1 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:05,559 The Seven Wonders of the World. 2 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,559 Christ the Redeemer. 3 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:12,039 The Taj Mahal. 4 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:13,719 The Great Pyramids. 5 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,959 Truly man's greatest achievements. 6 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:21,119 But there's one man who sees them differently. 7 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,919 It's like a pylon. 8 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,199 Karl Pilkington. 9 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,639 Ha ha! 10 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,559 I don't know the politically correct term. 11 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:31,759 Moron. 12 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:37,959 I think he is a round, empty-headed, chimp-like Manc moron. 13 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:41,399 Buffoon. Idiot. And he's a friend! 14 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:42,679 - (Clunk) - Aiee! 15 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,359 He's a typical Little Englander and he doesn't like going out of his comfort zone. 16 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:47,399 Aargh! 17 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:50,559 I just think it'd be amazing to send him round the world. 18 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:51,919 (Children shouting) 19 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:56,159 (Stephen) What we'd like to see is him experience other cultures, 20 00:00:56,280 --> 00:01:01,359 other peoples, and see if in any way we can change his outlook on the world. 21 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:04,959 I've been to many exotic places. I genuinely think travel broadens the mind. 22 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,999 I want him to hate it. 23 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:09,999 I want him to hate every minute of it, for my own amusement. 24 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:16,159 Nothing is funnier than Karl, in a corner, being poked by a stick. 25 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:20,159 I am that stick, and now I have the might of Sky behind me. 26 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,879 Shit! Shit! 27 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:27,359 This is one of the funniest, most expensive practical jokes I've ever done. 28 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,759 And it's going to be great. 29 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,919 Just let me go home. Jesus Christ! 30 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:42,839 Karl, you may have seen this place in the film Indiana jones And The Last Crusade. 31 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,399 Petra in jordan. 32 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:50,279 Extraordinary ancient city, carved into the rock. 33 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,799 Yeah, I suppose it's like cladding for a cave, in a way. 34 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,959 - In a way. Yeah. - It's an impressive entrance. 35 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,559 - I mean, I'd love that to be my house. - Would you? 36 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,999 - It would be amazing. - What I say about things like this is, 37 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,519 you're better to be in the cave across from it, 38 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:06,279 - where you're looking at that. - Right. 39 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,060 You're getting the nice view. 40 00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:09,719 The people living in this are looking at my hole. 41 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,159 Do you know what I mean? I always think that about nice houses. 42 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,559 - Why only a hole? - You're better off in a council block. 43 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:18,319 - Cos you're looking at a stately home. - You're looking at the niceness. 44 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:22,359 - They're looking at the grimness. - Yeah, but you're living in the grimness. 45 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:25,799 We haven't seen the inside, for a start. You're saying that's amazing. 46 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,159 I'm saying it looks good from the outside. 47 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,279 That sort of thing, on an estate agent, you'll go, "Let's see that." 48 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,399 But then you go, "Hang on a minute. Why ain't it been sold yet?" 49 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,759 There's a reason. The inside's not that good. 50 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,559 Well, let me know. Let me know if it's worth buying. 51 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,759 And also, what does it face? 52 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:44,879 Cos if there's a shack across the road, I'm not buying it. 53 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:48,279 - I'll buy the shack. - Right. That's what I'm saying. 54 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,839 When I started this off, there was no mention of coming to places like Israel. 55 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:31,119 "Seven Wonders of the World. That'll be all right. Where are they? Nowhere dangerous. 56 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,599 "Oh, they're in jordan..." What are we doing here? 57 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:38,919 Israel's bad news. I don't know why we couldn't just go straight to Jordan, 58 00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,119 see the Wonder, go home. 59 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:43,559 When we went to India, there was none of this. 60 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,799 We went straight there. There was no stopping off. 61 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,519 "Let's just nip to Afghanistan." There was none of that. 62 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,879 Straight there. So why are we messing about here? 63 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,220 Maybe it's not that bad, but all I know is, 64 00:03:57,221 --> 00:03:59,439 whenever I hear about Israel, it's problems. 65 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,039 That's all I see on the news. 66 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,199 They never have a, "And finally, a happy story. 67 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,639 "The world's largest marrow has been grown in Israel." 68 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:09,359 It doesn't happen, that. It's never a fun story. 69 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,479 It's the... "It's kicking off again." 70 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,239 Sort of feel like that relationship that that bloke had. 71 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,999 You know, the one who climbed a mountain and ended up cutting the rope of his mate. 72 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:24,319 Steve's cutting the rope here. He's leaving me here dangling in shit. 73 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,439 It's doing my head in, this place. 74 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:33,559 Do you know what I mean? You've got blokes walking around with guns. 75 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:35,999 I just feel like I'm constantly on alert. 76 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:39,039 Cos it's... There's an edginess to it, isn't there? 77 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:44,959 (Shouting in Arabic) 78 00:04:56,360 --> 00:05:00,239 Hey, leave him, leave him, leave him! In his car! Hey! 79 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,679 (Karl) I can't breathe. Fucking hell, me back. 80 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,079 - (Groans) Fuckin' hell. - (Bleep) 81 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,279 - (Shouting in Arabic) - What? 82 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,119 I don't know what you're saying. 83 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,799 Stop hitting me on the head. 84 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,039 (Shouting in Arabic) 85 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,519 Be good. Be good! 86 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,679 - (Karl) I'm being good. - Be good! Talk to me! 87 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,999 (Karl) Hang on a minute. I'm... Are you English? 88 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:59,639 - Yes! Talk to me! - Who are you? What do you want? 89 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,839 - What are you doing with Israelis? - I'm just here on a holiday. 90 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,439 - Just on holiday? You are spy! - I'm not! 91 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,399 - You are fucking spy! - I'm not a fucking spy! 92 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,119 You are fucking spy! Israeli spy! 93 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:11,759 Who is your manager? What is the number of him? 94 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,599 - It's in my mobile. - What mobile? What is the number of him? 95 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:18,039 I don't know! I don't even know my mam and dad's number! 96 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,479 Give me the fucking number! 97 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,959 Who... who are you working with this... all this shit? 98 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,399 - For Sky. Sky. Sky! - Sky? What sky? Sky? 99 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,999 - Sky One. HD. - Sky One? 100 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:31,820 - Well, that's who we're giving all this shit to. 101 00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:33,519 - TV? TV? 102 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,919 It's pretty... pretty frightening. 103 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,199 - You know, most of the people... - Crap. Sorry. 104 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,439 Yeah, this is, uh... 105 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:49,119 I mean, the adrenaline. I was shaking for about 15 minutes after that happened. 106 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,639 But it makes me realise that I haven't got a clue, really. 107 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:56,399 You have to know by heart the telephone number of the back office of you, 108 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:59,759 that you are going to call them and tell them the secret word, 109 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,559 that you decided before. 110 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,079 You say the secret word, that mean he knows, 111 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,079 he knows that you are under danger. 112 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,319 - There's no secret word. - There should be. 113 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:09,720 - I haven't got one. I'm not messing around. 114 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:10,999 - There should be. 115 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:12,199 No one has given me a word. 116 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,159 I don't know what number to call. I'd have to call Suzanne up. 117 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,639 Say, "I'm in a bit of bother." 118 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,959 I wouldn't want to panic her straightaway, so I'd say, "How is everything?" 119 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,560 - Then, "So, right, listen. Bit of a problem." 120 00:07:23,561 --> 00:07:25,039 - OK. 121 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,959 "I was taken away." She'd probably start going, "What do you mean?" 122 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,760 - I'd go, "Sh. Quiet. I've got low battery." 123 00:07:29,761 --> 00:07:31,439 - OK. "Where are you? Where are you?" 124 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,559 - "Don't shout. They can hear." - "Where are you?" 125 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,679 - "Where? What country? Where?" - "I'm in... You know where I am." 126 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,479 - "Where?" - "You never listen to me. 127 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,399 - "You go on about haircuts..." - "Where?" 128 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,159 - "I'm in Israel." - "In Israel? What? Where are you?" 129 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,159 You're right. We haven't sorted anything out. 130 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,279 - You're OK. - I mean, I'm clueless. 131 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,639 But I didn't know I was coming to Israel. 132 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,319 The fact that they teach that stuff here means that it does go on. 133 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,160 That wasn't all set up for me, was it? 134 00:07:55,161 --> 00:07:56,879 That's proper training. That's what they do. 135 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,719 Surely they wouldn't... Why would they have me? What can I offer? 136 00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:04,199 They'd call the embassy up, say, "We've got Karl Pilkington here." "Who? 137 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,119 "Oh, we've got no record of him." 138 00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,839 Erm... I don't think it'd even make the news. 139 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,119 I'd probably get in the local paper in Manchester if it was a light news day. 140 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:17,319 "Karl Pilkington, Manchester, is stuck in a hut somewhere in Israel." 141 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,599 Go, go, go, go, go! 142 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,119 Go! Go! 143 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,599 - Check the other side. - Fine. 144 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,279 - Go to the door. - Stay there! 145 00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:31,199 Good. 146 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,959 OK! How you feel? 147 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:36,199 Knackered. 148 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,279 - Huh? - Yeah. 149 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,679 Did that look good? 150 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,879 This guy is wait for you in the corner. 151 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,319 Yeah. I don't know if I saw the gun or not, though. 152 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:48,960 I just... He looks like he's from Liverpool. 153 00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,679 I thought, "He's up to no good." 154 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,239 - Yes. - He looks like a Scouser. 155 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,199 What is this all about? You know, I thought I was seeing the Wonders of the World. 156 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,799 I thought I was on my way to see Petra in jordan. 157 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:09,159 The plane lands, I'm in Israel. 158 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,719 Not Jordan, you know, where the Wonder is. Israel. 159 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,799 Yesterday, I spent a day getting a bag put over my head, 160 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:23,199 and he turned round and said, "Oh, you might need that, being in Israel." 161 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,039 Well, don't have me in Israel, then. 162 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,319 Then, it can't be that dodgy, can it? Look at all the tourists. 163 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,839 It's sort of relaxed me a little bit, I think. 164 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,199 Cos you don't queue up to go into a danger zone. 165 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,199 But there is a lot of people about with guns. 166 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,679 You know, is it all part of it, though? Do they do that for the tourists? 167 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,439 Does it make the tourists feel like, "Oh, it's a bit edgy," 168 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,079 but really it's not going to kick off? 169 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,959 I can't work out. 170 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,279 At the end of the day, I'm just not that into religion. 171 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:53,359 Do you know what I mean? It doesn't excite me. I don't need it in my life. 172 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,759 But because I'm here, Steve's saying, "Well, you might as well see some of it." 173 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,919 I said, "Like what?" He said, "The Wailing Wall." 174 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,680 I said, "You what? " He said, "The Wailing Wall. 175 00:10:00,681 --> 00:10:02,319 It's really popular there." 176 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:04,399 So I'm going to go and look at a wall. 177 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,519 (Chanting in Hebrew) 178 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,500 This is all new to me. It's not like I've come 179 00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:16,919 here with any idea of what this is about. 180 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:20,159 I've no idea. They all seem to be doing different things. 181 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:24,119 Some are kissing the wall. He's nodding at it. 182 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,599 People sticking bits of paper in. 183 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:29,759 There's bits of rubbish in there. 184 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,759 There's some sort of... One of those insurance slip... Sorry. 185 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,919 Like a form about insurance or something, stuck in that one. 186 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:39,879 So they even get junk mail. There's junk mail in the wall. 187 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:43,759 It's a weird one, the wall. 188 00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:48,479 It reminded me of, like, people who write to Jim I'll fix it, you know. 189 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,799 You're not gonna get an answer. Not everyone, anyway. 190 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:54,239 A waste of time. I always think about an alien. 191 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,919 If an alien landed, and for some reason it picked me, it'd go, 192 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:04,519 "Karl, you're our leader whilst we're here. Why do people do this in Israel?" 193 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,599 "Dunno." 194 00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:09,999 How'd you explain that? 195 00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:16,639 It's not how I thought it would be, Jerusalem. 196 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,399 I had this vision in my head of a place where, you know, 197 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,319 Jesus was knocking about on a donkey. 198 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,479 That's been shattered now. 199 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,679 Everywhere you go, there's some other religious people coming out of the wood. 200 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,799 It's like... It's like Pacman. Innit? Do you know what I mean? 201 00:11:30,920 --> 00:11:33,319 You go down a little alley thinking, "This will be quiet," 202 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:35,359 then a load of stuff comes at you. 203 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,959 ( 204 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,599 Nothing's ever easy, is it? 205 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:53,439 You know, Steve said he'd sorted me out with a lift to get back to the hotel. 206 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,559 Well, that's nice of him. And then this lot turned up. 207 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,399 My whole life, this is all I want to do. I want to go around, 208 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:08,879 this car, or another car, every day, and make people happy, why not? 209 00:12:10,280 --> 00:12:12,279 Here's what we do in tragic jams. 210 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,919 They were nice enough lads, and that. But doing that is dangerous. 211 00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:21,359 And there's enough danger here, you know, with, you know, bombs going off, 212 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,279 or blokes walking about with guns. 213 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,140 I don't need to add more danger to me little 214 00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:26,879 trip by dancing about on a busy road. 215 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,559 You know how many smiles we're gaining right now? 216 00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,959 We could be saving lives right now. 217 00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,319 Somebody who's maybe depressed and wanted to commit suicide, 218 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,319 now he's smiling, now he doesn't want to. 219 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,599 - She's not smiling. - Take a sticker... See a sticker? 220 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,759 - Yeah. - Put it on the bus. 221 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,279 - (Horns beeping) - She's terrified. She is terrified. 222 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,079 She's going, "For God's sake." 223 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,959 She went like that and locked the door. 224 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,479 - Let the public... - All right, the lights are changing. 225 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,159 Lights, lights, lights! Lights! 226 00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:59,319 (Horns blaring) 227 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,479 We're not getting out again? Where are you going? 228 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,039 (Horn blares) 229 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,159 And it took ages, didn't it? 230 00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:11,799 I mean, I might as well have got on a bus. 231 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,239 You know? At least a bus has less stops than they do. 232 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:17,279 I mean, every hundred yards, they were getting out and having a dance. 233 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,479 - Enough, huh? - Yeah, let's go. 234 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:22,199 Come out with us! Come out with us. Just for a bit. Come on. 235 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:24,959 (Karl) We're moving. Two minutes. Two minutes. 236 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,079 ( 237 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:32,399 On a corner. Couldn't pick a dangerous spot. 238 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,199 This is the most dangerous place. 239 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,839 (Horns beeping) 240 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,599 Yeah, I felt a bit bad about jumping out and legging it. 241 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,039 But I don't like dancing, do I? 242 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,799 You know, I don't dance at weddings, 243 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:55,279 so I'm not going to start doing it on a dual carriageway, am I? 244 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,959 I mean, they're right. There is a lot of misery in the world. 245 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,839 But that doesn't help me. That's making me worse. 246 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,439 (Horns beeping) 247 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,079 They're causing all that bibbing. 248 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,999 You know? Someone's trying to get to hospital. Their gran's dying. 249 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:14,759 They're in the road. (Sings tune) 250 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,879 Get out the fucking road! 251 00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,359 Spoke to Steve this morning. 252 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,639 And he said, "Oh, get yourself over to Bethlehem, 253 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,039 "to see where baby Jesus was born." 254 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:31,199 Bit of a problem, I found out it's in Palestine, which, you know, 255 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,799 that's another place I've heard nothing but bad news about. 256 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,999 Plus, I've got to get over a massive wall to get to it. 257 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,919 It's just ugly. 258 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,039 And it goes on for miles. 259 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,820 I mean, they're not messing about, are they? 260 00:14:42,821 --> 00:14:44,479 I kind of thought, 261 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,039 "I bet there's some way you could sneak under it or over it." 262 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,719 But... there's no way. 263 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:55,039 (Man) Well, you've got to call London before we go over, mate. 264 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,639 - The person you are calling is unable... - That's good. 265 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,239 The man in charge of making sure I'm safe... 266 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:03,399 ...record your message... 267 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,119 - (Bleep) - All right, Richard, it's Karl. 268 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,239 About to go over the border. If you don't hear from us in four hours, 269 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,279 it's all gone tits up. 270 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,959 I mean, that's Richard. That sums him up. He's always on the phone. 271 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:18,199 So of all the people to have as our emergency number, 272 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,519 you know, calling 999 and it's engaged. 273 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,319 Sums him up. 274 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,639 That checkpoint was a bit weird, weren't it? 275 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,439 I mean, I sort of felt guilty, even though I hadn't done anything. 276 00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:34,919 I've got a Palestinian fella meeting me called Kase. 277 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,759 Yeah, but I think... I'm meeting someone. 278 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,439 - Are you Karl? - All right, yeah. 279 00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:42,879 - Hi, I'm Kase. How are you? - Who I'm meeting. Got a lift already. 280 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,839 - How was it? - Depressing. 281 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,119 (Laughs) 282 00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,000 Honestly, I didn't think it would have that 283 00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:49,759 effect on me, I'm not that sort of person. 284 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:53,239 You know, if you're passing here every day, it's not depressing. 285 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,799 If you're waking up every morning, 286 00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,999 and seeing this ugly concrete stuff in front of your eyes, 287 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,319 then it's depressing. 288 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,479 - You're my guest. This is my car. - Safe. 289 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:03,799 - Huh? - Safe. 290 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,999 Yeah, course it's safe. I have insurance. 291 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,239 Pipes are shaped like that. 292 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,439 ( 293 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,559 - Are these for us? - Yeah, it's a gift. From the Holy Land. 294 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,999 - Holy Land... - It makes holy music. 295 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,639 You won't think that when I'm playing it. 296 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,799 See, there's nothing like that at home. 297 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,039 There's nothing like that anywhere on earth. 298 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,599 (Karl) No. We have a congestion charge that caused a little bit of fuss. 299 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,679 If you drive into London, you have to pay Ј8. 300 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,999 Everybody was like, "This is an outrage!" 301 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,599 But it's nothing compared to this. Honestly... 302 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,580 This is costing the people more than Ј8, man. 303 00:16:41,581 --> 00:16:43,439 This is costing them their future. 304 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,759 Is it going to be busy in there? 305 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,959 Well, check it out. Did you close your door well? 306 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:52,359 Yeah. Is anyone going to nick it? 307 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:55,479 - I mean, it's a religious... holy... - Nah, lots of cops, so don't worry. 308 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,039 People who are into religion shouldn't be nicking cars. 309 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,719 - ( - So why are these a big deal, then? 310 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:04,319 - Why are we bringing these here? - Because the shepherds... 311 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,079 Watch your head, man. 312 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,119 Anything you need, you can ask us. 313 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:12,999 The flute says... 314 00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,399 No, you can't. 315 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,799 The flute says that the shepherds came to the site of Birth carrying flutes. 316 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:20,679 - Whatever, you cannot use it inside. - OK, just carry it. 317 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,279 This is where jesus was born. 318 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,599 - Right there? - Right there. 319 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,439 - (Knocks) - On this rock. 320 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:35,199 - Are you allowed to touch it? - You can touch it, you can kiss it... 321 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,639 I think that's all you can do with it. (Laughs) 322 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:39,079 How do they know that? 323 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,799 It's an oral tradition, saying this is the place. 324 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:45,799 But does jesus want us to come here and see where was he born, 325 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:48,279 and touch the stones and go crying and blah blah blah? 326 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,399 I don't think so. 327 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,719 No. I think I'm with you on that. 328 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:58,519 - ( - (Karl) 329 00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,639 ( 330 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,280 I'd say the only time I've had religion in 331 00:18:11,281 --> 00:18:13,559 my life was playing Little Donkey at school. 332 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:16,359 And my mate Wayne, he was Catholic, 333 00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,599 and he said, "Oh, do you want to go and do this?" 334 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:19,919 And I was like, "Piss off." 335 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,439 And he said, "Right. You just swore. 336 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,199 "If you don't come with me to church, 337 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,399 "Ill tell your mam that you told me to piss off." 338 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,119 So I had to go with him. 339 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:31,600 And in the end, I got chucked out for bouncing 340 00:18:31,601 --> 00:18:33,959 a tennis ball, sort of in the church. 341 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,279 That's been about it. But I think I got more of a feeling from that wall 342 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,559 than I did from where jesus was born. 343 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:43,519 Yet people are going in there, sort of like, "Oh... Ah..." 344 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,279 You wanna go over there. That's where you're gonna have a tear. It's depressing. 345 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,399 ( 346 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:07,839 Been here four days now and we're only just going to the Wonder. 347 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:11,719 But, erm... 348 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:15,839 I was looking in the guidebook, and we pass the Dead Sea this way. 349 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:18,559 It'll just be nice for me to have a bit of a restful day. 350 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,239 Ricky doesn't even need to know. 351 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,079 Looks quite good. I'm not a great swimmer. 352 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,759 The good thing with the Dead Sea is you just float about in it. 353 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,519 It's, like... Loads of salt in it. 354 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:30,799 It's another experience, innit? It's one of life's little wonders. 355 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:34,479 A proper wonder, a natural wonder, which is the sort I like, really. 356 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,399 It's not too busy, either. I thought it'd be a right tourist trap. 357 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,959 This is all right, this. Er, something that I read in the book, 358 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,399 this is the lowest place on the world. 359 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:02,679 I know we don't normally have sort of information on this programme and that, 360 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,759 like, not proper stuff, anyway, but that's a little bit. 361 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,679 It's the lowest... This is... You can't get lower than this. 362 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:16,279 I don't know why. I don't even know if it's true, but that's what I read. 363 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:21,759 So I might as well give it a go. Everybody else seems to be doing it. 364 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:25,759 Right. Whatever I'm doing, I've got to do it quick, cos that is so hot. 365 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,679 It's really uneven. 366 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,759 Fuckin' hell, you really do, you know? 367 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,319 Look at that! 368 00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,119 I don't even have to, like, do anything. This is ace. 369 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,719 (Man) Karl, what's going on with your belly button, mate? 370 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:57,839 What the fuck is that? 371 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:02,199 Is that a fag end? 372 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:07,439 Or was that... Was that someone's goz? 373 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,919 It looks like someone's gobbed in here. 374 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:14,719 Fuckin' hell, it is, as well. 375 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,519 - (Mobile phone) - Phone. 376 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:28,239 Come here. 377 00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,359 Hello? 378 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:34,479 I'm just in the Dead Sea. 379 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:40,039 Yeah, just floating around with someone's goz. 380 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,199 - Urgh. - There's old people in here, 381 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:43,879 just clearing their throats and that. 382 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,599 I just had some in me belly button. 383 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:51,359 So that's what's floating above. Christ knows what's floating under me. 384 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,479 Maybe that's why I'm floating around. 385 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,799 - 90%... - (Laughter) 386 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,919 90% catarrh, or... 387 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,599 - It's nice, though. It's good, this. - Now... 388 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:15,039 I've been doing work! I've been doing work for four days! 389 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,279 This is an experience. It's good for the programme. 390 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:21,079 I'm explaining to people how it's loads of salt in it, 391 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:23,759 - you float about, it's good for your skin. - Yes. 392 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,759 Exactly. Exactly. 393 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,519 This is the truth. 394 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:43,839 There is. 395 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:45,919 (Bleeping) 396 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,639 He sounded a bit pissed off that I was having a rest, didn't he? 397 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,599 Hiya. Passport? 398 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,199 - Where are you going? - Where am I going? Petra. 399 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,079 - Petra? - Yeah. 400 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,119 Go? I can go? 401 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,239 Yeah, it's good to be in jordan. 402 00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:20,319 But we could have been here days ago, couldn't we? 403 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,319 Petra's only down the road. We could drive there. 404 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,519 But Ricky's come up with this idea that, you know, 405 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,799 I meet a local bloke called Mohammed who's got a camel. 406 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,159 You know, how long's that gonna take? 407 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,439 - My friend. - Hello. 408 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,559 We need to cross this road. 409 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:38,719 (Camel bellowing) 410 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,359 And how many hours? How many hours that way? 411 00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:46,919 At least 48 hours. Two days, full days on the camels. 412 00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,079 - (Camel grumbling) - Fuckin' hell. 413 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,919 - Oh, dear. - (Calling to camel) 414 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,479 (Wind whistling) 415 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,039 - (Karl) Would you like some music? - What kind of music do you have? 416 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:08,279 (Karl) It's just music. No singing. 417 00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,319 When I'm a little bit stressed, it calms me. 418 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,399 ( 419 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,039 (Mohammed) Is a lady sing? 420 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,359 (Karl) There's no singing, it's just a man on a clarinet. 421 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:27,399 (Mohammed) Ah. (Karl) Nice, isn't it? 422 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,519 (Mohammed) Very nice. 423 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:33,759 Very nice! You teach me English song, I'll teach you Bedouin song. 424 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,879 ( 425 00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,119 ( 426 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:46,119 ( 427 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:51,359 ( 428 00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,159 - (Hisses) - How is it, my friend? 429 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,559 - Good, yeah. - How's your ass now? 430 00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:01,719 Fuckin' hell! 431 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,999 Look, you can see up here, it's going on for miles. 432 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:07,279 (Sighs) 433 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,240 Just doesn't make sense, does it? 434 00:25:09,241 --> 00:25:11,079 Why do people live in the middle of nowhere, 435 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,159 when you've got to travel that sort of distance to get to somewhere? 436 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,799 Cos he was saying, some people have to do that once a week to nip to the shops. 437 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,279 And they get a big order in, then carry it all the way back. 438 00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:23,199 Move, then. Move closer to the shop, or open a shop. 439 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,079 What's it like where we're staying tonight? 440 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,439 (Mohammed) Maybe we find Bedouin tents. 441 00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,639 Maybe we're alone in the desert. Sand dunes. 442 00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,239 - (Karl) Sand dunes? - Sometimes, the Bedouins, they move. 443 00:25:34,360 --> 00:25:36,199 - I don't know. - (Karl) You must have a plan. 444 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:40,679 (Mohammed) This is desert. We don't know what's the desert keep for us. We'll see. 445 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,799 (Camel bellowing) 446 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:50,319 This camel's knackered. 447 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:53,999 Keeps stopping every ten minutes. 448 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:59,079 - (Camel groaning) - (Mohammed talking, indistinct) 449 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,359 I could be a good camel. 450 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,759 It's just sort of moaning, innit? 451 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,879 (Imitates camel) 452 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:11,839 (Camel bellows) 453 00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,159 (Karl) "Fucking sick of this..." 454 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,279 (Camel bellowing) 455 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,279 - We're going to carry it now by the car. - On the van. 456 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,239 Yeah. 457 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,599 - (Bellowing) - (Karl) That was weird, that. 458 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,599 It was like a breakdown, proper breakdown in the desert. 459 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:37,079 They turn up, stick it on the back. "No, it's knackered. It's gonna cost you." 460 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:38,879 But, to be honest, it's a bit of luck, that. 461 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,679 Cos I've had enough. I'm up to here with this. 462 00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,039 Camels have been around for years. 463 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,319 The ships of the desert. That's what they're known as. 464 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:50,079 We've ended up with Titanic. 465 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,879 As long as there's not a major gale, I'm sure it'll be all right. 466 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:14,999 He's got 14 kids. 467 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:21,079 So, you know, me staying's hardly an issue, is it? 468 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,759 You see it, how the camel stand up? 469 00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:25,879 (Karl) Yeah, he's happy now. 470 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,439 - You just strap the bag to its head? - Yeah. 471 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:30,559 Get in there! 472 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,439 Let's get this done. Get the day done. Get to bed. 473 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,519 (Groans) 474 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,959 (Karl) These are all his sons? (Mohammed) Yeah. All his sons. 475 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:44,439 - But I'm not allowed to see the mother? - No. 476 00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,399 At all? Not even to say hello? Thanks for having us? 477 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,199 Forbidden. No way. 478 00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:54,519 - That's why the... You see... - What about by accident? 479 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,759 That's why the house, it's covered. 480 00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,199 (Karl) Well, say if I go to the toilet, I knock... 481 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,479 "Doof doof doof doof." (High-pitched voice) "I'm in here!" 482 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,799 She comes out, I see her. 483 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:09,479 That's not her fault, that's my fault. So what happens then? 484 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,359 - This is by mistake, is no problem. - That's fine. OK. 485 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,799 Mr Mohammed said, erm... He said they don't get many guests here. 486 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:22,199 So... be polite. 487 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,079 There's a big pot of something in there 488 00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,879 that looked like some sort of milk. 489 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,119 I've not seen any cows. I don't know what it's come from. 490 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,279 I'm not a fan of milk anyway. 491 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:37,279 It's not being rude, it's just I don't want to eat it. I don't want to get ill. 492 00:28:37,400 --> 00:28:39,799 The... I'm surprised. They don't want me to get ill. 493 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:41,479 Cos we're all sharing that little toilet. 494 00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:44,959 (Mobile phone) 495 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:47,919 I'm in the middle of nowhere, honest to God. 496 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,839 It's moon-like. 497 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:54,959 Eight hours on a camel. 498 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:58,839 Well, I tell you, it's not funny. 499 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:01,359 I mean, I reckon I've done some damage. 500 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,439 It was just long, and it was hot. 501 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:07,399 Yeah. 502 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:09,799 That's what I'm saying. There's nothing to look at. 503 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,060 It's not like it's worth doing so many hours. 504 00:29:12,061 --> 00:29:14,199 After half an hour, you've seen it. 505 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:35,119 It's not, though. 506 00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,799 Hang on a minute. Something's just fucking run up my leg. 507 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:46,319 Can I call you tomorrow or summat? 508 00:29:46,440 --> 00:29:47,879 (Static) 509 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:50,079 See you later. See you later. 510 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:52,039 What the fuck was that? 511 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,159 See you. 512 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,079 Fuckin' hell. 513 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:01,519 Can we just eat and go to bed? 514 00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:04,799 I don't like the look of this. 515 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:09,559 Don't put too much of that on... on my bit. 516 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,079 I can't, erm... I can't have too much of that. 517 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,279 - That's the tongue. - The what? 518 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,119 The tongue. Tongue of the goats. 519 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,759 - You have it. - No! 520 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:20,959 - Why? - Come on! 521 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,919 (Karl) Ooh! Thank you. (Mohammed) Eat more. 522 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,599 - It's meat. From the goat. - (Karl) What bit is it, though? 523 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:30,599 - That's not meat. - This is the eye. 524 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:32,359 - There, eat. - (Karl) I can't eat eye. 525 00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,719 I'll tell you now. I've got a very bad gag reflex. 526 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:39,239 Now, if I eat that, and I start gagging, that doesn't look good either. 527 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:40,599 They'll think I'm rude. 528 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,839 This is a weird night out, innit? 529 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,599 What time do we normally go to sleep? 530 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,439 - (Speaking) - (Mohammed) Er, tonight, we have a guest. 531 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,199 - So what does that mean? - He means you. 532 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,759 And he could not go sleep early. 533 00:30:57,880 --> 00:30:59,799 Oh, he can! He can, honestly! 534 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:02,239 (Laughing) I'm so tired! 535 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:04,399 ( 536 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:10,039 I'm shattered. I just want my bed. 537 00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,679 But, you know. What can you do? 538 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,119 I'm with a family who doesn't understand me, I don't understand them, 539 00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:21,959 they're cooking food I don't like. 540 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,559 Well, it's... it's been hard work today, hasn't it? 541 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,719 Are we actually going to get to Petra tomorrow or what? 542 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:41,359 I just want to see the Wonder today. Petra. That's what I'm here for. 543 00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:44,639 I'm not in any mood for messing about. I didn't sleep that well last night. 544 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,959 I had a rough day yesterday, ten hours on the back of a camel in roasting heat. 545 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:51,839 I've just spoke to Mohammed, he said we're not even quarter of the way there yet. 546 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:55,239 Does he think I'm getting on a camel again? How are we going to get there? 547 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:59,159 We could have drove on this brilliantly yesterday, but we were on a camel instead. 548 00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:00,639 We can now drive. 549 00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:03,399 (Mohammed) We don't have a car, my friend. We have camels. 550 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,479 Yeah, but they broke down yesterday. 551 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,759 - Why can't we just get in that one? - No, we have to ride camel. 552 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,559 (Karl) We don't have to. I don't need to get on a camel again. 553 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,159 - But we are half the way down. - The programme's an hour long. 554 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:17,119 We've done eight hours of filming on a camel. 555 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,119 - OK. - You do the math. 556 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,559 We're going on a fucking camel again. I swear to God. 557 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:27,439 We've talked about this. I'm bored of arguing with you. 558 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,639 If you're not listening, I'm not listening. 559 00:32:31,600 --> 00:32:33,479 - I'm not going on a camel again. - Come on! 560 00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,199 - I'm not going on a camel again. - Why? 561 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,039 - I'm not going on a camel. - Why? 562 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,119 - I'm not going on a camel again. - We have... 563 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,159 - Not going on a camel. - We have one day more! 564 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,199 OK. We could go with this car. 565 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:47,839 So how long will it be by car? 566 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:51,039 (Mohammed sighs) 12 hours. 567 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,039 (Karl) I'm just sick of camels. 568 00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,759 I mean, you've got to prefer this, haven't you? 569 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,239 - So much nicer. - (Mohammed) Yeah? 570 00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:02,079 (Karl) Yeah. I'll be in a good mood, then, when we see Petra, 571 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,599 and I'll go, "Oh, wow. Amazing." 572 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,399 So we're in now. This is the start of it? 573 00:33:12,520 --> 00:33:14,999 (Mohammed) We are now in the beginning of the city of Petra. 574 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,079 OK, my friend. I have to leave you now. Nice to meet you, Karl. 575 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,279 - See you again, yeah? - See you again, again. 576 00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,519 (Man) Please key in the commentary number. 577 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:33,359 One. Welcome to Petra. A city half as old as time. 578 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,639 The word Petra is Latin for "rock". 579 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,639 The city dates back to 300BC, 580 00:33:39,760 --> 00:33:41,199 when it was known... 581 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:47,279 He just said that..."Welcome to Petra," he said Petra is Latin for, erm... 582 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:51,359 I've forgot, now. This is the problem with this. There's too much to take in. 583 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:53,479 I didn't come here for a Latin lesson. 584 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,799 I just want to know where the Wonder is, and let's have a look at it. 585 00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:06,039 Ten. El Khazneh. You are now face to face with one of the ancient world wonders, 586 00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:08,599 and the most famous monument in Petra. 587 00:34:08,720 --> 00:34:10,759 The word in Arabic means "treasury". 588 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:12,879 You may recognise the facade. 589 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:16,199 This is the site where the movie Indiana jones And The Last Crusade, 590 00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,439 among others, was filmed. 591 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:22,519 (Mobile phone) 592 00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:24,559 Hang on a sec. Hang on. 593 00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:26,079 Hello? 594 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,119 All right. 595 00:34:29,240 --> 00:34:32,479 I've, er... I'm just stood in front of the Wonder. 596 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,639 That was a waste of time last night, staying with the Bedouins. 597 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:39,439 He gave me lamb's eyes to eat. Er, I slept on a hard floor all night. 598 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:42,279 So I feel like shit. That's how I'm feeling. 599 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:45,999 I mean, it looks all right. I'm sure if I was in a better mood, I'd big it up. 600 00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:50,279 I'm basically in the middle of a load of rock, and someone's carved it out. 601 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:54,279 And it is amazing. But I don't know what more there is to say than that. 602 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:00,999 What for? 603 00:35:02,360 --> 00:35:03,839 What's... What... 604 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:05,959 What? 605 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,159 - But... - (Bleeping) 606 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:16,479 Steve. 607 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:18,119 All right, it's Karl. Erm... 608 00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:21,799 I've just spoke to Ricky. He said, "Oh, you're staying in a cave tonight." 609 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,959 Well, what... what's that about? 610 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,239 Cos I don't think he's taking this serious. 611 00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,559 Yeah, but I didn't... I didn't... 612 00:35:43,200 --> 00:35:45,679 No, but I didn't literally mean that's what I'd like. 613 00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:54,799 (Bleeping) 614 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,799 I mean, this is a... an all-time low, I reckon. 615 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:02,879 Of... my life. 616 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,820 (Man) You've barely mentioned the wonder. 617 00:36:04,821 --> 00:36:06,639 (Karl) Well, I'm not thinking about it, am I? 618 00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,359 How can I stand there and go, "Oh, what a beautiful bit of work," 619 00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:13,439 when in the back of my head, you're going, "Karl, you're living in a cave tonight"? 620 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:14,919 I can't focus on that. 621 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,079 (Sighs) Oh, God. 622 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,300 Steve said I've got to find a fella called 623 00:36:20,301 --> 00:36:22,399 Ibrahim who's gonna let me stay in his cave. 624 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:25,119 - It's been a long day. - How are you? 625 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:27,959 How do you do? 626 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:30,039 - So what do you put down... - Huh? 627 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:31,919 What do you put down as an address? 628 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,279 - Jordan, Petra. That's all. - Just Jordan. 629 00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,399 - That's never gonna get to you. - It will. 630 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,079 - The postman would know... - Yes. 631 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:40,319 - Yeah, they know. - And everything you order... 632 00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:41,959 - Yes. ...always gets to your house? 633 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:43,799 - (Both) Yeah. - The cave. 634 00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:45,580 (Karl) Hm. I can't believe that. 635 00:36:45,581 --> 00:36:47,239 Cos when I order stuff, and get it delivered, 636 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:49,279 - sometimes it doesn't turn up. - No! 637 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:50,439 And I've got a postcode. 638 00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:53,239 - That's amazed me more than the Wonder. - Yes. 639 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:56,479 That. That you can get post delivered. I can't believe that. 640 00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:57,679 Yes. 641 00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:00,759 (Karl) What facilities are in the cave? 642 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,639 (Ibrahim) We put a mattress, er, we make the fire, 643 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,639 and we sleep wherever. 644 00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:09,999 Between the sky and the land. Not like, er, the city. 645 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,360 Ricky called, says, "You're staying in a cave. 646 00:37:13,361 --> 00:37:14,799 " Starts laughing. 647 00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:17,839 And I pictured the sort of caves you get in Wales, 648 00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,159 where it's all sharp... sharp edges, 649 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:26,359 really damp, and the sea comes in at some point in the night. 650 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:30,959 I get here, decent size, dead warm, dead cosy... 651 00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:34,319 Nice touch with the candles. 652 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,599 I tell you, I've seen houses that are worse than this. 653 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,359 I think I can... I can sort of fit into this way of life. 654 00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,159 It is like a holiday every day. 655 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:50,199 Nice little holiday home, eating like this, having a drink. 656 00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:52,679 Suits me down to the ground, this. 657 00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,260 Ricky always says I'm a bit, like, you know, 658 00:37:56,261 --> 00:37:58,159 a caveman, and I haven't really evolved. 659 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:02,159 He says the shape of my head, and the way my eyebrows come out a bit... 660 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,519 Maybe that's it. Maybe, er, I was born a bit late. 661 00:38:10,240 --> 00:38:11,839 Mm, it's nice. 662 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:14,759 See, we haven't all evolved, have we? 663 00:38:14,880 --> 00:38:16,799 It's just a few of us. 664 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:20,039 I haven't got a clue half the time. I turn the tap on, still, and I go, 665 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:21,879 "How is water coming out of that?" 666 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,719 I'm lucky, cos I'm around and someone else has come up with it. 667 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,660 But at the end of the day, if stuff was left 668 00:38:27,661 --> 00:38:30,479 down to me, I'd still be living in here. 669 00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:33,359 If I was lucky, you know. I don't know if I could come up with this. 670 00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:35,479 He just was saying how they used to do it. 671 00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:37,959 He said they put a hole in the rock, 672 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:40,479 stick, like, a tree trunk in it, 673 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:44,519 put water in, and the wood expands... 674 00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:47,279 Is that what he was saying? Makes it all bigger. 675 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:49,479 There's no way I could come up with that. 676 00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:51,279 I wouldn't come up with that now. 677 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,079 And yet they did that three and a half thousand years ago. 678 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:08,639 Slept all right once I got off, really. 679 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:12,119 Erm... 680 00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:18,159 There's a cat mooching about now and again. Wandering in. 681 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,119 I suppose that's the problem when you haven't got a front door. 682 00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,479 That was a good night. Best night since I've been here. 683 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:27,399 - Yeah? - I'd do it again, you know? 684 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,600 Whilst I've been in this part of the world, 685 00:39:29,601 --> 00:39:31,679 there's not many things that have happened 686 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:33,359 that I'd say, "I'd do that again." 687 00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,279 But that, I would. 688 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,839 So, yeah, I loved it. Really, really smart. 689 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,279 I can imagine living at this time. 690 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,239 I can picture myself just coming out of a little hole, 691 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:51,999 just with a club, thinking, "What am I gonna do today?" 692 00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,479 And it's easy to invent stuff back then, cos there was nothing else about. 693 00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:57,959 So anything you needed, you'd come up with it. 694 00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,479 "I want to dry my hands, I've just washed my hands." Do a towel. 695 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:06,839 Everything. Anything you think of. "This soup's hard to eat. I want a spoon." 696 00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,119 Do you know what I mean? You think of something now. 697 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:12,879 You try and come up with something now that you need now. 698 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,399 I came up with a see-through toaster. 699 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:17,799 You always do that, you're thinking, "Is it done yet?" 700 00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,900 And you keep pressing the spring, and you end 701 00:40:19,901 --> 00:40:21,879 up breaking it cos you've forced it open. 702 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,879 See-through toaster. Went online, typed it in, 703 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:26,719 it's already been invented. 704 00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,879 Dragons' Den back then would have been a piece of piss. 705 00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:33,799 Everybody who came in, "That's a bloody good idea. Get it made." 706 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,719 30. El Deir, the monastery. 707 00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:45,319 Sitting at the summit of Jebel El Deir is Petra's grandest monument of all. 708 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:48,959 El Deir. The name is the Arabic word for "monastery". 709 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:53,519 Do take advantage of this moment and immerse yourself in the magnificence 710 00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,039 and mysticism of this historic place. 711 00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,519 Right. Yeah. 712 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:06,439 (Sighs) I can't even go in it. That's ridiculous. 713 00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,399 I mean, that's useless, innit? Who's put them there? 714 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,239 That's... I mean, look. 715 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:19,479 But my point is, you're sat in there, and that's your view, over there. 716 00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:25,559 If you look here, point proven. 717 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:30,799 You're better off living in the hole, looking at the palace, 718 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,599 than living in the palace looking at the hole, aren't you? 719 00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:37,239 So Ricky and Steve can say I'm a knob. 720 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,479 I think that's my point proven, innit? 721 00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,879 But I wasn't just talking about buildings. I mean, in life. 722 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:49,119 Even being a good-looking person or an ugly one. 723 00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:53,959 In a way, you're better off being the ugly one, and you get to look at nice things. 724 00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:56,319 You're looking at the nicer-looking people. 725 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,759 Doesn't matter about being ugly. How often do you look at yourself anyway? 726 00:41:59,880 --> 00:42:02,919 Same thing. Be the ugly one. Look at the nice one. 727 00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:12,599 What's that? Who owns that? Why's the dog so high up? 728 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:14,839 (Barking echoing) 729 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,839 It's not gonna shut up, that dog, is it? 730 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:21,879 - (Camel bellows) - Oh, fuck me! Jesus! 731 00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,479 Caption by extreme, correct.by dr.jackson www.addic7ed.com