1 00:00:00,750 --> 00:00:04,667 ("Are You Being Served Theme") 2 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:08,981 ♫ Ground floor for perfumery, stationery, and leather goods 3 00:00:08,981 --> 00:00:11,481 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food 4 00:00:11,481 --> 00:00:13,731 ♫ Going up 5 00:00:17,705 --> 00:00:20,593 ♫ First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits 6 00:00:20,593 --> 00:00:23,162 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes 7 00:00:23,162 --> 00:00:25,255 ♫ Going up ♫ 8 00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:26,385 - [Mr. Lucas] Cheerio Mr. Tebbs! 9 00:00:26,385 --> 00:00:27,273 All the best! 10 00:00:27,273 --> 00:00:29,715 - Don't forget to come back and see us! 11 00:00:29,715 --> 00:00:33,416 Oh I hope he's doing the right thing. 12 00:00:33,416 --> 00:00:35,392 - Well, he could have stayed another five years 13 00:00:35,392 --> 00:00:38,387 but that would only increase his pension by a pound a week. 14 00:00:38,387 --> 00:00:40,149 - Yeah, which at the present going rate would only afford 15 00:00:40,149 --> 00:00:41,244 him three loaves of bread. 16 00:00:41,244 --> 00:00:43,460 - I think he was fat enough already. 17 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:46,283 - Oh look he's left his farewell cake. 18 00:00:46,283 --> 00:00:48,299 - Oh look he's left his teeth marks in it. 19 00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:49,638 (audience laughing) 20 00:00:49,638 --> 00:00:50,653 - Isn't it marvelous? 21 00:00:50,653 --> 00:00:52,240 60 years faithful service, 22 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,154 and the only sign that he's passed this way 23 00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:56,678 are his teeth marks in a bun. 24 00:00:56,678 --> 00:00:58,052 Makes you thinks doesn't it? 25 00:00:58,052 --> 00:00:59,010 - When you go Mr. Humphries, 26 00:00:59,010 --> 00:01:00,283 what do you think you'll leave behind? 27 00:01:00,283 --> 00:01:01,545 - Well, I haven't really thought. 28 00:01:01,545 --> 00:01:03,313 I expect my aftershave will linger 29 00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,974 on my bill pad for a couple of sales. 30 00:01:05,974 --> 00:01:07,693 After that nothing. 31 00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:10,134 - Oh what a depressing conversation. 32 00:01:10,134 --> 00:01:12,234 - Yes I agree, and it isn't like that. 33 00:01:12,234 --> 00:01:15,234 It isn't just teeth marks in a cake. 34 00:01:15,234 --> 00:01:19,042 Think of all the happy memories he left behind. 35 00:01:19,042 --> 00:01:21,914 - Yes, let's each think of a happy memory. 36 00:01:21,914 --> 00:01:23,539 - Well, what sort of a memory? 37 00:01:23,539 --> 00:01:25,183 - Well, anything that he did 38 00:01:25,183 --> 00:01:27,426 or said that was unforgettable. 39 00:01:27,426 --> 00:01:28,441 - Who? 40 00:01:28,441 --> 00:01:30,460 (audience laughing) 41 00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:32,217 - Mr. Tebb's, the old assistant we've just 42 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,874 given this farewell party for. 43 00:01:33,874 --> 00:01:37,363 - Ah oh him, he never said anything unforgettable. 44 00:01:37,363 --> 00:01:38,645 - Oh, he must have done. 45 00:01:38,645 --> 00:01:40,721 - Well, if he did I'm damned if I can remember it. 46 00:01:40,721 --> 00:01:42,075 (audience laughing) 47 00:01:42,075 --> 00:01:43,442 - I remember something. 48 00:01:43,442 --> 00:01:47,314 - Good, you see when you try it all comes flooding back. 49 00:01:47,314 --> 00:01:48,245 What was it? 50 00:01:48,245 --> 00:01:51,403 - He used to shovel his custard up like a bucket dredger. 51 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,944 (audience laughing) 52 00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:54,011 - Well, that's awful. 53 00:01:54,011 --> 00:01:56,052 - Here, who do you think's gonna get the job? 54 00:01:56,052 --> 00:01:59,824 - Well, names have been mentioned on the sixth floor. 55 00:01:59,824 --> 00:02:00,657 - Whose? 56 00:02:00,657 --> 00:02:02,370 - I'm not at liberty to tell. 57 00:02:02,370 --> 00:02:03,808 - You mean you don't know. 58 00:02:03,808 --> 00:02:05,738 - As senior management of course I know. 59 00:02:05,738 --> 00:02:06,796 - Well, if you don't tell us who it is, 60 00:02:06,796 --> 00:02:09,554 we'll never know whether you knew or not, will we? 61 00:02:09,554 --> 00:02:10,689 - Very well, 62 00:02:10,689 --> 00:02:14,334 but you must treat this as strictly confidential. 63 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,825 They're going to advertise for a new man. 64 00:02:16,825 --> 00:02:18,365 - Well, that's the limit. 65 00:02:18,365 --> 00:02:21,104 I've been here 16 years, man and boy. 66 00:02:21,104 --> 00:02:22,497 Mostly boy. 67 00:02:22,497 --> 00:02:23,737 (audience laughing) 68 00:02:23,737 --> 00:02:25,302 At least you'd think they'd have the courtesy 69 00:02:25,302 --> 00:02:27,403 to pay me the compliment of considering me. 70 00:02:27,403 --> 00:02:28,697 - Yes, instead of casting you aside 71 00:02:28,697 --> 00:02:30,525 like a wrinkled old tomato found 72 00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,422 going moldy at the back of the fridge. 73 00:02:32,422 --> 00:02:34,285 - Mr. Lucas, there must be something else 74 00:02:34,285 --> 00:02:36,910 that's cast aside that's more attractive than that. 75 00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:41,057 - Mr. Humphries, the post they're advertising is the junior. 76 00:02:41,057 --> 00:02:43,032 - They can't do that, I'm the junior. 77 00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,292 - Well, Mr. Grace, in his wisdom, has decree 78 00:02:45,292 --> 00:02:47,835 that you will be taking over from Mr. Humphries. 79 00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:48,736 - Mr. Humphries? 80 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,841 - Well, where is Mr. Humphries going? 81 00:02:50,841 --> 00:02:54,012 - Mr. Humphries is to be the new senior. 82 00:02:54,012 --> 00:02:54,845 - No. 83 00:02:54,845 --> 00:02:56,099 - Yes. 84 00:02:56,099 --> 00:02:57,061 - You're joking. 85 00:02:57,061 --> 00:02:57,894 - I'm not. 86 00:02:57,894 --> 00:02:59,843 - Cross your heart and hope to die. 87 00:02:59,843 --> 00:03:01,963 - Scout's honor. 88 00:03:01,963 --> 00:03:03,207 (sobbing) 89 00:03:03,207 --> 00:03:05,580 (audience laughing) 90 00:03:05,580 --> 00:03:07,163 - Oh, I'm so happy. 91 00:03:08,607 --> 00:03:11,615 Oh, oh, oh, it's started me leg off. 92 00:03:11,615 --> 00:03:13,229 (audience laughing) 93 00:03:13,229 --> 00:03:14,585 Oh, this hasn't happened to me since 94 00:03:14,585 --> 00:03:16,948 I was a prefect in me primary. 95 00:03:16,948 --> 00:03:18,217 - Is there anything we can do to stop it? 96 00:03:18,217 --> 00:03:20,946 - No, it's all right, it'll turn to hiccups in a minute. 97 00:03:20,946 --> 00:03:21,779 (hiccups) 98 00:03:21,779 --> 00:03:22,612 There, told you. 99 00:03:22,612 --> 00:03:24,191 - Now, what do we do? 100 00:03:24,191 --> 00:03:26,718 - Well, my teacher, Miss Haswell, 101 00:03:26,718 --> 00:03:27,946 she used to get one of the boys 102 00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:30,521 to creep up behind me, and give me a surprise. 103 00:03:30,521 --> 00:03:33,521 (audience laughing) 104 00:03:34,598 --> 00:03:35,757 - Did it work? 105 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,925 - No, but he still writes to me from Capri. 106 00:03:37,925 --> 00:03:40,925 (audience laughing) 107 00:03:42,504 --> 00:03:43,970 - Are they feeling better now? 108 00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,487 - Oh yes, they're much, much better, yes. 109 00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:49,552 You know, it always happens just before a storm. 110 00:03:49,552 --> 00:03:52,265 My brain picks up the electrical vibrations, 111 00:03:52,265 --> 00:03:54,555 and sends a message down to my bunions, 112 00:03:54,555 --> 00:03:56,037 and they start throbbing. 113 00:03:56,037 --> 00:03:57,374 - But it's a lovely day, 114 00:03:57,374 --> 00:03:58,568 the storm was last night. 115 00:03:58,568 --> 00:04:00,446 - Yeah, but it takes a long time to get 116 00:04:00,446 --> 00:04:02,627 a message to any part of my body these days. 117 00:04:02,627 --> 00:04:04,904 (audience laughing) 118 00:04:04,904 --> 00:04:06,282 - Drat! My suspender's gone. 119 00:04:06,282 --> 00:04:08,365 - [Mr. Grace] Oo! Ah! Oh! 120 00:04:09,765 --> 00:04:11,880 - That message got through quickly enough. 121 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,169 - But it didn't have so far to go, did it? 122 00:04:14,169 --> 00:04:17,251 (phone ringing) 123 00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:18,721 - Here you are. 124 00:04:18,721 --> 00:04:19,866 - Hello? 125 00:04:19,866 --> 00:04:21,365 - Rumbold here, sir. 126 00:04:21,365 --> 00:04:23,350 I'm afraid I must have a decision. 127 00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,445 You were going to make up your mind 128 00:04:24,445 --> 00:04:26,009 as to whether Mr. Humphries was taking 129 00:04:26,009 --> 00:04:27,787 over as senior salesman. 130 00:04:27,787 --> 00:04:28,744 Now, the question is, 131 00:04:28,744 --> 00:04:30,748 is he or isn't he? 132 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:33,282 - People have been asking me that for years. 133 00:04:33,282 --> 00:04:36,282 (audience laughing) 134 00:04:37,756 --> 00:04:40,365 - Well, I think we should put him on probation. 135 00:04:40,365 --> 00:04:44,200 - I didn't know the case had come up. 136 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,028 Anyway, I can't stop here chatting with you, 137 00:04:46,028 --> 00:04:48,611 I'm in hot water with my nurse. 138 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:51,763 - Well, what do you think, sir? 139 00:04:51,763 --> 00:04:52,827 - More hot water, sir. 140 00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:54,264 - Yes. 141 00:04:54,264 --> 00:04:55,681 - Thank you, sir. 142 00:04:58,168 --> 00:04:59,835 - Here you are, sir. 143 00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:02,981 I think you'll find that's all right now. 144 00:05:02,981 --> 00:05:04,862 - Yes, would you leave now, Mr. Harman. 145 00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:07,392 I have a meeting to discuss a confidential matter. 146 00:05:07,392 --> 00:05:08,324 - Oh, I see. 147 00:05:08,324 --> 00:05:09,225 Just 'cause I'm a humble member 148 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,703 of the packing and maintenance department, 149 00:05:10,703 --> 00:05:11,762 I'm not suppose to know what 150 00:05:11,762 --> 00:05:13,448 the higher echelon is talking about. 151 00:05:13,448 --> 00:05:14,281 (knocking) 152 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:15,456 - Well, you could put it like that. 153 00:05:15,456 --> 00:05:16,587 - We're outside, sir. 154 00:05:16,587 --> 00:05:18,336 - People who knock usually are. 155 00:05:18,336 --> 00:05:19,404 Come in. 156 00:05:19,404 --> 00:05:22,404 (audience laughing) 157 00:05:24,607 --> 00:05:26,222 - Seeing as this is a confidential meeting, 158 00:05:26,222 --> 00:05:29,811 I shall wipe from my mind the fact that I have seen you. 159 00:05:29,811 --> 00:05:30,644 I'm sorry. 160 00:05:33,492 --> 00:05:35,587 - Now, I have some news for you regarding 161 00:05:35,587 --> 00:05:37,650 the vacancy on the men's counter. 162 00:05:37,650 --> 00:05:39,919 I have been officially authorized to offer 163 00:05:39,919 --> 00:05:42,086 the post to Mr. Humphries. 164 00:05:42,951 --> 00:05:45,149 - May I be the first to congratulate you, Mr. Humphries? 165 00:05:45,149 --> 00:05:46,029 - Thank you. 166 00:05:46,029 --> 00:05:47,475 - Yes, congratulations, indeed. 167 00:05:47,475 --> 00:05:48,308 - Thank you. 168 00:05:48,308 --> 00:05:50,147 - It's not often a man of your age gets this position. 169 00:05:50,147 --> 00:05:51,993 How does it feel? 170 00:05:51,993 --> 00:05:54,243 (mumbling) 171 00:05:58,876 --> 00:06:01,130 - He's says he's very happy. 172 00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:03,380 (mumbling) 173 00:06:05,501 --> 00:06:07,572 Could he please go and phone his mother? 174 00:06:07,572 --> 00:06:09,822 (mumbling) 175 00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:12,662 - What did he say then? 176 00:06:12,662 --> 00:06:14,192 - I don't know. 177 00:06:14,192 --> 00:06:16,101 - I said, is there any more money? 178 00:06:16,101 --> 00:06:18,171 (audience laughing) 179 00:06:18,171 --> 00:06:21,472 - You will receive grade H4-B with increment 180 00:06:21,472 --> 00:06:22,572 and London weighting. 181 00:06:22,572 --> 00:06:23,474 - How much is that? 182 00:06:23,474 --> 00:06:26,115 - Oh, that is between Mr. Humphries and the management, 183 00:06:26,115 --> 00:06:29,151 but I do have the figure written down here. 184 00:06:29,151 --> 00:06:31,306 (sobbing) 185 00:06:31,306 --> 00:06:32,732 (audience laughing) 186 00:06:32,732 --> 00:06:34,957 Now, this will, of course, leave a gap 187 00:06:34,957 --> 00:06:36,314 in the men on the counter. 188 00:06:36,314 --> 00:06:38,108 And there have been numerous discussions, 189 00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:39,341 at boardroom level, 190 00:06:39,341 --> 00:06:41,570 as to who should takeover Mr. Humphries position. 191 00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:43,880 It was suggested that we should ask Mr. Humphries 192 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,214 if Mr. Lucas is capable. 193 00:06:46,214 --> 00:06:47,744 The question is, 194 00:06:47,744 --> 00:06:49,270 is he ready for it? 195 00:06:49,270 --> 00:06:50,393 - I'm ready for it. 196 00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:52,515 - We weren't asking you, Mr. Lucas. 197 00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:53,849 - Perhaps it'd be more to the point 198 00:06:53,849 --> 00:06:55,568 if you ask me what I think, 199 00:06:55,568 --> 00:06:56,876 but I don't think he's ready for it. 200 00:06:56,876 --> 00:06:58,389 - Capt. Peacock, as senior assistant 201 00:06:58,389 --> 00:07:01,625 I think it's up to me to decide whether he's ready for it. 202 00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:03,506 - I entirely agree with Mr. Humphries. 203 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:04,339 And I don't want the fact that 204 00:07:04,339 --> 00:07:05,536 I'm Mr. Humphries best friend to influence 205 00:07:05,536 --> 00:07:07,068 him one way or the other. 206 00:07:07,068 --> 00:07:08,369 - You're not, and it won't. 207 00:07:08,369 --> 00:07:10,703 (audience laughing) 208 00:07:10,703 --> 00:07:13,172 - Well, is he ready for it? 209 00:07:13,172 --> 00:07:14,863 - Let me put it this way, 210 00:07:14,863 --> 00:07:16,836 he's as ready as he'll ever be. 211 00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:19,366 I do believe in giving youth a chance. 212 00:07:19,366 --> 00:07:21,575 - Mr. Lucas, you have the post, 213 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,742 and here is your increase. 214 00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:26,094 (sobbing) 215 00:07:26,094 --> 00:07:27,917 (audience laughing) 216 00:07:27,917 --> 00:07:29,760 - A pound is not to be sneezed at. 217 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,997 - May I ask, who will be taking Mr. Lucas's place? 218 00:07:32,997 --> 00:07:35,153 - Ah, we shall advertise in the press 219 00:07:35,153 --> 00:07:39,206 saying that we need a worthy replacement for Mr. Lucas. 220 00:07:39,206 --> 00:07:40,480 - Well, in that case, may I suggest 221 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,777 an advertisement in the agony column of the Beano. 222 00:07:43,777 --> 00:07:44,927 (audience laughing) 223 00:07:44,927 --> 00:07:47,414 (cash register tinging) 224 00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:49,582 - On behalf of the ladies' department, 225 00:07:49,582 --> 00:07:53,507 may I congratulate you on your promotion, Mr. Humphries. 226 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,511 You were always a cut above the rest. 227 00:07:55,511 --> 00:07:56,598 I'm glad you've got on. 228 00:07:56,598 --> 00:07:58,243 - Thank you, Mrs. Slocombe. 229 00:07:58,243 --> 00:08:00,164 You'll forgive me if I don't make a speech. 230 00:08:00,164 --> 00:08:03,182 It's been a very emotional morning. 231 00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:04,841 - It's not over yet, Mr. Humphries. 232 00:08:04,841 --> 00:08:06,703 You have to take your place at the counter, 233 00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,881 in the senior position. 234 00:08:08,881 --> 00:08:09,964 - Here we go. 235 00:08:11,185 --> 00:08:12,874 I feel like a bride walking down the aisle. 236 00:08:12,874 --> 00:08:16,500 (audience laughing) 237 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,018 Oh look, all the floor's worn away 238 00:08:19,018 --> 00:08:21,690 where the seniors have stood. 239 00:08:21,690 --> 00:08:23,217 - The handing over ceremony, Mr. Harman. 240 00:08:23,217 --> 00:08:24,300 - Your honor. 241 00:08:27,119 --> 00:08:29,452 - Your fitter's pin cushion. 242 00:08:31,141 --> 00:08:33,869 Your chalk for made-to-measure fittings. 243 00:08:33,869 --> 00:08:35,952 And of course, your tape. 244 00:08:37,426 --> 00:08:39,739 Not in the pocket, Mr. Humphries. 245 00:08:39,739 --> 00:08:42,266 The senior assistant is allowed to wear it around his neck. 246 00:08:42,266 --> 00:08:43,872 - Oh. 247 00:08:43,872 --> 00:08:47,357 (audience laughing) 248 00:08:47,357 --> 00:08:49,024 Me leg's gone again. 249 00:08:49,976 --> 00:08:53,851 - Mr. Lucas, you too have a new position to take up. 250 00:08:53,851 --> 00:08:54,851 - Of course. 251 00:08:56,113 --> 00:08:57,990 (audience laughing) 252 00:08:57,990 --> 00:09:01,501 - That's the easiest quid you've ever earned. 253 00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,002 - We expect to have some candidates 254 00:09:03,002 --> 00:09:04,956 for the new post by Thursday. 255 00:09:04,956 --> 00:09:07,204 Mr. Rumbold is most anxious that the new man 256 00:09:07,204 --> 00:09:08,811 should fit into the team, 257 00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:11,080 so he'd like us all to stay behind 258 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,006 after closing time that evening 259 00:09:12,006 --> 00:09:14,034 to interview the applicants. 260 00:09:14,034 --> 00:09:18,201 It's now time for the assistant salesman's tea break. 261 00:09:19,839 --> 00:09:21,318 Where are you going, Mr. Humphries? 262 00:09:21,318 --> 00:09:23,005 - My tea break, Capt. Peacock. 263 00:09:23,005 --> 00:09:24,916 - You're not the assistant, Mr. Humphries. 264 00:09:24,916 --> 00:09:26,660 You're the senior. 265 00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:28,219 - When is the senior's tea break? 266 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,654 - An hour ago, you missed it. 267 00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:32,654 (audience laughing) 268 00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:36,277 - Not all roses at the top, is it? 269 00:09:36,277 --> 00:09:39,610 (cash register tinging) 270 00:09:41,426 --> 00:09:42,553 - Now, the candidates are all in my office, 271 00:09:42,553 --> 00:09:45,124 so Mr. Harman if you'll introduce them for us, 272 00:09:45,124 --> 00:09:46,026 we can begin. 273 00:09:46,026 --> 00:09:46,859 - Very good, sir. 274 00:09:46,859 --> 00:09:48,255 Warwick's gonna give me a hand. 275 00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,399 You standing by, Warwick? 276 00:09:49,399 --> 00:09:50,805 - I'm standing by. 277 00:09:50,805 --> 00:09:52,241 - Call in Mr. Webster. 278 00:09:52,241 --> 00:09:54,074 - Call in Mr. Webster. 279 00:09:59,658 --> 00:10:02,658 (audience laughing) 280 00:10:11,191 --> 00:10:12,433 - Mr. Rodney Webster. 281 00:10:12,433 --> 00:10:15,016 26 years with Derry and Toms covering haberdashery, 282 00:10:15,016 --> 00:10:16,719 stationery, and notions. 283 00:10:16,719 --> 00:10:18,694 10 years with Pontings in fabrics. 284 00:10:18,694 --> 00:10:21,256 Two years at Gabbages in garden sheds. 285 00:10:21,256 --> 00:10:23,352 Recently working at the Bow Wow pet shop 286 00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:25,880 Tooting Broadway, temporarily unemployed. 287 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,120 (audience laughing) 288 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,258 - Mr. Webster, how old are you? 289 00:10:30,258 --> 00:10:31,374 - Eh? 290 00:10:31,374 --> 00:10:32,855 (audience laughing) 291 00:10:32,855 --> 00:10:34,798 - How old are you? 292 00:10:34,798 --> 00:10:35,631 - 48. 293 00:10:36,584 --> 00:10:40,099 (audience laughing) 294 00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:44,620 - And why did you leave your position at the pet shop? 295 00:10:44,620 --> 00:10:47,568 - I was savaged by a hamster. 296 00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,910 (audience laughing) 297 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:53,030 - You do look rather delicate, Mr. Webster. 298 00:10:53,030 --> 00:10:55,498 Do you think you're up to an eight-hour day? 299 00:10:55,498 --> 00:10:57,980 - You can't sit down, you know. 300 00:10:57,980 --> 00:11:00,838 - This is the first time I've sat down 301 00:11:00,838 --> 00:11:03,838 since I was savaged by that hamster. 302 00:11:04,757 --> 00:11:07,388 - How's your product knowledge? 303 00:11:07,388 --> 00:11:08,962 - What's that? 304 00:11:08,962 --> 00:11:10,578 - Well, can you tell me how 305 00:11:10,578 --> 00:11:12,996 the following differ one from another. 306 00:11:12,996 --> 00:11:15,746 Nylon, Orlon, Ban-Lon, and Tygon. 307 00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:21,690 - I haven't got the job, have I? 308 00:11:21,690 --> 00:11:23,858 (audience laughing) 309 00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:26,468 - Well, we do have one or two more people to see. 310 00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,790 - Well, how shall we leave it then? 311 00:11:28,790 --> 00:11:30,953 - We'll let you know. 312 00:11:30,953 --> 00:11:33,373 - Oh, God bless you, sir. 313 00:11:33,373 --> 00:11:35,782 Thank you very much. 314 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:39,282 I live in a packing case in Covent Garden. 315 00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:44,404 You can't miss it, it's got bananas written over it. 316 00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:48,154 Oh yes, and it's the only one with a chimney. 317 00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:53,392 (audience clapping) 318 00:11:54,612 --> 00:11:56,956 - That could be any one of us. 319 00:11:56,956 --> 00:11:59,131 - After all those years at Derry and Toms, 320 00:11:59,131 --> 00:12:01,139 to be reduced to that. 321 00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:02,762 - Oh, go after him Mr. Harman, 322 00:12:02,762 --> 00:12:05,720 and see if he'd like a cup of tea in the canteen. 323 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:07,021 - He's been here since three o'clock. 324 00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:08,676 He's had four shepherd's pies, 325 00:12:08,676 --> 00:12:11,471 15 cups of tea, and an apple crumble. 326 00:12:11,471 --> 00:12:13,074 Then, he did a song and dance with spoons, 327 00:12:13,074 --> 00:12:14,237 and collected six quid. 328 00:12:14,237 --> 00:12:16,154 So, I reckon he's okay. 329 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,588 - Well, next please. 330 00:12:18,588 --> 00:12:19,421 - Very good. 331 00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:20,836 Call in Mr. Beauchamp. 332 00:12:20,836 --> 00:12:22,836 - Call in Mr. Beauchamp. 333 00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:27,130 (audience laughing) 334 00:12:29,976 --> 00:12:31,990 - Mr. Beauchamp has been employed by the following firms-- 335 00:12:31,990 --> 00:12:34,065 - It's pronounced Beecham. 336 00:12:34,065 --> 00:12:35,301 - Oh, sorry. 337 00:12:35,301 --> 00:12:37,211 - Yes, and I'll give you a resume of my career myself, 338 00:12:37,211 --> 00:12:38,278 if you don't mind. 339 00:12:38,278 --> 00:12:41,968 Well now, I've worked in simply oodles of shops, 340 00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:43,405 mostly continental. 341 00:12:43,405 --> 00:12:45,140 (audience laughing) 342 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:48,061 Including Fashion Designs of Woking, 343 00:12:48,061 --> 00:12:48,978 And then... 344 00:12:50,411 --> 00:12:53,126 then, I was at Maison Jacques of St. Albans 345 00:12:53,126 --> 00:12:55,715 for five ghastly years. 346 00:12:55,715 --> 00:12:59,548 And then, Boutique Bon Marche at Bognor Regis. 347 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:01,866 How brown we got. 348 00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:04,073 But I think I reached my peak at Harrod's 349 00:13:04,073 --> 00:13:05,526 in men's undies. 350 00:13:05,526 --> 00:13:06,793 Oh what bliss. 351 00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:10,412 The lights, the music, the security cameras, 352 00:13:10,412 --> 00:13:11,924 the tycoons with their cigars, 353 00:13:11,924 --> 00:13:15,008 the bargaining Arabs jostling with each other joyfully. 354 00:13:15,008 --> 00:13:17,323 Oh what a cosmopolitan colorful world. 355 00:13:17,323 --> 00:13:19,680 Well, I was loathed to leave it. 356 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,816 - Well, you won't find anything like that at Grace Brothers. 357 00:13:21,816 --> 00:13:23,622 Thank you, we'll let you know. 358 00:13:23,622 --> 00:13:26,622 (audience laughing) 359 00:13:28,077 --> 00:13:29,214 - I see. 360 00:13:29,214 --> 00:13:30,934 Thank you very much, indeed. 361 00:13:30,934 --> 00:13:33,934 (audience clapping) 362 00:13:39,363 --> 00:13:41,165 - Why did you get rid of him so quickly? 363 00:13:41,165 --> 00:13:43,242 - Well, we don't want people like that here. 364 00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:46,242 (audience laughing) 365 00:13:48,821 --> 00:13:50,483 - Can we have the next one, please? 366 00:13:50,483 --> 00:13:51,623 - There isn't a next. 367 00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:52,623 That was it. 368 00:13:53,785 --> 00:13:56,123 - But there were half a dozen candidates in my office. 369 00:13:56,123 --> 00:13:57,430 - Yeah, well unfortunately, 370 00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:58,740 one of them went through your drawers, 371 00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:00,824 and found your pay slip. 372 00:14:00,824 --> 00:14:02,474 And they reckon if that's how much you got, 373 00:14:02,474 --> 00:14:04,257 they'd be on starvation level. 374 00:14:04,257 --> 00:14:05,772 So, they hopped it. 375 00:14:05,772 --> 00:14:08,613 - But all the ones we saw was too old for a junior. 376 00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:11,416 - Yes, well we didn't put junior in the advertisement. 377 00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:13,975 You see the word junior would've cost another four pounds, 378 00:14:13,975 --> 00:14:16,273 and young Mr. Grace has to draw the line somewhere. 379 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,904 - Oh well, we can all go home then, can't we. 380 00:14:17,904 --> 00:14:20,921 (elevator bell chimes) 381 00:14:20,921 --> 00:14:22,220 - I'm not too late, am I? 382 00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:23,530 - Well, it depends what you've come for. 383 00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,669 - I've come to fulfill the vacancy, 384 00:14:26,669 --> 00:14:29,324 in reply to the advertisement. 385 00:14:29,324 --> 00:14:32,970 Oh, I see you've got plenty of applicants here already. 386 00:14:32,970 --> 00:14:34,701 (audience laughing) 387 00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:36,329 - I beg your pardon. 388 00:14:36,329 --> 00:14:37,746 We are the staff. 389 00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:40,973 - What a mistake to make. 390 00:14:40,973 --> 00:14:43,335 Before I've even started. 391 00:14:43,335 --> 00:14:44,168 Shall I go? 392 00:14:44,168 --> 00:14:45,439 - No, no, no, no, of course not. 393 00:14:45,439 --> 00:14:46,742 Please take a seat. 394 00:14:46,742 --> 00:14:47,957 - Thank you. 395 00:14:47,957 --> 00:14:51,141 - That is our senior saleslady, Mrs. Slocombe. 396 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,057 - Oh, charming. 397 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,888 It's an honor to meet you. 398 00:14:53,888 --> 00:14:55,675 - Miss Brahms, her junior. 399 00:14:55,675 --> 00:14:57,173 - Her assistant. 400 00:14:57,173 --> 00:14:58,483 - Delightful. 401 00:14:58,483 --> 00:14:59,355 - Mr. Lucas. 402 00:14:59,355 --> 00:15:00,419 - Senior assistant. 403 00:15:00,419 --> 00:15:02,001 - Smart young man. 404 00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:05,109 - And Mr. Humphries, head of the men's department. 405 00:15:05,109 --> 00:15:07,026 - So high up, so young. 406 00:15:07,884 --> 00:15:09,471 - So far, so good. 407 00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:12,110 (audience laughing) 408 00:15:12,110 --> 00:15:13,458 - Finally, our floorwalker-- 409 00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:15,344 - Don't tell me. 410 00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:17,251 I know that face. 411 00:15:17,251 --> 00:15:19,718 I'm going back 35 years. 412 00:15:19,718 --> 00:15:21,135 I'm at Catterick. 413 00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:23,441 I walk into a Nissen hut, 414 00:15:23,441 --> 00:15:24,850 and there you are 415 00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:29,017 standing on your bed in your shirttails with you hat on. 416 00:15:30,717 --> 00:15:31,703 I've got it. 417 00:15:31,703 --> 00:15:32,536 I've got it. 418 00:15:32,536 --> 00:15:34,084 Cpl. Peacock. 419 00:15:34,084 --> 00:15:37,560 (audience laughing) 420 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:40,560 (audience clapping) 421 00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:47,083 - It was you, wasn't it? 422 00:15:48,944 --> 00:15:51,402 - I was at Catterick in my early days. 423 00:15:51,402 --> 00:15:55,110 Yes, and I was a corporal for a few weeks. 424 00:15:55,110 --> 00:15:56,273 - A few weeks? 425 00:15:56,273 --> 00:15:58,045 When we went to Egypt together, 426 00:15:58,045 --> 00:15:59,731 you were still a corporal. 427 00:15:59,731 --> 00:16:02,380 We both got a cushy job in the cookhouse. 428 00:16:02,380 --> 00:16:04,326 Is it coming back now? 429 00:16:04,326 --> 00:16:06,050 - I think it's going further away. 430 00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:07,517 (audience laughing) 431 00:16:07,517 --> 00:16:08,666 - You remember me? 432 00:16:08,666 --> 00:16:10,591 Harry Goldberg. 433 00:16:10,591 --> 00:16:11,829 - I have no recollection of ever 434 00:16:11,829 --> 00:16:14,370 seeing you in my life before. 435 00:16:14,370 --> 00:16:16,016 - Oh. 436 00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,183 Oh, I'm sorry. 437 00:16:20,530 --> 00:16:23,326 The memory does play funny tricks. 438 00:16:23,326 --> 00:16:25,463 It was a long time ago. 439 00:16:25,463 --> 00:16:27,668 I've obviously made a mistake. 440 00:16:27,668 --> 00:16:29,680 - This gentleman is Capt.Peacock 441 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:33,156 who actually fought hand-to-hand with Rommel's army. 442 00:16:33,156 --> 00:16:33,989 - Oh. 443 00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,726 We always wondered what he did in his spare time. 444 00:16:38,726 --> 00:16:40,781 (audience laughing) 445 00:16:40,781 --> 00:16:42,715 Capt. Peacock is it? 446 00:16:42,715 --> 00:16:43,920 Yeah. 447 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:48,397 No, no, this one could never have become a captain. 448 00:16:48,397 --> 00:16:49,841 No, no, no, no. 449 00:16:49,841 --> 00:16:51,142 Couldn't have been you, sir. 450 00:16:51,142 --> 00:16:52,770 I'm sorry. 451 00:16:52,770 --> 00:16:54,302 - Well, now we've got that sorted out, 452 00:16:54,302 --> 00:16:55,923 can we get on? 453 00:16:55,923 --> 00:16:57,270 I've got to get home. 454 00:16:57,270 --> 00:17:00,313 If my pussy isn't attended to by eight o'clock, 455 00:17:00,313 --> 00:17:04,269 I shall be stroking it for the rest of the evening. 456 00:17:04,269 --> 00:17:06,153 - Have I come at an awkward moment? 457 00:17:06,153 --> 00:17:07,093 - No, indeed not. 458 00:17:07,093 --> 00:17:08,474 You're the last candidate. 459 00:17:08,474 --> 00:17:11,004 Perhaps we could hear your qualifications. 460 00:17:11,004 --> 00:17:13,132 - Well, I've had a lot of experience 461 00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:15,412 in the retail and clothing trade. 462 00:17:15,412 --> 00:17:17,278 I'm a qualified cutter and a fitter. 463 00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:19,853 And I had my own establishment for some years. 464 00:17:19,853 --> 00:17:21,441 - Oh, why did you give it up? 465 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,806 - Perhaps the wheels fell off his barrow. 466 00:17:23,806 --> 00:17:26,602 (audience laughing) 467 00:17:26,602 --> 00:17:28,852 - Oh, great sense of humor. 468 00:17:29,931 --> 00:17:32,013 Should I be lucky enough to get the job, 469 00:17:32,013 --> 00:17:35,023 I shall enjoy working here. 470 00:17:35,023 --> 00:17:36,584 - So, you had your own place. 471 00:17:36,584 --> 00:17:37,548 Would we know it? 472 00:17:37,548 --> 00:17:38,749 - Well, I doubt it. 473 00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:41,684 It was over a fish and chip shop in Bermondsey. 474 00:17:41,684 --> 00:17:44,772 Mind you, everyone knew my suits. 475 00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,668 - By the aroma of fish and chips? 476 00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:49,378 - No, by the cut. 477 00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:51,087 - Yes, but if it was so successful, 478 00:17:51,087 --> 00:17:53,334 why did you give it up? 479 00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:55,794 - The fat caught fire. 480 00:17:55,794 --> 00:17:58,027 There was a conflagration taking 481 00:17:58,027 --> 00:17:59,659 the whole of my stock with it. 482 00:17:59,659 --> 00:18:00,492 I was ruined. 483 00:18:00,492 --> 00:18:02,680 - Oh, when did this happen? 484 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:03,901 - Yesterday. 485 00:18:03,901 --> 00:18:05,726 (audience laughing) 486 00:18:05,726 --> 00:18:07,189 - I'm afraid that we omitted to put 487 00:18:07,189 --> 00:18:08,612 in our advertisement that the post 488 00:18:08,612 --> 00:18:10,708 on offer was that of a junior. 489 00:18:10,708 --> 00:18:11,933 - Junior, senior. 490 00:18:11,933 --> 00:18:15,943 I mean, it's such beautiful surroundings here, 491 00:18:15,943 --> 00:18:18,349 and to work among such nice people 492 00:18:18,349 --> 00:18:20,017 would be a privilege. 493 00:18:20,017 --> 00:18:22,100 - And that is the salary. 494 00:18:25,383 --> 00:18:28,028 (audience laughing) 495 00:18:28,028 --> 00:18:28,861 - A day? 496 00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:32,434 - A week. 497 00:18:32,434 --> 00:18:36,616 - Are you working for an award for fighting inflation? 498 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,962 - On top of that you do get commission. 499 00:18:38,962 --> 00:18:41,688 - And of course, it is regular. 500 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:45,107 And there are holidays, and a pension. 501 00:18:45,107 --> 00:18:46,238 - I'll take it. 502 00:18:46,238 --> 00:18:49,377 Should I be lucky enough to secure the appointment. 503 00:18:49,377 --> 00:18:50,709 - Well, if you leave your address, 504 00:18:50,709 --> 00:18:51,542 we'll let you know. 505 00:18:51,542 --> 00:18:53,228 - Oh, I have my card. 506 00:18:53,228 --> 00:18:54,061 - Oh. 507 00:18:54,061 --> 00:18:55,105 - Here we are. 508 00:18:55,105 --> 00:18:58,427 Fortunately, the letterbox is still standing. 509 00:18:58,427 --> 00:18:59,554 Good evening, everybody. 510 00:18:59,554 --> 00:19:01,221 Thank you very much. 511 00:19:02,607 --> 00:19:06,510 I'm sorry I mistook you for someone I spent four years with, 512 00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:07,952 sleeping in the same tent, 513 00:19:07,952 --> 00:19:09,270 eating the same food, 514 00:19:09,270 --> 00:19:11,187 doing the same jankers. 515 00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:15,152 Strange the tricks the mind can play. 516 00:19:16,910 --> 00:19:19,910 (audience clapping) 517 00:19:27,815 --> 00:19:30,456 - Of course, I think he's totally unsuitable. 518 00:19:30,456 --> 00:19:32,998 - It's the best we've seen so far. 519 00:19:32,998 --> 00:19:34,724 - I preferred Mr. Beauchamp. 520 00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:35,844 - You didn't, did you Mr. Humphries? 521 00:19:35,844 --> 00:19:37,928 - I most certainly did not, Mr. Lucas. 522 00:19:37,928 --> 00:19:39,493 - Of course, it's just a personal dislike 523 00:19:39,493 --> 00:19:40,938 on Mr. Humphries part. 524 00:19:40,938 --> 00:19:42,496 Let's have a show of hands. 525 00:19:42,496 --> 00:19:45,667 Those in favor of Mr. Beauchamp. 526 00:19:45,667 --> 00:19:46,500 - Against? 527 00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:49,837 I'm afraid the nos have it. 528 00:19:50,724 --> 00:19:52,740 - I must say my heart went out to that 529 00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:56,226 charming old gentleman who came in first. 530 00:19:56,226 --> 00:19:57,318 - What, the one who's dossing down 531 00:19:57,318 --> 00:19:59,280 in a packing case in Covent Garden? 532 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,835 - I have never thought that a man's background 533 00:20:00,835 --> 00:20:02,468 should be held against him. 534 00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:03,458 I mean, he was willing. 535 00:20:03,458 --> 00:20:04,477 He had a nice smile. 536 00:20:04,477 --> 00:20:05,747 He was courteous. 537 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,740 - And he wasn't in the army. 538 00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:10,309 - That has nothing to do with it. 539 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:11,221 - Oh well in that case, 540 00:20:11,221 --> 00:20:14,062 let's pick the last one and go home. 541 00:20:14,062 --> 00:20:15,717 - All those in favor? 542 00:20:15,717 --> 00:20:17,281 - Carried unanimously. 543 00:20:17,281 --> 00:20:19,442 - Except for Cpl. Peacock. 544 00:20:19,442 --> 00:20:22,961 (audience laughing) 545 00:20:22,961 --> 00:20:26,275 (cash register tinging) 546 00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:28,171 - [Cleaning Woman] Good morning, Capt. Peacock. 547 00:20:28,171 --> 00:20:31,647 - I know nothing that's good about Monday morning. 548 00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,806 - Here, I've heard you've got a new junior. 549 00:20:34,806 --> 00:20:37,652 Is he tall, dark, handsome, and sexy? 550 00:20:37,652 --> 00:20:41,621 - No, he's shortish, stoutish, and grayish. 551 00:20:41,621 --> 00:20:43,362 - Just my type. 552 00:20:43,362 --> 00:20:45,250 Kind of think of anything's my type. 553 00:20:45,250 --> 00:20:46,371 (audience laughing) 554 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:47,891 Even you. 555 00:20:47,891 --> 00:20:49,316 (laughs) 556 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,212 - Good morning, Ethel. 557 00:20:51,212 --> 00:20:52,152 - [Capt. Peacock] Good morning, ladies. 558 00:20:52,152 --> 00:20:53,822 - Good morning, Capt. Peacock. 559 00:20:53,822 --> 00:20:55,363 - Morning, corporal. 560 00:20:55,363 --> 00:20:58,374 (audience laughing) 561 00:20:58,374 --> 00:21:02,296 - Miss Brahms, let's nip this in the bud right now. 562 00:21:02,296 --> 00:21:04,027 That man was mistaken. 563 00:21:04,027 --> 00:21:06,113 My title is Capt. Peacock. 564 00:21:06,113 --> 00:21:09,214 And as junior, you will continue to address me as such. 565 00:21:09,214 --> 00:21:10,858 Now, sign the book, and get to your counter. 566 00:21:10,858 --> 00:21:12,108 - Yes, captain. 567 00:21:14,820 --> 00:21:16,804 - You were quite right to admonish her. 568 00:21:16,804 --> 00:21:19,392 She gets far too familiar. 569 00:21:19,392 --> 00:21:21,735 Strictly between you and me, 570 00:21:21,735 --> 00:21:25,800 were you in the army with Mr. Goldberg? 571 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,657 - It was 35 years ago, Mrs. Slocombe. 572 00:21:28,657 --> 00:21:30,165 Can you remember who you worked with 573 00:21:30,165 --> 00:21:32,156 at Lyons when you were a nippy? 574 00:21:32,156 --> 00:21:35,109 (audience laughing) 575 00:21:35,109 --> 00:21:39,951 - You promised you'd never mention that to a living soul. 576 00:21:39,951 --> 00:21:41,943 Anyway, it was only four weeks, 577 00:21:41,943 --> 00:21:43,328 and I was very hard up. 578 00:21:43,328 --> 00:21:45,495 And it was a corner house. 579 00:21:46,363 --> 00:21:49,245 - What's a nippy, Mrs. Slocombe? 580 00:21:49,245 --> 00:21:50,945 (elevator bell chimes) 581 00:21:50,945 --> 00:21:52,503 - Oh, good morning, Mr. Lucas. 582 00:21:52,503 --> 00:21:53,522 - Good morning, corp 583 00:21:53,522 --> 00:21:55,315 Capt. Peacock. 584 00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,185 - I'm glad to see that your new responsibility 585 00:21:57,185 --> 00:21:58,982 has encouraged you to come in on time. 586 00:21:58,982 --> 00:22:00,505 - Yes, well with the extra pound a week I'm gettin', 587 00:22:00,505 --> 00:22:01,888 I can now afford to come on the bus 588 00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:03,124 instead of hitchhiking. 589 00:22:03,124 --> 00:22:04,611 (elevator bell chimes) 590 00:22:04,611 --> 00:22:05,664 - Morning, all. 591 00:22:05,664 --> 00:22:07,682 - [Capt. Peacock] Good morning, Mr. Humphries. 592 00:22:07,682 --> 00:22:10,078 (audience clapping) 593 00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:12,090 - Blimey, he's taking it seriously. 594 00:22:12,090 --> 00:22:14,599 He's got his senior assistant's homburg. 595 00:22:14,599 --> 00:22:16,387 That must've set him back a bit. 596 00:22:16,387 --> 00:22:19,090 - You look very smart, Mr. Humphries. 597 00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:20,607 - Thank you, Mrs. Slocombe. 598 00:22:20,607 --> 00:22:21,979 As a matter of fact, my mother burst 599 00:22:21,979 --> 00:22:24,273 into tears on the doorstep this morning. 600 00:22:24,273 --> 00:22:27,167 - Oh, I expect that was because she was so proud of you. 601 00:22:27,167 --> 00:22:28,744 - Yes, coupled with the fact that 602 00:22:28,744 --> 00:22:31,563 I spent the milk money on a new hat. 603 00:22:31,563 --> 00:22:32,998 - Morning, everybody. 604 00:22:32,998 --> 00:22:34,414 - [Capt. Peacock] Good morning, Mr. Goldberg. 605 00:22:34,414 --> 00:22:35,745 - My first day. 606 00:22:35,745 --> 00:22:37,513 It's very exciting for me. 607 00:22:37,513 --> 00:22:38,971 Where should I put my coat? 608 00:22:38,971 --> 00:22:40,941 - The junior's peg. It's through that passage. 609 00:22:40,941 --> 00:22:41,774 - Thank you. 610 00:22:41,774 --> 00:22:42,655 - Here, I'll take it for you, Mr. Goldberg. 611 00:22:42,655 --> 00:22:43,632 - Call me Harry. 612 00:22:43,632 --> 00:22:46,278 - No, call him Mr. Goldberg. 613 00:22:46,278 --> 00:22:48,373 At Grace Brothers we're only on first name terms 614 00:22:48,373 --> 00:22:50,703 outside working hours. 615 00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,909 And then, only after a long association. 616 00:22:52,909 --> 00:22:54,246 - That's quite correct. 617 00:22:54,246 --> 00:22:55,125 That's class. 618 00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:56,189 Style. 619 00:22:56,189 --> 00:22:57,662 That's how a beautiful store like this 620 00:22:57,662 --> 00:23:00,156 gets its reputation. 621 00:23:00,156 --> 00:23:01,426 Where do I stand? 622 00:23:01,426 --> 00:23:02,481 - You don't. 623 00:23:02,481 --> 00:23:03,936 You sign the book first. 624 00:23:03,936 --> 00:23:06,161 You'll find a tape, and a bill pad, in your drawer. 625 00:23:06,161 --> 00:23:08,643 You will not, however, wear the tape round your neck. 626 00:23:08,643 --> 00:23:11,019 Only Mr. Humphries is allowed that privilege. 627 00:23:11,019 --> 00:23:13,908 Mr. Humphries and Mr. Lucas will explain your duties to you. 628 00:23:13,908 --> 00:23:15,333 I have to go and see Mr. Rumbold. 629 00:23:15,333 --> 00:23:17,520 (bell ringing) 630 00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:19,078 Ah, that's the opening bell. 631 00:23:19,078 --> 00:23:20,570 - Oh, thank heavens. 632 00:23:20,570 --> 00:23:23,324 I thought it was the fat caught alight again. 633 00:23:23,324 --> 00:23:24,675 (audience laughing) 634 00:23:24,675 --> 00:23:25,542 - Stations everyone. 635 00:23:25,542 --> 00:23:27,959 The public will be coming in. 636 00:23:29,698 --> 00:23:32,063 - He's a right tarter, isn't he? 637 00:23:32,063 --> 00:23:35,230 Mind you, so was the man who he isn't. 638 00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:37,994 - It's what authority does to people. 639 00:23:37,994 --> 00:23:39,617 - Yes, well it's not going to do it to me. 640 00:23:39,617 --> 00:23:42,820 I am going to stay the same kind, understanding 641 00:23:42,820 --> 00:23:44,629 I've never seen anything so disgraceful 642 00:23:44,629 --> 00:23:46,525 as that glove drawer, Mr. Lucas. 643 00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:48,238 Get it tidied up at once. 644 00:23:48,238 --> 00:23:49,857 - Well, I was just totalling my month's figures. 645 00:23:49,857 --> 00:23:51,623 - Well, you should've done that last week. 646 00:23:51,623 --> 00:23:53,186 - The battery on my calculator went. 647 00:23:53,186 --> 00:23:56,223 - Mr. Lucas, Mr. Lucas please, would you allow me? 648 00:23:56,223 --> 00:23:57,378 - Oh, thanks very much. 649 00:23:57,378 --> 00:23:58,346 - Thank you very much. 650 00:23:58,346 --> 00:23:59,429 There we are. 651 00:24:01,428 --> 00:24:04,602 (speaking in gibberish) 652 00:24:04,602 --> 00:24:07,602 (audience laughing) 653 00:24:15,728 --> 00:24:17,413 There we are. 654 00:24:17,413 --> 00:24:18,702 You see, simple. 655 00:24:18,702 --> 00:24:21,035 Now, I'll tidy your drawers, 656 00:24:22,832 --> 00:24:24,222 if you show me my duties. 657 00:24:24,222 --> 00:24:25,071 - There's just one thing, 658 00:24:25,071 --> 00:24:27,005 as far as the commission is concerned, 659 00:24:27,005 --> 00:24:29,156 that's calculated on our individual sales 660 00:24:29,156 --> 00:24:30,759 at the end of the week. 661 00:24:30,759 --> 00:24:32,370 So therefore, when the customers come in, 662 00:24:32,370 --> 00:24:33,382 I get first crack, 663 00:24:33,382 --> 00:24:34,551 Mr. Lucas goes second, 664 00:24:34,551 --> 00:24:35,485 and you go third. 665 00:24:35,485 --> 00:24:37,004 - Suppose they ask for me personally? 666 00:24:37,004 --> 00:24:39,753 - That won't arise until you've built up a clientele. 667 00:24:39,753 --> 00:24:42,131 - But wouldn't you rather split the commission 668 00:24:42,131 --> 00:24:43,851 three ways at the end of the week? 669 00:24:43,851 --> 00:24:44,837 - No thank you, no. 670 00:24:44,837 --> 00:24:45,994 This is the way we've always done it, 671 00:24:45,994 --> 00:24:47,337 and this is the way we're going to carry on. 672 00:24:47,337 --> 00:24:48,170 Right Mr. Lucas? 673 00:24:48,170 --> 00:24:49,401 - Entirely, Mr. Humphries. 674 00:24:49,401 --> 00:24:50,811 - So be it. 675 00:24:50,811 --> 00:24:51,644 (elevator bell chimes) 676 00:24:51,644 --> 00:24:54,148 (men yelling) 677 00:24:54,148 --> 00:24:57,148 (audience laughing) 678 00:25:00,534 --> 00:25:02,721 - Nice place, you're coming on in the world. 679 00:25:02,721 --> 00:25:04,878 - Beautiful merchandise, Harry. 680 00:25:04,878 --> 00:25:05,982 Classy material. 681 00:25:05,982 --> 00:25:07,261 - Competitive prices an' all, eh? 682 00:25:07,261 --> 00:25:10,207 Here, do you take 5% off of cash? 683 00:25:10,207 --> 00:25:11,152 - 5%? 684 00:25:11,152 --> 00:25:12,263 Here, none of that, no. 685 00:25:12,263 --> 00:25:13,964 This is strictly on the level. 686 00:25:13,964 --> 00:25:15,565 No discount. 687 00:25:15,565 --> 00:25:17,144 - Here, I heard about the fire. 688 00:25:17,144 --> 00:25:19,789 - Hey, I thought the fire wasn't until next week. 689 00:25:19,789 --> 00:25:21,056 - I brought it forward. 690 00:25:21,056 --> 00:25:22,139 - Oh. 691 00:25:22,139 --> 00:25:23,456 (audience laughing) 692 00:25:23,456 --> 00:25:25,030 - I'll have this vicuna coat. 693 00:25:25,030 --> 00:25:26,768 - That's 500 pounds. 694 00:25:26,768 --> 00:25:28,653 - Hey Harry, have you got six of these 695 00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:30,260 silk shirts in my size? 696 00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:32,731 - That makes it 650. 697 00:25:32,731 --> 00:25:34,479 - That's a classy suit. 698 00:25:34,479 --> 00:25:35,751 Just what I'm looking for. 699 00:25:35,751 --> 00:25:37,351 - That's 800 pounds. 700 00:25:37,351 --> 00:25:39,989 - Harry, I'd like a crocodile briefcase 701 00:25:39,989 --> 00:25:41,880 with matching shoes in black. 702 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:43,013 I'm going to a funeral. 703 00:25:43,013 --> 00:25:44,135 - Hey, that's 1200 quid. 704 00:25:44,135 --> 00:25:45,187 Think of the commission. 705 00:25:45,187 --> 00:25:46,020 - Think of his commission. 706 00:25:46,020 --> 00:25:47,460 Can we be of any assistance? 707 00:25:47,460 --> 00:25:48,833 - Start wrapping these things up 708 00:25:48,833 --> 00:25:51,016 before the Hackney mob get in. 709 00:25:51,016 --> 00:25:53,620 Now, you'll need some cuff links to go with those shirts. 710 00:25:53,620 --> 00:25:56,727 Put some cuff links with these shirts. 711 00:25:56,727 --> 00:25:58,954 And some socks, you'll need some socks 712 00:25:58,954 --> 00:26:00,722 to go with that suit. 713 00:26:00,722 --> 00:26:02,474 It's a very unusual color. 714 00:26:02,474 --> 00:26:03,997 Socks, Mr. Lucas. 715 00:26:03,997 --> 00:26:05,043 - How many? 716 00:26:05,043 --> 00:26:06,395 - How many? Two. 717 00:26:06,395 --> 00:26:08,106 How many does a person wear? 718 00:26:08,106 --> 00:26:11,439 (cash register tinging) 719 00:26:13,695 --> 00:26:15,700 - The figures have been very good, Rumbold. 720 00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,225 - They have, indeed, sir. 721 00:26:17,225 --> 00:26:19,008 Best week of the year. 722 00:26:19,008 --> 00:26:20,646 Of course this is partly due to the presence 723 00:26:20,646 --> 00:26:22,658 of our new counter hand. 724 00:26:22,658 --> 00:26:24,809 - Well, what about giving him a nice rise? 725 00:26:24,809 --> 00:26:26,976 Say, seven and six a week? 726 00:26:29,342 --> 00:26:31,064 - We'll have to do rather more than that, sir. 727 00:26:31,064 --> 00:26:33,531 In fact, he wants more money than our senior salesman, 728 00:26:33,531 --> 00:26:35,031 otherwise we're going to lose him. 729 00:26:35,031 --> 00:26:37,111 - Well, pay him. 730 00:26:37,111 --> 00:26:38,466 - Well, if I do that, sir. 731 00:26:38,466 --> 00:26:41,633 Capt. Peacock has threatened to lead a walkout. 732 00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:44,050 - Well, sort it out, Rumbold. 733 00:26:45,617 --> 00:26:48,365 (knocking) 734 00:26:48,365 --> 00:26:49,198 - Enter. 735 00:26:50,401 --> 00:26:52,976 - May we see you for a moment, Mr. Rumbold? 736 00:26:52,976 --> 00:26:54,560 - Certainly, what's the trouble? 737 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:56,698 - We just want to make it absolutely clear 738 00:26:56,698 --> 00:27:01,625 that we have no intention of walking out with Capt. Peacock. 739 00:27:01,625 --> 00:27:04,639 And I an unanimous in that. 740 00:27:04,639 --> 00:27:06,328 We like Mr. Goldberg. 741 00:27:06,328 --> 00:27:08,670 - Yeah, he's taking her to the pictures tonight. 742 00:27:08,670 --> 00:27:09,503 - Shut up. 743 00:27:11,626 --> 00:27:13,318 - But if I pay him the money he's asking, 744 00:27:13,318 --> 00:27:15,269 I'll have to make him senior salesman. 745 00:27:15,269 --> 00:27:16,331 - Well, I don't mind that. 746 00:27:16,331 --> 00:27:19,024 At his age, he ought to be senior salesman. 747 00:27:19,024 --> 00:27:22,526 Besides, I don't think I'm temperamentally suited for it. 748 00:27:22,526 --> 00:27:24,961 You know, I haven't slept for a week? 749 00:27:24,961 --> 00:27:27,461 I'm getting silver threads amongst the gold. 750 00:27:27,461 --> 00:27:28,672 (audience laughing) 751 00:27:28,672 --> 00:27:30,179 - We don't mind going back to our old wages, 752 00:27:30,179 --> 00:27:31,901 'cause he's sharing his commission with us. 753 00:27:31,901 --> 00:27:33,796 - But I can't promote Mr. Goldberg 754 00:27:33,796 --> 00:27:36,044 without the consent of Capt. Peacock. 755 00:27:36,044 --> 00:27:40,211 - Well, Mr. Goldberg says he might be able to arrange that. 756 00:27:43,317 --> 00:27:46,032 - I understand you won't be with us next week, Mr. Goldberg. 757 00:27:46,032 --> 00:27:47,349 Very regrettable. 758 00:27:47,349 --> 00:27:50,093 - Yes, well I would like to have stayed, 759 00:27:50,093 --> 00:27:52,734 but I gather there was some very 760 00:27:52,734 --> 00:27:56,261 strong opposition from a senior executive. 761 00:27:56,261 --> 00:27:57,825 - Indeed what a pity. 762 00:27:57,825 --> 00:27:59,851 - Yes, so I thought well I'd like to leave 763 00:27:59,851 --> 00:28:03,518 a little memento of me to the staff. 764 00:28:03,518 --> 00:28:06,631 And I was looking in an old scrapbook. 765 00:28:06,631 --> 00:28:09,260 And would you believe it, I found... 766 00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:12,415 I found this photo of me with that corporal 767 00:28:12,415 --> 00:28:14,840 I so foolishly thought was you. 768 00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:15,964 - Oh yes? 769 00:28:15,964 --> 00:28:17,082 - Yeah, yeah. 770 00:28:17,082 --> 00:28:18,451 It's very interesting. 771 00:28:18,451 --> 00:28:22,618 In fact, if you looked at it through this magnifying glass 772 00:28:24,024 --> 00:28:27,377 you'll see that on Cpl. Peacock's 773 00:28:27,377 --> 00:28:31,377 right arm there's a motto, and it says a tattoo, 774 00:28:33,115 --> 00:28:36,032 and it says, death before dishonor. 775 00:28:40,340 --> 00:28:42,495 Tattoo marks are very difficult 776 00:28:42,495 --> 00:28:44,610 to get rid of Capt. Peacock. 777 00:28:44,610 --> 00:28:46,187 - Practically impossible. 778 00:28:46,187 --> 00:28:50,354 - Yes, so I thought the staff would like to have this photo, 779 00:28:52,156 --> 00:28:52,989 if I go. 780 00:28:54,284 --> 00:28:57,284 (audience laughing) 781 00:28:59,415 --> 00:29:00,582 Should I stay, 782 00:29:05,279 --> 00:29:07,357 I would like you to have it. 783 00:29:07,357 --> 00:29:08,916 - Capt. Peacock, 784 00:29:08,916 --> 00:29:10,248 may we have a word with you? 785 00:29:10,248 --> 00:29:11,923 It's about Mr. Goldberg. 786 00:29:11,923 --> 00:29:14,914 - Ah yes, well I've just been having 787 00:29:14,914 --> 00:29:16,508 a little tete a tete with him, 788 00:29:16,508 --> 00:29:19,798 and I think it would be to the advantage of us all 789 00:29:19,798 --> 00:29:21,682 if he were to stay with us. 790 00:29:21,682 --> 00:29:23,123 - Oh, splendid. 791 00:29:23,123 --> 00:29:25,371 - How can I ever thank you? 792 00:29:25,371 --> 00:29:27,936 (audience clapping) 793 00:29:27,936 --> 00:29:31,853 ("Are You Being Served Theme") 794 00:29:33,398 --> 00:29:36,331 ♫ Ground floor perfumery, stationery, and leather goods 795 00:29:36,331 --> 00:29:39,502 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food 796 00:29:39,502 --> 00:29:41,752 ♫ Going up 797 00:29:45,061 --> 00:29:47,921 ♫ First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits, 798 00:29:47,921 --> 00:29:50,517 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes 799 00:29:50,517 --> 00:29:52,767 ♫ Going up 800 00:29:56,668 --> 00:29:59,480 ♫ Second floor carpets, travel goods and bedding, 801 00:29:59,480 --> 00:30:02,120 ♫ Material, soft furnishings, restaurant and teas 802 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,537 ♫ Going down 803 00:30:08,235 --> 00:30:11,039 ♫ First floor telephones, gents ready-made suits, 804 00:30:11,039 --> 00:30:13,627 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear and shoes 805 00:30:13,627 --> 00:30:17,460 ♫ Going up ♫