778
No one gives him credit
when he has a good idea.

289
00:14:33,987 --> 00:14:35,863
He likes to drive a little too fast...

290
00:14:35,989 --> 00:14:37,198
He's got my chin.

291
00:14:38,283 --> 00:14:40,702
He knows how to work the system
and babes love him.

292
00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,662
Yes, they do.

293
00:14:44,414 --> 00:14:45,748
So, what do you say?

294
00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:48,835
Oh, okay, why not?

295
00:14:52,839 --> 00:14:54,757
Ah, this is good.

296
00:14:55,466 --> 00:14:56,801
Sorry I got so worked up.

297
00:14:56,926 --> 00:14:58,553
Oh, you can't help it.

298
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,805
You've got principles like Rockford.

299
00:15:01,681 --> 00:15:04,309
Okay, let's not lay it on too thick.

300
00:15:05,685 --> 00:15:06,936
Oh, look at that.

301
00:15:07,061 --> 00:15:09,022
Malibu, California.

302
00:15:09,439 --> 00:15:11,357
FYI, those mountains you see
in the background

303
00:15:11,482 --> 00:15:13,568
are the same ones you see
at the beginning of <i>M*A*S*H.</i>

304
00:15:13,901 --> 00:15:16,362
Oh, I love <i>M*A*S*H.</i>

305
00:15:16,487 --> 00:15:18,740
Whenever I watch it, I think of you.

306
00:15:18,906 --> 00:15:23,619
Serving in Korea all those years ago,
just like Colonel Potter.

307
00:15:26,539 --> 00:15:27,915
That's it. Go home.

308
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,084
Why?

309
00:15:30,418 --> 00:15:32,712
Colonel Potter was old
when he did Dragnet.

310
00:15:34,797 --> 00:15:37,508
Colonel Potter,
that funny, young doctor

311
00:15:37,592 --> 00:15:39,844
who used to mix martinis in his tent.

312
00:15:40,470 --> 00:15:41,971
Oh, you're thinking of Hawkeye.

313
00:15:42,096 --> 00:15:43,890
Yes, that's who I meant.

314
00:15:48,311 --> 00:15:49,479
Okay.

315
00:16:03,159 --> 00:16:06,245
I've taken you
to the Relaxation Grotto.

316
00:16:06,371 --> 00:16:10,208
We'll just let the wrap and your Orange
Honey Butter mask soothe you

317
00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:14,545
while you listen to the healing sounds
of the Javanese rainforest, okay?

318
00:16:14,670 --> 00:16:16,005
Okay.

319
00:16:27,350 --> 00:16:28,684
Oh, excuse me.

320
00:16:31,312 --> 00:16:33,564
- Frasier? Frasier, is that you?
- Niles.

321
00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:36,818
- Hi.
- I just had a colour-therapy treatment.

322
00:16:36,901 --> 00:16:39,237
My eyes haven't readjusted yet. Uh.

323
00:16:39,487 --> 00:16:41,322
They sent me in here to relax.

324
00:16:41,823 --> 00:16:45,660
I'm letting
my Orange Honey Butter mask set.

325
00:16:48,496 --> 00:16:51,833
- Roz was so wrong.
- Ah.

326
00:16:53,042 --> 00:16:55,128
Completely wrong. Ha, ha.

327
00:16:56,921 --> 00:17:00,007
Oh, there, my eyes are better.

328
00:17:00,842 --> 00:17:02,093
Oh, Niles.

329
00:17:03,386 --> 00:17:04,804
You should see this place.

330
00:17:05,430 --> 00:17:07,098
Be my eyes, Frasier.

331
00:17:12,687 --> 00:17:16,524
Well, it's just paradise.

332
00:17:17,608 --> 00:17:22,071
From the rare exotic orchids
to the trompe l'oeil sky,

333
00:17:22,697 --> 00:17:26,159
to the perfectly bubbled stream,
to the...

334
00:17:28,995 --> 00:17:30,079
To the what?

335
00:17:33,207 --> 00:17:34,750
There's a platinum door.

336
00:17:37,670 --> 00:17:39,046
Platinum?

337
00:17:40,506 --> 00:17:42,216
- Are you sure?
- Yes.

338
00:17:42,842 --> 00:17:44,135
- Is it guarded?
- No.

339
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:46,012
Just brazenly standing there.

340
00:17:46,888 --> 00:17:49,265
Then rip the cucumbers
from my eyes and let's go.

341
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:50,349
Right.

342
00:17:52,435 --> 00:17:53,936
- Niles.
- What?

343
00:17:54,061 --> 00:17:55,396
- What are we doing?
- Oh.

344
00:17:56,147 --> 00:17:57,773
This is exactly what Roz said.

345
00:17:57,899 --> 00:18:00,151
No, no, Roz said diamond door.

346
00:18:00,234 --> 00:18:04,071
Oh, Niles, this is heaven,
right here and now.

347
00:18:04,197 --> 00:18:05,948
Why do we have to think
about someplace else?

348
00:18:06,115 --> 00:18:08,951
This is only heaven for the people
who can't get into the real heaven,

349
00:18:09,076 --> 00:18:10,578
the platinum heaven.

350
00:18:11,621 --> 00:18:13,831
Niles, why can't we be happy?

351
00:18:14,373 --> 00:18:17,126
Why must we allow the thought
of something that at this point

352
00:18:17,251 --> 00:18:19,712
can only be incrementally better
ruin what is here and now?

353
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:20,963
I don't know.

354
00:18:21,464 --> 00:18:24,175
Let's figure it out on the other side.

355
00:18:27,637 --> 00:18:30,848
No, I am through chasing
the eternal carrot.

356
00:18:30,973 --> 00:18:34,435
Whatever is behind that door
shall remain behind that door, unseen.

357
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,187
Then stay if you want.

358
00:18:36,312 --> 00:18:38,272
I have to know.

359
00:18:41,817 --> 00:18:44,278
Oh, for God's sake,
you can't even walk, you ninny.

360
00:18:44,529 --> 00:18:47,865
All right, all right,
I will go just to take a peek.

361
00:18:48,115 --> 00:18:50,701
I'm sorry, sir,
you're not allowed through there.

362
00:18:50,785 --> 00:18:53,037
Please remain
in the Relaxation Grotto.

363
00:18:58,834 --> 00:19:04,966
"Please remain
in the Relaxation Grotto."

364
00:19:06,717 --> 00:19:09,322
Have crueller words
ever been spoken?

365
00:19:11,013 --> 00:19:14,850
That's it. I am determined to see
where they think I don't belong.

366
00:19:15,101 --> 00:19:16,310
Take me with you.

367
00:19:27,947 --> 00:19:33,077
Niles, ah, healing warmth and light.

368
00:19:33,244 --> 00:19:36,122
It must be a magnificent solarium.

369
00:19:36,414 --> 00:19:39,125
Goodbye, sweet and edible facials.

370
00:19:39,292 --> 00:19:42,878
Hello, radiant, life-giving sun.

371
00:19:44,046 --> 00:19:46,465
It's beautiful. It's beautiful.

372
00:19:46,591 --> 00:19:49,927
Yes, this is where we belong.

373
00:19:58,394 --> 00:19:59,645
Do you smell garbage?

374
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:05,318
Oh, dear, Niles,
I don't think this is part of the spa.

375
00:20:06,902 --> 00:20:08,195
Hello?

376
00:20:08,904 --> 00:20:13,868
Hello?
Anyone in the Relaxation Grotto?

377
00:20:14,827 --> 00:20:17,788
Frasier? Look at all those bees.

378
00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:18,998
Bees?

379
00:20:19,749 --> 00:20:22,543
Niles, our sweet and edible facials.

380
00:20:22,668 --> 00:20:24,045
Run.