1 00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:10,100 Ground floor perfumery, stationery and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery, 2 00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:11,920 kitchenware and food going off. 3 00:00:17,140 --> 00:00:21,700 First floor, telephone, gents, ready -made food, gents, socks, pie pads, 4 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:25,200 underwear and shoes going off. Good morning, Captain Deacock. 5 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:26,480 8 .58. 6 00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:31,920 As departmental head of ladies' ready -made, I hardly think it necessary for 7 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:33,460 to clock in like a char. 8 00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:37,540 I'm not asking you to do anything that I have not done myself, Mrs. Slocum. 9 00:00:38,060 --> 00:00:39,760 Captain Peacock, 831. 10 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:46,780 And what has happened to Miss Browns? She isn't late. She's powdering her 11 00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:50,980 She ought to sign in first. It was very urgent that she powdered it when she 12 00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:51,980 did. 13 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,500 And I gave her permission so to do. 14 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:03,280 Bring Captain Peacock. 15 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:07,660 8 .59 and 10... 10 seconds. 16 00:01:08,060 --> 00:01:12,740 I would have been here at 8 .58, but I caught my handbag in the middle. 17 00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:17,820 Handbag? Well, it's Miss Brahms, actually. She left it on the stairs. 18 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,760 She must have been in rather a hurry. 19 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,120 Besides, I wouldn't be seen dead with imitation crocodile. 20 00:01:23,740 --> 00:01:25,240 Not with these shoes, anyway. 21 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:27,780 Morning, Mr Granger. 22 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,940 Good morning, Mr Humphrey. My word, we have got nice rosy cheeks this morning. 23 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:36,220 Yes, I walked through the park in order to give my toast crust to the ducks. 24 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:41,460 My wife doesn't like me to leave them, but these new teeth of mine are a little 25 00:01:41,460 --> 00:01:42,560 too much for them. 26 00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:46,520 You know, even the ducks have to wait until they go soggy. 27 00:01:48,220 --> 00:01:50,600 They'll probably be all right when you've run them in a bit. 28 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:54,600 That was a near thing. 29 00:01:55,310 --> 00:01:57,190 Not quite dear enough, Mr. Lucas. 30 00:01:57,510 --> 00:01:58,990 It is one minute past nine. 31 00:01:59,910 --> 00:02:01,230 Oh, dear. Have all the customers gone? 32 00:02:02,430 --> 00:02:03,930 There's not a point, Mr. 33 00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:08,449 Lucas. You are expected here at nine o 'clock, not one minute after. Oh, well, 34 00:02:08,470 --> 00:02:11,270 Captain, I was here. I was outside at five minutes to nine. But just as I was 35 00:02:11,270 --> 00:02:13,730 coming in, a man was crossing the road and he got knocked down. 36 00:02:14,030 --> 00:02:17,050 A tall, military -looking man he was. Oh, dearie me, I thought, it's Captain 37 00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:20,330 Peacock. He was early like me and he's got knocked down crossing the road. 38 00:02:21,670 --> 00:02:23,090 My heart was in my mouth, sir. 39 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,640 I thought to myself, not Captain Peacock, not struck down at the height 40 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:30,080 career. Stand back, I said, I'll give my blood for Captain Peacock. 41 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,840 Anyway, by the time I'd fought my way through the crowd, found out it wasn't 42 00:02:33,840 --> 00:02:36,100 but some dirty old tramp, and then got back here, it was one with it all. 43 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:39,440 Oh, just a minute, sir. 44 00:02:39,580 --> 00:02:40,418 What is it? 45 00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:44,160 A small insect has crept out of your carnation and crouched on your collar. 46 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,300 Deal with it, Lucas. Certainly, sir. 47 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,440 There you are, it's dead. 48 00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:57,340 Was there anything else, sir? Yes. 49 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:02,520 Get me a 15 and a half collar from stock and then present yourself at Mr 50 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:04,980 Rumble's office at 9 .15 with your sales book. 51 00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:06,300 Yes, sir. Certainly, sir. 52 00:03:08,260 --> 00:03:11,660 Sorry I'm late, Captain Peacock. That's all right, Miss Brown. Oh, it's all 53 00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:12,660 right for her, is it? 54 00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:16,080 She has been powdering her nose. Why is it so shiny, then? 55 00:03:20,260 --> 00:03:21,640 To your counter, Mr Lucas. 56 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,360 Sir. Take your coat. 57 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:28,900 Did you have a nice little chat? 58 00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:33,080 He said, I've got a report to rumble at 9 .15 with my sales book. What does that 59 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:37,020 mean? Well, in the terms of the Almighty's grand plan for the universe, 60 00:03:37,020 --> 00:03:40,380 little. But as far as you're concerned, it probably means you'll be at the 61 00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:41,860 labour exchange at half past nine. 62 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:47,080 I was struggling with it for ten minutes yesterday and in front of a customer, 63 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,040 too. Mine's just as bad. 64 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,440 If it's damp weather, it's always the same. 65 00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:53,340 I'd better give it a bit of encouragement. 66 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,600 Are they all there, do you think? 67 00:03:56,890 --> 00:03:59,110 Well, there should be, Mr. Rumboat. It's nearly five past nine. 68 00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:00,830 Right, and I'll go and have a word. 69 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:08,230 Is Captain Peacock there? He's just arrived, sir. He's just putting his 70 00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:09,230 on. What? 71 00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:16,970 Does he expect you to get dressed before you arrive at Grace Brothers, Captain 72 00:04:16,970 --> 00:04:21,170 Peacock? I do not expect to find you unattired at five past nine. 73 00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:22,710 I can explain. 74 00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:26,110 I don't want to hear any excuses. I want to have a word with all the members of 75 00:04:26,110 --> 00:04:27,049 your department. 76 00:04:27,050 --> 00:04:28,230 Of course, of course. 77 00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:31,370 Mr. Granger, would you step this way, please, if you're free? 78 00:04:31,710 --> 00:04:33,830 Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock. 79 00:04:34,070 --> 00:04:35,350 Mr. Humphreys, Mr. Lucas? 80 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:38,730 Free, Captain Peacock. Oh, very free, Captain Peacock. Step this way. 81 00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:41,990 Mrs. Slocum, Miss Brahms, one moment, please. 82 00:04:43,630 --> 00:04:44,630 Miss Brahms? 83 00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:47,230 Before we go any further, Mr. 84 00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:51,010 Rumbled... Miss Brahms and I would like to complain about the state of our 85 00:04:51,010 --> 00:04:54,630 drawers. There are... There are positive disgrace. 86 00:04:55,970 --> 00:04:58,870 Your what, Mrs. Slocum? Our drawers. They're sticking. 87 00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:01,570 They're all the same in damp weather. 88 00:05:02,290 --> 00:05:05,550 Really? Miss Brahms could hardly shift hers at all just now. 89 00:05:06,990 --> 00:05:08,290 No wonder she was late. 90 00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:14,150 They sent up a man who put beeswax on them, but that made it worse. 91 00:05:15,550 --> 00:05:16,550 I'm not surprised. 92 00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:18,550 I... I think they need sandpapering. 93 00:05:19,870 --> 00:05:24,350 Would that help, do you think, Peacock? Well, you see, I puff French chalk on 94 00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:25,970 mine, and they're as smooth as silk. 95 00:05:27,610 --> 00:05:30,470 Perhaps you could puff some French chalk over Mrs. Slocum's. 96 00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:35,570 Would that solve your problem, Mrs. Slocum? They ought to be changed. 97 00:05:36,010 --> 00:05:37,490 I've had them ever since I've been here. 98 00:05:40,110 --> 00:05:43,590 Perhaps we could look into it some other time, Mrs. Clocombe. Mr. Rumbold has 99 00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:45,810 matters of a much more pressing nature to discuss. 100 00:05:46,090 --> 00:05:47,710 They're very pressing as far as I'm concerned. 101 00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:49,849 Perhaps Mr. 102 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,210 Rumbold would like to have a go and see how far he gets. 103 00:05:53,090 --> 00:05:56,310 I think we should consider the matter closed for the moment, Mrs. Clocombe. 104 00:05:57,020 --> 00:06:01,280 Now, I have been deeply distressed to learn of the slump in our sales over the 105 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:04,640 past four weeks, which I'm sure you've all observed. Yes, I have observed it. 106 00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:08,680 Haven't you, Mr. Granger? Oh, a very definite slump, I would say. Had you 107 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,880 observed it, Mr. Humphrey? Oh, I've observed it, Mr. Granger. You observed 108 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,100 too, didn't you? Oh, yes, I have. 109 00:06:14,570 --> 00:06:18,070 I had observed it, Mr. Humphreys. Yes, oh, yes. If you remember rightly, I 110 00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:21,910 mentioned it to you last Tuesday. Yes, and I mentioned it to you, Captain 111 00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:22,970 Peacock. That's right. 112 00:06:23,370 --> 00:06:25,610 That's what caused me to discuss it with you, sir. 113 00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:31,310 I think that's what first alerted me to the crisis in the first place. 114 00:06:31,610 --> 00:06:35,830 Now, the thing is, I don't want to put too fine a point upon it. Why? 115 00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:37,970 Ah. 116 00:06:38,890 --> 00:06:42,590 Have you any theories to advance, Mr. Graydon? After all, you've been with us 117 00:06:42,590 --> 00:06:43,469 longer than most. 118 00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:49,190 Well, from a very considerable experience in the trade, I would say 119 00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:50,610 things come and go. 120 00:06:51,450 --> 00:06:53,930 That's very true, of course. And very profound. 121 00:06:54,430 --> 00:06:55,730 What about you, Mr. Humphreys? 122 00:06:56,350 --> 00:07:00,290 As departmental head of the ladies' section, I think I should have been 123 00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:03,830 next. Of course, Mrs. Slocum, I'm sorry. Have you any suggestions? 124 00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:05,450 No. 125 00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:08,870 But I do like to be asked. 126 00:07:09,870 --> 00:07:12,770 Well, I think it's the weather, don't you, Mr. Lucas? Yes, yes, that's it, 127 00:07:12,770 --> 00:07:15,110 definitely, definitely, yes, it's definitely... Oh, it's the weather, yes. 128 00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:17,210 That, plus the fact we've had no customers. 129 00:07:19,450 --> 00:07:25,150 Well, the points that you've all raised are very valid, but I think the time has 130 00:07:25,150 --> 00:07:26,150 come for action. 131 00:07:26,350 --> 00:07:27,169 Hear, hear. 132 00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:28,170 Thank you. 133 00:07:28,210 --> 00:07:32,350 I therefore think it would pay us to examine our whole customer handling 134 00:07:32,350 --> 00:07:33,350 technique. 135 00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:37,840 And to that end, I shall be holding a course in salesmanship, a class in 136 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,220 salesmanship, this evening after the store closes. 137 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,800 You mean in our own time? 138 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,640 It's very short notice. 139 00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:45,420 There's my pussy to consider. 140 00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,480 I beg your pardon? Who's going to let it out? 141 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:55,220 If it's not convenient, I shall of course understand. But I would remind 142 00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:58,860 that unless sales improve, we shall have to cut down on our stuff. 143 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:02,440 Oh, it's convenient. 144 00:08:03,340 --> 00:08:05,180 I suppose it'll be all right. 145 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,120 Tiddles will have to cross his legs. 146 00:08:09,060 --> 00:08:14,120 I presume you will not be needing me, sir. I have two tickets for the Tidworth 147 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,120 tattoo. 148 00:08:15,230 --> 00:08:19,570 Your attendance would be valuable, Captain Peacock. It's ta -ta to the 149 00:08:20,830 --> 00:08:23,590 Yes, well, I think that's all for the moment. Oh, Mr. 150 00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:26,990 Lucas, perhaps you will come to my office now. I want to go over your 151 00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:29,050 sales record for the past month. 152 00:08:29,270 --> 00:08:30,890 Oh, and bring your book with you. 153 00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:37,090 I don't know what you want your book for. I would have thought you'd remember 154 00:08:37,090 --> 00:08:38,909 your sales, all three of them. 155 00:08:39,970 --> 00:08:40,970 Oh, charming. 156 00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:43,030 Hey -ho, hey -ho. 157 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,540 It's out of work we go. 158 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,000 Honestly, 159 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,980 it's the limit. They don't consider your private life at all. 160 00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:50,420 Did you have a date? 161 00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:51,860 No, but I might have had. 162 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:56,760 I suppose I ought to phone Mrs. Granger and tell her to keep the pie warm in the 163 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,940 oven. Yes, tell her to turn the regular down to a quarter. If she hardens that 164 00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,840 crust, it'll play havoc with your gums. 165 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,700 Right, physicians, everybody, the meeting's over. 166 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:09,940 Come along, Mrs. Come along. 167 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:12,320 Come in, Mr. Lucas. 168 00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:28,440 I believe you wanted to have a little chat with me, sir. 169 00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:29,700 Shut the door, please. 170 00:09:31,020 --> 00:09:34,700 Now, Lucas, I have here your personal sales graph. 171 00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:37,240 I presume you know what this means. 172 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,820 Are you... Are you sure it's the right way up, sir? 173 00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:44,820 I'm afraid so. 174 00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:46,860 I presume you understand it. 175 00:09:47,740 --> 00:09:49,680 Well, if I was a doctor, the patient would be dead. 176 00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:52,660 There is no cause for levity. 177 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:54,980 It's nerve, sir. 178 00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,820 Understandable. Nonetheless, this is a very poor performance. 179 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:11,500 I always think that there is a reason for a poor performance. 180 00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:15,700 Now, a happy salesman is a good salesman. 181 00:10:16,820 --> 00:10:18,760 And you don't look happy, Mr. Lucas. 182 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,560 I think if you could smile more, it would help. 183 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,220 Well, I'm sorry if I haven't been smiling enough, Mr Rumble. 184 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:33,360 But there must be a reason. Are you... And I do wish to pry, but are you... Are 185 00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,740 you unhappy at home? 186 00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:36,440 Ah. 187 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,720 Yes. 188 00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:41,280 That could very well be it, yes. 189 00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:44,980 And now we're getting somewhere. Sit down and tell me about it. Thank you. 190 00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,560 It's my environment, you see, sir. 191 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,740 You see, I've only got this one shabby little room. In Highgate, isn't it? 192 00:10:57,780 --> 00:11:02,200 yeah. Very poor part of Highgate, though, mind. I mean... And ever since 193 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:07,100 in that agent to help make Ent meet, well... The train had been too much for 194 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,200 crippled mother and she's had to give up her job at the skating rink. 195 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,120 Take it, take it, take in the tickets. 196 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:16,360 I had no idea. 197 00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,100 Yes. 198 00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:19,580 Well... 199 00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:28,000 What with that, and the fact that the... the cat got asthma and has been 200 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:34,000 coughing... Well, what with all that, and also the fact that I have to... we 201 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:38,900 have to cook on a broken old gas ring, well... There are days when somehow life 202 00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,080 seems to have lost its magic. 203 00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:44,220 And particularly since we had an eviction order this morning. 204 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:50,660 But as you suggest, Mr Rumbold, I... I will do my best and try and smile a bit 205 00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:51,660 more. 206 00:11:55,370 --> 00:11:57,430 This really is the most terrible story. Is it? 207 00:12:00,190 --> 00:12:02,610 I feel it should be entered into your record. 208 00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:03,870 Ah, yes. 209 00:12:03,970 --> 00:12:08,390 Now, let me see. You live in Cripplegate. I get it. 210 00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:13,450 And your mother is an Asian. No, no, it's okay. 211 00:12:14,270 --> 00:12:17,830 Your mother has a cough. No, no, the cat's got a cough. 212 00:12:19,710 --> 00:12:24,450 And you're supporting this Asian on a broken gas ring. 213 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,180 Shall I write it down for you? 214 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:32,460 Yes, well, if the elastic goes again, we'll return them to the manufacturer. 215 00:12:32,820 --> 00:12:34,040 Good morning, madam. 216 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:35,860 Good morning, madam. 217 00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:38,580 Good morning. 218 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:44,620 Mrs. Locke, I hope your cat won't suffer unduly from its enforced confinement. 219 00:12:45,060 --> 00:12:46,380 Oh, it's not confined. 220 00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:48,220 It's shut up. 221 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,920 Well, let's hope that you won't be too late. 222 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:57,400 And too bad about your tattoo, Captain Peacock. I always thought tattoos were 223 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,180 things you did on men's chests with needles and glue in. 224 00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,380 Not only on men's chests, Miss Brown. 225 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,500 Captain Peacock, what will you say next? 226 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:13,840 Well, as a matter of fact, it reminds me of a bit of doggerel I picked up in the 227 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,840 mess. 228 00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:16,260 Oh, yes. 229 00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:21,760 On the chest of a barmaid from sale... 230 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,080 was tattooed all the prices of ale. 231 00:13:24,660 --> 00:13:30,100 Whilst on her behind, for the sake of the blind, was precisely the same, but 232 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,100 braille. 233 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,980 Will that be all, Captain Peter? 234 00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:48,520 I do hope your husband likes the sweater, Mel. And the washing 235 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,720 very simple. Use lukewarm water. 236 00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:54,740 No soap, no detergent, and don't put it in the washing machine. 237 00:13:55,580 --> 00:13:58,940 And don't dry it in the sun or in front of an open fire. 238 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,720 Oh, and madam, if I were you, half revs on the spin dryer. 239 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:11,820 Go back quick. I was just going to start a collection for your leaving present. 240 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,440 I'll talk myself out of it. I'm staying on. 241 00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:18,950 What did you tell him about your grandfather in the iron lung and how you 242 00:14:18,950 --> 00:14:19,990 afford a shilling for the meter? 243 00:14:21,670 --> 00:14:24,370 No, I gave him the crippled mother with the Asian and the asthmatic cat. 244 00:14:25,070 --> 00:14:27,030 You used a lot of material there. 245 00:14:27,970 --> 00:14:28,970 What did he say? 246 00:14:29,350 --> 00:14:31,410 He said I should try and smile a bit more. 247 00:14:34,330 --> 00:14:35,330 Is that it? 248 00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:38,550 Take that silly grin off your face, Mr. Lotus. 249 00:14:38,990 --> 00:14:40,350 It's very bad for trade. 250 00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:44,910 You just can't win, can you? 251 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,640 Take a notice of him. He's jealous. 252 00:14:47,100 --> 00:14:48,840 If he tried it, they'd drop on the floor. 253 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,380 You're talking, Lucas, to the customer? 254 00:14:52,860 --> 00:14:55,000 A customer? We'd better have a two -minute silence. 255 00:14:55,660 --> 00:14:57,080 Don't be facetious, Mr Lucas. 256 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:00,360 Your future with this firm is still very much in the balance, you know. 257 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,200 Mr Granger, are you free? 258 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,180 Oh, yes, yes, I'm free. 259 00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:06,060 Yours. 260 00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:07,540 I beg your pardon? 261 00:15:07,780 --> 00:15:08,780 Shop! 262 00:15:15,850 --> 00:15:16,850 Are you being fast? 263 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,930 No, and I'd like to see the assistant who served me last Tuesday. 264 00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:23,890 Oh, yes, dear. That'll be our Mr Humphreys, I think. 265 00:15:24,170 --> 00:15:25,810 Mr Humphreys, are you free? 266 00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:27,890 Yes, I'm free, Mr Griffith. 267 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,510 Good morning, sir. Can I help you? 268 00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:35,750 No, it wasn't you I wanted. 269 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,970 He was younger and good -looking. 270 00:15:39,670 --> 00:15:41,210 It had to happen eventually. 271 00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:44,060 Mr. 272 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,080 Lucas, are you free, Mr. Lucas? 273 00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,920 Oh, as free as air, Mr. Glenn. 274 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,280 Yes, that's the one I want. 275 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,760 There's no accounting for taste. 276 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,880 Well, I'll leave you. Well, I'm Mr. Lucas. 277 00:15:58,620 --> 00:15:59,960 Yes, I remember you, sir. 278 00:16:00,340 --> 00:16:03,980 You're the gentleman I sold the Glenn check with the two vets to last Tuesday. 279 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:09,140 That's right. And you said if I decided I didn't like it, I could bring it back 280 00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:10,220 and you'd refund my money. 281 00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:15,700 Did I say that? 282 00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:18,120 Yes. And I don't like it. 283 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,780 Well, you did like it. 284 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:23,040 Well, it's my wife that doesn't like it. 285 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:26,060 Yeah, well, Glencheck, take a bit of getting used to. 286 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:29,180 I don't want to get used to it. I just want my money back. 287 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:31,960 If I may interrupt for the moment, sir. 288 00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:37,540 We are, of course, willing to accept the return of your garment, but it is not 289 00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:38,620 our policy to refund. 290 00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:43,450 We can, however, give you a credit note for that amount. But he said if I didn't 291 00:16:43,450 --> 00:16:44,950 like it, I could have my money back. 292 00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:47,770 Did you say that? 293 00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:51,350 I might have done. 294 00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:52,970 Well, 295 00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:57,790 in a sudden rush of enthusiasm, I might have given that impression. 296 00:16:58,370 --> 00:17:02,150 Mr. Lucas, did you or did you not say that the customer could have his money 297 00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:03,150 back? I must have an answer. 298 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,270 How would a loose yes do? 299 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:11,660 Well, in the light of Mr. Lucas's confession, sir, we have no alternative 300 00:17:11,660 --> 00:17:13,200 return your money. 301 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:15,280 Lucas Till. 302 00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:20,760 Oh, things seem to be improving for you, Mr. Lucas. 303 00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:24,500 How much am I to ring up? Ring down £20 .50. 304 00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:27,880 Ring down? Glass of water, Mr. Granger. 305 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:33,380 What I don't know what cost wallet this is. 306 00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:34,940 Well, are you going out tonight, then? No. 307 00:17:38,510 --> 00:17:39,530 out to the pictures with me then. 308 00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:40,729 What's done? 309 00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:43,310 Well, there's Bambi at Studio 2 and then round the corner there's the 310 00:17:43,310 --> 00:17:44,310 unsatisfied virgin. 311 00:17:47,490 --> 00:17:48,530 I've seen Bambi. 312 00:17:49,730 --> 00:17:53,410 Don't forget that because by the time Rumble's finished rabbiting on, the 313 00:17:53,410 --> 00:17:55,310 will have been satisfied and they'll all have gone home. 314 00:17:57,630 --> 00:18:00,050 I'll tell you what, you pretend to faint and I'll carry you out. 315 00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,810 I can't faint without an excuse. 316 00:18:03,110 --> 00:18:04,110 Well, tell them you're having a baby. 317 00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:07,450 Wouldn't it be to your ear, old, aren't a bit bigger? Why? 318 00:18:07,690 --> 00:18:10,510 Because then you could shove a toothbrush in him and clean out that 319 00:18:10,510 --> 00:18:11,510 of yours. 320 00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:13,790 Look out, here comes Rumbled. 321 00:18:14,450 --> 00:18:15,450 Is everybody here? 322 00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:17,470 Oh, just coming, Mr Rumbled. 323 00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:20,310 I was putting my evening face on. 324 00:18:22,050 --> 00:18:24,590 And it's even lovelier than the morning one, Mrs Sloane. 325 00:18:24,810 --> 00:18:26,430 Oh, thank you, Mr Lucas. 326 00:18:27,550 --> 00:18:31,210 Delegated Mr Humphreys, do get some refreshments from the canteen, sir. Hot 327 00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:32,210 cocoa and buns. 328 00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:35,370 Hot cocoa, Miss Brahms? Did you hear that? Hot cocoa and buns. 329 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:37,260 It makes the whole thing worthwhile. 330 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,080 Of course, there'll be a collection for it. 331 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,560 Oh, I think the management would allow that out of the petty cash. 332 00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:48,280 Oh, that's most generous, Mr Brumbold. Yes, the Grace brothers certainly know 333 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:49,380 how to look after their workers. 334 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,980 Oh, well, we do our best. A satisfied team is an efficient team. 335 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,540 And a satisfied virgin is a virgin no longer. 336 00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,500 Dinner is served. 337 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:06,080 Where shall I put it? 338 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,100 Right, 339 00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:12,459 now then. 340 00:19:12,460 --> 00:19:13,760 Oh, where's Mr Granger? 341 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:15,560 He was here a short time ago, sir. 342 00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:19,640 Taking stock of his shirt, sir. See if you can find him, Mr Lucas, will you? 343 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,240 yes, certainly, Captain Peacock. He's probably putting his evening set of 344 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,240 in. 345 00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:24,660 Mr Granger! 346 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:25,800 Mr Granger! 347 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,100 Mr... 348 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,460 I think Mr. Granger's died at his post. 349 00:19:37,860 --> 00:19:40,220 Unless I'm terribly mistaken, he's gone down with his shirt. 350 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,340 Don't be witty, Mr. Lucas. 351 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:48,700 After this morning's incident, your continued employment with Grace Brothers 352 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:49,940 a matter for grave doubt. 353 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:55,580 Oh, soul, he's been on his feet all day. 354 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:58,260 He probably goes to sleep about this time on the train. 355 00:19:58,660 --> 00:19:59,660 Mr. Granger? 356 00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:00,860 Mr. Granger? 357 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,040 Mr. Granger? 358 00:20:02,260 --> 00:20:03,400 Miss Browns? 359 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,280 Mr. Granger? 360 00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:07,220 Bordy? 361 00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:13,460 One hesitates to lay hands on him, but... Oh, no, no, I wouldn't devour 362 00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:16,120 Rumble. No, no, no. I mean, just think of it. Sudden shock, heart attack, kicks 363 00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,079 the bucket. 364 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,740 News of the world, aged worker dies at hands of overseer. That wouldn't look 365 00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:21,740 good on me. 366 00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:24,960 Captain Peacock, I think I know what to do. 367 00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:28,040 Are you free, Mr. Granger? Yes, I'm free. 368 00:20:32,769 --> 00:20:36,610 Good afternoon, Mr. Granger. I think we're ready for you now. Oh, I'm ready. 369 00:20:37,610 --> 00:20:39,870 Now, if you'll all take your places. 370 00:20:44,370 --> 00:20:51,030 Now then, the first question we have to decide on is, do we take our cocoa and 371 00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:54,270 buns now, or do we wait until we've been going for an hour or two? 372 00:20:55,570 --> 00:20:56,910 Perhaps you should ask the ladies. 373 00:20:57,610 --> 00:21:01,070 Mrs. Slocum, do you feel like having cocoa and buns now? 374 00:21:01,330 --> 00:21:03,930 I never feel like having cocoa and buns. 375 00:21:04,890 --> 00:21:08,330 If I'd known the firm was going to be so stingy, I'd have gone out and had a 376 00:21:08,330 --> 00:21:09,330 wimpy cheeseburger. 377 00:21:10,910 --> 00:21:12,850 I believe there's some cheese in the buns. 378 00:21:13,150 --> 00:21:14,730 I don't like cheese. 379 00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:17,870 There's not very much cheese in the buns. 380 00:21:19,830 --> 00:21:24,310 I feel I should mention that young Mr. Grace may be coming through during our 381 00:21:24,310 --> 00:21:28,530 conference, so perhaps it would be as well to eat now and get to the... Get 382 00:21:28,530 --> 00:21:30,770 banquet over and done with, yes. 383 00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:34,890 I'll take it then. And let's not bother about seniority. Let's just dive in, eh? 384 00:21:35,330 --> 00:21:36,330 Good idea. 385 00:21:36,490 --> 00:21:38,830 Would you like to be mother, Mrs. Slocum? 386 00:21:39,050 --> 00:21:42,370 Well, seeing as I'm not having any, I don't see why I should be lumbered 387 00:21:42,370 --> 00:21:43,370 it out. 388 00:21:44,350 --> 00:21:46,610 Perhaps you'd do the honours, Captain Peacock. 389 00:21:46,810 --> 00:21:47,810 Certainly. 390 00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:57,910 I'll see if I can find you a softer one. 391 00:21:58,250 --> 00:21:59,250 Wait a minute. 392 00:21:59,330 --> 00:22:00,330 Do you mind? 393 00:22:04,250 --> 00:22:06,670 Those that you haven't squeezed around, he's had his chops around. 394 00:22:08,850 --> 00:22:09,850 Puts me off. 395 00:22:10,790 --> 00:22:12,410 Aren't you going to have one, Mr Rumbone? 396 00:22:12,630 --> 00:22:14,470 No, I don't think I want one, thank you. 397 00:22:15,930 --> 00:22:17,890 Anyone else for an half -eaten cheese roll? 398 00:22:19,010 --> 00:22:21,490 Anyone for the cheese inside there? 399 00:22:22,190 --> 00:22:23,670 Hardly used, one careful owner. 400 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,040 Do you want that one, Coco? 401 00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:28,520 Yes, but I'll have some just the same. 402 00:22:29,660 --> 00:22:33,580 Oh, that army training certainly came in useful, Captain Peacock. 403 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,520 Now, shall we get down to the purpose for which we are come together? 404 00:22:37,860 --> 00:22:40,060 I was wondering when we were going to get round to that. 405 00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:47,540 Now, I think it would pass to examine our whole modus operandi, 406 00:22:47,620 --> 00:22:52,180 as it were. These are the handling of customers from the moment they arrive to 407 00:22:52,180 --> 00:22:53,760 the moment when we make the sale. 408 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,320 Or not. 409 00:22:56,660 --> 00:23:02,060 I sometimes regard our whole organisation as a ship at sea. 410 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:08,020 Peacock here is at the helm, keeping his eyes skinned. I am in the engine room, 411 00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:10,280 making sure we're all going full steam ahead. 412 00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:12,580 And you men are the crew. 413 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:14,560 What's it called, the Titanic? 414 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,240 And what about the ladies? 415 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,100 Oh, you're the crew too. 416 00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:27,180 Now... What happens when the lift doors open and out steps a customer? Your man, 417 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:28,280 the lifeboat. 418 00:23:29,060 --> 00:23:32,320 I will tell you what happens. 419 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:36,460 Captain Peacock spots him and steers him over to the counter. 420 00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:39,980 I see, yes, I see, sir, yes. The customer has now become the ship. 421 00:23:40,380 --> 00:23:42,560 And all the counters are docks. 422 00:23:43,340 --> 00:23:46,700 And when he gets to one of our counters, we tie him up with our tape measure and 423 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:48,560 hang on to him until he's been unloaded. 424 00:23:50,950 --> 00:23:52,470 That's not quite what I meant. 425 00:23:53,870 --> 00:23:58,450 Perhaps if I could put it not more succinctly, but in a way that would be 426 00:23:58,450 --> 00:24:01,870 easily grasped by those unable to understand your simile. 427 00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:05,070 I look upon it as a battle. 428 00:24:05,510 --> 00:24:07,090 The customer is the enemy. 429 00:24:07,810 --> 00:24:12,830 We deploy our forces, lift doors open, customer steps out, and what happens? We 430 00:24:12,830 --> 00:24:14,510 open up the machine guns and bang, bang, he's dead. 431 00:24:16,010 --> 00:24:17,950 If we're going on like this, I'm going home. 432 00:24:18,790 --> 00:24:23,210 Bear with me, bear with me. Now, I engage the customer in a little verbal 433 00:24:23,210 --> 00:24:27,830 skirmish. He is then outflanked by the ever -alert Mr. Granger. 434 00:24:29,210 --> 00:24:34,590 Are you free, Mr. Granger? Yes, I'm free. 435 00:24:36,510 --> 00:24:37,510 Thank you. 436 00:24:38,130 --> 00:24:42,770 Now, the trouble appears to be that some of the customers are getting away. 437 00:24:43,570 --> 00:24:46,260 Now... Where is the weak link in the chain? 438 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:54,480 I think you may have something there, Captain Peacock. Perhaps there is a weak 439 00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:55,480 link in the chain. 440 00:24:56,820 --> 00:25:01,260 Perhaps we really should examine our whole customer handling technique from 441 00:25:01,260 --> 00:25:02,260 very beginning. 442 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,020 Now, I will be a customer. 443 00:25:04,220 --> 00:25:08,280 I shall arrive at the lift, and I want you all to take it right through from 444 00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:12,060 moment when Captain Peacock spots me to the moment when we make the sale. Good 445 00:25:12,060 --> 00:25:13,060 idea. 446 00:25:18,670 --> 00:25:23,310 all to observe very carefully what happens. We may possibly learn something 447 00:25:23,310 --> 00:25:27,950 this. Now, deploy yourselves in your usual positions and keep your eyes open. 448 00:25:28,150 --> 00:25:30,810 As Mr. Rumbold says, we may all learn something from this. 449 00:25:36,410 --> 00:25:37,830 We're ready, Mr. Rumbold. 450 00:25:43,650 --> 00:25:44,650 He's stuck. 451 00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:52,460 We've learned something, Miss Brown. 452 00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:56,360 We've learned that Mr. Rumble doesn't know how to open the lifts. 453 00:25:59,580 --> 00:26:05,360 I'm sorry. I pushed the floor button, then the lift moved, so I pushed the 454 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:08,240 emergency stop, and then, of course, the doors wouldn't open. 455 00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,400 Oh, there's somebody coming down in the other lift. 456 00:26:11,660 --> 00:26:12,700 That'll be young Mr. Grace. 457 00:26:12,940 --> 00:26:13,940 Is my hair tidy? 458 00:26:25,230 --> 00:26:28,550 Good evening, everybody. Good evening, Mr. Grace. 459 00:26:30,190 --> 00:26:34,830 I hear you've been having a sales conference. 460 00:26:35,050 --> 00:26:37,570 That's right, Mr. Grace. And it's been going very well, sir. 461 00:26:37,810 --> 00:26:39,730 I was a salesman once, you know. 462 00:26:40,230 --> 00:26:42,110 I had a stall in the market. 463 00:26:42,690 --> 00:26:43,930 We sold fish. 464 00:26:45,350 --> 00:26:46,350 Smelly stuff. 465 00:26:47,310 --> 00:26:50,570 You were very wise to have a department store instead, Mr. Grace. 466 00:26:50,770 --> 00:26:53,290 We've been having a good tuck -in, Mrs. Stokeham. 467 00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:55,940 Yes, thank you, Mr. Grace. It was delicious. 468 00:26:56,620 --> 00:26:59,000 Good. Well, I'm glad we're looking after you. 469 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,580 Well, you've all done very well, and it's time you all went home. 470 00:27:03,780 --> 00:27:06,100 Oh, thank you, Mr. Grace. Couch up. 471 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,900 You're a cheeky young monkey, aren't you? 472 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:18,280 One of our most promising young men, sir. Well, sir, it's a good fit. 473 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:19,920 Nice material. 474 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,240 It's by Cunha, sir. 475 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:23,540 Yes, I always were, thank you, no? 476 00:27:24,540 --> 00:27:26,540 Well, I'll take it. 477 00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,140 Have it put on my account. 478 00:27:29,620 --> 00:27:31,600 A very thoughtful sale. 479 00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:36,280 Personally trained by me, sir. Yes, we could do with more of that sort. 480 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:37,520 Yes, indeed, sir. 481 00:27:38,100 --> 00:27:40,940 Well, don't be late in the morning. 482 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:42,240 No, Mr. Grant. 483 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,640 You've all done very well. 484 00:27:44,940 --> 00:27:46,220 Thank you, Mr. Grant. 485 00:27:50,890 --> 00:27:52,330 He seems in a very good mood. 486 00:27:52,550 --> 00:27:54,470 I've seldom seen him in such a good mood. 487 00:27:55,670 --> 00:28:01,810 And that was a very smart bit of selling, Mr. Lucas. You see, the smile 488 00:28:01,810 --> 00:28:04,310 trick. Oh, it does indeed, Mr. Rumboldt. 489 00:28:04,730 --> 00:28:07,330 You obviously know your stock very well. 490 00:28:07,890 --> 00:28:11,310 Even I was unaware that we had a Vicuna coat. 491 00:28:11,610 --> 00:28:12,610 We haven't. 492 00:28:13,930 --> 00:28:15,550 Mr. Lucas sold Mr. 493 00:28:15,750 --> 00:28:16,750 Grace his own coat. 494 00:28:22,670 --> 00:28:25,010 Mr. Lucas sold Mr. 495 00:28:25,290 --> 00:28:25,989 Grace Mr. 496 00:28:25,990 --> 00:28:26,990 Lucas's coat? 497 00:28:27,190 --> 00:28:28,190 No. 498 00:28:28,550 --> 00:28:30,230 Mr. Lucas sold Mr. 499 00:28:30,430 --> 00:28:31,790 Grace Mr. Grace's coat. 500 00:28:33,950 --> 00:28:34,950 I see. 501 00:28:36,030 --> 00:28:40,090 Well, I think we've all learned a great deal this evening. 502 00:28:43,390 --> 00:28:46,230 Here, do you still fancy the unsatisfied virgin? 503 00:28:46,590 --> 00:28:47,690 Well, I'm game of your game. 504 00:28:54,220 --> 00:28:56,020 I must practice that smile myself.