1 00:00:02,794 --> 00:00:05,755 I'm gonna need this shit when I get signed to Def Jam! 2 00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:08,299 DIVINE: You see, Elektra really believes in Dirty. 3 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:11,761 Everything that Def Jam wouldn't give Dirty on the back end 4 00:00:11,761 --> 00:00:13,763 Elektra will, and much more. 5 00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:15,265 Take the Elektra deal. 6 00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:17,267 All I ever wanted to be was on Def Jam. 7 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:20,770 If you want to be treated differently, you need to grow up. 8 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:23,732 Yo, Bobby, we had to turn in that album like two months ago. 9 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:26,735 How could I even focus on tracks if he won't even talk to me, yo? 10 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:29,988 I'm sorry for signing you to Elektra before talking to you about it. 11 00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:32,365 You can't be treating me like no kid no more, son. 12 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:35,702 You can't be out here fucking around when we've got work to do. 13 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,412 I'm ready to work now. 14 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,752 (HIP-HOP SONG PLAYING) 15 00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:51,468 - (SIGHS) - (SWITCH CLICKS) 16 00:00:51,468 --> 00:00:54,721 - (SONG TURNS OFF) - All right, man, this one right here, 17 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:57,307 - I've been saving this one. All right? - (SWITCH CLICKS) 18 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,392 (SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 19 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:04,981 - (SWITCH CLICKS) - (MUSIC STOPS) 20 00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:08,234 Yo, it's been two fucking days. 21 00:01:08,693 --> 00:01:11,112 Pick a fucking beat already, cuz. 22 00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:12,947 You ain't even be fucking hopped on the mic yet, 23 00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:14,657 you're just sitting there and smoking, 24 00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,743 nodding and waving off my beats and shit. 25 00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:21,247 Elektra ain't accepting no delays, you hear me? 26 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:25,126 They're gonna hold money from us that they owe, 27 00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:27,962 and they're gonna sue us for money we don't have. 28 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:32,092 You got to start laying down tracks, nigga, figure this shit out. 29 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:34,427 Your first album is your whole life explained. 30 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,346 (BURPING LOUDLY) 31 00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,895 (LAUGHING) 32 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:46,439 Yo, son, remember we used to do that shit? 33 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:47,732 See how long we can last? 34 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:50,401 Yeah, yo, that shit is still funny, I get it, 35 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:53,363 but it ain't helping us right now, you hear what I'm saying? 36 00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,074 Shit, dude, I'll sit on your album for an hour. 37 00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,161 - (EXCLAIMS) - We just listened to that shit. 38 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,123 No, we heard it. We didn't experience it. 39 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,708 We gotta get this album done, all right? 40 00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:08,586 This ain't something that's just gonna come out of nowhere. 41 00:02:08,586 --> 00:02:11,297 If I do that, it ain't gonna go nowhere, yo. 42 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:15,677 Like you said, this album is my whole life explained. 43 00:02:15,677 --> 00:02:19,430 I've been listening to this shit since I was five-years-old, yo. 44 00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:23,226 I'm not the poster boy Meth is or the wordsmith Genius is. 45 00:02:23,768 --> 00:02:24,978 Yo, I'm me. 46 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,646 There ain't no father to my style, 47 00:02:26,646 --> 00:02:29,065 yo, and the album gotta sound like that. 48 00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:33,278 It's gotta be on some unpredictable, grimy... 49 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:36,698 Yo, dirt-dog grimy shit, yo. 50 00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:40,326 Yo, we gotta hop into our creative chamber, Abbott. 51 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:45,707 We gotta... We gotta do shit we used to do when we was kids, 52 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:48,418 we wasn't afraid to laugh, 53 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:52,046 - but still punch a nigga's ass. - (SOUL MUSIC PLAYING) 54 00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:54,924 - Hey! - This sure was shit. 55 00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,634 Like some punch cards shit nigga. 56 00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,678 Fingers, crawling. Just crawls, aight. 57 00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:02,724 BOTH: (SINGING ALONG) And all you little hoes 58 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,019 You keep an ass full of soul 59 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:10,773 This album has to be my essence. Uncensored, unfiltered. 60 00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:15,028 I want you to laugh, and cry, and punch a nigga in the face. 61 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:20,408 The album is an experience, and you're the audience to my show, 62 00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:22,827 - and I'm on stage at that show. - (CROWD APPLAUDING) 63 00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:26,789 And you need me to lift your spirits and set your soul free. 64 00:03:26,789 --> 00:03:27,874 Oh! (LAUGHS) 65 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:30,043 Hey, thank you very much. Thank you very much. 66 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,629 My name is Dirt McGirt, ladies and gentlemen. 67 00:03:32,629 --> 00:03:35,423 And the next bit I like to do is called 68 00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:39,636 tourists and the goddamn fools, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. 69 00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:41,846 Since tourists is so stubborn, 70 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:45,767 I imagine they dig a tune goes something like this, yeah... 71 00:03:46,184 --> 00:03:49,437 (SINGING) The first time you sucked my dick 72 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:53,149 And the first time I shot off in your mouth 73 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:57,528 Something shot out of me, real fast 74 00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,239 {\an8}Yeah! (LAUGHS) 75 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,324 {\an8}(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 76 00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:04,994 {\an8}I'll be available for weddings, 77 00:04:04,994 --> 00:04:07,497 {\an8}uh, bar mitzvahs and funerals, ladies and gentlemen. 78 00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:10,500 {\an8}- Disgusting. We're leaving. - (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 79 00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,711 {\an8}OL' DIRTY BASTARD: That sister there is the kind of prude ass girl 80 00:04:13,711 --> 00:04:16,005 {\an8}that won't even let a man go up her dress. 81 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,924 {\an8}- (PEOPLE LAUGHING) - (SWITCH CLICKS) 82 00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:20,551 {\an8}Hey, motherfucker. Hey! 83 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:24,555 {\an8}Oh. Well... Folks, they want me to turn my noise down. 84 00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:28,059 {\an8}- Hey, wrap it up. - First, let me ask you all a question. 85 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,186 {\an8}What's worse than getting gonorrhea? 86 00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,605 {\an8}Sister? Lady? 87 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,274 {\an8}Sir? 88 00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,527 {\an8}Getting that motherfucker twice, am I right? (LAUGHS) 89 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:38,987 {\an8}WOMAN: This man's got nothin'. 90 00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:41,197 {\an8}Maybe I'll start meeting chicks at the free clinic. 91 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,782 {\an8}I don't know nothing. 92 00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,200 {\an8}(PEOPLE LAUGHING) 93 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:45,285 {\an8}I can't help it. 94 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,454 MAN: I don't care about none of that shit. 95 00:04:48,454 --> 00:04:51,874 Look, you can't be out here scamming off big time money. 96 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:54,961 Mmm. 97 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,881 Why can't you be like Shaquan Smith? 98 00:05:00,049 --> 00:05:04,262 Shaquan has supreme clientele that brought in beaucoup bucks. 99 00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:07,098 Mmm! Mmm, mmm, mmm. 100 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:11,227 Now look at him, nigga, international superstar. 101 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:12,854 Yeah, yeah, right. 102 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,857 Right next to my hotel, there's a corner store 103 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,525 some guys buy beer, 104 00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,069 - some kids buy junk food right there. - Nigga! 105 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,114 What does that have to do with what we're talking about? 106 00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,241 - Not a goddamn thing, man. - (DOOR OPENS) 107 00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:28,244 Look, I ain't got a goddamn thing to do with Shaquan Smith. 108 00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:33,458 Look, you see how I'm turning into a broken record. 109 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:34,584 Thank you, baby. 110 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:38,588 Look, man, the back seats love my black ass. 111 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,216 Yeah, but the back seaters buy cheap ripple. 112 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:45,178 I'm trying to run a business here, baby. 113 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,263 You're not listening to me, man. 114 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:51,351 You say you want me to be an international superstar, 115 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,644 when I'm already the biggest star in the galaxy. 116 00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,314 Come on now, baby, it's McGirt. 117 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,732 If that's true then, 118 00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,818 why am I the only club that still books you? 119 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:05,615 See, ever since you bought this whole establishment, 120 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,326 you turned into straight management. 121 00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:10,453 You used to be a comic. 122 00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:14,290 Remember when we toured together, broke all the rules together. 123 00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,085 What happened to you, brother? 124 00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,420 You used to trust the art. 125 00:06:20,838 --> 00:06:24,217 Brother, trust goes both ways. 126 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:28,304 Now, if your motherfucking ass wasn't out here trying to be 127 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,515 a motherfucking pervert's dream act, 128 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,850 you'd be bigger than Shaquan. 129 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,353 Come on, man, I play nice. 130 00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,273 Now, can't a brother get paid, man? 131 00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:40,358 Damn! 132 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,860 Look, player, what I'm saying is, 133 00:06:44,028 --> 00:06:47,740 you gotta be a version of yourself that ain't you. 134 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,869 Now, what the fuck is that even supposed to mean, man? 135 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:56,249 How I'm gonna be somebody other than myself, man? 136 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,543 Clean up your act or get out. 137 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:02,130 (PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 138 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,757 My main man, Daddy Cool. 139 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,634 - Whoo! - Hey! 140 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,719 - Give me that. - (CASH REGISTER DINGS) 141 00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:11,139 (WHOOPING) 142 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:12,348 How's it hanging, brother? 143 00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,434 Life is living and living is life, my brother. 144 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:15,518 I'm not fighting that. 145 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,187 I heard the laughter and saw the tight asses running out. 146 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:21,357 - You keep doing your thing now. - I appreciate that, brother. 147 00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,109 No problem. As a matter of fact, 148 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,153 gonna bring my lady to come see you next time. 149 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,904 - The foxy one? - The foxy one. 150 00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:28,739 Bring it through, baby. (LAUGHS) 151 00:07:28,739 --> 00:07:32,118 I got to go write a whole new set for tomorrow night, you dig? 152 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,328 Hey, Jack, come here, come here, come here. 153 00:07:35,663 --> 00:07:36,664 Who me? 154 00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:39,959 Don't put the powder before your word. 155 00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:41,961 Power. You understand? 156 00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,173 We need brothers like you. Can you dig it? 157 00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:47,592 OL' DIRTY BASTARD: Yeah, man, but dig this, 158 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,303 a man like me has got to live in the moment, baby. 159 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:51,971 I'm not fighting that. 160 00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:54,182 I'll catch you later, man. Be cool, all right. 161 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,975 - All right. Until next time. - Next time. 162 00:07:57,351 --> 00:07:59,353 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 163 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:03,608 (PERSON SNIFFING) 164 00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:07,904 - Knock-knock! This is Dirt McGirt! - WOMAN: Hey, baby. 165 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:11,491 Come on, come on, baby. I'll take care of you. 166 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,576 You know I got the goodie goods. 167 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:16,496 Hey, what did the preacher say to the stripper? 168 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,206 Fuck you! (LAUGHING) 169 00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:20,917 MAN: (LAUGHS) You one funny motherfucker! 170 00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:26,923 Hey, man, I don't give a damn about no Uncle Sam. 171 00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,424 (PEOPLE LAUGHING) 172 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,852 (FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING) 173 00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,188 (DISTORTED VOICE RAPPING INDISTINCTLY) 174 00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,452 (DOOR SLAMS OPEN) 175 00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:58,287 Hey, what the fuck? Hey, man-- 176 00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:01,707 - Sit your ass down, nigga. - Why? Damn. 177 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:04,794 Hey, man, listen, man. I'm sorry about... 178 00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,671 I'm sorry if it's the car I stole, man... 179 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,005 If you don't shut the fuck up, 180 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:10,216 I swear to God, I'm slapping the shit out of you. 181 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:11,551 No, he needs those lips. 182 00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,928 Do you know who I am, sugar? 183 00:09:14,345 --> 00:09:15,346 Yeah. 184 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,640 You the lady who had these goons kick down my door. 185 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,100 - Mmm-hmm. - (LAUGHS) 186 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,852 I'm a lot more than that, funny man. I'm Lady Marlboro. 187 00:09:21,852 --> 00:09:24,897 And you'd know that if your vice was numbers and not... 188 00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:29,735 But today I'm here because I'm opening a club, The Ladies Room. 189 00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:30,987 You like the name? 190 00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:33,030 Yeah. I like ladies. (CHUCKLES) 191 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:35,992 (CHUCKLING) Music and comedy. 192 00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:38,744 And I need me a headliner. 193 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:42,999 And I hear you're none too happy with Mr. Airtight Mike. 194 00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:45,334 - I'm not following... - (EXCLAIMS INDISTINCTLY) 195 00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:47,837 Nigga? 196 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,756 The gracious lady wants you to sling your jokes for her. 197 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,758 And she's going to pay you a whole lot more 198 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:54,844 than they pay at Kitty Kat Club, motherfucker. 199 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:57,179 I'll pay you $2,000 up front to jump ship. 200 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:58,681 And I could be myself? 201 00:09:58,681 --> 00:09:59,932 Say whatever I want? 202 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,559 As long as you pack the house. 203 00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:07,440 No, man. 204 00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,234 (SIGHS) I can't do that to Airtight Mike. 205 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:12,612 He's the one who gave me my start. 206 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,280 Reconsider. 207 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,658 Do it already, baby. 208 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,329 You're willing to die for this? 209 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:26,917 (SIGHING) Man, lady, I got a lot to explain to God, 210 00:10:28,544 --> 00:10:31,005 backstabbing just ain't one of them, it's not. 211 00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:34,884 Normally, I'd have Grits and Gravy pummel you to dust, 212 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:38,888 but I respect a man who doesn't compromise his principle. 213 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:42,183 Do try to reconsider. 214 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,727 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 215 00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,112 (GLASS SHATTERS) 216 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,323 (OL' DIRTY BASTARD GROANING) 217 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,208 (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING) 218 00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:11,170 OL' DIRTY BASTARD: (RAPPING) My advantage on the M-I-C is the slang 219 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,923 That I manifest so you could never hang 220 00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,300 Obviously you know my name by now 221 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,886 I done thrown stupid parties all through your town 222 00:11:18,886 --> 00:11:21,514 - Dirt McGirt - That's my motherfucking name 223 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,308 - Love to flirt - That's my motherfucking game 224 00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:26,936 They said "Who want to be an MC?" 225 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,854 (CROWD CHEERING IN DISTANCE) 226 00:11:30,147 --> 00:11:31,941 Wait, y'all, I didn't do the joke yet. 227 00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:34,568 There are rules when you start dating a guy in a wheelchair. 228 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,862 There are things you just can't say to me. 229 00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,490 You can't walk me through a step by step process. 230 00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:40,991 (CROWD LAUGHING) 231 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:44,120 You feel awkward if you ask me about my "standup". 232 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,329 (CROWD LAUGHING) 233 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,498 Did I get a standing ovation? 234 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,751 Where do I stand with politics? 235 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,087 There was a crime that happened the other day, 236 00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:56,966 and the cops didn't believe me when I said I was just an innocent bystander. 237 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,051 (CROWD LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING) 238 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:04,140 Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce our next comedian. 239 00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:10,271 By his name you'll know he'll struggle to clean it up, Dirt McGirt, y'all. 240 00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,356 (CROWD APPLAUDING AND CHEERING) 241 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,196 (OL' DIRTY BASTARD GROANING) 242 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,708 (CROWD APPLAUDING) 243 00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:36,464 Whoo. (SNIFFS) 244 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,716 How are y'all doing tonight? (CLEARS THROAT) 245 00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:42,678 I want to tell you guys about myself, I'm not from here. 246 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:46,390 I'm from Philadelphia, typical Philly family. 247 00:12:46,390 --> 00:12:49,143 Ten of us in a two bedroom apartment. 248 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:53,230 Or should I mention that 10 of us lived in one bedroom? 249 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:57,735 The other half of my family lived in the other bedroom, all 12 of them. 250 00:12:57,735 --> 00:12:59,111 (CROWD LAUGHING TEPIDLY) 251 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,906 Very typical family, very typical. 252 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,743 Just kids, no mother, no father. 253 00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:08,329 We was bastards on both sides. 254 00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,748 - Double bastards. -(CROWD LAUGHING SPARESELY) 255 00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,501 We even shared clothes at the same time. 256 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:16,337 Two kids an outfit. 257 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,713 (CROWD LAUGHING) 258 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:21,425 My sister would pick out the perfect dress for us. 259 00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:22,927 (LAUGHING) 260 00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:33,771 I'm sorry, man. 261 00:13:36,232 --> 00:13:40,361 Here's to the first time I ever wore a condom, goddamn it. (LAUGHING) 262 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:43,739 You see I prefer it raw. I prefer raw. 263 00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,993 Some people are Mormon. I am a Raw-mon. 264 00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,745 (LAUGHING) 265 00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:54,124 The first time I even wore a condom, it wasn't even a condom, goddamn it. 266 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,961 It was a cereal plastic bag wrap 267 00:13:56,961 --> 00:14:00,589 that I had to just wrap around that motherfucker. 268 00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,466 (ALL LAUGHING) 269 00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:04,885 Care for me to demonstrate, ladies? 270 00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:05,970 No gentlemen. 271 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,304 WOMAN: Yeah. 272 00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:09,807 (CROWD LAUGHING) 273 00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,104 (UNZIPS) 274 00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:19,775 - (PEOPLE GASP) - (PEOPLE CHEERING) 275 00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,318 Shit. 276 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,237 (PEOPLE CLAMORING) 277 00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,449 MAN: This motherfucker's crazy! 278 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,493 (CROWD CHEERING) 279 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:34,290 Hey. 280 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,709 - I'm gonna miss that. - I've never seen anything like this. 281 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:40,671 Don't bring your motherfucking ass back around here again, motherfucker. 282 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,549 You gone and did it. (LAUGHS) 283 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:46,385 Hi, welcome, welcome. Welcome back, player. 284 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,179 Thank you. Come on in. We got some drinks for your ladies. 285 00:14:49,179 --> 00:14:51,265 Yeah, after you. After you. 286 00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,559 (LAUGHS) All right. All right. 287 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,235 (SOUL MUSIC PLAYING) 288 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,366 (SNIFFING) 289 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:15,456 Come on, man. 290 00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:20,294 Hey, it's me, man. All right, man? 291 00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:32,640 Do you know the most important commodity is time? 292 00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:37,645 It's the only thing you spend you can't get back. 293 00:15:38,812 --> 00:15:40,481 Nigga, do you hear me? 294 00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:42,191 (MUFFLED GRUNTING) 295 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:51,200 (GASPING AND COUGHING) 296 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:56,288 I'm not a woman who repeats herself because it wastes my time. 297 00:15:56,747 --> 00:16:00,709 Don't you ever mix that rock n roll shit 298 00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:02,211 with my soul music again. 299 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,587 Do you hear? 300 00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,673 I promise. (COUGHING) 301 00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,508 LADY MARLBORO: All right, come on. 302 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:09,385 Ah. 303 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:13,681 You look like a man who has reconsidered my generous offer. 304 00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:14,765 Um... 305 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:17,851 I have conditions. 306 00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,311 I set conditions. 307 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:20,646 Oh... 308 00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:25,317 I don't want you at my club going 309 00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,528 butt-ball naked at my fine establishment. 310 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,655 Oh, yeah, I heard what you did. 311 00:16:29,655 --> 00:16:31,448 But you said I can say whatever I want. 312 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:34,702 I said you could say whatever you want as long as you packed the house. 313 00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:37,162 Based on everyone that left the club that night, 314 00:16:37,162 --> 00:16:39,707 I don't have high hopes of that happening at my joint. 315 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:43,752 I realize that your kind of funny is for the privacy of perverts. 316 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:47,381 So instead of headlining my club, you're going to record an album for me 317 00:16:47,506 --> 00:16:49,800 and they can hear your filthy vinyl records 318 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,427 at their drugged out parties. 319 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,888 Now, to love Dirt, is to see Dirt, 320 00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:57,141 you see I've got to be in room 321 00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,518 so I can uplift their souls and spirits, you dig? 322 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:02,187 Nigga, if you ain't gonna watch your mouth in front of Lady, 323 00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,939 - I swear to God... - Easy, Grits. 324 00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:08,027 Now, if you take my money, you owe me time. 325 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:21,081 Am I going to have to repeat myself about this, sugar? 326 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,000 No, no. No, no. 327 00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:26,879 Ooh. 328 00:17:27,004 --> 00:17:30,049 Soul Train starts in 10 minutes, Lady Marlboro. 329 00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:31,216 Thanks, hun. 330 00:17:31,216 --> 00:17:33,802 Oh! I love that host. 331 00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:36,096 Whoo! Shit, in another life, 332 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:41,435 I can see myself bouncing his balls all around my bedroom. (CHUCKLING) 333 00:17:41,769 --> 00:17:45,105 In a holy matrimony type way. 334 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:46,607 (LAUGHING) 335 00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:48,025 Oh. 336 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:51,487 Now, McGirt, you're going to run your ass down to my recording studio. 337 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:54,823 After that boy Seal finished cutting his song, 338 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,909 you're going to cut me a comedy record. 339 00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,828 Or I'm going to cut your lifeline short. 340 00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,666 (LAUGHING) 341 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,175 - (BELL TINKLES) - MAN: Hey, stop! Get back here! 342 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,426 Crazy kids! 343 00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:18,597 Cut me some dope, I wanna get so high I get sober, baby. 344 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,557 You know what I'm talking about? Lay it on me. 345 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:23,060 Hey, mirrors still work, brother, use one. 346 00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:26,063 (SNIFFS) That's what I'm trying to do, man. 347 00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:28,690 No, you're not listening. Look at your face in the mirror. 348 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:31,151 Not you too on this righteous shit. 349 00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:33,403 I ain't selling you blow. You're wasting your talent. 350 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,905 Would you do me like that, man? 351 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,448 I got no choice. 352 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:39,576 Fuck you then, man. 353 00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:40,661 Keep your shit. 354 00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,415 Now, I'm gonna give you the $200, 355 00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:49,086 the same amount I just tried to give him, and he don't know you. 356 00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:52,548 I'm gonna need you to show a little more titty meat to distract him. 357 00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:55,175 So I'm gonna need $50 on the side for the tit work. 358 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,510 You're doing me like that? 359 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,470 Sorry, baby, but damn Nixon in office 360 00:18:58,470 --> 00:19:00,764 is making times harder than a convict's dick. 361 00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:04,268 I'll do you good right after anyway. 362 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:07,187 Now, you drive a hard bargain, don't you? 363 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:10,357 Go ahead, take that. 364 00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,484 Now get that fucking sugar, honey. 365 00:19:14,570 --> 00:19:15,571 Shit! 366 00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,161 Lord have mercy. 367 00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:23,871 Is that Priscilla? 368 00:19:24,872 --> 00:19:25,914 Juanita? 369 00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:27,541 Cindy? 370 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,419 Peaches. How are you doing, Peaches? 371 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:34,214 You know your name, Peaches, sister. Come on, now. 372 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:38,468 See, that was my way of putting a smile on your face. 373 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,679 Can I ask you a deeply personal question? 374 00:19:40,804 --> 00:19:44,224 - Come walk with me real quick, baby. - Can you start with your name? 375 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,351 I'm Dirt McGirt. 376 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,477 No, seriously. 377 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:49,813 What's your name? 378 00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,524 Well then, seeing that we 379 00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,027 destined to have kids, get married and all that. 380 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:58,447 I wanted to know what side of the bed you like sleeping on. 381 00:19:58,822 --> 00:20:01,200 The left or the right side, baby. 382 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,368 I have known you for all of three seconds. 383 00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:04,953 Slow down, mister. 384 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:08,624 I mean, slow down to the first date. 385 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:10,918 I'm glad you suggested. 386 00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,254 - I accept it. - That's not what I meant. 387 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,131 But okay. 388 00:20:16,548 --> 00:20:17,549 Dirt! 389 00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,054 Who's that? 390 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:24,556 Who's that? 391 00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:26,475 (SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE) 392 00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:30,103 (SEDUCTIVE MUSIC PLAYING) 393 00:20:35,108 --> 00:20:37,152 (BOTH LAUGHING) 394 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:41,949 (LAUGHS) 395 00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,628 (MOANING) 396 00:20:56,713 --> 00:21:00,342 MAN ON TV: All right. Now it's time for the scramble board once again. 397 00:21:00,342 --> 00:21:03,345 Let's see what this beautiful couple has in store for us. 398 00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:06,265 Say it loud, Black and proud. 399 00:21:07,391 --> 00:21:09,309 Say it with soul. 400 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,979 Oh, shit. 401 00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:14,982 I told my job I went to get cigarettes. 402 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,693 Mr. Parker's gonna fire me for sure. 403 00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:19,236 Fuck! 404 00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,488 Soda and cereal all day. 405 00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:23,407 They've been on a real food kick lately. 406 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:25,617 Got everybody buying junk food. 407 00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:28,161 PEACHES: Don Cornelius is a man you can trust. 408 00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:29,830 Fuck it. 409 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:31,832 I'm going to get my job back. 410 00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:40,090 Say, don't you have an album to record, baby? 411 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:41,383 (GRUNTS) 412 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,594 I ain't doing this shit for that bitch. 413 00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:47,472 Ain't you gonna get in trouble? 414 00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:51,310 (OL' DIRTY BASTARD SNIFFING) 415 00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,063 I've been in trouble before. 416 00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:58,567 (GRUNTS) It's the principle. 417 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:00,360 She don't get to decide 418 00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:03,905 if I'm on stage or not. (SCOFFS) 419 00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,199 Ain't this, like, end up dead trouble? 420 00:22:08,785 --> 00:22:10,162 First it was Mike. 421 00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:12,664 Then Daddy Cool. 422 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:14,791 (SCOFFING) 423 00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:17,294 Every fucking body thinking they can see me. 424 00:22:18,211 --> 00:22:20,255 (SCOFFS) Please. 425 00:22:21,256 --> 00:22:22,591 You know what? 426 00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:23,800 Fuck it. 427 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,344 If I get fired I get fired. 428 00:22:25,344 --> 00:22:27,721 I don't know what the fuck to tell these people. 429 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,181 And why should you? 430 00:22:29,806 --> 00:22:31,767 You are who you are. 431 00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:35,020 Don't be a robot to this jank-ass system. 432 00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:37,439 (CHUCKLES) I like how that sounds. 433 00:22:38,482 --> 00:22:40,150 God don't make no mistakes. 434 00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:44,613 Shit, I've been who I was since my mama squirted me out her hips. 435 00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:47,824 {\an8}This is good as a motherfucker, Mama. 436 00:22:48,408 --> 00:22:49,910 {\an8}Put some more milk in this bitch. 437 00:22:49,910 --> 00:22:51,953 {\an8}(AUDIENCE LAUGHS) 438 00:22:51,953 --> 00:22:54,790 {\an8}One day the world dropped a ton of rules on your head. 439 00:22:55,207 --> 00:22:56,208 Don't say that. 440 00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:57,793 Can't do this. 441 00:22:58,585 --> 00:22:59,753 Oh, no, that's wrong. 442 00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:02,798 Act right. (SCOFFS) 443 00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:05,258 Shit. 444 00:23:05,967 --> 00:23:08,387 If I can learn to see the world how they see it, 445 00:23:09,513 --> 00:23:11,348 they should see it how I see it too. 446 00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:14,684 We all who we believe we are. 447 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:16,937 (SCOFFS) 448 00:23:16,937 --> 00:23:18,647 I believe in you, baby. 449 00:23:20,357 --> 00:23:21,608 You okay, baby? 450 00:23:26,905 --> 00:23:28,156 I know some people 451 00:23:28,740 --> 00:23:31,660 laugh at me, not with me. 452 00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,497 Think I'm some sort of minstrel show. 453 00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:39,918 But those who know, know. 454 00:23:41,545 --> 00:23:43,839 You'll never see no talent like this again. 455 00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:46,967 Ever. 456 00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:51,179 So fuck that bitch! 457 00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:53,432 And her studio. 458 00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:57,060 MAN: (SINGING) I ain't going through no more changes 459 00:23:57,060 --> 00:23:58,520 To keep you, girl 460 00:24:00,063 --> 00:24:02,107 Make up your mind 461 00:24:02,732 --> 00:24:04,943 Stay or leave 462 00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:07,070 'Cause any way the wind blow 463 00:24:07,737 --> 00:24:09,614 It's cool with me 464 00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:13,285 Anyway the wind blow 465 00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,662 Know it's cool with me 466 00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:18,665 Any way the wind blow 467 00:24:19,541 --> 00:24:21,793 It's cool with me 468 00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:23,712 (MUSIC STOPS) 469 00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:29,551 LADY MARLBORO: Yeah. 470 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:31,845 Now. 471 00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:34,723 Play me my comedy nigga shit. 472 00:24:35,932 --> 00:24:37,893 He never showed up to his session. 473 00:24:38,518 --> 00:24:39,978 I waited and I waited. 474 00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:41,146 I swear. 475 00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:45,275 Go. 476 00:24:48,445 --> 00:24:49,905 For standing me up. 477 00:24:50,655 --> 00:24:53,158 I want you to make that sucker number one. 478 00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:55,452 Minus one, that's zero. 479 00:25:00,457 --> 00:25:04,836 All right now, it's time for a little bit of Soul Train line dancing. 480 00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:06,963 (UPBEAT SONG PLAYING) 481 00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:08,590 Come on, put it down now 482 00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:10,634 Sock it to me 483 00:25:12,719 --> 00:25:15,013 - Foxy - Lady 484 00:25:15,305 --> 00:25:16,806 She get 485 00:25:19,392 --> 00:25:21,436 Go, cover up 486 00:25:23,021 --> 00:25:24,439 You gonna be made 487 00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:28,652 (OL' DIRTY BASTARD GROANING) 488 00:25:28,652 --> 00:25:30,737 (SNIFFING AND GRUNTING) 489 00:25:32,030 --> 00:25:34,824 Damn, baby, your nipples are hard as a motherfucker. 490 00:25:34,824 --> 00:25:36,326 Cocoa butter that up. 491 00:25:36,826 --> 00:25:38,245 (GUNS CLICKING) 492 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:40,580 Oh, them ain't titties. 493 00:25:41,122 --> 00:25:42,749 (SCREAMING) 494 00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:44,751 Hey! Hey, man! 495 00:25:44,751 --> 00:25:47,379 (STRUGGLING) I was just about to call you-- 496 00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:49,756 Stand the fuck up. 497 00:25:50,590 --> 00:25:53,468 You know what, brother? I left my jokes upstairs. 498 00:25:53,468 --> 00:25:55,679 Hey, let me go get 'em real quick. (GROANS) 499 00:25:56,429 --> 00:25:57,847 Yeah. This is one funny nigga. 500 00:25:57,847 --> 00:26:00,183 You're gonna be a funny dead nigga in a second. 501 00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:01,893 Shit! 502 00:26:02,852 --> 00:26:04,062 (GROANS) 503 00:26:04,396 --> 00:26:06,606 All this fighting is gonna get one us hurt, man! 504 00:26:06,606 --> 00:26:07,941 Your ass gonna get hurt! 505 00:26:09,109 --> 00:26:10,569 Jivin' motherfucker! 506 00:26:10,569 --> 00:26:12,070 (TIRES SCREECHING) 507 00:26:14,573 --> 00:26:16,533 (SOUL SONG PLAYING ON CAR STEREO) 508 00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:18,618 Baby, you're laughin' 509 00:26:18,618 --> 00:26:20,704 Hey, hey, man, you fellas hungry? 510 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,541 Let's go get some pancakes. Chicken and waffles? 511 00:26:24,541 --> 00:26:28,086 Nigga, I'll break my hand breaking your face if you don't shut the fuck up. 512 00:26:28,086 --> 00:26:29,546 Shit, man. 513 00:26:29,546 --> 00:26:32,257 They ain't gonna have no chickens and waffles where I'm going. 514 00:26:32,257 --> 00:26:34,050 (LAUGHS AND SNORTS) 515 00:26:34,509 --> 00:26:35,635 Come. Come on, Gravy. 516 00:26:35,635 --> 00:26:37,220 This fool funny. 517 00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:39,431 You ever hear him playing at the Kitty Kat Club? 518 00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:41,808 He got a familiar face, but the cat I'm thinking of 519 00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:43,643 wouldn't be such a jive ass. 520 00:26:44,185 --> 00:26:47,188 - Do I remind you of somebody you let go? - No! 521 00:26:47,188 --> 00:26:50,233 Motherfucker! Ah, shit! 522 00:26:50,233 --> 00:26:53,987 If it was up to me I'd blow your brains out all over the back of this Cadillac. 523 00:26:53,987 --> 00:26:56,698 Don't you know that's not good for the heart, mind and soul? 524 00:26:56,698 --> 00:26:59,242 - Ah, shit, man! - GRAVY: Man, stop all this shit! 525 00:26:59,242 --> 00:27:02,078 Since you're about to die and all, how about you tell us 526 00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:03,913 a little bit of your last material? 527 00:27:03,913 --> 00:27:05,248 Knock, knock. 528 00:27:05,248 --> 00:27:07,083 Who's there? Who's there? Who's there? 529 00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:08,293 Not me, nigga! 530 00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:11,963 (GRUNTING) 531 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:15,884 Oh, shit, motherfucker! 532 00:27:17,510 --> 00:27:19,846 - Watch out for them nuns! - (TIRES SCREECH) 533 00:27:20,764 --> 00:27:22,641 You want us to go to hell, nigga? 534 00:27:23,558 --> 00:27:25,268 - (TIRES SCREECH) - (SCREAMING) 535 00:27:25,393 --> 00:27:26,728 WOMAN: Oh, shit! 536 00:27:27,604 --> 00:27:28,605 (GRUNTS) 537 00:27:28,605 --> 00:27:31,316 Hip-hop to me is like a place to be 538 00:27:31,316 --> 00:27:33,652 My specialty from me to you is emcee 539 00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:36,237 Say what you wanna say ah, baby say, ah 540 00:27:36,237 --> 00:27:38,698 I flip the microphone-ah, any day, ah 541 00:27:38,698 --> 00:27:41,368 I'm mad swift because I got that gift of gab 542 00:27:41,368 --> 00:27:43,870 Niggas get mad Your ass stink never had 543 00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:45,747 This talent that I got will resound 544 00:27:45,747 --> 00:27:47,749 (CLATTERING) 545 00:27:47,749 --> 00:27:50,043 OL' DIRTY BASTARD: Hey, man. Say man, listen. 546 00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:51,670 Whoever the fuck you are, 547 00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:55,340 I got $10,000 in a safety deposit box. 548 00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:58,009 You can have it, just let me go, man. 549 00:27:59,969 --> 00:28:01,054 What the fuck? 550 00:28:01,846 --> 00:28:03,973 (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) 551 00:28:03,973 --> 00:28:06,476 We've been watching you for some time now, Dirt. 552 00:28:07,102 --> 00:28:08,186 Wait, man. 553 00:28:08,186 --> 00:28:09,646 Who the hell are you, man? 554 00:28:09,646 --> 00:28:11,356 Never you worry about who I am. 555 00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:13,608 Just what I'm offering. 556 00:28:15,860 --> 00:28:17,779 I have $5,000 for you. 557 00:28:20,198 --> 00:28:23,660 That should, uh, cover your little situation with Lady Marlboro. 558 00:28:24,869 --> 00:28:26,079 You the man, ain't you? 559 00:28:26,621 --> 00:28:28,957 I knew the man was looking for me. I knew it! 560 00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:31,459 That's right. I'm the man. 561 00:28:31,793 --> 00:28:35,296 And I will have your ass thrown into a jail cell until you rot, Dirt. 562 00:28:35,296 --> 00:28:37,924 Man, the only place I'm gonna rot in is a graveyard. 563 00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:40,844 - (SLAMS TABLE) - Yeah, well, we can arrange that, too. 564 00:28:41,928 --> 00:28:43,513 Fuck is your problem, man? 565 00:28:44,222 --> 00:28:47,642 Now, do you watch, uh, Soul Train? 566 00:28:48,518 --> 00:28:53,523 You know Don Cornelius? "Love, peace and soul." 567 00:28:54,274 --> 00:28:56,359 Might know some people, I don't know, man. 568 00:28:56,359 --> 00:28:59,154 Well, you'll be going down to the taping of Soul Train. 569 00:28:59,154 --> 00:29:00,780 With a backstage pass. 570 00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:03,867 Where you'll be posing as a dancer. You know how you people do. 571 00:29:04,534 --> 00:29:07,203 There you will complete your mission. 572 00:29:07,203 --> 00:29:10,373 (SCOFFS) What mission are you talking about, sir? 573 00:29:10,373 --> 00:29:13,668 I think you got the wrong brother, man. That ain't me. (LAUGHS) 574 00:29:16,588 --> 00:29:21,092 You will kill Mr. Don Cornelius. 575 00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:28,767 OL' DIRTY BASTARD: Let me get this straight. 576 00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:33,438 You want me to kill Don Cornelius? Black royalty? 577 00:29:34,147 --> 00:29:35,356 (LAUGHS) 578 00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:37,025 Damn, man. 579 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:38,943 You funny as well, Whitey McWhiteman! 580 00:29:38,943 --> 00:29:42,655 You must be out your motherfucking mind, man! 581 00:29:42,655 --> 00:29:45,700 (PANTING) See, despite me sitting down, 582 00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:49,037 I am a standup, Asiatic, Black man! 583 00:29:49,329 --> 00:29:53,917 With his dick and balls and his words intact, goddamn it! 584 00:29:55,251 --> 00:29:59,881 So you can shove that funky ass assignment up your narrow white ass. 585 00:30:02,175 --> 00:30:04,177 (HIP-HOP INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) 586 00:30:18,191 --> 00:30:20,276 What the fuck? 587 00:30:23,363 --> 00:30:24,489 Far out, right? 588 00:30:25,281 --> 00:30:27,283 (EXHALES) I needed to get high for this, man. 589 00:30:27,283 --> 00:30:28,785 What the fuck is going on? 590 00:30:28,785 --> 00:30:30,995 We needed to make sure you weren't a sellout. 591 00:30:30,995 --> 00:30:32,205 You passed the test. 592 00:30:32,205 --> 00:30:33,623 Nigga, what test? 593 00:30:34,165 --> 00:30:37,085 I'm Leroy Roscoe. Brother-in-arms for Black-Eye-A. 594 00:30:37,585 --> 00:30:38,795 (CHAIR RATTLES) 595 00:30:38,795 --> 00:30:40,296 Oh. 596 00:30:40,296 --> 00:30:41,464 I got you. 597 00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:44,717 Let's get you out of here, Dirt. 598 00:30:44,717 --> 00:30:45,927 (GRUNTS) 599 00:30:48,346 --> 00:30:49,472 Black-Eye-A? 600 00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:51,683 You heard of CIA? 601 00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:54,102 Well, we're the Black-Eye-A. 602 00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:57,272 Keeping a foot so far up the man's ass, he burps shoe leather. 603 00:30:57,522 --> 00:30:59,107 Right on, brother. (CHUCKLES) 604 00:30:59,107 --> 00:31:01,025 You see Black culture is expanding. 605 00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:04,112 Music, movies, sports. 606 00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:07,282 And the man? The man fears our influence. 607 00:31:07,490 --> 00:31:08,700 So he wages an attack. 608 00:31:09,450 --> 00:31:10,451 Soul Train. 609 00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:14,622 You see, mighty whitey wants to kill us softly with his poisonous food. 610 00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:17,417 We traced a spike in unhealthy living in our community 611 00:31:17,417 --> 00:31:19,335 back to the Soul Train scramble board. 612 00:31:19,335 --> 00:31:20,753 Now bear with me. 613 00:31:20,753 --> 00:31:23,339 What I say next may be hard to believe. 614 00:31:23,339 --> 00:31:26,634 Brother, you just wiped the white man's face off your face. 615 00:31:26,634 --> 00:31:28,052 I mean, come on, huh? 616 00:31:29,262 --> 00:31:32,390 (SIGHS) The CIA's behind it all. 617 00:31:33,308 --> 00:31:36,227 They hijacked Soul Train by kidnapping Don Cornelius. 618 00:31:36,227 --> 00:31:38,146 - Come again? - It gets crazier, brother. 619 00:31:38,146 --> 00:31:40,940 You see, Don Cornelius is somewhere in a CIA safehouse. 620 00:31:40,940 --> 00:31:44,277 While the robot Cornelius has been hosting the show for the past year. 621 00:31:44,277 --> 00:31:45,695 The robot talks like Don. 622 00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:47,030 Looks like Don. 623 00:31:47,030 --> 00:31:48,948 Down to his perfect afro. 624 00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:50,617 But he ain't Don. 625 00:31:51,159 --> 00:31:54,621 That's why we need you to kill robot Cornelius. 626 00:31:55,038 --> 00:31:56,873 Can you do that for us, brother? 627 00:31:57,790 --> 00:32:01,210 (EXHALES SHARPLY) So you mean to tell me the only reason 628 00:32:01,210 --> 00:32:04,339 that Don Cornelius don't dance is because he's a goddamn robot? 629 00:32:04,339 --> 00:32:05,632 I knew it. 630 00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:08,384 I'll do it. 631 00:32:09,218 --> 00:32:12,764 I'll blow that robot into metal motherfucking pieces, man! 632 00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:15,308 Now out of all the brothers in New York City... 633 00:32:16,017 --> 00:32:17,226 I gotta ask. 634 00:32:17,435 --> 00:32:19,228 Why you pick the Dirt dog, man? 635 00:32:19,562 --> 00:32:22,565 Because we know Dirt McGirt would never compromise himself. 636 00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:24,943 Damn right! 637 00:32:27,403 --> 00:32:28,947 (RAP MUSIC PLAYING) 638 00:32:28,947 --> 00:32:31,282 Shit, here I go once again 639 00:32:31,282 --> 00:32:33,618 Rhymes get shitty from the time that I spend 640 00:32:33,618 --> 00:32:36,329 I come old like toe fungus mold 641 00:32:36,329 --> 00:32:38,957 Ask my grand-pop pop Duke gave my soul 642 00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:41,334 Then I came with that old Al Green shit 643 00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:43,920 Say that, taught me the ballistic 644 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:46,506 I get you blurry in your eye with a high note 645 00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:49,008 Down, to the Brownsville, oops you got smoked 646 00:32:49,008 --> 00:32:51,302 The shit I'm droppin' is stinkin' up your area 647 00:32:51,302 --> 00:32:54,305 (FUNKY UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 648 00:32:56,641 --> 00:33:00,144 WOMAN: (SINGING) I'm glad you're home 649 00:33:00,144 --> 00:33:03,523 Now did you really miss me? 650 00:33:04,107 --> 00:33:08,027 I guess you did by the look in your eye 651 00:33:08,027 --> 00:33:10,238 Dirt, meet Candy. 652 00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:12,949 Our weapons specialist and all around badass. 653 00:33:12,949 --> 00:33:14,784 I love me some candy. 654 00:33:14,784 --> 00:33:19,414 Yeah, I'll get this cat suited and booted to ice the robot Cornelius. 655 00:33:19,914 --> 00:33:23,084 All right, now. Guns, rifles, bazookas. 656 00:33:23,084 --> 00:33:24,293 Lay it on me, mama. 657 00:33:24,293 --> 00:33:25,962 CANDY: Nah, undercover brother. 658 00:33:25,962 --> 00:33:28,881 All that bang bang pow pow is for the pigs. 659 00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:30,341 We move in silence. 660 00:33:32,802 --> 00:33:33,803 (EXPLODES) 661 00:33:34,804 --> 00:33:36,472 (LAUGHS) 662 00:33:37,724 --> 00:33:40,643 CANDY: Now this pinky ring is electronic, 663 00:33:40,643 --> 00:33:42,395 with a pulse that will disable 664 00:33:42,395 --> 00:33:44,814 the CIA's control over the robot. 665 00:33:45,189 --> 00:33:48,151 You gonna wave it in front of Don's dead eye stare 666 00:33:48,151 --> 00:33:50,445 and that will disable him for 20 seconds. 667 00:33:50,445 --> 00:33:51,946 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 668 00:33:56,451 --> 00:33:58,870 Oh, this about to get good, man. 669 00:33:59,287 --> 00:34:00,329 Wow! 670 00:34:00,329 --> 00:34:02,540 CANDY: Now, while the robot is disabled, 671 00:34:02,540 --> 00:34:04,667 you're gonna peel back Don's Afro. 672 00:34:04,667 --> 00:34:06,627 That'll expose his circuit board. 673 00:34:06,627 --> 00:34:09,088 Jam the pick prongs into the slots. 674 00:34:09,088 --> 00:34:11,090 I designed the code inside the fist 675 00:34:11,090 --> 00:34:14,093 that will self-destruct that fugazi Cornelius. 676 00:34:14,093 --> 00:34:16,888 Ooh, far out, sister. (CHUCKLES) 677 00:34:16,888 --> 00:34:18,139 Far out, man. 678 00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:20,141 (LAUGHS) 679 00:34:21,309 --> 00:34:23,102 While I admire the compliment, 680 00:34:23,686 --> 00:34:25,855 and accuracy, (CHUCKLES) 681 00:34:25,855 --> 00:34:27,356 I don't do prophylactics. 682 00:34:27,356 --> 00:34:30,651 I'm the type of guy that like it wild. You know what I'm talking about? 683 00:34:30,651 --> 00:34:34,072 If you find yourself in an impossible situation, 684 00:34:34,363 --> 00:34:36,783 - this will get you out of there. - Hmm. 685 00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:41,579 Well, well, I don't know how I can do that, I've never tried it and, uh... 686 00:34:41,579 --> 00:34:42,705 Yeah. 687 00:34:42,705 --> 00:34:45,249 Just open it up. You'll understand. 688 00:34:45,249 --> 00:34:47,335 All right. The taping is starting soon. 689 00:34:47,627 --> 00:34:49,128 It's time to finish the mission. 690 00:34:49,128 --> 00:34:50,963 - Okay, now. - (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS) 691 00:34:50,963 --> 00:34:53,424 CIA cats is gonna be all over that scene. 692 00:34:53,966 --> 00:34:55,510 You might not make it out alive. 693 00:34:55,510 --> 00:34:56,719 You know that, right? 694 00:34:57,303 --> 00:34:59,097 The Dirt don't die, baby. 695 00:34:59,722 --> 00:35:01,099 You understand that, right? 696 00:35:01,808 --> 00:35:03,726 - (ROMANTIC MUSIC DISTORTS) - Hmm. 697 00:35:03,726 --> 00:35:05,228 (SNIFFS AND CLEARS THROAT) 698 00:35:05,937 --> 00:35:08,856 - (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) - (PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 699 00:35:19,659 --> 00:35:21,285 Dancers have just arrived. 700 00:35:21,285 --> 00:35:23,454 Don Cornelius is on the move. 701 00:35:30,461 --> 00:35:31,879 (CROWD APPLAUDING) 702 00:35:33,506 --> 00:35:36,217 And here to help us check out some of their terrific tunes 703 00:35:36,217 --> 00:35:38,344 off their hot, new debut album, 704 00:35:38,344 --> 00:35:40,596 titled, Can It Be All So Simple? 705 00:35:41,597 --> 00:35:44,350 are two young men who've captured the hearts and minds 706 00:35:44,350 --> 00:35:46,102 of millions of music lovers. 707 00:35:46,102 --> 00:35:50,356 Please give a warm Soul Train welcome to the Littlejohn Brothers. 708 00:35:50,356 --> 00:35:51,858 (CROWD APPLAUDING) 709 00:35:53,109 --> 00:35:57,196 (SINGING) Hello my love I heard a kiss from you 710 00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:02,285 Red magic satin playing near, too 711 00:36:03,870 --> 00:36:06,164 All through the morning rain I gaze 712 00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:08,791 The sun doesn't shine 713 00:36:08,791 --> 00:36:12,962 Rainbows and waterfalls run through my mind 714 00:36:13,921 --> 00:36:16,757 A present from you 715 00:36:16,757 --> 00:36:19,260 Strawberry letter 22 716 00:36:19,260 --> 00:36:20,928 The music plays 717 00:36:20,928 --> 00:36:23,723 I sit in for a few 718 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,058 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 719 00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:29,020 (VOCALIZING) 720 00:36:34,567 --> 00:36:36,861 It's time for the Soul Train word scramble. 721 00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:38,863 And who do we have here today? 722 00:36:38,863 --> 00:36:39,947 Talani. 723 00:36:40,406 --> 00:36:41,824 And where are you from? 724 00:36:42,533 --> 00:36:44,160 Inglewood, California. 725 00:36:44,660 --> 00:36:46,495 You're familiar with how this works? 726 00:36:46,495 --> 00:36:49,373 You have 60 seconds to unscramble the board. 727 00:36:50,333 --> 00:36:52,335 (ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING) 728 00:37:04,138 --> 00:37:05,973 (MACHINERY WHIRRING) 729 00:37:07,516 --> 00:37:09,727 {\an8}MAN ON RADIO: Someone changed the scramble board. 730 00:37:09,727 --> 00:37:11,020 We have an intruder. 731 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:34,085 OL' DIRTY BASTARD: Robot Cornelius! 732 00:37:34,085 --> 00:37:35,586 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 733 00:37:35,586 --> 00:37:37,588 I'm calling you out, jive turkey. 734 00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:40,800 There's only one way in and one way out. 735 00:37:42,343 --> 00:37:43,344 (GRUNTS) 736 00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:45,805 (MEN GRUNTING) 737 00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:51,310 (GROANS) 738 00:37:51,310 --> 00:37:53,229 Fuck it, let's get it on. 739 00:37:53,229 --> 00:37:56,107 (GRUNTING) 740 00:38:44,030 --> 00:38:45,239 (SNIFFS) 741 00:38:49,493 --> 00:38:51,329 You really thought you was going to get away 742 00:38:51,329 --> 00:38:53,873 with using our music to fool the world's children, 743 00:38:53,873 --> 00:38:55,708 you fake motherless sucker! 744 00:38:55,708 --> 00:38:58,669 About as fake as your standup routine. 745 00:38:59,378 --> 00:39:01,630 So I guess we have something in common. 746 00:39:02,089 --> 00:39:03,924 It's a shame I have to kill you. 747 00:39:03,924 --> 00:39:05,009 Get in line. 748 00:39:05,718 --> 00:39:06,927 As a matter of fact. 749 00:39:06,927 --> 00:39:10,056 Get your Black robot ass in the back off the line! 750 00:39:10,181 --> 00:39:12,183 (LAUGHING MECHANICALLY) 751 00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:13,809 You got jokes. 752 00:39:15,061 --> 00:39:17,646 - I don't like jokes. - Well, I don't like phonies. 753 00:39:18,898 --> 00:39:20,566 - Argh! - Your Black-Eye-A ring 754 00:39:20,566 --> 00:39:22,026 won't work one me. 755 00:39:22,318 --> 00:39:24,153 (GROANING) 756 00:39:28,574 --> 00:39:29,992 (GRUNTING) 757 00:39:35,581 --> 00:39:36,582 (GRUNTS) 758 00:39:37,124 --> 00:39:38,459 (GROANING) 759 00:39:43,005 --> 00:39:44,590 Now who's the fake? 760 00:39:48,094 --> 00:39:49,929 (POWERING DOWN) 761 00:39:49,929 --> 00:39:51,305 Got you, sucker. 762 00:39:53,474 --> 00:39:54,809 (MACHINERY WHIRRING) 763 00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:58,020 Now you get a complete view of how I whooped your featherweight ass! 764 00:39:58,687 --> 00:40:00,147 Self-detonation activated. 765 00:40:00,147 --> 00:40:02,858 Oh, shit. It's gonna blow. I better get to the rooftop. 766 00:40:07,488 --> 00:40:10,574 {\an8}CANDY: "If you find yourself in an impossible situation, 767 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:11,951 {\an8}"this will get you out there." 768 00:40:11,951 --> 00:40:14,036 (SOUL MUSIC PLAYING) 769 00:40:16,747 --> 00:40:18,749 (AIR HISSING) 770 00:40:21,377 --> 00:40:23,254 Oh, shit! 771 00:40:44,692 --> 00:40:46,902 The Black-Eye-A thanks you. 772 00:40:47,361 --> 00:40:49,196 The Black Power movement thanks you. 773 00:40:49,822 --> 00:40:51,365 And I thank you, brother. 774 00:40:51,365 --> 00:40:55,411 Oh, baby, Black-Eye-A ain't no play. 775 00:40:55,411 --> 00:40:58,706 Any moment now the brothers will be appearing with Mr. Cornelius. 776 00:40:58,706 --> 00:41:00,416 The actual Don Cornelius? 777 00:41:00,416 --> 00:41:02,418 While you were kung fu fighting, 778 00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,670 the CIA called for some reinforcements. 779 00:41:04,670 --> 00:41:07,089 - No! - And exposed their safehouse. 780 00:41:07,089 --> 00:41:08,549 - No way! - That's right. 781 00:41:08,549 --> 00:41:10,342 We were able to rescue Mr. Cornelius. 782 00:41:11,385 --> 00:41:13,304 (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) 783 00:41:18,058 --> 00:41:19,810 Mr. Dirt McGirt. 784 00:41:20,436 --> 00:41:22,646 (LAUGHING) Mr. Don Cornelius! 785 00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:24,273 It's a pleasure, brother. 786 00:41:24,815 --> 00:41:26,025 The man had a plan 787 00:41:26,317 --> 00:41:28,694 to slow the train of our progress, 788 00:41:29,069 --> 00:41:30,738 to hijack soul, 789 00:41:31,030 --> 00:41:33,449 - until you put an end to that bullshit. - (LAUGHS) 790 00:41:33,449 --> 00:41:36,035 See? I knew he'd curse when he wasn't on TV, man. 791 00:41:36,035 --> 00:41:37,536 Talk your shit, Don. 792 00:41:38,329 --> 00:41:39,747 I owe you one, Mr. McGirt. 793 00:41:40,164 --> 00:41:42,750 It's Dirt, man. You don't owe me shit. 794 00:41:43,167 --> 00:41:44,335 My pleasure. 795 00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:46,587 Well, then let me leave you with this. 796 00:41:47,296 --> 00:41:50,216 I don't play ball, tell jokes or sing. 797 00:41:50,841 --> 00:41:53,552 I stay true to myself and do my own thing. 798 00:41:54,637 --> 00:41:57,473 Being your own boss never gets old. 799 00:41:58,390 --> 00:42:01,852 As long as you do it with peace, love and soul. 800 00:42:01,977 --> 00:42:03,312 Soul! (LAUGHS) 801 00:42:03,312 --> 00:42:05,564 If you don't mind, I'd like to go see my family. 802 00:42:05,564 --> 00:42:08,234 They must be terribly concerned about my well-being. 803 00:42:08,234 --> 00:42:11,612 You know what, Don? I just lied back there so I can come off well. 804 00:42:12,154 --> 00:42:14,114 I need a big favor, Don. 805 00:42:14,114 --> 00:42:15,282 What is it? 806 00:42:15,282 --> 00:42:19,453 Could you Don Cornelius get me back on stage at the Kitty Kat Club? 807 00:42:19,453 --> 00:42:21,288 - Man, come on. - How would I do that? 808 00:42:21,288 --> 00:42:24,375 See, people always tell me how I can't just be me. 809 00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:27,378 - I'm just our ancestor's dream. - Hmm. 810 00:42:27,378 --> 00:42:29,922 Shit, I know my comedy ain't for everybody. 811 00:42:29,922 --> 00:42:33,008 And you're one of the most trusted Black men in America. 812 00:42:33,008 --> 00:42:34,468 You're Don Cornelius. 813 00:42:34,468 --> 00:42:37,179 If you could just explain that to Airtight Mike. 814 00:42:37,179 --> 00:42:39,223 Man, I'm sure they'd get me on there. 815 00:42:39,223 --> 00:42:40,975 I'll be back on stage, the ladies... 816 00:42:40,975 --> 00:42:42,393 I'll do you one better. 817 00:42:43,269 --> 00:42:45,229 I'll MC your introduction to the stage. 818 00:42:45,229 --> 00:42:46,981 - Now how would that be? - Oh, man! 819 00:42:46,981 --> 00:42:50,025 That would be a beautiful thing, brother. (LAUGHS) 820 00:42:50,025 --> 00:42:51,402 My brother. 821 00:42:54,655 --> 00:42:57,575 Just let me go change my clothes first before I get up there. 822 00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:58,867 I'mma go see you there. 823 00:42:58,867 --> 00:43:01,120 I gotta get there early for rehearsal today. 824 00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,621 (EXCLAIMING IN EXCITEMENT) 825 00:43:22,933 --> 00:43:24,935 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 826 00:44:04,642 --> 00:44:06,727 - Oh, brother. - (CROWD CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 827 00:44:06,727 --> 00:44:08,187 I wanted to ask you. 828 00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,731 How'd you get Don Cornelius to be here tonight? 829 00:44:10,731 --> 00:44:12,274 Yo, that people are talking. 830 00:44:12,274 --> 00:44:13,776 They are flocking, player! 831 00:44:13,776 --> 00:44:16,278 It's a long story. I'll tell you right after the set. 832 00:44:16,278 --> 00:44:19,323 - Hey, nigga. What's happening? - Hey, hey, hey, hey. 833 00:44:19,323 --> 00:44:21,075 Only talent backstage, all right? 834 00:44:21,075 --> 00:44:23,410 Yo, French fry, if you don't shut the fuck up. 835 00:44:23,410 --> 00:44:25,245 I'm gonna smother your ass in ketchup. 836 00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:26,330 Listen, man. 837 00:44:26,330 --> 00:44:28,332 He ain't got nothing to do with this. 838 00:44:28,332 --> 00:44:30,959 This... This your money right here. Plus interest. 839 00:44:30,959 --> 00:44:32,878 Let me see that. 840 00:44:33,379 --> 00:44:35,047 It's here and some. 841 00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:37,966 LADY MARLBORO: Okay. 842 00:44:38,967 --> 00:44:40,260 The skinny one can go. 843 00:44:43,138 --> 00:44:44,139 Wait a minute. 844 00:44:45,307 --> 00:44:46,892 You remind me of someone. 845 00:44:49,103 --> 00:44:50,521 Have you ever been to Ohio? 846 00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:52,815 Oh, my God. 847 00:44:53,273 --> 00:44:55,109 Oh, no. No, ma'am. 848 00:44:55,651 --> 00:44:59,196 Look, I'm gonna let y'all handle your business, all right? 849 00:44:59,196 --> 00:45:01,699 I'mma meet you by the stage, all right, brother? 850 00:45:02,116 --> 00:45:03,200 Excuse me. 851 00:45:06,036 --> 00:45:07,454 It's all there, man. 852 00:45:07,454 --> 00:45:08,580 I'm telling you, 853 00:45:09,998 --> 00:45:11,083 LADY MARLBORO: Hmm. 854 00:45:15,921 --> 00:45:17,840 Remember what I said about my time? 855 00:45:22,136 --> 00:45:23,762 Please, I'll sweeten the deal. 856 00:45:24,847 --> 00:45:26,515 I'll make three albums for you. 857 00:45:26,515 --> 00:45:27,808 Just don't kill me. 858 00:45:27,808 --> 00:45:29,893 With that money, you'll be making profit. 859 00:45:29,893 --> 00:45:32,104 You'll be making profit before you even start. 860 00:45:32,104 --> 00:45:33,981 I hate this business. 861 00:45:33,981 --> 00:45:35,649 - It's not my time. - (GUN CLICKS) 862 00:45:35,649 --> 00:45:36,900 (GUN FIRES) 863 00:45:39,778 --> 00:45:42,448 (GASPING) It's not my time. It's not my time. 864 00:45:42,781 --> 00:45:45,075 (GUN FIRING) 865 00:45:48,162 --> 00:45:49,788 (OL' DIRTY BASTARD GROANING) 866 00:45:58,046 --> 00:45:59,465 (WEAKLY) Help! 867 00:45:59,465 --> 00:46:01,675 Help. (COUGHING WEAKLY) 868 00:46:01,675 --> 00:46:03,510 (BREATHING LABORIOUSLY) 869 00:46:03,510 --> 00:46:07,055 - Help. - Nigga, you've been damn funny. (LAUGHS) 870 00:46:18,859 --> 00:46:20,360 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 871 00:46:20,360 --> 00:46:24,490 I want to thank all you cool cats and foxy ladies here tonight. 872 00:46:24,490 --> 00:46:27,785 I'm your guest MC, Mr. Don Cornelius. 873 00:46:27,785 --> 00:46:29,828 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 874 00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:39,004 Tonight. I'm here to welcome a new friend and all around rock solid dude. 875 00:46:39,004 --> 00:46:41,423 And from what I understand, a crazy comedian. 876 00:46:42,007 --> 00:46:43,217 Word on the grapevine 877 00:46:43,217 --> 00:46:47,179 is that this man is admired by few and disliked by many. 878 00:46:47,179 --> 00:46:49,264 Now let's get to the bottom of this. 879 00:46:49,264 --> 00:46:50,641 Let's figure it out, people. 880 00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:52,559 (MUFFLED APPLAUSE) 881 00:46:53,185 --> 00:46:55,354 OL' DIRTY BASTARD: Now, to love Dirt, is to see Dirt. 882 00:46:55,354 --> 00:46:59,775 I've got to be in room so I can uplift their souls and spirits, you dig? 883 00:46:59,775 --> 00:47:01,693 (MUFFLED APPLAUSE CONTINUES) 884 00:47:05,072 --> 00:47:09,076 I'm newly familiar with Mr. Dirt McGirt, but I found the brother to be authentic. 885 00:47:09,743 --> 00:47:13,121 When I asked people on both sides of the matter of Dirt McGirt, 886 00:47:13,121 --> 00:47:15,541 they agreed, he's authentic. 887 00:47:15,707 --> 00:47:19,169 We are all just our ancestors' dreams. 888 00:47:20,254 --> 00:47:23,882 And our success represents those dreams coming true. 889 00:47:24,758 --> 00:47:28,887 I'm sure Mr. Dirt McGirt has rubbed some people the right and the wrong way. 890 00:47:29,471 --> 00:47:32,933 Man is who a man is and that man is himself. 891 00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:35,352 I gather that's why he calls himself Dirt. 892 00:47:36,061 --> 00:47:38,480 Not filthy, not nasty. 893 00:47:38,689 --> 00:47:40,816 But dirt like the Earth. 894 00:47:40,816 --> 00:47:43,694 The essence, truth. 895 00:47:44,444 --> 00:47:46,864 What is in the dark must come to the light. 896 00:47:47,155 --> 00:47:50,909 And so I ask tonight that we listen, we hear. 897 00:47:51,451 --> 00:47:53,745 We open ourselves to Dirt McGirt. 898 00:47:54,454 --> 00:47:56,206 And as the old saying goes, 899 00:47:56,748 --> 00:47:58,083 "God made dirt." 900 00:47:58,750 --> 00:48:00,919 ALL: "And dirt don't hurt." 901 00:48:00,919 --> 00:48:02,838 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 902 00:48:14,182 --> 00:48:15,726 AIRTIGHT MIKE: Hey. Hey, Dirt. 903 00:48:15,726 --> 00:48:17,519 - What's up, man? - Nigga, you good? 904 00:48:17,519 --> 00:48:18,812 Never better. 905 00:48:18,812 --> 00:48:22,024 Congratulations. Get your ass on that stage, nigga. 906 00:48:23,984 --> 00:48:25,611 (CROWD CHEERING) 907 00:48:25,611 --> 00:48:27,696 He didn't even wait for the introduction to end. 908 00:48:27,696 --> 00:48:29,740 Give it up for the Ol' Dirty Bastard. 909 00:48:30,282 --> 00:48:33,410 The Ol' Dirty Bastard! 910 00:48:33,577 --> 00:48:35,203 (CROWD CHEERING) 911 00:48:39,875 --> 00:48:41,877 (SCREAMING LOUDLY) 912 00:48:49,176 --> 00:48:50,802 - (SCREAMING STOPS) - (BELL RINGS) 913 00:48:52,220 --> 00:48:53,597 Hey. 914 00:48:53,597 --> 00:48:55,641 - What's up? - (CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY) 915 00:48:57,225 --> 00:48:59,853 So, yo, you heard what they're saying Dirty's record? 916 00:48:59,853 --> 00:49:01,772 They're saying it's like a concert album. 917 00:49:01,772 --> 00:49:04,107 We knew the hardcore fans would embrace the album. 918 00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:06,109 But the hip-hop purists are feeling it too. 919 00:49:06,109 --> 00:49:07,277 They both love it. 920 00:49:07,277 --> 00:49:09,780 Crazy motherfucker took 'em inside his head. (LAUGHS) 921 00:49:09,780 --> 00:49:11,907 Yo, he wants you to really feel it, all right? 922 00:49:11,907 --> 00:49:14,076 - Mmm-hmm. - Like it's big, but it can be bigger. 923 00:49:14,660 --> 00:49:16,286 Only something that he would do. 924 00:49:16,286 --> 00:49:19,706 So, we're talking '70s spark. 925 00:49:19,706 --> 00:49:22,584 Hip hop, right? Kung fu. A stage. 926 00:49:24,127 --> 00:49:26,046 - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah. 927 00:49:26,838 --> 00:49:30,842 MAN: All right. And action! 928 00:49:32,844 --> 00:49:35,472 (RAPPING) Shimmy shimmy ya shimmy yam, shimmy yay 929 00:49:35,472 --> 00:49:37,766 Gimme the mic so I can take it away 930 00:49:37,766 --> 00:49:40,394 Off on a natural charge, bon voyage 931 00:49:40,394 --> 00:49:42,938 Yeah, from the home of the Dodgers Brooklyn squad 932 00:49:42,938 --> 00:49:45,273 Wu-Tang Killa Beez on a swarm 933 00:49:45,273 --> 00:49:47,693 Rain on ya college ass, disco dorm 934 00:49:47,693 --> 00:49:49,611 For you to even touch my skill 935 00:49:49,611 --> 00:49:51,613 You gotta have the one killer bee 936 00:49:51,613 --> 00:49:53,323 And he ain't gonna kill now 937 00:49:53,323 --> 00:49:55,325 Chop that down, pass it all around 938 00:49:55,325 --> 00:49:57,828 Lyrics get hard Quick cement to the ground 939 00:49:57,828 --> 00:50:00,080 For any MC in any 52 states 940 00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:02,624 I get psycho killer, Norman Bates 941 00:50:02,624 --> 00:50:05,419 My producer slam, my flow is like bam! 942 00:50:05,419 --> 00:50:08,463 Jump on stage and then I get down 943 00:50:08,463 --> 00:50:10,382 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 944 00:50:12,092 --> 00:50:14,386 Ooh, baby, I like it raw 945 00:50:14,386 --> 00:50:17,014 Yeah, baby, I like it raw 946 00:50:17,014 --> 00:50:19,516 Ooh, baby, I like it raw 947 00:50:19,516 --> 00:50:21,935 Yeah, baby, I like it raw 948 00:50:21,935 --> 00:50:24,354 Ooh, baby, I like it raw 949 00:50:24,354 --> 00:50:26,898 Yeah, baby, I like it raw 950 00:50:26,898 --> 00:50:29,443 Ooh, baby, I like it raw 951 00:50:29,443 --> 00:50:32,154 Yeah, baby, I like it raw 952 00:50:33,030 --> 00:50:34,865 (RAPPING INDISTINCTLY) 953 00:50:42,873 --> 00:50:45,125 Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy yam, shimmy yay 954 00:50:45,125 --> 00:50:47,502 Gimme the mic so I can take it away 955 00:50:47,502 --> 00:50:50,130 Off on a natural charge, bon voyage 956 00:50:50,130 --> 00:50:52,841 Yeah, from the home of the Dodgers Brooklyn squad 957 00:50:52,841 --> 00:50:54,885 Wu-Tang Killa Beez on a swarm