1 00:00:09,990 --> 00:00:19,940 (Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hey, how's it going? 2 00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:22,180 Do you have any matches? 3 00:00:22,980 --> 00:00:23,560 Nope. 4 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:25,040 How about a lighter? 5 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:26,940 Nope. 6 00:00:27,620 --> 00:00:29,740 Because it says you have fire wings. 7 00:00:30,980 --> 00:00:32,440 Get out of here, kid. 8 00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:43,680 Go have a look. 9 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:48,680 Oh, fire! 10 00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,600 Yeah, fire! 11 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,180 Fire! 12 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,580 Fire! 13 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:55,680 Fire. 14 00:00:57,840 --> 00:01:00,140 Hello, Beavis. 15 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,800 I have been waiting for you. 16 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:05,800 I am fire. 17 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:06,840 Whoa! 18 00:01:07,540 --> 00:01:08,280 Fire! 19 00:01:08,980 --> 00:01:10,960 You like, you kick ass. 20 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,080 I have great power, yes. 21 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:17,320 Yeah, yeah. 22 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:18,280 Wait a minute. 23 00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:20,760 So like, so you can talk? 24 00:01:21,670 --> 00:01:25,100 I have always been able to talk to you, Beavis. 25 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:26,240 Remember? 26 00:01:35,570 --> 00:01:38,070 Beavis, it is I, fire. 27 00:01:39,110 --> 00:01:42,630 Look upon my fearful glory. 28 00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:44,010 Fire. 29 00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:54,410 Um, fire, do you remember when I put an M-80 in Mr. Anderson's mailbox and it started a big fire? 30 00:01:55,090 --> 00:01:57,790 Yes, that was me. 31 00:01:58,550 --> 00:02:01,890 Remember when I found my first lighter and it was like, fire. 32 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:04,510 I remember. 33 00:02:05,070 --> 00:02:06,380 I am fire. 34 00:02:06,380 --> 00:02:06,880 Fire. 35 00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:08,580 Have you ever been in a volcano? 36 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,260 I am in all the volcanoes. 37 00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,780 What about that forest fire? 38 00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:17,060 That was a great day. 39 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:18,920 Smokey the bear sucks. 40 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,420 It's not his fault. 41 00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,260 I killed his parents. 42 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:27,820 He's just trying to mend the hole in his heart that I put there. 43 00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:28,860 You're cool. 44 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:31,200 Quite so. 45 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:36,640 You and you, Beavis, are my special one. 46 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:38,340 Fire, fire. 47 00:02:38,940 --> 00:02:39,740 Fire. 48 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:42,900 Now, Beavis, listen to me. 49 00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:49,380 I am going to command you and you will do exactly as I say. 50 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:50,880 Yes, fire. 51 00:02:51,140 --> 00:02:53,140 Tell me what to do and I will obey. 52 00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:53,640 Yes. 53 00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:55,400 Very good. 54 00:02:58,420 --> 00:03:04,800 Now, Beavis, go to your school and run four times around the track. 55 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,700 That will be one mile. 56 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,360 That's what you want me to do? 57 00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:12,100 Yes. 58 00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:16,160 Okay, I guess that's pretty cool. 59 00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:17,780 I'm going to run. 60 00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:19,960 Now, begone. 61 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:21,640 Fire. 62 00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:21,740 Fire. 63 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:22,480 Fire. 64 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:23,440 Fire. 65 00:03:27,460 --> 00:03:34,660 Hey, fire, I'm back. 66 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:42,420 Did you run around the track four times, completing a distance of one mile? 67 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,640 Yes, fire. Yes. I did as you command. Yes. 68 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:49,420 Very good, my loyal servant. 69 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,640 So, fire, why did you command me to do that? 70 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:58,500 It was good exercise. You needed it. 71 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:03,140 Well, I guess so. I don't know. I mean, if you say so. 72 00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:07,420 Butthead doesn't understand us, does he? 73 00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:13,980 My special one, what we have, what I am. 74 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:17,040 No, he doesn't. He sucks. Let's burn him. 75 00:04:19,940 --> 00:04:22,500 Perhaps in good time. 76 00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:27,980 But not today, for I have for you a second command. 77 00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:31,680 Yes, command me. The first one was just a warm-up. 78 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:39,340 Look around you, Beavis. The streets of this city are crawling with filth. 79 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:45,000 But you and I know what to do about filth, don't we, Beavis? 80 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,620 Yes, fire. 81 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:55,840 I command you to pick up all of the plastic bottles in this alley and put them in the recycling. 82 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,940 And then the same for the surrounding streets. 83 00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:03,200 Really? You command me to do that? 84 00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:05,180 Obey me. 85 00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:08,200 Okay, okay. Fire. Okay. 86 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:10,060 Get this here. 87 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:12,400 One of these. 88 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,260 Me. 89 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:18,220 No, not the regular trash. The blue one. 90 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:18,900 Okay, okay. 91 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:31,250 Beavis, here's a little something for you from Kale Dodds. 92 00:05:33,170 --> 00:05:34,890 And this is country, I can tell. 93 00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:40,630 I can tell because he said down a two lane. 94 00:05:41,370 --> 00:05:43,530 And there's like a story. 95 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,890 I think that's the guy who makes Family Guy. 96 00:05:46,890 --> 00:05:48,870 I didn't know he was a country singer too. 97 00:05:54,010 --> 00:05:56,470 Whoa, he's trying to score at breakfast. 98 00:05:58,850 --> 00:05:59,830 Man, it didn't work. 99 00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,070 Well, you know there's always lunch and dinner. 100 00:06:06,530 --> 00:06:09,510 Okay, he's like, okay, I can handle this. 101 00:06:11,230 --> 00:06:15,510 Hello, I'm country star Kale Dodds. I used to be a loser like you. 102 00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:18,550 I mean, not like you exactly. 103 00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:21,150 Yeah, you know, I mean, I was in a band. 104 00:06:21,890 --> 00:06:23,670 All the chicks liked me and all that, you know. 105 00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:26,050 I was nothing like you. 106 00:06:27,230 --> 00:06:28,150 You're a loser. 107 00:06:30,110 --> 00:06:32,570 He's like, you see, your problem is this sweater. 108 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:37,450 Yeah, just get rid of the sweater, and that chick will come right over here 109 00:06:37,450 --> 00:06:40,070 and get it on with you right in the middle of Applebee's. 110 00:06:44,210 --> 00:06:48,090 This is like all those movies where like the good looking cool guy 111 00:06:48,090 --> 00:06:52,030 teaches the dork how to score, and he like trains him. 112 00:06:54,410 --> 00:06:56,110 He's grooming him. 113 00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:00,890 He's like, now that I paid for your meal, 114 00:07:01,010 --> 00:07:03,690 why don't you come back to my place and try on some clothes for me. 115 00:07:06,290 --> 00:07:08,710 He's going to wind up in a shallow grave. 116 00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:14,370 They told us about these kind of guys in health class. 117 00:07:15,590 --> 00:07:17,090 All the warning signs were there. 118 00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:19,790 They may come across as friendly at first. 119 00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:23,130 They might even sing you a country song, but beware. 120 00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:27,050 They might buy your breakfast, but that breakfast isn't free. 121 00:07:27,790 --> 00:07:30,970 Here's what happened to a young man who went home with Kale Dodds. 122 00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:32,410 Hey. 123 00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:38,250 Well, like, does this video mean that if you change your shirt, 124 00:07:38,350 --> 00:07:39,330 you'll score with chicks? 125 00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:41,390 Yeah, that's ridiculous. 126 00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:45,170 Because I have the coolest shirt you could possibly have, 127 00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:46,870 and I still don't score. 128 00:07:56,190 --> 00:07:59,450 Uh, the only way he can score is to go to a club 129 00:07:59,450 --> 00:08:02,390 and sit around and wait for a girl to trip and fall over. 130 00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:05,070 Maybe I should try that. 131 00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:07,710 As soon as the director says cut, 132 00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:11,590 that hot girl's going to leave the dork and go score with Kale Dodds. 133 00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:15,850 And then the dork is going to go home alone, 134 00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:18,630 put on a new shirt, and spank his monkey. 135 00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:21,390 Now that's a country song. 136 00:08:25,450 --> 00:08:29,730 Okay, fire. 137 00:08:29,730 --> 00:08:31,690 Um, so I picked up all the bottles. 138 00:08:31,990 --> 00:08:36,270 Very good. Very good indeed. 139 00:08:38,929 --> 00:08:41,270 Yeah, I guess it was fine. I don't know. 140 00:08:42,150 --> 00:08:46,530 Beavis, are you ready to obey my next command? 141 00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:48,630 Yes, fire. Yes. 142 00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:51,450 And something cool this time, maybe. Yeah. 143 00:08:51,970 --> 00:08:55,170 I think you'll find this very cool. 144 00:08:55,170 --> 00:08:59,670 Well, you could say I was just getting warmed up. 145 00:09:01,730 --> 00:09:07,650 Now, listen closely to what you shall do. 146 00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:09,510 Yeah, I'm listening closely. 147 00:09:10,850 --> 00:09:14,850 You will go and read Call of the Wild 148 00:09:14,850 --> 00:09:18,110 and write a two-page report on it. 149 00:09:18,990 --> 00:09:20,490 Um, what? 150 00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:23,230 Now do my bidding. 151 00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:26,150 Use topic sentences. 152 00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:30,930 Um, fire, um, why are you making me do this stuff? 153 00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:34,890 You are my special one, Beavis. 154 00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:35,370 Uh-huh. 155 00:09:35,510 --> 00:09:37,890 And it's about time you applied yourself. 156 00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:38,290 Yeah. 157 00:09:38,390 --> 00:09:41,070 It's one thing to screw around in middle school, 158 00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:44,770 but you're almost at the point where it counts for colleges. 159 00:09:45,670 --> 00:09:46,590 Oh, boy. 160 00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:51,750 Now go before I make it five pages. 161 00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:54,990 Um, just wait here a second. 162 00:09:55,710 --> 00:10:02,270 Um, did you know there's a fire in the garbage back there? 163 00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:03,390 Again? 164 00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:07,290 Yeah, there it is. 165 00:10:07,330 --> 00:10:07,790 What? 166 00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:11,870 Oh, Beavis, no. Stop him, Beavis. 167 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,810 The pain. I'm being extinguished. 168 00:10:16,190 --> 00:10:17,790 Punish him, the death. 169 00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:19,610 Oh, please. 170 00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:24,070 It doesn't have to be two pages. 171 00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:26,850 Just three paragraphs. 172 00:10:28,310 --> 00:10:31,990 Remember the M-80s. 173 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:36,860 Thanks, kid. 174 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:44,290 And there was so much left to burn. 175 00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:49,210 Farewell, my special one. 176 00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:53,120 Yeah, that fire sucked. 177 00:10:53,610 --> 00:10:56,300 Whoa, cool. 178 00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:04,380 Fire. 179 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,120 Chirp.