1
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Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
www.osdb.link/lm

2
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What's up, faggots?

3
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I just got a pumpin'. Pumpin'--

4
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Something you faggots
never do.

5
00:00:25,325 --> 00:00:27,662
I worked up a fuckin' sweat.

6
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:31,566
Mm. Now, I need
one of you pay pigs
to come rinse me off.

7
00:00:32,332 --> 00:00:33,701
You'd love that, wouldn't you?

8
00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:37,371
Okay, on the count of three,
I want you

9
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:39,373
to take a big fuckin' hit
of poppers.

10
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:42,944
Now get those poppers ready.

11
00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:46,346
One, two, three.

12
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Sniff that shit.

13
00:00:49,918 --> 00:00:52,319
I know you fuckers want
to see what's under this

14
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:55,455
fucking tighty-whiteys.

15
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,626
- Just don't know
if you fags deserve that.

16
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,563
I don't know.
Do you wanna, wanna see my cock?

17
00:01:01,696 --> 00:01:03,765
And those big fuckin' balls?

18
00:01:05,465 --> 00:01:09,871
I want you to imagine that
I just get back from the gym,

19
00:01:10,004 --> 00:01:12,640
and you're waiting there
with your mouth open...

20
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:17,946
just ready to clean
my sweaty fuckin' balls.

21
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:20,247
Mm.

22
00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:22,182
You want more?

23
00:01:22,884 --> 00:01:25,620
You fuckers want more?
Look, I know you do.

24
00:01:26,521 --> 00:01:28,957
Here, grab those poppers,
put them up through
your fuckin' nose

25
00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:31,158
and sniff.

26
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:40,400
You like this ass?

27
00:01:42,202 --> 00:01:43,805
This...

28
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:47,942
...this white fucking ass.

29
00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:51,079
I know you faggots
wanna touch this,

30
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:53,480
put your face all up in it.

31
00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:58,720
You smell that?
That's a real man's fuckin' ass.

32
00:01:58,853 --> 00:02:00,253
But...

33
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,725
...I don't let no one
touch this ass for fuckin' free.

34
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:06,060
You wanna lick this ass?

35
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:08,195
You better run me
some motherfuckin' money.

36
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:13,668
I want
you pathetic-ass fuckin' faggots

37
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:16,470
to tap that fuckin' tip jar,
and maybe,

38
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:19,807
maybe I'll whip out
my fuckin' cock for you.

39
00:02:19,941 --> 00:02:21,909
Matter of fact, matter of fact,

40
00:02:22,043 --> 00:02:25,647
I want you to wire me
all your fuckin' money,
and maybe,

41
00:02:26,446 --> 00:02:30,952
maybe I'll show up at your house
and I'll shove this fuckin' cock
in your fuckin' mouth.

42
00:02:36,758 --> 00:02:38,893
Mm.

43
00:02:39,694 --> 00:02:42,964
Oh, tonight,
I got this fuckin' faggot

44
00:02:43,097 --> 00:02:47,300
- spending 50 fuckin' grand
on me.

45
00:02:48,136 --> 00:02:50,605
<i>And for 50 fuckin' grand...</i>

46
00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:54,842
<i>...you faggots get a lot.</i>

47
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:43,290
<i>♪ When love is young ♪</i>

48
00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:48,129
<i>♪ As fresh as dew ♪</i>

49
00:03:48,295 --> 00:03:52,867
<i>♪ A song is sung ♪</i>

50
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,370
<i>♪ So warm and new ♪</i>

51
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:02,844
<i>♪ It winds its way ♪</i>

52
00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:07,215
<i>♪ Bursts into blue ♪</i>

53
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:12,587
<i>♪ An April day ♪</i>

54
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:17,024
<i>♪ Turned into June ♪</i>

55
00:04:18,059 --> 00:04:25,099
<i>♪ Summer is born ♪</i>

56
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:31,973
<i>♪ I walk the fields ♪</i>

57
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:36,343
<i>♪ There's warmth above ♪</i>

58
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<i>♪ The thought it yields ♪</i>

59
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<i>♪ Is of my love ♪</i>

60
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<i>♪ A lazy stream ♪</i>

61
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<i>♪ Its solitude ♪</i>

62
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<i>♪ A summer dream ♪</i>

63
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<i>♪ A quiet mood ♪</i>

64
00:05:06,541 --> 00:05:13,214
<i>♪ Plays on my mind ♪</i>

65
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,885
<i>♪ The sum-- ♪</i>

66
00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:08,035
This 26 Fairpark?

67
00:06:36,631 --> 00:06:37,865
You renting this place?

68
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,870
- Not gonna talk?
- No, I...

69
00:06:44,038 --> 00:06:44,972
...I can talk.

70
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,177
There's 25K in there.

71
00:06:53,314 --> 00:06:55,016
You get the rest
when we're finished.

72
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:56,918
When's "finished"?

73
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,053
In the morning.

74
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All right.

75
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:07,494
What now?

76
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,032
Oh, I, I gotta, I gotta

77
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,100
set this. I'll just...

78
00:07:15,503 --> 00:07:17,505
Just have a, have a seat.

79
00:07:22,143 --> 00:07:23,811
Just get comfortable.

80
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:39,627
Is this what you want?

81
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,131
Just whatever
makes you comfortable.

82
00:07:51,806 --> 00:07:53,975
All right, uh...

83
00:07:55,076 --> 00:07:58,746
...I just want you to start
by telling me about yourself.

84
00:08:02,183 --> 00:08:04,285
My name's Aaron Eagle,
I'm from Miami.

85
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:10,858
I like to let
these faggots worship me
and collect their fuckin' money.

86
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:13,794
-That's why you're here.
-Exactly.

87
00:08:17,098 --> 00:08:19,567
Tell me more
about growing up in Miami.

88
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:22,069
Growing up in Miami
was fucking unbelievable.

89
00:08:22,203 --> 00:08:23,404
When did you move to LA?

90
00:08:24,138 --> 00:08:25,706
I moved here after high school.

91
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:26,941
Right after high school?

92
00:08:27,742 --> 00:08:28,843
That's what I said.

93
00:08:32,380 --> 00:08:33,614
What did you do?

94
00:08:33,748 --> 00:08:35,416
Shit, man, you got me.

95
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,685
Got into the scene,
you know. Tried everything.

96
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:41,422
You name it, I fucked with it.

97
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:43,157
I'm California sober now.

98
00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,228
I'm sorry, "California sober"?

99
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:50,164
Yeah, it's like I drink
and I smoke,
but I don't do anything else.

100
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,233
That's sober?

101
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:55,603
A lot more sober
than a lot of other people.

102
00:08:57,471 --> 00:08:58,672
I guess you're right.

103
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:04,612
And if you wouldn't mind
removing your pants.

104
00:09:23,164 --> 00:09:25,132
I get the feeling you like
having your clothes off.

105
00:09:25,266 --> 00:09:27,902
- Is that true?
- Yeah, for sure.

106
00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:31,739
If you look like me,
you'd wanna be naked
all the time too.

107
00:09:32,273 --> 00:09:33,941
Mm, yeah, maybe.

108
00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:37,878
Come on...
everybody likes to be looked at.

109
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:44,418
Is that why you got
a tattoo on your face?

110
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What, this?

111
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<i>Yeah. "Diablo."</i>

112
00:09:48,489 --> 00:09:49,657
Can you talk about that?

113
00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:52,660
-What about it?
-Why'd you get it?

114
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That's what they call me.

115
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,099
-Who calls you that?
-Friends.

116
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:03,505
-Who are these friends?
Can you be more specific?
-No more questions about that.

117
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Hey.

118
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I gave you every penny I have.
That's the deal.

119
00:10:09,343 --> 00:10:12,313
Shit, I'm not talking
about this.

120
00:10:12,847 --> 00:10:15,616
This, this isn't working.

121
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:18,185
-This isn't gonna work.
-Hey, hey, wait a minute.

122
00:10:18,319 --> 00:10:19,854
-You're not being honest
with me.
-I am.

123
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,523
This wasn't a good idea.

124
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:22,823
What the fuck
are you talking about?

125
00:10:22,957 --> 00:10:25,025
I'm sorry. Just keep the 25K.

126
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:27,228
Man, what do you want?
You want me to suck you off?

127
00:10:27,361 --> 00:10:29,363
-Is that what you want?
-I only want you to be honest.

128
00:10:29,497 --> 00:10:31,298
-I'm being fucking honest.
-No, you're not.

129
00:10:31,432 --> 00:10:34,001
-Man, you don't know shit.
-You didn't grow up in Miami.

130
00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:36,770
-I don't think
you've ever been to Miami.
-What the fuck do you know, man?

131
00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:38,607
You don't know shit about me.

132
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:42,710
Please.

133
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:45,713
Please.

134
00:10:50,451 --> 00:10:51,485
Not on camera.

135
00:10:55,557 --> 00:10:57,057
I won't show it to anybody.

136
00:10:57,191 --> 00:10:58,392
I can't trust you.

137
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,330
My name's Hank.

138
00:11:05,634 --> 00:11:09,336
I'm a trustworthy guy.
I promise. I swear on my life.

139
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,073
I'll buy us a pizza later.

140
00:11:23,384 --> 00:11:24,385
Roll your camera.

141
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:27,488
I'll talk,
but not about the tattoo.

142
00:11:27,622 --> 00:11:28,822
-Okay?
-Okay.

143
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:37,765
What do you wanna know?

144
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:42,537
Um, tell me
about where you grew up.

145
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:46,373
I grew up in Maine.

146
00:11:47,542 --> 00:11:49,777
Northern Maine.
There's nothing up there.

147
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,278
Do you have any memories of it?

148
00:11:53,347 --> 00:11:54,549
No. Not many.

149
00:11:54,683 --> 00:11:56,784
- Why not?
- I don't know.

150
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,691
Tell me about when you were 12.

151
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,193
Did you have friends then?

152
00:12:06,695 --> 00:12:09,196
I liked being by myself.

153
00:12:10,665 --> 00:12:13,702
- What did you like to do?
- I don't know, watch cartoons.

154
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,070
I read a lot, I guess.

155
00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:19,039
Ah. What did you like to read?

156
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:23,277
-I don't know, a bunch of shit.
-Come on.
Any books you remember?

157
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,812
I don't know. Uh...

158
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,849
<i>The Handmaid's Tale</i> was good,
I guess.

159
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:34,154
I love that book.

160
00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:36,625
Uh...

161
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,262
Tell me about
your first sexual experience.

162
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:44,999
That's a hard one.

163
00:12:46,534 --> 00:12:47,535
Why?

164
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,037
'Cause it was...

165
00:12:51,606 --> 00:12:53,508
I don't know. I just don't
like to think about...

166
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,243
There's nothing wrong with that.
A lot of people could say that.

167
00:12:56,377 --> 00:12:59,113
But it really fucked me up.
Less people could say that.

168
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:01,882
I see.

169
00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:08,623
Can you describe it,
that experience, to me?

170
00:13:12,326 --> 00:13:14,228
This is pervert shit, dude.

171
00:13:14,361 --> 00:13:16,263
Just don't push me on that.

172
00:13:16,397 --> 00:13:18,600
-Was it with a guy?
-I said don't fuckin' push it.

173
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,437
Okay. Okay.

174
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:26,508
We can talk about that later.

175
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:31,245
Do you want a drink?
I, I went out and bought
some beers.

176
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:32,880
I didn't, I didn't know
what you liked.

177
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:39,887
Uh, yeah, I'll take a beer.

178
00:13:50,431 --> 00:13:51,965
I hope this is okay.

179
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,611
When did you become Aaron Eagle?

180
00:14:06,447 --> 00:14:09,784
You wanna hear
the pervy fucking story
about how I became Aaron Eagle?

181
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:13,020
I know you do.

182
00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:17,792
So I'm working as a dancer
at this spot in West Hollywood.

183
00:14:17,925 --> 00:14:20,127
It's right in Santa Monica.
I'm sure you've heard
of the place.

184
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,798
-And on a Saturday night,
it's fucked around there.
-I can imagine.

185
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:26,934
But this was a Tuesday.
The place is pretty empty.

186
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:31,773
I'm dancing there in my jock
for no one. So I'm just dancing.

187
00:14:32,507 --> 00:14:35,342
There's a couple of people
walking around,
just having drinks or whatever.

188
00:14:36,578 --> 00:14:40,080
I've only got
a couple minutes left up there,
and these two guys come in.

189
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:44,351
And they come right up to me
and they put a dollar bill

190
00:14:44,485 --> 00:14:47,287
right down the front
of my jock, and they left.

191
00:14:48,422 --> 00:14:50,625
Anyway, sun goes down,
I'm off my shift,

192
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:54,294
I walk outside
and I'm waiting for my ride.

193
00:14:54,428 --> 00:14:57,565
I notice those motherfuckers
just sharing a cigarette,

194
00:14:57,699 --> 00:15:00,334
fucking staring at me.

195
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:04,238
And they hold out the cigarette,
so I walk over and I take it.

196
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:08,810
And then they ask me if I want
to come back to their place,

197
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,043
smoke or whatever.

198
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,315
So, I'm in the back seat
of their car

199
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:19,587
- while we drive back to their apartment...
-  and we walk in

200
00:15:19,721 --> 00:15:23,157
and it's this fucking
nice, big apartment.

201
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,860
We go to the bedroom,
and there's

202
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:29,296
this fucking California
king bed or some shit,

203
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:31,465
and these two guys sit on it.
I can't remember their names,

204
00:15:31,599 --> 00:15:34,001
but one of them was Asian
and one of them was white.

205
00:15:34,602 --> 00:15:37,772
They pull out their bong
and, you know,
we smoke that shit.

206
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,810
And I remember
there was a TV on...

207
00:15:43,678 --> 00:15:45,613
...set to, like, a background
or some shit.

208
00:15:45,747 --> 00:15:47,214
You know, like it was asleep?

209
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,316
And it was just these...

210
00:15:50,585 --> 00:15:53,320
...these different landscapes
slowly moving, and...

211
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:56,658
...I'm sitting there,
high as fuck, just watching

212
00:15:56,791 --> 00:16:00,562
these mountains
and woods and shit.

213
00:16:01,629 --> 00:16:03,698
Man, I was
so fucking smacked that...

214
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,301
...I didn't realize
he'd started, like...

215
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:10,037
...feeling me...

216
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,040
...putting their hands on me
kind of shit.

217
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:15,910
And they start kissing
my neck, and...

218
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:19,179
...and their hands
are down the front of my pants,

219
00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:20,782
and, you know,
I'm, I'm kissing them back.

220
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:23,785
Then I get
the fucking Asian one.

221
00:16:24,586 --> 00:16:27,956
You know, real hot,
muscled up kind of shit.

222
00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:30,825
But the white one, he's just...

223
00:16:32,259 --> 00:16:33,427
...he's just watching.

224
00:16:34,562 --> 00:16:35,930
Like, he's not hard or anything.
He's just...

225
00:16:36,798 --> 00:16:37,932
...he's just watching.

226
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,834
And the chink goes,

227
00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:41,870
"He wants you to fuck him...

228
00:16:42,971 --> 00:16:44,471
...but he wants it
a little different."

229
00:16:45,607 --> 00:16:46,674
See, he said...

230
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,110
..."He wants you to rape him."

231
00:16:51,345 --> 00:16:53,948
You know, I never heard shit
like that before
because if it's...

232
00:16:54,516 --> 00:16:56,684
If he wants it,
it's not rape, right?

233
00:16:56,818 --> 00:17:00,655
But it was this fucker's fantasy
to be humiliated.

234
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:05,492
So the white guy, he takes,
like, six fucking shots
and he is pretty fucked up.

235
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:09,597
Then he starts...
sucking my dick.

236
00:17:11,966 --> 00:17:14,536
And then he asks me
to hit him...

237
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:17,104
...and I do.

238
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:22,544
And this guy, he keeps asking me
to hit him harder.

239
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,613
And the harder I hit him,
the better it fucking feels.

240
00:17:25,747 --> 00:17:29,316
So I am smacking the shit
out of this fucking guy.

241
00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:32,152
And then I pull him down,
and he's eating my ass,

242
00:17:32,286 --> 00:17:34,288
and I look back at the TV,
right?

243
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:36,123
You know,
with the, with the backgrounds,

244
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,793
and this fuckin' eagle
just flies by,

245
00:17:39,393 --> 00:17:41,596
right past the camera,
by the mountain,
and in that moment,

246
00:17:41,729 --> 00:17:43,196
I pull him up from my ass

247
00:17:43,330 --> 00:17:45,132
and I just smack
the fuck out of him.

248
00:17:45,867 --> 00:17:48,636
Like, I really smack
the fuck out of him,

249
00:17:48,770 --> 00:17:52,807
and then I flip him over
and I fuck him
as hard as I fucking could.

250
00:17:52,941 --> 00:17:58,345
And... like, man,
this guy was barely conscious.

251
00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,614
He was so fucked up.

252
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,216
But he was still moaning.

253
00:18:05,053 --> 00:18:07,555
And in that moment,
everything fucking changed.

254
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:11,458
Like... I stopped thinking,

255
00:18:11,593 --> 00:18:15,295
I stopped believing
in every wall
that society puts up.

256
00:18:15,429 --> 00:18:18,933
Like, everything's fake.
You know? That, that, that,
that's how I felt afterwards.

257
00:18:19,067 --> 00:18:20,835
Like, everything's
just fuckin' fake,

258
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:23,671
because this guy,
he wanted to feel the most

259
00:18:24,338 --> 00:18:26,440
pain and embarrassment
that he could.

260
00:18:26,574 --> 00:18:30,344
Like, there are thousands
of people out there
who watch my videos,

261
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:33,715
who just want me
to sneak in their house
at night and fuck them up.

262
00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,952
I had to chase
that fucking feeling.

263
00:18:39,053 --> 00:18:42,090
It's the most I can understand
why I'm fuckin' here.

264
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:44,291
I, I, I feel good.

265
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,929
Shit, I feel fucking great.
And everything before that night

266
00:18:48,062 --> 00:18:50,497
made me feel like
a piece of fucking shit.

267
00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:53,400
But that night...

268
00:18:54,636 --> 00:18:56,269
...that night made me feel

269
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:59,807
like I'm supposed to rape
these fuckin' faggots,

270
00:18:59,941 --> 00:19:01,843
because that's what
I'm fucking good at.

271
00:19:15,056 --> 00:19:17,424
Are you religious at all?

272
00:19:20,695 --> 00:19:24,231
- I never was, but, shit, man...
- I get it now.

273
00:19:24,832 --> 00:19:25,833
Why do you say that?

274
00:19:29,236 --> 00:19:32,774
The art of domination
is spiritual or some shit.

275
00:19:32,907 --> 00:19:37,712
Like, forget for a second
that you're God
to these fuckin' faggots,

276
00:19:37,845 --> 00:19:43,283
but it's like... you're
in charge of this faggot's soul
and his mind.

277
00:19:43,885 --> 00:19:47,254
There... What's that,
what's that word in, in church?

278
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,858
It's like both people,
um... they--

279
00:19:50,992 --> 00:19:54,162
- Transcend.
- Transcend.
That's it.

280
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,632
Like, both people
just fucking transcend.

281
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:03,571
Like, your faggot
gives up control of his body,
his safety and his mind.

282
00:20:03,705 --> 00:20:06,674
He feels powerful
in being so fucking small.

283
00:20:08,743 --> 00:20:09,577
It's like...

284
00:20:10,845 --> 00:20:12,814
Doesn't that kind of sound
like fucking religion?

285
00:20:15,917 --> 00:20:17,384
I mean, sure, I guess.

286
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:19,453
It does to me.

287
00:20:25,727 --> 00:20:28,495
You like that word
a lot, "faggot."

288
00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:34,068
- I like that word because...
-  it means exactly what it means.

289
00:20:34,202 --> 00:20:37,105
You're a faggot,
you like being a faggot,

290
00:20:37,237 --> 00:20:39,941
and it gets you off
to think that you're a faggot.

291
00:20:40,074 --> 00:20:42,777
- I'm not a faggot.
- Yeah?

292
00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,913
You're paying me
all this money to look at me...

293
00:20:46,047 --> 00:20:48,281
without my shirt on.

294
00:20:49,382 --> 00:20:50,718
That's what a faggot does.

295
00:20:52,553 --> 00:20:54,922
You want to see me
talk some fucking shit
in my underwear,

296
00:20:55,056 --> 00:20:56,624
and I wanna be the fucking boss.

297
00:20:59,861 --> 00:21:03,363
-I am the fuckin' boss.
-That's not why I'm here.

298
00:21:03,497 --> 00:21:07,902
- I don't wanna be your sub
or... whatever it's called.

299
00:21:10,872 --> 00:21:12,640
Then why do you watch my videos?

300
00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,474
I watch them...

301
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,546
...to see you and know you.

302
00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:21,783
I don't believe that
for a fucking second.

303
00:21:24,085 --> 00:21:25,520
Is that what you think this is?

304
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:28,222
You pay me
all this fucking money

305
00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:30,191
because you're
so fucking lonely?

306
00:21:31,125 --> 00:21:34,562
Want a friend? That is
the most pathetic fucking shit

307
00:21:34,695 --> 00:21:37,364
I have ever fucking heard.
See, I figured you out, right?

308
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:41,135
- You wanna start recording? Yeah?
- Is that what you want?

309
00:21:41,269 --> 00:21:45,840
Look, I'm gonna leave,
and you're still gonna be
a lonely old fuck.

310
00:21:45,973 --> 00:21:49,177
You wanna see me tell
my little story on camera
so you can fucking know me?

311
00:21:49,376 --> 00:21:51,444
-What the fuck?
-Okay, I shouldn't have
done this.

312
00:21:51,579 --> 00:21:54,148
-Damn right.
-I, I wanna tell you
something, Aaron.

313
00:21:54,282 --> 00:21:57,384
You're a wonderful person
outside of all of this.

314
00:21:57,484 --> 00:21:59,386
You don't know the first
fucking thing about me.

315
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,454
-All right? Just go fuck off!
-I do know you,

316
00:22:01,589 --> 00:22:03,390
-Aaron.
-Bullshit! All right?
I hope you got

317
00:22:03,456 --> 00:22:05,392
-whatever the fuck you wanted!
-Wait, Aaron.

318
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:06,694
-Fuck off.
-I do know you.

319
00:22:06,828 --> 00:22:08,461
Yeah?
What's my real fucking name?

320
00:22:09,063 --> 00:22:10,131
You keep calling me Aaron,
but if you know me,

321
00:22:10,264 --> 00:22:11,766
you'd know my real fucking name!

322
00:22:12,633 --> 00:22:14,268
-That's what I thought.
-It's Alex.

323
00:22:18,873 --> 00:22:20,308
You're Alex McConnell.

324
00:22:24,078 --> 00:22:26,413
Ta...
take off your fuckin' mask.

325
00:22:27,414 --> 00:22:28,883
-Take off your fuckin' mask!
-No! No!

326
00:22:36,757 --> 00:22:37,625
Um...

327
00:22:40,061 --> 00:22:41,028
Mr. Grant.

328
00:22:41,929 --> 00:22:43,430
Hi, Alex.

329
00:22:45,566 --> 00:22:47,168
What, what the fuck
are you doing here?

330
00:22:48,169 --> 00:22:49,871
-I came to see you.
-Why?

331
00:22:51,038 --> 00:22:52,540
I've been watching
your videos for a while,

332
00:22:52,673 --> 00:22:55,243
and I, I, I had to see you.

333
00:22:58,079 --> 00:23:00,081
You were fired
while I was in high school.

334
00:23:04,151 --> 00:23:05,019
That's right.

335
00:23:05,586 --> 00:23:06,721
Hey, you fucked
one of your students.

336
00:23:06,854 --> 00:23:07,755
That's not true.

337
00:23:08,789 --> 00:23:12,026
The technical term
is "attempted assault,"

338
00:23:12,159 --> 00:23:14,095
because I didn't. I let him go.

339
00:23:14,729 --> 00:23:16,597
-Wasn't he, like, 12?
-Alex.

340
00:23:16,731 --> 00:23:17,765
Call me Aaron.

341
00:23:18,532 --> 00:23:19,901
Aaron.

342
00:23:22,469 --> 00:23:24,605
I know, I know this.

343
00:23:29,610 --> 00:23:30,611
What do you want with me?

344
00:23:31,712 --> 00:23:33,581
I-- Exactly what I said.

345
00:23:34,315 --> 00:23:38,152
I wanna know you
for who you are now.

346
00:23:41,589 --> 00:23:43,958
You remember me, then?

347
00:23:46,260 --> 00:23:47,395
Of course.

348
00:23:49,397 --> 00:23:51,365
Of course
I remember you.

349
00:23:51,498 --> 00:23:54,969
We, um-- I had,
I had detention with you.

350
00:23:56,604 --> 00:23:58,739
It was just us most of the time.

351
00:23:58,873 --> 00:24:01,609
I mean, you were
in detention a lot.

352
00:24:09,350 --> 00:24:10,551
Were you attracted to me?

353
00:24:13,521 --> 00:24:14,388
Yes.

354
00:24:16,424 --> 00:24:17,391
I was.

355
00:24:22,129 --> 00:24:23,564
Why didn't you try to fuck me?

356
00:24:26,767 --> 00:24:28,636
I hadn't tried that.

357
00:24:31,405 --> 00:24:35,209
-And now you do?
-I don't want
to have sex with you.

358
00:24:37,945 --> 00:24:39,981
I thought I would want to.

359
00:24:40,114 --> 00:24:41,148
I want...

360
00:24:42,316 --> 00:24:43,384
...to want to.

361
00:24:44,819 --> 00:24:47,121
But more than anything,
I wanna see you.

362
00:24:49,256 --> 00:24:50,458
I wanna know...

363
00:24:55,930 --> 00:24:57,098
...if I still love you.

364
00:25:09,076 --> 00:25:10,111
Um...

365
00:25:14,248 --> 00:25:15,383
Where's the bathroom?

366
00:25:17,184 --> 00:25:18,919
Down the hall, in the bedroom.

367
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:13,641
Aaron?

368
00:26:31,826 --> 00:26:33,761
I'll pay you another $5,000.

369
00:26:35,530 --> 00:26:36,430
Please.

370
00:27:00,454 --> 00:27:03,691
I haven't seen anyone
from Bedford since I was 17.

371
00:27:05,259 --> 00:27:08,295
- Must be a shock.
- Fuckin' right.

372
00:27:08,896 --> 00:27:10,498
I haven't even thought
about anyone there.

373
00:27:11,065 --> 00:27:12,333
I keep that shit out.

374
00:27:16,337 --> 00:27:17,705
What, why are you laughing?

375
00:27:18,339 --> 00:27:19,974
'Cause I've thought
about you every day.

376
00:27:23,110 --> 00:27:25,946
So, what,
everybody at home knows
you're a kid fucker

377
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:27,448
and doesn't want to touch you?

378
00:27:27,582 --> 00:27:30,050
-Well--
-Sorry. "Attempted kid fucker."

379
00:27:30,184 --> 00:27:31,051
Is that right?

380
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:33,988
- There's probably a more
eloquent way of saying it...

381
00:27:34,121 --> 00:27:36,757
...but, yeah, I guess so.

382
00:27:38,092 --> 00:27:40,127
And, what, you just moved to LA?

383
00:27:41,328 --> 00:27:43,731
No, I didn't move here.
I'm just here for the night.

384
00:27:45,833 --> 00:27:47,334
You don't still live in Bedford?

385
00:27:47,968 --> 00:27:50,572
I do, actually,
in the house I grew up in.

386
00:27:52,039 --> 00:27:53,841
What the fuck
do you even do there?

387
00:27:54,475 --> 00:27:57,745
I've been bagging
at the Shop 'n Save
out on Hammond Road.

388
00:28:01,348 --> 00:28:03,184
You're a fuckin' psycho, man.

389
00:28:03,317 --> 00:28:04,919
-Right.
-Obviously.

390
00:28:06,287 --> 00:28:07,622
Why didn't you tell me
who you were?

391
00:28:08,989 --> 00:28:11,660
Because I thought you wouldn't
talk to me or be open with me.

392
00:28:13,460 --> 00:28:17,865
-Yeah, maybe.
-There was so much talk
about what happened,

393
00:28:18,667 --> 00:28:21,001
and I wasn't sure
of everything you'd heard, so...

394
00:28:21,936 --> 00:28:25,439
Kids talk, man.
I heard fucking everything.

395
00:28:26,608 --> 00:28:28,142
I heard it was
in the school bathroom.

396
00:28:28,943 --> 00:28:32,146
And that you pulled him
out of lunch
to help you grade some tests,

397
00:28:32,279 --> 00:28:34,014
but you took him
to the bathroom instead.

398
00:28:38,687 --> 00:28:39,621
Did you love him?

399
00:28:40,655 --> 00:28:42,156
Like you say you loved me,
did you love him too?

400
00:28:42,289 --> 00:28:44,291
You don't wanna hear about this.

401
00:28:44,425 --> 00:28:46,060
I told you everything.
It's your turn.

402
00:28:50,130 --> 00:28:51,666
No, I didn't love him.

403
00:28:53,801 --> 00:28:54,802
Then why do it?

404
00:28:58,038 --> 00:29:00,609
This one had
a particular hold on me.

405
00:29:03,477 --> 00:29:04,478
Why him?

406
00:29:05,846 --> 00:29:07,982
He did this thing with his eyes.

407
00:29:08,115 --> 00:29:10,184
He smiled at me sometimes,
and he'd look at me

408
00:29:10,317 --> 00:29:13,287
and then he'd look away
for a second and then
look back at me.

409
00:29:14,623 --> 00:29:17,191
You know how dogs do that,
where they look at you
and it's almost like

410
00:29:17,324 --> 00:29:20,294
they're uncomfortable
or it's awkward and they--

411
00:29:20,427 --> 00:29:22,463
and then they look away?

412
00:29:23,831 --> 00:29:24,832
He did that.

413
00:29:26,300 --> 00:29:30,170
He was innocent,
like a dog is obedient.

414
00:29:31,105 --> 00:29:32,306
He was very bright.

415
00:29:34,609 --> 00:29:35,843
He was a lot like you.

416
00:29:40,848 --> 00:29:45,620
So, then, what?
You take him to the bathroom
and, and you touch him?

417
00:29:46,854 --> 00:29:49,023
-Just a little.
-Did he try to get away?

418
00:29:49,857 --> 00:29:53,861
He was confused at first,
and then he became upset,

419
00:29:54,395 --> 00:29:56,063
crying and stuff like that.

420
00:29:57,865 --> 00:30:00,000
-And then what?
-I let him go.

421
00:30:01,302 --> 00:30:02,469
It was wrong.

422
00:30:03,270 --> 00:30:04,338
I knew it was wrong.

423
00:30:06,608 --> 00:30:08,710
I've always known it was wrong.

424
00:30:11,979 --> 00:30:14,516
I have principles. I do.

425
00:30:17,318 --> 00:30:21,556
Did he say anything?
Did he scream or did he hit you?

426
00:30:22,323 --> 00:30:24,858
I don't remember.

427
00:30:27,595 --> 00:30:28,663
I don't remember.

428
00:30:34,736 --> 00:30:36,638
You're a sick man.

429
00:30:38,105 --> 00:30:41,743
- How can you be
so cavalier about this?

430
00:30:42,309 --> 00:30:44,178
How can you listen
to that and smile?

431
00:30:48,882 --> 00:30:49,983
I need another beer.

432
00:31:06,367 --> 00:31:07,401
Aren't you gonna have one?

433
00:31:09,036 --> 00:31:10,003
I don't drink.

434
00:31:10,638 --> 00:31:12,774
But this is a special occasion,
Mr. Grant.

435
00:31:13,575 --> 00:31:15,943
Feels like
you should have a drink
with the love of your life.

436
00:31:22,249 --> 00:31:23,117
All right.

437
00:31:24,118 --> 00:31:25,152
It's really that easy?

438
00:31:27,087 --> 00:31:31,860
You're just gonna abandon your,
you know... principles?

439
00:31:34,796 --> 00:31:36,330
For you, yes.

440
00:32:08,195 --> 00:32:09,564
It's nice and clean in here.

441
00:32:10,998 --> 00:32:12,600
It was like this
when I got here.

442
00:32:13,333 --> 00:32:15,068
Should we dirty
this place up a little bit?

443
00:32:17,204 --> 00:32:19,006
What do you mean?

444
00:32:19,106 --> 00:32:20,809
You said you wanted
to fuck me, right?

445
00:32:21,475 --> 00:32:24,011
And, shit, I think
I have to fuck you now.

446
00:32:24,077 --> 00:32:26,013
You're down, like,
25 fuckin' grand.

447
00:32:27,014 --> 00:32:31,619
- And it kind of turned me on
to see you drink 'cause of me.

448
00:32:33,287 --> 00:32:34,221
I don't know.

449
00:32:37,892 --> 00:32:39,861
You said you wanted
to fuck me, right?

450
00:32:43,330 --> 00:32:47,401
- I said I wanted
to want to fuck you.

451
00:32:48,268 --> 00:32:49,336
I don't get the difference.

452
00:32:51,806 --> 00:32:55,075
I've imagined our being together
all these years,

453
00:32:55,209 --> 00:33:00,715
and I, I want nothing else
than to feel that desire again.

454
00:33:02,650 --> 00:33:06,286
My dick doesn't have
any feelings or thoughts...

455
00:33:06,420 --> 00:33:08,723
or attitudes about sex.

456
00:33:09,858 --> 00:33:13,160
I might, but this is
a dick you've thought about,

457
00:33:14,061 --> 00:33:15,062
and it doesn't.

458
00:33:17,431 --> 00:33:20,668
It's just a little bigger
and hairier.

459
00:34:14,254 --> 00:34:15,790
Why, why'd you stop?

460
00:34:20,028 --> 00:34:22,931
Maybe I'll try again
a little later.

461
00:34:49,958 --> 00:34:51,325
Why are you in love with me?

462
00:35:01,002 --> 00:35:04,639
I should confess,
it was a long thing.

463
00:35:06,507 --> 00:35:07,508
Oh, really?

464
00:35:08,475 --> 00:35:09,544
What was it about me?

465
00:35:11,613 --> 00:35:13,047
I could tell you were lonely.

466
00:35:15,315 --> 00:35:19,520
All of my students
had their clique or whatever
you'd call it, but you didn't.

467
00:35:21,421 --> 00:35:24,692
When I had lunch duty,
I would see you sitting

468
00:35:24,826 --> 00:35:28,096
either by yourself or removed
from other students.

469
00:35:30,598 --> 00:35:33,266
And I know lonely.
I've been lonely too.

470
00:35:35,469 --> 00:35:38,106
So, were you attracted to me
or did you just notice me?

471
00:35:39,339 --> 00:35:40,842
Well, the attraction came.

472
00:35:41,576 --> 00:35:43,443
I remember
you always wore gym shorts.

473
00:35:44,545 --> 00:35:47,015
So, I would look at your legs.

474
00:35:49,449 --> 00:35:51,019
They were so smooth.

475
00:35:52,252 --> 00:35:55,123
I guess I noticed you first.

476
00:35:55,288 --> 00:35:58,392
I found myself looking for you
in the hallway between periods.

477
00:35:59,226 --> 00:36:01,896
It was like any love, really.

478
00:36:03,665 --> 00:36:04,799
From what I gather.

479
00:36:07,367 --> 00:36:10,772
I was attracted to more
than your physicality, though.

480
00:36:11,405 --> 00:36:16,678
I was both enamored with
and turned on by your...

481
00:36:18,846 --> 00:36:21,248
...quiet, brooding...

482
00:36:23,250 --> 00:36:24,451
...soft...

483
00:36:25,653 --> 00:36:26,821
...youthfulness.

484
00:36:29,991 --> 00:36:32,994
Actually, you made
my life quite difficult,

485
00:36:33,127 --> 00:36:35,897
-or my job, rather.
-How?

486
00:36:36,030 --> 00:36:38,900
I, I had a heck
of a time teaching.

487
00:36:39,867 --> 00:36:42,537
You made me
so nervous.

488
00:36:43,137 --> 00:36:48,576
Oh, God, I worried that
any wrong turn or jumbled idea

489
00:36:48,710 --> 00:36:51,411
or crack in the facade
and you'd turn against me,

490
00:36:51,546 --> 00:36:55,717
you'd, you'd see
right through me
and discover me.

491
00:36:56,851 --> 00:37:00,788
Every class was an act
of self-flagellation.

492
00:37:00,922 --> 00:37:04,491
Standing in front of you,
hoping I had something
insightful to say

493
00:37:05,126 --> 00:37:06,359
was humiliating.

494
00:37:07,161 --> 00:37:10,297
-Funny.
-What, what's funny about that?

495
00:37:12,066 --> 00:37:13,868
I wasn't thinking
about anything at all.

496
00:37:17,138 --> 00:37:18,606
You liked <i>The Handmaid's Tale.</i>

497
00:37:19,741 --> 00:37:23,177
You know, Atwood,
she, she has that quote.

498
00:37:23,310 --> 00:37:25,947
I taught it in class.
I don't know if you remember.

499
00:37:27,481 --> 00:37:32,520
"I would like to be the air
that inhabits you
for a moment only.

500
00:37:33,353 --> 00:37:38,559
I would like to be
that unnoticed and necessary."

501
00:37:40,928 --> 00:37:42,764
How often do you think
about raping me?

502
00:37:44,665 --> 00:37:45,566
That's what it is.

503
00:37:54,341 --> 00:37:55,475
I'm sorry

504
00:37:56,343 --> 00:37:59,046
-if it hurts you
to hear any of this.
-It doesn't.

505
00:38:01,582 --> 00:38:03,383
I don't care about
who I was in Bedford.

506
00:38:04,185 --> 00:38:05,820
That boy you loved isn't...

507
00:38:06,954 --> 00:38:07,955
...isn't me.

508
00:38:08,756 --> 00:38:09,991
I don't think that's true.

509
00:38:12,193 --> 00:38:13,393
I still see him...

510
00:38:14,762 --> 00:38:15,930
...in your eyes...

511
00:38:17,397 --> 00:38:18,465
...your legs...

512
00:38:20,668 --> 00:38:21,803
...your skin...

513
00:38:22,937 --> 00:38:24,205
...your mind.

514
00:38:24,371 --> 00:38:25,372
Lots of ways.

515
00:38:27,542 --> 00:38:29,076
You might not
wanna believe it...

516
00:38:31,212 --> 00:38:32,280
...but...

517
00:38:33,815 --> 00:38:35,448
...I think it's nice.

518
00:38:41,622 --> 00:38:42,623
What now?

519
00:38:43,724 --> 00:38:46,260
You don't wanna fuck me,
you don't wanna do anything
with me, so...

520
00:38:46,393 --> 00:38:48,529
You were a good kid.

521
00:38:48,663 --> 00:38:51,431
You were a nice, good kid.

522
00:38:51,566 --> 00:38:54,769
Oh, fuck this.
I need a cigarette. All right?

523
00:39:13,855 --> 00:39:15,556
-Are you okay?
-I'm fine.

524
00:39:23,130 --> 00:39:24,065
What are you thinking?

525
00:39:24,899 --> 00:39:25,933
I don't know. Nothing.

526
00:39:29,436 --> 00:39:30,437
I'm sorry.

527
00:39:31,505 --> 00:39:32,439
It's fine.

528
00:39:34,441 --> 00:39:36,878
I need my pipe, my weed. Mm.

529
00:39:37,712 --> 00:39:40,581
-Did you bring some?
-It's in the bag that I brought.
Can you get it?

530
00:39:41,115 --> 00:39:42,116
Sure.

531
00:39:45,086 --> 00:39:47,555
Hey, grab another beer
while you're at it.

532
00:40:27,460 --> 00:40:29,897
That beer's for you, big dog.

533
00:40:31,232 --> 00:40:34,201
-You want me to drink another?
-Hell yeah. I want you
to chug it.

534
00:40:34,335 --> 00:40:35,870
Oh.

535
00:40:36,003 --> 00:40:38,438
-I don't think I can do it.
-Come on, do it.

536
00:40:53,688 --> 00:40:54,622
Yeah.

537
00:41:05,967 --> 00:41:08,536
Hell yeah. Put her there.

538
00:41:08,602 --> 00:41:12,306
- Fuck. That's it, man.
I just popped a boner.

539
00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,809
Oh. Excuse me.

540
00:41:14,942 --> 00:41:16,944
Show off.

541
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,683
You smoke a lot of pot?

542
00:41:23,384 --> 00:41:25,186
"Pot." That's funny.

543
00:41:26,387 --> 00:41:27,288
Yeah.

544
00:41:28,356 --> 00:41:30,257
Gets my, uh,
gets my brain right.

545
00:41:30,391 --> 00:41:31,592
Gets me right up here, you know?

546
00:41:32,860 --> 00:41:34,161
What happens without it?

547
00:41:36,197 --> 00:41:39,900
I don't know.
Guess it's like everything else
that gets me fucked up.

548
00:41:40,568 --> 00:41:43,170
If I didn't have it,
I'd probably go crazy

549
00:41:43,304 --> 00:41:45,973
-thinking about all the shit
I've done in my life.
-Mm.

550
00:41:47,408 --> 00:41:49,643
You know, for a while,
I was doing the shit
that killed my dad,

551
00:41:49,777 --> 00:41:51,312
but, you know, then I stopped.

552
00:41:51,445 --> 00:41:52,380
Why did you stop?

553
00:41:53,714 --> 00:41:55,816
I don't know, friends didn't
fuck with it.

554
00:41:55,950 --> 00:41:57,151
The same friends who...

555
00:41:59,253 --> 00:42:00,254
Yeah.

556
00:42:01,088 --> 00:42:02,690
You listen.

557
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:07,028
I listen a lot.

558
00:42:10,197 --> 00:42:11,165
Why don't you drink?

559
00:42:12,333 --> 00:42:14,869
I stopped when I started
going back to church.

560
00:42:15,002 --> 00:42:17,338
I knew it. I knew that had
something to do with it.

561
00:42:17,471 --> 00:42:19,673
It was hard to stop too.

562
00:42:19,807 --> 00:42:23,411
Uh, why even join
that shit, man? Like,
why put yourself through it?

563
00:42:23,611 --> 00:42:27,415
Well, we went to church
when I was a kid,
and, and, and it felt right,

564
00:42:27,615 --> 00:42:28,949
you know, to...

565
00:42:30,184 --> 00:42:32,420
...go back, 'cause I felt
very little control

566
00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:35,456
after everything that happened,
and then I was drinking a lot,

567
00:42:35,623 --> 00:42:40,294
and...
 I just couldn't not think about what went on.

568
00:42:40,428 --> 00:42:44,398
I needed a, a big thing
to happen.

569
00:42:44,533 --> 00:42:47,635
Something had to be different.

570
00:42:50,137 --> 00:42:53,340
My priest knows I'm here.

571
00:42:53,474 --> 00:42:55,544
No fuckin' way.

572
00:42:55,676 --> 00:42:58,746
- What?
 -He didn't accept it, but I told him I...

573
00:42:59,747 --> 00:43:01,982
...was gonna be away
for today's service.

574
00:43:02,650 --> 00:43:06,687
I explained you
and everything I was doing.

575
00:43:08,389 --> 00:43:12,259
It helps me to have faith
in my purpose and, and feel like

576
00:43:12,393 --> 00:43:15,663
there's something
to govern my body.

577
00:43:18,265 --> 00:43:20,267
Still, I can't help
but think that...

578
00:43:22,236 --> 00:43:23,838
...something's wrong.

579
00:43:25,673 --> 00:43:29,143
I wonder a lot if there
is purity in perversion...

580
00:43:30,277 --> 00:43:33,214
...if it, if it makes me
enlightened in some way.

581
00:43:33,347 --> 00:43:36,684
It's, it's, it's kind of like
what you were saying before
about your...

582
00:43:38,686 --> 00:43:41,755
-Faggots.
-Mm, yeah, yeah. Those.

583
00:43:42,557 --> 00:43:47,361
I'm tempted to think
of my perversity as spiritual,

584
00:43:47,495 --> 00:43:50,798
because I can't comprehend
any other reason

585
00:43:50,931 --> 00:43:53,801
why God would have created me
this way.

586
00:43:57,805 --> 00:43:59,907
Isn't there
something religious or...

587
00:44:01,075 --> 00:44:03,811
...spiritual about loneliness?

588
00:44:05,580 --> 00:44:08,048
I feel closest to God

589
00:44:08,182 --> 00:44:10,751
in moments of darkness
and, and isolation.

590
00:44:11,553 --> 00:44:14,121
And that's all perversity is,
it's just loneliness.

591
00:44:15,356 --> 00:44:16,625
I get that you're religious

592
00:44:17,191 --> 00:44:19,927
and that you think
your being a perv

593
00:44:20,060 --> 00:44:23,532
make you special,
but it might just make you evil.

594
00:44:28,836 --> 00:44:30,204
Guess that's...

595
00:44:32,740 --> 00:44:34,175
...somewhat accurate.

596
00:44:37,745 --> 00:44:40,347
Look, man, I'm high as fuck,

597
00:44:41,148 --> 00:44:42,917
and I want to fuck.

598
00:44:43,518 --> 00:44:44,752
So what's it gonna take?

599
00:44:48,623 --> 00:44:49,924
-Really?
-Really.

600
00:44:51,258 --> 00:44:52,293
What's it gonna take?

601
00:45:08,510 --> 00:45:10,978
- Hold still.
-Man, I can't believe I'm letting you do this.

602
00:45:11,111 --> 00:45:13,180
-Why?
-My faggots love my hair.

603
00:45:13,314 --> 00:45:14,181
Oh.

604
00:45:15,783 --> 00:45:16,850
Mm.

605
00:45:24,626 --> 00:45:28,062
Mm. Stop moving!

606
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,903
-Are you gonna do my ass too?
-Oh, yeah.

607
00:45:38,939 --> 00:45:40,441
You really like 'em bald, huh?

608
00:45:42,076 --> 00:45:45,145
You know, a lot of gay guys
are turned on by the smell
of a hairy dick.

609
00:45:46,413 --> 00:45:48,650
Mm, that may be true.

610
00:45:49,551 --> 00:45:50,585
Still...

611
00:45:52,119 --> 00:45:52,987
...I'm not.

612
00:45:53,821 --> 00:45:55,155
Does this turn you on, then?

613
00:45:58,826 --> 00:45:59,827
Oh, yeah.

614
00:46:04,898 --> 00:46:10,437
It might be a good idea
if you wanted to role play.

615
00:46:10,572 --> 00:46:13,274
You know, I know you're usually
the dominant one, but...

616
00:46:16,844 --> 00:46:18,546
Chug another beer,
and I'll think about it.

617
00:46:36,297 --> 00:46:38,265
Ice cold in here.
Can we turn on the heat?

618
00:46:39,701 --> 00:46:40,568
Oh.

619
00:46:42,269 --> 00:46:43,137
It might...

620
00:46:44,171 --> 00:46:46,874
...help me if you were
a little, little uncomfortable.

621
00:46:48,510 --> 00:46:49,877
Oh. Uh...

622
00:46:51,011 --> 00:46:53,047
I don't know
why I'm nervous. Shit.

623
00:46:53,180 --> 00:46:56,083
Ah, that's good. Yes.
That'll, that'll help too.

624
00:47:01,188 --> 00:47:03,625
In order for this to work,
you have to do what I say.

625
00:47:04,258 --> 00:47:05,259
Can you do that?

626
00:47:06,093 --> 00:47:07,796
-Sure.
-I know you're not used

627
00:47:07,928 --> 00:47:09,564
-to being in that position.
-No, I can do it.

628
00:47:12,900 --> 00:47:13,735
Come here.

629
00:47:24,178 --> 00:47:25,446
Get down on your knees.

630
00:47:27,682 --> 00:47:28,583
That's it.

631
00:47:31,118 --> 00:47:32,453
-Mm.
-What the fuck?

632
00:47:32,587 --> 00:47:35,422
Fuck, man!

633
00:47:36,791 --> 00:47:38,425
Yes.

634
00:47:40,928 --> 00:47:41,796
Now...

635
00:47:43,130 --> 00:47:44,465
...I want you to listen to me.

636
00:47:47,334 --> 00:47:49,571
Have you ever seen
another boy's penis before?

637
00:47:49,704 --> 00:47:52,774
What? Okay. All right.

638
00:47:52,940 --> 00:47:56,511
It-- This is fucking ridiculous.
I, I never did this before.

639
00:47:56,644 --> 00:47:58,979
Me neither. Can you please try?

640
00:48:05,754 --> 00:48:08,956
Oh, yeah, I like the wide eyes.

641
00:48:12,794 --> 00:48:15,129
Have you ever seen
another boy's penis before?

642
00:48:17,398 --> 00:48:18,700
I'm gonna show you mine.

643
00:48:28,075 --> 00:48:29,577
Now, you can't tell anybody
I did this,

644
00:48:29,711 --> 00:48:31,478
'cause we could both get
in a lot of trouble.

645
00:48:35,416 --> 00:48:36,383
Kiss it.

646
00:48:40,789 --> 00:48:41,856
Open your mouth.

647
00:48:46,193 --> 00:48:48,996
Oh. You're so beautiful.

648
00:48:50,397 --> 00:48:51,800
So beautiful.

649
00:48:52,734 --> 00:48:54,001
Give me a smile.

650
00:48:55,002 --> 00:48:59,239
Yeah, good job.

651
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:01,743
Good job.

652
00:49:08,081 --> 00:49:09,617
Good job.

653
00:49:10,350 --> 00:49:11,753
Oh, good job.

654
00:49:12,486 --> 00:49:14,087
- Mm.
- Oh.

655
00:49:15,255 --> 00:49:16,323
Good job.

656
00:49:17,024 --> 00:49:19,126
Oh. Look what you did.

657
00:49:19,259 --> 00:49:21,663
Mm.

658
00:49:21,796 --> 00:49:25,466
You really made me hard.
Oh, God.

659
00:49:29,336 --> 00:49:30,572
Just stand up for me.

660
00:49:33,508 --> 00:49:35,710
I wanna show you
how good that feels.

661
00:49:52,927 --> 00:49:54,127
I love you, Alex.

662
00:49:55,128 --> 00:49:56,129
So much.

663
00:50:04,438 --> 00:50:06,139
Please get off.

664
00:50:08,977 --> 00:50:09,978
Stop, Mr. Grant.

665
00:50:10,812 --> 00:50:12,212
I don't, I don't wanna
do this anymore.

666
00:50:15,148 --> 00:50:17,184
Please. Please stop.

667
00:50:17,317 --> 00:50:19,621
Please stop. Please,
please, please. Please--

668
00:50:26,460 --> 00:50:27,762
I couldn't help myself.

669
00:50:28,730 --> 00:50:30,030
But that's no excuse.

670
00:50:31,398 --> 00:50:36,036
You know that feeling
right before you finish,
when nothing else matters?

671
00:50:36,169 --> 00:50:38,472
I know you know
what I'm talking about
'cause you said it yourself.

672
00:50:38,606 --> 00:50:39,908
You're a pervert too.

673
00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:42,710
But, uh, I'm sorry.

674
00:50:43,978 --> 00:50:45,245
It's fine, man.

675
00:50:47,715 --> 00:50:49,584
You think I like doing that?
I don't.

676
00:50:50,518 --> 00:50:56,925
Uh, I, I hate
to be so vulgar, but,
ejaculating is a primal urge.

677
00:50:59,627 --> 00:51:01,596
As, as much
as I wanted to stop--

678
00:51:03,531 --> 00:51:06,000
Can you stop
your fucking teacher talk?

679
00:51:06,500 --> 00:51:08,536
Oh, God.

680
00:51:09,704 --> 00:51:11,873
-Oh, I'm sorry.
-I don't wanna hear shit!

681
00:51:12,006 --> 00:51:14,141
- All right? Don't say,
"I'm sorry."

682
00:51:14,274 --> 00:51:16,209
Don't say, "I'm embarrassed,"
anything!

683
00:51:16,343 --> 00:51:18,412
I don't wanna fucking hear it!

684
00:51:18,546 --> 00:51:21,749
You're a fucking pervert!
And yeah, maybe
I'm a pervert too,

685
00:51:21,883 --> 00:51:23,585
but at least
I'm not fucking you!

686
00:51:24,552 --> 00:51:25,987
At least
I'm not criminally horny.

687
00:51:26,921 --> 00:51:28,022
You're right.

688
00:51:31,993 --> 00:51:33,828
You think I haven't
done shit like that?

689
00:51:34,596 --> 00:51:35,897
That's nothing.

690
00:51:37,966 --> 00:51:40,233
I'm not gonna
fall asleep tonight
thinking about that.

691
00:51:41,035 --> 00:51:44,038
I'm gonna be thinking about
how my fucking English teacher
came to visit me.

692
00:51:45,006 --> 00:51:47,075
It's a footnote.
I won't remember it, really.

693
00:51:52,379 --> 00:51:54,649
You taught me
what a footnote was.

694
00:51:56,551 --> 00:51:59,621
Just wait till you're older.
You'll remember all of it.

695
00:52:12,366 --> 00:52:13,400
You said...

696
00:52:14,736 --> 00:52:17,972
...your first
sexual experience was...

697
00:52:19,473 --> 00:52:20,474
...uncomfortable.

698
00:52:23,511 --> 00:52:25,079
Yeah, I, uh...

699
00:52:26,514 --> 00:52:27,515
You can tell me.

700
00:52:31,052 --> 00:52:32,020
It was my aunt.

701
00:52:33,688 --> 00:52:35,556
After my dad died,
she moved in with us.

702
00:52:36,858 --> 00:52:38,026
That's when it first happened.

703
00:52:39,027 --> 00:52:41,829
-How old were you?
-Why? You gonna jerk off to it?

704
00:52:42,864 --> 00:52:43,798
No, I'm not.

705
00:52:46,067 --> 00:52:48,736
I just thought, I don't know,
maybe you'd wanna talk about it.

706
00:52:50,672 --> 00:52:51,706
I don't know.

707
00:52:53,975 --> 00:52:56,678
I'm sorry anyhow.
Sorry that happened to you.

708
00:52:58,112 --> 00:52:59,047
Yeah.

709
00:53:03,417 --> 00:53:06,154
Aaron, would you sing that song

710
00:53:06,921 --> 00:53:09,489
you did for me that one time?

711
00:53:10,091 --> 00:53:11,693
-The one you sang
at the talent show--
-No, I'm not doing that.

712
00:53:11,826 --> 00:53:13,961
- Come on. Please?
- No, man.

713
00:53:14,095 --> 00:53:16,064
There's another thousand
in it for you.

714
00:53:16,263 --> 00:53:17,799
That's all I've got, really.

715
00:53:17,932 --> 00:53:19,801
Look, I don't remember
the fucking song.

716
00:53:19,934 --> 00:53:22,136
I don't. I don't remember
how to fucking sing.

717
00:53:22,269 --> 00:53:25,773
Singing's like riding a bike.
It's muscle memory.
You don't forget that.

718
00:53:25,907 --> 00:53:29,844
Look, I'm sorry,
but I fucking told you,
I'm not the fucking same.

719
00:53:29,977 --> 00:53:31,278
-Yes, you are.
-No, I'm not.

720
00:53:36,084 --> 00:53:39,386
You were so good.

721
00:53:40,655 --> 00:53:43,591
I still can't believe
Robbie Hanscom beat you.

722
00:53:44,291 --> 00:53:46,027
He and that stupid puppet.

723
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:50,164
- I'm a better ventriloquist
than that kid.

724
00:53:51,165 --> 00:53:53,701
It's the biggest shame
in Bedford Middle School
history.

725
00:53:53,835 --> 00:53:54,969
Yeah, next to you.

726
00:53:56,470 --> 00:53:59,372
What was so funny?

727
00:54:01,374 --> 00:54:04,212
In detention, it was just
the two of us, and you said...

728
00:54:05,513 --> 00:54:09,217
..."I wanna sing
in the talent show,
but I'm nervous."

729
00:54:10,350 --> 00:54:14,522
And you started singing,
and your voice is shaky.

730
00:54:15,322 --> 00:54:18,425
And I thought, "Oh, man,
nobody's gonna hear him sing.

731
00:54:18,559 --> 00:54:20,728
He-- 'Cause he won't do it.
He won't be able to do it.

732
00:54:20,862 --> 00:54:22,597
They're not gonna hear
his voice."

733
00:54:25,166 --> 00:54:27,635
And you were singing
that wonderful song.

734
00:54:29,771 --> 00:54:33,007
And after the second verse,
something happened.

735
00:54:35,042 --> 00:54:38,146
Something happened,
and you found that voice.

736
00:54:40,347 --> 00:54:41,348
I, I...

737
00:54:43,951 --> 00:54:47,155
...I just remember watching you
and thinking, "He did it!

738
00:54:48,222 --> 00:54:50,024
How brave!"

739
00:54:52,359 --> 00:54:53,828
Almost like an angel.

740
00:55:03,037 --> 00:55:06,373
I think I promised you a pizza.
Are you hungry?

741
00:55:10,645 --> 00:55:14,682
These places in LA
deliver so late.

742
00:55:14,816 --> 00:55:15,683
Yeah.

743
00:55:19,587 --> 00:55:21,155
I've never been to LA before.

744
00:55:22,790 --> 00:55:24,792
It's the Mecca of perverts.
You'd love it.

745
00:55:26,027 --> 00:55:28,563
I wish you'd stop
calling me that.

746
00:55:29,297 --> 00:55:30,598
Why? It's the truth, right?

747
00:55:31,398 --> 00:55:33,466
Why can't it be something
you don't put a word to?

748
00:55:35,269 --> 00:55:38,139
-Or you could say "pederast."
-What the fuck is that?

749
00:55:38,272 --> 00:55:42,210
You know. Ancient Rome,
where an older man

750
00:55:42,409 --> 00:55:44,512
had a loving relationship
with a boy?

751
00:55:46,314 --> 00:55:47,414
Sex and stuff?

752
00:55:48,015 --> 00:55:51,686
Well, yeah, among other,
less salacious things.

753
00:55:53,154 --> 00:55:58,125
You know, ancient Roman armies
were infallible and respected,

754
00:55:58,759 --> 00:56:02,429
and pederasty was often
a kind of initiation

755
00:56:02,495 --> 00:56:06,601
into those, those armies.
I mean, into the whole culture,
as a matter of fact.

756
00:56:07,568 --> 00:56:10,972
I think it just kind of makes me
feel better to think that I

757
00:56:11,105 --> 00:56:15,142
could have been a Roman warrior
marching into battle
with his lover...

758
00:56:16,443 --> 00:56:17,712
...and be celebrated.

759
00:56:23,284 --> 00:56:24,185
What?

760
00:56:25,119 --> 00:56:26,354
Come on, man.

761
00:56:26,486 --> 00:56:27,889
Oh, what, what do you mean?

762
00:56:28,990 --> 00:56:31,292
-No, never mind.
-No, no, no, no.
What do you mean?

763
00:56:32,159 --> 00:56:35,696
It's just...
you're eating pizza
with a fucking fork.

764
00:56:35,830 --> 00:56:37,698
You're not
a fucking gladiator, dude.

765
00:56:39,133 --> 00:56:41,168
-No offense.
-No, I get it.

766
00:56:42,570 --> 00:56:44,872
We who are about
to die, salute you.

767
00:56:47,842 --> 00:56:49,977
That's much better.

768
00:56:52,479 --> 00:56:55,283
-You know, we should do
something fun, Hank.
-Like what?

769
00:56:55,482 --> 00:56:57,151
I don't know,
just try and lighten the mood.

770
00:56:57,885 --> 00:56:59,954
-What do you like to do for fun?
-Um, nothing, really.

771
00:57:00,087 --> 00:57:01,622
Um, I don't,
I don't go out much.

772
00:57:02,657 --> 00:57:04,959
Can you not be
a complete dipshit
for two fucking seconds?

773
00:57:08,162 --> 00:57:10,731
Well, there is something
I like to do.

774
00:57:10,865 --> 00:57:12,733
Yeah? What's that?

775
00:57:14,235 --> 00:57:16,737
- All right,
give me an adjective.

776
00:57:18,506 --> 00:57:19,507
"Happy."

777
00:57:20,174 --> 00:57:22,610
Okay. And now an adverb.

778
00:57:23,511 --> 00:57:24,512
Um...

779
00:57:25,780 --> 00:57:26,814
"Softly."

780
00:57:28,015 --> 00:57:29,050
Okay, now...

781
00:57:29,884 --> 00:57:31,919
- "Cock."
- All right.

782
00:57:33,321 --> 00:57:34,522
Another adjective.

783
00:57:35,890 --> 00:57:37,725
-Hank.
-Yeah?

784
00:57:37,858 --> 00:57:39,360
Do you ever think
about, like, "why?"

785
00:57:40,194 --> 00:57:41,095
Why what?

786
00:57:42,930 --> 00:57:44,532
Why you were born
the way you are?

787
00:57:45,700 --> 00:57:46,767
Gosh, I don't know.

788
00:57:48,269 --> 00:57:50,271
-When did you know?
-Jeez, Aaron, uh,

789
00:57:50,404 --> 00:57:52,106
just give me another adjective.

790
00:57:54,008 --> 00:57:55,943
"Sad."

791
00:57:57,244 --> 00:57:59,213
Okay. Another adjective.

792
00:58:01,549 --> 00:58:02,583
"Disturbed."

793
00:58:03,184 --> 00:58:05,419
I see what you're doing.
What are you getting at?

794
00:58:09,156 --> 00:58:11,592
There must have been a time
when you, like, realized.

795
00:58:13,928 --> 00:58:18,232
I guess it was when
I jerked off to the same
middle school crushes,

796
00:58:18,366 --> 00:58:20,634
until now.

797
00:58:20,768 --> 00:58:22,403
I guess I still do that.

798
00:58:22,570 --> 00:58:24,905
So you grew up with--
The people you're attracted to

799
00:58:25,039 --> 00:58:27,174
stayed the same age,
but in your head?

800
00:58:28,075 --> 00:58:29,777
I guess that's right.
Can we keep going?

801
00:58:31,245 --> 00:58:33,714
-What was that kid's name?
-What kid?

802
00:58:34,615 --> 00:58:37,752
- The kid you tried to fuck.
Come on, I really wanna know.

803
00:58:37,885 --> 00:58:41,589
-You went to jail, I guess.
-Of course I did.
Of course I went to jail.

804
00:58:42,323 --> 00:58:45,960
I got off with seven years.
It wasn't statutory rape anyway.

805
00:58:48,696 --> 00:58:50,398
-What was his name?
-Aaron--

806
00:58:50,598 --> 00:58:52,066
Come on, what was
that kid's fucking name?

807
00:58:54,435 --> 00:58:55,603
His name was James.

808
00:58:57,238 --> 00:58:58,406
James Scott.

809
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,876
Man, his older brother
was in my grade, right?

810
00:59:02,009 --> 00:59:03,911
Man, I can't
fucking believe that.

811
00:59:04,612 --> 00:59:06,380
Only kid I ever knew
named James,

812
00:59:06,515 --> 00:59:08,649
and that fucking kid,
he was a fag in training

813
00:59:08,783 --> 00:59:10,184
since, like...
age five.

814
00:59:10,818 --> 00:59:12,019
What is your problem?

815
00:59:12,853 --> 00:59:15,689
-It's just a joke, man.
-It's not something
to joke about.

816
00:59:15,823 --> 00:59:18,626
It's not, it's not something
to laugh about.

817
00:59:19,727 --> 00:59:21,095
Damn, dude, I'm sorry.
It's just a joke.

818
00:59:21,228 --> 00:59:22,763
Don't you feel sorry for him?

819
00:59:23,532 --> 00:59:25,366
Don't you feel sorry
for yourself?

820
00:59:28,769 --> 00:59:32,973
James left school,
and then he came back,
and he was never the same.

821
00:59:34,075 --> 00:59:36,977
The school obviously didn't
wanna out him as the victim,

822
00:59:37,111 --> 00:59:39,346
but the kids knew.
They always find out.

823
00:59:40,515 --> 00:59:42,283
I bet he has friends
who don't talk to him now.

824
00:59:42,416 --> 00:59:45,119
I, I bet they stopped
talking to him then.

825
00:59:46,153 --> 00:59:48,722
I bet James felt really alone.

826
00:59:51,158 --> 00:59:52,927
He's out of high school now.

827
00:59:53,060 --> 00:59:54,328
Never went to college.

828
00:59:58,232 --> 01:00:00,267
I see him
at the Shop 'N Save sometimes.

829
01:00:02,903 --> 01:00:05,339
Have respect. Please.

830
01:00:08,776 --> 01:00:11,745
People just don't
become pedophiles.

831
01:00:11,879 --> 01:00:13,314
You must have always been one.

832
01:00:13,814 --> 01:00:16,283
I don't know.
I don't know.

833
01:00:19,588 --> 01:00:20,589
Were you fucked as a kid?

834
01:00:21,155 --> 01:00:23,090
-Aaron.
-Tell me.

835
01:00:42,710 --> 01:00:45,379
My grandfather before me
had my same name.

836
01:00:45,514 --> 01:00:46,714
His name was Hank too.

837
01:00:48,082 --> 01:00:49,717
And I don't know
if you ever knew this,

838
01:00:49,850 --> 01:00:51,620
but I have
an older brother and sister...

839
01:00:53,154 --> 01:00:55,055
...and their names
are Jason and Shirley.

840
01:00:58,259 --> 01:01:00,861
But when it came to me,
for whatever...
fucking reason,

841
01:01:00,995 --> 01:01:04,165
my parents went back to basics
and decided to recycle the name,

842
01:01:04,298 --> 01:01:05,499
and so I'm Hank.

843
01:01:07,434 --> 01:01:09,770
And when Grandpa Hank came over,

844
01:01:09,904 --> 01:01:13,741
my parents would take Jason
and Shirley to Phillips Lake.

845
01:01:15,009 --> 01:01:17,978
But I had to stay
with Grandpa Hank.

846
01:01:19,548 --> 01:01:21,215
Because I was
his special grandson.

847
01:01:21,348 --> 01:01:23,951
My mother said...

848
01:01:24,084 --> 01:01:27,656
..."You're Little Hank,
and he just wants to spend time
with you." So, they left.

849
01:01:32,092 --> 01:01:34,629
But not before my mother
gave me a really good bath.

850
01:01:41,835 --> 01:01:45,206
I think everything that was
going to happen to me
was decided

851
01:01:45,339 --> 01:01:48,175
when the nurse wrote down "Hank"
on the birth certificate.

852
01:01:50,679 --> 01:01:52,112
Why didn't your mom do anything?

853
01:01:53,981 --> 01:01:56,050
I wondered that for a long time.

854
01:01:57,851 --> 01:02:01,155
And then, uh, one time I talked
to her about it, I said...

855
01:02:02,524 --> 01:02:03,592
..."You knew."

856
01:02:05,492 --> 01:02:07,027
And you know
what that woman said to me?

857
01:02:07,828 --> 01:02:12,266
She said, "We gave him you
because it was better
than all three of you."

858
01:02:14,868 --> 01:02:16,503
She's a cunt, Hank.

859
01:02:18,439 --> 01:02:19,641
It was her father.

860
01:02:20,874 --> 01:02:22,443
Imagine her childhood.

861
01:02:25,346 --> 01:02:28,849
She may have been a bad person,
but she didn't know
to be better.

862
01:02:32,253 --> 01:02:38,058
And, you know,
my mother wasn't a pervert,
she wasn't a pederast.

863
01:02:39,661 --> 01:02:41,996
She didn't fall in love
with a little boy.

864
01:02:46,500 --> 01:02:48,603
Maybe you weren't born
this way, then.

865
01:02:53,907 --> 01:02:54,908
Doesn't matter.

866
01:02:56,678 --> 01:02:57,579
And, Aaron,

867
01:02:58,412 --> 01:03:01,448
I think you could
maybe understand

868
01:03:01,583 --> 01:03:03,250
the worthlessness I felt.

869
01:03:03,384 --> 01:03:05,319
I didn't know anything
could exist outside of that

870
01:03:05,452 --> 01:03:06,554
for so long.

871
01:03:13,427 --> 01:03:15,963
I haven't had sex
for a long, long time.

872
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:22,503
And after tonight, I know
I'll never have sex again.

873
01:03:23,871 --> 01:03:26,006
-I'm sorry.
-No.

874
01:03:26,140 --> 01:03:27,441
-I'm really sorry--
-Nope.

875
01:03:29,076 --> 01:03:30,944
It is not anything
to feel sorry for.

876
01:03:31,078 --> 01:03:34,716
It's a good feeling, really.
It's a prideful feeling.

877
01:03:38,218 --> 01:03:40,054
And I don't understand
who you are now,

878
01:03:40,187 --> 01:03:42,389
because I can't understand
what you do

879
01:03:42,524 --> 01:03:44,559
in front
of the camera for anything.

880
01:03:44,693 --> 01:03:48,896
You think your sex empowers you.
It makes you weak.

881
01:03:48,962 --> 01:03:50,898
That's what it does
for everyone.

882
01:03:51,766 --> 01:03:56,904
It's a horrible,
horrible Achilles heel,
to feel anything for sex.

883
01:03:57,971 --> 01:04:01,442
I am so, so tormented
by the thought

884
01:04:01,576 --> 01:04:05,647
that my perversion
doesn't make me closer to God.

885
01:04:05,780 --> 01:04:10,317
Maybe it doesn't make me evil,
but maybe it makes me nothing.

886
01:04:12,787 --> 01:04:16,290
The thing that occupies my mind,

887
01:04:16,423 --> 01:04:20,294
my consciousness,
my whole being...

888
01:04:21,563 --> 01:04:23,964
...doesn't have any worth
at all.

889
01:04:35,943 --> 01:04:36,944
I lied.

890
01:04:37,679 --> 01:04:38,546
What?

891
01:04:39,748 --> 01:04:40,615
I lied.

892
01:04:41,616 --> 01:04:42,983
What are you talking about?

893
01:04:43,117 --> 01:04:44,753
I wasn't molested or anything.

894
01:04:45,285 --> 01:04:48,021
-I don't know my aunt.
-Why are you saying that?

895
01:04:48,956 --> 01:04:51,258
-Jesus, fuck, dude.
-Why would you lie

896
01:04:51,392 --> 01:04:53,160
-about that?
-Because I have don't have
a fucking reason.

897
01:04:55,496 --> 01:04:59,567
My dad was a good person.
My mom <i>is</i> a good person.

898
01:05:00,968 --> 01:05:05,507
I've been loved every moment
of my goddamn life.

899
01:05:06,875 --> 01:05:08,976
But I, I, I know it, man.

900
01:05:10,612 --> 01:05:14,716
I was born the way I am.
I, I have that, that peace.

901
01:05:15,983 --> 01:05:20,120
Like, I'm a massive fuckface,
Hank, who's been left
by the people I loved,

902
01:05:20,254 --> 01:05:22,389
the person that I loved.

903
01:05:22,524 --> 01:05:25,593
But in my heart, I know that
that shit is not my fault,

904
01:05:25,727 --> 01:05:27,896
because if I could have
helped it, I would have.

905
01:05:33,835 --> 01:05:34,736
"Diablo"?

906
01:05:36,069 --> 01:05:37,070
Yeah, "Diablo."

907
01:05:38,907 --> 01:05:40,007
Who called you that?

908
01:05:41,141 --> 01:05:43,010
Raph. Raphael.

909
01:05:44,411 --> 01:05:45,279
Who's that?

910
01:05:46,848 --> 01:05:47,849
My everything.

911
01:05:50,919 --> 01:05:53,888
- Where is he?
- Mm, fuck if I know.

912
01:05:54,522 --> 01:05:57,559
Probably in a K-hole
with a bunch of twinks in WeHo.

913
01:06:00,027 --> 01:06:03,263
- Do you wish you were there too?
- I wish I was.

914
01:06:05,032 --> 01:06:06,333
I really wish I was.

915
01:06:10,037 --> 01:06:12,707
-How long were you together?
-Three years.

916
01:06:13,373 --> 01:06:18,178
Uh, I met him my first week here
at a fucking warehouse party
in downtown.

917
01:06:19,581 --> 01:06:20,548
Wow.

918
01:06:22,851 --> 01:06:24,284
But he found me out.

919
01:06:25,219 --> 01:06:26,588
He really fucking did.

920
01:06:30,057 --> 01:06:33,661
He discovered
what I was afraid I always was.

921
01:06:34,596 --> 01:06:36,463
Just loving him...

922
01:06:38,065 --> 01:06:41,301
...the only way I knew how,
just taught me that to my core,

923
01:06:41,435 --> 01:06:46,908
I am a lazy, fucking,
selfish, rotted person

924
01:06:47,074 --> 01:06:48,543
that just never cares enough.

925
01:06:49,677 --> 01:06:51,245
When we broke up, he said...

926
01:06:53,748 --> 01:06:56,584
he said those were
the best and the worst

927
01:06:56,718 --> 01:06:58,520
three years of his life.

928
01:07:07,529 --> 01:07:10,097
But you miss him, don't you?

929
01:07:16,303 --> 01:07:19,439
My sex means something to me.

930
01:07:20,107 --> 01:07:22,911
It's not worthless.
It's how I am.

931
01:07:23,110 --> 01:07:25,647
You know, I can show my faggots
who I am,

932
01:07:25,780 --> 01:07:27,414
and they fucking love me.

933
01:07:28,482 --> 01:07:31,285
But you're lonely, Aaron.

934
01:07:31,418 --> 01:07:33,855
Yes, you're--
Don't pretend you're not.

935
01:07:37,291 --> 01:07:38,693
You are lonely.

936
01:07:45,633 --> 01:07:49,369
Just thinking and talking
about Raph is my favorite thing
in the world.

937
01:07:49,503 --> 01:07:52,941
Just watching a movie with him.

938
01:07:54,943 --> 01:07:56,544
That's the thing
I loved the most...

939
01:07:59,547 --> 01:08:00,515
...was having...

940
01:08:10,390 --> 01:08:11,258
Aaron...

941
01:08:12,225 --> 01:08:13,561
...I wanna give you something.

942
01:08:14,428 --> 01:08:15,362
Really.

943
01:08:16,531 --> 01:08:17,799
Will you come with me?

944
01:09:18,291 --> 01:09:20,460
I could always feel
his breath.

945
01:10:00,601 --> 01:10:02,036
He would go down on me.

946
01:10:30,598 --> 01:10:31,866
He would go slower.

947
01:10:50,118 --> 01:10:51,085
Yeah.

948
01:10:51,886 --> 01:10:53,921
He would always
go down on me from behind.

949
01:11:19,580 --> 01:11:22,683
Thank you. Thank you.

950
01:11:24,952 --> 01:11:26,353
Of course, Aaron.

951
01:11:28,022 --> 01:11:31,391
Call me Alex, please.

952
01:11:31,526 --> 01:11:32,693
Yeah.

953
01:11:38,199 --> 01:11:40,234
Put it in me, Raph. Please.

954
01:11:43,604 --> 01:11:46,007
Please.
Please, please, please.

955
01:11:46,574 --> 01:11:48,676
Please put it in me. Please.

956
01:11:49,577 --> 01:11:50,377
Please.

957
01:11:53,413 --> 01:11:55,482
Okay.

958
01:11:55,616 --> 01:11:57,852
Give me a minute.
Give me a minute.

959
01:11:59,187 --> 01:12:01,421
Please, please put it in.

960
01:12:02,156 --> 01:12:04,992
- Oh, God,
I'm trying. I'm trying.
- Please.

961
01:12:07,595 --> 01:12:08,461
Sorry.

962
01:12:09,263 --> 01:12:10,198
I can't.

963
01:12:18,840 --> 01:12:21,742
I'm sorry... Alex.

964
01:12:30,585 --> 01:12:31,519
Alex.

965
01:12:33,754 --> 01:12:35,122
Aaron.

966
01:12:44,632 --> 01:12:45,600
I'm sorry.

967
01:12:46,901 --> 01:12:47,768
Me too.

968
01:12:48,970 --> 01:12:51,539
I don't know
what I was expecting.

969
01:13:03,918 --> 01:13:05,086
Is this okay?

970
01:13:06,254 --> 01:13:08,222
Yeah.

971
01:14:24,732 --> 01:14:26,133
You look so innocent.

972
01:14:30,805 --> 01:14:32,039
I know you're not.

973
01:14:35,309 --> 01:14:36,777
But you really look it.

974
01:14:39,080 --> 01:14:40,181
You really do.

975
01:15:00,301 --> 01:15:02,269
He got away from me.

976
01:15:05,306 --> 01:15:07,241
-What?
-James.

977
01:15:09,410 --> 01:15:11,278
I was gonna do it.

978
01:15:13,247 --> 01:15:15,616
But he got away from me.

979
01:15:18,586 --> 01:15:19,920
You didn't let him go?

980
01:16:11,806 --> 01:16:14,008
I made some coffee.
Do you want some?

981
01:16:15,309 --> 01:16:18,179
-There's no sugar--
-I don't like coffee,
but thanks.

982
01:16:26,153 --> 01:16:29,256
Why, why are you smiling?

983
01:16:29,390 --> 01:16:32,893
I have a hangover.

984
01:16:35,530 --> 01:16:37,064
I haven't had one in years.

985
01:16:40,734 --> 01:16:44,205
Uh, I gotta get going
in a few minutes.

986
01:16:44,972 --> 01:16:48,142
-You're not staying?
-No, no, I can't.

987
01:16:48,275 --> 01:16:50,978
I only got permission
to be here for a couple of days.

988
01:16:51,779 --> 01:16:53,147
Gotta return the car.

989
01:16:54,516 --> 01:16:55,550
Yeah.

990
01:17:00,454 --> 01:17:02,723
Was this a bad idea, Aaron?

991
01:17:10,297 --> 01:17:11,432
Do you still love me?

992
01:17:22,343 --> 01:17:24,879
Why the camera?
The videos, all that shit?

993
01:17:27,047 --> 01:17:32,019
My priest said something
to me once that I didn't forget,
and I instantly thought of you.

994
01:17:33,854 --> 01:17:38,560
He said, "When you leave,
all you take is your memories."

995
01:17:38,726 --> 01:17:39,628
And I thought...

996
01:17:41,762 --> 01:17:45,534
..."I wanna take
mine of you with me."

997
01:17:48,736 --> 01:17:51,906
I think I have everything
I managed to pack.

998
01:17:52,039 --> 01:17:55,209
I wanna get back
for Sunday service.
I can't miss that.

999
01:17:55,342 --> 01:17:57,745
-Going back to Bedford?
-Ha-ha.

1000
01:17:58,946 --> 01:18:00,214
Where else would I go?

1001
01:18:01,482 --> 01:18:02,584
What are you gonna do there?

1002
01:18:03,884 --> 01:18:04,919
I'm not sure.

1003
01:18:05,886 --> 01:18:07,988
Probably just keep working
at the Shop 'N Save.

1004
01:18:10,257 --> 01:18:11,192
Do you need help packing?

1005
01:18:11,792 --> 01:18:14,328
No, no, I just finished inside.

1006
01:18:15,796 --> 01:18:17,164
I guess
you should get going, then.

1007
01:18:19,133 --> 01:18:20,602
Yeah. I guess I should.

1008
01:18:21,802 --> 01:18:24,271
Before I forget,
I have one more thing
I wanna give you.

1009
01:18:24,405 --> 01:18:27,642
- Is it more money?
- No, no,
it's not more money.

1010
01:18:30,077 --> 01:18:31,278
It's just a little thing.

1011
01:18:48,462 --> 01:18:51,065
-Where did you get this?
-You gave it to me.

1012
01:18:57,672 --> 01:18:58,806
Wait, what's the other one?

1013
01:19:00,107 --> 01:19:01,108
Just me.

1014
01:19:14,556 --> 01:19:17,891
I left the envelope
in the bedroom
with the full amount.

1015
01:19:19,226 --> 01:19:22,062
I have the place till 7:00,
so you can hang out a while,

1016
01:19:22,196 --> 01:19:24,131
if you want to, do whatever
it is you wanna do.

1017
01:23:13,728 --> 01:23:18,465
<i>♪ When love is young ♪</i>

1018
01:23:18,600 --> 01:23:22,269
<i>♪ As fresh as dew ♪</i>

1019
01:23:41,088 --> 01:23:44,959
<i>♪ When love is young ♪</i>

1020
01:23:45,593 --> 01:23:49,096
<i>♪ As fresh as dew ♪</i>

1021
01:23:50,163 --> 01:23:53,467
<i>♪ A song is sung ♪</i>

1022
01:23:54,434 --> 01:23:57,972
<i>♪ So warm and new ♪</i>

1023
01:23:59,339 --> 01:24:02,977
<i>♪ It winds its way ♪</i>

1024
01:24:03,978 --> 01:24:08,115
<i>♪ Bursts into blue ♪</i>

1025
01:24:09,449 --> 01:24:13,021
<i>♪ An April day ♪</i>

1026
01:24:13,988 --> 01:24:18,191
<i>♪ Turned into June ♪</i>

1027
01:24:20,127 --> 01:24:22,697
<i>♪ Plays on my mind ♪</i>

1027
01:24:23,305 --> 01:25:23,477
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