1 00:00:05,851 --> 00:00:08,698 ♫ Ground floor: perfumery, stationary, and leather goods 2 00:00:08,698 --> 00:00:11,478 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food 3 00:00:11,478 --> 00:00:13,728 ♫ Going up 4 00:00:17,509 --> 00:00:20,509 ♫ First floor: telephones, gents ready made suits 5 00:00:20,509 --> 00:00:22,960 ♫ Shirts, sockss, ties, hats, underwear and shoes 6 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,210 ♫ Going up 7 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,920 ♫ Second floor: carpets, travel goods and bedding 8 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:34,899 ♫ Materials, soft furnishings, restaurants, and ties 9 00:00:34,899 --> 00:00:37,389 - Guten morgen, mein herren. 10 00:00:37,389 --> 00:00:38,756 Here you are, then. 11 00:00:38,756 --> 00:00:40,589 Have a load of kraut chiffers. 12 00:00:42,211 --> 00:00:43,190 - That's one hundred hats 13 00:00:43,190 --> 00:00:45,613 with shaving brushes on the side. 14 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,563 We won't sell them you know, Captain Peacock. 15 00:00:47,563 --> 00:00:50,067 - It's not for us to reason why, Mr. Humphries. 16 00:00:50,067 --> 00:00:52,027 Young Mr. Grace in his wisdom has seen fit 17 00:00:52,027 --> 00:00:55,494 to mud a sales campaign to push German goods. 18 00:00:55,494 --> 00:00:58,547 - I haven't sold one of these for 15 years. 19 00:00:58,547 --> 00:01:00,987 - That, Mr. Humphries is a dress stick for evening wear. 20 00:01:00,987 --> 00:01:03,256 It's the sort of thing one carries to the opera. 21 00:01:03,256 --> 00:01:04,576 - Yes, I suppose it would be quite handy 22 00:01:04,576 --> 00:01:06,792 to fight your way to the bar at the end... 23 00:01:08,597 --> 00:01:11,477 Count Poppycock, be getting your hands off my schnitzel. 24 00:01:13,395 --> 00:01:15,277 - Put that away, Mr. Humphries. 25 00:01:15,277 --> 00:01:17,256 It's for display purposes only. 26 00:01:17,256 --> 00:01:18,089 - Hey, listen to this. 27 00:01:18,089 --> 00:01:19,888 You'll never guess what the German for cuff links is. 28 00:01:20,721 --> 00:01:22,388 - Manschettenknopfe. 29 00:01:23,499 --> 00:01:24,627 - I don't expect they'll sell many 30 00:01:24,627 --> 00:01:25,707 with a name like that. 31 00:01:26,540 --> 00:01:28,147 - Here you are, then. 32 00:01:28,147 --> 00:01:31,314 Twelve pairs of liver swimming trunks. 33 00:01:32,165 --> 00:01:33,801 - Lederhosen. 34 00:01:33,801 --> 00:01:35,616 - Oh, have you been to Germany, Mr. Humphries? 35 00:01:35,616 --> 00:01:38,387 - Yes, I was there a few summers ago, camping. 36 00:01:39,473 --> 00:01:40,914 - It's very hard wearing these, you know, 37 00:01:40,914 --> 00:01:42,936 but you must never have them dry cleaned. 38 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,564 My friend used to just rub his over with runic. 39 00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:50,975 - This is a funny name for a sweater. 40 00:01:50,975 --> 00:01:52,975 Mit der hand, guwaschen. 41 00:01:54,527 --> 00:01:57,045 - That means wash by hand. 42 00:01:57,045 --> 00:01:59,746 - It's a good job you parlay the Deutsch, Captain P. 43 00:01:59,746 --> 00:02:02,595 - I had to study during the war, you know. 44 00:02:02,595 --> 00:02:03,512 - Ausfahrt. 45 00:02:06,795 --> 00:02:08,032 - Ausfahrt. 46 00:02:08,032 --> 00:02:09,955 What's that mean, then? 47 00:02:09,955 --> 00:02:11,455 - The way out, Mr. Mash. 48 00:02:11,455 --> 00:02:12,635 I suggest you take that one, 49 00:02:12,635 --> 00:02:14,075 as we open in a few moments. 50 00:02:14,075 --> 00:02:16,725 - He ought not to be in the common market. 51 00:02:16,725 --> 00:02:18,915 I don't trust that Eisenhower. 52 00:02:18,915 --> 00:02:20,576 - Bloody, he went years ago. 53 00:02:20,576 --> 00:02:22,747 - I'm not surprised. 54 00:02:22,747 --> 00:02:25,685 Very shifty looking fellow. 55 00:02:25,685 --> 00:02:27,735 - Say, look at this. 56 00:02:27,735 --> 00:02:29,318 Sex underhosen, oh! 57 00:02:31,827 --> 00:02:33,216 I wonder what's in it. 58 00:02:33,216 --> 00:02:35,125 - Don't get carried away, Mrs. Slocombe. 59 00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:38,947 Unterhosen literally translated means, under trousers. 60 00:02:40,210 --> 00:02:41,365 Do you mean knickers? 61 00:02:43,475 --> 00:02:47,336 - I'm not selling German sex knickers. 62 00:02:47,336 --> 00:02:49,325 - Sex, Mrs. Slocombe is the word they use 63 00:02:49,325 --> 00:02:51,336 in Germany for six. 64 00:02:55,325 --> 00:02:56,805 - Same as they use everywhere else. 65 00:02:59,372 --> 00:03:00,645 - Hurry up, Mr. Mash. 66 00:03:00,645 --> 00:03:02,515 - Alright, I'm goin'. 67 00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:04,164 Don't worry. 68 00:03:04,164 --> 00:03:05,696 Here you are, Mrs. Slocombe. 69 00:03:05,696 --> 00:03:07,085 12 bras. 70 00:03:07,085 --> 00:03:11,154 - Oh, I wonder what the German is for that. 71 00:03:11,154 --> 00:03:12,237 Bustenhalter. 72 00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,145 Bustenhalter! 73 00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:19,675 Doesn't it sound crude? 74 00:03:19,675 --> 00:03:23,973 - Yes, come on, let's see what they look like. 75 00:03:27,925 --> 00:03:29,584 Bustenhalter. 76 00:03:29,584 --> 00:03:31,504 You could carry a lot of coal in these. 77 00:03:35,875 --> 00:03:37,458 - Says here, clean. 78 00:03:38,424 --> 00:03:40,980 - Klein, Miss Brahms, that means small. 79 00:03:43,867 --> 00:03:47,176 - Their well-built, those German girls, aren't they? 80 00:03:47,176 --> 00:03:49,184 - Oh, just imagine, seven whole days 81 00:03:49,184 --> 00:03:51,227 of trying to knock this lot out. 82 00:03:51,227 --> 00:03:52,896 - It'll be a disaster. 83 00:03:52,896 --> 00:03:55,725 Like that Russian cosmetic week. 84 00:03:55,725 --> 00:03:56,816 - It would've gone very well 85 00:03:56,816 --> 00:03:58,267 if you hadn't mixed up the hair lacquer 86 00:03:58,267 --> 00:03:59,696 with the underarm deodorant. 87 00:04:01,645 --> 00:04:03,882 - That was very embarrassing, that was. 88 00:04:03,882 --> 00:04:05,147 My wife got out of the bath, 89 00:04:05,147 --> 00:04:06,591 gave a couple of squirts under the arm, 90 00:04:06,591 --> 00:04:07,945 went to pull the blind down, 91 00:04:07,945 --> 00:04:11,576 and was stuck in front of the window for the afternoon. 92 00:04:11,576 --> 00:04:14,067 - Well couldn't you have pulled the blind down? 93 00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:15,872 - No, I was too busy outside settin' up pictures 94 00:04:15,872 --> 00:04:16,957 and takin' the money. 95 00:04:19,365 --> 00:04:21,115 - Mr. Mash, ausfahrt. 96 00:04:24,507 --> 00:04:25,877 - Schweinhund. 97 00:04:29,296 --> 00:04:31,787 - Ah, places everyone. 98 00:04:31,787 --> 00:04:34,120 - Stand by for the mad rush. 99 00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:38,125 - Guten morgen, mein herr. 100 00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:40,895 Welcomen to den Grace Brothers. 101 00:04:40,895 --> 00:04:43,123 - Look at him, that's in his German phrases. 102 00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:45,810 - He'll be clickin' his heels in a minute. 103 00:04:48,397 --> 00:04:49,230 - Good morning, sir. 104 00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:50,307 - Gut morgen... 105 00:04:50,307 --> 00:04:53,524 - Ah, guten morgen, mein herr. 106 00:04:53,524 --> 00:04:55,404 Welcomen to den Grace Brothers. 107 00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:06,574 - I'm afraid you got a little beyond me there. 108 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,761 We've only just started our German week. 109 00:05:08,761 --> 00:05:10,412 What were you looking for? 110 00:05:10,412 --> 00:05:12,473 - I am for a coat looking. 111 00:05:12,473 --> 00:05:15,745 I vish a varm coat because it is cold. 112 00:05:15,745 --> 00:05:18,004 - Very methodical, the Germans. 113 00:05:18,004 --> 00:05:19,724 - A coat, yes, certainly sir. 114 00:05:19,724 --> 00:05:21,839 - Herr Grainger, raute schnell. 115 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,124 - Just like called it. 116 00:05:24,593 --> 00:05:27,393 - This gentleman wants a coat to keep out the cold. 117 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:30,923 - Oh yes, the weather has been rather chilly, hasn't it. 118 00:05:31,756 --> 00:05:33,064 - Oh, absolutely bitter. 119 00:05:34,275 --> 00:05:38,358 Now we have a grange here, made in Bavarian wool. 120 00:05:39,395 --> 00:05:40,424 - Not Bavarian. 121 00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:43,973 Ve are here for ze buying of ze Harris tveed. 122 00:05:43,973 --> 00:05:47,294 - But they don't make Harris tweed in Germany. 123 00:05:47,294 --> 00:05:50,206 - I am knowing zis, zat is vy ve are here. 124 00:05:50,206 --> 00:05:52,464 - But I'm afraid that this week 125 00:05:52,464 --> 00:05:54,943 we are only selling German goods. 126 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,155 Are you not proud to be British? 127 00:06:00,155 --> 00:06:02,104 - Oh yes, we are very proud to be British, 128 00:06:02,104 --> 00:06:03,635 aren't we Mr. Humphries? 129 00:06:03,635 --> 00:06:06,304 - Bursting with pride, yes, aren't we Mr. Lucas? 130 00:06:06,304 --> 00:06:07,674 - Oh, it's comin' out all over the place, 131 00:06:07,674 --> 00:06:09,257 Mr. Humphries, yes. 132 00:06:12,575 --> 00:06:15,026 - Of course ve are proud to be German. 133 00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:17,805 - Well then why won't you buy a German coat? 134 00:06:19,626 --> 00:06:21,895 - My husband vill not vear a hat like zis. 135 00:06:21,895 --> 00:06:24,066 - That is for the tourists. 136 00:06:24,066 --> 00:06:25,283 - You are a tourist. 137 00:06:25,283 --> 00:06:27,564 - They are for English tourists. 138 00:06:27,564 --> 00:06:31,243 Are you so stupid to think I would return to Germany 139 00:06:31,243 --> 00:06:32,825 from a holiday in England, 140 00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:35,075 vearing a stupid German hat? 141 00:06:40,386 --> 00:06:42,719 - Thank you for your custom. 142 00:06:44,324 --> 00:06:46,949 - German week got off to a good start, didn't it? 143 00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:49,156 - Well, we can hardly expect to sell 144 00:06:49,156 --> 00:06:51,135 to the Germans themselves. 145 00:06:51,135 --> 00:06:52,625 But I'm sure we should have no difficulty at all 146 00:06:52,625 --> 00:06:54,655 in attracting the British customers. 147 00:06:54,655 --> 00:06:58,285 - You know, there's only two things I like about Germany. 148 00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,615 Kurt Jorgens and Gorgonzola. 149 00:07:02,725 --> 00:07:05,165 - Gorgonzola isn't German. 150 00:07:05,165 --> 00:07:07,637 - Oh, well there's only one thing I like then. 151 00:07:07,637 --> 00:07:09,477 No, no, I tell a lie. 152 00:07:09,477 --> 00:07:11,277 I like Irving Berlin. 153 00:07:13,786 --> 00:07:17,466 - Guten morgen, meinen ganadius bustenhalter, no... 154 00:07:21,255 --> 00:07:22,306 Good morning madam. 155 00:07:22,306 --> 00:07:23,415 Are you being served? 156 00:07:23,415 --> 00:07:24,685 - Just having a look. 157 00:07:24,685 --> 00:07:25,518 - So's he. 158 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:30,306 - Well, we've imported some very interesting 159 00:07:30,306 --> 00:07:31,786 German merchandise. 160 00:07:31,786 --> 00:07:35,536 Perhaps I can show you to the ladies counter. 161 00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:37,782 This one is it? 162 00:07:37,782 --> 00:07:39,885 - I haven't worn one of those for years. 163 00:07:43,357 --> 00:07:44,934 - I don't agree with them. 164 00:07:44,934 --> 00:07:46,506 - I see, hmmm. 165 00:07:46,506 --> 00:07:49,485 Well I take it you'll agree with these. 166 00:07:49,485 --> 00:07:51,015 - I'll take care of this customer, 167 00:07:51,015 --> 00:07:52,684 thank you, Captain Peacock. 168 00:07:52,684 --> 00:07:55,583 Now madam, you're under no obligation, of course. 169 00:07:55,583 --> 00:07:58,397 But may I draw your attention to these rather nice lining 170 00:07:58,397 --> 00:08:01,835 Westphalian tights that have just come in. 171 00:08:01,835 --> 00:08:04,575 We have them in two shades, have we not, Miss Brahms? 172 00:08:04,575 --> 00:08:05,408 - Yes. 173 00:08:05,408 --> 00:08:07,083 Weib and schwarz, whatever that is. 174 00:08:08,835 --> 00:08:10,477 - From the look of it, black and white. 175 00:08:11,837 --> 00:08:14,625 And then we have these pig skin handbags 176 00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:15,965 from the Black Forest, 177 00:08:15,965 --> 00:08:19,986 not to mention a line in Plastic Max from Hamburg. 178 00:08:19,986 --> 00:08:22,295 - Yes, the Hamburg's are quite nice, 179 00:08:22,295 --> 00:08:23,866 but not really what I'm looking for. 180 00:08:25,386 --> 00:08:26,242 - The ladies. 181 00:08:29,236 --> 00:08:31,175 - Turn left at the ausfahrt. 182 00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:40,374 One would think that considering we've been here 183 00:08:40,374 --> 00:08:42,535 since the crack of dawn this morning, 184 00:08:42,535 --> 00:08:44,858 the management would've had more consideration 185 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:48,156 than keep us sitting on our jaxes for the post mortem. 186 00:08:50,482 --> 00:08:52,575 - Well, I can't wait more than 10 minutes 187 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,556 because I'm having a bath tonight. 188 00:08:56,963 --> 00:08:58,130 - It's treats. 189 00:09:00,076 --> 00:09:04,893 - Well I can't get the old boiler working very often. 190 00:09:04,893 --> 00:09:06,604 - Havin' a bath with Mrs. Grainger, are you? 191 00:09:10,145 --> 00:09:13,100 - I don't find that amusing. 192 00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:14,591 - Come to think of it, neither would I. 193 00:09:16,802 --> 00:09:18,419 - You know this sort of thing just isn't fair 194 00:09:18,419 --> 00:09:19,642 on my pussy. 195 00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:26,722 She has a go at the furniture if I'm not there prompt. 196 00:09:26,722 --> 00:09:29,050 - Well my oven switches itself on at 7:00. 197 00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:33,802 - I'm not, my slippers are in there. 198 00:09:37,801 --> 00:09:39,402 You see, I put them in, 199 00:09:39,402 --> 00:09:41,753 I usually give them five minutes on regu-low two 200 00:09:41,753 --> 00:09:43,863 and then it's just right for my rice pudding. 201 00:09:46,471 --> 00:09:48,631 - Well Shirley and I are goin' to the pictures. 202 00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,423 - I haven't said yes yet. 203 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,551 - I wasn't gonna ask you that question 204 00:09:51,551 --> 00:09:52,671 until after we came out. 205 00:09:54,663 --> 00:09:57,672 - I don't know why you bother goin' out with him at all. 206 00:09:57,672 --> 00:09:59,363 - Well it's either that or takin' me mom's washing 207 00:09:59,363 --> 00:10:00,994 to the laudrette. 208 00:10:00,994 --> 00:10:01,863 - I'm not goin' there again. 209 00:10:01,863 --> 00:10:02,935 I've seen more of your mother's underwear 210 00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:03,884 than I have of yours. 211 00:10:06,295 --> 00:10:07,912 - Good evening, everybody. 212 00:10:07,912 --> 00:10:10,063 I say, it's very good of you all to stay. 213 00:10:10,063 --> 00:10:11,295 - They don't mind a bit, sir. 214 00:10:11,295 --> 00:10:12,524 - Oh, no, of course not. 215 00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:14,786 They all have the good of the firm at heart. 216 00:10:14,786 --> 00:10:17,682 Well now, let's get down to it, shall we? 217 00:10:17,682 --> 00:10:19,394 Haven't you got a chair, Peacock? 218 00:10:19,394 --> 00:10:20,615 - Get a chair, Mr. Lucas. 219 00:10:20,615 --> 00:10:21,448 - I've got one. 220 00:10:22,986 --> 00:10:25,319 - Get me a chair, Mr. Lucas. 221 00:10:26,183 --> 00:10:28,154 - I hope this isn't going to take long, Mr. Rumbold, 222 00:10:28,154 --> 00:10:30,465 because it's very unfair on Mrs. Slocombe's pussy. 223 00:10:33,985 --> 00:10:35,574 - I'll be as brief as I can. 224 00:10:37,666 --> 00:10:39,583 - Thank you, Mr. Lucas. 225 00:10:40,464 --> 00:10:42,932 - It's always a pleasure. 226 00:10:42,932 --> 00:10:45,111 - Now, Mr. Rumbold has asked us to stay behind 227 00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:47,918 and report on the success of the first day 228 00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:49,226 of our German week. 229 00:10:49,226 --> 00:10:50,059 - Yes, well now. 230 00:10:50,059 --> 00:10:50,892 How did you find it? 231 00:10:50,892 --> 00:10:52,109 Mr. Grainger? 232 00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,105 - A complete disaster. 233 00:10:54,105 --> 00:10:56,773 I sold one pair of strumpfes. 234 00:10:58,435 --> 00:10:59,268 - I see. 235 00:10:59,268 --> 00:11:01,125 What exactly are strumpfes? 236 00:11:01,125 --> 00:11:04,987 - It's the damn silly name they use for socks. 237 00:11:04,987 --> 00:11:05,920 - Well that's not very good. 238 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:07,637 - No, we'll have to pull our strumpfes up. 239 00:11:11,288 --> 00:11:14,536 - No, everything's still on their kleiderbugels. 240 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,751 - I'm not sure whether that's good or bad. 241 00:11:18,751 --> 00:11:19,616 Well what are they? 242 00:11:19,616 --> 00:11:20,876 - Coat hangers. 243 00:11:22,205 --> 00:11:23,038 - Nice. 244 00:11:23,038 --> 00:11:25,232 Encouraging to see you're getting a grasp of the lingo. 245 00:11:25,232 --> 00:11:27,731 - Yes, I even know the German for corsets. 246 00:11:28,952 --> 00:11:29,901 - Korsets. 247 00:11:32,122 --> 00:11:34,152 - Spelled with a k. 248 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:36,122 - We're coming along well. 249 00:11:36,122 --> 00:11:37,811 - I thought we were here to push goods, 250 00:11:37,811 --> 00:11:39,811 not pick up gerry words. 251 00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:42,850 - What is the departmental total. 252 00:11:42,850 --> 00:11:45,573 - I have the summary here, sir. 253 00:11:45,573 --> 00:11:46,906 - Ah, 32 pounds. 254 00:11:48,992 --> 00:11:50,421 - 32 pence. 255 00:11:53,531 --> 00:11:55,432 - Those were my strumpfes. 256 00:11:56,941 --> 00:11:59,341 - Is that all, good heavens, that's a disaster! 257 00:11:59,341 --> 00:12:01,232 - I told you it was. 258 00:12:03,563 --> 00:12:05,971 - No, no, no, please sit down, Mrs. Slocombe. 259 00:12:05,971 --> 00:12:08,059 We have to work out where we went wrong. 260 00:12:08,059 --> 00:12:11,425 - It's the fault of whose ever stupid idea it was. 261 00:12:12,791 --> 00:12:13,903 - It was Mr. Rumbold's idea. 262 00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:16,932 - There's nothing wrong with the idea. 263 00:12:16,932 --> 00:12:18,431 It could be the way you're carrying it out. 264 00:12:18,431 --> 00:12:20,012 I've already noted during this meeting 265 00:12:20,012 --> 00:12:22,701 that the word gerry has been used. 266 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:25,018 Do I detect an anti 267 00:12:25,018 --> 00:12:25,851 - Yes. 268 00:12:27,252 --> 00:12:29,071 Some of us have long memories you know. 269 00:12:29,071 --> 00:12:31,071 I haven't forgotten being flung flat on me back 270 00:12:31,071 --> 00:12:32,732 on clappem comin' by a land mine. 271 00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:39,081 And the German Air Force was responsible. 272 00:12:39,081 --> 00:12:40,591 - All the other times she was flat on her back, 273 00:12:40,591 --> 00:12:42,001 the American Air Force was responsible. 274 00:12:43,751 --> 00:12:45,095 - That's it, I'm done. 275 00:12:45,095 --> 00:12:47,199 I'm sorry, Mrs. Slocombe, it was just a joke. 276 00:12:47,199 --> 00:12:48,399 I was only joking. 277 00:12:48,399 --> 00:12:49,925 - In very poor taste. 278 00:12:49,925 --> 00:12:51,719 - That's the sort of thing I have to put up with 279 00:12:51,719 --> 00:12:55,232 all day long, you ought to tell him off. 280 00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:58,509 - You're reprimanded, Mr. Lucas, and that's official. 281 00:13:01,490 --> 00:13:02,428 - I'm sorry, Mr. Rumbold, 282 00:13:02,428 --> 00:13:03,539 I didn't realize it was gonna be taken 283 00:13:03,539 --> 00:13:05,702 quite as seriously as that. 284 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:08,850 - Now then, oh where are we in our conference? 285 00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:09,970 - Mrs. Slocombe was remembering 286 00:13:09,970 --> 00:13:11,986 being flat on her back on clappum. 287 00:13:13,269 --> 00:13:15,535 - Can we knock it off, please. 288 00:13:15,535 --> 00:13:16,837 - She even remembers what she said! 289 00:13:19,677 --> 00:13:21,887 - If I could just bring us back to the point. 290 00:13:21,887 --> 00:13:22,956 - Oh please do. 291 00:13:22,956 --> 00:13:25,415 - Now, I feel there's a certain amount of resistance 292 00:13:25,415 --> 00:13:28,287 on the part of our customers to German goods. 293 00:13:28,287 --> 00:13:30,665 - I'm hit up with the way the papers keep on 294 00:13:30,665 --> 00:13:32,653 about how hard the German's work 295 00:13:32,653 --> 00:13:34,786 and how well they're doing. 296 00:13:34,786 --> 00:13:38,335 They're too damned cocky in my opinion. 297 00:13:38,335 --> 00:13:40,355 - Is there anything wrong with our display? 298 00:13:40,355 --> 00:13:42,397 - Well I think we've gone far too far. 299 00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:44,525 I mean those signs, for instance. 300 00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:46,186 When a customer sees exit and entrance, 301 00:13:46,186 --> 00:13:47,517 he knows where he is. 302 00:13:47,517 --> 00:13:48,780 What goes through his mind when he sees 303 00:13:48,780 --> 00:13:50,245 einfahrt and ausfahrt. 304 00:13:56,442 --> 00:13:58,025 - We are trying. 305 00:13:58,025 --> 00:14:00,373 We are trying to create an atmosphere. 306 00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,065 - One dear old lady customer of mine 307 00:14:02,065 --> 00:14:03,527 got a terrible shock. 308 00:14:03,527 --> 00:14:05,377 She was caught short and walked straight through 309 00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:06,965 the door marked herren. 310 00:14:08,457 --> 00:14:10,787 - You should've directed her to the door marked damen. 311 00:14:10,787 --> 00:14:11,745 - I didn't have time. 312 00:14:11,745 --> 00:14:13,385 She saw the word "her" and was off. 313 00:14:15,217 --> 00:14:16,716 - And I'm here to tell you 314 00:14:16,716 --> 00:14:19,516 that she won't make the same mistake again. 315 00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:24,228 - Well there's certainly nothing wrong with the goods, 316 00:14:24,228 --> 00:14:27,049 they're all first class, hand picked by myself. 317 00:14:27,049 --> 00:14:28,788 - With respect, Mr. Rumbold, 318 00:14:28,788 --> 00:14:30,988 and I think I'm unanimous in this, 319 00:14:30,988 --> 00:14:34,679 you've laid your hands on some very coarse bustenhalters. 320 00:14:35,824 --> 00:14:37,868 - Perhaps we need to make the German brand image 321 00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:39,777 a happier, jollier affair, 322 00:14:39,777 --> 00:14:41,599 to counteract memories of the past. 323 00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:45,497 - Well perhaps a little music, 324 00:14:45,497 --> 00:14:49,729 and a wine bar with German serving wenches 325 00:14:49,729 --> 00:14:51,817 in traditional costume. 326 00:14:51,817 --> 00:14:53,329 - Trust him to come up with that one. 327 00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,557 - I like what I'm hearing, I think we're on the right track. 328 00:14:57,557 --> 00:14:58,770 - Yes, we could turn the whole department 329 00:14:58,770 --> 00:15:00,580 into white hosen and have Captain Peacock 330 00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,171 dressed up as a studem prince. 331 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:06,757 - Yes, I like what I'm hearing, I think that'd be fun. 332 00:15:08,798 --> 00:15:10,503 - Yes indeed! 333 00:15:10,503 --> 00:15:13,495 - I think Mr. Rumbold ought to dress up as something. 334 00:15:18,604 --> 00:15:20,546 - Right, with his nuts in his neck. 335 00:15:23,975 --> 00:15:27,095 - You know, I'm sure we're absolutely on the right track. 336 00:15:27,095 --> 00:15:28,918 I shall put all these ideas that I've had 337 00:15:28,918 --> 00:15:31,854 in front of young Mr. Grace, and see what he thinks. 338 00:15:34,414 --> 00:15:36,766 Mr. Grace, Rumbold here. 339 00:15:36,766 --> 00:15:38,806 - Rumbold, yes. 340 00:15:38,806 --> 00:15:41,545 We used to have a Rumbold in charge of the third floor. 341 00:15:43,205 --> 00:15:46,094 - I am Rumbold in charge of the third floor. 342 00:15:46,094 --> 00:15:48,254 - Oh good, I'm glad you're back with us. 343 00:15:51,288 --> 00:15:53,513 - It's about the German week, sir. 344 00:15:56,425 --> 00:15:59,345 - Well the figures are a little better today, sir. 345 00:15:59,345 --> 00:16:00,494 64 pence. 346 00:16:01,849 --> 00:16:04,597 - Ah, another pair of stumpfes. 347 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:05,987 - Yes, well of course I realize 348 00:16:05,987 --> 00:16:07,787 there is room for improvement, 349 00:16:07,787 --> 00:16:10,227 and I have put into force the proposals I put 350 00:16:10,227 --> 00:16:12,186 to the board meeting yesterday. 351 00:16:15,129 --> 00:16:17,089 - To make the German brand image 352 00:16:17,089 --> 00:16:19,617 a happier, jollier affair. 353 00:16:19,617 --> 00:16:21,895 To that end I've arranged for my staff 354 00:16:21,895 --> 00:16:23,438 to stay behind and to demonstrate 355 00:16:23,438 --> 00:16:25,358 the sort of thing I suggested. 356 00:16:27,844 --> 00:16:30,536 - Well perhaps you could come down and have a look. 357 00:16:30,536 --> 00:16:32,694 - Well, I hope you won't take long. 358 00:16:32,694 --> 00:16:35,645 I always go to the club on Tuesday evening. 359 00:16:35,645 --> 00:16:37,125 - Oh, oh yes, the bridge club. 360 00:16:37,125 --> 00:16:39,037 - No, no, no, the strip club. 361 00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:45,201 - Ah yes, of course. 362 00:16:45,201 --> 00:16:47,993 By the way, I've arranged for my secretary 363 00:16:47,993 --> 00:16:50,404 to hand out the drinks at the wine bar. 364 00:16:50,404 --> 00:16:54,644 - Oh, that's the one with the nice legs, yeah. 365 00:16:54,644 --> 00:16:56,193 I'll come down as soon as I can. 366 00:16:58,124 --> 00:16:59,323 - I thought you would. 367 00:17:01,859 --> 00:17:02,875 - I brought you a glass of the 368 00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:05,542 German wine to try, Mr. Rumbold. 369 00:17:08,335 --> 00:17:10,505 - Mmm, excellent. 370 00:17:10,505 --> 00:17:13,032 How do you find the costume, comfortable? 371 00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:16,539 - I think the blouse should be a bit lower. 372 00:17:16,539 --> 00:17:19,841 - I doubt it, don't, don't lean over too much. 373 00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:25,395 - I'm sure the bodice could be a bit tighter you know. 374 00:17:25,395 --> 00:17:26,397 Do you think you could put your finger 375 00:17:26,397 --> 00:17:27,946 on the knot for me, please? 376 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:33,277 If you could just put it about there, that's it. 377 00:17:33,277 --> 00:17:34,146 Could you push harder, 378 00:17:34,146 --> 00:17:35,476 otherwise it'll all fall apart. 379 00:17:38,597 --> 00:17:39,430 - Enter! 380 00:17:45,928 --> 00:17:47,626 I seem to be caught. 381 00:17:47,626 --> 00:17:49,008 - I'll come back later. 382 00:17:50,346 --> 00:17:53,025 I mean, Miss Thorpe wasn't tight enough 383 00:17:53,025 --> 00:17:54,688 and I was just helping her. 384 00:17:54,688 --> 00:17:55,688 - So, I see. 385 00:17:56,688 --> 00:17:58,336 - Sorry, I'll have to do it again, sir. 386 00:17:58,336 --> 00:17:59,688 - I'll come back later. 387 00:18:01,186 --> 00:18:02,517 - I'll have one more go. 388 00:18:02,517 --> 00:18:03,350 Ah! - oh! 389 00:18:05,675 --> 00:18:06,946 - We've done it. 390 00:18:06,946 --> 00:18:08,234 - Well I know it's after hours, sir, 391 00:18:08,234 --> 00:18:10,484 but if you've quite finished, 392 00:18:10,484 --> 00:18:11,736 I'd like to have a word with you. 393 00:18:11,736 --> 00:18:14,416 - Yes, yes, go and attend to your stand. 394 00:18:14,416 --> 00:18:15,632 - Yes sir. 395 00:18:22,266 --> 00:18:23,314 Peacock! 396 00:18:23,314 --> 00:18:25,445 - Yes sir, during our discussion you did tell me 397 00:18:25,445 --> 00:18:27,314 that my costume would give me 398 00:18:27,314 --> 00:18:29,506 the appropriate air of authority. 399 00:18:29,506 --> 00:18:30,418 Well, I'm getting a lot of air, 400 00:18:30,418 --> 00:18:31,426 but very little authority. 401 00:18:37,388 --> 00:18:38,948 - Well, you have my permission to wear 402 00:18:38,948 --> 00:18:40,639 a bigger brush in your hat. 403 00:18:41,929 --> 00:18:44,158 - Thank you, Mr. Rumbold. 404 00:18:44,158 --> 00:18:46,217 - Now, young Mr. Grace will be coming down soon 405 00:18:46,217 --> 00:18:48,307 to give us the go ahead on the project. 406 00:18:48,307 --> 00:18:50,217 - Hmmm, well the sooner the better. 407 00:18:50,217 --> 00:18:52,049 Mrs. Slocombe has spent the last 35 minutes 408 00:18:52,049 --> 00:18:54,697 in her fitting room, sampling the German wine. 409 00:18:56,777 --> 00:18:57,868 - You'd better get back there. 410 00:18:57,868 --> 00:18:58,701 - Yes sir. 411 00:19:03,836 --> 00:19:05,485 - My trousers, they're not run in yet. 412 00:19:24,548 --> 00:19:27,278 - Yodel odel odel odel odel odel odel! 413 00:19:27,278 --> 00:19:28,849 - Lay di tee! 414 00:19:45,765 --> 00:19:47,907 - I can't think why, but my eyes are watering. 415 00:19:51,343 --> 00:19:53,037 Come on, come on Rumpelstiltskin, 416 00:19:53,037 --> 00:19:54,222 there's nobody here. 417 00:19:59,890 --> 00:20:02,938 - You know, I haven't worn knickerbockers 418 00:20:02,938 --> 00:20:04,276 since I was 11. 419 00:20:04,276 --> 00:20:06,081 - You've forgotten to put your shoes on. 420 00:20:07,382 --> 00:20:09,323 - My feet have been giving me hell 421 00:20:09,323 --> 00:20:11,353 after all that dancing. 422 00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:14,451 - Well I'm puttin' me foot down, the dance is out. 423 00:20:14,451 --> 00:20:16,010 I can't see that bein' dressed like this 424 00:20:16,010 --> 00:20:17,691 is gonna attract customers. 425 00:20:17,691 --> 00:20:19,833 - Oh, it will, mind you, they'll be the wrong sort. 426 00:20:24,049 --> 00:20:25,662 - On the other hand. 427 00:20:25,662 --> 00:20:27,980 That might attract some customers. 428 00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:30,769 - Here, listen, I don't know how to wear me braces. 429 00:20:30,769 --> 00:20:33,071 Should they be like that, or like that? 430 00:20:36,132 --> 00:20:37,448 - You've got a problem there. 431 00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:41,958 - Well your lot supposed to be men, you should know. 432 00:20:41,958 --> 00:20:43,249 - We haven't got the same problem. 433 00:20:45,289 --> 00:20:47,260 - Why don't you leave them off all together? 434 00:20:47,260 --> 00:20:50,108 - If I did that, me trousers would fall down. 435 00:20:50,108 --> 00:20:51,609 - That could be the gimmick we're looking for. 436 00:20:53,489 --> 00:20:56,089 - You dolt, I feel a right fairy. 437 00:21:13,343 --> 00:21:16,010 - La la la la la, rum, bum, bum. 438 00:21:20,663 --> 00:21:23,374 Do you know, I think this hat's too tight. 439 00:21:25,105 --> 00:21:26,825 It's making me feel quite giddy. 440 00:21:32,926 --> 00:21:35,745 Oh, if you could only see yourselves, 441 00:21:35,745 --> 00:21:38,025 you look absolutely riliculous. 442 00:21:39,436 --> 00:21:42,853 Ooh, I think this wine is very inoctuous. 443 00:21:43,956 --> 00:21:46,566 - You wanna watch it, it creeps up on you. 444 00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:48,814 - I think it's overtaken her. 445 00:21:48,814 --> 00:21:50,434 - Miss Brahms, come here. 446 00:21:50,434 --> 00:21:51,883 Come here. 447 00:21:51,883 --> 00:21:55,133 You want to wear your braces like I do. 448 00:21:56,166 --> 00:21:57,749 It's more feminine. 449 00:21:59,526 --> 00:22:02,718 Here, you haven't been at the wine, have you? 450 00:22:02,718 --> 00:22:04,856 'Cause you're swavin' about a lot. 451 00:22:05,965 --> 00:22:08,197 You need to control yourself. 452 00:22:08,197 --> 00:22:09,446 - Well, in for a fenic, in for a pound, 453 00:22:09,446 --> 00:22:10,887 we might as well all have one. 454 00:22:10,887 --> 00:22:11,797 Here. 455 00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:15,157 ♫ Drink, drink, drink to ives, and a break! 456 00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:21,285 - There goes the profit on the strumpfes. 457 00:22:29,525 --> 00:22:32,027 - Mr. Rumbold wants to have a look at you. 458 00:22:32,027 --> 00:22:33,616 - Oh, magnificent! 459 00:22:33,616 --> 00:22:34,936 You all look quite authentic, 460 00:22:34,936 --> 00:22:36,677 especially the ladies. 461 00:22:36,677 --> 00:22:39,525 - Twiddle his nob, somebody, it's out of focus. 462 00:22:43,556 --> 00:22:44,389 - I see what you mean, 463 00:22:44,389 --> 00:22:45,695 I think I'd better go and wait at the lift 464 00:22:45,695 --> 00:22:46,815 for young Mr. Grace. 465 00:22:46,815 --> 00:22:48,913 - Yes, places everyone. 466 00:22:50,815 --> 00:22:53,495 - Well of course I'm free, we're shut. 467 00:22:53,495 --> 00:22:54,415 - Well, I wish to tell you, 468 00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:57,044 on behalf of my colleagues and myself, 469 00:22:57,044 --> 00:23:00,164 that we will not do this dance. 470 00:23:00,164 --> 00:23:02,074 - Yes, well in view of Mrs. Slocombe's condition, 471 00:23:02,074 --> 00:23:03,826 I'm inclined to agree with you. 472 00:23:03,826 --> 00:23:05,903 - I knew it was a waste of time rehearsin' it. 473 00:23:07,631 --> 00:23:09,364 - The dance, they don't want to do it. 474 00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:14,610 - Stop her, somebody, she'll do herself a mischief. 475 00:23:16,460 --> 00:23:18,282 - Once that lot starts wobblin', you'll never stop it. 476 00:23:20,402 --> 00:23:21,235 - He's coming! 477 00:23:21,235 --> 00:23:22,347 Places, everybody. 478 00:23:22,347 --> 00:23:23,180 - Places, places. 479 00:23:23,180 --> 00:23:24,643 - He's here. 480 00:23:25,667 --> 00:23:27,232 - Good evening, everybody! 481 00:23:27,232 --> 00:23:30,743 Guten tag, Herr Grace! 482 00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,363 - Rumbold. 483 00:23:32,363 --> 00:23:33,196 Rumbold! 484 00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:37,244 Who are all these damned Germans in the lift? 485 00:23:39,284 --> 00:23:40,799 - Excuse me a moment. 486 00:23:40,799 --> 00:23:42,095 - Peacock, I want a word with you. 487 00:23:43,004 --> 00:23:45,313 - Who are all these damned Germans in the lift? 488 00:23:45,313 --> 00:23:46,895 - The German band that you ordered 489 00:23:46,895 --> 00:23:48,524 to play for the German dance. 490 00:23:48,524 --> 00:23:49,833 - Yes, of course. 491 00:23:49,833 --> 00:23:50,935 It's a German band, sir, 492 00:23:50,935 --> 00:23:52,564 you agreed to it while you were having your nap 493 00:23:52,564 --> 00:23:53,895 at the meeting. 494 00:23:53,895 --> 00:23:55,244 - Oh yes, yes. 495 00:23:55,244 --> 00:23:57,324 - We thought we'd start by offering our customers 496 00:23:57,324 --> 00:23:58,505 a glass of wine. 497 00:23:58,505 --> 00:23:59,673 Would you like to try, sir? 498 00:23:59,673 --> 00:24:01,473 - Oh, how very kind, yes. 499 00:24:01,473 --> 00:24:03,185 - Nice to see you, Mr. Grace. 500 00:24:03,185 --> 00:24:04,233 - Good evening, sonny. 501 00:24:09,353 --> 00:24:12,105 Do you speak English, my dear? 502 00:24:12,105 --> 00:24:13,945 - I work under Mr. Rumbold. 503 00:24:13,945 --> 00:24:15,893 - Ah, you're doing very well, I'm sure. 504 00:24:17,773 --> 00:24:19,164 - I hope he likes it all. 505 00:24:22,273 --> 00:24:23,671 - I think I should tell you now sir, 506 00:24:23,671 --> 00:24:26,107 that we're not doing the dance. 507 00:24:26,107 --> 00:24:27,705 - But you've got to do the dance. 508 00:24:27,705 --> 00:24:28,985 - The answer is no. 509 00:24:28,985 --> 00:24:30,044 - But I've paid for the band, 510 00:24:30,044 --> 00:24:31,415 it's more than my job's worth. 511 00:24:31,415 --> 00:24:32,844 - I'm sorry, sir. 512 00:24:32,844 --> 00:24:35,644 - If I topple, Peacock, I'll drag you down with me. 513 00:24:35,644 --> 00:24:37,715 And you'll get nowhere without a reference! 514 00:24:37,715 --> 00:24:39,156 - The men are behind me, sir. 515 00:24:39,156 --> 00:24:39,996 - True. 516 00:24:42,055 --> 00:24:43,895 - Let me put it like this. 517 00:24:43,895 --> 00:24:45,265 If you don't do the dance, 518 00:24:45,265 --> 00:24:48,004 I shall stop the money for the band out of your wages. 519 00:24:48,004 --> 00:24:49,004 - We'll do the dance. 520 00:24:53,053 --> 00:24:55,591 - Not yet, Mrs. Slocombe, not yet. 521 00:24:55,591 --> 00:24:57,273 - Alright, only just remember, 522 00:24:57,273 --> 00:25:00,324 I've done half of it already. 523 00:25:02,444 --> 00:25:04,253 - Well sir, this is the general atmosphere 524 00:25:04,253 --> 00:25:05,873 that the customers will encounter, 525 00:25:05,873 --> 00:25:08,345 and then from time to time to attract attention, 526 00:25:08,345 --> 00:25:11,751 we shall break into a good natured German folk dance. 527 00:25:11,751 --> 00:25:13,832 But I don't suppose you want to bother with that now. 528 00:25:13,832 --> 00:25:16,695 - Well, I might as well have my money's worth. 529 00:25:16,695 --> 00:25:19,543 - Yes, well after all, it is your money. 530 00:25:19,543 --> 00:25:21,043 Places, everybody. 531 00:25:23,843 --> 00:25:25,425 - Yes, pay attention. 532 00:25:25,425 --> 00:25:27,033 German band, ready? 533 00:25:27,033 --> 00:25:28,444 - Ready when you are, mate. 534 00:25:32,982 --> 00:25:34,663 - Ready, and... 535 00:26:22,263 --> 00:26:25,340 - Wait a minute, wait a minute, 536 00:26:25,340 --> 00:26:28,084 you don't do it like that! 537 00:26:28,084 --> 00:26:31,004 You're supposed to be gentle. 538 00:26:31,004 --> 00:26:33,004 - I was gentle, I just went like that. 539 00:26:33,004 --> 00:26:36,033 - You did not, you went like that. 540 00:26:36,033 --> 00:26:38,142 - I did not go like that. 541 00:26:38,142 --> 00:26:41,452 - Well next time, I shall go like that! 542 00:26:41,452 --> 00:26:43,092 - In that case, I should go like that! 543 00:26:43,092 --> 00:26:45,812 - Ooh, two can play at that game! 544 00:26:50,713 --> 00:26:53,622 - This has been a great eye opener to me. 545 00:26:53,622 --> 00:26:54,822 - Has it, well sir, 546 00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:57,193 apart from that last unfortunate incident, 547 00:26:57,193 --> 00:26:58,503 what did you think of it? 548 00:26:58,503 --> 00:27:01,821 - Well, I'd like to thank you all for 549 00:27:01,821 --> 00:27:04,953 making up my mind for me and, 550 00:27:04,953 --> 00:27:07,964 Grace Brothers is coming out of the common market. 551 00:27:07,964 --> 00:27:10,622 - Ah, bloody, just like we'd enjoy ourselves as well. 552 00:27:10,622 --> 00:27:12,863 All together and... 553 00:27:47,801 --> 00:27:50,553 ♫ Ground floor: perfumery, stationary, and leather goods 554 00:27:50,553 --> 00:27:51,892 ♫ Wigs and haverdashery 555 00:27:51,892 --> 00:27:53,201 ♫ Kitchenware and food 556 00:27:53,201 --> 00:27:55,451 ♫ Going up 557 00:27:59,232 --> 00:28:02,092 ♫ First floor: telephones, gents ready made suits 558 00:28:02,092 --> 00:28:04,660 ♫ Shirts, sockss, ties, hats, underwear, and shoes 559 00:28:04,660 --> 00:28:06,910 ♫ Going up 560 00:28:10,892 --> 00:28:13,633 ♫ Second floor: carpets, travel goods, and bedding 561 00:28:13,633 --> 00:28:16,473 ♫ Materials, soft furnishings, restaurants, and ties 562 00:28:16,473 --> 00:28:18,543 ♫ Going down