1 00:00:00,872 --> 00:00:04,039 (cash register rings) 2 00:00:06,537 --> 00:00:07,729 - [Woman Voiceover] Ground floor, perfumery, 3 00:00:07,729 --> 00:00:09,112 stationary, and leather goods. 4 00:00:09,112 --> 00:00:12,779 Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food. 5 00:00:13,634 --> 00:00:16,467 (soft jazz music) 6 00:00:18,171 --> 00:00:20,710 First floor, telephones, gents ready made suits. 7 00:00:20,710 --> 00:00:22,662 Shirts, socks. 8 00:00:22,662 --> 00:00:24,995 - There we are and I do hope 9 00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:28,343 the hat gives every satisfaction. 10 00:00:28,343 --> 00:00:29,830 - I'm sure it will. 11 00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,239 - Anyway, I said to Mr. Rumbold, 12 00:00:32,239 --> 00:00:34,650 I said I don't want to be stood stuck here. 13 00:00:34,650 --> 00:00:36,991 I want to be considered for advancement. 14 00:00:36,991 --> 00:00:38,835 So he put me down. 15 00:00:38,835 --> 00:00:40,369 - Do you mean he told you to up it? 16 00:00:40,369 --> 00:00:42,713 - No, he put me down on the list. 17 00:00:42,713 --> 00:00:45,663 So if anything comes up in the executive line, 18 00:00:45,663 --> 00:00:47,812 I'm in line for it. 19 00:00:47,812 --> 00:00:49,954 - If you get promotion, does that mean 20 00:00:49,954 --> 00:00:51,369 I'll get your job? 21 00:00:51,369 --> 00:00:53,405 - Well normally they'd give my job 22 00:00:53,405 --> 00:00:55,394 to somebody of my age. 23 00:00:55,394 --> 00:00:57,692 What's the matter, you look very depressed? 24 00:00:57,692 --> 00:01:00,213 - I was just thinking, I might not live that long. 25 00:01:00,213 --> 00:01:02,463 (laughter) 26 00:01:03,299 --> 00:01:04,219 - Are you being served, sir? 27 00:01:04,219 --> 00:01:06,053 Which is a silly question, 28 00:01:06,053 --> 00:01:07,110 because I can see that you're not. 29 00:01:07,110 --> 00:01:08,752 - I'd like a raincoat, please. 30 00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:10,502 - Yes, raincoat rail, Mr. Lucas. 31 00:01:10,502 --> 00:01:12,682 - Raincoat rail coming up. 32 00:01:12,682 --> 00:01:14,039 Gaberdine or plastic, sir? 33 00:01:14,039 --> 00:01:15,298 - Plastic, please. 34 00:01:15,298 --> 00:01:16,757 - Let me see. 35 00:01:16,757 --> 00:01:18,806 You look like a 44 long to me. 36 00:01:18,806 --> 00:01:19,957 In what color, sir? 37 00:01:19,957 --> 00:01:21,436 - Preferably black. 38 00:01:21,436 --> 00:01:24,760 - Yes you can't go wrong with black. 39 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,340 - One black plastic mac. 40 00:01:26,340 --> 00:01:27,173 - Thank you. 41 00:01:27,173 --> 00:01:28,010 Would you like to slip this on? 42 00:01:28,010 --> 00:01:29,511 - Thank you very much. 43 00:01:29,511 --> 00:01:30,533 - These are very useful. 44 00:01:30,533 --> 00:01:31,573 They roll up very small 45 00:01:31,573 --> 00:01:33,125 and you can carry them in your little transparent 46 00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:34,437 pixie hood. 47 00:01:34,437 --> 00:01:36,267 (laughter) 48 00:01:36,267 --> 00:01:38,184 - Do you have a mirror? 49 00:01:45,070 --> 00:01:47,320 (laughter) 50 00:01:57,592 --> 00:01:59,592 - Is the color suitable? 51 00:02:01,401 --> 00:02:03,866 - Oh yes, yes the color's perfect. 52 00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:07,493 It is a little noisy, though, isn't it? 53 00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:09,990 - You know, we've never had that complaint before. 54 00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:11,617 Have we? 55 00:02:11,617 --> 00:02:13,024 - No we haven't, Mr. Humphries. 56 00:02:13,024 --> 00:02:15,485 - See, I don't want to draw attention to myself. 57 00:02:15,485 --> 00:02:18,652 - Perhaps if you did it a bit quicker? 58 00:02:19,614 --> 00:02:22,861 - No, no the speed is rather critical. 59 00:02:22,861 --> 00:02:24,524 - Gabardine will be quieter. 60 00:02:24,524 --> 00:02:27,357 - One side of gaberdine coming up. 61 00:02:28,442 --> 00:02:30,012 - You're probably asking yourself, 62 00:02:30,012 --> 00:02:31,446 now why does this gentleman 63 00:02:31,446 --> 00:02:34,958 have such a specific requirement for a black plastic mac. 64 00:02:34,958 --> 00:02:36,472 - Yes, as a matter of fact 65 00:02:36,472 --> 00:02:37,772 I was asking myself that 66 00:02:37,772 --> 00:02:40,181 and I told myself it was none of my business. 67 00:02:40,181 --> 00:02:41,599 (laughter) 68 00:02:41,599 --> 00:02:42,917 - You see, I work for a big magazine, 69 00:02:42,917 --> 00:02:44,712 as a photographer, you know the kind 70 00:02:44,712 --> 00:02:46,747 of thing, leaping out on well known personalities, 71 00:02:46,747 --> 00:02:50,138 catching them in an off guard moment, as it were. 72 00:02:50,138 --> 00:02:51,107 Look, let me show you this. 73 00:02:51,107 --> 00:02:53,101 Now there's a remote control button 74 00:02:53,101 --> 00:02:54,795 goes from here through the pocket of the coat 75 00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:57,111 and all I have to do is give 76 00:02:57,111 --> 00:02:58,656 to give it the right exposure. 77 00:02:58,656 --> 00:02:59,489 Now watch. 78 00:03:00,843 --> 00:03:03,093 (laughter) 79 00:03:07,369 --> 00:03:10,202 - Would you mind doing that again? 80 00:03:13,847 --> 00:03:17,307 - My friends call me Candid Cameron. 81 00:03:17,307 --> 00:03:20,020 - Well if you wear this, they'll call you Gaberdine Angus. 82 00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,270 (laughter) 83 00:03:23,172 --> 00:03:24,005 - Oh yes. 84 00:03:25,807 --> 00:03:27,890 Oh that's so much better. 85 00:03:28,856 --> 00:03:31,546 - Mr. Humphries, can you spare a moment? 86 00:03:31,546 --> 00:03:33,630 - Certainly, Captain Peacock. 87 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,585 - What exactly is going on? 88 00:03:35,585 --> 00:03:38,076 - Well this gentleman is practicing his exposure. 89 00:03:38,076 --> 00:03:40,793 (laughter) 90 00:03:40,793 --> 00:03:42,060 - Well I know it takes all sorts 91 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,438 to make a world but may I suggest 92 00:03:43,438 --> 00:03:46,001 that you and your friend confine such activities 93 00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:47,834 to your leisure hours? 94 00:03:56,285 --> 00:03:58,173 - The ambulance has just arrived, Mr. Rumbold 95 00:03:58,173 --> 00:03:59,972 and the stretcher will be out in a couple of seconds. 96 00:03:59,972 --> 00:04:01,785 - What do you think it is? 97 00:04:01,785 --> 00:04:03,690 - I think it's food poisoning. 98 00:04:03,690 --> 00:04:05,814 - Soon as I noticed rizzo on the executive 99 00:04:05,814 --> 00:04:07,444 dining room menu, I thought to myself, 100 00:04:07,444 --> 00:04:08,972 I hope he didn't make that out of Wednesday's 101 00:04:08,972 --> 00:04:10,707 shepard pie because it wasn't all that cooked 102 00:04:10,707 --> 00:04:12,570 when it was (mumbles) on Tuesday. 103 00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:13,834 (laughter) 104 00:04:13,834 --> 00:04:16,015 - They were fish rizzos. 105 00:04:16,015 --> 00:04:18,732 - Ah, that was Monday's cod. 106 00:04:18,732 --> 00:04:21,201 - I think I've got glands coming up behind my ear. 107 00:04:21,201 --> 00:04:22,417 - That's a good job you mention that, 108 00:04:22,417 --> 00:04:23,730 cause we might never of spotted it. 109 00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,980 (laughter) 110 00:04:26,938 --> 00:04:28,143 - Whats going on? 111 00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,557 - Ambulance men have gone into Mr. Rumbold's office. 112 00:04:30,557 --> 00:04:33,287 Oh whatever happening, Mr. Harman? 113 00:04:33,287 --> 00:04:35,432 - Mr. Rumbold's been taken queer. 114 00:04:35,432 --> 00:04:36,712 - Anything I can do? 115 00:04:36,712 --> 00:04:38,962 (laughter) 116 00:04:40,201 --> 00:04:42,456 - Have any idea what caused it? 117 00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:43,611 - Rizzo. 118 00:04:43,611 --> 00:04:46,148 (laughter) 119 00:04:46,148 --> 00:04:49,091 - I asked you a perfectly civil question. 120 00:04:49,091 --> 00:04:50,446 - In this way, please. 121 00:04:50,446 --> 00:04:51,855 - [Man] Oh here he comes. 122 00:04:51,855 --> 00:04:54,003 Get out of the way, get out of the way. 123 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,817 - Oh I must say. 124 00:04:55,817 --> 00:05:00,797 Oh what a shame, he's just had his shoes sold a nail. 125 00:05:00,797 --> 00:05:02,592 - I think he's going into a coma. 126 00:05:02,592 --> 00:05:04,840 - Blimey, don't say he had the trico pudding as well. 127 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,840 - We think it's food poisoning. 128 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,540 - Poor Mr. Rumbold. 129 00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:10,236 - He doesn't look very good, does he? 130 00:05:10,236 --> 00:05:11,781 - I had an uncle who had rizzos once 131 00:05:11,781 --> 00:05:13,487 and he went stiff all over. 132 00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:14,766 - Was that food poisoning? 133 00:05:14,766 --> 00:05:16,349 - No, rigor mortis. 134 00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,187 - May I saw on behalf of the department 135 00:05:19,187 --> 00:05:22,305 how sorry we are all and wish you a speedy recover, sir? 136 00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:24,210 - If you don't come back, we'll treat like Nelson. 137 00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:26,300 On the spot in the canteen where you fell, 138 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,217 we'll have brass rizzo. 139 00:05:29,292 --> 00:05:30,320 - Just a moment. 140 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,874 Sir, have you set the machinery in motion 141 00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:33,248 for a replacement? 142 00:05:33,248 --> 00:05:35,062 - That will be up to young Mr. Grace. 143 00:05:35,062 --> 00:05:37,109 - Well perhaps you'll put in a good for me, sir. 144 00:05:37,109 --> 00:05:39,166 - Oh sir, I would be most happy 145 00:05:39,166 --> 00:05:42,096 to step into your shoes if you wish. 146 00:05:42,096 --> 00:05:43,497 - I think the most suitable person 147 00:05:43,497 --> 00:05:45,488 to take over in my absence would be, 148 00:05:45,488 --> 00:05:47,071 would be, would be. 149 00:05:48,961 --> 00:05:51,042 - He was trying to form a name beginning with an S. 150 00:05:51,042 --> 00:05:52,391 - What are you talking about? 151 00:05:52,391 --> 00:05:54,339 That was his breath escaping. 152 00:05:54,339 --> 00:05:56,225 (Rumbold panting) 153 00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,225 - H, Humphries, it's me. 154 00:05:59,255 --> 00:06:01,074 (laughter) 155 00:06:01,074 --> 00:06:04,263 - He's shaking his head, it's not you. 156 00:06:04,263 --> 00:06:06,432 (mumbling) 157 00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:07,936 - Lou, Lou, Lou, Lucas. 158 00:06:07,936 --> 00:06:10,464 He's trying to say Lucas 159 00:06:10,464 --> 00:06:13,575 - No, no he's trying to say loosen his tie. 160 00:06:13,575 --> 00:06:15,292 Come on, love. 161 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:19,513 This is Mrs. Slocombe, loosening your tie. 162 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:21,178 Now can you try and point to the one 163 00:06:21,178 --> 00:06:23,761 you want to take over from you? 164 00:06:25,674 --> 00:06:27,272 - He's pointing to my leg. 165 00:06:27,272 --> 00:06:29,002 See it's me. 166 00:06:29,002 --> 00:06:29,974 - No he's passed out. 167 00:06:29,974 --> 00:06:31,313 It's the sedative I've given him. 168 00:06:31,313 --> 00:06:33,275 Come along, bring him along. 169 00:06:33,275 --> 00:06:34,659 - We'll take him down by the service lift. 170 00:06:34,659 --> 00:06:38,142 - Good idea and give him a short service on the way out. 171 00:06:38,142 --> 00:06:40,453 - Thank you doctor for letting me know. 172 00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:43,013 It was food poisoning. 173 00:06:43,013 --> 00:06:45,861 - Oh he shouldn't of ate that rizzo. 174 00:06:45,861 --> 00:06:48,173 - Fancy anyone ordering rizzos in our canteen. 175 00:06:48,173 --> 00:06:50,325 The man's a fool to himself. 176 00:06:50,325 --> 00:06:52,346 (laughter) 177 00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:55,575 - Well he does put a lot of strain on you, sir. 178 00:06:55,575 --> 00:06:56,710 I mean, you was hoping to go away 179 00:06:56,710 --> 00:06:58,020 for the bank holiday. 180 00:06:58,020 --> 00:07:01,360 Will you be able to have it off now, sir? 181 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:02,988 (laughter) 182 00:07:02,988 --> 00:07:04,083 - What did you say? 183 00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:07,971 - Will you be able to have it off now? 184 00:07:07,971 --> 00:07:09,552 - It's a bit soon after lunch. 185 00:07:09,552 --> 00:07:11,930 (laughter) 186 00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:14,324 Let's do some letters. 187 00:07:14,324 --> 00:07:15,685 - Excuse me, Mr. Grace, sir 188 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:17,880 but members of the united (mumbles) department 189 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,706 is here to ask who you require to take 190 00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,395 over Mr. Rumbold's office. 191 00:07:21,395 --> 00:07:22,883 - Oh very well. 192 00:07:22,883 --> 00:07:25,100 - Mr. Grace will see you now. 193 00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,701 - Any news of our dear colleague, sir? 194 00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:27,920 - Oh he'll be as right as rain 195 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,202 in a couple of weeks. 196 00:07:29,202 --> 00:07:31,930 - Have you any idea who's going to take over, Mr. Grace? 197 00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:34,355 Bearing in mind that I have applied for promotion 198 00:07:34,355 --> 00:07:36,168 on a number of occasion. 199 00:07:36,168 --> 00:07:38,037 - And bearing in mind that I have 200 00:07:38,037 --> 00:07:39,621 a lifetime's experience. 201 00:07:39,621 --> 00:07:41,184 - Ah yes, well it's a very important post. 202 00:07:41,184 --> 00:07:43,939 Couldn't have any as old as you. 203 00:07:43,939 --> 00:07:47,093 - With all due deference, there is a precedent 204 00:07:47,093 --> 00:07:49,378 for someone of great age holding a position 205 00:07:49,378 --> 00:07:51,272 of authority in this store. 206 00:07:51,272 --> 00:07:53,425 Namely yourself. 207 00:07:53,425 --> 00:07:56,405 - There's a great difference between you and me. 208 00:07:56,405 --> 00:07:57,404 - In what way? 209 00:07:57,404 --> 00:07:58,836 - I own the place, you don't. 210 00:07:58,836 --> 00:08:01,915 (laughter) 211 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,063 - Well, if you're looking for someone 212 00:08:04,063 --> 00:08:07,052 with drive, tact, ingenuity, class, 213 00:08:07,052 --> 00:08:10,081 and charisma, I know the very person 214 00:08:10,081 --> 00:08:11,869 but he's too modest to mention his name. 215 00:08:11,869 --> 00:08:13,452 So I'll just point. 216 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,093 - I think ladies ought to be given a chance. 217 00:08:17,093 --> 00:08:18,717 - Yes but you wait til after the bell 218 00:08:18,717 --> 00:08:20,015 and you'll get yours. 219 00:08:20,015 --> 00:08:22,071 (laughter) 220 00:08:22,071 --> 00:08:25,345 Here I've already made some notes. 221 00:08:25,345 --> 00:08:27,095 Captain Peacock, TVF. 222 00:08:28,068 --> 00:08:31,363 That's too valuable on the floor. 223 00:08:31,363 --> 00:08:32,446 Goldberg, PI. 224 00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:36,186 - Practically irreplaceable? 225 00:08:36,186 --> 00:08:37,193 - Past it. 226 00:08:37,193 --> 00:08:38,909 (laughter) 227 00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,831 But a question mark against Mr. Humphries. 228 00:08:41,831 --> 00:08:44,156 - That's the story of my life. 229 00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:46,459 Ms. Brahms, I see to remember we've got her down 230 00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:48,345 as a possible. 231 00:08:48,345 --> 00:08:50,574 - No, that on the other list, sir. 232 00:08:50,574 --> 00:08:51,824 - Oh I see yes. 233 00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:53,882 Mrs. Slocombe. 234 00:08:53,882 --> 00:08:56,312 Worth trying in a new position. 235 00:08:56,312 --> 00:08:58,888 That sounds like the other list as well. 236 00:08:58,888 --> 00:09:01,138 (laughter) 237 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,716 - If I do get it, I'll throw myself 238 00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:05,957 into it, body and soul. 239 00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:07,478 - Unless you're gonna invest 240 00:09:07,478 --> 00:09:08,802 in a reinforced chair, Mr. Grace, 241 00:09:08,802 --> 00:09:11,054 I'd just settle for the soul. 242 00:09:11,054 --> 00:09:12,435 - I must state here and now 243 00:09:12,435 --> 00:09:14,018 that I would not submit to any arrangement 244 00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:16,220 where by Mrs. Slocombe was over me. 245 00:09:16,220 --> 00:09:17,663 - Oh she won't be over you. 246 00:09:17,663 --> 00:09:19,122 - have I got it, have I got it? 247 00:09:19,122 --> 00:09:20,516 - If she has, I shall resign. 248 00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:21,665 - She's got it. 249 00:09:21,665 --> 00:09:23,630 - As I was saying, I shall resign myself 250 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,205 to my fate. 251 00:09:25,205 --> 00:09:26,301 (chuckles) 252 00:09:26,301 --> 00:09:27,451 But I trust that I shall still 253 00:09:27,451 --> 00:09:29,009 be in jurisdiction on the floor. 254 00:09:29,009 --> 00:09:30,015 - Done. 255 00:09:30,015 --> 00:09:31,129 - Hey if she's got a promotion, 256 00:09:31,129 --> 00:09:32,738 does that mean I've got her job? 257 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,029 - I would like to point out here and now 258 00:09:34,029 --> 00:09:35,932 that Ms. Brahms does not have the experience 259 00:09:35,932 --> 00:09:38,414 for such a responsible job and I say that 260 00:09:38,414 --> 00:09:40,683 as head of department. 261 00:09:40,683 --> 00:09:43,686 - Without any jurisdiction on the floor. 262 00:09:43,686 --> 00:09:45,157 - I suggest that you advertise 263 00:09:45,157 --> 00:09:47,157 the vacancy for my post. 264 00:09:48,108 --> 00:09:50,302 - Yes, and get on to your friend of the tailor 265 00:09:50,302 --> 00:09:52,484 and cutter, Mr. Humphries and insert an advertisement. 266 00:09:52,484 --> 00:09:55,773 Wanted, crabby old bag to be dragon in charge 267 00:09:55,773 --> 00:09:57,957 of ladies intimate apparel. 268 00:09:57,957 --> 00:09:59,457 Age indeterminate. 269 00:10:04,173 --> 00:10:05,872 - Thank you so much for being so helpful 270 00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,498 and so quick. 271 00:10:07,498 --> 00:10:09,380 - Oh thank you madam, do call again. 272 00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:11,711 - I will, thank you. 273 00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,629 - Thank you, miss. 274 00:10:13,629 --> 00:10:15,906 Third sale this morning, Ms. Brahms. 275 00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,842 - Well I've got the scope now, haven't I? 276 00:10:17,842 --> 00:10:20,094 I mean I never got a looking when she was here. 277 00:10:20,094 --> 00:10:22,404 - Your extra supervisors frills are most becoming. 278 00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,444 - Oh thank you, Captain Peacock. 279 00:10:24,444 --> 00:10:27,711 I say, she's a bit late, isn't she? 280 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:31,461 - Well executive staff, or so called executive staff 281 00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:33,652 are not expected to be in before 9:30. 282 00:10:33,652 --> 00:10:35,735 It is now precisely 9:30. 283 00:10:38,927 --> 00:10:41,280 (cheering) 284 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,613 Good morning, Mrs. Slocombe. 285 00:10:47,366 --> 00:10:51,286 - Oh no, these executive briefcases are heavy 286 00:10:51,286 --> 00:10:54,865 - Brought your sandwiches with you, have you? 287 00:10:54,865 --> 00:10:58,095 - Captain Peacock, reprimand your junior, would you? 288 00:10:58,095 --> 00:11:00,582 - Mr. Lucas, that was very naughty. 289 00:11:00,582 --> 00:11:03,547 (laughter) 290 00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:04,669 - Mrs. Slocombe, for you 291 00:11:04,669 --> 00:11:07,783 to wish you luck, the first day in your new job. 292 00:11:07,783 --> 00:11:09,948 Nobody deserves it better. 293 00:11:09,948 --> 00:11:12,366 - Oh blue, to match my eyes. 294 00:11:12,366 --> 00:11:14,533 - I thought they were blue to match her varicose veins. 295 00:11:14,533 --> 00:11:16,874 (laughter) 296 00:11:16,874 --> 00:11:18,562 - Now stay calm, any little problem, 297 00:11:18,562 --> 00:11:20,755 don't hesitate to ask me. 298 00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:22,691 - Mr. Humphries if you're quite finished 299 00:11:22,691 --> 00:11:26,500 crawling would you get on with your duties? 300 00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:27,639 - Captain Peacock, a member of the staff 301 00:11:27,639 --> 00:11:29,957 is having a confab with a senior executive. 302 00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,874 Kindly don't interrupt. 303 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,036 - You're forgetting, Mrs. Slocombe, 304 00:11:34,036 --> 00:11:35,287 that I'm in charge on this floor 305 00:11:35,287 --> 00:11:37,036 and that particular member of the staff 306 00:11:37,036 --> 00:11:38,833 is under my jurisdiction. 307 00:11:38,833 --> 00:11:41,991 - Well Mr. Grace will give a ruling on that point. 308 00:11:41,991 --> 00:11:43,725 - Well in the meantime, if you have anything 309 00:11:43,725 --> 00:11:45,980 further to say, Mr. Humphries, say it 310 00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:47,258 and get back to your duties. 311 00:11:47,258 --> 00:11:50,707 - I just wanted to say how lady like Mrs. Slocombe looks 312 00:11:50,707 --> 00:11:53,900 and how, how nice and restrained she is 313 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,437 considering you're being so aggravating. 314 00:11:56,437 --> 00:11:59,060 (laughter) 315 00:11:59,060 --> 00:12:02,569 - When the candidates for my vacant post arrive, 316 00:12:02,569 --> 00:12:04,777 show them into my office, would you? 317 00:12:04,777 --> 00:12:06,765 - Well personnel have already informed me 318 00:12:06,765 --> 00:12:08,602 that they can't find anyone even remotely 319 00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,494 interested in taking your position 320 00:12:10,494 --> 00:12:14,711 at the ridiculously low wage you were receiving. 321 00:12:14,711 --> 00:12:15,872 - Well they'll just have to pay more then 322 00:12:15,872 --> 00:12:19,091 because Ms. Brahms certainly isn't experienced enough 323 00:12:19,091 --> 00:12:20,508 to be on her own. 324 00:12:22,487 --> 00:12:23,839 - Oh cheek, did you know I've done 325 00:12:23,839 --> 00:12:25,953 twice as much business as her of a morning 326 00:12:25,953 --> 00:12:28,371 and I even haven't had coffee yet. 327 00:12:28,371 --> 00:12:31,624 - Your talents have been noted and approved, Ms. Brahms. 328 00:12:31,624 --> 00:12:33,827 (laughter) 329 00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,399 - You know that was the most terrible 330 00:12:35,399 --> 00:12:37,457 exhibition of sucking up to teacher 331 00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,833 I've seen since I was a kid at kindergarten. 332 00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:43,484 - I always believe in having friends in high places. 333 00:12:43,484 --> 00:12:44,911 - Is that why you went on that climbing holiday 334 00:12:44,911 --> 00:12:46,323 with a that steeple jack? 335 00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:48,418 (laughter) 336 00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:49,671 - He wasn't a steeple jack, 337 00:12:49,671 --> 00:12:51,889 he was a lumber jack and we went pot holing. 338 00:12:51,889 --> 00:12:54,434 You know, he saved my life when I damaged 339 00:12:54,434 --> 00:12:56,851 my equipment on a stalagmite? 340 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,308 - Are those the ones that go up? 341 00:13:00,308 --> 00:13:01,448 - Well this one did. 342 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,698 (laughter) 343 00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:08,367 - Oh my own office. 344 00:13:08,367 --> 00:13:11,369 I shall stamp my personality on it. 345 00:13:11,369 --> 00:13:13,877 - Should you require an emergency cupper, 346 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:18,044 there's an electric kettle in the bottom left hand drawer. 347 00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:21,672 - What are you doing, Mr. Harman? 348 00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:23,895 - I'm removing Mr. Rumbold's executive soap, 349 00:13:23,895 --> 00:13:26,649 face flannel, and towel, which is mandatory 350 00:13:26,649 --> 00:13:28,742 for the executive cars. 351 00:13:28,742 --> 00:13:30,945 You of course will be supplying your own. 352 00:13:30,945 --> 00:13:32,655 - Will I get a key? 353 00:13:32,655 --> 00:13:34,423 - Oh yeah get a key to the executive car 354 00:13:34,423 --> 00:13:37,423 from Mr. Brancroft theater bookings. 355 00:13:39,972 --> 00:13:41,925 Will you also be requiring Mr. Rumbold's 356 00:13:41,925 --> 00:13:44,309 supplementary supply of merengues? 357 00:13:44,309 --> 00:13:47,065 - Oh yes, they'll come in nice for afternoon tea. 358 00:13:47,065 --> 00:13:50,697 I wonder, I've just brought my little camera 359 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,746 and would you mind taking a picture of me 360 00:13:53,746 --> 00:13:55,777 at my executive desk? 361 00:13:55,777 --> 00:13:58,771 - Yes, certainly, Mrs. Slocombe. 362 00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,599 Right, oh I can get you, 363 00:14:00,599 --> 00:14:03,555 I can get the executive desk but not both. 364 00:14:03,555 --> 00:14:05,176 Could you sit down? 365 00:14:05,176 --> 00:14:06,868 Hang on a minute, this is gonna be a very very 366 00:14:06,868 --> 00:14:08,445 historical picture. 367 00:14:08,445 --> 00:14:10,156 I'll get you the moment you sit. 368 00:14:10,156 --> 00:14:11,365 Right? 369 00:14:11,365 --> 00:14:12,198 Right. 370 00:14:12,198 --> 00:14:13,031 (whoopee cushion farts) 371 00:14:13,031 --> 00:14:15,281 (laughter) 372 00:14:16,568 --> 00:14:19,560 There's a note pinned to it. 373 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:23,727 - I'm sure you'll be a big noise in Grace Brothers. 374 00:14:25,443 --> 00:14:26,943 Signed, Mr. Lucas. 375 00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:33,537 Oh well, one little practical joke I can overlook 376 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:35,631 but I shall have to tell him 377 00:14:35,631 --> 00:14:37,631 that he's a naughty boy. 378 00:14:38,594 --> 00:14:40,844 (laughter) 379 00:14:46,641 --> 00:14:48,507 - Right, who's with and who's without? 380 00:14:48,507 --> 00:14:49,621 - I'm with. 381 00:14:49,621 --> 00:14:50,454 - I'm with. 382 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:51,287 - One with, two with. 383 00:14:51,287 --> 00:14:52,404 - thank you. 384 00:14:52,404 --> 00:14:53,237 You're with aren't you? 385 00:14:53,237 --> 00:14:54,747 - No, I've always been without. 386 00:14:54,747 --> 00:14:57,788 (laughter) 387 00:14:57,788 --> 00:15:00,076 - And a glass of hot water for you, Mr. Goldberg. 388 00:15:00,076 --> 00:15:01,707 - Thank you, thank you. 389 00:15:01,707 --> 00:15:02,998 Oh damn. 390 00:15:02,998 --> 00:15:04,892 I've forgotten my indigestion tablets. 391 00:15:04,892 --> 00:15:06,551 - Well nevermind, just drink the hot water 392 00:15:06,551 --> 00:15:09,755 and we'll hoist the girl warnings over the counter. 393 00:15:09,755 --> 00:15:11,807 - You know it's not the same without Mrs. Slocombe. 394 00:15:11,807 --> 00:15:13,057 - No, it isn't. 395 00:15:13,895 --> 00:15:16,165 It's much more pleasant. 396 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,025 - I've got news for you, Mr. Goldberg, 397 00:15:18,025 --> 00:15:19,774 she's managed to persuade Mr. Grace 398 00:15:19,774 --> 00:15:21,964 to cough up for a two piece made to measure 399 00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:24,071 executive suit and you've got to take 400 00:15:24,071 --> 00:15:25,832 some patterns to her office at three o'clock. 401 00:15:25,832 --> 00:15:27,076 - Well I'm not going. 402 00:15:27,076 --> 00:15:28,973 I'll send my junior. 403 00:15:28,973 --> 00:15:30,765 - Thank you so much for the lunch, Mr. Grace. 404 00:15:30,765 --> 00:15:32,725 Perhaps we can continue our discussion 405 00:15:32,725 --> 00:15:34,412 on the effects of television 406 00:15:34,412 --> 00:15:36,287 on the retail trade tomorrow? 407 00:15:36,287 --> 00:15:37,729 - I wasn't talking about that rubbish. 408 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,688 I just said I fancied that bird 409 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:42,158 who did the Turkish delight ads. 410 00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,628 (laughter) 411 00:15:43,628 --> 00:15:45,082 Well good day, everybody. 412 00:15:45,082 --> 00:15:47,137 - [All] Good day, Mr. Grace. 413 00:15:47,137 --> 00:15:48,968 - How's Ms. Brahms getting on? 414 00:15:48,968 --> 00:15:50,608 - Oh very well indeed, sir. 415 00:15:50,608 --> 00:15:52,703 We don't notice Mrs. Slocombe's absences at all. 416 00:15:52,703 --> 00:15:55,276 In fact, the figures are up. 417 00:15:55,276 --> 00:15:56,795 - Well I'm sure that's only temporary. 418 00:15:56,795 --> 00:16:00,732 Anyway, I think I'll join my staff for coffee. 419 00:16:00,732 --> 00:16:02,351 I'll see you later, Mr. Grace. 420 00:16:02,351 --> 00:16:03,929 - Good. 421 00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:05,552 Well you've all done very well. 422 00:16:05,552 --> 00:16:07,969 - [All] Thank you, Mr. Grace. 423 00:16:10,814 --> 00:16:13,045 - Ms. Brahms, you're sitting in my seat. 424 00:16:13,045 --> 00:16:14,342 - No, I'm not. 425 00:16:14,342 --> 00:16:16,638 This used to be your seat before you was elevated. 426 00:16:16,638 --> 00:16:19,562 Now I've got your job, I'm sitting here. 427 00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,806 - You're getting a bit above yourself, Ms. Brahms 428 00:16:22,806 --> 00:16:24,860 and what are you doing with those frills? 429 00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:27,169 Those are supervisors frills and you're not entitled 430 00:16:27,169 --> 00:16:29,013 until you're established 431 00:16:29,013 --> 00:16:31,244 and you're only temporary and if you don't 432 00:16:31,244 --> 00:16:33,171 move over, I'll make you take them off. 433 00:16:33,171 --> 00:16:34,247 - You hold your ground. 434 00:16:34,247 --> 00:16:35,320 - and you shut your gob. 435 00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:38,249 (laughter) 436 00:16:38,249 --> 00:16:41,099 - Mrs. Slocombe, I would deem it an honor 437 00:16:41,099 --> 00:16:42,136 if you'd have my seat. 438 00:16:42,136 --> 00:16:43,659 - Oh thank you, Mr. Humphries. 439 00:16:43,659 --> 00:16:45,848 I can see you're going to go a long way. 440 00:16:45,848 --> 00:16:47,931 - On his hands and knees. 441 00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:52,192 - Would you pass the sugar? 442 00:16:58,394 --> 00:17:00,942 Well, what were we all discussing? 443 00:17:00,942 --> 00:17:02,802 - The fact that it is one minute to two. 444 00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:04,741 Time we were all back in the department. 445 00:17:04,741 --> 00:17:06,991 (laughter) 446 00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:10,218 - Would you like my spoon, Mrs. Slocombe? 447 00:17:10,218 --> 00:17:11,944 - Mr. Humphries. 448 00:17:11,944 --> 00:17:14,194 (laughter) 449 00:17:38,201 --> 00:17:40,451 (laughter) 450 00:17:44,769 --> 00:17:46,331 - Hello operator. 451 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,851 Have there been any calls for me? 452 00:17:48,851 --> 00:17:50,268 What none at all? 453 00:17:51,444 --> 00:17:52,277 Oh, I see. 454 00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:55,779 Well if there are any calls for me, 455 00:17:55,779 --> 00:17:59,112 make sure you out them straight through. 456 00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:07,133 (laughter) 457 00:18:08,473 --> 00:18:12,640 I must remember to bring a little cake fork, tomorrow. 458 00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,380 Oh how nasty. 459 00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:29,630 (laughter) 460 00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,359 Hello, office equipment. 461 00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,660 This is Mrs. Slocombe, head of gents and ladies apparel. 462 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:43,051 Could you send me up some green blotting paper please? 463 00:18:43,051 --> 00:18:45,801 I mean this pink mucks so common. 464 00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:50,910 You have to supply the pink until it runs out? 465 00:18:50,910 --> 00:18:52,426 Well when will that be? 466 00:18:52,426 --> 00:18:53,259 1992? 467 00:18:57,039 --> 00:18:58,706 Thank you very much. 468 00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,967 (laughter) 469 00:19:25,274 --> 00:19:26,980 Hello, cosmetic. 470 00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,025 Ms. Comlozi please. 471 00:19:29,025 --> 00:19:31,001 Oh hello, Edna love. 472 00:19:31,001 --> 00:19:32,584 It's Mrs. Slocombe. 473 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,299 I don't know if you've heard 474 00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:37,222 but I've just been made head 475 00:19:37,222 --> 00:19:39,472 of men's and ladies apparel 476 00:19:40,477 --> 00:19:41,887 and I was wondering, could you possibly 477 00:19:41,887 --> 00:19:45,357 send up some samples of cosmetics and toiletries 478 00:19:45,357 --> 00:19:48,357 suitable for the executive washroom? 479 00:19:49,517 --> 00:19:51,823 Oh no, love I couldn't possibly come down there. 480 00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:55,261 I'm rushed off me feet this new department. 481 00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:57,026 Oh thank you. 482 00:19:57,026 --> 00:19:58,443 I'm much obliged. 483 00:20:05,436 --> 00:20:07,686 (laughter) 484 00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:24,718 (humming) (laughter) 485 00:20:30,883 --> 00:20:32,862 Hello, Ms. Brahms? 486 00:20:32,862 --> 00:20:33,896 - Hello. 487 00:20:33,896 --> 00:20:35,440 - This is Betty, here, dear. 488 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,303 I'm sorry, I was a bit short with you 489 00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:38,766 at the dinner table 490 00:20:38,766 --> 00:20:41,800 but I've been rushed off me feet. 491 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:43,163 - Well what have you phoned me for? 492 00:20:43,163 --> 00:20:45,838 - Well I missed our little morning chat 493 00:20:45,838 --> 00:20:48,150 and I was wondering if you'd like to pop 494 00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,698 in for a cup of tea. 495 00:20:49,698 --> 00:20:51,454 You'll never guess what happened to me 496 00:20:51,454 --> 00:20:52,776 and Mrs. Axelbell last night. 497 00:20:52,776 --> 00:20:54,829 We went to this roller disco. 498 00:20:54,829 --> 00:20:57,036 - I haven't got time now. 499 00:20:57,036 --> 00:20:59,383 I've got a 3,000 pound fur coat customer. 500 00:20:59,383 --> 00:21:01,760 - but I've saved you a merengue. 501 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,950 - And I've got a crocodile handbag waiting. 502 00:21:03,950 --> 00:21:05,525 - I see. 503 00:21:05,525 --> 00:21:08,721 Have you taken those frills off your blouse yet? 504 00:21:08,721 --> 00:21:09,722 - No. 505 00:21:09,722 --> 00:21:11,526 - Well see to it. 506 00:21:11,526 --> 00:21:13,280 (laughter) (knock at door) 507 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:14,447 Just a moment. 508 00:21:16,431 --> 00:21:17,634 Enter. 509 00:21:17,634 --> 00:21:20,685 Yes, you have my authority to proceed with that order 510 00:21:20,685 --> 00:21:23,361 but I want delivery in three days 511 00:21:23,361 --> 00:21:24,400 or you can forget it. 512 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,467 I'm sorry, that's my last word. 513 00:21:26,467 --> 00:21:27,925 - She's a tarter, isn't she? 514 00:21:27,925 --> 00:21:29,403 - Especially when there's nobody 515 00:21:29,403 --> 00:21:30,461 on the other end of the phone. 516 00:21:30,461 --> 00:21:32,517 She's still got her finger on the list. 517 00:21:32,517 --> 00:21:35,139 - Well if John Lewis can make you a better offer, 518 00:21:35,139 --> 00:21:37,065 I suggest you get on with it 519 00:21:37,065 --> 00:21:40,566 but don't come running back to me. 520 00:21:40,566 --> 00:21:43,616 Oh, have you come about the suit? 521 00:21:43,616 --> 00:21:45,363 - Yes, Mrs. Slocombe, I brought the swatches. 522 00:21:45,363 --> 00:21:48,844 Now may I suggest a nice 16 ounce (mumbles) 523 00:21:48,844 --> 00:21:49,928 in a charcoal gray? 524 00:21:49,928 --> 00:21:51,152 It's very executive. 525 00:21:51,152 --> 00:21:52,583 - It will go very nicely with the (mumbles) 526 00:21:52,583 --> 00:21:54,579 rolled umbrella. 527 00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:55,783 - You'll need to the take the measurements, 528 00:21:55,783 --> 00:21:57,521 Mr. Lucas, there's not need for comment. 529 00:21:57,521 --> 00:21:58,970 - Oh yes I like that 530 00:21:58,970 --> 00:22:01,320 and stripes are very slimming, aren't they? 531 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:02,456 - Well let's put it this way, 532 00:22:02,456 --> 00:22:03,467 have you ever seen a fat zebra? 533 00:22:03,467 --> 00:22:06,193 (laughter) 534 00:22:06,193 --> 00:22:10,026 - Shall we just try this one on for the style? 535 00:22:11,054 --> 00:22:13,304 This one's doubled bosomed. 536 00:22:17,429 --> 00:22:19,424 Now what do you think of the effect? 537 00:22:19,424 --> 00:22:21,512 - She looks like Rocky Marciano. 538 00:22:21,512 --> 00:22:23,762 (laughter) 539 00:22:24,948 --> 00:22:28,088 - Will you be adding trousers or a skirt? 540 00:22:28,088 --> 00:22:32,171 - Or black stockings and thigh length boots? 541 00:22:32,171 --> 00:22:35,072 - We're going to ignore you, Mr. Lucas. 542 00:22:35,072 --> 00:22:36,317 - You know it's a pity you're going to ignore me 543 00:22:36,317 --> 00:22:37,591 because I can tell you a very good reason 544 00:22:37,591 --> 00:22:39,878 why trousers would suit Mrs. Slocombe. 545 00:22:39,878 --> 00:22:40,888 - And why is that? 546 00:22:40,888 --> 00:22:43,666 - They'll hide your legs. 547 00:22:43,666 --> 00:22:46,104 - One more remark from you and you're out. 548 00:22:46,104 --> 00:22:47,884 - Shall we settle for this then 549 00:22:47,884 --> 00:22:49,108 but in the ladies style? 550 00:22:49,108 --> 00:22:51,091 - Yes, that will do very nicely. 551 00:22:51,091 --> 00:22:52,553 - Measurements, Mr. Lucas. 552 00:22:52,553 --> 00:22:55,886 - Measurements coming up, Mr. Humphries. 553 00:22:58,030 --> 00:23:00,280 (laughter) 554 00:23:02,699 --> 00:23:04,213 Breathe out. 555 00:23:04,213 --> 00:23:05,730 - I am breathed out. 556 00:23:05,730 --> 00:23:08,697 - Why didn't you bring the 60 inch tape? 557 00:23:08,697 --> 00:23:11,833 - Because our stock only goes up to 42. 558 00:23:11,833 --> 00:23:13,781 - We'll have to improvise. 559 00:23:13,781 --> 00:23:15,114 42 and a pencil. 560 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:19,273 Waist. 561 00:23:20,897 --> 00:23:22,706 - 42 and a rubber. 562 00:23:22,706 --> 00:23:24,037 (laughter) 563 00:23:24,037 --> 00:23:24,870 - Hips. 564 00:23:26,052 --> 00:23:26,885 Oh my god. 565 00:23:32,849 --> 00:23:34,527 Here we are. 566 00:23:34,527 --> 00:23:36,360 42 and the week ending October the 5th. 567 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,668 (laughter) 568 00:23:38,668 --> 00:23:40,098 (knock at door) 569 00:23:40,098 --> 00:23:40,931 - Enter. 570 00:23:43,328 --> 00:23:44,897 - I've brought your samples. 571 00:23:44,897 --> 00:23:46,341 - Oh yes. 572 00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:47,591 Would you excuse me? 573 00:23:47,591 --> 00:23:49,925 I have to choose my cosmetics and toiletries 574 00:23:49,925 --> 00:23:52,923 for the executive powder room. 575 00:23:52,923 --> 00:23:53,976 - Oh, well we'll be off. 576 00:23:53,976 --> 00:23:57,274 - Oh not you Mr. Humphries, I value your opinion. 577 00:23:57,274 --> 00:23:59,290 - Tell Captain Peacock I'll be out in a minute. 578 00:23:59,290 --> 00:24:00,897 - Certainly, I'll tell Captain Peacock 579 00:24:00,897 --> 00:24:02,595 you're helping Mrs. Slocombe choose her new kit 580 00:24:02,595 --> 00:24:03,595 for the bog. 581 00:24:05,386 --> 00:24:06,990 - Sorry bout that Mrs. Slocombe. 582 00:24:06,990 --> 00:24:08,734 Juniors have no finesse. 583 00:24:08,734 --> 00:24:09,823 - Oh yes. 584 00:24:09,823 --> 00:24:11,656 He's as common as mac. 585 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:26,340 - Right. 586 00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:28,412 - Oh look at all those soaps. 587 00:24:28,412 --> 00:24:30,162 Can I smell that one? 588 00:24:31,537 --> 00:24:34,714 Oh yes, that's a very strong scent. 589 00:24:34,714 --> 00:24:38,496 - I sell that to Mr. Davies, head of garden furniture. 590 00:24:38,496 --> 00:24:43,352 - Oh, is he the one that's always moving his gnomes about? 591 00:24:43,352 --> 00:24:45,002 - That's the one. 592 00:24:45,002 --> 00:24:48,461 - My mother could do with a gnome. 593 00:24:48,461 --> 00:24:50,507 - This has a nice marble finish. 594 00:24:50,507 --> 00:24:52,603 So suitable for the environment. 595 00:24:52,603 --> 00:24:54,635 - Yes, we must consider the environment. 596 00:24:54,635 --> 00:24:55,716 What's the decor? 597 00:24:55,716 --> 00:24:58,871 - Well, sort of red plush and arpic. 598 00:24:58,871 --> 00:25:00,147 (laughter) 599 00:25:00,147 --> 00:25:02,115 - Well now, they started this end at 50 pence 600 00:25:02,115 --> 00:25:05,959 and they go up at this end to six pounds. 601 00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:07,663 - I'll have this one. 602 00:25:07,663 --> 00:25:09,746 - One carbolic, 50 pence. 603 00:25:10,653 --> 00:25:12,429 (laughter) 604 00:25:12,429 --> 00:25:14,434 Now we come to the hand towels and flannels. 605 00:25:14,434 --> 00:25:17,395 This is your luxury first quality Turkish. 606 00:25:17,395 --> 00:25:20,888 Modesty priced at eight pounds each. 607 00:25:20,888 --> 00:25:22,888 - It's tough at the top. 608 00:25:24,256 --> 00:25:25,641 - I think that's rather ostentatious. 609 00:25:25,641 --> 00:25:26,807 - Oh agree. 610 00:25:26,807 --> 00:25:30,163 - Alternatively you have your Egyptian, 611 00:25:30,163 --> 00:25:33,154 your Lancashire, your Hong Kong, 612 00:25:33,154 --> 00:25:35,211 or plain disposable. 613 00:25:35,211 --> 00:25:37,356 We have a luxury disposable made from seaweed 614 00:25:37,356 --> 00:25:39,123 and plastic waste. 615 00:25:39,123 --> 00:25:41,498 Indistinguishable from the Turkish. 616 00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,939 - Feels like sandpaper. 617 00:25:43,939 --> 00:25:45,542 - Well yes, I should warn you 618 00:25:45,542 --> 00:25:46,889 don't clean your glasses on them 619 00:25:46,889 --> 00:25:48,210 or you'll get frosted lenses. 620 00:25:48,210 --> 00:25:49,747 (laughter) 621 00:25:49,747 --> 00:25:50,980 - How much? 622 00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:52,717 - One pound a dozen. 623 00:25:52,717 --> 00:25:54,227 - Done. 624 00:25:54,227 --> 00:25:56,540 - Shall you require a ladies razor? 625 00:25:56,540 --> 00:25:58,304 - Yeah, she could shave the towels with it. 626 00:25:58,304 --> 00:25:59,991 (laughter) 627 00:25:59,991 --> 00:26:01,888 - Certainly not. 628 00:26:01,888 --> 00:26:05,055 - I'll have these put on your account. 629 00:26:06,132 --> 00:26:07,523 Silly old bitch. 630 00:26:07,523 --> 00:26:09,773 (laughter) 631 00:26:10,969 --> 00:26:11,969 - Fancy cat. 632 00:26:13,884 --> 00:26:15,071 - Now then. 633 00:26:15,071 --> 00:26:17,859 What's it like being in charge? 634 00:26:17,859 --> 00:26:20,712 - Well, between you and me it's not all 635 00:26:20,712 --> 00:26:22,435 it's cracked up to be. 636 00:26:22,435 --> 00:26:24,315 There's nothing to do and there's nobody to talk to 637 00:26:24,315 --> 00:26:26,398 and I miss the customers. 638 00:26:27,439 --> 00:26:28,531 - Well couldn't you come back? 639 00:26:28,531 --> 00:26:30,572 - Oh no, that would be to admit failure 640 00:26:30,572 --> 00:26:31,887 and that stuck up Captain Peacock 641 00:26:31,887 --> 00:26:33,366 could never stop laughing at me 642 00:26:33,366 --> 00:26:35,199 but I do miss you all. 643 00:26:36,243 --> 00:26:37,928 - Well you'll have to make up your mind quick 644 00:26:37,928 --> 00:26:39,365 because two weeks as management 645 00:26:39,365 --> 00:26:41,263 and you're automatically out the union 646 00:26:41,263 --> 00:26:43,011 then you can't come back. 647 00:26:43,011 --> 00:26:45,324 - Well look, if Ms. Brahms' figures dropped, 648 00:26:45,324 --> 00:26:47,817 then you could suggest to Captain Peacock 649 00:26:47,817 --> 00:26:49,344 that I'm indispensable. 650 00:26:49,344 --> 00:26:51,337 Then I could return with honor. 651 00:26:51,337 --> 00:26:52,537 - I'll do me best. 652 00:26:52,537 --> 00:26:53,710 (knock at door) 653 00:26:53,710 --> 00:26:54,543 - Enter. 654 00:26:55,741 --> 00:26:56,801 - Excuse me, Mrs. Slocombe. 655 00:26:56,801 --> 00:26:58,302 I have to ask you to authorize acceptance 656 00:26:58,302 --> 00:27:00,135 of a customer's check. 657 00:27:01,922 --> 00:27:03,749 - 3,000 pounds? 658 00:27:03,749 --> 00:27:05,612 What's that for? 659 00:27:05,612 --> 00:27:07,369 - Heres the bill, it's a fur coat 660 00:27:07,369 --> 00:27:09,412 just sold by Ms. Brahms. 661 00:27:09,412 --> 00:27:11,156 - Probably a flash in the pan. 662 00:27:11,156 --> 00:27:12,601 - Would you sign this one too? 663 00:27:12,601 --> 00:27:15,476 A crocodile handbag, 340 pounds. 664 00:27:15,476 --> 00:27:16,488 - Yeah what? 665 00:27:16,488 --> 00:27:18,446 - And that set of aqua marine costume jewelry 666 00:27:18,446 --> 00:27:20,072 that you said you'd never shift 667 00:27:20,072 --> 00:27:22,953 in a month of Sundays, 239, 668 00:27:22,953 --> 00:27:25,203 making 3,579 pounds in all. 669 00:27:33,137 --> 00:27:33,970 Thank you. 670 00:27:37,391 --> 00:27:39,069 - You know, it's not gonna be easy for me 671 00:27:39,069 --> 00:27:40,615 to convince Captain Peacock 672 00:27:40,615 --> 00:27:43,029 that you're indispensable. 673 00:27:43,029 --> 00:27:44,862 - Well I can't resign. 674 00:27:46,217 --> 00:27:47,050 Slocombe? 675 00:27:47,887 --> 00:27:49,759 - Rumbold here. 676 00:27:49,759 --> 00:27:51,555 - It's Mr. Rumbold. 677 00:27:51,555 --> 00:27:53,805 Just a moment, Mr. Rumbold. 678 00:27:54,724 --> 00:27:57,686 How are you, are you fit to come back? 679 00:27:57,686 --> 00:28:00,787 - [Rumbold] No I shall be at least another couple of weeks. 680 00:28:00,787 --> 00:28:02,102 - Oh dear. 681 00:28:02,102 --> 00:28:03,860 - Now pay attention. 682 00:28:03,860 --> 00:28:07,294 They've analyzed the canteen rizzo and it wasn't 683 00:28:07,294 --> 00:28:09,281 that that poisoned me. 684 00:28:09,281 --> 00:28:10,596 - Well what was it then? 685 00:28:10,596 --> 00:28:13,576 - [Rumbold] Well, my wife made some merengues 686 00:28:13,576 --> 00:28:15,006 and it seems that the cream 687 00:28:15,006 --> 00:28:18,336 in the merengues has acted as host 688 00:28:18,336 --> 00:28:21,110 to a rather unusual bug. 689 00:28:21,110 --> 00:28:24,264 I took three of them to work, I had one of them. 690 00:28:24,264 --> 00:28:26,439 There are two, there are two merengues 691 00:28:26,439 --> 00:28:30,991 still in the top left hand drawer of my desk. 692 00:28:30,991 --> 00:28:33,068 Don't touch them yourself. 693 00:28:33,068 --> 00:28:37,273 Get Harman to put on a pair of rubber gloves 694 00:28:37,273 --> 00:28:39,690 and then tell him immediately 695 00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:43,529 to drop them into a plastic bag 696 00:28:43,529 --> 00:28:46,757 and after that, to throw them into the furnace. 697 00:28:46,757 --> 00:28:49,007 (laughter) 698 00:28:56,024 --> 00:28:58,142 - Oh such a pity when you had your foot 699 00:28:58,142 --> 00:29:00,355 in the first rung of the management ladder. 700 00:29:00,355 --> 00:29:02,850 - Does this mean that I'll have to come back 701 00:29:02,850 --> 00:29:04,623 behind the counter? 702 00:29:04,623 --> 00:29:06,505 - To be realistic, I'm afraid it does. 703 00:29:06,505 --> 00:29:09,782 - it's been no fun here without you to nag me. 704 00:29:09,782 --> 00:29:12,255 Hurry up and get well and come back. 705 00:29:12,255 --> 00:29:14,134 - Yes but not before Mr. Rumbold. 706 00:29:14,134 --> 00:29:15,897 - How are you feeling, Mrs. Slocombe? 707 00:29:15,897 --> 00:29:17,441 - Well, put it this way. 708 00:29:17,441 --> 00:29:21,024 Me tummy's in turmoil but me minds at peace 709 00:29:23,708 --> 00:29:24,737 lou, lou, lou. 710 00:29:24,737 --> 00:29:26,685 - Lou, lou, lou, she's trying to say Lucas. 711 00:29:26,685 --> 00:29:27,690 - No I'm not. 712 00:29:27,690 --> 00:29:29,464 I want to go to the loo. 713 00:29:29,464 --> 00:29:31,223 (laughter) 714 00:29:31,223 --> 00:29:33,473 (applause) 715 00:29:35,885 --> 00:29:39,468 (soft instrumental music)