1
00:00:20,751 --> 00:00:22,004
Mummy?
2
00:00:22,004 --> 00:00:23,172
Not now, sweetie.
3
00:00:24,174 --> 00:00:27,598
Mummy's visualising
the downfall of her enemy.
4
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,567
Stupid little bastard almonds.
5
00:00:54,151 --> 00:00:55,988
They look fine to me.
6
00:00:55,988 --> 00:00:57,742
They have to be perfect.
7
00:00:57,742 --> 00:01:00,163
Nora has Jizzlord thinking
I'm some sort of chaos goblin,
8
00:01:00,163 --> 00:01:03,545
so I have to pretend to be a polite
and well-adjusted young lady
9
00:01:03,545 --> 00:01:05,549
at her little fucker's
dumb shit birthday party.
10
00:01:05,549 --> 00:01:08,931
So, you're just gonna make sure
everyone has a lovely time then.
11
00:01:08,931 --> 00:01:11,268
Yeah. That'll fuckin' show her.
12
00:01:11,268 --> 00:01:14,776
I hate sleeping in the bath again.
13
00:01:19,326 --> 00:01:21,330
Wait, why you sleeping in the bath?
14
00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:23,501
- No, she didn't.
- Yes, she did.
15
00:01:23,501 --> 00:01:25,296
- No.
- Yes, she did.
16
00:01:25,296 --> 00:01:27,050
I swear to you. I swear to you.
17
00:01:27,050 --> 00:01:28,302
- Honest.
- You're lying.
18
00:01:28,302 --> 00:01:30,473
- He's staying the night now?
- Carrie.
19
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,603
Oh, God. No, no.
20
00:01:32,603 --> 00:01:35,525
I-I didn't mean it, like,
he's staying the night now. Gross.
21
00:01:35,525 --> 00:01:38,615
Why would it be gross?
Is it because they're both boys?
22
00:01:38,615 --> 00:01:41,287
No. No, no, no. That's, um...
23
00:01:41,997 --> 00:01:43,667
I love boys. And their boys in turn.
24
00:01:43,667 --> 00:01:46,046
I'm totally fine with this. Absolutely.
25
00:01:46,046 --> 00:01:49,637
I mean...
...I channel gay people all the time.
26
00:01:53,311 --> 00:01:55,440
Not that that means I couldn't be--
27
00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:59,991
Look, I think we could all self-examine
and find ways to prioritise respect.
28
00:02:00,784 --> 00:02:01,786
Hmm.
29
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:05,920
You're gays.
Do you know how to make macarons?
30
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,005
Yeah. I do, actually.
31
00:02:07,005 --> 00:02:09,009
Uh...
32
00:02:09,009 --> 00:02:11,932
It's all about air.
33
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,769
- Now, you're gonna whisk it up...
- Okay.
34
00:02:13,769 --> 00:02:15,564
...get those bubbles going.
35
00:02:15,564 --> 00:02:17,652
Can't believe Nora thinks
I'm holding you back.
36
00:02:17,652 --> 00:02:21,075
I'm a very good owner. I mean, girlfriend.
I've gotta stop saying that.
37
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:23,997
I know. And Nora's gonna see that today.
38
00:02:23,997 --> 00:02:25,208
- I have a plan.
- Oh, yeah?
39
00:02:25,208 --> 00:02:27,504
- Yeah. So you know fire--
- We're not doing that.
40
00:02:27,504 --> 00:02:29,174
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
41
00:02:29,174 --> 00:02:31,512
- So, I set the house on fire...
- No.
42
00:02:31,512 --> 00:02:33,474
- ...then you swoop in and put it out...
- No.
43
00:02:33,474 --> 00:02:35,813
...then Nora has to accept you,
and we can live in harmony.
44
00:02:35,813 --> 00:02:39,444
Please do not set anything
on fire at this children's birthday party.
45
00:02:39,444 --> 00:02:41,282
So, what am I gonna do
with all this petrol?
46
00:02:41,908 --> 00:02:45,081
- I thought that was a gift.
- Exactly. No one will suspect a thing.
47
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,670
- Give it to me.
- No, it'll work.
48
00:02:49,214 --> 00:02:51,302
Rob, Jen.
49
00:02:51,302 --> 00:02:54,349
So glad you could make it.
You've missed so many of these.
50
00:02:55,184 --> 00:02:56,646
- Is that for Alfie?
- Yes.
51
00:02:57,147 --> 00:02:58,107
It's petrol.
52
00:03:02,407 --> 00:03:04,369
Oh, I love the beige.
53
00:03:04,369 --> 00:03:06,040
You hate beige.
54
00:03:06,625 --> 00:03:11,760
I got you crinkly paper, hair ties,
caps of bottles. Hours of fun.
55
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,849
- You weren't at my other birthdays.
- I'm sorry.
56
00:03:14,849 --> 00:03:19,191
I ran away, abandoning you and your mother
for reasons I still don't understand.
57
00:03:19,191 --> 00:03:22,072
Mummy said you were a spy
and had to leave to help save the world.
58
00:03:23,532 --> 00:03:25,871
Oh. Right. Yeah.
59
00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:28,585
I forgot you can just lie to children.
Yeah, that's what happened.
60
00:03:28,585 --> 00:03:31,340
All my other friends had their dads
at their birthdays.
61
00:03:31,340 --> 00:03:32,843
It made me sad.
62
00:03:32,843 --> 00:03:35,390
No, no, no, no. Um, I'm here now,
63
00:03:35,390 --> 00:03:38,647
and I'm not going anywhere,
and I can get you more gifts.
64
00:03:38,647 --> 00:03:40,776
- What'd you like to play with?
- Money.
65
00:03:41,861 --> 00:03:46,788
♪ Nonces, nonces ♪
66
00:03:46,788 --> 00:03:50,211
Do you think nonces sounds better
in a C or a G?
67
00:03:50,838 --> 00:03:52,132
Oh, F-sharp.
68
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:54,052
You've only ever dated girls, right?
69
00:03:55,054 --> 00:03:56,056
Uh, yeah.
70
00:03:56,641 --> 00:03:57,643
It's just...
71
00:03:57,643 --> 00:04:00,607
I'm going to a friend's party next week,
and I want you to come.
72
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:04,741
But in the past
when I've started seeing someone like you,
73
00:04:04,741 --> 00:04:08,623
well, you don't know
if they're ready to make their debut.
74
00:04:11,546 --> 00:04:13,424
- Um...
- No, it's fine.
75
00:04:13,424 --> 00:04:15,136
It's too soon. I'm jumping ahead.
76
00:04:15,136 --> 00:04:18,309
Chill out Clark, you bloody maniac.
Uh, I'll do a coffee run.
77
00:04:18,309 --> 00:04:20,438
- A piccolo. Oat Piccolo.
- No. No, no. No.
78
00:04:20,438 --> 00:04:21,941
No, no--
79
00:04:21,941 --> 00:04:24,196
No. I really, really like this.
I just, um--
80
00:04:24,196 --> 00:04:26,618
Well, I guess
I can't picture what it looks like yet.
81
00:04:26,618 --> 00:04:29,539
Like us, uh, socially.
Like, what if everything's different?
82
00:04:29,539 --> 00:04:32,212
- Sorry. That's a stupid reason. I didn't--
- No, there's no rush.
83
00:04:32,212 --> 00:04:34,049
We can fly under the radar for a bit.
84
00:04:34,759 --> 00:04:36,095
Thank you.
85
00:04:38,809 --> 00:04:40,061
Hello!
86
00:04:43,025 --> 00:04:44,862
Am I having an LGBTQ stroke?
87
00:04:44,862 --> 00:04:47,910
I just want you guys to be super,
super comfortable in this flat.
88
00:04:49,496 --> 00:04:52,837
I got some flavoured vodka, little flags.
89
00:04:52,837 --> 00:04:55,132
I baked some cookies
in the shape of Kim Petras.
90
00:04:56,928 --> 00:04:59,474
- Mini quiches.
- What's gay about mini quiches?
91
00:04:59,474 --> 00:05:01,896
Oh, nothing. I-I just think they're fun.
92
00:05:01,896 --> 00:05:04,442
Ooh! I even got some poppers.
93
00:05:04,442 --> 00:05:06,280
Oh, uh, that's not--
94
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:08,534
Hmm. Okay. Thank you, Carrie.
95
00:05:12,542 --> 00:05:13,962
Yas!
96
00:05:13,962 --> 00:05:15,632
Oh, okay, great. Yeah. Come up.
97
00:05:16,593 --> 00:05:19,222
- Who's that?
- Your vigilante friends.
98
00:05:19,222 --> 00:05:21,059
I thought I'd invite them over
to celebrate.
99
00:05:24,065 --> 00:05:26,278
You haven't told them?
You haven't told them.
100
00:05:26,278 --> 00:05:28,115
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
101
00:05:33,835 --> 00:05:35,504
Oh, God, hide the poppers!
102
00:05:36,716 --> 00:05:38,427
Okay, triage! What's gayest?
103
00:05:39,722 --> 00:05:42,352
What's straight music? Polka?
104
00:05:42,352 --> 00:05:43,939
Give me the phone!
105
00:05:44,690 --> 00:05:47,487
Randall 3D printed a key.
106
00:05:47,487 --> 00:05:50,034
- Oh, so green.
- Sorry for barging in.
107
00:05:50,034 --> 00:05:51,453
- Ooh. Hello!
- Hi.
108
00:05:51,453 --> 00:05:54,042
Oh, sick! This is my jam.
109
00:05:54,042 --> 00:05:56,171
Hello.
110
00:05:56,171 --> 00:05:58,593
Hey, Kash. How are you doing?
111
00:05:58,593 --> 00:06:00,388
So, why exactly are we here, Kash?
112
00:06:00,388 --> 00:06:03,687
Yeah. Carrie said we should all come over
to "radiate love".
113
00:06:03,687 --> 00:06:07,778
Something about, uh, a cocoon
and a beautiful butterfly.
114
00:06:07,778 --> 00:06:10,116
It was pretty vague.
115
00:06:10,116 --> 00:06:12,913
He's probably got some new pathetic
project he wants us to be a part of.
116
00:06:12,913 --> 00:06:14,667
I only came over here to make fun of it.
117
00:06:16,044 --> 00:06:17,005
Yes.
118
00:06:17,965 --> 00:06:22,933
I am writing a musical,
and I want all of you to star in it.
119
00:06:24,854 --> 00:06:25,856
Well then.
120
00:06:27,275 --> 00:06:29,655
I really like musicals, so I'm in.
121
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,533
It sounds really fun.
122
00:06:32,076 --> 00:06:33,078
Whoo!
123
00:06:33,872 --> 00:06:36,376
Oh, can I just--
124
00:06:36,376 --> 00:06:38,631
- This is my new bike.
- Can I see the bell?
125
00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:40,426
No, don't touch it!
126
00:06:40,426 --> 00:06:41,637
Oh, Chris.
127
00:06:41,637 --> 00:06:43,140
Oh, don't worry.
128
00:06:43,140 --> 00:06:45,269
- I'm not going to wrestle you again.
- Good. Yeah.
129
00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:47,440
- What are you doing here?
- Oh.
130
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,154
Just dropped off the little soldier
his presents. It's nothing big.
131
00:06:50,154 --> 00:06:51,699
It's just a bike, a new tablet,
132
00:06:51,699 --> 00:06:54,955
and some saving bonds
for when he goes off to university.
133
00:06:54,955 --> 00:06:57,502
That's so nice. You're such a good friend.
134
00:06:57,502 --> 00:07:00,007
Yeah, well... Been checking in on him
the last few years.
135
00:07:00,007 --> 00:07:01,134
Kid needs a dad, you know?
136
00:07:02,386 --> 00:07:04,892
It's about 12-and-a-half presents--
137
00:07:04,892 --> 00:07:07,021
Here he is!
138
00:07:07,021 --> 00:07:09,693
Hey! Happy birthday, Son.
139
00:07:10,444 --> 00:07:12,115
I'm glad you're home, Daddy.
140
00:07:20,381 --> 00:07:22,594
Ooh, what a lovely spread, Nora.
141
00:07:22,594 --> 00:07:23,888
Are those madeleines?
142
00:07:23,888 --> 00:07:25,892
- Yes. They're from the organic bakery...
- Ooh.
143
00:07:25,892 --> 00:07:27,563
...on Titheley Street.
144
00:07:27,563 --> 00:07:29,440
Oh. Then not home-made?
145
00:07:30,401 --> 00:07:32,029
- No, but--
- It's just that, um,
146
00:07:32,029 --> 00:07:33,658
the shop-bought ones have
sulphites in them.
147
00:07:34,242 --> 00:07:36,413
Hmm. It's a shame.
148
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,041
I made macarons.
149
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:39,837
- Ooh.
- They're home-made.
150
00:07:39,837 --> 00:07:42,634
No one wants your almond shit-cakes.
151
00:07:42,634 --> 00:07:44,805
- Oh! They're amazing.
- Oh!
152
00:07:44,805 --> 00:07:46,391
- Mmm. So airy.
- Mmm.
153
00:07:46,391 --> 00:07:48,938
- They're delicious.
- They taste like a badger's arsehole.
154
00:07:49,439 --> 00:07:50,901
Uh...
155
00:07:52,403 --> 00:07:54,407
So-- Sorry.
156
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,911
Uh, I have a cold.
157
00:07:55,911 --> 00:07:59,042
So my taste is off.
158
00:07:59,627 --> 00:08:00,795
Oh.
159
00:08:03,885 --> 00:08:06,097
- What are you doing?
- Just being nice.
160
00:08:08,895 --> 00:08:09,897
Hmm.
161
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,278
♪ I love it how you do that thing, yeah ♪
162
00:08:13,278 --> 00:08:15,992
♪ Show my how you do that thing
How you do that thing ♪
163
00:08:16,493 --> 00:08:17,621
Oops.
164
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:19,625
Stop titting my macarons.
165
00:08:21,796 --> 00:08:23,382
Come on.
166
00:08:23,382 --> 00:08:26,012
Yell at me. Make a scene.
167
00:08:26,012 --> 00:08:28,726
There is nothing that you can do
that will get under my skin, Nora.
168
00:08:28,726 --> 00:08:30,689
- I'm impenetrable.
- Hmm.
169
00:08:30,689 --> 00:08:32,233
Well, Rob seems to think so.
170
00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:34,487
♪ Make it boom, boom, boom
Till it pop ♪
171
00:08:34,487 --> 00:08:37,118
I'm right, aren't I?
You still haven't done it, right?
172
00:08:37,118 --> 00:08:40,499
Rob and I fucked on the first date.
Didn't even make it to the bed.
173
00:08:41,126 --> 00:08:44,424
If I was you,
I'd be wondering if he even liked me.
174
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:46,136
♪ You can get it if you got it ♪
175
00:08:58,745 --> 00:09:00,414
No! You're poor!
176
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:03,378
Hey, Jen! I've cracked the dad thing.
177
00:09:03,378 --> 00:09:04,464
Alfie likes me,
178
00:09:04,464 --> 00:09:08,513
and I've got this feeling that if anyone
hurts him, I'll kill them with a hammer.
179
00:09:08,513 --> 00:09:09,725
So, it's all good.
180
00:09:09,725 --> 00:09:12,104
That's great. We're having sex. Now.
181
00:09:12,104 --> 00:09:13,190
I'm on a roll today!
182
00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:17,949
It's a dramatic retelling
of our time as vigilantes.
183
00:09:17,949 --> 00:09:19,703
So you need someone to play the hero.
184
00:09:20,412 --> 00:09:21,957
- I graciously accept.
- No.
185
00:09:21,957 --> 00:09:24,797
I'll be playing the hero. It's important
to stay faithful to the true story.
186
00:09:24,797 --> 00:09:28,220
Right. So, does that mean
it will end with you running away
187
00:09:28,220 --> 00:09:30,224
and getting dumped by your girlfriend?
188
00:09:30,224 --> 00:09:32,019
That's-- No.
189
00:09:32,019 --> 00:09:35,275
Um, well, no, obviously the artist has
to take some creative licence, right?
190
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:36,654
So...
191
00:09:36,654 --> 00:09:39,450
I have to shoot off, lads. I've got a gig.
192
00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:42,749
But as long as I can do the pyrotechnics,
I'm in.
193
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,920
I've got a bunch of Semtex
I need to shift.
194
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:46,381
I can't see why that would be a problem.
195
00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:48,135
- See ya.
- See ya.
196
00:09:48,135 --> 00:09:49,387
Who would I play?
197
00:09:49,387 --> 00:09:51,642
You would play
the love interest of the hero.
198
00:09:51,642 --> 00:09:54,272
Surely Gregor would be playing
your love interest.
199
00:09:56,025 --> 00:09:57,486
- What, why?
- Uh, are we forgetting
200
00:09:57,486 --> 00:10:00,075
about the frankly electric sexual tension
between these two?
201
00:10:00,075 --> 00:10:01,077
Mmm.
202
00:10:01,077 --> 00:10:03,415
- Come on. It's classic enemies to lovers.
- Excuse me?
203
00:10:05,962 --> 00:10:07,924
Megan.
Could you come with me for a moment?
204
00:10:07,924 --> 00:10:09,302
- Why?
- Girl stuff.
205
00:10:09,302 --> 00:10:13,101
Yeah, but what kind of girl stuff?
Boys, pregnancy, fun shoes,
206
00:10:13,101 --> 00:10:15,690
endometriosis, pets, small ones--
207
00:10:16,274 --> 00:10:17,276
Okay.
208
00:10:21,284 --> 00:10:22,996
I could play the love interest.
209
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:25,960
Just need a room.
210
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,131
I'm having a poo!
211
00:10:35,145 --> 00:10:36,607
I know this is a kid's birthday party,
212
00:10:36,607 --> 00:10:38,527
but how are there kids
literally everywhere?
213
00:10:38,527 --> 00:10:44,288
I will make this child disappear
using magic.
214
00:10:44,288 --> 00:10:46,919
- Ooh!
- It's not magic.
215
00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:48,673
You can just teleport things.
216
00:10:48,673 --> 00:10:51,427
Uh, shut up. You're ruining it.
217
00:10:51,427 --> 00:10:52,681
He can teleport people.
218
00:10:53,265 --> 00:10:56,354
Alakazoo, be rid of you!
219
00:11:00,195 --> 00:11:02,659
To places without children in them.
220
00:11:04,078 --> 00:11:05,832
Hesto, presto, reappearo.
221
00:11:10,007 --> 00:11:11,969
Um, that-that's not my child.
222
00:11:11,969 --> 00:11:13,931
Where did Tommy go?
223
00:11:13,931 --> 00:11:15,893
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it's not.
224
00:11:21,029 --> 00:11:23,533
- I knew it.
- He's not ready for everyone to know.
225
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:26,164
He's currently convincing them
to star in a musical with him.
226
00:11:26,164 --> 00:11:28,418
So, I don't know
how much longer you expect
227
00:11:28,418 --> 00:11:30,297
the gay cat to stay
in its fruity little bag.
228
00:11:31,215 --> 00:11:33,261
I feel so bad.
229
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:35,474
I put him in this terrible position.
230
00:11:35,474 --> 00:11:38,438
I can only imagine
how much he must be struggling.
231
00:11:38,438 --> 00:11:39,900
♪ Bumhole ♪
232
00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:43,114
♪ Bumhole ♪
233
00:11:43,114 --> 00:11:47,289
♪ Bumhole, bum-bum-bumhole ♪
234
00:11:47,289 --> 00:11:49,670
♪ Bumhole, bum-bum-bumhole ♪
235
00:11:49,670 --> 00:11:51,005
Wait.
236
00:11:52,759 --> 00:11:54,011
I've got an idea.
237
00:11:54,846 --> 00:11:58,019
Hey. Can you make two adults disappear
somewhere private
238
00:11:58,019 --> 00:12:01,317
for, I don't know,
like, six to nine minutes?
239
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,238
Oh.
240
00:12:03,238 --> 00:12:05,325
I see. Nice.
241
00:12:05,325 --> 00:12:08,415
Ew! Just do it. I'll give you a tenner.
242
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:23,612
Kevin, is it?
243
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:25,532
Let's have a chat.
244
00:12:31,294 --> 00:12:33,339
It's so quiet.
245
00:12:33,841 --> 00:12:35,553
And child-free.
246
00:12:35,553 --> 00:12:36,805
And Carrie-free.
247
00:12:36,805 --> 00:12:37,974
And Kash-free.
248
00:12:44,278 --> 00:12:46,742
It's my responsibility to fix this.
249
00:12:48,036 --> 00:12:50,373
Why are you skulking in the hallway?
250
00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:53,171
We have to convince the guys
that Kash is totally straight.
251
00:12:53,171 --> 00:12:55,802
I could say that he fingered me.
Would that help?
252
00:12:56,845 --> 00:13:00,143
- No.
- But we could throw them off the scent.
253
00:13:00,143 --> 00:13:01,354
Say that we're dating.
254
00:13:01,354 --> 00:13:04,068
Yeah. Yes.
255
00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:06,657
Duplicate Clark, you are a genius.
256
00:13:09,746 --> 00:13:11,625
I'll say it anyway. Can't hurt.
257
00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:15,048
♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪
258
00:13:16,969 --> 00:13:19,724
♪ Bumhole, bumhole
Bumhole, bumhole ♪
259
00:13:21,102 --> 00:13:22,312
♪ Bumhole, bumhole ♪
260
00:13:23,774 --> 00:13:27,824
I know you've all noticed
the unbearable tension between us.
261
00:13:27,824 --> 00:13:30,036
And yes, mm-hmm.
262
00:13:30,036 --> 00:13:32,165
The rumours are true.
Clark is my boyfriend.
263
00:13:33,878 --> 00:13:35,380
- Oh, no, no, no. It's fine.
- Hmm.
264
00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:37,217
I told them already. They're chill.
265
00:13:37,217 --> 00:13:40,056
- Mm-hmm.
- It actually made a really cool preset.
266
00:13:40,056 --> 00:13:42,311
♪ I'm dating a man
Bumhole ♪
267
00:13:44,064 --> 00:13:45,191
♪ Man
Bumhole, bumhole ♪
268
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:46,737
♪ Man ♪
269
00:13:47,989 --> 00:13:49,325
♪ Bumhole
I'm dating a man ♪
270
00:13:49,325 --> 00:13:51,914
I thought I'd really, really messed up.
271
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:53,918
- Are you sure that you're okay?
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
272
00:13:53,918 --> 00:13:56,172
- We're good.
- I'm not really surprised.
273
00:13:56,172 --> 00:13:57,592
I mean, he's punching, but...
274
00:14:00,138 --> 00:14:01,390
Okay. Time to re-merge.
275
00:14:02,936 --> 00:14:05,650
No. Maybe I want to date Carrie.
276
00:14:05,650 --> 00:14:07,027
- Huh?
- What?
277
00:14:07,027 --> 00:14:10,660
I've never said anything, but Carrie's
given me the perfect opportunity.
278
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:12,496
I'm straight.
279
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,051
Kash fingered me.
280
00:14:21,222 --> 00:14:22,976
I can't believe it's taken us this long.
281
00:14:23,476 --> 00:14:25,271
It's finally just the two of us.
282
00:14:26,315 --> 00:14:27,860
And sex.
283
00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:33,789
- What the fuck?
- Where did that bed come from?
284
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:34,874
Oh, my God!
285
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,127
Uh, um--
286
00:14:36,127 --> 00:14:38,172
How could this possibly have happened?
287
00:14:38,172 --> 00:14:39,592
How inappropriate!
288
00:14:40,218 --> 00:14:42,557
I want to apologise for Jen's behaviour.
289
00:14:42,557 --> 00:14:45,896
- Is that Daddy? What's Daddy doing?
- He's just having a little lie-down.
290
00:14:45,896 --> 00:14:48,902
I have tried
and tried to make this work,
291
00:14:48,902 --> 00:14:52,785
but I think Jen has just proven
what we've all been thinking.
292
00:14:53,494 --> 00:14:54,831
We can't coexist.
293
00:14:55,666 --> 00:14:58,171
- Rob, you're gonna have to choose.
- Choose what?
294
00:14:58,171 --> 00:15:00,008
- Do the right thing and decide.
- See that?
295
00:15:00,008 --> 00:15:02,889
It's me and Alfie...
296
00:15:02,889 --> 00:15:06,103
- ...or Jen.
- Oh, finally. I'm so tired.
297
00:15:06,103 --> 00:15:09,026
- Go on, Jizz. Tell her.
- Like he even has to think about it.
298
00:15:11,948 --> 00:15:13,159
I have to think about it.
299
00:15:13,159 --> 00:15:14,746
- What?
- What?
300
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,250
I'm not straight.
301
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:19,589
Well, maybe, one in a million of you is.
302
00:15:19,589 --> 00:15:21,425
And he's in love with Carrie.
303
00:15:22,637 --> 00:15:23,847
Oh, God. Uh--
304
00:15:23,847 --> 00:15:26,268
What do I, uh--
305
00:15:29,776 --> 00:15:32,531
If I date you, then you'll be--
But then you'll be s-- Clark.
306
00:15:33,282 --> 00:15:34,953
So sorry. Clarks. Sorry.
307
00:15:34,953 --> 00:15:38,167
Kash, oh, uh-- And I've already-- Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
308
00:15:38,167 --> 00:15:41,340
Uh, someone tell me what to do.
Kash, what's best for you?
309
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:45,599
Carrie, you are the least selfish person
I've ever met.
310
00:15:46,433 --> 00:15:48,229
- Thank you.
- That's not a compliment.
311
00:15:48,229 --> 00:15:49,858
- No.
- Oh.
312
00:15:49,858 --> 00:15:51,611
You can't live your life for other people.
313
00:15:51,611 --> 00:15:53,489
I mean, everything you've done today
314
00:15:53,489 --> 00:15:55,911
is 'cause you were terrified
what someone else was gonna think.
315
00:15:56,621 --> 00:15:58,124
Got to be more selfish.
316
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,878
Tell us how Carrie feels!
317
00:15:59,878 --> 00:16:02,842
- About all of this.
- Yeah.
318
00:16:02,842 --> 00:16:04,344
Why don't you take the mic?
319
00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:07,560
Use your voice. Live your truth.
320
00:16:12,653 --> 00:16:13,822
Oh, no, wait--
321
00:16:13,822 --> 00:16:15,325
Don't-- Don't smell it.
322
00:16:21,253 --> 00:16:22,255
Honestly--
323
00:16:22,255 --> 00:16:25,470
- Ooh.
- Uh, sometimes it gets stuck like that.
324
00:16:25,470 --> 00:16:26,806
Just ignore it.
325
00:16:35,281 --> 00:16:38,914
We broke up,
but we still live together.
326
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,834
And work together, which I don't--
327
00:16:42,087 --> 00:16:44,049
I don't particularly love,
328
00:16:45,678 --> 00:16:50,103
and then I asked you
to set me up with my work crush.
329
00:16:50,103 --> 00:16:51,940
And you end up dating him instead.
330
00:16:51,940 --> 00:16:53,276
Hmm.
331
00:16:53,276 --> 00:16:55,864
And it's, like, hello!
332
00:16:55,864 --> 00:16:59,789
That's a bit effed up,
actually. And I'm not okay with it.
333
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,210
Not because you're both boys,
334
00:17:02,210 --> 00:17:04,381
- but because we've only just broken up...
- No, no.
335
00:17:04,381 --> 00:17:06,678
...and you're already getting serious
with someone else
336
00:17:06,678 --> 00:17:09,976
like we didn't even mean
anything to each other,
337
00:17:09,976 --> 00:17:13,149
like it's easy, and I don't like it.
338
00:17:13,149 --> 00:17:15,612
- I just-- I just don't like it.
- Yes.
339
00:17:15,612 --> 00:17:18,284
And I want you to pay me back
for rent since we moved in.
340
00:17:18,284 --> 00:17:19,494
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
341
00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:21,540
That's enough for one day.
342
00:17:26,216 --> 00:17:28,179
Thank you. Thank you.
343
00:17:28,179 --> 00:17:29,306
- Whoo!
- Aw.
344
00:17:29,306 --> 00:17:31,853
Well, uh, do you want to go out?
345
00:17:33,649 --> 00:17:34,650
No.
346
00:17:36,362 --> 00:17:37,364
I'm sorry.
347
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,326
I need to focus on myself.
348
00:17:39,911 --> 00:17:42,290
What are we gonna do with straight Clark?
349
00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:44,837
Oh, I'm not straight. No. Ew.
350
00:17:44,837 --> 00:17:47,342
I just wanted to go
to a nice restaurant or something.
351
00:17:47,342 --> 00:17:51,559
You only ever get me to do chores
or take shifts or FaceTime Mum or--
352
00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:53,521
Hey.
353
00:17:54,022 --> 00:17:55,609
Drama queen.
354
00:17:55,609 --> 00:17:59,116
There's nothing to even think about.
Look, I'll make the decision for you.
355
00:17:59,116 --> 00:18:00,744
Me. There, done, now let's go.
356
00:18:01,412 --> 00:18:05,546
Look, if it was just you or Nora,
it'd be simple, but a kid needs their dad.
357
00:18:06,338 --> 00:18:08,384
You do, and you're big.
358
00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:13,477
But I've blindly trusted you so far,
and it's worked out.
359
00:18:13,477 --> 00:18:15,481
So, if you tell me to pick you, I will.
360
00:18:15,481 --> 00:18:17,026
You're a good owner.
361
00:18:18,112 --> 00:18:19,406
You're not my pet anymore.
362
00:18:20,576 --> 00:18:21,619
It's up to you.
363
00:18:22,872 --> 00:18:25,084
It's up to me.
364
00:18:25,794 --> 00:18:26,921
Oh, no. It's up to me.
365
00:18:26,921 --> 00:18:29,301
How do I decide? I can't decide.
Oh, it's too hard.
366
00:18:29,301 --> 00:18:31,221
I hate agency.
I don't want it. Take it back.
367
00:18:31,221 --> 00:18:32,850
Fucking free will.
368
00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:34,896
- Does your nut in, doesn't it?
- What are you?
369
00:18:34,896 --> 00:18:36,482
Human piñata.
370
00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,570
Kids love it.
371
00:18:38,570 --> 00:18:41,158
We're kind of in the middle
of a private conversation here.
372
00:18:41,158 --> 00:18:44,122
We had the same problem, me and the ex,
when we broke up a few years back.
373
00:18:44,122 --> 00:18:46,335
We couldn't figure out
who should take the dog.
374
00:18:46,836 --> 00:18:49,592
So we let the dog decide,
and, um...
375
00:18:49,592 --> 00:18:50,677
...they pick right.
376
00:18:51,805 --> 00:18:54,685
Animal instinct. Fucking infallible.
377
00:18:57,900 --> 00:19:00,906
♪ We got nothing to lose
We got nothing to lose ♪
378
00:19:03,745 --> 00:19:06,416
Whatever happens,
379
00:19:06,416 --> 00:19:09,256
I have to admit I've come to respect you
as a worthy adversary.
380
00:19:09,256 --> 00:19:10,341
- Really?
- No.
381
00:19:10,341 --> 00:19:11,678
The idea of being beaten by you
382
00:19:11,678 --> 00:19:13,849
is the most humiliating thing
I could imagine.
383
00:19:15,644 --> 00:19:18,482
- Psst, psst, psst. Psst, psst, psst.
- Hey, don't. That's cheating.
384
00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:22,156
Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
385
00:19:22,156 --> 00:19:25,413
Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
386
00:19:25,413 --> 00:19:29,881
Psst, psst, psst, psst, psst.
387
00:19:44,326 --> 00:19:45,328
Jen?
388
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:53,302
You're home.
389
00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:24,657
♪ This is probably
How I get myself killed ♪
390
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,326
I know we don't have a session, but...
391
00:20:27,705 --> 00:20:28,998
Come in.
392
00:20:47,745 --> 00:20:49,832
Mummy doesn't like
that I'm ginger.
393
00:20:49,832 --> 00:20:52,295
She says it doesn't fit her "anaesthetic".
394
00:20:58,515 --> 00:21:01,647
What's the point in doing the right thing
if you don't get rewarded for it?
395
00:21:01,647 --> 00:21:02,775
It's bullshit.
396
00:21:03,777 --> 00:21:07,450
The act of doing the right thing is,
in and of itself, the reward.
397
00:21:08,787 --> 00:21:11,834
No, I can't do it.
It is bullshit actually, isn't it?
398
00:21:11,834 --> 00:21:13,337
I really thought he'd pick me.
399
00:21:17,679 --> 00:21:21,854
Can you imagine some really nice Scotch?
400
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:26,697
Harder! Harder!
401
00:21:26,697 --> 00:21:28,367
Harder!
402
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:35,130
Yeah, yay.
403
00:21:37,426 --> 00:21:38,512
Cheer up, silly.
404
00:21:38,512 --> 00:21:40,934
- We're a family again.
- I miss Jen.
405
00:21:40,934 --> 00:21:42,729
If it helps,
we can pretend that she's died.
406
00:21:44,065 --> 00:21:47,990
Sorry.
Um, you're very tall and shiny,
407
00:21:47,990 --> 00:21:50,579
but I don't really like anyone but Jen.
408
00:21:50,579 --> 00:21:53,166
Oh, he's joking.
409
00:21:53,166 --> 00:21:55,004
So cute.
410
00:21:55,004 --> 00:21:57,843
You do like me.
You picked me because you like me.
411
00:21:57,843 --> 00:22:00,222
Uh, okay.
Um, I wa-- I wasn't clear enough.
412
00:22:00,222 --> 00:22:01,516
I'm not attracted to you.
413
00:22:01,516 --> 00:22:03,813
Oh, I think
he's just disorientated.
414
00:22:03,813 --> 00:22:05,149
Don't ing embarrass me.
415
00:22:08,238 --> 00:22:09,617
Are you all right, Nora?
416
00:22:11,202 --> 00:22:13,540
Sorry.
417
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:15,377
I'm joking.
418
00:22:15,377 --> 00:22:18,050
We are such jokers.
419
00:22:19,678 --> 00:22:21,766
I don't get it.
420
00:22:25,899 --> 00:22:29,113
I actually needed this.
421
00:22:30,659 --> 00:22:32,871
I spent most of the day
with this one client,
422
00:22:32,871 --> 00:22:35,542
the most boring man in the world.
I'm not shitting you.
423
00:22:35,542 --> 00:22:38,841
The inside of his head is a perfect
replica of the set of the Top Gear studio.
424
00:22:38,841 --> 00:22:42,306
At least not so messy though.
425
00:22:42,306 --> 00:22:43,685
Oh, better messy than boring.
426
00:22:44,728 --> 00:22:47,316
I think you're the first client
427
00:22:47,316 --> 00:22:49,529
I'd willingly spend time with
in the outside world.
428
00:22:51,617 --> 00:22:53,078
It's not that chaotic.
429
00:22:53,078 --> 00:22:55,667
Look, we're making progress.
430
00:23:00,426 --> 00:23:01,428
Here.
431
00:23:05,477 --> 00:23:06,856
Here's my personal number.
432
00:23:08,693 --> 00:23:11,072
If you ever wanna talk about anything,
just call me.
433
00:23:13,911 --> 00:23:15,539
- Probably just text.
- Jesus Christ.
434
00:23:15,539 --> 00:23:18,170
Why can't you people speak on a phone?
435
00:23:21,342 --> 00:23:24,349
I'm-I'm confused.
Are you two back together sexwise?
436
00:23:24,349 --> 00:23:25,517
- Yes.
- No. Huh?
437
00:23:26,311 --> 00:23:27,564
I'm only here for Alfie.
438
00:23:27,564 --> 00:23:30,277
- A kid needs his dad.
- That's what I've always said.
439
00:23:30,277 --> 00:23:32,824
But I guess, when he's 18,
I can go back to Jen.
440
00:23:32,824 --> 00:23:35,622
He's seven now, so that's--
441
00:23:36,707 --> 00:23:37,959
Oh, no.
442
00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:39,420
Shut up, Chris!
443
00:23:40,464 --> 00:23:41,759
He didn't say anything.
444
00:23:41,759 --> 00:23:43,679
We should tell him.
445
00:23:46,644 --> 00:23:48,981
The night you disappeared, you caught us.
446
00:23:49,775 --> 00:23:51,069
In your bed.
447
00:23:52,196 --> 00:23:53,741
ing and ing.
448
00:23:53,741 --> 00:23:56,454
We thought that's why you left,
449
00:23:56,454 --> 00:23:59,837
but I-I-I guess
it must've, like, triggered your power.
450
00:24:00,421 --> 00:24:03,928
You didn't abandon anyone,
but you just...
451
00:24:03,928 --> 00:24:07,393
...you got cucked so hard,
you turned into a cat.
452
00:24:07,393 --> 00:24:10,232
It's a tale as old as time.
453
00:24:10,984 --> 00:24:12,153
So Alfie is...
454
00:24:12,946 --> 00:24:14,198
not mine.
455
00:24:15,284 --> 00:24:16,536
He's lying.
456
00:24:16,536 --> 00:24:18,666
- Alfie isn't his--
- He is!
457
00:24:19,668 --> 00:24:21,547
- Prove it.
- You dye his hair!
458
00:24:22,131 --> 00:24:25,012
- You do. He's really ginger.
- That proves nothing.
459
00:24:25,012 --> 00:24:27,559
Chris isn't ginger.
460
00:24:28,143 --> 00:24:30,857
Aren't I?
461
00:24:30,857 --> 00:24:32,276
Oh!
462
00:24:34,698 --> 00:24:37,662
I started dyeing it at uni
463
00:24:38,581 --> 00:24:40,960
so the horrific bullying would stop.
464
00:24:42,338 --> 00:24:45,010
Silly boys.
Let's do the cake!
465
00:24:46,429 --> 00:24:47,891
It's organic tonka bean!
466
00:24:47,891 --> 00:24:49,477
Does she know
his penis is still out?
467
00:24:49,477 --> 00:24:50,897
Come on, everybody!
468
00:24:50,897 --> 00:24:56,407
Oh, what are you all looking at,
you gawking?
469
00:24:56,407 --> 00:24:58,663
Oh, no. She's not perfect.
470
00:24:58,663 --> 00:25:02,211
- Nora.
- She's not perfect!
471
00:25:02,211 --> 00:25:06,469
Well, no you, ing morons!
472
00:25:06,469 --> 00:25:07,806
You want madeleines?
473
00:25:07,806 --> 00:25:09,935
I'll give you madeleines!
474
00:25:11,730 --> 00:25:13,734
Whoa!
475
00:25:18,034 --> 00:25:22,627
I get up at 4:00 a.m.
476
00:25:23,253 --> 00:25:27,136
I haven't eaten sugar in 15 years,
477
00:25:27,136 --> 00:25:31,311
and this is the thanks I get?
478
00:25:31,311 --> 00:25:33,106
Oh, not the cake, Nora.
479
00:25:34,191 --> 00:25:36,070
Oh, ing Christ. That's good.
480
00:25:36,070 --> 00:25:39,493
This, um, might be a lot to take in,
481
00:25:39,493 --> 00:25:41,749
but I've wanted to tell you this
for so long.
482
00:25:42,333 --> 00:25:43,627
Oh, my God.
483
00:25:45,005 --> 00:25:48,386
Oh, go on, judge me, you uptight.
484
00:25:48,386 --> 00:25:50,098
I've always hated you.
485
00:25:50,098 --> 00:25:51,267
Nora...
486
00:25:51,267 --> 00:25:52,812
I've always hated all of you.
487
00:25:54,106 --> 00:25:55,568
I'm your real dad.
488
00:25:55,568 --> 00:25:58,866
- And I love you so, so much.
- You can all suck my!
489
00:25:59,533 --> 00:26:00,535
Get out.
490
00:26:01,371 --> 00:26:04,961
Get out of my house,.
491
00:26:04,961 --> 00:26:06,715
Get out!
492
00:26:06,715 --> 00:26:09,011
Do you have any games on your phone?
493
00:26:09,011 --> 00:26:10,723
Oh, go on. Take a picture,!
494
00:26:10,723 --> 00:26:12,017
I'll give you my best angle!
495
00:26:12,017 --> 00:26:14,606
- Yes.
- That's right. It's my!
496
00:26:14,606 --> 00:26:15,691
Yeah.
497
00:26:21,077 --> 00:26:22,747
- She's here.
- She's here.
498
00:26:23,999 --> 00:26:26,379
She's coming.
499
00:26:26,379 --> 00:26:27,632
Jen, I'm free!
500
00:26:27,632 --> 00:26:29,135
The kid isn't his.
501
00:26:29,135 --> 00:26:31,347
My best friend
and my wife are having an affair,
502
00:26:31,347 --> 00:26:33,101
and I was deeply, deeply unhappy.
503
00:26:33,101 --> 00:26:34,520
Isn't that great?
504
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,817
Now there's nothing
that can come between us.
505
00:26:38,612 --> 00:26:39,781
Oh.
506
00:26:44,958 --> 00:26:46,210
What did you do?
507
00:26:51,722 --> 00:26:54,059
Is it normal that
when things go wrong in your life,
508
00:26:54,059 --> 00:26:56,022
you just wanna go all in
and ruin everything?
509
00:26:56,022 --> 00:26:57,984
Pretty much.
510
00:26:57,984 --> 00:26:59,278
In for a penny.
511
00:27:10,258 --> 00:27:14,141
♪ Riding on any wave
That is the luck you crave ♪
512
00:27:14,141 --> 00:27:16,354
♪ They don't believe it now ♪
513
00:27:19,193 --> 00:27:20,571
Mum?
514
00:27:22,074 --> 00:27:25,163
Can I go back to the party now?
515
00:27:41,529 --> 00:27:45,453
♪ Riding on anything
Anything's good enough ♪
516
00:27:45,453 --> 00:27:49,295
♪ Who would've thought it of
Someone like you? ♪
517
00:27:49,295 --> 00:27:53,261
♪ Just as they brought me round
Now that they brought you down ♪
518
00:27:53,261 --> 00:27:57,269
♪ Roundabout and roundabout
Who wants a life anyway? ♪