1 00:00:05,595 --> 00:00:07,553 Ground floor, perfumery, 2 00:00:07,553 --> 00:00:09,012 stationary and leather goods. 3 00:00:09,012 --> 00:00:12,845 Blinks and haberdashery, kitchenware and food. 4 00:00:18,155 --> 00:00:20,800 First floor, telephones, guest-ready made suits, 5 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,158 shirts, socks, pies, hats... 6 00:00:23,948 --> 00:00:25,883 Oh I have Mr. Rambold for you. 7 00:00:25,883 --> 00:00:29,392 - There's no need for me to speak to him. 8 00:00:29,392 --> 00:00:32,345 - He doesn't want to speak to you. 9 00:00:32,345 --> 00:00:33,945 - Just tell him I want to see him. 10 00:00:35,615 --> 00:00:36,948 Oh he's hung up. 11 00:00:37,846 --> 00:00:40,346 - Oh dear, well get him again. 12 00:00:41,546 --> 00:00:43,580 Just tell him he's wanted. 13 00:00:45,082 --> 00:00:48,123 Oh I'm sorry, would you tell him Mr. Rambold wants him? 14 00:00:48,123 --> 00:00:48,956 Thank you. 15 00:00:50,319 --> 00:00:52,369 - Now I need a file. 16 00:00:52,369 --> 00:00:55,500 - Oh I think I've got one in here. 17 00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,668 - From the filing cabinet! 18 00:00:57,668 --> 00:00:58,585 - Oh sorry. 19 00:01:03,234 --> 00:01:05,333 - Mr. Rambold's office. 20 00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:06,952 Oh, it's Captain Peacock. 21 00:01:06,952 --> 00:01:09,114 - Oh dear, well ask him what he wants. 22 00:01:11,690 --> 00:01:14,902 He wants to know what you want. 23 00:01:14,902 --> 00:01:17,353 - I want him in here, not on the phone. 24 00:01:17,353 --> 00:01:20,590 - Mr. Ramble doesn't want you on the phone. 25 00:01:20,590 --> 00:01:21,423 Oh. 26 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,718 - He's hung up again. 27 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:26,923 - I'm going to get very cross in a minute. 28 00:01:26,923 --> 00:01:29,007 - I hope it's nothing I've done. 29 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,677 - Try to get Captain Peacock on the phone. 30 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:36,536 - But I thought you wanted him in here! 31 00:01:36,536 --> 00:01:39,203 - Oh well I better do it myself. 32 00:01:44,596 --> 00:01:46,179 Hello, who is this? 33 00:01:47,443 --> 00:01:50,815 What do you mean you can't guess? 34 00:01:50,815 --> 00:01:52,904 I'm not asking you to guess who I am, 35 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,289 I want to know who you are. 36 00:01:55,289 --> 00:01:58,789 I see, you won't tell me until I tell you. 37 00:02:00,085 --> 00:02:02,236 It's hopeless, isn't it? 38 00:02:02,236 --> 00:02:04,689 This is Mr. Rambold, I want to speak 39 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,272 to Captain Peacock. 40 00:02:07,673 --> 00:02:10,904 Will you find Captain Peacock and tell him 41 00:02:10,904 --> 00:02:13,101 he's wanted urgently on the phone. 42 00:02:13,101 --> 00:02:16,030 - Oh thank you sir I'll take it here if you don't mind. 43 00:02:16,030 --> 00:02:17,658 Captain Peacock here, I understand you have 44 00:02:17,658 --> 00:02:19,121 an urgent telephone call for me. 45 00:02:19,121 --> 00:02:20,564 - It's me! 46 00:02:20,564 --> 00:02:23,250 - I'm sorry sir, I understood you to say it was for me. 47 00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,091 - It was for you! 48 00:02:25,091 --> 00:02:27,122 - I see no reason why I shouldn't take an 49 00:02:27,122 --> 00:02:28,912 urgent telephone call. 50 00:02:28,912 --> 00:02:30,463 It might have been from my wi-- 51 00:02:30,463 --> 00:02:31,296 My mother. 52 00:02:34,051 --> 00:02:36,146 - It was me phoning you. 53 00:02:38,084 --> 00:02:40,922 - I wanted to speak to you urgently. 54 00:02:40,922 --> 00:02:44,791 - Well you only had to pick up the telephone. 55 00:02:44,791 --> 00:02:46,120 - Excuse me. 56 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:50,536 - What was it that you wanted to see me about? 57 00:02:50,536 --> 00:02:52,326 - I wanted to you to advise the staff 58 00:02:52,326 --> 00:02:55,060 of the decoration program. 59 00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:57,564 Now I have the details here. 60 00:02:57,564 --> 00:03:00,523 Oh Ms. Thorpe, where's the maintenance file? 61 00:03:02,461 --> 00:03:03,547 - Yes. 62 00:03:03,547 --> 00:03:06,913 - I filed it yesterday under A. 63 00:03:08,423 --> 00:03:10,500 - Yes, I file most things under A. 64 00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:12,170 - I don't quite follow. 65 00:03:12,170 --> 00:03:16,337 - Well, a letter, a sales report, a customer's complaint. 66 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:20,954 - A difficult way of finding anything. 67 00:03:20,954 --> 00:03:22,517 - Ms. Thorpe is only temporary. 68 00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:25,792 - No, no, no we'll talk about it lat-- 69 00:03:25,792 --> 00:03:28,152 Ah, here's the decorating file. 70 00:03:28,152 --> 00:03:29,589 This goes under M. 71 00:03:29,589 --> 00:03:32,259 - I see, D goes under M. 72 00:03:32,259 --> 00:03:34,490 - Decorating comes under maintenance 73 00:03:34,490 --> 00:03:36,838 and maintenance comes under M. 74 00:03:36,838 --> 00:03:39,589 - I think my system's much simpler. 75 00:03:39,589 --> 00:03:41,036 - It's certainly different. 76 00:03:41,036 --> 00:03:42,422 You must tell me more about it. 77 00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:43,925 - I'm afraid I can't stop now because 78 00:03:43,925 --> 00:03:47,059 it's my coffee break, excuse me. 79 00:03:47,059 --> 00:03:49,013 Now Captain Peacock, Peacock! 80 00:03:49,013 --> 00:03:50,394 - Sir. 81 00:03:50,394 --> 00:03:52,764 - Now this is what I want you to explain to staff. 82 00:03:52,764 --> 00:03:54,515 The decorator's coming in tomorrow. 83 00:03:54,515 --> 00:03:56,605 - Yes sir, I hate to interrupt you but if it's 84 00:03:56,605 --> 00:04:00,004 not all that urgent, I am a minute into my coffee break. 85 00:04:00,004 --> 00:04:03,587 I hope you won't mind if I come back later. 86 00:04:09,875 --> 00:04:11,665 - I have a complaint but I can't remember 87 00:04:11,665 --> 00:04:13,602 who served me before. 88 00:04:13,602 --> 00:04:16,012 - Have you retained a receipt, because without it 89 00:04:16,012 --> 00:04:17,894 we can't do anything. 90 00:04:17,894 --> 00:04:19,648 - Yes, here it is. 91 00:04:19,648 --> 00:04:22,134 I'm terrible at remembering faces. 92 00:04:22,134 --> 00:04:24,117 - Oh yes, I'm 51. 93 00:04:24,117 --> 00:04:26,534 - Yes, it was an elder woman. 94 00:04:28,613 --> 00:04:31,863 - I am assistant 51, that is my number. 95 00:04:33,328 --> 00:04:36,785 - Do forgive me, I'm just so upset over my purchase. 96 00:04:36,785 --> 00:04:40,368 - One washable ladies wig, color brown ash, 97 00:04:41,398 --> 00:04:43,449 four pounds 50. 98 00:04:43,449 --> 00:04:45,905 Well now, what seems to be the trouble? 99 00:04:45,905 --> 00:04:48,511 - Well after one wash it's just dreadful. 100 00:04:48,511 --> 00:04:50,492 I look a fright in it! 101 00:04:50,492 --> 00:04:53,401 - Yes, I see what you mean. 102 00:04:53,401 --> 00:04:56,567 Of course you can't possibly go about like that. 103 00:04:56,567 --> 00:04:59,586 If you care to take it off I'll send it back to the factory. 104 00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:02,503 This is my own hair! 105 00:05:03,516 --> 00:05:05,196 That's the wig! 106 00:05:05,196 --> 00:05:06,411 - Just a moment sir. 107 00:05:06,411 --> 00:05:07,888 I've got a customer here who says he can't come in 108 00:05:07,888 --> 00:05:10,280 to be measured for a suit and could we send him one. 109 00:05:14,498 --> 00:05:17,715 - He's white but he doesn't know his size. 110 00:05:17,715 --> 00:05:19,048 - Give it to me. 111 00:05:21,119 --> 00:05:22,091 Good morning sir. 112 00:05:22,091 --> 00:05:23,265 Oh yes. 113 00:05:23,265 --> 00:05:25,890 Have you got a tape measure there? 114 00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:29,927 If you take the measurements we'll write them down. 115 00:05:29,927 --> 00:05:31,760 He's got a nice voice. 116 00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:35,085 Right sir, yes. 117 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:39,252 Hold it between the thumb and forefinger of your left hand. 118 00:05:40,811 --> 00:05:42,728 You hold the tape, sir. 119 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:46,392 We'll do your chest first. 120 00:05:46,392 --> 00:05:49,521 Now throw it 'round your back and let the tape 121 00:05:49,521 --> 00:05:51,551 run through the fingers of your right hand. 122 00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:55,718 Now bring both ends together, breathe in, now out again. 123 00:05:56,891 --> 00:05:59,508 Now put your finger on the mark, what does it read? 124 00:05:59,508 --> 00:06:00,705 Oh I see. 125 00:06:00,705 --> 00:06:01,782 He can't read it, he's got his long distance 126 00:06:01,782 --> 00:06:03,365 driving glasses on. 127 00:06:04,455 --> 00:06:07,172 - I wonder what he wears for driving short distances. 128 00:06:07,172 --> 00:06:09,104 - He's got his others but he's ought to drop 129 00:06:09,104 --> 00:06:10,897 the tape while he was doing it. 130 00:06:10,897 --> 00:06:12,869 Now sir we'll do something much easier. 131 00:06:12,869 --> 00:06:14,706 We'll do your sleeve. 132 00:06:14,706 --> 00:06:16,417 Place the tape on the seam, 133 00:06:16,417 --> 00:06:19,515 on the shoulder seam on your jacket. 134 00:06:19,515 --> 00:06:21,973 He's wearing a sweater. 135 00:06:21,973 --> 00:06:24,107 Just put it where your shoulder finishes 136 00:06:24,107 --> 00:06:25,922 and your arm starts. 137 00:06:25,922 --> 00:06:27,356 I wish I never started this. 138 00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:30,327 - Oh go on, you're working well, you're working well. 139 00:06:30,327 --> 00:06:33,281 - Now sir, stretch your arm out to it's full extent 140 00:06:33,281 --> 00:06:36,543 and tell me what it reads at your wrist. 141 00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:37,594 Hello? 142 00:06:37,594 --> 00:06:39,511 You're very faint, sir. 143 00:06:40,619 --> 00:06:44,786 He's holding the phone in the hand we're measuring the arm. 144 00:06:45,885 --> 00:06:49,538 Sir, can you shout, yes you can yes. 145 00:06:49,538 --> 00:06:52,561 Bring the phone back to your ear. 146 00:06:52,561 --> 00:06:54,312 Now what does it read? 147 00:06:54,312 --> 00:06:55,979 Oh good, six inches. 148 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:02,791 Just let it dangle down sir, we'll do it that way. 149 00:07:02,791 --> 00:07:04,624 Now what does it read. 150 00:07:05,865 --> 00:07:07,156 Yes, I see. 151 00:07:07,156 --> 00:07:09,989 Oh good, we've got one, 48 inches. 152 00:07:11,262 --> 00:07:14,262 That's from your hand to your floor. 153 00:07:15,373 --> 00:07:18,835 - 40, he must be standing like that. 154 00:07:18,835 --> 00:07:21,418 - Told you he had a nice voice. 155 00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:23,179 - Yes sir. 156 00:07:23,179 --> 00:07:25,396 We'll take that as his outside leg measurement. 157 00:07:25,396 --> 00:07:29,306 Now while we're in that area, we'll do your inside leg. 158 00:07:29,306 --> 00:07:30,889 This should be fun. 159 00:07:32,402 --> 00:07:33,235 - You've oughta be careful. 160 00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:36,092 You know it's an offense to make dirty phone calls. 161 00:07:36,092 --> 00:07:39,152 - Yes I think you've gone far enough Mr. Humphries, 162 00:07:39,152 --> 00:07:40,484 I'll take it on now. 163 00:07:40,484 --> 00:07:41,542 - Hey but this is my customer Mr. Grainger, 164 00:07:41,542 --> 00:07:43,158 what about my commission? 165 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:47,309 - There will be no commission without a sale. 166 00:07:47,309 --> 00:07:49,226 Good morning sir. 167 00:07:49,226 --> 00:07:53,725 This is Mr. Grainger, the senior assistant speaking. 168 00:07:53,725 --> 00:07:56,725 What color suit had you in mind sir? 169 00:07:57,739 --> 00:07:59,164 Dark blue. 170 00:07:59,164 --> 00:08:00,464 - Dark blue. 171 00:08:00,464 --> 00:08:03,261 - And what is your height sir? Five foot 10. 172 00:08:03,261 --> 00:08:04,505 - Height five foot 10. 173 00:08:04,505 --> 00:08:07,132 11 stone four. 174 00:08:07,132 --> 00:08:08,538 - 11 stone four. 175 00:08:08,538 --> 00:08:12,540 - That is all we need to know sir, thank you. 176 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:16,707 Send him a dark blue regular 44 and credit the sale to me. 177 00:08:19,696 --> 00:08:23,004 - Yes Mr. Grainger, what's the customer's address? 178 00:08:23,004 --> 00:08:23,837 - Oh damn. 179 00:08:28,703 --> 00:08:30,881 - Yes at the present. 180 00:08:30,881 --> 00:08:33,150 - I'd like a word with you. 181 00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:34,807 Also Mr. Humphries. 182 00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:37,390 Mr. Lucas, center floor please. 183 00:08:41,706 --> 00:08:42,820 - I think Captain Peacock's trying to attract 184 00:08:42,820 --> 00:08:45,736 our attention, he's waving his arms about. 185 00:08:45,736 --> 00:08:49,281 - Well if he wants me he'll have to come across personally. 186 00:08:49,281 --> 00:08:52,477 I don't not respond to waves. 187 00:08:52,477 --> 00:08:54,593 - What about that man you met on your holiday? 188 00:08:54,593 --> 00:08:55,551 - Oh that was different. 189 00:08:55,551 --> 00:08:57,968 He was waving from his yacht. 190 00:09:03,107 --> 00:09:07,257 We thought you had a fly buzzing 'round your rooftop. 191 00:09:07,257 --> 00:09:10,101 - I have an announcement to make. 192 00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:11,730 - Well go on then. 193 00:09:11,730 --> 00:09:13,296 - Not here, over there. 194 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,905 - Because I have to tell the gentleman. 195 00:09:18,702 --> 00:09:19,854 - No. 196 00:09:19,854 --> 00:09:24,270 - Well tell them, and then come back and tell us. 197 00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:26,670 - I have to tell everybody because it affects all of us. 198 00:09:26,670 --> 00:09:28,420 - Very well. Come on. 199 00:09:31,814 --> 00:09:34,982 - Now then, Mr. Rambold has asked me to tell you 200 00:09:34,982 --> 00:09:38,899 that tomorrow the decorators will be coming in. 201 00:09:43,406 --> 00:09:46,870 - No, but Mr. Grace can only afford to have one department 202 00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:49,620 decorate it so which shall it be? 203 00:09:50,832 --> 00:09:52,283 - Could we see the decorator first before 204 00:09:52,283 --> 00:09:54,451 we make up our mind? 205 00:09:54,451 --> 00:09:56,466 - Well I shouldn't be decorating because 206 00:09:56,466 --> 00:09:59,158 I've been here the longest. 207 00:09:59,158 --> 00:10:01,928 - My services are cracking up something shocking. 208 00:10:01,928 --> 00:10:05,179 I could definitely do with scraping down. 209 00:10:07,813 --> 00:10:11,266 - Captain Peacock, would you use your senior position 210 00:10:11,266 --> 00:10:14,516 to tell Mr. Lucas to shut his cakehole? 211 00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,312 - Lucas, you are not indispensable. 212 00:10:18,312 --> 00:10:21,179 There are many young men who would bend over backwards 213 00:10:21,179 --> 00:10:23,067 to get into Grace Brothers. 214 00:10:23,067 --> 00:10:25,984 - That's one of the qualifications. 215 00:10:28,118 --> 00:10:29,993 - You've nearly got me the sack then. 216 00:10:29,993 --> 00:10:32,410 - You should have been put in one at birth. 217 00:10:32,410 --> 00:10:35,884 - Now Mrs. Linda, you are supposed to set an example. 218 00:10:35,884 --> 00:10:38,341 You descend to his level by making remarks like that, 219 00:10:38,341 --> 00:10:39,724 you will only lose face. 220 00:10:39,724 --> 00:10:42,824 - If I had a face like hers I'd be glad to lose it. 221 00:10:42,824 --> 00:10:45,444 - Could we stop all this tittle tattle and get down 222 00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:47,017 to who's going to decorate? 223 00:10:47,017 --> 00:10:48,266 - Yes, quite right Mr. Grainger. 224 00:10:48,266 --> 00:10:49,897 I think we ought to toss for it. 225 00:10:49,897 --> 00:10:51,510 - That seems the fairest way. 226 00:10:53,488 --> 00:10:55,860 - No, no, I think highest senior person present 227 00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:57,440 should do it better. 228 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,722 Now I will toss and you call. 229 00:10:59,722 --> 00:11:01,722 Heads. 230 00:11:04,189 --> 00:11:06,241 - Rolled under the counter. 231 00:11:06,241 --> 00:11:07,560 - That's my coffee money. 232 00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,033 I can see it. 233 00:11:10,025 --> 00:11:13,101 - If you give me a torch and a mirror I'll tell you. 234 00:11:13,101 --> 00:11:16,719 - Nevermind, I'll toss and I'll call. 235 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:17,552 - Tails. 236 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:18,385 - Head. 237 00:11:18,385 --> 00:11:19,218 - Heads it is. 238 00:11:19,218 --> 00:11:20,765 - Drat. 239 00:11:20,765 --> 00:11:22,514 - It's alright, I've got it out. It's heads. 240 00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:25,304 - Ah, that's what I've called first, we've won. 241 00:11:25,304 --> 00:11:27,161 - But I've called heads and they're both heads 242 00:11:27,161 --> 00:11:28,974 so we've won. 243 00:11:28,974 --> 00:11:30,668 - You didn't call at all the first time. 244 00:11:30,668 --> 00:11:32,275 - Wait a minute, I know how to settle this. 245 00:11:33,108 --> 00:11:34,066 - Let's toss for it. 246 00:11:34,066 --> 00:11:35,478 - No, nevermind. 247 00:11:35,478 --> 00:11:37,149 My decision is final. 248 00:11:37,149 --> 00:11:39,625 The ladies will be decorating. 249 00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:42,208 - Oh thank you Captain Peacock. 250 00:11:43,071 --> 00:11:45,747 I could do with a few days off. 251 00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,180 - Oh you may certainly have a few days off if you wish. 252 00:11:48,180 --> 00:11:49,180 - Oh goodie! 253 00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:50,766 - Without pay of course. 254 00:11:50,766 --> 00:11:53,403 - But it's not our fault we're being closed down! 255 00:11:53,403 --> 00:11:54,780 - But you're not. 256 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:58,244 You'll be temporary accommodated in the gentleman's section. 257 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:03,928 Are we expected to lose some of our limited counter space? 258 00:12:05,117 --> 00:12:07,478 Temporarily, yes. 259 00:12:07,478 --> 00:12:08,395 - I refuse! 260 00:12:11,386 --> 00:12:12,999 Perhaps you'd like 261 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:15,807 a few days off without pay. 262 00:12:17,368 --> 00:12:20,661 - Go get a chair for Mr. Grainger. 263 00:12:25,974 --> 00:12:29,023 - Don't tell me what is up with that all day. 264 00:12:29,023 --> 00:12:30,533 Just look at her! 265 00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:32,999 - I know, and that dreadful racket. 266 00:12:32,999 --> 00:12:35,738 - Mrs. Slocombe, Ms. Brahms, would you be over there, 267 00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:36,916 will you? 268 00:12:36,916 --> 00:12:37,987 I can't stop because I'm taking the workers 269 00:12:37,987 --> 00:12:39,270 they're elevensies. 270 00:12:40,734 --> 00:12:42,544 - Yeah well the work had started at seven o' clock 271 00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:43,546 didn't it? 272 00:12:43,546 --> 00:12:45,088 In an eight hour day, that makes 273 00:12:45,088 --> 00:12:47,656 nine o' clock their elevensies. 274 00:12:47,656 --> 00:12:49,240 - Well at that rate, it means they'll 275 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,915 be going home at three. 276 00:12:50,915 --> 00:12:53,211 - Oh no, no they'll be going home at five, wouldn't they? 277 00:12:53,211 --> 00:12:54,674 Cop the overtime. 278 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,509 - We never get overtime. 279 00:12:56,509 --> 00:13:00,676 - It's your fault for being middle class, isn't it eh? 280 00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,702 - Let's get our displays up. 281 00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:13,540 - Redecorating. 282 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:15,835 - No I don't mean that, I mean that woman. 283 00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:18,585 She's taking down my wide fronts. 284 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,889 - You're not gonna stand for that are you Mr. Grainger? 285 00:13:23,889 --> 00:13:27,472 - I'll hold your coat while you're waiting. 286 00:13:28,981 --> 00:13:30,907 - That's more like it. 287 00:13:30,907 --> 00:13:34,379 - Mrs. Slocombe, I demand that you take down 288 00:13:34,379 --> 00:13:36,629 your underwear immediately. 289 00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:42,363 - That goes for Ms. Brahms as well. 290 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:44,096 - Oh you cheeky devil. 291 00:13:44,096 --> 00:13:46,352 - And what do you suggest I do with my displays? 292 00:13:49,291 --> 00:13:51,776 - You'll remove all this under that counter 293 00:13:51,776 --> 00:13:53,647 and yourselves as well. 294 00:13:53,647 --> 00:13:55,930 - We'll see what Captain Peacock has to say. 295 00:13:55,930 --> 00:13:58,097 - Yes and there he is now. 296 00:14:00,287 --> 00:14:02,358 - Fairly quiet in there, Mr. Mash. 297 00:14:02,358 --> 00:14:03,715 - Yeah well it's a bit tricky 298 00:14:03,715 --> 00:14:04,930 at the moment, Captain Peacock. 299 00:14:05,763 --> 00:14:09,108 - The foreman's got 10 pounds riding on three aces. 300 00:14:09,108 --> 00:14:11,721 - Captain Peacock, a word in your ear. 301 00:14:11,721 --> 00:14:15,550 Mr. Grandier is being most abstropulous. 302 00:14:15,550 --> 00:14:19,217 He's crying to squeeze me around the corner. 303 00:14:20,367 --> 00:14:22,528 - That's very unlike Mr. Grainger. 304 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,294 - No, no, no. 305 00:14:24,294 --> 00:14:27,332 I mean that he refuses to let us have enough room. 306 00:14:27,332 --> 00:14:29,770 He's treating us just like squatters. 307 00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:31,353 - I'll have a word. 308 00:14:32,742 --> 00:14:35,317 Mr. Grainger, the ladies are complaining 309 00:14:35,317 --> 00:14:37,262 that they haven't got enough room. 310 00:14:37,262 --> 00:14:39,554 No, and neither have we! 311 00:14:39,554 --> 00:14:41,632 - There's three of us and only two of them. 312 00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,761 - Which is why they've got the small counter. 313 00:14:43,761 --> 00:14:45,906 - I cannot work when I'm constricted. 314 00:14:45,906 --> 00:14:48,683 - Well take your corsets off. 315 00:14:48,683 --> 00:14:52,827 - Ooh you're asking for such a belt 'round the earhole. 316 00:14:58,672 --> 00:15:00,306 - Well uh... 317 00:15:00,306 --> 00:15:01,667 - Oh come on Kissinger! 318 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:04,816 - Oh I'll just have a little corner to put a display up 319 00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:07,583 so that the customers will know where we are. 320 00:15:07,583 --> 00:15:11,238 - Well, it is the thin end of the wedge. 321 00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:13,772 - Well just a couple of feet. 322 00:15:13,772 --> 00:15:15,385 - One foot. 323 00:15:15,385 --> 00:15:17,304 Well that sounds very reasonable. 324 00:15:17,304 --> 00:15:18,245 - Very well. 325 00:15:18,245 --> 00:15:19,621 - I'll measure it Mr. Grainger. 326 00:15:19,621 --> 00:15:21,512 - Oh, a trial for diplomacy. 327 00:15:21,512 --> 00:15:23,162 - Oh come on Ms. Brahms, 328 00:15:23,162 --> 00:15:25,482 let's clear some space for ourselves. 329 00:15:25,482 --> 00:15:27,412 - Well done Mr. Grainger. 330 00:15:27,412 --> 00:15:29,525 What's the matter, you've gone quite white. 331 00:15:29,525 --> 00:15:30,897 - Oh dear me. 332 00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:33,647 My private drawer is behind there 333 00:15:35,198 --> 00:15:38,615 with a lot of very personal things in it. 334 00:15:40,236 --> 00:15:41,871 - Is that where you keep all your copies of 335 00:15:41,871 --> 00:15:43,538 the girly magazines? 336 00:15:44,472 --> 00:15:47,128 - Just look at all this rubbish. 337 00:15:47,128 --> 00:15:49,900 - Ooh, it's a piece of pork pie. 338 00:15:52,780 --> 00:15:54,697 Ohh, look. False teeth! 339 00:16:00,004 --> 00:16:02,442 Such is my spare pair. 340 00:16:02,442 --> 00:16:06,238 - He only wears those when he's asking for a ride. 341 00:16:06,238 --> 00:16:08,418 - I think we should sling the whole lot in the bin 342 00:16:08,418 --> 00:16:10,412 and then disinfect the drawer. 343 00:16:10,412 --> 00:16:13,774 - That is my personal drawer and everything in it 344 00:16:13,774 --> 00:16:15,671 is absolutely vital. 345 00:16:15,671 --> 00:16:18,913 - What's vital about a truss and and old Russian book? 346 00:16:18,913 --> 00:16:21,613 - Oh, let's have a look, I've never seen one! 347 00:16:21,613 --> 00:16:23,760 - Leave my truss alone! 348 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,010 - I meant the Russian book. 349 00:16:27,081 --> 00:16:30,629 - All we want is the space, not your old rubbish. 350 00:16:30,629 --> 00:16:33,116 - Well I'm going to take this and put it in 351 00:16:33,116 --> 00:16:36,116 some nookie where you can't find it. 352 00:16:40,771 --> 00:16:44,739 - Oh they're behind the curtain, I'll go an get them. 353 00:16:46,204 --> 00:16:48,703 - Mrs. Slugging and I haven't got any busts. 354 00:16:48,703 --> 00:16:51,690 - Some people are never satisfied. 355 00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:53,679 Mrs. Brahms, I wouldn't if I were you. 356 00:16:57,123 --> 00:16:58,040 - Too late. 357 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,935 - They goosed me, look! 358 00:17:02,119 --> 00:17:03,194 - Allow me. 359 00:17:03,194 --> 00:17:04,393 - Get out! 360 00:17:04,393 --> 00:17:06,449 - Captain Peacock, what do you think you're doing? 361 00:17:06,449 --> 00:17:08,185 - Ms. Brahms has just been molested 362 00:17:08,185 --> 00:17:09,538 by one of the decorators. 363 00:17:09,538 --> 00:17:11,243 - What a dirty old man. 364 00:17:11,243 --> 00:17:13,346 - No it was the young good-looking one. 365 00:17:13,346 --> 00:17:15,664 - Oh you mean the one that looks like Tom Jones? 366 00:17:15,664 --> 00:17:17,141 - Yes, that's the one. 367 00:17:17,141 --> 00:17:20,141 - I'd like to see him do that to me. 368 00:17:27,909 --> 00:17:29,239 - No he didn't. 369 00:17:29,239 --> 00:17:32,896 The one that looks like Stattle got there first. 370 00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:34,259 Oh well. 371 00:17:34,259 --> 00:17:35,985 We've have to scrub around the busts. 372 00:17:35,985 --> 00:17:38,904 We'll have to pinch one of the mens. 373 00:17:38,904 --> 00:17:42,301 You ought to go and tell them to knock it off. 374 00:17:42,301 --> 00:17:43,563 - I will. 375 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:46,157 Oh Mr. Humphries, are you free? 376 00:17:46,157 --> 00:17:48,485 - Yes I'm free Captain Peacock. 377 00:17:50,544 --> 00:17:53,236 I have to go and have a severe word with the decorators. 378 00:17:53,236 --> 00:17:55,952 - Oh, Captain Peacock, shall I take over for Mr. Humphries 379 00:17:55,952 --> 00:17:57,893 while Mr. Humphries takes over for you? 380 00:17:57,893 --> 00:18:00,476 - Don't be facetious Mr. Lucas. 381 00:18:07,831 --> 00:18:11,528 - Surely it wasn't the one that looked like Tom Jones. 382 00:18:11,528 --> 00:18:16,315 - No it was the one that looked like Larry Grayson. 383 00:18:18,550 --> 00:18:22,197 - Yes, and it's the biggest one of these they've got. 384 00:18:22,197 --> 00:18:24,123 - But it looks terrible. 385 00:18:24,123 --> 00:18:27,040 - He does need a hormone injection. 386 00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:34,047 - I've never needed them! 387 00:18:34,047 --> 00:18:36,351 - No, no, no, I mean in stock. 388 00:18:36,351 --> 00:18:38,632 - Oh yeah, they're behind there. 389 00:18:38,632 --> 00:18:40,761 - Well we're not going behind there again. 390 00:18:40,761 --> 00:18:44,928 Oh well we'll just have to stuff them out with something. 391 00:18:46,266 --> 00:18:49,335 - Why don't you try a couple of tea kegs in the canteen, 392 00:18:49,335 --> 00:18:51,874 you know, those with the cherries on top? 393 00:18:51,874 --> 00:18:54,445 - That's enough of that, thank you Mr. Lucas. 394 00:18:54,445 --> 00:18:58,393 Oh but if we could just borrow a couple of pairs of socks. 395 00:18:58,393 --> 00:18:59,640 - Mr. Humphries. 396 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:00,743 Mrs. Slocombe wants to know if she can borrow 397 00:19:00,743 --> 00:19:03,257 a couple of pairs of socks to stuff in her bra. 398 00:19:03,257 --> 00:19:06,337 - She's not gonna talk to those workmen again, is she? 399 00:19:06,337 --> 00:19:08,489 - No, she's gonna stuff in the dummy. 400 00:19:08,489 --> 00:19:11,387 - Oh I've got the very thing. 401 00:19:11,387 --> 00:19:13,409 I was saving these to take home. 402 00:19:13,409 --> 00:19:16,076 I was going to use them tonight. 403 00:19:18,382 --> 00:19:20,732 - What were you gonna do with a pair of falsies? 404 00:19:20,732 --> 00:19:24,899 - I wear them on my knees when I'm polishing the parking. 405 00:19:30,950 --> 00:19:33,367 - Yes well I'm looking for some sweaters. 406 00:19:33,367 --> 00:19:36,461 - Well I don't think you'll find them down there. 407 00:19:36,461 --> 00:19:37,514 This way sir. 408 00:19:37,514 --> 00:19:39,450 Mr. Humphries, will you show this gentleman 409 00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:41,125 what you've got in the sweater? 410 00:19:41,125 --> 00:19:43,509 - Oh yes, quite a range in size 40 but precious 411 00:19:43,509 --> 00:19:44,869 little in everything else. 412 00:19:44,869 --> 00:19:46,840 - Oh dear, I'm 38. 413 00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,116 - Oh dear, should I get out the 38's that have 414 00:19:49,116 --> 00:19:50,687 been incorrectly marked 40? 415 00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:52,292 - What a good idea. 416 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,983 - Excuse me, excuse me. 417 00:19:53,983 --> 00:19:55,619 - How dare you. 418 00:19:55,619 --> 00:19:56,619 - Excuse me. 419 00:19:57,517 --> 00:20:00,081 - Ooh, what pretty colors! 420 00:20:00,081 --> 00:20:01,495 - Oh, I like this. 421 00:20:01,495 --> 00:20:04,568 - Oh yes, it's very you sir. Isn't it Mr. Lucas? 422 00:20:04,568 --> 00:20:07,258 - Oh yes, I can't imagine you in anything else sir. 423 00:20:10,087 --> 00:20:13,504 - Yes, yes we do, just around the corner. 424 00:20:15,331 --> 00:20:17,800 - Excuse me darling. 425 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,550 - Hurry back darling. 426 00:20:20,563 --> 00:20:22,484 - I'm only going around the corner. 427 00:20:22,484 --> 00:20:23,984 - Well be careful. 428 00:20:25,787 --> 00:20:29,645 Oh you'll have to excuse us, we're on our honeymoon. 429 00:20:29,645 --> 00:20:31,331 - Well if it gets urgent, we've got a spare 430 00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:34,247 fitting room around the corner. 431 00:20:34,247 --> 00:20:36,202 - This is the first time we've been out. 432 00:20:36,202 --> 00:20:37,785 - I can believe it. 433 00:20:39,327 --> 00:20:41,258 - I quite fancy it. 434 00:20:41,258 --> 00:20:42,508 - I've noticed. 435 00:20:43,853 --> 00:20:45,917 - He means the sweater. 436 00:20:45,917 --> 00:20:47,417 - They're 850 sir. 437 00:20:48,579 --> 00:20:51,890 Half man-made wool, half polyester fiber. 438 00:20:51,890 --> 00:20:53,532 - Surely that's made by men as well. 439 00:20:53,532 --> 00:20:56,708 - Ah yes, but it's made by different men. 440 00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:01,558 I don't think I'd fancy this next to my skin. 441 00:21:01,558 --> 00:21:03,247 - I can't resist cashmere. 442 00:21:03,247 --> 00:21:05,016 - Ah yes, cashmere. 443 00:21:05,016 --> 00:21:08,265 Very ideal for a romantic honeymoon cuddle sir, 444 00:21:08,265 --> 00:21:09,793 very cozy and warm. 445 00:21:09,793 --> 00:21:12,113 - You're right, I always wear cashmere socks. 446 00:21:12,113 --> 00:21:16,614 - Yes, not quite so romantic somehow though, is it? 447 00:21:18,846 --> 00:21:21,015 - 38 cashmere coming up. 448 00:21:21,015 --> 00:21:21,848 Excuse me. 449 00:21:25,208 --> 00:21:27,258 Are all these sizes correct? 450 00:21:27,258 --> 00:21:29,173 - Oh yes sir, these 38's are even more 38's 451 00:21:29,173 --> 00:21:30,645 than those 38's. 452 00:21:32,102 --> 00:21:34,336 - Well they're the last ones at this price sir. 453 00:21:34,336 --> 00:21:36,030 - The snippet, 20 pounds. 454 00:21:36,030 --> 00:21:37,858 - Look, it's the same color. 455 00:21:37,858 --> 00:21:39,907 - And it suits madam beautifully. 456 00:21:39,907 --> 00:21:41,991 I can't imagine her in anything else. 457 00:21:41,991 --> 00:21:44,911 - Feel how smooth this is darling. 458 00:21:44,911 --> 00:21:46,244 - Ohh, cashmere. 459 00:21:47,749 --> 00:21:49,833 - Yes, but far too expensive I'm afraid. 460 00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:52,038 We've got to fit our flat out. 461 00:21:52,038 --> 00:21:54,057 We've only fitted out one room so far. 462 00:21:55,944 --> 00:21:57,652 - I'm psychic. 463 00:21:57,652 --> 00:22:00,472 - It does make you look so handsome, doesn't it? 464 00:22:01,686 --> 00:22:03,493 - Yes, makes you look practically young as well sir. 465 00:22:03,493 --> 00:22:05,616 - And it's such a gay color. 466 00:22:05,616 --> 00:22:08,769 - Oh you've convinced me, I'll put one aside for meself. 467 00:22:08,769 --> 00:22:10,331 - But it's 20 pounds! 468 00:22:10,331 --> 00:22:11,593 - So's mine. 469 00:22:11,593 --> 00:22:12,586 - Well we can't afford both. 470 00:22:12,586 --> 00:22:15,256 - Well you could camp out in the bedroom for a year. 471 00:22:15,256 --> 00:22:17,808 - I think I'll leave this behind and I'll buy you a sweater 472 00:22:17,808 --> 00:22:19,096 out of my money. 473 00:22:20,921 --> 00:22:24,403 When you're married they're supposed to fork out. 474 00:22:24,403 --> 00:22:26,979 - But this is supposed to be a birthday present for me. 475 00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:28,920 - Oh well let him buy it himself. 476 00:22:30,719 --> 00:22:32,398 - You keep out of this! 477 00:22:34,412 --> 00:22:36,031 Should I or shouldn't I? 478 00:22:38,676 --> 00:22:40,516 - I don't know but I think it'd help out 479 00:22:40,516 --> 00:22:42,183 if there was a rush. 480 00:22:43,205 --> 00:22:44,995 - I can't resist it. 481 00:22:44,995 --> 00:22:46,078 - Oh darling! 482 00:22:47,102 --> 00:22:48,369 - Sale Mr. Lucas. 483 00:22:48,369 --> 00:22:49,885 - No sale Mrs. Slocombe. 484 00:22:49,885 --> 00:22:53,270 - Wrap it up before they start again. 485 00:22:54,688 --> 00:22:55,880 - Men. 486 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:58,197 I never want to work with men again. 487 00:22:58,197 --> 00:23:00,390 - I thought it was very mean of Mr. Grainger 488 00:23:00,390 --> 00:23:02,889 not to loan you his pencil when you lost yours. 489 00:23:02,889 --> 00:23:04,382 - It was typical. 490 00:23:04,382 --> 00:23:06,580 - Nevermind, I've got our own back. 491 00:23:06,580 --> 00:23:08,861 You know how he always licks the end of his own pencil 492 00:23:08,861 --> 00:23:10,904 before he makes out a bill? 493 00:23:10,904 --> 00:23:13,271 Well I substituted it with one from the joke department 494 00:23:13,271 --> 00:23:17,438 so when he licks the end this time, it'll go all fizzy! 495 00:23:18,544 --> 00:23:21,795 - Oh Ms. Brahms, that was very naughty. 496 00:23:24,667 --> 00:23:28,404 I can't wait to see his face when he licks it. 497 00:23:28,404 --> 00:23:31,654 That's if he can see which end to lick. 498 00:23:32,608 --> 00:23:34,322 Well that's why they're not here yet. 499 00:23:34,322 --> 00:23:36,117 He can't find his glasses. 500 00:23:37,216 --> 00:23:39,216 - They're in my handbag. 501 00:23:41,363 --> 00:23:42,196 - Look out. 502 00:23:42,196 --> 00:23:44,779 - Ignore them. - They're coming. 503 00:23:45,931 --> 00:23:50,098 - Straight on, straight on, straight on Mr. Grainger. 504 00:23:52,907 --> 00:23:56,675 - I'm sure that I had them on the counter. 505 00:23:56,675 --> 00:23:57,994 - You had have a spare pair. 506 00:23:57,994 --> 00:23:59,741 I can't think what's happened to them. 507 00:23:59,741 --> 00:24:02,226 - I have my suspicions. 508 00:24:02,226 --> 00:24:04,243 - Pass the sauce Ms. Brahms. 509 00:24:04,243 --> 00:24:07,133 - Oh, well done Mr. Lucas. 510 00:24:07,133 --> 00:24:08,762 Not much left. 511 00:24:08,762 --> 00:24:10,943 - Oh dear me, no. 512 00:24:10,943 --> 00:24:13,400 - He did that deliberate. 513 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,567 - Nevermind, pass me that full bottle on the next table. 514 00:24:19,896 --> 00:24:23,955 I can't see. 515 00:24:23,955 --> 00:24:25,731 - It's coming slowly. 516 00:24:25,731 --> 00:24:27,587 - We've got nearly another hour. 517 00:24:27,587 --> 00:24:30,023 Keep at it Mr. Grainger. 518 00:24:30,023 --> 00:24:30,856 - Ugh! 519 00:24:33,538 --> 00:24:36,121 Oh well, I like a lot of sauce. 520 00:24:38,188 --> 00:24:39,456 - Hello hello. 521 00:24:39,456 --> 00:24:41,270 How's the happy little band eh? 522 00:24:41,270 --> 00:24:45,138 - Well we should be very happy when the ladies have gone. 523 00:24:45,138 --> 00:24:47,527 - The feeling is mutual. 524 00:24:47,527 --> 00:24:49,258 - That's a lumpy bit of tomato soup 525 00:24:49,258 --> 00:24:51,117 you've got there isn't it? 526 00:24:53,518 --> 00:24:55,499 It's right put me off. 527 00:24:55,499 --> 00:24:58,022 I think I'll go and get meself a coffee. 528 00:24:58,022 --> 00:25:00,522 - I think I'll have a pudding. 529 00:25:02,761 --> 00:25:05,844 - That Mrs. Slocombe gets in my hair. 530 00:25:10,683 --> 00:25:13,735 - Metaphorically speaking you mean. 531 00:25:13,735 --> 00:25:15,203 - Mind you, I think all the women have got 532 00:25:15,203 --> 00:25:18,748 a bit uppity as soon as Margaret Thatcher got in. 533 00:25:18,748 --> 00:25:20,143 I was out with this girl last night. 534 00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:21,917 I took her back to her place, we were just getting down 535 00:25:21,917 --> 00:25:23,522 to it when suddenly she slapped me wrist, 536 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:26,721 told me I was out of order and I should leave the house. 537 00:25:26,721 --> 00:25:28,236 - No sense of humor. 538 00:25:28,236 --> 00:25:30,203 Look when you tickled Ms. Brahms up the leg 539 00:25:30,203 --> 00:25:31,433 with that feather duster. 540 00:25:31,433 --> 00:25:33,406 She didn't even smile. 541 00:25:33,406 --> 00:25:36,573 I would have found that quite amusing. 542 00:25:40,311 --> 00:25:41,463 - You don't say, you don't think we're being 543 00:25:41,463 --> 00:25:43,003 a bit hard on them do you? 544 00:25:43,003 --> 00:25:45,303 - Well it's not their fault they can't cope. 545 00:25:45,303 --> 00:25:47,464 After all, they are women. 546 00:25:47,464 --> 00:25:51,277 - Do you think we ought to offer an olive branch? 547 00:25:51,277 --> 00:25:53,584 - Perhaps just a twig. 548 00:25:53,584 --> 00:25:55,855 - Yes, you may be right. 549 00:25:55,855 --> 00:25:58,905 - After I got this, I'm going out to get some fresh air. 550 00:25:58,905 --> 00:26:01,894 - Yes, it is very stuffy in here. 551 00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:04,124 Pass me the sugar Ms. Brahms. 552 00:26:04,124 --> 00:26:06,193 - Allow me Mrs. Slocombe. 553 00:26:06,193 --> 00:26:07,834 - Mmm, thank you. 554 00:26:12,853 --> 00:26:14,874 - We're only trying to be friendly. 555 00:26:14,874 --> 00:26:17,284 - Alright then, two lumps. 556 00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:21,301 Excuse the fingers, there we are. 557 00:26:21,301 --> 00:26:24,688 - Oh you forgot to get a spoon. 558 00:26:29,282 --> 00:26:31,529 - They're changing their view a bit aren't they? 559 00:26:31,529 --> 00:26:35,171 - Well I knew they'd have to climb down eventually. 560 00:26:35,171 --> 00:26:37,671 - Well thank you Mr. Grainger. 561 00:26:40,345 --> 00:26:44,012 Here's to a more happy working relationship. 562 00:26:59,594 --> 00:27:01,210 - Just about finished Captain Peacock. 563 00:27:01,210 --> 00:27:02,912 - I should hope so too. 564 00:27:02,912 --> 00:27:07,079 Young Mr. Grace has come down especially for the unveiling. 565 00:27:20,319 --> 00:27:22,135 - At you sir, here you are Mr. Grace. 566 00:27:22,135 --> 00:27:24,910 If you hold on and pull this, all will be revealed sir. 567 00:27:24,910 --> 00:27:26,202 - Let me help you sir. 568 00:27:26,202 --> 00:27:27,035 - I will help. 569 00:27:27,035 --> 00:27:30,858 - I'm not too weak to pull a rope you know. 570 00:27:30,858 --> 00:27:33,275 Well gather around everybody. 571 00:27:34,511 --> 00:27:37,508 Hold onto my chair Goddard. 572 00:27:37,508 --> 00:27:40,611 Now it gives me great pleasure on behalf 573 00:27:40,611 --> 00:27:45,146 of Grace Brothers to unveil the new ladies department. 574 00:27:48,469 --> 00:27:50,598 - Well that's a good start. 575 00:27:50,598 --> 00:27:52,531 - That's alright sir, I'll pull them aside 576 00:27:52,531 --> 00:27:53,894 if you'd like to try again. 577 00:27:53,894 --> 00:27:55,260 Go on, go on. 578 00:27:55,260 --> 00:27:58,688 - It gives me great pleasure on behalf of-- 579 00:27:58,688 --> 00:28:00,866 - You don't need to go through all that again sir. 580 00:28:00,866 --> 00:28:03,152 Just pull the sheets aside Mr. Mash. 581 00:28:03,152 --> 00:28:04,235 - No trouble. 582 00:28:11,626 --> 00:28:13,376 - It's just the same! 583 00:28:14,915 --> 00:28:17,112 - It's all new wood. 584 00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:21,316 - And anyway we've got our own counters back again. 585 00:28:21,316 --> 00:28:24,069 It was worse than being married. 586 00:28:24,069 --> 00:28:27,986 - Of course it's over and we're just men again. 587 00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:30,670 - It didn't cost as much as I thought it would 588 00:28:30,670 --> 00:28:34,602 so we're going to start on the men's department. 589 00:28:34,602 --> 00:28:37,869 - You don't mean that we've got to join them! 590 00:28:37,869 --> 00:28:41,290 - Well it looks like it if Mrs. Slocombe doesn't mind. 591 00:28:41,290 --> 00:28:42,540 - I can't wait. 592 00:28:44,049 --> 00:28:48,712 Ms. Brahms, grab my chair and get all our displays out.