1 00:00:06,058 --> 00:00:07,346 ♫ Ground floor perfumery 2 00:00:07,346 --> 00:00:08,799 ♫ Stationery and leather goods 3 00:00:08,799 --> 00:00:10,266 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery 4 00:00:10,266 --> 00:00:11,351 ♫ Kitchenware and food 5 00:00:11,351 --> 00:00:13,601 ♫ Going up 6 00:00:17,514 --> 00:00:18,893 ♫ First floor telephones 7 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,460 ♫ Gents ready-made suits 8 00:00:20,460 --> 00:00:21,896 ♫ Shirts, socks, ties, hats 9 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:23,117 ♫ Underwear and shoes 10 00:00:23,117 --> 00:00:25,367 ♫ Going up 11 00:00:27,506 --> 00:00:29,509 - Whoa, blimey, you're in a bit of a state, ain't ya? 12 00:00:29,509 --> 00:00:31,539 Where were you last night, eh? 13 00:00:31,539 --> 00:00:32,868 Little red nose, have a good blow, go on. 14 00:00:36,544 --> 00:00:39,629 Here, what's all this straw down your back? 15 00:00:39,629 --> 00:00:41,728 Hey Daphne, lend us your vacuum, will ya? 16 00:00:41,728 --> 00:00:44,171 This one's in a terrible state. 17 00:00:44,171 --> 00:00:45,855 You ain't been having it off with Kerry Grant there 18 00:00:45,855 --> 00:00:50,149 in the packing department after closing time, have you? 19 00:00:51,234 --> 00:00:52,067 - Here ya are, love. 20 00:00:52,067 --> 00:00:53,650 - Ah, there we are. 21 00:00:57,911 --> 00:01:02,451 You'll be givin' the store a bad name, you will. 22 00:01:02,451 --> 00:01:04,008 Close your eyes, girls! 23 00:01:04,008 --> 00:01:06,175 Hold your breath, darling. 24 00:01:14,443 --> 00:01:17,360 - Oh Mr. Mash, you are an old fool. 25 00:01:18,341 --> 00:01:20,182 - I don't know what you're going on about. 26 00:01:20,182 --> 00:01:21,112 I bet it's not the first time 27 00:01:21,112 --> 00:01:22,724 you've lost your nickers in a tube. 28 00:01:27,133 --> 00:01:28,234 Morning Mr. Lucas. 29 00:01:28,234 --> 00:01:29,232 - Morning Mr. Mash. 30 00:01:29,232 --> 00:01:30,343 - You're early. 31 00:01:30,343 --> 00:01:31,197 Hey have you had the pleasure 32 00:01:31,197 --> 00:01:32,812 of meetin' Mrs. Daphne Ackroyd? 33 00:01:32,812 --> 00:01:35,445 And Miss Ivy Plunkitt of the cleaning department? 34 00:01:35,445 --> 00:01:36,322 - How do you do. 35 00:01:36,322 --> 00:01:38,160 - Hello lovely boy. 36 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,503 - This is Mr. Lucas, the Robert Redford of ready maids. 37 00:01:41,503 --> 00:01:42,791 - Oh! 38 00:01:42,791 --> 00:01:44,160 - You don't see him very often 39 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:46,286 on account he's always five minutes late. 40 00:01:49,932 --> 00:01:54,099 - Play your cards right, you're on a promise, there. 41 00:01:56,692 --> 00:01:59,164 - I've come in early 'cause I'm not stopping. 42 00:02:00,356 --> 00:02:01,354 - No I've got this bird coming up 43 00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:02,935 from the afternoon from the country. 44 00:02:02,935 --> 00:02:04,363 So I've just come in to tell him I've got a cold, 45 00:02:04,363 --> 00:02:05,938 and I've got to get back to bed. 46 00:02:05,938 --> 00:02:07,775 Well it's half true. 47 00:02:07,775 --> 00:02:09,463 - Dead before they give you time off here, mate. 48 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,620 Old Mr. Lou from the kitchen department broke his arm. 49 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:13,783 They made him spend the rest of the day 50 00:02:13,783 --> 00:02:16,501 demonstrating coffee grinders with the other one. 51 00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:18,099 - Well I'll tell them I've got a temperature. 52 00:02:18,099 --> 00:02:19,614 - They'll have you straight out up to sister. 53 00:02:19,614 --> 00:02:22,093 And she's a very funny woman, I can tell you. 54 00:02:22,093 --> 00:02:26,260 She don't always take your temperature the way you expect. 55 00:02:30,228 --> 00:02:32,218 - Ah, not the Grace Brothers, no. 56 00:02:32,218 --> 00:02:33,903 Here, I'll tell you what. 57 00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:34,959 I'll give you a tip. 58 00:02:34,959 --> 00:02:36,292 What we used to use in the army. 59 00:02:36,292 --> 00:02:39,622 You put an onion under your arm, and chew on a bit of soap. 60 00:02:39,622 --> 00:02:41,926 - I haven't got an onion. 61 00:02:41,926 --> 00:02:45,093 - I'll get you one from fruit and veg. 62 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,227 - Hello sir, please, what were you up to last night? 63 00:02:53,227 --> 00:02:55,367 - Oh, I was watching Yogi on the television. 64 00:02:56,231 --> 00:02:57,738 - No, Indian Yogi. 65 00:02:57,738 --> 00:03:00,193 They were showing you all the positions you can get into, 66 00:03:00,193 --> 00:03:01,645 and I was doing it with them 67 00:03:01,645 --> 00:03:04,582 in case there was one I didn't know. 68 00:03:04,582 --> 00:03:06,681 Just got past the fifth position of 69 00:03:06,681 --> 00:03:10,398 supreme ecstasy when me horizontal hold went. 70 00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:11,795 It was all I could do to move. 71 00:03:11,795 --> 00:03:12,892 - Yes, well it would be. 72 00:03:12,892 --> 00:03:14,345 You're not going to ask for the day off, are you? 73 00:03:15,178 --> 00:03:16,100 You don't get the day off here, 74 00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:17,569 not even if you're paralyzed. 75 00:03:17,569 --> 00:03:21,668 They put a coat on you and use you as a dummy. 76 00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:22,932 - Well I'm not stopping you know, 77 00:03:22,932 --> 00:03:24,101 I've got a serious cold. 78 00:03:24,101 --> 00:03:25,745 - Well I'll mention that to Mr. Granger, 79 00:03:25,745 --> 00:03:28,578 after I've told him about my back. 80 00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:30,737 - Oh, good morning Mr. Granger. 81 00:03:30,737 --> 00:03:32,423 - Morning. - Morning, Mr. Granger. 82 00:03:32,423 --> 00:03:35,218 My word, you do look pale. 83 00:03:35,218 --> 00:03:36,921 - Yes, I'm afraid I've got a 84 00:03:36,921 --> 00:03:39,650 touch of my old gastric trouble. 85 00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:41,473 - Well I'm sorry to bother you with my troubles Mr.-- 86 00:03:41,473 --> 00:03:43,551 - I'm sorry, man, Mr. Lucas. 87 00:03:43,551 --> 00:03:45,150 But if you want to discuss it, 88 00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:49,150 you'll have to discuss it through a closed door. 89 00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:51,953 - Good morning Mr. Humphries. 90 00:03:51,953 --> 00:03:53,009 Good morning, Mrs. Slocombe. 91 00:03:53,009 --> 00:03:54,149 - Good morning, Mr. Lucas. 92 00:03:54,149 --> 00:03:56,079 - Anyway, he said it's supposed to stop me 93 00:03:56,079 --> 00:03:58,053 getting a cold for the rest of the winter. 94 00:03:58,053 --> 00:04:00,249 I've had a course of seven injections. 95 00:04:00,249 --> 00:04:01,703 - Oh, your poor arm. 96 00:04:01,703 --> 00:04:03,671 - Oh, thanks Mrs. Slocombe. 97 00:04:03,671 --> 00:04:05,996 They don't give 'em to 'em in your arm anymore. 98 00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:09,425 I won't be able to sit through a picture for a whole week. 99 00:04:09,425 --> 00:04:12,986 - They give you everything down there, nowadays, don't they? 100 00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:14,041 I have the ear ache, 101 00:04:14,041 --> 00:04:17,764 but still my doctor gave it to me down there. 102 00:04:17,764 --> 00:04:22,529 Anyway, I don't hold with all these newfangled things. 103 00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:24,902 Last night, I had a hot whiskey. 104 00:04:24,902 --> 00:04:28,867 And this morning, I had Brandian milk on me Rice Krispies. 105 00:04:28,867 --> 00:04:32,201 - Well that's nice, snap crackle and burp. 106 00:04:32,201 --> 00:04:36,943 - Not only that, but I've got me flask full of rum and pep. 107 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,207 - Well, that may not kill the germs, 108 00:04:38,207 --> 00:04:40,292 but it'll make 'em dizzy. 109 00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:44,610 - No, I'm just taking precautions. 110 00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:45,804 - Oh that's good, 'cause my doc said 111 00:04:45,804 --> 00:04:47,750 I mustn't get a cold for seven days. 112 00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:50,220 - Well you better get Captain Peacock to send me home. 113 00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:52,332 I mean I've got an absolute stree-ba. 114 00:04:52,332 --> 00:04:53,362 - I shall have no difficulty in 115 00:04:53,362 --> 00:04:56,010 keeping my distance from you, Mr. Lucas. 116 00:04:56,010 --> 00:04:57,353 - You didn't say that at the Christmas party, 117 00:04:57,353 --> 00:04:58,351 you couldn't wait to jump into that 118 00:04:58,351 --> 00:05:01,220 cupboard with me and start playing sardines. 119 00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:02,946 - I'm sure you have plenty to do 120 00:05:02,946 --> 00:05:05,300 in your own department, Mr. Lucas. 121 00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,724 - At once Mrs. Slocombe. 122 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,007 - Did you really jump in the cupboard with him? 123 00:05:10,007 --> 00:05:12,190 - Well, only 'cause Captain Peacock was trying to 124 00:05:12,190 --> 00:05:16,917 get me to pull his cracker in the fittin' room. 125 00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,084 - You as well. 126 00:05:22,598 --> 00:05:24,893 - Here you are mate, one Spanish onion, 127 00:05:24,893 --> 00:05:26,607 one piece of carbolic soap. 128 00:05:26,607 --> 00:05:28,732 Put that under your arm, that under your tongue. 129 00:05:28,732 --> 00:05:30,322 - Do you think it'll get me off for the afternoon? 130 00:05:30,322 --> 00:05:32,572 - Well it got me off D-Day. 131 00:05:33,628 --> 00:05:35,289 - Good morning Captain Peacock. 132 00:05:35,289 --> 00:05:39,456 - Here do it now, the froth only lasts a minute, go on. 133 00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:49,718 - Yes he is here Captain Peacock, but only part time. 134 00:05:49,718 --> 00:05:52,514 - Oh, has he got a touch of the gastrics again? 135 00:05:52,514 --> 00:05:55,036 - I'm afraid so, and of course his age doesn't help. 136 00:05:57,148 --> 00:06:01,569 - No, he can't get there as quick as he'd like to. 137 00:06:01,569 --> 00:06:02,689 - You're probably wondering why 138 00:06:02,689 --> 00:06:04,484 I'm walking like this, Captain Peacock. 139 00:06:04,484 --> 00:06:05,706 I've done my back in. 140 00:06:05,706 --> 00:06:08,539 - I hadn't noticed any difference. 141 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:12,521 - Mr. Lucas, what are you doing with your shirt undone? 142 00:06:12,521 --> 00:06:14,948 - I'm puttin' an onion under me arm. 143 00:06:14,948 --> 00:06:16,865 - Ask a silly question. 144 00:06:24,207 --> 00:06:27,395 - Good morning Captain Peacock. 145 00:06:27,395 --> 00:06:29,220 Could I have a word with you, Captain Peacock? 146 00:06:29,220 --> 00:06:30,369 - Not at the moment, Mr. Lucas. 147 00:06:30,369 --> 00:06:32,428 Are you being served sir? 148 00:06:32,428 --> 00:06:34,881 - No, I'm just trying to remember what I came in here for. 149 00:06:34,881 --> 00:06:36,241 I've got a list here somewhere. 150 00:06:36,241 --> 00:06:38,204 - Captain Peacock. - In a moment, Mr. Lucas. 151 00:06:38,204 --> 00:06:40,615 - Ah, here it is, now let me see. 152 00:06:40,615 --> 00:06:44,396 - Captain Peacock. - In a moment, Mr. Lucas. 153 00:06:44,396 --> 00:06:45,910 - There are two pairs of socks, 154 00:06:45,910 --> 00:06:50,378 a dozen handkerchiefs, a bair of braces, a tie. 155 00:06:50,378 --> 00:06:54,045 I'm sure Mr. Lucas can help you. 156 00:06:55,590 --> 00:06:59,423 - No on second thoughts, I've changed me mind. 157 00:07:00,965 --> 00:07:03,956 - Mr. Lucas, you're dibbling. 158 00:07:03,956 --> 00:07:05,289 - No, but I've-- 159 00:07:09,995 --> 00:07:13,106 - I don't feel very well, Captain Peacock. 160 00:07:14,012 --> 00:07:15,561 - I don't feel very well, Captain Peacock. 161 00:07:15,561 --> 00:07:17,594 - Ah, I'm not prepared to hold a conversation with you 162 00:07:17,594 --> 00:07:20,427 until you have emptied your mouth. 163 00:07:30,307 --> 00:07:31,209 - No. 164 00:07:31,209 --> 00:07:33,033 - In that case I cannot allow you to go home. 165 00:07:34,866 --> 00:07:36,066 - Certainly not. 166 00:07:36,066 --> 00:07:38,002 - But I'm not meself. 167 00:07:38,002 --> 00:07:39,503 If you'd look around a couple of minutes ago, 168 00:07:39,503 --> 00:07:41,700 you'd have seen me foaming at the mouth. 169 00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:44,183 - Yes we used to get that in the army, you know. 170 00:07:44,183 --> 00:07:48,981 It's usually caused by the placing of soap under the tongue. 171 00:07:48,981 --> 00:07:50,630 - I've the hiccups as well. 172 00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:53,001 - Hiccups is hardly serious enough for a day off Mr. Lucas. 173 00:07:53,001 --> 00:07:55,385 Go and stand behind the cabinet until you've recovered. 174 00:07:58,553 --> 00:07:59,775 - I've also got a temperature. 175 00:07:59,775 --> 00:08:00,735 Could I go and see the sister? 176 00:08:00,735 --> 00:08:02,452 - I'll send for sister. 177 00:08:02,452 --> 00:08:05,444 Get behind the cabinet. 178 00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:08,073 And Mr. Lucas? 179 00:08:08,073 --> 00:08:10,173 - I don't know what aftershave you're using, 180 00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:14,340 but you're coming over very strongly as a Lancashire hotpot. 181 00:08:24,257 --> 00:08:27,173 Would you put me through to first aid, please? 182 00:08:29,318 --> 00:08:30,151 Ah sister. 183 00:08:32,089 --> 00:08:35,269 Captain Peacock of the ladies' and gentleman's outfitting. 184 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:39,822 I wonder if you'd be kind enough to 185 00:08:39,822 --> 00:08:42,572 bring your thermometer down here. 186 00:08:44,004 --> 00:08:45,087 And a loofah. 187 00:08:51,271 --> 00:08:53,041 - Well it's almost what I wanted. 188 00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:54,810 But it's not the color. 189 00:08:54,810 --> 00:08:57,994 - Oh, but blue looks so cool on madam. 190 00:08:57,994 --> 00:09:00,007 Ms. Brahms, over here. 191 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:03,383 Don't you think that madam looks cool in blue? 192 00:09:03,383 --> 00:09:05,300 - Yes, like an iceberg. 193 00:09:06,816 --> 00:09:08,825 - I'm not sure about the flowers. 194 00:09:08,825 --> 00:09:11,254 - Oh but flowers are very much in vogue. 195 00:09:11,254 --> 00:09:15,233 - Yes, and all the other women's magazines. 196 00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:18,894 - Thanks you Ms. Brahms, the iceberg was enough. 197 00:09:18,894 --> 00:09:20,729 - It's a little tight around the waist. 198 00:09:20,729 --> 00:09:22,421 - Ah, I had to give you that size 199 00:09:22,421 --> 00:09:25,561 because madam has such slender shoulders. 200 00:09:25,561 --> 00:09:27,847 But I can very easily alter it. 201 00:09:27,847 --> 00:09:30,100 - No, I'm not all that keen, really. 202 00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:33,267 - Oh no no no, it's no trouble at all. 203 00:09:36,535 --> 00:09:38,439 - But I really didn't want it. 204 00:09:38,439 --> 00:09:39,737 - Well you can't change your mind now, 205 00:09:39,737 --> 00:09:42,070 I've started the alteration. 206 00:09:42,946 --> 00:09:45,215 I'm sure madam will be delighted with it 207 00:09:45,215 --> 00:09:47,572 when it comes back from the work room. 208 00:09:47,572 --> 00:09:48,953 - On the first of the week. 209 00:09:48,953 --> 00:09:50,065 - I'll be away then. 210 00:09:50,065 --> 00:09:54,444 - Oh, in that case put not urgent on it, Ms. Brahms. 211 00:09:54,444 --> 00:09:58,037 Now if madam would like to change. 212 00:09:58,037 --> 00:09:59,557 Just a moment. 213 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,574 I have a hat that would go wonderful with that. 214 00:10:02,574 --> 00:10:04,396 - Oh no no, I don't wear hats. 215 00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:06,577 - Well you're wearing one now. 216 00:10:06,577 --> 00:10:08,584 - Oh well it belongs to a friend. 217 00:10:08,584 --> 00:10:09,991 - Well buy it for her, then. 218 00:10:09,991 --> 00:10:11,241 - No thank you. 219 00:10:12,773 --> 00:10:14,284 - Oh I can't stand people who 220 00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:16,396 are always changing their minds. 221 00:10:16,396 --> 00:10:17,229 - Well it was a very good line 222 00:10:17,229 --> 00:10:18,879 of sales pattern, Mrs. Slocombe. 223 00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,608 - You have to know your customer, you understand. 224 00:10:21,608 --> 00:10:24,158 I tried it once with a lady wrestler. 225 00:10:24,158 --> 00:10:27,111 She had me flat on me back. 226 00:10:27,111 --> 00:10:29,703 Oh pass me that flask, Ms. Brahms. 227 00:10:29,703 --> 00:10:33,870 Oh me throat, I feel as though the germs are surging round. 228 00:10:35,019 --> 00:10:39,019 Look out you foreign bodies, get a load of this. 229 00:10:40,787 --> 00:10:43,240 - If you've got anything catching, I'm going home. 230 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,777 - No no no no, I have a very strong constitution. 231 00:10:46,777 --> 00:10:50,360 All my white core pustules are fighting it. 232 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:56,926 - You've got one haven't you, you've got a cold. 233 00:10:56,926 --> 00:10:58,625 - Pass me one of those hankies. 234 00:10:58,625 --> 00:10:59,951 - I haven't got one. 235 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:04,307 - No no, one from the box, there at the end of the counter. 236 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:06,998 - It doesn't matter! 237 00:11:08,353 --> 00:11:09,186 - Here. 238 00:11:12,575 --> 00:11:14,700 You have got a cold. 239 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:16,443 My doctor gave me those injections, 240 00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:20,110 told me I mustn't get a cold for seven days. 241 00:11:25,097 --> 00:11:27,727 - No, it's to stop the germs from going up me nose. 242 00:11:27,727 --> 00:11:30,553 - If you wear that you'll go up my nose. 243 00:11:30,553 --> 00:11:32,780 - Well it's either this, or I'm going home. 244 00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:35,820 - That's a very militant attitude Ms. Brahms. 245 00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,795 - You can like it or lump it. 246 00:11:37,795 --> 00:11:41,990 - Oh, oh, well if that's the tone you use, 247 00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:45,823 I'm going to have a word with Captain Peacock. 248 00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:49,095 Captain Peacock, may I have a word with you? 249 00:11:49,095 --> 00:11:50,255 - Not at the moment Mrs. Slocombe. 250 00:11:50,255 --> 00:11:52,922 Five, four, three, two, one, ah. 251 00:11:56,377 --> 00:11:57,558 - You're normal. 252 00:11:57,558 --> 00:12:00,141 - Yes, but we're working on it. 253 00:12:02,907 --> 00:12:05,131 - We'll I've definitely got a cold, I mean listen to this. 254 00:12:05,131 --> 00:12:07,500 There you are, look at that. 255 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:09,309 I mean I really think I ought to go home for the afternoon, 256 00:12:09,309 --> 00:12:11,670 I wouldn't want anyone else to catch it. 257 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,029 Too late, I've given it to Mrs. Slocombe. 258 00:12:15,029 --> 00:12:17,086 - I already had one of my own. 259 00:12:17,086 --> 00:12:20,876 Captain Peacock, may I now have a word with you? 260 00:12:20,876 --> 00:12:21,900 - In a moment, Mrs. Slocombe. 261 00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,299 Now I'm sorry to have troubled you. 262 00:12:23,299 --> 00:12:24,315 - No that's quite alright. 263 00:12:24,315 --> 00:12:26,756 That sounds like a nasty cold Mrs. Slocombe. 264 00:12:26,756 --> 00:12:28,289 - Oh yes it's just beginning. 265 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:31,335 That's what I wanted to discuss with you, Captain Peacock. 266 00:12:31,335 --> 00:12:32,640 - I cannot let you go home, Mrs. Slocombe, 267 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:33,913 just because you have a cold. 268 00:12:33,913 --> 00:12:36,765 - I don't want to go home, it's Ms. Brahms. 269 00:12:36,765 --> 00:12:39,496 She won't stop because she's afraid of catching my cold, 270 00:12:39,496 --> 00:12:42,331 just because she's had these flu injections. 271 00:12:42,331 --> 00:12:44,164 Ms. Brahms, over here. 272 00:12:46,491 --> 00:12:50,044 - Oh no, your oil well is this way. 273 00:12:50,044 --> 00:12:52,276 - Now Ms. Brahms, where did you have these injections? 274 00:12:52,276 --> 00:12:53,276 - In me bum. 275 00:12:55,349 --> 00:12:57,464 - I think sister means at what establishment. 276 00:12:57,464 --> 00:12:59,464 - Oh, my doctor give 'em me. 277 00:12:59,464 --> 00:13:01,395 - Your doctor gave them to you, Ms. Brahms? 278 00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:04,854 - No he didn't, he charged me eight quid. 279 00:13:04,854 --> 00:13:06,086 - But it's quite right. 280 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:08,227 She must avoid cold contact for a week. 281 00:13:08,227 --> 00:13:10,491 Otherwise she'll have to have it done again. 282 00:13:10,491 --> 00:13:12,313 - Yes and I can't afford the expense. 283 00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:13,959 So if she's stuck, then I'm going. 284 00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:15,645 - Well I'm not having a day's pay off just because 285 00:13:15,645 --> 00:13:18,478 you've got a jaxy full of vaccine. 286 00:13:19,445 --> 00:13:21,256 - What delicate way to put it. 287 00:13:21,256 --> 00:13:25,880 - I'm sorry that I've been so long away, Captain Peacock. 288 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:26,880 Oh, dang it. 289 00:13:31,088 --> 00:13:33,789 - It's all good here today. 290 00:13:33,789 --> 00:13:35,901 - Well, so if Ms. Brahms mustn't catch a cold, 291 00:13:35,901 --> 00:13:37,822 she better lend a hand in the gentlemen's department. 292 00:13:37,822 --> 00:13:39,326 - I'm not catching his cold. 293 00:13:39,326 --> 00:13:40,934 - If you will allow me to finish, Ms. Brahms. 294 00:13:40,934 --> 00:13:42,158 And as Mr. Lucas has one anyway, 295 00:13:42,158 --> 00:13:44,391 he can assist Mrs. Slocombe in the ladies'. 296 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,792 - Oh no, Mrs. Slocombe wouldn't like that, Captain Peacock. 297 00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,537 I mean, she might get my cold on top of her cold. 298 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,017 Be much better if you send my home for the afternoon. 299 00:13:52,017 --> 00:13:53,745 - You will do as you are told, Mr. Lucas. 300 00:13:53,745 --> 00:13:57,006 - I'm not having a man in the ladies', it's unheard of. 301 00:13:57,006 --> 00:13:58,915 - Only to assist you, Mrs. Slocombe. 302 00:13:58,915 --> 00:14:01,166 - But it's a very personal service 303 00:14:01,166 --> 00:14:03,753 in the ladies' department, Captain Peacock. 304 00:14:03,753 --> 00:14:05,832 - Yes, well, in that case he can 305 00:14:05,832 --> 00:14:09,200 confine himself to gloves, scarves, and handling the two. 306 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,805 - I don't think I can be trusted Captain Peacock. 307 00:14:14,630 --> 00:14:16,302 Mr. Humphries, I take it you have no have 308 00:14:16,302 --> 00:14:18,539 no objection to having a lady behind the counter? 309 00:14:18,539 --> 00:14:22,121 - I have absolutely no feelings on the matter whatsoever. 310 00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:25,985 But I would prefer the lone ranger to remove her mask. 311 00:14:25,985 --> 00:14:27,205 - Well, places everyone. 312 00:14:27,205 --> 00:14:30,372 Thank you sister, nice to talk to you. 313 00:14:33,897 --> 00:14:36,667 - You put one finger wrong, 314 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:39,548 and I'll have you in front of Mr. Rumbold. 315 00:14:39,548 --> 00:14:41,470 - A threat hanging like that over me head, 316 00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:44,705 I wouldn't dare put a finger wrong. 317 00:14:44,705 --> 00:14:47,872 - Take these back to the fitting room. 318 00:14:52,616 --> 00:14:54,613 - Oh I bed your pardon, madam. 319 00:14:56,472 --> 00:14:58,077 Cross me heart, I didn't put a finger anywhere. 320 00:14:58,077 --> 00:15:02,160 - Oh, it's the blue alteration, she's still here! 321 00:15:05,577 --> 00:15:06,949 - No, here. 322 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,924 You can have your onion back, it didn't work. 323 00:15:08,924 --> 00:15:13,138 - Well of course it didn't, you haven't peeled it, have ya? 324 00:15:13,138 --> 00:15:14,676 - Well you might have told me. 325 00:15:16,185 --> 00:15:17,198 I mean nobody sticks an onion under 326 00:15:17,198 --> 00:15:19,622 their arm without peeling it, do they? 327 00:15:19,622 --> 00:15:20,455 - No! 328 00:15:23,416 --> 00:15:24,884 - I swallowed it. 329 00:15:24,884 --> 00:15:26,731 - Oh, you don't deserve the day off. 330 00:15:28,353 --> 00:15:29,585 - Well, Peacock finds you over here, 331 00:15:29,585 --> 00:15:30,627 you'll get the sack and you won't 332 00:15:30,627 --> 00:15:31,549 have to come in at all, will ya? 333 00:15:31,549 --> 00:15:33,520 - Peacock sent me over here, I've been transferred. 334 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:34,835 - He sent you-- 335 00:15:34,835 --> 00:15:36,358 You're serving over here? 336 00:15:36,358 --> 00:15:39,143 God, you'll have an off day today, won't you, eh? 337 00:15:39,143 --> 00:15:40,560 Hey-hey, whoa-ho! 338 00:15:41,903 --> 00:15:43,848 - I was gonna have a better day today at my place, wasn't I? 339 00:15:46,317 --> 00:15:47,876 - Well don't give up hope. 340 00:15:47,876 --> 00:15:48,894 Break a leg. 341 00:15:48,894 --> 00:15:51,173 - Yeah that might be me only chance. 342 00:15:51,173 --> 00:15:52,046 What've you got in that box? 343 00:15:52,046 --> 00:15:53,990 - Ah, half a dozen suspender belts. 344 00:15:53,990 --> 00:15:56,856 - Blimey, they're not bringing them back again, are they? 345 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,684 - I didn't know they'd ever been away. 346 00:16:01,173 --> 00:16:02,887 - Well they're not for lookin' at, are they? 347 00:16:02,887 --> 00:16:07,003 They're for takin' off. 348 00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:10,031 Here, they've got that new crafty catch there, look. 349 00:16:10,031 --> 00:16:11,344 - Oh yeah, listen I've had a lot of trouble 350 00:16:11,344 --> 00:16:13,433 with this new catch, on bras, you know. 351 00:16:13,433 --> 00:16:15,339 Yeah, I've mastered it now, though, 352 00:16:15,339 --> 00:16:16,888 I've got it down to about eight seconds. 353 00:16:18,055 --> 00:16:19,638 - Yeah, watch this. 354 00:16:21,496 --> 00:16:25,212 Just one more kiss before we say good night, Ms. Brahms. 355 00:16:25,212 --> 00:16:26,045 Hold it! 356 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,420 - That was only six seconds. 357 00:16:35,420 --> 00:16:38,453 - Yeah well, she wasn't struggling. 358 00:16:38,453 --> 00:16:39,795 - See here, and they're all marked alphabetically. 359 00:16:39,795 --> 00:16:41,682 B for braces, G for gloves. 360 00:16:45,215 --> 00:16:48,448 - That comes under H for haberdashery. 361 00:16:51,312 --> 00:16:52,562 - Jockey shaws. 362 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,261 - Of course not, they're just 363 00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:02,645 a sexy line in men's underwear. 364 00:17:02,645 --> 00:17:06,403 - Oh, well why do you call them jockey shaws? 365 00:17:06,403 --> 00:17:08,459 - Well you know, if anybody shouts they're off, 366 00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:12,864 you know you're on the way on your way to the winning point. 367 00:17:15,976 --> 00:17:18,815 - And down here we've got wide fronts. 368 00:17:22,502 --> 00:17:26,669 - No, strangely enough, there's not much call for those. 369 00:17:28,099 --> 00:17:29,842 - Humphries. 370 00:17:29,842 --> 00:17:32,282 - Send that girl back to her own department. 371 00:17:32,282 --> 00:17:34,599 - She's been seconded to us, Mr. Granger. 372 00:17:35,571 --> 00:17:37,522 - Placed here at Captain Peacock's request. 373 00:17:37,522 --> 00:17:40,334 - Oh, well we'll soon see about that. 374 00:17:40,334 --> 00:17:42,834 Captain Peacock, are you free? 375 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,438 - At present, yes. 376 00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:52,607 - Well, I have a very serious complaint. 377 00:17:52,607 --> 00:17:53,440 Oh, dang. 378 00:17:57,872 --> 00:18:01,622 - It doesn't appear to be getting any better. 379 00:18:03,235 --> 00:18:04,291 Can I help you, madam? 380 00:18:06,551 --> 00:18:08,610 - Well I'm assisting at this counter. 381 00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:09,443 - Oh, oh. 382 00:18:10,461 --> 00:18:13,058 Well, you see the suit I'm wearing? 383 00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:15,152 Well I'm not very happy in it. 384 00:18:15,152 --> 00:18:18,155 No, I can quite understand that, madam, 385 00:18:18,155 --> 00:18:19,923 it is a bit old fashioned, isn't it. 386 00:18:19,923 --> 00:18:21,307 You want something new? 387 00:18:21,307 --> 00:18:22,986 - New, but it is new. 388 00:18:22,986 --> 00:18:25,319 I bought it here, yesterday. 389 00:18:26,943 --> 00:18:28,935 - Let me have another look. 390 00:18:28,935 --> 00:18:30,896 Ah yes, it's one of our revival lines. 391 00:18:30,896 --> 00:18:32,573 An echo of the '40s. 392 00:18:32,573 --> 00:18:36,109 - Well you see, I feel that I'm not very happy with the fit. 393 00:18:36,109 --> 00:18:38,683 And I feel that it's all a bit too loose. 394 00:18:38,683 --> 00:18:40,223 - Yes, that's the trouble with some of the revival lines, 395 00:18:40,223 --> 00:18:42,212 they are a bit on the loose side, you know. 396 00:18:42,212 --> 00:18:44,213 Let me have a look and see what size you are. 397 00:18:44,213 --> 00:18:45,963 Oh yes, a revived 45. 398 00:18:47,422 --> 00:18:51,020 - Well I would like a smaller size. 399 00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:52,469 - I'm afraid we can't do that madam, 400 00:18:52,469 --> 00:18:54,437 on account of the fact that you've already worn it, you see. 401 00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:56,413 However, we can soon have it altered for you. 402 00:18:56,413 --> 00:18:58,318 Now let me just see how it fits. 403 00:18:58,318 --> 00:19:00,323 Put your arms, how is it under the arms? 404 00:19:00,323 --> 00:19:01,740 Oh yes, and down. 405 00:19:07,439 --> 00:19:09,606 Oh that is cozy, isn't it? 406 00:19:10,744 --> 00:19:12,320 I mean it's a cozy fit. 407 00:19:15,795 --> 00:19:17,624 Now, how is it on the chest? 408 00:19:17,624 --> 00:19:21,124 - Oh, I'm not complaining about the chest. 409 00:19:22,731 --> 00:19:24,074 - Neither am I. 410 00:19:24,074 --> 00:19:25,802 - It's the skirt. 411 00:19:25,802 --> 00:19:26,719 - Ah, that. 412 00:19:28,548 --> 00:19:30,465 I'll just get me chalk. 413 00:19:32,429 --> 00:19:35,679 - You'll need a bigger piece than that. 414 00:19:37,879 --> 00:19:40,122 - Now, exactly whereabouts on the skirt, madam? 415 00:19:40,122 --> 00:19:42,429 - Oh well, it's a little bit embarrassing. 416 00:19:42,429 --> 00:19:45,179 It's what they call the derriere. 417 00:19:48,883 --> 00:19:50,838 - Well we specialize in derrieres, madam. 418 00:19:50,838 --> 00:19:54,508 My Jewish friends call me Lucas the Tucas, you know. 419 00:19:54,508 --> 00:19:56,344 And what is the problem? 420 00:19:56,344 --> 00:19:59,416 - Oh, it seems to droop at the back. 421 00:20:02,586 --> 00:20:05,629 - The skirt, the skirt droops down there. 422 00:20:05,629 --> 00:20:07,986 - Ah yes of course, what we need is a tuck in there. 423 00:20:10,384 --> 00:20:12,486 - No no no no, you can't do that you see, 424 00:20:12,486 --> 00:20:15,352 because when I sit down, it'll ride up. 425 00:20:15,352 --> 00:20:16,916 - Quite right madam, quite right. 426 00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:17,749 No tuck to the-- 427 00:20:20,482 --> 00:20:23,430 - Well you see, actually it's the waist. 428 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:27,013 Look, you can get your hand right in there. 429 00:20:32,527 --> 00:20:34,133 Let me have a look. 430 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,258 Oh yes, oh, hold on. 431 00:20:36,258 --> 00:20:39,008 I've dropped me chalk down there. 432 00:20:39,866 --> 00:20:40,853 Don't move. 433 00:20:52,431 --> 00:20:54,931 - I'm trying to find me chalk. 434 00:20:56,315 --> 00:20:59,138 I think it's wedged in the customers derriere. 435 00:20:59,138 --> 00:21:00,439 - Come away. 436 00:21:00,439 --> 00:21:01,675 - But I can't leave me chalk in there, 437 00:21:01,675 --> 00:21:04,019 I've got to account for it. 438 00:21:04,019 --> 00:21:06,187 - Go on, get off. 439 00:21:10,123 --> 00:21:11,562 - The lady wants two inches off the waist 440 00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:14,251 to counteract her drooping derriere. 441 00:21:14,251 --> 00:21:18,421 - Oh I see, oh that's quite a small alteration madam. 442 00:21:18,421 --> 00:21:21,838 A day or so, depending on where you live. 443 00:21:24,952 --> 00:21:26,929 - I live in London. 444 00:21:26,929 --> 00:21:29,421 - Oh, well that's quite simple isn't it Mr. Lucas? 445 00:21:29,421 --> 00:21:30,477 - Yes, of course, what could be 446 00:21:30,477 --> 00:21:32,136 simpler than a London derriere? 447 00:21:36,387 --> 00:21:40,395 - Yes, fetch me a pair of trousers like these, will you lad? 448 00:21:40,395 --> 00:21:42,421 - I don't actually fetch anything, sir. 449 00:21:43,915 --> 00:21:47,357 - I don't serve sir, I just direct the customers. 450 00:21:47,357 --> 00:21:49,605 You will excuse me a moment? 451 00:21:49,605 --> 00:21:50,990 - Mr. Granger. 452 00:22:01,274 --> 00:22:02,455 Mr. Humphries. 453 00:22:04,923 --> 00:22:07,506 - Yes I'm free Captain Peacock. 454 00:22:08,407 --> 00:22:10,422 - A pair of trousers for the gentlemen. 455 00:22:13,562 --> 00:22:14,488 - Yes. 456 00:22:17,270 --> 00:22:19,931 - The customer is always right, sir. 457 00:22:19,931 --> 00:22:21,681 - Walk this way, sir. 458 00:22:26,635 --> 00:22:28,214 What color was it you had in mind? 459 00:22:28,214 --> 00:22:29,047 - Fawn. 460 00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:35,056 - There we are sir, fawn. 461 00:22:35,056 --> 00:22:37,723 Now then, your waist, excuse me. 462 00:22:39,848 --> 00:22:42,515 We're not holding it in, are we? 463 00:22:43,999 --> 00:22:45,480 34. 464 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:46,357 Inside leg? 465 00:22:46,357 --> 00:22:47,607 - I don't know. 466 00:22:59,234 --> 00:23:01,191 Take the gentleman's inside leg. 467 00:23:01,191 --> 00:23:02,579 - You must be joking. 468 00:23:02,579 --> 00:23:03,882 - Come on dear. 469 00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:04,813 - No! 470 00:23:04,813 --> 00:23:06,313 It's not ladylike. 471 00:23:07,155 --> 00:23:08,405 - Well I do it. 472 00:23:10,684 --> 00:23:12,601 What are you afraid of? 473 00:23:14,034 --> 00:23:15,201 - The unknown. 474 00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:18,855 I tell you what, I'll give you an estimate. 475 00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:20,005 - I'll tell you what, come 'round here 476 00:23:20,005 --> 00:23:22,338 with me and hold this tape measure. 477 00:23:22,338 --> 00:23:24,127 Now hold it there, quite still. 478 00:23:24,127 --> 00:23:27,249 Would you step this way sir? 479 00:23:27,249 --> 00:23:28,832 Excuse me a moment. 480 00:23:35,066 --> 00:23:36,901 Stand at peace! 481 00:23:36,901 --> 00:23:37,818 What is it? 482 00:23:38,922 --> 00:23:40,089 29. 483 00:23:48,455 --> 00:23:49,770 - There we are, miss. 484 00:23:49,770 --> 00:23:51,911 Don't worry if the night dress is a bit long. 485 00:23:51,911 --> 00:23:54,911 You'll find it'll ride up with wear. 486 00:23:56,751 --> 00:24:00,491 - Oh Mr. Lucas, I won't be many more minutes. 487 00:24:00,491 --> 00:24:04,097 I'm just finishing my coffee break. 488 00:24:04,097 --> 00:24:07,514 I'm sure you won't mind folding the hort. 489 00:24:17,106 --> 00:24:20,760 Another ten minutes, and my bird will have flown. 490 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,955 - I think I'll can help you there. 491 00:24:21,955 --> 00:24:23,372 Hold on a minute. 492 00:24:33,644 --> 00:24:36,302 Oh deary deary me, look what I've done. 493 00:24:36,302 --> 00:24:40,302 I've spilled slippery polish all over the floor. 494 00:24:42,286 --> 00:24:44,703 I do hope no one slips on it. 495 00:24:45,585 --> 00:24:47,502 They might break a leg. 496 00:24:51,438 --> 00:24:53,283 Or at least injure themselves enough 497 00:24:53,283 --> 00:24:57,116 to have to go home and rest for the afternoon. 498 00:25:00,487 --> 00:25:03,623 Am I being too subtle for you? 499 00:25:06,133 --> 00:25:07,716 I'll give it a try. 500 00:25:11,997 --> 00:25:13,915 All right, here goes. 501 00:25:18,298 --> 00:25:19,418 - Captain Peacock Captain Peacock, 502 00:25:19,418 --> 00:25:21,583 Mr. Lucas has broken his leg, sir! 503 00:25:21,583 --> 00:25:22,824 Captain Peacock! 504 00:25:22,824 --> 00:25:24,574 - Oh, poor Mr. Lucas. 505 00:25:28,397 --> 00:25:29,776 What on Earth is going on? 506 00:25:29,776 --> 00:25:31,271 - Ah, Mr. Lucas has broken his leg, sir. 507 00:25:31,271 --> 00:25:32,954 - Mr. Humphries, ring for an ambulance, 508 00:25:32,954 --> 00:25:34,017 we need to get him to hospital. 509 00:25:34,017 --> 00:25:35,692 - No it's all right, I've only sprained it. 510 00:25:35,692 --> 00:25:37,155 Just let me go home and get in bed for the afternoon, 511 00:25:37,155 --> 00:25:39,321 I'll be as right as rain. 512 00:25:39,321 --> 00:25:40,547 - I heard a cry from my office, what's happening? 513 00:25:40,547 --> 00:25:41,463 - Accident, Mr. Rumbold, 514 00:25:41,463 --> 00:25:42,890 Mr. Lucas has sprained his ankle, sir. 515 00:25:42,890 --> 00:25:44,390 - Oh, poor fellow. 516 00:25:46,039 --> 00:25:49,549 I can smell a strong smell of peppermint around here. 517 00:25:49,549 --> 00:25:51,860 Unless I must mistake it, I can smell rum. 518 00:25:51,860 --> 00:25:55,610 - Ah yeah, I was just giving Mr. Lucas a bit. 519 00:25:56,957 --> 00:25:58,124 To revive him. 520 00:25:59,365 --> 00:26:01,198 Oh, there's none left. 521 00:26:02,887 --> 00:26:05,441 - I think he's quite able to carry on, sir. 522 00:26:05,441 --> 00:26:06,600 - Don't be so callous, Peacock. 523 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,026 We're not in the desert now. 524 00:26:08,026 --> 00:26:10,508 - He wasn't in the desert then. 525 00:26:10,508 --> 00:26:13,315 - I'll help you to a taxi, we'll send your straight home. 526 00:26:13,315 --> 00:26:14,403 - Thank you very much Mr. Rumbold, 527 00:26:14,403 --> 00:26:18,308 I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, sir. 528 00:26:18,308 --> 00:26:19,752 - Good morning everybody. 529 00:26:19,752 --> 00:26:21,002 - Good morning. 530 00:26:25,122 --> 00:26:27,274 - Oh it's nothing serious sir, just a sprained ankle. 531 00:26:27,274 --> 00:26:29,309 - Yes, I'm just going home to jump straight into bed. 532 00:26:29,309 --> 00:26:33,476 - Nonsense nonsense, you can't a chance with an ankle. 533 00:26:38,435 --> 00:26:39,268 Sit there. 534 00:26:43,925 --> 00:26:46,202 Put him into my Royals Royce-- 535 00:26:46,202 --> 00:26:47,637 - And drive me straight home. 536 00:26:47,637 --> 00:26:49,898 - And drive him straight to the hospital. 537 00:26:49,898 --> 00:26:51,706 I will sir, and tell them he's coming. 538 00:26:51,706 --> 00:26:53,527 - Yes, make sure he gets a proper X-ray, 539 00:26:53,527 --> 00:26:58,130 and make an appointment with Dr. Garstin for this afternoon. 540 00:26:58,130 --> 00:27:00,419 He's the best in the country. 541 00:27:00,419 --> 00:27:02,011 - That's most generous sir. 542 00:27:02,011 --> 00:27:03,223 When Grace Brothers take care of you, 543 00:27:03,223 --> 00:27:05,111 you can forget your worries and pains. 544 00:27:05,111 --> 00:27:08,251 - Yes, and forget all your pleasures as well. 545 00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:10,536 - Well then, carry on everybody. 546 00:27:10,536 --> 00:27:12,953 You're all looking very well. 547 00:27:17,917 --> 00:27:20,190 - Yes, Mr. Lucas slipped on the stairs, fell down. 548 00:27:20,190 --> 00:27:21,506 Mr. Rumbold came in an said, 549 00:27:21,506 --> 00:27:23,400 "Oh dear, you must have the day off." 550 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:24,233 Then Mr.-- 551 00:27:26,390 --> 00:27:29,640 I'll push a note to you under the door. 552 00:27:34,634 --> 00:27:35,493 ♫ Ground floor perfumery 553 00:27:35,493 --> 00:27:36,983 ♫ Stationery and leather goods 554 00:27:36,983 --> 00:27:38,208 ♫ Wigs and haberdashery 555 00:27:38,208 --> 00:27:39,445 ♫ Kitchen ware and food 556 00:27:39,445 --> 00:27:41,695 ♫ Going up 557 00:27:45,528 --> 00:27:46,906 ♫ First floor telephones 558 00:27:46,906 --> 00:27:48,472 ♫ Gents ready-made suits 559 00:27:48,472 --> 00:27:49,944 ♫ Shirt socks, ties, hats 560 00:27:49,944 --> 00:27:51,017 ♫ Underwear and shoes 561 00:27:51,017 --> 00:27:53,267 ♫ Going up 562 00:27:57,123 --> 00:27:58,671 ♫ Second floor carpets 563 00:27:58,671 --> 00:28:00,064 ♫ Travel goods and bedding 564 00:28:00,064 --> 00:28:01,600 ♫ Material, soft furnishings 565 00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:02,744 ♫ Restaurant and teas 566 00:28:02,744 --> 00:28:05,161 ♫ Going down