1 00:00:00,633 --> 00:00:04,466 (coins drop in cash register) 2 00:00:05,962 --> 00:00:07,152 - [Female Attendant] Ground floor, perfumeries, 3 00:00:07,152 --> 00:00:09,921 stationery, and leather goods, wigs and haberdashery, 4 00:00:09,921 --> 00:00:12,076 kitchenware, and food, going up. 5 00:00:12,076 --> 00:00:14,493 (horn music) 6 00:00:17,236 --> 00:00:20,062 First floor, telephones, gents ready made suits, 7 00:00:20,062 --> 00:00:21,406 shirts, socks, ties. 8 00:00:21,406 --> 00:00:23,533 - Captain Peacock's coming up in the lift now. 9 00:00:23,533 --> 00:00:25,734 - Right, places everybody. Places, quickly. 10 00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:29,203 Now, as soon as the lift gates open, you will all applaud, 11 00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,832 and then I shall present Captain Peacock 12 00:00:30,832 --> 00:00:32,866 with his 20-year service badge, hmm? 13 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,513 - Rather an emotional moment, isn't it? 14 00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:36,774 - Twenty years in this place. 15 00:00:36,774 --> 00:00:38,372 It's almost as much as the train robbers got. 16 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,205 (lift bell dings) 17 00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,779 (group applauds) 18 00:00:40,779 --> 00:00:41,841 - How unexpected. 19 00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:43,395 - Captain Peacock, in acknowledgement of your-- 20 00:00:43,395 --> 00:00:45,277 Mr. Lucas, the button! 21 00:00:45,277 --> 00:00:46,707 - Oh. 22 00:00:46,707 --> 00:00:48,462 - Too late. I've lost him. 23 00:00:48,462 --> 00:00:50,467 - Cut off in his moment of glory. 24 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,627 - He's gone down to the bargain basement. 25 00:00:52,627 --> 00:00:54,325 - Shouldn't we just follow him? 26 00:00:54,325 --> 00:00:55,653 - Quick, yes, into the other lift. 27 00:00:55,653 --> 00:00:56,953 Quickly now, come on. 28 00:00:56,953 --> 00:00:58,012 We shall go and catch him up. 29 00:00:58,012 --> 00:01:01,241 Press the button, Mr. Lucas. - Right. 30 00:01:01,241 --> 00:01:02,696 - Just a minute, he's coming, 31 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,453 the lift's coming up again! 32 00:01:04,453 --> 00:01:06,209 He's coming back. 33 00:01:06,209 --> 00:01:08,392 They've gone, stupid lot. 34 00:01:08,392 --> 00:01:09,905 (lift bell dings) 35 00:01:09,905 --> 00:01:12,068 - May I say that this comes as a great sur-- 36 00:01:12,068 --> 00:01:12,901 Where are they? 37 00:01:12,901 --> 00:01:15,418 - They've gone down to the basement with your medal. 38 00:01:15,418 --> 00:01:16,835 - Oh, how stupid. 39 00:01:18,690 --> 00:01:21,773 - Just a minute, they're coming back. 40 00:01:23,585 --> 00:01:24,683 - We missed him. 41 00:01:24,683 --> 00:01:25,965 - Well, you've just missed him again. 42 00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:27,805 He's gone down to the basement to look for you. 43 00:01:27,805 --> 00:01:29,529 (employees exclaim) 44 00:01:29,529 --> 00:01:31,322 - We seek him here. We seek him there. 45 00:01:31,322 --> 00:01:35,674 It's like looking for the Scarlet Pimpernel. 46 00:01:35,674 --> 00:01:37,510 - Hang on, he's back again. He's coming. 47 00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:40,510 - Oh, places everybody. Quickly now. 48 00:01:43,373 --> 00:01:44,395 (lift bell dings) I'd like to say 49 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:47,247 it gives me great pleasure-- 50 00:01:47,247 --> 00:01:50,192 - Yeah, it gives me great pleasure and all. 51 00:01:50,192 --> 00:01:51,744 - Oh, this is ridiculous. 52 00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:53,536 I'm going back to me counter. 53 00:01:53,536 --> 00:01:55,446 - The moment has rather lost its magic. 54 00:01:55,446 --> 00:01:57,929 - Oh yes, send him to my office when he comes in. 55 00:01:57,929 --> 00:01:59,313 - I say! I say! 56 00:01:59,313 --> 00:02:01,682 I say! (panting) 57 00:02:01,682 --> 00:02:03,111 I'm here. 58 00:02:03,111 --> 00:02:05,028 - Places, everybody. 59 00:02:05,028 --> 00:02:05,861 - [Stephen] Oh, 60 00:02:05,861 --> 00:02:06,987 oh, 61 00:02:06,987 --> 00:02:08,580 oh. 62 00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:10,639 - Captain Peacock, in acknowledgement 63 00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,126 of your 20 years' service here at Grace Brothers, 64 00:02:13,126 --> 00:02:16,992 it gives me much pleasure to present you with this badge. 65 00:02:16,992 --> 00:02:19,684 The letters G.B. in 22-carat gold. 66 00:02:19,684 --> 00:02:20,517 - Plate. 67 00:02:22,211 --> 00:02:24,364 - It comes as a complete surprise to me 68 00:02:24,364 --> 00:02:27,947 and I am most touched, not to say, honored. 69 00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,495 - In addition, and as a special token 70 00:02:31,495 --> 00:02:33,974 of your particularly excellent service here, 71 00:02:33,974 --> 00:02:36,330 the management are taking the unusual step 72 00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:38,769 of presenting you with this key. 73 00:02:38,769 --> 00:02:41,019 - What's it for? Your flat? 74 00:02:44,133 --> 00:02:47,428 - It's the key to the executive washroom. 75 00:02:47,428 --> 00:02:51,045 - The key to the executive washroom? 76 00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:53,891 - I really didn't expect this. It is, indeed, an honor. 77 00:02:53,891 --> 00:02:57,348 - The key to the executive washroom? 78 00:02:57,348 --> 00:03:01,415 I've served here for 35 years, and I've never been once. 79 00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:03,332 - You must be bursting. 80 00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:06,343 - Well, I've been here longer than Peacock 81 00:03:06,343 --> 00:03:08,742 and I have to muck in with the rest. 82 00:03:08,742 --> 00:03:11,599 - Well, I have a further announcement to make. 83 00:03:11,599 --> 00:03:14,207 - Oh, not another honor, sir, that would be too much. 84 00:03:14,207 --> 00:03:15,713 - Yes, it would. 85 00:03:15,713 --> 00:03:18,405 No, this doesn't really concern you directly. 86 00:03:18,405 --> 00:03:20,560 I just wish to remind you all 87 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:22,352 about the change in the lunch break. 88 00:03:22,352 --> 00:03:23,249 (groans) 89 00:03:23,249 --> 00:03:26,382 Well, the management feels that we are losing a lot of trade 90 00:03:26,382 --> 00:03:29,025 by closing between one and two, so in future, 91 00:03:29,025 --> 00:03:31,837 we will take our lunch break between two and three, hmm? 92 00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,689 - I don't think my stomach can hang out that long. 93 00:03:34,689 --> 00:03:38,269 - Well, it's been hanging out for the last 10 years. 94 00:03:38,269 --> 00:03:41,280 - Mr. Grainger, would you inform your junior 95 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:44,979 that if he doesn't watch his tongue when speaking to a lady, 96 00:03:44,979 --> 00:03:47,297 he'll get a bat 'round the ear hole. 97 00:03:47,297 --> 00:03:48,130 (bell rings) 98 00:03:48,130 --> 00:03:51,213 - Ah, store's open. To your counters. 99 00:03:52,214 --> 00:03:53,483 Captain Peacock, one more thing. 100 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:54,400 - Yes, sir. 101 00:03:56,819 --> 00:03:59,705 - Regarding your application for an increase in salary. 102 00:03:59,705 --> 00:04:00,761 - Oh, yes. 103 00:04:00,761 --> 00:04:02,387 - It has not been approved. 104 00:04:02,387 --> 00:04:04,587 - Indeed. I'm sorry to hear that. 105 00:04:04,587 --> 00:04:06,139 - I am, however, here to tell you 106 00:04:06,139 --> 00:04:08,424 that the management has seen fit to extend to you 107 00:04:08,424 --> 00:04:11,879 the privilege of using the executive dining room. 108 00:04:11,879 --> 00:04:14,485 - The executive dining room? 109 00:04:14,485 --> 00:04:16,075 - See you at lunch, Stephen. 110 00:04:16,075 --> 00:04:17,908 - Thank you, Cuthbert. 111 00:04:19,004 --> 00:04:20,874 - It's still Mr. Rumbold. 112 00:04:20,874 --> 00:04:23,517 - I'm sorry, sir. Please forgive me. 113 00:04:23,517 --> 00:04:26,204 The key to the executive washroom went to my head. 114 00:04:26,204 --> 00:04:27,954 - I quite understand. 115 00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:31,166 (keys jingle) 116 00:04:31,166 --> 00:04:33,416 - Look at him flaunting it. 117 00:04:34,504 --> 00:04:37,069 I've wanted that key all my life. 118 00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,781 - Well, you're not management, Mr. Grainger. 119 00:04:38,781 --> 00:04:40,771 - No, you're not even in line for the throne. 120 00:04:40,771 --> 00:04:43,354 (lift bell dings) 121 00:04:43,354 --> 00:04:44,816 - Are you being served, sir? 122 00:04:44,816 --> 00:04:45,649 - Well, it's hardly likely. 123 00:04:45,649 --> 00:04:47,984 I've just stepped out of the lift. 124 00:04:47,984 --> 00:04:49,934 - In that case, I will rephrase the question. 125 00:04:49,934 --> 00:04:51,074 Can I help you, sir? 126 00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:52,706 - I'm looking for a bow. 127 00:04:52,706 --> 00:04:56,319 - A bow. Tie, violin, or Robin Hood? 128 00:04:56,319 --> 00:04:57,378 - Very funny. 129 00:04:57,378 --> 00:04:58,556 - Oh, do forgive me, sir. 130 00:04:58,556 --> 00:05:00,065 I'm in a rather frivolous mood today. 131 00:05:00,065 --> 00:05:01,241 You see, this is my anniversary. 132 00:05:01,241 --> 00:05:03,927 I've been with Grace Brothers 20 years now. 133 00:05:03,927 --> 00:05:05,921 - Well, in that case you'll know where I can buy 134 00:05:05,921 --> 00:05:07,421 a clip-on bow tie. 135 00:05:08,810 --> 00:05:10,513 - A clip-on bow tie. 136 00:05:10,513 --> 00:05:11,977 - Yes, a clip-on bow tie. You know the sort. 137 00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:14,310 - I know what they are, sir. 138 00:05:19,295 --> 00:05:20,635 Mr. Grainger, are you free? 139 00:05:20,635 --> 00:05:22,713 - Yes, I'm free. 140 00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:25,682 - This gentleman wants a clip-on bow tie. 141 00:05:25,682 --> 00:05:27,349 - A clip-on bow tie? 142 00:05:28,442 --> 00:05:30,717 - A clip-on bow tie. 143 00:05:30,717 --> 00:05:31,550 - Well, I'm very sorry. 144 00:05:31,550 --> 00:05:34,216 I'm afraid I can't help you, Captain Peacock. 145 00:05:34,216 --> 00:05:37,713 I'm just going to the staff bog. 146 00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:40,361 - Indeed, Mr. Grainger. 147 00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:44,836 - Mr. Humphries, are you available for a clip-on bow tie? 148 00:05:44,836 --> 00:05:47,236 - I have never been available for a clip-on bow tie, 149 00:05:47,236 --> 00:05:49,036 Mr. Grainger. 150 00:05:49,036 --> 00:05:50,307 Mr. Lucas will attend to the customer. 151 00:05:50,307 --> 00:05:52,056 Forward, Mr. Lucas. 152 00:05:52,056 --> 00:05:53,521 - Thank you very much, Mr. Humphries. 153 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:54,354 Good morning, sir. 154 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,163 Did I hear you say you were interested in a clip-on bow tie? 155 00:05:56,163 --> 00:05:56,996 - That's right. 156 00:05:56,996 --> 00:05:58,034 - Please step this way. 157 00:05:58,034 --> 00:06:00,582 Would you be kind enough to just take your tie off, sir? 158 00:06:00,582 --> 00:06:01,915 Let me help you. 159 00:06:03,309 --> 00:06:06,807 Now then, they we are, sir. One clip-on bow tie. 160 00:06:06,807 --> 00:06:08,479 The springs on these are very strong, you know. 161 00:06:08,479 --> 00:06:12,312 So strong, we sell quite a lot as mouse traps. 162 00:06:13,396 --> 00:06:14,900 There we are. 163 00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:16,078 - How's it look? 164 00:06:16,078 --> 00:06:17,259 - How does it look, Mr. Humphries? 165 00:06:17,259 --> 00:06:18,618 - Awful. 166 00:06:18,618 --> 00:06:19,556 - What do you mean? 167 00:06:19,556 --> 00:06:21,873 - Oh, it's not your fault, sir. It's the clip-on bow tie. 168 00:06:21,873 --> 00:06:23,702 - Well, why are you trying to sell me an awful tie? 169 00:06:23,702 --> 00:06:24,962 - We're not trying to sell it to you, sir. 170 00:06:24,962 --> 00:06:26,870 You said you wanted it. 171 00:06:26,870 --> 00:06:28,862 - You see, nobody's wearing them much at the moment. 172 00:06:28,862 --> 00:06:31,019 - No, 'cept you. 173 00:06:31,019 --> 00:06:33,197 What occasion was it you wanted it for, sir? 174 00:06:33,197 --> 00:06:36,286 - Well, it's an army reunion. 175 00:06:36,286 --> 00:06:37,552 (clicking tongues) 176 00:06:37,552 --> 00:06:39,017 - [Both] Oh, no. 177 00:06:39,017 --> 00:06:40,601 - Sir wouldn't want the rest of his regiment 178 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,920 to think he'd gone to the dogs, would he? 179 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,954 - What are you talking about? I've got my own building firm. 180 00:06:44,954 --> 00:06:47,068 - Well, no one would ever guess it, sir, 181 00:06:47,068 --> 00:06:48,945 in a bow tie like that. 182 00:06:48,945 --> 00:06:50,124 - Well, what do you suggest? 183 00:06:50,124 --> 00:06:52,235 - Well, sir, excuse me, for two pounds, sir, 184 00:06:52,235 --> 00:06:55,850 you could have a pre-tied velvet on a piece of elastic. 185 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,391 A lot of people are wearing these, aren't they Mr. Lucas? 186 00:06:57,391 --> 00:06:58,224 - Oh, yes they are. 187 00:06:58,224 --> 00:06:59,993 Yes they are, they are, they are Mr. Humphries, yes. 188 00:06:59,993 --> 00:07:02,109 That is, of course, if they can't afford a proper one. 189 00:07:02,109 --> 00:07:04,141 - Proper one? What do you mean, a proper one? 190 00:07:04,141 --> 00:07:05,892 - Hand-made, watered silk. 191 00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:08,653 - Hmm, let's have a look. 192 00:07:08,653 --> 00:07:10,361 - They are five pounds. 193 00:07:10,361 --> 00:07:12,477 - Well, it's all right. I can afford that. 194 00:07:12,477 --> 00:07:13,310 - Sale, Mr. Lucas. 195 00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:15,568 - I'll make out the bill, Mr. Humphries. 196 00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:17,763 - Only thing is, how do you tie it? 197 00:07:17,763 --> 00:07:20,370 - There's a diagram inside the box. 198 00:07:20,370 --> 00:07:22,565 - Well, show me how you tie yours. 199 00:07:22,565 --> 00:07:23,948 - Oh, I couldn't possibly do that. 200 00:07:23,948 --> 00:07:26,198 I always wear one of these. 201 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:30,246 - So I said to him, I said, young man, I said, 202 00:07:30,246 --> 00:07:33,823 if you don't take your hand off my knee at once, 203 00:07:33,823 --> 00:07:36,873 I'm getting off this bar stool and going home. 204 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:37,765 - And did he? 205 00:07:37,765 --> 00:07:39,149 - He did not. 206 00:07:39,149 --> 00:07:39,982 - So you went home? 207 00:07:39,982 --> 00:07:41,065 - Eventually. 208 00:07:42,235 --> 00:07:46,667 Anyway, he's taking me to the pictures tonight to apologize. 209 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,597 I do hope he behaves himself on the back row. 210 00:07:49,597 --> 00:07:51,586 - How do you know you're gonna be in the back row? 211 00:07:51,586 --> 00:07:52,753 - I've booked. 212 00:07:55,159 --> 00:07:55,992 - Morning, ladies. 213 00:07:55,992 --> 00:07:57,277 - Oh, good morning Mr. Mash. 214 00:07:57,277 --> 00:08:00,335 - Here we are, then. Six jumpers. 215 00:08:00,335 --> 00:08:02,252 Six pairs of ear muffs. 216 00:08:05,699 --> 00:08:08,751 And I brought up these 24 pairs of 217 00:08:08,751 --> 00:08:10,663 Sensi-Touch rubber gloves. 218 00:08:10,663 --> 00:08:12,996 - Sensi-Touch rubber gloves? 219 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,360 - Been listenin' to the Archer's lately, have ya? 220 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,007 (blows raspberries) 221 00:08:19,007 --> 00:08:22,387 - Ew, you're as common as muck. 222 00:08:22,387 --> 00:08:24,220 - They should be in the kitchen department. 223 00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:26,050 - Well, they are, but they ordered a thousand pairs 224 00:08:26,050 --> 00:08:28,492 too many, you see, they want to shift 'em. 225 00:08:28,492 --> 00:08:32,055 Oh, I've got a Sensi-Touch display model, as well. 226 00:08:32,055 --> 00:08:35,222 Hey, hey. There you are, look at that. 227 00:08:36,334 --> 00:08:38,527 Airtight and watertight, guaranteed. 228 00:08:38,527 --> 00:08:40,967 - But what's it for? 229 00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:44,060 - Oh, wash-a-day hands, what you care for so much, 230 00:08:44,060 --> 00:08:48,060 can still play the piano with a sensitive touch. 231 00:08:54,178 --> 00:08:58,345 - Did you ever see anything so awful in all your life? 232 00:09:00,192 --> 00:09:02,915 - I don't make 'em, lady. I just deliver 'em. 233 00:09:02,915 --> 00:09:06,332 As the midwife said to the bishop. Ha ha! 234 00:09:08,161 --> 00:09:09,661 - Captain Peacock. 235 00:09:11,415 --> 00:09:13,286 Captain Peacock! 236 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,794 Are you free? 237 00:09:14,794 --> 00:09:17,711 - Not at the moment, Mrs. Slocombe. 238 00:09:19,181 --> 00:09:21,545 Can I help you, madame? 239 00:09:21,545 --> 00:09:23,660 - No, thank you. 240 00:09:23,660 --> 00:09:26,660 - Are you free now, Captain Peacock? 241 00:09:27,817 --> 00:09:29,567 - Yes, Mrs. Slocombe. 242 00:09:30,418 --> 00:09:33,877 - Just look at this monstrosity. 243 00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:36,808 - I have already seen this excellent display model, 244 00:09:36,808 --> 00:09:38,600 approved it, and given authority 245 00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,227 for it to be used on your counter. 246 00:09:40,227 --> 00:09:44,706 - I see. Then I shall have to go through you to Mr. Rumbold. 247 00:09:44,706 --> 00:09:46,736 - Are you sure you want to question 248 00:09:46,736 --> 00:09:49,178 the decision of your superior, Mrs. Slocombe? 249 00:09:49,178 --> 00:09:51,499 - Captain Peacock, you may have the key 250 00:09:51,499 --> 00:09:53,526 to the top person's toilet, 251 00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,359 but you are in no way my superior. 252 00:09:57,834 --> 00:10:00,584 - And women live longer than men. 253 00:10:01,897 --> 00:10:03,892 - I don't see what that has to do with it. 254 00:10:03,892 --> 00:10:07,345 - I know, but I just thought I'd tell you. 255 00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:08,769 - For the last time, Mrs. Slocombe, 256 00:10:08,769 --> 00:10:10,844 do you wish to question my judgment? 257 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:14,462 - Yes, Captain Solomon Peacock, I do. 258 00:10:14,462 --> 00:10:15,844 - In that case, I shall have to put the matter 259 00:10:15,844 --> 00:10:17,716 before Mr. Rumbold without further delay. 260 00:10:17,716 --> 00:10:18,549 - Good. 261 00:10:18,549 --> 00:10:20,195 - And may I say that I disapprove of your using 262 00:10:20,195 --> 00:10:22,845 this rude tone to me in front of a junior. 263 00:10:22,845 --> 00:10:25,653 - Captain Peacock, I'm so sorry. 264 00:10:25,653 --> 00:10:28,015 Miss Brahms, would you mind removing yourself 265 00:10:28,015 --> 00:10:30,133 a few paces and covering your ears? 266 00:10:30,133 --> 00:10:31,883 - Yes, Mrs. Slocombe. 267 00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:35,460 - Pompous twit. 268 00:10:39,870 --> 00:10:41,702 - What will you do if Rumbold approves? 269 00:10:41,702 --> 00:10:44,633 - I'm not taking any chances. Pass me the scissors. 270 00:10:44,633 --> 00:10:48,501 - Just once more. I think we're getting somewhere. 271 00:10:48,501 --> 00:10:50,977 Little bit closer. Yes. 272 00:10:50,977 --> 00:10:52,360 Now. 273 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:56,527 Up and over, make a bow, through the hole, and there we go. 274 00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:59,891 It's quite simple, isn't it, sir? 275 00:10:59,891 --> 00:11:02,141 Now, I'll have a go on you. 276 00:11:03,144 --> 00:11:04,561 Ah-ha! Wrong way. 277 00:11:06,928 --> 00:11:09,609 Up and over, make a bow, through the hole... 278 00:11:09,609 --> 00:11:12,109 - Mrs. Slocombe, are you free? 279 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,785 - At the moment, yes. 280 00:11:15,785 --> 00:11:17,777 - I have told Mr. Rumbold that you wish to defy 281 00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:21,641 my executive decision that the Sensi-Touch display unit 282 00:11:21,641 --> 00:11:23,349 is suitable for your counter, 283 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:26,321 and he has come over to give his executive ruling 284 00:11:26,321 --> 00:11:28,365 to dispose of the matter once and for all. 285 00:11:28,365 --> 00:11:30,516 - Yes, well I haven't actually seen it before, 286 00:11:30,516 --> 00:11:32,389 but I'm sure if Captain Peacock likes it, 287 00:11:32,389 --> 00:11:33,530 then it must be all right. 288 00:11:33,530 --> 00:11:36,335 - Oh, it's right up Captain Peacock's street. 289 00:11:36,335 --> 00:11:38,418 May I show you? - Please. 290 00:11:39,475 --> 00:11:42,642 (blowing raspberries) 291 00:11:49,211 --> 00:11:53,378 (lift bell dings) (coins drop in cash register) 292 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:57,821 - Can I help you, sir? 293 00:11:57,821 --> 00:11:59,531 - The ladies, please. 294 00:11:59,531 --> 00:12:01,708 - Lingerie or powder room? 295 00:12:01,708 --> 00:12:03,701 - I'd hardly be wanting the powder room. 296 00:12:03,701 --> 00:12:04,847 - Just a little joke, sir. 297 00:12:04,847 --> 00:12:05,847 - Only just. 298 00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:09,003 - Mrs. Slocombe. 299 00:12:09,003 --> 00:12:10,507 - May I assist you, sir? 300 00:12:10,507 --> 00:12:12,015 - Yes, I want to buy a dress. 301 00:12:12,015 --> 00:12:14,458 - Certainly, sir. About what age group? 302 00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:15,515 - Fortyish. 303 00:12:15,515 --> 00:12:20,110 - Oh, the younger middle-age range, quickly Miss Brahms. 304 00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:21,734 And about what size? 305 00:12:21,734 --> 00:12:23,076 - It's for me. 306 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,576 - Hold the range, Miss Brahms. 307 00:12:27,351 --> 00:12:28,649 I beg your pardon, sir. 308 00:12:28,649 --> 00:12:30,153 - It's for a fancy dress party. 309 00:12:30,153 --> 00:12:31,906 - Oh, I see. 310 00:12:31,906 --> 00:12:32,882 - All the men are going as girls, 311 00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,755 and all the girls are going as men. 312 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,263 - How amusing. 313 00:12:36,263 --> 00:12:37,596 - Yes, very gay. 314 00:12:38,637 --> 00:12:40,137 Tape, Miss Brahms. 315 00:12:42,255 --> 00:12:45,588 Would sir raise his arms? - Here we are. 316 00:12:50,847 --> 00:12:54,631 - Forty-two, including the spectacle case. 317 00:12:54,631 --> 00:12:56,580 Will sir be wearing any padding? 318 00:12:56,580 --> 00:13:00,318 - Well I thought a couple of oranges would get a big laugh. 319 00:13:00,318 --> 00:13:03,235 - Tangerines will get a bigger one. 320 00:13:04,544 --> 00:13:06,862 - I want something under 10 pounds. 321 00:13:06,862 --> 00:13:11,418 - Something from the cotton seconds, Miss Brahms, 322 00:13:11,418 --> 00:13:14,271 from the maternity range. 323 00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:15,409 - Can I try it on? 324 00:13:15,409 --> 00:13:18,225 - Not in my department, you can't. 325 00:13:18,225 --> 00:13:22,392 You'll have to use the men's. Captain Peacock, are you free? 326 00:13:24,157 --> 00:13:25,824 - You called me, Mrs. Slocombe. 327 00:13:25,824 --> 00:13:28,625 - This gentleman is going to a fancy dress do 328 00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:32,452 and wishes to use the gents' facilities to try it on. 329 00:13:32,452 --> 00:13:34,858 - Yes, the gentlemen's department would be more suitable. 330 00:13:34,858 --> 00:13:36,120 This way, if you please, sir. 331 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:38,765 - [Customer] Thank you. 332 00:13:38,765 --> 00:13:40,796 - Mr. Grainger, are you free? 333 00:13:40,796 --> 00:13:42,380 - I'm sorry, Captain Peacock, 334 00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:46,547 but I'm just going to have my coffee in the staff case. 335 00:13:47,768 --> 00:13:49,584 Mr. Humphries, are you free? 336 00:13:49,584 --> 00:13:51,829 - I'm busy pricing my ties, Captain Peacock. 337 00:13:51,829 --> 00:13:53,541 - The gentleman wishes to try on a dress. 338 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:55,254 - I'm free. 339 00:13:55,254 --> 00:13:58,254 (audience applauds) 340 00:13:59,659 --> 00:14:01,579 - It's for a fancy dress party. 341 00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:04,329 - Oh, yes sir, they all say that. 342 00:14:06,848 --> 00:14:11,050 - Well they're, they're throwing very nicely, sir. 343 00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:13,010 Yes, they're very snug, too. 344 00:14:13,010 --> 00:14:14,804 - They're too snug, I'm afraid. 345 00:14:14,804 --> 00:14:18,188 I need a larger size in jacket and trousers. 346 00:14:18,188 --> 00:14:19,288 - Oh dear. 347 00:14:19,288 --> 00:14:22,834 - Perhaps I should try something with a bold check. 348 00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:24,084 - A bold check. 349 00:14:26,751 --> 00:14:28,263 - I'll hang this up here for you sir, 350 00:14:28,263 --> 00:14:30,680 while you transform yourself. 351 00:14:31,732 --> 00:14:32,711 - [Customer] I've got it on. 352 00:14:32,711 --> 00:14:34,794 - Oh, have you. Oh, good. 353 00:14:37,604 --> 00:14:39,355 - Yes, I'm afraid we haven't got much in check. 354 00:14:39,355 --> 00:14:41,478 Ah, here we are, sir, how 'bout this one? 355 00:14:41,478 --> 00:14:42,311 - Ah, yes. 356 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:48,982 - What do you think? Is it me? 357 00:14:48,982 --> 00:14:51,714 - Well, it's certainly not the dress. 358 00:14:51,714 --> 00:14:54,700 - You know, I don't know why men do it. 359 00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,658 He's gonna look awful in a dress. 360 00:14:56,658 --> 00:14:59,667 - Yeah, he didn't look all that much in the trousers. 361 00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:01,677 - Ah, there we are, sir. 362 00:15:01,677 --> 00:15:04,323 And there's your old jacket and trousers in the bag. 363 00:15:04,323 --> 00:15:06,396 - Excellent fit. It feels worn in already. 364 00:15:06,396 --> 00:15:07,694 - Yes, very nice. 365 00:15:07,694 --> 00:15:10,172 We sold one of those to Robin Day the other day, you know. 366 00:15:10,172 --> 00:15:14,339 When he retires, he's gonna work as the test card. 367 00:15:16,229 --> 00:15:17,688 - What have you done with that check suit? 368 00:15:17,688 --> 00:15:19,472 - Sold to my customer, Mr. Humphries. 369 00:15:19,472 --> 00:15:20,722 - Oh, our Aida. 370 00:15:22,678 --> 00:15:25,850 - They never should've let Mr. Humphries fit him. 371 00:15:25,850 --> 00:15:27,477 He's been in there for hours. 372 00:15:27,477 --> 00:15:31,644 - He's probably trying to chat him into an handbag. 373 00:15:33,530 --> 00:15:35,949 - You'll just have to give me a new suit, that's all! 374 00:15:35,949 --> 00:15:37,061 - I'm sorry, sir. 375 00:15:37,061 --> 00:15:39,177 I'll, I'll, I'll try and find you something. 376 00:15:39,177 --> 00:15:40,316 Look, you better wait in here. 377 00:15:40,316 --> 00:15:41,863 - I can't. I'm dying to spend a penny. 378 00:15:41,863 --> 00:15:43,696 - Oh, well look, here. 379 00:15:45,521 --> 00:15:49,688 Hitch your skirt up and speak with a Scottish accent. 380 00:15:53,046 --> 00:15:57,809 - Can I help you, sir or madame, as the case may be? 381 00:15:57,809 --> 00:15:59,598 - I want the gents. 382 00:15:59,598 --> 00:16:01,004 - The top of the stairs. 383 00:16:01,004 --> 00:16:01,837 - Thanks. 384 00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:02,898 - You should've used the powder room 385 00:16:02,898 --> 00:16:05,065 when I first suggested it. 386 00:16:09,691 --> 00:16:11,859 (lift bell dings) (coins drop in cash register) 387 00:16:11,859 --> 00:16:13,852 - What time is it? 388 00:16:13,852 --> 00:16:14,685 - One o'clock. 389 00:16:14,685 --> 00:16:15,681 - Oh, another hour to lunch. 390 00:16:15,681 --> 00:16:19,023 I wonder if Mr. Grainger will lend me his chair. 391 00:16:19,023 --> 00:16:20,693 - You do look a bit peaky, Mr. Humphries. 392 00:16:20,693 --> 00:16:22,938 - Well, I'm not surprised. I've had no breakfast. 393 00:16:22,938 --> 00:16:25,099 A friend of mine was supposed to do some shopping for me, 394 00:16:25,099 --> 00:16:26,280 and he let me down. 395 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,219 This morning, I got up. 396 00:16:27,219 --> 00:16:29,012 I thought, ooh I wonder what's in the fridge. 397 00:16:29,012 --> 00:16:31,009 When I got there, the cupboard was bare. 398 00:16:31,009 --> 00:16:32,715 - Well, that's not like you, Mr. Humphries. 399 00:16:32,715 --> 00:16:37,351 - It's not. I usually keep a bit of something tucked away. 400 00:16:37,351 --> 00:16:39,338 - You never know when it's gonna be a rainy day, do you? 401 00:16:39,338 --> 00:16:40,194 - That's true. 402 00:16:40,194 --> 00:16:42,271 Anyway, I found an egg and I boiled some water, 403 00:16:42,271 --> 00:16:44,143 and do you know, could I find my egg timer? 404 00:16:44,143 --> 00:16:45,310 - No. - Right. 405 00:16:46,299 --> 00:16:49,347 So I picked up the phone and I dialed the operator. 406 00:16:49,347 --> 00:16:50,814 - Did he know where your egg timer was? 407 00:16:50,814 --> 00:16:52,480 - No. - Surprising. 408 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,255 - I'll smack your wrists in a minute. 409 00:16:55,255 --> 00:16:57,535 Anyway, I said to him, could I have an alarm call, please, 410 00:16:57,535 --> 00:16:59,038 at three minutes past eight. 411 00:16:59,038 --> 00:17:00,751 He said, it's eight o'clock already. 412 00:17:00,751 --> 00:17:04,292 I said, I know that, but I'm boiling an egg. 413 00:17:04,292 --> 00:17:07,517 He got quite nasty, but he had a very nice voice. 414 00:17:07,517 --> 00:17:09,387 Anyway, by the time we'd made it up, 415 00:17:09,387 --> 00:17:11,665 the water had boiled dry, the egg was like a golf ball, 416 00:17:11,665 --> 00:17:13,980 and I had to run for me bus. 417 00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:16,666 - There must be something in the factoriette. 418 00:17:16,666 --> 00:17:19,431 Delaying our canteen lunch is a contravention 419 00:17:19,431 --> 00:17:20,691 of human rights. 420 00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:21,954 - Eating our canteen lunch 421 00:17:21,954 --> 00:17:24,401 is a contravention of human rights. 422 00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:26,801 - I'm going to phone the factory inspector. 423 00:17:26,801 --> 00:17:28,063 - I know how he feels. 424 00:17:28,063 --> 00:17:30,179 Oh, if my wind gets any worse, 425 00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,581 I'll have to hoist gale warnings. 426 00:17:32,581 --> 00:17:33,414 I can't stand this. 427 00:17:33,414 --> 00:17:36,036 I'm gonna see if I can organize something. 428 00:17:36,036 --> 00:17:37,788 - Ooh, I'm starving. 429 00:17:37,788 --> 00:17:41,647 - So am I, but I've taken steps to keep going. 430 00:17:41,647 --> 00:17:44,819 Quick, while Peacock's not looking. 431 00:17:44,819 --> 00:17:46,488 - [Wendy] A coffee percolator! 432 00:17:46,488 --> 00:17:49,135 - Yeah. It'll be percing any minute. 433 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,380 - Oh, smashing, I could just do with that. 434 00:17:51,380 --> 00:17:53,547 Hang on, Peacock's coming. 435 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,450 - Looking forward to your lunch, ladies? 436 00:17:58,450 --> 00:18:01,743 - By two o'clock, that canteen will seem like the Savoy. 437 00:18:01,743 --> 00:18:04,144 - Yes, I'm sorry I shan't be joining you there, as usual. 438 00:18:04,144 --> 00:18:07,201 - Oh, going on a diet? Again? 439 00:18:07,201 --> 00:18:11,189 - No, but not only have I the key to the executive washroom, 440 00:18:11,189 --> 00:18:13,428 but from now on I shall be taking my lunch 441 00:18:13,428 --> 00:18:15,220 in the executive restaurant. 442 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,809 I just thought you'd like to know. 443 00:18:16,809 --> 00:18:20,382 - Oh, you're lord mutton now, aren't ya? 444 00:18:20,382 --> 00:18:21,215 - Yes. 445 00:18:22,989 --> 00:18:23,926 I'm rather looking forward to it. 446 00:18:23,926 --> 00:18:26,000 It will be very nice to have a choice of wine 447 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,513 with one's chicken fricassee. 448 00:18:27,513 --> 00:18:32,432 - Oh is that what they call the rissoles up there? 449 00:18:32,432 --> 00:18:34,265 - I could do with a rissole right now. 450 00:18:34,265 --> 00:18:36,293 - When I was in the western desert, of course, 451 00:18:36,293 --> 00:18:39,667 we were trained to go for long periods 452 00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:40,924 without food and water. 453 00:18:40,924 --> 00:18:43,692 - You learned it from the camels, I suppose. 454 00:18:43,692 --> 00:18:44,990 - I was just making the point 455 00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:46,983 that I'm able to cope with the situation 456 00:18:46,983 --> 00:18:48,207 more easily than you are. 457 00:18:48,207 --> 00:18:49,424 - Don't worry about me. 458 00:18:49,424 --> 00:18:52,187 My stomach can hold on as long as yours can. 459 00:18:52,187 --> 00:18:55,270 (percolator bubbles) 460 00:18:56,414 --> 00:18:59,597 - Rommel would've heard that from 10 miles away. 461 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,346 - Have you phoned the factories inspector? 462 00:19:01,346 --> 00:19:04,030 - No, no, I had a change of heart. 463 00:19:04,030 --> 00:19:06,269 I've been very well treated at Grace's, 464 00:19:06,269 --> 00:19:08,956 and it won't be very long before I retire. 465 00:19:08,956 --> 00:19:12,499 I wouldn't like to be branded as a trouble-maker. 466 00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:15,024 - A word in your ear, Ernest. 467 00:19:15,024 --> 00:19:17,340 - Yes, Captain Peacock. 468 00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:19,073 - I'm sorry if my elevation 469 00:19:19,073 --> 00:19:21,185 to the executive washroom upset you. 470 00:19:21,185 --> 00:19:24,311 I mean, I could have refused it, but well, 471 00:19:24,311 --> 00:19:26,014 that might have been construed as taking a stand 472 00:19:26,014 --> 00:19:27,805 against the management. 473 00:19:27,805 --> 00:19:29,673 - Yes, Captain Peacock. 474 00:19:29,673 --> 00:19:32,514 I think you'll be far better off standing 475 00:19:32,514 --> 00:19:34,058 with the management. 476 00:19:34,058 --> 00:19:36,013 - I'm glad you see it that way. 477 00:19:36,013 --> 00:19:38,570 - Oh, it's only just that, 478 00:19:38,570 --> 00:19:42,023 I had hoped that one day I should have that key. 479 00:19:42,023 --> 00:19:44,381 - Well, er, no hard feelings then, Ernest? 480 00:19:44,381 --> 00:19:46,950 - Oh, no hard feelings at all. 481 00:19:46,950 --> 00:19:50,854 I'd be delighted if you'd have lunch with me today 482 00:19:50,854 --> 00:19:52,886 in the canteen. 483 00:19:52,886 --> 00:19:54,712 - Well, I'm afraid I can't. 484 00:19:54,712 --> 00:19:57,478 You see, from now on I have to take my lunch 485 00:19:57,478 --> 00:20:00,285 in the executive dining room. 486 00:20:00,285 --> 00:20:03,214 - The ex-ex-executive dining room? 487 00:20:03,214 --> 00:20:05,381 The executive dining room? 488 00:20:06,222 --> 00:20:07,606 - Glass of water for Mr. Grainger. 489 00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,396 - I don't want a glass of water. 490 00:20:09,396 --> 00:20:11,313 Where's that telephone? 491 00:20:15,624 --> 00:20:17,494 - Tell your stomach everything's all right. I've fixed it. 492 00:20:17,494 --> 00:20:19,568 All we gotta do is get Peacock off the floor. 493 00:20:19,568 --> 00:20:20,420 - Have you got some sandwiches? 494 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:21,435 - No, I've done better than that. 495 00:20:21,435 --> 00:20:23,185 - Get rid of Peacock. 496 00:20:26,945 --> 00:20:29,528 (phone buzzes) 497 00:20:32,351 --> 00:20:33,731 - Slocombe, ladies. 498 00:20:33,731 --> 00:20:35,152 - Oh, hello Mrs. Slocombe. 499 00:20:35,152 --> 00:20:37,230 It's Miss Williams here, accounts. 500 00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:39,222 Could you tell Captain Peacock that one of his figures 501 00:20:39,222 --> 00:20:42,435 is in dispute, and we'd like to see him up here immediately? 502 00:20:42,435 --> 00:20:45,362 - Very well. Captain Peacock? 503 00:20:45,362 --> 00:20:46,908 - Yes, Mrs. Slocombe. 504 00:20:46,908 --> 00:20:48,703 - You're wanted in accounts. 505 00:20:48,703 --> 00:20:50,953 - Thank you, Mrs. Slocombe. 506 00:20:52,365 --> 00:20:54,152 - Mr. Humphries, I'm wanted up in accounts. 507 00:20:54,152 --> 00:20:56,427 - Are you really, Captain Peacock? 508 00:20:56,427 --> 00:20:58,257 - Yes, Mr. Humphries. 509 00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,246 Would you take over for me while I'm away? 510 00:21:00,246 --> 00:21:02,078 - Would you like me to take over standing here 511 00:21:02,078 --> 00:21:03,421 or walking about? 512 00:21:03,421 --> 00:21:05,126 - Don't be facetious, Mr. Humphries. 513 00:21:05,126 --> 00:21:06,811 - That's a perfectly proper question. 514 00:21:06,811 --> 00:21:09,170 - And my answer is that I wish you to take over for me 515 00:21:09,170 --> 00:21:10,998 as floor walker while I'm away. 516 00:21:10,998 --> 00:21:13,415 - Very well, Captain Peacock. 517 00:21:29,311 --> 00:21:32,295 Another word out of you, and you'll go back to the window. 518 00:21:32,295 --> 00:21:33,354 - Psst. - Hmm? 519 00:21:33,354 --> 00:21:34,187 - Stop messing about. 520 00:21:34,187 --> 00:21:38,354 Now get up by the lift and press the button three times. 521 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:45,369 (whistles) 522 00:21:47,591 --> 00:21:49,462 (lift bell dings) 523 00:21:49,462 --> 00:21:51,249 - Welcome to messes' meals on wheels. 524 00:21:51,249 --> 00:21:53,237 Get your soup or plate. 525 00:21:53,237 --> 00:21:57,192 My rigatoni or mine-strone, steaming hot or already blowed. 526 00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:59,525 Come on in, here we go then. 527 00:22:00,609 --> 00:22:04,144 Sorry, second seating in 10 minutes. 528 00:22:04,144 --> 00:22:05,692 - Ooh, rats. 529 00:22:05,692 --> 00:22:09,119 (lift bell dings) (coins drop in cash register) 530 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:10,421 (sighs) 531 00:22:10,421 --> 00:22:12,671 (slurping) 532 00:22:24,601 --> 00:22:27,184 - I never did like lentil soup. 533 00:22:34,212 --> 00:22:36,910 - [Humphries] What did you decide on? 534 00:22:36,910 --> 00:22:38,293 - Shepherd's pie. 535 00:22:38,293 --> 00:22:40,947 - You always did like adventure. 536 00:22:40,947 --> 00:22:44,242 - When I went past, the flies were enjoyin' it. 537 00:22:44,242 --> 00:22:47,826 - Oh, never mind. Put plenty of that brown sauce on. 538 00:22:47,826 --> 00:22:50,409 You won't see their footprints. 539 00:22:53,886 --> 00:22:56,365 - I'm really gonna enjoy this. 540 00:22:56,365 --> 00:22:57,707 What did you settle for, then? 541 00:22:57,707 --> 00:22:59,790 - Melon balls. - Unusual. 542 00:23:01,255 --> 00:23:04,835 - Mr. Grainger, would you take a whiff of this pilchard 543 00:23:04,835 --> 00:23:06,789 and give me your opinion? 544 00:23:06,789 --> 00:23:09,270 - I'd rather not, Mrs. Slocombe. 545 00:23:09,270 --> 00:23:12,047 It might put me off my rollmopse herring. 546 00:23:12,047 --> 00:23:13,547 - I'll tell you one thing, Mrs. Slocombe, 547 00:23:13,547 --> 00:23:14,969 about that pilchard. 548 00:23:14,969 --> 00:23:17,089 It's definitely dead. 549 00:23:17,089 --> 00:23:18,431 - Yes, which is more than can be said 550 00:23:18,431 --> 00:23:20,851 for that green thing what's walking across your lettuce. 551 00:23:20,851 --> 00:23:21,684 - Oh. 552 00:23:29,068 --> 00:23:32,201 - Tough little monkeys, aren't they? 553 00:23:32,201 --> 00:23:35,451 - They have to be, to eat that lettuce. 554 00:23:37,405 --> 00:23:38,238 - Got it. 555 00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:42,251 Ew, it's right put me off eatin'. 556 00:23:42,251 --> 00:23:45,381 - It's given him hell of an headache, as well. 557 00:23:45,381 --> 00:23:47,464 (slurps) 558 00:23:51,605 --> 00:23:53,438 - Isn't it disgustin'? 559 00:23:54,860 --> 00:23:57,460 - That's nothing. He always eats his soup like that. 560 00:23:57,460 --> 00:23:59,861 If you want something really disgusting, 561 00:23:59,861 --> 00:24:01,778 get him some spaghetti. 562 00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,180 - I meant the conditions 563 00:24:04,180 --> 00:24:07,640 in the staff canteen are disgusting. 564 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:10,810 Fancy having to wait an extra hour for this. 565 00:24:10,810 --> 00:24:12,960 - I don't think it'll happen again. 566 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,990 - Mr. Grainger phoned the factory inspector. 567 00:24:14,990 --> 00:24:16,740 - Well done, Mr. Grainger. 568 00:24:16,740 --> 00:24:17,838 - Yes, I did. 569 00:24:17,838 --> 00:24:22,639 But apparently Captain Peacock had complained earlier 570 00:24:22,639 --> 00:24:25,564 about the extra late luncheon. 571 00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:28,781 He said that it upset his desert stomach. 572 00:24:28,781 --> 00:24:30,287 - Yeah, the inspector said they've got no right 573 00:24:30,287 --> 00:24:31,506 to make us eat late. 574 00:24:31,506 --> 00:24:32,645 Then he took one look at this place 575 00:24:32,645 --> 00:24:34,474 and went off to see young Mr. Grace. 576 00:24:34,474 --> 00:24:37,696 - I shall be interested to hear his report. 577 00:24:37,696 --> 00:24:40,631 - If he had anything to eat here, it'll be a loud one. 578 00:24:40,631 --> 00:24:45,277 - I expect they're taking him to the executive dining room. 579 00:24:45,277 --> 00:24:48,202 - Hello, there goes Rumbold. 580 00:24:48,202 --> 00:24:51,213 - I bet he doesn't get things crawling about on his lettuce 581 00:24:51,213 --> 00:24:54,266 in the executive dining room. 582 00:24:54,266 --> 00:24:57,846 They don't care, you know, as long as they're all right. 583 00:24:57,846 --> 00:25:00,933 - Hey, it's all right, isn't it? Eh? 584 00:25:00,933 --> 00:25:03,251 Nice bit of shepherd's pie, that. 585 00:25:03,251 --> 00:25:06,101 - What are you doing, Mr. Mash? 586 00:25:06,101 --> 00:25:08,748 - Well, I'm bending my knees, ain't I? 587 00:25:08,748 --> 00:25:12,491 That makes my bottom go plonk on the chair. 588 00:25:12,491 --> 00:25:14,280 It's called sitting down. 589 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,739 - This has always been our departmental table. 590 00:25:17,739 --> 00:25:18,633 - Yeah, well I know that, 591 00:25:18,633 --> 00:25:20,258 but as Captain Peacock's gone up in the world, 592 00:25:20,258 --> 00:25:22,577 I thought I'd take his place. 593 00:25:22,577 --> 00:25:26,494 - There's a vacancy over there, by the pig bin. 594 00:25:28,142 --> 00:25:29,607 - Charming, innit, eh? 595 00:25:29,607 --> 00:25:31,438 One of these days, mates, we'll all be equal. 596 00:25:31,438 --> 00:25:34,938 Then I'll be in the executive dining room. 597 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:37,538 - Hang on, here comes Peacock. 598 00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:40,761 - Oh, making his maiden voyage to the executive dining room. 599 00:25:40,761 --> 00:25:43,011 (clapping) 600 00:25:43,895 --> 00:25:45,491 - He didn't even speak to us. 601 00:25:45,491 --> 00:25:49,658 - All power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. 602 00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:52,124 (slurps) 603 00:25:52,124 --> 00:25:54,374 - Snorkel for Mr. Grainger. 604 00:25:59,785 --> 00:26:01,290 (clears throat) 605 00:26:01,290 --> 00:26:03,323 - Ah, Peacock. Welcome to the club. 606 00:26:03,323 --> 00:26:05,740 Do sit down. - Thank you, sir. 607 00:26:11,171 --> 00:26:14,329 This is very nice, isn't it? 608 00:26:14,329 --> 00:26:15,376 - Will you join me in a glass of wine? 609 00:26:15,376 --> 00:26:17,959 - Oh, thank you very much, sir. 610 00:26:20,103 --> 00:26:21,441 Thank you. 611 00:26:21,441 --> 00:26:23,274 - That'll be 25 pence. 612 00:26:24,448 --> 00:26:27,698 Oh, no, no, no, not now. Later will do. 613 00:26:29,078 --> 00:26:31,113 - Thank you very much. 614 00:26:31,113 --> 00:26:33,280 Excuse me, sir. Thank you. 615 00:26:34,876 --> 00:26:36,626 Soup du jour, lentil. 616 00:26:37,607 --> 00:26:39,490 Le rollmopse herring. 617 00:26:39,490 --> 00:26:42,823 Le pilchard salad, et le shepherd's pie. 618 00:26:44,899 --> 00:26:47,482 To follow, an apres huite mint. 619 00:26:49,288 --> 00:26:52,219 Yes, great improvement on next door, eh? 620 00:26:52,219 --> 00:26:53,924 - Yes, we think so. 621 00:26:53,924 --> 00:26:55,720 - To your health. 622 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,921 - Amusing little wine, isn't it? 623 00:26:57,921 --> 00:26:58,921 - Hilarious. 624 00:27:02,144 --> 00:27:03,811 Peruvian beaujolais, 625 00:27:04,955 --> 00:27:05,788 type. 626 00:27:07,273 --> 00:27:09,107 Yes, I must remember that. 627 00:27:09,107 --> 00:27:11,711 Well, this is a great moment for me, sir. 628 00:27:11,711 --> 00:27:14,560 I mean, one struggles, one does one's best. 629 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,394 One fails frequently, and occasionally, one succeeds. 630 00:27:18,394 --> 00:27:22,053 Then finally, after a long journey, one arrives. 631 00:27:22,053 --> 00:27:24,303 (pounding) 632 00:27:28,981 --> 00:27:29,814 What on earth? 633 00:27:29,814 --> 00:27:32,403 - It's young Mr. Grace! 634 00:27:32,403 --> 00:27:33,653 - Don't get up. 635 00:27:34,883 --> 00:27:36,589 I'm sorry to spoil your lunch, 636 00:27:36,589 --> 00:27:40,168 but I'm having trouble with the factory inspector. 637 00:27:40,168 --> 00:27:43,545 Somebody from one of the departments sent for him, 638 00:27:43,545 --> 00:27:46,960 and it seems that the canteen is too small 639 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,527 for the number of people using it. 640 00:27:49,527 --> 00:27:51,483 - Well yes, I was aware that it should be 641 00:27:51,483 --> 00:27:55,323 a hundred square feet bigger, sir, but what can one do? 642 00:27:55,323 --> 00:27:57,673 - Where there's a will, there's a way. 643 00:27:57,673 --> 00:28:00,355 I'm having the whole thing knocked into one. 644 00:28:00,355 --> 00:28:02,628 - But what about the executive dining room? 645 00:28:02,628 --> 00:28:04,995 - That's the least of your troubles. 646 00:28:04,995 --> 00:28:08,412 You've got to use the staff bog, as well. 647 00:28:10,578 --> 00:28:13,828 Carry on, boys. You're doing very well. 648 00:28:18,093 --> 00:28:21,093 (audience applauds) 649 00:28:23,722 --> 00:28:25,189 - [Female Attendant] Ground floor, perfumeries, 650 00:28:25,189 --> 00:28:26,572 stationery, and leather goods, 651 00:28:26,572 --> 00:28:29,992 wigs and haberdashery, kitchenware and food, going up. 652 00:28:29,992 --> 00:28:32,409 (horn music) 653 00:28:35,292 --> 00:28:38,061 First floor, telephones, gents ready made suits, 654 00:28:38,061 --> 00:28:41,554 shirts, socks, ties, hats, underwear, and shoes, going up. 655 00:28:41,554 --> 00:28:43,971 (horn music) 656 00:28:46,894 --> 00:28:49,757 Second floor, carpets, tropicals, and bedding, 657 00:28:49,757 --> 00:28:51,386 material, soft furnishing, 658 00:28:51,386 --> 00:28:53,236 restaurant on Tuesday, going down. 659 00:28:53,236 --> 00:28:55,653 (horn music)